Parental Alienation Syndrome Part 1: What is PAS?
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- Опубликовано: 13 авг 2022
- Welcome to The Mental Breakdown and Psychreg Podcast! Today, Dr. Berney and Dr. Marshall begin a three-part series on Parental Alienation Syndrome and provide information on characteristics of PAS.
Read the articles from Psychology Today here (www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl..., here (www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl..., and here (www.psychologytoday.com/us/ba....
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Even worse when the therapist is encouraging the alienation
Oh my goodness.. yesss!!
And then the therapist testifies in court, thereby validating the lie. It’s criminal.
Yep. That happens far too often
Yep, I have been accused in front of my son, and held to account to something I had no knowledge of and she couldn't explain my actions when I asked her.
My 17 year old recognized her manipulation
What makes this so hard in some families is that other family members have covertly over a period of time participated in alienating the parent.
I am thrilled to have found this! I was alienated by forced banishment for 2 years. My daughter was 16 when he started his scorched earth destruction of our family and I was “banished” when she was 19-20. She was then orphaned when he went to New Zealand to “find himself” for 6 months. The heartbreak was too much. To this day, he has NEVER allowed me to communicate with him. It has broken both of us. I first read about this phenomenon in 1987 in Boston while he was doing a post doc fellowship at Harvard in Consultation Liason Psychiatry. He is triple board certified in Forensics, Geriatrics and Substance Abuse. He’s an “expert witness” because as one prominent lawyer said “he’ll say anything I need him to say on the stand”. It’s sickening. This is great! Thank you so much!
I had 30 days to “git outa town”.
I knew of this when my daughter was 7. She’s now 42 and it seems to be lawyers, judges and mental health. It’s a rhetorical bottleneck of semantics. I mean, really, as Will said, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet”.
my mom jumped in to help my kids mom - I am a product of Sigmmond Freud it would seem. the abuse is horrible, child weaponized against Dad, totally taught to identify a narcassist as a hero, -- it is Elizabeth Smart syndrome --- there is a channel called @anti-narc
Yes years in the making, then accelerated...
Yep, this happened to me. And it's the most painful long drawn-out death of a relationship between parent and children. And then one child starts to be mouth piece of other child, getting in the way, taking dominance over parent, telling lies to the other parent and to their sibling. It's the worst pain ever. I walk through life with a daily hole in my soul, getting on as best as I can. Sometimes still let tears out but most days walk with those tears not showing. I'm blessed to at least have two messages a year from my daughter, the reply 'thanks" when I wish her happy birthday, and "you too" when I wish her merry Christmas. Even when there's a time of what looks like reconnecting, there's no substance or foundation, no connection, it's like no familiarity or ease of being yourself and natural with them, can feel their caution and distance and lack of bond, it's so delicate and conditional, the slightest thing or if you put any boundary in place or anything at all you're not happy with, they pull away again for a very long time again. And they expect you to be a certain way for their needs, yet there was nothing wrong with how you were together earlier, were close, all was good. And yes, they're always getting away with bad words and behaviour towards you, and placing themselves in a parental position above you, being derogatory towards you, turning their friends against you, and the other parent is supportive of that; they'll keep running back to the other parent and the other parent won't enforce the relationship with you, won't expect them to behave. And so many twisted and fabricated stories. You try to parent, you try to keep in touch, they say you never did, and they'll say they're estranged from you, and you can see how everything became as bad as it got but can no longer do anything about it. It hurts like hell. You can only do it for so long. Mine were in their mid 20s when, for my own sanity, I had to make the painful decision to step away too and not put myself through it any more. It doesn't heal anything, but I can at least have stability in my life. And your heart aches for what they're going through also. These alienating parents need to go to jail for what they've done, its abuse at it's worst.
I felt every word you said and can identify with your feelings of defeat. I have lost my son to PAS and it is one of the most difficult things I have ever encountered.
I just had the time to read your post and it’s heartbreaking. Oh it makes my stomach turn. What’s wrong with your wife and my husband XX? I don’t get it. Are people that evil? I know in my case the answer is yes.
@@heymybabies Me too. 12 years now. It's gut wrenching.
prayers brother, this sucks so bad- I am going through this too. hugs
@@housekeeping3561 Thank you ❤. Yes. And I'm sorry
Criminal behaviour that nobody seems to want to do anything about - sadly
It IS criminal child abuse.
How are you could not be more correct it is child abuse
A lot of times by the time kids want to make amends with the alienated parent, he/she has died and it’s too late
This can happen with adult children as well. My ex turned my 21-year-old against me when he decided to divorce me. To be honest, he started to put the wedge between us in subtle ways years before. Unfortunately, I could not see that at the time. My child and I were incredibly close. Now he treats me as if I am dead. It is criminal behavior on the part of the alienator, but unfortunately, the court does not care after the child is 18. So strange because cult leaders go to jail for essentially conducting the same type of abuse on their followers. It’s the same kind of mind control and undue influence.
Oh my god this reminds me so much of my story. I really want to take mine to court. He has had a warrant out for my arrest for the past three years and my divorce was in 1998. He has never let me rest one minute and think I’m safe, what a miserable evil man
Yes, same. Very subtle when we were still in the 'family'. Looking back now, we see where they were being alienated bit by bit, where we are being made out to be unsafe, unhinged. Oh in hindsight. Those b××××××s. I'm sorry ❤
@@jackgoodings oh my gosh don’t be sorry silly
Exactly what happened to me. Mine is 21 too.
It's a cult following for sure.
I’ve been a victim of parental alienation for 10 years. Such abuse & cruelty is UNACCEPTABLE. What Myself & My Child/Children have endured & have been persevering through, because of such…has been extremely TRAUMATIC. For myself and also my child. My PRIMARY cares & concerns are more about the effects it’s had on My Child. Now a grown adult age 18 & it still continues. It’s so sad and unnecessary and uncalled for. My aim, my goals & my focus…has been Me TRIUMPHING over the TRAUMA. Along the way TEACHING & SHOWING My Child-Children, HOW TO.
Hopefully being able to one ☝️ day, HELP OTHERS to persevere and OVERCOME.
I’ve triumphed and I WILL CONTINUE TO. No parent nor child should EVER have to go through NOR be put through…what we have.
📰THE GOOD NEWS📰…is;
I’m going to FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT until all wrongs made RIGHT!!!
For MYSELF and ALL 💪
~Philippians 4:13 💜
P.S. to the Supreme Court …IF…need be.
You are very welcome to have your own opinion. I have mine too. I think the definition of such profound words you just used are summed up in your response. May God grow your heart into a beautiful one. Blessings.
#YOUARELOVED
There is no help for alienated parents. NM family court enables the parent. I have been dealing with this for seven years. Its a very lonely road. You feel worthless.
I have been studying the subject for 20 years because of the alienation that has taken place in my family. I have never heard a better description of what parent alienation is. Thank you so much!!
Years after having to walk away but still researching, its become very clear that parental alienation is the behaviour of 'narcissists' when put in a position of having to share something , in these cases the nurturing and control of the development of children. They resent sharing control and will aim to destroy any links to or positives of the victim parent. They often reverse blame and become the victim. If you understand narcissism, it helps to understand parental alienation as its the same condition but in the context of shared parenting.
Thank you for this discussion. The symptom of splitting wasn't discussed. This is a telltale sign of alienation. It is a pernicious and SEVERE form of child psychological abuse. Also not discussed was the enmeshment seen between the AP and child. This is emotional incest. These children are in an INCREDIBLE amount of emotional and then physical pain.
Yes indeed !!
@@USAEast why both?
@@gregandcarrie2 no kidding I don’t get that part about both parents I was nothing like him never will be never was never has been but I don’t know. My former husband was is extremely wealthy and boy. Does he shower it on his young new, hot sexy wife while his daughter struggles like a straight bum. I think it’s just a mortal sin.
I agree there needs to be justice. I miss my daughter so much, she faded away over time and I could tell the influence over her. She couldn't keep up the split personality anymore, and kept loyalty to her Dad. Since 2009, he continually spoke ill will of me around then, and to others. The kids begin to believe it.
I had the worst time between 2011-18 where it affected my ability to completely function as an adult, keep a consistent job, just survive. I was my own worst enemy, believed i had no rights anymore, doubted my ability to be a Mother anymore, and because I struggled and never was able to pull myself from that trauma, because i was living in it by failing to get help. In my defense, there were NO RESOURCES for this 10 years ago. Especially if the other parent is a covert Narcissist.
Hi, how are you?
How did you find hope to repair your health ?
I hear you
As you say there is inadequate knowledge and research in this area. What you are clearly missing is the long term effects of parental alienation. Drip feeding of parental alienation sets the stage for eventual child estrangement, it eventually leads to adult child estrangement even when there has been NO abuse, neglect, bad treatment or poor pareting by the alienated parent. I know this because I have lived it. And I know others who have too. Please do some reseaech to investigate this and thereby help alienated estranged adult children, parents and grand-parents.
This is happening to me now! I never abused my children. I did everything I could for them and they hate me now and have kicked me out of their life.
My 9 year old daughter critises me constantly. Won't listen to me. Answers me back when I discipline her. I'm so tired of this
100% true !! Especially the part where they live it!! He's gave me that through my grief well he tried! 💔🙏 for answers!
This is so spot on my stomach is pelted by needles. I need help with this. These exact symptoms started in 2017 when I started working on the road. And now it beyond a boiling and my wife wants a divorce, after I took a lower position to stay at home and work.
Thank you!
Narcissistic are patient of mental disorder..... so law should not ascertain custody of child with such a parent
Try 3 decades already It's beyond hurtful, Being labeled and no proof anything hearsay through years, I pray everyone gets there closure I've Accepted it To be able move on No choice Didn't Get but 1 choice Gave my life already!!
No one ever talks about the why? What was the trigger? No ever one ever challenges the parent. Why are you doing this?
What is it called if a parent is deceased and the living parent uses every opportunity possible to talk ill of the deceased parent and point out all their percieved flaws and failings (as a spouse and parent) to their grown-up children and this is done consistently and repetitively for years??
Yes my ex was still angry from his 1st divorce so he strategized from day one .
Children learn what they live.
Money is the biggest problem with how the system works, and a parent will on purpose once knowing any State law that says that any care giver, can on purpose make sure too have there child stay at there home, when the other parent has a unexpected death or something wrong happened , and the other parent is being told they are helping the other parent out, and use technology as form of control over a child’s cell phone, does that count as per your conversation is about? Just curious that’s all
Children can absolutely be alienated with a loyalty bind and still go and visit targeted. Maybe that's moderate on the way to severe alienation but yes. Kids. Can still want to go and be alienated
Yes, that happened.
Especially when the parent is a master manipulator
This is why we need to teach school children to identify manipulators
The Dr on the left knows that majority of the time the mother is the one that is usually at fault...😂
You have zero chance of them holding wahmen accountable
Berney Wilkinson made the statement in minute 3:30 that because PAS is not in the DSM it is not real......CPTSD is also not in the DSM and is considered almost universally as real by the medical community. Also to the parent who is suffering from PAS it is real. This is highly insensitive comment to make.
This is Dr. Berney responding. While I appreciate the comment, you may not have heard what I actually said. I said that it is not a real diagnosis. Like CPTSD, just because it is agreed upon in the medical and/or legal community does not mean that it is a real diagnosis. That is, there are no specific, diagnostic criteria for PAS. There is nothing that I said in the podcast that suggests that I do not think that it is real. In fact, we did this podcast, on this topic, because I have been an alienated parent for over four years and counting. So, believe me when I say that I know it is real.
@@TheMentalBreakdown thank you for clarifying. In the video series it seems to be focused on the child perspective but what information or support is there for a parent who is experiencing this presently? I dont know what to do or how to respond. I feel like by fighting for my kids I"m hurting them in the process.
Unfortunately, there is not much. We talk about some things in the other videos in the series, but really, there isn't much that one can do. As you suggested, no matter what we do, it often leads to hurting the kids. If I ever find something that works, I will be sure to share.
It's in the DSM under "psychological control"
@@mercenary1881 There is not a section of the DSM called "Psychological Control." PAS is not a diagnosis in the DSM.