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Continuing a relationship with a narcissist?? Here's what happens!
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- Опубликовано: 13 авг 2024
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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If you stay with them you become mentally drained and damaged without even noticed
It happens slowly and it’s very subtle: all of a sudden you get anxiety a/o depression or worse, because your body starts manifesting the damage.
True im so drained and also i got lots of illnesses because of so much stress
yesss, it was toxic !!
They are like vampires, they will suck the life out of you and drain you of all your energy and resources and nothing will ever satisfy their endless needs and demand. It's very exhausting. Once you start understanding the narcissist behavior and learn their manipulation and you refuse to be a part of it anymore, they'll discard you in a blink of an eye. Been there! It was so painful but I'm glad I'm out now. I'm now in my healing process and realized that I have also picked up some negative traits of the narcissist and working with in myself to get rid of it and change for my betterment.🙏
That's what so scary. Can't tell how horrible it is, how heavy it is, until it's too late
A narcissist tries to destroy your life with lies, because theirs can be destroyed with the truth
Well said!
Wow well put
Wow 👏
That’s a mouthful! Deep.
Wow
They are broken, they are hurt. They will break you they will hurt you. Run!
They dont want to change. It has nothing to do with you. It's who they are. Run!
No contact rule should be enforced.
I’m really scared of what will happen when I say I’m ready to leave..
I’m scared they will feel so embarrassed because of the ego. It’s all about imagine to my SO.
@@aybaybay5432 run I just did and it was the best thing I could of ever done
Thank you. I really needed to read your comment today 🙏🏽
@@gabriellecjt Glad to be able to help. Hope your doing better.
@@watsonfc Thank you. This is the fifth time I am trying to end a six-month relationship with a narcissist. It hasn't been long but it is torture & I pray for the strength to resist going back this time 🙏🏽 I am flip-flopping in my mind constantly between feeling like I am crazy and I'm the one who is at fault and feeling he is a narcissist and I need to stay away.
It is like having a relationship with a robot. Nothing on the inside. Period.
True. Same words, same behavior,. No empathy. They love to get the attention but they give none in return. We become the side note.
I liken mine to a puddle cause it’s never gone deeper than that.
@@ILive4Jesus right lol it isn't our fault they are dumb
@@ILive4Jesus def lol
I’m married to a robot. No emotions at all. He won’t listen to me, and we cannot have a smooth flowing conversation. He is angry most of the time. I’ve thought about divorcing him, but I feel financially stuck. I’m trusting in God to bring me out of this situation.
I will never ever get into a relationship with a narcissist again. I rather stay single then. The only positive thing I got out of this toxic relationship was that I learned a lot about myself and could starting healing myself and make new plans for the future. And the future will be great. We all deserve better and we are worth it.
Fun Lovin Bloke - Me too!! Even though I’m old now (57) I want to live out my remaining years alone. I don’t want to ever have to tend to anyone else’s needs or wants ever again! The rest of my life will be for me - doing what I want. And to be completely honest, I enjoy my time alone so he actually did me the biggest favor when he discarded me. Now I get to be that happy ole me that I used to be once again and I can’t wait!!
YakkateeYak I hear you!! I was discarded after 18 years of marriage - he didn’t even tell me he filed. It’s been 10 years now since the divorce - I am 66 years old ... tried a bit of dating years ago because everyone was telling me I should. No, I shouldn’t .... not until I want to. I’m fine alone. And happy he’s out of my life, I put up with so much $&@$)(. Never again!!!
If you get out of the relationship the knowledge you gain is priceless
CraftManGreg - That’s what I keep hearing and to be honest, I truly believe it. Unfortunately I’m stuck here until this car accident settlement comes in which could take anywhere from another 6-8 months. If I had the means to support myself I would have been gone along time ago but looking back, he did that on purpose as well (kept me home/sabotaged any little job I did get) so now, 30 years later and now old, I’m lucky if I’ll make $100 a week without any job experience. But yes, I agree with you in that once I do get to finally be free, I will be my ole happy self again and I can’t wait. The days can’t pass soon enough for me!
@@YakkateeYak good luck and hang in there I believe in you 100% 💪
I’m so exhausted after 18 years marriage, 8 affairs, manipulation, gas lighting and crazy making conversations. I honestly feel like I’ve been raising newborns for 18 years. The struggle is real and I wish people who aren’t experiencing it were educated on the abuse, not just the people like us who seek out the truth of our misery. Everyone helps and has empathy for wives with black eyes and broken arms, but no one understands the abuse taken place especially in a suburban neighborhood with a what seems to be ideal family with kids in private schools and husband a respected surgeon.
Hazel1230 I feel your pain . I really loved the work of brene brown on trauma and vulnerability
You are SO me!!! I will have put in 19 years of marriage this April...3 kids, in private school where I teach...I thought if I prayed hard and long enough eventually God would heal him, and us. I can’t do it anymore. My 16 year old is having nightmares that his dad is trying to kill him...it’s bad. I have to take my kids and leave. I just don’t know how...all my salary goes to insurance and tuition. It’s gonna be ugly. So sad.
Hazel1230,you are absolutely gorgeous 💓💓💓🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
💯💯💯
You can do it 💓 Do it Before he damages you and your children anymore
Its never worth it to stay, the cycle will continue and you will never be truly happy. As painful as it is to leave it is 10x more painful to stay.
jake9307
Sad but True
It’s hurts Now to leave but it hurts FOREVER to stay
Why prolong the pain
jake9307 you are so on point ! It hurt to leave but it hurt much more to stay ! I left and now it's a healing process 🙏🏼
I hope that is true as work to figure out how to leave!!!
How freaking true
I left her. I truly miss her and I'm I'm pain but I also know It was not going to work. Is very painful.
Me and hubby are separated…and I’ve never had so much peace before!!!! I will do anything to keep this peace I have!!!
The PEACE!!!
I feel you
I've been married to a narcissist for
7 years and have a son by him
and just now waking up from it now
Me2 ... its liberating to have some peace
Stay single. Get out of that marriage.
Enjoy your new life & freedom
A lot of spiritual or personal awakenings occur through these kinds of relationships
Wow
Of course
Very true!💯
Started reading the Bible and talking to God every day.
AMEN!
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 3 months and after that I was just done. The things he said to me, I would never even say to someone I didn't even like. Narcissistic people do not change. They get worse the longer you stay with them. Get out for your own sanity and start the healing process.
amen
Thank you for this comment 😢
I stayed 17 years;)
Help me
Facts-🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
You can’t reason with a narcissist. I’ve tried.
So true, wish people would understand that about their own beliefs.
Facts
Me too! There's been many of us who have went to major extremes, and nothing we can do will change them, and it's not us, as NOBODY can change them.
This is true…they are only interested in themselves and their needs….it stops there….
It’s important to keep doing what you need to and want to, becuase they don’t give a toss about your needs…
Make sure you’re looking after yourself….they wouldn’t think of doing it….so you need to….
Because the only circle around themselves and their emotions. And they think because just they feel the way they do, everything they do is justified.
A narcissist never likes to loose. Don't go toe to toe with him. It will rip you apart, you are human. Exit now and focus on healing yourself.
Great insight and I hope the right person who needs to hear this, reads this and understands it so they may be transformed into the best version of themselves by putting a final end (with confidence and self-belief) to the toxic cycle with a toxic person thats been in their life. Bless you with strength and light to fight this off and see the better days that await you when the toxicity is out of your life.
Yes very childish and really stupid once you reflect one what has happen.
Her to my ex girlfriend is a witch and demon and very good actress will lie her ass of and she knows I know she lying but will believe what she is saying is the truth
@Mary Carroll I tried to discuss and talk nicely with my ex but he couldn't even talk reasonably and like a normal person.
@Mary Carroll Yes thats true.They always think they are better than everyone and always right even when they are wrong.
I just came out of a 33 year marriage, the healing is so painful, there are moments that breathing feels almost impossible. Their discard and hatred is very painful, I pray everyone has the strength to get out. I gave everything I had, til I unconsciously knew I didn't want to give anymore. I know who I am, just finding and loving myself is pretty rewarding.
You wrote this almost a year ago now & I hope things have improved exponentially for you - that the healing is much less, if at all, painful, & that you don't have that terrible not being able to breathe feeling anymore.
What you wrote, really spoke to me because I can identify & wish, but _don't_ envy, that I was further away from the pain, the way you are. One thing I _do_ know is we're going to be much stronger & wiser after having lived through this. All the best my friend.
@@shivasgirl1609i still catch myself holding my breathe. There has been alot of drama from outside sources which i had to set strict boundaries with. There are days I question if I made the right decision and recall him yelling he doesnt want to look at me anymore. I journal during the most painful memories, i remind mysellf of verbal, mental and physical abuse. I also journal all my wins. The healing is not quick by any means but very much worth it. Sending you hugs.
One
One thing I'm see is healing is a process and that its important to give ourselves time to heal
Hi Harriet. Your words are my words. I'm still healing after a 30 yr marriage that ended 15 months ago. Your words describing how you often felt you couldn't breathe and sometimes still feel that way were dead on. It's a very traumati c and heart and soul damaging trauma to go through and live through but also like you I'm rediscovering myself and now finally loving myself and starting to live my own life my way and it's so very freeing , empowering and rewarding isn't it ?! I wish you much peace and love in your new and improved ( by far ) life. XO
"They want what they want when they want it" is precisely what I've said about my ex. wow.
And you'll never be enough
Exactly! Well said.
Exactly how they work. They are extremists
Wow is right
This is the truth and even if you give in and give them what they wanted if it's not When they wanted it they make you pay.
A definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Knowing they will never change
Means that it’s all up to you.
We don’t need permission to set ourselves free
We need to be strong enough
to walk away 💪🏼
You are right!! I cant see tomorrow. I want out but I need my belonging. He is greedy and wants them. Since DAY ONE #1.
Yes. Be strong. That is the answer
Wow 👌 💯
I just did walk.....I'm free
I needed this today. Thank you 🙏🏻
Leave as soon as you know. If you stay, you lose your soul...the core self!!
I ignore him, only speak when needed, living my best life ,outings with my kiddos , leave when I want. Expect nothing from him and no deep communication and watching him go NUTS!!!! I love it!!!
I need to be like you.
What about money, they lie, sex?
Ditto!! I’ve adopted this method after watching videos on narcissism. My mental and physical health had declined year on year. I now ‘respond not react’. He can’t rage at me and goad me into senseless arguing any more. I was fooled by his deluded belief he had, that he was a great oracle. Boy oh boy, do I ever now see him for what he really is, an empty vessel, and we all know they make the most noise. Truly deafening, his normal speaking voice is so unnecessarily loud.
What about you though? Is what you’re doing enough for you?
@@ILive4Jesus
For fear of sounding a wimp and sorry for myself, I hesitate to say that, no, it isn’t. Changing from my instinctive upbeat, always ready to laugh nature, I’m conscious that I’m meeting fire with fire, adopting the narcissistic behaviour. Not ideal, but with the added complication of Covid19, will be stuck for the foreseeable future.
Jacqueline, I’m grateful for your question. Truly. Thank you. xxx
We are human beings and narcissists really have NO hearts.
Narcissists are not human.
It destroys you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually!! Tell them no once and they will tell more lies than you can imagine about you…
Took ,4 years the Lord woke me up I am forever grateful to him & his glory now I have knowledge and wisdom. Thank you God bless everybody in the comments. Time to wake up baby!
I have a son with my ex so all I do is try to limit my contact with him. He can really mess with my emotions. My anxiety has improved so much since I left!
Good
Remember to keep your own boundaries. You are coparenting but have no relationship with him. See him as a stranger.
I have a son with one also and he never asks about our child he only tries to mind fuck me so i blocked him. He doesnt help with him anyway
Hi Erica ... check out ‘Surviving Narcissism’ on RUclips... saved my life ... never been happier ... wising you well 😉
Omg erica I also have a son with my ex , I’m in the process of leaving this relationship and it hurts so much for my son .
I had 23 years with the ex narc, I felt like leaving her 10 years prior but pulled up my boot strap and gave her and our son the best. When I quit giving in to her petty temper tantrums she grew mean,distant and cold. As I grew more content and peaceful she came unglued and abandoned us. My son and I have grown spiritually and with much awareness out of these ashes....
How did you grow more content znd peaceful
I love this. Congratulations.
Yes!! You said it in the first two minutes! A relationship takes two people! Your relationship with your narcissist will always be one sided!
Hey guys, I never believe this ... Mr. Donald helped me clone my partner's phone and I had access to all his transactions, both on the phone and on social media, without touching his phone. All I did was share my phone number with Donald and I was able to read his new and deleted messages on my phone without having to touch his phone. I am happy to discover all its secrets with the help of Mr. Donald. I am here in the US and I can access my wife's phone messages with a link on my phone even while she was in Canada cheating and flirting on her phone. I access and read all of your WhatsApp, Facebook, Skype, Instagram and Snapchat messages (social media text), including deleted text and incoming messages. You can contact him on instagram FEEDDONALD1, WhatsApp +14695632325.... He is an expert hacker, proven and trusted hacker with 100% guarantees...
No matter who you are, what you said or what you did would not have made a difference in a one-sided relationship.
Facts there were times I questioned myself if we were in a relationship because every other week she break up with me then come back saying she didn’t want to be with anyone else but me, I called 2 days to see how she was doing she cussed me out and said we are not together anymore she has a new man I said dam when were you gonna tell me I didn’t know lol
@Jk Kennedy That makes me sad bro. No one deserves that treatment. You don't realize how much they hurt you and no one else does because it's all internal. If you're still involved with this woman (I understand I stayed way too long) You gotta seek out the support of other good men. That's the only thing that kept me from falling apart because you're not getting fulfilled when you're with her it just drains you. It's a drug and there is always a rebound so you gotta get that strength back from good relationships.
the relationship taught me how to walk in my own power and not be a victim everywhere.
Me: codependent. Her: NPD = a match made it hell. Finally ended it after 4 years because I refused to compete with her drinking problem and checking in and out of our relationship whenever she pleased. I did it for myself. It hurts a lot and I still love her but I love myself more and she wasn’t there for me during my toughest days. I deserve so much better.
Describes my situation!
There are never there from after ,,,they see your together,,then its never the way.Only gets worst day by day.You will get over them,and you will Truely be happy.
Bravo! Good for you!
Xo
Dear friend. We only love the fantasy of them that they made for us to believe. What they are is pure evil. No conscious. You can’t save them or change them. They do not have mental wiring for empathy. Get out. You will regret the wasted years.
I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist for 7 years. I realized he was a narcissist a month ago. Things are finally making sense now that I know.
Almost 8 yrs with one and after 3 kids with him and financial issues its hard to leave but its crazy how he fits exactly to this whole narcissist definition
Leave, as soon as able. They are life draining and once the masks drops their true nature will show.They are emotionally inept. Lack true love or empathy.Selfish,lying,empty broken vessels you will see. They keep the main supply and have no problem having harem of exes and new lovers. To supply their needs. Wish you the best of luck and hope you get away before you invest years with a fraud.
Exactly the same for me! Same amount of time, 7 years. The devaluing and discard was soul destroying.
Its amazing when things finally make sense! And then you read other peoples comments and they have the same experiences, it confirms it even more.
it wont get better just worse they are con artist with no compassion !!
My mom has been married to my narcissist stepdad for over 30 years. They get worse with time. She’s completely starved emotionally. Please leave.
Enlightened One get her therapy
My mother also has been married to a very covert narc for 34 years. I knew he had an underlying hate for me. He isolated her and does not want her to have a relationship with me. I figured all this out after being with a malignant narc myself with that said my mom still thinks he is the greatest guy. Totally enmeshed and severely co dependent. I have had to detach from my mother too. But now I know why I felt so hated from the step dad. I’m 49 now just wondered if u went through any of this. Thankfully I never lived with him. I was 17 when they met. Long story but she left the state with him the day I graduated highschool and it’s very obvious all the narcissistic games now when I look back
May I ask how it has impacted your life? I have a 10 year old. Lately I feel like I should leave my 8 year old relationship.
I think that’s what happened to my parents. My mother has played the victim for thirty years, and my stepdad is so sad at this point- he can’t even hide it anymore. Now they are in thier seventies….and I truly am concerned for them both
@@monlietfacepaint9896 yes leave. It gets worse.
It is impossible to have an authentic relationship with an unauthentic person - not only because of their false self, but also because you are unable to be your true self as a consequence of their control and manipulation of you; and due to your own self-preservation measures against their abusive behaviours. Likewise, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with an emotionally unhealthy person. You simply cannot negotiate with an emotional terrorist who uses emotional reasoning to justify their abuse - and who then gaslights you and invalidates your reality.
In particular, staying with them after you figure them out is dangerous because when their manipulations stop working and they can no longer control you, their narcissistic rage escalates. And although you may have observed their mask slip before, nothing prepares you for when their mask is fully off. You see everything that they have been hiding - you see just how sadistic, cruel and full of hatred they are. And if that doesn't mess with your mind, they then try to fix that mask back in place like nothing has happened and the love-bombing and gas-lighting starts again.....
HG Tudor - "Once you know, you go."
I am glad that you found that type of service useful, however, it is simply not my style. And besides, he himself revealed everything I needed to know. ;)
Awake and Alive It’s a spam account
@@tonybalony1811 Tony Balony Yeah... :) I spotted the same reply on another comment. There will always be people trying to exploit others, even in online communities.
To quote "Georgina D Long", "I believe smartass is essential in relationships." ;) Hahaha. :)
Bingo !
It’s an Impossible situation
Get off the crazy train!
Insanity all the way
Very true. BUT... I kept a journal. That stopped the gaslighting. I'd just go back to the day and there was what was actually said or happened.
And then, when I began doing extensive research into WHY this behavior was going on - and showed her - she immediately "moved on"...
The whole experience lasted 3 years. I did not realize that I was trauma bonded at that point. Eventually, I figured it out - and now I am free!
Well done! Kudos for the journaling. It's awesome when you mentally prepare yourself for dealing with all these problems you saw in the ex, when the next potential partner comes...and you see none of it, just pure, raw love and emotion and you finally breathe because mentally preparing yourself was not necessary at all...the new person loves you and takes care of you...Bliss!
Can I ask you how exactly you did the journal ? Thanks in advance
Brian Marshall I did something similar during a four year relationship with a borderline that I didn’t know was a BPD at the time. (Didn’t know anything about this stuff then.) She didn’t leave so out of sheer exhaustion I finally left her. Was tempted to go back because she was drop dead gorgeous and when things were good they were really good. Sure glad I didn’t. Took years to get over that relationship. Such a waste of my life.
@@nigyarababajanova3460 Nothing fancy or secret about it. Been keeping journal for 30 years now. I sometimes even miss a few days! Just highlights of the days. Started adding things that caught my attention that she did or said when we met about 4 years ago. Both the good (during the love bombing) and the bad as it began to happen.
Then she started gaslighting me. Just a little at first... When it got to be a seriously "big one" - I had her come into my office and showed her what I had written about happening on that day. No way I could have doctored a handwritten page firmly sewed & glued between the journal covers. That kinda shocked her. She tried it one more time after that. Got caught again - and stopped doing it.
Then I started researching the symptoms I was seeing outside of the gaslighting. For example: she never apologized for ANYTHING! Never made a mistake in her life! Mentioned some of those events to her. Then came the devaluation and eventual discard. That was year ago...
As an aside, she was Asian. If any of you have an Asian partner - look up "face" - you more than likely will have to deal with that behavior as well. You need to know how to recognize it!
@@brianmarshall3931 thank you for the valuable information. That's impressive! I'll try that one too.
Narrisst always blame you for their actions!!! I was married for 31 years! The damage that they do is unbelievable stressful! I am disabled from his abuse and our adult children are trying to move on but hes blaming me for the divorce.
So let him blame you. Who cares what he thinks? Once you get past not giving two hoots, you’ll be free!
Get out now while you can! I just lost my sister a week ago to a narcissist she had been with for almost 3 years! These people are toxic! My sister was a very loving,caring person! She deserved so much better and now she will never have that chance! Please get out if you are with a narcissist!
I am so sorry.
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
So sad to hear. Sorry for your loss...
It’s a trade off
What are you gaining by staying with them....Is it worth it ?
I need someone who has my back
not stab me in the back
Thanks so much for this information you are so right very selfish people,cannot reason with these people run away and never good back stay, no contact.
Amen! 🙌🏼
Unfortunately, it seems that sex with crazy people is phenomenal 😳🙄🤦🏽♀️😂
@@trynatural23 enjoy the sex , but don't get feelings for them. Even tho is hard, women bond trough sex. Good luck.
Well said
Everything in this video is on point. I related to every second of it. I left a 6.5 year relationship with a covert narcissist 1 month ago after he discarded me and then tried to hoover. For anyone who is feeling literally “madly” in love, I promise I was you 1 month ago. My heart and mind finally caught up to the reality of what was going on. I feel no love towards him anymore. I went from wanting to talk to him and begging to understand why he would cheat and lie, to now I don’t even wonder. I am shocked at how much my feelings changed but the moment I think it happened was after the discard when he terrorized me during an important point in my career that could have cost me my dream. What solidified it was 2 weeks later him being caught again cheating during the discard/Hoover phase. I started having physical symptoms of my head feeling congested and like it’s going to explode. I would have chest pain, nausea in the mornings, stomach pain to the point of clenching my hands. Mind you, I am a healthy person in my late 20s and go to the gym 3x a week. The narcissist literally threatens your life by first destroying your mind, then body. I appreciate how the healing process is described as a “spiritual awakening” because I truly feel that way now. I feel like a woman who’s been freed from a demon. His words have no weight as they used to. It would be comedic if it weren’t so sad. I feared not being able to find a better partner (largely because he crushed my self-esteem and would tell me he’s the best person for me- he’s a clown too did I mention?) and now… the attention I get from men everyday is validation enough that he never saw my worth when strangers show more attention. Men and women going through this abuse, take care of yourselves and let go of the pain so you can make room for a better life with someone who is 1000x the man/woman the narcissist can ever pretend to be.
That person has a demon tormenting you thro them.
That's exactly what is happening. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy you.
It’s difficult to find self control as an adult when you grew up conditioned by a controlling mother. It’s an ongoing abusive cycle. Expect to be let down consistently. I stopped accepting crumbs from my mother but accepted them from my boyfriend, after boyfriend
No more!
Same here. I am the scapegoat of the family and have a textbook classic npd mother, which I’ve gone no contact with for almost a year and a half(best choice ever), that being said your 100% right bc with all that conditioning from my childhood I kept picking npd partners as well. I’m in the process of leaving my husband rn bc of his npd. And I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than ever spend one second with another narc! Cheers to stopping the cycle!
Very, very good observation and truth nugget! THANK YOU!
@@gb7251 is please just call to see
@@taylorsweeney9551
I hear ya! 👑Cheers Sis
Part of the problem is I’ve often felt “off” about relationships but when you air your concerns people tend to look on the brights side because they think that’s what you want to hear. We should go with our guts more and worry less about what other people say, not everything is what it seems.
Yes. Exactly.
This so accurately describes my ex. Was married for 20 years. I knew he was controlling but had no idea what a narcissist was! If I knew then what I know now!!!
Exactly what I needed to hear. I believe God speaks to us through others and He spoke loud and clear through you. Thank you for all you do. God bless
Are you serious? God is the most abusive narcissist of all.
You are very right I was in difficult guess narc. Relationship, before I left, everyone shared with came to pass realised they were messages person one reply their lost speak out tgruth if holy spirt. God bless
I agree
@@zacharyhonachi2166 Hi, Zach. I hope all is well. I saw your comment and it hurt my heart because God is not this. He is a loving God. I am sorry you’ve been lead to believe this. If you have time, John 3:16 sending love and blessings to you always. There’s also a Zach in the Bible :)
Yes yes yes!!!! Amen!
It has absolutely nothing to do with anyone being “ strong enough”. That’s placing the responsibility on the abuse victim. You walk away. Which has no bearing on one’s strength or weakness. It’s a boundary or not a boundary. If a person believes that they must be “strong enough to…” they may never get out. Is someone hurting you? You are enough. You are worthy of love and care. Why? Because you are a human being. You automatically deserve respect and human decency. If they mistreat you, you they do not get to do it more. Narcs do not and can not change. You do not to have “ enough” of anything, including “ strength”. YOU ARE ENOUGH, just as you ARE. ❤️
I want to crawl outside my own skin to get away from him
...
I endured a narcissist relationship for 10 years. I was an enabler and a codependent which was so toxic. My self esteem is so messed up that I will need years of therapy to undo this. I'm free of the relationship but I'm not free. This is a good video. Thank you..finally understanding that I'm not hallucinating lol
My sons therapist was the one that enlightened me. I was with his dad for 25 years and knew he was toxic but I had no name for it, I really felt like it was all my fault that the marriage wasn’t working. They are such good manipulators that you don’t even have a moment to know you have been manipulated.
Was with my narcissist ex for 30 years. He abused me in every way possible after a year of love bombing in order to get me to marry him. He was abusive to our oldest son as well & now he is the only child who sees what really happened. Our daughter won’t even speak to me & he gives her attention that she never got as a child. These people are destructive monsters that destroy the lives of those around them. Mine most likely would have killed me. I am very happy to be alive!
There were SO many times where I told him “you’re like a drug that I feel addicted to”. This video is so helpful to me and many others. Thank you 💛
These videos have really been helping me get through a rough breakup with a narcissist and manipulator. I was manipulated into thinking everything was my fault. I was called so many names and was told what I couldn't and could do. The thing that's the most sad about it is that I allowed it to happen and was suffering so much trying to make them feel happy. Since I've gotten out, I feel so free. No more emotional pain and stress. Time to work on myself. Know that you AREN'T alone and that you deserve so much better than what you're getting. A person who truly loves you will give you the respect that you are giving them. If they don't, don't waste anymore of your time!
Wow... You described my marriage with husband. I stayed 36 years, married 34. I left over 3 years ago. It took me 2 years to recover and heal. I felt so stupid that I didn't know what a narcissist was. I am so happy that I got off the narcissist roller coaster. Thank you for sharing your story..
Yes! I came to this point where I said it feels like we are just both here living separate lives. And he doesn’t even realize there is a problem. Feels like a business relationship. Not love.
What you just expressed is exactly what just happened in my relationship. I decided to let him off the hook by saying hey, just be free. No need to stay attached to me, just be free! He said, I am free, hey I have another call coming in. His effort was exactly that minimal the entire time. Nothing changed from beginning to end. I gave myself the gift of freedom. Thanks for the great video.
Girl hello. He just never ever cared. He could just walk away.
Chrissy Nicki Because NPDs are incapable of caring.
@@joeblow1942 I am putting myself back together. I was in a physically abusive relationship prior to this one and that didnt even cut this deep.
Eye opening when you think you’re giving them an out
And then realize they were never really in
Chrissy Nicki I understand. I was in a relationship with a borderline for four years. I really loved her and didn’t know anything about these personality disorders then. Anyway, out of sheer exhaustion I finally broke it off and didn’t figure out until almost a year later that she was a borderline or even what BPD was. It’s taken years to get over that relationship. This stuff needs to be taught in schools at the high school level. People need to know how to identify these predators and then once identified run as fast as they can away from them.
Well, I don’t know how RUclips and Facebook calculated this but they started recommending me these type of videos how to deal with a narcissist. Then I started watching them on full volume while next to my ex, that turned out to be a covert narcissist. It took him 2 weeks and some family drama and I was discarded. Good for me! 😎
It’s True,
I’ve experienced this rage over days, months, years, decades
It’s an going battle
Truly a no win situation
Thank you so much for this!! Am divorced after 16 years before I figured this out after suffering to the point of panic disorder, unable to eat, etc. Even after all that, I still wonder if I missed something and should have tried harder, but hearing this validates that nothing would have changed for me. He wasn't capable of empathy or compassion for me as a person and I have to accept that.... Your videos are life saving!!!! Truly!!!
Love Vintage stop wondering “what if”.
Love Vintage have a look at brene brown on trauma and vulnerability x
If you’re husband was a narcissist there was nothing that’s gonna please him ask me about it I married the father of my kids when i was only 17 and i took so much care of myself as in me staying beautiful and dressed nice all the time my house was sparkling clean and so were my kids 15 years he never complemented me or apreciated anything that I would do i got sooo ill 😷 that i had an immune disorder. My immune system started to attack my own body im sure its from stress i left him after 15 years of suffering he was a sycopathic narcissist ..and sorry to say so after leaving him im now married to a covert narcissist and hoping toleave him soon thoes devils are poisonous
@@user-gk4bc6rh4b I divorced my overt narcissist after being together for 16 years, and now I'm with a covert narcissist going on 4 years. I definitely understand your frustration of having to go through the leaving process again.
@@user-gk4bc6rh4b How do you feel now with your auto immune disorder. Did you get better after leaving your husband? Before you entered into a new relationship.
35 year marriage. Down right painful. Thank God for youtube videos. Love your videos. Knowledge is power. Thank you.
Truer words have never been spoken. The answer lies within you, continue on your journey, people are sometimes incarnations of your demons that only you can slay. There's so much in life to enjoy once you can see beyond this.
That’s exactly what I did
I would start to Google and watch videos on narcissism. I’ve been with my BF for two years and between the narcissism and the alcohol abuse it’s really taken a toll on me. I love this man but I feel it’s definitely effecting my health now and I’ve gotten to the point I can’t do this anymore . The constant arguing , the drinking, etc
It finally did me in and I’ve had enough. To make matters worse I find him on a dating site a year and a half in to our relationship. I forgave him like a fool, but now I finally had my awakening and ready to move on and love myself more than him.
OH MY WE HAVE THE SAME STORY IM PLANNING MY MOVE AND NO CONTACT IT WILL NEVER CHANGE
Hang in there girl
I'm literally praying for tax time lmao
Same, except mine completely ignores me as a woman, I am a roommate, occasional companion, and up until now cook and cleaner, so little by little he loses me, and everything he had from me....and its fine, as long as he has his drink, and sleep and food...until I say or do something wrong....or not what he expected...so little by little...
@@teresarenee3829 I'm I the same situation,I hate it,an I agree with the losing us little by litte,,little,, saved money,got a job promotion, my partner hates when good things happen to me...didn't even say good job,completely ignored it an refused to act like it even happend.....hang in there girl
Thank you for this validation. I left borderline narcissist 7 months ago and I never look back. I want to live my life, instead living a part of his misery nonstop.
They are broken toys but we were too. A healthy person doesn’t get attached to a narc. The difference is that we have the ability to grow and heal and they don’t. If we do the work, we wake up and become a new person. They will always be subhumans.
Elena D,You got a nice smile
I’m 38 and still married to a narcissist for the past 10 years. I’ve been verbally abused, controlled have no bank account, (although I originally added my new wife to my existing account) No lease for the apartment we are living in (Although I actually invited her to come live in my apartment as join my lease), have Zero mutual friends , (I’m literally left with close to none following a decade of endless lies and manipulation) I have discovered thru personal research (YT) that my wife’s a narcissist BUT took me 9 out 10 years to fully understand what’s going on! We have 2 Beautiful girls 8 and 5 together and my hearts destroyed for them. At the end of the month I will begin a new life. God bless everyone , prayers. TY for this outstanding video I really needed to hear this again
Sincerely Arie
Stephanie, it's like you have been watching my life all these years! This is exactly how my wife behaves! I spent 20 years wondering how I can make things work and drove myself crazy wondering what I was doing wrong. Thanks for making your videos! They have helped take the burden off my shoulders.
IMO if you stay with the narc. your spirit & soul dies a slow & tormenting death you lose your energy your will your confidence you lose yourself you become dead while you are still living.
Exactly. The longer we stay the worse it is and the recovery is the most painful experience in someone’s life. Part of me literally died and I had to rebuild. I am definitely not the same person. I am a survivor as soon many of us are. I just pray that all these videos and blogs help non Cluster B individuals know the red flags and stay away from them in the first place or at the very least learn sooner than later that any relationship with a personality disordered entity will be physical and soul-destructive. We should all really stick together against these sickos
@Katie I remember saying that out loud to him. You mark me feel dead inside. He said nothing. He never asked why or even defended himself. Just a blank stare. Then I felt guilty for it.
💯✅ Run away & never look back!
J G ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
J G amen
What if he's the only one you've ever loved? 😢
Ashley McCabe if he is a narcissist he is portraying to you a fake image. Pretending to be someone you will fall in love with only to abuse & degrade you when the novelty wears off, or he finds another supply he thinks will benefit him more than you. You are a toy to the narcissist, to be played, love bombed & then abandoned. 😪
I didn't want to be alone
Thank you so much. I spent 10 years in a marriage with someone who would love bomb me then manipulate me to get the things they wanted. I never seen it happening, I was unaware.After 10 years she left without a word and served me divorce papers within a week. I was stunned. All I can say is these videos help me be more aware now and realize my self worth that I had lost . Thanks again!
The best explanation of why “no contact” is necessary…the lightbulb came on! Thank you.🙏🏾
Very helpful. Thank you for opening my eyes. I've been an awful enabler to a very damaged narcissist and finally had to leave totally exhausted and haunted.
Yes it's hard for me to admit but looking back at 40 plus years with a covert , I was an enabler I suppose. I allowed the abuse which wasn't physical, but sure was financial, emotional mental spiritual abuse at it's worse. I just felt I couldn't do it on my own. But over two years out ,no longer walking on eggshells doing whatever you want when you want I could never give it away now.
Hi Stephanie, It is as if you are speaking directly to me...literally to ME. I have been in this marriage 25 yrs and I am exhausted, so lonely, and terrified,...I just don't no how to end the cycle, how to jump off the train. I literally have tried to plan it out but it seems all but impossible. I will keep listening...Thank you~
Tina, I received this mirror reply from Georgina D Long.... I call "scammer". How about you?
These people are almost as bad as the narcissist with their exploitation.
@@awakeandalive3020 yes, I agree. First time I have ever responded and then to get someone like that is terrible. how sad.
@@tinamcclenahan8775 Please do not allow these people, or the nasty little covert narcissistic trolls that also trawl these channels, to stop you from reaching out and finding support. :)
Sending you much love and much light. :)
@@awakeandalive3020 So Kind of you to say.......And I will not, but I will be more careful on commenting. Thank you Kindly~
Tina McClenahan, You're absolutely gorgeous 💓💓💓💓🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹and I will be glad to know you more
I broke up with my narc ex but made the mistake of not going no contact. He continued to try and gaslight me and play games. Being as I moved away, the only access he had to me was my friend. He began triangulating me with my friend, insinuating that she was coming onto him. When I wouldn't respond, he goes the extra mile by manipulating texts to convince me that there was something going on between them. This was a friend of mine that he HATED and would constantly badmouth. So to use her to get to me is very cynical and honestly a new low. Please go no contact and if you can block these people.
TheSomethingnew1 ...stay strong....his verbal b.s may get worse....just remember stay strong and never answer a text/call and continue watching these videos until you know them inside out.
This seems so text book. We are not crazy my love
My relationship felt like Armageddon. Angels vs Demons. It catalized me into a higher spiritual awareness. I still hold him in my prayers.
It's amazing that i actually needed to hear this now. I did blocked her without telling her it's over, because i got tired of her blameshift,making me the bad guy. I know i can't discuss with her like a normal person.
you talking about 'three-year, five-year, seven-year span of love-bombing' gave me goosebumps. Everyone is talking about love-bombing like it is rather short span, and I was doubting myself if what happened to me was love-bombing that lasted for years. I've never thought it is possible to 'hide' for such a long time. She started to show her true face after we've got 1st child, but after seconds the mask fallen off completely. I've survived 4 years of abuse, explaining it's good for children to have full family, trying hard to be the best father and husband. Fast forward after I've discovered she is 'not loyal' to me for months, i've learned about NPD, I've set the boundaries, all of sudden, as soon as I set boundaries (hitting rock-bottom of my standards because of her being hmm unfaithful) the love-bombing stopped and all I got was hate and contempt. I've tried counselling and everything to get her on track, but after a year I've accepted I'm not going to change her, and now during divorce process, which again showed me how little I mean for her (trying to alienate me from our boys etc). I'm happy that I've finally saw and accepted her true face, rather than waste another years trying to fix what cannot be fixed and living in illusion that future might be better.
I literally said the very words, “I felt like I was asleep for years and now I’ve awakened.” Crazy.
Nice sum-up 👍🏻 it’s like dealing with a toddler or a grumpy teenager. There’s no real emotional intimacy and you feel like you’re living with Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde, never knowing which one you’re dealing with. You carry all the emotional weight of the relationship, do all the work and they just stay the same: it’s exhausting. They put up walls as soon as you complain about something or try to be heard and anything you throw at them bounces back and hurts you. I call my narc “the rubber wall”. When they feel you’re slipping away from their grip they love-bomb you to suck you back in, and the moment they know they got you back they start behaving badly again.
If you are still with a narcissist, RUN! I almost died being with one. They will suck the life out of you, and then it will be too late. Best of luck to you. ❤️ ⚘️
I know!!!
30 yrs married, just learning I am so independent, it enabled her narc behavior. I have never needed any supply, so I never noticed her abuse until I became disabled and sick. Abandoned, shamed, blamed, judged and criticized me, and left me to die, blew my mind…done
You’ll waste all your lifetime potential and purpose.
So true-
You will be on a long road to nowhere
@Mary Carroll can you explain more about this? How did that lead to your purpose?
@Mary Carroll is he still a narc?
I needed to hear this Stephanie I am really thankful for this video, as you said it is not love , it becomes an unhealthy addiction. He did everything to become "prince charming" and once he decides to show who he really is and starts manipulating and threatening you. In my case, from my inability to say no to his demands, I suffered a loss of identity. I no longer received validation from myself but rather from him. And that behavior, as you stated becomes an unhealthy cycle. Thank you again , I needed to hear this. Glad I'm no longer in that relationship.
Did you leave
@@KS-ci4mu i did!! AND IF THATS YOUR CASE SO SHOULD YOU
Thank you for explaining WHY you should go no contact, it makes sense now. Good info. You are going up against something that's not human and has no empathy.
I feel Narcissism is brought on by trauma and a need for control. I think that demons are looking for an open door to enter and control people and using trauma affords an opportunity for them and it is also important to apply wisdom when dealing with our partner. Thank God for my friend who referred me to an hacker and i was able to hack my partner's phone, all i did was to share her phone number with (genius-tracker) without touching her phone and i got access to all her Text messages, Whats-app, Facebook, Snap-chat, Instagram, Skype, Email, Twitter both new and deleted messages. I was hurt when i saw a picture of my wife and her lover, i felt so bad about infidelity. I'm here in England and i was able to access her phone while she was away cheating in Paris and saw all the proofs i needed for a divorce and even terrible things they had planned. He also does hacking of account or any other type of hacking and retrieval of data. His services are trusted and guaranteed and also affordable. Contact him to help, he is a genius. You can text/call +1 (601) 287-5528 or reach him on Whats App +1 (724) 330-3252 and also write to Via Gmail (geniustracker701). I hope you find peace of mind just like myself after discovering the truth...
Melissa D, you're absolutely gorgeous 💓💓💓💓❤🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹and I will be glad to know you
I’m in the middle of a breakup with a narcissistic girl. The biggest factor in me pulling the plug is that I felt like I was doing all the giving for her, and she wasn’t giving that much back, amid her criticisms of me, telling me how selfish I can be and still not giving enough, sometimes yelling at me (borderline verbal abuse), and ultimately I felt like she was draining me dry.
Same.building my self again after she decided to leave after 9 yrs the abused was real. Stick to no contact.
The rollercoaster. My brain cannot function anymore. 4 years. Love bombing made me feel absolutely loved and appreciated.
Then devaluing. The short term discard of days with almost no contact.
Then more love bombing. Those good times are what hooked me.
I still keep questioning if I'm so bad that it turned him into this person. He's not like this to his friends.
Exactly! Seems like he's only mean to me, no one else sees it!😞
Yup same here
Same!!
Exactly and he will say “I don’t have to deal with my friends everyday and they don’t treat me the way you do!”
@@NothingForYou283 OMG mine says that too. But there have been some people that have spotted the bullying tendencies or the need for attention.
I've been in a relationship with a narc for almost 3 years .....and I've gone toe to toe with him..... I ended up losing myself, my kids and my focus. And what's worse is caught myself being hateful to him bc I wanted to hurt him before he hurt me. Now THAT is jacked up. I've had the spiritual awakening but he's still ready and willing to love bomb and play the victim. I'm not a mean person but i became one in dealing with him. It's like an addiction. It's hard to break away even when you know it's the best thing to do.
yess when a person takes you out of your character...thats when I exit !!
👿 pure evil. Doesnt matter if u record n play it back to them. Its the recorder thats to blame, wasnt working correctly. Exhuasted n mentally beat down.
I totally just experienced this the past week. Now im questioning my own behavior. I was in axrage with my sister n intentionally wanted to make her feel my pain n ever curse word. The more we talk n more excuses i heard n nit accounting for all the past hurts it was like i was out if body watching aomeone else but couldnt stop. Now playing it over n over in my head its totally got me un able to function or make a decision for myself n i set n time goes by n i sit unable to believe what happened in 12 days of her visit to my dads home where i have a room when its 24-7 care n my home 2 miles up the road. How inxless then an hour my dad whom last 5 years personal care 2 years before all his affairs. No time for my life ir home. On top of everything she just showed her face in march of this year when back to out if state.left a mess to clean up. A beat down n a heart not will to be a caregiver yo my dad from such betral n i dont know who i am now.
Im sorry that u went through that n we must someday understand what the lessons we learned from it cause after all these years i still feel like how the heck do they seem to turn it on us n when that hapoened i exploded n kept going. Kind words for you God loves you n so do i. Keep moving forward. Im trying to figure that one out.
It's all about THEM and zero about YOU! Boom
I wish I'd seen this video 3 year's ago!! I knew something wasn't right but had know idea I was in a narcissistic relationship... described with perfection!!
I feel like I’m in this kind of relationship. I try to talk to him about our growth and building each other up and he got all mad. We have been having these discussions because I’m tired of him lying to me and he isn’t always showing up for me the way I need. He always gets defensive and sometimes the look on his face I feel like a bother to him. We have kids together and he doesn’t hit me or cuss me out but I’ve been through a lot with him. I feel stagnant and stuck because I don’t make enough to support myself and I have really no one there for me I can turn to like that. I’m praying and going to try to figure something out because I don’t know what our future look like together in a decade from now.
I wish my daughter would have been privy to this information, before she went back to her boyfriend!
Make a fake profile on Facebook and send her this video. You can tell her later on it was you.
What will happen? Disaster, tragedy, froud, sorrow, betrayal......NO luck, NO happines....run away from those evil creatures!
We both met while broken and what I learned was only one of us was evolving and healing while the other was happy living in a Jerry Springer show. It took a failed marriage with a narc who loved the drama and trauma. It wasn’t addiction it was ignorance on my part.
This woman is speaking facts. I'm going through all this rn and I'm just trying to understand why a person would hurt me the way they did
Be strong bro 🙏🏽 it may take time, but we’re gonna find our way bacK
Nobody "hurts" you. They are being themself. "Hurt" is about having a set of expectations about what others will do, say, think or behave, then feeling "hurt" when others don't conform to your expectations. When we truly understand the way we set expectations for others, it becomes about how we work with our expectations in the context of what other people do.
Remember it says more about them than you. Surround yourself w ppl who care.
I’m in this right now. Luckily I’ve been with him less than I year but I am really struggling to leave. I don’t know why I just keep coming up with excuses. If I was my own best friend I would tell me to run a mile. Thank you so much for everything you do Stephanie xx
rhiannon murphy yes girl that’s how I feel! It’s so hard to let go of the good times and my mind forgets all the bad, it’s so so hard
Wow Stephanie that's pretty amazing about the waking up part. I thought it's called being red pilled. Like from the movie the Matrix. I figured this out from my relationship almost 5 years ago. Unfortunately I couldn't leave because being a male, I would have lost my children and I couldn't bear what goes along with that. So I've put on my armor and the arrows tend to just bounce off. The less communication the better. Most of the time the situation is just like dealing with the emotions of a child. If you can guide them like a sheep herder, you can often get what you want. It took 10 years for the narcissist to show her colors. Just amazing.
The devil came out
They never change .... its a living for thm to keep doin tht cycle on anyone tht lets thm in
Thank you so much for this video! You are the most knowledgeable person I’ve found online regarding narcissistic relationships. And I can tell you that it almost feels like they have multiple personality disorder too because with each cycle I deal with a different person or character that he’s playing! It’s so exhausting and I’m just about done with men and relationships period! I’m going to be the best I can be for me and my son! 💕 blessings to all 🙏🏼
I carry a lot of the blame for my marriage failing but I'm learning I'm not wholely responsible for it ending.
Absolutely!
I have been watching your videos and you might of saved my life.
I can't thank you enough .
Just as I was going to watch this particular one I realized..I don't need to watch it , because I am watching it to get validation for my choice of leaving my abuser.
I should and I am ,trusting my own choices. I know what I did was right ,and I don't need validation to make me feel better.
You have no idea how much therapy I have had and over 2 days you have turned my thought process around
I know it's dramatic to say but if you knew what life I have had and how I fight every day to even stay alive after decades of abuse , because in 25 years I have never heard a single thing that made me feel as important and empowered as your words do.
And you do it for free.
You have helped me look my thoughts and start to understand why my life is like this and now I can build on that foundation.
Thank you thank you .
I just couldn't handle how it made me feel anymore. I've never felt so trapped in my life.
Great insight and I hope the right person who needs to hear this, reads this and understands it so they may be transformed into the best version of themselves by putting a final end (with confidence and self-belief) to the toxic cycle with a toxic person thats been in their life. Bless you with strength and light to fight this off and see the better days that await you when the toxicity is out of your life.
Im proud to say Ive been through the rollercoaster hundreds of times with the same person, took several hard years, but you know what- I learned a lot every single time (so no guilt or regret) and kept learning things clearly that I needed to, until one day I knew I was really ready, I knew it was right in every way with clarity and was FINALLY able to cut the cord, feeling pure relief and bliss when it was done. I hope anyone needing to hear this receives the answers their soul is seeking, the healing, the strength of knowing and faith that they CAN and WILL move out of this state. Its all up to you, dont give up and dont give in, listen when ur intuition tells you whats the best thing to do for your wellbeing and growth. Bless you all!
Cycle never ends! 26yrs was enough.
I went on this exact emotional roller coaster. It took me four years and burning it down to finally shut the door and go no contact. If you find yourself here , watching Stephanie get the heck off the roller coaster and never look back . Then follow her lead to your healing process. You will never win with these people nor will you ever get even simply just walk away.
I love the way you explain. Every time I block him, he keeps calling from No Caller Id 100 times a day to Hoover me back in. I’ve decided to change my number this time.
This is my favorite video so far!!!! You have no idea how much this has helped me at this particular time in my life. Literally right this moment, I needed to see this!!! I have shared your videos so many times with friends and family. You are the best!!!! Thank you!!!!
The only way I know my narc is manipulating me, is when her mouth is open.
Thank you for your advice. Dealing with a narcisst wife is so draining.
It is so very frightening! Am now learning so much about my narcs! I am older than him and he is a musician. I have a small business and he always asks for gifts and recently asked for a deposit for a home. I explained to say I have to support my biz and he turned ballistic and yelling out in high rage to humiliate me in front of many people!