I told my wife we’re getting a divorce…she said NO! | Reddit Stories
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 7 апр 2024
- Support the merch drop 👉 okop.show/shop
👩⚕️ Easiest way to find a doctor EVER
Check out ZocDoc where you can find reviewed doctors FOR FREE 👉 bit.ly/OKOPandZocDoc
🏆 Want ad free podcast episodes? Join our Patreon 👉 / okopshow
✍️ Have a story? Join our subreddit and submit your story there for a chance to be featured! / okopshow
📞 or call us! 440-508-6567
👂 Listen to our podcast here! 👇
🎧 Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/6qOmz5T...
🎧 Apple: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
r/BestofRedditorUpdates - My wife refuses to accept our divorce and I think she's trying to trick me.
r/BestofRedditorUpdates - I ruined my parents relationship over reading mail
Call line - am I the ahole for not making my 16-year-old daughter call her father
Call line - my ex has been stalking me for 10 years
r/BestofRedditorUpdates - My wife cheated on me with our sons Baseball coach
Note: stories are often abbreviated, find the story at the top of the description
#redditstories #reddit #funnyredditposts
OKOP okay op okay storytime ok storytime 
Развлечения
1st story, that sucks for both. However it isn’t fair to him. It’s not like he went into the relationship knowing she would be be asexual. Sex is not the most important part of a relationship of course, however it would be ignorant to say that it is not a large part for lots of folks. It is very important, unfortunately they are no longer sexually compatible and it would not be fair to either of them to remain in this relationship.
Edit: just got to the update: that is totally not fair to hide that from her partner. She needs to find someone who is asexual or okay not having the sexual aspect. For her to feel abused? That’s horrid, and to find out you made your partner feel that way??? My god that would be awful.
I totally agree with this Statement
This is what I was thinking! I was so confused by Riley saying OP needs a sex therapist or when Sophia said it was a hasty decision.
Again, if either came out as gay, what would there be to talk about? They’re sexually incompatible, end of story.
@sharyebethancourt3660 same sentiment i was thinking and it's even worse that she knew the entire time that she was Asexual and hid that from her SO, in order too seemingly trick into a relationship then pulls the Carpet from under him after 4 years, I get sex is the most important thing, but in a relationship it's definitely a crucial thing a big part of Shared Intimacy between to people who loves each other, besides if he stayed there would totally be resentment on his side or her side especially if she outs up the marriage that never works out
Hey! I wanted to say I totally understand your point. I think originally I wanted to try and see it from both sides as the wife seemed like she was struggling to figure out her identity but I definitely agree that she should have been upfront with OP when she realized as that's not fair to either of them. After rewatching the story, OP deserved to know the truth as, I agree, sexual compatibility is very important and it seems like it would hurt the both of them to stay together. I apologize if I sounded too harsh on OP, that was definitely not my intention! Also thank you for being respectful! - Sophia
@@OKOPShow oh absolutely❤️ I did think about the story afterward and I definitely see where she was coming from! Being asexual isn’t “the norm” so I’m sure it is so so difficult. I felt so bad when she talked about just wanting to be loved. I think I was a bit harsh at first, it really sucks from both angles😕
Here's my thing about sex. Sex is very important in a marriage, but it isnt the only thing. The best way to describe it is that I don't buy a house for the shower, but I am not buying a house without one.
Edit: punctuation
I LOVE this analogy a lot. I feel that way about my relationship too. Sex isn't too important to me. I show affection by going out and doing fun things with my partner, making memories, spending time together however I couldn't be with him if he was asexual or trans. I want to have kids of my own one day and I don't think it's wrong or selfish of a person to want sex in a relationship. We're just wired that way. It's not the most important thing, but it's still needed for some
YES! Thank you for putting it into words
Yeah I was really confused by their reactions. The initial lack of empathy for the husband and dismissing his concerns as just sex caught me off-guard when sexual compatibility is very important to the long-term success of a relationship.
@@tishabryant201I think there reactions were warranted based on his quick decision and no interest in therapy or anything
@@chastiana you’re welcome to feel that way but I still disagree with you lol
It's not fair to the guy to expect him never to have sex again. I disagree with Sophia
I think their point was the quick decision to divorce after one conversation they were falling over. How does he know in one conversation how a relationship with an a-sexual person looks like? There's many forms of a-sexuality, not all a-sexuals never have sex. They even mentioned they're still cuddling. It's like he's doing a championship duo tennis with his wife, but after the first loss of the season he's giving up, instead of holding on to the end to see if they could find another way to win.
@@Nathan_Bookwurmit is not a quick decision because there is nothing else to do, there's nothing to recover, there's nothing to work on. Because no matter what, she will never want to have sex with him. Nobody deserves to hear he is the person she tolerates. Even if she agreed to have sex, he will know she doesn't want to and feel guilty because in a way he is forcing her. So why dragging the inevitable. They will hurt each other more of they stay together
it's not a first loss of the season. she literally is saying she does not want sex, ever again. if that were me & i was clearly told no, it ain't happening ever again, i'd be making arrangements to leave as well.
just as she has a right to not want to have sex, he has a right to not want a sexless marriage. some ppl need sexual intimacy w/ the person they love & that's perfectly fine. especially since she literally lied to him.
It was not immediately. He waited for almost two years.
And Riley they both don't think it's a problem
She can't be accepted for who she is if she lies to her partner.
Exactly. He was never given the chance to know that part of her before marriage. This is a difficult situation and very painful for them. But to act like he should just be good with it because it's part of her isn't really fair.
I don’t see the husband as making a quick decision.. not at all … he said this has been happening for
1.5 years and he tried counseling among other things..
Exactly.
They were very judgey and didn't listen to what OP wrote.
The husband❤ in story one is not hasty. The wife lied to herself and to him. I am surprised that you both would think they should stay together. They are not a match and he sounds very sane and kind and logical.
Ngl, L take on the first story. I think y’all were so focused on validating asexuality that you pushed down sexuality whilst doing it. All sexualities are valid. The wife is valid for not wanting to have sex and the husband is valid for wanting it. Just like with any relationship it’s valid to split due to differing interests/values, this is the same thing. I understand it’s sad that the wife hasn’t been able to find someone who loves all parts of her but that isn’t an excuse to lie for the entire relationship. If the base of the relationship was built out of lies, how strong was it in the first place?
“Focused on validating asexuality that you pushed down sexuality” that right there. I feel like they try to respond for what the audience may like or say. Which is why I have a love/hate relationship with Sam because he does the opposite 😂😂.
Yeah I agree I love Sophia but she's way too far other there looking at a tiny detail like that other video where they were reading the story where the boy was allergic to nuts and some other brat was rubbing nut butter all over the allergic kid and Sophie was just pissing me off how she was shrugging it off
I know, they immediately crapped on the husband for wanting a divorce, but she said it felt like abuse. So, did they want the husband to be chaste his whole life? Also, they said nothing about the wife not wanting him to sleep with “strange women.”
She married him under false pretenses. Being ace doesn't give you a pass to lie to and manipulate others.
1st story: husband isn't wrong. Not fair on him, he isn't asexual.. she needs to be with another asexual person.. she literally woke up one day and changed the whole game up.. not the AH..
Edit: The wife is definitely wrong.. Not declosing her whole story..
sexual incompatibility is definitely a valid reason to not be together. he is not wrong for wanting sex with his wife it’s normal and that was what he signed up for- it feels to me that she used sex to manipulate him instead of being honest and finding someone who either is also asexual or willing to have some kind of open relationship. i feel that their reaction to him was definitely missing the mark bc he isn’t some perverted asshole for wanting to have sex it’s normal.
@@laurag502 yeah their reaction was super weird. ( so far, im at 6:45 )
they expect him to either sleep with someone who doesn't enjoy it or get *** from somewhere else,
a lot of people ( CLEARLY including OP ) are not interested in that.
I'm not sure what there is to talk about, if his wife is really asexual and he isn't interested in that it's pretty simple that it's over.
Edit: are they just saying what they think people want to hear or something?
They feel bad for HER???
*** isn't everything but if you expect him to stay for "everything else" while she lied from the start and you expect him to live like a nun which is not healthy and normal for someone who isn't asexual and never asked to be in a relationship with an asexual person, that's just insane.
the wife is 100% the a-hole and if anyone I feel bad for OP.
IDK, the comment of them both are the first time where I thought "yikes, red flag of them both", they quickly judged about the husband, who needs the physical and one of the most intimate ways of showing love, desire and trust for his/her better half. Also what you early on could read out was the point of the husband is the loyalty and boundary of monogamy.
Why should be there a discussion of opening the marriage or what ever, I am kinda sad about there comments, there is a man who wanna take most of the debts with him and give her the house and what a clean cut but she is been selfish of not letting go and wanna decide for him how he's gonna be happy or have to live his life..
big yikes from my side to them both and the wife
I’m someone who is demisexual and didn’t find out until later in my relationship. I initially thought I was asexual. Y’alls comments about the story are really problematic. I was always upfront with my boyfriend about being asexual early on and then when I realized I was demisexual. I never lied like the wife did. How is the husband supposed to accept a part of his wife he never knew about till way later? Nothing he’s doing or feeling is wrong. She lied and he probably doesn’t know how to feel about her since she lied about a huge part of a relationship. Asexuality can work in a relationship but only when there is honesty about it and the partner has the right to choose that. The biggest things that influence separations/ divorces/ breakups are sex, money, and kids. It’s more important than you think and it’s not wrong to feel it is important.
Based take thanks for sharing
You're absolutely right.
For me it was the other way around, like the wife in the story. In the beginning I thought a low sex drive was normal cuz of being a woman. Being in love still gave me somewhat a mood to do it, even though I never really enjoyed it. But years into the relationship it became a chore, there was never a desire to do it. In fact, I enjoy doing laundry more than sex. I didn't immediately tell him because you don't make such a big statement at the first thought. I also didn't even know a-sexuality was a thing.
Over the last 4 years my sexuality and gender changed like 8 times, and nobody is going to be happy when you come out 8 times. So I first tried to "fix it", thinking I had a problem. I told my husband as soon as I was certain that the physical attraction won't come back. I still don't know if I'm asexual or not, I just know that my autism, gender dysphoria and misophonia get triggered during physical intimacy, which made me hate it.
Anyway, the wife is absolutely in the wrong for lying a long time. However, I do think we need to understand that sexuality is complicated, can change over time and societal expectations/genderroles/upbringing plas a big part in it too. So I think we shouldn't be judgemental when someone first tries to figure out their sexuality or gender before telling their partner immediately.
@@Nathan_Bookwurm I am ace, faked it in comphet for 3 years, and I still don't sympathize with her. She knew she was ace before marying him. She told others. She already should have learned this lesson in the last relationship. She instead learned "I need to fake it better." There are dateable ace people out there and apps to find them! Being queer doesn't give us a pass to use others.
@@Nathan_Bookwurmthe thing is she was nothing trying to figure out anything, she knew. She lied deliberately
I'm not a fan of all the side comments that were being said about him valuing seggs over the relationship... let's not forget she lied to him for years, tricked him into marrying someone that she really isn't, and he isn't being disrespectful at all. Most Normal relationships involve it. It's not revolved around it but it is a very physical connection that enhances emotions and their bond. He wanted to let her go to find someone who better fits each of their needs and lifestyles. Trying to force her husband into essentially cheating to compensate for the lack of seggs when he seems to be a very faithful man is only going to drive a bigger wedge. Feelings will be hurt and it will become toxic not to mention he has zero interest in that situation. A marriage is a legal contract, by being deceitful during the negotiation and merger of two lives into one, it should void the terms of the contract like any other.
Wtf was that reaction to the 1st story ??
19:26 this still feels like blaming OP? Like, we have to accept the wife being ace, but can’t accept OP for being sexual?
Did I listened wrong? You read that they went for therapy ,tried being adventurous ect talked a lot and enjoyed being together. Sex between married partners is really stress releasing at least for me . Having sex is part of intamacy
I don’t really comment, and just usually watch but that was crazy enough to make me read the comments and comment. They both sound like they were trying to fake woke.
@Mr-P1 Sophia is fake woke I know girls like her in irl
@@Mr-P1i agree with you sadly.
badwolf7850and especially Riley, OMG my dude sounded so ignorant.
1st story: Sophia and Riley are completely wrong about this one.
When OP thought his wife was trying to trick him with her friend - if he slept with the friend, they could accuse him of cheating. That's exactly where his mind went, and it makes a lot of sense.
The wife lied to OP. Her whole family lied to him. He went into the marriage with the expectation that he and his wife were compatible in all ways. They aren't. Again, the wife lied to OP for over 4 years.
Having sex is an integral part of most relationships and OP's wife isn't interested in him sexually. It's unfair to expect OP to give up what is a very important part of a relationship. The wife needs to find a partner who is asexual as well, or she needs to be completely honest at the beginning of a relationship.
Sophia said that you can't change who you are but they expect OP to change who he is and give up sex for the rest of his life.
9:28 how does Riley hear that, hear the way she feels, and still blame OP?!
She kinda forced OP to be an assaulter cuz she felt used and OP had no clue.
Y’all responses remind me you’re still pretty young and that’s coming from someone in their late twenties. Either you guys are responding with what you think the majority of your audience wants to hear or you’re literally naive (in the nicest of definitions) when it comes to these matters. Sex is very important in a marriage and this is coming from someone who’s demisexual & celibate til marriage.For her to not know and thus not disclose it is one thing. But once it’s understood she’s ACE and has absolutely no interest in sexual intimacy that does change things for her partner. As well, he explained they tried a bunch of stuff such as spending time together, being more adventurous, and I believe they tried counseling. This isn’t a hasty decision. And even with newfound knowledge if he recognizes he can’t operate in a sexless marriage he should leave rather than waste time trying to be something he isn’t or the inverse for her.
The lack of empathy for the husband is astounding. Like imagine your partner for life saying sex with you feels like SA ? Your side comments are concerning and a bit harsh, honestly. I understand you have a majority woman identifying audience but these takes yall have sometimes when it comes to the men …. Be hit or miss.
That's what I commented about too!! They don't even try to understand the perspective of the men in many of the posts. I watched 5 videos in a row and 4 of them had a story where their opinion was so unfair. If the roles were reversed, their opinions would be COMPLETELY different
Bruh the trashing on the guy in the first story isnt the vibe. I love you guys but thats kinda super judgemental on your part for that. Someone shouldn't stay in a marriage if their needs arent being met and making it seem like he should simply stay in the marriage and be unhappy for her to be happy is crappy. I just feel there's less judgement when it's Sam and John. And Riley doesn't seem to have his own opinion with Sophia which is disappointing.
I feel the same. In this day and age, no one needs to be judged about breaking up a marriage because you don't feel happy. And even worse! He was lied about something so important and probably feels like he forced himself on her all this time. So yeah, his feelings are completely valid
My question is would your opinion be the same if it was an accident or medical condition that prevented sex?
@emilyjohn2034 that case is different and there's still other ways to enjoy sex if you can't the traditional way. But she just plainly didn't want to, never did and manipulated him into believing she enjoyed it which is pretty shit.
@@RisaKaulitzO 1) sexuality is not just “didn’t want to” it is biological 2) she clearly stated that she believed it would work with him because she felt more okay with sexual encounters, it’s clear she believed it wouldn’t be a problem because she didn’t mind the sex it just hit her more recently that she was wrong and she could just stand it longer with him 3) she TRIED to come up with other solutions but he wouldn’t hear her out he went STRAIGHT to divorce 4) it literally is not different because either you can live without sex or you can’t you can’t say “I love you but I can’t go without sex!” And then also say “but id stay if it was medical” then clearly you CAN live without the sex you just feel as guilty.
@@emilyjohn2034 HE thought of the solutions, darling. HE went above and beyond to salvage their marriage because he felt something was wrong while she schemed and suggested something as disgusting as using her friend for sex
Sophia's prudishness is getting in the way of understanding that wanting/ needing sex is as valid as not wanting it (no hate Sophia, I think you're amazing). Plus the wife was being extremely deceptive and toxic the whole time. Imagine how the husband must've felt hearing that he made his wife feel like she was being r-worded (you guys didn't even address this). Asexuality is totally valid, and this woman is totally the AH.
First story it's almost like Sophie is blaming the guy for not knowing That his partner was a sexual He did not go into the relationship knowing she was asexual.So it's not his fault for ending the relationship It would be his fault if he knew she was a sexual before starting The relationship
Yes. Her reaction was weird and she didn't listen to what OP wrote. Also, I don't believe the wife. Something else is going on.
RIGHT?!
I agree! And he tried therapy, talking, "exploring", etc. First. He didn't just "jump" to divorce. And SHE DIDNT TELL HIM! it literally feels like she "faked" it until they were married then was just like oh well he's stuck with me now....no babe, that's not how that works. I understand it's probably hard to date being a sexual in today's world but SHE MARRIED HIM
As someone who is ace you NEED to communicate it beforehand in the beginning if they aren't good with it then you arent deep into the relationship and heart broken and why would you want to be with someone who won't accept you for you
1st story: he literally said they were trying thing and working on it. I feel like y'all bypassed that. She is fucked up for not telling him in the beginning.
Yes, it was not a hasty decision, it was just that after she told him she was asexual there was nothing else to do. There's nothing to work on because there's nothing to fix. That's who she is and that's it. She was just lying to him and made him lose his time with all those treatments.
One thing i really like about this community over Smosh or Reddit on Wiki is that you all call them out and don't just side with them regardless of what they say.
The number of people calling them out for the 1st story is refreshing. You all are awesome
Yeah, I don't feel bad for the wife. She knew and entered into a marriage lying. I don't think her needs or preference should be put over her partners. A marriage without sex is a bestie and roommate, not a wife and husband. If she was honest from the beginning or figured it out during the relationship, she wouldn't be the Ahole. She's the Ahole. Why should what she needs in a relationship be more important than her partners. They both need to find partners that have the same needs as them.
In the first story how can you feel bad for her if she lied for years to him? Their whole relationship was based on a falsehood. He genuinely thought she was sexually attracted to him and instead he finds out that this entire time she just tolerated it. That is messed up on so many levels. Now she wont let him leave to find someone who would actually make him happy. I dont get your take on the first story at all.
I can’t imagine how devastating it would be to find out your partner barely tolerated sexual intimacy with you. If I was OP this revelation would honestly make me feel kind of like a r***ist because she never really wanted it
Same!!
She was being dishonest if she knew that she was ACE before marrying him which is sounds like she did know that
I think it said that the wife has known she was asexual since she was 16. She's 29 now.
She was definitely dishonest.
First story she is so in the wrong for lying to him and setting expectations that not only hurt her, girly did not deserve to torture herself for someone else's happiness she deserves, and he got strung along and she ended up hurting them both. Communication is the ultimate in relationships teamwork makes the dream work.
12:02 the _friend_ is the one you don’t like? Not the lying wife?!
In 1st story wife is 100% the ah. She lied to op about her sexuality that is wrong and relationship ender. She just wanted partner so she kept her sexuality secret and when she trapped op in marriage she told him the truth. Relationship based on lie rarely work out.AND OP IS NOT AH IN ANYWAY PERIOD.
You can't "fix" asexuality, but often people think they're asexual when in reality they've unresolved trauma. It's good idea to see a qualified specialist first to identify what it actually is.
Right? Especially if she said she enjoyed it at the start of the relationship when “emotions were high”… why would her emotions change her sexual identity? She may have some fear or trust issues in a committed relationship
That was the case for me. Used to think I was asexual before realising it was actually s*xual repression due to childhood s*xual trauma. I really struggled in my relationship because I was still unable to have s*x due to mental and physical issues and I kept wondering if I was right all along and I was asexual. But I went to trauma therapy and that combined with medication for my mental health issues alongside the support of my amazing boyfriend, I was eventually able to recover and now I love s*x. I will say, my libido isn't as high as my boyfriends and I still go through periods where I have issues with s*x, but I actually *enjoy* the act and can feel s*xually attracted to people without panicking like crazy or immediately shutting down. It was liberating for me to finally work through that.
Thank you. There is always a cause. Disconnection from body
I don't know if it's because You guys are young or just because you're not married but You were being unfair to the husband. Sex is absolutely an important part of a happy marriage! Now it would be one thing if he went into this relationship knowing that she wouldn't want to have sex with him, but that was not the person he married. Did you guys even think about applying this to your own lives? Imagine you had a partner who you loved and had a great physical connection with who suddenly decided nah, We should never have sex again. Would you really want to spend the rest of your lives with them after having the rug pulled out from under you like that? Even if you love them? Nope. He's NOT the asshole, he's not "not accepting who she is" he already accepted who she PRETENDED to be. This seems so obvious to me. I don't know if you guys were just trying to be politically correct by making sex not a big deal. While you can be sympathetic with the wife. It is 100% her fault for deceiving him.
Agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Exactly what I was thinking. She deserves to be with someone that is compatible to her AND he deserves that too! Sex is not the only way of having intimacy but it IS very important. The same way not having sex is an important part of life for her, having it is an important par of life for many people. Ace is part of who she is and not being ace is part of who HE is. It is a sad situation all around but he is not the a-hole for wanting a divorce over sexual incompatibility
Guess what, nothing is going to stay the same, there will be ups and downs. That's part of a relationship, you're not gonna be the exact same as you entered it. That's part of maturity, handling it. And there's more important things than just sex. And hes being selfish at the moment, it's all about him, his desires, his wants. That's why you dont marry someone selfish who only thinks about his desires and willing to throw away years of marriage. Rightfully so people are harsh on the husband.
@@rainbows5232 Naw, L take. The wife lied about herself and expected her husband to be ok with it. Like it or not sex is important to a healthy relationship for most people. Especially for men. That's the reality and if you don't like that don't marry a man. This scenario would have been different if the wife lost her sex drive after their marriage and didn't know she would before hand. You can't fake it till you make it forever.
@@ldangerb7962 the lying is a separate issue, im talking Soley about sex itself. you get married, maybe even have kids, its not about you only, as an individual. want to be an individual so much and be it all about me me and only me, stay single. partnership is not for you. men or women
The reason why he wants a divorce isn't because he doesn't love her it's because he wanted this in a relationship and she doesn't
First couple: the wife started the marriage with deceptive intent while expecting her misled husband to deny a part of him and his correct assumption of expectation that snu snu be part of the marriage. His needs were default denied, ignored and disrespected. She viewed her husband to be as not important/irrelevant pre-union. And divorce chant is not tabled enough for the male in diminished/ compromised positions.
I wish Riley would state his own opinions rather than fearfully agreeing with what Sophia says just so that he doesnt get shot down.
Sophia does not have a well rounded grasp of the world yet as she is young, and feels she knows more than she actually does. It would make the conversation better if she had pushback to challenge her opinions and to teach her that she isn't always right.
She is definitely trying to be 'woke', but wokeness doesn't mean letting everyone do whatever they want, and shouting "break up" every time a partner does something wrong. It requires emotional intelligence and understanding of human behaviour to give a well rounded opinion.
These videos of Sophia controlling the narrative and giving very narrow minded opinions in the name of "wokeness" are getting very tiresome.
I hope this video isnt deleted again like the last time Sophia was called out.
I'm considering unsubscribing because recently, their views have been a little out of touch?
It's almost like Sofia is expressing opinions she doesn't fully agree with to appeal to the audience and worried about upsetting any of the viewers. I don't know, but her opinions are out of touch recently..
@badwolf7850 I'm not sure if it was the video being taken down but I remember them defending someones bike getting stolen as if it wasn't that much of a big deal. sounded very entitled and out of touch because not everyone can afford expensive things being stolen because "kids will be kids" bullshit, some people might need to save money for months or even years to buy something pricey, no empathy at all.
I understand that sex isn't The most important thing in a relationship that's definitely not the case but it's a critical part of most relationships, and i don't think it's fair to blame/Shame him for leaving because that relationship it's not healthy for either of them especially him, if she knew that she was Asexual shouldn't have continued the relationship in the first place
First story was a bit hard to get through. I do agree with you guys for the most part but that response completely missed the point of the issue. This isn't about sex as much as its about incompatibility. She pretended to be someone that she's not... he thought they were compatible because of those lies. Once she confessed it was obvious they were not a good match and he wouldn't have chosen to marry this person if he knew who she really was. She basically tricked him into marriage. Is that situation sad..of course. But ultimately the only right move there was divorce. He did try therapy and all this other stuff and the entire time she knew none of that was going to work. Ontop of it all, she compared having sex with him to being SA'd. My heart literally broke for him. Tricking people into relationships/marriages is never okay. You're basically taking away that persons right to choose, I've been lied to in this way and I've yet to recover. Been single a decade because now I just can't trust people. What she did was wrong, and the only AH in this story was her. For someone to accept you for who you are, they would need to know who you actually are...if you lie about that they aren't choosing you. Their choosing a fake person who does not exist. Don't see how you can work that out.
My issue she was lying the whole marriage about being asexual. Even lied about why her last relationship broke off. Now without even bringing it up had her friend be naked on their bed. To op she just see him as person who can have sex wirh anyone or he will have an affair. Which can miss with the prenup
it might be because you guys are young but sex is a very important part of a relationship.
Usually I am ok with y’all’s takes on stuff but the two of y’all is willin with the “he needs to go to sex therapy”. If my wife with I have know and love for over 13 years stop having sex with me and there is no physical issue; I am gone. Y’all got to be drunk today. lol.
That's sad
They weren't together for 13 years They were together for four so the number you just threw out is a whole other ballpark . Second off, you're making it sound like you would immediately leave without trying to work things out. I'm not saying that Sophia and Riley are right, they aren't, but this is not the move.
@@bunniboo9957 I am talking about my wife and I. I just to show that my 13 years is longer than their 4; and I would dip.
The story about the wife cheating with the kid's coach sounded so familiar up until the beach house part. I was sitting here going... "Ray? This you?" haha... Sounds sooooo much like one of my cousin's experience.
Kids these days want to live sexless lives. Sounds like they did a ton of therapy already. He tried everything. They aren't a match. Listen properly, you two.
Guys, friendos, Big Worm, Queen Protein dynamic duo, on this one I’ve gotta disagree with you guys on the first story. I feel like you guys got this fundamentally wrong and basically from the jump had your decision about the story made from when OP said he was gonna break up with his wife. You completely glossed over the fact that he mentioned “they” were in counseling, trying new things, trying to make things work, when in reality they were probably having these convos well before OP decided on divorce, and that last convo about her “finding out” she was ace was the straw that broke the camel’s back in essence. Then he basically found out the only one who was trying to actually make things work was him, and that she was lying through her teeth (I don’t think maliciously, but it’s a bad lie to withhold nonetheless) and withholding *VITAL* information about herself throughout their entire relationship. She’s just trying to placate and satiate him for a small time, and then hopefully she can hold him off until the next time she’s willing to grit her teeth and decide she can have sex. You kinda wildly glossed over the point that she was perfectly fine manipulating him for *YEARS* frankly by lying about her sexuality. Information about her sexuality that could’ve fundamentally changed the course of their lives, and she withheld information from him that would’ve given him the opportunity to make an informed decision, she stole his ability to make an informed decision from the jump all because she wanted him, that disgusting behavior idt you guys would be willing to give OP’s wife the benefit of the doubt if the sexes were reversed.
Now, post-this entire saga and she finally comes open with the truth, she then decides she’s going to just _ignore_ him and decide unilaterally they’re not getting divorced? Pretending nothing is wrong in Ba Sing Se? Nah, that can’t fly. And she decides that she’s going to further manipulate him by just deciding to not get divorced. Then she just makes *ANOTHER* unilateral decision by just deciding, “oh, well we can’t have sex, just have sex with my friend, she’s ok with it, go have sex.” Like Jesus Christ, she’s so goddamn selfish the more I think about it. She’s just deciding everywhere and everything this relationship/marriage is going and going to do respectively. She’s acting like this is just her relationship and she can do what she wants with it and not *_their_* relationship, and she’s not communicating or addressing him at all in the decision making process. She’s actually an extremely manipulative, selfish individual, and frankly her sexuality as asexual is her cross to bear and she lied and manipulated OP into now bearing that cross. That’s *_YOUR_* sexuality, I’m sorry, you should navigate those waters on your own _unless_ you give any prospective partners all the information necessary for them to be able to decide on whether or not they want to navigate those waters with you.
And lastly, you keep saying, “oh, it’s just sex, etc.” idt you know how demoralizing a sexless relationship is. Take it from someone who’s been there, it’s *FAR MORE* than just sex, it affects your outlook on the relationship, your feelings, your self esteem, it’s not “just sex.” And then put yourself in his shoes, he’s desperately trying to ignite the passion in their relationship and she’s secretly extinguishing it every time, and then pretending she doesn’t know herself why the flame is going out. Then after *_ALL OF THESE YEARS_* she drops the bombshell on him. She told him that she’s been ace for over and a decade and so many times while they had sex, she felt used. Holy fuck, can you imagine how that would feel to hear that from the most important person in your life? The person you swore to love, cherish, protect, and be there for, only to find out every time you had sex, you made her disgusted with herself (no fault of anyone there), and that you were hurting her mentally, emotionally, psychologically every time you had sex with her. I can understand why he had a breakdown tbh. He basically was told, “you’ve been using me for your own benefit, and you didn’t know, and you didn’t know how disgusted I was.” I would feel like I basically was r**ing my own wife at that point. I think I would throw up feeling like that.
She went about this *ALL WRONG* and stole his autonomy, his ability to make informed consent, basically told him he’s been coercing her to have sex with him, while she didn’t want it, she basically offered to just let someone have sex with him when he loves her, and lastly told him she felt disgusted and used almost every time they had sex. She just dealt psychological blow after psychological blow to this man, and she may have and probably has done irreparable psychological damage to him, and it’s far more than “just sex.”
Would love to hear Riley reading in place of Sophia sometimes ❤
I'm a sex repulsed asexual. Of course what the wife did isn't right, but it's common. She was in deep denial and probably truly believed she could bear sex if she just loved her husband enough. Sometimes you need to have a dream partner to accept it will never work. Like meeting your dream man to admit you're just a lesbian.
I feel so bad for him. And her. He's right thhat divorce is the only option here. She will never enjoy sex with him and he's not willing to put his wife through that. It sucks that roughly 1% of people is asexual, and only part of that never wants sex. It'll always be hard for us to find a partner. Hopefully she'll stop lying to herself and others now and see there's no bargaining sexuality.
I don’t like the way Sophia and Riley demonized the husband in the asexual story. He was there and made efforts and tried, and y’all made it out like all he was in was sex. He was speaking about his emotional language and the thing that makes him feel connected with his wife.. just like she can’t help her feelings, he can’t help his. And together she’s gonna have a life if feeling like she’s wrong and bad because she can’t give him what he wants, and what kind of life is that? They both deserve someone who can speak their language, and he tried everything.
She kept a hide part of her life from him… the person she was supposed to love, and it was expected and demanded that he just get over hearing that his wife wasn’t sexually attracted to
Him… and not just him.. no one. Hearing that she only did it cause He wanted it. That’s a HORRIBLE feeling, and if you felt it you know, but I hope Jo one has to feel that.
Ok really feels disgusting how negatively y'all talk about having sex be a deal breaker in a relationship. Why is asexuality acceptable but not sexuality or hyper sexuality? It's not just, x "There not the one for you.", you're also not the one for them.
Because there's more important things than sex, so asexuality doesn't contradict that
@@rainbows5232 In life yes, but in a relationship, until it is discussed as otherwise it, sex is a core aspect of it. Asexual people exist so woopy doo for them, but sexual urges and enjoyment is a spectrum that extends far beyond those individuals.
So again, it's disgusting how little respect you give to people that place importance on sex.
@@death2boredom338 yeah , cuz theres more to life than sex, and people who make decision based on and around sex are less trustworthy partners.
@@rainbows5232 A marriage can literally be annuled if it isnt consummated, as in if you dont have sex after marriage the law can and will say your marriage was never valid. Dont be so naive to think just because there are people that dont, doesnt make it unimportant.
@@BaerlyHere_ what bullshit did you just made up
There's a thing called a no fault divorce... she could either sign, or she will be forced to in court + have to pay costs
The cute little "Ly too" at 35:03 😊 I feel weird about reading/listening to so much relationship drama from Reddit, but I think it makes me appreciate the relationships I have. Not perfect, but healthy. It's precious and I value them all the more knowing just how messy and painful things can get.
Gives me the strength to get through tough conversations and not get defeated when things don't go the way I hoped.
I think it’s because you guys are still young and aren’t in the mindset of getting married, which is totally okay, you guys don’t understand how sex is a big and important factor in a marriage. When you marry someone with the knowledge that sex will be a given and then to have your significant other change up on you is not fair. In a marriage, it’s not just sex it’s an act of love and for men especially it’s how they feel wanted. The woman is just projecting how she wants to be loved, she could care less about having sex so it’s wrong of her to push that on to her husband.
Edit: my point of view comes from being a 29 year old married woman
This is exactly what I was thinking 😊
Also, at they end when they said he did not accept her... I was like what the f... she hide that from him and sex is an important thing to him in a relationship. He accepted the women she pretended to be. She tried to change him. The wife was not the victim in all this. For the whole marriage he tought it was good becasue she lied about it, to find out at the end it was not wanted and hated... what does that do to him and knowing that he was doing something to his partner that the partner felt discussed and violated because they pretended to enjoy it. I am not saying the wife was evil at all, just saying the op should not be made the villain.
@@marcoagorozcoI totally agree with you, the wife brought all of that on herself by deceiving him. I don’t feel bad for her at all
Communication is the key to a good relationship. People all seem to agree with the concept but tend to fumble when it comes to actually practicing it in real life. Understandable because communication can be really difficult, especially when you're trying not to hurt your partner or have been hurt by something your partner has done. But its so nessisary to be able to push through that discomfort and have a real, adult conversation where you and your partner listen to each other and yourselves.
OP from story 1 wasn't the asshole imo
S1: What is the wife going to do if she pushed her husband to have sex with her friend and they develop feelings for each other? The emotional feelings come from the connections made through sex. Some can have affairs as just a good lay, but a majority of people will develop those feelings for each other. 🤷🏼♀️ The wife would be setting herself up for a more devastating heartbreak if her friend and husband fell in love with each other!
honestly the last story gets even more sad when you go to the actual reddit account for the op. it wasn't a throwaway like most of these stories or a one and done account. it was a reddit account he had since 2013. you can see him engaging in dad humor, talking about his family and what makes it really sad is there was a post where he was asking for help on a symbolic tattoo to represent his wife and kids.
I can't be with a person who doesn't like sex, it's one of my love languages you can say. I would feel betrayed by her and wouldn't see another way than divorce. For me this is like the question about children. If one really wants them and the other one doesn't want children, it will not work. Sex is for a lot of people the same, if you don't fit, it's difficult to work. Specially if you know that when she has sex with you it's because she wants you to be happy, but doesn't feel the same. It's not the most important in a relation, but for me having good sex with my partner is in the top 3 or 5 at least. You can love someone soooo much, but if the sexlife sucks, it's frustrating if you have a high libido. And on average men have higher libido than women, so I can't say he is an asshole. He is just not ready to give up sex or have sex with another woman in this marriage. For people who think sex is not so important, he can look like an *ssh*le. But he is just being honest with himself, they need both to be happy in the relation. You need to accept from both sides, even when it's hard and you love them. But staying together unhappy is not the solution. She knows her sexuality since she was a child, she needs to find a way to be upfront to a guy in the beginning and understand that she will have to accept that some men don't want this kind of relation. Because of my health I can't have children and don't want them either, when children come up on a date I am just honest and ofcourse it hurts when a guy likes you, but really want kids. It is what it is, each has to find their yin to your yang.
The woman cheating because her partner was in a "dark place" and didn't make her "100% happy" is being very selfish. You're not going to be happy 100% of the time, and all relationships include having to do some work.
Edit: okay, that was an understatement
These people are crazy to think this man should be ok with not having sex in his marriage. Sex isn’t just about intimacy. it is literally a biological need that a vast majority of the population crave and there is nothing wrong with that. She straight up manipulated him.
Hope you guys do the in person event on a weekend. Been watching from the beginning I’m in the aria and would love to go
She knew that she was asexual when she got into the relationship. So therefore I think she kind of lied to him in a way by stringing him along for so long and not telling him what he was getting into
Staring contests!! 😂😂😂
Hey! Ace spec man here!
I think sex isn't for everyone. Some couples dont have it for being ace n stuff. But I'd never get into a relationship with someone who DIDN'T know I was ace! Even if she didn't know, at first, it's not fair to the other party involved.
Being ace doesn't give a free pass to lie or be a not great person.
He can’t get over the affair with the coach because she hasn’t ended it yet.
Just woke up from having a nightmare! So glad I have okop to watch like cartoons after a scary movie 😂❤
I’m going to pull a Sam (chaotic evil) with this last story and say “OP should sleep with his wife’s mom as revenge” 😂 who could see Sam saying that fr tho? Lol
I hate that sex scenario so much. Imagine the radio in your car stopped working. Everything in this car is great but the radio won’t work. Now you judging me because I got a wireless speaker in the car.
13:34 Do you want to look up conversion therapy next?!
I am Gen Z- 2000s baby- and I can assure you. Our generation still has pictures on walls lmao
I think you absolutely should accept your partner for how they are as long as they are transparent about everything especially before marriage The wife is 100% the a-hole it's a really sad situation because her intentions were good but all she did was hurt both of them
I'm happy to see the comments calling you two out on your horrible take on the first story cause wtf are y'all talking about. It's like you hear a sexuality that isn't straight and you lose all reasoning cause you're trying so hard to validate other sexualities. People do shitty things and they should be called out regardless of their sexuality.
I didn’t see anyone comment on printing and framing photos but I’m 24 and still love printing as many photos as I can and have plenty framed ones in my apartment but I am sentimental haha
i'm 33 & my 1 aunt still sends me $100 on my bday & xmas, lol. i think the tradition in our family is until they're married.
Came here to look at the comments about the 1st story.. im glad i wasnt the only one that thought they had a bad take on it.
3:08 why does OP need the sex therapist?! OP has normal expectations! Idk how he’s in the wrong here, even before we find out how horrible she is.
Tbh, i wouldn’t be compatible with someone who is asexual either.
I feel bad for them both and i can see how the wife got to the point where she made a lot of her poor decisions, but it’s not fair to OP.
The dad opening daughter’s mail-hell no. I would have had a PO Box long before that point. Dad is so far out of line. Good for her turning the table on him. She should have filed a complaint with the post office. That is a federal crime.
Someone has to make a sigh counter for every video
Riley, my friends and I always gift each other framed pictures of us on july 20th(friends day in my country)
asexuals can just find eachother ol, they shouldn't doom sexual people into a sexless life sleeping next to the ;person they desire.
at 44:00, I have a wild guess that younger people don't hang pictures up due to not owning the space they live in.
The story about the dad opening the mail is f** up. Why would he open OPs mail. Even if the mistress sent mail disguised as business mail it does not make any sense for her to adress it to anyone else but to him. So mail with his daughter's name could not be for him anyways, that is just logical. But well, his paranoia was his downfall in the end.
Sex is super important to me. I’ve been in a relationship where the sex was awful. I questioned everything about me as a woman. Especially if he was attracted to me or not. He checked every other box on paper but I couldn’t get past the sex part. When I was dating I let men know how important sex is for me and if we are not sexually compatible I will end it. Luckily, i met my current partner soon and i love everything about him. Including our sex life.
Telling someone that you’re asexual is a big punch in the gut. And then wanting your partner to sleep with someone else is disgusting.
I agree with this man 100%.
Hi, hi, I am an asexual person (I’m nb so please use they/them for me thank you.) so I can understand both sides of the story, for the wife I completely understand the rejection and the abandonment issues that do come from being judged with being asexual. However she shouldn’t have kept it a secret from her husband that is not fair to him, for me I could never be in a relationship with someone who enjoys/wants sex I have tried many many times and it leaves me more mentally damaged than feeling better about myself (the concept of sex or hearing about it makes me want to rip all my skin off and die slowly because that would be way less painful for me then doing it) but I also understand that for most people sex is a huge part of a relationship. It’s the closest one can physically be with another human being and that’s so awesome if that is important for you! You need to know about these things in advance so you will know who you can fully be yourself in a romantic relationship and who you can be yourself fully with in a friendship. This is just how I feel as someone who has forced themselves into sexual situations for relationships and it ended up hurting both of us more than if I had told my partner and then we both could’ve made the decisions to either continue to date or just stay really close friends.
And asexual people can be married, have children, have happy fulfilling relationships okay, but it’s just all about finding the right person who you fit with and will accept you no matter what or if they are also asexual or if sex isn’t that big of a need in their lives. For me I can maybe have sex once every year to three years and be totally fine without needing some form of human contact
Re: open relationships - I only ever had once rule, I am number one in any relationship. If there are others, I don't really care, just be honest with me about it. I actually helped my husband's "special friend" to bathe after an injury, he visited her maybe once a month, and I was OK with that. Years later, he found someone younger, I was no longer number 1, and we divorced. My second husband who died recently did NOT believe in open marriage, and I was fine with that too. But this definitely should be addressed pre long term commitment.
I love Sophia and Riley but i miss John and Sam... i cant watch the streams because of timing and work has been crazy... are John and Sam just do streams now?
i’m asexual too and i disclosed it to my partner, but i work similarly to her…. this is a real struggle and it’s so so hard being ace 😢 and it’s rare to find other asexuals you have actual partnership chemistry with just because there’s so few in the first place
also you can’t “treat” asexuality, just as with any orientation… i’ve tried. i’ve even debated going on T, but realized that wouldn’t really change anything either, as i have asexual biological male friends. i relate to desperation. it feels like there’s something missing that delegates you to unworthiness forever.
1st Story: Asexuality is a spectrum. Some love sex, some get physically ill at thought of it. Some enjoy sex, some tolerate it and some hate it.
It sounds like OP's wife is fraysexual, which is part of the Asexual spectrum. They generally enjoy sex with people they don't know, but that attraction decreases the more they get to know each other.
There is more to a relationship than sex, but if one of the partners feels like it is an important part and the other doesn't, then it will bring up problems later on. It's best to end it now.
Hello everybody from Kansas City, Kansas USA
The story with the coach the laws is saying not to move out or it will be seen as abandoning the children and marital home.
Yes only natural sometimes with certain people to say I love you too. Me and my coworkers do that a lot.
I actually could see the friend being a viable option but the wife shouldn't have just dropped it on him like that. She should have said something like "Look I really love you and don't want to lose you. If sex is the big issue, would you be open to me letting you sleep with someone else. We could even have ground rules to limit confusion and protect us both."
9:55 it doesn’t matter if that’s a fear, she tricked him into a marriage with certain expectations only for her to cut it off after 4 years. That’s awful to do to someone.
I know that in modern society, men naving emotions, and emotional needs, is not really considered important. But i am still disappointed in this reaction. Men want to be wanted, in a relationship. Men have just as much of a need to be desired, at least those men looking for a partner for life. How would you feel if you were suddenlt told that the person you loved, that you trusted, enough to get married, was never actually attracted to you? That they have been forcing themselves to have sexwith you. Hen you fi d out they, and their family, knew abojt this for years, and never decided to tell you.
It is a huge betrayal. It means the whole relationship was a lie. She could have been honest, and perhaps looked for an asexual partner herself. Consider a woman who marries a gay man, and he knew he was gay, and not attracted to women, and would take pills once a month to pretend to be interested in sex with her, but never had any interest. Women have needs, and part of those needs are feeling attractive and wanted by their partner. And finding out that partner knowingly hid the truth from her, and married her, to hide their real orientation, is certainly grounds to divorce them. Asexuality is just like that, in this case.
The asexual wife knew she would never be truly interested in sex with this man, and kept trying to draw things out, to make him wait,thinking that if she kept things going this way, for long enough, it wouldn't matter.
It's premeditated. And he really did love her. He has trauma from feeling like this woman he !oved felt like she was being raped every time they bad sex. I don't think anybody here has taken his trauma seriously.
Disappointed but not surprised.
9:22 i understand where they are both coming from, i have empathy for the wife, but for the husbands sanity i think he should get some space,(divorce) imagine being told every time you were sexually active with your partner they felt forced... that would shatter me, make me feel like an abuser, i would have such a hard time even holding their hand after that, how can he continue to live with her after this? And it's also the principal of the fact she lied about her sexuality and practically wasted his time and money with hormone testing and couples therapy etc, when she knew how she felt in the first place, for four years. That's brutal, she may love him but she clearly didn't trust him
15:24 I understand why OP is upset. They were lied to and was shown false expectations in the relationship.
It’s the same if she wasn’t ace but gay.
She can’t force herself to change her sexuality to keep a man. Also, to reduce this whole thing to if you want sex just do it elsewhere.
The problem may have started sex but the big picture is the relationship was started on a lie.
I wonder why she didn’t find another ace person to be with?
First story the wife was setting him up. She would use him sleeping with her friend against him in divorce.
I couldn't stay in a marriage or even relationship without frequent sex
1:42 Idk that it is. This is sexual incompatibility. Like, if your partner came out as gay, what else would you have to talk about? It’s not the most important thing, but accepting this means OP is signing up for a life of little to no sex.
She lied and then just expects him to sleep with her friend.. that’s weird af
As a sex repulsed asexual, I really don't think any of this was fair of the wife in the 1st story. Everyone needs to understand sexual compatibility is really important to maintaining a romantic relationship, and in a lot of ways she took away his autonomy in the relationship by keeping this hidden from him. You need to be up front with potential partners about your view and feelings on sex NO MATTER where you sit on the spectrum. He has the right to feel sex is important to him in a relationship, just as she has the right to not want to participate in sex. You cant have your cake and eat it too. Honestly appalling to just jump him with her friend in their marital bed like it was a non issue and a great solution. Gross.
Oh, but I will say I do appreciate you guys sticking up for the wife in this scenario at the same time! Trying to stick up for an asexual individual in a society that dismisses us is something i dont take for granted, your takes came from a good place.
I'm a woman with a very high libido. I was once in a sexless relationship. It was torturous and traumatic in so many ways. I'm now with someone who is sexually very compatible with me, and it just makes the whole relationship even better.
Sexual compatibility is important. Divorcing before cheating is the right thing to do.
It’s illegal to open someone else’s mail. Doesn’t matter if it’s going to your parents house.
First story: ETA. Wife for not properly communicating at all. Husband for not even trying to work with her and just waited instead. There isn't anything wrong with needing your needs taken care of but dropping the divorce card without even trying to understand the wife's side is what makes him the AH. The Friend, NTA for trying to help, is the AH for volunteering.
Personally don’t think you’re guys take on the first story was the best. Sex is not the only intimacy you can get in a relationship however you cannot fault some one for needing sex in a marriage/relationship it didn’t sound like he wanted it daily which would definitely be asking too much but for him to be lied to the whole relationship then just expected to be ok with the sudden change he had no knowledge of or say in it’s in his court how to proceed and I don’t like you Sophia instantly jumped to faulting him saying he jumped the gun when we have a reference of time that doesn’t make it seem too quick of an action
As Sophia said they are both allowed to have their own needs and wants but the guy is wrong because he didn’t lie the whole relationship about his sexual preferences