The worst part is when people (family & outsiders) tell you how great your mother is, and how grateful you should be so you feel so guilty and crazy for the pain you experienced. I've had rose-tinted glasses for so long, but I would have deep-seated resentment and anger whenever I visited my family of origin.
Omg I soo get this. Everyone thinks my mom is so cute and priceless. She acts in front of others like she’s sweet and she really cares. Not so! She was abusive and narcissistic and she really doesn’t care about them like they think. Show is over once they are out the door. mi·sog·y·nis·tic as well. She’s 98 and age has not humbled her much. I love her because I understand she must of been terribly abused some how. But not a good person to be around if you’re not healed enough. Luckily now I can learn and see my own internal damage from this journey.
Raised by a single raging narcissistic mother. I knew something was not right but nobody I talked to could hear me 🙉 deaf ears and blind eyes 🙈 provided insult to injury growing up in a world where authority was not respected by children. Thankfully the world 🌎 has come together for survivors to connect and de-program the childhood conditiong and re-program respect and self awareness ❣️
At the age of 50, just found out that my mother is a narcissist 😢 and my dad might’ve been one too. My inner child is dying for a warm and loving motherly hug. Started my healing journey and hopefully I can get the peace of mind.
I too am 50 and you could’ve written that about me. My entire life I’ve been searching for someone to give me that motherly love. It’s exhausting. My mother was completely self-absorbed and more concerned about making herself look like an amazing successful person when in reality it was all a façade.
My mother is a narcissist and I've been begging her for love as long as I can remember. I'm sick of letting it ruin my adult life, thank you so much for being here for us and for telling me what I needed to hear.
Okay you're an adult now and you have resources available to you that were not available to your mother while she was parenting you. There is a embarrassment of riches of online experts in their field talking about all this stuff, there is a plethora of insight that parents of yesteryear just didn't have so start owning your own stuff.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 you wrote all that just to prove that you lack the ability the reader. unfortunate you’d project in a youtube comment section.
Hey, I feel you.. I have the same scene too… I am slowly climbing that abyss with the help of these videos.. really Terri is very nice and helpful.. ❤I wish we all had a parent this nice for real…I am finally realizing what I missed and trying to grey the present and ignore all that Shiite coming my way
I needed this, desperately. I'm 37 and my mother still effects me to this day. I went limited contact a few years ago. Im to the point of cutting off all contact with her completely. It's a heartbreaking, life-impacting thing to have a mean, delusional, gossiping "mother" Prayers for all of you that have found yourselves here ❤
I’m 29 years old and I’m just learning that my mother’s been abusing me and my siblings for our entire lives. I can’t stop crying. It’s so traumatizing you realize that the person who was supposed to protect you is the person who has been harming you all along. My mom would put us down and belittle us and make fun of us. My mother used to call me fat and ugly and make fun of me to my siblings. If I cried, she called me “too sensitive”. She always made me do what she didn’t want to do and would say “If you don’t do this then you don’t love me” and we were forced to do so many things.
I can relate to that 😢😢that just was my mom i don't consider her as my mother to me is the apposite she called me skinny ugly unworth living she wished i was never born
@@user-q2Rftt8Actually we do choose our parents on the other side before we are born into this current incarnation. I have chosen to reincarnate many times and I choose my mother in this life to learn how to stand up for myself. In my prior life, I chose a mother who died in childbirth when I was young. I have chosen @busive parents in my other past life as well. When I first heard about this, I thought no way, but as I have gotten older and had many dreams about my past lives, I have found this to be true. The soul can chose all sorts of hardships in varying degrees, to learn from when we are here on this earth. For example, a soul could choose an easy life or a hard one, or a life that’s easy at first, but hard later, or vice versa, a life that’s hard at first but easy later, like my current life now. There can be repeated themes that a soul chooses to endure through many incarnations to grow and learn. Blessings.
Knowing that healing is possible, lifted a the weight of an elephant off my chest. I can... breathe without wanting to cry, for the first time in the longest time. I hope my fellow hurting sisters can find the same relief. I will do my best to pass on this message. Thank you Terri, I love you. x
Thanks so much, Terri. I burst out crying while watching it - I am 43, and really feel lonely. I’ve known for several years that my Dad was/is emotionally unavailable but as for my mother, it’s clicked just recently that I was her emotional support in my childhood. Many of my friends were like her - i was their psychologist and when they healed, they left me. Now it’s time to leave this pattern behind and start something new.
THANKS So Much.... I'm Currently 61 yrs old. w/ 3 Grown Kids.. ( I Raised Them Alone) & I Was NOT MY MOM ❤ My Mom Left Me When I was 5 , Signed Me Off To My Father & His Young Pregnant Wife.... ‼️ IT WAS ACTUALLY THE BEST THING THAT Could EVER HAVE Happened To ME 💕 (Not Knowing That Then)😮 My Mom is Still Alive - She's 85 Yr Old & I Have Always Just Accepted That She WAS NOT Or ( Obviously) NEVER Going To Be A GOOD Caring Mom.. But I'm Not Really Sure if it's Because All My Children Are Out of The House or Maybe It's My Age 😅 🤷 But I Find Myself Constantly Ruminating About Her & Getting Really Bummed 😢.. But Why Now , I thought I Had FULLY Accepted This.. lol Sorry For the Long Post. YOU Are Simply An Amazing Woman 💯🤩
I could never find a mother's day card. All of them said things like "You're so helpful, caring,loving, there for me, and on and on. I would be lieing if I sent her one of those cards. I am 46 years old and have just now ended all contact with my mother. I now know she only cares about herself. She has always cared only for herself. It took me 46 years to realize she never loved me and she is a horrible vulgar woman.
Same! I would always get the simplest one I could find, because the majority of them described a relationship that I never knew with my mother, and I'm not one to lie about something that has affected me so much. It's nice to see I'm not alone in this.
This is very hard. Calling out the narcissistic mother has repercussions. It is better to move in silence and move out and move on, and setting up boundaries. Take heart. Things will get better.
I agree with comment above. I have gone no contact with mother and my minion siblings. I have had to grieve, feel the anger and sadness. But sfter 60 years and attracting narc partners in my life, I finally figured it put. Its tough, but the journey is enriching and we are strong enough to survive snd thrive. 🤗😅
In my religion, cutting out blood relatives is forbidden. Also, having the mentality of cutting everyone out will leave us with no one in our lives. I think the matter depends on the closeness of the relationship and the circumstances. In my case, if it’s a non-essential relationship, I generally move out in silence. If it’s an essential relationship, I distance myself and put up boundaries. Also, in my experience now, and having had the time to reflect, I realize that most people are not narcissistic. Rather, they have narcissistic ways of dealing with and reacting to problems. We all have some of these qualities. Anyway, I just wanted to put the message out there that cutting everyone out has not been the answer for me. It took a lot of inner work to overcome my own codependency. Now that I have a better grip on that, other people’s behavior has a less impact on me. Also, prayer is essential for safety. Hope this message helps someone.
I wanted to come back here and update further because I am on a path of truth and recovery, and this requires me to speak the truth. As I mentioned earlier, cutting out people has not been, and is not, I believe, the answer. Rather, it is to look at our own actions and reflect upon ourselves. As I said before, most people are not narcissists, rather they have narcissistic ways of dealing with things. Often, this happens in response to something in our own behavior, because we too have narcissistic tendencies, as everyone does. The best action is to correct oneself instead of trying to call others out. There is a time and a place where calling others out is appropriate, but that is almost always in the minority of times. Majority of the time, the correct answer is to correct oneself. This is a long and humbling process, and really takes an honest heart to be able to look at something and realize honestly within ourselves where we went wrong and how we had contributed to the situation. Often, correcting that aspect alone resolves the situation. Life is a difficult and humbling journey, and often the problem and solution starts and ends with us. I’m not speaking about situations where flagrant abuse is going on, rather about situations where we are equal actors and players. So, take heart and do the right thing. It is hard, sometimes very hard, but it does lead to the peace and harmony that we all so desperately seek.
I am now at the forgiving stage at the age of 69. My narc mother is 96 and totally dependent on me. Life is so absurd. I hope she rests in peace soon so that I can have a few years of emotional freedom. Women have the power to save or ruin the world with their behavior toward their children 😢
The gap between the way you wished you were loved and how you actually were treated is directly proportional to the depth of love that you feel both then and now. You are not too sensitive. You are simply more so
Growing up I thought I was the only one with a mommie dearest 👀 I'm surprised to learn how many narcissistic mothers there are in the world. Prayers of Peace & Healing for all survivors of parental mistreatment 💗🙏🏼🕊️
@1:09 admit it is true @2:26 Questioning @4:47 mourning /give up the idea that she will change @10:20 3 Qs *who does this person remind me of? Where have I felt like this before? Why is that dynamic familiar to me?
I realized my mother was a cover narcissist when she was in her death bed. I finally had the talk with her and told her that she had been very critical and mean to me but that I forgave her. She passed away a week later. It was like she was waiting for us to open up to each other so that she could transition. But it still hurt and I am working on myself to overcome my mother wound and the painful marriage I had with a real narcissist. I deserve to heal. I deserve to be loved and respected by my siblings and my next partner.
Living with a Mother Wound is so hard. I’m a 33 yr old mom to 3 boys and 1 girl. There are moments when I hear my mother in me when parenting my own children. Even though I feel guilty and shameful afterwards. I try to give myself grace knowing that I’m aware of it, and taking accountability for it and acknowledging it with my kiddos. It’s hard raising them knowing that my inner child is still needing to be fulfilled. I’m blessed that I have a husband who’s understanding and willing to be on this journey with me 🥹💜
The word mother is always associated with a feeling of warmth and nurturing. I envy my friends because I have actually seen their close bond and even when she scolds them it's ok because she always has that loving tone. Whereas my mother has always insulted and humiliated me, she says the most hurtful things, I don't think I have ever been hurt this way by anyone even during the worst fights of my life.
Thank you so much for this video I needed to hear this! Especially me being a pregnant first time mom with a daughter! I definitely do not want to continue this painful cycle. IT STOPS WITH ME!
The predators are laying in wait for the wounded women I want to heal my innerchild so much, this episode is most helpful, your mssg of empowerment is appreciated.
'You did not deserve that shit!' I have wounds to heal for sure.. But thank you for making this journey way less intimidating and for reminding us how capable and resilient we are!
my inner child was seen and i was allowed to cry. i went no contact 2 years ago because i just couldnt take it anymore after i was ruined financially because of them. i’ve had a hard time bouncing back because i don’t have anyone in my life i can go to for anything. but i remembered that growing up i did everything for myself that i wish was done for me and how can i not love myself for that?!?! thank you for this video 🖤 i hope to attract more women like me who just want to love and be loved 🥰
I can not stress enough your gift to those of us with mothers who have inflicted damage. Permission to be whole and to heal. Wow. It's like seeing and hearing for the first time. Pure joy. Thank you.
I am so honored by your kind words, this made my day! I'm holding space for you, you matter and you absolutely have permission to heal and have healthy love.
Wow! I love this! Thank you so much!!!! I've seen therapist before, but they never explain things like this. I have a mother wound and couldn't figure how to process my emotions and pain in a healthy way. This definitely helps!!!!! Thank you so much again!!!
Growing up... I adapted Nick and Sharon from the Young and the Restless as my parents. I even wrote their names on a paper and submitted it to my teacher. I always wonder why I did it. Funny enough I used to watch the show (idk y I was allowed) and now I see y I liked them and y I'd wish for them to be my parents. The power of the subconscious. Thanks Terri.
My mother died when i was 1 year old. took me a while to admit that i have a mother wound, even though it wasn’t her fault. Thanks for the video, i feel like i can begin healing now.
Wow thank you so nuch for this video you brought me to tears!! Wow you have 💯 my whole life w my hurtful mother and to this day it is still going on I am done and going thru such a huge healing!!! In the name of Jesus AMEN 🙌🌱💫✨🙏
I'm blown away!!! You really know how to get to the root of trauma. It's deeper than depression, deeper than anxiety deeper than ptsd suicide and so on. These type of issues are very crippling. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
Absolutely mind blown! Literally had an epiphany during this video. Had to stop to breath then finished watching. So deep! So simply explained! Thank you! Loving you back, beautiful soul! 💗💗💗
The "gleeful" story of humiliation! My mother started mine when I was three days old, and she took me home from the hospital and started feeding me on a strict schedule, with strictly-rationed amounts. (This all changed to complete on-demand feeding when my brothers were born.) For the rest of her life, she would always relish telling anyone who'd listen about how I'd cry even after feeding (hmmm, maybe I wanted touch or attention?) and how she called the pediatrician and he said, "She's just a greedy little pig." Sixty years later, I wondered whether he had ever said that at all.
What a nutcase not to feed her own newly born child. “Greedy little pig” for a child?! Wtf. She has a scarcity mindset and is frustrated she can’t provide you with what you needed. She’s embarrassed by her own incompetence as a mother. I hope you know you were totally wronged in the stupidest manner in this situation. Please don’t react in any embarrassed way of she brings that up again. It’s not even funny, just stupid- displaying her own incompetence and stupidity like that
Thank you Terri for this wonderful therapy session 😉. It is indeed a hard path I am on. Both parents narcissistic mean mentally ill abusers/users. And 3 brothers that I also had to cut all contact with as they were very irrespectful, mean and verbally abusive too. But God sent me those unbalanced people so I can evolve and become the best version of myself and mostly so I can love myself! I am now almost 60 yrs old, and I have healed I would say at 75%. For now, I feel there will always be a part of me that wishes that things would have been different. My old - and soon to die - mother is the worst of all. She has been dividing everyone in the « family » so she can control us better. She is continually doing a smear campaign on all of us. I have removed myself completely from her life since July 2023 and in a lot of ways feel so much better. I fo not miss her at all. I am grateful for God’s help and support in that transition. I know he has sent you again today- I had discovered you many years ago. God bless you Terri!
I have accepted that my mother did the best that she knew how. I just went through some of the biggest challenges in my life and I trusted my mother-in-law to support me, but she chose her children’s well being over mine. I guess I wanted to find a new mother figure.
OMG. This is sooo good & helpful. I am mid way to this video & replaying each line may be 3-4 times ........ At 45 its such a profound realisation...... & now clearly seeing & finally ACCEPTING.... (coming from Indian society where moms are worshipped) what I mess I have been over all these years ....what toxic people was I attracting, What had I made of myself...... how I hated myself & manifested Ezcema, Narcissist Husband ........ all for have an unloving & highly critical mom & an emotionally absent dad as a child. I want to really heal. Heal for myself & my kids.
I don’t know how to thank you except to say thank you, thank you, thank you for the explanation of a mother wound and that I need to take a look at all conflicts with family brothers, sisters and my mother in that light. It is such an emotional realization. ❤️
It is emotional. But letting go is liberating. Not allowing myself to be manipulated and used. There's a part of me that wants to scorn her and a part of me that wants her to figure it out on her own
I lost my beloved mother at age 8. I have lots of wounds & grievances from my blood aunts and grandmother. I just had an epiphany that I think this wound belongs to them, my desired 2nd mothers. I'm 34 and it is soo heavy going through these wounds & several others. You're doing God's work, thank you. I've shared this with an online support group of MDs, motherless daughters, particularly loss at an early age 🙏💓
Yeah where I felt that the other elders take the responsibility to take over the mothering role when she passed on and they did not. How do we give it to ourselves?
I'm so glad to have found this series. I have kids I absolutely love to pieces, but given my wounds,I often worry that ok going to mess up my relationships with my kids and husband. I know I'm too critical, and I try not to be. I hope to continue to grow in understanding of all of this. I do wish I could "stop the dance" with my mom and heal, avoid those repeating realities.
I came to this realisation about 2 months ago. Has been hard to process and now navigating this new relationship with her and set boundaries for myself
This video had me tearing up because it spoke to my soul. I needed to hear that I am loveable. My mom was a jehovah's witnesses who refused blood to my brother and sister and they passed away!
Lu’n the comments, just remember your needs weren’t met or you were treated the way you were because they never received it either. Your parents were programmed and conditioned the same as you. You’re a little sponge between the ages of 0-7 and you take everything in - your parents are mostly 18 onwards, doing the best they could with what their parents showed them. My parents would have been conditioned by parents who grew up in the 1920s and 1930 so you can kinda see what’s happened. You’re here to change all that, break the conditioning and love - well done you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Thank you so much for this. Wow this makes sense why when I got a mentor and started reading books of the women I admire, my mother lost her cool because “she’s enough for me” 🙄 here’s to continuing to mother myself 🙋🏾♀️
Thank you for posting this! I wish I had seen it sooner. I’ve felt guilty for keeping my children away from some family members and keeping my distance. Now I feel free and know deep down I’ve made the right choices for my family. I just wish I had made them a lot sooner. ❤️
A few days ago my bio"logical" mother blamed my husband for my anxiety and panic attacks (when he is the only reason I have my sanity still) that I get whenever I talk to her and told him that I was born like this! The irony is, we are 2 sisters both with anxiety, both have gone seeking professional help!! P. S I am so thankful for this video,so eye-opening and releafing. From now on I'll try and be the good mother to myself :) thank you once again ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much! These specific mother wound videos came up on my home page the very day my mother was being hurtful and mean. I’m almost 50, and it hasn’t ended. I’ve been exposed to this all my life. 😞😢
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending love your way ❤️ (I have a few new mother wound episodes coming out next month, so stay tuned in these were helpful!)
At 62 I still find myself looking for my mothers acknowledgment and recognition😢😢 yearning for her love and compassion. She was abandoned by her mom, and I’ve tried talking to her and acknowledge her pain, but damn I’m the daughter, and I desperately need my momma😭😭
This helped me reaffirm and understand some of my mother’s issues that still affect me somehow at almost 50 years old. I have started to speak up for myself to my mother and have gotten some apologies. I wish you could be my therapist Terri Cole, not many therapists speak so clearly, directly with pure empathy , engagement and love you have! Thank you eternally!
I protect my kids from my mother because everything you said. And she does turn on them like she did me. As long as I do good she's in my corner. Once I make a mistake she doesn't know me or she calls me sensitive, unacceptable
God Thank you! You have said what has been going around in my head for the past 40+ years. After the beatings from my brother who was 8 years older than me ...for 3 years I was beaten constantly starting at 10 yo ... my mother encouraged it...denied it when I told her about the beatings ..and yes, was gleeful about it. Thank you for your series. I will be watching and healing myself. The repeating realities are drowning me at my career and work.
Oh wow not only a beautiful lady but helping so many of us which we are so grateful for and thank you 🙏🫠🤞🩷 I am 62 and never knew what the behaviour was. I am in therapy now to heal from parents who unilaterally signed surety for 4 million 😮 for blue eyed boy who was entitled & manipulated them to the extent that he left them penniless. My mother refuses to acknowkedge & apologise to me (I am eldest) but she told her hairdresser I did warn them. I will forever be shocked at his outrageous spending (not even his own money) & they refused to see any of it. Our preacher's wife came to see me to tell me she was caught in his "web" as well. I will heal but will be in shock forever ... thank you so much & God bless you 🩷🩷🩷
Can you just be my mom ?! Lmao. Thank you so much for the videos you post. I’m unable to afford insurance or trauma therapy out of pocket, so these really help me. You’re a freakin rockstar for helping so many people ❤️ I can’t say thanks enough!
The most confusing thing about having a narcisstic mother is that your mother and your sibling's mother are two different people. I am a middle child of my parents and since my childhood have been the ostracised one in the family, like I loved doing makeup but I was repeatedly caught in the act and then the incidents were told to the male members of the family again and again so that I was feeling embarassed enough..I remember once I wanted to get a haircut so bad because everyone in the school was having it but ended up being beaten up for it and my hairs asymetrically cut by my mother and how my mother still proudly recounts this story as something she did to discipline the revolting girl in me..I also recall how my mother on more than one ocassion use to shame me as being the prostitute of the family because I loved to take care of myself and loved makeup, how she always use to say that I would end up bringing shame to the family by eloping with a guy before high school as I loved clicking pictures of me..I remembered if I ever spoke against her to my brother or father she used to comment that I had illicit relations with them so they were listening to me..I remember once I talked back to her and she threw hot tea to my face and then got ready and went to office as I writhed and cried in pain..still I think that I am really lucky to have a mother who educated me and made me self sufficient..the irony !!
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ If you haven't seen it, I do have a video on family systems where narcissism is present: ruclips.net/video/2lQkcu5bDVg/видео.html This might help shed light on why you felt like your siblings got a different version of your mother.
It is so hard to accept and realise how I was treated. I remember mother saying to me don't call me mum call me my first name!! 😮what kind of mother does that!! I love hearing my son call me mummy. Thank goodness for my mother in law who mother's me❤ thank you for your videos! Really eye opening.
Thank you 🙏 I’ve tried my whole life to be so different from my mother with raising my children and look back today and see so many experiences where I was. I believe this is a hey I’ve built so many unhealthy relationships with people.
I just found your channel yesterday by accident and have never heard of a mother wound thank you for making these videos and for giving people a path to understanding and healing from their trauma
@@terri_cole me too because you are literally saving my life and my mind right now.. I had no idea that I was going through all of this and now I’m going to find a therapist and get the help that I need and this gives me a place to start.. I’ve been listening to you at work all day.. I have ADHD and am an only child.. my mother was so overbearing and controlling and emotionally unavailable and immature.. I have so many issues with how I view myself because of that very low self worth and self esteem need to be perfect etc.. but thanks to you I can find a way to heal and I do realize that it’s not my mothers fault because she didn’t have that love and affection she needed as a child growing up and neither did her mother so it’s definitely generational trauma and I’m going to work on things within myself so that I can be a better me for myself and for my bonus daughter.. so thank you also you voice is very soothing so it makes it easy to listen to you :) hope you’re well
I am so glad to hear my videos have been this helpful to you, Lauren, and I am also glad to hear you're looking for a therapist to get the help you need and deserve ❤️❤️
I just find out about your videos and I release that you are the mother the kind and compassionate one that im craving 😢i feel so much love in your eyes just no word would describe it❤
Not getting that mother love is so devastating. It’s so hard to wrap my head around, especially being an empath and a mother myself. I just don’t understand. My therapist says it’s like trying to tell someone with no legs to walk. She doesn’t have the ability. Doesn’t make it any easier. I find that in my no contact time, I hope she will miss me. But I remember (and thanks to your videos), she likely is trying to destroy my character with the rest of the family. I’m no contact with all of them. I’ve always despised the letter exercise, but today I hear it. I’ll try it and burn it. I believe my mother is a malignant narcissist.
Also, wow. I hadn’t finished watching. I am evicting my mother from my head and my verbiage. I just had this realization last night!! I needed to hear this so much! It’s not me. A lot of these things/traits/coping mechanisms are not me. They are what I learned. And I can learn something different. I don’t want to do to my kids a fraction of the harm my mother and family did to me. I don’t want to cause them any harm. I want the positive experience with my kids I never had.
Right on! And I am holding space for your devastation ❤️ Mother wounds can be incredibly painful. I hope you give the letter exercise a try and that it helps. ❤️ I also have another version of how to heal the mother wound here: ruclips.net/video/v49HSYIDLVg/видео.html
Very helpful and appreciated. I am in therapy now for a couple of years and it has been established that my mother was one of the 6% of the population - and suffered narcissistic personality disorder - and I wore blinders my entire life - trying new strategies to make things better - until she threw me into the trench, full abandonment, when I challenged her (finally) because at 97 - after my stepfather passed away - she surrounded herself with sycophants who were ripping her off and I worried for her health and safety. One of them sent me his naked photograph and when I protested - she accused me - falsely - of attempting suicide and I was trucked off to Bellevue to prove my sanity. Then she wouldn't see me unless I went to a psychiatrist and became a "properly medicated: Stepford Daughter - and she had her attorney and she herself kept trying to intervene to see of medication was being prescribed. Luckily for me the psychiatrist I see was ethical enough to prevent their meddling and not answer their questions - and it was obvious to him that no medication was needed. I am putting forth so much detail so others can see how bad it can get - despite (and becoming enmeshed was my own fault since my brother and father had died and I was afraid) serving her needs my whole life. So healing seems an uphill battle at times - and emotionally difficult - but worth doing - because I would like to know what it feels like to be loved and to love. I would like that in my life.
If parents can't be good parents, they have no business having children My mother was extremely emotionally abusive to me as a child and continues many of the same behaviors. I will accept that she had no business having me. But I forgive her for her poor choices. I am mourning the loss of a mother I never had. Now, I am healing these wounds.
I guess almost all of us repeat our patterns as they are subconsciously embedded/ transferred from one generation to another. That's why it's also said, "History keeps repeating itself but man never learns from it". But maybe "History repeats itself so that we become more aware of our subconscious, our collective unconscious ". Thank you so much for your messages.😊🙏
I felt like my mother loved me. She was brought up in an orphanage n the early 1900’s, and her parents were alive. I suspect she did not know how to cherish her children. I believe that’s why I spent Monday thru Fridays at the baby sitter. I was so, so lonely and scared. I was quiet and scorned by the baby sitter. I was faithfully whipped on Tuesday morning by the other baby sitter. Finally the 3rd lady told my mom I wasn’t sleeping at night. My mom told the Dr. He told my mom to stop leaving me at the baby sitters by the week. That’s how I got rescued.
I never had kids because of what they did to me. As a kid, I knew that history repeats itself and I couldn't take the chance of doing something fucked up to my kids, so I never had any. And I was right to do so because my sister has 3 kids and she did to them what my mom and dad both did to us. She took on both roles and her oldest hasn't talked to her in nearly 5 years because he was sick of her drama. That could've been me had I had kids. So glad I never had any. That has been the best decision I've ever made in my life. By far.
Amen!! I did the same thing because I knew I didn’t want my kids hating me... thought process way back when. It was a good choice for me. Now that I’m older it’s crazy how this mother wound does in fact impact me and I have had zero contact with her for years. Zero contact since I was a young teenager.
I am almost 50 and I never had kids either. And never married because I kept choosing the wrong man-children. Many say I’m patient, stern yet loving and would of been a great mom. Sometimes I think about adopting an older child or teen but I’ve never been financially or relationship wise Stable enough so I’m not hard on myself. Just wasn’t meant to be I guess or not in the Universe’s plan. But I still believe one day I will marry someone who is ready for a serious and loving relationship.
My mother was at university when she had me, so I was only with her for a week before going home to my dad and nannies. I have never been close to her, and she was so cruel to me when I was growing up. I was an orphan with two living parents. At least my dad showed me love and was kind otherwise, my mother and siblings would have broken my spirit. It is frankly disturbing how gleefully she abused and tortured me: her little punching bag. I mourn that poor, helpless, neglected little girl that grew up steeped in such a toxic pit of despair. I wish I knew how to help her then. And now.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and I'm sending love your way ❤️ Mourning is an important step in the process of healing. I think you know how to help that little girl now- that's why you're here. ❤️ I have a playlist with more mother wound content- if you feel ready, there are guides you can download for each video that will walk you through steps you can take to heal. ruclips.net/p/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk If you're not ready, that's okay to honor, too.
Thank you! I literally have experienced all of those same reality repeats... and what rings especially true to my heart is when you said if you’ve become a mother yourself you begin to know and realize it all... since I became a mother what I experienced is that I started to question my own childhood experiences and started to see them in better light, and at the same time also my very “previous” friendships started to have problems and crash down because they have really just been the same kind of relationships with my mother, and since I started to realize my mother wounds and start healing, the wrong relationships/friendships also went away. It’s never easy to lose friends but I guess it’s inevitable for the process of healing as well. I hope like you said we’ll become better mothers ourselves along this healing process.
Finally watched the mother wound video. Some of the comments about being reparented, self compassion, etc made me tear up. I definitely figured I had one, but my mother is a covert narc. I am actually a two year old teacher, but I am by far the hardest on myself. I couldn’t imagine cussing at one of my kids no matter how they drive me crazy, but I do it to myself all the time. There’s such a big disconnect for me. But I guess I need to allow myself to see my worth as a human of unconditional love, etc. I am definitely conflicted and working on these things. Thank you for these videos. I actually have a BS in psych.
Letting go of the attachment to wanting her to change feels so hard but also clearly such a necessary part of this process. It’s coming to terms with that emptiness that shows up in that letting go of my attachment to her…the grief you mentioned. And I feel a freedom in that. The emptiness is the space in which I’m recreating myself. Very helpful video. Thank you.
My situation is unusual because my mother didn’t becoming a raging narcissist until after she retired and I got a chronic illness that disabled me. She is 89 and I’m 66 and this problem started about 11 years ago. I can see hints of her narcissism throughout my life with her but she was mostly a good supportive mother who is now a monster. I had no idea she was narcissistic, but she started to behave in ways I didn’t understand that made me baffled “who is this woman and what happened to my real mother?” I gradually learned her narcissism had become full blown. Now she is old old and needs me more but the trauma she has caused me in the last 11 years with her unexpected outbursts of rage combined with my fragile nervous system due to my chronic illness has rendered me unable to see her. She doesn’t understand it because anytime I’ve tried to explain what she’s done to alienate me causes her to become enraged and scream at me that she never did or said those things. So all she feels is rejected by my avoidance of her and I feel so obligated to help her in her old age but at the same time I literally can’t bear to be with her. So I feel completely stuck in a bind that is torturing me. I finally found a therapist but 45 mins a week is not enough support. There was a recent crisis with her that has completely traumatized me so I’m listening to all these videos on RUclips which are helping validate my feelings. My boyfriend and brother are supportive which also helps. Thank you for your videos, they are very helpful.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending strength and love your way ❤️ I believe all adult relationships are voluntary and if a parent is causing immense pain, you do not have to maintain contact with them. I know it is painful because you feel like you need to be there for them as they age (and you are so not alone here!), but if aliens abducted you tomorrow, then what would your mother do? Would your brother step in? You are doing the right thing by putting yourself and your health first. ❤️
My mother has had a traumatic brain injury my entire life which causes her to not be able to empathize with others or emotionally connect. It’s been a long journey because I haven’t met another person in my situation but thank you so much for making your worksheets available and helping us heal this nasty mother wound ❤️
FINALLY something really helpful. Most specialists go on and on analysing or describing the problem in depth, and then they describe their own traumatic experiences or other people's experiences (the experiences of their clients usually) in great detail, but they somehow never offer any serious solutions even if they assure you they have healed themselves and all their clients now feel better. Vague clichés like "so start loving yourself more" (but how?) are usually the most you get after 30 minutes of opening old wounds. Your words really touched my heart, and gave me specific answers and directions, thank you!!
If we are better now that will somehow change things .. wow that really resonated with me .. I’ve been in therapy for a few years .. I really thought if I healed myself .. my mother and I could have the relationship I always yearned for .. I was holding so tightly to that belief because letting go means I have nothing ( it’s always just me and her ) I don’t other family members.
I was reduced to nothing, humiliated beyond measure, isolated from the society by slandering my name, from both my parents when I was only working for THIER happiness for 25 years and sacrificed my own dreams. I still have contact against my wishes but I cannot let them take away more of my birth rights.
Thank you so much Terri for your sincere efforts in helping people like me who were terribly impacted by narcissistic mother and infected with severe mother wounds. I'm turning 37 this year and it is just recently i learned and understand through watching your videos what i have been through in my dark past with my narcissistic mother. I am starting healing myself now and i realized that its not easy, its very difficult picking up the broken pieces of my life because i really was broken into pieces severely because of what i experienced with my narcissistic mother. I want to say that, i can feel the sincerity, the genuineness of your efforts in helping individuals like me. I love your videos.Thank you so much Terri!
The worst part is when people (family & outsiders) tell you how great your mother is, and how grateful you should be so you feel so guilty and crazy for the pain you experienced. I've had rose-tinted glasses for so long, but I would have deep-seated resentment and anger whenever I visited my family of origin.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️ It is painful when people do not understand and say you should be grateful.
Omg I soo get this. Everyone thinks my mom is so cute and priceless. She acts in front of others like she’s sweet and she really cares. Not so! She was abusive and narcissistic and she really doesn’t care about them like they think. Show is over once they are out the door. mi·sog·y·nis·tic as well. She’s 98 and age has not humbled her much. I love her because I understand she must of been terribly abused some how. But not a good person to be around if you’re not healed enough. Luckily now I can learn and see my own internal damage from this journey.
Raised by a single raging narcissistic mother. I knew something was not right but nobody I talked to could hear me 🙉 deaf ears and blind eyes 🙈 provided insult to injury growing up in a world where authority was not respected by children. Thankfully the world 🌎 has come together for survivors to connect and de-program the childhood conditiong and re-program respect and self awareness ❣️
At the age of 50, just found out that my mother is a narcissist 😢 and my dad might’ve been one too. My inner child is dying for a warm and loving motherly hug. Started my healing journey and hopefully I can get the peace of mind.
I'm so sorry you had this experience, Susan. ❤️ I am witnessing you with compassion and cheering you on along your healing journey!
Me too Susan. I’m almost 60. Xx
I’m so sorry Susan. I was 55 when I learned my mother was narcissistic. It was a shock. I pray you and I find the strength to heal ourselves.
❤❤❤❤❤sending love and support
I too am 50 and you could’ve written that about me. My entire life I’ve been searching for someone to give me that motherly love. It’s exhausting. My mother was completely self-absorbed and more concerned about making herself look like an amazing successful person when in reality it was all a façade.
The inner child is still looking for her mother. I wish you were my mother. I'm sure life would have been totally different ^ ,^
I'm witnessing you with deep compassion.
@@terri_cole This comment just made me cry. You are unbelievable and you know exactly what you are talking about!
I feel the exact same way!
Be the mother your inner child wants or bring Terri cole in and give you little girl allllll the love it’s possible Nd she will heal
@@anufdo9554 yes !
My mother is a narcissist and I've been begging her for love as long as I can remember. I'm sick of letting it ruin my adult life, thank you so much for being here for us and for telling me what I needed to hear.
Okay you're an adult now and you have resources available to you that were not available to your mother while she was parenting you. There is a embarrassment of riches of online experts in their field talking about all this stuff, there is a plethora of insight that parents of yesteryear just didn't have so start owning your own stuff.
@@formerfundienowfree4235 you wrote all that just to prove that you lack the ability the reader. unfortunate you’d project in a youtube comment section.
@@dreamkitty thank you
My dad was a narcissist it deff effected my parenting I hope you heal God bless
Hey, I feel you.. I have the same scene too… I am slowly climbing that abyss with the help of these videos.. really Terri is very nice and helpful.. ❤I wish we all had a parent this nice for real…I am finally realizing what I missed and trying to grey the present and ignore all that Shiite coming my way
I needed this, desperately. I'm 37 and my mother still effects me to this day. I went limited contact a few years ago. Im to the point of cutting off all contact with her completely. It's a heartbreaking, life-impacting thing to have a mean, delusional, gossiping "mother" Prayers for all of you that have found yourselves here ❤
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love your way ❤️
I’m 29 years old and I’m just learning that my mother’s been abusing me and my siblings for our entire lives. I can’t stop crying. It’s so traumatizing you realize that the person who was supposed to protect you is the person who has been harming you all along. My mom would put us down and belittle us and make fun of us. My mother used to call me fat and ugly and make fun of me to my siblings. If I cried, she called me “too sensitive”. She always made me do what she didn’t want to do and would say “If you don’t do this then you don’t love me” and we were forced to do so many things.
I can relate to that 😢😢that just was my mom i don't consider her as my mother to me is the apposite she called me skinny ugly unworth living she wished i was never born
I can relate. It's so sad that we can't choose our parents 😢
@@user-q2Rftt8Actually we do choose our parents on the other side before we are born into this current incarnation. I have chosen to reincarnate many times and I choose my mother in this life to learn how to stand up for myself. In my prior life, I chose a mother who died in childbirth when I was young. I have chosen @busive parents in my other past life as well. When I first heard about this, I thought no way, but as I have gotten older and had many dreams about my past lives, I have found this to be true. The soul can chose all sorts of hardships in varying degrees, to learn from when we are here on this earth. For example, a soul could choose an easy life or a hard one, or a life that’s easy at first, but hard later, or vice versa, a life that’s hard at first but easy later, like my current life now. There can be repeated themes that a soul chooses to endure through many incarnations to grow and learn. Blessings.
Knowing that healing is possible, lifted a the weight of an elephant off my chest. I can... breathe without wanting to cry, for the first time in the longest time.
I hope my fellow hurting sisters can find the same relief. I will do my best to pass on this message.
Thank you Terri, I love you. x
Thanks so much, Terri. I burst out crying while watching it - I am 43, and really feel lonely. I’ve known for several years that my Dad was/is emotionally unavailable but as for my mother, it’s clicked just recently that I was her emotional support in my childhood. Many of my friends were like her - i was their psychologist and when they healed, they left me. Now it’s time to leave this pattern behind and start something new.
I am sorry you experienced this 💕 I am cheering you on as you start something new!
THANKS So Much....
I'm Currently 61 yrs old.
w/ 3 Grown Kids.. ( I Raised Them Alone) & I Was NOT MY MOM ❤
My Mom Left Me When I was 5 , Signed Me Off To My Father & His Young Pregnant Wife.... ‼️
IT WAS ACTUALLY THE BEST THING THAT Could EVER HAVE Happened To ME 💕 (Not Knowing That Then)😮
My Mom is Still Alive - She's 85 Yr Old & I Have Always Just Accepted That She WAS NOT Or ( Obviously) NEVER Going To Be A GOOD Caring Mom.. But I'm Not Really Sure if it's Because All My Children Are Out of The House or Maybe It's My Age 😅 🤷
But I Find Myself Constantly Ruminating About Her & Getting Really Bummed 😢.. But Why Now , I thought I Had FULLY Accepted This.. lol
Sorry For the Long Post.
YOU Are Simply An Amazing Woman 💯🤩
I could never find a mother's day card. All of them said things like
"You're so helpful, caring,loving, there for me, and on and on.
I would be lieing if I sent her one of those cards. I am 46 years old and have just now ended all contact with my mother. I now know she only cares about herself. She has always cared only for herself. It took me 46 years to realize she never loved me and she is a horrible vulgar woman.
I hear you and I am am holding space for you. It is ok to be honest about what you need and what she is and is not capable of.
I have that same struggle.
@@Mulder2032 so many of us do, unfortunately 💕
OMG SAME!!! no Mother's day card could ever describe my mean mama...I always told my cousin this!!
Same! I would always get the simplest one I could find, because the majority of them described a relationship that I never knew with my mother, and I'm not one to lie about something that has affected me so much. It's nice to see I'm not alone in this.
I was screaming crying last night because my narcissistic mother is destroying me and turning everyone against me. It hurts so bad.
This is very hard. Calling out the narcissistic mother has repercussions. It is better to move in silence and move out and move on, and setting up boundaries. Take heart. Things will get better.
I agree with comment above.
I have gone no contact with mother and my minion siblings. I have had to grieve, feel the anger and sadness. But sfter 60 years and attracting narc partners in my life, I finally figured it put.
Its tough, but the journey is enriching and we are strong enough to survive snd thrive. 🤗😅
In my religion, cutting out blood relatives is forbidden. Also, having the mentality of cutting everyone out will leave us with no one in our lives. I think the matter depends on the closeness of the relationship and the circumstances. In my case, if it’s a non-essential relationship, I generally move out in silence. If it’s an essential relationship, I distance myself and put up boundaries. Also, in my experience now, and having had the time to reflect, I realize that most people are not narcissistic. Rather, they have narcissistic ways of dealing with and reacting to problems. We all have some of these qualities. Anyway, I just wanted to put the message out there that cutting everyone out has not been the answer for me. It took a lot of inner work to overcome my own codependency. Now that I have a better grip on that, other people’s behavior has a less impact on me. Also, prayer is essential for safety. Hope this message helps someone.
Welcome to the club
I wanted to come back here and update further because I am on a path of truth and recovery, and this requires me to speak the truth. As I mentioned earlier, cutting out people has not been, and is not, I believe, the answer. Rather, it is to look at our own actions and reflect upon ourselves. As I said before, most people are not narcissists, rather they have narcissistic ways of dealing with things. Often, this happens in response to something in our own behavior, because we too have narcissistic tendencies, as everyone does. The best action is to correct oneself instead of trying to call others out. There is a time and a place where calling others out is appropriate, but that is almost always in the minority of times. Majority of the time, the correct answer is to correct oneself. This is a long and humbling process, and really takes an honest heart to be able to look at something and realize honestly within ourselves where we went wrong and how we had contributed to the situation. Often, correcting that aspect alone resolves the situation. Life is a difficult and humbling journey, and often the problem and solution starts and ends with us. I’m not speaking about situations where flagrant abuse is going on, rather about situations where we are equal actors and players. So, take heart and do the right thing. It is hard, sometimes very hard, but it does lead to the peace and harmony that we all so desperately seek.
me watching as a 23 years old man with bpd. "become a good mother and protect your children from your cluster b mother" 😭
I am now at the forgiving stage at the age of 69. My narc mother is 96 and totally dependent on me. Life is so absurd. I hope she rests in peace soon so that I can have a few years of emotional freedom. Women have the power to save or ruin the world with their behavior toward their children 😢
Im so sorry. My moms 90. Im thankfully 4 states away. I bet its very veey hard being around yours. How are you doin now?
The gap between the way you wished you were loved and how you actually were treated is directly proportional to the depth of love that you feel both then and now. You are not too sensitive. You are simply more so
Growing up I thought I was the only one with a mommie dearest 👀 I'm surprised to learn how many narcissistic mothers there are in the world. Prayers of Peace & Healing for all survivors of parental mistreatment 💗🙏🏼🕊️
I need to heal from this. I want my life back
I have a bunch of videos on my channel about the mother wound that can help: www.youtube.com/@terri_cole/search?query=mother%20wound ❤️
@1:09 admit it is true @2:26 Questioning @4:47 mourning /give up the idea that she will change @10:20 3 Qs *who does this person remind me of? Where have I felt like this before? Why is that dynamic familiar to me?
@14:54 Become the good mother to yourself @16:30 Find a good and kind mentor
I realized my mother was a cover narcissist when she was in her death bed. I finally had the talk with her and told her that she had been very critical and mean to me but that I forgave her. She passed away a week later. It was like she was waiting for us to open up to each other so that she could transition. But it still hurt and I am working on myself to overcome my mother wound and the painful marriage I had with a real narcissist. I deserve to heal. I deserve to be loved and respected by my siblings and my next partner.
You absolutely deserve those things 💕 I'm glad you were able to have that conversation with your mother before she transitioned.
I forgive my mom and myself. She found her own happiness after the divorce with my father. She has moved on and I move on too. Thank you. 🙏❤️
Wonderful. Thank you for sharing this!!
Thanks. Boys have to deal with this, too.
Living with a Mother Wound is so hard. I’m a 33 yr old mom to 3 boys and 1 girl. There are moments when I hear my mother in me when parenting my own children. Even though I feel guilty and shameful afterwards. I try to give myself grace knowing that I’m aware of it, and taking accountability for it and acknowledging it with my kiddos. It’s hard raising them knowing that my inner child is still needing to be fulfilled. I’m blessed that I have a husband who’s understanding and willing to be on this journey with me 🥹💜
Thank you so much for sharing ❤️ Having that level of self-awareness helps so much!
The word mother is always associated with a feeling of warmth and nurturing. I envy my friends because I have actually seen their close bond and even when she scolds them it's ok because she always has that loving tone. Whereas my mother has always insulted and humiliated me, she says the most hurtful things, I don't think I have ever been hurt this way by anyone even during the worst fights of my life.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Please hold on and know u can do it u r extremely powerful and capable lots of love to ub
Thank you so much for this video I needed to hear this! Especially me being a pregnant first time mom with a daughter! I definitely do not want to continue this painful cycle. IT STOPS WITH ME!
🙌🙌🙌
Sending so much love to all who are healing ❤️
The predators are laying in wait for the wounded women
I want to heal my innerchild so much, this episode is most helpful, your mssg of empowerment is appreciated.
'You did not deserve that shit!'
I have wounds to heal for sure.. But thank you for making this journey way less intimidating and for reminding us how capable and resilient we are!
I'm here for you and cheering you on!!
my inner child was seen and i was allowed to cry. i went no contact 2 years ago because i just couldnt take it anymore after i was ruined financially because of them. i’ve had a hard time bouncing back because i don’t have anyone in my life i can go to for anything. but i remembered that growing up i did everything for myself that i wish was done for me and how can i not love myself for that?!?! thank you for this video 🖤 i hope to attract more women like me who just want to love and be loved 🥰
Thank you for sharing that 💕 What an amazing shift to self-love!
I can not stress enough your gift to those of us with mothers who have inflicted damage. Permission to be whole and to heal. Wow. It's like seeing and hearing for the first time. Pure joy. Thank you.
I am so honored by your kind words, this made my day! I'm holding space for you, you matter and you absolutely have permission to heal and have healthy love.
@@terri_cole iiiioufiy😅😢’m rram zeinb ojobojq i
d ddestauspspmsspa😮c z a xcc,a apadg
This hits deep
Your so great with comforting and validating us ❤❤❤❤❤ thank you terri
I'm so glad to hear that ❤️❤️
Wow! I love this! Thank you so much!!!! I've seen therapist before, but they never explain things like this. I have a mother wound and couldn't figure how to process my emotions and pain in a healthy way. This definitely helps!!!!! Thank you so much again!!!
I am so happy to hear it was helpful to you. You absolutely can process and heal in a healthy way, and I am cheering you on!!
@@terri_cole thank you!!!!
Growing up... I adapted Nick and Sharon from the Young and the Restless as my parents. I even wrote their names on a paper and submitted it to my teacher. I always wonder why I did it. Funny enough I used to watch the show (idk y I was allowed) and now I see y I liked them and y I'd wish for them to be my parents. The power of the subconscious. Thanks Terri.
Roseanne and Dan 😅
My mother died when i was 1 year old. took me a while to admit that i have a mother wound, even though it wasn’t her fault. Thanks for the video, i feel like i can begin healing now.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion, Frederick ❤️
I am over 80 and this has helped to explain a lot! Thank you. X
I am so glad to hear it ❤️ You're so welcome.
Wow thank you so nuch for this video you brought me to tears!! Wow you have 💯 my whole life w my hurtful mother and to this day it is still going on I am done and going thru such a huge healing!!! In the name of Jesus AMEN 🙌🌱💫✨🙏
"We want a do-over." SO TRUE!
I'm blown away!!! You really know how to get to the root of trauma. It's deeper than depression, deeper than anxiety deeper than ptsd suicide and so on. These type of issues are very crippling. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
Absolutely mind blown! Literally had an epiphany during this video. Had to stop to breath then finished watching. So deep! So simply explained! Thank you! Loving you back, beautiful soul! 💗💗💗
Thank you for sharing your epiphany!
The "gleeful" story of humiliation! My mother started mine when I was three days old, and she took me home from the hospital and started feeding me on a strict schedule, with strictly-rationed amounts. (This all changed to complete on-demand feeding when my brothers were born.) For the rest of her life, she would always relish telling anyone who'd listen about how I'd cry even after feeding (hmmm, maybe I wanted touch or attention?) and how she called the pediatrician and he said, "She's just a greedy little pig." Sixty years later, I wondered whether he had ever said that at all.
What a nutcase not to feed her own newly born child. “Greedy little pig” for a child?! Wtf.
She has a scarcity mindset and is frustrated she can’t provide you with what you needed. She’s embarrassed by her own incompetence as a mother. I hope you know you were totally wronged in the stupidest manner in this situation. Please don’t react in any embarrassed way of she brings that up again. It’s not even funny, just stupid- displaying her own incompetence and stupidity like that
My mother lies more than she talks. They just want to mess your brains so they can manage you easier. They want slaves.
Thank you ! I just want to lay down and make myself small , Close to you and listen to Your warm voice . 🙏❤️
Thank you for your kind words and I'm glad it's helpful to you.
Amazing work and message. I feel so seen and validated. Thank you so much!
I'm so glad to hear that, Lisa 💕
Your presence is just so healing. Thank you
Thank YOU!
Thank you Terri for this wonderful therapy session 😉. It is indeed a hard path I am on. Both parents narcissistic mean mentally ill abusers/users. And 3 brothers that I also had to cut all contact with as they were very irrespectful, mean and verbally abusive too. But God sent me those unbalanced people so I can evolve and become the best version of myself and mostly so I can love myself! I am now almost 60 yrs old, and I have healed I would say at 75%. For now, I feel there will always be a part of me that wishes that things would have been different. My old - and soon to die - mother is the worst of all. She has been dividing everyone in the « family » so she can control us better. She is continually doing a smear campaign on all of us. I have removed myself completely from her life since July 2023 and in a lot of ways feel so much better. I fo not miss her at all. I am grateful for God’s help and support in that transition. I know he has sent you again today- I had discovered you many years ago. God bless you Terri!
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and also cheering you on for all the healing you've done, Sylvie ❤️ Amazing!
Nailed it...Repetition of the relationship as either the “perpetrator” or “victim” of the abusive experience.
I have accepted that my mother did the best that she knew how. I just went through some of the biggest challenges in my life and I trusted my mother-in-law to support me, but she chose her children’s well being over mine. I guess I wanted to find a new mother figure.
OMG. This is sooo good & helpful. I am mid way to this video & replaying each line may be 3-4 times ........ At 45 its such a profound realisation...... & now clearly seeing & finally ACCEPTING.... (coming from Indian society where moms are worshipped) what I mess I have been over all these years ....what toxic people was I attracting, What had I made of myself...... how I hated myself & manifested Ezcema, Narcissist Husband ........ all for have an unloving & highly critical mom & an emotionally absent dad as a child. I want to really heal. Heal for myself & my kids.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️ Glad this video is helping you on your journey!
@@terri_cole thanks sooo kind .... I will go thru all your videos 1 by 1 ,...... & work on healing myself.... thank you soo much!
The saddest reality is first thing a human makes relationship is with their mom...and some ppl have the first relationship ever dented!!! For life!!!
So so true, Ambica. Thank you for being here ❤️
I don’t know how to thank you except to say thank you, thank you, thank you for the explanation of a mother wound and that I need to take a look at all conflicts with family brothers, sisters and my mother in that light. It is such an emotional realization. ❤️
It's my pleasure. I'm happy it resonated with you and that you found it helpful.
It is emotional. But letting go is liberating. Not allowing myself to be manipulated and used. There's a part of me that wants to scorn her and a part of me that wants her to figure it out on her own
Thank You - Everything you said my heart needed to hear - Beautiful and powerful video 🙏
Thank you!!! That comment made my day.
TY Terri for sharing your voice, your words and your experiences ❣️ it provides hope, compassion, awareness and healing 🙏🏼🕊️ God Bless
💕💕
Hello. I’m new here.
Thank you, for making these.
Hello and welcome! ❤️
I lost my beloved mother at age 8. I have lots of wounds & grievances from my blood aunts and grandmother. I just had an epiphany that I think this wound belongs to them, my desired 2nd mothers. I'm 34 and it is soo heavy going through these wounds & several others. You're doing God's work, thank you. I've shared this with an online support group of MDs, motherless daughters, particularly loss at an early age 🙏💓
You're welcome. I'm glad it's resonating with you. I'm sending you strength.
@@terri_cole thank you so much 💓
Yeah where I felt that the other elders take the responsibility to take over the mothering role when she passed on and they did not. How do we give it to ourselves?
I'm so glad to have found this series. I have kids I absolutely love to pieces, but given my wounds,I often worry that ok going to mess up my relationships with my kids and husband. I know I'm too critical, and I try not to be. I hope to continue to grow in understanding of all of this. I do wish I could "stop the dance" with my mom and heal, avoid those repeating realities.
I came to this realisation about 2 months ago. Has been hard to process and now navigating this new relationship with her and set boundaries for myself
Way to go on setting boundaries!
Healing your innerchild is so key, tell your innerchild you can and are able to take care of innerchild.
This video had me tearing up because it spoke to my soul. I needed to hear that I am loveable. My mom was a jehovah's witnesses who refused blood to my brother and sister and they passed away!
I'm so so sorry! What did they pass away from...?
😢😢😢wowwwww
Lu’n the comments, just remember your needs weren’t met or you were treated the way you were because they never received it either. Your parents were programmed and conditioned the same as you. You’re a little sponge between the ages of 0-7 and you take everything in - your parents are mostly 18 onwards, doing the best they could with what their parents showed them. My parents would have been conditioned by parents who grew up in the 1920s and 1930 so you can kinda see what’s happened. You’re here to change all that, break the conditioning and love - well done you 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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Thank you so much for this. Wow this makes sense why when I got a mentor and started reading books of the women I admire, my mother lost her cool because “she’s enough for me” 🙄 here’s to continuing to mother myself 🙋🏾♀️
I'm witnessing you and sending you strength.
Thank you for posting this! I wish I had seen it sooner. I’ve felt guilty for keeping my children away from some family members and keeping my distance. Now I feel free and know deep down I’ve made the right choices for my family. I just wish I had made them a lot sooner. ❤️
When we know better, we do better. You did the best you could at the time. Thank you for sharing here, I'm witnessing you with compassion.
Thank you for your kind words. I am enough. I Love deeply❣️
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A few days ago my bio"logical" mother blamed my husband for my anxiety and panic attacks (when he is the only reason I have my sanity still) that I get whenever I talk to her and told him that I was born like this! The irony is, we are 2 sisters both with anxiety, both have gone seeking professional help!!
P. S I am so thankful for this video,so eye-opening and releafing. From now on I'll try and be the good mother to myself :) thank you once again ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing your experience. I hear you and I"m gad the video resonated.
Words cannot explain how grateful I to you for this video. I love you , thank you ❤
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Thank you so much! These specific mother wound videos came up on my home page the very day my mother was being hurtful and mean. I’m almost 50, and it hasn’t ended. I’ve been exposed to this all my life. 😞😢
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending love your way ❤️ (I have a few new mother wound episodes coming out next month, so stay tuned in these were helpful!)
At 62 I still find myself looking for my mothers acknowledgment and recognition😢😢 yearning for her love and compassion. She was abandoned by her mom, and I’ve tried talking to her and acknowledge her pain, but damn I’m the daughter, and I desperately need my momma😭😭
My mother passed away a few months ago This (and the previous video) was so helpful in understanding that I am not alone in my situation. Thank you.
This helped me reaffirm and understand some of my mother’s issues that still affect me somehow at almost 50 years old. I have started to speak up for myself to my mother and have gotten some apologies. I wish you could be my therapist Terri Cole, not many therapists speak so clearly, directly with pure empathy , engagement and love you have! Thank you eternally!
Aw, thank you for your kind words. I am cheering you on to keep speaking up for yourself. I am sending you strength.
I protect my kids from my mother because everything you said. And she does turn on them like she did me. As long as I do good she's in my corner. Once I make a mistake she doesn't know me or she calls me sensitive, unacceptable
I'm holding space for you with so much compassion, Nathalie 💕
God Thank you! You have said what has been going around in my head for the past 40+ years. After the beatings from my brother who was 8 years older than me ...for 3 years I was beaten constantly starting at 10 yo ... my mother encouraged it...denied it when I told her about the beatings ..and yes, was gleeful about it. Thank you for your series. I will be watching and healing myself. The repeating realities are drowning me at my career and work.
Go into therapy, friend. A mother who didn't protect is a very difficult situation to heal from alone. Blessings for healing.
Oh wow not only a beautiful lady but helping so many of us which we are so grateful for and thank you 🙏🫠🤞🩷 I am 62 and never knew what the behaviour was. I am in therapy now to heal from parents who unilaterally signed surety for 4 million 😮 for blue eyed boy who was entitled & manipulated them to the extent that he left them penniless. My mother refuses to acknowkedge & apologise to me (I am eldest) but she told her hairdresser I did warn them. I will forever be shocked at his outrageous spending (not even his own money) & they refused to see any of it. Our preacher's wife came to see me to tell me she was caught in his "web" as well. I will heal but will be in shock forever ... thank you so much & God bless you 🩷🩷🩷
Can you just be my mom ?! Lmao.
Thank you so much for the videos you post. I’m unable to afford insurance or trauma therapy out of pocket, so these really help me. You’re a freakin rockstar for helping so many people ❤️ I can’t say thanks enough!
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The most confusing thing about having a narcisstic mother is that your mother and your sibling's mother are two different people. I am a middle child of my parents and since my childhood have been the ostracised one in the family, like I loved doing makeup but I was repeatedly caught in the act and then the incidents were told to the male members of the family again and again so that I was feeling embarassed enough..I remember once I wanted to get a haircut so bad because everyone in the school was having it but ended up being beaten up for it and my hairs asymetrically cut by my mother and how my mother still proudly recounts this story as something she did to discipline the revolting girl in me..I also recall how my mother on more than one ocassion use to shame me as being the prostitute of the family because I loved to take care of myself and loved makeup, how she always use to say that I would end up bringing shame to the family by eloping with a guy before high school as I loved clicking pictures of me..I remembered if I ever spoke against her to my brother or father she used to comment that I had illicit relations with them so they were listening to me..I remember once I talked back to her and she threw hot tea to my face and then got ready and went to office as I writhed and cried in pain..still I think that I am really lucky to have a mother who educated me and made me self sufficient..the irony !!
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ If you haven't seen it, I do have a video on family systems where narcissism is present: ruclips.net/video/2lQkcu5bDVg/видео.html This might help shed light on why you felt like your siblings got a different version of your mother.
It is so hard to accept and realise how I was treated. I remember mother saying to me don't call me mum call me my first name!! 😮what kind of mother does that!! I love hearing my son call me mummy. Thank goodness for my mother in law who mother's me❤ thank you for your videos! Really eye opening.
I'm so glad you found a mother in your mother-in-law ❤️
Trying to help people, and misunderstandings are the ones that get me into trouble.
Thank you 🙏 I’ve tried my whole life to be so different from my mother with raising my children and look back today and see so many experiences where I was. I believe this is a hey I’ve built so many unhealthy relationships with people.
Thank you for sharing. I hear you and I acknowledge how far you've come.
I just found your channel yesterday by accident and have never heard of a mother wound thank you for making these videos and for giving people a path to understanding and healing from their trauma
I am so glad you found my channel ❤️
@@terri_cole me too because you are literally saving my life and my mind right now.. I had no idea that I was going through all of this and now I’m going to find a therapist and get the help that I need and this gives me a place to start.. I’ve been listening to you at work all day.. I have ADHD and am an only child.. my mother was so overbearing and controlling and emotionally unavailable and immature.. I have so many issues with how I view myself because of that very low self worth and self esteem need to be perfect etc.. but thanks to you I can find a way to heal and I do realize that it’s not my mothers fault because she didn’t have that love and affection she needed as a child growing up and neither did her mother so it’s definitely generational trauma and I’m going to work on things within myself so that I can be a better me for myself and for my bonus daughter.. so thank you also you voice is very soothing so it makes it easy to listen to you :) hope you’re well
I am so glad to hear my videos have been this helpful to you, Lauren, and I am also glad to hear you're looking for a therapist to get the help you need and deserve ❤️❤️
I just find out about your videos and I release that you are the mother the kind and compassionate one that im craving 😢i feel so much love in your eyes just no word would describe it❤
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Thank you, Terri! You are a lifesaver.🙏
April Thompson
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Not getting that mother love is so devastating. It’s so hard to wrap my head around, especially being an empath and a mother myself. I just don’t understand. My therapist says it’s like trying to tell someone with no legs to walk. She doesn’t have the ability. Doesn’t make it any easier. I find that in my no contact time, I hope she will miss me. But I remember (and thanks to your videos), she likely is trying to destroy my character with the rest of the family. I’m no contact with all of them. I’ve always despised the letter exercise, but today I hear it. I’ll try it and burn it. I believe my mother is a malignant narcissist.
Also, wow. I hadn’t finished watching. I am evicting my mother from my head and my verbiage. I just had this realization last night!! I needed to hear this so much! It’s not me. A lot of these things/traits/coping mechanisms are not me. They are what I learned. And I can learn something different. I don’t want to do to my kids a fraction of the harm my mother and family did to me. I don’t want to cause them any harm. I want the positive experience with my kids I never had.
Right on! And I am holding space for your devastation ❤️ Mother wounds can be incredibly painful. I hope you give the letter exercise a try and that it helps. ❤️ I also have another version of how to heal the mother wound here: ruclips.net/video/v49HSYIDLVg/видео.html
Very helpful and appreciated. I am in therapy now for a couple of years and it has been established that my mother was one of the 6% of the population - and suffered narcissistic personality disorder - and I wore blinders my entire life - trying new strategies to make things better - until she threw me into the trench, full abandonment, when I challenged her (finally) because at 97 - after my stepfather passed away - she surrounded herself with sycophants who were ripping her off and I worried for her health and safety. One of them sent me his naked photograph and when I protested - she accused me - falsely - of attempting suicide and I was trucked off to Bellevue to prove my sanity. Then she wouldn't see me unless I went to a psychiatrist and became a "properly medicated: Stepford Daughter - and she had her attorney and she herself kept trying to intervene to see of medication was being prescribed. Luckily for me the psychiatrist I see was ethical enough to prevent their meddling and not answer their questions - and it was obvious to him that no medication was needed. I am putting forth so much detail so others can see how bad it can get - despite (and becoming enmeshed was my own fault since my brother and father had died and I was afraid) serving her needs my whole life. So healing seems an uphill battle at times - and emotionally difficult - but worth doing - because I would like to know what it feels like to be loved and to love. I would like that in my life.
You deserve to love and be loved ❤ Don’t quit!
@@journeywithvanessa Thank you. Still working towards that. Feeling better too.
This is the first thing in months that made me cry (which is a good thing). Thank you for giving me some insights
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This area is some of my most challenging work
If parents can't be good parents, they have no business having children My mother was extremely emotionally abusive to me as a child and continues many of the same behaviors. I will accept that she had no business having me. But I forgive her for her poor choices. I am mourning the loss of a mother I never had. Now, I am healing these wounds.
I guess almost all of us repeat our patterns as they are subconsciously embedded/ transferred from one generation to another. That's why it's also said, "History keeps repeating itself but man never learns from it". But maybe "History repeats itself so that we become more aware of our subconscious, our collective unconscious ".
Thank you so much for your messages.😊🙏
So true! Thank you for being here ❤️
Thank you. I needed to hear all of that
I felt like my mother loved me. She was brought up in an orphanage n the early 1900’s, and her parents were alive. I suspect she did not know how to cherish her children. I believe that’s why I spent Monday thru Fridays at the baby sitter. I was so, so lonely and scared. I was quiet and scorned by the baby sitter. I was faithfully whipped on Tuesday morning by the other baby sitter. Finally the 3rd lady told my mom I wasn’t sleeping at night. My mom told the Dr. He told my mom to stop leaving me at the baby sitters by the week. That’s how I got rescued.
I never had kids because of what they did to me. As a kid, I knew that history repeats itself and I couldn't take the chance of doing something fucked up to my kids, so I never had any. And I was right to do so because my sister has 3 kids and she did to them what my mom and dad both did to us. She took on both roles and her oldest hasn't talked to her in nearly 5 years because he was sick of her drama. That could've been me had I had kids. So glad I never had any. That has been the best decision I've ever made in my life. By far.
Same here!
Me too. I would love my nonexistent kids to not scar them as my mother did me.
Amen!! I did the same thing because I knew I didn’t want my kids hating me... thought process way back when. It was a good choice for me. Now that I’m older it’s crazy how this mother wound does in fact impact me and I have had zero contact with her for years. Zero contact since I was a young teenager.
I am almost 50 and I never had kids either. And never married because I kept choosing the wrong man-children. Many say I’m patient, stern yet loving and would of been a great mom. Sometimes I think about adopting an older child or teen but I’ve never been financially or relationship wise Stable enough so I’m not hard on myself. Just wasn’t meant to be I guess or not in the Universe’s plan. But I still believe one day I will marry someone who is ready for a serious and loving relationship.
I'm the same... not willing to do to my kids what was done to me. I'm proud of the insight and love inside you that led to this very wise choice.
I learnt a lot of valuable tools in healing myself and i'm very glad to come across you. thank you Terri
I am so glad my videos are helpful for you 💕
My mother was at university when she had me, so I was only with her for a week before going home to my dad and nannies. I have never been close to her, and she was so cruel to me when I was growing up. I was an orphan with two living parents. At least my dad showed me love and was kind otherwise, my mother and siblings would have broken my spirit. It is frankly disturbing how gleefully she abused and tortured me: her little punching bag. I mourn that poor, helpless, neglected little girl that grew up steeped in such a toxic pit of despair. I wish I knew how to help her then. And now.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and I'm sending love your way ❤️ Mourning is an important step in the process of healing. I think you know how to help that little girl now- that's why you're here. ❤️ I have a playlist with more mother wound content- if you feel ready, there are guides you can download for each video that will walk you through steps you can take to heal. ruclips.net/p/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk If you're not ready, that's okay to honor, too.
@@terri_cole I can'ttell you how much I appreciate you. Whata blessingyou are. Thank you. Truly.🥰🧡
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Thank you! I literally have experienced all of those same reality repeats... and what rings especially true to my heart is when you said if you’ve become a mother yourself you begin to know and realize it all... since I became a mother what I experienced is that I started to question my own childhood experiences and started to see them in better light, and at the same time also my very “previous” friendships started to have problems and crash down because they have really just been the same kind of relationships with my mother, and since I started to realize my mother wounds and start healing, the wrong relationships/friendships also went away. It’s never easy to lose friends but I guess it’s inevitable for the process of healing as well. I hope like you said we’ll become better mothers ourselves along this healing process.
Sorry, I meant very “precious” friendships, the ones I cared so very much about at the time.
I'm witnessing you with compassion and sending you strength and light.
Finally watched the mother wound video. Some of the comments about being reparented, self compassion, etc made me tear up. I definitely figured I had one, but my mother is a covert narc. I am actually a two year old teacher, but I am by far the hardest on myself. I couldn’t imagine cussing at one of my kids no matter how they drive me crazy, but I do it to myself all the time. There’s such a big disconnect for me. But I guess I need to allow myself to see my worth as a human of unconditional love, etc. I am definitely conflicted and working on these things. Thank you for these videos. I actually have a BS in psych.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and cheering you on ❤️
Letting go of the attachment to wanting her to change feels so hard but also clearly such a necessary part of this process. It’s coming to terms with that emptiness that shows up in that letting go of my attachment to her…the grief you mentioned. And I feel a freedom in that. The emptiness is the space in which I’m recreating myself. Very helpful video. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing, Elliott ❤️ I'm so glad it was helpful.
Thanks ❤️ for sharing this .
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Thanks great people here are willing to heal better world is coming ❤🙏
My situation is unusual because my mother didn’t becoming a raging narcissist until after she retired and I got a chronic illness that disabled me. She is 89 and I’m 66 and this problem started about 11 years ago. I can see hints of her narcissism throughout my life with her but she was mostly a good supportive mother who is now a monster. I had no idea she was narcissistic, but she started to behave in ways I didn’t understand that made me baffled “who is this woman and what happened to my real mother?” I gradually learned her narcissism had become full blown. Now she is old old and needs me more but the trauma she has caused me in the last 11 years with her unexpected outbursts of rage combined with my fragile nervous system due to my chronic illness has rendered me unable to see her. She doesn’t understand it because anytime I’ve tried to explain what she’s done to alienate me causes her to become enraged and scream at me that she never did or said those things. So all she feels is rejected by my avoidance of her and I feel so obligated to help her in her old age but at the same time I literally can’t bear to be with her. So I feel completely stuck in a bind that is torturing me. I finally found a therapist but 45 mins a week is not enough support. There was a recent crisis with her that has completely traumatized me so I’m listening to all these videos on RUclips which are helping validate my feelings. My boyfriend and brother are supportive which also helps. Thank you for your videos, they are very helpful.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending strength and love your way ❤️ I believe all adult relationships are voluntary and if a parent is causing immense pain, you do not have to maintain contact with them. I know it is painful because you feel like you need to be there for them as they age (and you are so not alone here!), but if aliens abducted you tomorrow, then what would your mother do? Would your brother step in?
You are doing the right thing by putting yourself and your health first. ❤️
OMG! I love this!
Thank you ❤️🙏🥲🥲🥲😔😔😔
My mother has had a traumatic brain injury my entire life which causes her to not be able to empathize with others or emotionally connect. It’s been a long journey because I haven’t met another person in my situation but thank you so much for making your worksheets available and helping us heal this nasty mother wound ❤️
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️ I hope the worksheets are helpful!
Wow, thank you so much for this video. Thank you ❤
Thank you verry much Dear
FINALLY something really helpful. Most specialists go on and on analysing or describing the problem in depth, and then they describe their own traumatic experiences or other people's experiences (the experiences of their clients usually) in great detail, but they somehow never offer any serious solutions even if they assure you they have healed themselves and all their clients now feel better. Vague clichés like "so start loving yourself more" (but how?) are usually the most you get after 30 minutes of opening old wounds. Your words really touched my heart, and gave me specific answers and directions, thank you!!
If we are better now that will somehow change things .. wow that really resonated with me .. I’ve been in therapy for a few years .. I really thought if I healed myself .. my mother and I could have the relationship I always yearned for .. I was holding so tightly to that belief because letting go means I have nothing ( it’s always just me and her ) I don’t other family members.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️
@@terri_cole thank you
I was reduced to nothing, humiliated beyond measure, isolated from the society by slandering my name, from both my parents when I was only working for THIER happiness for 25 years and sacrificed my own dreams. I still have contact against my wishes but I cannot let them take away more of my birth rights.
I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Thank you so much Terri for your sincere efforts in helping people like me who were terribly impacted by narcissistic mother and infected with severe mother wounds. I'm turning 37 this year and it is just recently i learned and understand through watching your videos what i have been through in my dark past with my narcissistic mother. I am starting healing myself now and i realized that its not easy, its very difficult picking up the broken pieces of my life because i really was broken into pieces severely because of what i experienced with my narcissistic mother. I want to say that, i can feel the sincerity, the genuineness of your efforts in helping individuals like me. I love your videos.Thank you so much Terri!