My mother was cold. Emotionally unavailable. She is a good person, but for many years of my childhood, my parents’ marriage was so bad that she was often sad, distant and trying to escape into her hobbies and interests. I felt alone and unable to talk to any adult about my feelings and problems that were too big for me to understand. When you said never knowing you’re good enough, that was a constant thought. And so I simply thought “I’ll earn it. I will work for the love and attention by being great!” Of course that wasn’t possible. I was just a kid. I was well-behaved and beautiful. But you can’t earn someone’s love. Anxiety was a big problem from about 6th grade and onwards. Thanks for this video! Teaches me how to mother myself and to be an even better mom for my own 3 kiddos.
My self esteem is so broken because I never had a mirror to show me how amazing I am. Now I have all these wounds and broken empty feelings in my soul.
You’re so pretty! I just watched a few of your videos and it’s kind of comforting to know even women that shine like you have things to overcome like I do. You’re a masterpiece
@@samantharichards1924 you don’t understand the timing of this comment ❤️! Was needed this so much. I be wish I could see my own shine! And how special I am. So Many blessings to you girl!
I have a mother wound, it could of broke me. it's been decades of healing and suffering. The upside is I became strong, independent, and searched out positive sources wading thru broken, toxic people. Your mother is that way cuz she is broken not that there is something wrong with you. Bless yourself❤
i’m only 17, my mom is very on and off. there are times where she is the most loving n caring person on the planet and times where she’s cold avoidant and detached. i’m still young and it’s hard for me to accept that maybe my mom did play a huge part on my mental health, which i have been struggling with since i entered high school at 14. i just found this channel and i’m hoping to heal some habits i’ve picked up from the way i was raised and treated by my mother.
I'm in therapy now and trying to understand how to self parent myself. My mother is a Covert Narcissist and I have some real issues. I always felt like I was HER mother and nurtured my younger siblings. I determined to NEVER be the kind of mother she is and for the most part was able to mother my own children in the way I always WISHED I had been mothered. But now I'm struggling to heal myself. Thank you for your insight. BLESS YOU.
I was crying, nearly howling like a wolf when you said: "Yay, yay you!" with that loving voice. God, how I've missed that. Thank you for cheering me on, so I've had that experience at least once in my life. For anyone else who wants to hear this: 7:47
*Thank you, Terri*. A pitbull bit me in the face last night and when i told my mom this morning she just said put some make up on and walk it off. Terri, you've helped me and others around the world so much. Thank you for taking the time to heal strangers!!! ❤❤❤
@@mystical_cupcake The rejection was worse than the bite. My face is swollen, my nose hurts and I've small teeth marks. But by grace no flesh wounds. It could have been a lot worse. Thanks for asking.
@@godzillamanstreb524 I'll make a full recovery. I think it was a warning bite more than an attack. Otherwise I could have lost my face. Thanks for asking.
@@chantelles3641 Och Dear.... so glad to see from exchange of comments that you will be OK 🙏 sounds terrible experience though 😣 I fully understand when you say that the bite of dog was less paiful than your mother’s reaction ... 😰 so sorry for you... Look, you are lucky that nothing worse had happened. Focus on getting well: make sure that you keep the marks on face clean with some medical stuff like Octenisept or similar. Use some cold pack for reduction of swelling and make sure that you do not develop any infection. YOU and your health are the most important now. You will deal with your mother’s issues later. Please take care of yourself, detach from what and who do not support you. All the best! ✊ Get well soon! 💜
Terri, sharing gratitude for your journey and purpose to translate your lived experience to help others heal. I experienced emotional neglect with my mother from my earliest memories at 2yrs old. Despite acknowledging her autonomy, her trauma and unresolved wounding, I've struggled to let go and truly know how to forgive. I feel that resentment, anger, why should I forgive her! We're estranged and she still can't be there for me as I turn 42. But I've awakened to holding resentment, hate and bitterness toward her transmutes to a rejection of myself. Although I've lived in daily fear, high anxiety and chronic suicide ideation since childhood; I have survived and so glad I have. I'm aching for my mother to hold and see me, to be able to break down with my sobbing cry face, whail and exhale all the pain and shame I've carried for too long. This video has helped me do just that even in her absence. Now to step into actively healing the wound. Terri, your gentleness, maternal energy and explanation of the mother wound is a welcome gift today in my healing journey. Thank you for your voice. Gratitude to everyone along my path past, present and future. I am not broken. I love and accept myself. I am capable. I am safe. It is safe to feel. Sending nourishing love and kindness to everyone on their own journey. Create your own path that's right for you. You are supported 🧡
Working on healing my deep mother wounds . Fate has placed me back in the arena as I have returned to the region where I grew up to help care for my 85 year old mother with Alzheimer’s. Any remaining filters are gone and the narcissism is raw and repetitive. Feels like a masters level class in self care and boundaries. Factor in my marital separation, two teenage boys, and a global pandemic and ... well, if I survive this chapter, I will be stronger than ever. Your videos are hope-filled beacons, -sanctuary in a tumultuous time. Bless you.
Thank you for this wonderful video. I found myself healing this wound due to a very horrible relationship i ended. I figured if i understood why i was so attracted to the pain i can heal this wound for good. Thank you☺
My mother always made me feel like how I speak softly, isn’t right and I should be talking rough to people 😳, she really never made me feel awesome about myself, not actualizing my goals when I asked for certain things. My grandmother, my papaws girlfriend, my aintee, my niece are some safe spaces.
Thank you for these healing words 💕 Recently I have realized I have a mother wound and with that comes grief, sadness, guilt, sense of loss, shame etc. I recently read the book " Will I ever be good enough ? " I have realized alot of my life decisions were made from feeling I'm not enough. I am on a self healing journey to find inner peace and happiness.
Thank you so much for this and all your videos, Terri Cole! My mother was a nurse and very giving, but probably also codependent. She didn’t really have the guts, strength or foresight to protect me from my dad or older siblings. Even though I am an earth mama type , I’m not that great of a girlfriend. I think most of my female relationships have been affected by my relationship with my older sister who was very bossy, critical and domineering so I can’t stand it when women (or men) are that way with me. I resent being expected to take care of people for free because I’m female and often feel because of my history of codependency, that it’s often a one way street, that is, I often feel like I’m supposed to be the giver and cheerleader for others but not ask anything in return. I’m done with that way of being in the world! I’m also highly sensitive to my environment and other peoples’ energies. I know I’m not alone. I attribute this to society in general, but especially my abusive father, my mother, my traumatized older siblings and our Catholic upbringing. As women, we were given Mother Theresa as an example to emulate and you know, the mother/ virgin Mary and the Mary Magdalene story. Being named Mary did not help! Never mind the incredible traumas we experienced, just keep giving. Somehow I got the healer role in my family, but I had to do a lot of my own healing which of course is ongoing. I’m pretty sure it’s why I got burned out from over giving in the massage profession. I’m currently unemployed. I’ve been considering getting a job in social work but not sure I’m cut out for it or going back to school but not sure yet what is right for me. Anyway, thank you again. Being able to share here on this thread is helpful.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love 💕 It sounds like you have so much awareness around this already which will help along your journey! As for not being sure about returning to school or becoming a social worker, I have a video about making those kinds of decisions here: ruclips.net/video/Vslli-nI6Zk/видео.html
I just learned my mom has narcissistic tendencies and have been trying for a long time to have a conversation about my boundaries and feelings and realizing that her Responses to my attempts with mocking and indifference were the clue I needed to finally walk away. I have been trying to figure out how to be a more loving mother for a long time, and have done a lot of work, but for all of the work I've done, I feel like my perfectionism is destroying my children's confidence. I see that all of the work I would do with them away from my mom would go so far and then it would be undone in a weekend with her. So I know this step will have impact in its self, but I WANT TO HEAL SO I CAN BE BETTER FOR THEM!!! I think I'm a fantastic mom. I have already changed so much, but there is so much I still want to be for them. I feel so emotionally hesitant and unavailable still, And none of them have quite hit puberty yet, so I feel like there is still time! HELP! I am working on your worksheet now. Thank you for your work!
So my question is, if IIII have these tendencies to be the emotionally abusive/ punitive mother, but I really don't want to be anymore, WHAT DO I DO?! I know all of the right answers! I have studied this for years! But I know it's the programs in there I just don't know what I don't know. I don't want to turn into my mother. I know I'm already miles different than she ever was simply because I can admit when I am wrong, and I apologize 15x a day to my kids for behaving badly/ against my own principles, but I don't want to have to apologize so much. I don't want to be so reactive. I want to get at the root of this.
Thank you so much Terri! Your videos have been the most helpful for me in my journey of healing from the woulds of a narcissistic mother. I just wanted to share a strategy I learned recently for being my own loving mother to my inner child. I have learned to use the words to love songs like "Close Your Eyes" by Michael Buble to nurture my inner child. I imagine my mother-self singing these words to my inner child. I hope this makes sense and might help someone! ♡
My mother loves to say I told you so all the time :( . It’s so mean . ‘It’s your mess now you deal with it’ . You just made me realise how damaging it has probably been to hear that from my mother , and why I’m a lone wolf, uncomfortable accepting help and even love 🙁
Being a good enough mother/parent is the most important role a person may have in life. More important than being a good employee. My mother developed schizofrenia when I was about 11 years old. Father controlling passive aggressive/covert aggressive narcissistic. I did not understand my own feelings really until I was 40. They were not allowed.
Thank you so much for this! Your work is so important. Big love from Panama. Honoring & celebrating my healing & reparenting journey. It is quite beautiful to take action & being committed to my inner healing.
Thank you for your comments : Learn to grow and soothe yourself (in healthy ways)... 1) "It is easy to vilify someone, to say it was all bad...There are strengths we get from all of our life experiences. Sometimes we learn what not to do." 2) "If you need a good mother figure,... I can see your highest potential." My birth mother left my father when I was 3, and I was raised by an imperfect, but a great single father... God bless
This was such a great video! I am working on a self-parenting episode for my podcast and when I found this video Terri I instantly thought I need YOU on my show to discuss this topic. Your DM is waiting on LinkedIn😊
I will share this with my Mother too. It has really helped me to consider Mom's Mom & her Mom as well. I believe you can't teach if you're not taught yourself, right?
In measuring my own mothering, I never meet my own expectations. When you described a good mother, I checked every box except for being steady, always the same. I'm overstimluated, tend to be moody, and can snap at times, and I never let myself off the hook for it. The thing I want to avoid most in the world is damaging my children the way my parents damaged me. It's a tricky thing, trying to be perfect. The act of trying to be perfect 100% of the time almost manifests the things you least want. Secondly, I do not maintain friendships nor make new ones because I don't trust women and struggle to connect with them. How can I change that?
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 It's not about being perfect. I don't think any of us can be perfect parents. We will all fail our kids in some way, we just hope those ways are small (in the grand scheme of things). I share about the concept of being a "good enough" mother in some of my other videos, and I think that's more appropriate. Donald Winnicott coined the term if you want to read more about it. It might help to go to a therapist to unpack trust issues with women as healing those wounds likely won't be an overnight journey. I understand that's not in reach for everyone, though. Bring a particular women to mind who activates you and ask: 1) Who does this person remind me of? 2) Where have I felt like this before? 3) Why is this behavioral dynamic familiar to me? It's possible you're experiencing a transference to these women, as in they remind you of someone from your past. Perhaps it's your mother, an aunt, a grandma, a sister, a teacher, etc. Someone who broke your trust early on. I have more about transference here: ruclips.net/video/tHYuhxMxR30/видео.html The other thing you can ask is, "What do I get to not feel, not face, or not experience by staying away from other women?" See what comes up. Journaling and exploring is sometimes the best way to shed light on the original injury, and developing this awareness can help us heal. I hope that makes sense and helps a little!
Mum held my hand to teach me a good hand-writing. She fell from exhaustion in her poor marriage. I feel hurt . I cried about not having a Father. Hurt I feel. I failed with my child.
That is like the ideal mom, it what would a daughter expect for a mom who was abused and how can you explain what a mom should be like when moms are in worse pain then most moms, and on top of that when there daughters have have destroyed the loving mom that once was.
My mother spent a lot of my childhood in hospital and I did not get mother ed and I don't know how to give myself what I did not get growing up. Now I feel grief when I don't get treated well reminding me of her and feeling loss, not getting that as a child and when I see people getting nurturing with their mums. How do I heal myself?
I'm holding space for you with compassion, Gordana ❤️ self-parenting and healing your wounds is a difficult journey, but loving yourself and continuing to understand what feelings you might be projecting onto others can help you to know more about yourself and continue to heal
As much as I feel you, and have compassion, at least you “missed out” on the verbal abuse, neglect, violation, betrayal, brainwashing, and misdirection the pathological narcissistic mother dishes out abundantly.
"Instead of spending time with good girlfriends, since I don't have girl friends or girlfriends, can I find in mental health therapists or counselors for sort of mother substitutes?
Any "substitute" will have quirks and issues of their own. So they are bound to fail you too. We can't rely on other people to fill the void... It has to come from within. Then we'll no longer be looking outside of ourselves for someone/something to meet our needs. But a therapist is obviously recommended. 😊
I feel that defective came from the unacceptable looks I got from my mother who would say I imagined things who abused me I don't think I'll ever her over the pain ful relationship I had with her it caused me to meet another abuser in later years and he brainwashed my kids against me my own family got damaged as a result the father ran me down blamed me at every available opportunity it was like meeting my mother all over again I feel so much pain and hurt inside I don't know how to fix my feelings had no friends good ones my hole life and boy does that hurt
Starts what you can do at 9:50 The advice is: - Hang out with nice women - Self-soothe That is it. She says you have to go to her website and download the episode for the rest of the steps. Disappointed ☹️
![Re-Parenting Yourself [You’ll Change Forever!]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zXe3GPSALNg/mqdefault.jpg)
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O bless you for saying, "There is nothing wrong with you." Your empathy is healing.
Thank you for being here! I appreciate you 💕
It is!
Isn’t it? Terri is wonderful!
My mother was cold. Emotionally unavailable. She is a good person, but for many years of my childhood, my parents’ marriage was so bad that she was often sad, distant and trying to escape into her hobbies and interests.
I felt alone and unable to talk to any adult about my feelings and problems that were too big for me to understand. When you said never knowing you’re good enough, that was a constant thought. And so I simply thought “I’ll earn it. I will work for the love and attention by being great!” Of course that wasn’t possible. I was just a kid. I was well-behaved and beautiful. But you can’t earn someone’s love. Anxiety was a big problem from about 6th grade and onwards.
Thanks for this video! Teaches me how to mother myself and to be an even better mom for my own 3 kiddos.
Thank you for sharing, Autumn! I appreciate you being here, mama 🥰
38 and felt the same.
My self esteem is so broken because I never had a mirror to show me how amazing I am. Now I have all these wounds and broken empty feelings in my soul.
It takes time and work and support, but those wounds can heal. You’re not alone ❤
You’re so pretty! I just watched a few of your videos and it’s kind of comforting to know even women that shine like you have things to overcome like I do. You’re a masterpiece
@@samantharichards1924 you don’t understand the timing of this comment ❤️! Was needed this so much. I be wish I could see my own shine! And how special I am. So Many blessings to you girl!
@@kkbabybratz3874 thank you! You too! I’m subscribing to your channel 🩵
I have a mother wound, it could of broke me. it's been decades of healing and suffering. The upside is I became strong, independent, and searched out positive sources wading thru broken, toxic people. Your mother is that way cuz she is broken not that there is something wrong with you. Bless yourself❤
yep, men also have a mother wound... thank you for acknowledging that and know that many men watch your channel, including me!
Men definitely have the mother wound! Thank you for sharing and for being here 🥰
i’m only 17, my mom is very on and off. there are times where she is the most loving n caring person on the planet and times where she’s cold avoidant and detached. i’m still young and it’s hard for me to accept that maybe my mom did play a huge part on my mental health, which i have been struggling with since i entered high school at 14. i just found this channel and i’m hoping to heal some habits i’ve picked up from the way i was raised and treated by my mother.
You can do it!
I'm in therapy now and trying to understand how to self parent myself. My mother is a Covert Narcissist and I have some real issues. I always felt like I was HER mother and nurtured my younger siblings. I determined to NEVER be the kind of mother she is and for the most part was able to mother my own children in the way I always WISHED I had been mothered. But now I'm struggling to heal myself. Thank you for your insight. BLESS YOU.
Thank you for being here! I appreciate you ❤️
I was crying, nearly howling like a wolf when you said: "Yay, yay you!" with that loving voice. God, how I've missed that. Thank you for cheering me on, so I've had that experience at least once in my life.
For anyone else who wants to hear this: 7:47
*Thank you, Terri*. A pitbull bit me in the face last night and when i told my mom this morning she just said put some make up on and walk it off. Terri, you've helped me and others around the world so much. Thank you for taking the time to heal strangers!!! ❤❤❤
Oh my gosh that sounds very painful 😣 Are you okay?? 💛
Omg I hope you are ok
@@mystical_cupcake The rejection was worse than the bite. My face is swollen, my nose hurts and I've small teeth marks. But by grace no flesh wounds. It could have been a lot worse. Thanks for asking.
@@godzillamanstreb524 I'll make a full recovery. I think it was a warning bite more than an attack. Otherwise I could have lost my face. Thanks for asking.
@@chantelles3641 Och Dear.... so glad to see from exchange of comments that you will be OK 🙏 sounds terrible experience though 😣 I fully understand when you say that the bite of dog was less paiful than your mother’s reaction ... 😰 so sorry for you... Look, you are lucky that nothing worse had happened. Focus on getting well: make sure that you keep the marks on face clean with some medical stuff like Octenisept or similar. Use some cold pack for reduction of swelling and make sure that you do not develop any infection. YOU and your health are the most important now. You will deal with your mother’s issues later. Please take care of yourself, detach from what and who do not support you. All the best! ✊ Get well soon! 💜
You are God sent, I’m suffering from the Mother wound and I’m looking forward to my healing ❤️🩹
I am watching this again. I am very grateful and thankful for your informative and encouraging videos. Much love to you.
So glad you find them helpful! ❤️
Your messages on mother wounds and narcissistic abuse are so necessary today. Thank you 🙏🏽❤
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Terri, sharing gratitude for your journey and purpose to translate your lived experience to help others heal. I experienced emotional neglect with my mother from my earliest memories at 2yrs old. Despite acknowledging her autonomy, her trauma and unresolved wounding, I've struggled to let go and truly know how to forgive. I feel that resentment, anger, why should I forgive her! We're estranged and she still can't be there for me as I turn 42. But I've awakened to holding resentment, hate and bitterness toward her transmutes to a rejection of myself.
Although I've lived in daily fear, high anxiety and chronic suicide ideation since childhood; I have survived and so glad I have. I'm aching for my mother to hold and see me, to be able to break down with my sobbing cry face, whail and exhale all the pain and shame I've carried for too long. This video has helped me do just that even in her absence. Now to step into actively healing the wound.
Terri, your gentleness, maternal energy and explanation of the mother wound is a welcome gift today in my healing journey. Thank you for your voice.
Gratitude to everyone along my path past, present and future. I am not broken. I love and accept myself. I am capable. I am safe. It is safe to feel.
Sending nourishing love and kindness to everyone on their own journey. Create your own path that's right for you. You are supported 🧡
Working on healing my deep mother wounds . Fate has placed me back in the arena as I have returned to the region where I grew up to help care for my 85 year old mother with Alzheimer’s. Any remaining filters are gone and the narcissism is raw and repetitive. Feels like a masters level class in self care and boundaries. Factor in my marital separation, two teenage boys, and a global pandemic and ... well, if I survive this chapter, I will be stronger than ever. Your videos are hope-filled beacons, -sanctuary in a tumultuous time. Bless you.
Same with me. You are not alone!!!
You will overcome this. Sending love and prayers, Susan.
Omg! I wish you luck. Hope it all worked out in the end. How are you now? ❤️
Thank you for this wonderful video. I found myself healing this wound due to a very horrible relationship i ended. I figured if i understood why i was so attracted to the pain i can heal this wound for good. Thank you☺
My mother always made me feel like how I speak softly, isn’t right and I should be talking rough to people 😳, she really never made me feel awesome about myself, not actualizing my goals when I asked for certain things.
My grandmother, my papaws girlfriend, my aintee, my niece are some safe spaces.
Thank you for these healing words 💕 Recently I have realized I have a mother wound and with that comes grief, sadness, guilt, sense of loss, shame etc. I recently read the book " Will I ever be good enough ? " I have realized alot of my life decisions were made from feeling I'm not enough. I am on a self healing journey to find inner peace and happiness.
I relate to this so much.
Thank you ❤️
My mother died when I was a child so I really appreciate this! Please consider a video about healing from father's wound.
Holding space for you with so much compassion ❤️ and thank you for the suggestion!
And I saw parents rowing and that is something they were wrapped up and I need self reparenting
Thank you so much for this and all your videos, Terri Cole! My mother was a nurse and very giving, but probably also codependent. She didn’t really have the guts, strength or foresight to protect me from my dad or older siblings. Even though I am an earth mama type , I’m not that great of a girlfriend. I think most of my female relationships have been affected by my relationship with my older sister who was very bossy, critical and domineering
so I can’t stand it when women (or men) are that way with me. I resent being expected to take care of people for free because I’m female and often feel because of my history of codependency, that it’s often a one way street, that is, I often feel like I’m supposed to be the giver and cheerleader for others but not ask anything in return. I’m done with that way of being in the world! I’m also highly sensitive to my environment and other peoples’ energies. I know I’m not alone. I attribute this to society in general, but especially my abusive father, my mother, my traumatized older siblings and our Catholic upbringing. As women, we were given Mother Theresa as an example to emulate and you know, the mother/ virgin Mary and the Mary Magdalene story. Being named Mary did not help! Never mind the incredible traumas we experienced, just keep giving. Somehow I got the healer role in my family, but I had to do a lot of my own healing which of course is ongoing. I’m pretty sure it’s why I got burned out from over giving in the massage profession. I’m currently unemployed. I’ve been considering getting a job in social work but not sure I’m cut out for it or going back to school but not sure yet what is right for me. Anyway, thank you again. Being able to share here on this thread is helpful.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending you love 💕 It sounds like you have so much awareness around this already which will help along your journey! As for not being sure about returning to school or becoming a social worker, I have a video about making those kinds of decisions here: ruclips.net/video/Vslli-nI6Zk/видео.html
Your mother wound series deeply healed me. Thank you so much for blessing humanity.
I am so happy to hear that Stephanie ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for being here!
Bless you. I was crying listening to you.
So supportive and loving! Thank you, Terri!
❤️❤️❤️
I just learned my mom has narcissistic tendencies and have been trying for a long time to have a conversation about my boundaries and feelings and realizing that her Responses to my attempts with mocking and indifference were the clue I needed to finally walk away.
I have been trying to figure out how to be a more loving mother for a long time, and have done a lot of work, but for all of the work I've done, I feel like my perfectionism is destroying my children's confidence. I see that all of the work I would do with them away from my mom would go so far and then it would be undone in a weekend with her. So I know this step will have impact in its self, but I WANT TO HEAL SO I CAN BE BETTER FOR THEM!!! I think I'm a fantastic mom. I have already changed so much, but there is so much I still want to be for them. I feel so emotionally hesitant and unavailable still, And none of them have quite hit puberty yet, so I feel like there is still time! HELP! I am working on your worksheet now. Thank you for your work!
So my question is, if IIII have these tendencies to be the emotionally abusive/ punitive mother, but I really don't want to be anymore, WHAT DO I DO?! I know all of the right answers! I have studied this for years! But I know it's the programs in there I just don't know what I don't know. I don't want to turn into my mother. I know I'm already miles different than she ever was simply because I can admit when I am wrong, and I apologize 15x a day to my kids for behaving badly/ against my own principles, but I don't want to have to apologize so much. I don't want to be so reactive. I want to get at the root of this.
Thank you so much Terri! Your videos have been the most helpful for me in my journey of healing from the woulds of a narcissistic mother. I just wanted to share a strategy I learned recently for being my own loving mother to my inner child. I have learned to use the words to love songs like "Close Your Eyes" by Michael Buble to nurture my inner child. I imagine my mother-self singing these words to my inner child. I hope this makes sense and might help someone! ♡
Yes yes warm, supportive people are so healing ❤️
Bless you for saying it's 'shameful to admit'. She did have mental health challenges of her own.
Wow, when you talked about your mother not saying “I told you” and just being gentle, I cried, I never knew that you can have and experience that
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Love you Terry! You can feel the love and compassion in your voice❤️
Thank you from the bottom of my ❤️, Terri.
Thank you for being here, Cia. I appreciate you ❤️
Stunning message and vibration. Thank you, Terri xxxx
I could hear this over and over and still learn new things!
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You have no idea how this 14 min video really helped me. Please do a video full of affirmations for healing the mother wounds/ sayings. Thank you
❤️
My mother loves to say I told you so all the time :( . It’s so mean . ‘It’s your mess now you deal with it’ . You just made me realise how damaging it has probably been to hear that from my mother , and why I’m a lone wolf, uncomfortable accepting help and even love 🙁
Yes, that is damaging to hear. I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️
Being a good enough mother/parent is the most important role a person may have in life. More important than being a good employee. My mother developed schizofrenia when I was about 11 years old. Father controlling passive aggressive/covert aggressive narcissistic. I did not understand my own feelings really until I was 40. They were not allowed.
Thank you so much for this! Your work is so important. Big love from Panama. Honoring & celebrating my healing & reparenting journey. It is quite beautiful to take action & being committed to my inner healing.
❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for your comments :
Learn to grow and soothe yourself (in healthy ways)...
1) "It is easy to vilify someone, to say it was all bad...There are strengths we get from all of our life experiences. Sometimes we learn what not to do."
2) "If you need a good mother figure,... I can see your highest potential."
My birth mother left my father when I was 3, and I was raised by an imperfect, but a great single father...
God bless
Always thought what it would be like had my daddy raised me instead of my mother.
Thank you Terri really needed some nurturing words xxx
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This is very good quality and crisp content, very helpful, thanks Teri 👍
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I love your new backdrop! Any shade of yellow is right up my alley!
Thanks for this. I cried so much. & It helped facilitate an “A-ha” moment of understanding.
thanks so much! i will put in the work because i deserve it!!!
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Thank you Terri!
Thank you for being here, Tammy!
Thank you 👐🙏....wonderfully put.💖love from S.Africa 🇿🇦🤗.
You are so welcome!!
This channel has been so helpful in me figuring out myself and my family. Thank you, Terri.
I'm so glad the content is resonating. Thank you for being here ❤️
Thank you for this!
This was such a great video! I am working on a self-parenting episode for my podcast and when I found this video Terri I instantly thought I need YOU on my show to discuss this topic. Your DM is waiting on LinkedIn😊
So helpful, please make more like these 🤍
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Thank you for this! Your words hit home and really moved me. I’m a work in progress ❤️
I'm so glad you're here, Laura 🥰
Thank you so much for this video.
You are so welcome, thanks for watching!
Thank you for your kindness and empathy; it’s deeply soothing. New subscriber 😊❤️🤗
I'm so glad you're here, Warda 🤗❤️
Great timing! 👌🏼
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I will share this with my Mother too. It has really helped me to consider Mom's Mom & her Mom as well. I believe you can't teach if you're not taught yourself, right?
We can all self-teach and share any helpful resources ❤️
In measuring my own mothering, I never meet my own expectations. When you described a good mother, I checked every box except for being steady, always the same. I'm overstimluated, tend to be moody, and can snap at times, and I never let myself off the hook for it. The thing I want to avoid most in the world is damaging my children the way my parents damaged me. It's a tricky thing, trying to be perfect. The act of trying to be perfect 100% of the time almost manifests the things you least want.
Secondly, I do not maintain friendships nor make new ones because I don't trust women and struggle to connect with them. How can I change that?
I am witnessing you with compassion 💕 It's not about being perfect. I don't think any of us can be perfect parents. We will all fail our kids in some way, we just hope those ways are small (in the grand scheme of things). I share about the concept of being a "good enough" mother in some of my other videos, and I think that's more appropriate. Donald Winnicott coined the term if you want to read more about it.
It might help to go to a therapist to unpack trust issues with women as healing those wounds likely won't be an overnight journey. I understand that's not in reach for everyone, though.
Bring a particular women to mind who activates you and ask:
1) Who does this person remind me of?
2) Where have I felt like this before?
3) Why is this behavioral dynamic familiar to me?
It's possible you're experiencing a transference to these women, as in they remind you of someone from your past. Perhaps it's your mother, an aunt, a grandma, a sister, a teacher, etc. Someone who broke your trust early on. I have more about transference here: ruclips.net/video/tHYuhxMxR30/видео.html
The other thing you can ask is, "What do I get to not feel, not face, or not experience by staying away from other women?" See what comes up. Journaling and exploring is sometimes the best way to shed light on the original injury, and developing this awareness can help us heal. I hope that makes sense and helps a little!
Thank you so much.
Really enjoyed the video. I especially liked your soothing voice. I would love to speak with you on the phone.
Thank you, Rhonda!
Thank you for sharing this! Take EXTREMELY good care of yourself too!! :)
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Mum held my hand to teach me a good hand-writing. She fell from exhaustion in her poor marriage. I feel hurt . I cried about not having a Father. Hurt I feel. I failed with my child.
Sending you love and prayers ... ❤️💚💜
That is like the ideal mom, it what would a daughter expect for a mom who was abused and how can you explain what a mom should be like when moms are in worse pain then most moms, and on top of that when there daughters have have destroyed the loving mom that once was.
My mother spent a lot of my childhood in hospital and I did not get mother ed and I don't know how to give myself what I did not get growing up. Now I feel grief when I don't get treated well reminding me of her and feeling loss, not getting that as a child and when I see people getting nurturing with their mums. How do I heal myself?
I'm holding space for you with compassion, Gordana ❤️ self-parenting and healing your wounds is a difficult journey, but loving yourself and continuing to understand what feelings you might be projecting onto others can help you to know more about yourself and continue to heal
As much as I feel you, and have compassion, at least you “missed out” on the verbal abuse, neglect, violation, betrayal, brainwashing, and misdirection the pathological narcissistic mother dishes out abundantly.
"Instead of spending time with good girlfriends, since I don't have girl friends or girlfriends, can I find in mental health therapists or counselors for sort of mother substitutes?
Any "substitute" will have quirks and issues of their own.
So they are bound to fail you too. We can't rely on other people to fill the void...
It has to come from within. Then we'll no longer be looking outside of ourselves for someone/something to meet our needs.
But a therapist is obviously recommended. 😊
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Thank you sweet loving woman
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I feel that defective came from the unacceptable looks I got from my mother who would say I imagined things who abused me I don't think I'll ever her over the pain ful relationship I had with her it caused me to meet another abuser in later years and he brainwashed my kids against me my own family got damaged as a result the father ran me down blamed me at every available opportunity it was like meeting my mother all over again I feel so much pain and hurt inside I don't know how to fix my feelings had no friends good ones my hole life and boy does that hurt
Does she do online therapy? :( I have been looking everywhere on the internet for ways to contact her.
No, I don’t but you can check out terricole.com/betterhelp for quality, virtual therapy offerings from accredited clinicians. ❤️
Can you have a mother wound from a stepmom as well?
Yes! I like to say "maternal impactor" to encompass any mother figure someone had growing up. It doesn't need to be a biological mother. ❤️
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I wish the reversal. Mum grew tired.
🥰🥰🥰
Thankssssssssssssssss❤🩹
You're so welcome ❤️
Starts what you can do at 9:50
The advice is:
- Hang out with nice women
- Self-soothe
That is it. She says you have to go to her website and download the episode for the rest of the steps.
Disappointed ☹️
Trouble is I don't find women to be that nice ... 😐
Oh.. the worthiness & shame....
Attending ACA meetings can be essential in community based free healing ❤️🩹