To everyone who is angry right now - remember this: No matter how bad things get, and no matter how much you're suffering: "This too, shall pass." Everything changes. Absolutely everything.
Wow,I just kinda stumbled on top this and thought I'd give it a watch and wow, very helpful, the Lord puts people in your path for a reason, thanks for this I've just subscribed.
Dr. Christian Conte I'm really in pain because of a person of over aggressive personality. He just gets angry over everything and says things that hurts me so much emotionally and kind of gets abusive too. I dunno how to make him understand that it's just weakening our relation. I get hurt so much that Im not able to get back to normal for so many time. Help me.
I am currently in the final segment of a breakup with my Fiance. She left me. My anger had pushed her away, I lost control. I gave it away. I've been studying several of your videos the last few days, thank you for what you do. The advice through heartbreak is hard to take and to listen to but already some of the techniques you have taught me have already made a small impact on my life. I may never get her back, but maybe one day with enough practice I will be in control of myself. Thank you.
My...paused-fiancé? and I have been going thru the same struggle. I think these videos are great. My partner and I can both be rageful, even violent. I seem to mostly only go to that place of extreme anger when I'm in a relationship with an aggressive man. (My schizophrenic mom brings it out in me too, but it's much easier to stop and apologize with her. She doesn't Go To War with me the way the two men I've tried to be with have. Last year I made some progress but got discouraged when he got Much Worse Despite intensive therapy. Now I'm left to wonder--can too much talking about childhood trauma before you've mastered self control make a client with anger issues Much Worse??!? I know the rational thing would be to break up and stay broken up Butv we seem Actually Incapable of falling out of love or resisting each other...
Yes i think whats crucial is to first take back your life and learn how to control, only then dig deeper into reasons and trauma. We came to this conclusion with my therapist.
I drove my fiancé away too. I’m an agnostic and she’s a Christian and she kept mentioning how I should look into Christianity with her. Instead of being rational with her; I internalized this as “she’s trying to control me. Don’t take that! Stand up for yourself” and so in an angry outburst, I told her to get the fuck out while she was showering at 2 am. I kicked her out in anger as she was crying and followed her around my house as she got her stuff. About 20 minutes later; I had finally calmed down and told her, begged her even, to stay but at that point, I had already done too much damage. That incident made me look into controlling my emotions; a harsh lesson but a necessary one.
Have to agree on other videos. Incredibly naive and downright stupid advice is all over youtube ! Incompetent professionals that need to stay out of the way and just stfu !
A lot of times we don't want to "bother anyone" with our problems - until we realize that we are bothering them with our actions anyway. When I am faced with bothering someone with my actions or bothering a friend by asking for support, I tend to pick asking my friend. More often than not, friends are not actually bothered by us turning to them anyway. If you can, try to seek out a friend or counselor to turn to, even if it's difficult, because none of us needs to face things alone. Much peace
Thankyou!❤️ I found your video today, and will try to remember what you said. I’m living in India, where people cross “normal” boundaries all the time. They have a whole different set of rules over here about what is polite and what isn’t. Whenever we go out in public, complete strangers touch my children, pinch their cheeks roughly, and try to take them against my will, after I’ve said NO. And sometimes they yank my baby a couple times to see who will win the tug of war!!!!!😭😭😭
Same. It's almost like something else inside me completely takes over and I am no longer myself until I come to and see the mess I've created. It's like a monster inside.
When I get angry. I think and I don’t punch any holes in anything. However I do yell. I get impulsive. But I do somehow manage to control it a little. But I don’t enforce anything in anyone: just don’t touch me.
Eleven years later and still helping people. My own lack of control got me into this puppet situation where my boss is actively trying to get complaints from my coworkers in order to have reasons to fire me (several of them warned me). Now, without these videos, I would've been offended and resentful toward my boss, but it looks like it has been me the one who lend her the power over my person, so I'm the one to blame. I formerly thought of my temperament as a sign of strength, now I realize it has always been a sign of weakness. Thank you for your wisdom
I was a angry person I felt alone and robbed of communication with others I spent years of my life ploting and pushing away people that got in the way of my anger and what upset me or who upset me I put my enemy's that I made from my own poor choices over the people I care about...Loosing friendships along the way I was so disconnected to human interaction and emotional Attachment that all i felt was rage All I had was anger it consumed me I didn't cry for 4 years only shout and break things Once I reached that point I was getting a rush...a high from becoming angry It even changed me sexually I injoyed watching people suffer because of how terrible I felt for years In school I would constantly get in to fights and was always the one who started it I hurt my mother, my brother and myself through all of it But after all of that and realizing who I was i knew I needed to change I started smoking weed Exercising And in general I tried to nature things more And most importantly never shoving my empathy down for anything I feel a lot more now I've worked on myself Don't do the same thing I did Open your heart to love over hate, Hate will solve nothing it only consumes Revenge,anger, and hate will only leave you robbed of hope Robbed of humanity And ultimately turn you in to a monster After not feeling guilty for so long and then waking up to what monster I let manifest I would truly never wish apon any living thing in the mlutiverse I hope someone like me can read this and know what path rage leads you to
This video helped me a lot today. I was in a situation I couldn't leave and the person would not stop poking and prodding. Instead of the situation devolving into me yelling and/or crying, I cut the puppet strings and was able to maintain my composure, and the other person was left to be angry to themselves. I did cry when I was alone and ruminated too much afterwards, but that's something I feel like I can keep working on now that I have a base to work from.
I think the way I see it is that there is a difference between understanding and practicing. Most people seem to understand (in theory) how to handle anger, but actually living that out can be tough. I wish you much peace.
This is awesome! it made me realize how I was giving away that power everyday and that it is myself the one who needs to be in control. We often blame the other person but it is up to us to take control.
This is great advice. The way you present/word the info in the video, has inspired me to control my anger simply out of spite for others 😂 I can’t believe I have been giving up my power all these years.
Thank you for your kind comments. Kate is awesome and I would love to hear from her and how she's doing. Congratulations on your engagement! She can contact me through my website. I wish you two all the best!
We shared this video at our Celebrate Recovery meeting when someone was sharing on their anger issues and everyone thought it was very helpful. It can be used to relate to giving your power to other things too. Thanks for this insight!
Thank you for positively changing my life. Your puppet/IronMan technique of not giving away your power literally saved me from committing crimes like assault and battery which would have landed me in prison...possibly for life. I don't have a felony record and never want one. I genuinely can't thank you enough.
I have seen countless videos on this subject and this video really helped me. I saw my anger in a different way. I've been letting other people control me well no more . Great video
Excellent analogy of the puppet and the book to manage your anger, Dr. Conte. While it seems very simple, I am sure practicing it will have its own challenges. I will do my best to visualize the puppet and the book every time I become angry and say things that I wish I had not said. BTW, I also watched several other videos of yours last night. Appreciate posting them all on RUclips. Thanks a bunch.
Thank you so much Suresh! I appreciate you taking time to watch my videos and express something kind to me. And I believe you are 100% right - understanding these concepts and practicing them can be two very different things - and it's not always easy to practice what we know. The key is consistency and trying, though, and I'm definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
You're welcome! Thank you so much for taking time to watch and share this video. Yes, I agree, we tend to give our power away in many instances in life. I wish you all the best. Much peace, Christian
Just got into a fight with my mom before this lol, but this vid really could help me with my anger issues.. See, its runs in my family haha, but I'm realising that I don't want to live that way.. So thanks a lot Dr Conte, I'll try to put ur techniques into use, the whole puppet analogy just opened up my whole mind
Old video still helping people. Thanks Dr. Christian Conte. I have had a problem lashing out with emotion since I was a child and it's got me into a lot of unessacary trouble over the years. I'm 43 now and finally ready to change.
Yes Yes Yes! Thank you for posting on RUclips! Dr. Conte you are greatly missed! Your techniques are practical and have definitely made a difference in my counseling style.
This was a powerful video for me to listen to years ago when I was going through a hard time and now I'm sharing your info to a friend right now who needs help. Thanks for the amazing video . I feel you compassion and love.
I am so glad and thankful I stumbled upon your videos! Your down to Earth sense of conveying your messages is amazing. You have a no-b.s. way of putting things and you're easy to listen to. I hope I can get better at practicing all these techniques and be better especially for my kids. Thank you so much!
My anger problem is not anything that you've given advice on in this video. It is like a much more deep rooted anger. I don't get as angry at people anymore for the dumb shit they do, i used to act out often but ive calmed down alot. My anger feels very deep inside and i rage especially at those closest to me, but not strangers. I need serious help with this because its ruining my relationships, and the guilt is weighing me down. Please help, thanks.
Hey Jess, Thanks for watching this video. First, I think it's great that you are reaching out for help and doing something about it. Second, I agree, the two techniques in this short video certainly do not address the issue you described. In regard to help online, I would invite you to keep looking for videos that might help explain the underlying reasons for anger; but more importantly, I really hope that you might be able to find a professional in your area who you could sit down with. Sometimes the process of letting go of the things that hurt us in life takes a lot longer than we might expect. It is possible though, and I certainly wish you much peace.
Hi Jess, I would like to share my experience. Earlier this year, I finally went to anger management councelling. Long story short, people doing or saying dumb shit is just the trigger. My anger is deep-rooted and caused by past trauma. I still get angry but less frequently and no longer hits 10/10 everytime I do get angry. My wife is triggers my anger the most. Almost exclusively. This is a real problem. While I work on myself, i am convincing to go for councelling as well. She is addicted to conflict. It is a dangerous situation. I find Dr Conte's tips in this video. The next time my wife is being exceptionally ubreasonable and aggreasive, I will choose not to give away my power.
order 5 Cd "how to deal with anger" by Joyce Meyers if you are a christian, catholic etc it is awesome it quotes the bible and deals with deeply rooted Anger issues. I bought for $19 on Amazon!
Melanie Morris Hey Melanie, The best that I can offer to you is to find someone you can trust to begin to work through some of those issues. Our pasts shape us for sure, but that does not mean they have to determine our future. I wish you much peace. -Dr. Conte
Jess Reyes go for hypnosis or nlp session as it will give you fast results of getting rid of your deep anger issues ,which is mostly from our childhood and past life ,unprocessed emotions ,need to come out of our subconscious minds ,praying for you
Dr. Conte, this video is an extremely great visual to let children and parents watch that are struggling with this concept, I can never put it as elequently as you! These are such helpful concepts to teach others that can be resistant to new ideas because they are easy to grasp. I can't wait to share this visual with others!
Thank you so much to all of you who have reached out to say that this video has been helpful for you. Starting Wednesday, March 16th at 9/8c (2016), you can see me on Family Therapy with Dr. Jenn on VH1. I wish you all much peace.
+Dr. Christian Conte I found this video very helpful. I've always tried to be a nice person. and work has been very stressful as of late. and I feel like I do not enjoy myself like I use to before I had so many responsibilities. thank you for the helpful hints :)
Jason Pollywog Thank you so much. Man, stress can weigh on us in a tough way, and if we're not careful, it can certainly come out as anger. Hang in there and remember to take some time to take care of yourself. Much peace!
Thank you. I think it's hard sometimes to step back and stop ourselves from making decisions in the heat of the moment that we will regret. It's amazing how empowered we feel when we can take the time to think things through beforehand. The fact that you are taking time to watch videos and learn about what's going on inside you shows that you certainly do have that self control, and you are probably a lot stronger than you know. I wish you much peace.
Thank you brother. I appreciate you watching the other video, too. It's crazy how much shame, depression, and anxiety can lead to us getting angry without realizing it. Please let me know if I can ever be of help. You can contact me through my website. All the best, Christian
Dr. Conte, thank you so much for this video--keep them coming! I was so fortunate to have taken a few courses with Dr. Conte and have learned hands on techniques and theory from someone who has been able to help so many people deal with their personal issues. I highly recommend his book to anyone in the mental health field. His book is full of tangible and creative counseling techniques that really work.
Thank you Doc! Very intuitive and well thought out strategies laid out so beautifully and simply. Sending positive vibes to you and anyone reading this
Dr. Christian Conte has a passion that inspires and reaches his audience on a profound level. His unique teaching style and genuine respect for every individual makes his talks exciting, and life changing. In the graduate coursework I was fortunate enough to have with Dr. Conte, I grew as a student, as a professional, and as a person in ways I never imagined possible. His words have stayed with me as I continue using the knowledge, skills, and techniques he shared. And yeah,more videos please!
True. Which is why I try to teach the concept of just focusing on improving ourselves. We are the only people we can actually change. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
This was a massively helpful lesson for me, people close to me always tell me I am giving away my power and I never understood what that meant or how to stop it, until now. Now I get it and I think I can finally do better with this. Thank you for this and all your other lesson Dr. Conte!
I watched this about a week ago and WOW it has made such a difference! Your advice is to the point and easy to remember in those difficult times. Thank you for sharing this knowledge :)
Thank you so much for this video back a few years ago I was constantly angry and I looked and acted completely different. At the time I thought it was no big deal until I saw videos of who I was. I never wanted to leave my house because of how angry I was and hated interacting with people out side of my comfort group.
Dr. Conte, I have been suffering from extreme anger issues over the dumbest and most unrealistic things, and again I have you and most importantly my wife for finding this video. I really am tired of overreacting to things that either my daughters 2 & 6 do or my relatives. My wife found this in concern for my health, as I've been afflicted with diabetes from about 16yrs now and stress is definitely not good for anyone's health especially mine. I turn 36 today, and I sincerely wish to change for the sake of beautiful wife and daughters, as they deserve nothing but the best. God bless and thank you again.
Hey Matthew, I'm sorry to hear that you've had to struggle with anger for so long, but I really admire the fact that you are making changes for your family. You're right, your wife and daughters deserve your best, and it's awesome that you are giving that to them. I think it's understandable that we have learned behavioral patterns of accepting that it's okay to lash out of anger, but the great thing is that we really can change. My website has some resources to help you keep up with the changes you're making (and I started posting videos regularly on my youtube channel). I'm sending you and your family all the best. Much peace, Dr. Conte
+Dr. Christian Conte Thanks for the reply and words of encouragement. I will definitely follow up on the website, I wish you were close by so I could personally come and see you as a patient. If ever you're around/in Montreal for anything related to your profession, I'd like to volunteer myself as a person willing to publicly go through your process on your show or otherwise help you promote your help and teachings further. I don't have anything to offer as I don't think I could afford you, but you do more than you can imagine by doing what you do and deserve all the best for you and your family. Much peace to you and yours as well, and I'd love to keep in touch if we can.
So that would be a good example of giving away your power. I appreciate you sharing it, however, because a lot of people tend to get pretty angry in traffic. One key might be to try not to take things personally in traffic. I know that can be tough to do, but the more you can do that, the less you allow others to determine how your day goes. I'm going to write a blog on my website about anger in traffic for you and everyone else who struggles with anger in traffic. I wish you much peace tonight.
this is so powerful to me!! many videos just say "take a deep breath, count to 10" and it's so not helpful at all! if someone in the moment is angry and you tell them to just take a walk, it seems to be more of an irritant than an aid! but this video puts things into perspective and helps a lot! I'm really struggling with anger, but i think a big change in me just happened! i don't HAVE to struggle! i don't HAVE to give people my power!
Thanks for posting this video Dr. Conte, it's fantastic! I never thought of anger/frustration issues from the perspective of being a puppet. I've had an extremely late diagnosis of Autism, and had easily enough bullying from people (when a child and as an adult) because they sensed I was somehow vulnerable or an "ideal" one to target (and they got away with it). As a youngster I remember doing a lot of shutting down and caving-in when others took pleasure in pressuring me or manipulating me, and this was all I could do because I was autistic and unaware I had this developmental disorder. Whether I knew about the ASD or not, I ended up with a huge queue of negative events in my mind that were unprocessed when I was older... clearly all this unprocessed stuff had built up and was a recipe for meltdowns. Being unaware I was autistic, I was clearly handing my power over to bullies many years ago, but being autistic I couldn't control it. I suspect my power had already been taken from me (simply because I didn't know I had ASD), and as the special needs specialists in school all failed to detect my ASD, this meant I continued through life being unaware, vulnerable and very confused for decades. For years I was in a no-win situation almost. I now have much unravelling to do, and my diagnosis of Autism has proved a huge relief as I now have a clear explanation regarding why I've experienced all this bullying and had lots of it too. I think I'll always be up against it, as I will always have this slowed ability to process information (in the brain) as the ASD will never go away, but I'm definitely now free of that vicious cycle. I'll keep that puppet in mind - it's clearly a simple idea that can stop the individual sinking down into something horrendous or life-changing. Thank you again.
Absolutely wonderful, I love the example of giving away our personal power source. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here atRUclips for the world to gleam.
Dr. Conte, Thank you so much for this. I needed this reminder badly. I'm getting ready to embark upon something exciting, but my I had been allowing the anger from a bad experience to take my power. I realize that bad experience doesn't deserve my power. I'm denying myself the opportunity to experience this thing coming up and enjoy the life I have. I'm going to work much harder on this. Again, thank you for this. Have a great week!
Hey Tim thanks for watching this video. I think there comes a time when assertiveness is really important. I really do believe that being able to stand up for yourself and others can be done without anger. My email is on my website and I would be happy to answer anything I can for you. I wish you much peace. Hang in there brother.
Loved the video! I'm enrolled in the Marriage and Family therapy program at UNR, suffice to say us students miss you a TON =) Can't wait to see what you put out next, keep up the excellent work!
Hi Daniel - Great point. There are certainly different types of anger. This video only describes two helpful techniques for the type of anger that occurs when we allow others to control us. My video, Getting Control of Yourself, describes the different types of anger and what to do with them. I will make a RUclips video soon, however, to describe the different types of anger, because I'm hearing that that could be helpful, so thank you for the idea. Thank you for taking time to watch this video
Ohh yes !! Oh wow !! Thankyou very much. This and your video on letting go are so amazing. What a wonderful relief. I can feel anger dissolving after many many years 🙏
I think you have a good point. I'm not sure that we can ever completely rid ourselves of anger; however, I do believe that we can learn to control our thoughts, and eventually, have a much better sense of control over our actions when we feel anger. The gentlemen in the story I told in this video actually learned to control his thoughts really well - and this particular event happened about halfway through his process of change. Thank you for taking time to watch and comment. Much peace.
I must admit Dr Conte you just made more sense to me than anything or anyone in my 47 yrs on this earth a lil about me im bipolar with a huge problem of bipolar rage/anger and im more or less addicted to being pissed off or mad thank you
Hi. Thanks for your thoughts. I would encourage you to explore the difference between being assertive (so as not to be a doormat) and being aggressive (ie., exacting revenge). You may find that there are more than just the two options of either being a doormat or getting revenge. Besides, rare is the person anyway who gets hurt and thinks, "Oh, that's how I must have made that other person feel..." Regardless of the lesson they hope to teach us, we usually just end up angry at those who hurt us.
I think that's a great question and it happens a lot. One way to think about it is this: there's a difference between holding in your emotions and holding onto your power. I think we run into a lot of trouble when we hold in our emotions and allow the little things to build up. When we hold onto our power, however, what we do is not allow others to control us. We tend to feel a little better when we can let out some of the little things before they become big things. Hope this helps
Thank you. I have a video, Getting Control of Yourself: Anger Management Tools and Techniques that might interest you as well. They were able to do some really cool graphics for that video - graphics that are more high-tech than my using a book! Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I needed this. Thank you. I am one of many drivers of a forklift in a busy warehouse and the job is stressful and you want to scream at people. Can't do it. You must maintain control. 7-10 times an evening someone is going to make an honest mistake or you are going to make a mistake, and you need to learn how to deal with that because everyone just wants to go home and not have bad blood.
This was very very very helpful! Thank you so much. I have a very toxic mother in law who pushes through boundaries and try’s to intimidate me all the time. So I needed. This advice
Thankyou for the insightful advice. It was more of a re-iteration of what I've learned in the past, but a great re-fresher on the subject. I know that MY feelings are my own to control/ let get out of control, and that it is my own choice to let "things" get to me. This video was a great reminder to me, that I cannot control what 'negativities' are brought my way, I can, however, control my own emotions. So, again, Thankyou.
Hi Dr. Christian Conte I am in the process of taking the training as a mental trainer in Denmark, we work with 32 different mental tools. towards our clients. and our system, is breakthrough. as it is not seen in other parts of the world. I have never seen the techniques you use around anger. and it's really cool. Book and a doll wow think they could be so simple. I am deeply grateful for your video. I have given my book away for many years and then I myself have been a puppet for a good 42 years. I just haven't known how to deal with my inner anger that I have from my past. and here is your tool really good thank you best regards Noa Evans denmark
Thanks for these kind of videos sometimes small stuff that shouldn't be a big deal I sometimes take to heart and your videos help with not letting anger get out of control
Catch me on Coaching Bad tonight (and Sundays) at 10/9c on Spike Network! You'll see an intense show, and you'll learn how to deal with real anger along the way. I wish you all much peace.
To Dr. Christian Conte, For the last 2 days now I have been checking out your videos on You Tube. (by the way I did subscribe to you channel) For as long as I can remember I seem to always have some anger issues in the workplace. In my late 20's I was diagnosed as Borderline personality disorder along with bipolar depression. I try so hard to control my thoughts and anger in the work place but I am having a hard time struggling with that. I see a doctor for my prescriptions for my mental illness. I really like doing the work I do, but I have very hard time dealing with the people I work around. For the last 20 plus years the jobs I used to do I just sat in a cubicle and did data entry work. I did not have to deal with the people I worked with, also I did not have to deal with the public. I liked my other jobs, but I eventually got laid off. The point I am trying to make is because I have to work around the coworkers and mingle with them, I do not seem to know how to deal with this. Do you think people that have a mental illness can get better with your anger management videos and learn how to communicate better with coworkers and their bosses?
Wow! I have listened to a lot of videos in trying to deal with my anger. Now I see clearly with your analogy. Looking forward to start tomorrow!. Will keep you posted. Thanks a mil!
Thank you so much. Please reach out if I can help. I'm also excited to share that my new book Life Lessons is now available on Amazon. Much peace, Christian
Daniel, I sincerely appreciate this question. The intention is for Yield Theory to stand alongside those approaches. It can be viewed as transtheoretical in the sense that people from different approaches can implement it; but I believe with the development of the seven fundamental components, it can now stand on its own. I taught theories for a number of years in graduate school, and have naturally integrated multiple approaches into it. Please feel free to email me to talk more about it.
Many times there is a difference between what we say and what we mean. So often, we say mean things when what we really want to express is that we are hurting. I know it can be tough, but if you can learn to express the hurt you are experiencing rather than just reacting out of anger, it can really make a difference in the situation.
I like how "normal" & relatable you are. How does this differ when you suffer from mental health issues? Also what do you do after? Confront later? 🤷🏽♀️Thank you for your channel🙂
Развлечения
To everyone who is angry right now - remember this:
No matter how bad things get, and no matter how much you're suffering:
"This too, shall pass."
Everything changes. Absolutely everything.
My mate just got beat up, really, I'm fuming because they went for me aswell. Really not in a good mood. Telling you it was wrong
Wow,I just kinda stumbled on top this and thought I'd give it a watch and wow, very helpful, the Lord puts people in your path for a reason, thanks for this I've just subscribed.
Thanks brother. I wish you much peace.
Christian Conte thanks for that keep doing what you do it helps.
Dr. Christian Conte I'm really in pain because of a person of over aggressive personality. He just gets angry over everything and says things that hurts me so much emotionally and kind of gets abusive too. I dunno how to make him understand that it's just weakening our relation. I get hurt so much that Im not able to get back to normal for so many time. Help me.
I am currently in the final segment of a breakup with my Fiance. She left me. My anger had pushed her away, I lost control. I gave it away. I've been studying several of your videos the last few days, thank you for what you do. The advice through heartbreak is hard to take and to listen to but already some of the techniques you have taught me have already made a small impact on my life. I may never get her back, but maybe one day with enough practice I will be in control of myself. Thank you.
My...paused-fiancé? and I have been going thru the same struggle.
I think these videos are great.
My partner and I can both be rageful, even violent. I seem to mostly only go to that place of extreme anger when I'm in a relationship with an aggressive man.
(My schizophrenic mom brings it out in me too, but it's much easier to stop and apologize with her. She doesn't Go To War with me the way the two men I've tried to be with have.
Last year I made some progress but got discouraged when he got Much Worse Despite intensive therapy.
Now I'm left to wonder--can too much talking about childhood trauma before you've mastered self control make a client with anger issues Much Worse??!?
I know the rational thing would be to break up and stay broken up
Butv we seem Actually Incapable of falling out of love or resisting each other...
God bless you and give you the strength to lead a happy life for you!
Yes i think whats crucial is to first take back your life and learn how to control, only then dig deeper into reasons and trauma. We came to this conclusion with my therapist.
I drove my fiancé away too. I’m an agnostic and she’s a Christian and she kept mentioning how I should look into Christianity with her. Instead of being rational with her; I internalized this as “she’s trying to control me. Don’t take that! Stand up for yourself” and so in an angry outburst, I told her to get the fuck out while she was showering at 2 am. I kicked her out in anger as she was crying and followed her around my house as she got her stuff. About 20 minutes later; I had finally calmed down and told her, begged her even, to stay but at that point, I had already done too much damage. That incident made me look into controlling my emotions; a harsh lesson but a necessary one.
😳.. whoa
I am in tears because I know I have given so much of my power away to people who just don't deserve it
This is so far the most effective technique I saw on youtube. Other vids are crap. This man just hits me right in the feels.
Thank you so much. Sending you much peace!
Have to agree on other videos. Incredibly naive and downright stupid advice is all over youtube ! Incompetent professionals that need to stay out of the way and just stfu !
A lot of times we don't want to "bother anyone" with our problems - until we realize that we are bothering them with our actions anyway. When I am faced with bothering someone with my actions or bothering a friend by asking for support, I tend to pick asking my friend. More often than not, friends are not actually bothered by us turning to them anyway. If you can, try to seek out a friend or counselor to turn to, even if it's difficult, because none of us needs to face things alone. Much peace
Thankyou!❤️ I found your video today, and will try to remember what you said. I’m living in India, where people cross “normal” boundaries all the time. They have a whole different set of rules over here about what is polite and what isn’t. Whenever we go out in public, complete strangers touch my children, pinch their cheeks roughly, and try to take them against my will, after I’ve said NO. And sometimes they yank my baby a couple times to see who will win the tug of war!!!!!😭😭😭
When I’m angry , I usually don’t think. I just act, I punched a gaping hole in my wall because of this
Same. It's almost like something else inside me completely takes over and I am no longer myself until I come to and see the mess I've created. It's like a monster inside.
M2
@@sarahm2878 same
When I get angry. I think and I don’t punch any holes in anything. However I do yell. I get impulsive. But I do somehow manage to control it a little. But I don’t enforce anything in anyone: just don’t touch me.
I have a hole in my bathroom wall I had to cover up with posters and im gonna hide it from my family til we move 💀
Eleven years later and still helping people.
My own lack of control got me into this puppet situation where my boss is actively trying to get complaints from my coworkers in order to have reasons to fire me (several of them warned me). Now, without these videos, I would've been offended and resentful toward my boss, but it looks like it has been me the one who lend her the power over my person, so I'm the one to blame. I formerly thought of my temperament as a sign of strength, now I realize it has always been a sign of weakness.
Thank you for your wisdom
I was a angry person
I felt alone and robbed of communication with others
I spent years of my life ploting and pushing away people that got in the way of my anger and what upset me or who upset me
I put my enemy's that I made from my own poor choices over the people I care about...Loosing friendships along the way
I was so disconnected to human interaction and emotional Attachment that all i felt was rage
All I had was anger it consumed me
I didn't cry for 4 years only shout and break things
Once I reached that point I was getting a rush...a high from becoming angry
It even changed me sexually
I injoyed watching people suffer because of how terrible I felt for years
In school I would constantly get in to fights and was always the one who started it
I hurt my mother, my brother and myself through all of it
But after all of that and realizing who I was i knew I needed to change
I started smoking weed
Exercising
And in general I tried to nature things more
And most importantly never shoving my empathy down for anything
I feel a lot more now I've worked on myself
Don't do the same thing I did
Open your heart to love over hate,
Hate will solve nothing it only consumes
Revenge,anger, and hate will only leave you robbed of hope
Robbed of humanity
And ultimately turn you in to a monster
After not feeling guilty for so long and then waking up to what monster I let manifest
I would truly never wish apon any living thing in the mlutiverse
I hope someone like me can read this and know what path rage leads you to
Thanks for this
I agree: we have the power to determine how we feel - even though it can be difficult, the fact is, it's possible. Thank you for your comments.
This video helped me a lot today. I was in a situation I couldn't leave and the person would not stop poking and prodding. Instead of the situation devolving into me yelling and/or crying, I cut the puppet strings and was able to maintain my composure, and the other person was left to be angry to themselves. I did cry when I was alone and ruminated too much afterwards, but that's something I feel like I can keep working on now that I have a base to work from.
Brilliant and im a teen who got has a bad bad bad temper now this really helped me
Thanks brother. Sending you all the best and much peace for sure!
I think the way I see it is that there is a difference between understanding and practicing. Most people seem to understand (in theory) how to handle anger, but actually living that out can be tough. I wish you much peace.
I just came to this realization, and it's great to hear it affirmed. I'm just tired of giving people control over me. Period.
This is awesome! it made me realize how I was giving away that power everyday and that it is myself the one who needs to be in control. We often blame the other person but it is up to us to take control.
This is great advice. The way you present/word the info in the video, has inspired me to control my anger simply out of spite for others 😂
I can’t believe I have been giving up my power all these years.
Thank you for your kind comments. Kate is awesome and I would love to hear from her and how she's doing. Congratulations on your engagement! She can contact me through my website. I wish you two all the best!
You're welcome. I hope it helps. Thanks for taking time to comment.
i can't thank you enough for this. it's been a daily struggle lately for me.
We shared this video at our Celebrate Recovery meeting when someone was sharing on their anger issues and everyone thought it was very helpful. It can be used to relate to giving your power to other things too. Thanks for this insight!
Thank you for positively changing my life. Your puppet/IronMan technique of not giving away your power literally saved me from committing crimes like assault and battery which would have landed me in prison...possibly for life. I don't have a felony record and never want one. I genuinely can't thank you enough.
I have seen countless videos on this subject and this video really helped me. I saw my anger in a different way. I've been letting other people control me well no more . Great video
Thank you so much. It's such a good feeling to be in control of our lives and not allow others to have power over us. I wish you much peace.
Excellent analogy of the puppet and the book to manage your anger, Dr. Conte.
While it seems very simple, I am sure practicing it will have its own challenges. I will do my best to visualize the puppet and the book every time I become angry and say things that I wish I had not said.
BTW, I also watched several other videos of yours last night. Appreciate posting them all on RUclips. Thanks a bunch.
Thank you so much Suresh! I appreciate you taking time to watch my videos and express something kind to me. And I believe you are 100% right - understanding these concepts and practicing them can be two very different things - and it's not always easy to practice what we know. The key is consistency and trying, though, and I'm definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Thanks brother. I appreciate you taking the time to let me know.
Thank you for taking time to say something positive. Much appreciation.
You're welcome! Thank you so much for taking time to watch and share this video. Yes, I agree, we tend to give our power away in many instances in life. I wish you all the best. Much peace, Christian
Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate you taking time to watch it.
Just got into a fight with my mom before this lol, but this vid really could help me with my anger issues.. See, its runs in my family haha, but I'm realising that I don't want to live that way.. So thanks a lot Dr Conte, I'll try to put ur techniques into use, the whole puppet analogy just opened up my whole mind
Old video still helping people. Thanks Dr. Christian Conte. I have had a problem lashing out with emotion since I was a child and it's got me into a lot of unessacary trouble over the years. I'm 43 now and finally ready to change.
Yes Yes Yes! Thank you for posting on RUclips! Dr. Conte you are greatly missed! Your techniques are practical and have definitely made a difference in my counseling style.
Thank you. Thanks for taking the time to tell me.
Using these technics, I've managed not to ruin my mood during an argument with pathological ex. This is huge for me. Thank you!
This was a powerful video for me to listen to years ago when I was going through a hard time and now I'm sharing your info to a friend right now who needs help. Thanks for the amazing video . I feel you compassion and love.
I am so glad and thankful I stumbled upon your videos! Your down to Earth sense of conveying your messages is amazing. You have a no-b.s. way of putting things and you're easy to listen to. I hope I can get better at practicing all these techniques and be better especially for my kids. Thank you so much!
Thank you SuperWeaponR - I appreciate hearing that a ton. Much peace, Christian
My anger problem is not anything that you've given advice on in this video. It is like a much more deep rooted anger. I don't get as angry at people anymore for the dumb shit they do, i used to act out often but ive calmed down alot. My anger feels very deep inside and i rage especially at those closest to me, but not strangers. I need serious help with this because its ruining my relationships, and the guilt is weighing me down. Please help, thanks.
Hey Jess, Thanks for watching this video. First, I think it's great that you are reaching out for help and doing something about it. Second, I agree, the two techniques in this short video certainly do not address the issue you described. In regard to help online, I would invite you to keep looking for videos that might help explain the underlying reasons for anger; but more importantly, I really hope that you might be able to find a professional in your area who you could sit down with. Sometimes the process of letting go of the things that hurt us in life takes a lot longer than we might expect. It is possible though, and I certainly wish you much peace.
Hi Jess, I would like to share my experience. Earlier this year, I finally went to anger management councelling. Long story short, people doing or saying dumb shit is just the trigger. My anger is deep-rooted and caused by past trauma. I still get angry but less frequently and no longer hits 10/10 everytime I do get angry. My wife is triggers my anger the most. Almost exclusively. This is a real problem. While I work on myself, i am convincing to go for councelling as well. She is addicted to conflict. It is a dangerous situation. I find Dr Conte's tips in this video. The next time my wife is being exceptionally ubreasonable and aggreasive, I will choose not to give away my power.
order 5 Cd "how to deal with anger" by Joyce Meyers if you are a christian, catholic etc it is awesome it quotes the bible and deals with deeply rooted Anger issues. I bought for $19 on Amazon!
Melanie Morris Hey Melanie, The best that I can offer to you is to find someone you can trust to begin to work through some of those issues. Our pasts shape us for sure, but that does not mean they have to determine our future. I wish you much peace. -Dr. Conte
Jess Reyes go for hypnosis or nlp session as it will give you fast results of getting rid of your deep anger issues ,which is mostly from our childhood and past life ,unprocessed emotions ,need to come out of our subconscious minds ,praying for you
Dr. Conte, this video is an extremely great visual to let children and parents watch that are struggling with this concept, I can never put it as elequently as you! These are such helpful concepts to teach others that can be resistant to new ideas because they are easy to grasp. I can't wait to share this visual with others!
Thank you so much to all of you who have reached out to say that this video has been helpful for you. Starting Wednesday, March 16th at 9/8c (2016), you can see me on Family Therapy with Dr. Jenn on VH1. I wish you all much peace.
+Dr. Christian Conte I found this video very helpful. I've always tried to be a nice person. and work has been very stressful as of late. and I feel like I do not enjoy myself like I use to before I had so many responsibilities. thank you for the helpful hints :)
Jason Pollywog Thank you so much. Man, stress can weigh on us in a tough way, and if we're not careful, it can certainly come out as anger. Hang in there and remember to take some time to take care of yourself. Much peace!
Dr. Christian Conte you are Great I love your videos so so so much
Thank you, I really need this info right now before I do something I will regret...
Thank you. I think it's hard sometimes to step back and stop ourselves from making decisions in the heat of the moment that we will regret. It's amazing how empowered we feel when we can take the time to think things through beforehand. The fact that you are taking time to watch videos and learn about what's going on inside you shows that you certainly do have that self control, and you are probably a lot stronger than you know. I wish you much peace.
Thank you brother. I appreciate you watching the other video, too. It's crazy how much shame, depression, and anxiety can lead to us getting angry without realizing it. Please let me know if I can ever be of help. You can contact me through my website. All the best, Christian
puppet & power technique for anger management. I remember this. Thanks
Dr. Conte, thank you so much for this video--keep them coming! I was so fortunate to have taken a few courses with Dr. Conte and have learned hands on techniques and theory from someone who has been able to help so many people deal with their personal issues. I highly recommend his book to anyone in the mental health field. His book is full of tangible and creative counseling techniques that really work.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thanks brother.
Thank you Doc! Very intuitive and well thought out strategies laid out so beautifully and simply. Sending positive vibes to you and anyone reading this
This video is fantastic. Thank you for taking the time to put it out there for all of us!
Dr. Christian Conte has a passion that inspires and reaches his audience on a profound level. His unique teaching style and genuine respect for every individual makes his talks exciting, and life changing. In the graduate coursework I was fortunate enough to have with Dr. Conte, I grew as a student, as a professional, and as a person in ways I never imagined possible. His words have stayed with me as I continue using the knowledge, skills, and techniques he shared. And yeah,more videos please!
Thank you! I wish you well for sure.
True. Which is why I try to teach the concept of just focusing on improving ourselves. We are the only people we can actually change. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
This was a massively helpful lesson for me, people close to me always tell me I am giving away my power and I never understood what that meant or how to stop it, until now. Now I get it and I think I can finally do better with this. Thank you for this and all your other lesson Dr. Conte!
Absolutely. I hope it can help.
I watched this about a week ago and WOW it has made such a difference! Your advice is to the point and easy to remember in those difficult times. Thank you for sharing this knowledge :)
+Ms. Faceless You are absolutely welcome! Thanks for taking the time to say such kind things!
Thank you so much.
It does for sure. Thanks. I hope it helps.
Thank you Dr. Conte!! I have anger issues and you have already helped me see things clearly!!
Thank you for your kind words. And it's true: anger can definitely be exhausting....
Thank you so much for saying that. I agree - the world is what the world is, and it is up to us how we respond to it. Thanks for watching the video.
Thank you so much for this video back a few years ago I was constantly angry and I looked and acted completely different. At the time I thought it was no big deal until I saw videos of who I was. I never wanted to leave my house because of how angry I was and hated interacting with people out side of my comfort group.
Thank you, Dr Christian Conte. I will try to not give away my power.
Dr. Conte, I have been suffering from extreme anger issues over the dumbest and most unrealistic things, and again I have you and most importantly my wife for finding this video. I really am tired of overreacting to things that either my daughters 2 & 6 do or my relatives. My wife found this in concern for my health, as I've been afflicted with diabetes from about 16yrs now and stress is definitely not good for anyone's health especially mine. I turn 36 today, and I sincerely wish to change for the sake of beautiful wife and daughters, as they deserve nothing but the best. God bless and thank you again.
Hey Matthew, I'm sorry to hear that you've had to struggle with anger for so long, but I really admire the fact that you are making changes for your family. You're right, your wife and daughters deserve your best, and it's awesome that you are giving that to them. I think it's understandable that we have learned behavioral patterns of accepting that it's okay to lash out of anger, but the great thing is that we really can change. My website has some resources to help you keep up with the changes you're making (and I started posting videos regularly on my youtube channel). I'm sending you and your family all the best. Much peace, Dr. Conte
+Dr. Christian Conte Thanks for the reply and words of encouragement. I will definitely follow up on the website, I wish you were close by so I could personally come and see you as a patient. If ever you're around/in Montreal for anything related to your profession, I'd like to volunteer myself as a person willing to publicly go through your process on your show or otherwise help you promote your help and teachings further. I don't have anything to offer as I don't think I could afford you, but you do more than you can imagine by doing what you do and deserve all the best for you and your family. Much peace to you and yours as well, and I'd love to keep in touch if we can.
Definitely. Feel free to contact me through my website if you'd like to stay in touch. Much peace brother!
So that would be a good example of giving away your power. I appreciate you sharing it, however, because a lot of people tend to get pretty angry in traffic. One key might be to try not to take things personally in traffic. I know that can be tough to do, but the more you can do that, the less you allow others to determine how your day goes. I'm going to write a blog on my website about anger in traffic for you and everyone else who struggles with anger in traffic. I wish you much peace tonight.
this is so powerful to me!! many videos just say "take a deep breath, count to 10" and it's so not helpful at all! if someone in the moment is angry and you tell them to just take a walk, it seems to be more of an irritant than an aid! but this video puts things into perspective and helps a lot! I'm really struggling with anger, but i think a big change in me just happened! i don't HAVE to struggle! i don't HAVE to give people my power!
Seeing how much people go through, and how we can try to avoid issues and problems.
Thank you for taking time of your life to help us.
Thanks for posting this video Dr. Conte, it's fantastic! I never thought of anger/frustration issues from the perspective of being a puppet. I've had an extremely late diagnosis of Autism, and had easily enough bullying from people (when a child and as an adult) because they sensed I was somehow vulnerable or an "ideal" one to target (and they got away with it). As a youngster I remember doing a lot of shutting down and caving-in when others took pleasure in pressuring me or manipulating me, and this was all I could do because I was autistic and unaware I had this developmental disorder. Whether I knew about the ASD or not, I ended up with a huge queue of negative events in my mind that were unprocessed when I was older... clearly all this unprocessed stuff had built up and was a recipe for meltdowns. Being unaware I was autistic, I was clearly handing my power over to bullies many years ago, but being autistic I couldn't control it. I suspect my power had already been taken from me (simply because I didn't know I had ASD), and as the special needs specialists in school all failed to detect my ASD, this meant I continued through life being unaware, vulnerable and very confused for decades. For years I was in a no-win situation almost. I now have much unravelling to do, and my diagnosis of Autism has proved a huge relief as I now have a clear explanation regarding why I've experienced all this bullying and had lots of it too. I think I'll always be up against it, as I will always have this slowed ability to process information (in the brain) as the ASD will never go away, but I'm definitely now free of that vicious cycle. I'll keep that puppet in mind - it's clearly a simple idea that can stop the individual sinking down into something horrendous or life-changing. Thank you again.
This video is from 2013 but is still very true today in 2023. These videos have helped me tremendously. Thank you so much 😊 Dr. Conte!
Absolutely wonderful, I love the example of giving away our personal power source. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here atRUclips for the world to gleam.
Dr. Conte, Thank you so much for this. I needed this reminder badly. I'm getting ready to embark upon something exciting, but my I had been allowing the anger from a bad experience to take my power. I realize that bad experience doesn't deserve my power. I'm denying myself the opportunity to experience this thing coming up and enjoy the life I have. I'm going to work much harder on this. Again, thank you for this. Have a great week!
+Vicky Reeves Hi Vicky - You're absolutely right! Previous bad experiences don't deserve your power. I wish you the best in your new opportunity!
Hey Tim thanks for watching this video. I think there comes a time when assertiveness is really important. I really do believe that being able to stand up for yourself and others can be done without anger. My email is on my website and I would be happy to answer anything I can for you. I wish you much peace. Hang in there brother.
These techniques help so much, thank you for taking the time to make this video
Loved the video! I'm enrolled in the Marriage and Family therapy program at UNR, suffice to say us students miss you a TON =) Can't wait to see what you put out next, keep up the excellent work!
Hi Daniel - Great point. There are certainly different types of anger. This video only describes two helpful techniques for the type of anger that occurs when we allow others to control us. My video, Getting Control of Yourself, describes the different types of anger and what to do with them. I will make a RUclips video soon, however, to describe the different types of anger, because I'm hearing that that could be helpful, so thank you for the idea. Thank you for taking time to watch this video
Ohh yes !! Oh wow !! Thankyou very much. This and your video on letting go are so amazing. What a wonderful relief. I can feel anger dissolving after many many years 🙏
This video should have at least 100 million views.
I think you have a good point. I'm not sure that we can ever completely rid ourselves of anger; however, I do believe that we can learn to control our thoughts, and eventually, have a much better sense of control over our actions when we feel anger. The gentlemen in the story I told in this video actually learned to control his thoughts really well - and this particular event happened about halfway through his process of change. Thank you for taking time to watch and comment. Much peace.
I must admit Dr Conte you just made more sense to me than anything or anyone in my 47 yrs on this earth a lil about me im bipolar with a huge problem of bipolar rage/anger and im more or less addicted to being pissed off or mad thank you
Hi. Thanks for your thoughts. I would encourage you to explore the difference between being assertive (so as not to be a doormat) and being aggressive (ie., exacting revenge). You may find that there are more than just the two options of either being a doormat or getting revenge. Besides, rare is the person anyway who gets hurt and thinks, "Oh, that's how I must have made that other person feel..." Regardless of the lesson they hope to teach us, we usually just end up angry at those who hurt us.
I think that's a great question and it happens a lot. One way to think about it is this: there's a difference between holding in your emotions and holding onto your power. I think we run into a lot of trouble when we hold in our emotions and allow the little things to build up. When we hold onto our power, however, what we do is not allow others to control us. We tend to feel a little better when we can let out some of the little things before they become big things. Hope this helps
Thank you. I have a video, Getting Control of Yourself: Anger Management Tools and Techniques that might interest you as well. They were able to do some really cool graphics for that video - graphics that are more high-tech than my using a book! Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Great explanation of this. I like the puppet and Iron man analogies!
Thanks brother! Sending you much peace!
That's exactly what happens, this guy knows what he's talking about.much respect and peace to you my friend.🙏
This video was so helpful I had to watch this again
I needed this. Thank you. I am one of many drivers of a forklift in a busy warehouse and the job is stressful and you want to scream at people. Can't do it. You must maintain control. 7-10 times an evening someone is going to make an honest mistake or you are going to make a mistake, and you need to learn how to deal with that because everyone just wants to go home and not have bad blood.
This was very very very helpful! Thank you so much. I have a very toxic mother in law who pushes through boundaries and try’s to intimidate me all the time. So I needed. This advice
sharing with people
in my groups and public
Never thought of it as giving away my power! Love this concept/technique!
Thankyou for the insightful advice. It was more of a re-iteration of what I've learned in the past, but a great re-fresher on the subject. I know that MY feelings are my own to control/ let get out of control, and that it is my own choice to let "things" get to me. This video was a great reminder to me, that I cannot control what 'negativities' are brought my way, I can, however, control my own emotions. So, again, Thankyou.
Thanks so much Mark. I really appreciate that. Sending you much peace brother.
Hi Dr. Christian Conte I am in the process of taking the training as a mental trainer in Denmark, we work with 32 different mental tools. towards our clients. and our system, is breakthrough. as it is not seen in other parts of the world. I have never seen the techniques you use around anger. and it's really cool. Book and a doll wow think they could be so simple. I am deeply grateful for your video. I have given my book away for many years and then I myself have been a puppet for a good 42 years. I just haven't known how to deal with my inner anger that I have from my past. and here is your tool really good thank you best regards Noa Evans denmark
Thanks for these kind of videos sometimes small stuff that shouldn't be a big deal I sometimes take to heart and your videos help with not letting anger get out of control
Catch me on Coaching Bad tonight (and Sundays) at 10/9c on Spike Network! You'll see an intense show, and you'll learn how to deal with real anger along the way. I wish you all much peace.
To Dr. Christian Conte, For the last 2 days now I have been checking out your videos on You Tube. (by the way I did subscribe to you channel) For as long as I can remember I seem to always have some anger issues in the workplace. In my late 20's I was diagnosed as Borderline personality disorder along with bipolar depression. I try so hard to control my thoughts and anger in the work place but I am having a hard time struggling with that. I see a doctor for my prescriptions for my mental illness. I really like doing the work I do, but I have very hard time dealing with the people I work around. For the last 20 plus years the jobs I used to do I just sat in a cubicle and did data entry work. I did not have to deal with the people I worked with, also I did not have to deal with the public. I liked my other jobs, but I eventually got laid off. The point I am trying to make is because I have to work around the coworkers and mingle with them, I do not seem to know how to deal with this. Do you think people that have a mental illness can get better with your anger management videos and learn how to communicate better with coworkers and their bosses?
That puppet explanation just changed my perspective. You have my attention... thank you
Wow!! That puppet idea really struck a chord.. I know I will think of that for now on!! Thank u so much!
Both Points are Very Useful and most important for us to know.
Wow! I have listened to a lot of videos in trying to deal with my anger. Now I see clearly with your analogy. Looking forward to start tomorrow!. Will keep you posted. Thanks a mil!
Thank you so much. Please reach out if I can help. I'm also excited to share that my new book Life Lessons is now available on Amazon. Much peace, Christian
Daniel, I sincerely appreciate this question. The intention is for Yield Theory to stand alongside those approaches. It can be viewed as transtheoretical in the sense that people from different approaches can implement it; but I believe with the development of the seven fundamental components, it can now stand on its own. I taught theories for a number of years in graduate school, and have naturally integrated multiple approaches into it. Please feel free to email me to talk more about it.
Many times there is a difference between what we say and what we mean. So often, we say mean things when what we really want to express is that we are hurting. I know it can be tough, but if you can learn to express the hurt you are experiencing rather than just reacting out of anger, it can really make a difference in the situation.
Those are two very powerful techniques. Great stuff.
Thank you. Please feel free to reach out if I can be of help.
I like how "normal" & relatable you are. How does this differ when you suffer from mental health issues? Also what do you do after? Confront later? 🤷🏽♀️Thank you for your channel🙂