Great tips overall. I would like to point out that the Stop and Think technique may be unrealistic for someone with BPD. Research shows that when the brain is dysregulated it is EXTREMELY difficult to reason and think clearly. It would be more realistic to remove yourself from the situation until you are re-regulated and can access those mental resources.
I think that another way someone can vent their anger, is art. Either it is music, or dance, theater, painting etc. I have discovered that with singing, I can "yell" as much as I want to, without anyone knowing what's going on, and more importantly, due to the concentration that is required to perform a song, my mind gets focused on the task, rather than overthinking and making my anger greater. Thank you for all your good work, and interest that you show for all of us. You are a wonderful person 💗💗💗
What I have done some time ago is set up an empty chair and pretend that the person or thing I’m angry with is sitting there, tied up, mouth taped shut, and they have to listen to exactly how I feel about them or their hurtful actions. After yelling and talking to the ‘person on the chair’, I usually end by telling them I forgive them or at least want to. It feels good. And no one gets hurt.
1. Think first talk later. 2. Using " I " statements. 3. Let Anger be a balloon. 4. Relax , then express your anger. 5. Exercise. 6. Time out. Find your center...be alone. 7. Practice relaxation techniques. 8. Be solution focused. 9. Watch something funny. Laughter helps. 10. Seek help when Anger becomes very problematic in your life.
Lately, after i became 30 a month ago, i'm constantly agitated. i'm BPD, and in a very bad situation and so my mind is constantly telling me that i'm 30 and useless. It's the same thing as long as i'm awake. It's causing major triggers and i've never been in this state of constant anger. i lash out at my parents. i will try your methods, Dr., because you have truly helped me understand my problem and try to cope with it, to the best of my abilities.
I really needed to watch this video. I haven't let go of pain from my past and it is interfering with my current relationship. Thank you for sharing this!
When someone insults you a little, balance is somewhat restored when you say "i felt hurt by that". The problem is when the person says something that is personal and extremely offensive and this is all you have to respond with. What do you do with all the leftover anger? Not expressing anger or nerfing it down is the fastest shortcut to depression..
I so appreciate the topic of Anger Reduction. I isolate because I am angry all the time. I am co-dependent and than I m'to helpful and than I go into Rage. I am learning to excuse my Self and put my feelings on Audio Recorder and than try and paraphrase what I want to express. For me it is the same thing =sort of the same tape with a different person.
The problem is this, when someone says sonething mean or disrespectful or invalidating to me, i will get this voice in my head that shames me for being a coward if i dont respond. It can nag and ruminate for days.
Hi Kenza! I’m not a professional like Dr. fox, but, I understand how you feel. I think trying to be curious about your feelings could diminish some of their power. Why are they there? Are they justified, or unhelpful? I use these questions to help me get over that annoying little voice. Best of luck!
I know this voice. A technique that I have learned is to step back from the voice. Observe it as something separate from me. Then simply tell it that it is a liar and I will no longer listen or respond to it. "You are a liar. I will no longer listen or respond to you". Seems silly but it has helped reduce the power that the voice has over me. Good luck.
I was expecting the "... and an expert in the area of personality disorders" part in the introduction and was confused for a second :D Your videos ground me & help a lot. Thank you!
Thank you so very much for the effort and care you put in those series. It helped me a lot. And I dare say you helped me wayyy much more than a 3 years on-going diagnosis and therapy. Glad I found you. Keep up the amazing work.
“Just” doing things like this sounds so easy. If only it was as easy to “just” exercise and “let go” of the anger. None of these solutions seem to fit with how I view the world or my lifestyle, so what else can I do if these “just”ing things aren’t fitting for me?
Dr. Daniel Fox I have one. She doesn’t give me any skills or tools because she “can’t tell me how to deal with it. I just have to deal with it”. She’s told me before coping skills or whatever are bad.
@@SamW117 I'm in a similar counseling situation, which is why I'm here on RUclips looking for insight. I'm looking for a new therapist. You're not going to click with everybody, and you won't open up to someone you don't trust.
"Just" keep trying. Don't give up on developing greater direction over your life. I'm here watching these videos because I'm still struggling, but what's the alternative? Live the same old patterns? I've come a long way. Keep seeking out resources. Good luck.
Thank you for this wonderful video, it's really helped me! You seem kind and genuinely interested in helping others, Dr. Daniel Sometimes when I'm cooling off after a disagreement, I imagine putting myself in the other person's shoes. This helps me see them more as a person instead of someone intent on pissing me off. Also, Dave Chappelle is awesome!!
I made an analogy I get people to understand what I'm saying: It's like swinging out a wrecking ball covered in antimatter... then it comes back and slams me. After a few times of this issue I held back and have more awareness of what I do or say. That's AWFUL to feel. Thanks for letting me hear you and give my own analogy. Cheers!
You're such a gem Dr.Daniel. my favorite place (its cliche I know) is the beach across my street. The Atlantic is simply full of treasures and life! Thank you for this video.
Very good video with practical suggestions! Pro Parenting Tip: TEENS. Taking a parent time-out will also allow your teen space/time to regulate themselves and give you the same space/time to approach the situation intentionally (esp when having serious discussions or when there needs to be serious consequences). General rule of thumb, depending on parent emotional control is 2-10 mins of time-out per year of kid age. If your kid is 15yo, that means about 30mins - 2.5hrs! No, that doesn't mean stay in your room the whole time, (although you might need it).
I got lost a little...I was on number 5 and apparently you were at #10 I was trying to write and take notes at the same time but I appreciate you and your channel
I have an understanding of what you have suggested and I have been trapped by my outburst and has had to pay for my mistakes a time or two but what I would like to know is,if this person is continually saying I have an anger problem but they take no responsibility for any part that they have played in it I’m sure you would say that this is an unhealthy relationship,so with that thought in mind what advice would you offer me or someone else ?(Cluster B?)
for me, i can relate to that idea of "anger cancer". all 4 of my family members are cholerics who scream when they are angry. my siblings and my parents. after we lost mum, for the others it got worse. i feel i cant ever truly express anger in a non passive way. its really hard. my brother disrespects me and treats me like an idiot and in my head i can think of the most horrible things to say or to do. but in real life i cant tell him properly why what he is doing hurts me, even if i do believe he wouldnt get it anyways.. it would be better than this. i have so much pent up anger but the fear of loud voices and screaming i built up makes me avoid conflict even when i should probably resolve it. i have bipolar disorder and when i am in a manic state i feel like my anger even about small things rises to an incredibly concerning point.. i will try some of your ideas, thank you for making your video!
I have a hard time finding something for my chronic anger. I don't lash out or even express it. I am just miserable all the time. It is ruining my life. Everything makes me angry. I tried loving kindness meditation, it works the best for me so far. Still looking for other techniques too.
Honest question: is this the kind of thing that people who aren't subject to rage-filled outbursts do? Breathe? Go sit in a corner? Because I hear a lot of this and I think that if I could just breathe it out, if I had the presence of mind to go into another room or something, then I wouldn't be subject to rage filled outbursts in the first place. Honestly, I usually don't even find that *getting mad* is the issue in and of itself. Maybe other people are different, but a lot of times I get mad at the same time someone else is getting mad. But the problem is that when I get angry, I get way too angry. Scary angry. Out of control. That's what I don't understand: why doesn't everybody get as angry as I do when they get angry?
The only thing I don’t agree with is anger and laughter… when I’m ticked off I will laugh in someone’s face just to be an ass.. don’t get me wrong I feel like a complete piece of shit afterwards and apologize till my face turns blue, but I will laugh because I’m angry and it just makes me even more angry… idk maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m a freak, I have no idea. Still trying to figure it all out
What's the difference between controlling anger and repressing anger? I feel like my anger is building up if I take a logical approach to a situation that angers me.
Why is it always me that has to compromise, why is it that it's always me that let stuff pass and have to apologize regardless, and when I get explosive anger I'm blamed further more, why does no one ever apologizes to me, it's really all I want I got so angry that I get dizzy and cold, is it selfish to me rn to want someone to hug me and tell me that I'm not in the wrong
I've heard a couple of quotes that have stuck with me: "Words are like toothpaste. Once you let it out, you can't put it back" (It can't be unsaid nor undone so to speak.) "Anger is like ingesting poison and expecting it to hurt the other person" (In other words, it's poisoning yourself / hurting yourself whether it's intentional to cause harm or not intended.) Maybe those quotes might help at least one other person to remember or write down to think about before saying or doing something they could regret for a very long time. I know from experience with the unhealthy anger after I got to a point in a VERY mentally abusive relationship and got to the point of struggling with anger and finally lashing-out. Ever since then, I've developed anger issues as if my super long fuse was cut, and it hurts immensely that now I've even hurt people I love due to anger struggles and have had a few leave my life because of it. I hurt when others hurt, so this is an awful thing for me. The silver lining is that it had me throw myself into therapy out of the POSITIVE types of anger which led to better understanding myself and what was causing it so that I could reign it in and actually get diagnoses of PTSD w/ prolonged exposure (Complex PTSD, and most recently Borderline Personality Disorder) THAT's the silver lining I TRY to look for in my own personal life. Hope this MIGHT make sense and help anyone else, even if just one other person ....
Thank you Dr. Fox. I think is sometimes angry hides fear. I fear to be incapable to cope with what is happening, so the root of my anger explosions is the typical anxiety fear that in some cases lead me to anger instead to panicking. I will try to use some of those techniques you have very well explained here. I am also wondering if maybe a way can also accepting the possibility of a catastrophic event occurs like it is already gone?
I''m missing a part about how under anger there is an unmet need? I read about that in the book on non-violent communication, which doesn't explain it so thar my warped brain understands. Could you please do a video on that? How to get your needs met in an effective way?
Hello Dr. Daniel Fox. I just had a recent break up with my ex gf back in July 2020. It's now October now about to be November soon. There's been multiple times I got angry with my ex gf about basically stupid stuff. Some were really stupid but mostly all of them were. Im 22 years old now. I had anger issues since i was a kid and to help with my anger I played football from middle school to high school. Mostly the last 2 years of school I was angry at. But I lost my ex gf bcz of my anger. Which I didn't want to hurt her at all. Didn't want to a cause a breakup but I did. I talked to her a few days ago and told her how i felt and feel towards her. She made me happy with so many things but now I'm just miserable and depressed that she's gone. My anger got the best of me. Im trying to figure out what type of anger I have and how to control it. Well i hope you can comment on this
But how can you learn to let go of the anger and forgive? I’m really struggling with this and the anger is just growing and growing inside me. I’m in the quicksand and I’m drowning. That’s how it feels. I’m primary the hardened anger type. I have been in therapy before many years but maybe I just haven’t had the help I needed to learn these things. I really want to change though because it’s exhausting being so consumed with anger.
I had depression in adolescent and took Prozac for five years. I tapered it off very slowly but since I got to 0mg, I’m just fucking angry, all the time, especially with my fiancé and my co-workers. It’s like I’m destroying my life with it… I think I have to do talk therapy again or take SSRI again…
Is there any room for addressing trauma in therapy? It seems that a lot of times in treatment, they expect you to be passed this. "live in the now", and all that. How exactly can I do that when I feel like none of this has really been addressed? I thought therapy was also to help understand the things that happened. I keep getting angry at things in the past and don't know how to move forward knowing my family doesn't care that they hurt me. I don't get to talk about it at all. I'm just annoying my friends.
I can't find a single anger management video with actual useful techniques. If I hear another time the stupid remark about "point a finger and three will point back" I swear I'll slap a bitch. No, 3 will not "point back" bc the fingers are retracted and not pointing at yourself. People do shit all the time but fuck my drag if I get angry. Yes, I am angry.
From what I can tell, when ppl with bpd pathologically lie, it's in a way self defence and a way to feel loved/fit in. However, I believe it's more of a narcissist trait indeed.
I don’t even remember the last time I lied (I have BPD). It is a pretty rare occurrence honestly. However my brother in law lies every second of everyday (he has NPD).
I have a chronic anger problem. My triggers are literaly everywhere. Limitations, oppression, pandemic rules, submissive people who live by the pandemic rules, facemasks, people who ask you nicely to wear a facemask, rows, traffic lights, annoying behaviour in traffic, masses, dept collectors, sponsored by politics, certain prime ministers who constantly lie to you, screw the law to oppose their scamdemic, vaccines, the media, lockdowns, curfews. You see, pretty much everything in society agravates me. The problem is I broke up with my ex, she used to do all the groceries while I provided the main food from the food bank. Now I have to do the groceries by myself again. That's where the problem starts. I deviated and rebelled so much against all the pandemic rules, and against society, I feel like physically attacking people on the street for even wearing a facemask outside. Then you need food, I refuse to wear a damn mask at all cost. I start lashing out at people who try to ask me nicely to wear a facemask. It became very hard not to hit those people. I always respond like I'm on somekind of warpath. I never respond friendly against any kind of facist. I also make people aware they are crossing several human rights, and tell them wich they are. People won't listen, oppose their rules or you won't get in without a fight. So I rather smash their facemask deep into their mouths. This behaviour will cause more problems in the future. At this moment in my life, I've lost a significant other due to sexual limitations and aldultery as a reward. Here we go again, limitations. These limitations have caused sexual frustrations as well. On top of all the frustrations of the pandemic and on top of all the problems with society I had before the pandemic. I've become a monster towards nice and friendly people who work in stores. Well they're not so friendly after all. Those nice and friendly people in stores gang up around you when you tell them 'no', or 'over my dead body' after yet another infantile facemask request. But then I tell them to call the cops, and oh boy I would like to have a fight to the death with cops. I have nothing to lose anymore. I have nothing to live for. I ask the cop nice and friendly to either let me do my groceries without any stupid rule, or to place a bullet between my eyes. Arresting me is not going to happen. Obeying any pandemic rule is not an option for me either. I'd rather die fighting a cop. If the cop tries to arrest me, I give the cop any reason to rather kill me than arresting me. Let's get it over with then. I'm sick and tired of everyones bullshit anyways. Everyone depresses me. Any scamdemic rule is one too much... ...See how hard it is for me not to engage into physical warfare and keep a lit on it. See what damage the scamdemic rules did to me. It's everyones fault! ...Seriously, it only takes one bad day to get myself killed over pandemic rules. I have a big problem.
Go read about the gulags in soviet union, or watch a documentary on youtube. People were put into these prison camps. It was hell It helped me to see my life isnt that bad. Anger is a bad habit. Be aware of when it arises and drop it like a hot flame. .
@@amber40494 covid quarantine camps weren't so much different from the gulags. Only slightly more humane. Let's also ignore the doors of residents being welded shut for only the suspicion of covid. You know what? Let's ignore society altogether! Yes, you are right! Anger is my worst habit. Hatred consumes me from the inside out. Even so much, it was one of the main causes why I became homeless for a while. However, I found a new place where I can become better, grow old and I'd like to keep it that way. So I had to make some radical changes in order to become less angry at the world. I stopped watching the news, I stopped reading newspapers, I stopped voting and I stopped talking about politics. I had enough of being structually scammed by criminal govts and the media constantly telling you ghoststories and lies to keep you afraid, angry and vulnerable for their indoctrination, wich influences people's opinions and so their voting behaviour, badly. I must say, taking a healthy distance from society has been very liberating. Society is not my problem anymore. So now I have to keep it out of my system. Society did help me to find the home where I live now. So in return it's time for me to turn a blind eye to society. As a result I did became less angry and more friendly, understanding, patient and forgiving with the few people around me. To give new people a chance, it's important, even essential to come to terms with your own shortcomings. But also eliminating destructive patterns. Such as continuing to talk about the past with friends. A past where my rage originated, from loss of family and loved ones. All to end up orphaning myself from the rest of my toxic and downright narcissistic family altogether. I've been with Anger ever since I've known, until I found out that her real name was Grief. Retreating myself from society gave me a lot of time to discover my emotions, where it comes from, and what to do to finally get control over my own emotions. I basicly became my own psychiatrists as good as I can. But also I become my own best friend, my own brother, my own father and my own lover. The day I wrote the comment you see above here, I just wasn't there yet. But really, baby steps do pay off. I needed time to figure things out. I can be proud where I am now.
That is a good question 😉 my answer to you is yes, if you are able to. I know loved ones would really appreciate that. Sometimes I have explosive anger and then It's really hard to say that I need some time, some space to calm down. So what I have been able to say in the past is: I need to go! I'll be back. Then I go for a walk. Then I am more able to talk and figure things out with that person, 😊 I hope this was helpful and answerd your question ❤
Well, i have a lot of anger in me, and sure i can let it go like a balloon but its going to be more than one, i got enough to go around, 99 luft balloons.
Anger reduction technique: Be angry or rage AT THE WRONG PERSON, perhaps a covert Borderline.... You have to clean up your own blood. We DON'T HAVE TO put up with your shit, borderlines. No, we DON'T.
Great tips overall. I would like to point out that the Stop and Think technique may be unrealistic for someone with BPD. Research shows that when the brain is dysregulated it is EXTREMELY difficult to reason and think clearly. It would be more realistic to remove yourself from the situation until you are re-regulated and can access those mental resources.
I think that another way someone can vent their anger, is art. Either it is music, or dance, theater, painting etc.
I have discovered that with singing, I can "yell" as much as I want to, without anyone knowing what's going on, and more importantly, due to the concentration that is required to perform a song, my mind gets focused on the task, rather than overthinking and making my anger greater.
Thank you for all your good work, and interest that you show for all of us. You are a wonderful person 💗💗💗
What I have done some time ago is set up an empty chair and pretend that the person or thing I’m angry with is sitting there, tied up, mouth taped shut, and they have to listen to exactly how I feel about them or their hurtful actions. After yelling and talking to the ‘person on the chair’, I usually end by telling them I forgive them or at least want to. It feels good. And no one gets hurt.
You're an incredibly smart and caring person, thank you so much for sharing your expertise. The videos are changing my life.
Me too, so helpful
Genuinely dedicated professionals such as Dr Fox are rare.
To let my anger go, I use it to clean my house.
If you can’t solve
one problem (angered), I work on another problem.
1. Think first talk later.
2. Using " I " statements.
3. Let Anger be a balloon.
4. Relax , then express your anger.
5. Exercise.
6. Time out. Find your center...be alone.
7. Practice relaxation techniques.
8. Be solution focused.
9. Watch something funny. Laughter helps.
10. Seek help when Anger becomes very problematic in your life.
Lately, after i became 30 a month ago, i'm constantly agitated. i'm BPD, and in a very bad situation and so my mind is constantly telling me that i'm 30 and useless. It's the same thing as long as i'm awake. It's causing major triggers and i've never been in this state of constant anger. i lash out at my parents. i will try your methods, Dr., because you have truly helped me understand my problem and try to cope with it, to the best of my abilities.
Please try and let me know.
Merry Christmas, Dr. Fox! You're my favorite person!
You always make videos on the very things I’m struggling with! Thank you ❤️
I'm sure I'm a broken record by now but every video has the best content. These two videos on anger are amazing thank you for all your help Dr Fox. 💜
I watched this as I was holding onto my anger and I felt very much relieved after watching this video. Thank you for this!!
You could put a bunch of adds on your videos, but you don't 💚💛🧡
Because he doesn't want to trigger us :D :D :D
Thank you for helping me feel more "normal" I am grateful for you every day, Dr. Fox.
Anger is the easy way out, very powerful message
Thanks 😊
I really needed to watch this video. I haven't let go of pain from my past and it is interfering with my current relationship. Thank you for sharing this!
When someone insults you a little, balance is somewhat restored when you say "i felt hurt by that". The problem is when the person says something that is personal and extremely offensive and this is all you have to respond with. What do you do with all the leftover anger?
Not expressing anger or nerfing it down is the fastest shortcut to depression..
I so appreciate the topic of Anger Reduction. I isolate because I am angry all the time. I am co-dependent and than
I m'to helpful and than I go into Rage. I am learning to excuse my Self and put my feelings on Audio Recorder and than
try and paraphrase what I want to express. For me it is the same thing =sort of the same tape with a different person.
Watching this while I’m angry and I feel like I cannot wait. Trying my best.
Thank you for sharing and I would encourage you to use that insight to utilize adaptive strategies to control and manage your anger. Be well.
The problem is this, when someone says sonething mean or disrespectful or invalidating to me, i will get this voice in my head that shames me for being a coward if i dont respond. It can nag and ruminate for days.
Hi Kenza! I’m not a professional like Dr. fox, but, I understand how you feel. I think trying to be curious about your feelings could diminish some of their power. Why are they there? Are they justified, or unhelpful? I use these questions to help me get over that annoying little voice. Best of luck!
I know this voice. A technique that I have learned is to step back from the voice. Observe it as something separate from me. Then simply tell it that it is a liar and I will no longer listen or respond to it. "You are a liar. I will no longer listen or respond to you". Seems silly but it has helped reduce the power that the voice has over me. Good luck.
I was expecting the "... and an expert in the area of personality disorders" part in the introduction and was confused for a second :D Your videos ground me & help a lot. Thank you!
+Lena Fuchs ☺️. I like to mix it up.
This man is absolutely brilliant in his insights and knowledge ...so grateful for his video presentations
Thank you so very much for the effort and care you put in those series. It helped me a lot. And I dare say you helped me wayyy much more than a 3 years on-going diagnosis and therapy. Glad I found you. Keep up the amazing work.
Thank you doctor Fox, I am learning a lot from your videos and find them helpful.
“Just” doing things like this sounds so easy. If only it was as easy to “just” exercise and “let go” of the anger. None of these solutions seem to fit with how I view the world or my lifestyle, so what else can I do if these “just”ing things aren’t fitting for me?
I agree, hard to do but easy to say. Seek out strategies that work for you. You may want to consult a mental health provider.
Dr. Daniel Fox I have one. She doesn’t give me any skills or tools because she “can’t tell me how to deal with it. I just have to deal with it”. She’s told me before coping skills or whatever are bad.
Dr. Daniel Fox I have tried to find things that work but nothing does.
@@SamW117 I'm in a similar counseling situation, which is why I'm here on RUclips looking for insight. I'm looking for a new therapist. You're not going to click with everybody, and you won't open up to someone you don't trust.
"Just" keep trying. Don't give up on developing greater direction over your life. I'm here watching these videos because I'm still struggling, but what's the alternative? Live the same old patterns? I've come a long way. Keep seeking out resources. Good luck.
Thank you for this wonderful video, it's really helped me! You seem kind and genuinely interested in helping others, Dr. Daniel
Sometimes when I'm cooling off after a disagreement, I imagine putting myself in the other person's shoes. This helps me see them more as a person instead of someone intent on pissing me off.
Also, Dave Chappelle is awesome!!
Thank you for creating the video
I made an analogy I get people to understand what I'm saying:
It's like swinging out a wrecking ball covered in antimatter... then it comes back and slams me.
After a few times of this issue I held back and have more awareness of what I do or say. That's AWFUL to feel. Thanks for letting me hear you and give my own analogy. Cheers!
You honestly don't know how much you've helped me
Thank you it really helped 😊
Thanks for the tips!
I really like that painting. I had to restart the video because I kept getting distracted by it. But that's just me...I love art.
Glad it was helpful!
You're such a gem Dr.Daniel. my favorite place (its cliche I know) is the beach across my street. The Atlantic is simply full of treasures and life! Thank you for this video.
THANK YOU Dr. Fox. You helped me get out of a rut!
You are so helpful. I've taken notes on my journal. My therapist will be happy I'm doing homework.
Very good video with practical suggestions! Pro Parenting Tip: TEENS. Taking a parent time-out will also allow your teen space/time to regulate themselves and give you the same space/time to approach the situation intentionally (esp when having serious discussions or when there needs to be serious consequences). General rule of thumb, depending on parent emotional control is 2-10 mins of time-out per year of kid age. If your kid is 15yo, that means about 30mins - 2.5hrs! No, that doesn't mean stay in your room the whole time, (although you might need it).
I got lost a little...I was on number 5 and apparently you were at #10 I was trying to write and take notes at the same time but I appreciate you and your channel
thank u for all your videos
You’re welcome. I’m glad you find them helpful.
I have an understanding of what you have suggested and I have been trapped by my outburst and has had to pay for my mistakes a time or two but what I would like to know is,if this person is continually saying I have an anger problem but they take no responsibility for any part that they have played in it I’m sure you would say that this is an unhealthy relationship,so with that thought in mind what advice would you offer me or someone else ?(Cluster B?)
THANK U DOCTOR FOR THIS. really nice session ❤️❤️❤️
for me, i can relate to that idea of "anger cancer". all 4 of my family members are cholerics who scream when they are angry. my siblings and my parents. after we lost mum, for the others it got worse. i feel i cant ever truly express anger in a non passive way. its really hard. my brother disrespects me and treats me like an idiot and in my head i can think of the most horrible things to say or to do. but in real life i cant tell him properly why what he is doing hurts me, even if i do believe he wouldnt get it anyways.. it would be better than this. i have so much pent up anger but the fear of loud voices and screaming i built up makes me avoid conflict even when i should probably resolve it. i have bipolar disorder and when i am in a manic state i feel like my anger even about small things rises to an incredibly concerning point.. i will try some of your ideas, thank you for making your video!
You are brilliant and so 'spot on' accurate. Glad I found your channel 🐬
I just broke my ipad because i couldnt control my anger, hopefully this video can help me
🤷
Great video, but any Bill Burr or George Carlin fan fill tell you that anger is ABSOLUTELY compatible with laughter
I loved this, thank you 🙏
Thank you for everything you do, thank you so much
You are so welcome
Oh boy! I need this! Thank you!
+Michelle My Belle 😊
2:35 To be fair, Odysseus does say this not long before he slaughters everyone in the house, so I'm not sure how great an example he is.
😂 do what I say not what I do kind of a thing...
Awesome video with great techniques
I have a hard time finding something for my chronic anger. I don't lash out or even express it. I am just miserable all the time. It is ruining my life. Everything makes me angry. I tried loving kindness meditation, it works the best for me so far. Still looking for other techniques too.
thankful to know this
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Please make a video for explosive anger as none of these techniques work in that case.
Honest question: is this the kind of thing that people who aren't subject to rage-filled outbursts do? Breathe? Go sit in a corner?
Because I hear a lot of this and I think that if I could just breathe it out, if I had the presence of mind to go into another room or something, then I wouldn't be subject to rage filled outbursts in the first place.
Honestly, I usually don't even find that *getting mad* is the issue in and of itself. Maybe other people are different, but a lot of times I get mad at the same time someone else is getting mad. But the problem is that when I get angry, I get way too angry. Scary angry. Out of control. That's what I don't understand: why doesn't everybody get as angry as I do when they get angry?
The only thing I don’t agree with is anger and laughter… when I’m ticked off I will laugh in someone’s face just to be an ass.. don’t get me wrong I feel like a complete piece of shit afterwards and apologize till my face turns blue, but I will laugh because I’m angry and it just makes me even more angry… idk maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m a freak, I have no idea. Still trying to figure it all out
I can relate. I think it’s an attempt to stop the anger… doesn’t always work but sometimes I get lucky
Life saving advice
Thanks 😊
Thanks- great video! Really helps me.
Hi which book of yours is good for this? Anxiety/exercise induced anxiety type, reaction based, verbal volume.
Great video 💕
Thanks 😊
What's the difference between controlling anger and repressing anger? I feel like my anger is building up if I take a logical approach to a situation that angers me.
Thanks for helping
Love your videos
So helpful
Thanks for your great job. Xxx
Why is it always me that has to compromise, why is it that it's always me that let stuff pass and have to apologize regardless, and when I get explosive anger I'm blamed further more, why does no one ever apologizes to me, it's really all I want
I got so angry that I get dizzy and cold, is it selfish to me rn to want someone to hug me and tell me that I'm not in the wrong
thank you
Good recommendations
I've heard a couple of quotes that have stuck with me: "Words are like toothpaste. Once you let it out, you can't put it back" (It can't be unsaid nor undone so to speak.)
"Anger is like ingesting poison and expecting it to hurt the other person" (In other words, it's poisoning yourself / hurting yourself whether it's intentional to cause harm or not intended.)
Maybe those quotes might help at least one other person to remember or write down to think about before saying or doing something they could regret for a very long time. I know from experience with the unhealthy anger after I got to a point in a VERY mentally abusive relationship and got to the point of struggling with anger and finally lashing-out. Ever since then, I've developed anger issues as if my super long fuse was cut, and it hurts immensely that now I've even hurt people I love due to anger struggles and have had a few leave my life because of it. I hurt when others hurt, so this is an awful thing for me. The silver lining is that it had me throw myself into therapy out of the POSITIVE types of anger which led to better understanding myself and what was causing it so that I could reign it in and actually get diagnoses of PTSD w/ prolonged exposure (Complex PTSD, and most recently Borderline Personality Disorder) THAT's the silver lining I TRY to look for in my own personal life. Hope this MIGHT make sense and help anyone else, even if just one other person ....
Side Note: I noticed this video was posted on a Christmas Eve
You love Dave Chapelle? I love that! A bit of knowledge that's pretty cool! He's HYSTERICAL!
Thank you Dr. Fox. I think is sometimes angry hides fear. I fear to be incapable to cope with what is happening, so the root of my anger explosions is the typical anxiety fear that in some cases lead me to anger instead to panicking. I will try to use some of those techniques you have very well explained here. I am also wondering if maybe a way can also accepting the possibility of a catastrophic event occurs like it is already gone?
I''m missing a part about how under anger there is an unmet need? I read about that in the book on non-violent communication, which doesn't explain it so thar my warped brain understands.
Could you please do a video on that? How to get your needs met in an effective way?
Thanks
Hello Dr. Daniel Fox. I just had a recent break up with my ex gf back in July 2020. It's now October now about to be November soon. There's been multiple times I got angry with my ex gf about basically stupid stuff. Some were really stupid but mostly all of them were. Im 22 years old now. I had anger issues since i was a kid and to help with my anger I played football from middle school to high school. Mostly the last 2 years of school I was angry at. But I lost my ex gf bcz of my anger. Which I didn't want to hurt her at all. Didn't want to a cause a breakup but I did. I talked to her a few days ago and told her how i felt and feel towards her. She made me happy with so many things but now I'm just miserable and depressed that she's gone. My anger got the best of me. Im trying to figure out what type of anger I have and how to control it. Well i hope you can comment on this
Where is the questionnaire?
I Have Passvie- Aggressive Anger I Felt So Bad For Always Raging.
But how can you learn to let go of the anger and forgive? I’m really struggling with this and the anger is just growing and growing inside me. I’m in the quicksand and I’m drowning. That’s how it feels. I’m primary the hardened anger type. I have been in therapy before many years but maybe I just haven’t had the help I needed to learn these things. I really want to change though because it’s exhausting being so consumed with anger.
I had depression in adolescent and took Prozac for five years. I tapered it off very slowly but since I got to 0mg, I’m just fucking angry, all the time, especially with my fiancé and my co-workers. It’s like I’m destroying my life with it… I think I have to do talk therapy again or take SSRI again…
I would suggest exploring in therapy. Identify the root or core content of your anger.
Is there any room for addressing trauma in therapy? It seems that a lot of times in treatment, they expect you to be passed this. "live in the now", and all that. How exactly can I do that when I feel like none of this has really been addressed? I thought therapy was also to help understand the things that happened. I keep getting angry at things in the past and don't know how to move forward knowing my family doesn't care that they hurt me. I don't get to talk about it at all. I'm just annoying my friends.
I can't find a single anger management video with actual useful techniques. If I hear another time the stupid remark about "point a finger and three will point back" I swear I'll slap a bitch. No, 3 will not "point back" bc the fingers are retracted and not pointing at yourself. People do shit all the time but fuck my drag if I get angry. Yes, I am angry.
This helps
I use Adult Time Out and it feels better. In addition to that, I put my phone out of my reach.
Can You please explain if/how Pathological lying ties in w/Bpd?or is this more a narc trait
From what I can tell, when ppl with bpd pathologically lie, it's in a way self defence and a way to feel loved/fit in. However, I believe it's more of a narcissist trait indeed.
I don’t even remember the last time I lied (I have BPD). It is a pretty rare occurrence honestly. However my brother in law lies every second of everyday (he has NPD).
I have a chronic anger problem. My triggers are literaly everywhere. Limitations, oppression, pandemic rules, submissive people who live by the pandemic rules, facemasks, people who ask you nicely to wear a facemask, rows, traffic lights, annoying behaviour in traffic, masses, dept collectors, sponsored by politics, certain prime ministers who constantly lie to you, screw the law to oppose their scamdemic, vaccines, the media, lockdowns, curfews. You see, pretty much everything in society agravates me.
The problem is I broke up with my ex, she used to do all the groceries while I provided the main food from the food bank. Now I have to do the groceries by myself again. That's where the problem starts. I deviated and rebelled so much against all the pandemic rules, and against society, I feel like physically attacking people on the street for even wearing a facemask outside. Then you need food, I refuse to wear a damn mask at all cost. I start lashing out at people who try to ask me nicely to wear a facemask. It became very hard not to hit those people. I always respond like I'm on somekind of warpath. I never respond friendly against any kind of facist. I also make people aware they are crossing several human rights, and tell them wich they are. People won't listen, oppose their rules or you won't get in without a fight. So I rather smash their facemask deep into their mouths.
This behaviour will cause more problems in the future. At this moment in my life, I've lost a significant other due to sexual limitations and aldultery as a reward. Here we go again, limitations. These limitations have caused sexual frustrations as well. On top of all the frustrations of the pandemic and on top of all the problems with society I had before the pandemic.
I've become a monster towards nice and friendly people who work in stores. Well they're not so friendly after all. Those nice and friendly people in stores gang up around you when you tell them 'no', or 'over my dead body' after yet another infantile facemask request.
But then I tell them to call the cops, and oh boy I would like to have a fight to the death with cops. I have nothing to lose anymore. I have nothing to live for. I ask the cop nice and friendly to either let me do my groceries without any stupid rule, or to place a bullet between my eyes. Arresting me is not going to happen. Obeying any pandemic rule is not an option for me either. I'd rather die fighting a cop. If the cop tries to arrest me, I give the cop any reason to rather kill me than arresting me. Let's get it over with then. I'm sick and tired of everyones bullshit anyways. Everyone depresses me. Any scamdemic rule is one too much...
...See how hard it is for me not to engage into physical warfare and keep a lit on it. See what damage the scamdemic rules did to me. It's everyones fault!
...Seriously, it only takes one bad day to get myself killed over pandemic rules. I have a big problem.
Go read about the gulags in soviet union, or watch a documentary on youtube. People were put into these prison camps. It was hell
It helped me to see my life isnt that bad. Anger is a bad habit. Be aware of when it arises and drop it like a hot flame. .
@@amber40494 covid quarantine camps weren't so much different from the gulags. Only slightly more humane. Let's also ignore the doors of residents being welded shut for only the suspicion of covid. You know what? Let's ignore society altogether! Yes, you are right! Anger is my worst habit. Hatred consumes me from the inside out. Even so much, it was one of the main causes why I became homeless for a while. However, I found a new place where I can become better, grow old and I'd like to keep it that way. So I had to make some radical changes in order to become less angry at the world. I stopped watching the news, I stopped reading newspapers, I stopped voting and I stopped talking about politics. I had enough of being structually scammed by criminal govts and the media constantly telling you ghoststories and lies to keep you afraid, angry and vulnerable for their indoctrination, wich influences people's opinions and so their voting behaviour, badly. I must say, taking a healthy distance from society has been very liberating. Society is not my problem anymore. So now I have to keep it out of my system. Society did help me to find the home where I live now. So in return it's time for me to turn a blind eye to society. As a result I did became less angry and more friendly, understanding, patient and forgiving with the few people around me. To give new people a chance, it's important, even essential to come to terms with your own shortcomings. But also eliminating destructive patterns. Such as continuing to talk about the past with friends. A past where my rage originated, from loss of family and loved ones. All to end up orphaning myself from the rest of my toxic and downright narcissistic family altogether. I've been with Anger ever since I've known, until I found out that her real name was Grief. Retreating myself from society gave me a lot of time to discover my emotions, where it comes from, and what to do to finally get control over my own emotions. I basicly became my own psychiatrists as good as I can. But also I become my own best friend, my own brother, my own father and my own lover. The day I wrote the comment you see above here, I just wasn't there yet. But really, baby steps do pay off. I needed time to figure things out. I can be proud where I am now.
What about someone who has maniacal laughter? That's GOT to be separate from what you're talking about.
Where are the practical tips? I'm not feelin it.
Am I supposed to announce my adult time out? Like let the people around me know I'm taking a break, or can I just go?
That is a good question 😉 my answer to you is yes, if you are able to. I know loved ones would really appreciate that. Sometimes I have explosive anger and then It's really hard to say that I need some time, some space to calm down.
So what I have been able to say in the past is: I need to go! I'll be back. Then I go for a walk. Then I am more able to talk and figure things out with that person, 😊 I hope this was helpful and answerd your question ❤
That's why prayer is so effective, prayer is solution focused :) and absolutely, laughter is greast :)
Yeah. I laugh when the higher power ignores me.
Well, i have a lot of anger in me, and sure i can let it go like a balloon but its going to be more than one, i got enough to go around, 99 luft balloons.
Another good video Dr.Fox
Why tell us to breathe? It's not like we cannot.
It starts suddenly. What are u talking about.
💚💚💚
My anger increased because of this fukin video
Fuck resentments!!
Anger reduction technique:
Be angry or rage AT THE WRONG PERSON, perhaps a covert Borderline....
You have to clean up your own blood.
We DON'T HAVE TO put up with your shit, borderlines.
No, we DON'T.
Thanks
Welcome