Thanks for the video bro but one more question what do I do when my wife keep curseing at me for the littleest thing and keep bring my pass up and accuse me ?
@@danielconstruction8415 This is a great question! I have a radio show on Monday nights (tonight from 8pm-10pm EST), and I will address this on there for sure! Much peace!
Had it been i found about my wife's cheating on time, i wouldn't have renewed our vows because she suggested we did. i spent a lot of funds to this, thanks to MR JAMES that helped hack my wife's phone finnally to get me proof on her infidelity. I found his reviews on disqus and quora and decided to give him a try and he came through, he also works on grades, credit score and bank hacks, criminal records too. i need not say much, just hit him up WESTHACK000 on instagram he is real,cheap and legit
Natalee Oz what helped us is to go out find a place where we can break stuff, and started to break glasses and plates and kinda screamed out each bad memory and situation. With time you both get more brave at screaming haha. And now we are organizing drum classes to take out that anger energy . Please be aware being angry and mad is a natural state, you must accept it in you, otherwise it can lead to serious health problems. Love yourself and gooo scream it out, break what you wish and let goooo
Anger and depression has stolen a lot from me and It’s sad that I had no idea how undesirable I was to be around . I’ve being reflecting a lot lately as me and my wife separated a few weeks back , we still love each other very much but I can’t stop feeling hurt and guilty for all the things I ever said out of anger . This video was painful but spot on I will do anything do get my wife back after listening to my tocxic mouth for 10 years .
I have a radio show on Monday nights on kdkaradio.com from 8pm-10pm EST. I'll definitely address this question, because this is something that I think you would find that you're not alone in feeling. The reality is that the past is gone, however, so all you can do is work from this moment forward to do your best from here on out. Continue to learn about yourself. Continue to work on yourself, and please be easy on yourself. You're human, and the only thing you can do is keep plugging away. Sending you all my best and much peace!
I've been going through the same thing, and just started therapy to work things out. I released a lot of the pain i've been carrying by talking it through and shedding tears. You will change if you have a big enough reason to do so, which it sure sounds like you have! All the best!
Travis Jourdain ..well said , if you don't have a compatible spouse you become a wreck. They can drive you crazy. I'm facing this every day n don't know what to do really
In the case of abusive partners, predators, it's not about picking the right partner . They'll mirror you and deceive you into you believing that you've found the right person.
1. Memory isn’t perfect- your recollection of something could be wrong - take you ego out of it ! Breathe say my memory of this was 2. Don’t take things personally - 3.letting go of the need to be right - don’t waste time trying to be right 4. Being mindful of what is going on inside of you / are you hungry ? Are you tired ? Etc 5. Ask for what you want in a assertive way not aggressive way
I just found your videos, my wife and I have been married for almost 3 years, I’m having trouble keeping my cool in even the littlest arguments. I want to be able to keep my cool, control my emotions, not get so angry, and hopefully my wife and I can be as happy as you two seem to be. Thanks for sharing you’re positive insight into what has become my biggest challenge in life. Peace ✌️ love and respect to both of you!
I appreciate you my man. I can tell you that my wife and I are happier now, after having been together for 21 years (married 19), than we ever have been in the past - and just recently we were talking about what kind of advice we would have liked to have given ourselves in the first 5 and first 10 years of our marriage, so I expect us to make a video on that pretty soon. Definitely sending you and your wife all our best. We certainly appreciate you sharing this channel if possible. Wishing you two tons of peace!
Im learning to deal with my anger, im getting married soon and I want my marriage to last, I love him and the love I have over him is bigger than my anger and ego
Just got into yet another argument with the live of my life cause I have no control over my anger. I feel so bad and then I found this video. I want to change. I don’t want to lose him. I can’t imagine my life without him and I will do my best to live by this video. Thank you
I watched this video when I was in a relationship with a manipulative person who would gaslight me and although the video was helpful for me personally, I found myself asking “Well what if he does this... and this and this...” Now I’m in a healthy relationship and this video makes 1000x more sense and I’m able to apply every part of it to my current relationship. I just want to mention that if you are with a manipulative person, that is a separate issue and if that person doesn’t genuinely want to change then the problem lies within you staying with them. Not saying it’s your fault! But just saying that manipulative people aren’t always looking for a solution like you might be, and to really evaluate that before saying this video isn’t helpful for you.
That being said, I do believe that the fact that this video might be confusing for others by all means won’t always be because their partner is manipulative so I just want to note that I’m not saying that’ll always be the reason. It’s just a possibly that I wanted to share because that was my experience :)
"Memory isn't perfect" absolutely!! Too many times my wife & I have been arguing, one will say " you did this" or I told you that" then the other says "No you didn't" or "that's not true". Now I realize that we are both right & both wrong often times. Now to remember this when emotions run high.
Memory Not taking things personal Letting things go Not always being right it doesn't matter Ask for what you want or need in a lovely way be an advocate of yourself Memory isn't perfect Don't take things personally Be mindful of what's going on inside if you're hungry tell me thank you for this points i will definitely try my possible best to implement them in my relationship
My dad passed away 6 months ago and since then I've lashed out at nearly everyone I love,been depressed and angry at the world,I don't mean to it's just everything feels like someone is doing something against me ,I over think and take things personally. I used to be joyful and happy now I'm just grumpy,upset and easily triggered. I get in to huge arguments over nothing ,I'm incredibly stubborn and full of pride and I always feel terribly guilty afterwards,I'm worried how this will affect my relationships with others. I really hope I get out of this slump. Thank you for this channel.
One of the best pieces of communication advice I ever received was “words, music, dance”. The words you say matter less than the tone you communicate them in, which matters less than the body language you are using while communicating.
Hello, my wife and I are going through some very difficult times. We are both to blame because we have fallen away from the basics of love. I’d like to say that we just simply grew too comfortable and with that we became complacent and took our love for advantage. This is now the second video I have watched of yours but I’m already starting to get the picture that you can help me. Just wanted to say thank you and God Bless. Have a great day.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through some tough times. I do think it's natural to take things for granted, but with effort, you can definitely turn that around - and you obviously care, because you're taking time to watch videos and improve - which is awesome. Sending you both all our best and much peace!
I'm not married but I have been in this relationship of mine for a year and a half. I completely get what you mean by complacent. My boyfriend is extremely patient with me but recently I pushed his buttons too much and that sent me on a mission to change my temper and my need for control. You're not alone! Thanks for your honesty and I'm praying your marriage gets better!!
I only recently realized that I have an anger problem. I have a lot of anger and resentment towards my mother and I can't even unpack why. Life is too short and while she's still around and healthy I want to make peace with her. I can't afford to lose her on bad terms and have things left unsaid or undone.
Free will more so as ego enhances a solid, healthy, strong sense of self built on core values that are based in love. It's when ego is without love and also forced onto others that the "o" gets skipped for another "g" 🥚🐣🍳Hence, free will more so than ego.
This is one of the best contents I found online about anger management, that truly goes deep to human nature and relationships. So excited to hear more from you :)
THANK YOU Dr. Truly thank you I’m 52 & I’m finally learning coping mechanisms which I have never acquired. I was raised in a very verbally abusive physically abusive and sexually abusive violent home. I’ve spent my entire life trying to be the exact opposite of everything which raised me. I’ve learned that this is my journey and it’s for a lifetime. God bless all of us. I will master myself I will never give up on improving and learning each and every day. I’m glad that I’ve found you🙏🏼
Short tempered ppl never change. Been in a relationship with a hot tempered guy for eight long yrs, he easily got mad over petty stuffs and made it a bigger issue which was so damn hard to deal with . I stuck around this long in hopes that he would change but to no avail. Its like I've had wasted most of my life trying to make an adult grow up which never happened. These ppl are chronic apologetic of their actions but never ever change. I'm glad I finally got off this kind of relationship.
I've finally got the love of my life back after over 20yrs. And my anger issues are scaring her n me. I'm gonna listen to your posts. I thank you . I got ALOT of fixing to do.
Liyahh I know I’m not the person who made this comment that you replied to, but I just want to say that I started listening to Dr Conte’s podcast almost every week after watching a few of these videos. I also bought his book walking through anger. Once I started listening to the podcast and trying my best to apply the lessons to myself, my whole life changed. It doesn’t happen overnight it’s an everyday practice that becomes effective over time. I started doing this about 8 months ago. Now I look back and realize how far I’ve come. I still have a long way to go but I’m so much more at peace with the darker parts of myself than I ever have been because I know that I’m constantly changing and becoming better, even when I mess up. Ive realized that I now only listen to the podcast once or twice a month because I feel confident enough to ease up on it. Almost like therapy! :) Good luck to you and your journey
Me and my wife fought for 3 weeks because I had ginger beer. (We both come from a different culture)So she thought I was having beer. Now the fight actually started not because she thought I was having beer but I tried to explain that ginger beer is non -alcoholic. She wasn't ready to look at any facts / evidence I was providing. And she never even checked the facts because she didn't want to be wrong and kept believing that ginger beer was alcohol for another 5 years. It changed only when she saw her friend consuming the same and her fired explained that it wasn't alcoholic.
But what if your partner is doing something disrespectful and you ask them to stop because it's wrong. They down play the act, disregard your feelings, and makes half ass change. Which then leaves you frustrated, then angry and then feel the need to explain why you're right. 😒
Yes! I really want you to know that, because working that late, taking care of three beautiful children, and handling a relationship - you need rest to take on all of that, so the last thing you need is late night fights! Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I love the way you two give advice while facing each other and engaging in conversation with each other as well as the audience. I can see you two are a steady couple who work hard every day to maintain a healthy marriage. Thank you both for the advice! You two are awesome 😁
Sir I want to be like you. If everybody was like you, the world would be a better and angry-free place to live in. Sir I am an Indian please let me know if something is wrong with my English. Regards
Wonderful couple. I really like the point your wife made during point 3 (Let go of the need to be right) Doesn't matter who's right, all that matters is you have spent all that time and wasted all that precious life arguing over what? WOW that is one of the wisest statements I have ever heard. #PowerCouple
My man! Thank you brother! I really want you to know that I notice your kindness, your comments on other videos, and the positivity and compassion you spread into the universe every single day. Thank you brother for the light you give! Definitely sending you much peace my man!
bless you both for your time and effort helping us that need help.......my anger has ruined what should be the best moments with my wife and i have a lot of shame ..........blowing up what most people would brush off..........i cant turn back time But i really am trying to change and make life for my wife and family better.........i started to think its just something i cant undo for having soo long.......but this is now my priority..........i dream of self peace and peace for my family
I am SO happy I finally found your videos again!!! I found them years ago and forgot to save them, and have been looking for them for the past couple years… and today I finally found them again!!!
As you talk about the keys its like i can visualize all the real reasons for any of my past arguments. I am grateful as always for both of your outstanding abilitys to make these topics relatable.
I had grabbed phone while the RUclips app was still open and it went to this in the search bar after some unintelligible words were formed but I'm glad. I love my wife with all of me but this anger just eats me up and consumes me. I don't want it to be the end of us so this honestly helped me really much thank you guys
#6 Dont rely on others for your self "esteem" (value) This is the key to the other 5! Its why you want to be right, why you want the other person to know what you want......etc.
Such a good/inspirational video of you and your lovely wife!! My husband and I aspire to be better (verbally). He gets angry towards me bc of financial issues and takes it out on me and i take it very personally so i lash back to him, which causes a huge, pointless argument. Thank you for sharing I love how she says "be mindful"
It's nice to see that the same means of communication with children came up in this video. I came across these topics when I started my parenting journey and it's helped so much and I've been working at this with my spouse. Especially-- Don't take things personally! That was a game changer. Also recognizing your bodies needs-- we get stupid hangry in our house so we are much more aware of that now. I did like the "my memory of that was..." I'll be sure to use that from now on. Thanks so much for this!
I'm glad that there are people in this world that shares this valuable experience with others. We are the lucky generation because we learn things like that when we are 18 or around that because of the internet.
Here's where my anger comes from: 1)Yes, ego from not wanting to be manipulated by my partner because he doesn't want to take responsibility & just forget the issue 2)Not reaching a conclusion or learning the lesson after an argument because the issue will just arise again in the future 3)Lack of follow-thru by my partner when I do ask for something to be done (I realize there are few things I can depend on him or anyone to do). Sorry, but "going to sleep" or "eating" won't resolve issues. People need to keep their word, have follow-thru, and accept responsibility. I realize the world isn't perfect, & I can't expect my partner to be either. Hence why I need to figure out how to not get mad at the constant disappointments.
I suggest working on yourself as a person. Make yourself the best you can possibly be. I'm not just giving you inspirational bullshit though. Anger can only come from not being able to control your emotions, which is a common personality flaw. But before you rectify it, try to identify all your other major personality/character flaws. Create a list, and be honest (not overly negative, but honest). If 3 people who know you really well agree with your list, it's good. Now imagine you had none of those major flaws. Well that's only 1 aspect of your overall life, you can also improve the other ones (however you want to categorize the aspects of your life). If you make yourself the best person you could possibly be, the arguments will decrease, both in quantity and severity, because now there's only 1 flawed person instead of 2. Now, you can't force him to change, you can only control yourself. But once he sees your drastic improvement, he'll get the hint. You can eradicate any personal problem by completing this broad, 3-step process: 1. Identify/admit the problem. This is often the hardest part. 2. Analyze the most efficient and effective way to resolve the problem and execute the plan. This takes the longest. 3. Develop a strategy or system that allows you to prevent the problem from ever coming back again, because otherwise, all your hard work will have been for nothing. You can apply this 3-step process to your actual arguments as well, since you said you guys learn nothing from them, that's because you haven't put systems in place for preventing them (and also because you didn't figure out the right way to deal with them in the first place, which is step 2). To be honest, the only real mistake people make in relationships is getting involved in them when they're not content with themselves. If you get every aspect of your life in order, you're as perfect a person as you can be. So, you'll be the smartest you ever were, you'll make the best decisions you've ever made, you'll be the happiest you've ever been. But the catch is waiting extra long, because it takes time to perfect yourself. People don't want to wait, they'd rather shoot for a 5 as soon as they can than shoot for a 10 when they're fully ready. And that's the natural thing to do, but the natural thing to do is seldom the best thing to do with regard to decision making and just life in general. Life is a skill, people don't realize that.
Over the period i realised that he was different. He was not soothing for my mind and soul. Yet i held on this relationship because deep down i was selfish about my emotions. They need someone who can accept them whether we see it as bullshit. Even if i am convinced that their behavior is unacceptable...i have to give them a chance to learn in order to be a better person. They might not change for you. They might change for someone else if they find it necessary. They might never change and live this life in a chaos with anybody else. But if i choose to be in this chaos with them. I cease them to learn. I cease them to grow. And i will be in this state of mind myself forever. Release them. Let them change themselves for you if they want. Don't wait. Let go.
Oh, I LOVE the positivity ya"ll are standing for & such help in peoples lives.. These rules ARE wonderful however it'd take to both people be mature in the relationship..
I've been together with this guy for two and a half years and I feel like his anger is destroying our relationship I'm always forgiving him trying to move forward emotionally destroying me I'm new cheer Channel thumbs up congratulations on being together for almost 10 years
Great advices, I've been married for 2 years and a half only and If I had heard these advices and tried to apply them to my daily relationship with my wife it would of helped a lot. But I praise the Lord for your lives and for having found you guys here on youtube because I can start now and it can help a lot from now on, Thank you very much.
Definitely Great Advice! Detailed yet concise! The dynamic btwn you two shows that your advice works :) I would like to offer another Key, my hubby & I find helpful for effective communication: -Avoid using words of absolution (ex. I ALWAYS, you NEVER, etc) -Instead try using less rigid & more accurate words (ex. SOMETIMES, OCCASIONALLY, USUALLY, etc) -Most of the time words of absolution aren't factual. Therefore your partner may become defensive & find it difficult to empathize w/what you are saying or asking.
Thank you! 100% what you're saying is so accurate! I talk about the use of extreme language in some of my other videos, and circumventing the fight or flight response is the cornerstone of my Yield Theory. Thank you SO much for watching our video, for your kind words, and for adding peaceful tips for viewers! Sending you all the best and much peace!
Thank you so much! One of my goals for the new year is to deal with my anger and surround myself with peace. I've always had trouble dealing with my emotions and when my significant other and I argue its usually about something little and most of the time I work myself and him up to a point where the only way I can show how I'm feeling is through crying. I'm actually watching this video right after we had another argument. This year I'm true to my resolutions and I will be using these steps for the next disagreement. Bless you and your family and Happy new year!
Thank you both for making this video. Just having a real interaction of a husband and wife talking to each other about this topic is helpful to me personally... when i bring it up with my wife i might post another comment 😊
Thank you so much. I really appreciate hearing that. That means a lot. I always love when my wife joins me in doing a video, and even though she's not a big fan of being on camera, I think kind, thoughtful comments like yours will make it easier for me to ask her to do more. Sending you and your wife much peace brother!
Thank you Dr.Conte. I’ve been struggling with all those issues but thanks to your videos I’ve got a new perspective on those issues and trying to be a better husband and a human being.
My German Shepherd just passed away 3 weeks ago. I'm happy to watch your video, but (he looks like my buddy!) I was happiest to see him looking out at the snow! :)
So I was steaming with anger i and I even angrily typed in how to be less angry in my relationship because I felt that I was going to attack my partner with my anger you guys have calmed me down significantly and I now know how to approach the situation thank you
This video was just great , the identification I got was spot on ,I’m 6o yrs n can expect my hubby to know what I want done around the house, but I’m not going to b hard on my self ,as we learn every day n this is my lesson for today,thank you Christian n ur stunning wife .xx
This is a great vid and it gave me the basis to quit anger in my relationship. My wife and I had a terrible argument for the reason of being right. Someday I hope we can let go of this silly anger and become a lovely couple such as the both of you!
I took you rules made a list, made a list, printed them out, and posted them everywhere throughout the house. One on the fridge, in the stairwell, in the washroom staring at me while I brush my teeth.
I love my girlfriend so much she's one of the only people I have in my life and I'm pushing her away with my anger. I don't want to and I feel like monster. Thank you for your help
I am seeing a trend here, the EGO is a killer when it come to anger. Being right, taking it personally my way, my thoughts, my ideas me me me I am right and I need you to see my ideas because I am so smart. Darn it EGO!
YES! 100% that's it! We ALL have an ego, so we ALL have to work on this! It's funny because I always say that there are two kinds of people in the world: People with issues and dead people... We are all in this life together! Sending you all the best and tons of peace!
PREACHING IN NYC... PRAYERTIME! DEAR Brethren, JESUS Loves you & so do I. Why are yr hands up! Put your hands down... I'm am offended. Why do you need to swing yr hands as if your fighting?Thanks for sharing. Be Blessed, Amen!
I've found that its harder to date in your 40s than it was in your 20s. We're set in our ways and have been through a lot. I'll never give up on this one.
Powerful keys you really do know what your talking about. This is better than any anger management class you could go to I recommend this to everyone even
I’ve been having fights with my boyfriend of two years and I have depression and ocd and anxiety and other things and I don’t know how to handle myself when I’m angry. I’m so overwhelmed
Hey Lunar, Please feel free to call in my radio show on Monday nights from 8pm-10pm EST. The number is 866 391 1020. You can listen live on kdkaradio dot com (I think if I write it like that it won't go to your spam... lol). Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
All these are great ideas. I spent hours asking for what I wanted, wrote it down nicely, it was tossed on floor stamped on and I was told how mean and nasty I was and how wrong I was, good luck with asking for what you want, however I’m familiar with defense mechanisms such as gaslighting, projection, guilty and blaming, if anyone has a relationship where anger is used for control get out get out get out get out!!! No fixing this,
Ever since I quit my job to be home with my kids to homeschool them, my husband has been treating me differently which is causing lots of tension and arguments. He sent me this video making it seem like I’m the problem. I know how to control my anger but if your around someone who constantly pushes you down it gets really hard to not react.
@@DrChristianConte it's nice to receive your reply today. Thank you, hope you may make some videos on how physical health (you and wife look fit) can effects neuro chemistry and mental health too. Thank you!
I think so. I mean, of course we want to have balance in what we do, but being able to communicate, even if that means that you need some space, is super-important. Thanks for watching! We're definitely sending you all our best and tons of peace!
![Lethal Company Music Video 🎵 "Follow The Orders" [VERSION A]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QeooZB4Z7RA/mqdefault.jpg)
Ive shared this video with almost every young couple I know. Wish I had see something like this 30 yrs ago.
Thank you so much! We're definitely sending you all our best and tons of peace!
Thanks for the video bro but one more question what do I do when my wife keep curseing at me for the littleest thing and keep bring my pass up and accuse me ?
@@danielconstruction8415 This is a great question! I have a radio show on Monday nights (tonight from 8pm-10pm EST), and I will address this on there for sure! Much peace!
Daniel Construction oh my god she sounds like me 😩😩 and I hate doing that! That’s why I’m on his videos
Had it been i found about my wife's cheating on time, i wouldn't have renewed our vows because she suggested we did. i spent a lot of funds to this, thanks to MR JAMES that helped hack my wife's phone finnally to get me proof on her infidelity. I found his reviews on disqus and quora and decided to give him a try and he came through, he also works on grades, credit score and bank hacks, criminal records too. i need not say much, just hit him up WESTHACK000 on instagram he is real,cheap and legit
Shout out to all the people that are coming here to learn, grow and be better 💙
Hi, Blondie X. Returning the shout out and hoping you're progressing the way you want and need.
Shout out to whoever you are!
Yes!!!😮😮
Thx you love
The way he looks and listens to his wife. He never interrupts her. This is what I need to master with my boyfriend!
U r true.even I need this
I need this also,Im loosing my partner because of my anger😞
Lol maybe you should listen to your man 😂😂 or find someone you can have a dialog with and not a monolog
My observation, exactly! Body language tells you everything.
impossible for you..You are a woman, self-centered by definition.
I am going to lose him if I don't overcome my anger issues..I don't want to ..
I am in the same place. What did you do ? Please help💔
Natalee Oz. that's what I say. its hard dealing with anger issues like bad I'm glad I'm not the only one
Same here 😔
My friends and his girlfriend are always arguing. Any solutions that worked for you ?
Natalee Oz what helped us is to go out find a place where we can break stuff, and started to break glasses and plates and kinda screamed out each bad memory and situation. With time you both get more brave at screaming haha. And now we are organizing drum classes to take out that anger energy . Please be aware being angry and mad is a natural state, you must accept it in you, otherwise it can lead to serious health problems. Love yourself and gooo scream it out, break what you wish and let goooo
Being wary of your tone of voice is spot on...
It's SO important. Sending you much peace brother!
Thank you I tell my husband all the time his tone tells me how he is really feeling
Anger and depression has stolen a lot from me and It’s sad that I had no idea how undesirable I was to be around . I’ve being reflecting a lot lately as me and my wife separated a few weeks back , we still love each other very much but I can’t stop feeling hurt and guilty for all the things I ever said out of anger . This video was painful but spot on I will do anything do get my wife back after listening to my tocxic mouth for 10 years .
I have a radio show on Monday nights on kdkaradio.com from 8pm-10pm EST. I'll definitely address this question, because this is something that I think you would find that you're not alone in feeling. The reality is that the past is gone, however, so all you can do is work from this moment forward to do your best from here on out. Continue to learn about yourself. Continue to work on yourself, and please be easy on yourself. You're human, and the only thing you can do is keep plugging away. Sending you all my best and much peace!
Basically how I feel with my ex
I've been going through the same thing, and just started therapy to work things out. I released a lot of the pain i've been carrying by talking it through and shedding tears. You will change if you have a big enough reason to do so, which it sure sounds like you have! All the best!
Hope you are better and are in a much better place!
This comment was 1 year ago. Dealing with same problem. Same guilt. Hope you found a way. If yes please be generous and share. Good luck.
Maybe these things apply if you are dealing with a rational person.
Well that's a whole other show, how to pick the right mate.
Travis Jourdain ..well said , if you don't have a compatible spouse you become a wreck. They can drive you crazy. I'm facing this every day n don't know what to do really
So true. I ended up having an affair with one of my wife's personalities that her other three didn't know about
You have to get out
In the case of abusive partners, predators, it's not about picking the right partner . They'll mirror you and deceive you into you believing that you've found the right person.
1. Memory isn’t perfect- your recollection of something could be wrong - take you ego out of it ! Breathe say my memory of this was
2. Don’t take things personally -
3.letting go of the need to be right - don’t waste time trying to be right
4. Being mindful of what is going on inside of you / are you hungry ? Are you tired ? Etc
5. Ask for what you want in a assertive way not aggressive way
Thank you so much I was looking for it
Thank you so much I was looking for it
It's hard to do number 2 when the other person basically shit on you and your dignity
I just found your videos, my wife and I have been married for almost 3 years, I’m having trouble keeping my cool in even the littlest arguments. I want to be able to keep my cool, control my emotions, not get so angry, and hopefully my wife and I can be as happy as you two seem to be.
Thanks for sharing you’re positive insight into what has become my biggest challenge in life. Peace ✌️ love and respect to both of you!
I appreciate you my man. I can tell you that my wife and I are happier now, after having been together for 21 years (married 19), than we ever have been in the past - and just recently we were talking about what kind of advice we would have liked to have given ourselves in the first 5 and first 10 years of our marriage, so I expect us to make a video on that pretty soon. Definitely sending you and your wife all our best. We certainly appreciate you sharing this channel if possible. Wishing you two tons of peace!
Ashley Baldwin
Ashley Baldwin
Ashley Baldwin 👍🏽
Ashley Baldwin
Im learning to deal with my anger, im getting married soon and I want my marriage to last, I love him and the love I have over him is bigger than my anger and ego
Just got into yet another argument with the live of my life cause I have no control over my anger. I feel so bad and then I found this video. I want to change. I don’t want to lose him. I can’t imagine my life without him and I will do my best to live by this video. Thank you
Hope things worked out for you, Ankita.
I watched this video when I was in a relationship with a manipulative person who would gaslight me and although the video was helpful for me personally, I found myself asking “Well what if he does this... and this and this...” Now I’m in a healthy relationship and this video makes 1000x more sense and I’m able to apply every part of it to my current relationship. I just want to mention that if you are with a manipulative person, that is a separate issue and if that person doesn’t genuinely want to change then the problem lies within you staying with them. Not saying it’s your fault! But just saying that manipulative people aren’t always looking for a solution like you might be, and to really evaluate that before saying this video isn’t helpful for you.
That being said, I do believe that the fact that this video might be confusing for others by all means won’t always be because their partner is manipulative so I just want to note that I’m not saying that’ll always be the reason. It’s just a possibly that I wanted to share because that was my experience :)
I've experienced the manipulation 🙄i know the feeling!
Congratulations 🎉to your freedom!
"Memory isn't perfect" absolutely!! Too many times my wife & I have been arguing, one will say " you did this" or I told you that" then the other says "No you didn't" or "that's not true". Now I realize that we are both right & both wrong often times. Now to remember this when emotions run high.
Memory
Not taking things personal
Letting things go
Not always being right it doesn't matter
Ask for what you want or need in a lovely way be an advocate of yourself
Memory isn't perfect
Don't take things personally
Be mindful of what's going on inside if you're hungry tell me thank you for this points i will definitely try my possible best to implement them in my relationship
But my woman is always right even if I need to say no I can't...and that is not good
My dad passed away 6 months ago and since then I've lashed out at nearly everyone I love,been depressed and angry at the world,I don't mean to it's just everything feels like someone is doing something against me ,I over think and take things personally. I used to be joyful and happy now I'm just grumpy,upset and easily triggered. I get in to huge arguments over nothing ,I'm incredibly stubborn and full of pride and I always feel terribly guilty afterwards,I'm worried how this will affect my relationships with others. I really hope I get out of this slump. Thank you for this channel.
It's very different in light of an abusive controlling partner.
One of the best pieces of communication advice I ever received was “words, music, dance”. The words you say matter less than the tone you communicate them in, which matters less than the body language you are using while communicating.
#5... Great point! 20 years of marriage and acknowledging that you don't assume that the other person should know what you're thinking. Be direct!
Hello, my wife and I are going through some very difficult times. We are both to blame because we have fallen away from the basics of love. I’d like to say that we just simply grew too comfortable and with that we became complacent and took our love for advantage. This is now the second video I have watched of yours but I’m already starting to get the picture that you can help me. Just wanted to say thank you and God Bless. Have a great day.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through some tough times. I do think it's natural to take things for granted, but with effort, you can definitely turn that around - and you obviously care, because you're taking time to watch videos and improve - which is awesome. Sending you both all our best and much peace!
I'm not married but I have been in this relationship of mine for a year and a half. I completely get what you mean by complacent. My boyfriend is extremely patient with me but recently I pushed his buttons too much and that sent me on a mission to change my temper and my need for control.
You're not alone! Thanks for your honesty and I'm praying your marriage gets better!!
Sweet
I only recently realized that I have an anger problem. I have a lot of anger and resentment towards my mother and I can't even unpack why. Life is too short and while she's still around and healthy I want to make peace with her. I can't afford to lose her on bad terms and have things left unsaid or undone.
Ego is the roadblock to all these ideas and the reason most will not be able to install these into their lives
Amen!! I’m 100% agree!!
Free will more so as ego enhances a solid, healthy, strong sense of self built on core values that are based in love. It's when ego is without love and also forced onto others that the "o" gets skipped for another "g" 🥚🐣🍳Hence, free will more so than ego.
This is one of the best contents I found online about anger management, that truly goes deep to human nature and relationships. So excited to hear more from you :)
Thank you so much! I have a bunch of videos now, and I'd be grateful to you for subscribing and sharing. Sending you all our best and tons of peace!
Truly this is therapy
MY GOD!!!! Your wife is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
THANK YOU Dr.
Truly thank you
I’m 52 & I’m finally learning coping mechanisms which I have never acquired. I was raised in a very verbally abusive physically abusive and sexually abusive violent home. I’ve spent my entire life trying to be the exact opposite of everything which raised me.
I’ve learned that this is my journey and it’s for a lifetime.
God bless all of us.
I will master myself I will never give up on improving and learning each and every day.
I’m glad that I’ve found you🙏🏼
❤
Short tempered ppl never change. Been in a relationship with a hot tempered guy for eight long yrs, he easily got mad over petty stuffs and made it a bigger issue which was so damn hard to deal with . I stuck around this long in hopes that he would change but to no avail. Its like I've had wasted most of my life trying to make an adult grow up which never happened. These ppl are chronic apologetic of their actions but never ever change. I'm glad I finally got off this kind of relationship.
Great video as always. Except I’ve been married 11years and one thing I know is she’s always right.
Lol. Thanks brother! I'm grateful my wife agreed to do this video with me! She's awesome. Sending you and your family much peace my man!
Sweeeet 🤘🤗🤘🤗🤘🤗🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖
I've finally got the love of my life back after over 20yrs. And my anger issues are scaring her n me. I'm gonna listen to your posts. I thank you . I got ALOT of fixing to do.
Did this work? What did you do ?
Liyahh I know I’m not the person who made this comment that you replied to, but I just want to say that I started listening to Dr Conte’s podcast almost every week after watching a few of these videos. I also bought his book walking through anger. Once I started listening to the podcast and trying my best to apply the lessons to myself, my whole life changed. It doesn’t happen overnight it’s an everyday practice that becomes effective over time. I started doing this about 8 months ago. Now I look back and realize how far I’ve come. I still have a long way to go but I’m so much more at peace with the darker parts of myself than I ever have been because I know that I’m constantly changing and becoming better, even when I mess up. Ive realized that I now only listen to the podcast once or twice a month because I feel confident enough to ease up on it. Almost like therapy! :) Good luck to you and your journey
Liyahh also want to add that doing this for myself ended up attracting the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.
Me and my wife fought for 3 weeks because I had ginger beer. (We both come from a different culture)So she thought I was having beer. Now the fight actually started not because she thought I was having beer but I tried to explain that ginger beer is non -alcoholic. She wasn't ready to look at any facts / evidence I was providing. And she never even checked the facts because she didn't want to be wrong and kept believing that ginger beer was alcohol for another 5 years. It changed only when she saw her friend consuming the same and her fired explained that it wasn't alcoholic.
Excellent video!!!!! We don’t always have to be right..... really good point.
Rotsen Garcia Thank you so much! Much peace!
I have this problem. Didnt realize it wasn't helping. You think the other person will convert to your idea. But it almost makes things worst!
But what if your partner is doing something disrespectful and you ask them to stop because it's wrong. They down play the act, disregard your feelings, and makes half ass change. Which then leaves you frustrated, then angry and then feel the need to explain why you're right. 😒
For those who are not married, like myself. These are great pointers to have in mind.
Lesley Calayag Thank you so much! Sending you all the best and much peace!
Lesley Calayag
Oh thank you for saying “you can go to bed angry!” Thank God! Late night fights after a long work day and 3 kids is HELL
Yes! I really want you to know that, because working that late, taking care of three beautiful children, and handling a relationship - you need rest to take on all of that, so the last thing you need is late night fights! Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I love the way you two give advice while facing each other and engaging in conversation with each other as well as the audience. I can see you two are a steady couple who work hard every day to maintain a healthy marriage. Thank you both for the advice! You two are awesome 😁
I'm a young af 41 and just beginning thank you. My therapist advised I listen to you so I am.
Just found you and as a therapist-love, this practical, straight-up approach!
Sir I want to be like you. If everybody was like you, the world would be a better and angry-free place to live in. Sir I am an Indian please let me know if something is wrong with my English.
Regards
Thank you for your kind words. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Wonderful couple. I really like the point your wife made during point 3 (Let go of the need to be right) Doesn't matter who's right, all that matters is you have spent all that time and wasted all that precious life arguing over what? WOW that is one of the wisest statements I have ever heard. #PowerCouple
My man! Thank you brother! I really want you to know that I notice your kindness, your comments on other videos, and the positivity and compassion you spread into the universe every single day. Thank you brother for the light you give! Definitely sending you much peace my man!
bless you both for your time and effort helping us that need help.......my anger has ruined what should be the best moments with my wife and i have a lot of shame ..........blowing up what most people would brush off..........i cant turn back time But i really am trying to change and make life for my wife and family better.........i started to think its just something i cant undo for having soo long.......but this is now my priority..........i dream of self peace and peace for my family
I'm so glad that Kratos is chill now.
I am SO happy I finally found your videos again!!! I found them years ago and forgot to save them, and have been looking for them for the past couple years… and today I finally found them again!!!
Thank you so much for bringing your wife to the video Tim. Congratulations on 25 years now of marriage in 2023! That is so awesome 👏
As you talk about the keys its like i can visualize all the real reasons for any of my past arguments. I am grateful as always for both of your outstanding abilitys to make these topics relatable.
Kyle Audette Thanks brother!
You helped me especially with realizing my anger stemmed from wanting things to go my way with me having a very unpredictable partner and life
I'm so grateful to hear that this helped. I'm definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Thank you man
I had grabbed phone while the RUclips app was still open and it went to this in the search bar after some unintelligible words were formed but I'm glad. I love my wife with all of me but this anger just eats me up and consumes me. I don't want it to be the end of us so this honestly helped me really much thank you guys
This video is so helpful, at least in learning the techniques.
Thank you Praveen! I'm definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
#6 Dont rely on others for your self "esteem" (value)
This is the key to the other 5! Its why you want to be right, why you want the other person to know what you want......etc.
Such a good/inspirational video of you and your lovely wife!! My husband and I aspire to be better (verbally). He gets angry towards me bc of financial issues and takes it out on me and i take it very personally so i lash back to him, which causes a huge, pointless argument. Thank you for sharing
I love how she says "be mindful"
Thank you so much! Yes, being mindful really is the key (at least we think it is). Definitely sending you all our best and tons of peace!
It's nice to see that the same means of communication with children came up in this video. I came across these topics when I started my parenting journey and it's helped so much and I've been working at this with my spouse. Especially-- Don't take things personally! That was a game changer. Also recognizing your bodies needs-- we get stupid hangry in our house so we are much more aware of that now. I did like the "my memory of that was..." I'll be sure to use that from now on. Thanks so much for this!
Thank you guys ❤
I'm glad that there are people in this world that shares this valuable experience with others. We are the lucky generation because we learn things like that when we are 18 or around that because of the internet.
Here's where my anger comes from:
1)Yes, ego from not wanting to be manipulated by my partner because he doesn't want to take responsibility & just forget the issue
2)Not reaching a conclusion or learning the lesson after an argument because the issue will just arise again in the future
3)Lack of follow-thru by my partner when I do ask for something to be done (I realize there are few things I can depend on him or anyone to do).
Sorry, but "going to sleep" or "eating" won't resolve issues. People need to keep their word, have follow-thru, and accept responsibility. I realize the world isn't perfect, & I can't expect my partner to be either. Hence why I need to figure out how to not get mad at the constant disappointments.
same, he never apologize so i end up apologizing for something he did. smh
Right.. Here this is me.. What do i do?
Going to sleep is so f+|-ing annoying. Magically disappearance of problem....fuh
I suggest working on yourself as a person. Make yourself the best you can possibly be. I'm not just giving you inspirational bullshit though. Anger can only come from not being able to control your emotions, which is a common personality flaw. But before you rectify it, try to identify all your other major personality/character flaws. Create a list, and be honest (not overly negative, but honest). If 3 people who know you really well agree with your list, it's good. Now imagine you had none of those major flaws. Well that's only 1 aspect of your overall life, you can also improve the other ones (however you want to categorize the aspects of your life).
If you make yourself the best person you could possibly be, the arguments will decrease, both in quantity and severity, because now there's only 1 flawed person instead of 2. Now, you can't force him to change, you can only control yourself. But once he sees your drastic improvement, he'll get the hint. You can eradicate any personal problem by completing this broad, 3-step process:
1. Identify/admit the problem. This is often the hardest part. 2. Analyze the most efficient and effective way to resolve the problem and execute the plan. This takes the longest. 3. Develop a strategy or system that allows you to prevent the problem from ever coming back again, because otherwise, all your hard work will have been for nothing.
You can apply this 3-step process to your actual arguments as well, since you said you guys learn nothing from them, that's because you haven't put systems in place for preventing them (and also because you didn't figure out the right way to deal with them in the first place, which is step 2).
To be honest, the only real mistake people make in relationships is getting involved in them when they're not content with themselves. If you get every aspect of your life in order, you're as perfect a person as you can be. So, you'll be the smartest you ever were, you'll make the best decisions you've ever made, you'll be the happiest you've ever been. But the catch is waiting extra long, because it takes time to perfect yourself. People don't want to wait, they'd rather shoot for a 5 as soon as they can than shoot for a 10 when they're fully ready. And that's the natural thing to do, but the natural thing to do is seldom the best thing to do with regard to decision making and just life in general. Life is a skill, people don't realize that.
Over the period i realised that he was different. He was not soothing for my mind and soul. Yet i held on this relationship because deep down i was selfish about my emotions. They need someone who can accept them whether we see it as bullshit.
Even if i am convinced that their behavior is unacceptable...i have to give them a chance to learn in order to be a better person. They might not change for you. They might change for someone else if they find it necessary.
They might never change and live this life in a chaos with anybody else.
But if i choose to be in this chaos with them. I cease them to learn. I cease them to grow. And i will be in this state of mind myself forever. Release them. Let them change themselves for you if they want. Don't wait. Let go.
Oh, I LOVE the positivity ya"ll are standing for & such help in peoples lives.. These rules ARE wonderful however it'd take to both people be mature in the relationship..
Exactly!!, 2 emotional mature people!! 😼🤔
THIS SHOULd'vE TAUGHT IN schools like elementary and high school !! 😼🤔😲
I've been together with this guy for two and a half years and I feel like his anger is destroying our relationship I'm always forgiving him trying to move forward emotionally destroying me I'm new cheer Channel thumbs up congratulations on being together for almost 10 years
Great advices, I've been married for 2 years and a half only and If I had heard these advices and tried to apply them to my daily relationship with my wife it would of helped a lot. But I praise the Lord for your lives and for having found you guys here on youtube because I can start now and it can help a lot from now on, Thank you very much.
Definitely Great Advice! Detailed yet concise! The dynamic btwn you two shows that your advice works :)
I would like to offer another Key, my hubby & I find helpful for effective communication:
-Avoid using words of absolution (ex. I ALWAYS, you NEVER, etc)
-Instead try using less rigid & more accurate words (ex. SOMETIMES, OCCASIONALLY, USUALLY, etc)
-Most of the time words of absolution aren't factual. Therefore your partner may become defensive & find it difficult to empathize w/what you are saying or asking.
Thank you! 100% what you're saying is so accurate! I talk about the use of extreme language in some of my other videos, and circumventing the fight or flight response is the cornerstone of my Yield Theory. Thank you SO much for watching our video, for your kind words, and for adding peaceful tips for viewers! Sending you all the best and much peace!
I really love this woman, can't loose her, really needed this. ❤️ #Learning
Many thanks for this one, it speaks volumes. It's a great reminder to be mindful of oneself and our significant other.
Stormy Knight Thank you so much. Sending you lots of peace!
You are RIGHT about wanting to be RIGHT ALL the time
Key 2 is my current problems weaknesses that is so hard to solve
key 5 is Really ask what you want that is my greatness
Thank you so much! One of my goals for the new year is to deal with my anger and surround myself with peace. I've always had trouble dealing with my emotions and when my significant other and I argue its usually about something little and most of the time I work myself and him up to a point where the only way I can show how I'm feeling is through crying. I'm actually watching this video right after we had another argument. This year I'm true to my resolutions and I will be using these steps for the next disagreement. Bless you and your family and Happy new year!
Thank you for this video. We seem to know how to make a relationship last until we listen to experienced perspectives. Thank you again
Thank you both for making this video. Just having a real interaction of a husband and wife talking to each other about this topic is helpful to me personally... when i bring it up with my wife i might post another comment 😊
Thank you so much. I really appreciate hearing that. That means a lot. I always love when my wife joins me in doing a video, and even though she's not a big fan of being on camera, I think kind, thoughtful comments like yours will make it easier for me to ask her to do more. Sending you and your wife much peace brother!
My marriage is pretty much done because of my anger now watching this is to late !!! Pray for me
Thank you Dr.Conte. I’ve been struggling with all those issues but thanks to your videos I’ve got a new perspective on those issues and trying to be a better husband and a human being.
100%. Sending you all the best and much peace!
I love your word so much ,everyone write it and put Nxt to your bed read every day it’s helps a lot save my marriage
dr Christian conte I love your videos i watched a few of them and they are some much help please continue your awesome videos
You're such a lovely couple. Amazing tips. Thank you so much!
My German Shepherd just passed away 3 weeks ago. I'm happy to watch your video, but (he looks like my buddy!) I was happiest to see him looking out at the snow! :)
I'm trying your method today in hopes it will heal my relationship. Thank you for sharing. This was better than couples therapy
So I was steaming with anger i and I even angrily typed in how to be less angry in my relationship because I felt that I was going to attack my partner with my anger you guys have calmed me down significantly and I now know how to approach the situation thank you
This video was just great , the identification I got was spot on ,I’m 6o yrs n can expect my hubby to know what I want done around the house, but I’m not going to b hard on my self ,as we learn every day n this is my lesson for today,thank you Christian n ur stunning wife .xx
I'm here because I've been having relationship issues with the woman of my life.... I don't wanna lose her..
Absolutely the information I need...Thank you!
Wow thank you. I see things way different now. I agree with everything you guys say. Or instead of fighting just talk and understand each other.
Thank you! We are definitely sending you all our best and tons of peace!
This is a great vid and it gave me the basis to quit anger in my relationship. My wife and I had a terrible argument for the reason of being right. Someday I hope we can let go of this silly anger and become a lovely couple such as the both of you!
Thank you so much! Sending you both much peace!
I took you rules made a list, made a list, printed them out, and posted them everywhere throughout the house. One on the fridge, in the stairwell, in the washroom staring at me while I brush my teeth.
I love it! That's awesome. I really hope they help!
I love my girlfriend so much she's one of the only people I have in my life and I'm pushing her away with my anger. I don't want to and I feel like monster. Thank you for your help
Exactly how i feel dude!
Fuckin same
I am seeing a trend here, the EGO is a killer when it come to anger. Being right, taking it personally my way, my thoughts, my ideas me me me I am right and I need you to see my ideas because I am so smart. Darn it EGO!
YES! 100% that's it! We ALL have an ego, so we ALL have to work on this! It's funny because I always say that there are two kinds of people in the world: People with issues and dead people... We are all in this life together! Sending you all the best and tons of peace!
PREACHING IN NYC...
PRAYERTIME!
DEAR Brethren, JESUS Loves you & so do I. Why are yr hands up!
Put your hands down... I'm am offended. Why do you need to swing yr hands as if your fighting?Thanks for sharing. Be Blessed, Amen!
I strongly hope this will work on my marriage because we strongly need some help. God bless y’all
Sir , ur wife is beautiful.. so is ur video ... excellent 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
Sujata Karkera Thank you!
U are speaking true facts bro I’m working on myself I definitely been watching yo videos it’s give me help I’m trying grow
I've found that its harder to date in your 40s than it was in your 20s. We're set in our ways and have been through a lot. I'll never give up on this one.
thank you for this wisdom and thank you for that adorable doggy
This video is still helping people like me. Blessings to you two
Thank you very much. We sincerely appreciate the blessings, and we are equally sending you tons of gratitude and peace.
Powerful keys you really do know what your talking about. This is better than any anger management class you could go to I recommend this to everyone even
Even if anger doesn’t really affect you
Thank you so much. Man, I always try to give practical tips that I practice myself. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
A beautiful couple both in and out!
She’s so pretty
That is also what I was thinking but I didn’t mention that since I don’t want to make him angry 😠
Thank you Doc. I really needed some tools to work with. Thank you.
100% and thank you brother, for taking time to share positivity with me. Much peace!
This has really helped. Thank you guys. Stay beautiful. And much peace!
Thanks brother! Much peace to you for sure!
I’ve been having fights with my boyfriend of two years and I have depression and ocd and anxiety and other things and I don’t know how to handle myself when I’m angry. I’m so overwhelmed
Hey Lunar, Please feel free to call in my radio show on Monday nights from 8pm-10pm EST. The number is 866 391 1020. You can listen live on kdkaradio dot com (I think if I write it like that it won't go to your spam... lol). Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Listen to these video I pray you get better and you will. Listen to these videos it will help you. Much love
All these are great ideas. I spent hours asking for what I wanted, wrote it down nicely, it was tossed on floor stamped on and I was told how mean and nasty I was and how wrong I was, good luck with asking for what you want, however I’m familiar with defense mechanisms such as gaslighting, projection, guilty and blaming, if anyone has a relationship where anger is used for control get out get out get out get out!!! No fixing this,
Ever since I quit my job to be home with my kids to homeschool them, my husband has been treating me differently which is causing lots of tension and arguments. He sent me this video making it seem like I’m the problem. I know how to control my anger but if your around someone who constantly pushes you down it gets really hard to not react.
And then when you do react they make you feel like you are wrong for it....
Strait up and strait forward! Easily understood and will keep all that has been explained - in mind! Great tools to work with :)
You are simply amazing! Bravo!!
Thank you for your help, I'm lucky to stumble upon your channel. Please keep up the good content.
Thank you so much. Please know I'm sending you all my best and tons of peace!
@@DrChristianConte it's nice to receive your reply today. Thank you, hope you may make some videos on how physical health (you and wife look fit) can effects neuro chemistry and mental health too. Thank you!
Thanks guys great tips!
This is the best relationship advice video I have seen. Thank you so much for sharing !
Thanks Doc Conte, Love your material!
Thank you SO much! Much peace!
So it seems to me communication is key, talk talk talk ... And be fair with your requests when you ask for things.
Always be mindful!
I think so. I mean, of course we want to have balance in what we do, but being able to communicate, even if that means that you need some space, is super-important. Thanks for watching! We're definitely sending you all our best and tons of peace!