I have spent a lifetime of being angry but had an epiphany moment watching your video yesterday....today is the first day of the rest of my life. Love and Peace.
Nate Heller I am not a shrink. I am just a recovering easily triggered father with a lot of baggage. I asked my 11-year-old daughter to have the guts to check me. If I am acting on anger, I gave her permission to tell me to calm down. Yell it if you have to. Tell him that he’s being an ogre. I think of it kind a like a soccer game. When you play in the game, you can’t hear over the crowd. So for your coach to get through, they have to be louder than the crowd. I hate seeing the look on my babies’ faces when I go into ogre mode. Even daddies need a shoulder to cry on or an open ear sometimes. Nothing calms me like my babies. They are my world. They make me a better me. Try to get your dad to subscribe to this channel and also keep a Journal for when he acts out. I am more annoyed about having to write about it after it’s over, and would avoid having to write down why I was acting like a fool. It’s a strong motivational tool for me to go as many days as possible without making an entry.
I feel like a monster when I get angry. I don’t like it. I wish I can be a more positive person. I don’t plan on getting in a relationship until I get all my anger situated.
mercedes xo none of us are perfect. Something similar happened to me. I kina blew up on my dad for something small and he just looked at me,no answer. I felt bad and guilty afterwards. I don’t want to be this way anymore.
Letting people walk all over you, and abuse you, is not something we need discernment for. I'm not caring about being right, I'm caring about being abused.
1. Don't be attached to your ideas/views - it makes you want to start defending yourself. 2. Don't take things personally - everyone has issues, when people lash out at you, it's about them not about you 3. Learn when to let things go - things do not always have to go our way. 4. Be mindful of what's going on with you and in your body - you might be angry just because you are hungry, exhausted or stressed. 5. Know how to communicate what's going on with you to others.
All true. All true. Changing our minds spreads love. Continuing to hate because someone hates you turns you into dust. Reframe from anger. Trust God s WORD. It's a stumbling to your true inner success. Be slow to anger
1. Don’t be attached 2. Don’t take things personally 3. Letting go 4. Be aware of what’s going on in your body 5. Learn how to say what’s really going on with you. - hope this helped the impatient viewers such as myself lol.
thanks for the video summary it is very helpful. I think it sounds good on paper but in real life it's easy said than done. I do not think it would actually work
I have the issue of being super nice for a long time then exploding because I feel disrespected by the person I have always been nice to. It literally makes my blood boil to feel taken advantage of and disrespected. I feel those are legitimate reasons to be angry, I just need to learn how to reel in my responses. Thanks
Hey Maude, If you wanted to, I'm inviting you to call in my talk radio show on a Monday night sometimes (from 8pm-10pm EST), because what you're saying I believe resonates with so many people out there. The challenge is learning how to find a way to not go from one extreme to the other, and I really believe there are some things that you can practice that can help you avoid doing that. In any case, please know I am definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Omgoodness this is me. I be so nice and when ppl keep pushing me I end up snapping and then I am the blame. I just lost a relationship over this. Kept telling him how I feel and he didn't listen. I finally snapped.
I had the same thing growing up.i found that telling them I'm aware that I do it and that I'm working on it helped. they were much more understanding and somehow telling them stopped it all almost immediately. tackle it head on like that worked for me. try it
Captain Simon You made me laugh and it’s pretty hard to make me laugh (because I am angry right now) thanks bro, I don’t even know if you meant your comment to be humorous but it made me laugh lol 😂
Growing up I was everyone’s punching bag mostly my family. As I got older I started to develop anger and talk back to everyone in my family. I say to myself now I’m the one giving the punches, but I went over the limit and started to become someone I don’t like.
Appreciate you taking time to say something kind like that. Anger can be so gripping, but as you are living proof: It's possible to deal with differently from how we used to deal with it. I feel very grateful for your words. Definitely sending you all my best, and tons of peace and gratitude. Much peace!
1. Don’t be attached. Be ok with people disagreeing with your ideas 2. Don’t take things personally. It’s not about you, it’s about them. 3. Learn when to let things go. Let go of needing things to go your way. 4. Be aware what’s going on in your body. Be mindful 5. Learn how to say what’s really going on with you.
I retired as a Marine, and as a police detective. I began a small business, and it grew more than I wanted it to, causing quite a bit of personal stress. I have always found my anger at home to be horrible, not to the extent I was hurting anyone, but I could have "Handled it better." Now my wife wants to leave me, and I cannot imagine life without her, but didn't know how bad I was hurting her. Thanks for the information, I hope I can change, I want to.
My problems have no solutions from your advice. My children were abused by a paedophile ring. The police refuse to act and in fact informed the ring that I was "snitching" on them. I live with death threats. My wife was poisoned by the ring she has a very serious neurological condition. These people live in my community and are protected by the local police. I know 100% if I do anything outside the law the police will make sure I am jailed and that means my wife will be left dealing with all of this alone. When somebody abuses your children and members of your family are involved it becomes very personal. I just cannot deal with this anger and it will eventually result in my committing crimes against these people.
@@nospoon4799 omg your situation is horrible. I'd Imagine your racking your brain to correct all the wrong done to your family. My best advice is to stop trying to get justice or revenge and create an evacuation plan to get as far away from that town as possible asap. In the mean time if possible I'd get some guns and I'd set up booby traps all over my property and home. I hope you can get your family safely out of that town without anymore trouble and I'm completely appalled at the fact that it's so hard to get help and justice in your area. There's got to be a way to take that circle of criminals out of business and I can't belive no one else has responded to your post besides me. I can't believe that there's not people in outrage at your post and whats happening to u rn.
@@victoriawheeler5445 I'm staying. If I die fighting these people then so be it. I have never been one to run away. Besides. There is nowhere safe in the UK to go. These people are all over the UK now. They are in authority positions. Social services, the police, the NHS. There is no escape. Even talking about this here on youtube got my comments blocked for two days.
@@victoriawheeler5445 I honestly thought there would have been outrage but there is none ever. Mostly the British just try to paint me as a liar. I have barely scratched the surface too. Very bad place the UK.
I find myself becoming more and more violent and it really bothers me. I can be perfectly fine to a point then a bomb goes off and I have hurt someone I care about.
Is a bell - damn. I hope you can find a way to deal with that. Even in my worst anger I've never been violent. You being here is at least the first step because you've recognised it as a problem, so props to you for taking action. You're on your way.
Is a bell honestly it’s not your fault some people are seriously ignorant and annoying and there’s no other way to talk to them unless you use violence
We are ALL wrong from time to time. We are not supposed to come out having all the answers. I'm hopeful some of these tips are helpful for you as you move forward, but I'm also hopeful that you won't be too hard on yourself. We all have a ton to learn about life (me certainly included). Hang in there and just keep trying to improve on where you were yesterday day by day. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
My bf suffer from anxiety and gets angry easily . I am ready to give up on him as I write this. He takes things personality and so judgmental too. I need to make doctors appointment and see if he can get therapy but if he won’t do it then bye bye even though we have 2 beautiful kids together. I can’t live like this anymore. He snaps at me when he has a hard days at work and brings it home and takes out on me. Tears as I write this.
@@Sabrinasee02 Sabrina I hope that you know that you are a strong woman and that you make a decision that you know in your heart is best for you and your kids. He needs to help himself you can't do it all yourself. Much love stay strong!
This has blessed me so much! I realize that my ego/need to control has ruined my relationship with my husband, kids, friends and family. The people around me are afraid of me. It is so sad. Everything is a trigger. I realize now that I have some serious control issues (which ultimately is pure fear). I'm praying that it's not too late to reprogram myself and remove the fear that I've embedded in the people around me.
Hi Christina! Thank you so much for your kind words! It is NOT too late for you to reprogram yourself! Of course change takes effort and practice, but you can absolutely do it. Continue to be mindful of your self-talk. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Christina... Your words must have been plucked from my brain, my thoughts exactly. I didn't realize how toxic I could be and how much the people around me were affected. Just needed to vent. Hope all is well
When he said “ it’s not about you, it’s about them!” Just made me think about all of the times I’ve gotten in a fight with somebody because they are being rude or disrespectful to me and now I realise, I was taking it to personal! This has changed my life, I couldn’t stand being this angry monster who started crying every time I lashed out! This has really helped me through a lot of things and I hope other people who watch this video have a stronger understanding of why they are getting so angry! These are amazing things to help you cope with anger, I’m most definitely giving this video a thumbs up!😄
I too got a problem like yours .. and always find myself stressing because im afraid to unleash the monster that im not . Disrespect .. sarcastic responses ..
I am a dad and I am at risk of losing my relationship with my two daughters because of my anger issues. My anger outburst have caused pain in my family and I need to change. Dr. Conte's advice sounds great and I am going to use all of his advice to make a change. This is my last chance at having any chance at having any connections with my own kids.
I have same issue with my child. I decided to buy herbal based medication that helps you stay calm. I’m Russian and in Russia we have NOVO PASSIT that helps you be a bit more nonchalant and take things easy. My friend shared his experience with this over the counter supplement and I think that’s what I need. You may find American version of this supplement because simple awareness that something is wrong with you won’t help. You know yourself that it’s a problem but you can’t help yourself that’s why you are here but anger is not unawareness how to conduct or control yourself. Anger is chemistry in your body, I. E. Hormones that make you feel that way. Just like hormones of happiness there are hormones of anger. Anger has to be addressed medically. Wish you find your remedy and be a loving and caring dad which I feel you are in the eyes of your daughters. I told my daughter about my issue and how much I love and care for her. she says she understands me and never holds it against me because I can’t control it but it doesn’t give me a right to continue like that. At least for now until you find your way to help yourself please talk to your girls about this issues that you simply can’t control but you are seeking for help and you love them and that’s why you are not indifferent to them. Your care and love to them causes to be overly concerned which causes frustration and anger. At least they will know where you are coming from and maybe will help you to find the way not to overact when you feel angry. Also this may help if you ask yourself “ will it matter in 5 years?” Most likely it won’t. Then forget about it. Peace and love to you and your family!
thank you, my anger only complicates my life. lashing out and yelling don't work for me, but it's all I have done. I don't want to yell anymore. I am trying to deal with it for my and my son's sake.
Take those breaks you need and don’t make a sound when you are angry. Just hold up a finger in the “stop right there” position and that tells You to stop right then and there. -until you really think it through.
lilly petals If your anger appears irrational then trust me when I say that it isn't. If the trigger doesn't appear to be enough for the emotional outburst that is your respons then there have to be more than just that trigger that underlies your reaction. We often try to avoid emotions. But by doing so we store them until we can't handle them this way anymore. That is when we experience aggressive outbursts. Spend time with your wife/husband and talk about how you feel about things. If you have friends then try to talk with them. Be serious about your problems. If that is for some reason not an option then you should try talking with a psychologist. It is nothing wrong talking with a specialist in this field. You don't have to have extreme problems to need help with them. I mean people go to doctors far less important reasons. Far more people than you may know are depressed. Life is filled with shit. Humans are good at making problems when old ones are solved. The reason why so many people arn't diagnosed is because they hold all of their feelings. Instead of being constantly somewhat sad many people are equally sad, but in form of short lived aggressive out bursts. First our society puts such a huge pressure on men to not show their feelings. Later it takes the piss on them for being aggressive. Life is full of shit. You have shit like bullies, lost loved ones, lack of control over once life and perhaps the fear of yelling at your son. Of course you should be sad now and then. Life may be full of great stuff, maybe even more of it than the bad. But the great stuff only makes us stand, while the bad stuff makes us fall. You can't live for ever, but you can ruing things beyond repair in an instance. That is how the human mind works. Remember that it is ok to be angry, it is part of your very human nature. But it is also ok to be sad. If you can allow your self to be sad then you may not need to be so angry after all. When you have those aggressive outbursts you are showing your feelings. Not just from the moment, but the shit you have tried to handle for quite a while. Another thing you can do is to learn to cry. It won't help you with your problems, but it is a far more healthy than to get angry.
lilly petals You are obviously a great parent who cares so much about your son that you actively try to find a solution for your problem with aggressive behavior. I think you will be a great mother/father. Remember to face your feelings.
I get pissed off on simple things. Like being annoyed by someone or when I'm not taken seriously when I'm trying to be serious about something. I just go off and then later on I regret it because it wasn't that serious to do it... Idk what to do
Man I think the key for you is just to take yourself less seriously. All of us mess up - and I think it's important that we're easy on others, just like I think it's important to be easy on ourselves .... so do your best to not take yourself so seriously this week. Wherever you are in the process, just try your best. Sending you much peace brother.
Booom me too!! Wtf I have been working on this for years, like a decade. I have gotten professional help and I really don't see a difference at all. I'm losing it 😣
Dr. Christian Conte Hi Christian I have the exact same problem like Boom, I think the problem is also about my ego. It is just vey difficult to let go or get unattached when someone is annoying you even if I am sure he is a good friend and he is just joking. I feel that that my public image is ruined or that I'll become the one that everyone will joke about later. This anger blinds my mind from thinking straight to even returning the joke back, and some times I snap into and aggressive voice or bad reply that offends the guy. To say it short whenever this happens I do stupid stuff that requires me to say sorry or that hurts someone I love.
Meditating consistenly for 20 minutes each day, has helped me. And not just meditating, but spending some time, watching gurus speak their mind. Once you experience peace, and learn that its not impossible, and that you dont have to spend a lifetime as a monk to experience peace, even if it's just for 20 minutes, then you can try to adapt it in your everyday life. It's kind of like exercising in my opinion.
I’ve been so angry all my life, especially being influenced by living in an angry household. every time I try getting better, I go back to square one. I know I’m hurt and I know it’s my responsibility to heal myself. Hopefully this video ends up helping
I can relate to this. People in my family have anger issues and I feel as though I do too sometimes. It really ruins relationships and plagues you with guilt.
I can’t believe you don’t have more exposure. instead of watching entertainment I choose to deal with my anger problem head on. You’re a wonderful person. Thank you
I think it would help if he spent less of his videos trying to sell stuff and self advertise to his viewers. I'm sure he does genuinely care about helping people, but to a casual viewer, he seems like just another youtuber trying to peddle his brand. Like that book product placement was just distracting and greedy. Pushing this stuff on videos whose audience are obviously at a point of vulnerability is just poor taste. Even though it doesn't diminish the positive message of the video, it does tell me that I'd rather get help from someone who actually wants to help, not make a few dollars off my anger issues.
The RUclips comment section literally provides pure gold for modern day psychological studies.... In case you're a real person and this isn't just a random autobot statement, I'm sending you all my best and tons of peace my man.
Another best way to control anger is autochemically. When I feel angry I drop on the floor and do 50 pushups. If I'm still angry I do another 50. But usually after the first 50 the brain already start releasing endorphins, which overrides cortisol (mainly responsible for anger). Use the anger to your advantage, pushup or squat viciously, it's good for your brain. When you do so very often, eventually you won't even have to do pushups; your body will habitually/homeostatically release endorphins instantly as epinephrine & cortisol infuriates you, thanx to circadian rhythm. As long as you exercise on the regular basis, your brain will be marinaded in endorphins which will significantly minimize anger throughout the day, enough so that you remain calm and sharp and eventually, due to neuroplasticity, you'll become unangry especially if you learn some positive psychology. Lack of exercise will cause cephalic irritability which usually leads to anger. Very important key is to practice catching your own anger. As soon as you get angry your mindset should detect it so that you can stop it before it becomes apparent. The more you do it the easier and it's actually fun! You need to know your triggers, what makes you angry. A lot of people can't stop anger on time because they're unaware of their triggers. Also be prepared ahead of time with cognitive tools to handle the emotion. One example of cognitive tool is to remind yourself during anger that you'll be OK! When we're angry we're impatient, want to resolve it NOW!!! But learn how not to rush things especially when you're angry. It's better to comeback later with optimal solution that you could come up with to substitute your angry actions. So that you definitely win! both you and the offender will appreciate your humble integrity. plus all the cognitive tools in the video are all fun to exploit. But if you do become angry, what happens is you take all your cognitive powers, and handing it to the offender (as if saying "here take it, you got me, my mind's too weak to handle that, I give up") Don't give your power to the offender! Exhibiting anger = handing your power to the offender.
Yeah at least he looks like he knows what he’s talking about. Gotta scroll right past those soft looking people making pouty faces in their thumbnails, they’re just gonna say to take deep breaths or something.
I've struggled with letting things go, I've carried grudges for so long and if you disrespected me it was over for that person. After watching your video, it has opened my eyes to getting my anger under control. Thank you.
Robert I'm very grateful to hear that my brother. Letting go is tough. Honestly, the way to let go is to actively move on by focusing on other things. All too often, when we are hung up in our anger, we have a tendency to be self-focused (so we struggle to let go), but when we're able to focus on seeing the bigger picture or reaching out to help others, we carve out the path we need to follow to truly let go. Sending you all the best and much peace!
If you can, check out my video on the cycle of shame, because the reality is, if we don't allow ourselves to bring awareness to that cycle, we are destined to repeat it. Definitely sending you much peace brother.
My parents raised me to keep my feelings to myself and I'm usually able to stay strong, but I feel like I snap really bad every few months. I'm really afraid to express myself (tip 5), but I'll try and see how it goes. Wish me luck!
I think it's really important to be able to learn how to express what you're feeling in a healthy way. One of the best ways for us to learn how to do that is by taking time to sit down with a mental health specialist in your area. I definitely hate for you to push stuff down and have it pop up somewhere else later. In any case, please know I'm sending you all my best and tons of peace!
One of my therapist friends keeps on suggesting that I write down my thoughts in a journal, so I keep a diary on my laptop with a password and it seems like a safe place to express my anger and darker thoughts. it puts this noise inside my mind into words, and I am finding that it does help somehow in relieving the pressure. I am wondering what Dr Conte says about this... Am I just reinforcing my ideas and making my judgements and beliefs more 'right', or is this a healthy way to express myself?
I felt a 100 times better just watching this video. For me, being a type A personality, I take everything personally and my ego drives everything I do. Just thinking of "letting go" makes me feel better. A sincere thank you for this video.
I get angry often due to me unable to release my emotions that I often hide or suppress. This hell to break down what I am going through Edit: 74 wow first time ever I got that much liked. Thx
Amalgavoid I wouldn’t say it’s useless ! We just have to learn the best way to cope with our emotions and release them in a healthy way :) goodluck to you too
Minaakshi A. Khanna i can’t see you unhappy anymore it’s to the point I really hope u find some man that can open and fill u with the joy ive experience being and seeing ur smile .
My workplace sent me here 😂 every job I been through, working with others and dealing with my anger is a struggle. I'm glad to take the time out to deal with my anger. When he said be open to learning, you know
My husband came home and told me he invited his best friend to come along on our family 2 week road trip this summer. I’m having a lot of anger about it and figuring out the reasons why, and this video really helped. Half the problem is I get so angry when things are sprung on me or if I was given no choice in the matter so then I ultimately feel like my feelings weren’t validated.
Definitely sounds like it's important for you two to communicate a little more clearly with each other; but since we can only control ourselves, on your end, I would invite you to keep working on recognizing the difference between what I call our Cartoon World and the Real World. The more you can align your expectations with reality, the more peace you will eventually feel. I talk about that concept in several videos, so if I didn't cover it in this one, please check out some of my other videos. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Wow that is disrespectful of him. I used to turn anger inside but am now learning it exists for a reason. Like there I would think "dont be angry dont be angry it will be fine..." But this is really pathetic and hurtful to yourself. You should always communicate what you are feeling. "Honey, I understand you love your friend, but you inviting him without consulting me feels disrespectful to me. Like what I feel does not matter. Besides I was really looking forward to having personal family time" sth like that. And may I add: if you are one to bottle it up and a bit of a doormat at times, well, just communicate, even if it sounds horrible, just DO IT, with time you will get better at it. Anger is there as a power, dont just snuff it out. And never take it back if you crossed the line with your words. You could say; "I am so sorry honey, I did not mean to slam you like that. I was feeling angry and hurt. I should have explained it more calmly to you" If he hears that like you are taking all back and starts accusing you of being unfair you can add "but I still meant what I said, it was wrong if you not to ask me. And I would appreciate an apology for that".
The reason you're angry is because your husband is an asshole. That is major disrespect -- to you and the whole family. Can you imagine being a kid and your dad invites his friend on the family road trip? What the fuck. You need to put your foot down now and tell him that shit won't fly. Otherwise he'll keep disrespecting the family like this. Has he done things like this before? I'm telling you as an objective party that this is a case where your anger is 100% justified and you need to take it as a warning sign.
Thank you, Dr. Conte! I have had anger since I was little and it is against my father and you have helped me to understand and manage my frustration in a better way. Really appreciate this video!
Hang in there brother. We all do dumb things and make mistakes. The key is to learn from every moment. I think the key also is having the humility to move forward owning whatever you did, and then doing whatever it takes to not repeat that mistake. But please be easy on yourself. We ALL mess up. Definitely sending you much peace my man.
Me too man, I don’t think I have many chances left with her until she moves on. We’ve been fighting for days over something completely ridiculous. After reconciling today I realized I have a problem with my temper and emotional management.
I’m very cognitive and aware of what I’m feeling, but when I get angry all my awareness is out the window and I go into caveman mode. Afterwards I always regret why I got angry, and most of the time I was wrong or blew things way out of proportion. Once I snap it’s over with, I go absolutely insane like my life is in danger and I need to kill or be killed. Except it’s because someone cut me off and gave me the finger, or something absolutely stupid like that.
So I have a video on Amazon called Getting Control of Yourself, and in it, I explain the different types of rage. If you look through the comment section on my channel, you'll see I rarely suggest that people get products that I have (that cost any money), but in all seriousness, I really believe you would benefit from that video. If you don't want to get that video, I highly suggest the book Rage by Dr. Ron Potter-Efron. It's where I learned those different types of rage that I explain in that video. Sending you all the best and tons of peace!
I’m the same way. I just realized I had some super deep emotional trauma mixed with anger since my childhood and it’s ruined most of my relationships and I’ve done some fucked up things i regret in the moment it’s hard for me to get logical all I feel is rage and wanting to hurt the thing that hurt me in the end I end up hurting myself and hating myself more for it I just want the cycle to end :(
Thank-you for this video, I always have deep regret after getting cross with my kids in the morning because we're running late after I've asked them like 40 times to get ready for school. 🙈 I feel so guilty at not being able to better manage that frustration. Thanks again for this content 🙏🏽
I love it! You definitely have the ability to master your emotions. Yes, it takes time and effort, BUT, it's completely possible. Please be easy on yourself when mistakes or relapses occur, as our journeys tend to not be as smooth as we'd like them to be - but it's the EFFORT that matters. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I’m trying my best to be a better dad and a better husband , I need to learn to control my anger because my son and wife are the ones that are being hurt the most. Thank you for making this battle, this fight , a lot easier by giving me this knowledge. God bless you man!.
Whenever I get angry emotions build up and I want to cry and my family doesn't understand why so that gets me angry. Its just a loop. I don't know what to do, they need to be in my POV for once
Even though this video is years old. Thank you for the help and you're making me want to do something. I didn't have the courage to do myself for years until watching your video
It may be because you have anxiety around people and a distorted image of yourself (hating yourself) so thats why you feel like you are being targeted by people who “are out to get you down”... which is not true.
RH3D being told to do it and actually being able to are completely different. Out of want for another example here's an over used one: If you tell a homeless person to "just get a house" it's completely different to helping them through the steps from having no home to getting a job and eventually getting a house.
@@thecoloradokid5418 thank you! i totally agree , when i'm reflecting on it - i'm wise and realistic but when i'm put in an uncomfortable situation - i am quick to defend myself. Part of this may be due to past traumas/childhood but hey.
Above all. Stay far away from people you can't stand. Avoid discussing them, pictures of them, or anything that triggers your anger related to them. It might not necessarily be there fault. They just naturally deplete your energy and happiness. They can stay in the leper colonies. Were going to Mount Olympus.
@@수빈김-c4c but its one less little shit to worry about. Im stuck in a beach house with a bitch I can't stand and I already punched him twice. 5 more days and im going home.
Yes! I feel that for sure. I believe we all have the answers within, but we all need each other to help remind us of the path that's best for us. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
more blessings to everyone who commented and i also realised that am not the only one facing such challenge of angery where i have been trying my best not exchange more words with ather who i call that they annoying me but when i see people,s comment i learn more from them once again thank you so much.
I'm an instant fan Dr! Never heard of you before 20 minutes ago but this video was pure gold and I know I'm already hooked. I can't wait to see the rest of your work. People like you make this world a better place. I've struggled with anger management issues my entire life but I'm finally ready to treat it. Thank you again and keep up the good lord's work like you're doing.
I’m only half way listening to this and I must say this is the most interesting concepts I have heard. I deal with this and it’s so very clear now. We have all the control. Thanks for this. Many can benefit 🙏🏾
Thank you so much! I definitely put everything I have into making these videos to hopefully bring people peace where I can. Sending you tons of gratitude for your kind words, and definitely sending you much peace!
Appreciate you. It takes practice. Think of everything you've mastered in life: It all took practice. The same is true for self-control. The more you practice it, the better you'll get at it. Definitely sending you much peace!
@@DrChristianConte thanks I appreciate the words of encouragement I do not want let my anger overcome me I'm pretty patient but it's how I act when I run out of patience I will be checking out your site bro
Everything you said in this video makes so much sense and it makes me feel better to hear this and understand more of what’s going on with my anger. Thank you
This is wonderful, I just found your channel and I just subscribed, you don't know how much this video helped me, I just listened to it, thank you so much, this is the first video that has helped me with anger, thank you very much
Thanks so much for this .... I always over react when ever I get angry. Like saying things that I'm not supposed to say, and later regret my actions.....
is there a way, to have “healthy anger” or “healthy pride”? anger for me is also a tool for protecting my wife friends family etc. many thanks Dr.C -matt guibord
Anger and the emotions that surround anger. That's so insightful. Lately I've been exploring my ego's role in my anger and it's so eye opening. Thank you for your videos.
From being bullied as a kid I started punching holes in my bedroom walls then I got into Muay Thai and i learned to channel my aggression. I had to learn how to forgive my bullies and love myself. I also know how to identify what could make me angry & how to avoid it. I box now and realize I have nothing to prove to them. F them. :-)
Fellow martial artist here. I do Brazilian jiu jitsu, wrestling, judo and Muay Thai. I currently live with my brother and he has always made me extremely angry. Now that I’m older I can easily beat him in a fight but I’ve matured and don’t want to. I’ve tried to reason and be accommodating with him for the sake of being a “Family” but I can’t take it anymore. What would you recommend
@@treroney4720 I know how that feels me and my brother used to fight like cats and dogs when we were kids our relationship is much different now. We’re more nicer to each other
After the day I’ve had, I’m really glad I found this video. How do you deal with feeling the guilt and learning self compassion after an anger outburst?
Hi Dr Conte, I first saw you doing a RUclips podcast with a young lady, where you looked at inmates and their anger and you realised a lot of anger came down the shame. From that video I realised I have carried toxic shame with me my whole life. I have only just started learning and working on myself. But I have had one failed marriage and as of yesterday have left my second marriage for the fourth time in 6 years, simply because I didn’t realise I had toxic shame, and I was angry so much and very often with my wife. I love her dearly. She is my whole world. What is the best road map to overcoming my shame, my anger and sticking to a plan of becoming a so much better me. Thank you, Stuart (Sydney, Australia.)
Please can you create Podcasts? I feel like listening to you every night, and your knowledge would really help me remember these steps. I have a tendency of letting emotions win over rational thinking, and that being said, then remembering the steps to take...
I would love for you to check out my podcast Emotional Management on iTunes. I also have a podcast called Tackling Life. Thank you so much for tuning into my work. Please know I am sending you all of my best and tons of peace!
i’m so passive aggressive. literally anyone can say the minorest insulting shit and i feel myself getting heated up. i always do before thinking and i’ve seen it’s not benefiting me in any good way. i hope i can change bc i even lash out at people i love the most... i will change , i’m tired of breaking my mf nail bc of me punching ppl💀🤣.
@@wopslop8824 was that really necessary? you clicked on a video about anger management you shouldn't be shocked there's people with anger issues in the comments. plus they literally said they're trying to change, have a bit more empathy man
I snapped at someone I love today unnecessarily. I know that I was right in the substance of the argument but I was wrong in having exploded. I should have tried harder to control my emotions. I'm very upset with my going on a rant. I got angry because someone didn't listen to me. I should have stopped to think and breathe before engaging in an argument. I'll remember to watch this video from time to time.
@@aaron9188 Be strong my friend. I've improved a lot in the last few months. There are ups and downs, of course, but luckily more ups than downs. I've just decided to not argue with people that disagree with me. I don't know how old you are but there was a show that aired from the late 80s to the mid-90s called Married with Children. Its star was Ed O'Neil. In an interview, he said that his character Al Bundy was inspired by his uncle (a judge), who just ‘resigned’ himself from everyday jive, to the point that when family members would come to him to complain about life problems, he’d answer like this “so what’s for dinner?” This is absolutely brilliant! It’s worked for me. I’ve ‘resigned’ myself from problems that I shouldn’t be dealing with. I don’t know if it will work for you, but if you wanna watch the interview, here’s the link: ruclips.net/video/butNX7mnsKk/видео.html&ab_channel=TheRichEisenShow
I started having anger...or more like rage issues after being in the military & chaffing under the control the govt had over my life, & people being jerks simply because they out ranked me. I carried this rage into multiple failed relationships, and while I always regret it, and having done so much personal work, therapies, etc., I feel like Im healed, but just when I think I have a handle on it, I get triggered, & it's like I'm not in control. I'm a single dad now, & as my kid gets older she's doing things she knows is wrong, & I find myself losing it again & again. I hate it, & feel terrible every time afterwards. Thanks for doing this & making these videos. I need this.
I try to think about getting angry like it's taking a harmful drug. "Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Gandhi. Heart disease, heart attacks are the most common forms of death. I feel like if I can't manage my anger, it's like I'm doing the same thing to my heart, to my brain that would happen to my liver if I poured a bottle of vodka in it. Or my lungs, if I dropped a cigarette in it. It feels good when you're doing it, but we all know it's an addiction.
Yes, sometimes it is. I have a video about getting angry without knowing why, and I talk about how sometimes it absolutely is a desire for us to release excess adrenaline.... Sending you all the best and much peace brother!
There are no ways to avoid anger, and emotions are very natural events. Only if you're not alive or if you're a robot, then that's only when you'll never get angry. Anyone who's still alive would sometimes get angry, which is unavoidable. However, the important thing is to learn how to deal with our angers.
If you're already dead, then you won't get angry anymore but if you're still alive, then you're going to get angry sometimes, which you can't avoid anger. However, the important thing is to learn how to deal with your anger.
Then it sounds like you're gonna want to create a peaceful mode where you can dial in and be in full control. That will definitely take practice, though, and I certainly recommend meditation. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Wow, this just made me feel a lil better, I punched the wall out three times yesterday, just because I’ve been holding my anger in for a long time and I let it out but now I felt bad. But watching this change my perspective on some things for the better.
Thanks brother. Man I know I've been there before in my life where I got into battles with doors and walls and inanimate objects.... but I lost them all... lol. These days, I've learned to recognize that no matter how I ever feel, the reality is that emotions are temporary, but actions are permanent. Sending you all the best and much peace brother.
Dr. Christian Conte I just lost my job for snapping on a customer last Friday smh I really need some medical help!! But thanks for saving lives and making a change in this humanity in this world!! 💯💯💯👌
That means SO much to me! Thank you! And please feel free to cal in my show any time! I would also feel extremely grateful if you'd be willing to spread the word on that show. Thank you so much! Sending you much peace!
Powerful content! The ideas on detaching and not taking things personally is a vital key to help everyone keep their cool instead of lashing out at others. Great channel.
Putting everything into use. My anger gets the best of me and I lash out and feel tremendous guilt for those I hurt. I need to stop this cycle. Thank you!
Thank you so much. I appreciate hearing that. I of course still get angry; I just know how to deal with it much differently now than the way I used to deal with it. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Thank you! And YES! definitely keep trying and giving your best. All I ask of people is to give their absolute best - and yes, your best is absolutely good enough for me! Sending you TONS of peace!
This is really helpful to me I feel like I got my anger issues from my father because he has really bad anger issues and I always rage when someone is just being rude or annoying I tend to say mean things, hurt them or just be mean and I don't want that to happen. Music also really helps, whenever I listen to curtain music I usually calm down and control my emotions. My anger makes me sad as well and this is a very accurate video thank you so much :)
I’ve had anger issues almost my whole life. I think I’ve been better a bit recently, but there are many times when I am good for months and lash out again. A lot of my anger comes from watching sports and I never had a bad public meltdown or heard violence, but it clearly affects my family and I admit the things I say and behave is terrible and I’m just scared things get worse than it already is and I might have to go to a psychiatrist though I see a therapist, but I think that’s less extreme. I just don’t want my anger to make things worse in my life. Life hasn’t been easy in many ways, but I don’t want my anger to hurt who I love, myself, and others. I just want to be a good person for myself and others and don’t want to hurt anyone because of this issue. It’s frustrating because I always try to mentally prepare before a game that might get me tense, that it’s just a game and to try to avoid anger but it just comes instantly like a light switch. I also understand that I’m getting upset over something sports or other things and I know it’s immature and stupid. Again, I’m trying to be the best person I can be and want to protect everyone who is good in this world or even some troubled people. I just take sports a bit seriously compared to others and use it an escape from other things in my life whether that is okay or not. Sorry for this long post and hope some can understand.
Hey Ryan I don’t think I’ve ever related to anything more in my entire life. I don’t know you but I love you and I know me and you both can be the better person we both dream to be.
Hi Ryan I’m the same except I’m still angry and can’t seem to get out of it. I’ve been angry most of my life as well because of my horrible psychotic parents..they really messed my mind and life up..they neglected my needs emotionally and ruined my education. I had problems concerning my concentration at school…got no help just beaten a lot..it only made me angrier..I hated them so much I wanted to destroy them and I finally lashed out a number of years ago and my uncle tried to help me..things calmed down for a while but as the bad memories are still there I’m angry again..my father is dead he died of cancer..I didn’t cry at the funeral I was glad he’s gone he got what he deserved he made my life miserable I still hate him he was a bastard a coward and an evil abuser if he was alive now I’d punch him in the face. My mother is a manipulator and instigator loves conflict and she’s an angry bitter woman as well I’ve cut her off and won’t be around her…she’s got health problems now and I don’t care my brother had care assistance to help her and my sister helps her but I won’t..the sooner she’s gone the better..I wish I never met either of them..they put fear anxiety and depression into me growing up and my life still isn’t right I’m struggling to get over these issues..I don’t want to keep feeling like this it’s been over twenty years since I started making their lives hell…but they had it coming and they learned the lesson..my asshole of a psychotic father weren’t talking before he died..and I’m okay with that he didn’t deserve my attention. I’m getting counselling so I’m hoping to get in control of this once and for all. Best regards to you.
Only took 60 years to get my head wrapped around these ideas. I believe all of us can periodically take time to learn, and re-learn, on a consistance basis. Thank you Doc,
Thank you so much! I appreciate your comments for sure. Sending you all the best and tons of peace (and thank you for the work you do in the field impacting people's lives every day)!
Hey Wesley! I guess my perspective (and this is only my perspective) is that our ideas do not define us. I can tell you that I would have disagreed with that thought 20 years ago, but experience has taught me differently. It's very difficult to genuinely believe that we still have more to learn and simultaneously be attached to what we believe. I think in believing that our ideas define us, we are stating fairly definitively that we are not open to learning that we might very well find out that our ideas might not be accurate. Although I certainly respect people's attachment to their thoughts, that perspective personally does not resonate with me. I hope this helps even a little. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Number 3 is my kryptonite... I sometimes feel like the universe is out to get me. Long series after long series of inconsistencies chipping away at my patience every day til I snap... I have a feeling that this is all a test to make me more patient but I'm just so angry at everything and it sucks.
I have spent a lifetime of being angry but had an epiphany moment watching your video yesterday....today is the first day of the rest of my life. Love and Peace.
My man, Peter, thank you so much for your kind words. I put my heart and soul into what I do. Sending you all the best and much peace, brother!
Dr. Christian Conte I have a question. My father has really bad anger and it seems like everything triggers him. How should I help him?
Nate Heller I am not a shrink. I am just a recovering easily triggered father with a lot of baggage. I asked my 11-year-old daughter to have the guts to check me. If I am acting on anger, I gave her permission to tell me to calm down. Yell it if you have to. Tell him that he’s being an ogre. I think of it kind a like a soccer game. When you play in the game, you can’t hear over the crowd. So for your coach to get through, they have to be louder than the crowd. I hate seeing the look on my babies’ faces when I go into ogre mode. Even daddies need a shoulder to cry on or an open ear sometimes. Nothing calms me like my babies. They are my world. They make me a better me. Try to get your dad to subscribe to this channel and also keep a Journal for when he acts out. I am more annoyed about having to write about it after it’s over, and would avoid having to write down why I was acting like a fool. It’s a strong motivational tool for me to go as many days as possible without making an entry.
Andrew Price What Nate said. That was beautiful, Nate.
Peter Simpson Try to understand that ok
I feel like a monster when I get angry. I don’t like it. I wish I can be a more positive person. I don’t plan on getting in a relationship until I get all my anger situated.
Music Man i know! I understand. I’m in a relationship now and I’m afraid my anger will ruin it. I pray you get the help you need. It’s hard.
You're not alone. Isolation isn't the answer either though
mercedes xo none of us are perfect. Something similar happened to me. I kina blew up on my dad for something small and he just looked at me,no answer. I felt bad and guilty afterwards. I don’t want to be this way anymore.
me too man
Music Man IKR I so hard not to get angry and it’s just a weight on your shoulders holding you down from living a peaceful life.
It’s amazing how a person like me who’s really self aware can lose all that awareness and forget everything when I’m angry
This is why I’m here
Exactly!
Same
Exactly
Right here ☝🏾
Sometimes I feel like I'm choosing between rage or being a pushover. It's hard to let things go without letting people walk over you.
Completely agree 💯 but that's where our ego comes in
Maybe there is a difference from being a pushover and letting go of something.
Discernment helps
Letting people walk all over you, and abuse you, is not something we need discernment for. I'm not caring about being right, I'm caring about being abused.
@@JulietCrowson I agree. But sometimes I do not have that figured out right then. It’s really tough sometimes. But I still need to control the anger.
1. Don't be attached to your ideas/views - it makes you want to start defending yourself.
2. Don't take things personally - everyone has issues, when people lash out at you, it's about them not about you
3. Learn when to let things go - things do not always have to go our way.
4. Be mindful of what's going on with you and in your body - you might be angry just because you are hungry, exhausted or stressed.
5. Know how to communicate what's going on with you to others.
All true. All true. Changing our minds spreads love. Continuing to hate because someone hates you turns you into dust. Reframe from anger. Trust God s WORD. It's a stumbling to your true inner success. Be slow to anger
Very good sound advice like it alot
@@carliebeau5329 really god god can suck my nuts. He is a grade a douche bag in the old Testament
F others you need to train hard and use it to defend yourself even if it will take your life from you i live for revenge
True I'm a monster when I am hungry or tired
1. Don’t be attached 2. Don’t take things personally 3. Letting go 4. Be aware of what’s going on in your body 5. Learn how to say what’s really going on with you. - hope this helped the impatient viewers such as myself lol.
Thanks bro you just saved me so much time for my assignment for school
Thanks bro 🙏🙏
It’s ok we’re all impatient here!
thanks for the video summary it is very helpful. I think it sounds good on paper but in real life it's easy said than done. I do not think it would actually work
Number 1 and lying is what I’m stuck on rn. Lying will always be there but got damn being attached is just like dang
I have the issue of being super nice for a long time then exploding because I feel disrespected by the person I have always been nice to. It literally makes my blood boil to feel taken advantage of and disrespected. I feel those are legitimate reasons to be angry, I just need to learn how to reel in my responses. Thanks
Hey Maude, If you wanted to, I'm inviting you to call in my talk radio show on a Monday night sometimes (from 8pm-10pm EST), because what you're saying I believe resonates with so many people out there. The challenge is learning how to find a way to not go from one extreme to the other, and I really believe there are some things that you can practice that can help you avoid doing that. In any case, please know I am definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Yes this is my issue.
Maude Lynn Same
Omgoodness this is me. I be so nice and when ppl keep pushing me I end up snapping and then I am the blame. I just lost a relationship over this. Kept telling him how I feel and he didn't listen. I finally snapped.
Maude Lynn I’m in The EXACT same boat so just know that you’re not alone
I've heard this from somewhere, helps me enormously
"Anger is an Emotional punishment you give yourself for someone else's behavior "
when im mad and my parents talk to me, i argue with them then after i calm down i feel so guilty
alien same I cried at night because I fell bad for them
I had the same thing growing up.i found that telling them I'm aware that I do it and that I'm working on it helped. they were much more understanding and somehow telling them stopped it all almost immediately. tackle it head on like that worked for me. try it
Same. I struggle with it.
It does happen
That is normal
You learn to control yourself along the way
I suffer from anxiety so I already feel bad for things I haven’t done, it’s awful :(
if he says take deep breaths I'm tearing my own throat out
Captain Simon You made me laugh and it’s pretty hard to make me laugh (because I am angry right now) thanks bro, I don’t even know if you meant your comment to be humorous but it made me laugh lol 😂
And if he says just count to 10 I'm gonna set myself on fucking fire.
I he says bury your face into a pillow and scream into it I will go totally postal.
Exactly taking deep breaths just make you more angry.
samrawit berihu actual facts
Bcz of my anger i will be alone one day
jassi kaur well atleast u have me
Sonic Xtreme99 oooodf
jassi kaur just letting you know if you feel like your anger is out of control, look into IED disorder and seek therapy.
real shit!!!!
Am already alone. Chased all my friends 🤣🤣🤣 dang it I regret it all. And Miss them
Growing up I was everyone’s punching bag mostly my family. As I got older I started to develop anger and talk back to everyone in my family. I say to myself now I’m the one giving the punches, but I went over the limit and started to become someone I don’t like.
Ik how that is that’s the way I am now I’m trying to fix myself now because I’ve drove so many people away.
It was the same for me! ”Now I’m the one giving the punches.” I feel that so much… Trying to work on it..
Your reaction is natrual, and isn't your fault.
Its your family's fault gor treating you like a punching bag, growing up.
Thanks dude Anger isnt in my life that much anymore. Your saved my marriage, and my job. Thanks again
Appreciate you taking time to say something kind like that. Anger can be so gripping, but as you are living proof: It's possible to deal with differently from how we used to deal with it. I feel very grateful for your words. Definitely sending you all my best, and tons of peace and gratitude. Much peace!
1. Don’t be attached. Be ok with people disagreeing with your ideas
2. Don’t take things personally. It’s not about you, it’s about them.
3. Learn when to let things go. Let go of needing things to go your way.
4. Be aware what’s going on in your body. Be mindful
5. Learn how to say what’s really going on with you.
Thxs❤️..now I don't need to listen to him talking so much🤡🤡
Thank you
@@pamelahstellahnyambi6908 Pam, You spelled your name wrong - (giggle)
@@Myrtillepeacherry😂😂😂
@@Myrtillepeacherry exactly. I was getting angry waiting for him to get the F on with it.
Im short tempered person and yeah I hurt the person who cares the most.. It's painful so i wanna change.. Wanna stay calm in situation 💆🏿
Yeah me too bro I argue every day with my mom and siblings and today was bad so I'm deciding to change. How was your journey till now
*@Round jiggly potato* - This is so me. I snapped at my dad and he didn't deserve it I feel so bad😔 So here I am.
@@konstantinosklidatsis4242 update? i want some extra tips to manage :(
@Ana Myers Yea! That would help so many people
Ditto
I retired as a Marine, and as a police detective. I began a small business, and it grew more than I wanted it to, causing quite a bit of personal stress. I have always found my anger at home to be horrible, not to the extent I was hurting anyone, but I could have "Handled it better." Now my wife wants to leave me, and I cannot imagine life without her, but didn't know how bad I was hurting her. Thanks for the information, I hope I can change, I want to.
I hope you did.
My problems have no solutions from your advice. My children were abused by a paedophile ring. The police refuse to act and in fact informed the ring that I was "snitching" on them. I live with death threats. My wife was poisoned by the ring she has a very serious neurological condition. These people live in my community and are protected by the local police. I know 100% if I do anything outside the law the police will make sure I am jailed and that means my wife will be left dealing with all of this alone. When somebody abuses your children and members of your family are involved it becomes very personal. I just cannot deal with this anger and it will eventually result in my committing crimes against these people.
@@nospoon4799 omg your situation is horrible. I'd Imagine your racking your brain to correct all the wrong done to your family. My best advice is to stop trying to get justice or revenge and create an evacuation plan to get as far away from that town as possible asap.
In the mean time if possible I'd get some guns and I'd set up booby traps all over my property and home. I hope you can get your family safely out of that town without anymore trouble and I'm completely appalled at the fact that it's so hard to get help and justice in your area. There's got to be a way to take that circle of criminals out of business and I can't belive no one else has responded to your post besides me. I can't believe that there's not people in outrage at your post and whats happening to u rn.
@@victoriawheeler5445 I'm staying. If I die fighting these people then so be it. I have never been one to run away. Besides. There is nowhere safe in the UK to go. These people are all over the UK now. They are in authority positions. Social services, the police, the NHS. There is no escape. Even talking about this here on youtube got my comments blocked for two days.
@@victoriawheeler5445 I honestly thought there would have been outrage but there is none ever. Mostly the British just try to paint me as a liar. I have barely scratched the surface too. Very bad place the UK.
I find myself becoming more and more violent and it really bothers me. I can be perfectly fine to a point then a bomb goes off and I have hurt someone I care about.
bitches be bonkers
Same
Me too... 😔
Is a bell - damn. I hope you can find a way to deal with that. Even in my worst anger I've never been violent. You being here is at least the first step because you've recognised it as a problem, so props to you for taking action. You're on your way.
Is a bell honestly it’s not your fault some people are seriously ignorant and annoying and there’s no other way to talk to them unless you use violence
I suffer from anger issues and it hurts the ones I love and after watching this video it showed me I was always in the wrong
We are ALL wrong from time to time. We are not supposed to come out having all the answers. I'm hopeful some of these tips are helpful for you as you move forward, but I'm also hopeful that you won't be too hard on yourself. We all have a ton to learn about life (me certainly included). Hang in there and just keep trying to improve on where you were yesterday day by day. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Same
My bf suffer from anxiety and gets angry easily . I am ready to give up on him as I write this. He takes things personality and so judgmental too. I need to make doctors appointment and see if he can get therapy but if he won’t do it then bye bye even though we have 2 beautiful kids together. I can’t live like this anymore. He snaps at me when he has a hard days at work and brings it home and takes out on me. Tears as I write this.
@@Sabrinasee02 Sabrina I hope that you know that you are a strong woman and that you make a decision that you know in your heart is best for you and your kids. He needs to help himself you can't do it all yourself. Much love stay strong!
ohgoditseric idk about always in the wrong but I realized a few things myself
This has blessed me so much! I realize that my ego/need to control has ruined my relationship with my husband, kids, friends and family. The people around me are afraid of me. It is so sad. Everything is a trigger. I realize now that I have some serious control issues (which ultimately is pure fear). I'm praying that it's not too late to reprogram myself and remove the fear that I've embedded in the people around me.
Hi Christina! Thank you so much for your kind words! It is NOT too late for you to reprogram yourself! Of course change takes effort and practice, but you can absolutely do it. Continue to be mindful of your self-talk. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Christina...
Your words must have been plucked from my brain, my thoughts exactly. I didn't realize how toxic I could be and how much the people around me were affected. Just needed to vent. Hope all is well
Same here my wife will leave me eventually . My kids as well. I can Not control myself , i try but just cant
@@nacho1562ify, Work at it, now you know Nacho, you are halfway there. Never give up to anger, tame the beast.
@@nacho1562ify same :( praying they dont leave us because of our outbursts
When he said “ it’s not about you, it’s about them!” Just made me think about all of the times I’ve gotten in a fight with somebody because they are being rude or disrespectful to me and now I realise, I was taking it to personal! This has changed my life, I couldn’t stand being this angry monster who started crying every time I lashed out! This has really helped me through a lot of things and I hope other people who watch this video have a stronger understanding of why they are getting so angry! These are amazing things to help you cope with anger, I’m most definitely giving this video a thumbs up!😄
I too got a problem like yours .. and always find myself stressing because im afraid to unleash the monster that im not . Disrespect .. sarcastic responses ..
I am a dad and I am at risk of losing my relationship with my two daughters because of my anger issues. My anger outburst have caused pain in my family and I need to change. Dr. Conte's advice sounds great and I am going to use all of his advice to make a change. This is my last chance at having any chance at having any connections with my own kids.
Hope yall r doing well. And at the very least u have the awareness and willingness to change
I hope you guys figured it out and are well. Hope nun but the best!
I have same issue with my child. I decided to buy herbal based medication that helps you stay calm. I’m Russian and in Russia we have NOVO PASSIT that helps you be a bit more nonchalant and take things easy. My friend shared his experience with this over the counter supplement and I think that’s what I need. You may find American version of this supplement because simple awareness that something is wrong with you won’t help. You know yourself that it’s a problem but you can’t help yourself that’s why you are here but anger is not unawareness how to conduct or control yourself. Anger is chemistry in your body, I. E. Hormones that make you feel that way. Just like hormones of happiness there are hormones of anger. Anger has to be addressed medically. Wish you find your remedy and be a loving and caring dad which I feel you are in the eyes of your daughters. I told my daughter about my issue and how much I love and care for her. she says she understands me and never holds it against me because I can’t control it but it doesn’t give me a right to continue like that. At least for now until you find your way to help yourself please talk to your girls about this issues that you simply can’t control but you are seeking for help and you love them and that’s why you are not indifferent to them. Your care and love to them causes to be overly concerned which causes frustration and anger. At least they will know where you are coming from and maybe will help you to find the way not to overact when you feel angry. Also this may help if you ask yourself “ will it matter in 5 years?” Most likely it won’t. Then forget about it. Peace and love to you and your family!
Praying for you 🙏🏼 and Jesus Christ loves you
I can relate! We can do this!! God bless us in Jesus Name+ I will also remember how he responds +
thank you, my anger only complicates my life. lashing out and yelling don't work for me, but it's all I have done. I don't want to yell anymore. I am trying to deal with it for my and my son's sake.
Take those breaks you need and don’t make a sound when you are angry. Just hold up a finger in the “stop right there” position and that tells You to stop right then and there. -until you really think it through.
lilly petals
If your anger appears irrational then trust me when I say that it isn't.
If the trigger doesn't appear to be enough for the emotional outburst that is your respons then there have to be more than just that trigger that underlies your reaction.
We often try to avoid emotions. But by doing so we store them until we can't handle them this way anymore. That is when we experience aggressive outbursts.
Spend time with your wife/husband and talk about how you feel about things. If you have friends then try to talk with them. Be serious about your problems.
If that is for some reason not an option then you should try talking with a psychologist. It is nothing wrong talking with a specialist in this field. You don't have to have extreme problems to need help with them. I mean people go to doctors far less important reasons.
Far more people than you may know are depressed. Life is filled with shit. Humans are good at making problems when old ones are solved.
The reason why so many people arn't diagnosed is because they hold all of their feelings. Instead of being constantly somewhat sad many people are equally sad, but in form of short lived aggressive out bursts.
First our society puts such a huge pressure on men to not show their feelings. Later it takes the piss on them for being aggressive.
Life is full of shit. You have shit like bullies, lost loved ones, lack of control over once life and perhaps the fear of yelling at your son. Of course you should be sad now and then.
Life may be full of great stuff, maybe even more of it than the bad. But the great stuff only makes us stand, while the bad stuff makes us fall. You can't live for ever, but you can ruing things beyond repair in an instance. That is how the human mind works.
Remember that it is ok to be angry, it is part of your very human nature. But it is also ok to be sad. If you can allow your self to be sad then you may not need to be so angry after all.
When you have those aggressive outbursts you are showing your feelings. Not just from the moment, but the shit you have tried to handle for quite a while.
Another thing you can do is to learn to cry. It won't help you with your problems, but it is a far more healthy than to get angry.
lilly petals
You are obviously a great parent who cares so much about your son that you actively try to find a solution for your problem with aggressive behavior. I think you will be a great mother/father.
Remember to face your feelings.
Maybe Take Therapy.
I get pissed off on simple things. Like being annoyed by someone or when I'm not taken seriously when I'm trying to be serious about something. I just go off and then later on I regret it because it wasn't that serious to do it... Idk what to do
Man I think the key for you is just to take yourself less seriously. All of us mess up - and I think it's important that we're easy on others, just like I think it's important to be easy on ourselves .... so do your best to not take yourself so seriously this week. Wherever you are in the process, just try your best. Sending you much peace brother.
Booom me too!! Wtf I have been working on this for years, like a decade. I have gotten professional help and I really don't see a difference at all. I'm losing it 😣
Dr. Christian Conte Hi Christian I have the exact same problem like Boom, I think the problem is also about my ego. It is just vey difficult to let go or get unattached when someone is annoying you even if I am sure he is a good friend and he is just joking. I feel that that my public image is ruined or that I'll become the one that everyone will joke about later. This anger blinds my mind from thinking straight to even returning the joke back, and some times I snap into and aggressive voice or bad reply that offends the guy. To say it short whenever this happens I do stupid stuff that requires me to say sorry or that hurts someone I love.
Meditating consistenly for 20 minutes each day, has helped me. And not just meditating, but spending some time, watching gurus speak their mind. Once you experience peace, and learn that its not impossible, and that you dont have to spend a lifetime as a monk to experience peace, even if it's just for 20 minutes, then you can try to adapt it in your everyday life. It's kind of like exercising in my opinion.
Dylan it sounds like you need a female. Or a flashlight...ir other "devices" lol
I’ve been so angry all my life, especially being influenced by living in an angry household. every time I try getting better, I go back to square one. I know I’m hurt and I know it’s my responsibility to heal myself. Hopefully this video ends up helping
❌
Same
Update: I don’t think the video ended up helping, BUT I’m not angry anymore-I’ve matured and I love my family and life.
I can relate to this. People in my family have anger issues and I feel as though I do too sometimes. It really ruins relationships and plagues you with guilt.
@@n0hara Can you share what did help you? What helped you mature? Age-wise I'm plenty mature already but I still get angry.
I can’t believe you don’t have more exposure. instead of watching entertainment I choose to deal with my anger problem head on.
You’re a wonderful person. Thank you
I think it would help if he spent less of his videos trying to sell stuff and self advertise to his viewers. I'm sure he does genuinely care about helping people, but to a casual viewer, he seems like just another youtuber trying to peddle his brand. Like that book product placement was just distracting and greedy. Pushing this stuff on videos whose audience are obviously at a point of vulnerability is just poor taste. Even though it doesn't diminish the positive message of the video, it does tell me that I'd rather get help from someone who actually wants to help, not make a few dollars off my anger issues.
This was honestly really helpful. Thank you for sharing
I'm so glad it helped, and I'm grateful that you took time to share kind words. Sending you all the best and much peace!
You're gorgeous 🤗
The RUclips comment section literally provides pure gold for modern day psychological studies.... In case you're a real person and this isn't just a random autobot statement, I'm sending you all my best and tons of peace my man.
Fr I’m just watching this so ion catch a body🤦🏽♂️😭
Really needed this
I'v been suffering from anger for a long time now..THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Absolutely. 100%. I'm so happy that this video was helpful. I wish you much peace!
+Dr. Christian Conte sup
Ali Hamza hadiths say to sit if standing. Lay down if sitting. If kaying go make wudu
Another best way to control anger is autochemically. When I feel angry I drop on the floor and do 50 pushups. If I'm still angry I do another 50. But usually after the first 50 the brain already start releasing endorphins, which overrides cortisol (mainly responsible for anger). Use the anger to your advantage, pushup or squat viciously, it's good for your brain. When you do so very often, eventually you won't even have to do pushups; your body will habitually/homeostatically release endorphins instantly as epinephrine & cortisol infuriates you, thanx to circadian rhythm.
As long as you exercise on the regular basis, your brain will be marinaded in endorphins which will significantly minimize anger throughout the day, enough so that you remain calm and sharp and eventually, due to neuroplasticity, you'll become unangry especially if you learn some positive psychology. Lack of exercise will cause cephalic irritability which usually leads to anger.
Very important key is to practice catching your own anger. As soon as you get angry your mindset should detect it so that you can stop it before it becomes apparent. The more you do it the easier and it's actually fun! You need to know your triggers, what makes you angry. A lot of people can't stop anger on time because they're unaware of their triggers. Also be prepared ahead of time with cognitive tools to handle the emotion.
One example of cognitive tool is to remind yourself during anger that you'll be OK! When we're angry we're impatient, want to resolve it NOW!!! But learn how not to rush things especially when you're angry. It's better to comeback later with optimal solution that you could come up with to substitute your angry actions. So that you definitely win! both you and the offender will appreciate your humble integrity. plus all the cognitive tools in the video are all fun to exploit.
But if you do become angry, what happens is you take all your cognitive powers, and handing it to the offender (as if saying "here take it, you got me, my mind's too weak to handle that, I give up") Don't give your power to the offender! Exhibiting anger = handing your power to the offender.
I get angry when I exercise. It's stirs all sorts of stored up shti.
Definitely, trying this
@@andrereloaded1425 same here
Thanks Alex !! Great Info an Insight !!
Good advice
Dr. Christian looks like a guy that I don't want to make angry.
TimP that’s what I was thinking!
Yes, you are perfectly right
Yeah at least he looks like he knows what he’s talking about. Gotta scroll right past those soft looking people making pouty faces in their thumbnails, they’re just gonna say to take deep breaths or something.
Idk why but I feel like his head will get red when he gets mad 😂
This comment killed me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I've struggled with letting things go, I've carried grudges for so long and if you disrespected me it was over for that person. After watching your video, it has opened my eyes to getting my anger under control. Thank you.
Robert I'm very grateful to hear that my brother. Letting go is tough. Honestly, the way to let go is to actively move on by focusing on other things. All too often, when we are hung up in our anger, we have a tendency to be self-focused (so we struggle to let go), but when we're able to focus on seeing the bigger picture or reaching out to help others, we carve out the path we need to follow to truly let go. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Robert Martion this is so surprising, I know of some other person called Robert who is good at keeping grudges
I've been using this to manage emotions in general not just anger and I feel like it's upped my emotional intelligence. Thank you Dr Conte
Definitely! I'm sending you all my best Jamal - and tons of peace!
I hate getting mad!! After I get mad, I feel terrible!!! Getting mad has cost me dearly, especially here lately!!!
If you can, check out my video on the cycle of shame, because the reality is, if we don't allow ourselves to bring awareness to that cycle, we are destined to repeat it. Definitely sending you much peace brother.
I edited this comment so that the replies do not make sense
Well said!!!! 👍
Nurs St Olaves boii facts
True
they need to fuck off ❤️ remember, they're not worth it
On god
My parents raised me to keep my feelings to myself and I'm usually able to stay strong, but I feel like I snap really bad every few months. I'm really afraid to express myself (tip 5), but I'll try and see how it goes. Wish me luck!
I think it's really important to be able to learn how to express what you're feeling in a healthy way. One of the best ways for us to learn how to do that is by taking time to sit down with a mental health specialist in your area. I definitely hate for you to push stuff down and have it pop up somewhere else later. In any case, please know I'm sending you all my best and tons of peace!
One of my therapist friends keeps on suggesting that I write down my thoughts in a journal, so I keep a diary on my laptop with a password and it seems like a safe place to express my anger and darker thoughts. it puts this noise inside my mind into words, and I am finding that it does help somehow in relieving the pressure. I am wondering what Dr Conte says about this... Am I just reinforcing my ideas and making my judgements and beliefs more 'right', or is this a healthy way to express myself?
i almost punched the wall coz an add played in this video
Umadbro
UMadBro
Lmao i feel that.
😂😂
I feel you
I felt a 100 times better just watching this video. For me, being a type A personality, I take everything personally and my ego drives everything I do. Just thinking of "letting go" makes me feel better. A sincere thank you for this video.
I get angry often due to me unable to release my emotions that I often hide or suppress. This hell to break down what I am going through
Edit: 74 wow first time ever I got that much liked. Thx
Go for boxing
Start boxing
I deal with the same thing.
@@ClairebubzH yep but then I learn that sentimental is useless anyway good luck
Amalgavoid I wouldn’t say it’s useless ! We just have to learn the best way to cope with our emotions and release them in a healthy way :) goodluck to you too
When I'm so stressed, I am not my self anymore... I could blew up that's everything on my way...
I get anger every second of my day and I let my happy moments away
Minaakshi A. Khanna i can’t see you unhappy anymore it’s to the point I really hope u find some man that can open and fill u with the joy ive experience being and seeing ur smile .
My workplace sent me here 😂 every job I been through, working with others and dealing with my anger is a struggle. I'm glad to take the time out to deal with my anger. When he said be open to learning, you know
My husband came home and told me he invited his best friend to come along on our family 2 week road trip this summer. I’m having a lot of anger about it and figuring out the reasons why, and this video really helped. Half the problem is I get so angry when things are sprung on me or if I was given no choice in the matter so then I ultimately feel like my feelings weren’t validated.
Definitely sounds like it's important for you two to communicate a little more clearly with each other; but since we can only control ourselves, on your end, I would invite you to keep working on recognizing the difference between what I call our Cartoon World and the Real World. The more you can align your expectations with reality, the more peace you will eventually feel. I talk about that concept in several videos, so if I didn't cover it in this one, please check out some of my other videos. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Wow that is disrespectful of him. I used to turn anger inside but am now learning it exists for a reason. Like there I would think "dont be angry dont be angry it will be fine..." But this is really pathetic and hurtful to yourself.
You should always communicate what you are feeling. "Honey, I understand you love your friend, but you inviting him without consulting me feels disrespectful to me. Like what I feel does not matter. Besides I was really looking forward to having personal family time" sth like that.
And may I add: if you are one to bottle it up and a bit of a doormat at times, well, just communicate, even if it sounds horrible, just DO IT, with time you will get better at it. Anger is there as a power, dont just snuff it out.
And never take it back if you crossed the line with your words.
You could say;
"I am so sorry honey, I did not mean to slam you like that. I was feeling angry and hurt. I should have explained it more calmly to you" If he hears that like you are taking all back and starts accusing you of being unfair you can add "but I still meant what I said, it was wrong if you not to ask me. And I would appreciate an apology for that".
The reason you're angry is because your husband is an asshole. That is major disrespect -- to you and the whole family. Can you imagine being a kid and your dad invites his friend on the family road trip? What the fuck. You need to put your foot down now and tell him that shit won't fly. Otherwise he'll keep disrespecting the family like this. Has he done things like this before? I'm telling you as an objective party that this is a case where your anger is 100% justified and you need to take it as a warning sign.
You have a right to be upset about that. Why in the world would he let his friends go on a *family* road trip without your permission?
I would be mad too my ex used to do that to me too !
Thank you, Dr. Conte!
I have had anger since I was little and it is against my father and you have helped me to understand and manage my frustration in a better way. Really appreciate this video!
I'm so grateful to know that this helped. Please know I'm definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Thank you. My anger issues have damaged my relationships my entire life. I'm starting today to find the better way.
James S. Noble good luck brother I’m trying to do the same before it gets to that point
This is the best advice I have ever heard in my life when it comes to angermanegement.
Appreciate you!
Think I just destroyed my relationship with my girlfriend after losing my temper with her over the dumbest thing 🙁. Can't believe I'm here..
Hang in there brother. We all do dumb things and make mistakes. The key is to learn from every moment. I think the key also is having the humility to move forward owning whatever you did, and then doing whatever it takes to not repeat that mistake. But please be easy on yourself. We ALL mess up. Definitely sending you much peace my man.
Me too man, I don’t think I have many chances left with her until she moves on. We’ve been fighting for days over something completely ridiculous. After reconciling today I realized I have a problem with my temper and emotional management.
Bro deadass me rn
Same here. Totally blew up at my GF. Just realized I have anger management issues. Will work to fix them.
feel you man #fuckbadatemper
A red shirt probably wasn’t the best color choice for this subject.
The same comment
He looks like a red pissed person:-)
He was trying to connect with you by showing he has the same issues you are fighting and came out on top. Empathy. Got me to watch and i enjoyed it
😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’m very cognitive and aware of what I’m feeling, but when I get angry all my awareness is out the window and I go into caveman mode. Afterwards I always regret why I got angry, and most of the time I was wrong or blew things way out of proportion. Once I snap it’s over with, I go absolutely insane like my life is in danger and I need to kill or be killed. Except it’s because someone cut me off and gave me the finger, or something absolutely stupid like that.
Thats me man....just like that.
Same..
So I have a video on Amazon called Getting Control of Yourself, and in it, I explain the different types of rage. If you look through the comment section on my channel, you'll see I rarely suggest that people get products that I have (that cost any money), but in all seriousness, I really believe you would benefit from that video. If you don't want to get that video, I highly suggest the book Rage by Dr. Ron Potter-Efron. It's where I learned those different types of rage that I explain in that video. Sending you all the best and tons of peace!
Same here
I’m the same way. I just realized I had some super deep emotional trauma mixed with anger since my childhood and it’s ruined most of my relationships and I’ve done some fucked up things i regret in the moment it’s hard for me to get logical all I feel is rage and wanting to hurt the thing that hurt me in the end I end up hurting myself and hating myself more for it I just want the cycle to end :(
Thank-you for this video, I always have deep regret after getting cross with my kids in the morning because we're running late after I've asked them like 40 times to get ready for school. 🙈 I feel so guilty at not being able to better manage that frustration.
Thanks again for this content 🙏🏽
I watched this yesterday, its my first day where i have not swore or raged in a *LONG* time. THANK YOU.
I love it! You definitely have the ability to master your emotions. Yes, it takes time and effort, BUT, it's completely possible. Please be easy on yourself when mistakes or relapses occur, as our journeys tend to not be as smooth as we'd like them to be - but it's the EFFORT that matters. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
@@DrChristianConte Thanks
I’m trying my best to be a better dad and a better husband , I need to learn to control my anger because my son and wife are the ones that are being hurt the most. Thank you for making this battle, this fight , a lot easier by giving me this knowledge. God bless you man!.
thank you for trying to get better
Takes a real man to acknowledge his mistakes & try to be better man for his family ❤️
Been there .. it was so destructive.. pride was my battle.
I am feeling the same thing. Good luck to you and me!!
counseling and meds help too
Whenever I get angry emotions build up and I want to cry and my family doesn't understand why so that gets me angry. Its just a loop. I don't know what to do, they need to be in my POV for once
CORBIN8R
It pride.
Just cry it out - then sort your thoughts and communicate them.
When you don‘t let the emotion out it will block your thoughts
Omg that is literally the same reason with me when they dont know it's hard for me to explain it cuz I'm so emotionally angry if that makes sense
@@lukeeyfn6260 I feel you
Even though this video is years old. Thank you for the help and you're making me want to do something. I didn't have the courage to do myself for years until watching your video
I can't seem to not take things personally. The slightest 'joke' gets me overthinking and I feel attacked. How do I not feel like this?
It may be because you have anxiety around people and a distorted image of yourself (hating yourself) so thats why you feel like you are being targeted by people who “are out to get you down”... which is not true.
I mean you're literally watching a video about it right now
RH3D being told to do it and actually being able to are completely different. Out of want for another example here's an over used one:
If you tell a homeless person to "just get a house" it's completely different to helping them through the steps from having no home to getting a job and eventually getting a house.
@@thecoloradokid5418 thank you! i totally agree , when i'm reflecting on it - i'm wise and realistic but when i'm put in an uncomfortable situation - i am quick to defend myself. Part of this may be due to past traumas/childhood but hey.
@@Nirrini Yeah I do have anxiety tbf -comes down to self confidence i guess.
Above all. Stay far away from people you can't stand. Avoid discussing them, pictures of them, or anything that triggers your anger related to them. It might not necessarily be there fault. They just naturally deplete your energy and happiness. They can stay in the leper colonies. Were going to Mount Olympus.
300IQ Wizard powerful
But running away doesn't help your anger control ability. New conflicts that would make you frustrated will always appear anyway
@@수빈김-c4c but its one less little shit to worry about. Im stuck in a beach house with a bitch I can't stand and I already punched him twice. 5 more days and im going home.
So true
300IQ Wizard well I can’t get rid of my brother
I knew all these things you were saying but hearing someone say it helps you to agree and listen
Yes! I feel that for sure. I believe we all have the answers within, but we all need each other to help remind us of the path that's best for us. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
more blessings to everyone who commented and i also realised that am not the only one facing such challenge of angery where i have been trying my best not exchange more words with ather who i call that they annoying me but when i see people,s comment i learn more from them once again thank you so much.
I'm an instant fan Dr! Never heard of you before 20 minutes ago but this video was pure gold and I know I'm already hooked. I can't wait to see the rest of your work. People like you make this world a better place. I've struggled with anger management issues my entire life but I'm finally ready to treat it. Thank you again and keep up the good lord's work like you're doing.
I'm usually not angry but, I hold my feelings in as long as I can and at the very end I turn into a very angry person.
Same!🙋
Story of my life
I’m only half way listening to this and I must say this is the most interesting concepts I have heard. I deal with this and it’s so very clear now. We have all the control. Thanks for this. Many can benefit 🙏🏾
Thank you so much! I definitely put everything I have into making these videos to hopefully bring people peace where I can. Sending you tons of gratitude for your kind words, and definitely sending you much peace!
I wish I watched this sooner, thanks for helping us be better for the people we love.
Most definitely! We all have things to work on, and we can all get better every day. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Bro your making some valid points now I just need to figure out how to apply this to my life
Appreciate you. It takes practice. Think of everything you've mastered in life: It all took practice. The same is true for self-control. The more you practice it, the better you'll get at it. Definitely sending you much peace!
@@DrChristianConte thanks I appreciate the words of encouragement I do not want let my anger overcome me I'm pretty patient but it's how I act when I run out of patience I will be checking out your site bro
Everything you said in this video makes so much sense and it makes me feel better to hear this and understand more of what’s going on with my anger. Thank you
It feels good to be not the only person who is constantly fighting with your mom 😭
yeah
She's my biggest trigger. 🙄 She's Taurus, I'm a Sun in Taurus. We are crazy and dumb animals. 😃
This is wonderful, I just found your channel and I just subscribed, you don't know how much this video helped me, I just listened to it, thank you so much, this is the first video that has helped me with anger, thank you very much
Thank you for taking time to share kind words. Definitely sending you much peace!
Thanks so much for this .... I always over react when ever I get angry. Like saying things that I'm not supposed to say, and later regret my actions.....
is there a way, to have “healthy anger” or “healthy pride”? anger for me is also a tool for protecting my wife friends family etc.
many thanks Dr.C
-matt guibord
Anger and the emotions that surround anger. That's so insightful. Lately I've been exploring my ego's role in my anger and it's so eye opening. Thank you for your videos.
Thank you Dr.Conte for helping me in starting to understand myself. You don’t know how much this short video is my first step.
Thank you so much. And it takes incredible courage to look within, so that's really awesome to hear. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Thank you so much! I've been having anger problems for a while. You helped me to control my emotions.
100%. Sending you much peace!
Tra Walton i have anger problems too i know what u feel....
From being bullied as a kid I started punching holes in my bedroom walls then I got into Muay Thai and i learned to channel my aggression. I had to learn how to forgive my bullies and love myself. I also know how to identify what could make me angry & how to avoid it. I box now and realize I have nothing to prove to them. F them. :-)
Fellow martial artist here. I do Brazilian jiu jitsu, wrestling, judo and Muay Thai. I currently live with my brother and he has always made me extremely angry. Now that I’m older I can easily beat him in a fight but I’ve matured and don’t want to. I’ve tried to reason and be accommodating with him for the sake of being a “Family” but I can’t take it anymore. What would you recommend
@@treroney4720 I know how that feels me and my brother used to fight like cats and dogs when we were kids our relationship is much different now. We’re more nicer to each other
After the day I’ve had, I’m really glad I found this video. How do you deal with feeling the guilt and learning self compassion after an anger outburst?
Learn about Jesus… he’ll teach you compassion, self love and forgiveness
I’m sitting here feeling so guilty for having an angry day.
@@christianmom4745amen
Hi Dr Conte, I first saw you doing a RUclips podcast with a young lady, where you looked at inmates and their anger and you realised a lot of anger came down the shame. From that video I realised I have carried toxic shame with me my whole life. I have only just started learning and working on myself. But I have had one failed marriage and as of yesterday have left my second marriage for the fourth time in 6 years, simply because I didn’t realise I had toxic shame, and I was angry so much and very often with my wife. I love her dearly. She is my whole world. What is the best road map to overcoming my shame, my anger and sticking to a plan of becoming a so much better me.
Thank you,
Stuart
(Sydney, Australia.)
Please can you create Podcasts? I feel like listening to you every night, and your knowledge would really help me remember these steps. I have a tendency of letting emotions win over rational thinking, and that being said, then remembering the steps to take...
I would love for you to check out my podcast Emotional Management on iTunes. I also have a podcast called Tackling Life. Thank you so much for tuning into my work. Please know I am sending you all of my best and tons of peace!
i’m so passive aggressive. literally anyone can say the minorest insulting shit and i feel myself getting heated up. i always do before thinking and i’ve seen it’s not benefiting me in any good way. i hope i can change bc i even lash out at people i love the most... i will change , i’m tired of breaking my mf nail bc of me punching ppl💀🤣.
@@wopslop8824 was that really necessary? you clicked on a video about anger management you shouldn't be shocked there's people with anger issues in the comments. plus they literally said they're trying to change, have a bit more empathy man
@@wopslop8824 shut the fuck up🤷♂️
@@lifeofasinner2101 no u
@@erin.19 I thought he was joking
I feel the exact same way
I snapped at someone I love today unnecessarily. I know that I was right in the substance of the argument but I was wrong in having exploded. I should have tried harder to control my emotions. I'm very upset with my going on a rant. I got angry because someone didn't listen to me. I should have stopped to think and breathe before engaging in an argument. I'll remember to watch this video from time to time.
I struggle with that im not always right but when i know i am i just snap. I hate being angry. I hate it it makes me angry.
@@aaron9188 Be strong my friend. I've improved a lot in the last few months. There are ups and downs, of course, but luckily more ups than downs. I've just decided to not argue with people that disagree with me. I don't know how old you are but there was a show that aired from the late 80s to the mid-90s called Married with Children. Its star was Ed O'Neil. In an interview, he said that his character Al Bundy was inspired by his uncle (a judge), who just ‘resigned’ himself from everyday jive, to the point that when family members would come to him to complain about life problems, he’d answer like this “so what’s for dinner?” This is absolutely brilliant! It’s worked for me. I’ve ‘resigned’ myself from problems that I shouldn’t be dealing with. I don’t know if it will work for you, but if you wanna watch the interview, here’s the link: ruclips.net/video/butNX7mnsKk/видео.html&ab_channel=TheRichEisenShow
I started having anger...or more like rage issues after being in the military & chaffing under the control the govt had over my life, & people being jerks simply because they out ranked me. I carried this rage into multiple failed relationships, and while I always regret it, and having done so much personal work, therapies, etc., I feel like Im healed, but just when I think I have a handle on it, I get triggered, & it's like I'm not in control. I'm a single dad now, & as my kid gets older she's doing things she knows is wrong, & I find myself losing it again & again. I hate it, & feel terrible every time afterwards. Thanks for doing this & making these videos. I need this.
I try to think about getting angry like it's taking a harmful drug. "Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Gandhi. Heart disease, heart attacks are the most common forms of death. I feel like if I can't manage my anger, it's like I'm doing the same thing to my heart, to my brain that would happen to my liver if I poured a bottle of vodka in it. Or my lungs, if I dropped a cigarette in it. It feels good when you're doing it, but we all know it's an addiction.
Yes, I absolutely agree with you a ton! Great insights. Great words. Thank you!
Good points. I wonder if it is the adrenaline release.
Yes, sometimes it is. I have a video about getting angry without knowing why, and I talk about how sometimes it absolutely is a desire for us to release excess adrenaline.... Sending you all the best and much peace brother!
There are no ways to avoid anger, and emotions are very natural events. Only if you're not alive or if you're a robot, then that's only when you'll never get angry. Anyone who's still alive would sometimes get angry, which is unavoidable. However, the important thing is to learn how to deal with our angers.
If you're already dead, then you won't get angry anymore but if you're still alive, then you're going to get angry sometimes, which you can't avoid anger. However, the important thing is to learn how to deal with your anger.
I have a mad mode where I zone out and I can't control it
Then it sounds like you're gonna want to create a peaceful mode where you can dial in and be in full control. That will definitely take practice, though, and I certainly recommend meditation. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Pebble _ me too and it sucks
Pebble _ Same. I get so physical people almost have to pin me down.
Dude me too, I love the feeling of it to, just the pure rage and adrenaline you get from it is greater than any other feeling too me, anger is a gift
ThugNasty TV...damn. it's gonna kill us, Mr. ThugNasty..lol
It’s So hard to deal with, I feel like I am loosing myself, I am trying to fight it but everyday it takes me out.
Thanks Dr Conte ! 61 Chronic Anger since age 12 Your techiques All Make Sense ! Praise from Ontario Canada 🇨🇦🇺🇸🙏🏼👍👍👍
Wow, this just made me feel a lil better, I punched the wall out three times yesterday, just because I’ve been holding my anger in for a long time and I let it out but now I felt bad. But watching this change my perspective on some things for the better.
Thanks brother. Man I know I've been there before in my life where I got into battles with doors and walls and inanimate objects.... but I lost them all... lol. These days, I've learned to recognize that no matter how I ever feel, the reality is that emotions are temporary, but actions are permanent. Sending you all the best and much peace brother.
Dr. Christian Conte I just lost my job for snapping on a customer last Friday smh I really need some medical help!! But thanks for saving lives and making a change in this humanity in this world!! 💯💯💯👌
joe afu I feel the same right there with u brotha hit me if u wanta talk
I was just hearing you on KDKA this evening. I love your show ,you help me make sense of this world.
That means SO much to me! Thank you! And please feel free to cal in my show any time! I would also feel extremely grateful if you'd be willing to spread the word on that show. Thank you so much! Sending you much peace!
Powerful content! The ideas on detaching and not taking things personally is a vital key to help everyone keep their cool instead of lashing out at others. Great channel.
Putting everything into use. My anger gets the best of me and I lash out and feel tremendous guilt for those I hurt. I need to stop this cycle. Thank you!
you are my role model on anger management. thank you so much.
Thank you so much. I appreciate hearing that. I of course still get angry; I just know how to deal with it much differently now than the way I used to deal with it. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Thank you for creating this wonderful video and teaching me new tools to use.
I heard something once that helped me. "If your right you have no reason to be angry. If your wrong, you have no reason to be angry."
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Bright, way of open my eyes to anger control for best!!
Thks. Dr.
Liberating !!!! 🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️🗝️
Thank you sir! That was very motivating! I'll keep trying!! Great job!
Thank you! And YES! definitely keep trying and giving your best. All I ask of people is to give their absolute best - and yes, your best is absolutely good enough for me! Sending you TONS of peace!
This is really helpful to me I feel like I got my anger issues from my father because he has really bad anger issues and I always rage when someone is just being rude or annoying I tend to say mean things, hurt them or just be mean and I don't want that to happen. Music also really helps, whenever I listen to curtain music I usually calm down and control my emotions. My anger makes me sad as well and this is a very accurate video thank you so much :)
I’ve had anger issues almost my whole life. I think I’ve been better a bit recently, but there are many times when I am good for months and lash out again.
A lot of my anger comes from watching sports and I never had a bad public meltdown or heard violence, but it clearly affects my family and I admit the things I say and behave is terrible and I’m just scared things get worse than it already is and I might have to go to a psychiatrist though I see a therapist, but I think that’s less extreme.
I just don’t want my anger to make things worse in my life. Life hasn’t been easy in many ways, but I don’t want my anger to hurt who I love, myself, and others. I just want to be a good person for myself and others and don’t want to hurt anyone because of this issue.
It’s frustrating because I always try to mentally prepare before a game that might get me tense, that it’s just a game and to try to avoid anger but it just comes instantly like a light switch.
I also understand that I’m getting upset over something sports or other things and I know it’s immature and stupid.
Again, I’m trying to be the best person I can be and want to protect everyone who is good in this world or even some troubled people. I just take sports a bit seriously compared to others and use it an escape from other things in my life whether that is okay or not.
Sorry for this long post and hope some can understand.
Hey Ryan I don’t think I’ve ever related to anything more in my entire life. I don’t know you but I love you and I know me and you both can be the better person we both dream to be.
Hi Ryan I’m the same except I’m still angry and can’t seem to get out of it. I’ve been angry most of my life as well because of my horrible psychotic parents..they really messed my mind and life up..they neglected my needs emotionally and ruined my education. I had problems concerning my concentration at school…got no help just beaten a lot..it only made me angrier..I hated them so much I wanted to destroy them and I finally lashed out a number of years ago and my uncle tried to help me..things calmed down for a while but as the bad memories are still there I’m angry again..my father is dead he died of cancer..I didn’t cry at the funeral I was glad he’s gone he got what he deserved he made my life miserable I still hate him he was a bastard a coward and an evil abuser if he was alive now I’d punch him in the face. My mother is a manipulator and instigator loves conflict and she’s an angry bitter woman as well I’ve cut her off and won’t be around her…she’s got health problems now and I don’t care my brother had care assistance to help her and my sister helps her but I won’t..the sooner she’s gone the better..I wish I never met either of them..they put fear anxiety and depression into me growing up and my life still isn’t right I’m struggling to get over these issues..I don’t want to keep feeling like this it’s been over twenty years since I started making their lives hell…but they had it coming and they learned the lesson..my asshole of a psychotic father weren’t talking before he died..and I’m okay with that he didn’t deserve my attention. I’m getting counselling so I’m hoping to get in control of this once and for all. Best regards to you.
Great advice! Now let us just do it in practice.
Only took 60 years to get my head wrapped around these ideas. I believe all of us can periodically take time to learn, and re-learn, on a consistance basis.
Thank you Doc,
I appreciate those words for sure brother. Much peace!
I really love this video of you Dr. Christian! It helped me a lot in my CBT sessions with my patient! More power to you!
Thank you so much! I appreciate your comments for sure. Sending you all the best and tons of peace (and thank you for the work you do in the field impacting people's lives every day)!
Dr. Christian Conte 👌👌
How do I avoid getting angry, when someone has called me a bad names ?
How can a person control their bad temper to avoid being bad?
Pretend they're talking about themselves haha, makes you laugh thinking they are bad mouthing themselves
@@AlexInF1 wow i do that too. I just pretend to be a mirror of them
WONDERFUL THANK U I HAVE ANGER ISSUES I GET ANNOYED I NEED TO CHANGE 🙏🏼
How to recover from being abusive with rage when in a relationship?
Thank you for the video!
How can i stay calm with people who disagree or judge me with my ideas if my ideas define who i am?
Hey Wesley! I guess my perspective (and this is only my perspective) is that our ideas do not define us. I can tell you that I would have disagreed with that thought 20 years ago, but experience has taught me differently. It's very difficult to genuinely believe that we still have more to learn and simultaneously be attached to what we believe. I think in believing that our ideas define us, we are stating fairly definitively that we are not open to learning that we might very well find out that our ideas might not be accurate. Although I certainly respect people's attachment to their thoughts, that perspective personally does not resonate with me. I hope this helps even a little. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Very true comment. I totally agree.
Number 3 is my kryptonite... I sometimes feel like the universe is out to get me. Long series after long series of inconsistencies chipping away at my patience every day til I snap... I have a feeling that this is all a test to make me more patient but I'm just so angry at everything and it sucks.
You know, when you are about to like give up for today in finding out what's wrong, I found DR. Christian. GOD send!