interesting points ,if anyone else trying to find out how to talk to your child try Loctavan Teaching Toddler Strategy (do a google search ) ? Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my co-worker got cool success with it.
1. Remember, that your primary goals is to teach your children. 2. Align your expectations in reality. 3. Understand your child's learning style. 4. Take the time to meet your children when they are. 5. Talk to the part to the brain, what you actually listen (forehead). 6. You don't need to yell in order to learn. 7. Provide consequences. 8. Be consistent. 9. Use compassion. 10. Role model the type of self-discipline, that your child to have. Good luck everyone.
Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.
I watched this when my son was 6 mths old, and he is 4 now. This one video is responsible for how I have raised him and I am eternally grateful. People always ask how we have such an amazing child and I try to pass along these tips. I had to search and find the video again to be able to recommend it to friends (was not easy). We never have to yell or fight because we know how to do there things he teaches. Also, we use "Happy Choice vs. Sad Choice". Our son knows that each choice has consequences and the choice is his. He will "stop, think, and make the happy choice". Thank you Dr. Christian Conte! I'm so glad I found this again!
Jeremiah, that is some of the coolest feedback I've ever heard. Thank you so much brother. I love being a father more than anything, and my wife and I have lived these teachings out with our daughter. We are beyond proud of the incredibly kind, compassionate, and all around amazing person she is. I genuinely appreciate you sharing this video, and please know I'm sending all my best to you and your family! Much peace!
I'm not a parent yet but watching this to be informed on how I should be approaching my inner child- and what type of parent I want to be. Namely the discipline and consistency, I want to have a well established system of self regulation. Thank you
I am a child development specialist , you did this very well. I like how succinct you did it. Good teaching tool without taking up a lot of time. Its hard to engage parents, but because these are short and too the point it works.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate hearing that. I definitely do my best to be concise and make my videos practical for people, so thank you for saying that. I'm really grateful anytime people subscribe to my channel or share the videos I make. And that's awesome work that you're doing. I think any job teaching/working with our children is the most honorable work we can do. I'm definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
If only I had you as my dad or my parents acted like you, being beaten since I was 3 from my parents, this legit brought me to tears. I hope more parents take this approach.
This doesn't just work with kids. As I watched the video, I realized that that's the approach I take with people I'm dealing with in my job as a security officer. I find I'm most successful and need to resort to physical force much less when I use this approach. Great video! I found it very engaging and informative! 😊
Lol. When that happens, I tell parents to say the following: “Peanut butter and jelly is not one of the choices. I’ll ask you again, do you want broccoli or green beans?” If that still doesn’t work, you may need to add in a 3rd acceptable option.
I really needed this. My oldest child is 8 and very well behaved from a young age. But my 3yr old is the total opposite and I've given up and started to yell. So I'm re-educating myself to be able to be a better parent and hopefully she will start to listen and follow instructions. Your video was very educational for me and I hope I can use these tips successfully with both my kids.
I am so happy to watch this video. I am a father of a 7 year older beautiful daughter. I always try my best and learn some new technique to keep my daughter in a good mindset. She is a very happy kid, but lately I have been so tired and my patience is so low with the whole pandemic year. But watching yours amazing video it helps get back on track and definitely trying to be a better parent. The thing I love must in life is definently my daughter and I want the best for her. And definitely the best doesn't mean give everything. So living and learning. Thank you very much! And for all parents out there please watch and rewatch this video, it's not simple being a parent but try to be a good dad/mother, help your kids, educate them and make a new world with good people and happy people in this earth.
This man is brilliant. What a shame that people don't do this. Being mindful is so important. My brother-in-law's wife always beats and screams at their children. The oldest is 11, and they all have severe behavior problems, are impolite, they laugh at other's misfortune and are very disrespectful children. I do not hit and try very hard to not scream at my three and a half year old. I always take the time to explain things to him and try to be as patient as possible. It's very easy to get caught up in anger, but having realistic expectations help. My child is kind and polite, helpful. Doesn't have tantrums, doesn't lash out. He and I talk through things, and I never have problems with him on picking up his toys , or putting away his belongings. Additionally, he's the first to volunteer to help others cook, clean, or pick up. T his is a wonderful video and I hope all parents struggling see it.
Hmm, how do you know her behavior is not a response to theirs instead of the other way round? If I nvr gave children who needed them harsh consequences and they turned out spoiled, perhaps I would turn to spanking as a last effort to try and regain control over my household.
I am a foster parent and discipline children I have not raised, and yet everything he mentioned works on them, and we are also trained in this positive parenting! I am also a Christian and first night all my kids get prayed with and told how much God loves them....they all resonate with this and love prayer, teaching them Godly principles also helps you to set the example as a parent, my other big teaching is serving others and helping others and just being a kind person, this is something very important to me and I strive to instill it in these kids lives! Love is the key with humanity, it heals and transforms us!
@@cconroy1677 nothing wrong in giving kids a spanking from time to time instead of listening to these insane positive parenting videos Sometimes this stuff they try to teach dont work or not enough
I have family members who yell and scream all day and spank their kids and it doesn't work because the children's behavior doesn't improve. I'm glad I came across this video. Maybe I could use this advice when I'm taking care of the children. Adjusting expectations for reality is very important. We often forget that children have thoughts and feelings just like us. Being consistent is also important. I think the children don't listen because their is no consistency. Yelling, screaming, and using foul language is not appropriate when dealing with children, especially those who don't listen.
These are great tips. From my own teaching experience I can say that a teacher who shouts at their children has lost control and lost the children. Teachers should never shout at children unless it’s a matter of life and death. Children should not fear their teachers, they should respect them. Children need love and discipline in equal measure. I would add that being consistent isn’t possible, but one can use ‘flexible’ consistency, as every child is unique in their behaviour and circumstances. Thanks for the positive tips.
I've worked with children since 2004; I can tell you that those children who 'feared' an adult also had no respect for them. I understand your point however. I also tend to have no respect for people that try to intimidate me or think they can scare me in some way. @@donnap3541
I discovered Dr. Conte on the Psych2Go channel and have been following him since. I'm so thankful for the teachings that he provides. I'd say better advice given than what I've learned while studying psychology in college. However, any day now, I'll become a mother, giving birth to my healthy baby boy 🙌🏾, and I've been so conscience of parenting skills. My husband and I both suffered much trauma in our childhood and do not want our son to encounter the same. So I've been practicing with my nephew and have been extremely mindful of my vocalics when talking to people I'm comfortable with even more. We should heal before having children so our children don't have to heal from having us as their parent. Thanks for this powerful teaching Dr. Conte.
Good advice my friend. I used to get the crap beaten out of me regularly by my mom. I have 2 kids of my own now and I have Never raised a hand to them. Unless it was a high 5.
My moms beaten me up my whole life.. today i picked up a plastic tabasco super bowl holder and tapped him on the head with it. He threw on the ground and it broke in half. My mom ran over and he told her i hit him really hard on the head and he fake cried. I was blamed for throwing it. I ran over and hid under a bed. She said if i didnt come out shed hit me even worse. So i ran out. She was in my room. When i got in she started pulling my hair and slapping and hitting me really hard and yelling. Then made me apologize ti him. I said sorry, but crying, i smelled blood on my self. I ran back to my room in tears, hid in my closet. A few minutes later she opened the door, and said come out and go on your bed. She said “ARE YOU EVER GONNA EVER AGAIN F****** HIT AND THROW SOMETHING ON AN ADULT AGAIN?!” I said no, still in tears. I told her the truth that i only tapped him lightly and i didnt throw it. She didnt believe me and said “ hes in the basement crying right now and you did throw it, i heard it. “Stay on your bed visible, and this door stays open or i will remove it. As soon as she left, i hid under my blankets , smelling blood, seeing myself with rashes, cuts, scabs, scars, bruises, ruined pulled out hair. I stayed there for a bit, crying. I thought to myself, no wonder my hair never grows. No wonder im not pretty like all the people at school. She treats me like im a bag of garbage she can throw around, then i began to cry again. I ran back to my closet and closed the door, quietly and now im still crying, wruting this comment.. P.s, he had drank a full bottle if vodka before . So he was drunk Also, what do I do? I want to call the national child abuse hotline on her, but i dont wanna lose her bc you know, shes my biological mother. And i still kind of love her.
@@ikmaladammax Apparently I was strong enough to resist the urge to cancel my dad's life subscription after I found out every possible way he finessed my mother AND that I was too old to legally do anything about it
Thank you. I've been having a rough time lately (2 toddler boys) and I know raising my voice isn't the answer. I have some tools in my belt now, thanks.
This is just . . . beautiful man, this info is golden! I think a whole lot of parents are just cowards. How can you not have compassion for your own kids, when you were abused too? Anyways, live & learn & ahh man, follow this guys instructions. Yes indeed!! 👍
This made me feel very validated. My dad never understood that I was actually a person and he made me feel like that's just how parents view their children, as a procession and that I am not worth anything because I haven't lived as much life as him. Thankyou for making an effort to prevent harmful parenting. You don't have to smack your kids to abuse them in ways that will impact them for the rest of their lives.
I tell my husband that as well. He undermines them at time and makes them feel less important bc they are children. It causes arguments but they are still their own person.
@@bethclark8088 I believe in questioning the hell out of everything so when that comes up, it's best to accuse the person with that attitude (in a nice way though, nicer than they are to the kids) of not being an adult and only pretending to be one, if you ask them what an adult even is in the first place, nobody can tell you or identify the moment they became one without the answer feeling deep down arbitrary or contradictory to what they said other times and there's so many paradoxes they just what the label for emotional self esteem reasons so move the goal posts constantly when their answer doesn't work. It causes the whole appeal to it to fall apart the younger people feel more like equals and hopefully see through the facade, humility is better than arrogance and it's what everyone should practise.
this man is amazing I've been a mother for two years and everything he is saying is 110% right. To teach your children is patience love and understanding but most of all you must have respect for your child or how well they respect you. xx
Thank you for this video! I am a father of a very smart but stubborn 21 year old daughter. She is the most important person in my life but she doesn’t listen. I hope to use this to better myself as a father and to make her reach her best potential.
Agreed. I don't like yelling as well. It is actually quite stressful and draining my energy when i yell. But when the kids are noisy, i have to raise my voice to make myself heard. Actually, i don't like yelling. I force myself to yell.
Okay I don't have kids, nor do I want to have them, but mahn, whenever people are in urgent need for calmness, you are just so there for people. You are by far the best psychologist I've came across. The part you say "I wish you much peace", I also deeply and truly wish the same for you Dr. Peace Conte!!!!!!
Thanks so much I'm just trimmed 23 and had my son 7months and gave him up for open adoption, I feel like I'm not a stable mom yet. But this video really open my eyes with the thing I'm going through. Thank you doctor
THE GRIT - THE GRIND * This video is golden!!!!! The Truths & the address. Thank you for your diligence with greatness and advice to parenting!!!!!!!!! :)
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I have a 10 year old who has changed dramatically after divorce . He's uncontrollable but yet very sensitive. I was loosing hope at one point but these videos are so helpful
Thank you so much. Yes, the changes that divorce brings are sometimes scary for children, so now is the time to give him unconditional compassion. He definitely needs your love and patience now more than ever. Sending you all the best and much peace!
This has been a great place to start. My 11 year old daughter has become someone I don't recognize. We've been doing family therapy for about 1 year, she's on intunive for A.D.D and has an IEP (independent education plan) at school plus tutors. All these resources and she's still acting out in ways that are hurtful to her little brothers and others with little remorse or empathy. I'm taking your advice plus taking the role on myself to be of service to her. I've been working so much to pay for all the things she needs that I have become absent in the day to day. My wife (her step mom) and I talked about it and we came to the conclusion that my approach needs to change and I am going to do the following: 1) Box with her twice a week-she likes boxing and we have the gear at home. 2) volunteer together- I volunteer at Habitat for Humanity, but we can be of service to others together. This means I may have to give up Habitat to do something with her. But she is (of course) more important. 3) Tutor her at home-she's in grade 6 and struggles with math. I can purchase the books and help her one on one (our other kids are homeschooled, so we have a good base to start). Please advise if this is a good strategy. Thank you.
Thanks Richard. Please remember, at age 11, your daughter is going though a lot of chemical changes that are directly affecting how she feels. I think one of the best things we can do with our children is take the time to sit in stillness with them (i.e., meditation). I think it's so important to make peace a priority for our households. As fathers, it's one of the best gifts we can give our children. Sending you tons of peace brother.
Dr. Christian Conte thank you sir. We've also considered doing Yoga together. A few minutes of daily meditation will also be added to the routine. Really appreciate your content and the quick reply. All the best!
Richard Smith I know exactly what your talking about my son may need IEP he's always on the border of what to know for his age group.Not sure if its my very slim chance of schooling before school or he really can be behind in speech.He excels in other things, we will see what the teacher will say.What advice can give me they expect alot nowadays for 4 year more than what I remember back when I was in school.
Just curious if you implemented these changes and how they are working. It was really great to see your thoughtful response to the issues your daughter is facing and the ideas you had were great. Please can you update. We are all learning from each other. TIA
I'm not a parent yet, but I'm trying to be the best role model for my younger siblings. My parents aren't exactly the best at parenting, and even though I still love them very much, I don't think they did a very good job with me, and I believe that they won't do a good job with my siblings. Thank you for the knowledge in this video Dr.Conte. I will make sure to use the guidelines that you have provided. That being said, I think that an ass whooping is sometimes necessary, but in 95% of cases it can definitely be avoided.
Going to be on a job where I'm watching after 25 kids for a summer camp, this video helps me out alot and reminds me what I wanted from a teacher figure when I was a kid Good video man
Awesome, I am a foster parent and we have learned everything you have talked about....especially the compassion(which I, the foster mom naturally has for people)....I had a foster child age 8 first night, upset about her sis getting top bunk and not her and she got mad and went downstairs and sulked on couch...I then went down, sat next to her, talked to her about her feelings and put my arm around her and let her know I was there to help her through her feelings, she just wanted love and reassurance....I then told her we are all going to bed, and I am turning out the lights and gave her a choice to either stay on the couch or come up to bed, she followed me up! We did not overreact to her behavior or her fussing and refusing to be part of family prayer, I gave her the choice.....2nd night, she was compliant and happy and was the one eagerly ready to join in family prayer! Consistency works even with kids that are not yours! Thank you for the info!
He definitely right about that consistent part i know someone who usually just kind yells and threatens but doesn’t actually go through with it or worse take the punishment back so now the kids just keep doin the same thing over and over again
Great video! My wife and I are a blended family. She has 2 from a previous marriage, I have 2 from a previous marriage, then we have 3 to together. We all live under one roof. As you can imagine things can get very stressful. I find my self yelling at my kids sometimes. This is something I want to stop doing. Your video really helped explain that what's going on in there brain, while I'm yelling. Thanks again.
Im going to share this with my husband. Everything you said here is what I've been trying to explain to him. Discipline is not about intimidation, demeaning, or yelling.
I’m 20 and working with kids is my job! I am much younger than my coworkers who are mostly all moms! There was a kid who kept acting out and there were always empty consequences following her actions. On a particular day, the kid kept acting out and I told her once again to stop what she was doing as someone else around her could get hurt, yet she persisted. After her third time doing the behavior I told her to stop doing, I took her to a corner and there were immediate tears and yelling from the girl, “I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG!!”. I was scared, she was louder and angrier than I thought she would be. I thought I wasn’t equipped to take care of the situation and almost gave in but I didn’t! I allowed her the choice to sit or stand in the corner and she decided to stand, I squatted down in front of her and spent a while trying to calm her down first before explaining why we ended up in the corner. We held a bubble in our cheeks and blew the air at each other. It made her stop crying! So rewarding! I was finally able to explain calmly why we were there and why her actions may be putting another kid in harms way. I asked her to reiterate why she was over in the corner once more before we rejoined the group. She has never acted out in that way again! A coworker (who has been working with kids for YEARS) saw the whole thing go down from across the room and even came over and told me how well I handled the situation especially considering I am young and have no kids of my own:) made me feel good that I was doing something right!
Yelling creates emotional distress and future problems. Video is 100% truth, as I had lived a difference life, I can confirm. I had to learn the hard/slow way.
Thank you so much for this video! I agreed with EVERYTHING you said in the video. I'm a child myself, and I think my mom should really watch this video. Thank you so much.
I have always been told that if I DON'T whip my children, I'm not disciplining them. That I am a BAD parent if I don't hit. I'm so tired of hearing, "My parents whipped me, and I turned out just fine." The thing is, my parents very rarely spanked me. It's mainly other family members that put on the pressure. His family, including his parents, were the same way. So of course, we did what we were taught. We yell, we spank, we tell him he's been bad in a hateful tone... a whole big bunch of fails from us. But we're ready for a change. My son is in PreK and the way I've been taught to parent is obviously not working. He doesn't hit at school (thankfully!) but he doesn't want to sit and listen. He doesn't mind his teachers. He takes things and says that he's the boss and makes the rules... Not good! His bus driver is already hinting about kicking him off the bus, and he's only been in school for 3 weeks! I can say, "give him time" and "he's only 4 years old," all I want, but the fact of the matter is that I am failing as a parent on the discipline department and this is mine and my husband's fault for not learning a better way to teach our son how to mind. I've been ignoring these videos and articles like this about gentler parenting, going the "lazy route" and yelling. He can be such a sweet boy! He's very helpful and super cuddly. He just needs less yelling and, quite frankly, no more violence (even though we're not punching or something like that, I am coming to the conclusion that spanking IS violence). I mean, I wouldn't listen to someone if every time I did something wrong, I was yelled at, told I was bad, or bent over the knee. :( So I'm ready to make this change. He deserves it, and so do my husband and I! We want the best part of him to shine.
i understand but i was abused very very badly it got bloody sometomes but im a super nice person now. and a great parent because it taught me what not to do lol
Spanking must be done in the correct way. Not in anger or frustration. Always in love and with the intent of teaching. Yeah, there are consequences in life that cause harm. There needs to be levels of discipline. Matching what could happen in the real world. Try raising someone with a higher IQ than you. I am. It’s hard. Yes have compassion. Yes give explanations. This guy’s type of discipline, lead us to the way the world is now. Remember this started a loooong time ago. I was not spammed and I reigned a whole city. I had entitlement. And see how she interrupted him? Super funny, not. Kids need to learn how to give respect to those in authority and know when and how it’s important to sway from that rule. Discipline is complicated, it’s not fun for anyone when done right. And my kids love me. I don’t have to give a lot of spankings. That means more time for cuddling and reading books. Being mommy instead of friend. It’s more important to have a mom. I wish my mom was not my friend. I was very confused about giving respect to people other than my dad who demanded respect and didn’t deserve respect, while I was growing up. Respect is earned. Someone who worked hard for their position of power, someone who saved a bus load of people, someone who gave birth to you, someone who worked to put food on your table, someone who taught you to read or ride a bike, teachers, police officers.
NO NO NO NO NO! Just absolutely NO! Parents NEED to physically punish their children! I do it to my kids all the time. Here are some of the things I do to them: Torture them Twist their nipples with pliers Force them to eat expired onions Pepper spray them Whack them with a shovel Burn them with a blowtorch. That's what YOU need to do to your children if they act up. However, it all depends on where you live. I live in Go city, New Jersey. There, it is perfectly legal to do this stuff to your kids, as long as they did something to deserve it. Where you live, it might be illegal. If it's not, then please follow my advice. It'll be worth it.
I don’t have any children 👧 but I have deep respect ✊ for parents who properly raise children and I really respect my parents who are in their mid 60s and early 70s. Thank you so much for all your videos Dr. Conte! I love 💕 watching your videos.
I don't have any kids myself but I'm dating a woman who has, and that is why I am here. These steps are good principles but what I really miss in all parenting videos is real life examples (staged examples is just fine) and how you should solve situations hands on. Like you said in the video, we don't learn the same way. It's like reading a book on how to rebuild an engine, but when you are faced to do it for real you still don't know how to go about it because you learn by watching someone rebuild an engine. Not by listening to someone guiding you through the principles. So, please shoot a video with examples as I think it would help a lot of people.
Is there any chance your SO might be able to learn from this video, and then you could observe how she implements the advice? You might also look up the number for your local Health Department office and give them a call; they might be able to point you in the direction of a local parenting support group or classes for people learning how to integrate with a pre-existing family.
lol! I just just scrolled down here to comment that exact comment. I kept waiting on examples. I understand much of it, but I would like to know if I'm on the same page with you and your steps. Examples would have made me give a thumbs up that's for sure. The video lacked that. Other than that, I will try my best at this because this is the best list of things on how to help me teach my child to be respectful and listen that I've found thus far. Thanks.
I'm a mom of 4 children ranging from 13, 11, 5,1 and I feel like most of the time my frustrations and anger are all going towards them and my husband, I recently realized that I need to change my ways, my attitude towards everyone I love, I just want to be a great mom and wife but don't know where to start. I cried today so much because I feel if I continue I will loose my family due to my ways, it's time for a change and I'm open and willing to try anything to help repair the damage before it's to late that's what led me to watching all these videos!!!😢😂
Great advice. I try to follow these ideas but hearing them really helps me enforce these concepts as a parent. It's very much an active parenting style and it's not always easy. We get tired and stressed and we tend to fail and take the easy(lazy) way by yelling or spanking but we need to be mindful of our actions, and when we do fail, we go to them for forgiveness.
I can absolutely agree that yelling does not help anything. What it does(at least with my experience, I get yelled at by my mom a lot for little things) causes stress and at least with me, makes me want to be perfect, what I mean is I'm scared that if I do something wrong, I will be yelled at. I get nervous when i dont know something and tear up, it's not good and can cause a lot of stress and anxiety in your child(again this us more from just experience but I also talk to many of my friends about this sort of thing and how it can cause damage to a childs mental health)
I love this video, I share it all the time. You're a fantastic doctor. Thank you for helping me family and myself heal so much with your videos and radio show.
Thank you SO much! I appreciate you saying that a ton. And please call in the show anytime I can ever be helpful for you! Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I'm going to use this as a way to re-parent my inner child. I didn't have a father figure to help me with these emotional regulation methods, so thank you, good sir.
Thank you. Yes, it's so true; and aside from research supporting that (which it does), it makes a lot of sense. When our children understand the link between their choices and consequences, it gives them a better understanding of their world. Thanks so much for watching. I wish you much peace!
Paul Chan As a child I found this to be really true. I found it much easier to follow a rule if I had a clear explanation of why and I was more likely to stick to the rule.
100%! Discipline is tough, so please be easy on yourself! The fact that you're reaching out and looking to be more effective speaks volumes to who you are. The most honorable, greatest, and most difficult job in the world is parenting. That there are conscientious parents like you out there is a gift to our world, your children, and ultimately, everyone with whom your children come into contact with their entire lives. Definitely sending you and your children all my best and tons of peace!
thank you for this video! I'm struggling sometimes with staying calm and remembering that my son is only a little boy who still has to learn so much... it seems to me the way your parents talked to you will never really get out of your head. which makes it even harder to stand since I know my son will always remember my yelling... :-(
My chdn got saved at 12yrs I thank God they didn't look back and I thank God for the strength he gave me not to ABORT them. getting pregnancy through Abuse at a tender age . thanks for letting me share
i didn't imagine that i would need this video but Im banging my head against the wall to get my 4 yo to listen to us. Thank you for sharing this video... really great tips :) Hoping we'll see the progress once we start practicing these steps.
Dude! That was great. Thank you for these videos. They have been a part of a huge transformation in my life away from anger and towards peace and kindness. I appreciate your work, and what you do here.
It shouldnt. They should be able to admit when theyve done wrong whether caught or not. If you spank for anything less than purposeful infractions, then maybe they hv cause to resent it. But not if you rarely do it. Just like picking your battles. You let it go, and let it go, and this time its not happening. Bc if you dont get thru to them society will and much more harshly.
Thank you! I am uploading more parenting videos in the next month, so please let me know if there is something that you would like me to talk about. Sending much gratitude and peace!
You are right. I have 5 children of my own and a special needs child. The video helps remind my self to step back and try other alternatives. Thank you
Thank you Doctor Chris! this was really helpful i have only been a dad for 8 months and i wasnt raised very well. Alot of violence in my childhood. I want my son to feel at peace when hes at home instead of scared. thank you so much for these wise words
Have been a hard time staying cool and being peaceful in parenthood and in other facets of my life. This channel has been so helpful. Hoping you are continuing to create content
Thank you for this. My goodness, I need to bring you into my world.. I get told that I spoil kids for saying this very thing. They are individuals and we need to get that. Thank you again❤👍
What to do when you live with family members who have bad parenting/discipline style with their children and own child is in that environment especially when they babysit?
That's such a tough predicament. It sounds like you don't have a lot of options in that situation other than making a great effort to do your best in regard to your own parenting, and make sure you take time every day to have conversations with your child about why you do the things you do. I think it's so important to talk to our children and help them understand why choices, consequences, consistency, and compassion are so important. Sending you all the best and much peace.
S B I would just say this: if you can catch those parents in a good moment, try and see what their goals and dreams are for their children. If they open up to you, have a real heat to heart with them, but be prepared to be vulnerable too - you don't want to seem as a know it all. Over time, they will see you as a friend and allie in parenting the children so you can drop little hints in future that u have found useful. Pick your moment though. This also works for couples too - I should know, it worked on me! Good luck👍
I'm not a parent, and don't plan to be, but this is everything and I wish more parents would be like this. I love my nieces and nephews and I want to them to have an environment like this, but my brothers think that yelling and such is best and don't understand why it's so bad.
This really helped rewire my thinking because I was banging my head against the wall with a situation and getting very frustrated. Thank you for the refresher!
I have stumbled across this video. I am experiencing difficulty with my 7 year old son. I am going to heed all your advice and apply myself more in my own areas of fault. I realize that my own behavior is most likely the root cause of the entire issue at hand. I am fully committed to change myself and teach my wife and children. I have downgraded my persona due to previous history and ultimately, cutting a long story short, disconnected from my family. I am aware of this and fully prepared to change. However this is proving to be a very difficult task. I love my family and want to watch us grow effectively with each-others hands held tightly. I have subscribed and look forward to future videos.
Thanks for your kind words, brother. You can do it for sure. Yes, it takes effort, but my goodness is that effort worth it. Your son needs you so badly. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Much appreciate your video. I take to heart #7 "provide consequences". I hope when you can, elaborate a little more about #4 "meet your children where they are". Yes, I "liked" and subscribed.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, absolutely - my Yield Theory is really all about meeting people where they are, and I'm writing a book on it right now. But, I finally have some free time coming up and do plan to make some more videos during that time, so I will talk more about this concept for sure. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Dr Contie you have the same problem I have when you're a big muscle guy you have to be sooooo careful especially girls -- stern but softly. I've used these steps you've laid out for years good stuff.
Takes practice when you yourself were yelled at and abused your whole life but with God, meditation and mindfulness it’s possible. Takes deep truths being revealed to you about yourself. After practice it becomes easier. Thank you for this video we have to be the best dads we can be. Kids need us more then ever
Great information thank you! I recently became a mum and I believe in positive parenting, these tips are very helpful
I love this!... Absolutely awesome! Keep up the positive parenting!!!🤗🤗🤗
lol the profile pic looks exactly like the girl in the video
haha thats good considering I'm 30! :) :)
That's awesome since my daughter was 11 when we made this video! (She doesn't have a RUclips profile yet).....
interesting points ,if anyone else trying to find out how to talk to your child try Loctavan Teaching Toddler Strategy (do a google search ) ? Ive heard some extraordinary things about it and my co-worker got cool success with it.
1. Remember, that your primary goals is to teach your children. 2. Align your expectations in reality. 3. Understand your child's learning style. 4. Take the time to meet your children when they are. 5. Talk to the part to the brain, what you actually listen (forehead). 6. You don't need to yell in order to learn. 7. Provide consequences. 8. Be consistent. 9. Use compassion. 10. Role model the type of self-discipline, that your child to have. Good luck everyone.
Thank you!
Thank you !!
Thank you 👍👍
It seems like #6 in this video was, "Give your children choices"... 3:49
@@KennethPhotography yeah, thanks.
Hello brothers and sisters. I would just like to recommend that everyone read the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. Reading that book was the best desicion I ever made.
I wish my parents watched this video. I wouldve been waayy better off. I will be the best dad I can ever be.
Wish you luck down the road
Nothing stays forever
Hence u can change behaviour no matter the condition
I love you.
Pokemón!
That's easier said than done.
I watched this when my son was 6 mths old, and he is 4 now. This one video is responsible for how I have raised him and I am eternally grateful. People always ask how we have such an amazing child and I try to pass along these tips. I had to search and find the video again to be able to recommend it to friends (was not easy). We never have to yell or fight because we know how to do there things he teaches. Also, we use "Happy Choice vs. Sad Choice". Our son knows that each choice has consequences and the choice is his. He will "stop, think, and make the happy choice". Thank you Dr. Christian Conte! I'm so glad I found this again!
Jeremiah, that is some of the coolest feedback I've ever heard. Thank you so much brother. I love being a father more than anything, and my wife and I have lived these teachings out with our daughter. We are beyond proud of the incredibly kind, compassionate, and all around amazing person she is. I genuinely appreciate you sharing this video, and please know I'm sending all my best to you and your family! Much peace!
Wait till society gets a hold of him and he'll learn another lesson not taught at home.
It will also depend on a child's personality and temperament. The truth is some children are easier to raise than the others even in the same family.
Ahh. but every kid isn’t the same. Absolutely couldn’t do this with most kids and expect a well-rounded, well-behaved kid.
That's amazing!! Goes to show how big an impact this video has.
I'm not a parent yet but watching this to be informed on how I should be approaching my inner child- and what type of parent I want to be. Namely the discipline and consistency, I want to have a well established system of self regulation. Thank you
Gorgeous daughter, I can tell she really loves and respects you.
I am a child development specialist , you did this very well. I like how succinct you did it. Good teaching tool without taking up a lot of time. Its hard to engage parents, but because these are short and too the point it works.
Thank you so much. I really appreciate hearing that. I definitely do my best to be concise and make my videos practical for people, so thank you for saying that. I'm really grateful anytime people subscribe to my channel or share the videos I make. And that's awesome work that you're doing. I think any job teaching/working with our children is the most honorable work we can do. I'm definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
You don't need to yell to teach.
My mom: Who decided that?
thats sad. feel sorry for you
Lol i told her wait can we talk about thisb she was like too late for dat
@@justme8841 ofc you do, your white parents would just tell you to “go to your room”. Even if you spent 70,000$ on their credit cards🤦🏾♂️
If only I had you as my dad or my parents acted like you, being beaten since I was 3 from my parents, this legit brought me to tears. I hope more parents take this approach.
This doesn't just work with kids. As I watched the video, I realized that that's the approach I take with people I'm dealing with in my job as a security officer.
I find I'm most successful and need to resort to physical force much less when I use this approach.
Great video! I found it very engaging and informative! 😊
This should be the 10 commandments of parenting. You nailed it Doctor. Beautiful advice in a nutshell. Thank you.
What an absolutely gorgeous child! I bet her mind is absolutely brilliant too. Thanks for the parenting support 👍
I tried to give my 4 year old a choice... this is how it went
me: you want broccoli or green beans?
him: peanut butter and jelly
Lol, he has his priorities straight
PBJ yuck
Lol. When that happens, I tell parents to say the following: “Peanut butter and jelly is not one of the choices. I’ll ask you again, do you want broccoli or green beans?” If that still doesn’t work, you may need to add in a 3rd acceptable option.
What about broccoli in jelly? Or green beans and a spoon of peanut butter after?
😂
I really needed this. My oldest child is 8 and very well behaved from a young age. But my 3yr old is the total opposite and I've given up and started to yell. So I'm re-educating myself to be able to be a better parent and hopefully she will start to listen and follow instructions. Your video was very educational for me and I hope I can use these tips successfully with both my kids.
How’d it go?
My son screams when I say no or if he doesn’t want to do some he screams so loud neighbors complain
I am so happy to watch this video. I am a father of a 7 year older beautiful daughter. I always try my best and learn some new technique to keep my daughter in a good mindset. She is a very happy kid, but lately I have been so tired and my patience is so low with the whole pandemic year. But watching yours amazing video it helps get back on track and definitely trying to be a better parent. The thing I love must in life is definently my daughter and I want the best for her. And definitely the best doesn't mean give everything. So living and learning. Thank you very much! And for all parents out there please watch and rewatch this video, it's not simple being a parent but try to be a good dad/mother, help your kids, educate them and make a new world with good people and happy people in this earth.
This man is brilliant. What a shame that people don't do this. Being mindful is so important. My brother-in-law's wife always beats and screams at their children. The oldest is 11, and they all have severe behavior problems, are impolite, they laugh at other's misfortune and are very disrespectful children. I do not hit and try very hard to not scream at my three and a half year old. I always take the time to explain things to him and try to be as patient as possible. It's very easy to get caught up in anger, but having realistic expectations help. My child is kind and polite, helpful. Doesn't have tantrums, doesn't lash out. He and I talk through things, and I never have problems with him on picking up his toys , or putting away his belongings. Additionally, he's the first to volunteer to help others cook, clean, or pick up. T his is a wonderful video and I hope all parents struggling see it.
Bri P thought tantrums is a normal part of development , specially toddlers
As a mother of 6...my eldest being 22, I think you would enjoy the video I made with my daughter ruclips.net/video/ZmVuo6jYR3k/видео.html
Hmm, how do you know her behavior is not a response to theirs instead of the other way round? If I nvr gave children who needed them harsh consequences and they turned out spoiled, perhaps I would turn to spanking as a last effort to try and regain control over my household.
I am a foster parent and discipline children I have not raised, and yet everything he mentioned works on them, and we are also trained in this positive parenting! I am also a Christian and first night all my kids get prayed with and told how much God loves them....they all resonate with this and love prayer, teaching them Godly principles also helps you to set the example as a parent, my other big teaching is serving others and helping others and just being a kind person, this is something very important to me and I strive to instill it in these kids lives! Love is the key with humanity, it heals and transforms us!
@@cconroy1677 nothing wrong in giving kids a spanking from time to time instead of listening to these insane positive parenting videos
Sometimes this stuff they try to teach dont work or not enough
I have family members who yell and scream all day and spank their kids and it doesn't work because the children's behavior doesn't improve. I'm glad I came across this video. Maybe I could use this advice when I'm taking care of the children. Adjusting expectations for reality is very important. We often forget that children have thoughts and feelings just like us. Being consistent is also important. I think the children don't listen because their is no consistency. Yelling, screaming, and using foul language is not appropriate when dealing with children, especially those who don't listen.
These are great tips. From my own teaching experience I can say that a teacher who shouts at their children has lost control and lost the children. Teachers should never shout at children unless it’s a matter of life and death. Children should not fear their teachers, they should respect them. Children need love and discipline in equal measure. I would add that being consistent isn’t possible, but one can use ‘flexible’ consistency, as every child is unique in their behaviour and circumstances. Thanks for the positive tips.
“Teachers should never shout at their students.” That’s hilarious. Bet you’ve never been a teacher -at least not a good one.
Children don’t respect adults for whom they don’t have some measure of fear.
I've worked with children since 2004; I can tell you that those children who 'feared' an adult also had no respect for them. I understand your point however. I also tend to have no respect for people that try to intimidate me or think they can scare me in some way. @@donnap3541
I discovered Dr. Conte on the Psych2Go channel and have been following him since. I'm so thankful for the teachings that he provides. I'd say better advice given than what I've learned while studying psychology in college.
However, any day now, I'll become a mother, giving birth to my healthy baby boy 🙌🏾, and I've been so conscience of parenting skills. My husband and I both suffered much trauma in our childhood and do not want our son to encounter the same. So I've been practicing with my nephew and have been extremely mindful of my vocalics when talking to people I'm comfortable with even more.
We should heal before having children so our children don't have to heal from having us as their parent.
Thanks for this powerful teaching Dr. Conte.
Parenting is probably the most important life skill a human being can learn, I'm glad people like you take it seriously.
Good advice my friend. I used to get the crap beaten out of me regularly by my mom. I have 2 kids of my own now and I have Never raised a hand to them. Unless it was a high 5.
Gordon Mckay That's amazing! xD
Good parent
My moms beaten me up my whole life.. today i picked up a plastic tabasco super bowl holder and tapped him on the head with it. He threw on the ground and it broke in half. My mom ran over and he told her i hit him really hard on the head and he fake cried. I was blamed for throwing it. I ran over and hid under a bed. She said if i didnt come out shed hit me even worse. So i ran out. She was in my room. When i got in she started pulling my hair and slapping and hitting me really hard and yelling. Then made me apologize ti him. I said sorry, but crying, i smelled blood on my self. I ran back to my room in tears, hid in my closet. A few minutes later she opened the door, and said come out and go on your bed. She said “ARE YOU EVER GONNA EVER AGAIN F****** HIT AND THROW SOMETHING ON AN ADULT AGAIN?!” I said no, still in tears. I told her the truth that i only tapped him lightly and i didnt throw it. She didnt believe me and said “ hes in the basement crying right now and you did throw it, i heard it. “Stay on your bed visible, and this door stays open or i will remove it. As soon as she left, i hid under my blankets , smelling blood, seeing myself with rashes, cuts, scabs, scars, bruises, ruined pulled out hair. I stayed there for a bit, crying. I thought to myself, no wonder my hair never grows. No wonder im not pretty like all the people at school. She treats me like im a bag of garbage she can throw around, then i began to cry again. I ran back to my closet and closed the door, quietly and now im still crying, wruting this comment..
P.s, he had drank a full bottle if vodka before . So he was drunk
Also, what do I do? I want to call the national child abuse hotline on her, but i dont wanna lose her bc you know, shes my biological mother. And i still kind of love her.
My mother does that as well.... I feel you man.
Love that high five..
"I got hit as a kid, and I turned out fine!" Well, I got hit as a kid and I turned out emotionally unstable and mentally ill.
This and they really haven’t turned out fine they just push everything down
With this they they reply YOU'RE JUST WEAK
@@ikmaladammax Apparently I was strong enough to resist the urge to cancel my dad's life subscription after I found out every possible way he finessed my mother AND that I was too old to legally do anything about it
@@VanNessy97 damn, I'm glad you stayed strong.. hope everything's ok now
Ppmpp
:-[:-[
Thank you. I've been having a rough time lately (2 toddler boys) and I know raising my voice isn't the answer. I have some tools in my belt now, thanks.
Anyone who doesn't already know you're great will be set straight by this video. Outstanding, boss.
Its so refreshing to see a healthy relationship between father and daughter.. God bless yall for real... and thank you for the wisdom
This is just . . . beautiful man, this info is golden! I think a whole lot of parents are just cowards. How can you not have compassion for your own kids, when you were abused too? Anyways, live & learn & ahh man, follow this guys instructions. Yes indeed!! 👍
This made me feel very validated. My dad never understood that I was actually a person and he made me feel like that's just how parents view their children, as a procession and that I am not worth anything because I haven't lived as much life as him. Thankyou for making an effort to prevent harmful parenting. You don't have to smack your kids to abuse them in ways that will impact them for the rest of their lives.
I tell my husband that as well. He undermines them at time and makes them feel less important bc they are children. It causes arguments but they are still their own person.
@@bethclark8088 I believe in questioning the hell out of everything so when that comes up, it's best to accuse the person with that attitude (in a nice way though, nicer than they are to the kids) of not being an adult and only pretending to be one, if you ask them what an adult even is in the first place, nobody can tell you or identify the moment they became one without the answer feeling deep down arbitrary or contradictory to what they said other times and there's so many paradoxes they just what the label for emotional self esteem reasons so move the goal posts constantly when their answer doesn't work. It causes the whole appeal to it to fall apart the younger people feel more like equals and hopefully see through the facade, humility is better than arrogance and it's what everyone should practise.
this man is amazing I've been a mother for two years and everything he is saying is 110% right. To teach your children is patience love and understanding but most of all you must have respect for your child or how well they respect you. xx
Thank you so much for your kind words! Sending you and your family all the best and tons of peace!
Your methods of handling life as a better parent/ parter/ person are wonderful , thanx for sharing all this knowledge
Thank you for this video! I am a father of a very smart but stubborn 21 year old daughter. She is the most important person in my life but she doesn’t listen. I hope to use this to better myself as a father and to make her reach her best potential.
Agreed. I don't like yelling as well. It is actually quite stressful and draining my energy when i yell. But when the kids are noisy, i have to raise my voice to make myself heard. Actually, i don't like yelling. I force myself to yell.
Okay I don't have kids, nor do I want to have them, but mahn, whenever people are in urgent need for calmness, you are just so there for people. You are by far the best psychologist I've came across. The part you say "I wish you much peace", I also deeply and truly wish the same for you Dr. Peace Conte!!!!!!
Thank you so much. Definitely sending you much peace for sure. Very grateful for your energy.
Thank you so much for encouraging peaceful, non aggressive parenting. Making the world a better place starts with how we treat and teach our children.
100% I believe that with all of me. Sending you all the best and tons of peace!
Thanks so much I'm just trimmed 23 and had my son 7months and gave him up for open adoption, I feel like I'm not a stable mom yet. But this video really open my eyes with the thing I'm going through. Thank you doctor
THE GRIT - THE GRIND * This video is golden!!!!! The Truths & the address. Thank you for your diligence with greatness and advice to parenting!!!!!!!!! :)
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I have a 10 year old who has changed dramatically after divorce . He's uncontrollable but yet very sensitive. I was loosing hope at one point but these videos are so helpful
Thank you so much. Yes, the changes that divorce brings are sometimes scary for children, so now is the time to give him unconditional compassion. He definitely needs your love and patience now more than ever. Sending you all the best and much peace!
This has been a great place to start. My 11 year old daughter has become someone I don't recognize.
We've been doing family therapy for about 1 year, she's on intunive for A.D.D and has an IEP (independent education plan) at school plus tutors.
All these resources and she's still acting out in ways that are hurtful to her little brothers and others with little remorse or empathy.
I'm taking your advice plus taking the role on myself to be of service to her. I've been working so much to pay for all the things she needs that I have become absent in the day to day.
My wife (her step mom) and I talked about it and we came to the conclusion that my approach needs to change and I am going to do the following:
1) Box with her twice a week-she likes boxing and we have the gear at home.
2) volunteer together- I volunteer at Habitat for Humanity, but we can be of service to others together. This means I may have to give up Habitat to do something with her. But she is (of course) more important.
3) Tutor her at home-she's in grade 6 and struggles with math. I can purchase the books and help her one on one (our other kids are homeschooled, so we have a good base to start).
Please advise if this is a good strategy.
Thank you.
Thanks Richard. Please remember, at age 11, your daughter is going though a lot of chemical changes that are directly affecting how she feels. I think one of the best things we can do with our children is take the time to sit in stillness with them (i.e., meditation). I think it's so important to make peace a priority for our households. As fathers, it's one of the best gifts we can give our children. Sending you tons of peace brother.
Dr. Christian Conte thank you sir.
We've also considered doing Yoga together.
A few minutes of daily meditation will also be added to the routine.
Really appreciate your content and the quick reply.
All the best!
Richard Smith I know exactly what your talking about my son may need IEP he's always on the border of what to know for his age group.Not sure if its my very slim chance of schooling before school or he really can be behind in speech.He excels in other things, we will see what the teacher will say.What advice can give me they expect alot nowadays for 4 year more than what I remember back when I was in school.
Richard Smith Some schools punish kids for acting out but sometimes there can be more what's going on.
Just curious if you implemented these changes and how they are working. It was really great to see your thoughtful response to the issues your daughter is facing and the ideas you had were great. Please can you update. We are all learning from each other. TIA
I'm not a parent yet, but I'm trying to be the best role model for my younger siblings. My parents aren't exactly the best at parenting, and even though I still love them very much, I don't think they did a very good job with me, and I believe that they won't do a good job with my siblings.
Thank you for the knowledge in this video Dr.Conte. I will make sure to use the guidelines that you have provided.
That being said, I think that an ass whooping is sometimes necessary, but in 95% of cases it can definitely be avoided.
Going to be on a job where I'm watching after 25 kids for a summer camp, this video helps me out alot and reminds me what I wanted from a teacher figure when I was a kid
Good video man
Awesome, I am a foster parent and we have learned everything you have talked about....especially the compassion(which I, the foster mom naturally has for people)....I had a foster child age 8 first night, upset about her sis getting top bunk and not her and she got mad and went downstairs and sulked on couch...I then went down, sat next to her, talked to her about her feelings and put my arm around her and let her know I was there to help her through her feelings, she just wanted love and reassurance....I then told her we are all going to bed, and I am turning out the lights and gave her a choice to either stay on the couch or come up to bed, she followed me up! We did not overreact to her behavior or her fussing and refusing to be part of family prayer, I gave her the choice.....2nd night, she was compliant and happy and was the one eagerly ready to join in family prayer! Consistency works even with kids that are not yours! Thank you for the info!
What a sweet father and what a sweet daughter... 😘😍
Is anyone else watching this after being beaten their entire lives just to see how other parents treat their kids?
Umm no
what
Yep
G B I almost had to go to military school but got cancelled last minute
Yea-
Who doesn't have kids or doesn't plan on having any and is watching this? 😂
Mee😆😆😆😆
I actually want kids just as an excuse to buy a xbox
Me, and the worst part is that i am a kid
@@ROTOJ_ so what?one day u will have kid Simple
me watching to teach my younger brother
Compliments seems so easy but these are really the fundamentals and learning those changes everything TODAY
He definitely right about that consistent part i know someone who usually just kind yells and threatens but doesn’t actually go through with it or worse take the punishment back so now the kids just keep doin the same thing over and over again
Great video! My wife and I are a blended family. She has 2 from a previous marriage, I have 2 from a previous marriage, then we have 3 to together. We all live under one roof. As you can imagine things can get very stressful. I find my self yelling at my kids sometimes. This is something I want to stop doing. Your video really helped explain that what's going on in there brain, while I'm yelling. Thanks again.
Im going to share this with my husband. Everything you said here is what I've been trying to explain to him. Discipline is not about intimidation, demeaning, or yelling.
My 4 year broke the tv, his dad said I should beat him, I spoke to him about his actions. I'm torn between my belief and his dad's.
I like that! Align expectations with reality and not punishing children for not knowing something!
Dana Carter m
Dana Carter who would actually Do that??
Alhamdulillah
I’m 20 and working with kids is my job! I am much younger than my coworkers who are mostly all moms! There was a kid who kept acting out and there were always empty consequences following her actions. On a particular day, the kid kept acting out and I told her once again to stop what she was doing as someone else around her could get hurt, yet she persisted. After her third time doing the behavior I told her to stop doing, I took her to a corner and there were immediate tears and yelling from the girl, “I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG!!”. I was scared, she was louder and angrier than I thought she would be. I thought I wasn’t equipped to take care of the situation and almost gave in but I didn’t! I allowed her the choice to sit or stand in the corner and she decided to stand, I squatted down in front of her and spent a while trying to calm her down first before explaining why we ended up in the corner. We held a bubble in our cheeks and blew the air at each other. It made her stop crying! So rewarding! I was finally able to explain calmly why we were there and why her actions may be putting another kid in harms way. I asked her to reiterate why she was over in the corner once more before we rejoined the group. She has never acted out in that way again! A coworker (who has been working with kids for YEARS) saw the whole thing go down from across the room and even came over and told me how well I handled the situation especially considering I am young and have no kids of my own:) made me feel good that I was doing something right!
Yelling creates emotional distress and future problems. Video is 100% truth, as I had lived a difference life, I can confirm. I had to learn the hard/slow way.
Thank you so much for this video! I agreed with EVERYTHING you said in the video. I'm a child myself, and I think my mom should really watch this video. Thank you so much.
That was a surprisingly good video. Number 10 is probably the hardest to achieve, you have to be the person you want your children to strive to be.
I have always been told that if I DON'T whip my children, I'm not disciplining them. That I am a BAD parent if I don't hit. I'm so tired of hearing, "My parents whipped me, and I turned out just fine." The thing is, my parents very rarely spanked me. It's mainly other family members that put on the pressure. His family, including his parents, were the same way.
So of course, we did what we were taught. We yell, we spank, we tell him he's been bad in a hateful tone... a whole big bunch of fails from us. But we're ready for a change. My son is in PreK and the way I've been taught to parent is obviously not working. He doesn't hit at school (thankfully!) but he doesn't want to sit and listen. He doesn't mind his teachers. He takes things and says that he's the boss and makes the rules... Not good!
His bus driver is already hinting about kicking him off the bus, and he's only been in school for 3 weeks! I can say, "give him time" and "he's only 4 years old," all I want, but the fact of the matter is that I am failing as a parent on the discipline department and this is mine and my husband's fault for not learning a better way to teach our son how to mind. I've been ignoring these videos and articles like this about gentler parenting, going the "lazy route" and yelling.
He can be such a sweet boy! He's very helpful and super cuddly. He just needs less yelling and, quite frankly, no more violence (even though we're not punching or something like that, I am coming to the conclusion that spanking IS violence). I mean, I wouldn't listen to someone if every time I did something wrong, I was yelled at, told I was bad, or bent over the knee. :( So I'm ready to make this change. He deserves it, and so do my husband and I! We want the best part of him to shine.
i understand but i was abused very very badly it got bloody sometomes but im a super nice person now. and a great parent because it taught me what not to do lol
Spanking must be done in the correct way. Not in anger or frustration. Always in love and with the intent of teaching. Yeah, there are consequences in life that cause harm. There needs to be levels of discipline. Matching what could happen in the real world.
Try raising someone with a higher IQ than you. I am. It’s hard.
Yes have compassion. Yes give explanations. This guy’s type of discipline, lead us to the way the world is now. Remember this started a loooong time ago. I was not spammed and I reigned a whole city. I had entitlement.
And see how she interrupted him? Super funny, not. Kids need to learn how to give respect to those in authority and know when and how it’s important to sway from that rule. Discipline is complicated, it’s not fun for anyone when done right. And my kids love me. I don’t have to give a lot of spankings. That means more time for cuddling and reading books. Being mommy instead of friend. It’s more important to have a mom. I wish my mom was not my friend. I was very confused about giving respect to people other than my dad who demanded respect and didn’t deserve respect, while I was growing up. Respect is earned. Someone who worked hard for their position of power, someone who saved a bus load of people, someone who gave birth to you, someone who worked to put food on your table, someone who taught you to read or ride a bike, teachers, police officers.
NO NO NO NO NO! Just absolutely NO! Parents NEED to physically punish their children! I do it to my kids all the time. Here are some of the things I do to them:
Torture them
Twist their nipples with pliers
Force them to eat expired onions
Pepper spray them
Whack them with a shovel
Burn them with a blowtorch.
That's what YOU need to do to your children if they act up. However, it all depends on where you live. I live in Go city, New Jersey. There, it is perfectly legal to do this stuff to your kids, as long as they did something to deserve it. Where you live, it might be illegal. If it's not, then please follow my advice. It'll be worth it.
Wtf Boris
@@christmas_rock4208 That's Child Abuse not Discipline
I don’t have any children 👧 but I have deep respect ✊ for parents who properly raise children and I really respect my parents who are in their mid 60s and early 70s. Thank you so much for all your videos Dr. Conte! I love 💕 watching your videos.
Wow, lovely, I think each of these points are important, but the 10. one is the most important.
I don't have any kids myself but I'm dating a woman who has, and that is why I am here. These steps are good principles but what I really miss in all parenting videos is real life examples (staged examples is just fine) and how you should solve situations hands on. Like you said in the video, we don't learn the same way.
It's like reading a book on how to rebuild an engine, but when you are faced to do it for real you still don't know how to go about it because you learn by watching someone rebuild an engine. Not by listening to someone guiding you through the principles.
So, please shoot a video with examples as I think it would help a lot of people.
Thank you! Wonderful idea for a new video. Will definitely keep that in mind. Sending you much peace!
Glenn Feldt why the hell are you hooking up with a milf
Is there any chance your SO might be able to learn from this video, and then you could observe how she implements the advice? You might also look up the number for your local Health Department office and give them a call; they might be able to point you in the direction of a local parenting support group or classes for people learning how to integrate with a pre-existing family.
lol! I just just scrolled down here to comment that exact comment. I kept waiting on examples. I understand much of it, but I would like to know if I'm on the same page with you and your steps. Examples would have made me give a thumbs up that's for sure. The video lacked that. Other than that, I will try my best at this because this is the best list of things on how to help me teach my child to be respectful and listen that I've found thus far. Thanks.
Glenn Feldt with love and patience everything is possible 💙✌🏻
I'm a mom of 4 children ranging from 13, 11, 5,1 and I feel like most of the time my frustrations and anger are all going towards them and my husband, I recently realized that I need to change my ways, my attitude towards everyone I love, I just want to be a great mom and wife but don't know where to start. I cried today so much because I feel if I continue I will loose my family due to my ways, it's time for a change and I'm open and willing to try anything to help repair the damage before it's to late that's what led me to watching all these videos!!!😢😂
Same with me. 😭😫 i admit I’m the problem not them. I feel like I’m already past the damaging point. I’m a mom to 5.
Great advice. I try to follow these ideas but hearing them really helps me enforce these concepts as a parent. It's very much an active parenting style and it's not always easy. We get tired and stressed and we tend to fail and take the easy(lazy) way by yelling or spanking but we need to be mindful of our actions, and when we do fail, we go to them for forgiveness.
I can absolutely agree that yelling does not help anything. What it does(at least with my experience, I get yelled at by my mom a lot for little things) causes stress and at least with me, makes me want to be perfect, what I mean is I'm scared that if I do something wrong, I will be yelled at. I get nervous when i dont know something and tear up, it's not good and can cause a lot of stress and anxiety in your child(again this us more from just experience but I also talk to many of my friends about this sort of thing and how it can cause damage to a childs mental health)
I should not forget that I am the role model of my kids! Thanks a lot~😍
I'm in a rut around my house... thanks for making this video so that I can lead my family forward :)
100% Thanks for watching and for your kind words! Sending you much peace!
Wow! You don't realize how clear you summed it up for me.. i struggle with some but now i know how to handle it! Thank you so much! Super helpful!
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words on these videos! Sending you much peace!
Dr. Christian Conte Absolutely! And Thank You! Much Needed! ☺✌
I love this video, I share it all the time. You're a fantastic doctor. Thank you for helping me family and myself heal so much with your videos and radio show.
Thank you SO much! I appreciate you saying that a ton. And please call in the show anytime I can ever be helpful for you! Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
I'm going to use this as a way to re-parent my inner child. I didn't have a father figure to help me with these emotional regulation methods, so thank you, good sir.
Thank you Doctor & to your angel baby!
Children with higher esteem know the consequences with explanation. I will repeat this 100 times. Thanks
Thank you. Yes, it's so true; and aside from research supporting that (which it does), it makes a lot of sense. When our children understand the link between their choices and consequences, it gives them a better understanding of their world. Thanks so much for watching. I wish you much peace!
Muchas gracias!
Paul Chan As a child I found this to be really true. I found it much easier to follow a rule if I had a clear explanation of why and I was more likely to stick to the rule.
Love this! Thank you for posting! I've been failing at discipline this helps A LOT!!!
100%! Discipline is tough, so please be easy on yourself! The fact that you're reaching out and looking to be more effective speaks volumes to who you are. The most honorable, greatest, and most difficult job in the world is parenting. That there are conscientious parents like you out there is a gift to our world, your children, and ultimately, everyone with whom your children come into contact with their entire lives. Definitely sending you and your children all my best and tons of peace!
@@DrChristianConte Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate your work! You are a blessing! I wish you and your family continued prosperity!
thank you for this video! I'm struggling sometimes with staying calm and remembering that my son is only a little boy who still has to learn so much... it seems to me the way your parents talked to you will never really get out of your head. which makes it even harder to stand since I know my son will always remember my yelling... :-(
My chdn got saved at 12yrs I thank God they didn't look back and I thank God for the strength he gave me not to ABORT them. getting pregnancy through Abuse at a tender age . thanks for letting me share
i didn't imagine that i would need this video but Im banging my head against the wall to get my 4 yo to listen to us. Thank you for sharing this video... really great tips :)
Hoping we'll see the progress once we start practicing these steps.
Good Father
Dude! That was great. Thank you for these videos. They have been a part of a huge transformation in my life away from anger and towards peace and kindness.
I appreciate your work, and what you do here.
Wow thanks so much and you are right the yelling and beating only make them rebellious. I will definitely try these approach .
It shouldnt. They should be able to admit when theyve done wrong whether caught or not. If you spank for anything less than purposeful infractions, then maybe they hv cause to resent it. But not if you rarely do it. Just like picking your battles. You let it go, and let it go, and this time its not happening. Bc if you dont get thru to them society will and much more harshly.
@@cconroy1677 nothing wrong with spankings from time to time
I got disciplined but I got revenge (the brutal way)
Notice how u read this like it was sarcastic
@@nebblets And ADHD too
Loved the video. I have a 1.5 year old and I learned a lot. Thanks Dr. Christian. Now to put these steps to use.
When you broke down the second step, I clicked subscribe immediately because some of these parents need to know this.
Thank you! I am uploading more parenting videos in the next month, so please let me know if there is something that you would like me to talk about. Sending much gratitude and peace!
You are right. I have 5 children of my own and a special needs child. The video helps remind my self to step back and try other alternatives. Thank you
I have 5 kids too. It's not easy!
This'll be GREATLY useful when I want to eventually have kids. *I'll be saving this for later use!* 😎🤚
Thank you Doctor Chris! this was really helpful i have only been a dad for 8 months and i wasnt raised very well. Alot of violence in my childhood. I want my son to feel at peace when hes at home instead of scared. thank you so much for these wise words
Hate how we genuinely need these videos. We should know this already.
Thank you. I loved the end where parent character is always on!! Namaste
Wow, I wish I had parents like this
same. my mom was better then my father, but still not very healthy in behaviour
I found this video extremely helpful.
Thank you! Much peace!
Thank you. I'll be sure to take these principles to heart when I become a parent
Have been a hard time staying cool and being peaceful in parenthood and in other facets of my life. This channel has been so helpful. Hoping you are continuing to create content
Discipline and punishment are different things... understanding that is a step too far for most parents these days especially single mothers
Single mothers get shit for being the parent that stayed.
No they don't, they get shit for being bad parents
@@siphesihlengubane3181 exactly
Yesss for real!!!
Says some loser with no kids lol
Thank you for this. My goodness, I need to bring you into my world.. I get told that I spoil kids for saying this very thing. They are individuals and we need to get that. Thank you again❤👍
Thank you so much! Sending you much peace! :)
What to do when you live with family members who have bad parenting/discipline style with their children and own child is in that environment especially when they babysit?
That's such a tough predicament. It sounds like you don't have a lot of options in that situation other than making a great effort to do your best in regard to your own parenting, and make sure you take time every day to have conversations with your child about why you do the things you do. I think it's so important to talk to our children and help them understand why choices, consequences, consistency, and compassion are so important. Sending you all the best and much peace.
S B I would just say this: if you can catch those parents in a good moment, try and see what their goals and dreams are for their children. If they open up to you, have a real heat to heart with them, but be prepared to be vulnerable too - you don't want to seem as a know it all. Over time, they will see you as a friend and allie in parenting the children so you can drop little hints in future that u have found useful. Pick your moment though. This also works for couples too - I should know, it worked on me! Good luck👍
S B your only their to baby sit not to judge the family
thanks it helpes a lot
S B Lol dont let thé babysit your child.
Lucky enough to watch this. I'll make sure to discipline my future children better. If i would have them, that is.
I'm not a parent, and don't plan to be, but this is everything and I wish more parents would be like this. I love my nieces and nephews and I want to them to have an environment like this, but my brothers think that yelling and such is best and don't understand why it's so bad.
Awesome video! The engagement on this video is well deserved👍🏻 I look forward to watching more.
Thank you for your kind words, brother. Definitely sending you all my best and much peace!
This really helped rewire my thinking because I was banging my head against the wall with a situation and getting very frustrated. Thank you for the refresher!
100% I'm grateful it was helpful. Sending you tons of peace!
Tanya Roberts 11117118mkjjjjhjjnjjnjjjjjkjjkkkkkkkkl block jjjkkkkikooooiiiooooo9000000000000999900999 9999ooiii899999iiii8iiiiioooiiiiiooooo89
I have stumbled across this video. I am experiencing difficulty with my 7 year old son. I am going to heed all your advice and apply myself more in my own areas of fault. I realize that my own behavior is most likely the root cause of the entire issue at hand. I am fully committed to change myself and teach my wife and children. I have downgraded my persona due to previous history and ultimately, cutting a long story short, disconnected from my family. I am aware of this and fully prepared to change. However this is proving to be a very difficult task. I love my family and want to watch us grow effectively with each-others hands held tightly. I have subscribed and look forward to future videos.
Thanks for your kind words, brother. You can do it for sure. Yes, it takes effort, but my goodness is that effort worth it. Your son needs you so badly. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Thank you. Your words encourage me to put the foot forward. I want to be a better father. And am willing to make this work.
Dr. Christian Conte and huyuu
Joshua Kent Bless you and your family. We need more men like you and this good Dr.
.
I love the build of his body. He's a fine man. Great video! Its appreciated
GD, I needed this. I yelled at my son last night and I immediately regretted it
I like your point about consistency and credibility . So true.
Thank you! Sending you all the best and much peace!
Excellent video! Thank you so much for taking the time to share such an insightful video!
Thank you so much! Sending you much peace!
Yea nigga. That was some hood rack shit.
Much appreciate your video. I take to heart #7 "provide consequences". I hope when you can, elaborate a little more about #4 "meet your children where they are". Yes, I "liked" and subscribed.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, absolutely - my Yield Theory is really all about meeting people where they are, and I'm writing a book on it right now. But, I finally have some free time coming up and do plan to make some more videos during that time, so I will talk more about this concept for sure. Sending you all the best and much peace!
Dr Contie you have the same problem I have when you're a big muscle guy you have to be sooooo careful especially girls -- stern but softly.
I've used these steps you've laid out for years good stuff.
Takes practice when you yourself were yelled at and abused your whole life but with God, meditation and mindfulness it’s possible. Takes deep truths being revealed to you about yourself. After practice it becomes easier. Thank you for this video we have to be the best dads we can be. Kids need us more then ever