Had a narc boss that liked to make younger staff cry in front of customers. Finally I approached boss in back room and simply told her "I don't like to see my coworkers cry". Boss looked daggers at me. From that point on it was gloves off and boss turned all the coworkers against me with false accusations. I found a better job and quit before much damage was done to my reputation. Boss could not risk my staying once I had caught on and grew bold enough to call out bad behaviour.
My father started to sexually molest me when I was 4. Up until then my parents and brother (not my sister) doted on me. I remember thinking "I will just whisper it to my mother and she will make it stop." Guess how that worked out. No surprise I became the scapegoat. Shortly after all the ensuing drama I became ill and had febrile seizures. I remember my father kneeling near me on the couch looking worried. After all that had happened in recent days I wondered why he cared. They took me to the ER. When I was in my early thirties I said to my sister that I always wondered why instead of taking me to the ER they hadn't just put me in the back room and hoped that I died. She thought for a second and said "I don't think they wanted you dead." I now realize that I was worth much more alive as a punching bag for all their frustrations and that is exactly what I became
All TRUE! My first thought (at 3-4 yrs) was "THERE IS NO LOVE IN THIS HOUSE,... there MUST BE A MISTAKE" I was then turned into the SCAPEGOAT FOR FOREVER
I mentioned to my narc sister, who still lived with my parents "There is no love here". She actually snorted and then said "I hope you get sick". I already was carrying the scapegoat role. I have had no contact with sister for over 3 years. It breaks my heart what she has become but it is her choice.
Former scapegoat here... you're right. I'm still fighting to express myself, without fear of repercussions, in every way... it's been 35+ years since I went no contact with my abuser. I don't mind the struggle, because I'm free, and I know anything good sometimes comes with a high price tag in work. You're a great person for educating the public on this subject. Thank you 👏!! 🎉🎉🎉😊
My narcissistic son-in-law has squelched all of my daughter’s attempts to work after she had her kids. He would say things like, “oh you won’t make enough money yo make it worthwhile.” And he has slowly driven our daughter away from us with gaslighting. I’m the truth teller and spoke up. He couldn’t bear it and made me the bad guy - accusing my husband and I of the very behavior he displays. It’s bizarre.
As a cis-woman, I've learned to become VERY VERY comfortable with the following criticisms: "high-maintenance", "sensitive", "can't take a joke", and "too serious". These insults are frequently used to disarm women from their most self-preserving tendencies. Once these have no effect on you, people are less likely to discourage you from acting in your self-interest by accusing you of being these things. (And it's surprising how many people are quick to hurl these at you when you don't give them what they want.)
Some subjects are not appropriate to joke about.😮High maintenance is high quality. 😊Sensitive is intuitive and aware, also caring. Serious, yes I am. I'm sorry you went through this type of abuse. Blessings.🌹
These videos are precious. I never watch dating shows, but last night I watched love is blind Dubai. This narcissistic guy was gaslighting the woman within the first 30 seconds of the blind date. She Knew it was wrong and Apologised For Now Reason....She dated him anyway! She was so happy he picked her. I thought wow...That USED to Be Me. There's so many people in danger of narcissistic people. These videos are essential for everyone to watch.
Truth teller here. I got clobbered by my parents far more for what I said than what I did. I also started talking in full sentences at 9 months old so who knows how far this goes back.
Dr. Ramani, as a licensed mental health professional, I am on your side. To think other mental health professionals have told you that talking about narcissistic behavior is defeatist and not empathetic ..well, the way I perceive that is that perhaps they themselves have narcissistic traits. Like you said, it's just not ok. That just rubs me the wrong way. Yes, clients need to be validated!!!!! WTFk?! I agree that a lot of people have very low standards when it comes to what behaviors they will accept from others, particularly family. I have seen this with my own clients. Many of them have a deep fear of being alone. I want to also say this, back when I was young and in my 20s, I had people telling me "You're too picky!!! You will never find anyone!!!" I did not take their advice. I got married at 38 years old and, yes, it was worth the wait! I'm so sick of these people. They're not happy unless they bring down everyone else to their level. I'd rather be alone than wishing I was, KWIM?! Ugh! I'm sorry you go through all this, Dr. Ramani, but glad you have a cathartic outlet on RUclips....and that you are educating the masses!!! ♥♥♥
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I am profoundly grateful for your teachings. They have equipped me with the strength to overcome a lifetime of abuse-enabling me to confront the darkness and emerge standing tall, resolute, and free. Your wisdom has been a catalyst for my transformation, guiding me from the shadows of victimhood to the light of genuine autonomy. God bless you.
I puked 5 times last night and don’t even want to tell my family because they willl find a way to turn it against me. Even when they have everything that you don’t they will make your life a living hell. That’s not jealousy, that’s hate. They have nothing to be jealous about.
All of my stomach issues essentially disappeared when I cut off this one person. My wife was the same. We thought it was coffee, cigarettes, substances, diet. The only time our stomach issues resurfaced was when there was a chance of seeing this person again and when we had to be back in that toxic environment for whatever reason. And you have no obligation to your family, in my opinion. I am no therapist, but your parents decided to have you and you had no say in the matter. So, they are the ones obligated to you and all the lives they chose to create. Wishing you the best and the strength to help yourself get out of this situation as it can and likely is making you physically ill.
I am the truth sayer to my dad and this makes him so much angry. My step-mother always protects him by saying, "just leave him, that's just how he is" But knowing myself, I cannot allow him to disrespect me the way he does others in the family.
Im 60 As a child of a family of 12 kids. Me being the youngest daughter. Has come to the realization that I was raised by my siblings, not necessarily my parents.
For me growing up was very confusing. We went from the womb straight to adulthood. We were not allowed to be a kid or to have fun. Me as a young boy I knew something was not right about my dad and I would always be asking "Why this, Why that". Dad would then get angry. He told me that if I didn't know something that I should ask. So I did. But then when I ask him I would get " Don't You EVER QUESTION ME AGAIN". My mom was the one that allowed dads bad behavior. I saw the truth, Kept quiet and became a scapegoat. Years later I went no contact with him, He got angry and my sister told me that he said some things. I laughed and did not let it bother me. I did not even call him back to confront him. Then about a month later I was told that Dad was found unresponsive in his recovery room by a nurse. Dad had died. My sister then told me this and I could care less. He got exactly what he deserved. He died a very lonely old man.
Hearing that your dad encouraged you to ask questions but when you did, he'd yell at you not to question him reminds me of Gregory Bateson's double bind theory. So sorry you went through all that.
They're on every job... narcissist keep all the chaos and confusion going the entire shift. You feel like you just pulled a Double for this minimum wages🥺
14:47 - 15:05 I've experienced this at work. I'd say this is the "monkey's" who have been sweet talked into position, while the narcissist does their smear compain on the victim. Blind monkey's.
That's why I got out my jigsaw and made a steering wheel lap desk. I also got the perfect sunshades. The dash cam has caught odd things, but it's a safe place to be in my car.
Dr Ramani's videos have truely saved my life... My mother was a viscous narcissist and completely decimated the family unit after my father's death, if not damaging it irreparably prior to his death and sending my father to an early grave... She died bleeding to death alone from a small wound at age 92, a fitting and relevant demise indeed... Needless to say, I was the truth seeer and scapegoat, now contesting my mother's Will against a narcissist sibling... I have a great Judge handling my case and my siblings will finally be served the truth and justice my mother failed to provide... It's been a tough battle for me, narcissists see me as a threat and try to destroy me whenever I happen to cross their path through life's journey but it makes me stronger and more determined to speak the truth and stand up for the underdog... Dr Ramani has validated everything I always thought I knew and her videos have helped me in becoming more resilient when I feel like giving up... Being a truth seeer can be exhausting but I'd rather be a real person than a damaged constant perpetrator of evil without even knowing it.
My mother is now 65 years old. Still she's relentless in scapegoating me. I was as a child the seeer, and talked out loud in innocence. Therefore, as one of many abusive and neglect tactics, in all social situations she found an excuse to separate me from the social gatherings. I am 44 and after relationships with narcissist that followed in the aftermath, now i've been learning the words to tell my story and getting the Insights of why i am who i am, what has happened, very slowly learning to live. There must be something beautiful on the other side of 40+ years of abuse, right? Someone can relate and seen the light on the other side when you ve been through it?
Sadly so true. My parents celebrated failure/relationship break ups but ignored achievements. At least I know not to do that with my kids is the silver lining. Thanks for all you do 🙏
Later truth tellers children in any narcissistic relationship they may hold friendship or even partnership not only become once again scapegoats and they suffer from a merciless ghosting. This is SO painful. To become all of sudden isolated and defeated. Passive attitude and silence really satisfies anyone who is narcissist. That makes them even more powerful.
Wow. Spot on. ❤ Our reading people and the room becomes almost the “I can characterize that personality in one interaction or less” party trick, while also suppressing it at a conscious level to avoid the rejection/contempt for it. We can access that data only if asked to do so, but the fear is so deeply engrained that it will hurt us that we learn to forget our mind is collecting that data. It’s another double violation for the soul subjected to Narcs.
My big brother was a truth seer and a truth teller. My dad abused the hell out of him for this and even cut him out of the will because he told my mother of his adultery on a trip and broke the man code. He was the main scapegoat and then when he died I took over the role.
Sorry for your loss. Scapegoats don't seem to live very long. My cousin was a scapegoat and died long before his siblings. The frustrating thing is no one would tell me how he died. I fear he committed suicide. Years later, his sister died (I think the scapegoat role had been then given to her). Again, no one would tell me the circumstances of her death, despite her being only middle aged. The burden carried by scapegoats is huge.
@@l.5832No he didn't live very long and he was half suicidal for a while. I'll never forget watching my dad discipline my brother for treating a cat like my dad treated my brother. He said that's not how you treat animals!! Then he picked him up and threw him in the bushes and said see how that feels. When my brother finally went into therapy with my help The shrink told him he's lucky he didn't grow up to be a SK
My dad is a narcissist with adhd qualities. Absolutely refuses in any time in his life to get help or be supported for the help. My mom has adhd, trauma bonded with anxiety with on and off depression. I recommended she talk to somebody, id even support her and not say a word and she told me to basically go f*ck myself. I have done my time, my healing. I am the black sheep of the family and scape goat.. my boundaries are becoming stronger and i am so grateful ive been given tools online that have helped me write a memoir. Prayers and warm hugs sent out to all the warriors in need🎉
Oh boy this is definitely triggering me and bringing up many memories of my years around my narc parents. And work environments and house sharing situations...So so glad to be far far away from them. What a relief
This is THE most important broadcast you have ever done. I was raised with 4 narcissists. I am a truth teller and never stopped speaking it as a child. I was rejected, neglected, bullied and thrashed. Eventually I was sent to guardians. I was badmouthed and scape goated until my parents died. My mother attempted an apology once which I felt I had to accept. This is the first time I have been truly validated.
Hi Dr Ramani ❤ Could you possibly do a video where it is similarly based on narcissism and family of origin and dynamics, but more on the topic that focuses on "elder privilege," where their unacceptable behaviour does not get called out and brings those elders to have a sense of entitlement, where they demand respect but do not reciprocate it
Adoptive mother was a dark tetrad. Evil all the way down to her bone barrow. Every strand of her DNA was infused with evil. I remember as a 2 year old, thinking, "I don't know what the hell this thing is, but whatever it is, it's not human". Had ZERO desire to bond with her. I bonded with my dad. The family was a cult, and I wouldn't worship, bow down, or submit to the cult leader like the rest of them. First word was "no". First sentence was "I hate you". Of course I was the family scapegoat. Utterly hated and despised by the majority of them. Learned before I could speak that being hyper perceptive and hyper intuitive were necessary skills in order to survive.
This was pure gold DR Ramani, Speaks volumes, Thank you so much for this, Truth seer, Truth teller, Calls them out, That's me all right :-) I'll always go against the status quo, I'm not afraid, I see right through these two, I won't let them gaslight reality and undermine my confidence and intelligence, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, Self control and Courage, All glory power praise and smile's to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Maybe if someone tells you that you're standard is too high, perhaps suggest that theirs are too low ... ? I've unfortunately had to deal with toxic people, made the excuses for them, then after a while had to walk away - one of those times had to actually disappear for safety. That person actually reported me as a missing person ... when the police contacted me I told them I'm not missing that I'm protecting myself. Fortunately the officer I spoke to understood. As well, I've been told that I didn't make enough "for them" ... that is only one example of the "not good enough" - and been told they're leaving. When I tell them to go ahead and even started packing for them, they didn't go. And I've been in all those traps... Don't want to play their games any more, and not going to. I will stick with my cats.
Yes! This! And it becomes so confusing moment by moment when the roles flip daily. But there is a beauty to feeling like even in some minor way we tried to stay in alignment with our truths. And in adulthood learning that our truths are allowed to have space again within ourselves, learning that those truths lead us to boundaries , and healthier relationships.... not the destruction of them. That is hard work. It's a deconstruction of brainwashing that is so hard and another battle that is soul exhausting amongst all of the others. The guilt we have to work through in the process. It is a lot
Dr. Ramani you are Describing me to a T. I was Always trying to 'Fix', wanting to help , Compelled to Rescue and Protect If I Could . It caused me hell a Lot of times but I Wouldn't Have it Any Other Way ! I hate Bullies and I Try to Protect WhenEver WHEREEVER possible, If possible .
Excellent description. Verbalizing the dynamics is extremely helpful for the wordless realities of on-going cycles. As an MFT, I have experienced mental health practitioners to actually push me, shout at me, and when I see through silently, probably irritate them. Just like in FOO. Being an INFJ…old soul.
The phone call check for me after months of silent treatment - "I'm worried about you. Are you ok?" I respond positively and even say I've had some good news. They ignore the good news and repeat "Are you SURE you're ok?? I'm praying for you." Now another 6 months of silent treatment.
I know that one... They want to convince themselves that you're not ok because the truth is that THEY are not ok and you do your best work without them and they know it... Stay strong.
You have been so incredibly helpful. You have been a key mentor for me as I walk this path. It has helped both educate and empower me. What Im learning is that there will never be the type of closure I would like and that I need to work on myself and my power to equip myself to step away and not be ensnared any further. I’ve begun extricating myself and I know down to the cellular level that this is the only way I can heal. Your support has provided me clarity and insights that have lighted the way. Such respect. Thank you Dr Rsmni
Agreed, it's better to work the job and make the extra money despite the narcissistic partner's rage and triangulation. That way a nest agg can be saved up Or escape money if needed to get out of domestic violence situations
My eldest brother was the golden child. I became the protector/scapegoat, my younger sister became the quiet subdued mouse, and my younger brother became the fixer.
This was very helpful! I’ve watched multiple videos on being the scapegoat. That was my clearly defined role in the family dynamic. This is the first time I’m hit with the realization of just how much my insightfulness worked against me. Even though I remained silent and obedient most of the time, I was belittled and intimidated as a child. It’s probably because my father “knew I knew”.
Derrick Jensen Endgame, Premise Four: Civilization is based on a clearly defined and widely accepted yet often unarticulated hierarchy. Violence done by those higher on the hierarchy to those lower is nearly always invisible, that is, unnoticed. When it is noticed, it is fully rationalized. Violence done by those lower on the hierarchy to those higher is unthinkable, and when it does occur is regarded with shock, horror, and the fetishization of the victims.
Wow, they really all use the same phrases. I was told to have "too high standards" and be "too strict" when I raised doubts about toxic behaviour - "everybody deserves a second chance", "you can't control other people" but "need to make sure that your conduct is faultless" and then accused of "stonewalling" and not being "trustworthy" when disengaging ...
Yeah, my family used to just team up on me when I was a kid. I just kept telling it like it was. They've always talked about me & treated me like I'm worthless. I dont want to be anything like them. Their lives revolves around deception to maintain an image. That just seems like an endless, exhausting, & sad life to me. I'd rather be myself, than live a life of lies & fear.
People who are on Bluesky and don't immediately get added to a moderation list. As someone put it, it's like they have the opportunity to join a luxury cruise but would rather follow us on a garbage barge. The only cost to a ticket is to be nice. But those turds can't do it.
6 16...... These segments hit me deep. This part is basically my childhood. I was always asked to do something and I'd do it, but the way my father wanted it done, so I get scolded and blamed for ruining everything.
I would love to hear your analysis and breakdown of “Tell Me Lies”. As it mainly seems to be focused on narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships. But there are also elements about parental narcissistic abuse (mother to her children, and how it creates a cycle of abuse. The narcissist’s mom is also narcissistic). I think you might find it interesting.
That show was triggering for me because my ex-friend was a real-life, Lucy. And her bf was a narc she has BPD. Lucy had a lot of those characteristics.
My daughter is convinced im the narc ! Im 2 years into this study/ the narcs n flying monkeys proform on que! And we all "settle"!! When were not the narc!!!!! you can have self doubt.... n accept bad behavior! "Self love deficient" people can easily put up with bad behavior! Get her book!
. $ is a huge issue with narcissists. I am on disability in substandard social housing. My mother is comparing all the time. She is also on disability, she was living in a modular home in a nice neighborhood living beyond her means. She always said how jellous she was that I had social housing. She qualified for social housing; but she would rather live "house poor" than apply for social housing. I find it ridiculous that she is jellous of my income when I'm going to the food bank. My social housing is deducted from my disability total, and I actually get about 500$ a month less than her every month, but she's jellous. Narcisists are so odd. She tries to shame me over living in an undesirable home, but atleast I have a safe home that is affordable for me to be independent and stable.
Being a truth seer is what’s caused me so much pain. I watch as my mother did nothing to save my father’s life and destroyed my brother, he was only 14. She hurt my pets. I think I have survivors remorse. I had the truth moment when it boiled up and I fell to pieces. I carry the unending guilt that I couldn’t save them. I was a child. Then she would put me in supply closet in a dark room with only a tiny TV. Through all of this what I suffer the most is survivors remorse.
2:46 This happens in everywhere. Turn on unbelievable nonsense how people just can't get to getting on and get along like normal people I mean I guess who's the definition of normal but I know that for darn fact the discord is not normal. The truth teller always gets kicked out. Everything you just said
I know intimately how some pathologically narcissistic men even compete w/ others on the numbers of children, the kinds of cars, the sizes of their houses, the looks and superficial qualities of their women, etc.. Happy Thanksgiving!
Good info as always . I love the first photo of you wearing a very flattering blouse (peach/beige red floral) cropped further away that was posted a few hours ago with the same heading. You were particularly beautiful 😍
My mom was a walking volcano I always thought she was Bipolar one minute she was ok then one word she was doing this hair-raising screaming at you. Would rather have had a slap on the face.
People often go into denial about abuse because they don't want to be seen as victims. Of course the abuser has spent months or years convincing them the worst thing they could ever do is think of themselves as victims. Beyond evil.
Bingo 🎯 thats me in the familly dynamic truth seer fixer ( not snaky ! That clarifies a little uneasiness I felt between one parent as I didn’t quite believe the ( obvious explanation of what was going on (there was a lot of gaslighting going on between one parent & another). Possibly in an attempt to sort this out my first husband of almost 3 decades was clearly a narcissist dark triad, smart bright savvy worldly sophisticated many great qualities but The cruelty and destruction was quite the ride!
I was the truth seer as a child and the truth teller as an adult. My very toxic daughter has not spoke to me for the last 3 years because I got tired of her trying to control me and stopped arguing with her in anyway and the last time she came over I gray rocked her so effectively that she was shocked. Left and haven't seen her since.
Hi Dr. Ramani, could you discuss a narcissist who copies you? And not in a mirroring falling in love way. I have an older sister who continues to copy my choices very outwardly and then will turn around and bait me with her “accomplishments”. She started dating an Italian man who was born in Italy and my husband is only half Italian - (this never mattered to me to begin with, but she had to rub it in my face). This pattern has become so evident, to me at least, that I’m now feeling feelings of fear that she will copy every choice I make that she views as a threat, which is almost everything. I’m two years younger than her and since my life has become more outwardly approved by society and family, it seems like her copying of my choices and baiting is through the roof. How can I handle her? When I called her out she said I was self-absorbed to think this, etc. I have been a truth teller all my life and find her lies and pretending very challenging to be around, but calling her out never works and I just feel crazy and petty afterwards. Thank you!! ❤️
Calling out narcissists doesn't work, they become more determined to shut you down... Best approach is not to approach them at all... Just let them drown in their own perpetual self pity... Then continue happily with your of wn life, head held high is the best revenge because they'll realise that they haven't and can't destroy you.
I can relate to Dr. Ramani’s first videos back in 2018/2019. I’ve never been in a relationship with a narcissist, thank goodness, but I do feel the toxic energy around some people in my family. I’m afraid to bring up the word narcissist, so I avoid it. OK, it’s my mom and aunt (her younger sister). My mom is in her late 60s. She dresses up like a young lady, has always lied about her age and gets angry if I reveal it to people. She never admits she’s wrong, she’s always right in whatever it is we’re discussing, general knowledge, etc. My middle brother moved out last year, she always nagged him about money, I could sense it annoyed him. She speaks ill of people behind their back sometimes, it sucks for me to hear it. When we’re watching Brazilian soap operas, I can kind of sense that the young ladies get to her as if threatened because they’re young and pretty. I might be wrong, but I sense what I sense. My older brother had a massive heart attack in 2022, he couldn’t stand her sometimes. She only listens what she wants. I’m the youngest child, so I put up. 😢 We’re closed off, the three of us, now two. I’ve never heard “I love you” from my mom; my dad did say it a few times over the Internet, not in person. I don’t want to type about my aunt, but I feel a bad vibe around her. Not sure if narcissism applies. She’s toxic on the Internet, speaks ill of people, gossips, whispers negative things, yadda yadda yadda... I feel this instinct inside of me to act nice around her. She’s not a bad person, but she wants everything her way, and she does things to piss people off as well. I hate writing long comments. I tend to delete, they don’t last on YT for very long. So so sorry. Please, don’t hate me. 😢 Edit: UGH! Editing! I’m afraid to end up with her, honestly, I feel so stuck. My Dad has lived in Japan pretty much his entire life and I’m afraid of the day when he...... 😢 It’s my mom, I don’t feel in danger at all (she raised me without my father, rubs it in my face), but the inner feeling... Well... I hope for the best and I wish her happiness. She doesn’t keep me from doing things, I just don’t want to end up in this house with her. My dad said he will be here soon, I think for good. When I was a kid, they argued sometimes. I hope they won’t argue ever again, at least when I’m around. 😢
9:50 both the aunt who helped raise me and my husband would do stuff like this. You can make a little benign comment like "It's a nice day today" And they would go off the rail screaming about something totally unrelated that you did to make them angry. Like I remember one time I said we were out of duct tape and needed to get some more, and my husband started yelling that I always ask him to fix everything and I never do anything around the house and I'm useless and stupid. I literally said oh we are out of tape" and that's it. I just ended up not talking at all because any comment I would make about anything, negative or positive, would set them off. It always ended up with me getting blamed for something wrong in their life.
31 37....... Eventually the narcissist will think that they should be running the business, then that they should be the owner of the business. My father tried this so many times with his business partners and friends who had businesses.
Years ago, my dad said something to the effect: That job you have, you make what...(insert low $$$) a year, right? The tone felt dismissive. Me: No. I make more than that. He started guessing in $5K increments. After a few misses, he said, "oh come on." It seemed he couldn’t believe that was possible. When he found out the $$$, he said quietly, "I never made that much in my life," more to himself than to me. It was like he got lost in his own thoughts. It didn't come off like he was happy for me. I didn’t know about narcissism back then. These days, I would respond differently. It wouldn't be worth it to correct the assumption.
The most painful thing that happened to me was trying to tell my female friend her bf was very narcesistic and was treating her bad. Not a week later I was made the bad guy and ghosted... The bf forced her to cut me out off her life... Still can't believe she did what he asked. 😢
I feel guilty arguing with my mom about the trauma I endured in her house. She is denying about everything. The abuse was not from her. It was from my brother. Now after so many years and learning from videos about mental health, human behaviorr, addictions n alcoholism. My spouse is falling on the Narcissism category ,
Finding people to trust is the hardest part.
yes
I absolutely agree ❤
Truth teller/scapegoat here and you are spot on !
Yup me too
Had a narc boss that liked to make younger staff cry in front of customers. Finally I approached boss in back room and simply told her "I don't like to see my coworkers cry". Boss looked daggers at me. From that point on it was gloves off and boss turned all the coworkers against me with false accusations. I found a better job and quit before much damage was done to my reputation. Boss could not risk my staying once I had caught on and grew bold enough to call out bad behaviour.
Well done!
The honest person irritates their guilt
Courtesy of therapist Pinterest: ".....your spirit irritates their demons."
In my family: "Don't say anything. It will only cause a fight."
My father started to sexually molest me when I was 4. Up until then my parents and brother (not my sister) doted on me. I remember thinking "I will just whisper it to my mother and she will make it stop." Guess how that worked out. No surprise I became the scapegoat. Shortly after all the ensuing drama I became ill and had febrile seizures. I remember my father kneeling near me on the couch looking worried. After all that had happened in recent days I wondered why he cared. They took me to the ER. When I was in my early thirties I said to my sister that I always wondered why instead of taking me to the ER they hadn't just put me in the back room and hoped that I died. She thought for a second and said "I don't think they wanted you dead." I now realize that I was worth much more alive as a punching bag for all their frustrations and that is exactly what I became
I am so sorry that happened to you what a nightmare to try to live over. God bless you
😢 Bless you. I am so sorry.
All TRUE! My first thought (at 3-4 yrs) was "THERE IS NO LOVE IN THIS HOUSE,... there MUST BE A MISTAKE" I was then turned into the SCAPEGOAT FOR FOREVER
Awe I’m so sorry you had to put up with that. We can be weee little an extremely vulnerable the narc doesn’t care! It’s so sick !
I mentioned to my narc sister, who still lived with my parents "There is no love here". She actually snorted and then said "I hope you get sick". I already was carrying the scapegoat role. I have had no contact with sister for over 3 years. It breaks my heart what she has become but it is her choice.
Former scapegoat here... you're right. I'm still fighting to express myself, without fear of repercussions, in every way... it's been 35+ years since I went no contact with my abuser. I don't mind the struggle, because I'm free, and I know anything good sometimes comes with a high price tag in work.
You're a great person for educating the public on this subject. Thank you 👏!! 🎉🎉🎉😊
My narcissistic son-in-law has squelched all of my daughter’s attempts to work after she had her kids. He would say things like, “oh you won’t make enough money yo make it worthwhile.”
And he has slowly driven our daughter away from us with gaslighting. I’m the truth teller and spoke up. He couldn’t bear it and made me the bad guy - accusing my husband and I of the very behavior he displays. It’s bizarre.
As a cis-woman, I've learned to become VERY VERY comfortable with the following criticisms: "high-maintenance", "sensitive", "can't take a joke", and "too serious". These insults are frequently used to disarm women from their most self-preserving tendencies. Once these have no effect on you, people are less likely to discourage you from acting in your self-interest by accusing you of being these things. (And it's surprising how many people are quick to hurl these at you when you don't give them what they want.)
Some subjects are not appropriate to joke about.😮High maintenance is high quality.
😊Sensitive is intuitive and aware, also caring. Serious, yes I am.
I'm sorry you went through this type of abuse. Blessings.🌹
These videos are precious. I never watch dating shows, but last night I watched love is blind Dubai. This narcissistic guy was gaslighting the woman within the first 30 seconds of the blind date. She Knew it was wrong and Apologised For Now Reason....She dated him anyway! She was so happy he picked her. I thought wow...That USED to Be Me. There's so many people in danger of narcissistic people. These videos are essential for everyone to watch.
Truth teller here. I got clobbered by my parents far more for what I said than what I did. I also started talking in full sentences at 9 months old so who knows how far this goes back.
Dr. Ramani, as a licensed mental health professional, I am on your side. To think other mental health professionals have told you that talking about narcissistic behavior is defeatist and not empathetic ..well, the way I perceive that is that perhaps they themselves have narcissistic traits. Like you said, it's just not ok. That just rubs me the wrong way. Yes, clients need to be validated!!!!! WTFk?! I agree that a lot of people have very low standards when it comes to what behaviors they will accept from others, particularly family. I have seen this with my own clients. Many of them have a deep fear of being alone. I want to also say this, back when I was young and in my 20s, I had people telling me "You're too picky!!! You will never find anyone!!!" I did not take their advice. I got married at 38 years old and, yes, it was worth the wait! I'm so sick of these people. They're not happy unless they bring down everyone else to their level. I'd rather be alone than wishing I was, KWIM?! Ugh! I'm sorry you go through all this, Dr. Ramani, but glad you have a cathartic outlet on RUclips....and that you are educating the masses!!! ♥♥♥
I moved 3000 miles to get away from it.
I wish I could.
Me too ❤
Wonderful. 🙏
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I am profoundly grateful for your teachings. They have equipped me with the strength to overcome a lifetime of abuse-enabling me to confront the darkness and emerge standing tall, resolute, and free. Your wisdom has been a catalyst for my transformation, guiding me from the shadows of victimhood to the light of genuine autonomy. God bless you.
Me too, precisely. 🎶🙏🌻
I puked 5 times last night and don’t even want to tell my family because they willl find a way to turn it against me.
Even when they have everything that you don’t they will make your life a living hell.
That’s not jealousy, that’s hate. They have nothing to be jealous about.
Isn't jealousy+hate = envy?
All of my stomach issues essentially disappeared when I cut off this one person. My wife was the same. We thought it was coffee, cigarettes, substances, diet. The only time our stomach issues resurfaced was when there was a chance of seeing this person again and when we had to be back in that toxic environment for whatever reason. And you have no obligation to your family, in my opinion. I am no therapist, but your parents decided to have you and you had no say in the matter. So, they are the ones obligated to you and all the lives they chose to create. Wishing you the best and the strength to help yourself get out of this situation as it can and likely is making you physically ill.
I am the truth sayer to my dad and this makes him so much angry. My step-mother always protects him by saying, "just leave him, that's just how he is" But knowing myself, I cannot allow him to disrespect me the way he does others in the family.
Leave if you can. You deserve all the best you can find or create. 🌼
Im 60
As a child of a family of 12 kids.
Me being the youngest daughter.
Has come to the realization that I was raised by my siblings, not necessarily my parents.
My siblings raised and when I was a little older I raised myself.
Ditto.🌻
For me growing up was very confusing. We went from the womb straight to adulthood. We were not allowed to be a kid or to have fun. Me as a young boy I knew something was not right about my dad and I would always be asking "Why this, Why that". Dad would then get angry. He told me that if I didn't know something that I should ask. So I did. But then when I ask him I would get " Don't You EVER QUESTION ME AGAIN". My mom was the one that allowed dads bad behavior. I saw the truth, Kept quiet and became a scapegoat. Years later I went no contact with him, He got angry and my sister told me that he said some things. I laughed and did not let it bother me. I did not even call him back to confront him. Then about a month later I was told that Dad was found unresponsive in his recovery room by a nurse. Dad had died. My sister then told me this and I could care less. He got exactly what he deserved. He died a very lonely old man.
Hearing that your dad encouraged you to ask questions but when you did, he'd yell at you not to question him reminds me of Gregory Bateson's double bind theory. So sorry you went through all that.
@@redlikewineagain697 Yup, hurry up and wait.
Thank you Sister Dr Ramani ❤️🇬🇧 after 18 years.,I'm in the middle of breaking away....... Much love to you
They're on every job... narcissist keep all the chaos and confusion going the entire shift. You feel like you just pulled a Double for this minimum wages🥺
14:47 - 15:05 I've experienced this at work. I'd say this is the "monkey's" who have been sweet talked into position, while the narcissist does their smear compain on the victim. Blind monkey's.
That's why I got out my jigsaw and made a steering wheel lap desk. I also got the perfect sunshades. The dash cam has caught odd things, but it's a safe place to be in my car.
@@donnaw.6905👍
@@BobTheSchipperke To avoid the stress, yes. 🙏
Dr Ramani's videos have truely saved my life... My mother was a viscous narcissist and completely decimated the family unit after my father's death, if not damaging it irreparably prior to his death and sending my father to an early grave... She died bleeding to death alone from a small wound at age 92, a fitting and relevant demise indeed... Needless to say, I was the truth seeer and scapegoat, now contesting my mother's Will against a narcissist sibling... I have a great Judge handling my case and my siblings will finally be served the truth and justice my mother failed to provide... It's been a tough battle for me, narcissists see me as a threat and try to destroy me whenever I happen to cross their path through life's journey but it makes me stronger and more determined to speak the truth and stand up for the underdog... Dr Ramani has validated everything I always thought I knew and her videos have helped me in becoming more resilient when I feel like giving up... Being a truth seeer can be exhausting but I'd rather be a real person than a damaged constant perpetrator of evil without even knowing it.
Everything you say is so validating and helpful. Thank you for the work that you do ❤
My mother is now 65 years old. Still she's relentless in scapegoating me. I was as a child the seeer, and talked out loud in innocence. Therefore, as one of many abusive and neglect tactics, in all social situations she found an excuse to separate me from the social gatherings. I am 44 and after relationships with narcissist that followed in the aftermath, now i've been learning the words to tell my story and getting the Insights of why i am who i am, what has happened, very slowly learning to live. There must be something beautiful on the other side of 40+ years of abuse, right? Someone can relate and seen the light on the other side when you ve been through it?
Sadly so true. My parents celebrated failure/relationship break ups but ignored achievements. At least I know not to do that with my kids is the silver lining. Thanks for all you do 🙏
That is so true. My husband and I have a list of things we're doing differently based exactly on his own parents' behavior.
Later truth tellers children in any narcissistic relationship they may hold friendship or even partnership not only become once again scapegoats and they suffer from a merciless ghosting.
This is SO painful. To become all of sudden isolated and defeated. Passive attitude and silence really satisfies anyone who is narcissist. That makes them even more powerful.
I love this woman so much thank you dr. For being part of my spiritual cosmic awakening
I love you! Thank you so much for educating the Public. 🥰
Wow. Spot on. ❤ Our reading people and the room becomes almost the “I can characterize that personality in one interaction or less” party trick, while also suppressing it at a conscious level to avoid the rejection/contempt for it. We can access that data only if asked to do so, but the fear is so deeply engrained that it will hurt us that we learn to forget our mind is collecting that data. It’s another double violation for the soul subjected to Narcs.
My big brother was a truth seer and a truth teller. My dad abused the hell out of him for this and even cut him out of the will because he told my mother of his adultery on a trip and broke the man code. He was the main scapegoat and then when he died I took over the role.
Sorry for your loss. Scapegoats don't seem to live very long. My cousin was a scapegoat and died long before his siblings. The frustrating thing is no one would tell me how he died. I fear he committed suicide. Years later, his sister died (I think the scapegoat role had been then given to her). Again, no one would tell me the circumstances of her death, despite her being only middle aged. The burden carried by scapegoats is huge.
@@l.5832No he didn't live very long and he was half suicidal for a while. I'll never forget watching my dad discipline my brother for treating a cat like my dad treated my brother. He said that's not how you treat animals!! Then he picked him up and threw him in the bushes and said see how that feels. When my brother finally went into therapy with my help The shrink told him he's lucky he didn't grow up to be a SK
OMG, did you read my mind❤ This segment hit the Bull's eye, thank you so very much🥰🧐
My dad is a narcissist with adhd qualities. Absolutely refuses in any time in his life to get help or be supported for the help. My mom has adhd, trauma bonded with anxiety with on and off depression. I recommended she talk to somebody, id even support her and not say a word and she told me to basically go f*ck myself. I have done my time, my healing. I am the black sheep of the family and scape goat.. my boundaries are becoming stronger and i am so grateful ive been given tools online that have helped me write a memoir. Prayers and warm hugs sent out to all the warriors in need🎉
My narcissistic ex-wife made more money than me and still committed adultery. They are just miserable no matter what the situation is
it’s shocking how many people cave into enabling… hope you’re doing well
You described my childhood. Amazing. I learned some new terms. Thank you
Truth teller scape goat deluxe. My mother was a monster. No contact for 11 years
Oh boy this is definitely triggering me and bringing up many memories of my years around my narc parents. And work environments and house sharing situations...So so glad to be far far away from them. What a relief
This is THE most important broadcast you have ever done. I was raised with 4 narcissists. I am a truth teller and never stopped speaking it as a child. I was rejected, neglected, bullied and thrashed. Eventually I was sent to guardians. I was badmouthed and scape goated until my parents died. My mother attempted an apology once which I felt I had to accept. This is the first time I have been truly validated.
Hi Dr Ramani ❤
Could you possibly do a video where it is similarly based on narcissism and family of origin and dynamics, but more on the topic that focuses on "elder privilege," where their unacceptable behaviour does not get called out and brings those elders to have a sense of entitlement, where they demand respect but do not reciprocate it
Adoptive mother was a dark tetrad. Evil all the way down to her bone barrow. Every strand of her DNA was infused with evil. I remember as a 2 year old, thinking, "I don't know what the hell this thing is, but whatever it is, it's not human". Had ZERO desire to bond with her. I bonded with my dad. The family was a cult, and I wouldn't worship, bow down, or submit to the cult leader like the rest of them. First word was "no". First sentence was "I hate you". Of course I was the family scapegoat. Utterly hated and despised by the majority of them. Learned before I could speak that being hyper perceptive and hyper intuitive were necessary skills in order to survive.
This was pure gold DR Ramani, Speaks volumes, Thank you so much for this, Truth seer, Truth teller, Calls them out, That's me all right :-) I'll always go against the status quo, I'm not afraid, I see right through these two, I won't let them gaslight reality and undermine my confidence and intelligence, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, Self control and Courage, All glory power praise and smile's to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Maybe if someone tells you that you're standard is too high, perhaps suggest that theirs are too low ... ?
I've unfortunately had to deal with toxic people, made the excuses for them, then after a while had to walk away - one of those times had to actually disappear for safety. That person actually reported me as a missing person ... when the police contacted me I told them I'm not missing that I'm protecting myself. Fortunately the officer I spoke to understood.
As well, I've been told that I didn't make enough "for them" ... that is only one example of the "not good enough" - and been told they're leaving. When I tell them to go ahead and even started packing for them, they didn't go. And I've been in all those traps... Don't want to play their games any more, and not going to. I will stick with my cats.
Yes! This! And it becomes so confusing moment by moment when the roles flip daily. But there is a beauty to feeling like even in some minor way we tried to stay in alignment with our truths. And in adulthood learning that our truths are allowed to have space again within ourselves, learning that those truths lead us to boundaries , and healthier relationships.... not the destruction of them. That is hard work. It's a deconstruction of brainwashing that is so hard and another battle that is soul exhausting amongst all of the others. The guilt we have to work through in the process. It is a lot
Dr. Ramani you are Describing me to a T. I was Always trying to 'Fix', wanting to help , Compelled to Rescue and Protect If I Could . It caused me hell a Lot of times but I Wouldn't Have it Any Other Way ! I hate Bullies and I Try to Protect WhenEver WHEREEVER possible, If possible .
Excellent description. Verbalizing the dynamics is extremely helpful for the wordless realities of on-going cycles. As an MFT, I have experienced mental health practitioners to actually push me, shout at me, and when I see through silently, probably irritate them. Just like in FOO. Being an INFJ…old soul.
You, and me. Those are the types (give or take) that irritate a narcissist. Just STANDING there irritates some of them.
It's not okay to treat someone badly because of jealousy or you feel they have something you don't.
I don’t know what we would do without you Dr. Ramani…
Loving your certification course!!
Angela B ❤
The phone call check for me after months of silent treatment - "I'm worried about you. Are you ok?" I respond positively and even say I've had some good news. They ignore the good news and repeat "Are you SURE you're ok?? I'm praying for you." Now another 6 months of silent treatment.
😂😂😂 classic narc behavior.
Of course, cause they must be the most important person in your life, you've got to be in a world of pain without them.
Or so they tell themselves.
@@vlst8715 Yeah and they definitely don't like "good news." Weird thing.
I know that one... They want to convince themselves that you're not ok because the truth is that THEY are not ok and you do your best work without them and they know it... Stay strong.
@@Benjaminleo815 cause those good news didn't happen to them
Not only in family- also in some narcissistic environment, because he show true about them and/ to protect people.
How about talking about and blaming that child for everything! Sounds so familiar!
You have been so incredibly helpful. You have been a key mentor for me as I walk this path. It has helped both educate and empower me. What Im learning is that there will never be the type of closure I would like and that I need to work on myself and my power to equip myself to step away and not be ensnared any further. I’ve begun extricating myself and I know down to the cellular level that this is the only way I can heal. Your support has provided me clarity and insights that have lighted the way. Such respect. Thank you Dr Rsmni
this was my experience as a child and adolescent in a nutshell!
Examples 🎯 of how to also become the workplace target of bullying and gaslighting by co-workers and unfortunately, “bosses.”
Agreed, it's better to work the job and make the extra money despite the narcissistic partner's rage and triangulation. That way a nest agg can be saved up Or escape money if needed to get out of domestic violence situations
My eldest brother was the golden child. I became the protector/scapegoat, my younger sister became the quiet subdued mouse, and my younger brother became the fixer.
This was very helpful! I’ve watched multiple videos on being the scapegoat. That was my clearly defined role in the family dynamic. This is the first time I’m hit with the realization of just how much my insightfulness worked against me. Even though I remained silent and obedient most of the time, I was belittled and intimidated as a child. It’s probably because my father “knew I knew”.
Ramani is so pretty.
Content idea: 10 questions to ask to find if a person is securely attached. Maybe something with an up side for a change.
Derrick Jensen Endgame, Premise Four: Civilization is based on a clearly defined and widely accepted yet often unarticulated hierarchy. Violence done by those higher on the hierarchy to those lower is nearly always invisible, that is, unnoticed. When it is noticed, it is fully rationalized. Violence done by those lower on the hierarchy to those higher is unthinkable, and when it does occur is regarded with shock, horror, and the fetishization of the victims.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani 💕
Sending love your way Dr. Ramani. You help so many people with your insights, thank you!❤🙏🏻
This has become the battle cry of young men who don’t have a steady girlfriend. In many ways there is a woman blaming.
Wow, they really all use the same phrases. I was told to have "too high standards" and be "too strict" when I raised doubts about toxic behaviour - "everybody deserves a second chance", "you can't control other people" but "need to make sure that your conduct is faultless" and then accused of "stonewalling" and not being "trustworthy" when disengaging ...
Yeah, my family used to just team up on me when I was a kid. I just kept telling it like it was. They've always talked about me & treated me like I'm worthless. I dont want to be anything like them. Their lives revolves around deception to maintain an image. That just seems like an endless, exhausting, & sad life to me. I'd rather be myself, than live a life of lies & fear.
People who are on Bluesky and don't immediately get added to a moderation list. As someone put it, it's like they have the opportunity to join a luxury cruise but would rather follow us on a garbage barge. The only cost to a ticket is to be nice. But those turds can't do it.
6 16...... These segments hit me deep. This part is basically my childhood. I was always asked to do something and I'd do it, but the way my father wanted it done, so I get scolded and blamed for ruining everything.
I would love to hear your analysis and breakdown of “Tell Me Lies”. As it mainly seems to be focused on narcissistic abuse in romantic relationships. But there are also elements about parental narcissistic abuse (mother to her children, and how it creates a cycle of abuse. The narcissist’s mom is also narcissistic). I think you might find it interesting.
That show was triggering for me because my ex-friend was a real-life, Lucy. And her bf was a narc she has BPD. Lucy had a lot of those characteristics.
On target on every point! Great video!
Makes perfect sense and doomed is right.
My daughter is convinced im the narc ! Im 2 years into this study/ the narcs n flying monkeys proform on que! And we all "settle"!! When were not the narc!!!!! you can have self doubt.... n accept bad behavior! "Self love deficient" people can easily put up with bad behavior! Get her book!
My ex used to go silent and after many non responses to me asking “what’s wrong?”, he’d just say, “well, I guess my standards are too high”
. $ is a huge issue with narcissists. I am on disability in substandard social housing. My mother is comparing all the time. She is also on disability, she was living in a modular home in a nice neighborhood living beyond her means. She always said how jellous she was that I had social housing. She qualified for social housing; but she would rather live "house poor" than apply for social housing. I find it ridiculous that she is jellous of my income when I'm going to the food bank. My social housing is deducted from my disability total, and I actually get about 500$ a month less than her every month, but she's jellous. Narcisists are so odd. She tries to shame me over living in an undesirable home, but atleast I have a safe home that is affordable for me to be independent and stable.
Being a truth seer is what’s caused me so much pain. I watch as my mother did nothing to save my father’s life and destroyed my brother, he was only 14. She hurt my pets. I think I have survivors remorse. I had the truth moment when it boiled up and I fell to pieces. I carry the unending guilt that I couldn’t save them. I was a child. Then she would put me in supply closet in a dark room with only a tiny TV. Through all of this what I suffer the most is survivors remorse.
2:46 This happens in everywhere. Turn on unbelievable nonsense how people just can't get to getting on and get along like normal people I mean I guess who's the definition of normal but I know that for darn fact the discord is not normal. The truth teller always gets kicked out. Everything you just said
You descibe me , my experience makes sense.. thank you
Your videos are teaching me SO MUCH, thank you
Thank you!
I know intimately how some pathologically narcissistic men even compete w/ others on the numbers of children, the kinds of cars, the sizes of their houses, the looks and superficial qualities of their women, etc.. Happy Thanksgiving!
Good info as always . I love the first photo of you wearing a very flattering blouse (peach/beige red floral) cropped further away that was posted a few hours ago with the same heading. You were particularly beautiful 😍
People are probably scared of getting on the narcissist’s bad side too so they feed into their bs
My mom was a walking volcano I always thought she was Bipolar one minute she was ok then one word she was doing this hair-raising screaming at you. Would rather have had a slap on the face.
Yes, this is me Thank you
Thank you. 🙏
People often go into denial about abuse because they don't want to be seen as victims. Of course the abuser has spent months or years convincing them the worst thing they could ever do is think of themselves as victims. Beyond evil.
Bingo 🎯 thats me in the familly dynamic truth seer fixer ( not snaky ! That clarifies a little uneasiness I felt between one parent as I didn’t quite believe the ( obvious explanation of what was going on (there was a lot of gaslighting going on between one parent & another). Possibly in an attempt to sort this out my first husband of almost 3 decades was clearly a narcissist dark triad, smart bright savvy worldly sophisticated many great qualities but The cruelty and destruction was quite the ride!
I was the truth seer as a child and the truth teller as an adult. My very toxic daughter has not spoke to me for the last 3 years because I got tired of her trying to control me and stopped arguing with her in anyway and the last time she came over I gray rocked her so effectively that she was shocked. Left and haven't seen her since.
Hi Dr. Ramani, could you discuss a narcissist who copies you? And not in a mirroring falling in love way. I have an older sister who continues to copy my choices very outwardly and then will turn around and bait me with her “accomplishments”. She started dating an Italian man who was born in Italy and my husband is only half Italian - (this never mattered to me to begin with, but she had to rub it in my face). This pattern has become so evident, to me at least, that I’m now feeling feelings of fear that she will copy every choice I make that she views as a threat, which is almost everything. I’m two years younger than her and since my life has become more outwardly approved by society and family, it seems like her copying of my choices and baiting is through the roof. How can I handle her? When I called her out she said I was self-absorbed to think this, etc. I have been a truth teller all my life and find her lies and pretending very challenging to be around, but calling her out never works and I just feel crazy and petty afterwards. Thank you!! ❤️
Calling out narcissists doesn't work, they become more determined to shut you down... Best approach is not to approach them at all... Just let them drown in their own perpetual self pity... Then continue happily with your of wn life, head held high is the best revenge because they'll realise that they haven't and can't destroy you.
@ thank you for this!
I can relate to Dr. Ramani’s first videos back in 2018/2019. I’ve never been in a relationship with a narcissist, thank goodness, but I do feel the toxic energy around some people in my family. I’m afraid to bring up the word narcissist, so I avoid it. OK, it’s my mom and aunt (her younger sister).
My mom is in her late 60s. She dresses up like a young lady, has always lied about her age and gets angry if I reveal it to people. She never admits she’s wrong, she’s always right in whatever it is we’re discussing, general knowledge, etc. My middle brother moved out last year, she always nagged him about money, I could sense it annoyed him. She speaks ill of people behind their back sometimes, it sucks for me to hear it. When we’re watching Brazilian soap operas, I can kind of sense that the young ladies get to her as if threatened because they’re young and pretty. I might be wrong, but I sense what I sense. My older brother had a massive heart attack in 2022, he couldn’t stand her sometimes. She only listens what she wants. I’m the youngest child, so I put up. 😢 We’re closed off, the three of us, now two. I’ve never heard “I love you” from my mom; my dad did say it a few times over the Internet, not in person.
I don’t want to type about my aunt, but I feel a bad vibe around her. Not sure if narcissism applies. She’s toxic on the Internet, speaks ill of people, gossips, whispers negative things, yadda yadda yadda... I feel this instinct inside of me to act nice around her. She’s not a bad person, but she wants everything her way, and she does things to piss people off as well.
I hate writing long comments. I tend to delete, they don’t last on YT for very long. So so sorry. Please, don’t hate me. 😢
Edit: UGH! Editing! I’m afraid to end up with her, honestly, I feel so stuck. My Dad has lived in Japan pretty much his entire life and I’m afraid of the day when he...... 😢 It’s my mom, I don’t feel in danger at all (she raised me without my father, rubs it in my face), but the inner feeling... Well... I hope for the best and I wish her happiness. She doesn’t keep me from doing things, I just don’t want to end up in this house with her. My dad said he will be here soon, I think for good. When I was a kid, they argued sometimes. I hope they won’t argue ever again, at least when I’m around. 😢
@@anon3807 I have heard that they are so insecure inside, despite the big ego.
The Hoover is a Dirt Devil 😂
Oh ya narc always cutting me down n devaluing my education and job!😮
U r describing my husbands family exactly, flying monkeys! My husbands sister blames her daughter for everything, she is mean and cruel.
9:50 both the aunt who helped raise me and my husband would do stuff like this. You can make a little benign comment like "It's a nice day today" And they would go off the rail screaming about something totally unrelated that you did to make them angry. Like I remember one time I said we were out of duct tape and needed to get some more, and my husband started yelling that I always ask him to fix everything and I never do anything around the house and I'm useless and stupid. I literally said oh we are out of tape" and that's it. I just ended up not talking at all because any comment I would make about anything, negative or positive, would set them off. It always ended up with me getting blamed for something wrong in their life.
31 37....... Eventually the narcissist will think that they should be running the business, then that they should be the owner of the business. My father tried this so many times with his business partners and friends who had businesses.
Years ago, my dad said something to the effect:
That job you have, you make what...(insert low $$$) a year, right? The tone felt dismissive.
Me: No. I make more than that.
He started guessing in $5K increments. After a few misses, he said, "oh come on." It seemed he couldn’t believe that was possible. When he found out the $$$, he said quietly, "I never made that much in my life," more to himself than to me. It was like he got lost in his own thoughts. It didn't come off like he was happy for me.
I didn’t know about narcissism back then. These days, I would respond differently. It wouldn't be worth it to correct the assumption.
Hope Dr Ramani is over her flu.
The most painful thing that happened to me was trying to tell my female friend her bf was very narcesistic and was treating her bad. Not a week later I was made the bad guy and ghosted... The bf forced her to cut me out off her life... Still can't believe she did what he asked. 😢
Indigos is the name
@drramani, Any way to receive a printable transcript?
Communication needs an appointment so we’re antied in.
Exactly what happened to me!
I feel guilty arguing with my mom about the trauma I endured in her house. She is denying about everything. The abuse was not from her. It was from my brother. Now after so many years and learning from videos about mental health, human behaviorr, addictions n alcoholism. My spouse is falling on the Narcissism category ,