I did that at 17. I could have had a totally different life. Now estranged from kids by there narc spouses. Geez. Now homeless . Freezing knockin on heavens door at 65
I would say it is close to impossible to find a partner who is not me me me living in selfish city. Especially when you are older chances are quite high you end up with some problematic leftovers. Chances are you might changed a lot but the people around you not. Believing in the good of people is counterproductive
For what it's worth, 5 years ago I met a man. Aged, in the park. I wore Croccs, looked shabby...because dog, busy and 0.0 interested in menfolk. This man started talking to me about politics and was charming. Invited me for coffee. I had a very bad feeling about this man. But thought: "That's mean, the man is lonely and hey, a cup of coffee with a neighbor isn't bad after all." Long story short. After 3 months of coffee he started to conquer me and slowly treated me very badly. Feel free to say terrorize. It was after this fling that I finally discovered what Narcissism was at the age of 51. Thanks to my hero Doctor Ramani. May you be blessed and receive much love in your life, in your heart. Thank you beautiful woman.
Mine all started with not having healthy boundaries, ignoring red flags, making excuses for bad behavior. It took the last horrific relationship to need to seek knowledge about the patterns. So if you’re here you are already on the right track. When you know you can start to do better.
Narcs are everywhere! The risk of meeting another one is huge! The only way to avoid them is to REPEL them, and we can't do that until we project a different "aura". Relationship detox is a must. We shouldn't even date until we're comfortable being on our own. Recognizing patterns is also essential (ours + Narc awareness). I'm not sure I'll ever be Narc-proof, but I'm working very hard on making myself as unattractive as possible as a source of supply!!! The trick is to go from an aura that projects "I want to be loved/wanted" to one that screams "I'm way overqualified for you!". 😅
I agree that narcs are everywhere. Some of them love the challenge though and they target overqualified people only to destroy them once they get close.. I usually move slow and observe people over long period of time to make sure they are safe to be around.
Haven’t dated anyone. I have a lot of women as friends, but I’ve never had a girlfriend. - I always prefer to take my time. That’s the way people did it before and it’s the safest way to get to know somebody. Usually, people generally show you their stripes after about a year - and there are usually multiple instances of them being terrible to people or abusing/ manipulating. Don’t ignore red flags. That’s one of the things I’ve learned.
No one is perfect, so I hope that you're not overlooking a really decent woman because of your checklist or worried that what you see is a red flag is actually that, or something of your own creation that keeps you from experiencing life with another.
It’s easy to blame yourself for ending up in toxic relationship after another, and it’s like we tend to miss the red flags because everything seems normal with them. But it’s not about who’s at fault but learning the patterns and to protect yourself and heal from the experiences and find growth.
We see and feel the red flags; however, our conditioning (programming) is to ignore them. We need to immediately "reprogram" our response by telling ourselves, "No, *I'm right*!" And then, quietly and graciously back away/retreat!!! We DO NOT owe anyone an excuse (or messed up apology!!!) Just, bye-bye!!! Vamoose!!!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. So sick of the victim blaming. And thank you for emphasizing a year break when coming out of a narcissistic relationship. So many people just won't do this. But it's so crucial. If not, they'll find themselves back at square one with even more baggage.
I know this community doesn’t want to hear this but this message is to all empaths: everyone who is selfless start being SELFISH to protect your self from these predators. That is the only way to protect your selves!
I'm done with relationships. I was married, 20 years, and he lied/narc the whole time. Now, these men out here lying, gas lighting, trying all these tactics to get you. I'm done. It's not me, it's their lying behinds. I've gone to 2 different therapists and asked "AM I THE NARC?" Nope.
This made me feel so proud of myself. Because I've run away after the very first time the dude has treated me badly. I didn't know what narcissism is, but I got very curious about his motivations and his ability to switch his behaviour that quickly. For me it made no sense to pretend for months that you like someone, and than treat them so badly out of nowhere. So now I'm here, and I've educated myself on the topic. And, most importantly, I stopped blaming myself for not predicting this turn of events and not seeing a monster in him.
Dr Ramani is being nice I would suggest 2 years! Being raised by a psychopath father picking narc was the norm. I met a friend at 5 years old let her go after 60 years a full blown narc. I was reading an old journal the other day complaining about how another narc girl was so entitled and just mean! Back then I had no clue she was a covert narc! BUT all the signs were there. At 68 I’m tired of jumping through hoops, just to be liked! Mann I tell you Dr Ramani rocks! Electric guitar hard!
but like, lets say, evil people, do they think they are doing evil? but they still do evil etc, maybe it comes from trauma, humanity is still here soo its not most people
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y really?.. well evil people dont think they do evil, maybe they think ''some people desvere it'' etc but nobody deserves evil, their human too, most people arent evil though she actually said that huh, maybe people do evil out of trauma (most times) certainly i dont think they would want the same done to them, evil solves nothing, it just makes affected people sad, people do evil for money and thats sad, but even they dont do evil 24/7 no one is completely evil, some humans just do evil but it shoud have never happend, people try the whole, is something wrong with society or is it humans in general etc for why evil (the word shoudnt even exist, but we dont live in that world) happens, most people arent though and thats good.
@ yes she would tell me she was not the nice person I thought she was. She turned out to be a covert narc. I haven’t spoken to her in 5 years and I never will. I met her in the 8th grade.
Yes. We have to learn that we are not always going to be someone else's 'cup of tea' and just keep on ploughing though. Nothing personal! (Because from a narc's perspective, it *never* is!) So, let's not take it personally and let's just keep moving on! The rearview mirror is our touchstone.
It took awhile, but I felt less lonely being alone than when I was in antagonistic relationships. I am so comfortable with solitude now that I am not all that interested in looking for another relationship. I'm not not interested but being happy with myself is empowering. I don't fear rejection or being alone and no one can leverage that against me.
When you notice that most relationships(including platonic) involve some form of dismissive control(related to your own vulnerability), you are indeed a magnet but not just a magnet for narcissistic behaviour patterns. To burn bright in darkness one will inevitably attract the blood sucking mosquitoes(along with the rest of the spectrum of opportunistic insects) while walking through the swamp. One must develop their narc mosquito repellent which will taint your supply hopefully at worst poisoning the blood sucker when bitten or at best repelling them entirely.
The best narc repellent is this... Say “no”. Yep, they can’t stand that word. Another thing is narcs always need compliments, praise, and adoration. If you see them fishing for praise and waiting for you to agree “oh yes yes, your outfit is gorgeous!”, Don’t, don’t say anything and watch them look confused, puzzled. They don’t understand why you aren’t kissing the ground they walk on and looking up to them. This is how you can spot a narc. Another thing is they are not smart. Very basic conversations and society que will fly over their head. For example, the opening of the door. You may be opening the door for someone else in front of them, but they will walk through instead, head held high and be like (royal kingly attitude) “thank you”. They don’t realize the door was not for them.
I discovered HG Tudor, a narcisstic psychopath here on youtube, a year or so ago, and thought he could have been an ex of mine! They sound the same. I've since decided he's not him, but he's so familiar, and fascinating, and intelligent!.... My father was a narc, and I have attracted sooo many of them in my lifetime. It's the familiarity. I normally get instant red flags when I meet them. They affect my stomach when I'm around them now. I've had 3 narc managers at work, and ended up in emergency after only being at work a few hours one day!
I hear what you’re saying!! I’ve done a lot of healing work realizing my father was a psychopath. Yes the narc was our norm. Sometimes I still question myself… because so many guys have that society ego too. Waving the White flag ! Eyes wide open!
Men’s dating advice is to exploit off of her childhood wounds, childhood traumas, her anxious-attachment style, emotionally abuse her, misinterpret, deny, deflect. They do this because they are _energy vampires_ for women chasing them in any shape or form.
it's because if we are already conditioned/ trained to tolerate what comes with the narcissistic abuse, then the narcissists just wind up with us. As we become aware, we may need to distance ourselves from their meddle in order to fully find ourselves enjoying life again.
Yes I did! And yes, part of it was me. The more clear I became with my values, MY value and my no no no🙂↔️ ( boundaries) the healthier my relationships became. Remember early dating is wondering why someone was single and then finding out the why’s 😉
Could some of our behaviors with men, or people in general, be what we learned from our moms? Some moms are incompetent as moms, and their relationships.
@@jeanie5074Yes and dads too but it's our responsibility to do the work it takes to heal to stop the pattern of abuse. It would not be ok for someone to use their parents as an excuse to abuse someone so why would it be ok to use that as an excuse to stay in a relationship with someone who is repeatedly abusive or to keep getting into relationships with abusive people? It is a lot easier to focus on what's wrong with other people than to focus on what's wrong with ourselves but the latter is necessary if we want to stop the pattern.
Me to. I'm narc magnet also...CPTSD, BPD, ADHD etc. Shiety childhood with father psychopath narcissist sadist and cold Mather narcisst, bleh 🤮 till now my life is broken from every single side. It's so not fear that one of us can have a normal life and another one shiet.
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
My mind has developed to the point where I can hold two different thoughts--it’s not you, and yes, it’s you. As a child of narcissistic parents I was an innocent victim. As an unhealed inner child acting out in the adult world, I was still an unconscious victim. When I projected my goodness onto a narcissistic partner, I got the inevitable rude awakening and was a victim of that. At that point I became aware of what was unconscious and I worked on it in therapy and in relationships with people in recovery. I hold my parents accountable for their abuse and I also hold myself responsible for my own health. To me, this seems like the serenity prayer--knowing when I was a victim and when I became a survivor. Now I have a new meaning for “it’s you” because I’m achieving my goals as a thriver, this time with focused coaching. I love being me. So, I see various interpretations and explanations for the idea of what is and isn’t me.
Two twenty-year marriage to people with narcissistic traits, just very different expression. The first one, I was 22 and moved to another country to be with this person. I’d never heard of a narcissist in the way Dr. Ramani lays it out, as a personality style, but I saw patterns in my first marriage and thought I knew how to avoid them. I thought I was doing that in my second marriage, but nope. Now I can see the underlying patterns, no matter what type of narcissist I’m dealing with, because of Dr. Ramani. I honestly think I’m better able to choose wisely, because I’m much more clear about what I want and need in a relationship with another person and I can be up front about it. I’m not cocky though. I know my empathy can blind me.
I now understand why you said a year pause before moving to another relationship, as in these 6 months I can feel me as me, I am getting an idea what life should be.
I was not able to evaluate who I was, sadly, until I became enmeshed with a few narcissists and learnt the hard way what I was not and never going to be 🙅🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
So true! Second husband looked totally different and behaved differently but his attention to me (even sexual) fade away right after our marriage. That was strange, kinda wasn't it to fast to fade away? And yes, these relationships started very fast, very shortly we moved to live together. And yes, red flags started right after we moved together but I didn't want to give up and step back.
I am a religious woman and love my practice, but what Dr. Ramani says is true. When you have a religious dynamic that is traditionally set for marriage, we tend to have an increase in narcissistic possibilities. I have expereinced at least 4 to be fair, maybe more. Now, I realize that I am becoming more equipped to seeing early warning signs especially in our community in particular. They tend to try and rush the engagement, not really give you the kind of interest and concern needed to really get to know you, they just want you to committ. They start to act standoffish when you refuse their offers and constant gifts, to the point of where you realize this whole act is all manipulation not true interest in me as a possible mate.
Thank you! I was told enough times "well, you are the common denominator" enough times when I was just sharing how hard it was answering their question (what happened with this or that partner/friend I'm no longer with), that I began telling myself that and started to believe in the problem etc etc etc.
I see some people getting their own victim supply out of being in toxic relationships. Ignoring all friends and family advise to get out but still bragging about everything they endure. They know it's wrong or else they wouldn't make a big scene about it. Those are the ones I judge
I would never date again if I was young again but spend my time on befriending myself… looking back from 66 now I can see they simply got more covert as well as sicker. Sociopathy is everywhere these sad days so learn to discern by getting to know yourself from the inside out. Then you may find that you don’t need to have a partner around because you’re finally happy with who you are
How about when you've been in a narc relationship, became enlightened and left the relationship,....and became a TARGET of narcs thereafter. I don't attract narcs because I quickly identify them now. And they know it. So now......new managers at work, new coworkers....when they are narcs they quickly zero in on me and WANT ME GONE because they see me as a threat. What do you do now???
I have had this same experience! I wonder if it's because they somehow sense that we're on to them, and they see us as a challenge, and/or a threat, like you said? I'm so sick of it! It's incredibly tiring to come up against these types of people again and again. 😒
@@christinelamb1167 Hm, I just had the same experience at my last workplace. Actually the whole group was narcissistic. And I would say a half of the entire facility in which I worked. Either narcissistic or psychopathic, or both. I left after two years. Starting a new job in about a month. I am already traumatized by so many narcissists and psychopaths that I had to deal with throughout my work experience and through my romantic relationships, although the latter I didn't have many, only a few, but traumatizing. It is sooo nice to be alone. On a long term I am thinking of trying to find a job that allows me to work exclusively from home so that I can avoid co-workers. I don't wont to deal with that type of people any more, but they seem to be everywhere.
Yeahhh love feels good, not shrinkage ... knowing myself more intimately through new frequencies. . ... major recalibration goin on with most folk it seems ❤❤❤
As someone who went through 2 narcissistic relationships, that was very soothing to hear, despite already spending 2 years in therapy. Of course I was raised in alcoholic, narcissiistic dysfunctional family system, which is why such toxic patterns where familiar and why I attracted them in my life. Nevertheless, the problem nowadays seems there are a lot of unhealthy people out there with whom healthy relationships are impossible. It is like we live in a pandemic of emotional unavailability. Yes, there are only about 10% of narcissistic people. But there are also about 25% of avoidantly attached people (and about the same for anxiously attached) who are just as hard or, in severe cases, even toxic to have relationships with. Many healthy, secure people are already partnered up. What is left? Among single people, I would estimate that percentages go way up. Where does one find a healthy, secure person to build something with or at least someone self aware enough that is willing to work on themself and the relationship? No one is perfect, but at least having some self awareness and ability to take accountability is a must.
If people would just stop using each other the world would be so much better off. I think using another person is so deeply ingrained as conditioning, for people, that it's very difficult to shed that.
That's like saying , if everyone would just stop being toxic. It's being normalized every day. No accountability, no remorse, no guilt, no shame, no empathy, no genuineness
but at work people use eachother but its to help more humans, (where its bad is how some have so much more money than others, and poverty etc) releationships are give and take, if ai took most jobs though what would happen, but humans still have to maintain that, humans have always had drama since we've existed
My recent ex actually said "If everyone treated you this way, maybe it's you that's the problem." My first husband, I was stalked and threatened into marriage at gunpoint. My third husband just showed up in Kentucky from Vermont with no money to return Why I felt guilty, I can't explain. This last one was cheating on his ex, and I thought he just wasn't happy and was looking for love. They weren't married. He has 6 kids by four women, none of which he was married to. I found out after I ended it, eleven years later, he's never lived alone in his life. He's sixty!
i think it said weapons got made by ''rebels'' but they really shoudnt exist in the first place, the entire species is not bad though, but some are. how like.. legit you got treathend? sounds like the person wanted a good self image or social status for a group, that first h was a bad person i assume
Are narcissists drawn to humble people? I am 33 years old and I have never dated anyone. I don’t have anybody to miss, so that’s good. I have never downloaded any dating apps and don’t ever want to. I am not experienced in that area AT ALL. No one wants to end up alone, though. I have been very introverted pretty much ALL MY LIFE and I don’t go out much, so that’s why I’ve always been single. I am also not on any social networks, I used to be on Twitter (X) and Facebook, that would be all, I think. Never been on Instagram. I’m on YT. I would follow Doctor Ramani. I’m just not ready to join them again. To be quite honest, I don’t see myself dating ANYTIME SOON. I won’t ignore the red flags, but dating? Not for me! God bless you all! Thank you for all your videos, Doctor Ramani! I hope people are kind and sweet to you. Kind regards from Brazil!
'' drawn to humble people'' but like woudnt it make sense to treat someone kind and not bad like soo many of these nc videos say. thats weird, some people externalize their dislike i guess, no one likes everything about someone else, not even themselves/ourselves unless your talking about god i guess, religious people say god created us cause he wanted to share life with us, but ever since the garden it all went bad, not everything is bad though ofc
for me it keeps happening because I’m an attractive late-diagnosed autistic woman. i have always been swept up by the love bombing because i’ve always been incredibly trusting and desperately in need of acceptance from someone after being socially ostracized for my autistic mannerisms. i thoroughly believe autistic people have the highest rates of repeated narcissistic abuse.
I've been since 2018 (or earlier considering I refused to intimately engage with my ex the last year of "togetherness".) I don't fell as thought I am missing *anything*. I have felt zero connection with anyone since on my own. So nobody worth pursuing. These years have given me a good amount of time, and counting, to evolve myself. Where I stand right now, I don't believe there'll ever be room for anyone new in my life. All the closets and rooms in my place are full of my stuff, haha...And, I love that my life is not complicated by someone else's (or their extended family's) b.s. I'm not bitter, but I admit maybe I need to evolve more. Or, not! Maybe I have it right, after all!
Actually l was in a good place in my life. About to begin a great uni degree. I was 19 years old. I was independent, l had goals. But my nasty older sister manipulated me , along with her husband, who is our uncles son. They coerced me into marrying my ex. Who is also a cousin. It took me 26 years , and 4 adult girls later. I broke free. No contact. 3 of my adult daughters have been turned against me. I have been ostracised from family siblings and community. I'm now an ex Muslim. Thank God, l have left this cult. That l was born into. This happened to me in a first world country. You think it wouldn't happen. Unfortunately it still continues.
I had several... climaxing with a certified psychopath. Never share your past experiences- the narcissists go through a mental checkbox system, like "oh I can't do that one, oh he'll know that, oh that one will make it obvious" etc. They bring a whole new kettle of fuck to the table. I thought it was me, and those others made me feel so, but when I stepped back and saw the denominator was not me as entity, but the exploitative behaviour and scummy similarities of "stage shows" with different scripts in each relationship, it was a morose but acceptable closure.
thank you for making this video. the vast majority of my narcissistic trauma has been from being groomed by narcissistic men. i often feel your videos cover narcissism too broadly for me and others who have largely experienced narcissism on a chosen-relationship basis.
There has to be something about me. Had a break up today. One toxic relationship after another. And every time, it's "Im unlovable. Something is wrong with me." I really don't want to try this ever again.
I think I do it again because that’s all I’ve known. It is normal for me. It’s all I know. I’ve never had love. My mom and my ex. I don’t trust myself or others
I have being out a physical contact with husband 👿. I am 21 years recovering from the disturbed nerves. Thanks Dr. Ramani for sharing and caring. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙏🙏
I love living alone...period. I don't trust anyone because I test them out. First date: Go camping when it rains. Test their ability to handle problems.....
They are EVERYWHERE. Ying and yang ☯️. It's 50% negative people and 50% positive. Now we call the negatives narcissistic. Beware extroverted people. They appear positive but they are generally negative inside. Keep fighting.
Beware extroverted people. They appear positive but they are generally negative inside hmm... really... arent most positive though extrovert or introvert in interaction but nc might be different
I am codependent with crippling ADHD that I cant use stimulants to treat. The narcissist can take on the caretaking that keeps me dependent on their presence in my life. My covert malignant narc.. that was a disastrous thing. An overt narcissist, although sometimes unpleasant and frustrating, is like my best friend, who I have limited daily contact(seperate houses). Ill always have narcs in my life until i heal the part of me that still cant stand completely alone on my own two feet. Become self aware..you arent always a victim. Sometimes, you are the one using them as they benefit from you simultaneously
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I like the advice of what you said in this video as we do not give ourselves a relationship physical to avoid getting into narcissistic relationships.
So many at the workplace its not funny because, for me it's an environmental issue. The narcissistic environment is using the empathetic environment with ease. Good bye honesty. The search for honesty will become less by a defensive environment and the social people we are will not be happy with us keeping to ourselves.
I have to respectfully disagree that 10% is way too low, I am 65 years old and I would say the number is probably closer to 30% of the population is narcissistic.
@@BunnyRabit-yo3lx its interesting, on '' war before civization'' soo its almost some genetics are a remenant from back then but it was more group dynamics rather than solo
Thank you such in-depth analysis of it’s not you , and providing reassurance, moreover giving us some guidelines on self evaluation n introspection and relying on that intuition or gut feeling if it feels off , to walk away. Thank as always your videos are so helpful, please do share update on workshop on guidelines required for introspection n evaluation of relationships to avoid getting trapped into it
As you stated before, 1 out of 6 people have narcissistic personality traits. So not too difficult to stumble upon one of those. And when you come from a highly narcissistic family you often have already met more than 1 early in life. By suffering from severe trauma later in life I also learned, that in our hedonistic western world probably most people have some serious narcissistic character traits since a lot of them, even closest friends and family, tend to let you down in times of distress. And those who stay often reveal their true colours by trying to take advantage from your vulnerable situation. Be it sexually, financially or otherwise. Similar to people that newly come into your life and notice your adverse life circumstances. Even studies back up that realisation: Trauma survivors are prone to be 4 times more likely to get victimised again than non-victims. This is also, why I have almost completely withdrawn from social life. I know what some people are up to and did to me or tried to do that have oh so decent manners and an oh so good reputation on the outside. And it is also, what I criticise about our today's therapy paradigms: That the therapeutical community wrongly assumes, that the victim's protection mode is some irrational post-traumatic stress disorder. No, we just know about how many predators are really out there.
yes, twice - then I learned my lesson: the only common thing in them was me. I take total resposibility of my choices, staying, waiting..hoping. Had to think why? Found the answers in my abusive childhood.
Yes, sometimes called Repetition Compulsion. It's not your fault. You were a child. Unhealed, your inner child will keep trying to fix it in adulthood. Repairing the attachment wound has helped me.
Thanks for always providing insightful and helpful information! I stopped dating. Problem solved!😂 There are simply too many energy vampires, emotionally immature and self centered people out here to risk having emotional upheaval occur due to connecting with the wrong person. Ive decided to be very selective about where , when and to whom I share my energy. It frustrates certain types of people-which tells me those are the exact ones to avoid.😂 Im polite, kind and empathic, but Ive given up on most people for this life cycle. Ive decided to focus on helping vulnerable people ( especially seniors) and on my own spiritual development and healing so that I reduce the chances of having to repeat in another life cycle ( if there is such a thing).
It really depends on how you definere the terms sadist and masochist. In kink, what’s sometimes called a sadist/masochist relationship is more accurately called dominant/submissive and it’s a negotiated and re-negotiated exchange of power so both parts get something they really want and need in the relationship, usually in sexual role play and limited to to that role play. That has nothing to do with narcissists. That kind of power exchange will not work with a narcissist, because they are not conciously playing a role for mutual gratification As far as NPD and BPD go, a person with BPD would likely be more vulnerable to any kind of narcisst, not just one with NPD. Nobody in that relationship is really getting anything they want, for long in that relationship, at least not for long. As someone who really enjoys the submissive role, I’ve had to learn to be extremly careful and choosy about a dominant. It doesn’t seem to me that this conversation has anything to do with what Dr. Ramani is talking about.
Some of us are autistic/ND/learning difficulties, so some of us are indeed narc magnets. I think distinctions should be made, but also to factor in neurodivergency, because our slower processing actually makes us targets. Those with boundless amounts of empathy too! I feel like some of these videos, are for specific audiences of people and while that is fine, please make that clear.
i read like, everyone's a little bit autistic, woudnt you say hobbies people have kind of are, times goes into it etc, certainly most hobbies people have are probably made by autistics like computer or TV lol those arent hobbies per se, by themselves, but time went into making it, then you might aswell say talking is autistic lol or most activities humans do
The point is that this vulnerability start when you where young in the family. So that environment was your normal and you missed honest love. But finding that you attacked to people who are the same as your family. I have been there for almost 57 years. Then I was lucky, first the brain stopped working and started at 0 and for almost a year the past was not available, second to be become functional again I used Internet and found this subject. With these two things I learned a lot and became stronger and able to recognise these evil creatures and don’t spend energy in their needs anymore
It took me over 2 years to detox from a nine month relationship with a narc. (I was on top of my game when I met him, he enjoyed destroying me... Almost) I'm glad I took so much time for myself. I'm now dating a wonderful man. We've been together for almost 6 months and I think I'm finally in a somewhat healthy relationship. I have to admit my eyes are still wide open and sometimes I have seen red flags that weren't there. But it's possible to stop falling into the cycle. This man hasn't tried to sweep me off my feet, he hasn't told me he loves me or we're soul mates. He has expressed an appropriate amount of affection and attention but there's no drama. I'm still waiting inside for the mask to come off because I'm damaged. But it actually seems like this guy is just a normal guy. Not perfect, but not a narc. But I have to say it's strange to not have all the emotional drama and the constant negativity. You'd think I'd say "it's great" and I'm sure I'll get there, but it's uncomfortable and weird. Idk how to act sometimes with all of this peace and just every day even tempered relationship. Lol
Dr. Ramani please please 🙏 talk about narcissistic personality and the targeting of autistic people, because I see it soooooooooo much in my community.
O.m.g., are you listening to my thoughts? I was approached last week and I realized within 15 minutes.The girl was a complete narcissist, Walking away I thought, "what is wrong with me?"
@1mikewalsh, She probably liked your looks. That might be all it was, since she wouldn't know that quickly whether or not you'd be easy for her to dominate or manipulate. Good job on your part!
What was your biggest mistake? Having a relationship? Love? Wasn't your fault they were in it for other reasons.... A year to detox and get them out of your head is a good start...
Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤ your words of wisdom come at the perfect time for me. I find myself isolating even when i know at my core i have always wanted a loving marriage. Someone to walk through this world with. I think i can handle the basic "hard" challenges of a relationship, after enduring 10 years of a covert malignant narcissistic husband, every other problem seems to pale in comparison or at the very least, ive already been there and forgiven that. So why am i holding back..i believe its because i havent forgiven myself and a big part of me doesnt t 19:28 trust myself. That's what it all comes down to... To know thyself and to thyself be true ❤ if we can love and care for ourselves and trust ourselves..what is there really to fear
I believe that actually people are attracted to narcissists. Or qualities often associated with them (superficial charm, power, status, money, charisma...) let's be honest these people are (at first) seductive, attractive... They seem good at first. And 10% of the population means... That there are millions of narcissists out there.
I was told when a person thinks they are narcissistic, they usually are….been told I’m too sensitive, I overthink and I’m imagining things that never happened or were never said…that I’m weak and these are signs of being a narcissist. I’ve come to terms I’m the narcissist. I self sabotage, have developed an autoimmune disorder and developed extreme anxiety. Lost every job in the past two 3 years from severe depression. Being a narcissist has destroyed me. And it just came about out of nowhere… wishing for a cure. But from what I read narcissist don’t get that chance 😢
@Fyh685, Please don't put a label on yourself. Consider WHO is telling you that you are too sensitive, or imagining things. Might they have an agenda?? You don't need to let other people define you. Keep watching Dr. Ramani for some clarity on your personal situation.
Why do you think you are a narcissist? If you are, you are very self aware. You could try a therapist but choose someone experienced. Helping others or doing something creative seems to be the cure to most problems in life.
Just opened this, and haven’t listened but the labeling, well it feels like we need to be careful labeling. People can be in bad places in life going through extremely hard circumstances and can be “misdiagnosed.” Of course we can feel and think because of the symptoms that someone looks like they’re a narcissist, but we have to be mindful that we can be wrong that our perception can be wrong. Although it’s good to listen and learn but diagnosing, we need to leave to professionals because we can’t be wrong.
Not true imo. If you are on the receiving end of repeated sadistic behaviour it's OK to speculate about their diagnosis as narcissists will rarely go for a diagnosis unless forced by the courts. Also, if you have spent many years with them you have more experience of them than you can ever relay to a counsellor. Taking a stab at diagnosing them is to save your own sanity. Labels serve a purpose. It's especially important because the behaviour they exhibit is really different forms of domestic violence.
You need to be very careful with people with a PhD. They even admit that they are problematic. Look at doctors and lawyers. Really anyone with these advanced degrees.
I have noticed I start out feeling sorry for them. I am going to take that as a big red flag now.
Yup
💯
I did that at 17. I could have had a totally different life. Now estranged from kids by there narc spouses. Geez. Now homeless . Freezing knockin on heavens door at 65
Yup
@@AngelEyes-xm7el I'm so sorry. I hope someone like a church group or charity can help you get on your feet again.
We keep end up being in narcissistic relationships, because we live in a very narcissistic time.
Blame the tik toks and the insta g's for enabling narcissism
I would say it is close to impossible to find a partner who is not me me me living in selfish city. Especially when you are older chances are quite high you end up with some problematic leftovers.
Chances are you might changed a lot but the people around you not.
Believing in the good of people is counterproductive
@Wuestenwiesel So true...its more difficult to find a good-hearted partner the older one gets. Especially in recent times
Truth
@@hermosotinolook up lead poisoning's"criminal behavior" and prevalence.
For what it's worth, 5 years ago I met a man. Aged, in the park. I wore Croccs, looked shabby...because dog, busy and 0.0 interested in menfolk. This man started talking to me about politics and was charming. Invited me for coffee. I had a very bad feeling about this man. But thought: "That's mean, the man is lonely and hey, a cup of coffee with a neighbor isn't bad after all." Long story short. After 3 months of coffee he started to conquer me and slowly treated me very badly. Feel free to say terrorize. It was after this fling that I finally discovered what Narcissism was at the age of 51. Thanks to my hero Doctor Ramani. May you be blessed and receive much love in your life, in your heart. Thank you beautiful woman.
he is gay? also are u a man or woman?
It's my energy. They know a good source when they see one. That's why following my gut feeling Immediately is important
It must be. I seem to attract them for some reason. The last one, I didn't get past 3 days of talking to some guy and I was like geez he's horrible!😂😂
@carolfield2760 omg sssame. Atleast we spot them quicker now😂😂😂💫💫💫
Mine all started with not having healthy boundaries, ignoring red flags, making excuses for bad behavior. It took the last horrific relationship to need to seek knowledge about the patterns. So if you’re here you are already on the right track. When you know you can start to do better.
Narcs are everywhere! The risk of meeting another one is huge! The only way to avoid them is to REPEL them, and we can't do that until we project a different "aura". Relationship detox is a must. We shouldn't even date until we're comfortable being on our own. Recognizing patterns is also essential (ours + Narc awareness). I'm not sure I'll ever be Narc-proof, but I'm working very hard on making myself as unattractive as possible as a source of supply!!! The trick is to go from an aura that projects "I want to be loved/wanted" to one that screams "I'm way overqualified for you!". 😅
👏👍🌻”I am way over qualified for you.” 😎
I agree that narcs are everywhere. Some of them love the challenge though and they target overqualified people only to destroy them once they get close.. I usually move slow and observe people over long period of time to make sure they are safe to be around.
I'm not user-friendly and still attract narcissists. UGH.
Haven’t dated anyone.
I have a lot of women as friends, but I’ve never had a girlfriend.
- I always prefer to take my time. That’s the way people did it before and it’s the safest way to get to know somebody.
Usually, people generally show you their stripes after about a year - and there are usually multiple instances of them being terrible to people or abusing/ manipulating.
Don’t ignore red flags. That’s one of the things I’ve learned.
No one is perfect, so I hope that you're not overlooking a really decent woman because of your checklist or worried that what you see is a red flag is actually that, or something of your own creation that keeps you from experiencing life with another.
It’s easy to blame yourself for ending up in toxic relationship after another, and it’s like we tend to miss the red flags because everything seems normal with them. But it’s not about who’s at fault but learning the patterns and to protect yourself and heal from the experiences and find growth.
We see and feel the red flags; however, our conditioning (programming) is to ignore them. We need to immediately "reprogram" our response by telling ourselves, "No, *I'm right*!" And then, quietly and graciously back away/retreat!!! We DO NOT owe anyone an excuse (or messed up apology!!!) Just, bye-bye!!! Vamoose!!!
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. So sick of the victim blaming. And thank you for emphasizing a year break when coming out of a narcissistic relationship. So many people just won't do this. But it's so crucial. If not, they'll find themselves back at square one with even more baggage.
I know this community doesn’t want to hear this but this message is to all empaths: everyone who is selfless start being SELFISH to protect your self from these predators. That is the only way to protect your selves!
❤AGREED 🥂🎉💃💖🥂❤
I'm done with relationships. I was married, 20 years, and he lied/narc the whole time. Now, these men out here lying, gas lighting, trying all these tactics to get you. I'm done. It's not me, it's their lying behinds. I've gone to 2 different therapists and asked "AM I THE NARC?" Nope.
This made me feel so proud of myself. Because I've run away after the very first time the dude has treated me badly. I didn't know what narcissism is, but I got very curious about his motivations and his ability to switch his behaviour that quickly. For me it made no sense to pretend for months that you like someone, and than treat them so badly out of nowhere. So now I'm here, and I've educated myself on the topic. And, most importantly, I stopped blaming myself for not predicting this turn of events and not seeing a monster in him.
Dr Ramani is being nice I would suggest 2 years! Being raised by a psychopath father picking narc was the norm. I met a friend at 5 years old let her go after 60 years a full blown narc. I was reading an old journal the other day complaining about how another narc girl was so entitled and just mean! Back then I had no clue she was a covert narc! BUT all the signs were there. At 68 I’m tired of jumping through hoops, just to be liked! Mann I tell you Dr Ramani rocks! Electric guitar hard!
but like, lets say, evil people, do they think they are doing evil? but they still do evil etc, maybe it comes from trauma, humanity is still here soo its not most people
@@ps123fan one of the narcissist I talked to always told me she was basically evil. .. guess it depends on the narc?
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y really?.. well evil people dont think they do evil, maybe they think ''some people desvere it'' etc but nobody deserves evil, their human too, most people arent evil though she actually said that huh, maybe people do evil out of trauma (most times) certainly i dont think they would want the same done to them, evil solves nothing, it just makes affected people sad, people do evil for money and thats sad, but even they dont do evil 24/7 no one is completely evil, some humans just do evil but it shoud have never happend, people try the whole, is something wrong with society or is it humans in general etc for why evil (the word shoudnt even exist, but we dont live in that world) happens, most people arent though and thats good.
@ yes she would tell me she was not the nice person I thought she was. She turned out to be a covert narc. I haven’t spoken to her in 5 years and I never will. I met her in the 8th grade.
Yes. We have to learn that we are not always going to be someone else's 'cup of tea' and just keep on ploughing though. Nothing personal! (Because from a narc's perspective, it *never* is!) So, let's not take it personally and let's just keep moving on! The rearview mirror is our touchstone.
It took awhile, but I felt less lonely being alone than when I was in antagonistic relationships. I am so comfortable with solitude now that I am not all that interested in looking for another relationship. I'm not not interested but being happy with myself is empowering. I don't fear rejection or being alone and no one can leverage that against me.
Because I grew up with a narc dad, I thought everything was normal.
This: “it feels automatic, reflexive.”
What I wouldn’t give to have had that perfect realization at that time.
I saw every red flag and said "oooo pretty color"
When you notice that most relationships(including platonic) involve some form of dismissive control(related to your own vulnerability), you are indeed a magnet but not just a magnet for narcissistic behaviour patterns.
To burn bright in darkness one will inevitably attract the blood sucking mosquitoes(along with the rest of the spectrum of opportunistic insects) while walking through the swamp.
One must develop their narc mosquito repellent which will taint your supply hopefully at worst poisoning the blood sucker when bitten or at best repelling them entirely.
👏 😂 love the visual metaphor ❤
The best narc repellent is this...
Say “no”. Yep, they can’t stand that word. Another thing is narcs always need compliments, praise, and adoration.
If you see them fishing for praise and waiting for you to agree “oh yes yes, your outfit is gorgeous!”,
Don’t, don’t say anything and watch them look confused, puzzled.
They don’t understand why you aren’t kissing the ground they walk on and looking up to them.
This is how you can spot a narc.
Another thing is they are not smart. Very basic conversations and society que will fly over their head.
For example, the opening of the door.
You may be opening the door for someone else in front of them, but they will walk through instead, head held high and be like (royal kingly attitude) “thank you”.
They don’t realize the door was not for them.
After narc #3, I went to therapy. I also always have issues with narcs at work, so I work from home. This video is speaking to me lol
I discovered HG Tudor, a narcisstic psychopath here on youtube, a year or so ago, and thought he could have been an ex of mine! They sound the same.
I've since decided he's not him, but he's so familiar, and fascinating, and intelligent!.... My father was a narc, and I have attracted sooo many of them in my lifetime. It's the familiarity. I normally get instant red flags when I meet them. They affect my stomach when I'm around them now. I've had 3 narc managers at work, and ended up in emergency after only being at work a few hours one day!
I hear what you’re saying!! I’ve done a lot of healing work realizing my father was a psychopath. Yes the narc was our norm. Sometimes I still question myself… because so many guys have that society ego too. Waving the White flag ! Eyes wide open!
I’m so glad you feel confidant in recognizing the red flags. That’s a good start.
i mean is he, he has a video ''why am i doing this'' etc, do you think a np would have that
I do believe that narcissistic people actively seek out and pursue vulnerable targets. It's not random selection.
Dr Ramani such a wonderful professional but also adorable person
Men’s dating advice is to exploit off of her childhood wounds, childhood traumas, her anxious-attachment style, emotionally abuse her, misinterpret, deny, deflect. They do this because they are _energy vampires_ for women chasing them in any shape or form.
it's because if we are already conditioned/ trained to tolerate what comes with the narcissistic abuse, then the narcissists just wind up with us. As we become aware, we may need to distance ourselves from their meddle in order to fully find ourselves enjoying life again.
Yes I did!
And yes, part of it was me.
The more clear I became with my values, MY value and my no no no🙂↔️ ( boundaries) the healthier my relationships became.
Remember early dating is wondering why someone was single and then finding out the why’s 😉
Could some of our behaviors with men, or people in general, be what we learned from our moms? Some moms are incompetent as moms, and their relationships.
@@jeanie5074Yes and dads too but it's our responsibility to do the work it takes to heal to stop the pattern of abuse. It would not be ok for someone to use their parents as an excuse to abuse someone so why would it be ok to use that as an excuse to stay in a relationship with someone who is repeatedly abusive or to keep getting into relationships with abusive people? It is a lot easier to focus on what's wrong with other people than to focus on what's wrong with ourselves but the latter is necessary if we want to stop the pattern.
I’m a narc magnet 🧲.. staying single ❤
Me to. I'm narc magnet also...CPTSD, BPD, ADHD etc. Shiety childhood with father psychopath narcissist sadist and cold Mather narcisst, bleh 🤮 till now my life is broken from every single side. It's so not fear that one of us can have a normal life and another one shiet.
Me too
Be a narc repellent then market it & take it to the bank
Simple and straightforward. Love it.
@@Wszystko_minie please read the artists way. It really helped me. X
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
No, it's not you!! You're my favorite person in the whole world Dr Ramani
My mind has developed to the point where I can hold two different thoughts--it’s not you, and yes, it’s you. As a child of narcissistic parents I was an innocent victim. As an unhealed inner child acting out in the adult world, I was still an unconscious victim.
When I projected my goodness onto a narcissistic partner, I got the inevitable rude awakening and was a victim of that. At that point I became aware of what was unconscious and I worked on it in therapy and in relationships with people in recovery. I hold my parents accountable for their abuse and I also hold myself responsible for my own health. To me, this seems like the serenity prayer--knowing when I was a victim and when I became a survivor.
Now I have a new meaning for “it’s you” because I’m achieving my goals as a thriver, this time with focused coaching. I love being me. So, I see various interpretations and explanations for the idea of what is and isn’t me.
I have but each time was different traits. I'm getting well educated 😢
Yes they all have their MO. It is just a matter of time the monster comes out
Two twenty-year marriage to people with narcissistic traits, just very different expression. The first one, I was 22 and moved to another country to be with this person. I’d never heard of a narcissist in the way Dr. Ramani lays it out, as a personality style, but I saw patterns in my first marriage and thought I knew how to avoid them. I thought I was doing that in my second marriage, but nope. Now I can see the underlying patterns, no matter what type of narcissist I’m dealing with, because of Dr. Ramani. I honestly think I’m better able to choose wisely, because I’m much more clear about what I want and need in a relationship with another person and I can be up front about it. I’m not cocky though. I know my empathy can blind me.
I now understand why you said a year pause before moving to another relationship, as in these 6 months I can feel me as me, I am getting an idea what life should be.
Nailed it again Dr Ramani! So much truth! ❤
I was not able to evaluate who I was, sadly, until I became enmeshed with a few narcissists and learnt the hard way what I was not and never going to be 🙅🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
One is enough for a lifetime. Not again.
a resounding Yes!
So true! Second husband looked totally different and behaved differently but his attention to me (even sexual) fade away right after our marriage. That was strange, kinda wasn't it to fast to fade away? And yes, these relationships started very fast, very shortly we moved to live together. And yes, red flags started right after we moved together but I didn't want to give up and step back.
I am a religious woman and love my practice, but what Dr. Ramani says is true. When you have a religious dynamic that is traditionally set for marriage, we tend to have an increase in narcissistic possibilities.
I have expereinced at least 4 to be fair, maybe more.
Now, I realize that I am becoming more equipped to seeing early warning signs especially in our community in particular. They tend to try and rush the engagement, not really give you the kind of interest and concern needed to really get to know you, they just want you to committ. They start to act standoffish when you refuse their offers and constant gifts, to the point of where you realize this whole act is all manipulation not true interest in me as a possible mate.
Narcs are known for rushing you into their hidden agenda. Always expecting blind acceptance
Thank you! I was told enough times "well, you are the common denominator" enough times when I was just sharing how hard it was answering their question (what happened with this or that partner/friend I'm no longer with), that I began telling myself that and started to believe in the problem etc etc etc.
I see some people getting their own victim supply out of being in toxic relationships. Ignoring all friends and family advise to get out but still bragging about everything they endure. They know it's wrong or else they wouldn't make a big scene about it. Those are the ones I judge
I would never date again if I was young again but spend my time on befriending myself… looking back from 66 now I can see they simply got more covert as well as sicker. Sociopathy is everywhere these sad days so learn to discern by getting to know yourself from the inside out. Then you may find that you don’t need to have a partner around because you’re finally happy with who you are
my first goal was not to marry; but after an emotional illness I got involved with someone I wish I hadn't.
thats kind of crazy of a human to say
You are spot on. Today we call this no dating movement the 4B movement, and it's helping so many women and girls.
How about when you've been in a narc relationship, became enlightened and left the relationship,....and became a TARGET of narcs thereafter. I don't attract narcs because I quickly identify them now. And they know it. So now......new managers at work, new coworkers....when they are narcs they quickly zero in on me and WANT ME GONE because they see me as a threat. What do you do now???
I have had this same experience! I wonder if it's because they somehow sense that we're on to them, and they see us as a challenge, and/or a threat, like you said?
I'm so sick of it! It's incredibly tiring to come up against these types of people again and again. 😒
@@christinelamb1167 Hm, I just had the same experience at my last workplace. Actually the whole group was narcissistic. And I would say a half of the entire facility in which I worked. Either narcissistic or psychopathic, or both.
I left after two years. Starting a new job in about a month. I am already traumatized by so many narcissists and psychopaths that I had to deal with throughout my work experience and through my romantic relationships, although the latter I didn't have many, only a few, but traumatizing. It is sooo nice to be alone. On a long term I am thinking of trying to find a job that allows me to work exclusively from home so that I can avoid co-workers. I don't wont to deal with that type of people any more, but they seem to be everywhere.
Yeahhh love feels good, not shrinkage ... knowing myself more intimately through new frequencies. . ... major recalibration goin on with most folk it seems ❤❤❤
As someone who went through 2 narcissistic relationships, that was very soothing to hear, despite already spending 2 years in therapy. Of course I was raised in alcoholic, narcissiistic dysfunctional family system, which is why such toxic patterns where familiar and why I attracted them in my life.
Nevertheless, the problem nowadays seems there are a lot of unhealthy people out there with whom healthy relationships are impossible. It is like we live in a pandemic of emotional unavailability. Yes, there are only about 10% of narcissistic people. But there are also about 25% of avoidantly attached people (and about the same for anxiously attached) who are just as hard or, in severe cases, even toxic to have relationships with. Many healthy, secure people are already partnered up. What is left? Among single people, I would estimate that percentages go way up. Where does one find a healthy, secure person to build something with or at least someone self aware enough that is willing to work on themself and the relationship? No one is perfect, but at least having some self awareness and ability to take accountability is a must.
If people would just stop using each other the world would be so much better off. I think using another person is so deeply ingrained as conditioning, for people, that it's very difficult to shed that.
That's like saying , if everyone would just stop being toxic. It's being normalized every day. No accountability, no remorse, no guilt, no shame, no empathy, no genuineness
but at work people use eachother but its to help more humans, (where its bad is how some have so much more money than others, and poverty etc) releationships are give and take, if ai took most jobs though what would happen, but humans still have to maintain that, humans have always had drama since we've existed
My recent ex actually said "If everyone treated you this way, maybe it's you that's the problem." My first husband, I was stalked and threatened into marriage at gunpoint. My third husband just showed up in Kentucky from Vermont with no money to return
Why I felt guilty, I can't explain. This last one was cheating on his ex, and I thought he just wasn't happy and was looking for love. They weren't married. He has 6 kids by four women, none of which he was married to. I found out after I ended it, eleven years later, he's never lived alone in his life. He's sixty!
i think it said weapons got made by ''rebels'' but they really shoudnt exist in the first place, the entire species is not bad though, but some are.
how like.. legit you got treathend? sounds like the person wanted a good self image or social status for a group, that first h was a bad person i assume
I was about to raise this question tomorrow in my therapy session..
Damn sure, I'm gonna get my answers here ❤
Thank you, Dr Ramani 😊
Are narcissists drawn to humble people?
I am 33 years old and I have never dated anyone. I don’t have anybody to miss, so that’s good. I have never downloaded any dating apps and don’t ever want to. I am not experienced in that area AT ALL. No one wants to end up alone, though. I have been very introverted pretty much ALL MY LIFE and I don’t go out much, so that’s why I’ve always been single. I am also not on any social networks, I used to be on Twitter (X) and Facebook, that would be all, I think. Never been on Instagram. I’m on YT. I would follow Doctor Ramani. I’m just not ready to join them again. To be quite honest, I don’t see myself dating ANYTIME SOON. I won’t ignore the red flags, but dating? Not for me! God bless you all! Thank you for all your videos, Doctor Ramani! I hope people are kind and sweet to you. Kind regards from Brazil!
'' drawn to humble people'' but like woudnt it make sense to treat someone kind and not bad like soo many of these nc videos say. thats weird, some people externalize their dislike i guess, no one likes everything about someone else, not even themselves/ourselves unless your talking about god i guess, religious people say god created us cause he wanted to share life with us, but ever since the garden it all went bad, not everything is bad though ofc
for me it keeps happening because I’m an attractive late-diagnosed autistic woman. i have always been swept up by the love bombing because i’ve always been incredibly trusting and desperately in need of acceptance from someone after being socially ostracized for my autistic mannerisms. i thoroughly believe autistic people have the highest rates of repeated narcissistic abuse.
❤me too ❤
Many friendships!
I've been detoxing for about 9 years now.. haha
I know that’s right lol
I've been since 2018 (or earlier considering I refused to intimately engage with my ex the last year of "togetherness".) I don't fell as thought I am missing *anything*. I have felt zero connection with anyone since on my own. So nobody worth pursuing. These years have given me a good amount of time, and counting, to evolve myself. Where I stand right now, I don't believe there'll ever be room for anyone new in my life. All the closets and rooms in my place are full of my stuff, haha...And, I love that my life is not complicated by someone else's (or their extended family's) b.s. I'm not bitter, but I admit maybe I need to evolve more. Or, not! Maybe I have it right, after all!
13 years
I'm surrounded by the bastsrds
Actually l was in a good place in my life. About to begin a great uni degree. I was 19 years old. I was independent, l had goals. But my nasty older sister manipulated me , along with her husband, who is our uncles son. They coerced me into marrying my ex. Who is also a cousin. It took me 26 years , and 4 adult girls later. I broke free. No contact. 3 of my adult daughters have been turned against me. I have been ostracised from family siblings and community. I'm now an ex Muslim. Thank God, l have left this cult. That l was born into. This happened to me in a first world country. You think it wouldn't happen. Unfortunately it still continues.
I had several... climaxing with a certified psychopath. Never share your past experiences- the narcissists go through a mental checkbox system, like "oh I can't do that one, oh he'll know that, oh that one will make it obvious" etc. They bring a whole new kettle of fuck to the table.
I thought it was me, and those others made me feel so, but when I stepped back and saw the denominator was not me as entity, but the exploitative behaviour and scummy similarities of "stage shows" with different scripts in each relationship, it was a morose but acceptable closure.
thank you for making this video. the vast majority of my narcissistic trauma has been from being groomed by narcissistic men. i often feel your videos cover narcissism too broadly for me and others who have largely experienced narcissism on a chosen-relationship basis.
There has to be something about me. Had a break up today. One toxic relationship after another. And every time, it's "Im unlovable. Something is wrong with me." I really don't want to try this ever again.
A narcissist creates a strong toxic magnetic field and attracts things. So you don't need to blame yourself for being a narcissist magnet. 😉
Thank you Dr Ramani for all that you do ! ❤
Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
I think I do it again because that’s all I’ve known. It is normal for me. It’s all I know. I’ve never had love. My mom and my ex. I don’t trust myself or others
I have being out a physical contact with husband 👿. I am 21 years recovering from the disturbed nerves. Thanks Dr. Ramani for sharing and caring. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙏🙏
I've been in 3. 1 was a typical narc, next was with a narcissistic psychopath, & last was a narc...he was the fundamental xtian variety.
Thank you ❤, I needed this
Omg thank you so much for saying that at the end doctor Ramani 🙏
It’s like u know what I needed today. Thank you Doc. Hope u have a happy and healthy holiday. 🤟🏻
Thanks!
Thank you for choosing different than those who survivor blame and shame
Dr Ramani nails it again!!!
This Helped! 😭
Isolation is also a military tactic not just narc one. Russia is trying very hard to isolate Ukraine from NATO, to deprive them from support.
I love living alone...period. I don't trust anyone because I test them out. First date: Go camping when it rains. Test their ability to handle problems.....
They are EVERYWHERE. Ying and yang ☯️.
It's 50% negative people and 50% positive. Now we call the negatives narcissistic.
Beware extroverted people. They appear positive but they are generally negative inside.
Keep fighting.
Beware extroverted people. They appear positive but they are generally negative inside hmm... really... arent most positive though extrovert or introvert in interaction but nc might be different
Because extroverts have NOTHING on the INSIDE
Yes! I have guessed that about 9 out of 10 males and 5 out of 10 women are narcissistic. So that is about 50% of any random person you meet is a narc.
Yes! I guess about 9 of 10 ex-whys and 5 of 10 women are narcissistic, so about 50% of people as a whole.
They have a problem for every solution.
I am codependent with crippling ADHD that I cant use stimulants to treat. The narcissist can take on the caretaking that keeps me dependent on their presence in my life. My covert malignant narc.. that was a disastrous thing. An overt narcissist, although sometimes unpleasant and frustrating, is like my best friend, who I have limited daily contact(seperate houses). Ill always have narcs in my life until i heal the part of me that still cant stand completely alone on my own two feet. Become self aware..you arent always a victim. Sometimes, you are the one using them as they benefit from you simultaneously
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I like the advice of what you said in this video as we do not give ourselves a relationship physical to avoid getting into narcissistic relationships.
So many at the workplace its not funny because, for me it's an environmental issue. The narcissistic environment is using the empathetic environment with ease. Good bye honesty. The search for honesty will become less by a defensive environment and the social people we are will not be happy with us keeping to ourselves.
I have to respectfully disagree that 10% is way too low, I am 65 years old and I would say the number is probably closer to 30% of the population is narcissistic.
its kind of interesting cause when everyone is a baby, everyone is just a baby, but then negative stuff between humans happen, for some reason
@@ps123fanapparently experts can pick a psychopath as early as 2 years old. I believe there is genetics underlying.
@@BunnyRabit-yo3lx its interesting, on '' war before civization'' soo its almost some genetics are a remenant from back then but it was more group dynamics rather than solo
Thank you such in-depth analysis of it’s not you , and providing reassurance, moreover giving us some guidelines on self evaluation n introspection and relying on that intuition or gut feeling if it feels off , to walk away. Thank as always your videos are so helpful, please do share update on workshop on guidelines required for introspection n evaluation of relationships to avoid getting trapped into it
As you stated before, 1 out of 6 people have narcissistic personality traits. So not too difficult to stumble upon one of those. And when you come from a highly narcissistic family you often have already met more than 1 early in life. By suffering from severe trauma later in life I also learned, that in our hedonistic western world probably most people have some serious narcissistic character traits since a lot of them, even closest friends and family, tend to let you down in times of distress. And those who stay often reveal their true colours by trying to take advantage from your vulnerable situation. Be it sexually, financially or otherwise. Similar to people that newly come into your life and notice your adverse life circumstances. Even studies back up that realisation: Trauma survivors are prone to be 4 times more likely to get victimised again than non-victims. This is also, why I have almost completely withdrawn from social life. I know what some people are up to and did to me or tried to do that have oh so decent manners and an oh so good reputation on the outside. And it is also, what I criticise about our today's therapy paradigms: That the therapeutical community wrongly assumes, that the victim's protection mode is some irrational post-traumatic stress disorder. No, we just know about how many predators are really out there.
yes, twice - then I learned my lesson: the only common thing in them was me. I take total resposibility of my choices, staying, waiting..hoping. Had to think why? Found the answers in my abusive childhood.
Unresolved childhood issues.
You find someone like your mom/dad and try and fix them…
You’re welcome: 😁
Yes, sometimes called Repetition Compulsion. It's not your fault. You were a child. Unhealed, your inner child will keep trying to fix it in adulthood. Repairing the attachment wound has helped me.
@ - Not my fault: perhaps. But I still have to deal with all the damage and ruin. FTW
nope," it's not you."
😊
Every friend I ever had was a Narcissist. It was like each friend had a piece of my mother in them. Now, I have no friends, which is sad. 😢
Thanks for always providing insightful and helpful information!
I stopped dating. Problem solved!😂
There are simply too many energy vampires, emotionally immature and self centered people out here to risk having emotional upheaval occur due to connecting with the wrong person.
Ive decided to be very selective about where , when and to whom I share my energy. It frustrates certain types of people-which tells me those are the exact ones to avoid.😂
Im polite, kind and empathic, but Ive given up on most people for this life cycle. Ive decided to focus on helping vulnerable people ( especially seniors) and on my own spiritual development and healing so that I reduce the chances of having to repeat in another life cycle ( if there is such a thing).
When the Sadist and Masochist become best friends.
It's usually NPD and BPD.
I'm like that. all the men I've had in relationships have been sadists and NPD. I'm a masochist and have BPD. You're both right
It really depends on how you definere the terms sadist and masochist. In kink, what’s sometimes called a sadist/masochist relationship is more accurately called dominant/submissive and it’s a negotiated and re-negotiated exchange of power so both parts get something they really want and need in the relationship, usually in sexual role play and limited to to that role play. That has nothing to do with narcissists. That kind of power exchange will not work with a narcissist, because they are not conciously playing a role for mutual gratification
As far as NPD and BPD go, a person with BPD would likely be more vulnerable to any kind of narcisst, not just one with NPD. Nobody in that relationship is really getting anything they want, for long in that relationship, at least not for long.
As someone who really enjoys the submissive role, I’ve had to learn to be extremly careful and choosy about a dominant. It doesn’t seem to me that this conversation has anything to do with what Dr. Ramani is talking about.
Some of us are autistic/ND/learning difficulties, so some of us are indeed narc magnets. I think distinctions should be made, but also to factor in neurodivergency, because our slower processing actually makes us targets. Those with boundless amounts of empathy too! I feel like some of these videos, are for specific audiences of people and while that is fine, please make that clear.
i read like, everyone's a little bit autistic, woudnt you say hobbies people have kind of are, times goes into it etc, certainly most hobbies people have are probably made by autistics like computer or TV lol those arent hobbies per se, by themselves, but time went into making it, then you might aswell say talking is autistic lol or most activities humans do
A tree can be made to grow sideways if is bent slowly and deliberately enough. Anyone can be drawn in - unless they are one themselves.
The point is that this vulnerability start when you where young in the family. So that environment was your normal and you missed honest love. But finding that you attacked to people who are the same as your family. I have been there for almost 57 years. Then I was lucky, first the brain stopped working and started at 0 and for almost a year the past was not available, second to be become functional again I used Internet and found this subject. With these two things I learned a lot and became stronger and able to recognise these evil creatures and don’t spend energy in their needs anymore
It took me over 2 years to detox from a nine month relationship with a narc. (I was on top of my game when I met him, he enjoyed destroying me... Almost)
I'm glad I took so much time for myself.
I'm now dating a wonderful man.
We've been together for almost 6 months and I think I'm finally in a somewhat healthy relationship.
I have to admit my eyes are still wide open and sometimes I have seen red flags that weren't there.
But it's possible to stop falling into the cycle.
This man hasn't tried to sweep me off my feet, he hasn't told me he loves me or we're soul mates.
He has expressed an appropriate amount of affection and attention but there's no drama.
I'm still waiting inside for the mask to come off because I'm damaged.
But it actually seems like this guy is just a normal guy. Not perfect, but not a narc.
But I have to say it's strange to not have all the emotional drama and the constant negativity. You'd think I'd say "it's great" and I'm sure I'll get there, but it's uncomfortable and weird. Idk how to act sometimes with all of this peace and just every day even tempered relationship. Lol
Dr. Ramani please please 🙏 talk about narcissistic personality and the targeting of autistic people, because I see it soooooooooo much in my community.
O.m.g., are you listening to my thoughts? I was approached last week and I realized within 15 minutes.The girl was a complete narcissist, Walking away I thought, "what is wrong with me?"
@1mikewalsh, She probably liked your looks. That might be all it was, since she wouldn't know that quickly whether or not you'd be easy for her to dominate or manipulate. Good job on your part!
What was your biggest mistake?
Having a relationship? Love?
Wasn't your fault they were in it for other reasons....
A year to detox and get them out of your head is a good start...
You don't attract narcissists. You accept them.
I sure do love you 🥰
It just means there’s more out there than a winning lottery ticket. Unfortunately.
Thank you Dr. Ramani ❤ your words of wisdom come at the perfect time for me. I find myself isolating even when i know at my core i have always wanted a loving marriage. Someone to walk through this world with. I think i can handle the basic "hard" challenges of a relationship, after enduring 10 years of a covert malignant narcissistic husband, every other problem seems to pale in comparison or at the very least, ive already been there and forgiven that. So why am i holding back..i believe its because i havent forgiven myself and a big part of me doesnt t 19:28 trust myself. That's what it all comes down to... To know thyself and to thyself be true ❤ if we can love and care for ourselves and trust ourselves..what is there really to fear
Thank you Dr. Armani🫶🏻
I believe that actually people are attracted to narcissists. Or qualities often associated with them (superficial charm, power, status, money, charisma...) let's be honest these people are (at first) seductive, attractive... They seem good at first. And 10% of the population means... That there are millions of narcissists out there.
I was told when a person thinks they are narcissistic, they usually are….been told I’m too sensitive, I overthink and I’m imagining things that never happened or were never said…that I’m weak and these are signs of being a narcissist. I’ve come to terms I’m the narcissist. I self sabotage, have developed an autoimmune disorder and developed extreme anxiety. Lost every job in the past two 3 years from severe depression. Being a narcissist has destroyed me. And it just came about out of nowhere… wishing for a cure. But from what I read narcissist don’t get that chance 😢
@Fyh685, Please don't put a label on yourself. Consider WHO is telling you that you are too sensitive, or imagining things. Might they have an agenda?? You don't need to let other people define you. Keep watching Dr. Ramani for some clarity on your personal situation.
Sounds to me you are being beaten down by a pretty crappy person...
@@Thedisgardedoptimist , I agree with you. @Fy685, There are two of us on here commenting to you who hope you won't let yourself be beaten down! ❤
Why do you think you are a narcissist? If you are, you are very self aware. You could try a therapist but choose someone experienced. Helping others or doing something creative seems to be the cure to most problems in life.
@@Thedisgardedoptimist I think she is just sad or possibly it’s the only way she knows how to communicate
Just opened this, and haven’t listened but the labeling, well it feels like we need to be careful labeling.
People can be in bad places in life going through extremely hard circumstances and can be “misdiagnosed.”
Of course we can feel and think because of the symptoms that someone looks like they’re a narcissist, but we have to be mindful that we can be wrong that our perception can be wrong. Although it’s good to listen and learn but diagnosing, we need to leave to professionals because we can’t be wrong.
Not true imo. If you are on the receiving end of repeated sadistic behaviour it's OK to speculate about their diagnosis as narcissists will rarely go for a diagnosis unless forced by the courts. Also, if you have spent many years with them you have more experience of them than you can ever relay to a counsellor. Taking a stab at diagnosing them is to save your own sanity. Labels serve a purpose. It's especially important because the behaviour they exhibit is really different forms of domestic violence.
sounds like you lived through it 😞
Hope you are healing 🙏
Nice lady book promoter 😂😂love it and already read it❤
I've definitely been in more than I care ..to the point where I don't trust my own judgement,my father was one,so it feels familiar.
Read the book "Dating Radar" so you don't re-partner a narc.
OH, yes! First a grandiose, then a covert. Then u get yourself a PhD in psychophatology😅
You need to be very careful with people with a PhD. They even admit that they are problematic. Look at doctors and lawyers. Really anyone with these advanced degrees.