Is Your Addicted Loved One's CONSTANT MANIPULATION, Making You Crazy?
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- Опубликовано: 14 сен 2022
- Learn to quickly identify the 3 main manipulation styles used by people with addictions to drugs and/or alcohol. Sometimes they're nice, other times they're angry, and occasionally they're vulnerable with you. It's such an emotional rollercoaster, it's hard to know which way is up. Being able to identify what type of manipulation you're dealing with quickly will allow you to make strategic decisions on how to respond.
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My man is the charmer. it very hard to break away bc he is so good at this
Our son has played all these personas, but Charmer is his main character. Currently he hasn’t been talking to us (husband and I) because we aren’t playing the game and he has become frustrated with us. We have set boundaries as no more financial help. We had to take the car, owned by us, and found out he was driving high and using the car to make his drug deals. We have stopped listening to the “charm”.
Manipulative vulnerability from the user…. 😢 I never even saw it, instead, I believed him bc I wanted his sobriety soo much.
It's a sneaky one!
He will literally scream at us about things we do but he’s listing off the things He is doing. He’s so beyond twisted. Fixing him is not my job!!!! I’m done with his bull shit self inflicted misery!
Amen..
So dang spot on!!! I have seen all of these techniques!! And fallen for most of them....🙄🥺
You'll definitely be ready for it next time! 😜
I have an unemployed relative who is in the process of reapplying for disability. She currently receives housing and nutrition benefits. She constantly asks me to send her money for gas, car insurance, etc. She can be very nice, but often gets mean when I don't help. I want no part of helping her be behind the wheel because of her past struggles with prescription drugs. She tells me she is not taking certain medications anymore so insists she is safe to drive. I'm so disappointed her primary doctor doesn't do something to discourage/prevent her from driving. After a dangerous drug combo that affected her breathing a few months ago, the ER doctor said she should not be driving. Yet her primary doctor just talked to her and told her not to take benzos with opiates. She claims she is listening to him and really needs to drive to be able to get to various doctor appointments (she has kidney disease and arthritis). I have bought her shoes, cleaning supplies, etc to try to help. But she is making me feel awful for not helping her with car-related expenses and other bills and says I don't trust her. I want her to feel hopeful, valued and encouraged. I don't know what to do because I live far away from her.
What is the science behind why an alcholic repeats themselves over and over? I've heard the same stories 100s of times and he acts like it's the first time, every time. Is this a sign of serious cognitive decline?
It’s because alcohol slows down your thinking to the point that the person says abd thinks the same thing over and over
Nailed it!
this video is exactly what I've needed! thank you! when do you post new videos where you bring people on?
@@kansasmcgahan5523 thanks 😃
@@nancyspianostudio2433 hi Nancy, I do the live shows on Thursdays at 1 pm (eastern)
I cannot stand the confused persona. Playing dumb when they're confronted with being asked to take accountability for their actions
Yeah it is one of the most aggravating things. Someone playing confused, or dismissing you and facts
This is so hard to listen to so resignates with me I just wish all people in addition and their loved ones that one day we will all be OK and free off the addiction that we all suffer not just the person with it but all their loved ones too.
All of this is so helpful to me as recognize some of these behaviors in the addicted people in my family. This gives me so much clarity and understanding. Thank you so much.
Brilliant video, dead on, as usual. It seems that this is about my experience, word for word.
My husband let me go through a couple of years of trying to figure out the problem. First I though he was stressed from work, which is legit. Then I thought he was depressed and I helped him get on meds. Then the meds leveled off and I decided it must be about me - I wasn’t being a good wife, supportive, attentive etc. After all of that didn’t work, it finally occurred to me - he’s an alcoholic! 🤦🏻♀️ It finally made sense.
More on boundaries: 👉🏻👉🏻ruclips.net/video/f-gq_N1cEFo/видео.html
I love this channel! I just wish I could find help for myself. Thank you for work!
What kind of help are you looking for Alan?
This may seem cynical, but if I was dating an alcoholic, I would seriously hesitate on moving in together, getting engaged, and especially getting married. They can change for the worse when the courtship phase is over and they think they “have” you… even if they love you. Sorry. Thank you for doing these videos, Amber 🙏🏼
That's no cynical. It's realistic!
Ty for this comment . I am currently dating someone who I just found out has a drinking problem ( his mom told me). I’m not sure what to do . We don’t live and are 2 hours away. I really like him but I don’t want to become a drinking buddy. Mind you I don’t drink, I will have one or 2 mixed drink or a beer. But didn’t know he had a problem. I’m so sad because I like a lot . Where am I headed if I stay?
@@jenniferdavila3146I was in your same boat. Except he lives 5 minutes from me. I didn’t know he drank until I started to like him. I’m very lonely, so I like hanging out. We’re not drinking buddies - they will always have a reason to drink. It’s unbelievable.
you are good! thank you
You are awesome!
You are!
I definitely get the anger defense, but when that doesn't work I get the confused. He often says he isn't very smart. He is a very intelligent person, it's so scary and then frustrating
Ya, I don't know is the answer I get to just about everything
Alcohol is a smytom of depression and anxiety, I wouldn't have thought it was the other way around
SAD persona totally got me!
Unfortunately I'm not gonna be able to watch this til later tonight, but just listening to your intro, I know I'm gonna need this advice!
After 2 years of my son on the streets (addicted to fentanyl) and another year and half prior to that on and off this drug, I had been doing really well with handling his manipulation tactics for AT LEAST a year.
But over the past few months I've fallen right back into his traps. I dunno WHAT the hell happened to cause me to do this because I absolutely KNOW his m/o and I'm struggling wicked hard with why I've been allowing it!! 😫
Last Friday, I DID reset a coupla boundaries, and thank God I've stuck to them (and God willing I'll continue to stay strong).
Have you run across this with clients before, where they definitely know the manipulations, and do really well at shutting them down for a while, but suddenly "relapse"??
I'm just very confused why after all this time I reverted and I'm absolutely pissed off at myself for this!!!
It happens to all of us, Jennifer. A lot of it has to do with how much emotional energy we have. When we're running low on emotional energy, it's easy to fall back into old habits. Don't beat yourself up! I still fall for manipulation and I've been doing this for a VERY long time!
@@PutTheShovelDown thanks for the reassurance 😁
Keep going. Your life is worth just as much and you deserve to be happy. Sending love it is so so hard.
Adderall and alcohol! Please mention this in one of your videos. We both have adhd but I don't misuse it and didn't am not a alcoholic so I don't act foolish on it. We have went through hell bc of it.
This video might help: ruclips.net/video/r2afhkz0fMk/видео.html
How would you know if these behaviors are addiction related (with for sure addiction) OR if they're possibly Narcissistic or high in Narcissism traits?? I'm very concerned that I could be dealing with a narcissist but that could be because I had a near past covert narcissist relationship so idk how to tell the difference.
Same here... still don't know the answer
I'm confused about your Thursday Live. To be able to interact with you, I need to be on Facebook or youtube? Comments section isn't available to me during the Live on youtube?
Hi Shelly, I'm sorry we missed you on the LIVE video. You should be able to interact with me in the chat section if you're watching on RUclips or our main FB page. We're you able to be on during the time I was Live?
I was watching live but I was jumping back and forth between FB and RUclips trying to interact. I don't see a chat option on youtube when you're live but it could be the device I was using. I'll try again next week.
@@shellyhull5663 On RUclips you’ll see the chat button to the right of the thumbs up and thumbs down buttons.
Would you agree with directing a person who is agreeing to help towards AA?
Mr Charmer begets Mr Sad begets Mr Confused.
So ridiculous
Wow! My friend has all the first three personas. He is a master manipulator .... How do you deal with these manipulations. Just ignore? It is pretty difficult to do that and often makes it worse from my experience.
Please tell me addicts know they are loved by their families my sister drank alone in her flat after two detoxes she normaly came back to us for a while this time she carried on drinking do you think the hospital staff said something to her she would not tell us I’m devastated I love her so much this was five weeks ago she was so lovely.
Is enforcing a boundary ever counterproductive?
Can you do a video about opiate withdrawal and why people withdrawing from opiates are so angry. And is that the same for other addictions?
Why Does Opiate Withdrawal Make You Angry?
How do I answer when she says you are my problem ,don’t live with me, has a dog is sad and alone most of the time .What do I do?
Take a look at this video. I think it might help: ruclips.net/user/liveG0LH6KJLJcA
Where does the convenient religious manipulator fall in personas??? Addicts (spouses & teen/young adults) play to deflect and coherse so their financial dependency is not withdrawn.
Drama triangle.. persecutor victim accuser.. what about transactional analysis? Ego states.. what ego state is the one with issue with alcohol? Rebellious child? Either way they are great manipulators
I don't know is my 28 yr old boyfriend answer for a lot of things.😳