Is Letting An Addict (or Alcoholic) Live With You A Major Mistake?
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- Опубликовано: 2 ноя 2022
- You don't want to leave them homeless, but you're not sure what's the right decision. Is it enabling you to allow someone with an addiction to live with you? Is it harmful to others?
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Learn how to set Healthy Boundaries With Someone Who Has An Addiction 👉🏻👉🏻 ruclips.net/video/40fZyoCz8xU/видео.html
Thank you 🙏🏼
We let a family member live with us on 3 separate occasions and I feel like it made things so much worse. All the drama and chaos they put our family through made me resent them to the point where I don’t care if they get better or not and that makes me feel horrible.
My 42 alcoholic daughter was living with me and she started yelling at me and calling me terrible names and then started punching me. I told her she had to leave but she refused. I called the police and she was arrested.
Now my daughter hasn't talked to me in a year and hates me. She takes NO responsibility for what she did. My heart is broken. So be careful.
In my opinion, you did the right thing. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but YOU MATTER too.
You did what was right take care of yourself first. Until she comes to term with her addiction, nothing will change. You can only hold love caring and healing to her in your heart .
It is ALWAYS A MAJOR MISTAKE to allow any addicted person live with you. Never ever allow an addict into your space if you don’t want it taken overl.
I totally agree! I met him in a spectracare when I was 86 pounds 5 foot 8 looked like I was dying, neighbors asked if I was dying from cancer. Court ordered me to facility to gain to normal weight, listed me " temporary break". He was lifelong drug addict, promised me he'd quit: I never used drugs. He's back on illegal drugs. Never move in with lifelong drug addict if you are ...non..drug user. I agree.
My 35 year retirement pay hasn't come yet, so I live however I survive legally. Why I live with my opposite...and suffer.
99% of alcoholics think it’s not a drug. Don’t separate these drugs
Totally agree. It's most definitely a drug! 💯
In talking about the addict being in the home. I am a single mama with a 19 year old son who has been very violent along with his severe addiction to meth and fentanyl. He also has bipolar 1 disorder, of which he has self-treated with drugs since he was 12. He has severely traumatized my 16 year old daughter, myself, and my home. He actively smokes fentanyl off of foil in my home, extremely toxic! Also brings strangers into my home to do these toxic drugs. This has always been a fight. I have recently kicked him out after years and years of struggling with this in my home. I’ve done everything humanly possible to help him stabilize. He does not want to go to treatment and definitely does not want to be institutionalized again. He is sick enough that I could have him mandatory sent to the hospital but hard to catch him as he doesn’t remain in one location for any amount of time… There is no waiting for an eviction at this point, more like restraining order type deal… it’s very hard because he has struggled since birth and my heart is broken for him… just sharing my story. Any insight is always welcome.
I was 19 when my mom threw me out. It was hard for her and it became very hard for me. Sink or swim. I swam. Meeting me today you would never think i used to chase drugs motel hop and sleep outside under a boat on a trailer. Cut him loose.
@@chriscasper5114bless you
All Our love to you for trying to help your son. Yet, you must survive. It is possible he or his drug friends may hurt or kill you while out of their head. I wish you well.
I didn't know what a meth pipe looked like. I asked my housemate," what's this glass thing?" HIS reply," it's a glass fitting for a high powered hose, for construction. " I googled description and read," meth pipe". I trashed his pipe. Second time, I found another meth pipe hidden, I quietly trashed it too. Thanks google!
Yes! Do not let them in they will ruin you. I tried to help a friend and the behavior is a nightmare. My home is suffering damage as well as my life they do t care about you they are above you in a fake world they live in
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I feel as if giving love and empathy and compassion is key (within boundaries)! And, staying positive and encouraging is making a difference! I hope and pray everyday. 🙏🏼❤️
Sending my prayers too! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I tried that route she's pregnant and still drunk they don't care
My husband would not get help. Every chance he got, he would shoot down a new conviction to get help. After a serious drunken episode landed him in er, he then, agreed to detox. When he was coming out, he asked if he would be welcomed back home. I said, no, because, I needed him to truly commit to getting help. He hasn't been home since. He did later announce he would be coming home at one point, but, it was an unrepentant announcement, with demands and lots of crazy talk, and, he still had not gotten any help. So, I got a protection order against him. We have three kids still at home.. While he was here, he was very abusive towards me and his children.
Good for you, for setting a healthy boundary
So sad.
Very enlightening! We were in this position about five years a go with a drug and alcohol addicted brother who asked to come live with us because he was thrown out of a friends house who had had enough. We said no because we wont have addicts in the home or keep company with them He had caused terrible trouble all his life and stole from and assaulted my husband. He had a long list of felonies yet his family were angry at us for not taking him in. He eventually moved in with an old girlfriend and made her miserable. Less than a week ago he was found dead of an opioid overdose. We will not be attending the funeral.
Wow !
Sounds like you made the right decision!
I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry that he didn’t found help, I’m sorry that this disease hurt all of you, am sorry for your lost. I hope he found peace and that your family heal from this awful moment. This is a suggestion, you could have a conversation with his girlfriend remembering something good about him. May help to probably stop this circle in the family and find forgiveness. My prayers for you.
Why not attend the funeral? His problems are over and his sins paid, for.
Amanda, you are the first person I've seen with my story. Wow! Keep pressing on and fighting the good fight. Amber, I'm so grateful for you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom to help others.
I am a mom to a 31 year old daughter.
She was without a roof over her head, and I told her, "Honey, you can just stay with me until you find a place of your own.
4 months later, I realized she was severely addicted to alcohol.
The next 2 months after my discovery, it ended in a traumatic situation for both of us,
She had a psychosis one night, and I had to call the police because there were no other options.
My daughter ran out the door and broke her leg.
Now she is in the hospital, and from the hospital, she texted me the most horrific messages blaming me for everything and hoped I would just die.
My heart is broken.
I am constantly having catastrophe thoughts, constantly thinking, 'will she survive her addiction?'
Guilt and shame have replaced my blood and now run through my veins.
I can't sleep, and I am now on medicine to survive the day.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ .... for you
You just said so many things my heart has felt before.
I have half solved it with bi weekly therapy (long term therapy ) + grieving him.
Coming to terms with the fact he likely won’t survive his addiction, working through his death with my therapist and genuinely grieving him.
In the beginning what REALLY helped was muting the ‘problem contact’ on my phone. That way, I saw what was sent on my own time not when my adult child was spinning and looking to engage . That way I could choose how to respond / not respond
Sending you hugs 🫶🏼
How are you doing today ?
I continue to sing your praise and refer you to others suffering from the chaos addiction brings. Thank you Amber for sharing your knowledge. ❤Candice
people choose getting drunk or high is easy moving forward seems to be difficult , I think I would like to be excited about something again , going straight is something to get excited about
It sure is Brad!
Amber I loved this video!! Wow I can’t believe how much I learned. My addicted loved one has been to rehab multiple times in the last two or three years and every time coming out of rehab, that’s where the problem starts all over again. It’s just a vicious cycle now I know something new and some ideas to help with a sense of purpose . great video🎉🎉🎉
😁😁😁😁That's awesome! Thank you so much for your kind feedback, MsBlueDahlia!
I wish I heard this a LONG time ago! Great podcast!
Thanks Nancy, Glad you enjoyed it!😁😁
This was very helpful. Thank you
So glad!
Replay. Much needed information.
Thanks Debra!
Alcohol is a drug!! not only that it’s the strongest most destructive drug there is on family’s
All depends on the drug they use. How you react.
I really think you need to have had a addiction to have an idea.
You can’t rule on someone with a addiction. Because is will cause a bigger addiction every time.
The pain a addiction can cause is bigger then you could understand
They’ll only hate you for judging them.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
"You can’t rule on someone with a addiction. Because is will cause a bigger addiction every time." So, that means someone else--and not the addict--is the cause of escalating an addiction?
Thanks!
Wow, thanks Claudiast11! 😁😁💖💖💖
Listened to Perry's book. Really eye opening. Lots you had already expanded upon.
Matthew Perry
Rest is Peace Matthew
Wow these are all the thoughts that I have. My ex wants me to move in his home that he is buying that is $839k. Beautiful and lovely big house in MD. I have my own townhome that’s only 300k. We have children but I will not move in unless he has a sponsor, therapist or rehab counselor because it can all go down hill. People don’t understand but I do. I even said get help before you give me my 8k engagement ring. He has had the ring for 4 months now. SMH. He is in denial and won’t get help so I’ll stay living in my means for my children and I. His addictions are coke, gambling, alcohol and PCP. He think he is not an addict because he makes a lot of money with businesses. I can’t tell him nothing and I feel like his mother likes him like that to always need her. It’s all scary & hurtful. 😢
My 34 yr old daughter has been drinking for 15 yrs and I've been suffering too with it but last 2 yrs, she has been rehabbed and relapsed now 6 times and always come back to my house. She now sobers up a couple months, relaped for a week, texts and calls me the worst names, my fault etc... Now she goes to the mental facility and shes there now and will expect to come back here. I cant take the abuse no more, no more.... I have been through Alateen, Alanin, AA and councling sunce i was 14...she is killing me mentally and physically.. HeLp!!!
Tell her "No.". You matter. She can only save herself. We can't save those that we love. They will kill us figuratively, or literally. They will destroy us financially, mentally, physically, affect our jobs, homes, and relationships. Been there. It's affecting our family even years later.
She must not come back to your house. She can go to a rehab, or sober living facility. See this as LITERALLY YOUR WINDOW TO SEPARATE, AND ESCAPE FROM HER LIVING WITH YOU. You have to save yourself, or she will destroy your life more than she has already. ❤ Be strong. You deserve to live your life in peace. ❤
I have a 65 yo male Roomie (Apt, not home, but he's been here 6 yes, me just 2). He doesn't think he's an 'addict" bc we live in a Cannibals legal state).He smokes eve hr or 2 around the clock and has now developed Hyperemis and Insomnia, affecting my sleep. He also smokes in the living room, where my 12 yr old cat frequents.
I know I need to move, but I'm on SSDI and rents have escalated so much I can't afford to live alone. Anyway, thx for this wise advise!
I am an a ~60 year old chronically ill Autistic that is trapped In isolation by the alcoholic widow of my best friend, who perished from Covid-19 two years ago. I have no where else to go, and no other family to go to for help. I endure daily psychological harm from this person. I need to get out, without jeopardizing my safety. This torture must stop, but how?
I wish I would've had this information years ago
25… I’m trying to educate local select board
They are just refusing to allow prevention like fentanyl test strips at methadone treatment center and local ER!
What would you suggest?
My son is in MAT and he’s trying to titration off and they will NOT assist him.
They’ve NEVER DINE AN EKG (8 years) or a trough level!
He’s had blood clots in legs and lungs! He really feels like they want him dead or the money
What would you suggest!
My AH is in the bargaining phase. He quit for 2 dsys then said he'd moderate with just 2 drinks a day, which lasted a day. Then he said he'd draw a line on his liquor bottle which also lasted a day. The good news he is drinking less and there hasn't been any negative behavior.
The bad news is We've been here many times before and even though I'm encouraging him I know it won't last.
How do I help move it to the next stage?
same....
My situation is very similar
I always thought if only I had a live in person in to help me with my son. I get the delusional state. The implications with him living here were hard. It was now effecting the neighbors.
Ummm so much to think about but I have HOPE!
What about if they have been in jail for almost 2 years? History of going in and out of jail and coming home and relapsing quickly. Longest time in jail but it’s never worked before. Will be homeless if can’t come home.
How do you allow your grown son to continue to live with who is in recovery. He is not using. He is grown, has a job pay his own bills and his child support but we can constantly argue. When I tell him he has to find some other place to live he says he has no place to go. What do I do? I realize I have always been a control freak but I am really working on it. I am totally lost at what to do. He says he’s not leaving. But I also know he cannot afford rent, food, car payments and his child support on what he is currently making. Please help me.
Don't do it! Sure wish I hadn't. Now I can't get him out. Ruining my life.
I know someone who saved their son's rent to help him move out with. I imagine that's a good plan if the person isn't in addiction too deep.
That's not a bad idea!
Amazing they were able to get their son to even pay rent!
If the money was given it would be spent on what they addicted to 😢
Yes, it really is.
If you know that they are an addict/alcoholic, DO NOT let them live in your home.
It is exhausting, know that in advance. Make sure you have your own supports as you proceed.
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Exhausting is an understatement. It’s demeaning, soul sucking, and a slow painful, extraction of your very being
@@nicole5554🎯💯
What if it’s a spouse of 35 years … and is disabled? Lives in a scooter?? I would have to leave my home.
Is there any way i can reach you? Referring to myself😢 im alone and struggling and need someone to talk to for advice
Hi Mr.Sockpants, We do offer coaching. You can use this link to learn more: www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/strengths-based-assessment or, you can call our office: 864-906-2395
What if he is on the lease and won't leave and it's all my stuff and we share a cat that he says its his
Current situation am planning to relocate to a ahouse qhete he will not stay with us. He has been apologizing for his behavior but nothing changes.
He is on methadone, has infant son. Very difficult to know how to help.
I bagged myself a alcaholic with 2 young kids ...the mothers a coke head ...what to do? X
Yes. Its absolutely a massive mistake. Dont even try this.
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Legal eviction is tbe only way out
If they go to rehab that is your window to not let them back. Take it!
👍💞🙏🙏🙏