Story 1: Poor OP was thrown away like he was nothing! I am glad that they disowned him because they revealed themselves to be toxic! To me that was a blessing in disguise! OP did not need that! I am glad that his Uncle stepped up and loved and supported him! Go no contact with Emily as well!
I'm biased in this, I'm a bastard by nature, lol... But sometimes the best way to read people is to twist the knife a bit and see where they flinch. If I were OP, I would reach out to Emily, likely via email (writing is best, it's can't be interrupted or steered by the other party), and make it a very emotionally manipulative soft "farewell" letter. Her response to that will tell him everything he needs to know. Begin by recounting all the ways his family has betrayed him, not for anything he did, but simply for being who he was. Then tell her she was never to blame for their actions, she was just a toddler back then. He harbors no bad feelings toward her. Now, lay it on thick with some fond childhood memories of her (Make it up if need-be, she was 5, she doesn't know, lol). Talk about how she used to always trail behind him everywhere, how strong their bond was, how much he loved his little sister. Go on to talk about how often he would think of his beloved little sister, the one person from his family who never hurt him. The one person he truly missed. How he has clung to those innocent memories through his darkest times. The tell her he's terrified that their parents may have gotten to her, corrupted that innocence with their own hatred, greed, pettiness and resentment. That is an unbearable thought to him. There is nothing that scares him more than the idea that she may have become like them. If she has, he would rather not know about it. "Let me hang on to the memory of that sweet, innocent little girl I loved". And if she hasn't become like them, then it's clear to him that the rest of the family wants something from him, and they will use her to get to him. As her brother, he needs to protect her from that. He can't allow her to be used as a pawn in whatever vile game they're playing now. So, either way, it is for the best that they maintain this distance, as long as their parents live. Either way, he cannot afford to risk her, or her memory. Choose the wording carefully. Invoke cultural references, throw in details about their childhood home, anything to build that sense of familiarity and really connect to her emotionally. Her response will likely be either rage, sadness, or silence. Probably a mix of those of feelings, they're not mutually exclusive. But one of those responses should be more dominant. That will rattle her enough to tip her hand if she's part of this manipulation. Just remember, a liar's responses are not intuitive or genuine. If she gets angry, she was likely being honest about her intentions, and is hurt that he views her as even potentially being like the rest of the family. If her response is "sad", she's likely using guilt and emotion to persuade him so she can have another crack at his money, trying to appear sympathetic. If she's silent, where she stands is irrelevant, either she is respecting his request for space, or she knows she over-played her hand. Either way she's gone, move on. Remember, the point is not to change her mind, merely to reveal it. OP has no influence over her already determined intentions. He just needs to understand what he's dealing with, so there are no "good" or "bad" responses, just information to be collected to inform his decisions moving forward. Poke at every emotion, until you hit a nerve. Where you get the strongest response will reveal her intent. It may be a little sociopathic, but screw it, what does he have to lose?
Emily is definitely trying to play Little Miss Innocent, but it's clear that she has her own agenda. She's using the fact that she was too young to understand OP's ousting from the family to her advantage because her record with him is currently blank.
S1: here we go again with the "family should stick together" bs. Like, the family disowned their child for being themselves! Where's "sticking together" on that!? And of course, inheritance big surprise! When big inheritance goes to the child they threw out it's always and suddenly "family is family" "family stays together" bs!
If your family is loving and supportive, constant reminders that “family should stick together” aren’t necessary. Toxic families, on the other hand, shouldn’t stick together unless every member is an exceptionally shitty excuse for a human being.
S1: From the description, it sounds like the family pressured the younger sister to discuss the inheritance. S2: Sounds like the brother does have a learning disability regardless of the testing results. OP or parents could have easily set up the inheritance in a trust so the brother would be taken care of without the OP being directly involved.
Story #2, I was about to say the same thing. An IQ of 80 may not qualify for disability benefits, but he's not smart enough to beat a monkey in a game of poker, lol. The cut-off in IQ has little to do with objective ability and more to do with the amount of available funds to support a population that size. Intellect on a population scale is a bell-curve, and there are exponentially more people in the 80-90 range than in the 70-80 range, so it's cheaper for Social Services to make the cut-off there. But that doesn't change the fact that his options are quite limited. Also, their parents are retiring now with just over a million dollars. If this is in the U.S., that's about the minimum they would need to maintain a middle-class lifestyle for 10-15 years of retirement (and they would have to do some belt-tightening in most cases). It's not as much money as people think. Everyone under 40, this is your wakeup call, you will need about 2 million to retire with inflation projections, or you'll be living in a crap apartment and eating Ramen in your 70s. That amount of money isn't exactly life-changing in the hands of someone with little income. They need to put the funds into a trust that will do something like pay his mortgage and property taxes, and maybe a monthly $600 stipend. He'll still need to work. Meanwhile, OP is married, and is working on their Master's Degree, they will be fine. Their earning potential should be significantly higher that what is in the estate, provided they didn't go into teaching or the arts. But if they have a Masters in a STEM field, 1 million is chump change in the grand scheme. They're likely looking at $165k to start in their career (again, it depends on their chose study and vocation, they could still end up a Gym teacher making $45k a year, so maybe it is a big deal to them). I get that it's not about the money, but OP is portraying her parents as these stingy, rich, emotionally distant people. They're middle class people, about to retire, in poor health, and are trying to make sure their kids have everything they need for a successful life. OP has that, the brother does not. Money does not improve OP's life in a meaningful way, but it would improve the brother's life (if managed correctly).
Story 1: Of course Reddit would pressure OP into giving the sister a second chance, why wouldn’t they? His whole family showed up? Probably a coincidence or they just pressured his sister into it, so of course it’s not her fault! Here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter if she intended to ambush OP with the family or not, she did. Whether intentionally or not she’s not a safe person for OP to be around. He gave her a chance and she blew it, he does not owe her anything else. But of course Reddit pressured him into giving her another chance, and she proved just what kind of person she is.
2nd Story: Parents who only want to do the bare minimum for their children? Just understand that this is your future, a nursing home. Go ahead and act like you will never need help all you want, but guess what? You can't beat age.
OP story 1: ask yourself this: has reconnecting with Emily brought you any happiness--or has it only brought angst and grief? It it's the latter, then you do NOT need them in your life. The future will only bring more grief and hurt, and you do NOT need this. There are FOO families, and FOC families. Your FOO family, Family Of Origin, is toxic and hateful to you. Josh and your friends are your FOC family--Family Of Choice. Your FOC family is the family that truly loves and celebrates YOU for being who YOU are....your FOO only brings hatred, rejection, and pain to you.
poor op. family can suck sometimes
he’s the apple that fell very far from the tree
can’t say the same about his sister
Story 1: Poor OP was thrown away like he was nothing! I am glad that they disowned him because they revealed themselves to be toxic! To me that was a blessing in disguise! OP did not need that! I am glad that his Uncle stepped up and loved and supported him! Go no contact with Emily as well!
I'm biased in this, I'm a bastard by nature, lol... But sometimes the best way to read people is to twist the knife a bit and see where they flinch.
If I were OP, I would reach out to Emily, likely via email (writing is best, it's can't be interrupted or steered by the other party), and make it a very emotionally manipulative soft "farewell" letter. Her response to that will tell him everything he needs to know.
Begin by recounting all the ways his family has betrayed him, not for anything he did, but simply for being who he was.
Then tell her she was never to blame for their actions, she was just a toddler back then. He harbors no bad feelings toward her. Now, lay it on thick with some fond childhood memories of her (Make it up if need-be, she was 5, she doesn't know, lol). Talk about how she used to always trail behind him everywhere, how strong their bond was, how much he loved his little sister.
Go on to talk about how often he would think of his beloved little sister, the one person from his family who never hurt him. The one person he truly missed. How he has clung to those innocent memories through his darkest times.
The tell her he's terrified that their parents may have gotten to her, corrupted that innocence with their own hatred, greed, pettiness and resentment. That is an unbearable thought to him. There is nothing that scares him more than the idea that she may have become like them. If she has, he would rather not know about it. "Let me hang on to the memory of that sweet, innocent little girl I loved".
And if she hasn't become like them, then it's clear to him that the rest of the family wants something from him, and they will use her to get to him. As her brother, he needs to protect her from that. He can't allow her to be used as a pawn in whatever vile game they're playing now.
So, either way, it is for the best that they maintain this distance, as long as their parents live. Either way, he cannot afford to risk her, or her memory.
Choose the wording carefully. Invoke cultural references, throw in details about their childhood home, anything to build that sense of familiarity and really connect to her emotionally.
Her response will likely be either rage, sadness, or silence. Probably a mix of those of feelings, they're not mutually exclusive. But one of those responses should be more dominant. That will rattle her enough to tip her hand if she's part of this manipulation. Just remember, a liar's responses are not intuitive or genuine. If she gets angry, she was likely being honest about her intentions, and is hurt that he views her as even potentially being like the rest of the family. If her response is "sad", she's likely using guilt and emotion to persuade him so she can have another crack at his money, trying to appear sympathetic. If she's silent, where she stands is irrelevant, either she is respecting his request for space, or she knows she over-played her hand. Either way she's gone, move on.
Remember, the point is not to change her mind, merely to reveal it. OP has no influence over her already determined intentions. He just needs to understand what he's dealing with, so there are no "good" or "bad" responses, just information to be collected to inform his decisions moving forward. Poke at every emotion, until you hit a nerve. Where you get the strongest response will reveal her intent. It may be a little sociopathic, but screw it, what does he have to lose?
Emily is definitely trying to play Little Miss Innocent, but it's clear that she has her own agenda. She's using the fact that she was too young to understand OP's ousting from the family to her advantage because her record with him is currently blank.
S1: here we go again with the "family should stick together" bs. Like, the family disowned their child for being themselves! Where's "sticking together" on that!? And of course, inheritance big surprise! When big inheritance goes to the child they threw out it's always and suddenly "family is family" "family stays together" bs!
If your family is loving and supportive, constant reminders that “family should stick together” aren’t necessary. Toxic families, on the other hand, shouldn’t stick together unless every member is an exceptionally shitty excuse for a human being.
S1: Greed really reveals alot
Story 3: I saw story 3... very weird, I didn't even know what to think about it
S1: From the description, it sounds like the family pressured the younger sister to discuss the inheritance.
S2: Sounds like the brother does have a learning disability regardless of the testing results. OP or parents could have easily set up the inheritance in a trust so the brother would be taken care of without the OP being directly involved.
Story #2, I was about to say the same thing.
An IQ of 80 may not qualify for disability benefits, but he's not smart enough to beat a monkey in a game of poker, lol. The cut-off in IQ has little to do with objective ability and more to do with the amount of available funds to support a population that size. Intellect on a population scale is a bell-curve, and there are exponentially more people in the 80-90 range than in the 70-80 range, so it's cheaper for Social Services to make the cut-off there. But that doesn't change the fact that his options are quite limited.
Also, their parents are retiring now with just over a million dollars. If this is in the U.S., that's about the minimum they would need to maintain a middle-class lifestyle for 10-15 years of retirement (and they would have to do some belt-tightening in most cases). It's not as much money as people think. Everyone under 40, this is your wakeup call, you will need about 2 million to retire with inflation projections, or you'll be living in a crap apartment and eating Ramen in your 70s. That amount of money isn't exactly life-changing in the hands of someone with little income.
They need to put the funds into a trust that will do something like pay his mortgage and property taxes, and maybe a monthly $600 stipend. He'll still need to work.
Meanwhile, OP is married, and is working on their Master's Degree, they will be fine. Their earning potential should be significantly higher that what is in the estate, provided they didn't go into teaching or the arts. But if they have a Masters in a STEM field, 1 million is chump change in the grand scheme. They're likely looking at $165k to start in their career (again, it depends on their chose study and vocation, they could still end up a Gym teacher making $45k a year, so maybe it is a big deal to them).
I get that it's not about the money, but OP is portraying her parents as these stingy, rich, emotionally distant people. They're middle class people, about to retire, in poor health, and are trying to make sure their kids have everything they need for a successful life. OP has that, the brother does not. Money does not improve OP's life in a meaningful way, but it would improve the brother's life (if managed correctly).
Story 1: Of course Reddit would pressure OP into giving the sister a second chance, why wouldn’t they? His whole family showed up? Probably a coincidence or they just pressured his sister into it, so of course it’s not her fault! Here’s the thing, it doesn’t matter if she intended to ambush OP with the family or not, she did. Whether intentionally or not she’s not a safe person for OP to be around. He gave her a chance and she blew it, he does not owe her anything else. But of course Reddit pressured him into giving her another chance, and she proved just what kind of person she is.
2nd Story: Parents who only want to do the bare minimum for their children? Just understand that this is your future, a nursing home. Go ahead and act like you will never need help all you want, but guess what? You can't beat age.
Good for you for coming out and stay safe and strong
Out of all of these stories, I genuinely can't tell which is worse?? My brain hurts jfc
Post 3: why r the commenters acting like the ex is some hackerman Mr Robot danger? He just sounds like a loser to me
I honestly have been wondering if he has DID.
Day 163 of telling secretvoices to have a good day
Day 163 of telling you to have a great day
OP story 1: ask yourself this: has reconnecting with Emily brought you any happiness--or has it only brought angst and grief? It it's the latter, then you do NOT need them in your life. The future will only bring more grief and hurt, and you do NOT need this. There are FOO families, and FOC families. Your FOO family, Family Of Origin, is toxic and hateful to you. Josh and your friends are your FOC family--Family Of Choice. Your FOC family is the family that truly loves and celebrates YOU for being who YOU are....your FOO only brings hatred, rejection, and pain to you.
Post 3 ? ??
Op 1 and 2