Umm... ok... that is hardly a "pearl of wisdom" spoken by this woman. People have been saying that for like 100 years. Here's one for you, which I think is better: "it's not about what you are eating, but what is eating you." - taken directly from a British version of My 600lb Life.
This is what parents should teach their children but unfortunately many of them are Narcissists. We have to learn this by experience. It would be great if it were all that simple but it's not.
@@pebonifield I would agree, but If she would tell you that in one minute and it was something new to you, you most probably won't give yourself enough time to thing about it.
Where others see exaggeration I see passion for her topic. She seems to enjoy it so much that she wants to laugh of pure joy. What a fortunate person she is for working in something that gives her so much energy. The interpretation of her body language obviously passes through our own filters, so for some, she is too much and for others, she is just perfect enough. I don't think she should care anyway, hahaha, and just be herself.
Why is everyone criticizing her speaking style? It's her style....the words are clear and apt and the content is really good. Is it always necessary to criticize something
shelagh mcgee She's mentioned a whole host of narcissistic traits, including projecting her faults onto everyone "everybody lies". Still, it is very rare for someone narcissistic to admit fault. So I wish her well.
***** You're probably right, however regardless, her making up her own category "Honest Liars" and saying "everybody lies" is redirecting responsibility and utter nonsense.
***** There is a big difference between white lies and lying not to hurt people and lying that is detrimental to other people. As you said she may have BPD and her actions in terms of lying would not be lying to save someone elses feelings, quite the opposite it would be selfish and hurtful to others! Stop generalizing and saying everybody lies. That's not the point. It's why they are lying, the extent to which they are lying and whether it is detrimental to themselves and more importantly to others.
its just plain hard after a certain point as well. Theres a reason animals only have a certain level of self awareness, it takes a lot of thought, and because of that brain power.
For a few years now I've been on a journey of learning self awareness and I have learned to think about my thinking. I've always prided myself on being an honest person. Now I'm learning how to be actually honest with myself. I've learned to silence the negative voices in my head, without any prescribed medication. I have peace of mind, and sometimes even joy. It sounds corny to me but I now find something to be excited about every day. Just little, insignificant things. Thank God
+Mura Listy Amen. I get so sick of humans flinging feces in the comments section so they can feel better about themselves (boring individuals with nothing constructive to contribute). Talk about self-deceived.
Benjamin Holck I agree! These comments are truly appalling. Maybe one does feel a little more significant as they tear down the messenger. In regards to good therapists. They can only be as gifted as their clients are vulnerable and open to change.
Wow! Just Wow. I am currently attending IOP and they played this video. I broke down and cried like baby. Everything you said I identify with and I could have never been able to explain it so exquisitely as you have. Ma'am you're beautiful inside and out. Super engaging and intelligent. Thank you!
I love her inclusion of existential truths. Acknowledging and integrating these truths into our lives is very painful yet absolutely necessary to becoming better human beings. No great person has ever lived who did not realize their own mortality, loneliness and the meaninglessness of the world. Realizing these truths leads to the last realization: freedom. Accepting without compromise the truth of our existence gives us absolute, radical freedom to live the lives we've always dreamed of. And the responsibility to be better.
I have had to learn to be honest with others in order to be honest with myself. I still struggle with a dishonest narrative that I begin with myself. However, I’ve begun realize that I am becoming the biggest enemy of my soul when I try to cover my inadequacies with denial. It’s in the truth of knowing my character defects that I am able to work towards progress or acceptance of my imperfections!
Cortney, First I want to say that I am 45 years old and you just answered a question that I have asked myself for YEARS. I am so taken back, seriously! When you said "When you grow up in a home where parents argue, you learn to avoid conflict." I thought.. "Well, yes maybe?" When you said "So now you struggle to even admit you feel negative emotion." OH WOW!!!! THAT IS SO TRUE, that is my truth. When I have a negative emotion I always feel bad and try to redirect it into a nice emotion.. after all feeling negative about someone or something makes me feel horrible. I always catch myself saying... This isn't nice of me to say/ think.... Then I follow up with a justification to make my feeling or thought sound nice. Anyway, you are brilliant and I wish you the best. Thanks for your brilliant words.
I am so happy to read your message, Becky. I wrote a short book that is a long version of the talk called; Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception. You might find it useful also. www.amazon.com/Lies-Tell-Ourselves-Psychology-Self-Deception/dp/0615997716%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAIRKJRCRZW3TANMSA%26tag%3Dpsychologytod-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0615997716 Best of luck on your continued journey!
Daniel Campbell People tend to ignore the fact that simply by virtue of writing something online, you are promoting a point of view (whether you have something to "sell" or not). Your words imply that somehow the effort to sell a book diminishes the virtue of writing it. And to be sure, there are plenty of people who are only in it for the money, but you should show some respect by giving her the benefit of the doubt until she has earned otherwise.
Dear viewers and dear Reiko Bovee(Thank you for your great talk show), i want to explain how self deception works in a funny and easy way. We know human's memories can be affected or deleted by stroke of for example some thing hard to their head. People who deceives themselves, hits for their heads a hard stick to delete their bad memories to get rid of suffering, but how ever they also makes themselves blind by this act! By making themselves blind they couldn't be able to see reality any more and this causes to failure and even suffering more.
With all the pain I faced this year...I also realised that most of it is my own damn fault. This talk made me emotional because I have to come with acceptance and full responsibility of who I am.
I love that this video is 8 years old and has 100% relevance in this day and age amongst deniers and so many people projecting the messages of others. I loved hearing the words that seemed to apply to so many things in my own personal life.
Best TED talk on RUclips!!! Such an insanely engaging speaker, giving funny and relatable examples, and the content is so educational that I think this talk may genuinely change my life.
Best TED talk in a long time. A woman with intelligence, inner and outer beauty along with a good sense of humor and practical application, makes this an encouraging video. Everything said is dead on. I've lived through most of what was said and I desperately wanted to change. Until it was verbalized, until there were concepts I could grasp, in order to change, I was paralyzed. I will change. I will report back. If our shell can heal with minor scars from medicine, perhaps our egos can be healed by the application of mental tools that are presented here. And for me, a strong belief in Jehovah's power, ability and desire to aide me in this endeavor. Thank you so much for this! This woman worked hard and is gifted with a captivating teaching ability. I will share this with my husband of 11 years and apologize shortly there after. ;)
Understanding our self deception is the most effective way to live a fulfilling life, for when we admit who we really are we have the opportunity to change " This was a TED Talk I can relate to. As I grip to hold on to things entirely unhealthy simply in fear of loss of the comfort.
I'm slightly less than two minutes into the talk and I can see that it's the facial expressions that are tearing me apart. Thank you ever so much. I would like to think that after 35 years of looking on the inside of you know who I know who I really am. No secrets here. No self-deception. It's against my religion.
I would listen to this ted talk over and over again, whats important is not the means but the message being delivered...people will never fail to criticize others
I have been looking for just such a presentation for my 18 year old. Her comments are spot-on and I know for a fact, that her delivery is optimal for many people. She keeps you listening with her tone and body language. Even if watching her is in some way less than optimal for you, then please just listen to the audio. This is a terrific video for a younger audience. Bravo 👏🏼
I recently realized every single thing she said on my own and it helped me realize to stop making excuses about anything, if I want something I'll make it happen and not make up excuses to why I haven't. And now I found this video, she took the words right out of my mouth! Great Ted Talk.
I'm speechless, I've always done that and each time someone speaks to me about a deep problem I'm like, you should ask questions to yourself, discuss with yourself and things like that, but this ted talk is expressed in such a clear way!!! God damn, it's absolutely the most amazing video I've seen in my entire life, I've even cried a bit. Please, all of you: Do what she said! it will save you soooooo much time, stress, anxiety, and will probably save you from depression because everything that is on your mind just stacks up. be conscious of it and treat it before it rottens inside of you.
She is so appropriately dressed for TED talk lecture. She is one of the few presenters that I have seen who thought about what she should have worn in front of an audience. Her choice of clothing is both professional while pleasing to the eye. The content of her message is presented in a clear, ration and thought-provoking way.
Thank you. Thank you. Wonderful TED talk. This resonates so, so much with me. I am in psychotherapy and grateful always that I am. I am continually self-reflecting and changing, trying to change. Have experienced a lot of loss in my life (some would say nearly tremendous loss) yet continue to learn and grow from it and not sink into it. I have already listened to you, Cortney, this talk, four times. Good talk.
0:40 *we all lie to ourselves* 1:53 *why we lie to ourselves* (4 major reasons) 1) 2:28 childhood learnings and trauma 2) 3:47 psychology theories to understand what's going on inside our heads 》defence mechanisms * 4:00 Denial * 4:21 rationalization * 4:39 projection 》cognitive distortions 5:02 * 5:11 polarised thinking * 5:24 emotional reasoning * 5:38 over generalisation 3) 5:56 the fundamental truths of life * death : we're all gonna die sooner or later * ultimate aloneness : we were born as a single person, alone in a solitary body * meaninglessness : our lives are inherently meaningless unless we give them meaning * freedom : we are responsible for ourselves because we have the freedom of choice 6:31 we lie to run away from these realities and to avoid confronting them 4) 6:57 internalisation of cultural norms 7:50 *what self deception does to us* (very scary btw) * a chain of bad decisions * self destructive behaviour and tendencies * ruin relationships and leave people * pass down our baggage and profound hurt to those we love the most * refuse to change even when we really, really need to * guilt, regret, brokenness, misery, immense pain 8:28 *when we don't take COMPLETE responsibility for our lives* , we constantly blame someone or something else and we make choices that ruin our lives, and hurt not only our selves, buy everyone around it 9:12 *now what? How do we start acknowledging the lies we tell ourselves?* 1) 9:25 self awareness. PAUSE and question yourself, examine your behaviour and thoughts. Ask yourself: WHAT DOES MY REACTION SAY ABOUT ME? (Do this especially when you're subconsciously trying to pin the blame on someone or something else, or trying to get over them) 2) 10:15 awareness naturally makes us more responsible for our lives and brings out our insecurities. And we're faced with a choice. To change and work on our insecurities, or to just push it under the rug again. NOT CHANGING WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE TRUTH IS A CHOICE. And whatever we decide, we are now more responsible for the consequences of our reactions/choice, because now, we know better 3) therapy 4) 11:40 this is a lifelong journey. Because we change, and the world offers us new opportunities to understand ourselves 5) 12:20 her journey. (I can relate at 12:39 !) 13:27 *conclusion* become honest with yourself, and take responsibility for your life. Don't waste this one precious life you got, all because you can't accept the truth , or you're too scared of it
How I learned about lies was anyone can lie even a stranger or a family member and getting any truth costs even if it means a life-for-a-life concept. This is sad and angering but is true in my world. Standing up takes strength even at our weakest.
I learned this on my own over a course of 15 years of personal turmoil and transformation. And now I share this exact message with those whom It counsel. Learning to be honest with ourselves is the biggest gift we can give to ourselves and others. It's so liberating and brings lasting peace. So glad to hear this talk ....going to share this...
One of my best Ted talk in a while I'm psychology major and I'm interested in academia. I experienced and continue to experience tremendous growth once a started being honest with myself
The title attracted me to this right away. Confronting the truthful, writer, and yourself set you free, and the people that you have held hostage along the way! this is a vital choice so people around you can live you can not be a victim and project your pain and anger on people hold them hostage. I am taking responsibility because I don’t have the right to take it out on the people that I love dearly for anyone else
I've been slowly working on myself instead of blaming other for my actions. Its hard to look at yourself and change poor habits and behavior but, hard times have really had me look at myself and why I act a certain way.
What an incredible speech! This video deserves more views and likes. Thank you so much for the enlightenment. I never would have realised where I was going wrong until now.
Amazing... How did you manage to wrap all basic tenets of psychology and decrease stigmatization of our field? I am beyond impressed. My mouth dropped open at the end too.. what an amazing ending and wonderful message to send to the world! THANK YOU!
Cortney, few of us can be that honest with ourselves! I agree with you fully and have consistently been unable to lie to myself. I hope you are still following your heart and your passion. It makes a difference!
Noticing, shifting and a whole lotta listening... With love and honesty is the key to growth! It was so great to find this video. Just what I needed this morning
one of the best TED talks I've heard.. it is so important to realize that we have to ACCEPT ourselves the way we are.. and not how society wants us to be.. and we have to be COURAGEOUS to do that... and the early we realize it, the early we will become better Human Beings, that this Earth needs desperately in this time.. for many reasons.. thank you for this TED talk, Ted talk people.. ':D :)
I can’t be the only one who is self-aware and has continuously been in practice of it since I was young. People are always surprised when I’m honest about my faults and my strengths...it’s exhausting to constantly have to avoid deep discussions with people because they can’t handle being aware of their own actions and motivations and, in turn, aware of how they communicate and resolve conflict. They avoid the truth in front of them because of how they feel and it is (I’m being honest) idiotic and self-destructive. I’m glad she did this TedTalk and now I’m sharing it. Learn to seek out personal development opportunities that are honest and not just qualifying your behaviors. They hurt people. 😔🤦🏾♀️😕
I think I've probably been selective about being truthful with or about myself. However, @45 I'm very aware of my strengths & weaknesses, and owning them. I can be quite hard on myself but I truly believe that my extremely strict, conservative childhood inflicted a sort of default denial mechanism that I really, really noticed around 30 years old. At first it was terribly shameful & all consuming once I was finally able, ready to reflect & accept responsibility for the way I interpreted things, perceived my own behavior or how easily I justified certain things. After I came to terms with what I was doing & why I was doing it (I went on a journey of liberating, raw truths). It felt so good! No, I'm wrong. No no, seriously, it was my fault. Since then I've worked on balancing the art of taking accountability while knowing my self worth. (Now I'm perfect). Lol. Jk. That was a lie. Life is a long lesson. Sometimes you have to reflect & figure out if you're shooting straight or allowing yourself to buffer a curve out of convenience. I've noticed it's not real tough finding critics or on the contrary- favorable opinions. It's being true to yourself without stacking the facts in your favor that'll help you to find true perspective from an outside, unbiased source. I might have a completely different mindset in 10 years but for now, I think I get it.
When I worked in management, interestingly, one of the surest ways I could tell a manager's customer service was going to start to slip was when, during customer service trainings, they would be dismissive of the material because, in their words, "I'm already great at customer service." Telling themselves they were great at customer service became a great way for them to deceive themselves in situations where it might seem their customer service had been inadequate.
Same! I've heard from multiple people that I'm very self-aware. It helps with self-improvement, and making decisions I don't regret. But it's difficult for me to forge deep relationships with people because, in my own experience anyway, most people aren't very self aware and that's important for me in anyone I let into my life.
"Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie" Be yourself but be your "true self" When we face the music and dance we no longer need to drug or drink to medicate the pain of hiding the truth. Be transparent & vulnerable; it scares the hell out of fake people but draws in the real ones.
Each moment: life gets easier and easier. And better and better! I love my life. I adore who I am. I will no longer be trapped in a fake prison. I am setting myself free, NOW! It hurt, and that's the past. I now live in the present. I am the phoenix rising from the ashes!
My recovery of depression anxiety alchohol and drugs was first telling my therapist why I took them and how I was feeling that made me depressed and so on. As soon as I was honest my sessions became amazing today I live a life of hope faith and courage. I liked how she said all her ex boyfriends she blamed them it was there fault not being honest saying look at myself first. Self pity isnt gonna work to recover from what ever your issue is. If your listening guys the only way to recovery is honesty . Even with anyone you meet in life not just loved ones . I look at why I first lied in my life and because a normality . Again wasnt honest so lied outta fear. That's why if your suffering at this level of fear or guilt plz go get help now before your too old or just too late . Dont ever be embarrassed ok.
Snoopy W you are not a failure to urself, you just need to be self aware, take responsibility and courage to see yourself as it’s and be true to yourself no matter what & most importantly don’t play the victim game
Young Dreamer I’m no victim. But I’m not sure why people are playing games with me. If I were a victim I wouldn’t see or try to improve myself. I’m sorry I’m not currently able to do much but I will
How do you know you are being honest to yourself when you are telling yourself you are being honest? How do you know what is the right choice? Who is the you behind the ego?
+DivineMoment +callum12321232 The reason why "humans" struggle so much is because of the level of consciousness that is being expressed. At a certain level of consciousness a fill in the blanks mentality is expressed; a pretend time. At an expanded level of consciousness their is no self. Even further expansion is acceptance of the fact that we don't know what life is or where the universe comes from.....we stop filling in the blanks and face our fears of not knowing... we let go. Only then do we step on the path towards "enlightenment". Only then to escape our primitive corrupted perceptional paradigm sicknesses. Tier 4 & 5 expressions of consciousness are when we are in the state of bumbling children of the universe, (where most "humans" currently reside. Tier 5.7-5.9 is the deluded scientifically ignorant ambiguous "spiritually enlightened" expressions.....Tier 6 is tangibly enlightened with deep scientific understanding of physical reality while almost complete dissociation. Hallucinogens and some forms of spirituality are a stepping stone for some....much better than not taking steps but many pitfalls and bad habits of thought are within that path. Hallucinogens sure are fun though, (caution and moderation hmm?) Important we commune with the biochemistry of our ecosystem to stay in tune with the universe.... whatever these things are heh.... we are more than likely part of it all.... oneness is far more likely than overly simplistic individualism at any rate. Psychology is merely the study of simple forms of consciousness that live in a false perception of reality.... more than likely. Welcome to the thought revolution! ;-)
+DivineMoment a quick way to tell if you're being honest is to compare your beliefs with your habits. no matter what you tell yourself or what others tell you, habits reveal honest beliefs. the right thing is the good thing. right choices are healthy/benefit the body's function and are usually good for other people and yourself. right choices don't cause long term hurt/pain for yourself or other people. try to think of the long term health/personal/social consequences of the choices you make to help discover if they are truly good/right.
I watch a lot of TED talks. To me they are little inspirational nuggets. Sometimes they don't have substance, but they make you feel good. Like Cheetos. Sometimes there's a bite you have to chew on for a while before swallowing. Sometimes they feed you beauty, which we all need. This one is a balanced meal; but it made me feel uncomfortably full. Looking at the comments to this TED talk, there are a lot of truths that resonated with a lot of people. Here's mine: "Although we can’t control many circumstances we encounter in life, we are responsible for our reactions to all of them." I have spent a lifetime rationalizing my reactions to things that happened to me. I am the Rationalization King in a land of self deceivers. It's time I studied on self awareness. Well done, Dr. Courtney Warren. You've made me - and maybe the world - a little bit smarter in just 13 minutes. Maybe a little bit happier as well. Depends on what I do with it.
Her body language is full of manipulators (pointing finger and precision pointing - thumb+index togetherr) but also of openness: palms of the hands up but also discomfort in both the feet on the ground. I feel more as if the insecurity issues about being loved that she admitted too made her create a version of herself where she is comfortable and it necessarily needs to be contrived for the reason that it's created. It fees to me that she was believing dearly in what she was saying, in spite of a very carefully crafted image, i do believe that craft was out of adaptational skills. Who knows!
"About"! "I'm Curious About Why You Thought That". But That Sentence Isn't Grammatically Correct In The 1st Place. A Better Sentence Would Have Been. "I Was Curious As To Why You Thought That."
Lying to yourself is NOT self-deception because you must know the truth first and that is not self-deception but denial. Not knowing the truth in the first place is NOT self-deception but, rather, ignorance. Avoiding or struggling to admit something or lying outright, Freudian defense mechanisms, cognitive distortions, irrational thinking, blaming others, our existential experiences of denial, meaninglessness, etc., is NOT self-deception either. When we lie to ourselves we must already know something and that is NOT deception but denial. I do enjoy your responsible way of admitting the need to stop such behaviors. Let's all take more responsibility. Bravo!
I always wanted to write a book about that. What she's talking about is the key to heaven. But our ego does not allow us to pay attention to our lies....
I like the subject, the content is good, at the same time, it appears like she has put a lot of time and energy into the 'way' she presents ....not just the content so it comes across very 'acted' too slick, the dress, the body movements, the facial movement ect....I do prefer people who present their 'idea worth spreading' in a natural down to earth, almost 'vulnerable' way! But as woman we feel we have to fit in with the perfect look, the figure, the perfect hairstyle.. makeup...its a culture thing. However It takes guts to get up there and speak and she obviously prepared everything diligently. So fair play she is a very beautiful, intelligent woman and speaks flawlessly.
She's playing / thinks she's an actress. You make everythink look better with your comment. I prefer the scholar approach rather than this " beautiful dress " etc. etc. type of presentation
Excellent introduction to cognitive psychology, one of my favorite topics since my own childhood (many moons ago). Dr. Warren is one of only a few women whom I see elaborate on this area, from a first and third person perspective, consistently.
Oh my god! Its the same thing that just happened to me. I went for a master degree and I left, I didnt feel passion for it, I was doing it to not disapointing my family, my boyfriend, my fathers dream... It was painful to see the truth and accept my Own desires...
True. Also, adults don't understand how damaging it is to children to stay in an abusive marriage. If your spouse is abusing you, it's pretty much certain they are abusing your children too.
I don't think that we can accurately say that divorce itself is damaging - lack of respect between two parents is damaging, regardless of whether they stay together or not. Not openly communicating what is happening to your children, and being present while they process these changes is damaging. Divorce itself is not a cause of damage - the way parents handle themselves and their children is.
People should probably try not having children until they actually KNOW they're in an honest relationship where both partners are really committed to do the work to keep it together through the toughest patches. Divorce wouldn't be such a problem without the children involved, so we should probably look at the lying to ourselves we do prior to rushing into having them.
Brad, is that all adults or just some adults? I understand that divorce of parents is no fun to children. I'm at least one person who has such understanding.
I have to say I made a mistake with who I had a child with and if I had it to do over I would have looked more carefully at the situation and would have never continued. I have to live with that. But I will say I know that I do not want to repeat the vicious cycle and while there are things I can’t change, I will make a solid effort to be more mindful in my perception and decision making. That’s all I can do.
“When we admit who we really are we have the opportunity to change.” Love it
Jesus taught us this.
"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." James Baldwin
"If we don't take full responsibility for who we are, we hurt ourselves and everyone around us."
Jaja Mama 3
Great quote! ....and a great summary for this whole TEDx talk/youtube video.
duh!!!
God doesn't even take full responsibility.
Boo.
I don't think I've ever had a TED talk hit as hard as this one did. So happy that I found this exactly when I needed it.
Lying to ourselves and trying to make ourselves feel better about a situation that we need to work on is a good way to plan our own failures.
"Your eating has very little to do with hunger." A simple yet amazing observation.
Well, maybe "hunger" for fulfillment.
Umm... ok... that is hardly a "pearl of wisdom" spoken by this woman. People have been saying that for like 100 years. Here's one for you, which I think is better: "it's not about what you are eating, but what is eating you." - taken directly from a British version of My 600lb Life.
Nonsense! It’s just coincidental that donut and my dangerously low blood sugar levels bisect on the time- space continuum.
In a nutshell: take responsibility for your own emotions, quit the blame game, dont manipulate others, be self aware.
Lol, she def laid it out better! Not everything needs to be n a nutshell!!
Sorry, she needs to take 10 minutes to to give us 1 minute worth of information. She is womansplaining.
This is what parents should teach their children but unfortunately many of them are Narcissists. We have to learn this by experience. It would be great if it were all that simple but it's not.
@@invisigrl good day, l propose to lean together ) to share life experiences
@@pebonifield I would agree, but If she would tell you that in one minute and it was something new to you, you most probably won't give yourself enough time to thing about it.
Where others see exaggeration I see passion for her topic. She seems to enjoy it so much that she wants to laugh of pure joy. What a fortunate person she is for working in something that gives her so much energy. The interpretation of her body language obviously passes through our own filters, so for some, she is too much and for others, she is just perfect enough. I don't think she should care anyway, hahaha, and just be herself.
This has been the most impactful talk I’ve listened to. A year later I quit my job and started lliving my purpose. 🙏 thank you Professor.
Wow
What did you used to do for work? What is your life's purpose ? Are you still working in this field? How did it work out? Fill us in on the story
True freedom is being okay with the brutal reality of what is true.
Thank you, you spoke to my heart!
Mrs Scardino to make it easier for yourself. What i say is reality is not moral, and what i think is brutal is just my imagination or creation.
You know.. I'm 42 and just now got to the point of... "That's just what it is.." It's FREEDOM!!!
Sounds like depression to me
Very well said
Why is everyone criticizing her speaking style? It's her style....the words are clear and apt and the content is really good. Is it always necessary to criticize something
Well, you’re criticizing those who are criticizing, so…
@@scf7334 yeah, you're right actually😅
This women tells it like it is!
However it is very painful to see the truth of oneself....
and that's why self awareness is rare!
shelagh mcgee She's mentioned a whole host of narcissistic traits, including projecting her faults onto everyone "everybody lies".
Still, it is very rare for someone narcissistic to admit fault. So I wish her well.
***** You're probably right, however regardless, her making up her own category "Honest Liars" and saying "everybody lies" is redirecting responsibility and utter nonsense.
***** There is a big difference between white lies and lying not to hurt people and lying that is detrimental to other people.
As you said she may have BPD and her actions in terms of lying would not be lying to save someone elses feelings, quite the opposite it would be selfish and hurtful to others!
Stop generalizing and saying everybody lies. That's not the point. It's why they are lying, the extent to which they are lying and whether it is detrimental to themselves and more importantly to others.
its just plain hard after a certain point as well. Theres a reason animals only have a certain level of self awareness, it takes a lot of thought, and because of that brain power.
I’m learning growing and self work is VERY hard but also some of the most rewarding work you will ever do.
I'm speechless. I think that was my favorite Ted talk.
you too?
oh well then...
Me too, im not sure if the content is the most important but shes the best speaker ive ever seen
agreed!
*Human Psychology is an entertaining and captivating subject*
how to comment using bold letters???
@@casseyannemacawili
Yes Please!! Would love to know.
@@casseyannemacawili *sup* * something * (without spaces)
I agree. Therapy is a gift. And this talk is a therapy. Thank you Ms Warren. More power.
For a few years now I've been on a journey of learning self awareness and I have learned to think about my thinking. I've always prided myself on being an honest person. Now I'm learning how to be actually honest with myself. I've learned to silence the negative voices in my head, without any prescribed medication. I have peace of mind, and sometimes even joy. It sounds corny to me but I now find something to be excited about every day. Just little, insignificant things. Thank God
"Looking back at life with regret is extremely painful because you can't change your choices in the past. "
❤
I love how the negative comments are so clearly self-deceptions! hahahahaha
Mura Listy Yes. It's as though this talk itself was threatening. We hold on to our lies very tightly.
+Mura Listy Amen. I get so sick of humans flinging feces in the comments section so they can feel better about themselves (boring individuals with nothing constructive to contribute). Talk about self-deceived.
Lol Ikr
Benjamin Holck I agree! These comments are truly appalling. Maybe one does feel a little more significant as they tear down the messenger. In regards to good therapists. They can only be as gifted as their clients are vulnerable and open to change.
Don’t be deceived , they are opinions
Wow! Just Wow. I am currently attending IOP and they played this video. I broke down and cried like baby. Everything you said I identify with and I could have never been able to explain it so exquisitely as you have. Ma'am you're beautiful inside and out. Super engaging and intelligent. Thank you!
I love her inclusion of existential truths. Acknowledging and integrating these truths into our lives is very painful yet absolutely necessary to becoming better human beings. No great person has ever lived who did not realize their own mortality, loneliness and the meaninglessness of the world. Realizing these truths leads to the last realization: freedom. Accepting without compromise the truth of our existence gives us absolute, radical freedom to live the lives we've always dreamed of. And the responsibility to be better.
love the existentialism. Seriously, I wish we had this kinda talk in society more often.
i love that shifty eye and smile thing she does whens she spits some truth
I have had to learn to be honest with others in order to be honest with myself. I still struggle with a dishonest narrative that I begin with myself. However, I’ve begun realize that I am becoming the biggest enemy of my soul when I try to cover my inadequacies with denial. It’s in the truth of knowing my character defects that I am able to work towards progress or acceptance of my imperfections!
Cortney, First I want to say that I am 45 years old and you just answered a question that I have asked myself for YEARS. I am so taken back, seriously!
When you said "When you grow up in a home where parents argue, you learn to avoid conflict." I thought.. "Well, yes maybe?"
When you said "So now you struggle to even admit you feel negative emotion." OH WOW!!!! THAT IS SO TRUE, that is my truth. When I have a negative emotion I always feel bad and try to redirect it into a nice emotion.. after all feeling negative about someone or something makes me feel horrible. I always catch myself saying... This isn't nice of me to say/ think.... Then I follow up with a justification to make my feeling or thought sound nice. Anyway, you are brilliant and I wish you the best. Thanks for your brilliant words.
I am so happy to read your message, Becky.
I wrote a short book that is a long version of the talk called; Lies We Tell Ourselves: The Psychology of Self-Deception. You might find it useful also.
www.amazon.com/Lies-Tell-Ourselves-Psychology-Self-Deception/dp/0615997716%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAIRKJRCRZW3TANMSA%26tag%3Dpsychologytod-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0615997716
Best of luck on your continued journey!
Sell that book baby
Daniel Campbell People tend to ignore the fact that simply by virtue of writing something online, you are promoting a point of view (whether you have something to "sell" or not). Your words imply that somehow the effort to sell a book diminishes the virtue of writing it. And to be sure, there are plenty of people who are only in it for the money, but you should show some respect by giving her the benefit of the doubt until she has earned otherwise.
Dear viewers and dear Reiko Bovee(Thank you for your great talk show), i want to explain how self deception works in a funny and easy way. We know human's memories can be affected or deleted by stroke of for example some thing hard to their head. People who deceives themselves, hits for their heads a hard stick to delete their bad memories to get rid of suffering, but how ever they also makes themselves blind by this act! By making themselves blind they couldn't be able to see reality any more and this causes to failure and even suffering more.
Becky SaumierHood I relate to you! I do the same thing and I’m 41! She really hit a spot in my heart.
Who else watch it over and over again..?
My favorite Tedx talk
With all the pain I faced this year...I also realised that most of it is my own damn fault. This talk made me emotional because I have to come with acceptance and full responsibility of who I am.
I look up to her. This is one of the best TED talks I've seen. Thank you 🙏🏻
It needs courage to be truthful to oneself. An excellent talk.
would help if the rest of us had the courage to call someone a liar. call a spade a spade and i bet more people were willing to tell the truth.
I love that this video is 8 years old and has 100% relevance in this day and age amongst deniers and so many people projecting the messages of others. I loved hearing the words that seemed to apply to so many things in my own personal life.
I feel like hugging this woman; her words did strike a chord within me.
😐
Best TED talk on RUclips!!!
Such an insanely engaging speaker, giving funny and relatable examples, and the content is so educational that I think this talk may genuinely change my life.
Excellent, clear, precise, informative very well delivered.
Every word was tearing up my soul like a double-edged sword
Tearing up ego **
Best TED talk in a long time. A woman with intelligence, inner and outer beauty along with a good sense of humor and practical application, makes this an encouraging video. Everything said is dead on. I've lived through most of what was said and I desperately wanted to change. Until it was verbalized, until there were concepts I could grasp, in order to change, I was paralyzed. I will change. I will report back. If our shell can heal with minor scars from medicine, perhaps our egos can be healed by the application of mental tools that are presented here. And for me, a strong belief in Jehovah's power, ability and desire to aide me in this endeavor. Thank you so much for this! This woman worked hard and is gifted with a captivating teaching ability. I will share this with my husband of 11 years and apologize shortly there after. ;)
Thank you SummersRay10! Best of luck on your journey.
SummersRay10 it's been 5 years. Update?
Understanding our self deception is the most effective way to live a fulfilling life, for when we admit who we really are we have the opportunity to change "
This was a TED Talk I can relate to. As I grip to hold on to things entirely unhealthy simply in fear of loss of the comfort.
I'm slightly less than two minutes into the talk and I can see that it's the facial expressions that are tearing me apart. Thank you ever so much. I would like to think that after 35 years of looking on the inside of you know who I know who I really am. No secrets here. No self-deception. It's against my religion.
I would listen to this ted talk over and over again, whats important is not the means but the message being delivered...people will never fail to criticize others
Best talk ever on this channel
Really is!!
No it isn´t .
"The easiest lie to tell is the one you believe yourself."
And also the hardest
She is brilliant. Speaking the truth @ it's core. Thank you!!!!!!
I have been looking for just such a presentation for my 18 year old. Her comments are spot-on and I know for a fact, that her delivery is optimal for many people. She keeps you listening with her tone and body language. Even if watching her is in some way less than optimal for you, then please just listen to the audio. This is a terrific video for a younger audience. Bravo 👏🏼
What an insightful message. I would be lying if I did not admit it helped me to take a look at my own self-deceptive tendencies. Thanks, Cortney!
That is truly life changing. Best Ted talk ever heard. It is too late to watch!
One of the best TED talks ever! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I recently realized every single thing she said on my own and it helped me realize to stop making excuses about anything, if I want something I'll make it happen and not make up excuses to why I haven't. And now I found this video, she took the words right out of my mouth! Great Ted Talk.
This ted talk is underrated. I love her talk 💘
She's like a disney character, she has that charisma in her.
Perceptive observation Jill. Put her in a booth with a script; animators will have plenty to work from
I'm speechless, I've always done that and each time someone speaks to me about a deep problem I'm like, you should ask questions to yourself, discuss with yourself and things like that, but this ted talk is expressed in such a clear way!!! God damn, it's absolutely the most amazing video I've seen in my entire life, I've even cried a bit.
Please, all of you: Do what she said! it will save you soooooo much time, stress, anxiety, and will probably save you from depression because everything that is on your mind just stacks up. be conscious of it and treat it before it rottens inside of you.
She is so appropriately dressed for TED talk lecture. She is one of the few presenters that I have seen who thought about what she should have worn in front of an audience. Her choice of clothing is both professional while pleasing to the eye. The content of her message is presented in a clear, ration and thought-provoking way.
Thank you. Thank you. Wonderful TED talk. This resonates so, so much with me. I am in psychotherapy and grateful always that I am. I am continually self-reflecting and changing, trying to change. Have experienced a lot of loss in my life (some would say nearly tremendous loss) yet continue to learn and grow from it and not sink into it. I have already listened to you, Cortney, this talk, four times. Good talk.
0:40 *we all lie to ourselves*
1:53 *why we lie to ourselves* (4 major reasons)
1) 2:28 childhood learnings and trauma
2) 3:47 psychology theories to understand what's going on inside our heads
》defence mechanisms
* 4:00 Denial
* 4:21 rationalization
* 4:39 projection
》cognitive distortions 5:02
* 5:11 polarised thinking
* 5:24 emotional reasoning
* 5:38 over generalisation
3) 5:56 the fundamental truths of life
* death : we're all gonna die sooner or later
* ultimate aloneness : we were born as a single person, alone in a solitary body
* meaninglessness : our lives are inherently meaningless unless we give them meaning
* freedom : we are responsible for ourselves because we have the freedom of choice
6:31 we lie to run away from these realities and to avoid confronting them
4) 6:57 internalisation of cultural norms
7:50 *what self deception does to us* (very scary btw)
* a chain of bad decisions
* self destructive behaviour and tendencies
* ruin relationships and leave people
* pass down our baggage and profound hurt to those we love the most
* refuse to change even when we really, really need to
* guilt, regret, brokenness, misery, immense pain
8:28 *when we don't take COMPLETE responsibility for our lives* , we constantly blame someone or something else and we make choices that ruin our lives, and hurt not only our selves, buy everyone around it
9:12 *now what? How do we start acknowledging the lies we tell ourselves?*
1) 9:25 self awareness. PAUSE and question yourself, examine your behaviour and thoughts. Ask yourself: WHAT DOES MY REACTION SAY ABOUT ME? (Do this especially when you're subconsciously trying to pin the blame on someone or something else, or trying to get over them)
2) 10:15 awareness naturally makes us more responsible for our lives and brings out our insecurities. And we're faced with a choice. To change and work on our insecurities, or to just push it under the rug again. NOT CHANGING WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE TRUTH IS A CHOICE. And whatever we decide, we are now more responsible for the consequences of our reactions/choice, because now, we know better
3) therapy
4) 11:40 this is a lifelong journey. Because we change, and the world offers us new opportunities to understand ourselves
5) 12:20 her journey. (I can relate at 12:39 !)
13:27 *conclusion* become honest with yourself, and take responsibility for your life. Don't waste this one precious life you got, all because you can't accept the truth , or you're too scared of it
Woah - thanks, Sunshine!! 🌞
Thankssss
Watching this video hit hard to my core. I needed to watch this video and i am glad that i did.
How I learned about lies was anyone can lie even a stranger or a family member and getting any truth costs even if it means a life-for-a-life concept. This is sad and angering but is true in my world. Standing up takes strength even at our weakest.
I learned this on my own over a course of 15 years of personal turmoil and transformation. And now I share this exact message with those whom It counsel. Learning to be honest with ourselves is the biggest gift we can give to ourselves and others. It's so liberating and brings lasting peace. So glad to hear this talk ....going to share this...
One of my best Ted talk in a while I'm psychology major and I'm interested in academia. I experienced and continue to experience tremendous growth once a started being honest with myself
The title attracted me to this right away. Confronting the truthful, writer, and yourself set you free, and the people that you have held hostage along the way! this is a vital choice so people around you can live you can not be a victim and project your pain and anger on people hold them hostage. I am taking responsibility because I don’t have the right to take it out on the people that I love dearly for anyone else
I've been slowly working on myself instead of blaming other for my actions.
Its hard to look at yourself and change poor habits and behavior but, hard times have really had me look at myself and why I act a certain way.
One of the best TEDx Talks I've ever watched.
What an incredible speech! This video deserves more views and likes. Thank you so much for the enlightenment. I never would have realised where I was going wrong until now.
Therapy was the single greatest decision I’ve ever made in my entire life
Amazing... How did you manage to wrap all basic tenets of psychology and decrease stigmatization of our field? I am beyond impressed. My mouth dropped open at the end too.. what an amazing ending and wonderful message to send to the world! THANK YOU!
Greatest speech ever. If there were more people like you in the world it would be more harmonious.
She prepared diligently. I have nothing but sweet feelings for her performance. I hope she's happy in the new direction , away from academics....
Cortney, few of us can be that honest with ourselves! I agree with you fully and have consistently been unable to lie to myself. I hope you are still following your heart and your passion. It makes a difference!
759 people need to enroll in a PSYCH 101 course. This woman is spot on!
Noticing, shifting and a whole lotta listening... With love and honesty is the key to growth! It was so great to find this video. Just what I needed this morning
one of the best TED talks I've heard.. it is so important to realize that we have to ACCEPT ourselves the way we are.. and not how society wants us to be.. and we have to be COURAGEOUS to do that... and the early we realize it, the early we will become better Human Beings, that this Earth needs desperately in this time.. for many reasons..
thank you for this TED talk, Ted talk people.. ':D :)
Seriously one of the best Ted talks ever!
and she is beautiful like you
I can’t be the only one who is self-aware and has continuously been in practice of it since I was young. People are always surprised when I’m honest about my faults and my strengths...it’s exhausting to constantly have to avoid deep discussions with people because they can’t handle being aware of their own actions and motivations and, in turn, aware of how they communicate and resolve conflict. They avoid the truth in front of them because of how they feel and it is (I’m being honest) idiotic and self-destructive.
I’m glad she did this TedTalk and now I’m sharing it. Learn to seek out personal development opportunities that are honest and not just qualifying your behaviors. They hurt people. 😔🤦🏾♀️😕
I think I've probably been selective about being truthful with or about myself. However, @45 I'm very aware of my strengths & weaknesses, and owning them. I can be quite hard on myself but I truly believe that my extremely strict, conservative childhood inflicted a sort of default denial mechanism that I really, really noticed around 30 years old. At first it was terribly shameful & all consuming once I was finally able, ready to reflect & accept responsibility for the way I interpreted things, perceived my own behavior or how easily I justified certain things. After I came to terms with what I was doing & why I was doing it (I went on a journey of liberating, raw truths).
It felt so good!
No, I'm wrong.
No no, seriously, it was my fault.
Since then I've worked on balancing the art of taking accountability while knowing my self worth.
(Now I'm perfect). Lol. Jk. That was a lie.
Life is a long lesson. Sometimes you have to reflect & figure out if you're shooting straight or allowing yourself to buffer a curve out of convenience. I've noticed it's not real tough finding critics or on the contrary- favorable opinions. It's being true to yourself without stacking the facts in your favor that'll help you to find true perspective from an outside, unbiased source.
I might have a completely different mindset in 10 years but for now, I think I get it.
My thoughts EXACTLY! And I do mean EXACTLY. 💯 I just can't allow myself to lie to myself about anything.
When I worked in management, interestingly, one of the surest ways I could tell a manager's customer service was going to start to slip was when, during customer service trainings, they would be dismissive of the material because, in their words, "I'm already great at customer service." Telling themselves they were great at customer service became a great way for them to deceive themselves in situations where it might seem their customer service had been inadequate.
Same! I've heard from multiple people that I'm very self-aware. It helps with self-improvement, and making decisions I don't regret. But it's difficult for me to forge deep relationships with people because, in my own experience anyway, most people aren't very self aware and that's important for me in anyone I let into my life.
She’s very smart and very attractive and a great speaker. That’s a good combination.
"Hurt me with the truth but never comfort me with a lie" Be yourself but be your "true self" When we face the music and dance we no longer need to drug or drink to medicate the pain of hiding the truth. Be transparent & vulnerable; it scares the hell out of fake people but draws in the real ones.
This is the truest shit I've heard in a long while
Each moment:
life gets easier and easier.
And better and better!
I love my life.
I adore who I am.
I will no longer be trapped
in a fake prison.
I am setting myself free, NOW!
It hurt, and that's the past.
I now live in the present.
I am the phoenix
rising from the ashes!
My recovery of depression anxiety alchohol and drugs was first telling my therapist why I took them and how I was feeling that made me depressed and so on. As soon as I was honest my sessions became amazing today I live a life of hope faith and courage. I liked how she said all her ex boyfriends she blamed them it was there fault not being honest saying look at myself first. Self pity isnt gonna work to recover from what ever your issue is. If your listening guys the only way to recovery is honesty . Even with anyone you meet in life not just loved ones . I look at why I first lied in my life and because a normality . Again wasnt honest so lied outta fear. That's why if your suffering at this level of fear or guilt plz go get help now before your too old or just too late . Dont ever be embarrassed ok.
I was so moved by this that I am going to get myself into psychotherapy. What a good Ted talk.
Absolutely fantastic, brave and brutally honest!
She's an outstanding speaker !
“ if you can’t bear the pain of being true to yourself...you will live your life indulged in the darkness of superficiality “
Snoopy W you are not a failure to urself, you just need to be self aware, take responsibility and courage to see yourself as it’s and be true to yourself no matter what & most importantly don’t play the victim game
Young Dreamer I’m no victim. But I’m not sure why people are playing games with me. If I were a victim I wouldn’t see or try to improve myself. I’m sorry I’m not currently able to do much but I will
One of the best TEDTalks I've ever seen.
How do you know you are being honest to yourself when you are telling yourself you are being honest? How do you know what is the right choice? Who is the you behind the ego?
+DivineMoment seek truth and 'ego death' through hallucinogens.
***** Wat u say m8?
+DivineMoment +callum12321232 The reason why "humans" struggle so much is because of the level of consciousness that is being expressed. At a certain level of consciousness a fill in the blanks mentality is expressed; a pretend time. At an expanded level of consciousness their is no self. Even further expansion is acceptance of the fact that we don't know what life is or where the universe comes from.....we stop filling in the blanks and face our fears of not knowing... we let go.
Only then do we step on the path towards "enlightenment".
Only then to escape our primitive corrupted perceptional paradigm sicknesses.
Tier 4 & 5 expressions of consciousness are when we are in the state of bumbling children of the universe, (where most "humans" currently reside. Tier 5.7-5.9 is the deluded scientifically ignorant ambiguous "spiritually enlightened" expressions.....Tier 6 is tangibly enlightened with deep scientific understanding of physical reality while almost complete dissociation.
Hallucinogens and some forms of spirituality are a stepping stone for some....much better than not taking steps but many pitfalls and bad habits of thought are within that path. Hallucinogens sure are fun though, (caution and moderation hmm?)
Important we commune with the biochemistry of our ecosystem to stay in tune with the universe.... whatever these things are heh.... we are more than likely part of it all.... oneness is far more likely than overly simplistic individualism at any rate.
Psychology is merely the study of simple forms of consciousness that live in a false perception of reality.... more than likely.
Welcome to the thought revolution! ;-)
+DivineMoment a quick way to tell if you're being honest is to compare your beliefs with your habits. no matter what you tell yourself or what others tell you, habits reveal honest beliefs. the right thing is the good thing. right choices are healthy/benefit the body's function and are usually good for other people and yourself. right choices don't cause long term hurt/pain for yourself or other people. try to think of the long term health/personal/social consequences of the choices you make to help discover if they are truly good/right.
+DivineMoment Yeah, it sounds like the whole talk is just a big balm on her own bruised ego.
I almost fall asleep by concentrating too much on her teachings,. Thanks very much, you inspired allot...
I love the Pause and think! “What does my reaction to this situation say about me?”
This video in summary. Self awareness. She delivered this speech flawlessly.
this is beyond amazing and helpful , the way of deliver the message is exquisite
By far the best TED talk speaker.
Wow. She just broke down the entire field of existentialism from Heidegger to Sartre in about 20 seconds.
Thanks Nietzsche
A very clear, honest and direct addressing of part of our human condition, fears and self protective tendencies.
Honesty. Truth. Credibility. Respect. They are all related. Lose one and you lose them all.
Laura, I would say that you are correct.
I watch a lot of TED talks. To me they are little inspirational nuggets. Sometimes they don't have substance, but they make you feel good. Like Cheetos. Sometimes there's a bite you have to chew on for a while before swallowing. Sometimes they feed you beauty, which we all need.
This one is a balanced meal; but it made me feel uncomfortably full.
Looking at the comments to this TED talk, there are a lot of truths that resonated with a lot of people. Here's mine:
"Although we can’t control many circumstances we encounter in life, we are responsible for our reactions to all of them."
I have spent a lifetime rationalizing my reactions to things that happened to me. I am the Rationalization King in a land of self deceivers. It's time I studied on self awareness.
Well done, Dr. Courtney Warren. You've made me - and maybe the world - a little bit smarter in just 13 minutes. Maybe a little bit happier as well. Depends on what I do with it.
I really enjoyed her delivery in the presentation...don't understand all the insults
CodysFavorites me either
CodysFavorites ...What insults?
Yeah I don't get it either
If you haven't figured it out yet, human beings detest the truth as much as they love their gargantuan egos.
same. it is a difficult topic to speak about. so i don't understand these other comments
This is the first video that got my eye's watery we truly make life hard on ourselves.
How many of you guys felt as if she was reading you raw? Phew... not a pleasant feeling eh? Well, You're not alone.
?
Her body language is full of manipulators (pointing finger and precision pointing - thumb+index togetherr) but also of openness: palms of the hands up but also discomfort in both the feet on the ground. I feel more as if the insecurity issues about being loved that she admitted too made her create a version of herself where she is comfortable and it necessarily needs to be contrived for the reason that it's created. It fees to me that she was believing dearly in what she was saying, in spite of a very carefully crafted image, i do believe that craft was out of adaptational skills. Who knows!
I definitely didn't , I'm curious on why you thought that
TheSoulS Colours I had the very same feeling. Like if she was a pretty little liar
"About"! "I'm Curious About Why You Thought That". But That Sentence Isn't Grammatically Correct In The 1st Place. A Better Sentence Would Have Been. "I Was Curious As To Why You Thought That."
Lying to yourself is NOT self-deception because you must know the truth first and that is not self-deception but denial. Not knowing the truth in the first place is NOT self-deception but, rather, ignorance. Avoiding or struggling to admit something or lying outright, Freudian defense mechanisms, cognitive distortions, irrational thinking, blaming others, our existential experiences of denial, meaninglessness, etc., is NOT self-deception either. When we lie to ourselves we must already know something and that is NOT deception but denial. I do enjoy your responsible way of admitting the need to stop such behaviors. Let's all take more responsibility. Bravo!
I love this one. One of my favorites. Soooo good. I love the ending lines.
The best video I've ever watched💯
I always wanted to write a book about that. What she's talking about is the key to heaven. But our ego does not allow us to pay attention to our lies....
This is by far my most favorite Ted talk.
I like the subject, the content is good, at the same time, it appears like she has put a lot of time and energy into the 'way' she presents ....not just the content so it comes across very 'acted' too slick, the dress, the body movements, the facial movement ect....I do prefer people who present their 'idea worth spreading' in a natural down to earth, almost 'vulnerable' way! But as woman we feel we have to fit in with the perfect look, the figure, the perfect hairstyle.. makeup...its a culture thing. However It takes guts to get up there and speak and she obviously prepared everything diligently. So fair play she is a very beautiful, intelligent woman and speaks flawlessly.
She's playing / thinks she's an actress. You make everythink look better with your comment. I prefer the scholar approach rather than this " beautiful dress " etc. etc. type of presentation
Excellent introduction to cognitive psychology, one of my favorite topics since my own childhood (many moons ago). Dr. Warren is one of only a few women whom I see elaborate on this area, from a first and third person perspective, consistently.
Oh my god! Its the same thing that just happened to me. I went for a master degree and I left, I didnt feel passion for it, I was doing it to not disapointing my family, my boyfriend, my fathers dream... It was painful to see the truth and accept my Own desires...
The lady has a great voice, expression, contents and body language. Abosuletly brilliant talk.
The good story teller, and great pause in sentence, and effective voice up and lower. Mesmerizing talk.
Adults do not understand the how damaging divorce is to children.
True. Also, adults don't understand how damaging it is to children to stay in an abusive marriage. If your spouse is abusing you, it's pretty much certain they are abusing your children too.
I don't think that we can accurately say that divorce itself is damaging - lack of respect between two parents is damaging, regardless of whether they stay together or not. Not openly communicating what is happening to your children, and being present while they process these changes is damaging. Divorce itself is not a cause of damage - the way parents handle themselves and their children is.
People should probably try not having children until they actually KNOW they're in an honest relationship where both partners are really committed to do the work to keep it together through the toughest patches. Divorce wouldn't be such a problem without the children involved, so we should probably look at the lying to ourselves we do prior to rushing into having them.
Brad, is that all adults or just some adults? I understand that divorce of parents is no fun to children. I'm at least one person who has such understanding.
I have to say I made a mistake with who I had a child with and if I had it to do over I would have looked more carefully at the situation and would have never continued. I have to live with that. But I will say I know that I do not want to repeat the vicious cycle and while there are things I can’t change, I will make a solid effort to be more mindful in my perception and decision making. That’s all I can do.