This is so true. When I was 16 years old and told my father that I had fear of going to my work, he told me that he would lock me in a room... and since that time I never spoke again about my feelings or fear. Anger was also not done in our family.
I had this belief that when I felt frustrated at something that meant I wasn’t grateful or I was being bratty. This video helped me understand this level of thinking which I never realized before like wow! Like honestly as I type this I realize how silly this line of thinking is 😂
For the past 18 months I’ve had CFS triggered by covid. Normally I feel very flat, even considering everything as horrible as I’m going through, I rarely actually feel access to the sadness. I tried the exercise and some intense intense emotions have been hitting and my symptoms are flairing up. I grew up with a lot of mental illness in my family and I myself experienced crippling depression at one point in my life so I definitely think I am scared of emotions. I’m going to keep practicing this and see where it leads.
What an amazing video. Sadness is an emotion I’ve always ran from. I was bullied in middle school so my mind associated feeling sad with being weak and weak being a target for more bullying. So sadness=wrong. Running from emotions=being chased by a predator=fight flight or freeze… thank you so much for this realization. It’s ok to feel sad … 😅
Absolute need to hear this over and over again. I'm in hyper vigilant nervous system state purely because I'm looking at setting up a business Facebook page!! I'm shaking, heart thumping out my chest as I'm so afraid of doing it wrong. I'm trying to tell myself I'm safe 🙄💙
Progress, not perfection. There is no "wrong". And when it comes to Facebook Pages, you can edit them. Go for it. Be okay making mistakes. If you wait till you know how to do it perfectly, you'll never begin.
@@PainFreeYou I've done and guess what? It's not perfect and needs more work but that's ok! I have a real fear of technology failing me as it did so much in the past and I didn't have the means to fix it so I became afraid of it. Those feelings are now triggered when I use it and I'm scared of the feelings! Also I'm afraid of being stupid and not understanding when everyone else in the whole wide world does 😆
Dont take stress of negative emotions, just give them a positive meaning and this wont be a stress for you anymore. Emotions are safe you gave a healthy meaning. This is what I got from this video.
Thanks for this! So glad to realize I am normal! To me, there is nothing wrong about showing most emotions; however, anger, is an emotion which I think needs to be tempered at times, particularly if there is a remote chance someone's anger can lead to destructive behaviour.
I understand. It's not the emotion that's dangerous....but the expressing of it to others. The concept is that FEELING is internal. Expressing is external. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions.
Very interesting Dan. So I did the exercise and it was a 50/50 split and I know exactly why... Anxiety/Fear/Worry - Came up as meaning "I am like my Mum" but reframed as "What I was taught as a child, to be fearful of the world, just meant I was operating on bad data". Joy, Happiness, Excitment, Shame, and Guilt - Came up as "It means I will feel pain if I feel this emotion" but reframed as "NOT feeling this emotion = pain, feeling the emotion = safety". I know the part re my Mum was because I lived with a very anxious Mum growing up and the second half is because when my pain was bad say 5 years ago, any kind of emotion I felt always resulted in more pain. If I cried because I was sad my head would get bad and even if I got too happy my head would get worse so from that point I taught myself - Do not to feel emotions because emotions = pain/danger. Great exercise Dan. Very useful to know moving forwards.
The reframe concept opened a thought window. My dad suffered from clinical depression. It was just the thing in the family...it had a lot of tentacles. I have not been , outwardly, afraid of emotion..I dont flee or fight...I can cry and Express anger. But you made me think about how dad's depression impacted everything...and the judgement of my mom around that. I'm going to "sip" at that...thanks.
One thing that may help too - Nicole talks about being “in between” is where pain comes .. so with your parents, look at how you love and hate them (and yourself) for this, or how you tried to “fix” it and see where that takes you.
I let my emotions come, I cry... but it's mostly frustration I feel... towards myself actually. I find it hard to feel anger or rage without being agressive towards myself or my surroundings. I think Im scared of being really angry... Im allowed to be angry!!!! Im allowed to be pissed off about certain things...
This is so common and explains why we repress anger. Do the exercise explained in the video and reframe your emotions to "perfectly normal" and make you human. It will help greatly.
Dan, I’m doing the emotional work but for the last five or so days I’ve noticed that I’m feeling really wired. I don’t know if it’s excitement over really believing now that I do have TMS or stress illness, or could it be the TMS throwing up a symptom? My breathing seems ok but I FEEL as though I’m not breathing properly, as though I’m anxious. This is a newby for me! Weird to say the least. 🤪
Anxiety can sometimes increase during or after this "work". Don't sweat it. Anxiety is just a sensation and is not harmful. Take an attitude of indifference to this feeling of anxiety. Soothe yourself often. Calm your body and mind. You are already well. You just need to convince your brain of this fact.
The pain makes me feel overwhelmed...I think...maybe I'm gaslighting myself?? I have done emotional work pretty intensely over the years...I feel relief from that process. But the pain steaks up at random times and broadsides me. I know there must be a link connecting these..but that trail is hiding in the unconscious. I think the writing will access it...but I'm 61...I'm impatient! I get on with my life daily...but the pain makes me slow ..I'm trying to retrain my brain daily. Suggestions?
Yes - it's more than just feeling emotions. I speak about mindset all the time. Shifting focus away from the pain as much as possible. Being impatient is the opposite of indifference. Don't care if you hurt or not. If the pain comes? So what. This video maps out ALL the essential elements of ending symptoms. They are ALL required. Take notes - implement all these concepts. ruclips.net/video/3vJgBnrhFt8/видео.html
Like Dan said, impatience is really just a perfectionist trait - it’s not going away the way you want to control it. Be ok with whatever is at the moment, and be open to the possibility that it could be gone at any moment and not come back. Be mindful of doing it “too intensely” .. I’ve been in that trap many times - that’s where the mindset matters most. I like the image of a dot on a whiteboard - when you are intense your face is pressed up right against it and all you see is what? The dot .. the pain. Step back and go easy on yourself when you notice this.
I will need to practice consistency.. It's easy to get in the pattern of the day and forget all about it. What are some ways some of you use to get out of your habitual grind throughout the day and go "ok, I'm going to reframe this?". Sticky notes all over? This is a serious question. The monkey brain doesn't have time for anything during the day to do anything else but the same old negative emotions.
The purpose of the exercise is to reframe emotions in general as safe. DO the exercise described in the video. Literally write it out. DECIDE that emotions are okay. And any time you feel an intense emotion, REMIND yourself that you are normal and this is safe to feel. Then FEEL the emotions.
Go slow and be easy on yourself would be step one.. step two is keep it simple. Personally i have a whiteboard with some keywords - the big one circled right now is just one word “SAFE” .. part of the part that gets us all here is all or nothing thinking.. just give yourself permission for some space to chip at it a little bit each day
![FNAF vs TF2 - Episode 2 [SFM]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/z5b3V2-VLb0/mqdefault.jpg)
You are a giver, taking your time to educate people and help them pain free, I am learning everyday from you❤❤❤❤❤
My pleasure.
This is so true. When I was 16 years old and told my father that I had fear of going to my work, he told me that he would lock me in a room... and since that time I never spoke again about my feelings or fear. Anger was also not done in our family.
The best way to change the perception that emotions are dangerous is to begin feeling them.
I had this belief that when I felt frustrated at something that meant I wasn’t grateful or I was being bratty. This video helped me understand this level of thinking which I never realized before like wow! Like honestly as I type this I realize how silly this line of thinking is 😂
Wonderful Farah.
For the past 18 months I’ve had CFS triggered by covid. Normally I feel very flat, even considering everything as horrible as I’m going through, I rarely actually feel access to the sadness. I tried the exercise and some intense intense emotions have been hitting and my symptoms are flairing up.
I grew up with a lot of mental illness in my family and I myself experienced crippling depression at one point in my life so I definitely think I am scared of emotions. I’m going to keep practicing this and see where it leads.
What an amazing video. Sadness is an emotion I’ve always ran from. I was bullied in middle school so my mind associated feeling sad with being weak and weak being a target for more bullying. So sadness=wrong. Running from emotions=being chased by a predator=fight flight or freeze… thank you so much for this realization. It’s ok to feel sad … 😅
Yes it is. Sadness makes us human.
Thank you Dan for making this video emotions are safe 😘😘😘
My pleasure
Absolute need to hear this over and over again. I'm in hyper vigilant nervous system state purely because I'm looking at setting up a business Facebook page!! I'm shaking, heart thumping out my chest as I'm so afraid of doing it wrong. I'm trying to tell myself I'm safe 🙄💙
Progress, not perfection. There is no "wrong". And when it comes to Facebook Pages, you can edit them. Go for it. Be okay making mistakes. If you wait till you know how to do it perfectly, you'll never begin.
@@PainFreeYou I've done and guess what? It's not perfect and needs more work but that's ok! I have a real fear of technology failing me as it did so much in the past and I didn't have the means to fix it so I became afraid of it. Those feelings are now triggered when I use it and I'm scared of the feelings! Also I'm afraid of being stupid and not understanding when everyone else in the whole wide world does 😆
@@gayleosborne5109 The point of the video is that emotions are emotions. They have NO meaning. We can DECIDE that they are safe. Go for it!
Dont take stress of negative emotions, just give them a positive meaning and this wont be a stress for you anymore.
Emotions are safe you gave a healthy meaning.
This is what I got from this video.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you 🙏🏽 💕 emotions are 💯 safe
Thanks for this! So glad to realize I am normal! To me, there is nothing wrong about showing most emotions; however, anger, is an emotion which I think needs to be tempered at times, particularly if there is a remote chance someone's anger can lead to destructive behaviour.
I understand. It's not the emotion that's dangerous....but the expressing of it to others. The concept is that FEELING is internal. Expressing is external. Give yourself permission to feel the emotions.
Another one I'd missed. Wow. Thank you
Enjoy!
Very interesting Dan. So I did the exercise and it was a 50/50 split and I know exactly why...
Anxiety/Fear/Worry - Came up as meaning "I am like my Mum" but reframed as "What I was taught as a child, to be fearful of the world, just meant I was operating on bad data".
Joy, Happiness, Excitment, Shame, and Guilt - Came up as "It means I will feel pain if I feel this emotion" but reframed as "NOT feeling this emotion = pain, feeling the emotion = safety".
I know the part re my Mum was because I lived with a very anxious Mum growing up and the second half is because when my pain was bad say 5 years ago, any kind of emotion I felt always resulted in more pain. If I cried because I was sad my head would get bad and even if I got too happy my head would get worse so from that point I taught myself - Do not to feel emotions because emotions = pain/danger.
Great exercise Dan. Very useful to know moving forwards.
You are welcome.
The reframe concept opened a thought window. My dad suffered from clinical depression. It was just the thing in the family...it had a lot of tentacles. I have not been , outwardly, afraid of emotion..I dont flee or fight...I can cry and Express anger. But you made me think about how dad's depression impacted everything...and the judgement of my mom around that. I'm going to "sip" at that...thanks.
Do the exercise. Write it out. It helps understand the unconscious repression which is at the root of TMS.
One thing that may help too - Nicole talks about being “in between” is where pain comes .. so with your parents, look at how you love and hate them (and yourself) for this, or how you tried to “fix” it and see where that takes you.
I let my emotions come, I cry... but it's mostly frustration I feel... towards myself actually. I find it hard to feel anger or rage without being agressive towards myself or my surroundings. I think Im scared of being really angry... Im allowed to be angry!!!! Im allowed to be pissed off about certain things...
I swore never to be angry like my dad 😭 never realised how powerful my words and thoughts were.
This is so common and explains why we repress anger. Do the exercise explained in the video and reframe your emotions to "perfectly normal" and make you human. It will help greatly.
Thanks Dan, I will be working with this. New info for me. Much appreciated.
Fantastic! Be sure to write out the exercise for yourself.
I've heard you say pdp is perceived danger pain, but what is tms? Thanks
Dan, I’m doing the emotional work but for the last five or so days I’ve noticed that I’m feeling really wired. I don’t know if it’s excitement over really believing now that I do have TMS or stress illness, or could it be the TMS throwing up a symptom? My breathing seems ok but I FEEL as though I’m not breathing properly, as though I’m anxious. This is a newby for me! Weird to say the least. 🤪
Anxiety can sometimes increase during or after this "work". Don't sweat it. Anxiety is just a sensation and is not harmful. Take an attitude of indifference to this feeling of anxiety. Soothe yourself often. Calm your body and mind. You are already well. You just need to convince your brain of this fact.
Pain Free You Thanks Dan! Funny but after getting this reassurance everything has calmed right down! Strange that eh? 🤗
Pain free you emotional openhouse
The pain makes me feel overwhelmed...I think...maybe I'm gaslighting myself?? I have done emotional work pretty intensely over the years...I feel relief from that process. But the pain steaks up at random times and broadsides me. I know there must be a link connecting these..but that trail is hiding in the unconscious. I think the writing will access it...but I'm 61...I'm impatient! I get on with my life daily...but the pain makes me slow ..I'm trying to retrain my brain daily. Suggestions?
Yes - it's more than just feeling emotions. I speak about mindset all the time. Shifting focus away from the pain as much as possible. Being impatient is the opposite of indifference. Don't care if you hurt or not. If the pain comes? So what. This video maps out ALL the essential elements of ending symptoms. They are ALL required. Take notes - implement all these concepts.
ruclips.net/video/3vJgBnrhFt8/видео.html
Like Dan said, impatience is really just a perfectionist trait - it’s not going away the way you want to control it. Be ok with whatever is at the moment, and be open to the possibility that it could be gone at any moment and not come back. Be mindful of doing it “too intensely” .. I’ve been in that trap many times - that’s where the mindset matters most. I like the image of a dot on a whiteboard - when you are intense your face is pressed up right against it and all you see is what? The dot .. the pain. Step back and go easy on yourself when you notice this.
@@chickscratcher3 thank you, Shaun! I really appreciate your perspective. I will remind myself to "step back"...😌
@@PainFreeYou I will save this one! Very helpful. I hope to gradually move toward automatically integrating the mindset to replace old thought habits.
I will need to practice consistency.. It's easy to get in the pattern of the day and forget all about it. What are some ways some of you use to get out of your habitual grind throughout the day and go "ok, I'm going to reframe this?". Sticky notes all over?
This is a serious question. The monkey brain doesn't have time for anything during the day to do anything else but the same old negative emotions.
The purpose of the exercise is to reframe emotions in general as safe. DO the exercise described in the video. Literally write it out. DECIDE that emotions are okay. And any time you feel an intense emotion, REMIND yourself that you are normal and this is safe to feel. Then FEEL the emotions.
Go slow and be easy on yourself would be step one.. step two is keep it simple. Personally i have a whiteboard with some keywords - the big one circled right now is just one word “SAFE” .. part of the part that gets us all here is all or nothing thinking.. just give yourself permission for some space to chip at it a little bit each day