In my 50’s now, do I regret not having kids?
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- Опубликовано: 19 янв 2023
- Good question! I’m happy to share my experience and some wisdom as a Filipino woman who chose not to have kids.
#GenX #womenover40 #womenover50 #childfree #childfreebychoice #parenting #climatecrisis #health
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Child free, 57, single and loving it. I love children, and that's why I teach and am a great auntie. Thanks for this video.
If you do NOT want children, do not have them. Children deserve loving parents.
I want children the men is what I don’t want
I really liked the "do I want to be a parent?" part so much because that's such a good perspective shift to take when deciding
It's more a question of "do i want to fit in and be like my peers".
I'm 53 next month, Most of the people I know are married and have kids, and they have no time for anything else. This has left me feeling very alone and isolated. Anyone who doesn't is usually younger than me, and I have very little else in common with them.
So, I have a very hard time finding friends I can actually spend time with.
I do not do social media. I do not meet new people online. i strictly only meet make new friends in person. But I guess that is an obsolete attitude. i want to go back to the 20th century.
Apparently, judging by these comments, there are many who choose not to have kids, but I have no idea where they are in the physical world.
I don't want kids, I can't even take care of myself. My life didn't work out well, my career failed, i am alone, I would have been better off to be more like my peers. but romance failed too, no woman will have me I guess, I'm too depressed, and I smoke too much.
I really just want to give up.......
It's an interesting topic. The lady in the video raised worthwhile points as well. Undoubtedly it isn't for every person out there. In her case it isn't like there aren't any children in her life.
Being an aunty likely reduces any of the harsher side-effects many women experience.
In my experience a number of women I encountered who didn't have children of their own had a slightly destructive impact on myself and the other children they encountered.
It's almost as if some (childless women) start to consider themselves equally responsible for other people's children as their actual parents.
Bit concerned what that might mean for society if it were to become more of a widespread trend. Through state power some people seek to control families which has troubling political implications.
@@peterbelanger4094 I'm sorry...
all I can say is I hope it gets better for you.
@@peterbelanger4094i Peter!!! Late comment but pls don't be hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with where you're at right now. If being in a relationship though, would give you comfort, I strongly suggest online dating. If for anything, at least you'll interact with more people than usual and that'll shape your mind into accepting different perspectives. I wish you the best!!
@@peterbelanger4094 my heart goes out to you. I have felt similarly, and Meditation greatly helped me. I would consider it if you haven’t already. I can do is continue to trust your experience, and have faith. Health and happiness are always possible.
I'm 42. Am a parent to one 13 year old. I love it! With that said, not everyone feels called to be a parent. I never regret my decision to be one. No one should regret, or feel shamed, for not being one.
Thanks for this kind message. 🙂🌻🇨🇦
True. And it doesn't stop with the childfree. For example, someone could ask you if you regret not having more than one child. And if you did have two children, someone could ask you if you regret not having three, and so on.... Based on your reply, I imagine that your reply would be the same as you replied here. Some people will never be happy, no matter what we do.
@@thedeal9526 🎯
Or for being one. There are pros and cons to everything in life.
@@favour3319 I have yet to see what the cons would be about being childfree. Being alone? I'm not. I have friends, and a support system. Not "fitting in"? I would rather be a 1st rate version of myself than a 2nd rate version of myself. Discrimination in the workplace? I'm self-employed. I have a massotherapy studio, not a day care center. You give me any lip about my lifestyle, you take the door. I won't lose sleep. I'm hunky dory over here. 😉🌤️🇨🇦
childfree and 70. no regrets.
If your parents had the same mind set you would be an unfertile egg, have some shame
You will, when u get abused at a home
@@andregarson3657 i used to work in a nursing home and a whole lot of the elderly NEVER got visits from their children. they would dress up on sunday hoping family would visit, but no one came.
@@MSirajRiaz No one asked to be born into this DISGUSTING world first of all....And how has her choice not to have children affected your life exactly???
Yet you are here 🤦🏻♂️
My husband and I never wanted children and now we are in our 70s have never regretted the decision. I have spent many years volunteering for a local community charity, as well as working in some specialised areas of law that particularly impinge on poorer people. You don't need to create new people to benefit your community.
Thank you for your service 🙏
Bravo! You are NOT stupid, and I admire you for what you do. I also admire men like your husband. I know many men who never wanted children, including the love of my life, and it was for the best, just as my decision was. May you and your husband enjoy many more years of health, joy, and success together! 👌🌟
Well said.
Thank you for this. I'm in my 30s and still pondering the question, but leaning more and more towards not having any kids for precisely how you phrased your last sentence.
Until the moment where you are in a hospital bed and everyone you know is gone. Then you see there are families coming to visit but going in other rooms. That is the moment you start thinking about your life, asking yourself what was the point of living a child free life because you start realizing the patience in other rooms with family are still going to live on when they die but you will be gone. Your youth, smile, laughter,,,, is gone.
Heaven and hell exist during the time we are still alive. We will only live in that moment at the end of our life.
I always hear "DON'T YOU WANT A FAMILY?!?!"
I do have a family. I have people in my life I love and care about. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you don't have a support system.
Thank you! Well said! 🎯👌
I agree. Family means 'people who genuinly care for you and support you. In the most ideal situation that would be your 'real' Family. But sadly, this not often happens.
So true.
Not to mention that having kids doesn't mean that you have a support system, kids aren't always there for their parents, and can't be when they're young anyway.
@@kshamwhizzle6544 Yes, like my mom did to me 😔
I am 53 and I have zero regrets not having kids. I chose to not get pregnant I had a lot of family, health and financial issues that would have prevented me from being the best parent I could have been.
I’m 39…. My life has its ups and downs but 0 regrets about not having kids and being unmarried. ❤❤❤❤
I'm 39 too happily unmarried and childfree, we're awesome and very privileged as women in this world to able to live like that ❤❤❤
Sorry to hear that
@@werewolfking2249sorry that others are happy? Yeah you breeders would like to drag us into sharing your misery with you
The older women get the less the world will care about you other than family.....a lot women aren't honest with themselves....old men can accumulate money and be attractive to women and be respected by other men....when your looks go you've got tough times ahead.
@@misemefein100lol did u just say poor u for not participating in patriarchal bs? Cuz those “unwanted” women are the happiest people if u bother research. But what do I know, go back to dreaming about being respected by other men and becoming rich old man who attracts young women, like most of men would even get close to that 😭 seriously u killed me with that comment
As a mom of 3 and wife, i support childfree movement.
interesting.. why?
I love her take on this, especially asking herself if she wanted to be a parent, not If she wanted to have a baby.
I’m 33, child free, husband free and getting my tubes tied very soon. I’ve never had one regret! I’m not cut out for motherhood.
Thinking about having kids gives me stress. But I'm worried I'll regret it
You are 33, you are pretty much done
@@bolatbobo8521😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 who cares she don't care why you care😂😂😂😂
@bolatbobo8521 you are wrong. Most women in my country start having kids after 32.
@@bolatbobo8521 Why are men so triggered?
I'm 36 and I knew I didn't kids since I was 4. I didn't even think about it. I just felt it. Some people have a desire to be a parent and I simply never had it. Quite the opposite.
Amazing. I do not even think many think " I want to be a parent" so much as " I want to have a kid" or its an "oopsy" baby + now they are conflicted + most go along not being fully aware of what they are walking into hence why many crumble under the responsibility. It's not something to be taken lightly, it is a life + if one is struggling to manage their own by themselves I think it is reckless to being life into the world.
I feel you! I'm 54 years young, and I knew from before I even started high school that children would not be in my life. I believe that happiness starts with YOU, and to look to a child to fill your emotional gaps is not only small-minded, it is reckless, and it places a burden on the child. That's NOT the child's job! 🙂🌻🇨🇦
@liz blanco and I would have answered:" When you change a dog into a cat!" 😆👌🇨🇦
I knew it from very early on too.
When I was a little kid I told my grandmother I didnt want kids and she pointed to a little island on the sea and told me "That's where bad women who dont have children go". I didnt completely believe her but I was a kid so it still got to my head a little but my immediate thought after she said that was to imagine scenerios im my head about how I would run away and get out of there. Even that kind of scare I got as a kid didnt change the way I felt and what I knew to be true in my heart.
I still think the same as an adult.
@@nightshade2826 That's just awful... I'm glad you weren't traumatized by that.
When I was a young age, like 10, I decided I didn't want to get married or have kids. Now I am in my 40's and looking at the world today, I know it was the right decision FOR ME. I know most won't agree or understand but that's OK. To each their own.
I'm 29 and childfree! The older I get the happier I am with that decision. My husband and I are always looking at each other saying "thank god.." 🤣🤦♀️
Thank God is right!
Be grateful you found a man who ALSO doesn't have/want kids! apparently, they're hard to find.
@@B0BBYJ4CKIf you're on dating sites, put that you're childfree in your bio and I can guarantee it will filter a lot of people out. My sister met her current fiancé on Bumble that way.
Slippery slope CD hole
Just be cautious if any one of you starts changing your minds about it. I'm sure it can then become complicated.
No thanks, no kids for me, I'm not selfish enough to force someone to suffer and die.
Same.
Not everyone lives miserable life like you do lol
@@f1shze4lot HEY! Who the hell are YOU to judge someone's life? Stay in YOUR OWN lane, you piece of CRAPOLA!
@@f1shze4lotnot everyone wants annoying children the way you do
@@f1shze4loteveryone suffers at least a bit and dies in the end though
I'm in my 60s now. Married for 40 years. No children, by choice. No regrets. In fact, lately, a week doesn't go by that we say we're glad we didn't have kids. We have lots of siblings who have children and their worry is constant.
One thing I do not relate to is the pressure to have kids. My parents, my in-laws, my family, and my friends never pressured me to have children. I have 2 high school friends (also in their 60s) that I still talk to and neither of them had children. I've never heard them say they felt pressure to have children. I'm shocked that this generation seems to be experiencing so much pressure. My siblings and friends aren't pressuring their children. They see that their children don't have the same advantages that they had, and their potential grandchildren will likely inherit an even bleaker world.
Great message 👏🏽 I’m 36 and my partner 38 and neither of us have the desire to have children. Happy with it :)
Bravo!
Thank you for this. I am 34, married for a couple years now, and have been getting so much pressure from family and even just acquaintances that I need to have children. There were a few times in my 20's when I felt that "urge" and thought maybe I wanted to after all, but it always vanished after I remembered just how much time and work would also be involved. Now that I'm older and finally finding out who I am as a person I've realized I really, really do not want to be the parent of another human being. I don't want to drag a soul from the ether and force a person into existence because of a fleeting biological urge only to make them live in this insane world and also just knowing who I am and where I came from. I wouldn't want my kids to ever go through what I went through and what I'm still healing from as an almost middle-aged woman. I get so tired of being called selfish for it too! Like how the heck is it selfish to make the decision to not create another human to join in the suffering on this already morbidly overcrowded planet? How am I more selfish than some crackhead who pops out another kid because "I already had 3 so why not?" No, I think my decision is a wise one and one of the most difficult I have ever made.
Sorry for the rant, your video was just very validating!
I am a 64 2:51 year-old man with two adult children and I agree with you 100%. I’m so tired of seeing these homeless drug attic’s popping kids out it’s mine blowing. And I agree with you this world is sometimes a very hard place to be in. I agree with you you made the right decision. Try to live your best life because you’re already Already here. You could do a lot more to make this planet a better place than bringing another human being into the world.
I'm 57 and don't have any children and still people call me selfish. I don't think as it being selfish I see it as being responsible. I knew I did not want to have children and stuck to it regardless of what people thought. The same people who are calling you selfish is the same people who are going to call you foolish when you are struggling to raise a child that you did not want to have.
You’re 100% spot on
@@jonniehickson5599 it’s not selfish. And whoever is judging you like that is just projecting their ignorance and jealousy onto you.
I agree with you.
Thank you for making this video. I am Filipino and 35 now so I am starting to feel that pressure. I have never wanted to be a parent and I honestly have never wanted kids. My mom though will not stop pressuring me and trying to guilt trip me. My brother is also single (no kids) but she doesn't pressure him. It's so unfair.
The stupid double standard is still around! I'm not surprised. Btw, please tell your mother in no uncertain terms that your decision stands, and that she has to learn to accept it once and for all. Please tell her also that just because she did it, that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to do it, too, and that the more she pressures you, the more into the ground you'll dig your heels. Wishing you well from Montreal, Quebec. 🙂🌻🇨🇦
@pisswobble what's your problem?
People are so hot and bothered that we live the way we want and not to satisfy them. So pathetic.
@pisswobble "we are born to procreate" cant imagine having such a bloody miserable existence. I wish you luck in life with *that* kind of ideology. You certainly need it.
@@nightshade2826 you are absolutely correct! I have been saying the same thing, myself. They think their way is the ONLY way to live. No the hell it isn't! 🎯🌟😊🇨🇦
I’m 43 & I have no plans for children. I fractured my pelvis in a car accident. I am an aunt to a wonderful niece. There is no need to justify why you do not want kids.❤
I have ONE! I'm a man who likes my money. Im in my early 40's, own a business, live in a upscale home, got 2 luxury cars & more money in my savings than i kno wat to do with. My MALE friends and family who've had multiple kids are practically homeless & struggling financially due to child support. I wouldn't be living the life I live now if I had more kids.
I'm 49 and regret not having a family for sure. I'm alone every Holiday as most of my family has passed. I have sisters who are busy with their lives and families. I one hundred percent regret not having a family.
Sorry for that. Your feelings are valid, all people are different and prefer different things
Thank you for your honesty.....my grandaunt had similar regrets at the end of her life at 93.... luckily she had lots of nephews and nieces and their kids who took an interest in her life.....stay close to your family....in the end that's all we have
You know, sometimes people having children are also alone because things do happen. Did you try getting a dog? Not 100 cats 😁, but a good dog.
I have no desire to have children too. My mother died of breast cancer when she was 37 years old leaving three very small children. I was 9, my sister was 6 and my brother was just a newly born baby. This happened in 1992, and within a short period of time my father married to another woman and I suffered a lot in her hands including my sister but myself was the worst!! She abused me every single day! I'm going to be 40 in a few months time and although I'm married to a wonderful man and living a good life now (I'm very grateful for this kind and loving man), but after what happened to me in my past.....I really have no desire to have children because I don't want them to suffer like I did in my childhood. Also, I think I'm not mentality fit to be a parent because I get stressed out too easily.
Smart move. 👌
🙏
I’m so sorry for what you went through.
Your Father remarried quickly because he didn’t want to be a single parent to 3 young children. Didn’t take the time to properly make sure he was choosing the right partner that would also be a great parent to you and your siblings. That’s so devastating..
It seems she didn't have nothing against the brother just the girls . 😔
@@LuvDaSkinUAreIn you are absolutely right. She was just jealous of the girls....but she treated my baby brother really good thinking in her mind that he will take care of her when she is old...it's an Asian thing that the son will take care of the parents when they are old....but I heard from my sister recently, that my brother is not in a good shape mentally (he is an adult now) and threatened to harm the step mom ...she couldn't stay in the same house with him anymore thus she had to leave....I believe in karma.
Amen 🙌
I got my tubes removed last year at 27. I felt this way since I was 14. I grew up poor and my sisters had many kids and I was always the baby sitter whether I wanted to be or not.
Absolutely happy that I was smart and strong enough to not get swayed by others opinions and do it at 27. It’s been a year since my surgery and I every passing day I feel better about my choice. Amazing video ❤️
27......
@ who the fook is that guy stevens
Yes 27…your point is?
@@Sarah-dq1fm you don't know shit but 🤷
I feel like your sister robbed you of your choice... I am happy that you are happy though.
@afreecanbomaye5283
In a way yes but I’m ok with it! I’m happy that I get to live my life on my own terms now and had those experiences with my nieces and nephews. I wouldn’t change a thing ❤️ Thanks stranger and God bless you 🙂
I made the decision not to have kids 45 years ago. I have no regrets. Best decision for me. I think people don’t think it through on a deep level and count the costs. I believe many parents have 0 idea how to raise children but they have them anyway. The kids pay for it. 😮
I completely agree with you that most people are not fit for being parents.
You are so right!
Agreed!!
My family used to pressure me to have kids, until my older cousin had hers and started bringing her over to my family to care for her. Then it was all "I'm glad you don't want kids, I'm tired of raising kids that ain't mine!"
I’m 43 and only become more thankful every day that I’m not responsible for any children. I like kids well enough, but my friends with children are all exhausted and stressed out constantly. I have 5 nieces so I also still have lots of opportunity to spend time with sweet adorable babies. Their parents are happy when I visit because I distract the kids to give them the brief break they desperately need.
haha you should like a man child. im glad you dont have any.
Childfree & over 50. No regrets whatsoever. One of the best decisions I've ever made. 😊🍾🥂🎊🎈
🛀🛌🚣♀🚴♀🚶♀
Are you celebrating? 🤣 Oh God help me. This woman comforting herself 😢
Same! 🤗🥂🎉❤
yes, now wait 20 years and answer that again...when you die alone , unloved , unmourned..you're not thinking it through
horrible comment@@kantraxoikol6914
As a 33-year old woman with a teenage daughter, I think not wanting children is perfectly normal AND justified. I love my daughter, but my life would definitely be easier and potentially more exciting if I hadn't had a child. It is a huge responsibility and it's a no-brainer that some people don't want this kind of commitment. It's fine, just be honest with yourself.
Also, your hair is beautiful ❤
A good question you should ask yourself, do I want this baby more than anything in the world?
Lets just say I'm childfree after asking myself that question😊
I am 66, no regrets about not having kids. I have travelled extensively, had a successful career, long marriage. I have nephews that I am close to, but have never regretted my choice. I did wonder who would care for me when I am old, but that's not a reason to have a child.
@luvthisoldhome how do you have sex without causing any accident I’m 28 still A Virgin until I get an vasectomy
Your last stand will be your last bed ⚰️
there is absolutly no assurance any kid out lives the parents at any stage in history the sooner people realise this the better of the stupid comments oh how will look after you and of course most are selfish or live abroad or cant due to work pressure
I'm in home healthcare. I had a patient live to 104. She wanted marriage and children but through no fault of her own didn't marry until her 70s. She had step kids, but it was a wonderful neighbor who watched out for her and arranged her home care in her golden years. I have a current patient who is 90. One of her daughters lives like 45 minutes to an hour away. She's incredibly grateful for us aides because she and her mom would butt heads if she was to do hands-on care. The daughter is actively involved, but from a distance.
I work in a field that has me around many elderly people--couples and widowers (70's-90's.) In most cases, their adult children are seldom seen. Most live in another state, so the geography tends to be a convenient excuse. And even those that live nearby, well, good luck with that. If there is interaction, it's often an emergency. Otherwise, these folks may as well not be related----the elderly have closer relationships with the employees at Dollar Tree.
Thank you so much for sharing this! You said it perfectly - not “do I want kids” but “Do I want to be a parent?”
Bang on point.
I've been there, not wanting kids or even to get married. I was raised in a tough household with very little affection and parents who showed no warmth towards each other. Met my husband at 32 and my whole world changed. Suffered through the loss of our first child who passed away at 2 months old and had 2 years of infertility. I never thought I would want children so much. Now I have 2, boy and girl born a year apart and are basically twins. They do everything together and bring me so much joy and love. Yes, it's hard work and I get tired, but when I'm falling asleep and my little girl comes up to me with a blanket and gives me a hug, and tells me "I love you, mama", I can't imagine not having her in my life. A child's love is so pure and it's scary to think that this little person is looking to you for answers, for safety and security and you might possibly be not worthy of being their parent. It's humbling and empowering at the same time. Definitely the biggest challenge of my life. But it's not for everyone and I wish people that do decide to have children would take their jobs more seriously.
I’m sorry for the loss you had, I’m so pleased that you have a happy family now though
Unless the child is apathetic, and incabable of love, and NEVER said I love you" even once. If they ever did say that, I wouldn't believe them.
I'm 32 and don't plan on having kids, I'm glad to hear your perspective
Please don't deprive yourself of the pure joy of having babies
@@user-rt2jl4tx4z that's interesting,I don't come across too many people who are happy to have kids.
@@user-rt2jl4tx4z For some people, it's torture.
@@user-rt2jl4tx4zi understand having babies is joyful but after they grow up, itll suck
i grew up raising my 2 younger siblings since our parents couldnt be bothered with responsibility. I learned very quickly what its like to parent without any financial or social support. My siblings were destructive, loud, sticky. I was always cleaning up after them, cooking their food, keeping them from climbing the shelves and offing themselves. All since they were born when I was 7. Most of my belongings were either sacrificed to them or destroyed by them. My parents even had the audacity to say "kids dont need to worry about money, so you dont need any" while also not buying us food, clothes, and school supplies. Its not even like we didn't have the money either, they had jobs and we got welfare, they just wanted to spend it all on themselves.
After 11+ years of that BS, I knew I never wanted to be a parent again. I didn't want the stress again and I didn't want the risk of continuing the cycle of abuse with my own kids.
I'm so sorry that you were (not) raised by your parents. Neglect is a form of abuse. Hope you're doing well in life now
My parents also support me not having kids. Inflation happens and i just dont want kids even a husband
Given the dire nature of the circumstances we as mankind find ourselves in right now, the last thing the world needs right now is more kids.
I have never regretted my choice to life a childfree life. Luckily I met a like minded partner and we've been married for 33 years. Ever since I was a teen I knew motherhood wasn't what I wanted. During my 20's I travelled and lived a rather nomadic lifestyle. In my 30's I was working, settling down and built a home. We do not live an extravagant life but we are comfortable and appreciate what we worked hard for. I'm glad that I had the choice.
men don’t know the hardship of having kids for women
Women don't know the hardship of a man wanting kids and finding all of these women who only care for themselves, yet still want a relationship.
Loved that you shared your experience as it offers value to the world, to women that being a parent comes with a lot of sacrifice + responsibility A LOT. I think part of the problem is it is so romanticized to have a kid or children, it's seen as a MUST + if you do not there is something wrong with you. That is false. I myself get overwhelmed quickly + find it hard to manage myself so I have no business transitioning into a parenting role. I'd probably lose it on my kids or take up a drinking problem from the pressure. Thank you one again for sharing your viewpoint on it. It is much needed.
Jordan Peterson should watch this.
Wouldn't affect him at all
He wouldn't care
he's a nut job. there's people who are open-minded enough to realize that it's a choice for some, based on an extreme amount of critical thought....that we are all different and can have different desires in life..and then there's folks like him that see things one way and no other way.
I like some of JP's ideas. But he is too rigid.
@slp2007 seriously?! How are yall getting these emojis?? I wanyttt
I'm 55, and I never had kids nor any regrets about not having kids. My life has been and continues to be wonderful. Do your own thing and live life the way you want.
Bravo! I'm 54, and I never desired children. I'm childfree, and I don't regret it at all.
@liz blanco and you're here because?
@liz blanco oh, I see. Good to know. 🙂
There's nothing wrong with anyone who decides and chooses to be different in no matter what way as long as it's harmless that's all, anyone who doesn't know how to accept that should learn how to accept people's differences, get them a course or put them in the right education center etc.
Harmless actions should always be applauded and encouraged no matter what they are, to each their own.
Thank you for this compassionate message! Anyone who has a problem with my choice to be different does NOT deserve to even look at me!
I have a Filipino, childfree friend. She never had kids & she never wanted kids. She's happy being childfree. She's in her 50s, too !😊
Men: wait until you’re 70 and alone and unhappy.
Women: I’m 70 and happy and still don’t regret not having kids.
Men: wait until you’re 100.
Cope
Yes, they will push the envelope in hopes of being right,
No, they are like "you are below 40, your opinion is irrelevant cause you are too young. Come later" and then "you are older than 40, you can't have kids anyway and probably just couldn't, you are a loser and your opinion is irrelevant".
They will find an excuse to have childfree people no matter what. Probably the only way to cope with their misery 😂
@@gwnbenyou are coping, and other breeders
@@KateeAngel breeders 🤦🏽♂️ you have to be kidding me right?
I’m childfree (by choice!) the problem is it’s SO hard finding men who GENUINELY don’t want kids. Not uncertain and change their minds later while guilt tripping their partners to have kids with them later on.
It’s like finding a silver needle in a stack of needles
Wow...I've had six. Only one wanted kids.
Sure win. Ask if they've had a visetomy aka snip, snip = no kids EVER.
I never wanted kids. If one of my sisters has kids, I'll be the cool auntie. I like my life child-free😌
I applaud your decision, and am glad you are speaking out the way you are. I specifically looked for a partner stating up front I didn't want kids. This was in the 80s. I had good reasons that were called "selfish". I actually overherd two women talking at lunch one day where one had the view of "you have to have at least one to find out what it's like". This is why you buy a pickup, or cut your hair a different way. I know too many people who had kids who shouldn't, and too many parents who dearly love their kids, but state if they knew what it took would not have hand them. I am also glad you stated the environmental impact kids have. For some reason that argument never seems to be brought up in the wind and solar hype.
Being a parent isn't easy, and if it's what you want, is rewarding. If you are a parent, and don't want to be has implications beyond you.
I decided against getting married and was careful _NOT_ to bring any children into this world... Coming from irresponsible and spoiled train wreck parents who cared more about their own gratifications in life opened my eyes to a lot of things and got me to start seeing the _"writing on the wall"_ decades ago! I have absolutely no regrets of my decision!
I am 49 and living my best life. I have no man drama, no kids stressing me out at home and I have the time and freedom to do whatever I want!❤
This world is too screwed up to bring a kid into this mess.
When has the world ever been perfect?
Everyone has always thought like that. If we don't focus on the constant news cycle and the triggering algorithms and just spend our time outside, in our own communities, you can still find a lot of good.
@@90sanimation54never. That is why breeding was always wrong
So amazing to hear your story. You’re lucky your parent gave you such freedom to live your own best life.
Honestly, choosing not to be a parent doesn't mean you have to be without children.... almost any family member or friend would LOVE to let you spend time with their kids so that they can get some childfree time! lol :) As for me, I did not have kids and I spend my time on whatever I choose to do... I have some interests and hobbies I'm passionate about for instance... everything from reading to gaming to studying various courses and hopefully a trip to Egypt in the next 2 years! I can go to bed and wake up when I want to (allowing for any appointments/work schedules of course) and generally decide where I want to spend my energy. I have a niece and nephew I love so it's not like I have no children in my life but I have never envied my sister's role as a mother... I've seen everything she went through and still continues to go through and while there are wonderful things about motherhood, I don't think it was for me. I remember coming home from her house and being sooooooooooo glad I could come home and relax.
I think it’s better that women who feel that they don’t want children don’t have them. It’s important that children have parents who actually want to be parents.
Yes and are able to be good parents
Man I wish I could hug you. I've been at war in my mind trying to decide what I want to do about having kids. I grew up with severe mental health issues and I, admittedly, don't have the best genes physically, either. Not terrible, but not amazing. I'm scared that I would pass my OCD onto my kids or my depression. I'm almost 24 and I feel pressure already. It's so scary. I call myself selfish because I don't want the financial burden (amongst other things, this is just an example). Like, is money worth more to me than the joy of kids? I was a nanny and I liked being around kids. I just don't know if I want them. I go back and forth. I want my mom to have grandkids. She never pressured me and she let me cry to her about why I am scared to have kids. She told me it's okay. But I still feel guilty knowing she wants them deep down. Not sure if my sister will ever have kids. My amazing bf doesnt talk to his family much, so my odds of being an aunt or godmother might be slim. I fear what will happen when I am older and people around me pass. Will I be lonely? I am someone who needs people in my life. Who will be with me when I pass? When I am sick and old? Will I end up in a depressing, lonely care home? I cry about that.
I want my bf to be a dad if he wants to be. He is fine either way, but I feel like he leans towards wanting kids. I feel like I can't talk to my therapist about this. Or friends. I have nobody to discuss this with. I wish I had older women in my life, but I don't.
Thank you for touching on this. I am filled with fear that I will look back in despair at my choice when I am older and cry that I cannot do anything about it. But at the same time, maybe I will be happy because I will be traveling or working on hobbies. But again...maybe not. Maybe I wont be doing all the nice things I think I will be doing without kids and will just be sitting on a couch. The unknown is SCARY!
Anyways- I'm sorry this is such a negative comment, but I am glad I found your video. It gave me some comfort. Sending love.
you still have time to decide. you're young and if you give yourself a couple or three years you might know better what you really want. there's no rush.
@@margaretjohnson6259 thank you
Mental illness, IS hereditary. It has ruined 2 generations in our "family". Even a half sister's child, is an adult, with the mind of a child. The pateral person, had OCD aka Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, The daughter, has "lazy eye", mild dyslexia, introvertedness, anxiety, depression, Avoidence Personlity disorder, processing disorder, and severe memory disorder, which she sees as a blessing, as she's had a horrible life and she would rather not remember it.
Her son, has ODD, aka Oppositional Defiant Disorder, apathy, ADD, explosive rage, memory disorder, procrastination, and a refusal to do anything they don't want to do, and total self centeredness.
I would have rather never been born, then been born to suffer, be shunned, be isolated & ridiculed. At least I have empathy, & determination. There's no real point to my existance.
Think of when the kid grows up, and need to be competant & get a job & live on their own. Look at the lack of jobs and housing.
Having a kid is FOREVER. How will you do, with potty training, diaper changing, projectile vommit, getting up every 2 hours to feed, making sure the kid can't have a terrible mishap, from ordinary things, education, disipline, diet, finding safe childcare, affording diapers, crib, stroller, dance/karate classes, child insurance, college expenses.
What will you do, if they turn out the opposite of what you hope for, or are born with a chronic disability?
@@shaelastrata1584 sorry you are dealing with that. i never said I am having kids, just that I worry about both sides of the decision... just needed to have an outlet to talk about my feelings.
I’m 46 and I don’t want to have children, specially in this crazy world we are living.
I'm 52 and childfree. I'm very happy. I am an aunt but if my sister didn't have children it wouldn't have changed my mind. I'm really glad I never had kids. It was not for me.
I'm 56, and I'm glad that I never had children either, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life being responsible for taking care of somebody else, and I admit that I'm a selfish person who enjoys being able to do anything that I want to do without worrying about taking care of somebody else!!! No thanks I'm good!!!
@@scorpionqueen66 it's not selfish to want to live your life unhindered.
Love it. Thank you for your input and taking the time to make the video!
I'm 62 and knew since I was 17 kids weren't for me. I like them, just didn't want the responsibility or cost. Just didn't see a reason to have them. A lot of people my age are financially helping their adult kids or raising grand kids.
Same. I am 57 and always knew I didn't want to be anyone's mother.
Can I just say, you look way younger than other people in their 50's. Also, you have fabulous hair. I'm envious of both of these things. XD
Child free at 35. Super happy with it!
This is the one life descision I've always been sure about.
I Agree 💯 I'm Single, No Kids. My Grandma Was 1Of 12 And My Grandpa Was 1 Of 20 They Had 6 Children And Were Married 60 Years. My Grandma Is 85 Years Young I Live With Her. Her Children And Grandchildren Are Busy With Their Own Lives. My Grandpa Had Dementia, They Didn't Help. I Moved In And Helped. He Passed Away. Now Her And I Take Turns Driving, Cooking, We Go To Church Together, Go Workout Classes Together, Etc..... I Will Only Marry A Kind Man And I Would Only Have A Child In A Marriage. Parenthood Is Teamwork. No Teammate No Child. They Say Parents Are Called The Sandwich Generation Because They Have Their Spouse And Children To Care For And Then Their Parents Need Help Because They're Growing Older
I'm 56, single and childfree and I don't regret it one single bit!!! Why would I regret something that I never wanted to do in the first place?? I enjoy my freedom, my solitude and my ability to travel and do whatever else I want to do without worrying about taking care of somebody else for the rest of my life!!!! Marriage and children are a big NO for me personally and I'm not sorry about my PERSONAL choices!!! And furthermore I DON'T LIKE CHILDREN, NEVER DID AND NEVER WILL!!!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💯💯💯💯💯
Yesss 👏👏👏
I bet your still taking care of your dog, it's nothing but selfishness
Yes, ma'am......The short times I've had a man in my life were the most stressful and unhappy. The times without one, which if you counted would be MOST of my adult life, were/are the best.
You were a child once. Did you like you?
Facts I absolutely love that you spoke with transparency, experience, and wisdom Thank you I couldn't agree more!
I have a sister and a daughter that never had kids. I respect their decisions.
I don’t want kids and I still get shamed all the time because I don’t want them 🙄
👍no need to regret choosing not to have kids
I havent had kids because I have suffered severe depression most of my life and when I finally overcame depression to a certain degree, I still saw/see more bad in the world then good.
I wouldnt want to bring human life into a world that is so unbalanced. It reminds me of picking a flower, the moment its picked to admire its beauty youve destroyed it.
I have also heard 2nd hand from sisters and friends so many horror stories of women being sexually abused. There would be a 50/50 chance of having a female and in my genetics its a lineage of females so its prob more 80/20, I wouldnt want to bring a female into this world.
I dont want to be responsible for a life that may hates experiencing life as I have done.
I feel bad because so many ancestors made it possible for me to exist and some of them will end with me. But it is what it is.
In my opinion, I believe the people who pressurise others into getting children, r the ones who knows the TRUTH nd jealous of course because the life actually flips upside down. I have always loved kids, but would never want one for myself. I have struggled immensely in my childhood that now I really want to get married to enjoy life and live the limited no. of years I have left with my spouse with no interference. Definitely no time to be a parent. I love this lady for posting this video🌹🌹🌹❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for putting it into the words the way I felt. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
If you don’t want kids, don’t have kids, it’s not hard. I want kids, but not right now, simple
I get her point. Having a child is ALOT I mean ALOT OF WORK and sacrifice. You need to be prepared psychologically
55 and child free, Thank God.
@loosilu I’m 28 and Childfree and I look young for my age and you look very young for 55 ✨
They be so mad when we say we don’t want kids because they regret theirs 😂
Exactly 😂
Precisely.
in a differetn world i would like to be a parent. not in this selfish misery where everything is fake
I'm pushing 50 & due to raising my younger siblings, I know I ain't missin' much.
Thank you for the video. You are a blessing!
after seeing how hard it was for me to grow up i would never want to help another being develop to our intelligence level!!!! way to much work went into the making of a me!!!!
so many variables and factors to make a decent human being!!!!
I regret being friends with people who have kids, because they want nothing to do with me anymore
Everybody dies alone is the spoiler
I’ve never wanted to be married and have kids. I wanted to be single and have a dog. Im now 55 and happily single with my dog.
That is exactly what I’m telling my son every day. I want my son to fully live his life without having the financial responsibilities to provide.
37, no kids, no pets (anymore), just a boyfriend and I’m loving it.
More time, less stress and more free will.
Love it, thank you for sharing!
I want my family and friends to understand It's not that I don't want kids I just don't want kids now, I've seen too many unplanned pregnancies and yes the hype is nice but I've seen these women struggle financially and emotionally to raise their kids so why can't I wait until I'm ready and actually plan when I want my kids why does my life have to revolve around someone else's timelines this is my life and when I'm ready to enter the motherhood phase I'll do it just let me enjoy my me time now
Well said Auntie 🤩
I'm 43 years old I never been married and I never had kids but I was in a position to do both but now that I literally been living on my own for like 10 years and I do want a date I still don't want to do it because I don't want to be alone I want to do it because I want to be able to give to society and be a part of the family culture but I don't want to do it because I want to be selfish and have someone with me
There's no right or wrong to this question, really comes down to what you want personally.
Asking 'do you have regrets' is once again going to differ from person to person. There should be no stigma attached to 'having' or 'not having' kids either way
I'm 37, this is refreshing to hear.
ZERO REGRETS HERE... Cannot imagine life WITH children.
Me neither!!! I can't stand to be around them tbh!!!
@@scorpionqueen66ur 56 if you had kids they would be grown by now... You could've had a family really close to you and possibly be a grandma but u ruined it and you could never get that anymore... How do you really feel about that?
@@gwnbennot everyone wants kids or likes kids. It's not that serious
@@gwnben Why are you so bothered by the fact that some men and women don't want to have kids and are childless by choice? Get over yourself. Happiness comes in all kinds of ways. Some people find happiness by being single and never having kids. Some people find happiness in being in relationships but never having kids. Worry about yourself, not what other people are doing.
@@arabicmusiclady1428 I'm not
37 right now. Knew when I was 9 I didn't want kids. At this point, I have no regrets. When I am 50 who knows, but then again, I might not live to 50.
It's good you decided not to have kids then.
Wow Stephanie, you look great…probably because you decided to pour into yourself…I love it!😊
Wow. I didn't expect that you are a Filipino! Kabayan!
Many blessings for your message . It has helped me so so much ❤
There needs to be more understanding on BOTH sides. Nobody should pressure anybody to have children. It's a personal decision and if you don't want to be a parent you definitely shouldn't do it. For the child's sake as well as yours. However, when you are 'justifying' this (if you ever feel you have to, which you don't) please be careful of the language you use and the way you talk about it. Try not to attack the concept of having children in general, which some of you do.
The fact is your life style has many advantages in terms of personal freedom and finances. But like many lifestyles it's only valid because not everybody does it. I won't patronise anyone by explaining what your life would be like in the future if absolutely nobody had kids. But there is even a knock on effect now of the fact that fewer couples are choosing to have kids. If in the future taxes steadily go up and the retirement age gets higher whilst the value of your pensions fall it is because of the age imbalance of a population in which the young workforce providing taxes is falling as the number of older people not working is growing. This is happening in rich countries across the world and they are slowly facing up to the fact that they need immigrants to fill the gaps in the workforce. These will mostly come from poorer countries who are now bleeding their young talent to richer countries.
Don't get me wrong, it would be better for the human race to die out than for people to be forced to have babies. But the drop in the birthrate in developed countries is coming at a price we all have to pay and as I said your lifestyle can only be enjoyed because not everyone does it. And to answer the question someone asked below about having worries about who will look after you in old age. The answer is other people's children.
In our modern society, It’s a personal choice that could become also a couple choice. The real issue is we are not eternal and women need to decide before 35 if they want a family when a lot of have not settled down. The limited timeframe is really and issue. I had a son and he was really and deeply wanted as we go through almost 8 years of fertility cycles. But i can certainly tell, for my personal case, that I am a way better confident mom in my 40’s tha. In my 30´s. If women fertility cycle last forever, i would rather have my family in my 40´s. But people who loves you know that window frame is limited and urge to to not regret it.
This was very well put! You can hear the sincerity in her voice! Women don't have to live in society's "normal". Everyone should live their life as they please as long as it doesn't harm themselves or others in any way
that's a great question do I wanna be a parent.
I'm a guy whose completing his study soon to be in a career. I do want to have a partner but do I want to have kids in my life? I think people who don't want kids shouldn't be pressured because if they do all they'll do is gonna be a bad parents. I saw women who leave their children and the child grows up to be in a bad condition. Every who wants kids have kids but everyone who doesn't shouldn't have a stigma on it. I think having kids is kinda selfish. especially in Asian households where parents all the tie compare us to other kids and this expectation and also what society will think. If you aren't a selfish person who wants a kid to have a best life have kids but I'm too much emotionally unavailable for that responsibility