It depends on one’s perspective. I wonder how ppl with less than me have so many kids but it’s their out look on life….. life must continue it doesn’t matter who do it
This has probably always been the case. The only change is that there used to be not social expectations to reproduce in general, plus ... Birth control was invented
I am a quiet person and I listen to the people around me tell me they feel sorry for me because I don't have children, they don't understand why and how I can live alone... They are compassionate so I tell them "it's ok" with a smile, and I mean it. They don't realise my hapiness comes from leading a calm and simple, underwhelming life. Less problems, more time to appreciate life and know myself. This life suits me well!
@@bikechan9903They may not say it literally, but many imply. There have been countless accusatory statements along the lines of ‘Women who don’t have children are not real women’ ‘It’s women’s duty to bear children’ and similar. Shocking, but true. Typically made by men, but also by old fashioned or some jealous women. The world is thankfully realising these statements are unacceptable to make.
@@oONodokaOo happiness is a personal thing, if you dont want to do it thats fine. A lot of people associate happiness with kids it's their right, dont get offended so easily, this is cry baby material here. Say you dont want kids cause you are the way you are and that's it.
@@munequa81 What does that even mean? Having a family isn't about the cost it's about having a family. There are countless way to provide and care for a family.
@@smallfaucet Tell that to the people that can't afford a home, decent food, decent schools, have to live in an insecure neighborhood, and work over time just to not get kicked out of the house.
It's as simple as this: If you're not financially/mentally/emotionally stable, PLEASE do not bring children into this crazy world. You're not doing them any favors.
This is why people on welfare have lots of kids. They don’t have the stress of having to be financially responsible for them when the government will just take care of them. I say this growing up as a child on welfare with 3 siblings. Middle class people are much more likely to not have kids or have fewer kids.
That’s not what I had in mind.. I was reflecting on the free will and I think it is quite segregative and diminishing if you consider some people are not intitled to make this choice only due to their income or property; I do think that ideally people could wait until eventually they became more mature emotionally and have some financial security.. but that’s not always the case, especially with the money
The other thing the video didn't mention is the parents' mental health. My mother was always in a bad mood when I grew up, I always felt very intense at home, so I stayed at my friend's home as much as possible. My mother is healthy and most of the time responsible as a parent, but she didn't have the concept of emotional health. I thought a lot about her issues and temperament, measuring how I do when anxious, stressed, or exhausted. I don't do well. I cannot imagine having a kid and not having the energy to be a patient parent, as any kid deserves. To me, that's really irresponsible.
I couldn't agree with you more. 🤓👌Mental health plays such an important role as a parent. My mom struggled a lot with mood swings my whole childhood. The upside is the recent social awareness on mental health and recent generations taking responsibility for their past traumas to improve their lives.
Oh give me a break...It's never okay to curse at your kid, but being a counselor and a parent is not the same thing by a long shot. I used to have one full time job and 4 part time ones at the same time teaching a total of 400 kids aged 3 to 16. Never lost my cool. The kids all loved me. Now I have a toddler 24/7 with zero outside help. Guess which job is more exhausting. It's easy to be nice and patient when you have none of the serious responsibilities and can go home after your work to relax.
@@CoconutSelf It was only a summer teen job to me, but I had to deal with the trauma from poor parenting. Later, one kid recognized me on the street, and dragged is mom over to meet me (not hot). Never saw the point of raising kids on a working class income.
yes. cause you care for them for a period of time and their parents do for life. which is a huge mountain to climb. some can't handle it cause they have not fully evolved as a human being, partner, and financial backbone of their family. it's your job to care but you only need to polish this one side of the cube of life and caretaking.
I definitely think more people do regret bringing kids into the world than they’re able to admit to society. Children are absolutely amazing, but the stress, anxiety, the responsibility for their outcome in life, it’s like carrying the world on your shoulders. It’s tough to say the least.
True but we can adjust. We can focus on being happy no matter what life throws at us. It's why I talk a lot w my kids. When we get bad news like one of my sons is colourblind but dreams of becoming an engineer, we don't know how and if even possible but we will try and if not allowed we will adjust our plans together. Health and happiness is a main focus. And we roll w the punches.
I am more than a hundred percent sure that if I hadn't had children, I would certainly be unhappy, cause for the past 21 and 18 years, My kids have given me joy! worries too, but mostly, an uncontrollable unconditional happiness!
regret is not a luxury when you have children. you roll with it the same way if you roll with your advantages and disadvantages that you cannot change in life.
It’s not just about being financially able to do it. Parenthood is like swimming in an ocean of anxiety and stress with tiny islands of happiness scattered here and there.
@@ossianns it’s not common but it happens and that’s my point. According to statistics ~20% of German parents, 8% in the UK, 7% in the US, etc responded that they regret having children 🤷
Or maybe many people find it fulfilling to be a parent? I feel like your statement is only true for people who had kids and realize AFTER that they regret it
@@zachanikwano You can look into the research available on your own. If you want more happiness, don't have kids. If you want something else that isn't necessarily happiness, have kids.
One thing that I think is missing from this analysis is the fact that 40-50 years ago, one could comfortably support a family on a single average income in a developed nation. But that's almost unheard of now outside of elite professions, without welfare or some other form of support. The increase in the cost of living, particularly the cost of housing, will probably have a negative impact on birth rates.
Yeah, for example, in my mom's family, in the 50s to 70s, only her dad worked, and he could afford a middle class life (a house, car, TV, toys and bicycles for each kid, some money for sports and extracurricular activities) on a truck driver salary. And they were 10 siblings. In my dad's case, his mom also worked part time and she also inherited some businesses, so they had a very comfortable lifestyle for the time.
South Korea’s govt is wringing its hands after a measly $300/mo didn’t convince people to have more kids. It’s like politicians have no fing clue what daycare alone costs…
Appreciate that things change over time. But this one factor that you have mentioned, explains why having children was not a cost factor previously compared to now. Everyone wants their own car, their own laptop, their own fridge. Resources used to be shared more 20+ years ago. Now, you barely hear the word share. Unless it's to do with stock markets.... Even grandparents find it a chore to babysit, so you then pay for child care while working!
And not only that, but families were tightly knit and generational solidarity was normal. I was lucky to be born in middle Europe where we still have those close communities, it is still considered only natural and normal to take care of our elders the same way the took the time and effort to take care of us when we were children. On the other side, it is quite normal and self understood that our parents will help us around children.
@@Vienna1902 Yeah, the same in my country... meanwhile some people in the US look bad at you if you stay home after age 18, but in my country is normal to live at home at least until one finishes university and finds a job, or if someone decides to marry, so usually people leave home between the ages of 23 to 32 depending on the person, but some stay with their parents forever, and that's also ok as long as the child contributes with the home, whether they work and pay for their part of utilities, or they stay home and take care of parents, nieces and nephews.
Corporations want you to have MORE kids. They want a larger workforce (more workers for less money is their motto). By all means, have more kids, educate them and send them off to work. Someone has to make the rich richer.
@@daisylu1203 Yep, our government has been bought out by the big companies and they are on the same side: money. Yet people still believe:" Vote X and things will change!! Everything will get better! People just voted the wrong person!!" No. People voted who they wanted us to vote. It's rigged.
For me it’s basically a cost problem. Supporting kids for 20 or so years is a huge challenge. Most people in this video aren’t even at the half way point yet.
You’re awfully cynical. It is true that many people forget about their older parents but that’s more true about the values in the family while growing up. And it’s the values in a given country. The United States it seems to me is one of the worst offenders because of the values placed on services. Just give birth then have someone else raise them, same attitude towards the elderly. Put them in a home. The problem is that no one has time to raise their own kids due to the ridiculous social safety nets in some countries. Working overtime is more important than spending time with family. The irony with your statement is you used to be a kid. Did you stuff your parents away in a home and stopped visiting them? The hatred of children is getting a bit ridiculous. Who is going to take care of you if tons more people don’t have children? Robots with fake emotions I guess. Or no one.
It’s not even about having the money to go travelling, afford expensive meals and go to rock concerts, it’s about that time and space to enjoy what you have in life, to rest, recover and reflect on what you want in your life and what you don’t want. Having kids is like a mystery box, you really don’t know what you’re going to get and whether it aligns with who you are as a person.
Who you are as a person? Like a living human? I wonder if you were worth it? Just think, your parents put forth the effort to cater to your needs growing up, only to have a selfish, lazy person who wants a self indulgent life. I wonder if your grandparents thought your parents were worth it? Since when do you get yo decide what people's lives are worth it. Surely we wouldn't want to entrust s brand new human being with a brand new brain to learn life from you ?
@@smsth07 I would argue that it's less of a risk with marriage because divorce is a lot less socially stigmatized than parents abandoning their children and rightfully so.
60 single no kids. I had wanted one but never got my wish. Life isn’t happier or harder being a childless single, it’s just a different way to live a life.
As someone who works in childcare - I often hear it said “oh but when you have them, you make it work. You find a way”. And what that can mean is a whole community of people are making it work, too - grandma can’t retire in peace because she’s providing free childcare, the daycare lets your bill slide another few weeks. It does “take a village”, but the village is tired, too. The privilege of other people’s support and empathy is not to be taken lightly.
Not all grandmas are in their retirement years; my children's grandmother is 50 years old. I don’t think she will be ready to retire until my children are in college. In that case THEY will be taking care of HER.
I feel this because recently a couple of friends from school (in their 20) had a baby and a baby shower. They live in an apartment and aren’t rich at all, honestly pretty much like me but i’m not having kids for that reason, and i gues they “made it work” with an exemple being the baby shower were there was so many guests and a HUGE list of gifts “ideas” ranging from the big things to some things i would never ask for like pads for the girl after she gives birth. I feel like if you can’t even buy your own pads, maybe don’t have a kid? (And before you come at me, apparently this was a planned kid, so not even an accident). So in this case “making it work” was asking all of us to buy them everything and anything they needed for them… they invited some people they haven’t seen in so long too like people from school they haven’t seen in 10 years. My guess is: more people= more free stuff. They didn’t even provide food they asked us to bring it AND BRING THE PARTY DECORATIONS😂 i drew the line there because it was ridiculous at this point. Having a kid is your decision and it’s not everyone around you (“the village”)who should pay for your decision. I’d also like to have a kid but I’m choosing to wait until i can afford it and not have to make everyone pay. Honestly some people kinda do the same thing with their wedding but let’s not go there hahaha
Do you think they were completely honest about not regretting having children? My parents (baby boomers in their 70s now), my Mom especially, would say that they do not regret having children BUT would also often tell me under intense and emotional arguments that her life could have been much more different (somehow she avoided just telling me directly that it could have been better) without us. She always somehow wanted us to understand that she made personal sacrifices in career etc. that she wanted to do badly but did not because of us. Imagine telling that to a kid and the guilt I felt for it. She never said it directly but I knew that was regret. I personally feel that people who urge other people to have children just want them to pull people into a club of parents to validate that their decision to have children was correct -- a way to pacify regret. You know, since "everyone is doing it then it must be right" kind of mentality. There is so much I want to say about this topic. I am a female in my mid-30s and it's something that I had to really dwell on and I am still thinking about.
My Dad told me "I should've gotten the abortion option" ever since that day, I don't consider to connect with my Dad again, I used to be kind to him, but now I'm only being nice to him He began to be careful choosing his words wisely to me once he knew I'm going to Japan after I finished at 10th grade in Philippines He wished to me that before I leave Ph, that he could spend time with me more genuinely, but I've learned my lesson thrice, I'm not gonna get shot at the back again.
We have 2 children. We never wanted more than 2 children. We aren’t rich, but money was not our main deterrent. Children require a lot of physical, emotional and mental support. Your entire life has to be planned around your children. How much or little you work, where you go, hobbies, vacations etc. It’s physically demanding to raise children (especially in those early years of sleep deprivation). As they get older, the demands do not go away, they just change. We simply can only balance 2 children and we are able to adequately provide for our kids.
especially nowadays where lots of education is prioritised- it's hard to give more than 2 children enough support to develop mentally unless you have a lot of support from external people (e.g. grandparents)
I have two kids, I completely agree with you. I don’t think I want a 3rd one, the physicality, financials, time, freedom and care will be further squeezed if there are more. I always describe this is a case of diminishing returns 😅
This was a very lopsided piece. Men were barely an after thought and only mentioned to say they weren’t doing enough. Completely overlooking the fact that men are expected to work longer hours at increasingly unhealthy working conditions to pay for all of this.
I would love to have kids, but it’s great that there is less social pressure to have kids. There have been a lot of bad parents over the years, and I imagine a lot of that was caused by parents who didn’t want or shouldn’t be having kids. So glad that self-selection is becoming more normalized and accepted. You do not need children to be a complete person! But if both you and your partner want children, I full heartedly support it.
Interesting point, I wanted to add to this that I know several couples who are older without kids and they are miserable, it's all in perception, the company and commitment. If you're a miserable person, it doesnt matter if you have kids or not, your relationship will suffer either way. Fyi I have two kids,love them, and happily married.
I'm sorry. That has to be lonely for both of you. Also, are you aware of whether you do half the childcare and half the financial support? That freedom to discuss as a couple and readjust your plans can help you
I grew up in a family with nine children. LOL. Hard to even grasp that nowadays. And it wasn't easy. When I finally scraped together the resources to go to college, I remember sitting in the local diner with an attractive classmate and thinking to myself "What happens in a restaurant?" I had never been to a restaurant in my life.
I’m childfree by choice for a great many reasons. The main one being that I don’t like kids. I find them extremely overwhelming. I literally turn around and go in the opposite direction if I see children coming towards me. Yet I’m still told that I’d be a great mother or “it’s different when it’s your own.” My grandmother never wanted her kids and she didn’t like them, she’s admitted it openly. My mother and my aunt both have struggled with their mental health and grappled with knowing their mother never really wanted them. Why would you wish that on someone else? Don’t have kids if you’re on the fence about it, only if it’s something you feel you truly can’t live without.
So true. I am also childfree by choice. I've known all my life that having a child would horrify me. I can't stand kids. Which reminds me of another problem - the idea that everyone has to like kids. No, we don't. We don't have to like kids, we don't have to want to hold your stinky-diapered baby, and we should not have to sit next to your screaming three-year-old on a plane, or in a restaurant, or anywhere else.
I’m a mom and it’s the most important thing in the world to me. What I appreciate about your comment is you didn’t disparage kids, or make condescending remarks about how unhappy you see people with kids. I’ve seen so much of that in comments. It’s just not for you and you were very honest about the reasons. And as a mom who raised 2 men and is working in my 3rd, I can honestly say it’s not for everyone and that’s ok. I’m not wild about other people’s kids either. Mostly because a lot of parents thing the world revolves around their kids anymore and we should too.
Being alive is tiring (I don't have depression and am doing well overall). I just can't imagine making another human being go through all this when they don't even get to choose if they wanna be born
I went through many difficulties in pregnancy and my baby resisted them all properly. I always say she was interested seeing this world.I truely believe It was mostly her choice to be here not me!!
I never had children. If ever I feel a sense of regret sneaking up on me, I spend half an hour in a supermarket or McDonalds and I'm absolutely fine again.
haha, before I had kids, I really didn't feel much for other peoples either. My husband and I used to joke about it - now we have those annoying brats in the supermarket!
Yesterday I was walking out of Wal-Mart and some kid that looked like a 7 year old was having an absolute breakdown because they weren't allowed to play the claw machine. Yelling, screaming at the top of their lungs. And they weren't a toddler, they were old enough to know better. My first thought was "Glad I don't have kids!"
@@grit1679 Even at 7 would you believe some kids just can't emotionally regulate themselves. We can't expect a 7 year old to be as mature as an adult. Mind you, I know adults who are still lacking this ability.
I am financially, emotionally and mentally stable, that is why I was so happy when my fiance gave me the great news she was expecting my first baby boy two years ago. My life has changed so much since then I wouldn't even think about going back to being childless. Love you son!!
@@MsChitterchat How does that justify the risk? There are millions of poor kids who experience an unfathomable amount of suffering every day. It is neither moral nor productive to take a risk this big on somebody else's behalf who can't even provide consent.
@@MsChitterchat Happy poor children are exactly the sort of people you can entice into the army at age 18, which you can then spend in foreign adventures, and get them killed so you won't need to pay as much salary.
There's people who never have children and they end up being poor old age people with no one to help them. More kids give chance that some of them succeed. Many children born in poverty become more successful than those born in wealth
Let me correct the closing argument: Few who have children dare to admit regretting it, both for fear of being judged by society and their families, and to avoid feeling like they missed out on their chances in life. But even if they never say it, their kids will realize.
Im the opposite. I was a tomboy, never had a maternal feeling, wanted to be a Marine Biologist. Now that im a mom, i know i would have regretted not having this rowdy house full of boys. I would have missed out on this sense of love and belonging and i would have been lonely and sad if i was solely devoted to a career and on a boat at sea much of the time. I know i would have deeply regretted not having children, but by then it would have been too late to change my decision. At 49, i can always go back to school and career. But at 49, i could not have began as a new mom.
What I noticed with my neighbors and friends is that parents with a strong support network seem to enjoy being parents substantially more than those without. By support network, I mean having grandparents and siblings at close driving range. When my kids were young, I used to have grandparent envy when I saw parents with both set of parents nearby. Parenting could be hard but more so with no family support network.
Thank you for bringing up such an important point that so many overlook that aren't in that situation! Definitely feeling that grandparent envy myself from time to time.
I took an anthropolgy class a long time ago but I think it's something similar to allocated parenting. I don't remember the exact term. But it truly does take a village to raise a child. The west has shamed people for not having children, so everybody felt it's their duty to have kids, and each family raised the kids solo. Now the kids are angry mentally ill and don't want kids of their own. No, you need a village/strong social network where not everyone has kids. Think of all the people who can't or won't have children, and how beneficial they can be as "second" or "third" sets of parents to other children. Even other kids and help raise other kids.
This is very true. As a parent I was much happier living nearby my own family. I had my parents and my husband's father nearby for support. We moved recently in a bigger apartment because it had more space and included utilities, but we are very far away from our support system and often I'm left lonely and overwhelmed at home trying to maintain the housework and keep a child healthy and entertained. I get homesick often... but as an adult you have to weigh out the sacrifices you are willing to make. Having your own apartment has it's pros and cons but if we ever get a chance to move nearby our families in the future, because rent isn't cheap there, I would take it back in a heartbeat. My child needs his family nearby and I always feel like I'm failing him in one way or another. We are doing our best I guesss
Having kids is a lot of responsibility and not only that the world is getting so expensive and the survival of life is getting harder it really is. So when you think of kids think about it because it’s not easy it’s not.
My bank account, my mental health, my quiet home: says it is absolutely worth it to be childfree. And I am also not passing on the abuse my parents bestowed upon me. Win-win-win. You couldn't pay me enough to agree to have kids. Parenthood sounds like a horrible existence--my parents have definitely exhibited that to me. I've observed parents, strangers and friends: they are miserable and full of complaints and hidden regrets at being a parent. Who wants to live a life like that? I thank them for the examples they are exhibiting, because it only solidifies my choice to be childfree.
@@elenap-ot4gh My shoulders are fking strong as h3ll. I'm fiercely independent and highly capable. I've shouldered the immense load my parents gave me and continue to give me. You can't go through what I've gone through and come out weak. So I'm not sure what your platitude means in my case.
Honestly they call the US a rich country, but when most people can’t afford education, homes, childcare, groceries, transportation, entertainment… maybe we just aren’t a rich country anymore.
We have more billionaires then any other country. Same with millionaires. Our country is rich but it goes to those that have bought out the politicians and even supreme court
Parenting is the hardest, yet most rewarding job in the world. I am scared about the world turning against having children. Its a beautiful, primal experience. The love I have for my daughters is something I never experienced in my life for anything else. Nothing compares. Yes some people aren't fit for it or can't afford it. Not being able to afford having kids is awful for those who really want it.
Parenting is tough but not the hardest job lol. If u feel the need to push out a baby to experience love then I have a bad news for u! Only lifeless people who are boring and got nothing else to do with their lives have children.
@@sweetchillies3162 It really sounds like you were triggered by my comment. My life couldn't be more opposite than what you described. I can only imagine how hurt you have been in your life, I am so sorry for you. I think you didn't find love from your parents that you needed. Do you need a hug my dear?
can you stop them from watching tv, can you live with them all the time and not send them to school, all theze means are made in order for you to get respite from the kids. There is no village now, so tv and mobile raise kids, how do you stop it, you are on it yourself
A lot of parents I see rush into having kids and to fill in some void because they're bored or need something to keep themselves occupied. In my area, this ends up resulting in a lot of failed relationships, a lot of kids born out of wedlock and single parents.
Another thing I realized the other day about being childfree is that you don't have to stress about "generational wealth". You can truly enjoy what you've worked hard for and disperse it to the world however you deem fit without worrying about the financial stability of your generation to come. It's bizarre.
It's not bizarre. It's one of the main reasons i don't want kids. You have to save up for their college and then help them buy a house. Who can realistically afford that?
Sending strength to all the parents out there. Anyone who says you can be prepared to have kids either doesn’t have kids or hasn’t had the time to chance to raise them❤
I used to think that having a kid would be the end of my life and when I became a mom it turned out to be easier than I thought. However, I know that a lot of parents who live in constant stress and don’t seem to be very happy. I think that everyone should evaluate their situation and only go for it if is something that they really want. I was happy before being a mom and I am happy now. Having a child doesn’t make you happy.
I love this comment. I am happy now with no kids, but believe I could be happy with kids as well if I was financially stable and had the proper skills and resources to raise a child. Nobody should have kids if they have unresolved trauma or aren’t already happy. It should be an add on to someone’s life
When I was thinking about whether I do want a child or not I was glad that my friends were honest with me. They told me how hard and stressful it is and that they can neither tell me to do it nor not to do it. In the end we decided to give it a go. And they were all right. It is the most stressful work we have ever had. The society we live in is not very family friendly and we are really exhausted. Sometimes I wonder if I actually regret the decision, but so far every regret vanishes when I see my daughter. Yes my life is completely different, much more exhausting and stressful and some of our dreams might never come true because of her. But at the same time she is the person I love the most in this world and I would do absolutely everything for her. So I do understand every couple who decide not to have a child. At the same time I understand those who give it a go…
I also went back and forth so much, but myself and partner REALLY thought about what a child would mean to us and fit in our life and we wanted that family. I'm glad I DIDN'T listen to all the whinging and stress stories etc because I wouldn't have done it. My dream of a happy family came true - so if you have a dream of family - do it! The bad stories don't come true if you are sure it is what you want and you plan and work things out. Everyone has their own troubles, everything can have hard patches, even amazing hobbies or dream careers - if you really want something in life, don't let naysayers put you off.
@@wildmaven21 haha I get much more stressed when my dog is ill! My daughter naps through illness and is (luckily) very robust. My dog is a constant stress because he acts so pathetic!
We longed for children and couldn't seem to have them . That went on for seven years. We had plenty of time to travel, work on hobbies, enjoy our relationship and friendships, focus on ourselves, consume entertainment, all of that. And then we were surprised by twins. Little can compare with the joy we have had as parents, and I say that as someone who parented twins who both experienced a couple months of colic. The joy has only grown. They're almost ten now, and they're great, great kids. But, I had a loving, affectionate extended family as a child, had a sibling born when I was a teen that I helped raise, and then worked with kids for years. One of the issues clearly is that most people have no preparation for parenthood, and take no opportunity to build those skills beforehand. Small kids throwing huge tantrums in stores? Almost always very hungry, very bored, overwhelmed or very tired. A little foresight and interaction can prevent 90% of those meltdowns for you, people just don't know it.
Back in the day (and some Eastern societies today) it was a lot easier having kids where the entire village stepped in to help, you had aunts and uncles around to babysit, and cousins where the kids could spend the entire day. Now in the Western Individualistic model the entire load is on the parents.
I do parent intakes for behavior problems at schools. I’ve had a plethora of parents state that if they had known their parenting experience would be like this they would have never have had any. I’ve heard woman regret it many times. And men seem to really regret it because these dads are almost never in the picture! So yes people do indeed regret having kids. I’ve worked in the school system 12 years and I don’t have any kids right now. This is from different parents confessing to me.
I guess it all boils down on being well informed on making the decision and being 100% sure about it. If you know what and committed to what you’re getting into, no matter how hard it gets later on, you would be more than willing to do it a hundred times over again,wouldn’t you?
@@JV-pn4tc Right, but it's impossible to know. One kid could be really easy and you might connect with them really well and an other kid could be a real handful and they might just not click with you the same way. So in a way it's greatly about luck too.
I'm married my husband wasn't in my kids life , he punched a time clock . Drank that's it . I was home kids grew ok , successful not gloating , but I see my daughter is more like him , uses others rather than doing for others . Son I guess he's ok , but I'm not behind closed doors . I was at hers . She is a shame to me . Lazy and husbands job to do all . Well she gets what she wants .
I've been a teacher in a Elementary School for 29 years and I have two children of my own (now adolescents). I can tell you this, unless you are financially and mentally prepared DON'T have Kids. You will ruin your life and theirs.
I beleive we live in a world of a Middle Class paradox where only the very rich and the very poor will ever be able to have kids. If you're already very poor, having kids does not effect your standard of living all that much. And if you are rich, you can afford to have kids as you have the means to provide for them at a high level. Middle class doesn't have that luxury, a child will be a burden in almost every metric of success and financial security.
Having kids is too expensive, especially in the USA. I didn't have any and it was the right decision for me. I know a few people who do regret having had their children. Some may think that's callous, but these are things potential parents need to hear and understand. You shouldn't assume it's going to be a magical experience and everything will be fine. These people still love their kids, but if they had a time machine they'd go back and undo it.
yeap, people have no idea how tough parenting is. raising kids is hard work, and raising them right is even harder. if people knew they'd have even fewer kids, for sure. the constant demands, the stress and drama, i find finances to be the least of my worries as a parent tbh.
@@Redflowers9 Worse. You get off work but you never get off being a parent, esp. when they're young. It's from when you get up to whenever they go to bed, which may be a lot later than you would hope for. And then they may not even sleep through the night so you won't either. And then it's most likely back to work for you to perform there. It's no joke man. By now im convinced it's better to be a young parent than not - at least if you're financially secure aka. in a decent career (don't have to be nearly as rich as most people think, just secure) and reasonably responsible. It takes a lot of energy. And time. Try dressing a 2 year old. You would be surprised how strong they are and they will fight you, trust me. Some uncalled for advice: make sure you have a support system so you can get some weekend days and evenings off for hobbies or to take wifey out or something. Otherwise YOU WILL WEAR OUT.
It's funny cause the ones asking that question is mostly first worlders. The question they are actually asking is "can I keep going on holidays to a 5 star hotel in the bahamas every summer, buy expensive jewelry and cars and afford my every morning's pumpkin spice latte at my favourite artisanal coffee shop while I work on my 1000 euro laptop if I have a kid?"
@@lostinthesupermarketI am not doing any of the stuff you wrote. I am 26yo… Do you want to know where most of my salary goes? FOR A FCKNG RENT… 50% of my salary… Let’s not forget that I still have to pay bills, insurance, medical costs and fuel… FK OFF ALREADY… Fckng boomers. What will you tell me? To rent 10m2 place? To eat less? Yeah - sounds like amazing conditions to get a child lol.
@@kjkj4725 Move to a less expensive city. Do you really need to be living in a big important city?. The only places where I've paid 50% of my salary on rent were world capitals, in any other city is around 20-30% and if you are a couple you'd be dividing the cost. And btw, I'm not a boomer and I'm well aware that the cost of living is high in some places, but I'm also well aware that there are many places where life is affordable.
@@lostinthesupermarket that's a valid question. Why have a child if your lifestyle is going to diminish. Having children that you can't keep up with financially is irresponsible. If you can keep the same lifestyle it benefits the child. It's a great experience for children to travel. Nobody wants to be in poverty or tight on finds just getting by right above the poverty line with children. Who wants that?
I tell my kids don't have kids. Things aren't as simple and wholesome as they once were. It's harder to be a home owner than bring another human into this world who needs that home. No one likes living pay check to pay check.
Watching this, I thought of all my friends and family who have children with some level of disability. There isn’t enough support for families of non-disabled children, it’s honestly surprising that our birth rates are as high as they are, considering how we structure our society. It’s even harder, exponentially harder, if you are raising and advocating for a child with a disability. If our governments want us to have more children, we need high level policy change and a total reordering of societal priorities.
May I ask what disabilities you're referring to? Of your friends and family that have children, is it multiple children in one family that has the same or similar disability? I'd like to get a sense of what exact parenting challenges are being unresolved (or barely resolved due to lack of infrastructure).
Grew up with a brother mentally disabled from a medical mistake… he is 53 and my mom still cares for him… MD state (pg county)has kept him out of the day program since covid in 2020 due to staff loss (they prefer the easier self sufficient kids). Giving her the runaround to get him back in. My father died 2020 too. No answers from the county. This is why I never wanted to have kids. SMH
Agreed! I love being a parent but it's not for everybody. Heck, my own parents struggled with it and I saw the toll it took on them as I grew up. For me, motherhood is wonderful but nobody should be pressured into it. Anyone who doesn't want to be a parent shouldn't be!
They are leaving out at the end that it's also possible to experience incredible feelings of elation, joy, and fulfillment with experiences and life situations without children. Being a parent is not the only way to achieve this. It would have been nice to hear from at least 1 childfree person in this report. It may not have been the intention to imply that parenthood is the only way to experience joy etc., but it feels like that.
Being a school teacher has been a blessing for me. I get to raise children and love them like a parent, especially because so many of them have busy/neglectful/incompetent parents. But I don't have to be financially or legally responsible for them. I could, and will, never have kids of my own though. The expense is too much, the stress is too much, and children are increasingly becoming political objects. I will miss my kids so much when I leave teaching.
What, a sense of love, fulfillment, and meaning? A loving family who will take care of you as you get older so you won't ever be alone? A sense of purpose and belonging? Pfff, who needs that?
I was a nanny in my early 20s and although I adored the children in my care, I realised that I did not want that lifestyle and I've never regretted it. I think more people should experience what it's like to care for children full-time before they have their own. I'm 57, my women friends with children are still supporting them financially, psychologically, with child/pet-minding, etc. while receiving no support from their grown-up children, many of whom have moved to other cities/countries, so they won't be looking after my friends in their old age.
I did the same thing except without the laze-fare attitude and got completely different results. Of course once youve placed your bets youve gotta stand by them no matter what happens as is tradition, so I may not be being totally fair here. Such is the way of survivorship bias. "This ship is totally safe because I myself survived while using it". Its important to never forget that, lest you blind yourself.
You didn't have children, but unless you are 100% living off of your own savings, you will eventually be living off the earnings of other people's children through various government social systems, and as you have not provided any input into that system for future success (tomorrow's children will be paying for our social system spending today), you have not done your fair share to ensure the successful operation of those social systems. Personally, I am not for social safety nets and welfare systems; unfortunately, I do not get a choice to opt out - therefore I think it is our social responsibility to raise responsible children who will continue to make the most of the systems we've put in place.
That follows a capitalist logic of continuous growth, but we know it is a flawed logic. We live in a world with limited resources, and we are just too many people for sustaining this life style. We can’t continue growing the world’s population, there’s just not enough resources.
I am a woman aged 56. In my 20s I fell pregnant. I did not plan to have children, but ended up having 3. I became a single parent and the first 10 years of parenthood was pure struggle. Despite all the difficulties, I can only say that my children are the love of my life. I feel great joy that I have I parented my children and that they are now productive adults. Being a parent has given me a purpose and given me a totally different understanding of life. I am a more giving, generous and forgiving person. One of my children is disabled. I feel I value human life more as a result of this. I am also a grandparent now. This has brought me even greater joy. I do not feel that I have missed out on anything. Family mean everything to me.
It angers me when people say they had kids because someones gotta look after them when their old, literally the most selfish thing i can think of, expecting your child to adapt to this crazy world and look after you just because you decided you want that .
I think if the child is raised well they would do it out of love and reciprocity. This is more common in cultures that haven’t become as self-centered.
I saw a quote that said something like - your children will do for you whatever they’ve seen you do for your ancestors. If a parent doesn’t take care of their OWN aging family in front of the child, the child won’t feel responsible for taking care of the parent someday. And in America, lots of Boomers vanished their aging parents into assisted living, but now Boomers’ kids have no income for that
@@ericnewman6523duh but people who have chosen to and devoted their lives to patient care. Ever been to a nursing home? Those 4 walls are very lonely. They all say they have children and great relationships with them but they never come to visit. Your kids have their own lives don’t expect them to take care of you in old age because it’s more than likely that they will not.
@@crhayeslol keep dreaming. Many residents in the nursing homes have children and great relationships with them at that. Or so they thought. They get dropped off and the kids never visit. Only when they get “the call” and it’s time to collect what mommy and daddy left them behind 💰💰💰those places are lonely for a reason. Kids move on and create their own families. The nurses will take great care of the parents in old age.
I don’t enjoy working 120-hour week, and definitely don’t want to bring another human being into existence to experience this pain and suffering. One thing I have doubts about is the statement that “those who choose to have babies rarely regretted.” When you interview people like this and put it out in the public domain, what do you expect them to say? What if their children see this a few years later? My very close friend repeatedly and secretively told me how much she regretted having a kid. She eventually divorced and left her child with her ex and paid a handsome child support give her top income. She would not be comfortable sharing that view with people she meets at a party and definitely not on a RUclips video. I wonder how many mothers secretly feel something else but can’t voice it…
Maybe she was oversealmed. I am a mother of 2 and I feel oversealmed and exhausted all the time, day and night. I love them as much as one can love but I've lost so much quality of life that it hurts
I find it fascinating that your comment is the only one I've seen that considers the child. Does no one, in their decision process, think about the life they are sentencing their children to by bringing them into the world? All of the pros and cons discussed are about how it affects the parents and society. What about the happiness of the individual person who will live about 80 years on this planet?
I feel that every life can be a disaster after seeing my uncle died of cancer in pain. Is living worth it after all when all of us will extremely perish?
I think what's missing from this conversation is that there's actually A LOT of people out here that want kids but haven't found the right person yet. People who may already have decent jobs and stable mental health but they just haven't found a partner suitable with the same attributes. Add in that marriage is on decline and full family units are becoming more and more rare. It leaves a population of singles that could have had a whole lot of healthy kids but life just hasn't went in their favor. Its very important to find the right partner and kids thrive in a family structure with two parental figures no matter the genders. I can sadly only see this issue getting worse before it gets better.
Yes i think there was a stat that said that of the women who didnt have kids after 40, most never planned on it, they just got late due to being busy with work, or enjoying the dating/partying lifestyle etc and started looking too late for their partner to actually have children with. This happens a lot in corporate too, companies now provide their women workers in 30s with free egg freezing facilities so they can keep working and delay having kids, but that doesnt change much because the body is still aging and it is the body that has to conceive that egg, unless you have money to get a surrogate. And as women age it doesnt help with finding a partner too.
Do you not get the irony there? Your parents have someone to take care of them because they had kids. They dont have to spend the last decades of their life alone, and die alone. IF you dont have kids, you'll get plenty of silence for decades when you're all alone. Unable to move. Unable to feed yourself. Then you'll die alone.
@@liamsbest9 my dear some people have gone through trauma,,that the only wish for them is peace and silence...be kind you never know why someone ends up that way
The desire to have children isn't rational. I say this as a new mom totally in love with her baby. The drive is emotional and primal and I wouldn't recommend people have children without it, because it's essential to draw on during the stressful parts of parenthood.
I have a ten year old daughter. As much as it pains me to say it, it's not worth it. She's a brat, rude, unappreciative, and costs me time and money I could have spent elsewhere. I love her and would give my life for her, but if I could go back in time, I never would have had her.
there a high chance you or the guy you chose to have a child with were like that as a young kid (and might still be as an adult). Why do people act surprised when their kids turn out like them?
@@moistorphan I don't want to get into it but my childhood was relatively normal. I'm convinced my life would have been far more fulfilling if I had held off on having kids until a more mature stage in my life, after pursuing my goals and experiencing the things I've always dreamt of doing. But that takes time and money, and I thought having kids could substitute for that. If I could go back, I would pursue my dreams before deciding to have kids.
That's brave of you to admit. I think society would really benefit from hearing more from people in your situation, and listening without judgement. Wishing you all the best ❤
If they do regret it, those who have had children just never confess it and sometimes they are unable to admit it even to themeselves. I know many people who have become bitter and depressed after having chilldren, but - if asked about their sudden change - they usually put the blame on work and other elements of their lives and never on their offspring, because it's taboo. I'm not encouraging people to not have children and I am not against having them, but we must be honest: children are not going to make you happy and that's OK, they are not supposed to. No one should have children to "earn" something from that. Having children means giving something out to the world, expecting nothing in return. It should be a selfless act not something that one does for his own advantage.
Some people might regret it, but I bet they didn't spend enough quality time with them in their youth cause, with mine, who are 21 and 18, we get along really well, did not have difficult teenage years, and I can't wait to become a grand-father, even if I am only 49 now! but, my kids are thinking like a lot of you guys and I really hope that, eventually, at least one of them, will have some children!
My hats off to the wise people who chose to remain childless ! Giving a little break to an overcrowded, polluted planet ! Everybody loathes bottlenecked freeways, airports etc Consumer product Corporations love this exponential, uncontrolled overpopulation!
@SuicidalSummerSnowWoman dear person the planet 🌏 is getting flooded, everywhere simply we are too many...results : inflation, scarcity of jobs, land and the real trouble; lack of water. Thanks to OVERPOPULATION
The only reason I go back and forth to have kids lol my parents would be the most loving supporting and happiest grandparents ever... Yet the hard part of raising them would be still left to me so, no kids. Sorry parents.
my sister husband told me having grandchildren he spends thousands of dollars on his grandchildren they pull at his heart, so he spoils them and there is two side to everything in life. Now he ill his children and grandchildren make sure he is taken care of Me, there hospitals that be fine. I had not gotten married my choice and never wanted children my personal decision.
I think that's very common, isn't it? The role of grandparent is less demanding, less stressful and you get to focus it more on what you want out of the relationship. Also, you've already seen most situations before and you're not financially responsible for them.
Having a child has somehow become that invaluable action which all of society depends on......AND the crown jewel of irresponsibility if you do before you're absolutely ready to do so.
It's really only pushed as "the crown jewel of irresponsibility" by those that push abortion. Really it isnt about being responsible and waiting until you are ready, It's about if and when it happens, you grow TF up and become responsible
I find it crazy when parents say “Kids are bundles of joy and blessings. They bring so much meaning, purpose and fulfillment.” when I consider freedom, sleep and money those things. Having children is an enormous decision because it is expensive and a lot of responsibility.
As soon as I started teaching kids, I realized I did not want them. I love them with all my heart, but don't want their company after 3 and on weekends.
I'm listening to this while my 2 year old is sleeping on my chest and she won't let me go to finish my tea. I love being a dad. I planned and wanted children since early 20's. I waited until I have correct partner to marry and I could believed I could afford it. It is wonderful having my 2 kids making a mess baking with me on weekends. My wife currently is enjoying a long weekend with friends at a music festival. She deserves time for herself and a wonderful mother. Since my 2nd kid I am struggling financially, but I won't change anything. I wanted my kids and I'm lucky
My view as someone from Finland who knows wants a child or two: I dropped out of my Master’s degree in Business to work with kids. I’ve always loved kids and spending time with them - it makes me so happy I have done it for free many times :D It teaches me so much about life and how to be kinder to myself, basically free therapy for me, but that’s very rare and I don’t know anyone who experiences it like this (not even my colleagues working in child care lol). Having kids is definitely not for anyone and hopefully people would get lots of experience with kids (more than a few hours at a time) before making the decision. I have a rough childhood and still wonder why my parents chose to have me, and that’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
This is so essential. It should be part of school requirements for a diploma. Among other things like cleaning cooking home finances (how to buy your first home etc) philosophy as a subject (for a better democracy and mental health, pragmatic solution focused). Éducation is in need of some innovation clearly.
@@Tatiuska100 She makes great points. I think she is right about people needing to have some experience w children. Since we lost our communities in modern societies, this can and should be provide by innovating education to provide these experiences and the subsequent discussions. As I understood she does not have children yet and the video is about us, deciding to have or not have children. I appreciate her sharing her innermost thoughts and feeling here and it should be safe for her to do so. I understand you feel some way about the comment but she does not yet have children and might not want them from what I get from her comment so how can she talk about what you say, the life she created? She has not yet and might decide not to. It will take some years maybe and then she will change her mind, or never. Or are you referring to a removed comment. And what are your thoughts about children and do you have them are you willing to share and give us the insights you missed.
You must be very different. I'm Baltics and most native people are introverts here. Being around kids and people as a daily job seems like a nightmare to me.
I always tell my kids that having kids comes with a great responsibility. You have to be emotionally, psychologically and financially prepared. For now my oldest one says she doesn’t want any because she wants to do many things in life and I respect her opinion.
I’ve got a couple of acquaintances who were completely shocked after having their first child about how difficult and stressful it was and how their lives had now completely changed - uh, you didn’t consider that before trying for a kid?
Yes, being a parent is a big responsibility and you better be prepared. Many people these days are selfish, addicted to shopping and social media, lazy and lack ambition.
same, i have got a few acquaintances too and they are just so fed up that they don't care about their kids anymore, i live in a joint family and they just leave their kids in someone else's hands and run away from their responsibility. I usually discuss this from my mother and she too agree with me but is afraid to admit thinking that i would too hesitate in having kids😂😂
They’re shocked because they were perceiving parenthood through rose-coloured glasses. All the nice joyful expectations they had about having a child from their fantasies. Reality is different. Which is why they’re now shocked cause they noticed that parenthood wasn’t always easy and joyful like their fantasies of it.
Don't blame them, they fell prey to pronatalist propaganda which underplays the amount of stress and work involved. Though to be fair, there are a lot of variables involved in how difficult parenting is. Their child's health and temperament, the amount of social support they have... and oh yes, their income level, which affects everything from their residence to their ability to buy labor-saving devices and/or hire help.
@@mikesamovarov4054that's why they shouldn't have kids if they're lazy it's a full time job. I'm eighteen and the more I grow and the more I see how life is changing and how fast I discovered that, nada it's not for me. Maybe if I have at least 500k in bank and I'm responsible enough then maybe and that's a big maybe
I have 2 kids. I chose to have them, but not gonna lie, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. The mental toll on me as the mother, who solely breastfed and raised them while they were under 1 despite having a husband is something I never want to face again. I'm still resentful. I often hear 'I never felt such joy and happiness before having kids'; one mother said it in this video, even. But I already had a fun and fulfilling and active life of travelling and socializing and I desperately miss my free time.
@@GodSoLoved.Yeshua It's not. Maybe back in the day when there was no birth control, but not anymore. It's so important that people think cleary about if they want kids or not. Many parents who thought like that "its a natural part of life" deeply regret their decision. No other decision will change your life so drastically. And it is your life and you only have one. So might as well live it as you want and not what "a natural stage" might be.
Most parents do not regret their decision. Most people before they pass will tell you their greatest joy was their children. It’s fine if you’re different but it’s part of the human experience and you’re missing a huge part of life by missing it. So it’s normal some people are curious when you choose to miss out on such a huge part of life.
I’m so glad there are more conversations nowadays about the realities of parenting, and the normalization of a childfree life. These decisions are so personal, either answer is acceptable. Society is not a kind place to mothers and parents though.. and until we live in a better society, I refuse to procreate.
@@Julia-nl3gq because children are the continuity of said society and everybody understands that, thus the parents need support to raise a child that will contribute positively to that society, when your generation gets too old to work it will be up to these children to keep everything functional and let you finish your life in peace, countries need children whether you like it or not, that's why governments gives lee-ways to encourage people to have one
The world is so different now. Years ago, one parent stayed home, and houses were cheaper. Today, both parents are working to pay the bills. Daycare is a grand a month for one kid. Parents are exhausted, and kids are really expensive.
42, male never wanted kids, never regretted it. And when I look at all my friends who have kids I can honestly and without hesitation say that they are definitely not more happy or satisfied with life than I am…..I have my dogs, my friends and my family and life is wonderful and worry free….cheers….
@@samiksharaj-sf3dc do you really think that your children will care for you when old? Not here in the west, you end up in a care home and your children are occupied with their own life. Have you ever heard of friends? I have loads, I’m almost never alone. I have siblings who have children and they all love me, but I never wanted or want children myself. In many cultures you are forced to marry and have children, often leading to misery, I live in a democracy and can choose as I want, and that’s why I’m happy…..
It's not only about the parents. If someone regrets having children, the children are going to understand this sooner or later, and who knows the impact it will have on their mental health, to know their parents regret or are unsure of having them around.
Parenthood is worth it if you actually want and like children. It's not worth it if you don't. At the end of the day people should be free to make their own choices and not be judged so harshly by society. Childfree people are thought of as strange or selfish, and big families are thought of as needy and impractical. You just can't win, so just do what works for you.
I think its selfish to have kids. Does anyone ever think how hard their kids are going to have to work to pay for housing or what life will be like in the next 18 years? Why do that to someone? Its like dragging someone to a terrible party and leaving them there.
Who is supposed to do the work when you get old? The OPPORTUNITY to work hard is a blessing in itself. I’m guessing the Hispanics will be inheriting the USA. The white and black youth seem to only be about themselves.
@@hr9336”the opportunity to work hard is a blessing” Nobody is against working hard. But when costs of living go up because governments want to bleed everyone dry, it’s no longer a “blessing”. It’s a just an unfair burden. Pretty sure communism appreciates the statement of hard work being a blessing.
@@CactusCowboyDan Actually, it’s the capitalists out here crushing it that view hard work as a blessing. It’s not the government holding you back. That’s loser talk. Maybe the car loans, the trendy neighborhood expectations, or living single that’s holding the youth back.
@@hr9336 1: So you’re a capitalist? The kind of person who feeds off a society of wage slaves? 2: The government is holding people back because they are capitalists who increase taxes and raise inflation. That’s not “loser talk” whatever that means. It’s just a fact. 3: So you’re blaming people who want to stay single and free for the lack of interest in kids? Fair enough. Many people like myself want to keep our freedom and not be burdened by kids. But there’s also an abundance of people in the world and we are living in troubled times. Why would I want to have a kid when there’s no point to it beyond just providing more wage slaves and care home assistance?
And later in life your husband looks at you and ask… what have your contributed to the house after all these years??? And you have no choice but to depend on him because you’ve been out of the workforce for so many years. Not worth it.
Yes! So many women are trapped because all their years of exhausting work building up the family has been unpaid, and now they are trapped in a disrespectful or abusive situation due to financial dependency,
@@mdlmomma9167 exactly! For marriages that turn sour decades and decades later, there is absolutely no appreciation. Sacrificing your income is a dangerous game for women.
This could be a downside in scenarios where husbands exploit their better financial position. Though I would say relationships always involve some amount of depending on each other. As a guy, I would say that men have no choice but to depend on their wife quite a lot of the time to look after their child(ren). This too can be a little bit concerning. But people just have to learn to trust each other. I have rarely heard men say things like women force them into staying at home more to help look after the children by saying they have had enough or something. In general, it seems men would trust women in this way. Perhaps it is because the child belongs to both. What you are saying in this comment though is that afterwards men might not feel like they should unconditionally support their wife. I would suggest pointing out the difficulties of contributing to the house after all these years, difficulties which are not apparent to men that may have had a very different experience of life despite living in the same house as a woman.
I am glad I live in Denmark and here being a parent is a completely different experience than in the US. Maternity leave is 1 year (can be shared with the father), nursery is very cheap and 80% subsidized by the government, schools and universities are paid by our taxes. In fact, students earn a salary to study. Not to mention hospitals, which are completely "free". That's just incredible. But hey, I am sure people have accounted that in when they say we pay "a lot of taxes". I am sure they pay less overall than us when you take into account all of the expenses people have raising a family.
@@missyaman7053 the incentives exist because the government wants them to procreate more. if you had an overpopulated, overburdened by benefits Denmark, then the story would be VERY different
@endlessjourney9641the most idiotic comment I have ever seen 😂 we pay as much taxes in the US as in Europe, if not more, but we get NOTHING in return. Not even a decent road.
@Endless Journey What a truly bizarre idea, that children will think they belong to the government because they grow up in a society where the wealthy are willing to share money through taxes. What's also bizarre is how the wealthy in the US pretend they care about the family and that they're Christians when what they actually worship is selfishness and greed.
@Endless Journey You don't understand - government doesn't have any money of it's own. It deals with citizens' money. And what is government anyway? A group of people chosen by citizens to rule, and that involves mainly making decisions about people's money.
I think community support is important to look at also. All the burden of parenting is on only 2 or 1 person. It does take a village but that village is gone. That's why I choose not to have children.
that's a very astute observation and very true. take it from a parent. it's even statistically proven that the more support first time parents receive the higher the likelihood is that they're having more kids after.
Then why aren't you actively searching for such a village or creating one yourself instead of resigning? I completely agree with the importance of community for children, but this defeatist mindset is poisonous...
I can afford to have more than 2 kids (which I currently have) but it’s a very very hard job! It’s not only the cost side, it’s the logistics, the sleepless nights, the huge sense of responsibility and the anxiety about their wellbeing. I love them and I’m happy to have them, I won’t ever schoose a life without them, but I also won’t have more. So having fewer children is not always a matter of cost…
I love my child and I can't imagine my life without him but with his arrival the relationship with his father broke tremendously. Despite his commitment he turned out to be emotionally immature and in 10 years relationship I've never had this problem. So, to the new parents to be, I would say to be aware that they can feel extremely satisfied but it can destroy the relationship with the partner
It all might be very different if instead of just having the "Immediate Family" we lived in a family community with aunts. uncles, cousins and grand parents around to step in when needed.
Definitely. I have no living relatives and the thought of being in the same situation as my late mum, having to raise a child alone and struggling financially every day is the worst thing I could imagine for my life. It also wouldn't be fair to them when I'm gone. I'm mid 40s now and decision is made. Feeling glad about my child-free working life full of friends and travel
There is evidence to suggest that ancient tribes used to all raise all the children in the tribe collectively. I sometimes wonder if we have just created a very family un-friendly world.
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Irony is intelligent people who would make wonderful parents are choosing not to, while less-fit parents continue having loads.
Exactly 👌🏽
It depends on one’s perspective. I wonder how ppl with less than me have so many kids but it’s their out look on life….. life must continue it doesn’t matter who do it
This has probably always been the case. The only change is that there used to be not social expectations to reproduce in general, plus ... Birth control was invented
Smart people know that having kids is unnecessary
Idiocracy is coming true 😅
I am a quiet person and I listen to the people around me tell me they feel sorry for me because I don't have children, they don't understand why and how I can live alone... They are compassionate so I tell them "it's ok" with a smile, and I mean it. They don't realise my hapiness comes from leading a calm and simple, underwhelming life. Less problems, more time to appreciate life and know myself. This life suits me well!
@@bikechan9903They may not say it literally, but many imply. There have been countless accusatory statements along the lines of ‘Women who don’t have children are not real women’ ‘It’s women’s duty to bear children’ and similar. Shocking, but true. Typically made by men, but also by old fashioned or some jealous women. The world is thankfully realising these statements are unacceptable to make.
It is no one's business. Some people are so rude!
@@bikechan9903 looks like you don't know people very much
@@bikechan9903 You'd be surprised! One colleague even told me "that's not fair, you are so nice you deserve to have children"!
@@oONodokaOo happiness is a personal thing, if you dont want to do it thats fine. A lot of people associate happiness with kids it's their right, dont get offended so easily, this is cry baby material here. Say you dont want kids cause you are the way you are and that's it.
It never ceases to amaze me people figure out the cost of children AFTER they have them and not before
right... and these people procreate...
They somehow think they’re exempt from these costs.
shoot first and think later
@@munequa81 What does that even mean? Having a family isn't about the cost it's about having a family. There are countless way to provide and care for a family.
@@smallfaucet Tell that to the people that can't afford a home, decent food, decent schools, have to live in an insecure neighborhood, and work over time just to not get kicked out of the house.
If you're not finding joy and fullness in your life until you have kids, you've obviously never tried anything else.
what have you tried to find fullness and joy in your life?
Sleeping in 😴 😊
That part!
@@shigor Do you not have hobbies? Friends? Anything that sparks joy? Because if you have to ask that, it's kind of an issue
@@irondragonmaidenI think I have more hobbies than an average person. I am not sure what ur point is
It's as simple as this: If you're not financially/mentally/emotionally stable, PLEASE do not bring children into this crazy world. You're not doing them any favors.
This is why people on welfare have lots of kids. They don’t have the stress of having to be financially responsible for them when the government will just take care of them. I say this growing up as a child on welfare with 3 siblings. Middle class people are much more likely to not have kids or have fewer kids.
Yes, but it is not always that simple; especially on the financial matter
@@celsoable1 in the year 2023 with so many methods of FREE contraception, it really is that easy.
That’s not what I had in mind.. I was reflecting on the free will and I think it is quite segregative and diminishing if you consider some people are not intitled to make this choice only due to their income or property; I do think that ideally people could wait until eventually they became more mature emotionally and have some financial security.. but that’s not always the case, especially with the money
Hard to say that you can STAY financially stable that part is hard in the current world
Being an uncle.. best thing in the world... Enjoying your nephews while being raised by somebody else .. pure genius ..
not really you may ave to do babysittin
@@beaulieuc8910pretty sure babysitting isn't as stressful as having a kid lol
Yeah i bet is the same thing 😂 like having a girlfriend or talking with your sister same
Yep 😆😆 cool auntie over here
I guess...as an uncle or aunt you're not responsible for nieces/nephews.
The other thing the video didn't mention is the parents' mental health. My mother was always in a bad mood when I grew up, I always felt very intense at home, so I stayed at my friend's home as much as possible. My mother is healthy and most of the time responsible as a parent, but she didn't have the concept of emotional health. I thought a lot about her issues and temperament, measuring how I do when anxious, stressed, or exhausted. I don't do well. I cannot imagine having a kid and not having the energy to be a patient parent, as any kid deserves. To me, that's really irresponsible.
I relate so much..
Yes. Remind me of my mom too.
I couldn't agree with you more. 🤓👌Mental health plays such an important role as a parent. My mom struggled a lot with mood swings my whole childhood. The upside is the recent social awareness on mental health and recent generations taking responsibility for their past traumas to improve their lives.
Reminds me of my dad. I was always walking on eggshells at home because of his explosive temper 😢 and that is why I don't want kids
Are we sisters?
Not having children is the best decision ever I've taken in my life. My life is much more satisfied while being single.
keep telling your self that
It's the best thing I've ever (not) done. The dissenters are only angry because they went into it blindly and cannot go back.
@@thomasmccormack4796 Most research states that most research is flawed. Just sayin'
Mee too!
😂 I hope you will also enjoy being single when you are old and alone
Exactly, I meet lots of angry parents, cursing at their kids.
As a summer camp counselor, a kid told me, "You treat me better than my parents."
that's so sad, parents take their kids for granted unfortunately
Oh give me a break...It's never okay to curse at your kid, but being a counselor and a parent is not the same thing by a long shot. I used to have one full time job and 4 part time ones at the same time teaching a total of 400 kids aged 3 to 16. Never lost my cool. The kids all loved me. Now I have a toddler 24/7 with zero outside help. Guess which job is more exhausting. It's easy to be nice and patient when you have none of the serious responsibilities and can go home after your work to relax.
@@CoconutSelf It was only a summer teen job to me, but I had to deal with the trauma from poor parenting.
Later, one kid recognized me on the street, and dragged is mom over to meet me (not hot).
Never saw the point of raising kids on a working class income.
@@CoconutSelf doesn't change the fact that total stranger was being nicer to those kids than their own fcking parents.
yes. cause you care for them for a period of time and their parents do for life. which is a huge mountain to climb. some can't handle it cause they have not fully evolved as a human being, partner, and financial backbone of their family. it's your job to care but you only need to polish this one side of the cube of life and caretaking.
I definitely think more people do regret bringing kids into the world than they’re able to admit to society. Children are absolutely amazing, but the stress, anxiety, the responsibility for their outcome in life, it’s like carrying the world on your shoulders. It’s tough to say the least.
Do you regret having kids?
True but we can adjust. We can focus on being happy no matter what life throws at us. It's why I talk a lot w my kids. When we get bad news like one of my sons is colourblind but dreams of becoming an engineer, we don't know how and if even possible but we will try and if not allowed we will adjust our plans together. Health and happiness is a main focus. And we roll w the punches.
I am more than a hundred percent sure that if I hadn't had children, I would certainly be unhappy, cause for the past 21 and 18 years, My kids have given me joy! worries too, but mostly, an uncontrollable unconditional happiness!
regret is not a luxury when you have children. you roll with it the same way if you roll with your advantages and disadvantages that you cannot change in life.
Yes
It’s not just about being financially able to do it. Parenthood is like swimming in an ocean of anxiety and stress with tiny islands of happiness scattered here and there.
You are a lunatic and I hope you don't have kids.
Sounds depressing
Well put 😁
Been a father for a year. I have it backwards: ocean of happiness with scattered islands of fud and anxiety
Is this opinion based on your own experience or on this brainwashing movie
Never had children, never wanted to be a parent but I always have peace of mind! I made the right decision for myself.
Is it because of the cost?
@@Sammie551 If it is, is that such a bad thing?
@@Sammie551bcos he just don’t want them 🙄🙄
@@ashtownsakatu4098 what if your parents never had you
Isn't it selfish to enjoy life alone?
@@Sammie551 well it was their choice to have me I didn’t ask them!! And oo if they didn’t give birth to me I will have no idea that i existed!
Being a parent is hard, no doubt. I hope more people are seeing the weight that comes with decision. Children should be wanted, not regretted.
Extremely few parents regret having children
@@ossianns it’s not common but it happens and that’s my point. According to statistics ~20% of German parents, 8% in the UK, 7% in the US, etc responded that they regret having children 🤷
Maybe it's a Germanic thing. Where I'm from only seriously dysfunctional people would regret having kids or having love in their lives.
It’s not just dysfunctional people. Lol. Anybody can regret having kids.
@@Rosannasfriend Yup anyone nuts. Lol. It's natural to have them and to love them.
"Children are your greatest source of happiness because they get rid of all your other sources of happiness."
Lol. So true
Or maybe many people find it fulfilling to be a parent?
I feel like your statement is only true for people who had kids and realize AFTER that they regret it
@@zachanikwano You can look into the research available on your own. If you want more happiness, don't have kids. If you want something else that isn't necessarily happiness, have kids.
what type of happiness for example?
I took a screenshot of your quote. That was dead-on target.
One thing that I think is missing from this analysis is the fact that 40-50 years ago, one could comfortably support a family on a single average income in a developed nation. But that's almost unheard of now outside of elite professions, without welfare or some other form of support. The increase in the cost of living, particularly the cost of housing, will probably have a negative impact on birth rates.
Yeah, for example, in my mom's family, in the 50s to 70s, only her dad worked, and he could afford a middle class life (a house, car, TV, toys and bicycles for each kid, some money for sports and extracurricular activities) on a truck driver salary. And they were 10 siblings. In my dad's case, his mom also worked part time and she also inherited some businesses, so they had a very comfortable lifestyle for the time.
South Korea’s govt is wringing its hands after a measly $300/mo didn’t convince people to have more kids. It’s like politicians have no fing clue what daycare alone costs…
Appreciate that things change over time.
But this one factor that you have mentioned, explains why having children was not a cost factor previously compared to now.
Everyone wants their own car, their own laptop, their own fridge.
Resources used to be shared more 20+ years ago. Now, you barely hear the word share. Unless it's to do with stock markets....
Even grandparents find it a chore to babysit, so you then pay for child care while working!
And not only that, but families were tightly knit and generational solidarity was normal. I was lucky to be born in middle Europe where we still have those close communities, it is still considered only natural and normal to take care of our elders the same way the took the time and effort to take care of us when we were children. On the other side, it is quite normal and self understood that our parents will help us around children.
@@Vienna1902 Yeah, the same in my country... meanwhile some people in the US look bad at you if you stay home after age 18, but in my country is normal to live at home at least until one finishes university and finds a job, or if someone decides to marry, so usually people leave home between the ages of 23 to 32 depending on the person, but some stay with their parents forever, and that's also ok as long as the child contributes with the home, whether they work and pay for their part of utilities, or they stay home and take care of parents, nieces and nephews.
Corporations want you to have MORE kids. They want a larger workforce (more workers for less money is their motto). By all means, have more kids, educate them and send them off to work. Someone has to make the rich richer.
Corporations want people to create and raise slaves with no cost to them.
I believe this 100%
Yes!! I realized this a long time ago!
That is how big corporations think. They think of the public as slaves and they all give donations to campaigns of both parties.
@@daisylu1203 Yep, our government has been bought out by the big companies and they are on the same side: money. Yet people still believe:" Vote X and things will change!! Everything will get better! People just voted the wrong person!!" No. People voted who they wanted us to vote. It's rigged.
For me it’s basically a cost problem. Supporting kids for 20 or so years is a huge challenge. Most people in this video aren’t even at the half way point yet.
most in modern world today, to having kid in early 20s it not worth, all today expensive. you need to saving for you old days. 2 kid is enough.
cost and TIME
This is the biggest problem.
You’re awfully cynical. It is true that many people forget about their older parents but that’s more true about the values in the family while growing up.
And it’s the values in a given country. The United States it seems to me is one of the worst offenders because of the values placed on services. Just give birth then have someone else raise them, same attitude towards the elderly. Put them in a home.
The problem is that no one has time to raise their own kids due to the ridiculous social safety nets in some countries. Working overtime is more important than spending time with family.
The irony with your statement is you used to be a kid. Did you stuff your parents away in a home and stopped visiting them?
The hatred of children is getting a bit ridiculous. Who is going to take care of you if tons more people don’t have children? Robots with fake emotions I guess. Or no one.
Most people are trash with their finances so your perceived level of affordability is skewed by your bad financial decisions
It’s not even about having the money to go travelling, afford expensive meals and go to rock concerts, it’s about that time and space to enjoy what you have in life, to rest, recover and reflect on what you want in your life and what you don’t want. Having kids is like a mystery box, you really don’t know what you’re going to get and whether it aligns with who you are as a person.
Just say you want to be able to sit in your underwear, un-showered for a week and play video games.
Yep, the gambling of parenting. You just never know.
@@research4lifee almost if not all the same with marriage.
Who you are as a person? Like a living human? I wonder if you were worth it? Just think, your parents put forth the effort to cater to your needs growing up, only to have a selfish, lazy person who wants a self indulgent life. I wonder if your grandparents thought your parents were worth it? Since when do you get yo decide what people's lives are worth it. Surely we wouldn't want to entrust s brand new human being with a brand new brain to learn life from you ?
@@smsth07 I would argue that it's less of a risk with marriage because divorce is a lot less socially stigmatized than parents abandoning their children and rightfully so.
60 single no kids. I had wanted one but never got my wish. Life isn’t happier or harder being a childless single, it’s just a different way to live a life.
It's def happier
@@asideofaioli4630 DEFINITELY!
Serious question. What are you going to do with your possessions when you die? Can I have? 😁
@@brothertn708bro didn’t hesitate 😭
@@jayemixes3721 I’d hate to see all her possessions go to waste 🤭🤭😆
I'm 60 and childless by choice. Best decision I ever made.
As someone who works in childcare - I often hear it said “oh but when you have them, you make it work. You find a way”. And what that can mean is a whole community of people are making it work, too - grandma can’t retire in peace because she’s providing free childcare, the daycare lets your bill slide another few weeks. It does “take a village”, but the village is tired, too. The privilege of other people’s support and empathy is not to be taken lightly.
Well said
Not all grandmas are in their retirement years; my children's grandmother is 50 years old. I don’t think she will be ready to retire until my children are in college. In that case THEY will be taking care of HER.
And it's all a blessing
''grandma can’t retire in peace because she’s providing free childcare'' wow, this
I feel this because recently a couple of friends from school (in their 20) had a baby and a baby shower. They live in an apartment and aren’t rich at all, honestly pretty much like me but i’m not having kids for that reason, and i gues they “made it work” with an exemple being the baby shower were there was so many guests and a HUGE list of gifts “ideas” ranging from the big things to some things i would never ask for like pads for the girl after she gives birth. I feel like if you can’t even buy your own pads, maybe don’t have a kid? (And before you come at me, apparently this was a planned kid, so not even an accident). So in this case “making it work” was asking all of us to buy them everything and anything they needed for them… they invited some people they haven’t seen in so long too like people from school they haven’t seen in 10 years. My guess is: more people= more free stuff. They didn’t even provide food they asked us to bring it AND BRING THE PARTY DECORATIONS😂 i drew the line there because it was ridiculous at this point. Having a kid is your decision and it’s not everyone around you (“the village”)who should pay for your decision. I’d also like to have a kid but I’m choosing to wait until i can afford it and not have to make everyone pay. Honestly some people kinda do the same thing with their wedding but let’s not go there hahaha
Do you think they were completely honest about not regretting having children? My parents (baby boomers in their 70s now), my Mom especially, would say that they do not regret having children BUT would also often tell me under intense and emotional arguments that her life could have been much more different (somehow she avoided just telling me directly that it could have been better) without us. She always somehow wanted us to understand that she made personal sacrifices in career etc. that she wanted to do badly but did not because of us. Imagine telling that to a kid and the guilt I felt for it. She never said it directly but I knew that was regret. I personally feel that people who urge other people to have children just want them to pull people into a club of parents to validate that their decision to have children was correct -- a way to pacify regret. You know, since "everyone is doing it then it must be right" kind of mentality. There is so much I want to say about this topic. I am a female in my mid-30s and it's something that I had to really dwell on and I am still thinking about.
This paragraph is well written. I think you should try writing more about it since you said you have alot you want to say about it. Just a thought...❤
My Dad told me "I should've gotten the abortion option" ever since that day, I don't consider to connect with my Dad again, I used to be kind to him, but now I'm only being nice to him
He began to be careful choosing his words wisely to me once he knew I'm going to Japan after I finished at 10th grade in Philippines
He wished to me that before I leave Ph, that he could spend time with me more genuinely, but I've learned my lesson thrice, I'm not gonna get shot at the back again.
Some deep and profound reflections and I agree. Thank you for sharing.
Just be glad you’re here and stop having a thought hold you back. Such a victim way of thinking. Get on with life
@@infernogamers168 Thanks for this comment. It amazingly solved all of my life problems and removed all the obstacles 🤗 You're a gift to mankind.
We have 2 children. We never wanted more than 2 children. We aren’t rich, but money was not our main deterrent. Children require a lot of physical, emotional and mental support. Your entire life has to be planned around your children. How much or little you work, where you go, hobbies, vacations etc. It’s physically demanding to raise children (especially in those early years of sleep deprivation). As they get older, the demands do not go away, they just change. We simply can only balance 2 children and we are able to adequately provide for our kids.
One of the most sensible replies I’ve read on this topic in a while.
especially nowadays where lots of education is prioritised- it's hard to give more than 2 children enough support to develop mentally unless you have a lot of support from external people (e.g. grandparents)
Adopt me plz!
I have two kids, I completely agree with you. I don’t think I want a 3rd one, the physicality, financials, time, freedom and care will be further squeezed if there are more.
I always describe this is a case of diminishing returns 😅
@@waynechoi5027 LOL @ diminishing returns
Having kids costs money. Having kids may bring "joy" later in life, but happiness doesn't pay bills.
But if we look at the Forbes top rich listers, are they all childless.? And aren't most homeless childless?
Women won’t be honest about regretting their decision to make children because they’ll be judged harshly.
Yes. In real life they probably wouldn´t. But Internet is full of such confessions.
Only if it's unplanned pregnancy or you are unable to afford to raise a child.
@@glendacastillo6504Nope. Perfectly many perfectly happy and solvent women in stable families think this way too.
How do you know?
Quite the opposite. Usually women who don't have kids regret not having them later in life.
We need to get more dads interviewed on these for their perspectives, and not just the moms. Just a little feedback because dads love their kids too.
Agree 100%
👍
Or not...
This was a very lopsided piece. Men were barely an after thought and only mentioned to say they weren’t doing enough. Completely overlooking the fact that men are expected to work longer hours at increasingly unhealthy working conditions to pay for all of this.
I agree!
Translation: "Please breed, we're running out of minimum wage workers"
Say it louder.
That's the Republican way.
No worries, there still are many poor people you could import!
Dont worry the robots will do it
@@shad118 that's what I was thinking and it freaks me out
I would love to have kids, but it’s great that there is less social pressure to have kids. There have been a lot of bad parents over the years, and I imagine a lot of that was caused by parents who didn’t want or shouldn’t be having kids. So glad that self-selection is becoming more normalized and accepted. You do not need children to be a complete person! But if both you and your partner want children, I full heartedly support it.
I would have liked to hear about the immense strain on couples after having children. The huge drop in relationship satisfaction that occurs so often.
Interesting point, I wanted to add to this that I know several couples who are older without kids and they are miserable, it's all in perception, the company and commitment. If you're a miserable person, it doesnt matter if you have kids or not, your relationship will suffer either way. Fyi I have two kids,love them, and happily married.
Kids or no kids, if you do not make your relationship a priority, it will suffer. It needs constant work, commitment , overhauling, and attention.
My wife recently gave birth, and our relationship is completely different now. It's unfortunate.
I'm sorry. That has to be lonely for both of you. Also, are you aware of whether you do half the childcare and half the financial support? That freedom to discuss as a couple and readjust your plans can help you
@@anarki777 How so?
I grew up in a family with nine children. LOL. Hard to even grasp that nowadays. And it wasn't easy. When I finally scraped together the resources to go to college, I remember sitting in the local diner with an attractive classmate and thinking to myself "What happens in a restaurant?" I had never been to a restaurant in my life.
exactly! same thing in my first restaurant…pizza. My friend went up for. second slice and I was floored!
What does attractiveness have to do with anything?? Weird.
@@Mira-gu6we I imagine that he brought up he was attracted to them because strong emotions came with never being in a restaurant before.
@@Mira-gu6we he felt embarrassed
@@Mira-gu6we Because "what happens in a restaurant" is that men spend money to feed attractive women.
I’m childfree by choice for a great many reasons. The main one being that I don’t like kids. I find them extremely overwhelming. I literally turn around and go in the opposite direction if I see children coming towards me. Yet I’m still told that I’d be a great mother or “it’s different when it’s your own.” My grandmother never wanted her kids and she didn’t like them, she’s admitted it openly. My mother and my aunt both have struggled with their mental health and grappled with knowing their mother never really wanted them. Why would you wish that on someone else?
Don’t have kids if you’re on the fence about it, only if it’s something you feel you truly can’t live without.
So true. I am also childfree by choice. I've known all my life that having a child would horrify me. I can't stand kids. Which reminds me of another problem - the idea that everyone has to like kids. No, we don't. We don't have to like kids, we don't have to want to hold your stinky-diapered baby, and we should not have to sit next to your screaming three-year-old on a plane, or in a restaurant, or anywhere else.
@@Julia-nl3gqyou are error in Matrix …
Well said…. Can’t stand kids either … just a huge drain on you!
@@Julia-nl3gqcouldn’t agree more….
I’m a mom and it’s the most important thing in the world to me. What I appreciate about your comment is you didn’t disparage kids, or make condescending remarks about how unhappy you see people with kids. I’ve seen so much of that in comments. It’s just not for you and you were very honest about the reasons. And as a mom who raised 2 men and is working in my 3rd, I can honestly say it’s not for everyone and that’s ok. I’m not wild about other people’s kids either. Mostly because a lot of parents thing the world revolves around their kids anymore and we should too.
kids cost your TIME, your JOY, your EVERYTHING
The majority having children don’t think about. They just have them. As a result, we have this discussion.
Yes majority people just follow their animalistic instincts.
Exactly
Which is why Humans exists
Or else Nilhilist would have ended them 300 years ago
Exactly. And thats super dumm
If people stop to think about the cost, maybe they won't have kids.
Being alive is tiring (I don't have depression and am doing well overall). I just can't imagine making another human being go through all this when they don't even get to choose if they wanna be born
You're thinking about this because you're not as selfish as most are. It is actually incredibly selfish to have a child when you think about it.
I went through many difficulties in pregnancy and my baby resisted them all properly. I always say she was interested seeing this world.I truely believe It was mostly her choice to be here not me!!
Totally agree with you , some people choose to have children to fix their life.
@@whitneyw.7919 It's also incredibly selfish not to have one as well. See how that logic is silly?
You would like to read the works of David Benatar. Being alive is hard work
I never had children. If ever I feel a sense of regret sneaking up on me, I spend half an hour in a supermarket or McDonalds and I'm absolutely fine again.
😂😂😂
haha, before I had kids, I really didn't feel much for other peoples either. My husband and I used to joke about it - now we have those annoying brats in the supermarket!
Yesterday I was walking out of Wal-Mart and some kid that looked like a 7 year old was having an absolute breakdown because they weren't allowed to play the claw machine. Yelling, screaming at the top of their lungs. And they weren't a toddler, they were old enough to know better. My first thought was "Glad I don't have kids!"
@@grit1679 Even at 7 would you believe some kids just can't emotionally regulate themselves. We can't expect a 7 year old to be as mature as an adult. Mind you, I know adults who are still lacking this ability.
@@grit1679Not all kids are like that.
I am financially, emotionally and mentally stable, that is why I was so happy when my fiance gave me the great news she was expecting my first baby boy two years ago. My life has changed so much since then I wouldn't even think about going back to being childless. Love you son!!
This is incredible! We need more parents like you
You know what's worse than not being to have children due to money? Being the child born into poverty.
Wow. There are millions of happy poor kids.
@@MsChitterchat That's until they become poor adults.
@@MsChitterchat How does that justify the risk? There are millions of poor kids who experience an unfathomable amount of suffering every day. It is neither moral nor productive to take a risk this big on somebody else's behalf who can't even provide consent.
@@MsChitterchat
Happy poor children are exactly the sort of people you can entice into the army at age 18, which you can then spend in foreign adventures, and get them killed so you won't need to pay as much salary.
There's people who never have children and they end up being poor old age people with no one to help them. More kids give chance that some of them succeed.
Many children born in poverty become more successful than those born in wealth
Let me correct the closing argument: Few who have children dare to admit regretting it, both for fear of being judged by society and their families, and to avoid feeling like they missed out on their chances in life. But even if they never say it, their kids will realize.
studies have shown that 18% of parents regret having children.
Im the opposite. I was a tomboy, never had a maternal feeling, wanted to be a Marine Biologist. Now that im a mom, i know i would have regretted not having this rowdy house full of boys. I would have missed out on this sense of love and belonging and i would have been lonely and sad if i was solely devoted to a career and on a boat at sea much of the time. I know i would have deeply regretted not having children, but by then it would have been too late to change my decision. At 49, i can always go back to school and career. But at 49, i could not have began as a new mom.
Usually anonymous surveys are used to measure these things so I'm not sure your "correction" is correct.
@@oneperson5760 lol youre probably an 1ncel pretending to be a woman. Nice tryyy
@@oneperson5760 theres so many regretful parent that theres a forum for them everywhere. Facebo0k, r3ddit, youtube, tiktok
What I noticed with my neighbors and friends is that parents with a strong support network seem to enjoy being parents substantially more than those without. By support network, I mean having grandparents and siblings at close driving range. When my kids were young, I used to have grandparent envy when I saw parents with both set of parents nearby. Parenting could be hard but more so with no family support network.
Thank you for bringing up such an important point that so many overlook that aren't in that situation! Definitely feeling that grandparent envy myself from time to time.
Or you could just say "it takes a village" 🙂
I took an anthropolgy class a long time ago but I think it's something similar to allocated parenting. I don't remember the exact term. But it truly does take a village to raise a child.
The west has shamed people for not having children, so everybody felt it's their duty to have kids, and each family raised the kids solo. Now the kids are angry mentally ill and don't want kids of their own.
No, you need a village/strong social network where not everyone has kids. Think of all the people who can't or won't have children, and how beneficial they can be as "second" or "third" sets of parents to other children. Even other kids and help raise other kids.
True, I was practically raised by my grandparents while my single mom was finishing her degrees
This is very true. As a parent I was much happier living nearby my own family. I had my parents and my husband's father nearby for support. We moved recently in a bigger apartment because it had more space and included utilities, but we are very far away from our support system and often I'm left lonely and overwhelmed at home trying to maintain the housework and keep a child healthy and entertained. I get homesick often... but as an adult you have to weigh out the sacrifices you are willing to make. Having your own apartment has it's pros and cons but if we ever get a chance to move nearby our families in the future, because rent isn't cheap there, I would take it back in a heartbeat. My child needs his family nearby and I always feel like I'm failing him in one way or another. We are doing our best I guesss
Having kids is a lot of responsibility and not only that the world is getting so expensive and the survival of life is getting harder it really is. So when you think of kids think about it because it’s not easy it’s not.
My bank account, my mental health, my quiet home: says it is absolutely worth it to be childfree. And I am also not passing on the abuse my parents bestowed upon me. Win-win-win. You couldn't pay me enough to agree to have kids. Parenthood sounds like a horrible existence--my parents have definitely exhibited that to me. I've observed parents, strangers and friends: they are miserable and full of complaints and hidden regrets at being a parent. Who wants to live a life like that? I thank them for the examples they are exhibiting, because it only solidifies my choice to be childfree.
AMEN!
dont ask for a lighter load, ask for stronger shoulders
@@elenap-ot4gh My shoulders are fking strong as h3ll. I'm fiercely independent and highly capable. I've shouldered the immense load my parents gave me and continue to give me. You can't go through what I've gone through and come out weak. So I'm not sure what your platitude means in my case.
Well i'm a patent and It makes me so Happy and you dont want to be one becsuse your parents werent Happy for having you
Long live mgtow
Honestly they call the US a rich country, but when most people can’t afford education, homes, childcare, groceries, transportation, entertainment… maybe we just aren’t a rich country anymore.
We have more billionaires then any other country. Same with millionaires. Our country is rich but it goes to those that have bought out the politicians and even supreme court
Perfectly said
Doubt it, how much is an iPhone?
We are used to luxury and things we don't need.
@GodSoLoved.Yeshua actually theres jobs that now require smart phones unfortunately. I work one.
Oh the material richness is there the social philosophy is not.
I'm not having any because I would not want them to go through the pain of life, especially today. I'm 30 and already over it.
Ditto.
yeah i'm 100% with you, 2 years younger at 28 and i've been checked out for years now.
Yea if they're like me they'll just be sad.
Same, 40.
What pain are you referring to exactly?
Parenting is the hardest, yet most rewarding job in the world. I am scared about the world turning against having children. Its a beautiful, primal experience. The love I have for my daughters is something I never experienced in my life for anything else. Nothing compares. Yes some people aren't fit for it or can't afford it. Not being able to afford having kids is awful for those who really want it.
Couldn’t agree more ❤
Parenting is tough but not the hardest job lol. If u feel the need to push out a baby to experience love then I have a bad news for u! Only lifeless people who are boring and got nothing else to do with their lives have children.
@@sweetchillies3162 It really sounds like you were triggered by my comment. My life couldn't be more opposite than what you described. I can only imagine how hurt you have been in your life, I am so sorry for you. I think you didn't find love from your parents that you needed. Do you need a hug my dear?
can you stop them from watching tv, can you live with them all the time and not send them to school, all theze means are made in order for you to get respite from the kids. There is no village now, so tv and mobile raise kids, how do you stop it, you are on it yourself
A lot of parents I see rush into having kids and to fill in some void because they're bored or need something to keep themselves occupied. In my area, this ends up resulting in a lot of failed relationships, a lot of kids born out of wedlock and single parents.
Because a kid wants to eat candy and pizza all day everyday.
@@aarvee-d2u Don't forget the soda 🧃
Oh no! Not children being born out of wedlock!
I’m childless by choice but I have huge respect for all parents around the world who sacrifice their lives to support them
I strongly want to be a parent from the core of my being and I have huge respect for people who choose to be child free! ❤ I love your stance 🥹
"sacrifice"?
Thanks but it's not that difficult.
You are childfree not childless
The word you are looking for is "childfree". Childless implies that you are infertile.
Another thing I realized the other day about being childfree is that you don't have to stress about "generational wealth". You can truly enjoy what you've worked hard for and disperse it to the world however you deem fit without worrying about the financial stability of your generation to come. It's bizarre.
I agree! Also, I get to use my money and free time to help out my community which really brings a meaning into my life.
Excellent point!
Your mom's bizarre
It's not bizarre. It's one of the main reasons i don't want kids. You have to save up for their college and then help them buy a house. Who can realistically afford that?
I'm am not being snarky at all, but I am genuinely curious why you have to help your child buy a house?
Sending strength to all the parents out there. Anyone who says you can be prepared to have kids either doesn’t have kids or hasn’t had the time to chance to raise them❤
One of the things that bothers me most is that parents convincing people who choose to be childfree to have kids 😤
On the other hand, there are childfree eco activists tryna convince people not to have kids
If you're defective, we definitely don't want you to reproduce.
They want you to suffer too…..
We need to spread the suffering around 🥲
You mean TRYING to convince them.
I used to think that having a kid would be the end of my life and when I became a mom it turned out to be easier than I thought. However, I know that a lot of parents who live in constant stress and don’t seem to be very happy. I think that everyone should evaluate their situation and only go for it if is something that they really want. I was happy before being a mom and I am happy now. Having a child doesn’t make you happy.
With enough money and proper parenting skills, children are a massive joy. Otherwise you're doomed.
I love this comment. I am happy now with no kids, but believe I could be happy with kids as well if I was financially stable and had the proper skills and resources to raise a child. Nobody should have kids if they have unresolved trauma or aren’t already happy. It should be an add on to someone’s life
@@User2OO7it is not about the money, it is about organizing skills and love in a family.
exactly!❤
@@sophiethelk9557 That's most of the planet.
When I was thinking about whether I do want a child or not I was glad that my friends were honest with me. They told me how hard and stressful it is and that they can neither tell me to do it nor not to do it.
In the end we decided to give it a go.
And they were all right.
It is the most stressful work we have ever had. The society we live in is not very family friendly and we are really exhausted. Sometimes I wonder if I actually regret the decision, but so far every regret vanishes when I see my daughter. Yes my life is completely different, much more exhausting and stressful and some of our dreams might never come true because of her. But at the same time she is the person I love the most in this world and I would do absolutely everything for her.
So I do understand every couple who decide not to have a child. At the same time I understand those who give it a go…
Thank you for the honesty! I am a pet parent and i can relate, but with a pet the stress is wayyyy lesser than a kid.
one day they will say.."It is pitty...you are alone..." The problem is that the society is absolute contradictory
@@wildmaven21there’s no such thing as a pet parent. You own a pet.
I also went back and forth so much, but myself and partner REALLY thought about what a child would mean to us and fit in our life and we wanted that family. I'm glad I DIDN'T listen to all the whinging and stress stories etc because I wouldn't have done it. My dream of a happy family came true - so if you have a dream of family - do it! The bad stories don't come true if you are sure it is what you want and you plan and work things out. Everyone has their own troubles, everything can have hard patches, even amazing hobbies or dream careers - if you really want something in life, don't let naysayers put you off.
@@wildmaven21 haha I get much more stressed when my dog is ill! My daughter naps through illness and is (luckily) very robust. My dog is a constant stress because he acts so pathetic!
We longed for children and couldn't seem to have them . That went on for seven years.
We had plenty of time to travel, work on hobbies, enjoy our relationship and friendships, focus on ourselves, consume entertainment, all of that.
And then we were surprised by twins.
Little can compare with the joy we have had as parents, and I say that as someone who parented twins who both experienced a couple months of colic.
The joy has only grown. They're almost ten now, and they're great, great kids.
But, I had a loving, affectionate extended family as a child, had a sibling born when I was a teen that I helped raise, and then worked with kids for years.
One of the issues clearly is that most people have no preparation for parenthood, and take no opportunity to build those skills beforehand. Small kids throwing huge tantrums in stores? Almost always very hungry, very bored, overwhelmed or very tired. A little foresight and interaction can prevent 90% of those meltdowns for you, people just don't know it.
100% agree! People aren't given any support with this anymore I'd say.
Having kids just so someone will take care of you when you get old is as selfish as it gets
YO, this is basically the premise supporting ALL civilization since the beginning of civilization. From the smallest village to the largest empire.
We can't take care of our parents so there is no chance our kids will be able to take care of us. There's no time and no money.
and not guaranteed
There's no selfless reason for having a child. Know this and know peace 😂
It’s not selfish. It’s literally what humans have been doing for thousands of years.
Back in the day (and some Eastern societies today) it was a lot easier having kids where the entire village stepped in to help, you had aunts and uncles around to babysit, and cousins where the kids could spend the entire day. Now in the Western Individualistic model the entire load is on the parents.
Not really. It depends on the family. Some grandparents and other relatives help out sometimes. Don't stereotype people.
This is like in Philippines now. Parents helps aloooot❤
I live in Kenya and we are still a people driven so society. But we are fast becoming a lack of enough money for relaxing driven society.
Without all my uncles & aunts and my late grandmother on the farm, I don't think I'd have survived.
You hit the mail on the head! Nuclear families don't work at all. It takes a village to raise a child.
I do parent intakes for behavior problems at schools. I’ve had a plethora of parents state that if they had known their parenting experience would be like this they would have never have had any. I’ve heard woman regret it many times. And men seem to really regret it because these dads are almost never in the picture! So yes people do indeed regret having kids. I’ve worked in the school system 12 years and I don’t have any kids right now. This is from different parents confessing to me.
I guess it all boils down on being well informed on making the decision and being 100% sure about it. If you know what and committed to what you’re getting into, no matter how hard it gets later on, you would be more than willing to do it a hundred times over again,wouldn’t you?
@@JV-pn4tc Right, but it's impossible to know. One kid could be really easy and you might connect with them really well and an other kid could be a real handful and they might just not click with you the same way. So in a way it's greatly about luck too.
@@npineapple3077 yes, knowing and accepting that it could go extreme either way
U're a biological degenerate. An evolutionary failure.
I'm married my husband wasn't in my kids life , he punched a time clock . Drank that's it . I was home kids grew ok , successful not gloating , but I see my daughter is more like him , uses others rather than doing for others . Son I guess he's ok , but I'm not behind closed doors . I was at hers . She is a shame to me . Lazy and husbands job to do all . Well she gets what she wants .
I've been a teacher in a Elementary School for 29 years and I have two children of my own (now adolescents). I can tell you this, unless you are financially and mentally prepared DON'T have Kids. You will ruin your life and theirs.
I beleive we live in a world of a Middle Class paradox where only the very rich and the very poor will ever be able to have kids. If you're already very poor, having kids does not effect your standard of living all that much. And if you are rich, you can afford to have kids as you have the means to provide for them at a high level. Middle class doesn't have that luxury, a child will be a burden in almost every metric of success and financial security.
If your middle class you have to live like poor then you can have many kids
Why bring a child into poverty to suffer like yourself. Why then put the pressure on them to get out of poverty
@@கோபிசுதாகர் 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭🤦🏾♀️
@@kanishkchaturvedi1745 thanks!🥹😘
@@kanishkchaturvedi1745 that sentiment comes with the dangerous implication that only rich people should have children imo
Having kids is too expensive, especially in the USA. I didn't have any and it was the right decision for me. I know a few people who do regret having had their children. Some may think that's callous, but these are things potential parents need to hear and understand. You shouldn't assume it's going to be a magical experience and everything will be fine. These people still love their kids, but if they had a time machine they'd go back and undo it.
yeap, people have no idea how tough parenting is. raising kids is hard work, and raising them right is even harder. if people knew they'd have even fewer kids, for sure. the constant demands, the stress and drama, i find finances to be the least of my worries as a parent tbh.
So that means they hate their child.
Yet, the US is at an all-time high in single parenthood (27%)...
@Mysterio Anonymous would you say it is like having a full time job?
@@Redflowers9 Worse. You get off work but you never get off being a parent, esp. when they're young. It's from when you get up to whenever they go to bed, which may be a lot later than you would hope for. And then they may not even sleep through the night so you won't either. And then it's most likely back to work for you to perform there. It's no joke man.
By now im convinced it's better to be a young parent than not - at least if you're financially secure aka. in a decent career (don't have to be nearly as rich as most people think, just secure) and reasonably responsible. It takes a lot of energy. And time. Try dressing a 2 year old. You would be surprised how strong they are and they will fight you, trust me.
Some uncalled for advice: make sure you have a support system so you can get some weekend days and evenings off for hobbies or to take wifey out or something. Otherwise YOU WILL WEAR OUT.
When “is having children affordable” becomes a real question, there must be something wrong with this world.
It's funny cause the ones asking that question is mostly first worlders. The question they are actually asking is "can I keep going on holidays to a 5 star hotel in the bahamas every summer, buy expensive jewelry and cars and afford my every morning's pumpkin spice latte at my favourite artisanal coffee shop while I work on my 1000 euro laptop if I have a kid?"
@@lostinthesupermarketI am not doing any of the stuff you wrote.
I am 26yo… Do you want to know where most of my salary goes? FOR A FCKNG RENT… 50% of my salary… Let’s not forget that I still have to pay bills, insurance, medical costs and fuel…
FK OFF ALREADY… Fckng boomers.
What will you tell me? To rent 10m2 place? To eat less? Yeah - sounds like amazing conditions to get a child lol.
There's a lot that could be said to be wrong with this world. Fewer people would be a step in the right direction.
@@kjkj4725 Move to a less expensive city. Do you really need to be living in a big important city?. The only places where I've paid 50% of my salary on rent were world capitals, in any other city is around 20-30% and if you are a couple you'd be dividing the cost.
And btw, I'm not a boomer and I'm well aware that the cost of living is high in some places, but I'm also well aware that there are many places where life is affordable.
@@lostinthesupermarket that's a valid question. Why have a child if your lifestyle is going to diminish. Having children that you can't keep up with financially is irresponsible. If you can keep the same lifestyle it benefits the child. It's a great experience for children to travel. Nobody wants to be in poverty or tight on finds just getting by right above the poverty line with children. Who wants that?
I tell my kids don't have kids. Things aren't as simple and wholesome as they once were. It's harder to be a home owner than bring another human into this world who needs that home. No one likes living pay check to pay check.
how cruel of you.
Watching this, I thought of all my friends and family who have children with some level of disability. There isn’t enough support for families of non-disabled children, it’s honestly surprising that our birth rates are as high as they are, considering how we structure our society. It’s even harder, exponentially harder, if you are raising and advocating for a child with a disability. If our governments want us to have more children, we need high level policy change and a total reordering of societal priorities.
May I ask what disabilities you're referring to? Of your friends and family that have children, is it multiple children in one family that has the same or similar disability? I'd like to get a sense of what exact parenting challenges are being unresolved (or barely resolved due to lack of infrastructure).
Don't you know that the biggest problem for the free market and a """better""" quality of life is government? :V
Grew up with a brother mentally disabled from a medical mistake… he is 53 and my mom still cares for him… MD state (pg county)has kept him out of the day program since covid in 2020 due to staff loss (they prefer the easier self sufficient kids). Giving her the runaround to get him back in. My father died 2020 too. No answers from the county. This is why I never wanted to have kids. SMH
@@lanelle.delina Has she thought of being him in a support home? Better for him. The people there would know how to care for him.
@@dextro2090
Child labor laws going away would help a lot with the finances of parenthood
It really makes me happy that the conversation of NOT having kids is becoming more culturally accepted
Agreed! I love being a parent but it's not for everybody. Heck, my own parents struggled with it and I saw the toll it took on them as I grew up. For me, motherhood is wonderful but nobody should be pressured into it. Anyone who doesn't want to be a parent shouldn't be!
Me too. I
only in the so called developed 1st world countries this conversation has become culturally accepted. Thats a tiny part of the world actually
It’s a free country and that’s a very personal choice.
It makes me worry about the future of our society, that degeneracy and movements towards extinction are becoming more culturally accepted.
They are leaving out at the end that it's also possible to experience incredible feelings of elation, joy, and fulfillment with experiences and life situations without children. Being a parent is not the only way to achieve this. It would have been nice to hear from at least 1 childfree person in this report. It may not have been the intention to imply that parenthood is the only way to experience joy etc., but it feels like that.
This!!!
@@X6U477 exactly, it ALL starts from the self.
In the "olden" days people had more children because they didn't have contraceptives. It wasn't because they necessarily wanted lots of kids.
Being a school teacher has been a blessing for me. I get to raise children and love them like a parent, especially because so many of them have busy/neglectful/incompetent parents. But I don't have to be financially or legally responsible for them. I could, and will, never have kids of my own though. The expense is too much, the stress is too much, and children are increasingly becoming political objects. I will miss my kids so much when I leave teaching.
Thank you for your amazing service. It is a priceless contribution to society.
Let's have together. Don't worry about the finance. I will handle it.
Teacher here, same!
In 20th century, people were a lot poorer than we are today but that didn't stopped them from having 5+ kids.
What, a sense of love, fulfillment, and meaning? A loving family who will take care of you as you get older so you won't ever be alone? A sense of purpose and belonging? Pfff, who needs that?
I was a nanny in my early 20s and although I adored the children in my care, I realised that I did not want that lifestyle and I've never regretted it. I think more people should experience what it's like to care for children full-time before they have their own. I'm 57, my women friends with children are still supporting them financially, psychologically, with child/pet-minding, etc. while receiving no support from their grown-up children, many of whom have moved to other cities/countries, so they won't be looking after my friends in their old age.
I did the same thing except without the laze-fare attitude and got completely different results.
Of course once youve placed your bets youve gotta stand by them no matter what happens as is tradition, so I may not be being totally fair here. Such is the way of survivorship bias. "This ship is totally safe because I myself survived while using it". Its important to never forget that, lest you blind yourself.
You didn't have children, but unless you are 100% living off of your own savings, you will eventually be living off the earnings of other people's children through various government social systems, and as you have not provided any input into that system for future success (tomorrow's children will be paying for our social system spending today), you have not done your fair share to ensure the successful operation of those social systems.
Personally, I am not for social safety nets and welfare systems; unfortunately, I do not get a choice to opt out - therefore I think it is our social responsibility to raise responsible children who will continue to make the most of the systems we've put in place.
@@MBergyman🙄
That follows a capitalist logic of continuous growth, but we know it is a flawed logic. We live in a world with limited resources, and we are just too many people for sustaining this life style. We can’t continue growing the world’s population, there’s just not enough resources.
I am a woman aged 56. In my 20s I fell pregnant. I did not plan to have children, but ended up having 3. I became a single parent and the first 10 years of parenthood was pure struggle. Despite all the difficulties, I can only say that my children are the love of my life. I feel great joy that I have I parented my children and that they are now productive adults. Being a parent has given me a purpose and given me a totally different understanding of life. I am a more giving, generous and forgiving person. One of my children is disabled. I feel I value human life more as a result of this. I am also a grandparent now. This has brought me even greater joy. I do not feel that I have missed out on anything. Family mean everything to me.
It angers me when people say they had kids because someones gotta look after them when their old, literally the most selfish thing i can think of, expecting your child to adapt to this crazy world and look after you just because you decided you want that .
I think if the child is raised well they would do it out of love and reciprocity. This is more common in cultures that haven’t become as self-centered.
I saw a quote that said something like - your children will do for you whatever they’ve seen you do for your ancestors.
If a parent doesn’t take care of their OWN aging family in front of the child, the child won’t feel responsible for taking care of the parent someday.
And in America, lots of Boomers vanished their aging parents into assisted living, but now Boomers’ kids have no income for that
Someone’s child will be taking care of you when your old too..
@@ericnewman6523duh but people who have chosen to and devoted their lives to patient care. Ever been to a nursing home? Those 4 walls are very lonely. They all say they have children and great relationships with them but they never come to visit. Your kids have their own lives don’t expect them to take care of you in old age because it’s more than likely that they will not.
@@crhayeslol keep dreaming. Many residents in the nursing homes have children and great relationships with them at that. Or so they thought. They get dropped off and the kids never visit. Only when they get “the call” and it’s time to collect what mommy and daddy left them behind 💰💰💰those places are lonely for a reason. Kids move on and create their own families. The nurses will take great care of the parents in old age.
I don’t enjoy working 120-hour week, and definitely don’t want to bring another human being into existence to experience this pain and suffering.
One thing I have doubts about is the statement that “those who choose to have babies rarely regretted.” When you interview people like this and put it out in the public domain, what do you expect them to say? What if their children see this a few years later? My very close friend repeatedly and secretively told me how much she regretted having a kid. She eventually divorced and left her child with her ex and paid a handsome child support give her top income. She would not be comfortable sharing that view with people she meets at a party and definitely not on a RUclips video. I wonder how many mothers secretly feel something else but can’t voice it…
why did she regret it?
Maybe she was oversealmed. I am a mother of 2 and I feel oversealmed and exhausted all the time, day and night. I love them as much as one can love but I've lost so much quality of life that it hurts
just take a look at the sub redit "regretful parents" to see the number of parents who hate their life...
I would definitely love to have kids so they can work in a cubicle for big corps for 70% of their life
Lol
I find it fascinating that your comment is the only one I've seen that considers the child. Does no one, in their decision process, think about the life they are sentencing their children to by bringing them into the world? All of the pros and cons discussed are about how it affects the parents and society. What about the happiness of the individual person who will live about 80 years on this planet?
I feel that every life can be a disaster after seeing my uncle died of cancer in pain. Is living worth it after all when all of us will extremely perish?
Life’s much more than a cubicle my dude. Hope you’re doing well.
My argument exactly!!!!
I think what's missing from this conversation is that there's actually A LOT of people out here that want kids but haven't found the right person yet. People who may already have decent jobs and stable mental health but they just haven't found a partner suitable with the same attributes. Add in that marriage is on decline and full family units are becoming more and more rare. It leaves a population of singles that could have had a whole lot of healthy kids but life just hasn't went in their favor. Its very important to find the right partner and kids thrive in a family structure with two parental figures no matter the genders. I can sadly only see this issue getting worse before it gets better.
Yes i think there was a stat that said that of the women who didnt have kids after 40, most never planned on it, they just got late due to being busy with work, or enjoying the dating/partying lifestyle etc and started looking too late for their partner to actually have children with.
This happens a lot in corporate too, companies now provide their women workers in 30s with free egg freezing facilities so they can keep working and delay having kids, but that doesnt change much because the body is still aging and it is the body that has to conceive that egg, unless you have money to get a surrogate. And as women age it doesnt help with finding a partner too.
Not necessarily partying or working.. could also simply be never finding the right one to have children with
Agreed! I didn’t meet anyone in time sadly.
@Mohamed Hassan So True.
Thats a completely different question tho
No, I'm already taking care of my parents. I don't want to be chained to another living being. I just want peace and silence.
Do you not get the irony there? Your parents have someone to take care of them because they had kids. They dont have to spend the last decades of their life alone, and die alone.
IF you dont have kids, you'll get plenty of silence for decades when you're all alone. Unable to move. Unable to feed yourself. Then you'll die alone.
I empathise with your situation but be careful what you wish for
@@liamsbest9 no need for threats
Send you hugs. This is super unrewarding and frustrating
@@liamsbest9 my dear some people have gone through trauma,,that the only wish for them is peace and silence...be kind you never know why someone ends up that way
The desire to have children isn't rational. I say this as a new mom totally in love with her baby. The drive is emotional and primal and I wouldn't recommend people have children without it, because it's essential to draw on during the stressful parts of parenthood.
I have a ten year old daughter. As much as it pains me to say it, it's not worth it. She's a brat, rude, unappreciative, and costs me time and money I could have spent elsewhere. I love her and would give my life for her, but if I could go back in time, I never would have had her.
Oof, feel bad for your ten year old...
there a high chance you or the guy you chose to have a child with were like that as a young kid (and might still be as an adult). Why do people act surprised when their kids turn out like them?
@@danyalraza4388 Why? I'll never tell her so she'll never know. All I can do now is love and take care of her which I fully intend on doing.
@@moistorphan I don't want to get into it but my childhood was relatively normal. I'm convinced my life would have been far more fulfilling if I had held off on having kids until a more mature stage in my life, after pursuing my goals and experiencing the things I've always dreamt of doing. But that takes time and money, and I thought having kids could substitute for that. If I could go back, I would pursue my dreams before deciding to have kids.
That's brave of you to admit. I think society would really benefit from hearing more from people in your situation, and listening without judgement. Wishing you all the best ❤
kids shouldn't be a retirement plan.
Careful youll offend the kld narcissistic old weirdos
They're 100% retirement plan in most of the Asian countries 😂
@@Jenniechan7788same with Latino countries
Do you know any other? Even with abundant savings, what will you do with "assets" when everybody becomes old and crippled?
Sadly it's how nature works it why most of us will suffer for not having any
If they do regret it, those who have had children just never confess it and sometimes they are unable to admit it even to themeselves. I know many people who have become bitter and depressed after having chilldren, but - if asked about their sudden change - they usually put the blame on work and other elements of their lives and never on their offspring, because it's taboo. I'm not encouraging people to not have children and I am not against having them, but we must be honest: children are not going to make you happy and that's OK, they are not supposed to. No one should have children to "earn" something from that. Having children means giving something out to the world, expecting nothing in return. It should be a selfless act not something that one does for his own advantage.
Exactly
But the reason I don't want to have kids is why creating something that will eventually die in pain, e.g, cancers, heart failure
Some people might regret it, but I bet they didn't spend enough quality time with them in their youth cause, with mine, who are 21 and 18, we get along really well, did not have difficult teenage years, and I can't wait to become a grand-father, even if I am only 49 now! but, my kids are thinking like a lot of you guys and I really hope that, eventually, at least one of them, will have some children!
This is so true.
My hats off to the wise people who chose to remain childless !
Giving a little break to an overcrowded, polluted planet !
Everybody loathes bottlenecked freeways, airports etc
Consumer product Corporations love this exponential, uncontrolled overpopulation!
maybe go live in a small town then...dont live in a big city with bottle neck traffic airport etc.
@SuicidalSummerSnowWoman dear person the planet 🌏 is getting flooded, everywhere simply we are too many...results : inflation, scarcity of jobs, land and the real trouble; lack of water. Thanks to OVERPOPULATION
Feel free to make the world less crowded 😊
@noneofyourbiz6885 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
Well for big businesses, loads of people is happiness..more buyers spending!
My grandparents told me they like being grandparents more than being parents and raising kids
The only reason I go back and forth to have kids lol my parents would be the most loving supporting and happiest grandparents ever... Yet the hard part of raising them would be still left to me so, no kids. Sorry parents.
my sister husband told me having grandchildren he spends thousands of dollars on his grandchildren they pull at his heart, so he spoils them and there is two side to everything in life. Now he ill his children and grandchildren make sure he is taken care of Me, there hospitals that be fine. I had not gotten married my choice and never wanted children my personal decision.
I think that's very common, isn't it? The role of grandparent is less demanding, less stressful and you get to focus it more on what you want out of the relationship. Also, you've already seen most situations before and you're not financially responsible for them.
Is having children affordable is the real question!?
Yes
I could, be I like my intact body and fancy holidays better.
Mine were free!
I've been working for 29 years and still can't afford a house and property so I would say that I cannot afford a kid.
Definitely not that one in thumbnail. That scary baldy is free to anyone available
Having a child has somehow become that invaluable action which all of society depends on......AND the crown jewel of irresponsibility if you do before you're absolutely ready to do so.
It's really only pushed as "the crown jewel of irresponsibility" by those that push abortion.
Really it isnt about being responsible and waiting until you are ready, It's about if and when it happens, you grow TF up and become responsible
You will never be ready, no matter what. Accept it.
@@DevlinXIII Readiness is a spectrum
I find it crazy when parents say “Kids are bundles of joy and blessings. They bring so much meaning, purpose and fulfillment.” when I consider freedom, sleep and money those things. Having children is an enormous decision because it is expensive and a lot of responsibility.
As soon as I started teaching kids, I realized I did not want them. I love them with all my heart, but don't want their company after 3 and on weekends.
So true. I work in childcare. Evenings and weekends are precious and having enough sleep, doing whatever you want without strict schedule.
because you are modren woman. modren women dont want have kid.
I'm listening to this while my 2 year old is sleeping on my chest and she won't let me go to finish my tea.
I love being a dad. I planned and wanted children since early 20's. I waited until I have correct partner to marry and I could believed I could afford it.
It is wonderful having my 2 kids making a mess baking with me on weekends.
My wife currently is enjoying a long weekend with friends at a music festival. She deserves time for herself and a wonderful mother.
Since my 2nd kid I am struggling financially, but I won't change anything. I wanted my kids and I'm lucky
You deserve to be a dad.
Your wife is lucky! All the best to your family
@Ele Smilemaker Thanks for the nice wishes. Oldest Daughter is back to school today.
Time to prepare new illnesses back at home. 😃
Happy for you. I’d rather stay out of poverty than dig myself into it creating another me. I hate myself anyway 😂
@corey miller You are never poor when you get kicked in the mouth at 01H20. Worth it
I chose not to have children of my own because I didn't want to subject them to the mess other people made of the world.
My view as someone from Finland who knows wants a child or two: I dropped out of my Master’s degree in Business to work with kids. I’ve always loved kids and spending time with them - it makes me so happy I have done it for free many times :D It teaches me so much about life and how to be kinder to myself, basically free therapy for me, but that’s very rare and I don’t know anyone who experiences it like this (not even my colleagues working in child care lol). Having kids is definitely not for anyone and hopefully people would get lots of experience with kids (more than a few hours at a time) before making the decision. I have a rough childhood and still wonder why my parents chose to have me, and that’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
This is so essential. It should be part of school requirements for a diploma. Among other things like cleaning cooking home finances (how to buy your first home etc) philosophy as a subject (for a better democracy and mental health, pragmatic solution focused). Éducation is in need of some innovation clearly.
Weird that your whole commentary is about YOU, and not about the life You are responsible for creating.
@@Tatiuska100 She makes great points. I think she is right about people needing to have some experience w children. Since we lost our communities in modern societies, this can and should be provide by innovating education to provide these experiences and the subsequent discussions. As I understood she does not have children yet and the video is about us, deciding to have or not have children. I appreciate her sharing her innermost thoughts and feeling here and it should be safe for her to do so. I understand you feel some way about the comment but she does not yet have children and might not want them from what I get from her comment so how can she talk about what you say, the life she created? She has not yet and might decide not to. It will take some years maybe and then she will change her mind, or never. Or are you referring to a removed comment. And what are your thoughts about children and do you have them are you willing to share and give us the insights you missed.
You must be very different. I'm Baltics and most native people are introverts here. Being around kids and people as a daily job seems like a nightmare to me.
Ah, do you speak estonian?
Sa päriselt tunned ennast rõõmsana lastega olla, nagu nad ei väsita sind? Mida kuradit.
I always tell my kids that having kids comes with a great responsibility. You have to be emotionally, psychologically and financially prepared. For now my oldest one says she doesn’t want any because she wants to do many things in life and I respect her opinion.
“You have to be emotionally, psychologically and financially prepared” - Impossible.
I’ve got a couple of acquaintances who were completely shocked after having their first child about how difficult and stressful it was and how their lives had now completely changed - uh, you didn’t consider that before trying for a kid?
Yes, being a parent is a big responsibility and you better be prepared. Many people these days are selfish, addicted to shopping and social media, lazy and lack ambition.
same, i have got a few acquaintances too and they are just so fed up that they don't care about their kids anymore, i live in a joint family and they just leave their kids in someone else's hands and run away from their responsibility. I usually discuss this from my mother and she too agree with me but is afraid to admit thinking that i would too hesitate in having kids😂😂
They’re shocked because they were perceiving parenthood through rose-coloured glasses. All the nice joyful expectations they had about having a child from their fantasies. Reality is different. Which is why they’re now shocked cause they noticed that parenthood wasn’t always easy and joyful like their fantasies of it.
Don't blame them, they fell prey to pronatalist propaganda which underplays the amount of stress and work involved. Though to be fair, there are a lot of variables involved in how difficult parenting is. Their child's health and temperament, the amount of social support they have... and oh yes, their income level, which affects everything from their residence to their ability to buy labor-saving devices and/or hire help.
@@mikesamovarov4054that's why they shouldn't have kids if they're lazy it's a full time job. I'm eighteen and the more I grow and the more I see how life is changing and how fast I discovered that, nada it's not for me. Maybe if I have at least 500k in bank and I'm responsible enough then maybe and that's a big maybe
I have 2 kids. I chose to have them, but not gonna lie, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. The mental toll on me as the mother, who solely breastfed and raised them while they were under 1 despite having a husband is something I never want to face again. I'm still resentful.
I often hear 'I never felt such joy and happiness before having kids'; one mother said it in this video, even. But I already had a fun and fulfilling and active life of travelling and socializing and I desperately miss my free time.
Why don't they ever ask WHY people WANT kids but when you don't want them everyone wants to know your reasons?
So true! It's like you have to justify your life choices to the society in that scenario 🤦♀️ x
Well people don't ask because children are a natural stage of life.
@@GodSoLoved.Yeshua It's not. Maybe back in the day when there was no birth control, but not anymore. It's so important that people think cleary about if they want kids or not. Many parents who thought like that "its a natural part of life" deeply regret their decision. No other decision will change your life so drastically. And it is your life and you only have one. So might as well live it as you want and not what "a natural stage" might be.
Most parents do not regret their decision. Most people before they pass will tell you their greatest joy was their children. It’s fine if you’re different but it’s part of the human experience and you’re missing a huge part of life by missing it. So it’s normal some people are curious when you choose to miss out on such a huge part of life.
Because it's the natural instinct of every living being
I’m so glad there are more conversations nowadays about the realities of parenting, and the normalization of a childfree life. These decisions are so personal, either answer is acceptable. Society is not a kind place to mothers and parents though.. and until we live in a better society, I refuse to procreate.
Happy that your defective dna doesn't continue 😂 Immigrants will take their place, since population growth must go on.
Shame.
In other words: you will wait until society adapts to your needs and acts the way you want it to.
@@Julia-nl3gq Then you are a bad choice as well for whom others had to make sacrifices...
@@Julia-nl3gq because children are the continuity of said society and everybody understands that, thus the parents need support to raise a child that will contribute positively to that society, when your generation gets too old to work it will be up to these children to keep everything functional and let you finish your life in peace, countries need children whether you like it or not, that's why governments gives lee-ways to encourage people to have one
The world is so different now. Years ago, one parent stayed home, and houses were cheaper. Today, both parents are working to pay the bills. Daycare is a grand a month for one kid. Parents are exhausted, and kids are really expensive.
Easier to steal from parents with a dead kid.
Indeed the world never stopped people from having children who wanted to. Now that is what it is doing.
This is facts
Kids are a luxury unless you are rich your just creating slaves for the rich
42, male never wanted kids, never regretted it. And when I look at all my friends who have kids I can honestly and without hesitation say that they are definitely not more happy or satisfied with life than I am…..I have my dogs, my friends and my family and life is wonderful and worry free….cheers….
While your friends are playing with their grandkids, you will be in your room, sad and alone, wishing you had kids
@@FREEDOM80085 😂😂🥂
@@FREEDOM80085 and why do u think being alone is problem for everyone??
@@samiksharaj-sf3dc do you really think that your children will care for you when old? Not here in the west, you end up in a care home and your children are occupied with their own life. Have you ever heard of friends? I have loads, I’m almost never alone. I have siblings who have children and they all love me, but I never wanted or want children myself. In many cultures you are forced to marry and have children, often leading to misery, I live in a democracy and can choose as I want, and that’s why I’m happy…..
@@aquajuwel7098 im sorry but i think u replied to the wrong person, i actually agreed with u.
It's not only about the parents. If someone regrets having children, the children are going to understand this sooner or later, and who knows the impact it will have on their mental health, to know their parents regret or are unsure of having them around.
It hurts and damages you. It haunts you even in adulthood. It isn't easy to get over. It feels as if a knife is digging into your soul
children know when they are unwanted, and they usually turn out f**ked up!
Parenthood is worth it if you actually want and like children. It's not worth it if you don't. At the end of the day people should be free to make their own choices and not be judged so harshly by society. Childfree people are thought of as strange or selfish, and big families are thought of as needy and impractical. You just can't win, so just do what works for you.
I think its selfish to have kids. Does anyone ever think how hard their kids are going to have to work to pay for housing or what life will be like in the next 18 years? Why do that to someone? Its like dragging someone to a terrible party and leaving them there.
Who is supposed to do the work when you get old? The OPPORTUNITY to work hard is a blessing in itself. I’m guessing the Hispanics will be inheriting the USA. The white and black youth seem to only be about themselves.
@@hr9336”the opportunity to work hard is a blessing”
Nobody is against working hard. But when costs of living go up because governments want to bleed everyone dry, it’s no longer a “blessing”. It’s a just an unfair burden.
Pretty sure communism appreciates the statement of hard work being a blessing.
@@CactusCowboyDan Actually, it’s the capitalists out here crushing it that view hard work as a blessing. It’s not the government holding you back. That’s loser talk. Maybe the car loans, the trendy neighborhood expectations, or living single that’s holding the youth back.
@@hr9336 1: So you’re a capitalist? The kind of person who feeds off a society of wage slaves?
2: The government is holding people back because they are capitalists who increase taxes and raise inflation.
That’s not “loser talk” whatever that means. It’s just a fact.
3: So you’re blaming people who want to stay single and free for the lack of interest in kids?
Fair enough. Many people like myself want to keep our freedom and not be burdened by kids.
But there’s also an abundance of people in the world and we are living in troubled times. Why would I want to have a kid when there’s no point to it beyond just providing more wage slaves and care home assistance?
@@hr9336 1: So you’re a capitalist?
And later in life your husband looks at you and ask… what have your contributed to the house after all these years??? And you have no choice but to depend on him because you’ve been out of the workforce for so many years. Not worth it.
Yes! So many women are trapped because all their years of exhausting work building up the family has been unpaid, and now they are trapped in a disrespectful or abusive situation due to financial dependency,
@@mdlmomma9167 exactly! For marriages that turn sour decades and decades later, there is absolutely no appreciation. Sacrificing your income is a dangerous game for women.
This could be a downside in scenarios where husbands exploit their better financial position. Though I would say relationships always involve some amount of depending on each other. As a guy, I would say that men have no choice but to depend on their wife quite a lot of the time to look after their child(ren). This too can be a little bit concerning. But people just have to learn to trust each other. I have rarely heard men say things like women force them into staying at home more to help look after the children by saying they have had enough or something. In general, it seems men would trust women in this way. Perhaps it is because the child belongs to both. What you are saying in this comment though is that afterwards men might not feel like they should unconditionally support their wife. I would suggest pointing out the difficulties of contributing to the house after all these years, difficulties which are not apparent to men that may have had a very different experience of life despite living in the same house as a woman.
@@SageJack87 Yeah take the safe road and... work for your entire life instead of not doing so?
I am glad I live in Denmark and here being a parent is a completely different experience than in the US. Maternity leave is 1 year (can be shared with the father), nursery is very cheap and 80% subsidized by the government, schools and universities are paid by our taxes. In fact, students earn a salary to study. Not to mention hospitals, which are completely "free". That's just incredible.
But hey, I am sure people have accounted that in when they say we pay "a lot of taxes". I am sure they pay less overall than us when you take into account all of the expenses people have raising a family.
That's cool and all but why is Denmark population shrinking then?
@@missyaman7053 the incentives exist because the government wants them to procreate more. if you had an overpopulated, overburdened by benefits Denmark, then the story would be VERY different
@endlessjourney9641the most idiotic comment I have ever seen 😂 we pay as much taxes in the US as in Europe, if not more, but we get NOTHING in return. Not even a decent road.
@Endless Journey What a truly bizarre idea, that children will think they belong to the government because they grow up in a society where the wealthy are willing to share money through taxes.
What's also bizarre is how the wealthy in the US pretend they care about the family and that they're Christians when what they actually worship is selfishness and greed.
@Endless Journey You don't understand - government doesn't have any money of it's own. It deals with citizens' money. And what is government anyway? A group of people chosen by citizens to rule, and that involves mainly making decisions about people's money.
I think community support is important to look at also. All the burden of parenting is on only 2 or 1 person. It does take a village but that village is gone. That's why I choose not to have children.
that's a very astute observation and very true. take it from a parent. it's even statistically proven that the more support first time parents receive the higher the likelihood is that they're having more kids after.
Yea this is why I can't imagine having children. If I was in one of those little villages, I could imagine doing it
Then why aren't you actively searching for such a village or creating one yourself instead of resigning? I completely agree with the importance of community for children, but this defeatist mindset is poisonous...
@@Di4tox lolz men are really pushing to have kids in these comments it's a little funny I must say 🤣
@@MissTi212 how does that apply to me?
I can afford to have more than 2 kids (which I currently have) but it’s a very very hard job! It’s not only the cost side, it’s the logistics, the sleepless nights, the huge sense of responsibility and the anxiety about their wellbeing. I love them and I’m happy to have them, I won’t ever schoose a life without them, but I also won’t have more. So having fewer children is not always a matter of cost…
I love my child and I can't imagine my life without him but with his arrival the relationship with his father broke tremendously. Despite his commitment he turned out to be emotionally immature and in 10 years relationship I've never had this problem. So, to the new parents to be, I would say to be aware that they can feel extremely satisfied but it can destroy the relationship with the partner
Very mature words. Thank you for this comment!
It all might be very different if instead of just having the "Immediate Family" we lived in a family community with aunts. uncles, cousins and grand parents around to step in when needed.
Yea some countries do this. Seems more practical.
The western model of individualism is not common globally ..Many countries have multiple generations living under the same roof
Definitely. I have no living relatives and the thought of being in the same situation as my late mum, having to raise a child alone and struggling financially every day is the worst thing I could imagine for my life. It also wouldn't be fair to them when I'm gone. I'm mid 40s now and decision is made. Feeling glad about my child-free working life full of friends and travel
There is evidence to suggest that ancient tribes used to all raise all the children in the tribe collectively. I sometimes wonder if we have just created a very family un-friendly world.
@@TheStubertos
Well, we kinda did.