One of the principal rules governing relationships of all kinds is that the core transaction at the heart of that particular relationship should never be explicitly discussed. And though this rule gives rise to a good deal of indirectness, foolishness, and deceit, it's probably not going anywhere anytime soon, as it protects the dignity of the individuals involved. In today's episode, I discuss how this rule plays out in professional relationships before moving on to sexual relationships. Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ruclips.net/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/видео.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #professional
All of this is only true if you falsely and naively believe that relationships can only be transactional. …Or if you falsely and naively believe that the ideal goal of dating is to secure a “sexual relationship”, rather than lifelong marriage that produces a happy and fulfilled family. …Or if you falsely and naively believe that ideal relationships are contractual rather than covenantal, consisting of two people working to make “good trades” instead of working to “give themselves fully” for the good of the other-regardless of how well the other is performing in their role at that moment. …or if you falsely and naively believe that “Love” (classically defined as “willing the good if the other”), is not a force that actually exists, and that all we have is is masked, yet basically direct, self-interest. It is also worth noting that throughout most of civilized human history, the norm is for “sexual relationships” not to be a normal “thing” at all-especially not one of any repute. Instead, you’d have “married people” who are sexually actively and committed to eachother for life in a covenant by which both partners are meant to give themselves fully to the other at all times (regardless of the other partner’s performance at that time), and “everyone else”, who are not sexually active-especially if they want to occupy a position of any dignity or moral standing within society. Were there countless exceptions to this overarching norm? Of course. Was it actually the norm that existed and that was strenuously reinforced by the culture? Absolutely. Was it probably a better norm than what we have now, that we’d be well-served to learn from, instead of turning to cynical, jaded Machivellianism? Just about obviously, yes. I hope you eventually find the truth. I’ve been where you are, and it’s better on the other side.
@@psychacks sometimes this channel confuses me, you say that you’re not one of the guys that “gets us angry” but everything that you say, “gets us angry”
@@AnonymousAccount514that’s because he is tricking you into watching his content. He’s keeping you in a system that favors the woman. That way, when it doesn’t work out, you can find more videos by him to figure out “where did I go wrong”. He’s a grifter and should be avoided
*"You're here to get money."* _"Yep. And I understand that for you to be able to pay me, I need to help you make money."_ I really don't get what is so awkward. Is everyone trying to swindle each other?
One thing I've learned over my life is: The more strident and repetitive someone is with, "This isn't about the money." .... the more certain you can be, IT'S ABOUT THE MONEY.
Many women pretend the transaction does not even exist. Some woman will tell a man they want to take things slow sexually and be offended if the man said he wanted to take things slow financially.
Teach them...and within relationships, in the event they're withholding sex, take away/downgrade the dates. If there are no kids involved, downsize the house to a townhouse/apartment. You dont get to reset the bar with getting everything out of the man, then raise the standard of getting sex with less sex, and more financial endeavors. Or just cut them off completely. Most of the time she won't see the error in her ways anyway. When it goes without saying, or you don't address it, it's justified in their head. Gotta check it soon as you see it.
@@LisaCulton The implication still stands. Subtract what you're providing in any available facet. Women still demand the aid, or things relative to finance from men despite y'all having y'all's own. That's the catch. Since y'all don't need for nothing, state the "quiet part" out loud and let's just come together for sex. Oh wait, that's already happening, more or less.
The more honest you are, the fewer friends you will have. Most people don’t really like honesty and prefer to hear what they already believe and what makes them feel good.
Unfortunately, a lot of people who think being honest is a virtue use it as a weapon to strike out at others. If they instead honed that with compassion and understanding, they would have so many friends their cup would overflow. And their lives would be richer.
@@cobaltsurlin4888 Everything is about relational power. Relational power is ones perception of influence on their reality. I'm an expert on reality and power dynamics. I would share my wisdom but nobody cares to learn. They prefer to struggle so they can be proud they earned their own hell.
@@cobaltsurlin4888 What are you talking about dude? RUclips doesn't have DM's. You are not even allowed to share contact information. Am I missing something? How exactly are you DM ing people on this plattform?
I used to be in car sales. The reason that we don't jump to money first, is not because of dignity, but to maximize the amount of money. In sales (car, labor, houses, relationships, etc.), the prospective buyer/employer begins with a value figure in their head. If the seller jumps straight to money, then it will become one of the toughest negotiations ever. However, if the seller builds enough additional value into what they're selling, then the buyer will practically beg them to take their money.
Which is why I always start with the price when buying a vehicle. My interest is getting the vehicle for the price I want. The difficulty of the sales person does not matter.
People always want to think they’re getting more value than what they’re paying for. If men choose a woman wisely, they’ll buy an asset that increases in value over time. But most men are not wise, nor do they have any assets.
"We are like a family" -> Okay gimme more money dad.. "we're not a family like that" -> Okay.. HOW are we a family then? The conversation that follows will give you ALL the reason to stay, or ALL the reasons to leave immediately. Don't leave just because someone has an idea. Leave them because they don't actually back it up. This also goes for relationships of any kind.
@@msc8382 To be fair "gimme more money dad" isn't going to work on most fathers either. The response you'll get is "For what and what purpose and what how many weeks are you willing to clean the dishes?"
I love Orion's signature technique of repeating the exact same text, with just the keywords swapped out. He does it here. It's genius, because a) it shows clearly that the two mechanisms work exactly the same, and b) it's repetition, so it drives the point home.
Life and death were sharing tea one day.talking about their jobs and how they were going. Death got irritated upon hearing how everyone was happy to see lifevand finally asks..."why? Why is everyone always so happy to see you?I mean....the beginning of life is the start of a new adventure but it's also proceeded by struggle, turmoil, toil and pain.these are the only promises of life...where as a visit from me is the end of suffering and everything one struggles with. Why life?" Life puts her cup down and says quit plainly... "Why death my dear...its because I'm a pretty lie while you are an ugly truth. And people don't like truths."
Don’t listen to him…it’s more than that…it’s about the hypocrisy how we will accept the Dignity bullshit in our professional lives, but tell our lovers they are being dishonest for the same Dignity bullshit
Reason that this causes trouble is that in the last few decades expectations changed radically. Shared expectations are no longer shared and one or the two parties can have wildly different expectations from the relationship.
@@Seallussus Absolutely. It shouldn’t be surprising that throughout history, healthy marriages have generally occurred between people who come from communities that share deep, fundamental values. Maybe it’s time to start seeking a community if people that share deep, fundamental, positive values abs look for partners within it. That used to be the norm by default. But today, you may have to seek it out. When the time comes, you already know where you can find them. It won’t take too much thought to figure that out. But it may require you to embrace things you once rejected.
@@JustinColletti The problem is that modernity (especially in the Liberal/Progressive West) is all about both eroding/eliminating both communities *and* deep/fundamental values. And it has been quite successful at this. We have a society of people who live in relative anonymity among millions of others, and believe in moral relativism and that all cultures are equal. People like this don't have deep values or communities on which to base a search for partners.
My dude, you are consistently batting 1000! The information you're consistently putting out is a treasure to humanity. Keep up the excellent work, and thank you, Dr. Orion Taraban!
From my experience, 100% spot on. I have always spoken of “silent agreements” between partners. You have expanded, refined and improved on this idea. Nice job.
Will never forget a special moment when my father quietly said to me his son "women don't like it when you tell them the truth". It was spoken without emotion or embellishment from 81 years of wisdom. 9 years with the first wife, 35 and counting with the 2nd. Note that he didn't say lie to them. Perhaps bliss is found in the delicate balance between not lying, but not telling the truth to them either.
That kind of just results in silence in my experience. I'm an over explicator so I'm still evolving but sitting quietly when the truth or solution or real reasons etc etc stares me in the face and I have to stay quiet or lie is cumbersome
I’d rather be blunt, honest, and alone than tip toe around a woman’s fragile ego and feelings just to get laid... ”women live life on easy mode.” - Myron Gaines
Works like that in trades all the time. Negotiate Day rate or price work for tasks completed on site. Payment on completion. Very simple and effective.
I agree that sex is very important in a relationship. And to say it isn't is a lie. But... If a man is great in bed, but can't hold a job, all the great sex in the world won't matter. He could be a millionaire, but if he's stingy, his money won't matter. If he's a millionaire and great in bed, and generous, but if he has mental issues, sex and his money won't matter. I look at older couples that have been married for decades and they tell me to find a good man with a good heart and mind. Because on our deathbeds, that money and that sex won't matter. But his presence and love will.
It’s because they both carry a lot of weight in your life, having multiple friends is not as tiring as having multiple jobs or partners and having no friends isn’t as detrimental to life progress as lacking a job or partner
For many successful men, ignoring the transitional nature of relationships would be a lot easier if there were better legal safety nets in place for men. As the bulk givers of provision, this transitional system is almost always visible to men. It’s just easier for us to digest because that’s just the law of the game. Women seem to be primarily the ones who have a harder time accepting that relationships are transactional and duty based. It’s harder for them to separate their emotions from responsibility. As men, it’s difficult to deal with people who fundamentally operate so differently from basis masculine principles.
I don’t agree. Given most men simp, men are demonstrably much more “emotional”, “romantic” and “delusional” than women. Women might not accept the transactional nature of relationships verbally, but that’s because they are astute negotiators who can get what they want without words.
@@alexchainger the husband who chooses to love and the wife who chooses to submit and allow him to lead. If love is a transaction I will take it. Pay to play can fall with the baby daddies of the world
How so? I mean, wouldn't that depend on what a person defines as a "win"? If one only considers a "win" something they've been sold by Hollywood, Disney, romance novels, internet influencers, pornography, religion, modern and postmodern ideologies, and so on... They're setting themselves up for a "fail" for sure. If on the other hand two people accept reality and that they are both human, they may be exponentially better off in a relationship than they would be single. Isn't it a "win" if that's the case and they both know it? Not saying that's easy or simple, but I disagree with your "no one ever" statement.
Ha. Seems I read your comment just before you edited it. You had mentioned Adrienne Everhardt , so I went and checked out her content and then came back here to thank you and ask how you would describe them as having opposing opinions . I would be very curious to see them converse / debate … For myself Orion’s logic is spot on … but seems to be missing something… he boils it down to “sex - for provision / safety” …. Am I missing something? Women provide far more than just sex in return , which is why when a man’s sex drive goes down when he’s older he may still want to stay with and pay for his wife … Orion is missing the most important element… sex is for procreation… men want procreation… sex is just the first part of that …. Being an intelligent, loving , caring , resourceful /skilled woman to raise children and be a solid grandparent for the further procreative generations is what follows from the sex… which is why the warm softness Everhardt (perfect name😂) speaks of is perennially valuable for a man .
@@andersnielsen6044? Explain. This answer will lead you to unhealthy imbalance imo .. can you explain how you can love someone you don’t have a relationship with?
One could logically argue that every relationship a man has with a woman is a professional relationship. It just has more ritual, pomp, and circumstance around it.
This was very clever. The “professional” example at the start really sets up the sexual one. The funniest and truest comment was when you said “when women buy their own bullshit and believe the relationship is all about blah blah blah and not sex …”. These days, men have to (almost) apologize for wanting sex, (almost) deny we want it, (almost) ignore that it is a core part of being a man. I honestly do believe that connection, etc. is important, but if the sex isn’t good all the related “relationship” constraints/obligations are just not worth it. I’d rather just have a few good female friends for social contact, and get sex in explicit $transactions where I have full control, wide variety, and zero hassle.
I know there are some IT companies that, after first job interview, get applicants to a mass "assessment" event, where applicants have to solve tasks to prove their fit. I wonder if an analogy could be found in the relationship business 😃
3 LTRs in the last 10 yrs & based off of everything Dr. Orion just said, I can confirm that a lot of heartaches & headaches could have been bypassed if me & those ex-partners would have just said the quiet part out loud from the jump.
I also did the very same things , was very clear from the day one . But I was pushed like dog toy in the mindless manipulation , used things against me ,
I heard a therapist say “fix the relationship and you’ll fix the sex” Just like your analogy here, “fix the job and you’ll fix the pay” Yea it will. Get a new job; a new employer that pays more.
I dated a woman that I only spent money on dinner. She flat out asked if I was going to support here financially, I said I would only support a wife financially. Yeah, she left a few weeks later. I like the way you explained it.
When you find that someone who doesn't want to play the game is honest, you have then found someone who will stick by your side through thick and thin.
The real cause of this is people always want to get the most and pay the least. The indirect bs is to try and figure what is the other person's price. The honest question to the question of how much the position pays is "the least you are willing to accept"
I bought his book “The Value of Others” It’s a must read You’ll also never be able to stop saying the word “irrespective” 😅 You’ll also start saying the word “irrespective”
Orion, you’re a crack!! More than discussing validity of your arguments and the usual internet stuff… I’d like to praise your method of conveying the message, very clear and inspiring… 🎉
I just want to say I love your honest, straight-from-the-hip, no BS explanation of how things really are between people. No sugar-coating or pussy-footing around kind of presentation. Love it. It is truly refreshing to hear it in this hypocritical, offendaphilic society. Fair play to you Orion. More power to you 👍🤩
While dating this woman I would use “what is the value to me in doing this?” She one day got really upset and replied that everything we do isn’t always about what you can gain/value out of it. My thoughts is ‘she didn’t understand the nature of actions in any relationship.’ I suggested the 3 relationships in nature: commensalism, mutualism, parasitism. Those are nature and man is not above nature. Even to give to charity satisfies an innate selfish desire separate from the charity. People are just easily taken aback when they realise how ‘primarive’ and ‘selfish’ they really are. It offends them. Humans would like to think that they are altruist and civilized, instead of selfish and vain. I believe once the relationship is established at its core value, there is less chances of offensiveness because there is no ambiguity and deceit we all play with our cards turned up.
@@anthonyenglish5709 “what is the value to me” in dating you, those are not words any woman wants to hear. How about “I love you.” Sweet nothings. Don’t say anything with the word “me.”
@@JillCWe understand you don’t want to hear it. Still, it’s a good question to ponder for women. What exactly are you bringing to the table? What is it exactly that puts you in a position to demand certain favors and behaviors, AND insist that your man plays according to your rules?
The issue is that these two things are not mutually exclusive in the way people seem to want to believe they are. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that we have altruistic and civilized urges that are built atop a foundation of material and biological necessity, or even acknowledging that 99% of our drives are based on the latter instead of the former. The charity example is perfect: You *do* get something out of it for yourself, but that hardly makes it somehow not altruistic or selfless - it's not an even value exchange at all, after all, as you're exchanging tangible physical resources for implied intangibles.
Screw dignity; I prefer blunt honesty, and it got me my last couple of jobs because the hiring parties appreciated my ability to cut the crap and get to the point.
I would respond by saying that not only am I looking for sex, but I am looking for Long-Term, frequent, and good sex with a compatible woman. I've always experienced that in previous relationships, and I'm certainly not going to start settling for less now. It's best to get that out of the way upfront.
I've always had amazing frequent sex in all my LTRs, except say for the last week(s) before a breakup. Of course it has to be FUN and great for the gal too. I've hooked up with some women that are so bad sexually, that of course I didn't bother seeing them again. But I couldn't have said what you mentioned upfront. For example. my last GF made the ultimate compliment in saying that now that she was with me she got why sex was important in a relationship! But that happened after weeks of building that chemistry. Oh... she still dumped me, and the sex was great till the very end. That's what I don't get about women ha ha. They really seem to enjoy it even more than us, yet it usually is way more important for us. They can go without it, while we find it hard, especially when used to getting it daily.
I went full counter culture when I took dating seriously. And went in straight with the idea that I'm looking to marry and have children. We would immediately and comfortably and joyously talk about those values and plans.
Spot on. This is exactly why I shifted my dating to SE Asia. The exchange of resources for sexual opportunity is much clearer there, but not in a bad way. It's just made clear: you can help her have a better life? She is interested in you, and willing to offer you not just sex, but companionship and love. It's that simple. It is now absolutely impossible for me to date in the US.
@@richmann8230 As if it's not about money here in the US, lol. As Chris Rock said, "Funny how you never hear a woman say, 'I can't believe how close we became after he lost his job.'"
@@Nordic_Sky But in the US and many other countries it's love that is talked about as the main basis for the relationship when in reality it's contingent on their being money in the first place. In SE Asia it's way more clear and honest what the basis of the relationship is.
Eh. I've worked in 2 different jobs in Germany and had multiple job interviews there and salary was always discussed immediately. I guess it depends on how bad they want what you have to offer. One job even paid for a nanny to watch my toddler son while I met with the decision makers. 😅
I normally don’t write comments, but this video is so well made, so I have to. I like listening to you, it’s really well structured, interesting topics and the way you‘re speaking with a wink in the eye is hilarious.
Best actionable topic ever. Access to your money, and The job has to be something you will do and willing to be in the community that you do it with. Money often translates to lifestyle. So to sell to a woman she has to see what you do with your money and will you share that with her. Most frequent reason for divorce “I was bored “. To keep a woman, the guy has to be active in the community she wants to be in and doing something she wants to do. It helps that she cannot afford it without him. She wants the money, but stays for the attention (lifestyle).
Very fine video. Thanks. I have a different perspective though. The 'problem' from a man's point of view in the modern dating arena is not that women won't engage in the exchange of sex for resources. It is that modern women's personal behavior is so rude, difficult, and passive aggressive towards men that it is not possible to transact any deal with them at all. Most men can't turn on and off their sex drive as though it is a light switch. Actually having someone you can stand, and whose company you can tolerate is a prerequisite for sex. Many if not most modern women don't satisfy that prerequisite because of their cultural conditioning to practice constant teases, tests, games, dishonesty and flakiness. Of course discussing the deal explicitly would be helpful to both parties in the transaction. But one doesn't even get to the point where the deal can be discussed if the other party makes it unbearably unpleasant to interact with her... What do you say, Orion?
Learn to manage your sex drive. Pretending you cannot help yourself because you’re a man is why you continue to lose time after time. It is weak and should be looked down upon
have you ever considered that most women might not be interested in selling sex? Ofcource I get rude when men treat me as an objects. I do like sex, but I am not a piece of meat men can buy and use for their own pleasure. I am usually kind and interested in other people, but become unbearably unpleasant to interact with the second I find out a man is looking for a transaction
“Most men can’t turn on and off their sex drive…” this is why you lose. Your inability to control your desires is why you give away your hand long before you should. And it’s why you lose time after time
HR "You're only here to get paid". Me "Yes I am, you don't have a bad relationship with your customers, accounts receivables and payables or bank, do you?"
Nowadays I just don't care and say the quiet part out loud anyways (with moderation ofc), it's gotten me in a lot of trouble, but the relationships I've built were true and fulfilling. Everyone should be more direct with each other it would make life less of a hassle.
I got to admit, this is probably one of your more brilliant, and even hilarious, analogies you've done... especially with the way you did the kind of funny acting scenes pertaining to the uncomfortableness of the obviousness of the transaction. Well done Dr Taliban!! I actually laughed my ass off at the "I know why you're here, to get laid", and then the guy saying, "How much?" 🤣 You're just too good man at what you do
i feel compelled to respond to the question about the job interview with "yes" the truth that i just want to get paid is what i would prefer. it makes the whole work thing a lot simpler.
Sex isn't fungible. It's wildly different with different people. Part of it is biological, but much more of it is a form of communication with another human being. Saying that people go on dates to "get laid" is like saying that people go for coffee with friends to "get conversation". Conversation is nice in general, but it's wildly variable. Also, women really, really like sex (which makes evolutionary sense). Look at the market cap of the women's sex toy industry. So to frame this as if it's the men who want sex and the women who want resources is too much of an oversimplification.
Often postulated that a good reason to get sex quickly in the dating relationship is to hook the woman. You want exclusivity. In the alternate, if you start the sex before you know she is crazy, you have a different kind of problem.
Yes, women definitely like good sex..,, unfortunately there’s a whole lot of men out there that are able of giving a woman good sex and so…. they opt for sex toys. I just wanted to clarify that for you because it’s very true.
Lol. I have a friend who's partner often tells him about her friends not.. erm.. providing the "core relational currency" and says "her poor fella" etc etc, as if to highlight that she understand the concept and how being willing to provide *opportunity and quality* keeps things healthy. This video describes it all perfectly. The indirect nature of her observing and commenting on someone ELSES relationship is a pretty intelligent way of addressing the point and demonstrating her understanding in order to reassure as directly and bluntly as possible.
You say the price in one word and that's is. More intangible or obvious value has to be proven. That's take time and dedication,and people try to prove it before closing the deal.
So I’m from a smaller town in Texas, lots of pretty farm girls to go around except most of them were always gunning for the the sons of all the rich land owners, farmers and ranchers. No matter how much of a dumbass they were or how frumpy and gumpy they were. Good looking, polite and smart guys like me and a handful of others in this town didn’t understand it…. We were younger then and uneducated in the ways. I was raised in a family in which I was given great advice by my dad if I was smart enough to pay attention and I did… sometimes. So while all my friends went off to college, which I scored plenty high enough to get into aTm, UT etc., I skipped the line and went straight to work in the oilfield. Early 20’s making six figures, yeah it was hard work and dangerous. I lost a finger due to someone else’s negligence but it’s all part of the game. After several years of this I start going back to my home town in my new truck, buy a home and am sitting crooked because my wallet was so fat….. bet you could guess what happened. Those farm girls were all over me. I had no college debt, I had a week home every three weeks and a line of women. I’d literally be sending one home while I had another sneaking in the back door. They all knew it but it wasn’t mentioned because they were all willing to try and get the man with resources and good qualities on top of that. Honest to god I was at the pool hall one night and a beautiful girl walked up to me while I was shooting pool with my buddies and asked if I’d buy her a drink. I said with out skipping a beat, “ why do I need to buy you a beer, ( paused as I got the shocked response look from her) then said “I drink corona, no lime or salt, I don’t season my beer and I’ll be at that table shooting pool”. She said “really “ in a kind of shocked / how dare you type way and walked away. About 30 minutes later guess who showed up with a corona in hand wanting to talk. She said a guy had never said anything like that to her, I explained why should I buy you a beer when I have a girlfriend in San Antonio, one in Liberty and neither mind. I have a house new truck, no debt. What do you have to offer me that I need to buy you something for the chance to get to know you. She looked at me with a kind of amazement in her eyes. I then said “I’ll take one more beer then we can go back to your place”. She said “ I thought you said you had a house down the street”. I said “I do, but I don’t know you that well and I don’t like taking strangers back to my house showing them where I live.” Long story short, after that I had three girlfriends,…. Resources, good looks and confidence had them lining up even though I was the same guy I was when I only had good looks and confidence several years before. It’s all about the resources especially if it’s a perceived means of getting out of the small town. Orions exactly right when he’s said it’s transactional, it’s about resources. I just said it out loud to theses women and even though they denied it of course they always ended up buying me a beer. After witnessing this several times I had to get a couple of my buddies jobs in the oilfield😉
I say it like this: Women “relate” to men (instinctually, even intuitively) as lifestyle and status “opportunities”… so therefore and forever, men should relate to women as “luxury items”. Women! Rely on men to make your lot in life better! Fair enough. Men! Make the sacrifice to get her, make a place for her, maintain her, even cherish her!.. but DO NOT rely on her! If you have a brand new or truly vintage Porsche, don’t make it your daily driver to and from the factory or oil field. Keep it in the garage and drive the truck.
The life partnership should be important for both parties. Women like sex, too. Sex is a side effect of the relationship, not it's purpose. The problem here is that there is no acknowledgment that family is the core structure of human life.
John D. Rockefeller once said: “If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it." Same thing can be said about sex. Most of us have the wrong focus. Begin with Why; Start with obtaining Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant & Time-Based goal(s) by doing the right activities should yield money as a result. Same thing with sex. Begin with Why; Start with the right focus of becoming a competent “Ship Captain” with strong mental aptitude, physical prowess and emotional maturity, coupled with a compelling journey charted; Attracting female passenger(s) would be the result.
I agree. Too many people these days are focused on sex... That's why we have an epidemic of sexlessness, the worst in recorded history... That's why a third of men AND WOMEN in their 30s are virgins... So Dr. Orion Taraban got this one wrong...
He got it correct. It is just that transaction also involves dignity, pride and bargain. For women, she should find a man that can provide something for sexual opportunity and posible children. The young brainwashed single moms is example of believing the bullshit. That is the value of others, your value and asking for something in return. Sex is not about just feelings.
I would like very much seeing you performing in a theater. It is very funny your way of performing. Thanks for these greats talks, it makes me feel happier
3:00 joke is on, you, I would reply "why yes, I only want to join for the paycheck, now, what would you want out of me to think me deserving of your paycheck?"
I don't go on dates to get laid. I literally ended a "situationship" with a woman who didn't want to be in a proper relationship with me, just wanted sex, because that isn't what I want. I want a real partner. The woman I just started dating is absolutely gorgeous, the most attractive woman I've ever dated, and is very athletic and flexible, and yet I am way more excited about spending time with her than the amazing sex we will likely have very soon (we've been on 3 dates). Yeah, I am excited for that, but I am MORE excited about the prospect of being in a relationship with her, because she is a wonderfully kind, warm, good human being.
Alas, seems like you’re in the minority. I get what he’s doing when it comes to heterosexual relationships during reproductive years. But once procreation is off the table, I think it’s a very individual and personal negotiation. Of course that’s probably because I’m of “low value” lol.
@@supermonkey321 you are planning your fall and fail. The more eagerness you bring to your interaction with the vvoman, the more she will reject you. Let go. VVomen do the pursuing or you will get burned.
Today I've listened to first 3 chapters of "The Value of Others" - I can't say now how i feel about the entire book, but the articulation and pinpoint accuracy in what i have already heard is amazing. Worth every penny.
I'll carry this knowledge for life, Orion - whatever are the secondary aspects in transactions, they won't overthrow the core transaction. And what's even more, it is that core transaction which determines what should be the outcomes.
This is a rare lesson I learned before you made a video on it haha. Gotta reframe not hasna choice of "make them stay and keep them or let them go and lose them" but instead "They are leaving and there is nothing I can do even if it seems like it"
One of the principal rules governing relationships of all kinds is that the core transaction at the heart of that particular relationship should never be explicitly discussed. And though this rule gives rise to a good deal of indirectness, foolishness, and deceit, it's probably not going anywhere anytime soon, as it protects the dignity of the individuals involved. In today's episode, I discuss how this rule plays out in professional relationships before moving on to sexual relationships.
Buy my book, "The Value of Others"
Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA
Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx
Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Social Media
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: ruclips.net/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/видео.html
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #professional
All of this is only true if you falsely and naively believe that relationships can only be transactional.
…Or if you falsely and naively believe that the ideal goal of dating is to secure a “sexual relationship”, rather than lifelong marriage that produces a happy and fulfilled family.
…Or if you falsely and naively believe that ideal relationships are contractual rather than covenantal, consisting of two people working to make “good trades” instead of working to “give themselves fully” for the good of the other-regardless of how well the other is performing in their role at that moment.
…or if you falsely and naively believe that “Love” (classically defined as “willing the good if the other”), is not a force that actually exists, and that all we have is is masked, yet basically direct, self-interest.
It is also worth noting that throughout most of civilized human history, the norm is for “sexual relationships” not to be a normal “thing” at all-especially not one of any repute.
Instead, you’d have “married people” who are sexually actively and committed to eachother for life in a covenant by which both partners are meant to give themselves fully to the other at all times (regardless of the other partner’s performance at that time), and “everyone else”, who are not sexually active-especially if they want to occupy a position of any dignity or moral standing within society.
Were there countless exceptions to this overarching norm?
Of course.
Was it actually the norm that existed and that was strenuously reinforced by the culture?
Absolutely.
Was it probably a better norm than what we have now, that we’d be well-served to learn from, instead of turning to cynical, jaded Machivellianism?
Just about obviously, yes.
I hope you eventually find the truth. I’ve been where you are, and it’s better on the other side.
@@psychacks sometimes this channel confuses me, you say that you’re not one of the guys that “gets us angry” but everything that you say, “gets us angry”
@@AnonymousAccount514that’s because he is tricking you into watching his content. He’s keeping you in a system that favors the woman. That way, when it doesn’t work out, you can find more videos by him to figure out “where did I go wrong”. He’s a grifter and should be avoided
*"You're here to get money."*
_"Yep. And I understand that for you to be able to pay me, I need to help you make money."_
I really don't get what is so awkward. Is everyone trying to swindle each other?
@psychacks maybe you can do an episode about that
One thing I've learned over my life is: The more strident and repetitive someone is with, "This isn't about the money." .... the more certain you can be, IT'S ABOUT THE MONEY.
You're spilling the beans 😂
Pure facts! No fluff
"It's only transactional folks."
“The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Conduct of Life (1860)
@@CJANegrcTtpX8HwbR2SBDdAs the saying goes ‘men are in love, women are in business ‘….
I've had a boss who started an interview with me that way. Literally THE BEST job I've ever had.
‘Yeah no yeah’ ?
@@deloconPeople who express themselves in a straightforward manner are usually the best people to work with.
Let's Go
@@peripheralparadox4218 Bill Lumbergh?
@KunDziki True.
Many women pretend the transaction does not even exist. Some woman will tell a man they want to take things slow sexually and be offended if the man said he wanted to take things slow financially.
Teach them...and within relationships, in the event they're withholding sex, take away/downgrade the dates. If there are no kids involved, downsize the house to a townhouse/apartment. You dont get to reset the bar with getting everything out of the man, then raise the standard of getting sex with less sex, and more financial endeavors. Or just cut them off completely. Most of the time she won't see the error in her ways anyway. When it goes without saying, or you don't address it, it's justified in their head. Gotta check it soon as you see it.
They say “my love should be enough”, without even defining love.
Why would a man give a woman who is not his wife money? The whole baby mama mindset and lifestyle needs to end. It proved stupid
@Susan-fg3nv why should a woman give u sex?
@@LisaCulton The implication still stands. Subtract what you're providing in any available facet. Women still demand the aid, or things relative to finance from men despite y'all having y'all's own. That's the catch. Since y'all don't need for nothing, state the "quiet part" out loud and let's just come together for sex. Oh wait, that's already happening, more or less.
Her: "You just want to sleep with me."
Him: "Would we exist as a species if I didn't?"
We punish ourselves by needlessly complicating things.
Love this. Thank you dude. 👍🤣
See the thing is I wouldn't like to sleep with a woman who's doing it for reproduction
Yeah but to be honest, in a situation like that you’re not looking to add to your family tree 😉
The species that creates life and leaves is of lower value to all involved
You lost me at the “just” part.
Any woman you “just” want sex from is a woman who isn’t worth your time.
And it is immoral to lead her on.
My father explained this concept to me in umbrella terms. He said ,” there is a difference between knowing and not saying anything and not knowing “.
💯
Your father was a smart man.
The more honest you are, the fewer friends you will have. Most people don’t really like honesty and prefer to hear what they already believe and what makes them feel good.
Quality over quantity 😊
That’s not fair to me and my value. I deserve to be treated better for being better. Not that hard of a concept
"I know that's right."
Been there borther
Good riddance
Quality over quantity
Peace over face hype
Unfortunately, a lot of people who think being honest is a virtue use it as a weapon to strike out at others. If they instead honed that with compassion and understanding, they would have so many friends their cup would overflow. And their lives would be richer.
“ everything in the world is about sex, except for sex, which is about power.” - Oscar Wilde
So wouldn’t that mean everything is about power
@@cobaltsurlin4888 I think what he saying is that sex is the mechanism for everything and that ultimately sex is the tool for power
@@cobaltsurlin4888
Everything is about relational power. Relational power is ones perception of influence on their reality. I'm an expert on reality and power dynamics. I would share my wisdom but nobody cares to learn. They prefer to struggle so they can be proud they earned their own hell.
@@FullCircleTravis if you want to have a discussion about this in DMs I’m open to learn
@@cobaltsurlin4888 What are you talking about dude? RUclips doesn't have DM's. You are not even allowed to share contact information.
Am I missing something?
How exactly are you DM ing people on this plattform?
I used to be in car sales. The reason that we don't jump to money first, is not because of dignity, but to maximize the amount of money. In sales (car, labor, houses, relationships, etc.), the prospective buyer/employer begins with a value figure in their head. If the seller jumps straight to money, then it will become one of the toughest negotiations ever. However, if the seller builds enough additional value into what they're selling, then the buyer will practically beg them to take their money.
Bingo. You build value first. Same as in job interviews.
Which is why I always start with the price when buying a vehicle. My interest is getting the vehicle for the price I want. The difficulty of the sales person does not matter.
People always want to think they’re getting more value than what they’re paying for. If men choose a woman wisely, they’ll buy an asset that increases in value over time. But most men are not wise, nor do they have any assets.
Dependent on how gullible they are! You will never sell me your car or anything for that matter with your Bs.
I usually build value in the snack machine at the dealership, it usually confuses the seller, and I get the car for what I wanted
we are like a family = RUN
"We are like a family" -> Okay gimme more money dad..
"we're not a family like that" -> Okay.. HOW are we a family then?
The conversation that follows will give you ALL the reason to stay, or ALL the reasons to leave immediately.
Don't leave just because someone has an idea. Leave them because they don't actually back it up.
This also goes for relationships of any kind.
Netflix was honest, they wrote they are a pro team, not a family.
Oh boy do I love to hear that one... 🤣
Lol - so accurate @@msc8382
@@msc8382 To be fair "gimme more money dad" isn't going to work on most fathers either. The response you'll get is "For what and what purpose and what how many weeks are you willing to clean the dishes?"
I love Orion's signature technique of repeating the exact same text, with just the keywords swapped out. He does it here. It's genius, because a) it shows clearly that the two mechanisms work exactly the same, and b) it's repetition, so it drives the point home.
Yeah the guy’s a genius.
Really does a good job of nailing the points and making them palpable
Life and death were sharing tea one day.talking about their jobs and how they were going.
Death got irritated upon hearing how everyone was happy to see lifevand finally asks..."why? Why is everyone always so happy to see you?I mean....the beginning of life is the start of a new adventure but it's also proceeded by struggle, turmoil, toil and pain.these are the only promises of life...where as a visit from me is the end of suffering and everything one struggles with.
Why life?"
Life puts her cup down and says quit plainly...
"Why death my dear...its because I'm a pretty lie while you are an ugly truth. And people don't like truths."
Sometimes the truth is beautiful.
@@tobe-you-tube6612 yes
One cannot exist without the other: death doesn’t exist without life, and life cannot end in any other way other than death.
Life is not a lie; it’s real as f.
I will summarize this in a short sentence:
"Prostitutes don't like to be called Prostitutes".
Same with slaves
Don’t listen to him…it’s more than that…it’s about the hypocrisy how we will accept the Dignity bullshit in our professional lives, but tell our lovers they are being dishonest for the same Dignity bullshit
@@AnonymousAccount514 that’s literally what was said in the video. Talk about tone deaf
That’s the reason why the title: Husband/Wife/Spouse/Significant other exists… instead of calling each other: slaves.
@@user-ze4cx5sn5c didn’t get that far…if that’s true…he’s undercutting himself…the message was a lot deeper for me
"The value of others, " is a great read and would recommend. Thank you for your tenacity on its account.
Great book. Highly recommended
Waiting for my copy to reach me in Eastern Europe.
have it
2:48 I died laughing. Spot on 🤣
His acting skills really shined here
😂😂😂😂
He was an actor though
" I would say no, yeah, no yeah..."
He's reasonably adorable.
Lol
Agree. And at 11.51 too 😄
Reason that this causes trouble is that in the last few decades expectations changed radically.
Shared expectations are no longer shared and one or the two parties can have wildly different expectations from the relationship.
Prostitutes are "probably" better than a relationship
@@Seallussus Absolutely.
It shouldn’t be surprising that throughout history, healthy marriages have generally occurred between people who come from communities that share deep, fundamental values.
Maybe it’s time to start seeking a community if people that share deep, fundamental, positive values abs look for partners within it.
That used to be the norm by default. But today, you may have to seek it out.
When the time comes, you already know where you can find them.
It won’t take too much thought to figure that out. But it may require you to embrace things you once rejected.
facts
Yep. Relationships on all levels have been turned into competition to "win". Everyone loses.
@@JustinColletti The problem is that modernity (especially in the Liberal/Progressive West) is all about both eroding/eliminating both communities *and* deep/fundamental values. And it has been quite successful at this. We have a society of people who live in relative anonymity among millions of others, and believe in moral relativism and that all cultures are equal. People like this don't have deep values or communities on which to base a search for partners.
My dude, you are consistently batting 1000! The information you're consistently putting out is a treasure to humanity. Keep up the excellent work, and thank you, Dr. Orion Taraban!
From my experience, 100% spot on. I have always spoken of “silent agreements” between partners. You have expanded, refined and improved on this idea. Nice job.
This is one of your very best talks. Your ability to draw the parallel is... unparalleled.
I have probably watched ALL of these talks and every new one is the best. Dr Taraban is truly an eye opener.
Absolutely brutal. Thank you for expliciting this subject in such an eloquent way. Best episode so far.
Will never forget a special moment when my father quietly said to me his son "women don't like it when you tell them the truth". It was spoken without emotion or embellishment from 81 years of wisdom. 9 years with the first wife, 35 and counting with the 2nd.
Note that he didn't say lie to them. Perhaps bliss is found in the delicate balance between not lying, but not telling the truth to them either.
That kind of just results in silence in my experience. I'm an over explicator so I'm still evolving but sitting quietly when the truth or solution or real reasons etc etc stares me in the face and I have to stay quiet or lie is cumbersome
I’d rather be blunt, honest, and alone than tip toe around a woman’s fragile ego and feelings just to get laid...
”women live life on easy mode.” - Myron Gaines
I'd be very glad if an employer straight up said to me you're here for the money. That would save lots of bs time for us pretending otherwise.
If you came to my company with that mindset you would not even get thru' the front door.. ;)
Yet you wouldn’t be glad if a man straight up said to you that he wants sex from you…
@@andersnielsen6044 Nobody asked.
@@weiyingkao Too true. As if we are volunteers...
Works like that in trades all the time.
Negotiate Day rate or price work for tasks completed on site. Payment on completion.
Very simple and effective.
I agree that sex is very important in a relationship. And to say it isn't is a lie.
But...
If a man is great in bed, but can't hold a job, all the great sex in the world won't matter.
He could be a millionaire, but if he's stingy, his money won't matter.
If he's a millionaire and great in bed, and generous, but if he has mental issues, sex and his money won't matter.
I look at older couples that have been married for decades and they tell me to find a good man with a good heart and mind. Because on our deathbeds, that money and that sex won't matter. But his presence and love will.
Anna Karenina principle.
This needed to be said. Thank you for saying it out loud Dr. Taraban.
"Romantic" relationships are exactly like job/"professional" relationships the more you think about it.
Minus the sexual attraction part.
It’s because they both carry a lot of weight in your life, having multiple friends is not as tiring as having multiple jobs or partners and having no friends isn’t as detrimental to life progress as lacking a job or partner
Are you a team player? 🤣
Transactional...
For many successful men, ignoring the transitional nature of relationships would be a lot easier if there were better legal safety nets in place for men. As the bulk givers of provision, this transitional system is almost always visible to men. It’s just easier for us to digest because that’s just the law of the game. Women seem to be primarily the ones who have a harder time accepting that relationships are transactional and duty based. It’s harder for them to separate their emotions from responsibility. As men, it’s difficult to deal with people who fundamentally operate so differently from basis masculine principles.
Maybe.....just maybe baphoonery is the reason. Transactional was never the plan.
@@Susan-fg3nv
Plan by WHO?
You? Or Feminism?
I'll take Nature every day
I don’t agree. Given most men simp, men are demonstrably much more “emotional”, “romantic” and “delusional” than women. Women might not accept the transactional nature of relationships verbally, but that’s because they are astute negotiators who can get what they want without words.
@@alexchainger the husband who chooses to love and the wife who chooses to submit and allow him to lead. If love is a transaction I will take it. Pay to play can fall with the baby daddies of the world
Transitional or transactional? Surely it's transactional?
Just finished your book. Immensely insightful but I came to the conclusion no one ever “wins” in love or a “relationship”.
The price is the children!
How so?
I mean, wouldn't that depend on what a person defines as a "win"? If one only considers a "win" something they've been sold by Hollywood, Disney, romance novels, internet influencers, pornography, religion, modern and postmodern ideologies, and so on... They're setting themselves up for a "fail" for sure.
If on the other hand two people accept reality and that they are both human, they may be exponentially better off in a relationship than they would be single. Isn't it a "win" if that's the case and they both know it?
Not saying that's easy or simple, but I disagree with your "no one ever" statement.
Love and relationship are two very different things.. If you start mixing these two things - the relationship is already doomed..
Ha. Seems I read your comment just before you edited it. You had mentioned Adrienne Everhardt , so I went and checked out her content and then came back here to thank you and ask how you would describe them as having opposing opinions . I would be very curious to see them converse / debate … For myself Orion’s logic is spot on … but seems to be missing something… he boils it down to “sex - for provision / safety” …. Am I missing something? Women provide far more than just sex in return , which is why when a man’s sex drive goes down when he’s older he may still want to stay with and pay for his wife … Orion is missing the most important element… sex is for procreation… men want procreation… sex is just the first part of that …. Being an intelligent, loving , caring , resourceful /skilled woman to raise children and be a solid grandparent for the further procreative generations is what follows from the sex… which is why the warm softness Everhardt (perfect name😂) speaks of is perennially valuable for a man .
@@andersnielsen6044? Explain. This answer will lead you to unhealthy imbalance imo .. can you explain how you can love someone you don’t have a relationship with?
One could logically argue that every relationship a man has with a woman is a professional relationship. It just has more ritual, pomp, and circumstance around it.
This was very clever.
The “professional” example at the start really sets up the sexual one. The funniest and truest comment was when you said “when women buy their own bullshit and believe the relationship is all about blah blah blah and not sex …”. These days, men have to (almost) apologize for wanting sex, (almost) deny we want it, (almost) ignore that it is a core part of being a man.
I honestly do believe that connection, etc. is important, but if the sex isn’t good all the related “relationship” constraints/obligations are just not worth it. I’d rather just have a few good female friends for social contact, and get sex in explicit $transactions where I have full control, wide variety, and zero hassle.
I know there are some IT companies that, after first job interview, get applicants to a mass "assessment" event, where applicants have to solve tasks to prove their fit. I wonder if an analogy could be found in the relationship business 😃
why would you want a female friends?
why would a woman want be a friends with you?
3 LTRs in the last 10 yrs & based off of everything Dr. Orion just said, I can confirm that a lot of heartaches & headaches could have been bypassed if me & those ex-partners would have just said the quiet part out loud from the jump.
I believe you 😂
I also did the very same things , was very clear from the day one . But I was pushed like dog toy in the mindless manipulation , used things against me ,
@@vv-cv6ud shout out to you 👊 ✊️
I heard a therapist say “fix the relationship and you’ll fix the sex”
Just like your analogy here, “fix the job and you’ll fix the pay”
Yea it will. Get a new job; a new employer that pays more.
I dated a woman that I only spent money on dinner. She flat out asked if I was going to support here financially, I said I would only support a wife financially. Yeah, she left a few weeks later. I like the way you explained it.
Wow! She did you a solid by showing her hand quickly. Nightmare. Or low iq. Which is a nightmare also, ha.
That's fair enough
Tack!
This is probably one of your best videos, I’ve never quite understood that the “play” is part of the game.
When you find that someone who doesn't want to play the game is honest, you have then found someone who will stick by your side through thick and thin.
The real cause of this is people always want to get the most and pay the least.
The indirect bs is to try and figure what is the other person's price.
The honest question to the question of how much the position pays is "the least you are willing to accept"
8:46 his past as an actor definetly checks out because holy shet did I laugh my arse off at this bit 😂
Are you from the UK?
"You can't solve core problems with bullshit solutions."
🎯
I bought his book “The Value of Others”
It’s a must read
You’ll also never be able to stop saying the word “irrespective” 😅
You’ll also start saying the word “irrespective”
Orion's acting bit when portraying cluelessness is freaking hilarious. I can't stop laughing
He was indeed a professional actor before he became a shrink.
Orion, you’re a crack!! More than discussing validity of your arguments and the usual internet stuff… I’d like to praise your method of conveying the message, very clear and inspiring… 🎉
I just want to say I love your honest, straight-from-the-hip, no BS explanation of how things really are between people. No sugar-coating or pussy-footing around kind of presentation. Love it. It is truly refreshing to hear it in this hypocritical, offendaphilic society. Fair play to you Orion. More power to you 👍🤩
While dating this woman I would use “what is the value to me in doing this?” She one day got really upset and replied that everything we do isn’t always about what you can gain/value out of it. My thoughts is ‘she didn’t understand the nature of actions in any relationship.’ I suggested the 3 relationships in nature: commensalism, mutualism, parasitism. Those are nature and man is not above nature. Even to give to charity satisfies an innate selfish desire separate from the charity. People are just easily taken aback when they realise how ‘primarive’ and ‘selfish’ they really are. It offends them. Humans would like to think that they are altruist and civilized, instead of selfish and vain. I believe once the relationship is established at its core value, there is less chances of offensiveness because there is no ambiguity and deceit we all play with our cards turned up.
Shhhhh!! 😅😅😅
@@anthonyenglish5709 “what is the value to me” in dating you, those are not words any woman wants to hear. How about “I love you.” Sweet nothings. Don’t say anything with the word “me.”
@@JillCWe understand you don’t want to hear it. Still, it’s a good question to ponder for women. What exactly are you bringing to the table? What is it exactly that puts you in a position to demand certain favors and behaviors, AND insist that your man plays according to your rules?
The issue is that these two things are not mutually exclusive in the way people seem to want to believe they are. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that we have altruistic and civilized urges that are built atop a foundation of material and biological necessity, or even acknowledging that 99% of our drives are based on the latter instead of the former. The charity example is perfect: You *do* get something out of it for yourself, but that hardly makes it somehow not altruistic or selfless - it's not an even value exchange at all, after all, as you're exchanging tangible physical resources for implied intangibles.
People live in silence out of fear. In reality, they know deep inside they’re being taken for a long ride.
You, sir, have been giving us a lot of fantastic advice but the analogy in this video is the one that makes me want to applaud standing up.
Thank you! I think I knew this intuitively but your excellent presentation and exploration of the topic is really clarifying
Screw dignity; I prefer blunt honesty, and it got me my last couple of jobs because the hiring parties appreciated my ability to cut the crap and get to the point.
I would respond by saying that not only am I looking for sex, but I am looking for Long-Term, frequent, and good sex with a compatible woman. I've always experienced that in previous relationships, and I'm certainly not going to start settling for less now.
It's best to get that out of the way upfront.
Agreed
I've always had amazing frequent sex in all my LTRs, except say for the last week(s) before a breakup. Of course it has to be FUN and great for the gal too. I've hooked up with some women that are so bad sexually, that of course I didn't bother seeing them again. But I couldn't have said what you mentioned upfront. For example. my last GF made the ultimate compliment in saying that now that she was with me she got why sex was important in a relationship! But that happened after weeks of building that chemistry. Oh... she still dumped me, and the sex was great till the very end. That's what I don't get about women ha ha. They really seem to enjoy it even more than us, yet it usually is way more important for us. They can go without it, while we find it hard, especially when used to getting it daily.
Spoken like a chad
The "long term" bit is always a gamble. There are no 5 year warranties on the sex let alone 25 year warranties
@SmileyEmoji42 if the sex goes away, so does the relationship. I imagine most women can sense if you are serious about this or not.
I went full counter culture when I took dating seriously. And went in straight with the idea that I'm looking to marry and have children.
We would immediately and comfortably and joyously talk about those values and plans.
Thanks!
Spot on. This is exactly why I shifted my dating to SE Asia. The exchange of resources for sexual opportunity is much clearer there, but not in a bad way. It's just made clear: you can help her have a better life? She is interested in you, and willing to offer you not just sex, but companionship and love. It's that simple. It is now absolutely impossible for me to date in the US.
Excellent comment. SE ASIA is a great place to find a good lady. You each bring a lot to the relationship. Most people think it's only the money.
@@richmann8230 As if it's not about money here in the US, lol. As Chris Rock said, "Funny how you never hear a woman say, 'I can't believe how close we became after he lost his job.'"
@@Nordic_Sky But in the US and many other countries it's love that is talked about as the main basis for the relationship when in reality it's contingent on their being money in the first place. In SE Asia it's way more clear and honest what the basis of the relationship is.
Merci!
I love Dr Orion Taraban aka “Mr Irrespective”
Thanks!
In Germany 9/10 companies do not share the salary before the second interview. Imagine that.
Imagine if 9/10 employees didn’t share their qualifications before the second interview.
@@ormus64 german people aren't normal people. Imagine that (((:
Indeed, Germany is still in the stone age.
Eh. I've worked in 2 different jobs in Germany and had multiple job interviews there and salary was always discussed immediately. I guess it depends on how bad they want what you have to offer. One job even paid for a nanny to watch my toddler son while I met with the decision makers. 😅
@@LisaCulton wow you're insanely wanted, I will never forget you Lisa Culton from RUclips comment section.
I normally don’t write comments, but this video is so well made, so I have to. I like listening to you, it’s really well structured, interesting topics and the way you‘re speaking with a wink in the eye is hilarious.
Such a nuanced topic and soo important to have clarity on. Thank you, Orion
Your BEST VIDEO YET !!! This is EXACTLY what dating is IF people WOULD BE HONEST!😂
The professional actor came out in the job interview part in a way I wasn't expecting Dr. Orion. good one.
Thanks
Best actionable topic ever. Access to your money, and The job has to be something you will do and willing to be in the community that you do it with. Money often translates to lifestyle. So to sell to a woman she has to see what you do with your money and will you share that with her. Most frequent reason for divorce “I was bored “. To keep a woman, the guy has to be active in the community she wants to be in and doing something she wants to do. It helps that she cannot afford it without him. She wants the money, but stays for the attention (lifestyle).
When I heard "Mission, and Culture" I almost lost it. lol
Brilliantly exposed core truth!
Orions background as a professional actor makes the point super clear,
reeealy hilarious 😜🤣
LOL, if an interviewer asked me that first off, I'd be like, "yeah, absolutely. Glad we're not wasting time here."
You did it again with the effortless comedy. 😂😂
Very fine video. Thanks.
I have a different perspective though. The 'problem' from a man's point of view in the modern dating arena is not that women won't engage in the exchange of sex for resources. It is that modern women's personal behavior is so rude, difficult, and passive aggressive towards men that it is not possible to transact any deal with them at all.
Most men can't turn on and off their sex drive as though it is a light switch. Actually having someone you can stand, and whose company you can tolerate is a prerequisite for sex. Many if not most modern women don't satisfy that prerequisite because of their cultural conditioning to practice constant teases, tests, games, dishonesty and flakiness.
Of course discussing the deal explicitly would be helpful to both parties in the transaction. But one doesn't even get to the point where the deal can be discussed if the other party makes it unbearably unpleasant to interact with her...
What do you say, Orion?
Learn to manage your sex drive. Pretending you cannot help yourself because you’re a man is why you continue to lose time after time. It is weak and should be looked down upon
have you ever considered that most women might not be interested in selling sex? Ofcource I get rude when men treat me as an objects. I do like sex, but I am not a piece of meat men can buy and use for their own pleasure. I am usually kind and interested in other people, but become unbearably unpleasant to interact with the second I find out a man is looking for a transaction
“Most men can’t turn on and off their sex drive…” this is why you lose. Your inability to control your desires is why you give away your hand long before you should. And it’s why you lose time after time
@@marcusmcgraw3519
So he must stay quiet, or at least, not say the quiet part loud ?
Brother you are not alone in this arena stay strong keep going.
HR "You're only here to get paid".
Me "Yes I am, you don't have a bad relationship with your customers, accounts receivables and payables or bank, do you?"
Not only. I also like muffin mondays
I realized these facts years ago but I was never able to put it into words. And I didn’t realize how much men are getting programmed and played
The whole society, not just men.
Great video. It drives me mad how people refuse to acknowledge this simple fact about relationships.
Nowadays I just don't care and say the quiet part out loud anyways (with moderation ofc), it's gotten me in a lot of trouble, but the relationships I've built were true and fulfilling. Everyone should be more direct with each other it would make life less of a hassle.
I got to admit, this is probably one of your more brilliant, and even hilarious, analogies you've done... especially with the way you did the kind of funny acting scenes pertaining to the uncomfortableness of the obviousness of the transaction. Well done Dr Taliban!! I actually laughed my ass off at the "I know why you're here, to get laid", and then the guy saying, "How much?" 🤣
You're just too good man at what you do
The acting was sooo good in this one, so funny, so well done. lol. 🔥 episode, so spot on.
i feel compelled to respond to the question about the job interview with "yes" the truth that i just want to get paid is what i would prefer. it makes the whole work thing a lot simpler.
Sex isn't fungible. It's wildly different with different people. Part of it is biological, but much more of it is a form of communication with another human being. Saying that people go on dates to "get laid" is like saying that people go for coffee with friends to "get conversation". Conversation is nice in general, but it's wildly variable.
Also, women really, really like sex (which makes evolutionary sense). Look at the market cap of the women's sex toy industry. So to frame this as if it's the men who want sex and the women who want resources is too much of an oversimplification.
Often postulated that a good reason to get sex quickly in the dating relationship is to hook the woman. You want exclusivity. In the alternate, if you start the sex before you know she is crazy, you have a different kind of problem.
Yes, women definitely like good sex..,, unfortunately there’s a whole lot of men out there that are able of giving a woman good sex and so…. they opt for sex toys. I just wanted to clarify that for you because it’s very true.
Lol. I have a friend who's partner often tells him about her friends not.. erm.. providing the "core relational currency" and says "her poor fella" etc etc, as if to highlight that she understand the concept and how being willing to provide *opportunity and quality* keeps things healthy. This video describes it all perfectly. The indirect nature of her observing and commenting on someone ELSES relationship is a pretty intelligent way of addressing the point and demonstrating her understanding in order to reassure as directly and bluntly as possible.
Ever since I was a kid I never understood why people don’t more often say the quiet part out loud. I’m 33 and I still don’t.
You say the price in one word and that's is. More intangible or obvious value has to be proven. That's take time and dedication,and people try to prove it before closing the deal.
_THE QUIET PART!_ 😁 (I do say the quiet part, quite often. Wouldn't recommend it. Lol People tend to get angey.)
I used to think that about politicians. Why can't they just say things directly without dancing around the subject. Then Trump showed up😊
Hit the ball home instantly. Thank you for this enlightening start of my day.
So I’m from a smaller town in Texas, lots of pretty farm girls to go around except most of them were always gunning for the the sons of all the rich land owners, farmers and ranchers. No matter how much of a dumbass they were or how frumpy and gumpy they were. Good looking, polite and smart guys like me and a handful of others in this town didn’t understand it…. We were younger then and uneducated in the ways. I was raised in a family in which I was given great advice by my dad if I was smart enough to pay attention and I did… sometimes. So while all my friends went off to college, which I scored plenty high enough to get into aTm, UT etc., I skipped the line and went straight to work in the oilfield. Early 20’s making six figures, yeah it was hard work and dangerous. I lost a finger due to someone else’s negligence but it’s all part of the game. After several years of this I start going back to my home town in my new truck, buy a home and am sitting crooked because my wallet was so fat….. bet you could guess what happened. Those farm girls were all over me. I had no college debt, I had a week home every three weeks and a line of women. I’d literally be sending one home while I had another sneaking in the back door. They all knew it but it wasn’t mentioned because they were all willing to try and get the man with resources and good qualities on top of that. Honest to god I was at the pool hall one night and a beautiful girl walked up to me while I was shooting pool with my buddies and asked if I’d buy her a drink. I said with out skipping a beat, “ why do I need to buy you a beer, ( paused as I got the shocked response look from her) then said “I drink corona, no lime or salt, I don’t season my beer and I’ll be at that table shooting pool”. She said “really “ in a kind of shocked / how dare you type way and walked away. About 30 minutes later guess who showed up with a corona in hand wanting to talk. She said a guy had never said anything like that to her, I explained why should I buy you a beer when I have a girlfriend in San Antonio, one in Liberty and neither mind. I have a house new truck, no debt. What do you have to offer me that I need to buy you something for the chance to get to know you. She looked at me with a kind of amazement in her eyes. I then said “I’ll take one more beer then we can go back to your place”. She said “ I thought you said you had a house down the street”. I said “I do, but I don’t know you that well and I don’t like taking strangers back to my house showing them where I live.” Long story short, after that I had three girlfriends,…. Resources, good looks and confidence had them lining up even though I was the same guy I was when I only had good looks and confidence several years before. It’s all about the resources especially if it’s a perceived means of getting out of the small town. Orions exactly right when he’s said it’s transactional, it’s about resources. I just said it out loud to theses women and even though they denied it of course they always ended up buying me a beer. After witnessing this several times I had to get a couple of my buddies jobs in the oilfield😉
I say it like this:
Women “relate” to men (instinctually, even intuitively) as lifestyle and status “opportunities”…
so therefore and forever,
men should relate to women as “luxury items”.
Women! Rely on men to make your lot in life better! Fair enough.
Men! Make the sacrifice to get her, make a place for her, maintain her, even cherish her!.. but DO NOT rely on her!
If you have a brand new or truly vintage Porsche, don’t make it your daily driver to and from the factory or oil field. Keep it in the garage and drive the truck.
@@jeffreymerson8425 ummmmmmmmmm
i am so glad came across this channel
Dignity? Dating in this day and age there is no dignity.
I literally have never thought of it like this. Like ever.
The life partnership should be important for both parties. Women like sex, too. Sex is a side effect of the relationship, not it's purpose.
The problem here is that there is no acknowledgment that family is the core structure of human life.
Great explanation of the consequences of the quite part out loud! It's so true, especially for today dating scene
John D. Rockefeller once said: “If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it." Same thing can be said about sex. Most of us have the wrong focus.
Begin with Why; Start with obtaining Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant & Time-Based goal(s) by doing the right activities should yield money as a result.
Same thing with sex. Begin with Why; Start with the right focus of becoming a competent “Ship Captain” with strong mental aptitude, physical prowess and emotional maturity, coupled with a compelling journey charted; Attracting female passenger(s) would be the result.
Excellent advice.
I agree. Too many people these days are focused on sex... That's why we have an epidemic of sexlessness, the worst in recorded history... That's why a third of men AND WOMEN in their 30s are virgins... So Dr. Orion Taraban got this one wrong...
He got it correct. It is just that transaction also involves dignity, pride and bargain.
For women, she should find a man that can provide something for sexual opportunity and posible children. The young brainwashed single moms is example of believing the bullshit.
That is the value of others, your value and asking for something in return. Sex is not about just feelings.
Are you blind , " ship captain " where is the crew ? 😮
100%
I would like very much seeing you performing in a theater. It is very funny your way of performing. Thanks for these greats talks, it makes me feel happier
3:00 joke is on, you, I would reply "why yes, I only want to join for the paycheck, now, what would you want out of me to think me deserving of your paycheck?"
I’m enjoying your sense of humor. Good acting skills Dr. Orion! Made me laugh out loud.
I don't go on dates to get laid. I literally ended a "situationship" with a woman who didn't want to be in a proper relationship with me, just wanted sex, because that isn't what I want. I want a real partner. The woman I just started dating is absolutely gorgeous, the most attractive woman I've ever dated, and is very athletic and flexible, and yet I am way more excited about spending time with her than the amazing sex we will likely have very soon (we've been on 3 dates). Yeah, I am excited for that, but I am MORE excited about the prospect of being in a relationship with her, because she is a wonderfully kind, warm, good human being.
Alas, seems like you’re in the minority. I get what he’s doing when it comes to heterosexual relationships during reproductive years. But once procreation is off the table, I think it’s a very individual and personal negotiation. Of course that’s probably because I’m of “low value” lol.
@@supermonkey321 you are planning your fall and fail. The more eagerness you bring to your interaction with the vvoman, the more she will reject you. Let go. VVomen do the pursuing or you will get burned.
Women dont like to be adored, they like to be adorers. Treat her like a idol, she will treat you like a fan.
@jimmy... Dude - he literally described that he ended a narcissistic relationship bc he wants the real one
This one was great! Hit it out of the park with your analogy!
I love when the Doc breaks out his acting and shows off his chops. I don’t know why you didn’t become a Star, but I am kind of glad you didn’t.
His calling is to be a different, better kind of star, & that he is. 🌟
There can only be room for one star on this platform. And it’s not him
hahaha the part about companies bying their on bs was very amusing
💯😂 ... always the profit motive... where the profit doesn't necessarily have to be monetary. Don't let the salesperson convince you otherwise.
Great video Orion. Thank you
Today I've listened to first 3 chapters of "The Value of Others" - I can't say now how i feel about the entire book, but the articulation and pinpoint accuracy in what i have already heard is amazing. Worth every penny.
Why can’t you say how you feel about the book? Is there something that leaves you with a bad taste?
@@elchucapablas I can't say how i feel about the book as the whole, because i haven't finished it.
This man is a legend 💪 much love brother. Your ability to communicate is god level. Thanks 🙏
Right on point as usual!
💯
OMG that is so painful for many that is in denial ... love it !!
I'll carry this knowledge for life, Orion - whatever are the secondary aspects in transactions, they won't overthrow the core transaction.
And what's even more, it is that core transaction which determines what should be the outcomes.
This man is an enlightener.
Reductionistic materialist philosophy is death to the spirit. Some people don’t know what love is.
There is, however, an audience for this message- those who choose to play love.
This is a rare lesson I learned before you made a video on it haha. Gotta reframe not hasna choice of "make them stay and keep them or let them go and lose them" but instead "They are leaving and there is nothing I can do even if it seems like it"
Gods bless this man.
& the comment section lmao