In today's episode, I'm going to explain why so many decent guys end up in unsatisfying relationships. These unattractive men represent good provider options for women who can't secure long-term partnerships with their preferred mates. Unaccustomed to any attention from women, these men secure relationships on disadvantageous terms at the slightest signs of interest, which I call "a feast of crumbs." This is how men get used. Join my community: the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ruclips.net/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/видео.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #relationship #psychology #marriage
@@psychacks Thank you for this video. I still currently have this mindset from birth. Only in the past year have I made efforts to change it. ( I'm 53 ) But after being "bread crumbed" up until this past May, I've finally had enough. I am now more intentional on asking "what's in it for me" if people (especially women) ask for something. Tour lesson will help me get a better understanding. Thanks again....
@@barebonesacoustic3956 Voluntary hostages at that. Offer nothing but your money and get surprised when people don't get anything else from you except your money
@@armandoa.2992 I learned that when I was young and the I learned that the same applies to other people too so I decided to be the change and make other's lives better and suddenly the "nobody cares" idea died off, everybody cares when you make connections
Actually, many women will care…enough to pile on. Women compete for each other’s approval/status hierarchy by see who can harm the man more. Sadism is a popular contest among women.
Knowning this, or becoming knowledgeable of it is very off-putting. Its game changing once you know, and its really important for guys to know this. Men "love" idealistically, and they "love" opportunitistically. Accept the fact we're disposable in this regard, and stop looking for women to care for you idealistically.
Here's what you do, you got along with it. Sell the dream, but don't commit and break up when it becomes dull or annoying. Its disingenuous, but it is in no way worse than the ladies deeper intentions and is in no way worse than all the guys she slept with, that she either lead on or vice-versa, whilst "finding herself".
My brother, the price of truth is the loss of the fantasy. Once you truly understand how amazing it is to be free this delusion we were sold you will be fully in your power. You will decide your destiny. Not your emotions. Congratulations
I had an older guy who instinctually understood this stuff once tell me, "When you love, you have to hold something back, if you don't, when she leaves you won't have anything left".
Never realized until I was older you can actually regulate the love you give to protect yourself. You wont know until you mess up and give too much and left with nothing emotionally.
@@Ratclan Just happened to me. I have given everything and she goes back to her ex husband. My fault, I gave up everything. I still love her, but I know I need to be better to make sure this never happens again.
Experienced divorce lawyer here (Pennsylvania and New Jersey). Orion hits the nail on the head at 10:20 in the video. Eventually, you will run out of things to give her. My two cents: As you get older, if you stay fit and are somewhat successful, the playing field shifts 180 degrees in the man’s favor. Stay safe. Stay single!
Your first statements are probably true. When you run out of things to give her she "gets bored" and finds someone new. But it shifts 180 degrees as you get older? I disagree. I'm older and can confirm that. So can all the other guys in their 40s and 50s that are single. If you are very successful, then THAT shifts the field 180 degrees but that is true at any age. You don't have to be fit either. In fact, many women want a guy who is bigger (ie, "dad bod", fat) than they are because the woman doesn't want to be "the fat one" in the relationship but still have the money and property that she really is looking for. I have had female friends who will go for the guy that is wealthy but 40lbs over weight rather than me who is middle/lower middle class but not overweight at all. And they have told me flat out that I'm "too skinny".
@@paulsmith5611 I can see your problem straight away. You have female friends who are fat. Don't talk to them, ever. Stop giving women attention and asking for their worthless opinions.
sadly, for the invisible dudes that have gotten ZERO female attention (or worst negative "eww, no." attention) this sort of thing feels too good to be true. which is actually the case but she wants it to happen and he wants it to happen so nobody stops it from happening.....until the divorce.
I'm FINALLY getting wise at 61. But this is typical, as life comes at you fast as a young adult...now having the time, I have learned so much, and have become so much stronger. I will never marry again, and happy to be single. 👍
I had the same thought. 62 and the last 5 years has been enlightening.. Kevin Samuels was an eye opener for me. Found the rest of them and now I feel I get it. Little slow but I am here now.
Every girlfriend I had in my 20s and well into my 30s made me feel like I was not her first option. Now in my 40s, fit, attractive and financially independent, I feel like Neo in the Matrix having dodged all those bullets. 😂 Thank you Orion for saying it like it is. There’s way too much sugar coating going on in our society that obscures these facts.
@@akojev297 same Here! It was a blessing in disguise! 🥳 No divorce or kids. Independent company owner of 8 trucks. Those woman are now mostly struggling single mums.
Let me explain something about women in their 20s and 30's. If THEY TRULY thought you were not their first option, it was likely your personality and ego issues. The thought of living with that for years to come keeps them moving on. They often recognize they may not find anyone else who does not share the same flaws as you and they'd rather be single...in addition all the males ion this page seem to think females after their money. 50% of the workforce is women. They are making their own money.
Be careful. Think of how most female spiders choose their mates. That instinct has not left the mammalian order. Do enjoy the copious amounts of sex they give out though, just don't plant any seeds, or move her into your house. Nothing about modern mating is natural, every instinct is buried under a brain wash. Mr. Orion is just rehashing the bullshit that led to the current situation anyways. "Happy wife, happy life." is just a bromide for you to enjoy your slavery. "Happy spouse, happy house," While not much better, at least gives you an equal shot at being treated well.
This is kind of…dumb, with all due respect. Coz think about it, no one owes you their years to ‘see you succeed’ on their limited time slot. Expecting someone to ‘bet on you’ is actually selfish not to mention punishing them as a consequence.
@@mergerogue4291 You are absolutely right, it is selfish and dumb, but real men remember those who stood with them during hardships and it's the purest form of loyalty, and the reward will be ten fold. Any man reading this will know what I'm talking about.
@@mergerogue4291 it’s actually not selfish, it’s based on teamwork in commitment. Teamwork makes the dream work. What is a commitment if not collaborating efforts towards an end? It’s only in modern times with the indulgence in optionality that makes people think they “deserve” to reap the fruit without the works…. because there’s always that “what if” in the back of their mind. With too many options, you end up not committing fully to any. If you are open to everything, then you stand for nothing. In the past within smaller communities, you didn’t have a endless horizon of potential options to indulge your imagination with. You worked with what was reasonable and made the best of it.
I was dating a woman in Los Angeles and a division of the company I worked for was closing. She saw it in the newspaper. I hadn't yet told her I already had a new job with the parent company (FedEx) lined up. Before I even explained what was happening, she said, "I know I should stay and support....but I just can't", and bailed. Before I had even gotten my final paycheck from the old company. I watched my grandmother stick with my grandfather thru good times and bad, and my mother with my father. Women have changed dramatically from those I knew in my youth. They no longer offer "partnership". Just expectations.
I can't speak with knowledge about your grandparents, but I am pretty sure old time couples stayed together not always out of love and/or loyalty, but instead out of financial need. The only thing that most women of that old generation thought they could do was be a wife and be a mom.
The less you care the more they desire"- Maybe, ... Stop entertaining them, take them for granite, and they're heading for their side guy, or own of the orbiters. It never ends!
Dude I always used to scoff at this, but secretly knew it was correct. The reason I think we care so much is because we have internal problems we believe can be solved by getting in a relationship. I think most therapists would say that your problems will absolutely not go away, and will likely get worse if you think a relationship is a solution to deep personal issues. Looking inward and developing a good sense of who you are is a great way of "caring less".
Married 13 years, no intamacy in 6 years, no love or affection for the last 4. Now facing divorce, I am going to lose everything. I should have divorced her when she said she wasn’t going to make me dinner any more. It was a down hill slide ever since. Don’t get divorced in California. Don’t get married.
@@sailguy2010 aww, did you have to learn to make your own dinner? Didn’t tuck you in, pinch your cheeks and help you get your backpack on for school? Yeah, you should have divorced her and set her free.
Sad fact. My wife filed for divorce after I got sick so basically she threw away a 20-year-old marriage because I could no longer provide her with the luxury lifestyle she got acquainted to
they are predators. They constantly demand more and more. Slowly but surely they take their time squeezing you of everything slowly but surely adding to the list of demands. They know exactly what they are doing. They will never be happy but the demands will keep rising no matter how much you do for her.
Alexander Grace had a video this morning that showed the same thing with data. This is exactly my experience too. It took for me to literally get absolutely ripped at one point to receive female attention for the first time in my life. Once that started to go away, it immediately stopped. Men are far less picky.
Once you start ignoring studies and the fact that whamen are socially awkward and insecure by default, you'll come to realize that all you need to do is not look hideous and be pleasant to be around
The “not being physically desired” part is what hurts men the most. You can’t buy raw sexual attraction not even if you increase your value, heck even unattractive women are desired to some degree, for men there seems to be no middle ground, you’re either Him or you’re not. That’s ones of my favorite things about life, all the admiration I receive from both men and women for my looks, women often straight up call me beautiful rather than handsome, dudes always tell me they wish they were me. All of this feels good, makes me feel like the man and inspires me to show love to everyone. Most men have never been admired a day in their lives, only receiving flowers on their death beds, that’s if they’re lucky. What a cold world, I see this stuff and it hurts deeply. Take care fellas.
I was uggo when I was a teenager and noticed all the jacked af dudes had dimes on their side. So I got into body building. My 20’a was a buffet. My 30’s is like choosing what fine restaurant I’d like to dine at. Level up, it’s the only answer
You need people to tell you you're beautiful to "feel like a man"? Sounds like a woman talking. Also you depend on external validation . Also, your looks will fade. Take care fella.
This 100%. You might be able to find girls to date you or even marry you if you have money. None of that will cause real sexual attraction and desire. There is no real way to cheat the system. She might marry you and then she’ll be finding someone she finds attractive on the side.
@DanielBergerHewitt it's an old meme on how women magically become ugly and men magically become hot when they reach the age of 30. It's obvious bullshit in both cases, being unattractive is universal unless changed where possible
This video resonates with me more than any in recent memory. It is impossible to describe the feeling when you actually land a relationship prospect but realise the person isn't really attracted to you, but you're just the best thing around right now and you can provide other things she wants. The thought of going back to no female companionship at all is painful though... I'm sure a lot of guys can relate to this.
Embracing this reality in place of the fantasy of love, is very painful. It feels like killing something beautiful within. Everytime I've felt a maximal amount of asshole energy, I've gotten the most amount of interest..
I took in a single mother with her toddler and conflict-ridden ex as baggage. She got pregnant from me and everything went downhill from there. I warned her multiple times that if her bs continues, I'll leave. She didn't care, so I did. Now she complains every once in a while how hard it is with two children alone but, since the burning desire for me isn't there, these crumbs are all there is. Fuck that, I'm just 34 and get attention from many women ages 20 to 40.
I completely understand what you were saying. Just don’t marry her or have children with her. If you want to continue enjoying time with her, then there’s no problem with doing that as long as you keep it in perspective. If you marry her or have children with her, she will destroy you in the end. You may even find that by not marrying her and staying somewhat loosely attached that will increase her desire for you
The sad thing for me is that most of the attention I get is from much younger married women who sometimes ask me to spend the day out with them, sometimes try to get their hands on me, or find ways of getting in my way to pin me down in conversation ro get to know me better. They often act like h0rny women around me, and I pity their husbands for having wives like that.
Maturing is realizing I'd rather be the Leonardo DiCaprio character in the Titanic movie than the husband who was paying for everything but still being cheated on.
Yeah he's attractive. If he got into a car accident? He would lose his value. Or if he gets heart problems? He can lose his value. Genetic lottery is real. But u can still lose.
To summarize it Become more attractive (physically, financially etc) > you get more options from dating women > with said options you have a much larger pool to pick from > this reduces the chance of picking the first girl to marriage just because she was nice to me If you chose poorly because you had barely any options, it will lead to disaster. So go on lots of dates and see whats out there. Plenty of pretty girls, but being pretty isnt a pass
“Go on lots of dates “ Gee, why didn’t I think of that. Maybe because the last time I tried online dating, the only woman that expressed interest in me was a 3 hour drive? Where is the next closest one?
@@cncmilljunkie Somebody you meet in person, not through a dating app. You have to be logical about it. Every woman in the world has dating market options. Even the zeroes. So if she has to resort to the dating apps to find someone, typically it means she's lacking something important, her expectations are way too high so she'll never ever be satisfied with you, or she has too much baggage.
Invest in yourself and you'll never regret it, no one cares about you more than you care about yourself. And remember. The less you care the more they desire.
all of this is true until you get to the dumb, "The less you care the more they desire." Just another platitude. People are not all the same. Not everyone responds the same way. The less you care, the less you care. You can't just run around thinking you're flipping switches in your head like a robot. Live authentically to yourself, and righteously, and do what you need to do. At every stage you make choices. What you're trying to do and doesn't make sense is, not take risk because it might hurt... well boo hoo, things aren't tidy neat packages, and when they are that means they aren't authentic.
As most woman have men in their past who rocked their world. Men who find these women in their 30s you are most certainly second best if not third best. Never pay too much for something she gave to someone else for nothing.....
It's worse than that. They will give it up to a guy they "aren't serious about" while making you wait and prove your worth to her. Yes, all of them do this. If you've been dating and waiting, she hasn't, and she sees nothing wrong with it. Bring up the topic next time a girl gives you the "I'm looking for something serious" speech. Then let her know you totally understand, and in fact you have a roster right now too, but you want to be serious with her. Then reassure that last night with sally meant nothing, and how can she be so controlling when this is only the third date. It will be enlightening. It was for me anyway. lol
It explains things most guys don’t think about. I also learned a lot from reading a book called Mareska Manipulation by Vexoner. The book helped me understand how does dark psychology actually works. Combining tips from videos like this and the book really made a difference for me.
Look, I discovered this channel last year, and I must say that I have been appreciating your lectures in the best possible way, Dr. Orion. But I must say that after watching this video, I feel like I will never be the same man I was before. Thank you for freeing me from 10-15 years of suffering. You are doing what many of our parents should have done with us. Thank you.
PUAs used to teach this: don't enter a relationship with the first girl you succeed with... not because it's a cosmic law but because it's very likely to be this effect: a previously scarce person suddenly meeting the first girl in his life who gives him any level of attention, so you can't properly judge if you two are really a match, if she's an equal giver, or you're just starving so you take breadcrumbs for a great dinner
True. The game changes at 30. Young men should be taught that, if they have their stuff together, they are going to get a flood of female attention around this age. It doesn't mean that women have finally appreciated their beautiful soul. It means the women are getting old and recognize that every day they delay, their options narrow. As you write, most men are so unaccustomed to the attention that they pick the first girl to grab them because they don't realize that, unlike when they were young, they can have their pick now.
I wish I could say this has been my experience. I'm 40. 6'1" 6 pack, do all sorts of athletic stuff, make good $ and the interest from women has never really changed. At least on the dating apps I don't even get a reply. Its better in real life but it is very rare for me to cross paths with attractive women due to work and the fact that my interests aren't theirs. Even so I think the advise has to stay the same. Don't get into a scenario where you aren't actually wanted.
Right. But it's a flood of female attention from used-up also-rans. They're all 'traumatized' from dating the men they chased and dated of their own free will, so now these women are trying the, "You'll make such a great boyfriend/husband some day" guys. What man wants to know that his woman would have never given him the time of day during her ho phase, but now that she's looking to settle down, suddenly he has everything she's looking for, AND she just happened to know he'd still be waiting when she got around to it?
@@mattnelson9987 This is more normal for most men. If you want more options you have to stop hoping they'll show up at your doorstep or walk into your path, and seek them out. Good that you figured out the dating app thing, although you could manipulate that if you wanted. All you really need is more options for encounter. Sounds like you need to step outside your comfort zone "athletic stuff" and start getting into areas of life that you'll find more of what you're looking for and less sweaty dudes. No hate, just I know the feeling. Branch out into other activities, work on your social skills (sounds like that might be a problem), work on your confidence in approaches, fail, keep failing, just like how you learned how to work out.
That’s how mating works love. You have to persuade her you’re worth her giving up her youth, life goals and nice body for. You’re literally trying to get her to pass on your genetics into the next generation. You’re selling yourself (sperm). If you don’t have anything she wants to pass on (attractiveness, good personality, resources) then won’t get picked. Men should be picky with women too, you guys get to decide who should be mothers or not.
Described my relationships accurately. In my 40s and 50s, I get approached a lot but always by women where bitter experience tells me it’s due to my success in other areas of my life and she’s just looking for a bailout plan
It’s crazy how many things we aren't aware of when it comes people. Why isn’t anyone talking about the book Mareska Manipulation? It really opens your eyes. A lot of successful people mention it
Just half way through and I'm blown away how he always preaching exactly the sermon i need to hear. Im in my early 40s and it was like a week ago, the first time a younger woman showed genuine interest. I had about 5 women at a certain point last year and not one of them looked at me like the complete stranger did. It took years with most of them before i realized that they never were interested in me, just what i did for them. I understand now that it's my responsibility to make sure any woman in my orbit keeps interest in my plan or she must be dismissed IMMEDIATELY, no matter what is coming out of her mouth. I heard this from Steve the Dean, "Actions are truth, not words".
I was together with my wife for 17 years. We built our house together. We couldnt concieve our own kids, so we took kids in foster care. 5 of them. They all came as babies, so they are like ours. Now she has discarded me. She reported me to the police, because I forced one of the kids to tidy his trousers. Now I have a restraining order. I can't see our kids. And she is trying to use the court to throw me out of my own house. We are divorced, and she already has a new partner. I feel so pathetic and abused. A lot of things make sense, after watching this video.
@@ZelenoJabko You nonse - you don't know what you are talking about! You don't know what he looks like. His problem is that he is a nice guy. Looks are one of the great lies. I had a friend who looks like a model/boy band heart-throb, his girl-friend had disdain for him, wouldn't shave her legs for him,. dumped him. When he talked to girls, he was so sweet and nice, or he didn't what to say. Looks mean jack-shit and can be a major hinderance, An average looking guy with a great cocky/funny attitude who leads himself and has an adventure where ever he is, and doesn't buy into her beauty, would have kept her. He needed Lover traits, all he gave her was the most transactional common and boring ones, Provider traits. He can transform himself by getting any of the material provided by David DeAngelo, from 20 years back.
Totally agree. When a woman thinks she is gaining the upper hand in my relationships and starts to assert demands, i have a line that i use: 'Are you familiar with "The Golden Rule"? No. The other Golden Rule. Whoever has the gold makes the rules.'. That usually ends the relationship, but it was going there anyway
Whenever I watch one of your videos, I always leave a comment now to help the algorithm cause you’re really putting out some good stuff. As an attractive man who has dated women out of my league, I’ve actually enjoyed dating women who don’t feel entitled to dating me. But like you described in my late 20s, I had just normal baselinethings going on and it did eventually lead to marriage and everything you said eventually became very apparent. thank you for all you do.
Yep. If a woman is easy to lose you never hand her. This is where the "treat women like crap" advice comes from. It's based on the idea that a woman who will tolerate your bs actually likes you while a woman who won't... well... doesn't like you. And it's true.
Correct. But I’ll add that you shouldn’t treat women badly out of insecurity thinking that will make them more attracted to you. But it is true that a woman that truly likes you will tolerate your flaws and your bs. She’ll complain and slander you to her friends and do pretty much everything… except leave.
Unfortunately a caveat to "just make yourself more attractive" is that men have to accept it still might not be enough and make peace with that. It's a cliche but in this case, if a woman has genuine burning desire for you, you will "just know it". Don't kid yourselves, "low sex drive", "too insecure for sex", "trauma makes me not want sex" are just excuses. She's settling and it's infinitely better for you to accept that and try to be as happy and fulfilled as you can alone.
People can downplay it as disgusting or whatever but a huge issue with being alone is going without sex for potentially months on end. That shit drives you insane after a while.
I agree wholeheartedly, however, there is another option. Why don't most men continue to enjoy their newly found optionality? Assuming a man wants children, he can always go the Michael Jackson route (look it up). Or, he can go overseas (Don't bring her here).
I never struggled to date in my teens and 20s. Married at 25 divorced at 32 remarried at 35. 6 Ft 2 athletic in my youth. What you are saying is 100% true.
"These men are basically hostages who continously have to pay their own ransom"... Very well said. Believe Dr. T! I lived this, so true. Don't settle for the crumbs. Another great video.
I am on the other side of this and man did you nail it. I was negotiating for crumbs and leftovers after everyone else ,(job, mom, sister, best friend) got all the attention and focus. Happy to be free of that and her.
Also understand that the early 30ish woman is comparing her situation to what her sisters or girlfriends have. They're engaged or married, they have the house, the kids, the nice SUV, the vacations, etc. What does she have but a boring job, a too-small apartment, and a couple of cats? So she is mightily tempted to grab the next sucker who comes along, simp though he is, at least she can now gush about "the ring" and the wedding dress and the honeymoon, etc. The fiance himself is secondary to the status she has now acquired.
Yes marriage competition is real among women. Women are cruel to other women. I think some women would have no problem dating men that were average or sub5 if not for other women making fun of them.
As much as i hate to admit this dr is 100% right. I had my first really really hot girl show me interest at 28, dated, had a kid, married and now divorced at 33. Never been happier to be divorced. Do not think your chick is going to be diffrent guys. Do not get married
The blind leading the blind. No chick is going to be different - because being a nice accommodating Provider guy without a hint of being a masculine personality drenched in Lover traits and triggers will always lead you to divorce. You are miles away from seeing the matrix. Oh, and those traits are learnable.
I am 5’5 and started losing my hair in my early 20’s. I was educated, well employed, and active, but my dating life sucked, as you say. I had a friend who was a 40-something female divorcee who told me that when I turned 28 women would suddenly find me attractive. This was 30 years ago, so before online dating and even worse odds now. She was right, I met my first wife when I was 28 and it was actually pretty good, but she unfortunately passed from cancer 12 years later and I was a single dad with two young kids. When I was single in my mid 40’s with a house, a masters degree, a solid career, etc, I had a lot of fun dating women my age. Unfortunately, RUclips wasn’t a thing then, and I stupidly married one of them. The solid home life was good for the kids but I had a lot more “fun” when I was single.
It was pure coincidence, but I married a woman from a dirt-poor subsistence rice farming family from Luzon Island. She has turned out to be a true lifetime partner. But it's true that she sees me as her best option. Our relationship has been the greatest blessing we've ever had. Sadly, I have seen many guys go through divorces, child custody tension, etc. There's something very special about how 38 years together with a woman builds such a deep well of laughs and memories.
exactly. you basically are a predator and found prey that is prey to everything. she had zero option, and now all you gotta do is stop her from looking into feminist stuff and you'll be set.
I'm impressed how every time I see I video title that makes me feel uncomfortable this man is about to call me out like a mf, greatly appreciated, this is the dad advice I didn't get
This is one of the more direct and on-point videos the Dr has made. Men need to make sure they are attractive enough to maintain options, whether he exercises them or not. If you feel stuck with a woman, you need to work on yourself until you feel like you are actually choosing her.
Great message. It puts into perspective that while women complain about bare minimum treatment from men, the truth is bare minimum treatment is how many of them actually wind up with someone.
Quick reminder that affection can go down just as quickly as it came up. Not saying to ignore your partner. Just remember to have patience and see what time will bring. I met girls that said I was "perfect" in the first meeting I had with them. 2 weeks later I was ghosted. I was pushed back a bit by how fast they got started and the mood shifted really fast. Give some time to know your partner. One extremely important I look for in relationships: How do we solve conflicts? Conflicts and disagreements will always happen. Knowing I can talk freely and listen with my partner about a different perspective I have is a sign of trust. And trust is worth a lot these days. Among other things...
You are in for a rude awakening. Affection is not ATTRACTION. With the latter, she invests. The reason girls called you "perfect" is maybe wealth/looks or an initial impression good impression, then your nice guy traits bored them - all guys have nice traits and the are ugly traits. Girls don't feel attraction to nice. All the rest is boring logical mainstream bs that will make you think you have a handle on the situation. Develop Lover traits, it's a skill and she will want to resolve the conflicts and smooth the way.
@@bobbyj-x7v I wouldn't say that. From my perspective, she wanted me to pay back her affection similarly. But it felt so awkward for me that I just kept talking to her politely instead. After a few weeks she realized it wouldn't go anywhere and moved on. Even though she displayed affection towards me, I didn't know anything about her. So I couldn't get myself to care much. What hobbies does she have? What does she like to listen or watch? What does she like to do? She jumped several steps ahead so I wasn't feeling comfortable getting to know her better. Both men and women do these things. There was an engineering girl I met in college many years ago that I was getting friends with. Went to a few dates with her even to watch some musical concerts. She was cool and I wanted to have a relationship with her. But I didn't have any money at the time so I let that go. Now several years later I think she is married. Everyone has flaws, nobody is perfect. We have to be both a little bit selfish and affectionate at the same time. Too much of any of these will bring regrets.
As I watch this enthralling video, it resurrects the painful memories of my recent breakup-a relationship of three years that ended just two months ago. The Man who meant everything to me decided to leave, plunging me into a vortex of heartache. Despite my desperate attempts to reconcile, I find myself trapped in a cycle of frustration and longing, unable to envision a life without him . Despite my efforts to move forward , I find solace in expressing my lingering affection for him here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
Absolutely brilliant episode today. The analogy of the '"severance package " as the last essential value to be extracted from the man was priceless and spot-on.
@@RussellDeacon Maybe the majority do, but it's not an overwhelming majority. I know a lot of miserable married men, but are basically trapped. It's very unsettling.
Really have appreciated these clips. I’ve watched maybe five of them and every single one of them resonate. Looking at joining your community soon. Thanks brother!
“Most of you are unattractive” Now buy my book it’s on sale this Christmas 😂🎅🏻🌲 Maybe the only doctor that can say that to us, thanks for the sound advice this year Dr. Orion Cheers!
@@edheldude not really, I can be considered successful in my country, young, top 1% net worth, 6 feet tall, lean, not ugly and I have a well paying job, I watch these for valuable insights.
I’m in my 30’s. Always have been handsome (6’4’’, fit, good face, etc.) I have noticed the amount of attention I receive is much greater now than in my 20’s. I had plenty of it in my 20’s, but it seems to have doubled to say the least. Now that I am very well off financially, I suppose women pick up on that, or assume it due to other cues (being more confident, age, or other signals that may signal success). Issue is, I am not really that attracted to women in my age range. I’ve dated a lot and too many of them have severe emotional baggage from their past. I didn’t work to get to where I am to take care of that. Not going to be a therapist and a provider. The stark difference in women who are 35 that I date, for example, and 24 is very different in terms of emotional health (though I am also seeing some younger women with more issues as well, since hook up culture is getting to them at a younger age and is more normalized than ever). Some seem fine at first but once the relationship goes on their issues really come to surface. It’s troubling to me how common these issues are within that age group and up. I suppose this has to do with the much higher rate of anti-depressant use among those women relative to men too. I suppose that young pretty women are almost like celebrities in how much attention is thrown at them and much like celebrity kids, once that attention fades as they age/celeb career goes south, they can’t take that kind of change and it really messes with their head. It’s kind of sad in a way. But emotional trauma seems so common in women in my age group that I’m pretty much set on only dating women around their mid 20’s. Of course they’re overall more attractive to me as well, but the emotional baggage is such a deal breaker. It kills the vibe and creates so much negativity long term, and trust issues. I am a very busy man and I do not have the time nor the emotional energy to take on that emotional burden. Lastly, I’ll also point out that while it is true that, in my experience and as this video suggests, a women’s attraction is more complex relative to a man, there is much nuance to this. And many men miss this, in my opinion. Most men are attracted to a woman mainly based on her looks and how pleasant/kind/feminine she is to him. That’s how basic their standard is. Sure there are other factors, but that’s like most of what men find most important. Women, however, look for not only looks, but personality, status, etc. So their attraction is more complex in that sense. There is the sexual attraction that must be there (based largely off looks/emotional stimulation), but on top of that there is the pragmatic attraction that must also be there (he must make more, be successful, have status, meet my other needs, etc.). However, just because theirs is more complex does not mean looks are not as important. Looks are still very much important to many women. It’s just that they also want the other things - especially by the age that they realize their options are diminishing due to age. It’s just that if the woman feels she is forced enough, she’ll settle with a man she is attracted to but not sexually attracted to (though many women will just remain shingle as well, if they can’t find the man who is the ‘whole package’). So looks and sexual desire IS still important. It’s just that many women by age 30+ have an incentive so strong to not be alone and due to the biological clock that they end up settling for a man she’s not very sexually attracted to. So it’s not that women prioritize security over sexual attraction by that age because they choose to, but rather they do so *out of necessity*, because options are diminishing. Many men incorrectly see this as them *freely and willingly* prioritizing security over sexual attraction, but again, they’re doing so out of necessity and the divorce initiation statistics and sexless marriage statistics support this. So it’s not that sexual attraction becomes less important to those women. Ideally they’d want that. But security is prioritized out of necessity and fear of being alone. You don’t buy a house for its bathroom, however, a house without a bathroom IS a dealbreaker. That’s essentially the same analogy. So many of these women tend to settle down with a less attractive man once their options diminish, but because they’re not physically attracted to the man, the desire isn’t there. And eventually the man picks up on the fact that he isn’t desired by her and sex with a person who doesn’t desire you is awful for most people, women included. Eventually the man picks up on this years into the relationship (because she may wear a mask and use sex to hook him in) but by then it’s usually too late as he’s too invested and there is much financial and emotional risk to divorce. So while it is true that woman look for more than just looks when settling down, they still require physical attraction in terms of sexual desire (not just attraction; arousal and attraction are NOT necessarily the same thing). And if that physical attraction isn’t there, that desire won’t be there and it will be a sexless marriage despite the women being attracted to the man on his other qualities. So he may have the most amazing personality which she’ll find attractive, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll find him sexually attractive or desirable. Being funny for example will make an already attractive man more sexually desirable, but it won’t make a man a woman doesn’t sexually desire more attractive enough to maintain sexual desire. This is likely one big reason why so many marriages become sexless and end in divorce. When you’re not attractive sexually, every mistake you do in the marriage will matter more. She’ll put up with less. So being funny, for example, really only helps if you’re already attractive. In fact, if you look at the romantic lives of many unattractive male comedians, they had some of the worst marriages/romantic lives, often thinking they could but love with money and being funny. So being “funny” really isn’t enough if you’re not sexually attractive, despite the advice you hear from people who say being funny is worth more than being attractive - it is if you want to be a likable person and have friends, but it won’t make you more sexually desirable if you’re not sexually attractive. If you’re decent to very good looking, it will however do a lot for you. So again, women will put up with more mistakes from you if you’re sexually attractive. But if you’re not, you’ll have to work harder in the relationship to make her happier and she’ll put up with less and risk of divorce/breakups will be greater. We already see this with women who have the most optionality in their prime when they date the ‘toxic men’ and jerks they go on about. They put up with it to a very high degree. Why? Because the men are very attractive to them. That aspect of female nature doesn’t inherently change once they get a bit older and marry. They are still attracted to that hot attractive guy who can give them the emotional highs and lows, but because of the negative fallout with those men time and time again, she just settles for a more stable less attracted man instead *as she prioritizes security over sexual attraction, not freely, but again, out of necessity.* Some women also settle with unattractive men out of security issues. Keep in mind they’re more neurotic than men are on average, so they feel negative emotions more, etc. They’ve been played enough by the hot jerks they were attracted to that they build up enough emotional baggage or trauma that they prioritize emotional safety over sexual attraction and so they settle with the ugly or less attractive man. This is why you can sometimes see attractive women with unattractive guys. Men will then look at those rare examples and say “see, looks don’t matter.” No buddy, you’re being a schmuck. What is likely happening is that she’s with that guy out of insecurity issues stemming from emotional trauma and thus feels safer with him and as you wish to be “that guy”, you are ignoring of the fact that she likely doesn’t sexually desire him and will never sexually desire him like those past men who hurt her did, and she’s probably only having sex with him once a week if he’s lucky. But the issue again is that because the man is not sexually arousing to her, and doesn’t give her those emotional highs and lows, she’ll put up with less from him and thus will be quicker to initiate divorce when enough of the ‘small things’ build up or get to her within the marriage. And again, the sex will decline rapidly for this same intrinsic reason. Of course she’ll give her reasons why she pulled sex away and weaponize it (he wasn’t doing the dishes enough, or treated me unkindly), but that wasn’t the issue with the hot football player or ‘Chad’ who treated her like a jerk when she was 22 and she gladly put up with it and in fact went back for more. I feel many men mess this up when they hear that “women look for more than just looks.” That is true but lacks much nuance and the devil is in the details. So yes, while overall attraction is more than just looks, *a woman won’t have sexual desire or attraction to a man if the looks aren’t there which she is sexually attracted to.* And if you marry someone who is attracted to you but *not* sexually attracted to you, it will feel like just a friendship and at that point, why in the world are you taking on the emotional and financial risk to have a friendship where there is no sexual romantic desire? You could have guy friends for that.
@@TruthsSake Good comment, thanks for typing all of that out. I'm in my late 20s and find it hard to find single women around my age since I don't like young girls at all, 24-30 is the age range I like and at this point it seems like the only way to find one is through dumb luck which is ridiculous to rely on. Nobody uses dating apps where I live and "cold approaching" isn't a thing, you'd be sern as weird. Got any ideas or advice?
"women’s attraction is more complex relative to a man." That's completely untrue. Woomen value : 1- Looks 2-Fame/social status 3-Money In that order. When they are younger and feel invincible, they think that they can have it all, which 99% of them, can't. When their attractiveness and interest from men starts declining from 27 onwards, they delude themselves in thinking that they are settling.
I was in a similar place at your age (50 now) and trust me you are switched on and in a good place. I never had a problem attracting women (still don't) but the ones cut out for "serious relationship" I just wasn't attracted to enough to put up with the usual baggage and drama. The gorgeous euro girls I had affairs with whilst travelling were generally bedhopping and would openly mention their "boyfriends back home". Yes it was always plural. I can't offer you much advice other than it's a catch 22, but whatever you do don't commit to some mid thirties harpy just because you feel pressured into "it's time to get serious now". I nearly went there several times and it's a waste of time.
Love the realness of this guy. Initially it was depressing to be confronted with reality, but honestly, after some time, it was liberating. I found that listening to this channel, certain things started to make sense. Understanding reality, even if you don’t like it, is better than not understanding reality and still not liking it. Thanks for all the videos.
Ok. Than this all is literal insanity. A man has to work his ass off to become "attractive: physically, mentally, and financially".... all to get a women who aint work sh!t and then risk everything to keep what he has because she "was never really that into you". Dude, wars... literal wars have started for less.
Don't go getting mad about it. Get good at it and not care. Knowing women are like this, and you're not one makes you inherently superior. Women know all this about themselves... It drives them nuts and because of it THEY ENVY US!! NEVER FORGET THAT! Why else do you think they are all crabs in a bucket with each other and can only get along in the abstract???
Married at 28 y.o. divorced at 42. My son is now 14, we share custody 50,50 though she attempted to use my son as a negotiation tool for mone when we divorced. Single for almost 6 years now. My life is great. I do a cost $, benefit caclulation on every romantic relationship i get into........the math always says stay single now that i am well versed in marriage, divorce laws. I still love, always will love beautiful women......but that does not mean they automatically get access to my networth i have spent 20 plus years working weekends and holidays to secure. Orion Taraban i spot on. Thank you Orion
No, it's just that culture has emasculated men to such a level that she is living in pergutory. When was she given sexual tension, slammed against a wall and made to beg for love making because the foreplay was driving her mind up the wall, given erotic dirty talk that told her she was a piece of property and she was owned.
I had to learn the hard way. I was a hostage in my last relationship. She ended up cheating on me, and then i realize i was letting slide a lot of things i would have consider red flags in other girls. It really hurt me a lot, but it was the relationship from which i learned the most. Excellent video as always O'Ryan, big fan!
The amounts of dates I have been on after 28yo (now 30) has skyrocketed. It still hard to find someone whom you vibe AND are compatible AND want the same thing from life, at the same time. It’s so easy to fall for the least attention tho. I will take notes from Orion and keep improving myself rather than fall for crumbs and be used
You opened my eyes to my life. This very thing happened to me. I lasted 14 years total. Honestly once our son was born she was already done with me. It wasn’t until she finally got a high enough paying job that she finally destroyed our family. Looks didn’t matter to her. I can truly say I was better looking. Way better than the guy she left me for. What she wanted was a party guy. I am an introvert. She wanted someone who liked to socialize and drink. I was too boring.
I feel ya!! Same story for me, except it was only 5 years for me. And we never had a kid. 20 years later, I'm so very glad she didn't waste more of my life on her nonsense.
You didn't display Lover traits and triggers - a spectrum of behaviours that get a gut-level emotional response from her and would have kept her attracted. These are all skills and learnable. I suggest to download the Brian interview by David Deangelo (also, get his materials so you have Lover traits).
At 70 I wish I had this wisdom at 20. Those who have been hit hard want to warn the younger set what to look for, so because of anonymity more disappointing history is revealed. Read history of those who never gave up, if you need the strength to be your own man.
I have a couple of comments on this episode, first off let me say I totally agree with what he's saying. Years ago I was dumped sort of out of the blue by a girl who I thought was "the one" , I was absolutely destroyed but "I couldn't give her the life" she wanted. Thanks to a prepaid annual gym membership and a dearth of work I spent the next year working out because why not, I had nothing else to do. The amount of attention I received from women after a few months was kinda crazy and when the ex started sniffing around I was happy to say no thanks. So guys work out etc and spend time on yourself. Second, a friend of mine ended up marrying a woman later in life who had told him in a previous point in life that he wasn't good enough as he wouldn't buy her a house in a expensive neighborhood etc. He's been married 8 years now has only had sex once in the last 7 and it was bad. She complains about him all the time meanwhile he pays for everything. Guys if anyone treats you like dirt accept it and walk away. Lastly, a woman I was briefly involved with, good person, once made the comment that anytime your in a relationship and the sex drys up or isn't any good it's time to get ready to leave as clearly something is wrong. Basically pay attention and work on yourself so you can have what you want or close to it.
#1: Don't get used for attention and validation for social media girls. DON'T SIMP #2: Women never ignore men they are attracted to. Have self respect and leave #3: women give free fast segggs to Chads. If she doesn't initate segggs you are not her #1 pick
“No one will care if you bleed.”Holy hell so true. I was gutted, field dressed and thrown to the wolves while who I thought were friends watched for awhile, got distracted and walked off. Happens to so many of us. It’s ok because it’s in those moments where what is truly important to us rises to the surface while the rest of it fades into nothingness. Thank you Dr.
Many excellent points here. Just want to add from my own experience. Even attractive men get used in various ways once she knows she owns you. Good-looking young men are probably even more used and targeted than lesser attractive ones who are simply often ignored. It is definitely easier for the handsome to get women but doesn't mean it leads to happily every after. Sometimes, the less attractive ones get luckier. And it gets harder for us as we get older even with more money and maturity since the women that the majority of us like (young, pretty, single, no kids) still prefer men close to their age. There's so much more I can say about this, but basically it's a gamble. While some play the game better than others, we all still gamble and take chances.
The number one thing a woman needs to hear is, "No" and that's during the attraction-honeymoon phase. Other boundry-setting, frame control of him being and knowing he is the prize, letting her know implicitly that other girls find him attractive, and a personality that sparks her attraction.
Remember if she thinks she settled for you, then you are on borrowed time. And if she says she doesn't do that kind of stuff, always insert at the end of that sentence, "with you"!
38 years old and still never married/no kids. No desire to deal with the headache. I still sometimes think a woman could cross my path that flips the script, but not holding my breath.
This is such and honest video. I cracked up when you said the last thing you can give her is a severance package! You have so grown on me! Keep up the good work.
It's all relative. I grew up a weird fat kid. Before leaving highschool I was 6'4". After graduation I started lifting, martial arts, and became obsessive about volleyball. So blue eyes, capped shoulders, abs, braces freshly removed, contact lenses. I looked like the guy every girl was looking for. I still walked around with the memory of a lifetime of being the weird fat kid. So women would sort of linger in my vicinity hoping I would talk to them. My friend John 5'8", 250 pounds, not in a good way. Still pizza faced from acne in his mid 20s, but assertive, would get more ass than a park bench.
It's just like offering a thirsty guy water. It tastes like the sweetest thing in the world. What men need to do is take a step back and remember that remind themselves not to be overwhelmed with emotion. Additionally, asking the second opinion of a trusted friend or mentor figure could help as well.
As a man who is emotional from nature (not to be confused with weak or chaotic), its not about being overwhelmed or led by emotion. Its that emotion has no understanding of the resources needed to sustain them. Emotions indicate perceived change only in the present time. So, sacrifice is a natural consequence of thinking about the future with only emotions. Some people might call that being overwhelmed, I suppose. As you suggested, the easiest way to take emotions out of the equation is to ask someone else who isn't involved in such way. But I strongly recommend understanding the difference between abundance and scarcity instead. Love is abundant, but resources are not. Understand that resources are needed to sustain love, and that love gives a false sense of sustainability. Its sweet water that poisons you only if you're too hydrated. You might even die from shock.
In today's episode, I'm going to explain why so many decent guys end up in unsatisfying relationships. These unattractive men represent good provider options for women who can't secure long-term partnerships with their preferred mates. Unaccustomed to any attention from women, these men secure relationships on disadvantageous terms at the slightest signs of interest, which I call "a feast of crumbs." This is how men get used.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#relationship #psychology #marriage
Hi doc. This video could save lifes. Could you allow me to translate it to spanish and upload it to yt again?
@@psychacks Thank you for this video. I still currently have this mindset from birth. Only in the past year have I made efforts to change it. ( I'm 53 ) But after being "bread crumbed" up until this past May, I've finally had enough. I am now more intentional on asking "what's in it for me" if people (especially women) ask for something. Tour lesson will help me get a better understanding. Thanks again....
00:38 you better look at your face and manerisms before you call anyone unattractive
This is EXACTLY what I’m going through right now, this video could not have come at a better time, thanks Doctor.
Women get used too
It took me 20 years realize that “Happy wife, happy life” is a threat.
Actually, it's more of an ultimatum - a very toxic ultimatum.
Only a simp says happy wife happy life
Yep, it's abuse wrapped in a joke.
💯
Lol I got that as a kid and it really irritated me
“These men are basically hostages who continue to pay their own ransom.”
🤯🤯🤯
This was a whole BAR. Dr. Taraban is a sage.
When they constantly pay the plummer.
@@barebonesacoustic3956 Voluntary hostages at that. Offer nothing but your money and get surprised when people don't get anything else from you except your money
Bars, in more ways than one literally self made cage.🫡.
Sadly it's like that. Specially if you love your children.
It's not her priorities that changed, it's her options
In her mind she's settling for less than she deserves, and you will be treated accordingly
100% this. It's making a virtue out of necessity. "Now I'm grown and done having fun."
Spot on
Well put.
her perceived options. getting fucked and getting married aren't the same thing
Yeah I call it Options B and C. The issue is she can later in life resent this.
"No one will care if you bleed."
A truth I learned the hard way.
@@armandoa.2992 I learned that when I was young and the I learned that the same applies to other people too so I decided to be the change and make other's lives better and suddenly the "nobody cares" idea died off, everybody cares when you make connections
They'll just call you Chum.
True, and l have the scars to prove it. Most good guys l know have gotten it much worse than me too coz when the respect goes, l go too.
Actually, many women will care…enough to pile on. Women compete for each other’s approval/status hierarchy by see who can harm the man more. Sadism is a popular contest among women.
this is not true :((((( i DO CARE when i see kind people suffer
Sucks the when you finally think you get interest, its still not genuine interest in you. You are just their last option
One of the reasons, I would rather be alone than deal with this.
You should get them then ghost them
Knowning this, or becoming knowledgeable of it is very off-putting. Its game changing once you know, and its really important for guys to know this. Men "love" idealistically, and they "love" opportunitistically. Accept the fact we're disposable in this regard, and stop looking for women to care for you idealistically.
Here's what you do, you got along with it. Sell the dream, but don't commit and break up when it becomes dull or annoying. Its disingenuous, but it is in no way worse than the ladies deeper intentions and is in no way worse than all the guys she slept with, that she either lead on or vice-versa, whilst "finding herself".
My brother, the price of truth is the loss of the fantasy. Once you truly understand how amazing it is to be free this delusion we were sold you will be fully in your power. You will decide your destiny. Not your emotions. Congratulations
I had an older guy who instinctually understood this stuff once tell me, "When you love, you have to hold something back, if you don't, when she leaves you won't have anything left".
I was told that when I was young. I didn't understand it at the time but I do now.
Never realized until I was older you can actually regulate the love you give to protect yourself.
You wont know until you mess up and give too much and left with nothing emotionally.
@@Ratclan Just happened to me. I have given everything and she goes back to her ex husband. My fault, I gave up everything. I still love her, but I know I need to be better to make sure this never happens again.
Was she still married or officially divorced already?@@M4CB
@@Ratclanbruh 😧
Experienced divorce lawyer here (Pennsylvania and New Jersey). Orion hits the nail on the head at 10:20 in the video. Eventually, you will run out of things to give her. My two cents: As you get older, if you stay fit and are somewhat successful, the playing field shifts 180 degrees in the man’s favor. Stay safe. Stay single!
Yes! Marriage no longer secures its function. Keep your ability to negotiate and pursue who you want on healthy terms. Your own.
The grand dad I never had is in the room 😊🫡
Your first statements are probably true. When you run out of things to give her she "gets bored" and finds someone new. But it shifts 180 degrees as you get older? I disagree. I'm older and can confirm that. So can all the other guys in their 40s and 50s that are single. If you are very successful, then THAT shifts the field 180 degrees but that is true at any age. You don't have to be fit either. In fact, many women want a guy who is bigger (ie, "dad bod", fat) than they are because the woman doesn't want to be "the fat one" in the relationship but still have the money and property that she really is looking for. I have had female friends who will go for the guy that is wealthy but 40lbs over weight rather than me who is middle/lower middle class but not overweight at all. And they have told me flat out that I'm "too skinny".
@@paulsmith5611 I can see your problem straight away. You have female friends who are fat. Don't talk to them, ever. Stop giving women attention and asking for their worthless opinions.
@@paulsmith5611nail on the head. Older women no longer have to settle to get kids. They’re all waiting on the unicorn.
"she got me a birthday cake, with candles and my name was spelled correctly"...... Fantastic simp humor.
Maybe he should've added, "and she even smiled and clapped when I blew out the candles!"...LOL.
It was _really hard_ not to ✋️ him through the phone screen. Such cringe 😂
sadly, for the invisible dudes that have gotten ZERO female attention (or worst negative "eww, no." attention) this sort of thing feels too good to be true. which is actually the case but she wants it to happen and he wants it to happen so nobody stops it from happening.....until the divorce.
Yep! That's the crumb stuff.
😂😂😂
I’m TOTALLY happy for the young men GETTING THIS INFORMATION NOW .
Pissed that I’m 64 and I didn’t get a HINT of it in the 70’s …😢
I'm FINALLY getting wise at 61. But this is typical, as life comes at you fast as a young adult...now having the time, I have learned so much, and have become so much stronger. I will never marry again, and happy to be single. 👍
@
BINGO
@@rudeawakening3833 Even in year 2000 in college I never had access to this kind of straight truth on the essence of American female behavior.
I had the same thought. 62 and the last 5 years has been enlightening.. Kevin Samuels was an eye opener for me. Found the rest of them and now I feel I get it. Little slow but I am here now.
@@luvmydeck
There you go ; my Mom used to say since I was a kid - “ better late than never “
Every girlfriend I had in my 20s and well into my 30s made me feel like I was not her first option. Now in my 40s, fit, attractive and financially independent, I feel like Neo in the Matrix having dodged all those bullets. 😂 Thank you Orion for saying it like it is. There’s way too much sugar coating going on in our society that obscures these facts.
@@akojev297 same Here! It was a blessing in disguise! 🥳 No divorce or kids. Independent company owner of 8 trucks. Those woman are now mostly struggling single mums.
Let me explain something about women in their 20s and 30's. If THEY TRULY thought you were not their first option, it was likely your personality and ego issues. The thought of living with that for years to come keeps them moving on. They often recognize they may not find anyone else who does not share the same flaws as you and they'd rather be single...in addition all the males ion this page seem to think females after their money. 50% of the workforce is women. They are making their own money.
Young men have no idea what awaits them in a long-term relationship. Not even their fathers tell them.
Be careful. Think of how most female spiders choose their mates. That instinct has not left the mammalian order. Do enjoy the copious amounts of sex they give out though, just don't plant any seeds, or move her into your house.
Nothing about modern mating is natural, every instinct is buried under a brain wash. Mr. Orion is just rehashing the bullshit that led to the current situation anyways. "Happy wife, happy life." is just a bromide for you to enjoy your slavery. "Happy spouse, happy house," While not much better, at least gives you an equal shot at being treated well.
If she won't be there at your worst, she doesn't deserve you at your best.
Stay strong kings!
That sounds just as stupid as when women say that line to men.
Drizzle drizzle 🙂
This is kind of…dumb, with all due respect. Coz think about it, no one owes you their years to ‘see you succeed’ on their limited time slot.
Expecting someone to ‘bet on you’ is actually selfish not to mention punishing them as a consequence.
@@mergerogue4291 You are absolutely right, it is selfish and dumb, but real men remember those who stood with them during hardships and it's the purest form of loyalty, and the reward will be ten fold.
Any man reading this will know what I'm talking about.
@@mergerogue4291 it’s actually not selfish, it’s based on teamwork in commitment. Teamwork makes the dream work. What is a commitment if not collaborating efforts towards an end? It’s only in modern times with the indulgence in optionality that makes people think they “deserve” to reap the fruit without the works…. because there’s always that “what if” in the back of their mind. With too many options, you end up not committing fully to any. If you are open to everything, then you stand for nothing. In the past within smaller communities, you didn’t have a endless horizon of potential options to indulge your imagination with. You worked with what was reasonable and made the best of it.
I was dating a woman in Los Angeles and a division of the company I worked for was closing. She saw it in the newspaper. I hadn't yet told her I already had a new job with the parent company (FedEx) lined up. Before I even explained what was happening, she said, "I know I should stay and support....but I just can't", and bailed. Before I had even gotten my final paycheck from the old company. I watched my grandmother stick with my grandfather thru good times and bad, and my mother with my father. Women have changed dramatically from those I knew in my youth. They no longer offer "partnership". Just expectations.
Naw, not so --
they've just stripped themselves bare of their camouflage.
Too many people are dating for fun rather than trying to find a life partner. They’re content with short term involvement.
So awesome you found that out before you married her!!!
Just wow!
I can't speak with knowledge about your grandparents, but I am pretty sure old time couples stayed together not always out of love and/or loyalty, but instead out of financial need. The only thing that most women of that old generation thought they could do was be a wife and be a mom.
Time is on your side. Focus on yourself gentlemen and let women focus on you. The less you care the more they desire.
Preach man. The less you care the more they desire.
And don't buy the wrapper. Never give away your ability to negotiate.
The less you care the more they desire"- Maybe, ... Stop entertaining them, take them for granite, and they're heading for their side guy, or own of the orbiters. It never ends!
Dude I always used to scoff at this, but secretly knew it was correct. The reason I think we care so much is because we have internal problems we believe can be solved by getting in a relationship. I think most therapists would say that your problems will absolutely not go away, and will likely get worse if you think a relationship is a solution to deep personal issues. Looking inward and developing a good sense of who you are is a great way of "caring less".
@ I am happy for you that you gained this perspective
Married 13 years, no intamacy in 6 years, no love or affection for the last 4. Now facing divorce, I am going to lose everything. I should have divorced her when she said she wasn’t going to make me dinner any more. It was a down hill slide ever since. Don’t get divorced in California. Don’t get married.
Go to Asia.
Damn sorry to hear that 😢 the same happened to me 2 years ago thank God I wasn't married so I didn't lose that much.
Sorry to hear that
@@sailguy2010 aww, did you have to learn to make your own dinner? Didn’t tuck you in, pinch your cheeks and help you get your backpack on for school? Yeah, you should have divorced her and set her free.
@@sailguy2010 that's rough. Hang in there. It will get better.
When you run out of things to give her, then she goes for the severance package. Truer words were never spoken.
Sad fact. My wife filed for divorce after I got sick so basically she threw away a 20-year-old marriage because I could no longer provide her with the luxury lifestyle she got acquainted to
they are predators. They constantly demand more and more. Slowly but surely they take their time squeezing you of everything slowly but surely adding to the list of demands. They know exactly what they are doing. They will never be happy but the demands will keep rising no matter how much you do for her.
This topic has my first marriage written all over it.
yep
Alexander Grace had a video this morning that showed the same thing with data. This is exactly my experience too. It took for me to literally get absolutely ripped at one point to receive female attention for the first time in my life. Once that started to go away, it immediately stopped. Men are far less picky.
I had that same thing. Not exactly ripped, but a "glow up" that lasted 3 months. I became visible and desirable awhile. Lol. Then it went away. 😂
Same experience here ... twice got ripped and the attention sky high ... time for a third and final as I am planning to stay ripped until death.
And yet the mainstream narrative is that women are the ones with "unrealistic beauty standards" to live up to lol.
@ lol, love this!
Once you start ignoring studies and the fact that whamen are socially awkward and insecure by default, you'll come to realize that all you need to do is not look hideous and be pleasant to be around
The “not being physically desired” part is what hurts men the most. You can’t buy raw sexual attraction not even if you increase your value, heck even unattractive women are desired to some degree, for men there seems to be no middle ground, you’re either Him or you’re not.
That’s ones of my favorite things about life, all the admiration I receive from both men and women for my looks, women often straight up call me beautiful rather than handsome, dudes always tell me they wish they were me. All of this feels good, makes me feel like the man and inspires me to show love to everyone. Most men have never been admired a day in their lives, only receiving flowers on their death beds, that’s if they’re lucky. What a cold world, I see this stuff and it hurts deeply. Take care fellas.
I was uggo when I was a teenager and noticed all the jacked af dudes had dimes on their side.
So I got into body building. My 20’a was a buffet. My 30’s is like choosing what fine restaurant I’d like to dine at.
Level up, it’s the only answer
I was too skinny in high school.
I am heavy now, but for maybe 6 MONTHS!
*I was an 8!
You need people to tell you you're beautiful to "feel like a man"? Sounds like a woman talking. Also you depend on external validation . Also, your looks will fade. Take care fella.
This 100%. You might be able to find girls to date you or even marry you if you have money. None of that will cause real sexual attraction and desire. There is no real way to cheat the system. She might marry you and then she’ll be finding someone she finds attractive on the side.
@@edhogThis is only possible for a small minority. You can't lift weights with your face.
All of a sudden, men in their late twenties are no longer creeps. Weird, isn't it?
Kek, no. You'll be a creep in their eyes if you're ugly or socially inept regardless of your age.
How do you mean?
@DanielBergerHewitt it's an old meme on how women magically become ugly and men magically become hot when they reach the age of 30. It's obvious bullshit in both cases, being unattractive is universal unless changed where possible
Candy store analogy comes to mind.
more money you have less creepy you are..funny how that works
This video resonates with me more than any in recent memory. It is impossible to describe the feeling when you actually land a relationship prospect but realise the person isn't really attracted to you, but you're just the best thing around right now and you can provide other things she wants.
The thought of going back to no female companionship at all is painful though... I'm sure a lot of guys can relate to this.
Embracing this reality in place of the fantasy of love, is very painful. It feels like killing something beautiful within. Everytime I've felt a maximal amount of asshole energy, I've gotten the most amount of interest..
I took in a single mother with her toddler and conflict-ridden ex as baggage. She got pregnant from me and everything went downhill from there. I warned her multiple times that if her bs continues, I'll leave. She didn't care, so I did. Now she complains every once in a while how hard it is with two children alone but, since the burning desire for me isn't there, these crumbs are all there is. Fuck that, I'm just 34 and get attention from many women ages 20 to 40.
I completely understand what you were saying. Just don’t marry her or have children with her. If you want to continue enjoying time with her, then there’s no problem with doing that as long as you keep it in perspective. If you marry her or have children with her, she will destroy you in the end.
You may even find that by not marrying her and staying somewhat loosely attached that will increase her desire for you
The sad thing for me is that most of the attention I get is from much younger married women who sometimes ask me to spend the day out with them, sometimes try to get their hands on me, or find ways of getting in my way to pin me down in conversation ro get to know me better. They often act like h0rny women around me, and I pity their husbands for having wives like that.
@
Married women are easier to hook up with than single women. Never get married.
You forgot to mention that the tall handsome guy that she couldn't secure for relationship can still sleep with her whenever he wants. 😂
Maturing is realizing I'd rather be the Leonardo DiCaprio character in the Titanic movie than the husband who was paying for everything but still being cheated on.
Yeah he's attractive. If he got into a car accident? He would lose his value. Or if he gets heart problems? He can lose his value. Genetic lottery is real. But u can still lose.
@@josephoduor2358Why not have both the physical attraction and money, though?
@@Sniper416-yy8hu Like: Tom Brady, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, etc??
This 🎯🎯
To summarize it
Become more attractive (physically, financially etc) > you get more options from dating women > with said options you have a much larger pool to pick from > this reduces the chance of picking the first girl to marriage just because she was nice to me
If you chose poorly because you had barely any options, it will lead to disaster.
So go on lots of dates and see whats out there. Plenty of pretty girls, but being pretty isnt a pass
Sounds like a lot of investment upfront for very little - or even negative - gain. But that's how it is.
You forgot the spin plates/not date exclusively part.
Most options will turn out to be a disaster later.
“Go on lots of dates “
Gee, why didn’t I think of that.
Maybe because the last time I tried online dating, the only woman that expressed interest in me was a 3 hour drive? Where is the next closest one?
@@cncmilljunkie Somebody you meet in person, not through a dating app.
You have to be logical about it. Every woman in the world has dating market options. Even the zeroes.
So if she has to resort to the dating apps to find someone, typically it means she's lacking something important, her expectations are way too high so she'll never ever be satisfied with you, or she has too much baggage.
Invest in yourself and you'll never regret it, no one cares about you more than you care about yourself. And remember. The less you care the more they desire.
Well said. Probably the best comment here.
all of this is true until you get to the dumb, "The less you care the more they desire." Just another platitude. People are not all the same. Not everyone responds the same way. The less you care, the less you care. You can't just run around thinking you're flipping switches in your head like a robot. Live authentically to yourself, and righteously, and do what you need to do. At every stage you make choices. What you're trying to do and doesn't make sense is, not take risk because it might hurt... well boo hoo, things aren't tidy neat packages, and when they are that means they aren't authentic.
As most woman have men in their past who rocked their world. Men who find these women in their 30s you are most certainly second best if not third best. Never pay too much for something she gave to someone else for nothing.....
It's worse than that. They will give it up to a guy they "aren't serious about" while making you wait and prove your worth to her. Yes, all of them do this. If you've been dating and waiting, she hasn't, and she sees nothing wrong with it.
Bring up the topic next time a girl gives you the "I'm looking for something serious" speech. Then let her know you totally understand, and in fact you have a roster right now too, but you want to be serious with her. Then reassure that last night with sally meant nothing, and how can she be so controlling when this is only the third date. It will be enlightening. It was for me anyway. lol
“A husband is almost always only a substitute for the beloved man, and not this man himself” - Sigmund Freud
It explains things most guys don’t think about. I also learned a lot from reading a book called Mareska Manipulation by Vexoner. The book helped me understand how does dark psychology actually works. Combining tips from videos like this and the book really made a difference for me.
A feast of crumbs sounds like a banquet for pigeons, not men with self respect.
A hungry man will eat from the trash.
Even worse, crumbs the alpha pigeons nibbled first
Look, I discovered this channel last year, and I must say that I have been appreciating your lectures in the best possible way, Dr. Orion. But I must say that after watching this video, I feel like I will never be the same man I was before. Thank you for freeing me from 10-15 years of suffering. You are doing what many of our parents should have done with us. Thank you.
My dude is still spitting facts again and save you from trouble and leechers. What a guy! Thanks Orian!
I like when you go a bit into character. It shows you were an actor. Funny and informative
PUAs used to teach this: don't enter a relationship with the first girl you succeed with... not because it's a cosmic law but because it's very likely to be this effect: a previously scarce person suddenly meeting the first girl in his life who gives him any level of attention, so you can't properly judge if you two are really a match, if she's an equal giver, or you're just starving so you take breadcrumbs for a great dinner
True. The game changes at 30. Young men should be taught that, if they have their stuff together, they are going to get a flood of female attention around this age. It doesn't mean that women have finally appreciated their beautiful soul. It means the women are getting old and recognize that every day they delay, their options narrow. As you write, most men are so unaccustomed to the attention that they pick the first girl to grab them because they don't realize that, unlike when they were young, they can have their pick now.
I wish I could say this has been my experience. I'm 40. 6'1" 6 pack, do all sorts of athletic stuff, make good $ and the interest from women has never really changed. At least on the dating apps I don't even get a reply. Its better in real life but it is very rare for me to cross paths with attractive women due to work and the fact that my interests aren't theirs. Even so I think the advise has to stay the same. Don't get into a scenario where you aren't actually wanted.
Right. But it's a flood of female attention from used-up also-rans. They're all 'traumatized' from dating the men they chased and dated of their own free will, so now these women are trying the, "You'll make such a great boyfriend/husband some day" guys. What man wants to know that his woman would have never given him the time of day during her ho phase, but now that she's looking to settle down, suddenly he has everything she's looking for, AND she just happened to know he'd still be waiting when she got around to it?
have their pick of the ran through 3s and 4s maybe.
@@mattnelson9987 This is more normal for most men. If you want more options you have to stop hoping they'll show up at your doorstep or walk into your path, and seek them out. Good that you figured out the dating app thing, although you could manipulate that if you wanted. All you really need is more options for encounter. Sounds like you need to step outside your comfort zone "athletic stuff" and start getting into areas of life that you'll find more of what you're looking for and less sweaty dudes. No hate, just I know the feeling. Branch out into other activities, work on your social skills (sounds like that might be a problem), work on your confidence in approaches, fail, keep failing, just like how you learned how to work out.
Reciprocal attraction. Shared values. Mutual compromise. These are the necessities of a lasting relationship.
Spot on
Everything leads back to trying to please or persuade a woman. I’m happy the way I am. A woman can take it or leave it. My happiness remains the same.
That is keeping a frame. It's the best a man can do . To improve for oneself and not for validation.
Yh. "Take it or leave it". That's absolute power
That’s how mating works love. You have to persuade her you’re worth her giving up her youth, life goals and nice body for. You’re literally trying to get her to pass on your genetics into the next generation. You’re selling yourself (sperm). If you don’t have anything she wants to pass on (attractiveness, good personality, resources) then won’t get picked. Men should be picky with women too, you guys get to decide who should be mothers or not.
I’m 55, married 28 years, this is me. Breadcrumbs my whole marriage. And made to feel like sh*t for asking for more.
I've never been married, not even close. Give me some idea what 28 years is like???
For context I'm 40
It’s not worth staying with women like that. Do you know why divorce is so expensive? ….. it’s worth it.
@@Sabadiver😅💀
Get yourself a Vette and some bling and rock out. Women despise safe men
"These men are hostages that have to continually pay their own ransom or suffer the consequences." 💯
Great analogy
Listen to Warren Zevon song Hostage O.
Described my relationships accurately. In my 40s and 50s, I get approached a lot but always by women where bitter experience tells me it’s due to my success in other areas of my life and she’s just looking for a bailout plan
Retirement plan
Fact.
It’s crazy how many things we aren't aware of when it comes people. Why isn’t anyone talking about the book Mareska Manipulation? It really opens your eyes. A lot of successful people mention it
Fathers have failed us. They should teach us these things from a very young age.
You're assuming your father knew. I doubt my father knew. Most men who fall into this trap never knew the rules of the game.
They failed us by forcing us to exist, there's no need to teach something that can be known by simply observing the world around you
A minority of fathers are aware.
Dad's usually tell sons the "you have to go out there and learn for yourself."
He'll tell his daughter the WHOLE game. Beginning to end A-Z.
We need to forgive them
Just half way through and I'm blown away how he always preaching exactly the sermon i need to hear. Im in my early 40s and it was like a week ago, the first time a younger woman showed genuine interest. I had about 5 women at a certain point last year and not one of them looked at me like the complete stranger did. It took years with most of them before i realized that they never were interested in me, just what i did for them.
I understand now that it's my responsibility to make sure any woman in my orbit keeps interest in my plan or she must be dismissed IMMEDIATELY, no matter what is coming out of her mouth.
I heard this from Steve the Dean, "Actions are truth, not words".
I know this ... and yet you blew my mind. So well presented.
Dr. Taraban you are getting better at this! Thank you!
I was together with my wife for 17 years. We built our house together. We couldnt concieve our own kids, so we took kids in foster care. 5 of them. They all came as babies, so they are like ours.
Now she has discarded me. She reported me to the police, because I forced one of the kids to tidy his trousers. Now I have a restraining order. I can't see our kids. And she is trying to use the court to throw me out of my own house. We are divorced, and she already has a new partner.
I feel so pathetic and abused. A lot of things make sense, after watching this video.
And you were probably the one lying to people that "looks don't matter"
@@ZelenoJabko You nonse - you don't know what you are talking about! You don't know what he looks like. His problem is that he is a nice guy. Looks are one of the great lies. I had a friend who looks like a model/boy band heart-throb, his girl-friend had disdain for him, wouldn't shave her legs for him,. dumped him. When he talked to girls, he was so sweet and nice, or he didn't what to say. Looks mean jack-shit and can be a major hinderance, An average looking guy with a great cocky/funny attitude who leads himself and has an adventure where ever he is, and doesn't buy into her beauty, would have kept her. He needed Lover traits, all he gave her was the most transactional common and boring ones, Provider traits. He can transform himself by getting any of the material provided by David DeAngelo, from 20 years back.
@@ZelenoJabko you sir have dropped your crown
how did you force him to tidy his trousers? did you hit him?
Welcome to family court. You have no rights as a man and will likely go bankrupt defending yourself over the next 10 years. Buckle up dude.
Totally agree. When a woman thinks she is gaining the upper hand in my relationships and starts to assert demands, i have a line that i use: 'Are you familiar with "The Golden Rule"? No. The other Golden Rule. Whoever has the gold makes the rules.'. That usually ends the relationship, but it was going there anyway
Bro u cooked on this one
Brilliant!!!! This sums it up perfectly
Whenever I watch one of your videos, I always leave a comment now to help the algorithm cause you’re really putting out some good stuff. As an attractive man who has dated women out of my league, I’ve actually enjoyed dating women who don’t feel entitled to dating me. But like you described in my late 20s, I had just normal baselinethings going on and it did eventually lead to marriage and everything you said eventually became very apparent. thank you for all you do.
Yep. If a woman is easy to lose you never hand her. This is where the "treat women like crap" advice comes from. It's based on the idea that a woman who will tolerate your bs actually likes you while a woman who won't... well... doesn't like you. And it's true.
Correct. But I’ll add that you shouldn’t treat women badly out of insecurity thinking that will make them more attracted to you. But it is true that a woman that truly likes you will tolerate your flaws and your bs. She’ll complain and slander you to her friends and do pretty much everything… except leave.
@@milesmorales5271 You also shouldn't treat them well all the time either. In fact, I'd say if everything is too calm, you SHOULD cause some trouble.
Unfortunately a caveat to "just make yourself more attractive" is that men have to accept it still might not be enough and make peace with that. It's a cliche but in this case, if a woman has genuine burning desire for you, you will "just know it". Don't kid yourselves, "low sex drive", "too insecure for sex", "trauma makes me not want sex" are just excuses. She's settling and it's infinitely better for you to accept that and try to be as happy and fulfilled as you can alone.
People can downplay it as disgusting or whatever but a huge issue with being alone is going without sex for potentially months on end. That shit drives you insane after a while.
Attracting women brings all their BS along anyway
I agree wholeheartedly, however, there is another option. Why don't most men continue to enjoy their newly found optionality? Assuming a man wants children, he can always go the Michael Jackson route (look it up). Or, he can go overseas (Don't bring her here).
As a good looking guy with little money, they used me for sex mainly.
@@xxczerxx Eh, I've had that in a relationship too.
I never struggled to date in my teens and 20s. Married at 25 divorced at 32 remarried at 35. 6 Ft 2 athletic in my youth. What you are saying is 100% true.
"These men are basically hostages who continously have to pay their own ransom"... Very well said.
Believe Dr. T! I lived this, so true. Don't settle for the crumbs. Another great video.
I am on the other side of this and man did you nail it. I was negotiating for crumbs and leftovers after everyone else ,(job, mom, sister, best friend) got all the attention and focus. Happy to be free of that and her.
I feel you bro
This insight is GOLD. Gentlemen, open your eyes.
Also understand that the early 30ish woman is comparing her situation to what her sisters or girlfriends have. They're engaged or married, they have the house, the kids, the nice SUV, the vacations, etc. What does she have but a boring job, a too-small apartment, and a couple of cats? So she is mightily tempted to grab the next sucker who comes along, simp though he is, at least she can now gush about "the ring" and the wedding dress and the honeymoon, etc. The fiance himself is secondary to the status she has now acquired.
Yes marriage competition is real among women.
Women are cruel to other women. I think some women would have no problem dating men that were average or sub5 if not for other women making fun of them.
And they always look up but never back down
After six days and 1600 comments this is the only comment left by a woman. No one will care if you bleed.
As much as i hate to admit this dr is 100% right. I had my first really really hot girl show me interest at 28, dated, had a kid, married and now divorced at 33. Never been happier to be divorced. Do not think your chick is going to be diffrent guys. Do not get married
The blind leading the blind. No chick is going to be different - because being a nice accommodating Provider guy without a hint of being a masculine personality drenched in Lover traits and triggers will always lead you to divorce. You are miles away from seeing the matrix. Oh, and those traits are learnable.
Dr. Taraban knocks it out of the park again!
I am 5’5 and started losing my hair in my early 20’s. I was educated, well employed, and active, but my dating life sucked, as you say.
I had a friend who was a 40-something female divorcee who told me that when I turned 28 women would suddenly find me attractive. This was 30 years ago, so before online dating and even worse odds now.
She was right, I met my first wife when I was 28 and it was actually pretty good, but she unfortunately passed from cancer 12 years later and I was a single dad with two young kids. When I was single in my mid 40’s with a house, a masters degree, a solid career, etc, I had a lot of fun dating women my age. Unfortunately, RUclips wasn’t a thing then, and I stupidly married one of them. The solid home life was good for the kids but I had a lot more “fun” when I was single.
Esther Vilar told this story almost 50 years ago. Her books are now banned on Amazon.
It's available on Amazon, and I'm going to order it.
@ Her book “The Manipulated Man” was banned on Amazon a few years ago.
I bought a new copy a few months ago from ABE Books, which is owned by Amazon.
'The manipulated man' is available as a pdf to download for free....just google it. It's a very short book
Five years ago I couldn't even have an independent bookstore order it.
It was pure coincidence, but I married a woman from a dirt-poor subsistence rice farming family from Luzon Island. She has turned out to be a true lifetime partner. But it's true that she sees me as her best option. Our relationship has been the greatest blessing we've ever had. Sadly, I have seen many guys go through divorces, child custody tension, etc. There's something very special about how 38 years together with a woman builds such a deep well of laughs and memories.
exactly. you basically are a predator and found prey that is prey to everything. she had zero option, and now all you gotta do is stop her from looking into feminist stuff and you'll be set.
I'm impressed how every time I see I video title that makes me feel uncomfortable this man is about to call me out like a mf, greatly appreciated, this is the dad advice I didn't get
This is one of the more direct and on-point videos the Dr has made. Men need to make sure they are attractive enough to maintain options, whether he exercises them or not. If you feel stuck with a woman, you need to work on yourself until you feel like you are actually choosing her.
Great message. It puts into perspective that while women complain about bare minimum treatment from men, the truth is bare minimum treatment is how many of them actually wind up with someone.
crude honesty will make you more popular mr. Orion, at least among men. Keep up the truth upfront and we will listen you more.
Quick reminder that affection can go down just as quickly as it came up. Not saying to ignore your partner. Just remember to have patience and see what time will bring. I met girls that said I was "perfect" in the first meeting I had with them. 2 weeks later I was ghosted. I was pushed back a bit by how fast they got started and the mood shifted really fast.
Give some time to know your partner. One extremely important I look for in relationships: How do we solve conflicts?
Conflicts and disagreements will always happen. Knowing I can talk freely and listen with my partner about a different perspective I have is a sign of trust. And trust is worth a lot these days. Among other things...
You are in for a rude awakening. Affection is not ATTRACTION. With the latter, she invests. The reason girls called you "perfect" is maybe wealth/looks or an initial impression good impression, then your nice guy traits bored them - all guys have nice traits and the are ugly traits. Girls don't feel attraction to nice.
All the rest is boring logical mainstream bs that will make you think you have a handle on the situation. Develop Lover traits, it's a skill and she will want to resolve the conflicts and smooth the way.
@@bobbyj-x7v I wouldn't say that. From my perspective, she wanted me to pay back her affection similarly. But it felt so awkward for me that I just kept talking to her politely instead. After a few weeks she realized it wouldn't go anywhere and moved on.
Even though she displayed affection towards me, I didn't know anything about her. So I couldn't get myself to care much. What hobbies does she have? What does she like to listen or watch? What does she like to do? She jumped several steps ahead so I wasn't feeling comfortable getting to know her better. Both men and women do these things.
There was an engineering girl I met in college many years ago that I was getting friends with. Went to a few dates with her even to watch some musical concerts. She was cool and I wanted to have a relationship with her. But I didn't have any money at the time so I let that go. Now several years later I think she is married.
Everyone has flaws, nobody is perfect. We have to be both a little bit selfish and affectionate at the same time. Too much of any of these will bring regrets.
As I watch this enthralling video, it resurrects the painful memories of my recent breakup-a relationship of three years that ended just two months ago. The Man who meant everything to me decided to leave, plunging me into a vortex of heartache. Despite my desperate attempts to reconcile, I find myself trapped in a cycle of frustration and longing, unable to envision a life without him . Despite my efforts to move forward , I find solace in expressing my lingering affection for him here .
Letting go of someone you love deeply presents a formidable challenge. I faced a comparable ordeal when my 6 year relationship ended. Refusing to succumb to despair, I relentlessly pursued avenues to reconcile with him. Ultimately, I sought solace and guidance from a spiritual counselor, whose intervention proved instrumental in restoring our connection.
How did you discover a spiritual counselor, and what's the procedure for me to get in contact with her?
Meet Suzanne Ann Walters, a renowned spiritual counselor.
Thank you for this invaluable information; I've just checked her out online.
@@Roselinekendris what on earth is a "spiritual counselor"?
Absolutely brilliant episode today. The analogy of the '"severance package " as the last essential value to be extracted from the man was priceless and spot-on.
Orion quoting Tarantino dialogue was not on Monday's bingo card! Bravo!
This is very true. Young men might as well just focus on developing their careers. Focusing on women is fruitless.
The majority of marriages do actually work though....
@@RussellDeacon 51%?
@RussellDeacon your definition of "work" doesn't hold up to much scrutiny either. Lots of brow-beaten partners sticking it out.
@@RussellDeacon Maybe the majority do, but it's not an overwhelming majority. I know a lot of miserable married men, but are basically trapped. It's very unsettling.
@@1Plebeian Yeah ''work'' = limp past the finish line, full of holes and poor stitching.
Really have appreciated these clips. I’ve watched maybe five of them and every single one of them resonate. Looking at joining your community soon. Thanks brother!
“Most of you are unattractive”
Now buy my book it’s on sale this Christmas 😂🎅🏻🌲
Maybe the only doctor that can say that to us, thanks for the sound advice this year Dr. Orion Cheers!
Hey, if we were very successful, we wouldn't be watching these redpilled videos. We're all a brotherhood of goblins.
@@edheldude but fortunately not "knob gobblins"...that's the avoiding factor....
@@edheldude this isn't "redpill", the Doc's just explaining the rules of the game, It's up to us whether or not we choose to play.
@@jonprince3237 Sure it is. It's realistic understand of inters"xual dynamics.
@@edheldude not really, I can be considered successful in my country, young, top 1% net worth, 6 feet tall, lean, not ugly and I have a well paying job, I watch these for valuable insights.
I’m in my 30’s. Always have been handsome (6’4’’, fit, good face, etc.) I have noticed the amount of attention I receive is much greater now than in my 20’s.
I had plenty of it in my 20’s, but it seems to have doubled to say the least. Now that I am very well off financially, I suppose women pick up on that, or assume it due to other cues (being more confident, age, or other signals that may signal success).
Issue is, I am not really that attracted to women in my age range. I’ve dated a lot and too many of them have severe emotional baggage from their past. I didn’t work to get to where I am to take care of that. Not going to be a therapist and a provider.
The stark difference in women who are 35 that I date, for example, and 24 is very different in terms of emotional health (though I am also seeing some younger women with more issues as well, since hook up culture is getting to them at a younger age and is more normalized than ever). Some seem fine at first but once the relationship goes on their issues really come to surface. It’s troubling to me how common these issues are within that age group and up. I suppose this has to do with the much higher rate of anti-depressant use among those women relative to men too.
I suppose that young pretty women are almost like celebrities in how much attention is thrown at them and much like celebrity kids, once that attention fades as they age/celeb career goes south, they can’t take that kind of change and it really messes with their head. It’s kind of sad in a way. But emotional trauma seems so common in women in my age group that I’m pretty much set on only dating women around their mid 20’s.
Of course they’re overall more attractive to me as well, but the emotional baggage is such a deal breaker. It kills the vibe and creates so much negativity long term, and trust issues. I am a very busy man and I do not have the time nor the emotional energy to take on that emotional burden.
Lastly, I’ll also point out that while it is true that, in my experience and as this video suggests, a women’s attraction is more complex relative to a man, there is much nuance to this. And many men miss this, in my opinion.
Most men are attracted to a woman mainly based on her looks and how pleasant/kind/feminine she is to him. That’s how basic their standard is. Sure there are other factors, but that’s like most of what men find most important.
Women, however, look for not only looks, but personality, status, etc. So their attraction is more complex in that sense. There is the sexual attraction that must be there (based largely off looks/emotional stimulation), but on top of that there is the pragmatic attraction that must also be there (he must make more, be successful, have status, meet my other needs, etc.).
However, just because theirs is more complex does not mean looks are not as important. Looks are still very much important to many women. It’s just that they also want the other things - especially by the age that they realize their options are diminishing due to age. It’s just that if the woman feels she is forced enough, she’ll settle with a man she is attracted to but not sexually attracted to (though many women will just remain shingle as well, if they can’t find the man who is the ‘whole package’).
So looks and sexual desire IS still important. It’s just that many women by age 30+ have an incentive so strong to not be alone and due to the biological clock that they end up settling for a man she’s not very sexually attracted to. So it’s not that women prioritize security over sexual attraction by that age because they choose to, but rather they do so *out of necessity*, because options are diminishing.
Many men incorrectly see this as them *freely and willingly* prioritizing security over sexual attraction, but again, they’re doing so out of necessity and the divorce initiation statistics and sexless marriage statistics support this.
So it’s not that sexual attraction becomes less important to those women. Ideally they’d want that. But security is prioritized out of necessity and fear of being alone.
You don’t buy a house for its bathroom, however, a house without a bathroom IS a dealbreaker. That’s essentially the same analogy.
So many of these women tend to settle down with a less attractive man once their options diminish, but because they’re not physically attracted to the man, the desire isn’t there. And eventually the man picks up on the fact that he isn’t desired by her and sex with a person who doesn’t desire you is awful for most people, women included.
Eventually the man picks up on this years into the relationship (because she may wear a mask and use sex to hook him in) but by then it’s usually too late as he’s too invested and there is much financial and emotional risk to divorce.
So while it is true that woman look for more than just looks when settling down, they still require physical attraction in terms of sexual desire (not just attraction; arousal and attraction are NOT necessarily the same thing).
And if that physical attraction isn’t there, that desire won’t be there and it will be a sexless marriage despite the women being attracted to the man on his other qualities. So he may have the most amazing personality which she’ll find attractive, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll find him sexually attractive or desirable.
Being funny for example will make an already attractive man more sexually desirable, but it won’t make a man a woman doesn’t sexually desire more attractive enough to maintain sexual desire. This is likely one big reason why so many marriages become sexless and end in divorce. When you’re not attractive sexually, every mistake you do in the marriage will matter more. She’ll put up with less.
So being funny, for example, really only helps if you’re already attractive. In fact, if you look at the romantic lives of many unattractive male comedians, they had some of the worst marriages/romantic lives, often thinking they could but love with money and being funny. So being “funny” really isn’t enough if you’re not sexually attractive, despite the advice you hear from people who say being funny is worth more than being attractive - it is if you want to be a likable person and have friends, but it won’t make you more sexually desirable if you’re not sexually attractive. If you’re decent to very good looking, it will however do a lot for you.
So again, women will put up with more mistakes from you if you’re sexually attractive. But if you’re not, you’ll have to work harder in the relationship to make her happier and she’ll put up with less and risk of divorce/breakups will be greater.
We already see this with women who have the most optionality in their prime when they date the ‘toxic men’ and jerks they go on about. They put up with it to a very high degree.
Why?
Because the men are very attractive to them. That aspect of female nature doesn’t inherently change once they get a bit older and marry.
They are still attracted to that hot attractive guy who can give them the emotional highs and lows, but because of the negative fallout with those men time and time again, she just settles for a more stable less attracted man instead *as she prioritizes security over sexual attraction, not freely, but again, out of necessity.*
Some women also settle with unattractive men out of security issues. Keep in mind they’re more neurotic than men are on average, so they feel negative emotions more, etc. They’ve been played enough by the hot jerks they were attracted to that they build up enough emotional baggage or trauma that they prioritize emotional safety over sexual attraction and so they settle with the ugly or less attractive man. This is why you can sometimes see attractive women with unattractive guys. Men will then look at those rare examples and say “see, looks don’t matter.”
No buddy, you’re being a schmuck. What is likely happening is that she’s with that guy out of insecurity issues stemming from emotional trauma and thus feels safer with him and as you wish to be “that guy”, you are ignoring of the fact that she likely doesn’t sexually desire him and will never sexually desire him like those past men who hurt her did, and she’s probably only having sex with him once a week if he’s lucky.
But the issue again is that because the man is not sexually arousing to her, and doesn’t give her those emotional highs and lows, she’ll put up with less from him and thus will be quicker to initiate divorce when enough of the ‘small things’ build up or get to her within the marriage.
And again, the sex will decline rapidly for this same intrinsic reason.
Of course she’ll give her reasons why she pulled sex away and weaponize it (he wasn’t doing the dishes enough, or treated me unkindly), but that wasn’t the issue with the hot football player or ‘Chad’ who treated her like a jerk when she was 22 and she gladly put up with it and in fact went back for more.
I feel many men mess this up when they hear that “women look for more than just looks.” That is true but lacks much nuance and the devil is in the details.
So yes, while overall attraction is more than just looks, *a woman won’t have sexual desire or attraction to a man if the looks aren’t there which she is sexually attracted to.* And if you marry someone who is attracted to you but *not* sexually attracted to you, it will feel like just a friendship and at that point, why in the world are you taking on the emotional and financial risk to have a friendship where there is no sexual romantic desire? You could have guy friends for that.
@@TruthsSake Good comment, thanks for typing all of that out.
I'm in my late 20s and find it hard to find single women around my age since I don't like young girls at all, 24-30 is the age range I like and at this point it seems like the only way to find one is through dumb luck which is ridiculous to rely on. Nobody uses dating apps where I live and "cold approaching" isn't a thing, you'd be sern as weird.
Got any ideas or advice?
"women’s attraction is more complex relative to a man."
That's completely untrue.
Woomen value :
1- Looks
2-Fame/social status
3-Money
In that order.
When they are younger and feel invincible, they think that they can have it all, which 99% of them, can't.
When their attractiveness and interest from men starts declining from 27 onwards, they delude themselves in thinking that they are settling.
You talk too much.
TLDR!
I was in a similar place at your age (50 now) and trust me you are switched on and in a good place. I never had a problem attracting women (still don't) but the ones cut out for "serious relationship" I just wasn't attracted to enough to put up with the usual baggage and drama. The gorgeous euro girls I had affairs with whilst travelling were generally bedhopping and would openly mention their "boyfriends back home". Yes it was always plural. I can't offer you much advice other than it's a catch 22, but whatever you do don't commit to some mid thirties harpy just because you feel pressured into "it's time to get serious now". I nearly went there several times and it's a waste of time.
Love the realness of this guy. Initially it was depressing to be confronted with reality, but honestly, after some time, it was liberating. I found that listening to this channel, certain things started to make sense. Understanding reality, even if you don’t like it, is better than not understanding reality and still not liking it. Thanks for all the videos.
You put into words what I figured out at about age 27. Badass video. I'll be getting your audio-book.
This message is deeply kind. Very good of you Doc.
Ok. Than this all is literal insanity. A man has to work his ass off to become "attractive: physically, mentally, and financially".... all to get a women who aint work sh!t and then risk everything to keep what he has because she "was never really that into you". Dude, wars... literal wars have started for less.
Haha. Now you're getting it. It might cause some rage at first.
Welcome to the red pill rage. Once it calmes down you'll be a man
Exactly, just a big lie, not worth it imo
Don't go getting mad about it.
Get good at it and not care.
Knowing women are like this, and you're not one makes you inherently superior.
Women know all this about themselves... It drives them nuts and because of it THEY ENVY US!!
NEVER FORGET THAT!
Why else do you think they are all crabs in a bucket with each other and can only get along in the abstract???
its ok to be angry, one day you will be at peace and you will be content
Married at 28 y.o. divorced at 42. My son is now 14, we share custody 50,50 though she attempted to use my son as a negotiation tool for mone when we divorced. Single for almost 6 years now. My life is great. I do a cost $, benefit caclulation on every romantic relationship i get into........the math always says stay single now that i am well versed in marriage, divorce laws. I still love, always will love beautiful women......but that does not mean they automatically get access to my networth i have spent 20 plus years working weekends and holidays to secure. Orion Taraban i spot on. Thank you Orion
Signing a contract to give your mate leverage over you is insane
Does she actively interfere in your relationship with your son?
Such a cynical, yet factually true description of the life of most men.
Thanks!
Share this with all the men you know, young guys NEED to understand this. I didnt and this would have saved my ass
Almost all guys won't listen they are driven by sex and can't think straight. Women who are 4's are told they are 10's lied to by desperate guy's.
0:40 my grandma would disagree
@@adventurer2395 my mom would
Lmaoo
Naaa I seen you bro .. and u super handsome... pause
@@YoungBlaze you too in that avatar picture, bro
For women marriage is a business deal , mostly only men marry because of love
Women are in business, men are in love- coach CGA !!
Yes in love with her looks
No, it's just that culture has emasculated men to such a level that she is living in pergutory. When was she given sexual tension, slammed against a wall and made to beg for love making because the foreplay was driving her mind up the wall, given erotic dirty talk that told her she was a piece of property and she was owned.
I had to learn the hard way. I was a hostage in my last relationship. She ended up cheating on me, and then i realize i was letting slide a lot of things i would have consider red flags in other girls. It really hurt me a lot, but it was the relationship from which i learned the most.
Excellent video as always O'Ryan, big fan!
This gentleman is saving lives every single day, with a passion. Commendable.
Just finished your book. It was a great read. Couldn’t put it down.
@@SMrAdam1977 can I borrow it...not available in suomea
Was literally just watching one of the old videos and this one pops up! 🔥
The amounts of dates I have been on after 28yo (now 30) has skyrocketed. It still hard to find someone whom you vibe AND are compatible AND want the same thing from life, at the same time. It’s so easy to fall for the least attention tho. I will take notes from Orion and keep improving myself rather than fall for crumbs and be used
This man has the most poetic tittles for his videos.
You opened my eyes to my life. This very thing happened to me. I lasted 14 years total. Honestly once our son was born she was already done with me. It wasn’t until she finally got a high enough paying job that she finally destroyed our family. Looks didn’t matter to her. I can truly say I was better looking. Way better than the guy she left me for. What she wanted was a party guy. I am an introvert. She wanted someone who liked to socialize and drink. I was too boring.
I feel ya!! Same story for me, except it was only 5 years for me. And we never had a kid. 20 years later, I'm so very glad she didn't waste more of my life on her nonsense.
You didn't display Lover traits and triggers - a spectrum of behaviours that get a gut-level emotional response from her and would have kept her attracted. These are all skills and learnable. I suggest to download the Brian interview by David Deangelo (also, get his materials so you have Lover traits).
Amazing dear Orion. I bought your book - and am happy about that you decided to write this book. Will help many men.
These are becoming increasingly more depressing. 😢
Only because they are true.
For real, my trust issues just shot up
“I would tell you the truth. But then you’d have to kill me.”
Growth and increased awareness can be a painful process. Wisdom is better for you in the long run.
At 70 I wish I had this wisdom at 20. Those who have been hit hard want to warn the younger set what to look for, so because of anonymity more disappointing history is revealed. Read history of those who never gave up, if you need the strength to be your own man.
Thanks
I have a couple of comments on this episode, first off let me say I totally agree with what he's saying. Years ago I was dumped sort of out of the blue by a girl who I thought was "the one" , I was absolutely destroyed but "I couldn't give her the life" she wanted. Thanks to a prepaid annual gym membership and a dearth of work I spent the next year working out because why not, I had nothing else to do. The amount of attention I received from women after a few months was kinda crazy and when the ex started sniffing around I was happy to say no thanks. So guys work out etc and spend time on yourself. Second, a friend of mine ended up marrying a woman later in life who had told him in a previous point in life that he wasn't good enough as he wouldn't buy her a house in a expensive neighborhood etc. He's been married 8 years now has only had sex once in the last 7 and it was bad. She complains about him all the time meanwhile he pays for everything. Guys if anyone treats you like dirt accept it and walk away. Lastly, a woman I was briefly involved with, good person, once made the comment that anytime your in a relationship and the sex drys up or isn't any good it's time to get ready to leave as clearly something is wrong. Basically pay attention and work on yourself so you can have what you want or close to it.
DR. T DROPPING TRUTH BOMBS PER USUAL
facts
#1: Don't get used for attention and validation for social media girls. DON'T SIMP
#2: Women never ignore men they are attracted to. Have self respect and leave
#3: women give free fast segggs to Chads. If she doesn't initate segggs you are not her #1 pick
what do you mean with free fast segggs? I'm not american, I don't understand the meaning for segggs
@fernandodepaiva9592 intelligence isn't your strength
@@fernandodepaiva9592replace letter g with x. RUclips algorithm deletes comments with certain words. So we use replacements
@@fernandodepaiva9592horizontal slow dance rings a bell?
@@simonscowled9925 Learn how to spell dude
“No one will care if you bleed.”Holy hell so true. I was gutted, field dressed and thrown to the wolves while who I thought were friends watched for awhile, got distracted and walked off. Happens to so many of us. It’s ok because it’s in those moments where what is truly important to us rises to the surface while the rest of it fades into nothingness. Thank you Dr.
Many excellent points here. Just want to add from my own experience. Even attractive men get used in various ways once she knows she owns you. Good-looking young men are probably even more used and targeted than lesser attractive ones who are simply often ignored. It is definitely easier for the handsome to get women but doesn't mean it leads to happily every after. Sometimes, the less attractive ones get luckier. And it gets harder for us as we get older even with more money and maturity since the women that the majority of us like (young, pretty, single, no kids) still prefer men close to their age. There's so much more I can say about this, but basically it's a gamble. While some play the game better than others, we all still gamble and take chances.
The number one thing a woman needs to hear is, "No" and that's during the attraction-honeymoon phase. Other boundry-setting, frame control of him being and knowing he is the prize, letting her know implicitly that other girls find him attractive, and a personality that sparks her attraction.
You sir are correct, dr. Taraban likes to sugar coat things and not be direct about what this comes down to : $$$
Remember if she thinks she settled for you, then you are on borrowed time. And if she says she doesn't do that kind of stuff, always insert at the end of that sentence, "with you"!
38 years old and still never married/no kids. No desire to deal with the headache. I still sometimes think a woman could cross my path that flips the script, but not holding my breath.
This is such and honest video. I cracked up when you said the last thing you can give her is a severance package! You have so grown on me! Keep up the good work.
It's all relative. I grew up a weird fat kid. Before leaving highschool I was 6'4". After graduation I started lifting, martial arts, and became obsessive about volleyball. So blue eyes, capped shoulders, abs, braces freshly removed, contact lenses. I looked like the guy every girl was looking for. I still walked around with the memory of a lifetime of being the weird fat kid. So women would sort of linger in my vicinity hoping I would talk to them. My friend John 5'8", 250 pounds, not in a good way. Still pizza faced from acne in his mid 20s, but assertive, would get more ass than a park bench.
Chicks dig a nihilistic fling sometimes. Has a high cost in its own way.
When I grew up, I had a horrible time at school, and it made me who I am.
However much I feel I am improving, I will still have that doubt.
Ugly guys always think looks are everything. But you need to have an attitude to match the looks or women will lose interest quick
Your friend figured out how not to be average. Lol.
That's the thing Orion didn't say - swag, leadership and social status is more important than being jacked.
It's just like offering a thirsty guy water. It tastes like the sweetest thing in the world. What men need to do is take a step back and remember that remind themselves not to be overwhelmed with emotion. Additionally, asking the second opinion of a trusted friend or mentor figure could help as well.
As a man who is emotional from nature (not to be confused with weak or chaotic), its not about being overwhelmed or led by emotion. Its that emotion has no understanding of the resources needed to sustain them. Emotions indicate perceived change only in the present time.
So, sacrifice is a natural consequence of thinking about the future with only emotions. Some people might call that being overwhelmed, I suppose.
As you suggested, the easiest way to take emotions out of the equation is to ask someone else who isn't involved in such way. But I strongly recommend understanding the difference between abundance and scarcity instead. Love is abundant, but resources are not. Understand that resources are needed to sustain love, and that love gives a false sense of sustainability. Its sweet water that poisons you only if you're too hydrated. You might even die from shock.
you explain this stuff so well it's ridiculous. easily the best channel on youtube on this topic
Every young man should watch this video!