It is extremely important that men resist becoming emotionally attached to any given woman until she has been appropriately vetted for a relationship. If they allow their attraction to dictate their emotional involvement, then they might eventually have to choose between what is right and good for them, and what they have already decided to love. This is a painful choice that can be avoided with a little restraint and discernment. In this episode, I'll talk about how to do this. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ruclips.net/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/видео.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ruclips.net/channel/UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship
I thought you were spot on, also practical. "Don't be stupid" is excellent advice too many (young) men do not take to heart anymore. They let themself get played and "hooked" by the first hooker who gives them the eye. My only remark would be about the "minimal 6 months" time frame. Personally i would move that into the direction of 1 year.
You recently posted a video on the men's double blind and how to flip the script into the "recruiter - candidate" dynamic - when will you be posting the videos on how to effectively sell the candidate and pull back, as you described? Excellent videos, all of these. So clear and so accurately distilled, truly useful.
Broken people play manipulative games like this. Secure people are transparent, upfront from the start. Sure, take time in getting to know someone before investing 100%. It’s called being WISE!! Something most men have difficulty with because their sex drive clouds their judgement and leads the way. Whose fault is that? The woman or yours? Take some responsibility. Learn discernment and stop blaming women for your poor choices. There are shitty women and there are good women. Learn the difference and choose wisely.
"If you spend more and more time with the mental construct of a woman in the privacy of your own consciousness, you are basically training yourself to fall in love with the idea of who she is"- Dr. Orion T. I'm never leaving this quote behind.
I did this when I was 21 and believed in love. It's a young man's mistake. Now I have the opposite problem; I haven't had so much as a crush in 15 years.
If she's not around, don't think about her. Best piece of wisdom I have received in probably 5 years. I'm a mature man and still fall into this trap. It can really F up your day, or week if you start doing it.
If you do not think about her all the time you will get bored of her soon and this is the end. A man can not stand his own lukewarm feelings. Thats the reality. A man wants the true hardcore feelings. If the feelings are lukewarm from start then there is no future. Fact.
@@nfvjgrofgjvoldlkgvloand thats why no one should take anything you say seriously. women just say stuff to make them look good and caring. we know your true nature.
Experienced divorce lawyer here. “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk away from in 30 seconds flat….” - Neil McCauley (played by Robert De Niro) in the diner scene in the 1995 movie Heat. I see too many guys get tripped up by abandoning their purpose and passions when they think they met “the one”. Stay focused. Protect yourself to the greatest extent possible under the laws of your jurisdiction. Most women are controlled by their emotions. Emotions constantly change. Divorce and family laws do NOT favor ambitious, successful men. Even if you have done nothing wrong. Stay safe out there! Keep the family courts OUT of your life and finances.
Relationships are dead, and people are having a hard time to figure this out. When the State get the saying in relationships, you know it's done. Navigate this minefield at your own risk.
This became VERY easy for me just recently, when I woke up to an epiphany that no one and nothing belongs to me, or owes me anything - that the only things I ‘own’ are things that are WITHIN my control, and everything outside of my control is temporary.
'until you trust someone else with your money, don't trust them with your heart' WOW THAT REALLY PUTS IT INTO PERSPECTIVE. Your secrets truly are more precious than your money, so why this way isn't thought often.
A wise grandfather said: "Love her but do not be in love with her". That applies for the entire length of the relationship. If she can't do any wrong, then you fell in love. Big mistake.
How you can love if you never fall in love? Theoretically it is possible BUT if you never was in love then the relatiinship will not last in todays world. Just because a man can not stand his own lukewarm feelings. It was possible in the ruram society where it was impossible to divorce.
@@marguskiis7711 -- Men need women for passing on his genes to the next generations. That's the only real need men have for women (to do procreational s3x with). Everything else (recreational s3x, companionship) are nice to have. But falling in love is always disastrous for men. So men must get r-pilled. That will protect them from falling in love.
@@marguskiis7711 What i imagine the sentence means is: if you had a father or a mother that you love. Thats love, not falling in love. You care for them, you are capable of see they can do wrong. You can love someone the same way, without putting anyone at God's altar. Like a saint or something.
@@MitsurugiR -- love is a modern artificially imposed requirement in modern marriages. It has no ground in reality. It is created by novels and movies. Throughout history, people got married without considering love as pre- requisite. Those marriages lasted forever. Love is real but it is neither required nor sufficient in a successful marriage.
I checked out this site and found a book that really resonated with me. It's been such a great read so far thank you for the recommendation! I'm hoping it helps me gain more confidence around women.
men are blinded by a woman's sexuality & physical beauty... they both make us 'stupid' and we make bad decisions based on how good she looks. women are blinded by a man's potential... who she THINKS he will become or the man she can MAKE him, ie. a project for her ego.
To resist becoming emotinally attached, you have to control three things - 1. Mentally Obsessing about someone 2. Communicating Constantly 3. Being to emotionally Vulnerable These three things how people fall love each other.
@@ninajohnson8389Women unconsciously and often consciously try to destroy men. As a man you need to be cognizant of female nature to not stray from your path (and God).
The philosophy of Stoicism assumes that humans feel emotions, such as fear or anger. However, the philosophy preaches not to turn off those emotions, but only not to let those emotions take control. So to suggest that one should not indulge in a relationship for the first six months simply because it might hurt is a sign of weakness and fear of a man who cannot regulate and control his own emotions. You are also overlooking the very important fact that any advice of this type is like a double-edged sword - just as someone can suffer when they choose the wrong woman and become emotionally attached too quickly, it is also possible to overdo it in the other direction - learning to function in a relationship with a person to whom we feel no great emotion. What if, in such a situation, a man rejects a woman not because she was a bad partner, but because he never ultimately loved her, because from the beginning he learned to block out all emotions out of fear of falling into the "adorer" frame? In such an emotionless relationship, it is also easier to become a tyrant. This is because it is easier to hurt someone to whom we are not emotionally attached. This approach leaves the door open to taking such actions as infidelity, disrespect or contempt. You also suggest that six months is a good time "because it usually takes at least that long to reach a crisis of disillusionment, where the projected fantasy you were attracted to is destroyed by reality." I understand that we have such a thing as a "period of fascination," where certain flaws in our partners are unnoticeable to us or we are able to ignore them. But if it takes you six months to know if the other person is someone you can trust, then the problem here lies at the very foundation. We are able to assess VERY quickly whether a woman is at least a decent person. All you have to do is ask the right questions and listen. What kind of relationship does she have with her father? How does she treat people who are lower down the hierarchy than her? What were her previous relationships like? How many were there and how did they end? How many sexual partners has she had? Can she admit her guilt and apologize? Do her words match her actions? Is she lying? How does she communicate her needs and address problems? Does she justify and rationalize her negative behavior? Does she believe in god? And so on and so forth. The practical advice you give from the middle of the video is absolutely correct, but none of them encourage lack of any emotional attachment for six months. Therefore episode should not encourage blocking your possitive emotions towards woman, but a prudent dosage of those emotions. Less than her, so you do not fall into the frame of adorer or start acting different because of those emotion, while during this whole process you should skillfully and constantly "scan" her, checking whether she is someone worth trusting.
If you ask how many sexual partners she has had and expect an honest answer you are just being naive. You will never know, partly because they only count the ones they don't regret, or can even remember, and literally forget the others. Unless you are a porn star, it will always be a bigger number than yours, because women simply get far more offers than men do. And, to be fair, it also would be an impertinent question, and none of your business anyway UNLESS you were directly employing her for paid sexual services. Otherwise, you have no choice but to accept that her life did not begin the day she met you. It didn't.
@@MrMatthewhg assuming that people are dishonest about that is probably due of that you are very disagreeable person (which gives tendency to seeing people as untrustworthy) or you had some bad experiences. In my reality I do not hangout with people who lies. It is easy to me to read people so I do not have problem with dishonesty
I think that people that are emotional and start trauma bonding at the beginning probably have avoidant/anxious attachment styles. Its a bit like the shooting star analogy. The stars that burn the brightest, fizzle out the quickest. Ideally, both you and your date should be emotionally stable and have secure attachment styles.
A good argument on the importance of being "friends" first. It's the PUA lifestyle that pushes that whole "Don't wait too long to make a move, etc"I challenge guys reading this to poll their female friends on annoys them the most about guys in the romantic context (or the pursuit of it) it will likely be something “he always wants to rush things”@@thepragmatist
This website was a great find! I purchased a book that’s already making a positive impact on my mindset. Fingers crossed it helps me overcome my fear of approaching women.
Men commonly ask first, but she chooses from all the men that have asked her. You can't invest emotions until she chooses you back and falls for the man first. If she doesn't chose you, then it won't work.
I wish I had the courage to experience more in my teens to learn these tough lessons. Navigating this space in my 30s has not been easy. Good luck fellas
I waited for 1.5 years before emotionally attaching. We made it 11 years then she ditched me basically for being too attached. Which was exactly the opposite of why my previous relationship ended and something I though I was doing good work to improve. Moral: Recreational use only because anything beyond that will only improve your life 1% in exchange for the 70%+ probability she'll make up a reason to exit with more than 50% of your shit.
The problem is that you were never authentic. The one you were with for 11 years wanted the unattached man that you portrayed to be. She was probably an avoidant, and thought you were perfect for her…but you were not because you were repressing. Now, you make the same illogical (and emotionally driven conclusion) that all women are the same, and to be used “recreationally”. You think you are protecting yourself from pain, but in reality attracting the same women who will hurt you. Do the work and get to know yourself, and you will learn to trust your judgement.
A girl told me she loved me after 3 months together, and it immediately went to my head. I wasnt ready to say I loved her back yet, but once I decided I probably did love her, I lost my shit. Guess what, a month later she left.
For men, being "in love" is detrimental even after 30 years of marriage. She may leave for any number of ridiculous reasons and devastate you. The root cause is always: women get bored after a few years.
Please clarify your terms. "I lost my shit" could mean, "I married her then, after a month of marriage, she left with my shit." It could also mean, "We never married but I contracted psychosomatic diarrhea when she traumatized me by leaving."
@@ericgrosch8073 I basically started acting very mushy and saying way to many versions of, "I love you so much" and "You're the best girlfriend ever". I stopped being like the guy she fell in love with the month prior: Someone who appeared confident, non-reactive, and displayed attractive behavior. I got lost in the sauce. Took it for granted almost. This was my first real relationship so its very fair to say I had no clue what I was doing. Nor had I ever watched a single self help video like Psychacks. But after it went belly up I decided to try and learn something.
Once again you nailed it Orion. I just got out of another 6 month relationship where the "lovely lady" was much younger and love bombed me into falling in love with her just to really find out who she really was after I let her move in with me. The break up was messy to say the least lol. You really don't know someone until 6 to 9 months at least.
@@wreagfe I've learned a lot from my suffering because I asked myself the hard questions. I've found out the truths about my emotional weaknesses I've carried since my childhood and how I've looked towards a woman to attempt to "fix or heal" my deep wounds I experienced as a young child. Yes I'm aware nothing can happen to me that I don't allow. I was drawn to someone who was deeply flawed as I was and vice versa.
@@wreagfe women do lovebomb like crazy, in my experience. Sometimes they are genuine (at least it seemed so), and sometimes they are manipulative. Most men succumb to women's lovebombing.
1. Mentally obsessed - stop overthinking about her. 2. Overly communicating - don’t be texting/calling too much. 3. Emotionally vulnerable - Shield your heart don’t revile everything too fast. I think that in order for us to remain with an unbreakable frame the rules above should be always on check, good luck for us and much thanks for your wisdom again Dr Orion.
I learn long ago that I can't trust any woman. There are things that I will allow The woman in my life to know about and things that she'll never know. Now I realize love is in the same category. I can allow parts of my love but not give up all regardless of the time of the relationship. Thanks Orion for helping me compartmentalize, it's been unhealthy for me all my life.
We’re all a victim to this as men. Just listen to your intuition. Thats your God conscious telling you to let go of what no longer serves you. But the sliver lining is that you learned from that experience and grew from it, so it really not a loss, just wasnt for you.
One of your best topics yet! I just recently made this mistake and now I'm paying for it. Luckily, I'm moving on fairly well (I'm ruled more by my head than my heart). But, you're right... it sucks. 6 months is a really good rule of thumb.
A woman can easily put on act for years to make you fall in love. Once she gets her ring or once she get married, then you see her true self. The thumb rule is: majority of the women are unable to put on an act for more than 2 years. But some can.
Approach and invite never pursue or chase. Once you have an early relationship going, sit back and let her come to you. Never talk about your ex's. Never talk about your fails and screw ups in life. Never talk about your weaknesses, insecurities, or fears. Not even if you've been together for many years. Vet, vet, and vet some more. Pay attention to her actions not her words. See if she is entering your frame. See if she earns her way into your life. Just because she's attractive and the sex is good doesn't make her a good LTR. Your also looking for those other qualities which are more important. Fit, feminine, friendly, cooperative, submissive, loyal, easy to get along with, genuine desire, shared values and goals, etc.
I agree 100%. Your errors are none of her business. If you are talking about these sorts of things why not just eat a big fat booger in front of her too? If she is probing for these sorts of things just say that you prefer to focus on the future you want and what you are doing now to get there.
I needed to hear this like 10 years ago…. And again 4 years ago… still better late than never, I’ve learnt it the hard way, 1 divorce, I broke off an engagement, ghosted some women… to finally land one that’s almost perfect for me… didnt rush in, did a family background check on her and that very act itself lends me more respect for myself and perhaps… the woman too. Knowing that she passed by good vibes checks and tests…
Wish I had heard this advice a year ago, but very glad I've heard it now. Thank you for sharing good Doctor! Watched a dozen+ vids from you the last few days & likely going to be binging your other vids for the foreseeable future
This is pure gold for the younger man, to have this information say in your early twenties would save a great deal of emotional pain and more. As the old saying goes...if I knew then what I know now how differently things would have turned out. Great video 👌
The sixteen commandments of poon (Roissy) (About dealing with women) 😉: 1. Never say 'I Love You' first. 2. Make her jealous. 3. You shall make your mission [i.e.job], not your woman, your priority. 4. Don't play by her rules. 5. Adhere to the golden ratio: 2/3. ( Ex: For every third text from her send two in return) 6. Keep her guessing. 7. Always keep two in the kitty. 8. Say you're sorry only when absolutely necessary. 9. Connect with her emotions. 10. Ignore her beauty. 11. Be irrationally self-confident. 12. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses. 13. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little. 14. Make love to her boldly. 15. Maintain your state control. 16. Never be afraid to lose her
When you've found the proper guidance on relationships, that isn't driven by romantic delusion, the advice always turns out to be genderless. Relationships are more about our own psychology that the other's.
“If you’re not ready to trust her with your bank account information, then you’re not ready to trust her with your vulnerability.” I’ll buy that for a dollar 😂👍
I've come to realize that I've been emotionally invested too soon in my current relationship for it to keep going in a healthy way. Great advice, it was needed.
Agreed. I've subscribed to this channel for about a month, and I am continuously blown away be the sheer mass of wisdom that is packed in each episode. This can't be a coincidence. Dr. Taraban is putting tons of work for the preparation of his material.
@@JohnSmithEx 2 year subscriber here -- back to the very beginning. I second your opinion. Also, the trajectory over this period has been pretty awe-inspiring. Powerful insights and presentation from day one. But, growing more confident and impactful with every single lesson Dr. Taraban publishes here on YT.
I always come here to listen to this every time I feel I'm starting to put her on a pedestal. And to remind myself that it is better to be outcome indepentent. So I will enjoy our moments together while they last, be grateful for the good memories, and learn from the bad ones. "Everyone is unique AND replaceable."
Orion, you are the most informative and level headed person in the men’s improvement space. Every single video is absolutely riddled with wisdom. Thank you, sir.
I was with my wife for over 38 year before she passed away from cancer. You've got to get emotionally attached because that is what a committed relationship is all about. What's the point otherwise? A relationship without emotional attachment is not a relationship, it's friends with benefits.
Very sorry for your loss. You are correct. If there's no emotion, what's the point? Either you've got a relationship or you don't. And you can only protect yourself so much. What if a guy waits 6 months before attaching and she dumps him in the 7th month? Love is risk. Take the risk of getting hurt early so you can either love hard at the start or move on to the next opportunity quick. Otherwise, you could waste 6 months of your life and possibly miss out on someone else you could have met.
I think the danger is in misplacing the emotional attachment via falling for fantasies; perhaps, in people who don't actually want committed relationship with you; perhaps, in someone who doesn't see or accept you for who you are. Once you find the right person, after you yourself can love an accept yourself - maybe it's 6 months or 6 years, hope it's not 60 years, it would be worth-while.
This is great advice bc I didn't think NEVER being emotionally invested in a woman was right (like some dating coaches say) but I also have been burned by emotionally investing too soon. 6 months will be my new minimum.
You're supposed to NEVER being emotionally invested ever. Not 6 months not 2 years not 6 years even 20 years. The moment you settle, the moment your mind start to think "I'm not attracted by any woman other than her" you lost. That's the game. That's why men cheating is far less impactful than the other way around.
I heard about this general idea when I was younger and it was put in such a manipulative way which always deterred me from listening to it. The way you explain it though is so good, I can apply it without morally questioning myself
I've been recently writing down my thoughts about this particular woman I'm interested in. We've had several interactions with each other, and we get along very well, but I've only recently (in the last month and a half or so) been ready emotionally to ask her out the next time I see her. I don't mind playing the long game; I'd rather be patient than launch myself into something I don't want or something that'll hurt me emotionally. Gentlemen, take care of yourselves and practice self-restraint.
For me, the 3rd point is the most important: if you don't trust sb with your money don't trust them with your heart. People can lead you on easily because we don't learn to respect our heart or our ability to love as much as we learn to respect our bank accounts/jobs/careers. It's a strength that should not be allowed to be turned into a weakness by a con artist.
Fantastic video. I have done this with every woman I have ever been with. (Probably an anxious/attachment style I have that I saw on a post here) My last one was very painful because it burned bright in the beginning and then fizzled out like a dying star and I still have strong feelings for this woman. Thank you for this video Dr. Taraban, this content is really helping me. I will contribute financially as soon as I can.
I’ve always been in situations where the woman was clearly in love with me before I showed much of my emotional hand. Recently got caught up with a younger woman, Christian (all good but ya know what I mean) where I thought I could just tell her how I felt. Of course she strung me along for a year, sure I was seeing other women but was pretty badly infatuated with her, the invasive thoughts etc. Had never really been in that situation before, it’s pretty awful! Only when I got my head right around these ideas did I start getting what I wanted from her and I’m not just talking physically. Seems she’s now much happier too with what we offer each other. Thanks for what you do.
Thank you. I wish someone had helped me understand this 20 years ago. It would have saved me 15 wasted and lost years, and 10 years of broken heartednes. Thank you for helping the next generation.
At 9:05 these three things ......mentally obsessing about someone......communicating constantly.........being too emotionally vulnerable are how ppl fall in love with each other. That's how men become emotionally invested. 5:40 First of all you need to guard your thoughts. If she is not around ....don'tj think about her If you spend more and more time with a mental construct of a woman........ you are basically training yourself to fall in love of the IDEA of who she is At 5:50 in general it's not a good idea to let your mind wander to things that are not present in your life. If you do this you will be where your life is not. And that's not generally where you want to be. You want to be where your life is.....bc at the end of the day .... that's all you really have. 6:48 Constant communication dramatically accelerates the emotional intemacy process.
Love this about emotional attachment. I find this applies to me as well being a woman, and it allows me to understand both sides, and of understanding the polarity and needs that are different for both men and women.
@wavesbnice1 personally I find it beneficial for me as well as I can understand him on an even more deeper level. Each to their own I guess. God bless.
I have finally started to learn to manage my thoughts and expectations of/for myself after surviving a few relationships with toxic women. I’m grateful for my experiences and continued growth. I have this female friend who is attracted to me and we work together. But I have never outwardly or verbally shown attraction to her, just consistent friendship and respect for her as she has for me. We meet each other where we’re at and we help each other grow. I have the discipline to not make a move on her because we’re great friends, and I wouldn’t take advantage of that. She respects my boundaries on this even though I see the way she looks at me, and that’s something I admire about her.
Holy shit! Right on the money dude, I've been awakening to my true masculine energy for a long time and everything you said is everything I'm experiencing right now and I thank you for the mental image you're able to paint with your words. We as men need to realize what we are and stop letting our emotions get the best of us.
As a man who is in the situation of suffering because of the conflict of heart and mind (getting emotionally attached to a broken woman) I could not agree more, Sir! Thanks for your work! This video and the three tipps are probably the best and most important I have ever seen on this channel. Simply amazing!
Couldn't agree more, and speaking from experience I know how devastating over attachment to a woman can be who does not care for you and sees you as nothing more than a play thing for her amusement.
I’m 3 years in and have become emotionally attached. I hate it. My world revolves around her and I have no self control. I love her beyond any control. Trying to figure out how to pull back and balance out
I recently found your channel and thank you! I'm having a very difficult time, right after a breakup and this is exactly, what I needed to hear to better understand my situation. I really appreciate your advices Orion!
When your mind is racing and you have that pain, my advice is to meditate on the words "let go", and bring your centre back to yourself. None of us need anybody but ourselves, finding a sane/kind partner is an absolute bonus if possible.
Nailed it! I don’t talk to women about other women and my mistakes in life! I believe all information can and will be used against you In my experience, women are the best listeners and study you if they are into you I don’t date women that aren’t into me.
Love your work. I'm 40 now and I really wish someone would of told me all this when i was 18 would of made things so much easier, i had to learnt it the hard way. lol
Got emotionally invested in a morally questionable woman too quickly a couple times now and been the most painful thing ever. Finally out of the last relationship and feelin great. I see myself already getting invested in the next woman but in comparison to the last woman who were not good people this new one seams to be quite the opposite… so far 😉
Great advice that you could give to your younger self and your sons. I’m glad I’ve been cautious in this area for most of my life. This advice can be applied to friends as well. I see 1.5 millions subs by the end of 2024. Thanks for what you do!
Not only do we need to be taught how not to get mistreated, but even more importantly how not to mistreat others, because that's where the problem originates.
Can you do an episode on the ideal way to go about the courtship process? (From the Male Perspective Striving toward Marriage with a Woman) - you alluded to it a little bit with the 6 month vetting process before getting emotionally attached but I’m curious how to go about those 6 months properly dating and vetting
Why would you strive toward marriage? Why the end goal? Why not enjoy being around each other and all the time spent together instead of thinking about what the future may be?
Kevin Samuels taught people to ask "Do you want to be married? Do you want children?" Ask on the first date, or even *before* the first date. From the time you meet to the wedding should be no longer than six months.
Took me a long time to learn this lesson. I would meet women who demanded instant commitment after the first date/fling and jump right in because "this time it's love". Thanks for your work!
You give very sound advice. I'm glad I found your channel. My previous girlfriend is a Psychologist and gave me fits about getting relationship advice from the Internet, but now she can't say JACK! LOL. THANK YOU
I dated a nurse for nearly 4 years and around the 3 year and 3 month mark, I told her I loved her. Thought I'd waited out that 6 month period by quite a bit, but she broke up with me because of this. I asked if my saying I loved her really ruined the relationship and she replied "it certainly didn't help"
Dealt with a toxic woman with unresolved issues. She got her heart broken and learned all the wrong lessons. Thinks being vulnerable is weakness bcuz she was vulnerable and got hurt
But women get over it way faster than men do. And men being the more romantic sex, we tend to idealize the woman, we tend to fall for the imaginary woman that we want, but don't have in front of us. So, take your time, don't rush it and see who she REALLY is. Then you can decide if you can love her for who she is, and not who you want her to be.
Gentlemen, I would take this advice with a grain of salt . It’s important to assess the therapist or speaker’s position i.e. is it someone who is successfully married ? Recognizing as well, that people have their own inherent biases based on their lived experience, whether they have professional credentials or not. You can be emotionally attached while still determining if the person is appropriate and healthy. blocking yourself from feeling emotion or connection is the road to noncommittal short term relationships , leap frogging from one person to another, trying to find an ideal that does not exist. This is the path to loneliness and noncommitment. Unfortunately therapists and psychologists come with our own baggage, and if we are not aware of our biases, we can spread unhelpful advice such as this. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say I’m sure the intentions are really good behind this content.
@@jasonm4927 I agree with Alena in the sense I do think you need either a successful marriage/ very long-term healthy relationship to speak on the subject (as I'm sure people have various views on marriage). When you go to an "expert" I would assess first if i want to swap places with them/ want what they have, if not they any advice is taken with a grain of salt because like Alena said we are not robots and therefore our inherent biases may reflect in out views/ advice which may not always be appropriate to the nuances of life
@@jasonm4927 Never ever. Started to be invested emotionnally after 5 years. 6 months later she cheated on me and broke my masculinity I have to start from 0 again
I really needed to hear this. I have been suffering continually operating as a hopeless romantic - IE blindly adoring, and after watching enough of these videos I've come to the conclusion that I have a lot of work to do.
Gentleman, these women are sleeping with MULTIPLE men while vetting you. Do NOT get hooked because she is waiting for the first sucker. Im so glad i found this channel, superior content 👏🏿
It is extremely important that men resist becoming emotionally attached to any given woman until she has been appropriately vetted for a relationship. If they allow their attraction to dictate their emotional involvement, then they might eventually have to choose between what is right and good for them, and what they have already decided to love. This is a painful choice that can be avoided with a little restraint and discernment. In this episode, I'll talk about how to do this.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
TBH, theoretically you was right but the practical advices were bullshit pretty much.
I thought you were spot on, also practical. "Don't be stupid" is excellent advice too many (young) men do not take to heart anymore. They let themself get played and "hooked" by the first hooker who gives them the eye. My only remark would be about the "minimal 6 months" time frame. Personally i would move that into the direction of 1 year.
You recently posted a video on the men's double blind and how to flip the script into the "recruiter - candidate" dynamic - when will you be posting the videos on how to effectively sell the candidate and pull back, as you described? Excellent videos, all of these. So clear and so accurately distilled, truly useful.
The Achiles joke was legendary.
Broken people play manipulative games like this. Secure people are transparent, upfront from the start. Sure, take time in getting to know someone before investing 100%. It’s called being WISE!! Something most men have difficulty with because their sex drive clouds their judgement and leads the way. Whose fault is that? The woman or yours? Take some responsibility. Learn discernment and stop blaming women for your poor choices. There are shitty women and there are good women. Learn the difference and choose wisely.
"If you spend more and more time with the mental construct of a woman in the privacy of your own consciousness, you are basically training yourself to fall in love with the idea of who she is"- Dr. Orion T. I'm never leaving this quote behind.
Up!
2❤1😊
I did this when I was 21 and believed in love. It's a young man's mistake. Now I have the opposite problem; I haven't had so much as a crush in 15 years.
@@taylorc2542which do you prefer?
A woman will show you who she really is after 3 months or so. And when she does, believe her.
If she's not around, don't think about her. Best piece of wisdom I have received in probably 5 years. I'm a mature man and still fall into this trap. It can really F up your day, or week if you start doing it.
great wise tip
If you do not think about her all the time you will get bored of her soon and this is the end. A man can not stand his own lukewarm feelings. Thats the reality. A man wants the true hardcore feelings. If the feelings are lukewarm from start then there is no future. Fact.
@@bradbettis9210 nope. Its a stupid tip.
@@marguskiis7711 I disagree. I don’t think it is stupid at all. Just because it may not work for you …
@@marguskiis7711 Not necessarily true. Balance is important, but hey, do whatever works for you.
"If you're looking up to her, she's looking down on you" well said 👍
as a woman I FULLY disagree
@@nfvjgrofgjvoldlkgvloand thats why no one should take anything you say seriously. women just say stuff to make them look good and caring. we know your true nature.
100% agree women are righteous and don't even realize most of the time they talking gibberish
Chill out guys, I'm not here to bash women, just understand them better. Take your hatred somewhere else.
@@chrisolson84 Bro what?🤣🤣since when is speaking facts hatred? Get your soft ahh outta here🤣
Experienced divorce lawyer here. “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk away from in 30 seconds flat….” - Neil McCauley (played by Robert De Niro) in the diner scene in the 1995 movie Heat. I see too many guys get tripped up by abandoning their purpose and passions when they think they met “the one”. Stay focused. Protect yourself to the greatest extent possible under the laws of your jurisdiction. Most women are controlled by their emotions. Emotions constantly change. Divorce and family laws do NOT favor ambitious, successful men. Even if you have done nothing wrong. Stay safe out there! Keep the family courts OUT of your life and finances.
Best advice on détachement, dont need me (says the lawyer). Thank you for the logic sir and put into practice of the words.
Relationships are dead, and people are having a hard time to figure this out. When the State get the saying in relationships, you know it's done. Navigate this minefield at your own risk.
Oh man. I’m from the old school of thought… you just stay married. Speak kindly to each other.
its the mfkin pimp lawyer love this guy
@@attroenergizer8115 Thank you!
This became VERY easy for me just recently, when I woke up to an epiphany that no one and nothing belongs to me, or owes me anything - that the only things I ‘own’ are things that are WITHIN my control, and everything outside of my control is temporary.
True, but difficult to accept.
Yup! And ironically, the releasing of expectations makes things more harmonious
Reminds me of Stoic Philosophy 😁
And with that realization, it becomes obvious… that you owe no one anything either 💡
@@divinedestiny22 Can you explain why, please?
'until you trust someone else with your money, don't trust them with your heart' WOW THAT REALLY PUTS IT INTO PERSPECTIVE. Your secrets truly are more precious than your money, so why this way isn't thought often.
A wise grandfather said: "Love her but do not be in love with her". That applies for the entire length of the relationship. If she can't do any wrong, then you fell in love. Big mistake.
How you can love if you never fall in love? Theoretically it is possible BUT if you never was in love then the relatiinship will not last in todays world. Just because a man can not stand his own lukewarm feelings. It was possible in the ruram society where it was impossible to divorce.
@@marguskiis7711 -- Men need women for passing on his genes to the next generations. That's the only real need men have for women (to do procreational s3x with). Everything else (recreational s3x, companionship) are nice to have. But falling in love is always disastrous for men. So men must get r-pilled. That will protect them from falling in love.
@@marguskiis7711 What i imagine the sentence means is: if you had a father or a mother that you love. Thats love, not falling in love. You care for them, you are capable of see they can do wrong.
You can love someone the same way, without putting anyone at God's altar. Like a saint or something.
Then what is the point? Might as well not waste time and resources on love with that in mind.
@@MitsurugiR -- love is a modern artificially imposed requirement in modern marriages. It has no ground in reality. It is created by novels and movies. Throughout history, people got married without considering love as pre- requisite. Those marriages lasted forever. Love is real but it is neither required nor sufficient in a successful marriage.
Revandles forbidden books (thank me later)
I checked out this site and found a book that really resonated with me. It's been such a great read so far thank you for the recommendation! I'm hoping it helps me gain more confidence around women.
Very wise words.. "don't fall in love with the idea of the person but the person themselves"
men are blinded by a woman's sexuality & physical beauty... they both make us 'stupid' and we make bad decisions based on how good she looks.
women are blinded by a man's potential... who she THINKS he will become or the man she can MAKE him, ie. a project for her ego.
That really is good, been doing this all my life 😞
Yep. I used to get high off the very thought of my crush.
Which is okay i guess as long as u don’t plan to be with the person.
it amazes me how people dont know this logically lol not rlly wise its just truth
I be done it all over 40 years. True don’t over attach quickly or she has no room to look up to you but be yourself. Let her talk a lot
Life gave me this lesson the hard way. Dont put anyone on a pedestal, and know that life can change in any moment.
To resist becoming emotinally attached, you have to control three things -
1. Mentally Obsessing about someone
2. Communicating Constantly
3. Being to emotionally Vulnerable
These three things how people fall love each other.
What is wrong with falling in love
@@ninajohnson8389 there's nothing wrong. I have just summarized 3 points from videos and this video is about how to resist.
@@ninajohnson8389Women unconsciously and often consciously try to destroy men. As a man you need to be cognizant of female nature to not stray from your path (and God).
@@ninajohnson8389 nothing wrong with being in love only thing is love is only good when they want you back when they don’t it feels like ass
Yes. Check. Uh-huh. Nailed it. You just summarized my tendencies.
I never had a Father, who would teach me all these things... so it's very important for me to hear this! Thanks, Doc!
I think its rare for Dad’s to teach sons about this or in many cases for the son to listen to Dad.
@@kimmorrison9169 True! We gonna have to become those kinds of Dads!
So true for so many of us. I didn't have it either and it's tough to learn later on, but I'm happy I'm at least on the path
@@NilsMacQ Aaayy, good luck to ya, m8! ^_^ And good luck to all of us who needs it!
Our fathers did not know anything too.
The philosophy of Stoicism assumes that humans feel emotions, such as fear or anger. However, the philosophy preaches not to turn off those emotions, but only not to let those emotions take control. So to suggest that one should not indulge in a relationship for the first six months simply because it might hurt is a sign of weakness and fear of a man who cannot regulate and control his own emotions.
You are also overlooking the very important fact that any advice of this type is like a double-edged sword - just as someone can suffer when they choose the wrong woman and become emotionally attached too quickly, it is also possible to overdo it in the other direction - learning to function in a relationship with a person to whom we feel no great emotion. What if, in such a situation, a man rejects a woman not because she was a bad partner, but because he never ultimately loved her, because from the beginning he learned to block out all emotions out of fear of falling into the "adorer" frame? In such an emotionless relationship, it is also easier to become a tyrant. This is because it is easier to hurt someone to whom we are not emotionally attached. This approach leaves the door open to taking such actions as infidelity, disrespect or contempt.
You also suggest that six months is a good time "because it usually takes at least that long to reach a crisis of disillusionment, where the projected fantasy you were attracted to is destroyed by reality." I understand that we have such a thing as a "period of fascination," where certain flaws in our partners are unnoticeable to us or we are able to ignore them. But if it takes you six months to know if the other person is someone you can trust, then the problem here lies at the very foundation. We are able to assess VERY quickly whether a woman is at least a decent person. All you have to do is ask the right questions and listen. What kind of relationship does she have with her father? How does she treat people who are lower down the hierarchy than her? What were her previous relationships like? How many were there and how did they end? How many sexual partners has she had? Can she admit her guilt and apologize? Do her words match her actions? Is she lying? How does she communicate her needs and address problems? Does she justify and rationalize her negative behavior? Does she believe in god? And so on and so forth.
The practical advice you give from the middle of the video is absolutely correct, but none of them encourage lack of any emotional attachment for six months. Therefore episode should not encourage blocking your possitive emotions towards woman, but a prudent dosage of those emotions. Less than her, so you do not fall into the frame of adorer or start acting different because of those emotion, while during this whole process you should skillfully and constantly "scan" her, checking whether she is someone worth trusting.
@Interpersonalny Excellent comment.
If you ask how many sexual partners she has had and expect an honest answer you are just being naive. You will never know, partly because they only count the ones they don't regret, or can even remember, and literally forget the others. Unless you are a porn star, it will always be a bigger number than yours, because women simply get far more offers than men do.
And, to be fair, it also would be an impertinent question, and none of your business anyway UNLESS you were directly employing her for paid sexual services. Otherwise, you have no choice but to accept that her life did not begin the day she met you. It didn't.
@@MrMatthewhg assuming that people are dishonest about that is probably due of that you are very disagreeable person (which gives tendency to seeing people as untrustworthy) or you had some bad experiences. In my reality I do not hangout with people who lies. It is easy to me to read people so I do not have problem with dishonesty
Too much text
Regrading your paragraph you almost essentially just rephrased what Orion said…
I think that people that are emotional and start trauma bonding at the beginning probably have avoidant/anxious attachment styles. Its a bit like the shooting star analogy. The stars that burn the brightest, fizzle out the quickest. Ideally, both you and your date should be emotionally stable and have secure attachment styles.
But realistically, you won't. The world's full of broken people, not perfect people
Agree. It takes time to get to know a person.
A good argument on the importance of being "friends" first. It's the PUA lifestyle that pushes that whole "Don't wait too long to make a move, etc"I challenge guys reading this to poll their female friends on annoys them the most about guys in the romantic context (or the pursuit of it) it will likely be something “he always wants to rush things”@@thepragmatist
This right here!
Truer words have never been spoken. I’m an anxious style married to an avoidant
The fact that nobody talks about forbidden books on Revandles is so crazyy
This website was a great find! I purchased a book that’s already making a positive impact on my mindset. Fingers crossed it helps me overcome my fear of approaching women.
bot comment
“If you don’t trust someone with your money, don’t trust them with your heart. DAMN!!!!.
What so you’ll only marry an accountant? Managing money is a discipline.
I will be listening to this video for the next 10 years until it is ingrained in my memory.
🤣🤣🤣
do keep out of relationships until then!!
Same here bro I will be listening every single day
Here to remind you to listen again!
@@DeltaTempest Do not look up to him cause then he’s looking down at you! Lol
Men commonly ask first, but she chooses from all the men that have asked her. You can't invest emotions until she chooses you back and falls for the man first. If she doesn't chose you, then it won't work.
Usually women who choose a man are plain desperate and very problematic.
that... actually is a perfect explanation as to why mwn should wait and hold back their feelings at the beginning
RIGHT !! YOU have to wait untill SHE... has fallin' in love with YOU 😊
@@reiniermuntjewerff874 and both will stay alone forever as it it is now commonly 🤪
I wish I had the courage to experience more in my teens to learn these tough lessons. Navigating this space in my 30s has not been easy. Good luck fellas
It'll become easier again in your forties mate! You'll be more at ease and happy in your own space and won't let drama into that space
@@simon-fk2ye thanks Simon
When women are younger they are less hurt and more able to be in a relationship the right way.
I waited for 1.5 years before emotionally attaching. We made it 11 years then she ditched me basically for being too attached. Which was exactly the opposite of why my previous relationship ended and something I though I was doing good work to improve. Moral: Recreational use only because anything beyond that will only improve your life 1% in exchange for the 70%+ probability she'll make up a reason to exit with more than 50% of your shit.
When we compensate for past mistakes, we tend to swing the pendulum too far. Don't do it again the other way 🙂
The problem is that you were never authentic. The one you were with for 11 years wanted the unattached man that you portrayed to be. She was probably an avoidant, and thought you were perfect for her…but you were not because you were repressing.
Now, you make the same illogical (and emotionally driven conclusion) that all women are the same, and to be used “recreationally”. You think you are protecting yourself from pain, but in reality attracting the same women who will hurt you. Do the work and get to know yourself, and you will learn to trust your judgement.
Or you got learn something from your mistakes?
50% of the assets plus spousal support, plus her attorney fees plus child support -- basically 75% of your shit.
Wrong again. Therapy will help you immeasurably.
This relationship instruction is a something 95% of men know nothing about.
I wish I knew this 30 years ago.
Thank you for sharing this Orion🙏
This is my all-out favorite of your videos. Every young man needs to hear this as early as possible in life.
A girl told me she loved me after 3 months together, and it immediately went to my head. I wasnt ready to say I loved her back yet, but once I decided I probably did love her, I lost my shit. Guess what, a month later she left.
For men, being "in love" is detrimental even after 30 years of marriage. She may leave for any number of ridiculous reasons and devastate you. The root cause is always: women get bored after a few years.
@@rayrwyrIf she is nervous that she may lose you, she is not feeling bored. Just a thought.
Please clarify your terms. "I lost my shit" could mean, "I married her then, after a month of marriage, she left with my shit." It could also mean, "We never married but I contracted psychosomatic diarrhea when she traumatized me by leaving."
@@ericgrosch8073 I basically started acting very mushy and saying way to many versions of, "I love you so much" and "You're the best girlfriend ever". I stopped being like the guy she fell in love with the month prior: Someone who appeared confident, non-reactive, and displayed attractive behavior. I got lost in the sauce. Took it for granted almost. This was my first real relationship so its very fair to say I had no clue what I was doing. Nor had I ever watched a single self help video like Psychacks. But after it went belly up I decided to try and learn something.
Women are there for the spark, the excitement.
Once again you nailed it Orion. I just got out of another 6 month relationship where the "lovely lady" was much younger and love bombed me into falling in love with her just to really find out who she really was after I let her move in with me. The break up was messy to say the least lol. You really don't know someone until 6 to 9 months at least.
So what did you learn, if anything? Women don't lovebomb, men get lovebombed. It's on you.
@@wreagfe I've learned a lot from my suffering because I asked myself the hard questions. I've found out the truths about my emotional weaknesses I've carried since my childhood and how I've looked towards a woman to attempt to "fix or heal" my deep wounds I experienced as a young child. Yes I'm aware nothing can happen to me that I don't allow. I was drawn to someone who was deeply flawed as I was and vice versa.
@@wreagfe women do lovebomb like crazy, in my experience. Sometimes they are genuine (at least it seemed so), and sometimes they are manipulative. Most men succumb to women's lovebombing.
You never know 20 years later too btw.
@@greendroid77 Man, once you become conscious of how your unmet childhood needs control your romantic behavior it all becomes so much simpler.
"If you're looking up at her, she's looking down at you. Be sure before you commit!" Thanks Oryan!
I definitely could’ve used this advice about 8 months ago but better late than never.
1. Mentally obsessed - stop overthinking about her.
2. Overly communicating - don’t be texting/calling too much.
3. Emotionally vulnerable - Shield your heart don’t revile everything too fast.
I think that in order for us to remain with an unbreakable frame the rules above should be always on check, good luck for us and much thanks for your wisdom again Dr Orion.
"revile"
is not the right word.
I think you meant "reveal"
A robot 🤖
I learn long ago that I can't trust any woman. There are things that I will allow The woman in my life to know about and things that she'll never know. Now I realize love is in the same category. I can allow parts of my love but not give up all regardless of the time of the relationship. Thanks Orion for helping me compartmentalize, it's been unhealthy for me all my life.
I learned the hard way. Despite my brain telling me she was never the right one, heart still wanted her.
We’re all a victim to this as men. Just listen to your intuition. Thats your God conscious telling you to let go of what no longer serves you. But the sliver lining is that you learned from that experience and grew from it, so it really not a loss, just wasnt for you.
@@finnessejets4231 Correct. Always thankful for the experience.
Men are not supposed to love men are providers
One of your best topics yet! I just recently made this mistake and now I'm paying for it. Luckily, I'm moving on fairly well (I'm ruled more by my head than my heart). But, you're right... it sucks. 6 months is a really good rule of thumb.
A woman can easily put on act for years to make you fall in love. Once she gets her ring or once she get married, then you see her true self. The thumb rule is: majority of the women are unable to put on an act for more than 2 years. But some can.
Even 6 yeara does not show anything.
6 months is the least, you should probably aim in something like a year or more …
Fuck dude this hit me so hard. Arrived exactly when it needed to not a second late
Approach and invite never pursue or chase. Once you have an early relationship going, sit back and let her come to you. Never talk about your ex's. Never talk about your fails and screw ups in life. Never talk about your weaknesses, insecurities, or fears. Not even if you've been together for many years. Vet, vet, and vet some more. Pay attention to her actions not her words. See if she is entering your frame. See if she earns her way into your life. Just because she's attractive and the sex is good doesn't make her a good LTR. Your also looking for those other qualities which are more important. Fit, feminine, friendly, cooperative, submissive, loyal, easy to get along with, genuine desire, shared values and goals, etc.
Excellent post.
I agree 100%. Your errors are none of her business. If you are talking about these sorts of things why not just eat a big fat booger in front of her too? If she is probing for these sorts of things just say that you prefer to focus on the future you want and what you are doing now to get there.
Great advice .
Usually women who want some man themselves are plain desperate.
@@RupertMcGruber more like some idealistic bullshit
The first three minutes felt like an arrow straight to my heart.
I needed to hear this like 10 years ago…. And again 4 years ago… still better late than never, I’ve learnt it the hard way, 1 divorce, I broke off an engagement, ghosted some women… to finally land one that’s almost perfect for me… didnt rush in, did a family background check on her and that very act itself lends me more respect for myself and perhaps… the woman too. Knowing that she passed by good vibes checks and tests…
Wish I had heard this advice a year ago, but very glad I've heard it now. Thank you for sharing good Doctor! Watched a dozen+ vids from you the last few days & likely going to be binging your other vids for the foreseeable future
This is pure gold for the younger man, to have this information say in your early twenties would save a great deal of emotional pain and more. As the old saying goes...if I knew then what I know now how differently things would have turned out. Great video 👌
The sixteen commandments of poon (Roissy) (About dealing with women) 😉:
1. Never say 'I Love You' first.
2. Make her jealous.
3. You shall make your mission [i.e.job], not your woman, your priority.
4. Don't play by her rules.
5. Adhere to the golden ratio: 2/3. ( Ex: For every third text from her send two in return)
6. Keep her guessing.
7. Always keep two in the kitty.
8. Say you're sorry only when absolutely necessary.
9. Connect with her emotions.
10. Ignore her beauty.
11. Be irrationally self-confident. 12. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses.
13. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little.
14. Make love to her boldly.
15. Maintain your state control.
16. Never be afraid to lose her
As a woman trying to figure it all out as well, your videos are so well put together and also help us ladies in many ways, towards ourselves and men.
When you've found the proper guidance on relationships, that isn't driven by romantic delusion, the advice always turns out to be genderless. Relationships are more about our own psychology that the other's.
It's amazing actually
“If you’re not ready to trust her with your bank account information, then you’re not ready to trust her with your vulnerability.” I’ll buy that for a dollar 😂👍
I've come to realize that I've been emotionally invested too soon in my current relationship for it to keep going in a healthy way. Great advice, it was needed.
This is outstanding advice. This channel has changed my life for the better. Thank you so much Dr. Taraban. 🙏
You are still single I suppose...
This advice neglects the ”men are more rational” argument.
Who was the more emotional again?
I'm glad to hear it. Help spread the word!
Agreed. I've subscribed to this channel for about a month, and I am continuously blown away be the sheer mass of wisdom that is packed in each episode. This can't be a coincidence. Dr. Taraban is putting tons of work for the preparation of his material.
@@JohnSmithEx 2 year subscriber here -- back to the very beginning. I second your opinion. Also, the trajectory over this period has been pretty awe-inspiring. Powerful insights and presentation from day one. But, growing more confident and impactful with every single lesson Dr. Taraban publishes here on YT.
I always come here to listen to this every time I feel I'm starting to put her on a pedestal. And to remind myself that it is better to be outcome indepentent. So I will enjoy our moments together while they last, be grateful for the good memories, and learn from the bad ones. "Everyone is unique AND replaceable."
Orion, you are the most informative and level headed person in the men’s improvement space. Every single video is absolutely riddled with wisdom. Thank you, sir.
I was with my wife for over 38 year before she passed away from cancer. You've got to get emotionally attached because that is what a committed relationship is all about. What's the point otherwise? A relationship without emotional attachment is not a relationship, it's friends with benefits.
It sounds like you didn't watch the whole video
Very sorry for your loss. You are correct. If there's no emotion, what's the point? Either you've got a relationship or you don't. And you can only protect yourself so much. What if a guy waits 6 months before attaching and she dumps him in the 7th month? Love is risk. Take the risk of getting hurt early so you can either love hard at the start or move on to the next opportunity quick. Otherwise, you could waste 6 months of your life and possibly miss out on someone else you could have met.
I think the danger is in misplacing the emotional attachment via falling for fantasies; perhaps, in people who don't actually want committed relationship with you; perhaps, in someone who doesn't see or accept you for who you are. Once you find the right person, after you yourself can love an accept yourself - maybe it's 6 months or 6 years, hope it's not 60 years, it would be worth-while.
Falling too early was the point of the video. Sorry for your loss by the way.
Sounds like you got very very lucky and got one that can operate outside of their base programming
This is great advice bc I didn't think NEVER being emotionally invested in a woman was right (like some dating coaches say) but I also have been burned by emotionally investing too soon. 6 months will be my new minimum.
Go for 2 yrs. Never trust her until the 2 yr mark. Takes about that long for their mask to come off… or for the honeymoon phase to wane.
@@neomacchio4692honeymoon faze ends after around a year biologically
6 months does not show anything. Neither 6 years.
chasing shadows I see. It can happen at any time. There is NO time limit
You're supposed to NEVER being emotionally invested ever. Not 6 months not 2 years not 6 years even 20 years. The moment you settle, the moment your mind start to think "I'm not attracted by any woman other than her" you lost.
That's the game. That's why men cheating is far less impactful than the other way around.
I heard about this general idea when I was younger and it was put in such a manipulative way which always deterred me from listening to it. The way you explain it though is so good, I can apply it without morally questioning myself
I've been recently writing down my thoughts about this particular woman I'm interested in. We've had several interactions with each other, and we get along very well, but I've only recently (in the last month and a half or so) been ready emotionally to ask her out the next time I see her. I don't mind playing the long game; I'd rather be patient than launch myself into something I don't want or something that'll hurt me emotionally. Gentlemen, take care of yourselves and practice self-restraint.
For me, the 3rd point is the most important: if you don't trust sb with your money don't trust them with your heart. People can lead you on easily because we don't learn to respect our heart or our ability to love as much as we learn to respect our bank accounts/jobs/careers.
It's a strength that should not be allowed to be turned into a weakness by a con artist.
Fantastic video. I have done this with every woman I have ever been with. (Probably an anxious/attachment style I have that I saw on a post here) My last one was very painful because it burned bright in the beginning and then fizzled out like a dying star and I still have strong feelings for this woman. Thank you for this video Dr. Taraban, this content is really helping me. I will contribute financially as soon as I can.
I’ve always been in situations where the woman was clearly in love with me before I showed much of my emotional hand. Recently got caught up with a younger woman, Christian (all good but ya know what I mean) where I thought I could just tell her how I felt. Of course she strung me along for a year, sure I was seeing other women but was pretty badly infatuated with her, the invasive thoughts etc. Had never really been in that situation before, it’s pretty awful!
Only when I got my head right around these ideas did I start getting what I wanted from her and I’m not just talking physically. Seems she’s now much happier too with what we offer each other. Thanks for what you do.
THIS out of all his videos that I have watch is some of the best. This is almost some of the best father to son advice.
If I had seen this video about 16 months ago I would have made some very different choices. You're fantastic and this is perfect advice. Thank you.
I don't always agree with Dr. O about certain topics but this one is ON POINT!
this is very good advice, i wish i knew these things earlier, unfortunately had to learn the hard way. Protect yourselves and your future, gentlemen.
watching this but im a girl who doesn’t wanna be emotionally attached 🎀
@@milesmorales__gf ditto lol
Well you don't anyway because you're able to monkey-branch. Men commit, you don't.
But you do get stuck on the men you sleep with.
Thank you. I wish someone had helped me understand this 20 years ago. It would have saved me 15 wasted and lost years, and 10 years of broken heartednes. Thank you for helping the next generation.
There are a lot of folks on YT giving advice - this gentleman stands out. Really substantive.
At 9:05 these three things ......mentally obsessing about someone......communicating constantly.........being too emotionally vulnerable are how ppl fall in love with each other. That's how men become emotionally invested.
5:40 First of all you need to guard your thoughts. If she is not around ....don'tj think about her
If you spend more and more time with a mental construct of a woman........ you are basically training yourself to fall in love of the IDEA of who she is
At 5:50 in general it's not a good idea to let your mind wander to things that are not present in your life. If you do this you will be where your life is not. And that's not generally where you want to be.
You want to be where your life is.....bc at the end of the day .... that's all you really have.
6:48 Constant communication dramatically accelerates the emotional intemacy process.
Adoring takes Courage. Saw my father do so w/ his bride every day for over 60 years. Great man. ❤
True
Love this about emotional attachment. I find this applies to me as well being a woman, and it allows me to understand both sides, and of understanding the polarity and needs that are different for both men and women.
This doesn't apply to women. Women don't need to know the man they just need to know how the man makes her feel.
@wavesbnice1 personally I find it beneficial for me as well as I can understand him on an even more deeper level. Each to their own I guess. God bless.
I have finally started to learn to manage my thoughts and expectations of/for myself after surviving a few relationships with toxic women. I’m grateful for my experiences and continued growth. I have this female friend who is attracted to me and we work together. But I have never outwardly or verbally shown attraction to her, just consistent friendship and respect for her as she has for me. We meet each other where we’re at and we help each other grow. I have the discipline to not make a move on her because we’re great friends, and I wouldn’t take advantage of that. She respects my boundaries on this even though I see the way she looks at me, and that’s something I admire about her.
I have someone like that.
If this isn’t what I’m going through to a tee. I can’t believe this content is free, thank you for the insight
I learned this from dealing with a diagnosed BPD woman. She taught me the most valuable lesson
Yeah, I agree. Those are the three steps that lead to emotional attachment. He’s right fellas.
Holy shit! Right on the money dude, I've been awakening to my true masculine energy for a long time and everything you said is everything I'm experiencing right now and I thank you for the mental image you're able to paint with your words. We as men need to realize what we are and stop letting our emotions get the best of us.
Learned this the hard way this year. Thanks for putting the experience into words!
As a man who is in the situation of suffering because of the conflict of heart and mind (getting emotionally attached to a broken woman) I could not agree more, Sir! Thanks for your work!
This video and the three tipps are probably the best and most important I have ever seen on this channel. Simply amazing!
Choosing between your head and your mind is a hard thing. I have been there. But it is hard to resist sometimes.
True. Been there also. However one should objectively look at the situation and objectively regconize what's going on
Couldn't agree more, and speaking from experience I know how devastating over attachment to a woman can be who does not care for you and sees you as nothing more than a play thing for her amusement.
Mind first before your heart..Stay cool and allow her to be emotionally involved. NOTED!
Got tagged on this in 2x relationships in a row, a year apart. Need to internalize this ASAP. Thanks!
If only I knew about this channel this time last year.
I’m 3 years in and have become emotionally attached. I hate it. My world revolves around her and I have no self control. I love her beyond any control. Trying to figure out how to pull back and balance out
You are honestly cooked. But don’t worry it will die out eventually. How are you doing now?
still madly. in love and probably dependent, but luckily. I feel in love w a great girl. Had she been an evil chick I would've been f***K
Another awesome talk!
Thanks!
I needed to hear this today. You’re a godsend Orion
Wish I had all the advice and wisdom of this channel 10 years ago. Would have saved me a lot of frustration and hardship. Really great content, Orion.
I recently found your channel and thank you! I'm having a very difficult time, right after a breakup and this is exactly, what I needed to hear to better understand my situation. I really appreciate your advices Orion!
best of luck sir.
When your mind is racing and you have that pain, my advice is to meditate on the words "let go", and bring your centre back to yourself. None of us need anybody but ourselves, finding a sane/kind partner is an absolute bonus if possible.
Nailed it!
I don’t talk to women about other women and my mistakes in life!
I believe all information can and will be used against you
In my experience, women are the best listeners and study you if they are into you
I don’t date women that aren’t into me.
Love your work. I'm 40 now and I really wish someone would of told me all this when i was 18 would of made things so much easier, i had to learnt it the hard way. lol
Got emotionally invested in a morally questionable woman too quickly a couple times now and been the most painful thing ever. Finally out of the last relationship and feelin great. I see myself already getting invested in the next woman but in comparison to the last woman who were not good people this new one seams to be quite the opposite… so far 😉
Great advice that you could give to your younger self and your sons. I’m glad I’ve been cautious in this area for most of my life. This advice can be applied to friends as well. I see 1.5 millions subs by the end of 2024. Thanks for what you do!
Not only do we need to be taught how not to get mistreated, but even more importantly how not to mistreat others, because that's where the problem originates.
Can you do an episode on the ideal way to go about the courtship process? (From the Male Perspective Striving toward Marriage with a Woman)
- you alluded to it a little bit with the 6 month vetting process before getting emotionally attached but I’m curious how to go about those 6 months properly dating and vetting
Yes, more on this area would be nice!
You think he knows?
@@canelareina3795 😂
Why would you strive toward marriage? Why the end goal? Why not enjoy being around each other and all the time spent together instead of thinking about what the future may be?
Kevin Samuels taught people to ask
"Do you want to be married?
Do you want children?"
Ask on the first date, or even *before* the first date.
From the time you meet to the wedding should be no longer than six months.
Took me a long time to learn this lesson. I would meet women who demanded instant commitment after the first date/fling and jump right in because "this time it's love". Thanks for your work!
You give very sound advice. I'm glad I found your channel. My previous girlfriend is a Psychologist and gave me fits about getting relationship advice from the Internet, but now she can't say JACK! LOL. THANK YOU
lol glad you found something that works for you
@@JenishabadooThe reply sounds like something a psychologist ex girlfriend would say... 😆
Thanks!
1:24 6 months 😮😮😮. I needed to hear this very specifically outlined😂😂😂😂.
“If she not around don’t think about her” by far the most solid piece of advice ive heard on this app.. thank you bro subscribed instantly
This video describes exactly what happened to me with my ex this year and this is totally true
A gem. Thank you from HK
I dated a nurse for nearly 4 years and around the 3 year and 3 month mark, I told her I loved her. Thought I'd waited out that 6 month period by quite a bit, but she broke up with me because of this. I asked if my saying I loved her really ruined the relationship and she replied "it certainly didn't help"
you did yourself a favor man, take care of that heart of yours
According to Mark Mansons:
Rejection is good, quickest way to find the person who will enhance your life
Not surprised. This is why men have to be cold. Never reveal to them how you feel.
Dealt with a toxic woman with unresolved issues. She got her heart broken and learned all the wrong lessons. Thinks being vulnerable is weakness bcuz she was vulnerable and got hurt
Very grateful for this video. And as men whose attachment is inexorably amplified by sex, be very guarded about that too.
Goes both ways. The applies to females too. Premature emotional attachment hurts your heart .
@Jai2ezthat isn’t true
@Jai2ezhe's so off on this one
Women loves being adored
But women get over it way faster than men do.
And men being the more romantic sex, we tend to idealize the woman, we tend to fall for the imaginary woman that we want, but don't have in front of us.
So, take your time, don't rush it and see who she REALLY is. Then you can decide if you can love her for who she is, and not who you want her to be.
Gentlemen, I would take this advice with a grain of salt . It’s important to assess the therapist or speaker’s position i.e. is it someone who is successfully married ? Recognizing as well, that people have their own inherent biases based on their lived experience, whether they have professional credentials or not.
You can be emotionally attached while still determining if the person is appropriate and healthy. blocking yourself from feeling emotion or connection is the road to noncommittal short term relationships , leap frogging from one person to another, trying to find an ideal that does not exist. This is the path to loneliness and noncommitment. Unfortunately therapists and psychologists come with our own baggage, and if we are not aware of our biases, we can spread unhelpful advice such as this. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say I’m sure the intentions are really good behind this content.
@@jasonm4927 I agree with Alena in the sense I do think you need either a successful marriage/ very long-term healthy relationship to speak on the subject (as I'm sure people have various views on marriage). When you go to an "expert" I would assess first if i want to swap places with them/ want what they have, if not they any advice is taken with a grain of salt because like Alena said we are not robots and therefore our inherent biases may reflect in out views/ advice which may not always be appropriate to the nuances of life
@@jasonm4927 Never ever. Started to be invested emotionnally after 5 years. 6 months later she cheated on me and broke my masculinity I have to start from 0 again
Try to say that to the men who hoe themselves after a destructive breakup
This is excellent information. Thanks for sharing it.
Staying unemotional is also a good way to buy a car.
What's the point of buying a car if you can't love it?
Haha
a to b women@@lizzi437
@@lizzi437
Well atleast it won't leave you stranded in middle of nowhere.
Not the best case, but also not the worst case.
@@lizzi437 Actually most "real" men love more their car than their wives
I really needed to hear this. I have been suffering continually operating as a hopeless romantic - IE blindly adoring, and after watching enough of these videos I've come to the conclusion that I have a lot of work to do.
Gentleman, these women are sleeping with MULTIPLE men while vetting you. Do NOT get hooked because she is waiting for the first sucker. Im so glad i found this channel, superior content 👏🏿