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How to KEEP YOUR COOL with women: the sandwich strategy
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- Опубликовано: 22 фев 2024
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Learning how to keep your cool when women become difficult or provocative is an emotional survival strategy. Failing to master this skill is an invitation to hardship and regret. The strategy is simple: no matter what woman you're dealing with, and no matter what a woman tells you, to the extent that she becomes emotional, you need to mentally create a verbal sandwich around her words. I'll demonstrate what this looks like in today's episode.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #women
Learning how to keep your cool when women become difficult or provocative is an emotional survival strategy. Failing to master this skill is an invitation to hardship and regret. The strategy is simple: no matter what woman you're dealing with, and no matter what a woman tells you, to the extent that she becomes emotional, you need to mentally create a verbal sandwich around her words. I'll demonstrate what this looks like in today's episode.
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oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
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Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #women
Literally the only way you could make me lose my cool is to do something that violates the marriage covenant. The advice on how not to seem defensive by listing counterfactuals is really helpful to me though
I feel I LOVE THIS CHAPTER right now! 🎉👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Please Orion, then help US to know what to do if those words (feelings) comes with a Bad behaviour (attack) from the woman we love 😢 What to do in thar very moment and LATER then..🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
i hear that a part of you feels ... right now
Sorry, but defending yourself is necessary even in ungrounded accusations. Lack of any response is often taken as acquiescence. That said, a stronger defense is to simply deny and force the others to make their point. By doing so, making THEM look bad.
@@Mike80528 This very well could be true! It all depends on what kind of nutjob woman you managed to select. I think its worthwhile to try his suggestion first, especially with minor accusations, and see how she responds/reacts, and if she reacts as you suggest, then do the defense.
Adding the "I feel" and "right now" to the beginning and end of a woman's negative statements towards you is a great suggestion. Adding the "I feel" and "right now" to the beginning and end of a woman's positive statements towards you is a fugging genius level suggestion and brutal dose of reality when you do it.
Brilliant episode.
Not just the negative statements.. But added to All statements.
She says : I love you
Quickly translate it to
I feel I LOVE YOU right now.
Do that and you'll never lose frame
No doubt. Women are almost like children whose emotions you have to manage...
I feel I should throw you out of my life right now.
Yeah, I agree, those are great words to add to the beginning and ending and acting upon 😂
What @jaytee5820 wrote above states perfectly what I was going to write. 👍 Brilliant episode from Orion Taraban, Psy.D.
She's not yours, it's just your turn.
I wish I knew this 10 years ago. Young millennials and Gen Z don't know how lucky they are hearing this type of practical information before they make any costly lifelong mistakes.
Those "men" don't really hear this advices, they defend the woke ideas and idealize women, they will only will value this things when they fall in that mistakes and awake. But they are extremely submissive, so meanwhile the will be attacking this kind of people and advices.
They don’t know how lucky we are that we aren’t a part of that generation.
It's all good, we get practical advice about women that are very low quality this generation, and you got the ability to afford a house and raise a family, fair trade 👍🏼
@@peripheralparadox4218 makes sense as well. they don't even want to know most of anything.
This Same info was around 15 years ago. You just wasn't looking for it. Nothing new under the sun or most of yt
My girl got mad watching your video because what you say is exactly on point
Why do women get mad when they hear the truth? Literally so annoying.
@@siriussaracen8371 because they didn't want you to understand them... but they do. See? they thrive in your confusion. it's a weapon to them.
Run dude, I've bought women houses, cars and a free life but you can Never buy their loyalty. 35 years of failed relationships here, costing me 2 houses and 3 fortunes.
Here's an old man saying...
Nothing ruins a perfect plan like a woman
@@aaronfogelsanger2550 BRO. Ur speaking the gospel. the most selfish creature on the planet is a woman. I've lost my share of time attempting to please my women. no more. a waste of time, energy, and resources. your comment needs to be highlighted
@@aaronfogelsanger2550🤡🤡🤡
You can buy her a house, car and lifestyle but you can never buy her loyalty. Always be on your toes men
If they aren't happy, no amount of money you spend on them will make them happy.
close contact, and inter course keep women in line
If you buy love, you'll never stop paying
I thank Allah I grew up in a Muslim community. We have strong families filled with respect and love, and adultery is rare.. :)
@@yasserfathelbab1534 keep living in fool's paradise
Putting her positives in the sandwich reminds you that your relationship is permanently temporary.
If you think about it, everything in life is this way
@@joshmarciniak8856 agreed, some things more temporary than others.
@@Sir_ViverNot even the wind can change as fast as their emotional state
@@joshmarciniak8856Except for this comment.
@@zhhrah Amen ! LOL
Married man for decades with children here. Listen up folks, he is absolutely right!!!
before my dad left this earth, he told me the exact same stuff in this video. Seems like most male experiences are quite similar in nature
I feel that "I love you" right now.
@@muditsingh5686They think they’ve worked out something, that was around for millennia. Reason this stuff has to be regurgitated, because we as humans have to learn the hard way & therefore keep repeating the same rubbish.
@@clevelandwilliams5922 true
A man either accepts being a taken as a fool or live a life of solitude.
Very few endure the path of loneliness indefinitely, at some point they cave in.
Can we give this man a round of applause for him showing us a major wife hack. That was a real eye opener I needed because I instantly jump to defensive mode but I’m going to try this because it seems so much more peaceful.
Used to be me too. Counseling helped me, but the sandwich is amazing … reflecting is the win. Staying out of their emotions is very hard. Especially when being challenged. Feeling defensive is the right feeling, because it’s like wtf woman. 😂 definitely major wife hack
The best wife hack is to not get any wife at all.
@@LeteNoff I can’t argue that
Jesus man this is 12 minutes of *solid* *gold*. ESPECIALLY the end, don’t just do this to negative statements, do it to the positive ones also, to keep your ego in check. This video is priceless
Memento mori.
I thought the exact same thing
When women say "I love you" and want the man to say it back, men often hesitate, because they feel it's a huge, permanent statement that is not to be made lightly. Meanwhile women just meant it in a temporary sense of "in this moment" and are shocked that men can't say it, even though they clearly are enjoying the moment... ahaha, oh man, what a revelation!
Yeah but... maybe then the man tries to say it thinking it's only transient, and years later the woman says "but you said you loved me" as if it was a permanent thing... meanwhile when she says it she probably does mean it is transient?
@@GidarGaming You can't really win that game ever with any woman though and it's pointless to worry about it (in fact worrying about it will make you less attractive to her and push her away). As Orion illustrates in the video, if she says "you said you loved me" she's really just weaponizing intimacy to try and hurt/provoke you. The problem isn't the statement you made in the past, it's that you did something to make her feel uneasy or upset (or she just has other things in her life that make her feel uneasy/upset) and that's her way of expressing it. The salient point is when a person is communicating emotionally (even men) they don't necessarily care about the truth/logic/etc of the statement. They are just trying to convey their emotion often in the strongest way possible.
Thanks for pointing this out. This explains why I have a tough time saying back to people.
Fickle creatures
I feel, "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part", right now.
Hahaah
😂, fuck 😮
The only problem is that the state will not see your point and you will be severely punished financially if you use it in that context. Unless you’re marrying up 🤷🏻♂️
Right now is ever always now. (Cant escape it). So basically now is forever. Ps the now is not to be mistaken with the “situation” unfolding of course!
Yep. They’re the devil.
The part where you said, "I'm not responsible for someone else's emotions " is golden. But coping with their emotions is exhausting. It's easier to change them out routinely so that this behavior doesnt keep repeating itself. I dont need to be emotionally abused just because she feels a certain way. It is not okay to start shit just because they have emotions.
Smart AF. Thanks for sharing this technique. I work with men in The Netherlands who lead a men’s workshop teaching men how to disarm feminine drama (25 different destructive patterns). This technique for keeping your cool could be a nice adding. I’ll show them the episode.
Do you mind sharing your Website?
his technique seems to be simply applying the ideals of creating distance to emotions. If I am feeling depressed, I can say to myself, right now I feel depressed. or I am having the feeling that I am depressed. It seems he repurposed this to create emotional distance between the man and his female partners emotions. Ideally the woman would do this herself before she has some childish outburst though.
With women everything is for right now. This is why Masculine Indifference is always required to deal with their ever-changing emotional states.
Just repeat her whining statement in a whining high pitched toddler's voice. Give it straight back to her. Very often she'll laugh.
My indifference increases when good games come out to distract me from the fact they're likely getting attention from other dudes ⚰️
My girl will ask me what I want to do on a big decision and get FURIOUS I dont give her an immediate answer. "I don't know yet, I haven't thought about it" makes no sense to a creature that decides everything short term based off of emotions
@@jim-se5xcLike Homer Simpson? 🤪
@@jim-se5xcwomen dont have retrospection
Something to remember: if she's still capable of getting upset, she still cares. Her passion may be temporarily misguided, but at least the spark is still there. Some woman need the full spectrum of highs and lows to feel alive. They'll create drama when the waters are too calm. They'll poke you with a stick just to hear your growl, to know you still care.
Exactly... and I mean exactly... like a difficult child fishing for attention & validation.
And then they poke too much pushing one away and then wonder what happens.
That’s exhausting.
@@Kal-El207And immature, and selfish, and destructive, and chaotic, and annoying, and and and any number of other unpleasant things that no rational man would want to deal with.
@@ephraimwinslowthe same reason they wear g strings and thongs and underwears on beach, they are like dogs chasing their owner's attention in my eyes, "look at me master", they say they do it for themselves, tell me what will anyone get from getting their butt out around everyone, like what is it? What are they benefitting from doing so if it's really for them? Same goes with makeup.
this is the power of the internet, married 40 years and have lived and breathed everything this man said. I have been educated thank you sir
I've had a theory this is why women never shut up about how "vulnerability is strength". Yeah. Your choosing to be vulnerable for them is their strength.
ahhh crap...I needed this 2 hours ago...the damage is already done😂😂
No, the most recent time you needed this was 2 hours ago. There have likely been more moments in your life when this may have been useful, though - and it's definitely the same for me. Now is better than later, so keep your head high.
You'll have another opportunity for growth in...a few hours 😅😅
No, no, you feel like you needed this two hours ago, at this time.
You got it now so use it going forward
@@Aiketin87 that was a good one 😄👍
The “sandwich” treatment applied to the positive statements is absolute GOLD. I’ve had to learn the hard way that many times what a woman says is only true in the moment.
I wasn’t expecting it at all, but makes sense too 🥲
It is gold. Already used it on a positive today
You're all being fooled into a life of misery. Draw a hard line and put the nagging maniac in her place.
This made me laugh out loud. I turn 33 this November and have been with the same woman for nearly 12 years now. Not once has this concept been more clearly and concisely explained to me. This immediately clicked in my head. Great information. Next time I have some cash to spare I will be sending it your way. Much appreciated.
Outstanding video. A big mistake I have made in life is thinking the words from a woman were absolutes - being told I was the best man she had ever been with meant I had achieved something permanent, when it was just a temporary and passing moment of elation. Thanks for this video.
My friend was the master of not getting defensive ...he would laugh and tell her " I know you're trying to get me to lose my cool."
Master manipulator, for he wanted her to lose her cool.
Your friend just didnt care. It's not the same thing as staying cool with a woman you care about.
Narcissistic! Seriously!
Minimizing, belittling, undermining
They laugh when you say this and refuse to partake in the tomfoolery....they laugh, it's terrifying. I usually go straight to thinking she is cheating...
I honestly don't care if it is, "I feel" or not. The fact she can't calibrate her words to the person she is speaking to is telling me she is too childish and immature and it is time to step away. Edit: if it keeps happening.
I agree. Although, this is useful for dealing with a family member because you can't as easily eject them from your life. Everyone else gets zero tolerance and is immediately replaced I say. If you can't adult, you can't be around me.
Congrats, you don’t get it.
@@NickMart1985 sorry buddy, people (especially women) didn't talk like this 20 years ago... Clearly you don't understand the comment.
@@simoncameron4355 women havent changed that much in 20 years. Publicly and socially maybe, privately and personally they have not.
@NickMart1985 Nah, SimonCameron is right, your way sounds like being a doormat.
Your words have been Gold over the recent years! Thank you 🤝
I just downloaded this video. I've set alarms and other reminders to ensure I'll watch this once a week for an entire year.
Wow... Thank you.
You have an extra chromie?
Easy. Always be emotionally capable of letting her go if she wants you to change something fundamental about yourself and your dreams. I’ve experienced both sides of this. When you set boundaries and stay calm when they test you, maintaining the moral high ground, they know you aren’t naive. They will respect you. Then they can decide if they want to change themselves to stay with you or find another guy. Whether they stay or walk, you win by not losing yourself.
Wow well said, I need to write this down somewhere!
Add kids to this situation, now go!
Doesn’t work, you must be willing to humble yourself, and find a way to compromise for the sake of what’s now more important than your life and dreams.. your family.
If you’re dating, then yeah, this is great advice. If your married and/or have children, God be with you!
@@xARTi5Tx true. One would hope that these problems are uncovered before bringing innocent life into the situation. But many times they aren’t, in which case you must compromise your values to appease the woman’s feelings. Women are very smart and act differently before marriage and children so you must be very cautious. I know this first hand.
👆🏼
Yes. The moral high ground. Always play that card. However, they are so immature they will think of you as a cuck even if you have the moral high ground
Every young man needs to hear this. I learned all this the hard way.
Trouble is young people are 1. dealing very, very attractive other young people and 2. they are pumped full of hormones that dictate most of their decisions.
Almost impossible for them to overcome either fact. If they were dealing with passive aggressive, post menopausal, overweight women after many decades in the same relationship, they would be much more able to see things clearly.
Sexual attraction is very, very hard to overcome.
I agree I need to share this to my nephew it will most likely save his life 😊
Same
@@MrMatthewhg what do you mean exactly ?
I’m fairly natural and keeping my cool (very aware of my emotional response) Every girl I’ve dated that says “you don’t love me” or “you hate me” in a dispute I tell them to come here kindly, after some hesitation they usually come close.
I always just wrapped them in my arms (after opening them to them so they know I want them close) and talked to them tell them they know I love them and some subtle soothing shshsh’s like I would a younger child (because they are usually emotional at this point) as it is comforting. And then we talk as I hold them as they feel comfortable and safe.
Wow, that's the best way to handle her, notice that a lot of women start to call their mate "daddy". You just totally helped her understand/reminded her that she is being loved by you (who's important to her). That's so brilliant ! I think you've got it , you've found the answer!!!!! 💖🙏✝️
@@ddenise8428not really. He said every girl not 1 girl. Dude’s a player who can’t keep his dick to one chick
20 year old here. I found this so valuable. You have enlightened me. As you said, my responses to her "hurtful" and "untrue" statements were defensive, and i sometimes take everything she says in the moment of anger at face value, which have negatively affected my relationship. I used to be so hurt, after thinking all my efforts were in vain when she says things like, I dont love her. She had told me many times, she didnt mean the things she said when she was angry. Eventhough I too knew this in my brain, my heart couldnt catch up and I'd take long time to recover from the hurt. I didnt know every female were like this and it wasnt just me who was suffering until I saw the comment section of the video. We men make the mistake of using logic to counter the emotional behaviours of woman which is a losing game. Cannot thank you enough, sir. You sir, have saved my relationship. May god bless you ❤️
I’m 51 now and a lot more stoic in the face of a female emotionally charged situation. Actually, I’m no longer dealing with it. I just use one word and then don’t say anything else. That word is, “Noted”. Then I go and spend my time doing something for me. My partner is either complimentary to my life or not. She has the choice to leave.
This. Stoicism saves lives.
@@threethrushes”saves lives” also that guy: alone at 51
@@cc1drt also his choice men control the commitment women control the sex and so if he does not want to commit do to undesirable traits he doesn't have to simple really, and women can and do control there emotions and feels for bosses so why not for there husband or potential husband.
totaly agree!@@clintkysar1446
@@cc1drtalone isn’t a failure, especially if you’ve already had your children and raised them. I look at being alone in my 50s as a peaceful idea, friends and family are needed but a “life partner” is an option and can really hamper your one and only life if you’re not compatible. Not everyone is lonely when alone
You said in 12 minutes what takes years to comprehend through experience , On point !
And there's actually quite a lot of repetition in that 12 minutes!
This may be one of his best talks yet. As a 39 year old recently divorced father of two leaving a 17 year relationship I agree 1000% with this message! Young men would we wise to absorb the message. This man is doing God’s work!
Funny how my girlfriend once literally said: You must be guilty because of the way you react, innocent people stay calm. After which I researched that, and actually the opposite is true. In fact someone who is lying or guilty will most likely remain calm, and think about what to say and how to handle the situation in stead of going into the defense.
I then explained this to her after which we had a huge fight about it 😂.
“Truth hurts”
Since women's emotions are like the weather in Louisiana (if you don't like it, wait 15 minutes...it will change), this helps prevent getting swept up WITH her. Don't get too low, *OR* too high.
LOL we have this same saying about New England weather! But i reckon we get a lil more snow here than you do in cajun country!
Hey fellow Louisianan! So I guess winter is just over now and summer came early this year huh? 😂
As someone who grew up in The Netherlands, I can firmly agree. Being bothered by a woman's emotions is like getting bothered with the changing weather. it's pointless.
My mum asked me if I stole her diamond rings a few years ago. I said I didn’t steal them without being defensive.
‘Well where are they then?’
‘I have no idea’
After telling EVERYONE that I had stolen them, a few weeks later she found them. She had forgotten where she had hidden them. Then she had the gall to say ‘you could’ve tried harder to reassure me that you hadn’t taken them’.
I don’t talk to her anymore.
Man that’s sad. Take care 👍
Your mom is a narcissist. Typical behavior where they resort to deflection in order to avoid being held accountable after they threw a smear campaign on you.
Definitely keep her at arm’s length.
Wtf, you need to take her to get mental health checkup. That's not normal. I mean my grandma did that before onset of dementia.
She’s mentally ill, but still pathologically toxic. Have empathy for her, but still avoid her if she’s so toxic it brings you down.
😢
It is great that psychologists are recognizing and validating Patrice'a O'Neils ideas. I just wish he were credited more for the brilliance he had with no academic training in psychological study.
I'm pretty sure it was from him that I originally heard the "I feel"... "right now" trick.
I've been following the pickup, social dynamics and redpill community for over a decade now and I'm positively blown away at the quality of information in your videos. It's so rare to see solid, masculine and relevant advice like this, which isnt defeatist or blackpilled.
Hey
What communities are these, where can I join them?
"I feel like you're the father of my baby right now."
😂
Yup, sad but true.
"I feel like getting some milk right now" should be your answer.
I feel like i am not the father of your child:)
I feel like eating a halal pita sandwich 🥙
Best thing I've ever learned about women is that they need drama and they feel uncomfortable with long periods of peace..Therefore, they'll purposely do things to start arguments or try to get under your skin. Someone who is committed to being offended by or arguing with you is going to find a way regardless of what strategy you ploy. You can't completely ignore them but you definitely don't want to get emotionally riled up in these situations. If you do, it's essentially reinforcing/rewarding bad behavior.
sounds like those are damaged/ delusional women.
Drama isn't necessary in a healthy persons life but there needs to be some kind of entertainment/fun in order to balance the boredom of everyday life.
I beg do defer sir. They definitely can be ignored indefinitely.
@@Candlelight787 I agree...If you're not living with them
This is true, and why I've broken up with so many women. I value my peace over everything.
I agree with all of these comments.
When this video started I was thinking, "This sounds like a sexist view," as it went I realized, "No...this is for people who focus on the logical brain, who don't know how to use empathy for people who focus on the emotional brain!" This is actually great advice...I mean, not always women/men, but, yes, usually, as that is how society tends to train people.
Great advice! I'll keep that in mind. What's frustrating is she might say these things, not because she feels that way but because it gives her the edge in an argument - especially if she knows she's in the wrong.
This is the definition of cleverness.
The fact that you can change your perspective of things by adding words to a statement is brilliant.
I'm defenetly doing this in my next relationship
If that doesn’t work, get a dog.
No this is the definition of cope.
Fantastic... How many men have heard you're the greatest "blah" ever from a woman only to be in trouble an hour later. Women feel and change like the weather in WI..
They’re like children! 😂
He's 100% correct. I started using this mental stratagem 3 years into my relationship, and was significantly calmer during disputes. While she's flying off the handle, I stay present and focus on self-regulation vs her accusations or harsh remarks.
The easiest way yo not have an argument is, don't have an argument. Your advice absolutely helps one rearrange the tantrum into something that can be sorted.
This is really a more detailed and eloquent version of
'Regard women as grown children, in their emotional responses'.
And of course, holds just as true.
They change very little, past the age of 13 or 14. I remember very clearly in Jr high school, how fickle girls got by the time they reached 9th grade. How they felt yesterday, vs today about you, they could turn on a dime! But this " I feel \" insert comment\ at this moment" makes the concept CRYSTAL CLEAR. He is a very astute scientific observer.
Don Draper: "I feel like I'm talking to a little girl."
100% correct but there is a difference. I expect these volatile behaviors from a child and I expect to teach them how to work past issues. What is not my expectation or responsibilities is to navigate volcano 3D verbal chess with a fully grown adult female just because I always have to be 100% perfect and in "control" while she flies off the handle or judges and remembers every small thing I did, didn't, or sat or do wrong. It's not worth it, not even innthe slightest just for a small amount of intimacy and "companionship"? No thanks, I can get better love from a dog coming home to a nice quite empty big house filled with objectives or projects that don't give stress or anxiety and have constant peace
Adding The sandwich to a positive statement is genius. Doc just dismantled, cracked, resolved the heartbreaking mystery of every men walked on earth.
Thank you, Dr. Taraban. This video just gave me a lightbulb moment, I can see this being an effective strategy in the face of accusations. I wish I knew this years ago, would have prevented so much heartbreak. Thank you for all that you do, please keep up the good work 🙏
This is something I've already been doing for some years now and I dont just do this with women. It was an epihpany I had that NOTHING should ever be taken personally. Everything everyone ever does or says is ultimately a reflection of their own standards, beliefs, and values. To think im smart means that i met your standard of intellect. To think im dumb means i did not meet your standard of intellect. To like my blue hair is likely because you prefer that particular color. If we both look at the SAME painting...you love it. I hate it. Did the painting change? No. It simply held a mirror up to our personal standards of beauty and art. It met yours. It didnt meet mine. Nothing is ever personal. Its all a reflection of the person themselves. Once you truly ACCEPT this as a fundamental belief within your subconscious mind, you not only stop taking things personally but you also learn to shift perspectives effortlessly. You can at the drop of a dime switch to the perspective of the person who disagrees with you and accept that this is what they believe in. And if you knew the full context as far as WHY they believe in what they believe...you would understand EVEN FURTHER how much it has nothing at all to do with you. Stop taking responsibility for others words, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. They aren't yours. They're theirs.
If you constantly have to manage her emotions with "tactics" just leave and go find an adult woman because she is a child. Life is short gentleman don't waste it. Don't be afraid of being alone.
I had heard a very similar advice a few years ago but simpler, and honestly it amazed me the way it worked so well. I was told to just say "I understand you feel" + repeat what she says, and 9 out of 10 times she will calm down.
Women's brains are fascinating, in the same way worms' or flies' are.
Its like they claim 1+2=5, and you say no it isn't, and they say they FELT it was five because its a tuesday and she heard 2 is worth double on tuesdays, so cant you understand her FEELING that right now 1+2=5????
😂😂😂
Bro 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Women's brain are fascinating.... well, not for me
@St.Buddha_Brahman-Sun_of_Light Lol, be my guest.
Either that, or, leave. You can’t control what others feel or do. You CAN control what you tolerate.
If you calm yourself, honestly look at your feelings and actions, and feel you are being treated poorly, THAT MATTERS. MEN’S EMOTIONS MATTER.
“I’m not interested in someone who treats me like an enemy, and who I no longer trust” is a valid statement.
Keep your ego in check, but don’t devalue yourself. You are worth enough to express yourself too, and to have your own boundaries - we have no right to control others’ actions, but must not forget that they have no right to dictate ours without our consent.
Note to male victims of abuse: If somebody does try to control your actions, especially physically? Then, they get to be the one that goes to jail.
Simple as. Don’t engage, don’t negotiate, just leave and report a crime if a crime happened.
Note to myself: The sandwich trick is 1) to place "I feel" in front of any emotional state she expreses of you and 2) to put "right now" at the end her statements, this will give you a bigger and clear perspective aswell as not to take whatever she said personal or somethintbyou need to disproof.. its just her experience so you cant argue. 3) To descalate situations of conflict, use reflection methods like repeating what she said with "you feel that .....same thing she said........" And let her continue, it will make her feel heard and calm her down.
If a woman says that nonsense to me I'm skating. I don't care enough to parse their BS and play mental games in order to be able to tolerate childish behavior and manipulation. This is why I love the first 3 to 6 months of the relationship. I'm getting all the good stuff without any of this manipulative nonsense. When the nonsense starts, my attention is directed elsewhere.
Audios muchacha.
“When the nonsense starts, my attention is directed elsewhere.”
Identifying manipulative behavior and moving on from it is key to maintaining peace in life.
Great comment 100%
Sad but fact. I know that I would like it otherwise, but after that 3-6 months, sometimes longer, yep, it happens. And I'm mentally out, if not completely out. Not by my predetermined choice, it's just I won't tolerate that crap. And a new gal won't do that. Even worse to numb us, a gal breaking up with her BF/husband after years will "feel" all these love emotions for a new guy right away. Oh, those will be fleeting too but for us men it's bewildering at first to witness. That we are the recipient of those "love" emotions or the ex discarded.
Describes to a tee my own experiences. Somehow after about those 6 months the BS starts happening, they can’t keep repressing those “feelings” they have. I have absolutely no patience or tolerance for that. (as I get older the lesser patience) Usually it means saying goodbye. The ‘funny thing’ is a lot come back after a while, sometimes years, to try to reconnect. Some would say it’s just how women are, take it or leave it, I usually Leave It.
Same. I told my ex, I didn't appreciate her lack of trust in me and the unfounded assumptions she made. She came up with a long list of things she wanted me to change while she was unwilling to make a single change in herself. I told her I don't want to be with someone who lacks basic trust in me and expected me to all the changes.
@@nodeout5465its a great way to permanently deteriorate your ability to pair bond. And dont say thats not the goal because if its not why are you bothering with relationships anyway? Also 3-6 months is pathetic, usually takes 1.5-2 years minimum before i hear a peep of anything like this.
Maybe something shes saying really is your fault, but you wont hold yourself accountable either way because your ego is too fragile.
poor guy
I thought the sandwich strategy was .." go make me a sandwich". Lol
How about I’m going out for a sandwich 😉
you have to add " I feel "
@@nycgweed Just leaving the situation is probably the 2nd best move to take.
😂😂😂
Me too 😒
37 year old man right here and I gotta say thank you for sharing this with us. In 12 minutes I think you just solved my biggest issue in a relationship! I’ll keep this jewel 💎 with me forever!
With a majority of women, words are used to create feelings in you. The words are not true, the goal is to test your emotions.
I screwed up big time thinking my fiancee was somehow different than the girls i had dated previously.
Once she learned i would become emotional from her words, it was all over for me.
If what you're saying is true, you didn't screw up. It's just a testament to how fallen away we are from Love. You did exactly what you were supposed to do and SHE screwed up.
Like, swinging on someone then saying they messed up by flinching 🙃
As a linguistics erudite, I relish your command of the English language. Truly refreshing.
When I got divorced after 13.5 years together, my ex constantly attacked me like that.
She said that I never loved her, and never cared for her - even though my depression and self-cancellation fed her narcissism during the entire relationship.
I wish I've seen your videos two years ago. Thank you for this.
Stop engaging with her. Narcissists are gone gone.
Man I know the feeling.
I have been separated 16 months after 19 years of marriage.
I am not going back to her.
I started to heal and be my self again. Blessings man!!
In a gist , listen, repeat back what she says , don’t say more than you need to. Love the simplicity in this .
Overall a positive direction to how to deal with the emotional state of anyone. What’s missing here is what’s called “perspective taking” which will increase the feeling of being heard and accepted by the speaker. Example: “I hate you.” Is followed by a statement of “I feel your anger and that you have feelings of hate towards for me for things I’ve done and of course I don’t want you to feel that because I care about you but, I’ve done something to cause you pain and I accept that.” That increases her / home feeling heard and increases the empathic connection. Also, it’s likely to exceed her expectations which will also cause her / him to feel better about you.
"I feel I love you 'right now'.." LMAO
😭 shit is crazy
That is the reality though.
Han Solo knew about this, which is why he only said "I know" as reply 😜
This is scary bro ,i can't go back to my old way of thinking 😂
Living in the moment 😂
I always by default used to counter using facts and used to wonder why it never worked even though the facts were on my side. This clears up a lot of confusion. Thanks a lot!
My experience is that nothing causes a more delusional disconnect with reality than incontrovertible facts that contradicted her feelings.
Nothing.
Narcissism is the abomination of desolation.
Females HATE FACTS ...never use facts.
Ya, facts don’t stand a chance against her feelings in the moment. Later, when everyone is calm, facts may help. To a woman, her feelings often trump facts. Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars. It helps to remember this.
What she thought she was saying: I feel... etc.
What she heard you respond with: You don't feel that way because [facts].
Profound knowledge. Great tool. When arguing with a woman once about honesty she stated I meant it when I said it.
That statement troubled me for a long time. This video helps put that statement into perspective.
Man I wish I was wiser in my early 20s. This is such a simple way to view women and their words
Putting your future at the mercy of the fickle whims of a woman, is one of the most foolish things a man can do. If regret & disappointment are your goals, this is how you get them. Do yourself a favor, learn from the mistakes of those who have been there and done that. Risk management should always be the centerpiece of any relationship with women.
I wonder why marriage rates are at an all time low, and dropping rapidly?
So what do you propose to do instead?
@@filipkominos3111 The world is full of good women who have not been indoctrinated with the poison of feminism. For the most part, modern western women are a lost cause.
Why would they do that? How does anyone's emotions change your frame?
@@susanhaines7358 A woman can now get divorced with just a "I'm just not happy anymore", and poof, she knows the court system settlement will greatly favor her "fickle whim".
“Confession of her emotional state”
Prepend “I feel” to the start of her confessions of her emotional state. And append “right now” to the end. What a revelation and game changer.
Reminds me of Patrice O’Neal.
Patrice would frame the whole discussion around, ‘as a woman is r*ping your time and mental state, just prepend…’
@@wellnesspathforme6236lol
You are entirely correct, Doc. It took me 45 years as a man to understand this. I wish every young man understood this concept. It will save them lots of headaches in their relationships.
Fuckin' baller. This is a goldmine of simple and highly effective info any male brain can use to create the environments that get out of the madness/insanity state that often accompanies the highly emotional state and into that self-reflective and useful communication state. You're saving souls, Dr.
Thanks. Just went through a similar exchange with an 83 old lady 'friend' and I am 87 - so, life goes on - no matter what else happens. Good advice,
How is it being an 87 year old on RUclips?
@@cijalrahim6875What I wouldn’t pay to see his algorithmic feed?
@MountainViews90 Let’s not mock him now, we don’t know anything about him.
Wow, an 87 year old on the internet. You are older than the oldest people I interact with (as my grandparents are all already dead tho I’m just 23)
You are rare in these here spaces my good sir
@@user-go2xi7zq5q He should create a RUclips channel in which he relates stories about his life. I would subscribe to it in a heartbeat.
Truer words were never spoken about women!
You sir, are God sent! I've been at the receiving end of so many illogical verbal beatings from my partner to the point of me thinking I'm going crazy. No matter how much I would try to plead my case with obvious facts, I ended up more guilty than ever before. What you just shared is the ultimate cheat code, I can't wait to try it out!
“I love you” becomes “i feel like i love you… right now” 🙃
It shows you how many women are so emotionally minded. You can see how he adds "I feel" and "right now" in order for us to understand female behavior. It's all about the feelz and the immediate situation. Somewhat akin to children. Emotion always rears it's head first due to coming on automatically by itself but rational thoughtful reasoning normally requires work in a though process and takes time, intelligence and self control.
they never be not emotional. they work: instinct, emotion, reason. you can force them to reason first but it will never become the default. and in this extremist femnitzi world, you cant force them. they are basically children, their animalistic layer is always on top. because of that their whole existence is about "feel good" = always satisfy her instinctual needs (aka reproduction) in the moment. this is why they never became a leader class of societies. they are just useful idlots for the system.
Women are emotional and men logical. Even in the homosexual world one will be emotional aka more feminine. Two fem men are a mess. Cannot change how a person is created. Find a logical man is my best advice
“I feel” like that is some of the best advice I have ever heard regarding women and relationships “right now” 🙂. Thanks for sharing this.
You are a God send, I was always aware of the "I feel" part, but the way you peiced it, with the "right now" this is a God tool, you can't go wrong from here on out 👏🏾😮💨
6:54, This was something that at first sort of went right over my head, but intuitively I noticed that without logical sensibility, I replayed it and realized that I've struggled with this part immensely. You're completely right and I made communication worse because I didn't understand this, not one bit. I would sit there saying, trying to get her to admit that "she feels" not "it is" and of course now instead of telling someone to just genuinely say it how it is, this makes it clear that I'm the one who's facing a difference and was not communicating in a fashion that is conductive. Behind my view, its a very straight forward mentality, playing games and claiming things and expressing feelings are drastically different. But your explanation is something I've never been able to get a girl say or express to me other than in a fit. Thank you, I know for the future that the first thing I do is create space (not look down on her for being stupid because that's not helpful) and allow comments through without facing it head on like a truck. For reference, I'm undiagnosed but very likely on the spectrum and I don't know but this was insanely helpful. I was struggling because I didn't want to just write off what someone says or be condescending and this offers a wise and insightful translation to what would otherwise just be, to me, 'wasting time'. A touchy value is to just speak clearly and say what you mean without filler, so this is a very important distinction between how to handle the situations properly and with care, where my care was for both of us, just destructive due to the stark and hollow expectations I had. Awesome!
This is awesome, you can just simply say, "interesting."
One of my biggest boundaries with my women is, they are never allowed to say "I love you" to me. They find it hard at first but after some time they learn to adapt to "I adore it when..." Keeps me in pace with them and lets them feel like they are setting the stage. Reality I'm paying attention to their actions.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Reflection, is hilarious. The British Comedian, Benny Hill (RIP), used to do comedy skits on "reflection." He'd dress up as a middle aged woman, wearing a whig, doing dishes in the kitchen being interviewed by some off-screen voice. BH, in drag, would say to the camera, "I love doing dishes with Happy Spring Dish Soap." The off screen voice would say, ...you love doing dishes with Happy Spring Soap? "Yes, and it smells so wonderful." It smells so wonderful. "Yes, and it's easy on my hands and it makes my skin feel so good!" ...your skin is nice and you like that? "Yes, I'm so happy I feel good washing dishes with Happy Spring Soap." ...and you're happy. "Yes, and when the dishes are done, I can move on to something else." ...so you can move on to the next thing? "Yes, .... this skit never stopped! 🤣
One of the most helpful videos I’ve ever watched on relationships. Thank you
Dr. Taraban, you’re keeping my head above water right now.
Thank you for the incredible service you’re providing men everywhere. Yours is a medicine we all need.
I know for certain your wisdom will positively impact my interaction with women moving forward. In the past I gave reasons and explanations to an emotionally-charged woman. Not knowing I was validating what she felt in the moment. Now I am fully aware that doing so is like adding fuel to a fire. More accurate reflection instead. Thank you!
This episode is pure 24k gold. I’m glad people (me included) are reviving this wisdom. Thanks a lot!
Reading that, I can't help but hear MHD in my head saying "puuure gold!" 😆
I sense an amount of wisdom coming from this video that I never sensed before in my life.
The more I learn about women, I swear to god, the less I want to have anything to do with them. I genuinely enjoy the honest and straightforward company of men
This one made me subscribe. My wife is 6 weeks pregnant now and she hasn’t learned yet how to manage the mood swings that come from the increased hormones. This video is a life saver that came right on time
Great timming, brother. Good luck!
I feel so sorry both for your wife and the unfortunate child you will have.
congrates in advance but... why would she learn if you havent taught her and why would she? thats just how women are
@@cosmicystn3626 Hope it's a girl.
This is still one of the best channels to learn things about relationhips. Teraban has already been a top shelf content creator but this video is on another level.
This man is a genius and deserves all the success he is getting and more! Thanks for the great content!
Genius video. There's a necessary gap between what one person feels and what another is responsible for. Adam Ant said it best, "If it means heartache, then give it up for YOUR sake."
This is possibly the most useful tool I've heard shared in any of your videos I've come across. Thank you
Those who understand women never argue with them.
I just figured this out last year that that these miscommunications almost always go away if I remember a) that temporary emotional statements and b) to remember what it is that made her feel that way so that I can either apologize for it or take a more delicate path in the future. The sandwich method is the best way I've heard it visualized!
This is gold. This simple technique could have made me a better listener and saved my relationship. Hope I remember it for the next one.
Wow... give this man a Nobel!!!
Wise wise words. The things you are talking about are something that men usually have to learn by experiencing these things with women. Failing first and slowly maturing.
The sheer ridiculousness of the statement, “She is a full grown adult” whilst talking about an irrational, emotional tantrum is blindingly ironic.
Women are forever children, and should be regarded as such in all areas of their lives
I wish heard u 6 yrs ago . I wouldnt have fallen into a toxic relationship. But thank u so much mate . U are making many men's lives better .
Possibly the most valuable episode you've put out and that's saying something.
Just from the title, the image of the Gordon Ramsay idiot sandwich meme popped into my head. That probably wouldn't be a great strategy.
"What are you¿"
@@LittleMew133From Boston?
@@georgeelder8415 Wot from Boston? The idiot sammiches?
SHEEESH life changing. Reframing what they say is a game changer