I have communicated problems in my family by e-mail or card because I have dealt with years of shouting and intimidating me into silence as well as demeaning to shut me down. So later in life, knowing how they react when told they have been hurtful, I send a letter and let them ruminate on it before calling to ask if they got it and what they thought. The response I got was raging over the phone refusing to hold a conversation about what was going on. I put these people out of my life because it was impossible to have a rational and reasonable conversation to resolve problems in the relationship and they did not stop how they treated me.
Seems like a very genuine person. He’s a rarity these days. Obviously very smart yet surprisingly modest. Gives great comments on how to handle important everyday situations without the all too familiar mansplaining we often get from random experts on RUclips. Hope his book does well! Looking forward to getting a copy!
Thank you Jefferson. I always get a good feeling listening to your voice and videos, they give me a lot of confidence. I’m thinking about using your ideas soon on someone. Yes, thank you very much.
Totally. When a woman has to defend herself raised in a rough neighborhood or if she's direct due to the white matter in her brain making her talk directly and highly regarding justice and fairness or literal etc. Some of us are unable to speak indirectly. We'd be dead by now.
Saying like every other word makes me focus on the likes instead of the conversation. In the 1970s, it was you know. My father used to reply… “ No, I don’t know.” Shut it down fast. 😂😂😂 Bad news delivery is best direct. My son was recently diagnosed with late stage cancer. I appreciated the doctor coming in and saying that he had no easy way to say it and out it came. You’re in such shock I thought it the best way to get that devastating news.
I always do the "I hate to bother you" and it doesn't bother me when people say that to me. I don't work in the corporate world, I work in research. I think we are a different sort because we are all sort of like that. a bunch of people doing our own thing that will go out of our way to help another researcher.
Jefferson rocks! I'm wondering whether there is any advice for dealing with someone with Oppositional Defiant Disorder - would love to see Jefferson's take on that. Thank you Doug also.
A mechanic offered to stop by my house to figure out what was wrong with a classic car of mine. He never showed up. Instead made all kinds of excuses why he couldn’t come. Never intended to stop by evidently. He should been direct and told me he was too busy rather than make excuses and never show up. I’m a fan of being direct, and respect people who are direct with me.
are you from another culture? I have observed that asians, Italians, Russians, and other non-US cultures are very direct. in the US they come off rude, but if you watch them interact with each other, you realize that's just how they talk and no one takes offense…it's actually refreshing.
There are gender differences that are cultural. I am a direct woman, and I have often paid a price for being direct. Men and women expect and want women to be reductive.
I’m a very direct woman too and found struggles with that but over time if you match the directness with warmth, you will be received pretty well. My experience is people will respect you more and trust you as well. The rule is “speak directly, care personally” when people feel like you are say something potentially harsh for a good reason- and you have their best interest at heart, they will listen. If you come off as someone who just says things to rile people up with no sensitivity, then people will understandably think your a jackass
I really like Jefferson. He is confident respectful and an all around good person.
Like listening to Jefferson. He is polished. He is wise. He has a good delivery.
Jefferson is a special soul❣️ His EQ is 🤯 It brings me great joy to witness his brilliance and know he is helping raising consciousness. 🙏✨
I have communicated problems in my family by e-mail or card because I have dealt with years of shouting and intimidating me into silence as well as demeaning to shut me down. So later in life, knowing how they react when told they have been hurtful, I send a letter and let them ruminate on it before calling to ask if they got it and what they thought. The response I got was raging over the phone refusing to hold a conversation about what was going on. I put these people out of my life because it was impossible to have a rational and reasonable conversation to resolve problems in the relationship and they did not stop how they treated me.
Wonderful guest, great conversation, highly valuable lessons, thank you both🙏
Seems like a very genuine person. He’s a rarity these days. Obviously very smart yet surprisingly modest. Gives great comments on how to handle important everyday situations without the all too familiar mansplaining we often get from random experts on RUclips. Hope his book does well! Looking forward to getting a copy!
He reminds me of you bro
@@paradise745 Thank you. And right back at you.
That salary, bad news or announcing the conversation before hand tip was priceless. Thank you.
Wow this is a great conversation, and great topic, thank you both so so much !
Thank you Jefferson. I always get a good feeling listening to your voice and videos, they give me a lot of confidence. I’m thinking about using your ideas soon on someone. Yes, thank you very much.
Awesome advice, thank you both!
Men who are direct are perceived as assertive. Women who are direct are perceived as aggressive.
Totally. When a woman has to defend herself raised in a rough neighborhood or if she's direct due to the white matter in her brain making her talk directly and highly regarding justice and fairness or literal etc. Some of us are unable to speak indirectly. We'd be dead by now.
I came across Jefferson on FB and stop and listen what his simple wisdom. Where did he come from … oh, yeah TEXAS of course!!
Saying like every other word makes me focus on the likes instead of the conversation. In the 1970s, it was you know. My father used to reply… “ No, I don’t know.” Shut it down fast. 😂😂😂 Bad news delivery is best direct. My son was recently diagnosed with late stage cancer. I appreciated the doctor coming in and saying that he had no easy way to say it and out it came. You’re in such shock I thought it the best way to get that devastating news.
I always do the "I hate to bother you" and it doesn't bother me when people say that to me. I don't work in the corporate world, I work in research. I think we are a different sort because we are all sort of like that. a bunch of people doing our own thing that will go out of our way to help another researcher.
Jefferson rocks! I'm wondering whether there is any advice for dealing with someone with Oppositional Defiant Disorder - would love to see Jefferson's take on that. Thank you Doug also.
if a stranger yelled at me, I would just look in their eyes and not says a word.
Some confident men do not want to shake to strong bc it’s disrespectful as well!
❤
In my mother's home we weren't allowed to swear..u swear u get the back of dad's hand. Swearing us better half of ignorance as my mom use to say
I get lambasted frequently for being direct. I think it's flawed to make blanket statements like were made here.
A mechanic offered to stop by my house to figure out what was wrong with a classic car of mine. He never showed up. Instead made all kinds of excuses why he couldn’t come. Never intended to stop by evidently. He should been direct and told me he was too busy rather than make excuses and never show up. I’m a fan of being direct, and respect people who are direct with me.
are you from another culture? I have observed that asians, Italians, Russians, and other non-US cultures are very direct. in the US they come off rude, but if you watch them interact with each other, you realize that's just how they talk and no one takes offense…it's actually refreshing.
There are gender differences that are cultural. I am a direct woman, and I have often paid a price for being direct. Men and women expect and want women to be reductive.
I’m a very direct woman too and found struggles with that but over time if you match the directness with warmth, you will be received pretty well. My experience is people will respect you more and trust you as well. The rule is “speak directly, care personally” when people feel like you are say something potentially harsh for a good reason- and you have their best interest at heart, they will listen. If you come off as someone who just says things to rile people up with no sensitivity, then people will understandably think your a jackass
I can't feel good about the term created by Peterson "high value" esteem means more than what that term means.
How about your father? He doesn’t even know what you’re talking about.