I think it’s about how YOU make them feel “within” themselves. That’s different. What vibes/energy etc did they feel within themselves after experiencing being in YOUR presence n talking to you or whatever for a period of time. The period of time doesn’t have to be long either.
Chew on this for a second ....if our inherent nature is to reach homeostasis. And I believe it is then this is a perfect situation I'd have to say perhaps changing the lens of perception would be ideal because the eyes of projection leads to destruction. And all the information we process is all the same it's what we do with that information that is key .. ..
I don't like sneaky creepy people that just agree with everything. THEY ARE LYING TO YOU. NO ONE AGREES WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAY. UNLESS THEY ARE LYING.
How should one respond when you are being abused in public before everyone continuously? Tried not saying anything but it is not helping but making situation worse. What if our goals do not align with theirs
One of my favorite things he said "see the person's words falling to the ground" if they are attacking or agitated. Don't let the words "hit you". There is just a wealth of information that comes from this humble guy.❤
I use to clean the kitchen when my kids came home. Let them talk while I focused on not dishes, smile, scrub, smile, scour, smile slam dishwasher door. At supper we talked casual cause yah know, I scrubbed a hole thru the pizza pan
Going through all the comments, I was looking for one remark about how he has made friends with the camera - did it come naturally or was there a lot of work involved? He has a refined practice of briefly glancing away from the camera, seemingly in random directions. It’s so disciplined that I couldn’t tell which way he had to look to see his interviewer. Most YT hosts - and almost all of their guests - never accomplish this level of friending the camera. Professionals often relieve guests of the stress of talking to a lense by filming from angles so they’re facing & focusing on their interviewer(s).
This young lawyer is brilliant. He modeled everything he was saying, most prominently, direct and consistent eye contact throughout the entire interview. He gave some super simple yet practical tips. My favorite was, "let your breath be your first word." I'll be bookmarking this so I can refer back.
Yes he is. I’ve spent significant time listening to his Instagram posts on improving communication skills; he covers it all, everything. He emphasized that he always prefers a kind and patient approach, even with difficult people, even when he does not need to be kind due to their disrespect. His posts are incredibly insightful and he always keeps it real. He’s the ‘sage uncle’ you wish you had in your family😂
Oh my gosh...modesty has kept this man from seeing the reason for his huge success is far more than his actual expertise and informational content. It is the sweetness of his spirit, the gentle goodness of who he really is. That soul deep smile is endearing beyond description. HE COULD NOT FAIL TO BECOME WILDLY ACCEPTED! Blessings to him for appearing on the social scene at this time of ugliness among people.
Gads! If he weren't already FAMILIED,... He is a rare commodity these days. Makes the host look like a total dork, just by being his kind, truly confident self. Insecurity sure shows up beside that!!
Too often, social media has killed kindness and increased division in interactions. How refreshing to see social media being used to help us learn (or restore) the discipline and art of meaningful, redemptive conversation. Thank you! We all need this.
Authentic and thoughtful. No wonder his channel exploded. Authentic people are as rare as hen’s teeth these days and at a time when people are starving for truth and reality he is as welcome as an oasis in the desert. Very refreshing. Well done, Mr. Fisher.
I disagree. Unless it is an audiobook on meditation. No doubt he has a soothing voice. Some would call it monotone or insipid. But for narration of audiobooks, you need inflection and different tones. He definitely has the voice of a peacemaker. And some good suggestions on how to improve communication. Do all lawyers learn these communication techniques or has he studied communication extensively?
Kudos to the interviewer for prefacing questions extremely well, didn’t over speak or over state…really impressive interview style who’s questions led to valuable information.
Why are we not taught more of things like this in school? Just how to be in relationships with other people and handle conflicts appropriately. Could definitely take some years out of the other core subjects. Plenty of room and time to fit in these important social skills.
Because so called educational institutions had always an agenda to be instrumental to dumb down humanity, to disconnect individuality of each one of us and want to control us through fear , creating insecurities and cultivate Hive mentality instead of individuality.
Because it's your dad's job? Schools are not meant to replace your parents. Your values, your character, your demeanor etc are all things that are supposed to be developed by your PARENTS
This information is extremely valuable to me. I'm 46, male, and have cptsd. Unfortunately, I haven't had intelligent and empathetic males to learn from until this video. Sincerely, thank you both.
Wow. Best comment. I meet a lot of young people who are in recovery from profound trauma. I’m going to recommend this guys channel and in particular this video
This man is what society needs now, an intelligent, sincere, good-natured, humble man who wants create harmony and good will in this world. People are tired of discord. They recognize real when they see it and it is deeply refreshing and humanizing and that's why his channel has taken off.
"You're giving them a manual instead of a remote". So much wisdom in this conversation. I had to watch this video several times to take it all in. Better than all the self-help books I've read. His parents must be very proud.
Not sure if this has anything to do with luck! He is an awesome guy and I’m sure he gravitated towards an awesome woman that he chose as his wife. Greatness gravitated towards each other. ❤ What’s that say…. “ You attract what you are”
What I found astonishing was the fact that the host of the podcast started to match the lawyers tone and approach to the conversation. I do not know if that was intentional or as a side effect but it was amazing to see.
"Often the person says the most knows the least." Perfectly said. Words are summary of you, your intellectual & understanding of the situation. So be silent to listen. Listening is your best weapon & Listening also heals others.
I've been following Jefferson for a while now. His advice is the absolute best! I need it as I am still triggered by false accusations. I grew up with two narcissistic parents who emotionally abused me and made me the scapegoat. While I worked hard facing the truth behind their lies, I'm still affected when I'm attacked for something I never said, thought, or felt. Given that, I'm taking all the advice in this interview to heart. My friend is going through something big and lashed out at me; I got overly defensive and regret that I did. I'll keep working on it. It's worth the pain along the way.
I loved “win the argument and you win contempt” so I wrote it on an already existing post it that reads “psalm 25” and love that psalm 25 that starts out “2 I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.” What you said is a very humble approach and I think God would like it very much if I could take that humble route in an argument.
Another good verse in Psalm 25 related to this conversation is verse 9. "The MEEK will he guide in judgment: and the MEEK will he teach his ways." God guides those in exercising proper judgment who maintain a meek spirit. Several commented on this page about the speaker's calm demeanor - meekness. More great council about confrontation. James 1:19 KJV "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:"
The world would be in a much better place. "Boundaries ". Keep pushing out these kind of podcasts. You're helping people. ❤ just breathe. You're a Rockstar.
The challenge I have is communicating with those who want to interject the second there is the slightest pause. It throws my train of thought off and if I stop them to let me finish, I know that whatever I continue saying is pointless because they're not paying attention and are instead formulating a retort or counter argument in their mind rather than actively listening.
I understand. Let that be their problem though. Eventually someone will recognize the calm value you’re bringing and they’ll let you finish speaking. Those are the people whose opinions matter; the people who objectively listen. The issue is that most people don’t have that part of life figured out yet. They’re needing to hear themselves speak. Just wait for the good, rare ones. They’re out here. You’ll meet them.
This is the thought I had, immediately. This advice is applicable to a very very very specific scenario. The majority of individuals that need this advice, are in much different scenarios and speaking with a much different group of people. This is excellent advice when you’re in a conversation filled with elite professionals, or a high stakes customer facing conversation. But in most real life scenarios, this would be a very niche approach.
As someone who’s been accused of being like the person you’re describing, I hear you and I get that it’s frustrating when you don’t feel like the person cares. I, however, having been raised by very verbose waxing poetic parents, struggle to be “talked at” rather than included in the conversation. When I talk, I don’t need to be interrupted, because I speak in a way that allows for a more consistent back and forth. I try to talk one point at a time, and then allow the other person to respond to that point, and so on. You sound just like my ex. And I’ll be honest, he doesn’t share the floor, he doesn’t share the mic. You can’t go on for 20 minutes making 17 points in a row without allowing the person listening to you to respond to what you’re saying, at least intermittently, otherwise it’s unfair. If you’re like that, and you just sort of monologue at the person instead of allowing the conversation to flow, if the other person doesn’t interrupt, you will have already moved on to something different and go on for another 20 minutes. That’s not a conversation, that’s a lecture.
Brilliant lawyer... respecting others and being treated with respect is the common denominator here. RESPECT resolves a lot of resentful situations and deescalates unhealthy sticky arguments that at times lead to nowhere.
"you do not have to attend every argument you are invited to." "Do we have to agree on this?" This guy drops so many truths in a one hour span that I'm already sure ill have to find more clips and listen tk this twice.
@@dw9034- when? like people like to romance about how civil the founding fathers were, but in reality, they used to duel to the death when they had disagreements.
@@letsgetit90When I was growing up in the 80's, discussion and healthy debate about politics and religion, God, questions of moralty, ANYTHING atal andy friendswere all different. All over the map. Differences were considered INTERESTING, not threatening to someone's very SURVIVAL!! SO, we don't have to go all the way back to the 1700's to find civility and hypocrisy.
I am 58 and seem to be unable to communicate with people who I consider superior without it ending in tears. I have absolutely no idea how to assume an air of confidence. I really need it learn to communicate from thee ground up I think. Obviously goes back to a very traumatic childhood I guess but I really love this.
This is great. An OCPD guy with narcissistic tendencies became my manager about 10 years ago. I used to try to communicate with him to solve problems, but he took great offense as if I was only there to be his personal helper in his career. Very bizarre. I now say very little to him, since it is useless, and prefer to reserve my thoughts and ideas for the smarter people in the office. Even then the words don't matter as much as having learned how to create silent boundaries that redirect toxic people towards barking up other trees.
Mr Fisher, im 65, have lived through years of experiencing panic attacks. Stress attacks i call them. One dr spoke to me in a way that simply made all clear, calm, I learned to stop attacks. Learned it's fight/ flight stuff, we do have the ability to remain in control. Hope you overcome them, it is truly possible! I say if I can, people like you can for sure. It's not being weak, it's real. Went to hospital several times, thought heart attack? You can, and will find your peace again. Trust that!
Jefferson’s communication advice is so intentional and resonates confidence along with grace and humility ~ which is why I trust and respect his knowledge w human behavior and communication… He understands the fact and brings to light how conflict is perceived differently by each person as each of us has grown up differently around conflict and awareness and observations.. which circles back to his understanding and importance of human behavior, which is inherently relevant especially in his work environment.
Not sure why the AI decided to send this, but I absolutely loved this! One of the best videos I watched in a while. A lot of useful gems here 💯 Thanks YT 😊
I have listened to many of Jefferson Fisher’s short thoughts on RUclips and fb. They are quite valuable. This longer format/interview is even better. If every boss, partner, family member, or friend had even 20% of these skills -the world would be a better place. Thank-you Jefferson😊
I love the candor and genuineness of unscripted conversations like this. About 37 mins in regarding the term narcissism being "just a couple years old", having not read any other comments, I'm sure you're now aware that that was not accurate. That said, your content on your channel has been very helpful to me as was this conversation. Thank you.
These techniques are absolutely refreshing and practical. I'm going to watch again and take notes. I felt very empowered, and I'm determined to master these techniques.
I find it useful to ask myself, "Is a hill I want to die on?" when dealing with a difficult, argumentative person. It helps focus my attention on what really matters.
Thank you for acknowledging those of us who grew up in chaos. Being reactive and defensive is like breathing to people like us. Now I'm 60 and still dealing with this stuff. Life can be brutal - and when it hits, the old reactions are right under the surface. My marriage has suffered immensely because of my maladaptive way of thinking. It feels impossible to change, but I want to learn. Thanks for this video.
So much respect for this lawyer!! I can relate to your feelings. Not the anxiety, but the feelings of exposure and being all along in this situation. But the respect to you is for the person you are and that nothing is changing you in a bad way. Thats my slogan to a great person: never change, keep being that great and don't let anything to change you for worse and never become snobby.
I may have to rewatch this several times to really absorb it more fully. So many (seemingly) simple, yet impactful recommendations on how to have better conversations in only an hour! So many subtle shifts that I wish I’d understood when engaging with loved ones in prior conversations. Thank you, both!
Raised in an abusive household, yes some of that crap lingers on and creeps into your mature adult life. Another thing don’t confuse when people respond calmly but are not calm at all, especially when they deliver their responds while speaking to you “calmly” when the message was pure fuel. They are doing that mainly for themselves and to gain control, since they feel that’ll intimidate who they’re giving that message to.
This was a fantastic video. I learned a lot! The main reason I love your videos is that you are very calm when you speak and respond to others. You are a great teacher! This is why you became so popular so quickly! I am not a good communicator and you are correct about a lot of the way I react to a situation is because of how I was raised. Mom mother screamed and cussed at all of us on a regular. She always taught me to prove my point! In other words win the conversation! I am finally learning that that is not the best way to communicate. Thank you for being so vulnerable in this video! 🤗❤
Good Texan boy turned into a fine human. Not only has he chosen well, but he clearly has had great examples in his life, perhaps a faith he follows that is about forgiveness/love/accountability and a beautifully exercised personality. In other words, he knows himself, human experience and grace. Bravo!
I' ve been following mr. Fisher for a while... just so brilliant, articulate, informative, kind and helpful with his content... From the start I was impressed!! This video is gold!!! Thank you Jefferson Fisher❤
Great stuff. I have written a book on loneliness and have a section about improving our communication skills. This idea of our first response should be a breath is brilliant followed up by not having to swing at every pitch. Taking a breath is really trying to put ourselves in a parasympathetic state which is less fight and more amenable to a constructive conversation. Thanks
We men learn so much about gaining authority and respect by watching our fathers and father figures. I watched my dad be genuine and interested in every single person he talked to, whether he knew them or not, and treat everyone with respect and I saw how it earned him admiration and respect. That’s when I knew and started interacting the exact same way
Winning an argument is losing the relationship. All you get is contempt. 😅so very true. Solid advice and sound discourse. Thanks to the moderator for posting.
I grew up in a very toxic and poor environment. At 38, im still trying to change the programming. Im frustrated that some people have outstanding parents and others are dealt the shittiest of hands. Its puts us behind the startline. Im aware this is a vicirm mentality and i try to improve by the day. I am humbled and appreciate the small things in life. I jus feel like im not as successful as i should be. Hope everyone who reads this is doing okay. Youre here so you're trying. Keep up the great work!!
Very informative video, I love how they addressed actual scenarios and examples rather than giving higher level theoretical gibberish. The lawyer is charismatic and bright !
As a linguist I totally agree. People who speak over 580 words per minute do not get as much respect as slower, calm speakers. Also, interrupting loses the speaker. This video is gold.
Thank you so much Jefferson! I am using an exclamation point because I would shout that to you in excitement if I saw you in person. I appreciate every word you speak. I have been following you because what you say makes sense. You are the only lawyer I have ever experienced in which I have agreed with everything you say. I am applying and practicing what you are teaching. This is amazing. You are an amazing man to be so kind to take the time to help millions of people. You are helping improve our society by doing this. God bless you Jefferson Fisher.
my name is Sandy, Wayne has you tube on main tv. I follow you to listen relaxed, repetitive to unlearn my negative speaking and learning to manage my family conversations that are negative as well. family personalities are difficult at times.
I'm going through a rough time at work, and the advise on this video is so very helpful! Communication with management and how they speak to us is a big issue in my job environment, and this video was exactly what I needed to hear to deal with it!
I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I'm a senior manager at my company, and I'm always soul searching to deal with people the right way, influence the staff instead of putting them down.
I listened to too many motivational speakers encouraging job seekers to be vibrant, confident, body movement, high energy during job interview. I tried this and I failed the interview, I missed the trend and I was off the track. I am naturally a vibrant person who can not keep conversations for too long. In respect to what he is saying, there are two personalities, those that are naturally high energy and those with low energy. If you are high energy you need to slow down and pause most often. If you are low energy you need to tune up a little bit , the online motivational speakers on job interview never told you this. I love this interview
This is a wise man !!!!! We lose so much in our lack to communicate when there is a background agenda. I have always been drawn to people who speaks in the way he is guiding us . I am so grateful to have come across this video and it has enlightened me personally to my short comings to communicate for too many years and I will be practicing his teaching from this day foward as it key to be able to go forth in every day life , in every day situations to hone this important skill and makes all the difference in the world ♥️ thank you
I appreciate this a lot: I was in shock/fear yesterday and had no option to do otherwise when a stranger ran up behind my son and postured as if he had a gun to the back of my sons head & said: “give me everything you got!” & then started to laugh and asked for some candy my son was eating. We just stared at him and would’ve likely been unalive if he had a real gun but this pause- allowed me to decide what path I needed to take in order to walk away safely with my son. I made my own person a barrier between the two of them & directed my son to walk around me & away while i told this man: “there is nothing funny about what you just did, that would scare anybody so NO of course you cannot have some candy”….and i kept my eyes on him as we walked away and he followed us for a a few steps but I gave him a glare and locked eyes with everyone in the vicinity and allowed him to see me doing that. The old me would’ve just clocked him for even touching my son.
I really like the analogy of things people say to you being like they're throwing balls at you and you don't have to take a swing at every one. Don't let people control you like that.
I find it humorous (in a compassionate way, not derisively) that these guys are teaching mirroring and empathy. I think it’s great. As a female, we learn this from other females. Many of us do this intuitively. It’s good the guys are catching up. ❤
I just found your podcast today, Doug while trying to hear more from Jefferson who I came across as a suggested video in my feed. I appreciate the deep sincerity and vulnerability in this talk that you both had.There is a lot of knowledge to gain! Thanks so much for recording this for me to hear and share with those I care about.
This conversation has changed my energy in my body. The questions asked and the answers given has opened me up to a level of trust. When you here and feel into the truth of someone who is strong on the inside and can share honest feelings, this relaxes a person who has taken too many hits of abuse since childhood. The little girl in me sees you as a teacher to be trusted. Thank you for your lighthouse and bridge. ~~~
I have observed this in people, including myself. What I have experienced is that when people go through abuse or trauma they are often put into survival mode. This can affect the personality in a way where you become ultra nice. It is simply just survival. People do it because they are afraid to be criticized, maligned, attacked, and so on. This does not necessarily mean that the person is a bad person or they are a liar. It just means that they are trying to over compensate like he said. It doesn't make them a deceiver either. They are simply just stuck in survival mode. I hope that people understand the difference because I often see false accusations against innocent people who have simply just been abused and have a little bit of a personality quirk that they need to work through. The worst part is that someone who has been abused will be fully accused because of personality and not actual intent to harm or cause issues. Most people though cannot see that and separate the two.
So interesting I came across this because I literally have grown spiritually the past 9 yrs, and I carry myself completely different from my posture, to my eye contact, to the pace of my conversation. I noticed how fidgety, insecure, and anxious most people are who talk to me. The lack of eye contact is #1.
Dang hearing this guy talk about gaining 100,000 subscribers a day just open my mind to the pressure that these RUclipsrs must go through, this guy's very on top of it I can't even imagine what it feels like for all those young people (RUclipsrs)
It’s our sinful nature of saying No / mine / and it’s hard to die to that self 😞Only the Lord can give us the strength and peace as he using others and tools to help us navigate through this selfishness we all have and what we have seen and have been taught and I’m thankful for giving us your life experiences and tools to mature us and bring us to a healthier mindset.❤
This is why I haven't started posting videos...I had a fear of blowing up and then not being able to deliver once that happened. However, your story has put things in perspective for me. Continued success, great interview.
Hey Jefferson, I enjoy your series of reels &:conversations I think the reason why I started listening to you is because you stay authentic and seem just natural even as a Lawyer..Thank you for being you.😊
What puzzles me is that sometimes when ppl dont respond it may be that they can’t or wont empathize - there is nothing there - they dont care. The absence os response can be an indication that the relationship has limitations that I need to accept. If it’s a sibling, and i want connection but its not there, i need to accept that. Not to hold onto a fantasy of a closer relationship. Babbling here…just trying to figure out stuff.
❤ Losing respect by winning an argument, so right, they actually lost by winning ... the conflict of feelings in conflict. This is so very helpful. Everyone has different communication styles. Processing in the middle of conflict the feelings coming and to verbalize the hurt and reactions at the same time isn't easy. Sometimes, the hurtful exchange leaves one speechless. Or in shock, like, did they really just say that. How could they be so cruel. Thank you, Jefferson, for the lessons of talking straight.❤️
“You have nothing to prove” a good thing to remember 🙏
Indeed
@@l.c838 even in a emergency
Exactly.
@@l.c838 even in a emergency
The only people who have nothing to prove are those who have no one worthy of proving anything to.
“People only like you for the way you make them feel about themselves when they are around you.”
Bars!!!!!!!
I think it’s about how YOU make them feel “within” themselves. That’s different. What vibes/energy etc did they feel within themselves after experiencing being in YOUR presence n talking to you or whatever for a period of time. The period of time doesn’t have to be long either.
Chew on this for a second ....if our inherent nature is to reach homeostasis. And I believe it is then this is a perfect situation I'd have to say perhaps changing the lens of perception would be ideal because the eyes of projection leads to destruction. And all the information we process is all the same it's what we do with that information that is key
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Best comment on the internet today
I don't like sneaky creepy people that just agree with everything. THEY ARE LYING TO YOU. NO ONE AGREES WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAY. UNLESS THEY ARE LYING.
"You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to." Excellent!
that philosophy does not work with an argumentative wife. They want leave you alone until they have you so angry you burst out.
How should one respond when you are being abused in public before everyone continuously? Tried not saying anything but it is not helping but making situation worse. What if our goals do not align with theirs
@@NallaChinniDo you want to win or do you want to be free?
I have frame over my conversation
@@notgunnadoit7461 Divorce works
One of my favorite things he said "see the person's words falling to the ground" if they are attacking or agitated. Don't let the words "hit you". There is just a wealth of information that comes from this humble guy.❤
Listening attentively to a person you’re talking to is SO powerful. Being Non reactive and being calm means everything.
I use to clean the kitchen when my kids came home. Let them talk while I focused on not dishes, smile, scrub, smile, scour, smile slam dishwasher door. At supper we talked casual cause yah know, I scrubbed a hole thru the pizza pan
Going through all the comments, I was looking for one remark about how he has made friends with the camera - did it come naturally or was there a lot of work involved?
He has a refined practice of briefly glancing away from the camera, seemingly in random directions. It’s so disciplined that I couldn’t tell which way he had to look to see his interviewer.
Most YT hosts - and almost all of their guests - never accomplish this level of friending the camera. Professionals often relieve guests of the stress of talking to a lense by filming from angles so they’re facing & focusing on their interviewer(s).
@@mikemccarthy1638 Jefferson has made lots of selfie tiktoks from his car where his camera presence is the same. Perhaps its from practice.
@@elizabethschreiner5151😂
Firm, self-control is not a natural human characteristic.
Taking a breath before speaking is very powerful.
This young lawyer is brilliant. He modeled everything he was saying, most prominently, direct and consistent eye contact throughout the entire interview. He gave some super simple yet practical tips. My favorite was, "let your breath be your first word." I'll be bookmarking this so I can refer back.
Agreed. I listen to a lot of podcasts & videos & this has to be one of the best I’ve listened to!
Yes, that’s such a helpful tool!!
Great contrast between him and the interviewer who looks really insecure - his eyes are all over the place and his posture seems more hunched!
Yes he is. I’ve spent significant time listening to his Instagram posts on improving communication skills; he covers it all, everything. He emphasized that he always prefers a kind and patient approach, even with difficult people, even when he does not need to be kind due to their disrespect.
His posts are incredibly insightful and he always keeps it real.
He’s the ‘sage uncle’ you wish you had in your family😂
💯
Oh my gosh...modesty has kept this man from seeing the reason for his huge success is far more than his actual expertise and informational content. It is the sweetness of his spirit, the gentle goodness of who he really is. That soul deep smile is endearing beyond description. HE COULD NOT FAIL TO BECOME WILDLY ACCEPTED! Blessings to him for appearing on the social scene at this time of ugliness among people.
why don't you marry him already, geeze looweeze
…he is already married….but being eye candy doesn’t hurt get the message across;)
Agreed, this is what people need now, a genuine and caring human being.
Gads! If he weren't already FAMILIED,... He is a rare commodity these days. Makes the host look like a total dork, just by being his kind, truly confident self. Insecurity sure shows up beside that!!
Don't be fooled.
Love this. You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Persuasive❤❤❤
Such a good line
"You don't have to stop and throw rocks at every dog that barks."
Winston Churchill
Perfectly stated.
“Where there is space for kindness, I will use it.” ❤
Good luck with that
@@polysuperit's that exact attitude that destroys
This video deserves 1 billion views… it’s gold!
It so is. He has such wise words of encouragement….. in such a world of greed and selfishness -- it’s breath of fresh air we are thirsting for.
Too often, social media has killed kindness and increased division in interactions. How refreshing to see social media being used to help us learn (or restore) the discipline and art of meaningful, redemptive conversation. Thank you! We all need this.
It's not social media that is creating division.
It's the fools letting minorities win... that is creating the Division
Beautifully written. Quite exquisite, in fact. (Congratulations) ***** BRAVO!
Man! I needed this 30 years ago...but I'll take it today!
FACTS!!!
Amen!!
Here!
Same
@@angusm9419 Amen!!
This guy is very articulate, solid authentic advice. Rare, thank you.
Authentic and thoughtful. No wonder his channel exploded. Authentic people are as rare as hen’s teeth these days and at a time when people are starving for truth and reality he is as welcome as an oasis in the desert. Very refreshing. Well done, Mr. Fisher.
Well stated.
His popularity shows how people want to truly communicate effectively.
Good point!
A good thing, indeed!
That's a nice thought. People really do mean well for the most part. That's nice.
His voice is perfect for an audiobook!
I disagree. Unless it is an audiobook on meditation. No doubt he has a soothing voice. Some would call it monotone or insipid. But for narration of audiobooks, you need inflection and different tones. He definitely has the voice of a peacemaker. And some good suggestions on how to improve communication. Do all lawyers learn these communication techniques or has he studied communication extensively?
@@michellev7345I am a lawyer and these techniques are not taught to lawyers.
I found it boring and monotone forcing himself to be calm.
It's better than listening to a babbling, tripping over their words, annoying, overly charasmatic individual.
😂 i think he is calm @@Synthalog
Kudos to the interviewer for prefacing questions extremely well, didn’t over speak or over state…really impressive interview style who’s questions led to valuable information.
I was thinking the EXACT SAME! such GREAT questions… so realistic and relatable.. as if he was reading my mind.. FANTASTIC information 💛✅
“Let your breathe be the first word that you say”. Golden. 🔔
Breath, not breathe. But yes, that's a great phrase. 09:18
That's a powerful one.
Why are we not taught more of things like this in school? Just how to be in relationships with other people and handle conflicts appropriately. Could definitely take some years out of the other core subjects. Plenty of room and time to fit in these important social skills.
I fully agree with you.
Look at 2 books, Captivate and Clues by Vanessa Van Edwards. You'll learn everything you need to know.
@@johnkacarab2617 I’ll check them out. Thanks
Because so called educational institutions had always an agenda to be instrumental to dumb down humanity, to disconnect individuality of each one of us and want to control us through fear , creating insecurities and cultivate Hive mentality instead of individuality.
Because it's your dad's job? Schools are not meant to replace your parents. Your values, your character, your demeanor etc are all things that are supposed to be developed by your PARENTS
This information is extremely valuable to me. I'm 46, male, and have cptsd. Unfortunately, I haven't had intelligent and empathetic males to learn from until this video. Sincerely, thank you both.
Love when a man can own it - and seek to sort it , well done 👏
We all live to learn.
His jaws are wide
Wow. Best comment. I meet a lot of young people who are in recovery from profound trauma. I’m going to recommend this guys channel and in particular this video
@@YHWH-XXXIIIcheck JP He’s fire
This man is what society needs now, an intelligent, sincere, good-natured, humble man who wants create harmony and good will in this world. People are tired of discord. They recognize real when they see it and it is deeply refreshing and humanizing and that's why his channel has taken off.
"You're giving them a manual instead of a remote". So much wisdom in this conversation. I had to watch this video several times to take it all in. Better than all the self-help books I've read. His parents must be very proud.
He’s so calm with his demeanor. His wife is a lucky person. With all due respect, more than winning the lottery I’d rather win this kind of a man
Not sure if this has anything to do with luck! He is an awesome guy and I’m sure he gravitated towards an awesome woman that he chose as his wife. Greatness gravitated towards each other. ❤
What’s that say…. “ You attract what you are”
What is he was bald and fat though? Lol
Yea this guy does the “warmth” thing so well. What an ability
@@Naples239Homesthat would be his problem. He should lose weight. Nobody wants a person who don’t take care of themselves
@@Naples239Homes She never would have made that comment🤣😂 Woman are visual creatures too😂
I like: Let your first word be your breath. Never heard that before anywhere and so valuable.
Jefferson
Self control is STRENGTH
Calmness is mastery-
You have both.
I salute you to be so wise at such a young age.
Your partner is sooo lucky.❤️
That won't work if you are being attacked by a lunatic illegal immigrant with a machete...
What I found astonishing was the fact that the host of the podcast started to match the lawyers tone and approach to the conversation. I do not know if that was intentional or as a side effect but it was amazing to see.
I’m glad you mentioned that. Prob subconscious but def noticeable
It's called mirroring.
Entraining
Would be hilarious if he just straight up stopped asking questions and talking in general just to mog him
It's not really astonishing this is just what happens in conversations
My son has a calm demeanour, and thinks before he speaks. As a result, he inspires confidence and acceptance from those he engages with.
If everybody could speak like him, the world would be in peace!
... as long as they don't say "much more easier "...
My ex speaks like this he’s an ex marine and does training programs
totally agree
@@zaravrit's his soul, not an act, or a trained-in technique.
If people obeyed God's Commandments,there WOULD be peace and so much more beauty with each other.
"Often the person says the most knows the least." Perfectly said. Words are summary of you, your intellectual & understanding of the situation. So be silent to listen. Listening is your best weapon & Listening also heals others.
In the era of social media where everything is exaggerated and inauthentic, it's clear why authenticity is rare
Why??
I've been following Jefferson for a while now. His advice is the absolute best! I need it as I am still triggered by false accusations. I grew up with two narcissistic parents who emotionally abused me and made me the scapegoat. While I worked hard facing the truth behind their lies, I'm still affected when I'm attacked for something I never said, thought, or felt. Given that, I'm taking all the advice in this interview to heart. My friend is going through something big and lashed out at me; I got overly defensive and regret that I did. I'll keep working on it. It's worth the pain along the way.
It’s hard to change the defensive strat, I feel ya.
The pain is worse when you live unhealed.
I loved “win the argument and you win contempt” so I wrote it on an already existing post it that reads “psalm 25” and love that psalm 25 that starts out “2 I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.” What you said is a very humble approach and I think God would like it very much if I could take that humble route in an argument.
Another good verse in Psalm 25 related to this conversation is verse 9. "The MEEK will he guide in judgment: and the MEEK will he teach his ways."
God guides those in exercising proper judgment who maintain a meek spirit. Several commented on this page about the speaker's calm demeanor - meekness.
More great council about confrontation.
James 1:19 KJV
"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:"
@@davidcosma thank you, I will keep those vs on the top of my mind 🙂
Was not planning watching this video, but it was super interesting. Valuable lessons. Love the calm honesty all along the conversation.
The world would be in a much better place. "Boundaries ". Keep pushing out these kind of podcasts. You're helping people. ❤ just breathe. You're a Rockstar.
Emotional Intelligence at its finest - excellent conversation ! Thank you 🙏
The challenge I have is communicating with those who want to interject the second there is the slightest pause. It throws my train of thought off and if I stop them to let me finish, I know that whatever I continue saying is pointless because they're not paying attention and are instead formulating a retort or counter argument in their mind rather than actively listening.
I understand. Let that be their problem though. Eventually someone will recognize the calm value you’re bringing and they’ll let you finish speaking. Those are the people whose opinions matter; the people who objectively listen. The issue is that most people don’t have that part of life figured out yet. They’re needing to hear themselves speak. Just wait for the good, rare ones. They’re out here. You’ll meet them.
This is the thought I had, immediately. This advice is applicable to a very very very specific scenario. The majority of individuals that need this advice, are in much different scenarios and speaking with a much different group of people.
This is excellent advice when you’re in a conversation filled with elite professionals, or a high stakes customer facing conversation. But in most real life scenarios, this would be a very niche approach.
As someone who’s been accused of being like the person you’re describing, I hear you and I get that it’s frustrating when you don’t feel like the person cares. I, however, having been raised by very verbose waxing poetic parents, struggle to be “talked at” rather than included in the conversation. When I talk, I don’t need to be interrupted, because I speak in a way that allows for a more consistent back and forth. I try to talk one point at a time, and then allow the other person to respond to that point, and so on.
You sound just like my ex. And I’ll be honest, he doesn’t share the floor, he doesn’t share the mic. You can’t go on for 20 minutes making 17 points in a row without allowing the person listening to you to respond to what you’re saying, at least intermittently, otherwise it’s unfair. If you’re like that, and you just sort of monologue at the person instead of allowing the conversation to flow, if the other person doesn’t interrupt, you will have already moved on to something different and go on for another 20 minutes. That’s not a conversation, that’s a lecture.
@@cameronreeder9609good point, if that is the case.
@@cameronreeder9609YES!! The three hour soliloquy is taxing.
Brilliant lawyer... respecting others and being treated with respect is the common denominator here. RESPECT resolves a lot of resentful situations and deescalates unhealthy sticky arguments that at times lead to nowhere.
This conversation just has its own atmosphere
"you do not have to attend every argument you are invited to."
"Do we have to agree on this?"
This guy drops so many truths in a one hour span that I'm already sure ill have to find more clips and listen tk this twice.
DB is a brilliant, he always brings out the best in his guests with thoughtful questions.
The editing here is seamless. Love how it all comes together!
I love how he opens up his vulnerabilities.He is very giving. Great video
"Give a manual rather than a remote." Great concept.
SO MANY gems, but this was one of my favorite!
I missed that part 😢
@@djbeautyblendaI missed that part 😢
Wow you guys are teaching people how to have a civil deep discussion.
Like people used to be able to do
@@dw9034- when? like people like to romance about how civil the founding fathers were, but in reality, they used to duel to the death when they had disagreements.
@@letsgetit90When I was growing up in the 80's, discussion and healthy debate about politics and religion, God, questions of moralty, ANYTHING atal andy friendswere all different. All over the map. Differences were considered INTERESTING, not threatening to someone's very SURVIVAL!!
SO, we don't have to go all the way back to the 1700's to find civility and hypocrisy.
I am 58 and seem to be unable to communicate with people who I consider superior without it ending in tears. I have absolutely no idea how to assume an air of confidence. I really need it learn to communicate from thee ground up I think. Obviously goes back to a very traumatic childhood I guess but I really love this.
I hear you.
17:50 This part about winning arguments, one of the best advices i've ever heard. The whole world needs to hear this.
This is great. An OCPD guy with narcissistic tendencies became my manager about 10 years ago. I used to try to communicate with him to solve problems, but he took great offense as if I was only there to be his personal helper in his career. Very bizarre. I now say very little to him, since it is useless, and prefer to reserve my thoughts and ideas for the smarter people in the office. Even then the words don't matter as much as having learned how to create silent boundaries that redirect toxic people towards barking up other trees.
Mr Fisher, im 65, have lived through years of experiencing panic attacks. Stress attacks i call them. One dr spoke to me in a way that simply made all clear, calm, I learned to stop attacks. Learned it's fight/ flight stuff, we do have the ability to remain in control. Hope you overcome them, it is truly possible! I say if I can, people like you can for sure. It's not being weak, it's real. Went to hospital several times, thought heart attack? You can, and will find your peace again. Trust that!
Jefferson’s communication advice is so intentional and resonates confidence along with grace and humility ~ which is why I trust and respect his knowledge w human behavior and communication… He understands the fact and brings to light how conflict is perceived differently by each person as each of us has grown up differently around conflict and awareness and observations.. which circles back to his understanding and importance of human behavior, which is inherently relevant especially in his work environment.
Not sure why the AI decided to send this, but I absolutely loved this! One of the best videos I watched in a while. A lot of useful gems here 💯 Thanks YT 😊
YT’s algorithm is superb. Now if they could only stop deplatforming content their Globalist masters disapprove of, that would be great!
Same here - it was random and I enjoy it
Wow such wisdom. As a litigator, it is so refreshing to hear a lawyer that speaks so calmly without the bravado yet such power. Saved this. ❤
I have heard podcasts like this before but never with so much practical advice.❤
Followed Jefferson for a long time now. He has a charm...a deep sense of confidence and clarity.
I have listened to many of Jefferson Fisher’s short thoughts on RUclips and fb. They are quite valuable. This longer format/interview is even better. If every boss, partner, family member, or friend had even 20% of these skills -the world would be a better place.
Thank-you Jefferson😊
This is what a social genius looks like.
Outstanding video. Can't get enough of this!
I love the candor and genuineness of unscripted conversations like this.
About 37 mins in regarding the term narcissism being "just a couple years old", having not read any other comments, I'm sure you're now aware that that was not accurate.
That said, your content on your channel has been very helpful to me as was this conversation.
Thank you.
Sounds like he hasn"t had to deal with alot of the Narc bullshit...because he has self-respect... I've beenthrough it because I had to learn ALOT!!
These techniques are absolutely refreshing and practical. I'm going to watch again and take notes. I felt very empowered, and I'm determined to master these techniques.
Try BECOMING confident. Jefferson's ENTIRE message is actually BEING, not Appearing to Be by applying techniques, is the WHOLE ENCHILADA!! ... 😢
I find it useful to ask myself, "Is a hill I want to die on?" when dealing with a difficult, argumentative person. It helps focus my attention on what really matters.
Good way to put things in perspective. Is it worth it?
Thank you for acknowledging those of us who grew up in chaos. Being reactive and defensive is like breathing to people like us. Now I'm 60 and still dealing with this stuff. Life can be brutal - and when it hits, the old reactions are right under the surface. My marriage has suffered immensely because of my maladaptive way of thinking. It feels impossible to change, but I want to learn. Thanks for this video.
So much respect for this lawyer!! I can relate to your feelings. Not the anxiety, but the feelings of exposure and being all along in this situation. But the respect to you is for the person you are and that nothing is changing you in a bad way. Thats my slogan to a great person: never change, keep being that great and don't let anything to change you for worse and never become snobby.
My sister is high energy, high impact towards 1 person. It’s overwhelming, I now understand why I feel this round her. Thank you ❤
I love the personal development part of RUclips. It is the best part, hands down. Changing the mind of humanity one video at a time.😉
I may have to rewatch this several times to really absorb it more fully. So many (seemingly) simple, yet impactful recommendations on how to have better conversations in only an hour! So many subtle shifts that I wish I’d understood when engaging with loved ones in prior conversations.
Thank you, both!
Raised in an abusive household, yes some of that crap lingers on and creeps into your mature adult life. Another thing don’t confuse when people respond calmly but are not calm at all, especially when they deliver their responds while speaking to you “calmly” when the message was pure fuel. They are doing that mainly for themselves and to gain control, since they feel that’ll intimidate who they’re giving that message to.
This was a fantastic video. I learned a lot!
The main reason I love your videos is that you are very calm when you speak and respond to others. You are a great teacher! This is why you became so popular so quickly!
I am not a good communicator and you are correct about a lot of the way I react to a situation is because of how I was raised. Mom mother screamed and cussed at all of us on a regular.
She always taught me to prove my point! In other words win the conversation!
I am finally learning that that is not the best way to communicate.
Thank you for being so vulnerable in this video! 🤗❤
I discovered this video yesterday, I’ve watched it 4 times…front to back.
Good Texan boy turned into a fine human. Not only has he chosen well, but he clearly has had great examples in his life, perhaps a faith he follows that is about forgiveness/love/accountability and a beautifully exercised personality. In other words, he knows himself, human experience and grace. Bravo!
I' ve been following mr. Fisher for a while... just so brilliant, articulate, informative, kind and helpful with his content... From the start I was impressed!! This video is gold!!! Thank you Jefferson Fisher❤
Great stuff. I have written a book on loneliness and have a section about improving our communication skills. This idea of our first response should be a breath is brilliant followed up by not having to swing at every pitch. Taking a breath is really trying to put ourselves in a parasympathetic state which is less fight and more amenable to a constructive conversation. Thanks
“Don’t try to win an argument”
So hard to remember this, but great advice
This dude is so easy to listen to. Just effortless. Great clear content. 🎉
Wished i had listened to this interview ages ago. So much confidence and clarity. Loved the line..if you cannot be a bridge, be a light house.
We men learn so much about gaining authority and respect by watching our fathers and father figures. I watched my dad be genuine and interested in every single person he talked to, whether he knew them or not, and treat everyone with respect and I saw how it earned him admiration and respect. That’s when I knew and started interacting the exact same way
Jefferson Fisher for president.
👏👏👏
😂🎉🎉🎉
Winning an argument is losing the relationship. All you get is contempt. 😅so very true. Solid advice and sound discourse. Thanks to the moderator for posting.
I grew up in a very toxic and poor environment. At 38, im still trying to change the programming. Im frustrated that some people have outstanding parents and others are dealt the shittiest of hands. Its puts us behind the startline. Im aware this is a vicirm mentality and i try to improve by the day. I am humbled and appreciate the small things in life. I jus feel like im not as successful as i should be.
Hope everyone who reads this is doing okay. Youre here so you're trying. Keep up the great work!!
Very informative video, I love how they addressed actual scenarios and examples rather than giving higher level theoretical gibberish. The lawyer is charismatic and bright !
"You dont have to go in for the match if you are not ready" thats great. Thanks.
As a linguist I totally agree. People who speak over 580 words per minute do not get as much respect as slower, calm speakers. Also, interrupting loses the speaker. This video is gold.
Only thoughtful people think this way. I’ve heard many shallow people complain about how slowly someone talks 😂
Thank you so much Jefferson! I am using an exclamation point because I would shout that to you in excitement if I saw you in person. I appreciate every word you speak. I have been following you because what you say makes sense. You are the only lawyer I have ever experienced in which I have agreed with everything you say. I am applying and practicing what you are teaching. This is amazing. You are an amazing man to be so kind to take the time to help millions of people. You are helping improve our society by doing this. God bless you Jefferson Fisher.
Beautiful!
my name is Sandy, Wayne has you tube on main tv. I follow you to listen relaxed, repetitive to unlearn my negative speaking and learning to manage my family conversations that are negative as well. family personalities are difficult at times.
I'm going through a rough time at work, and the advise on this video is so very helpful! Communication with management and how they speak to us is a big issue in my job environment, and this video was exactly what I needed to hear to deal with it!
I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I'm a senior manager at my company, and I'm always soul searching to deal with people the right way, influence the staff instead of putting them down.
So what are you going to do about it? I'm interested in examples.
I understand.
I listened to too many motivational speakers encouraging job seekers to be vibrant, confident, body movement, high energy during job interview. I tried this and I failed the interview, I missed the trend and I was off the track. I am naturally a vibrant person who can not keep conversations for too long. In respect to what he is saying, there are two personalities, those that are naturally high energy and those with low energy. If you are high energy you need to slow down and pause most often. If you are low energy you need to tune up a little bit , the online motivational speakers on job interview never told you this. I love this interview
This is a wise man !!!!! We lose so much in our lack to communicate when there is a background agenda. I have always been drawn to people who speaks in the way he is guiding us . I am so grateful to have come across this video and it has enlightened me personally to my short comings to communicate for too many years and I will be practicing his teaching from this day foward as it key to be able to go forth in every day life , in every day situations to hone this important skill and makes all the difference in the world ♥️ thank you
I appreciate this a lot: I was in shock/fear yesterday and had no option to do otherwise when a stranger ran up behind my son and postured as if he had a gun to the back of my sons head & said: “give me everything you got!” & then started to laugh and asked for some candy my son was eating. We just stared at him and would’ve likely been unalive if he had a real gun but this pause- allowed me to decide what path I needed to take in order to walk away safely with my son. I made my own person a barrier between the two of them & directed my son to walk around me & away while i told this man: “there is nothing funny about what you just did, that would scare anybody so NO of course you cannot have some candy”….and i kept my eyes on him as we walked away and he followed us for a a few steps but I gave him a glare and locked eyes with everyone in the vicinity and allowed him to see me doing that. The old me would’ve just clocked him for even touching my son.
I really like the analogy of things people say to you being like they're throwing balls at you and you don't have to take a swing at every one. Don't let people control you like that.
I find it humorous (in a compassionate way, not derisively) that these guys are teaching mirroring and empathy. I think it’s great. As a female, we learn this from other females. Many of us do this intuitively. It’s good the guys are catching up. ❤
I just found your podcast today, Doug while trying to hear more from Jefferson who I came across as a suggested video in my feed. I appreciate the deep sincerity and vulnerability in this talk that you both had.There is a lot of knowledge to gain!
Thanks so much for recording this for me to hear and share with those I care about.
This conversation has changed my energy in my body. The questions asked and the answers given has opened me up to a level of trust. When you here and feel into the truth of someone who is strong on the inside and can share honest feelings, this relaxes a person who has taken too many hits of abuse since childhood. The little girl in me sees you as a teacher to be trusted. Thank you for your lighthouse and bridge. ~~~
Yes.
I have observed this in people, including myself. What I have experienced is that when people go through abuse or trauma they are often put into survival mode. This can affect the personality in a way where you become ultra nice. It is simply just survival. People do it because they are afraid to be criticized, maligned, attacked, and so on. This does not necessarily mean that the person is a bad person or they are a liar. It just means that they are trying to over compensate like he said. It doesn't make them a deceiver either. They are simply just stuck in survival mode. I hope that people understand the difference because I often see false accusations against innocent people who have simply just been abused and have a little bit of a personality quirk that they need to work through. The worst part is that someone who has been abused will be fully accused because of personality and not actual intent to harm or cause issues. Most people though cannot see that and separate the two.
So interesting I came across this because I literally have grown spiritually the past 9 yrs, and I carry myself completely different from my posture, to my eye contact, to the pace of my conversation. I noticed how fidgety, insecure, and anxious most people are who talk to me. The lack of eye contact is #1.
That sounds awesome. Can you elaborate about how you changed so much and what kind of tools or advice you used?
@@DavidG2Pif I can say, Proverbs
Putting on the “New Personality “ shirt❤ believe it or not, the Bible. It actually gives instructions! I too have changed❤
Dang hearing this guy talk about gaining 100,000 subscribers a day just open my mind to the pressure that these RUclipsrs must go through, this guy's very on top of it I can't even imagine what it feels like for all those young people (RUclipsrs)
It’s our sinful nature of saying No / mine / and it’s hard to die to that self 😞Only the Lord can give us the strength and peace as he using others and tools to help us navigate through this selfishness we all have and what we have seen and have been taught and I’m thankful for giving us your life experiences and tools to mature us and bring us to a healthier mindset.❤
🤣🤣🤣
This is why I haven't started posting videos...I had a fear of blowing up and then not being able to deliver once that happened. However, your story has put things in perspective for me. Continued success, great interview.
Hey Jefferson, I enjoy your series of reels &:conversations I think the reason why I started listening to you is because you stay authentic and seem just natural even as a Lawyer..Thank you for being you.😊
I wish in this world was more kindness ,caring people ...this lawyer have a good heart ,respect!
We need more people like him !
What puzzles me is that sometimes when ppl dont respond it may be that they can’t or wont empathize - there is nothing there - they dont care. The absence os response can be an indication that the relationship has limitations that I need to accept. If it’s a sibling, and i want connection but its not there, i need to accept that. Not to hold onto a fantasy of a closer relationship. Babbling here…just trying to figure out stuff.
❤ Losing respect by winning an argument, so right, they actually lost by winning ... the conflict of feelings in conflict.
This is so very helpful. Everyone has different communication styles. Processing in the middle of conflict the feelings coming and to verbalize the hurt and reactions at the same time isn't easy. Sometimes, the hurtful exchange leaves one speechless. Or in shock, like, did they really just say that. How could they be so cruel.
Thank you, Jefferson, for the lessons of talking straight.❤️
High quality interview Doug, your questions were excellent & drew out the best of Jefferson’s wisdom. Great job!! ❤God bless you both!