Understanding FRAME: are you living in her world, or is she living in yours?
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
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Frame is a very important concept with respect to relationships. It's a bit hard to define, but I consider frame to be the "world" of the relationship. Without realizing it, most men are in the woman's frame. In this episode, I explain what this looks like using an anonymized example from a recent consultation. The details may change, but the situation is one in which millions of men find themselves today. Fortunately, if you lose frame, it's possible to reclaim it.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
Frame is a very important concept with respect to relationships. It's a bit hard to define, but I consider frame to be the "world" of the relationship. Without realizing it, most men are in the woman's frame. In this episode, I explain what this looks like using an anonymized example from a recent consultation. The details may change, but the situation is one in which millions of men find themselves today. Fortunately, if you lose frame, it's possible to reclaim it.
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Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
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Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
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Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
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Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
Blimey! Good stuff frankly said. Could be entitled "Sort yourself out, Stand tall, Speak out". Thanks.
Could there be an ideal where two frames or two worlds are merged together? - like a compromise midpoint between his family/location and Indiana?
I don’t understand any other way to have a successful relationship than to do it with the frame of religion! Trying to have a secular relationship means inherently you’re in a woman’s frame. Because if God is not the grounding of one’s value system then the biological imperative is. That is reproduction, and women control that! They pick the men and will choose in provision ability of genetics. Within a religious frame women pick based upon their pleasing God. Whether you think religion is bs or not there’s no other way. You want proof? Measure relationship marriage outcomes between avg and orthodox couples. In addition, in a religious frame work all men no matter how poor or ugly are guaranteed a wife. There are no incels or single men in orthodox religions. just stop fighting religion it’s the only viable option!
@@lesterdiamonds27 in complete modesty, you are living in a fantasy land. God goes completely out the window when a woman meets a man she truly, physically desires. A woman will make all the rules for a Beta, and break EVERY rule for an a man she sees as an Alpha, religion be damned. There is no such thing as a good girl, at least not in this day and age. As a man, your best bet is to love God, and date women. Don't ever get married. Love God and love yourself. There is NO other way.
@@bastiano333 good values aren’t a guarantee! They need to tied into a community or beholden to religious parents. There may be some freelance Christian woman out there but everybody claims Christianity. They have to mean it and you need to see the proof: dress, virginity, career, social media presence, etc.
It can't be understated how many men don't ask themselves "what do I want for my life?" When this isn't top of mind, it's so easy for women to move into your life and attempt to decide that for you.
vegetable life. so sad
the bigger the freedom, the more imagined/real options people have.
together w/ a neoliberal system that's all about work and technology toasting our brains more and more, the overwhelmedness by many people to sort out their realistic options, decide with conviction and find the courage to follow through on those decisions, seems understandable
Well, I mean...especially if what you're looking for is a mommy to cut your crusts and tie your shoes, rather than a partner who can achieve & thrive *either* in cooperation *or* in mutually admired but not necessarily intersecting parallel passions/drives/causes.
Sympathetic autonomy of life goals is probably the most durable kind of relationship, as it's founded primarily on an abiding respect of the other person's choices BEFORE you met.
if he is vegetable minded and waiting to be taken, i would argue he has a feminine waist and his life purpose is to make easy money for Orion@@hunterspeak4370
One of the most powerful exercises I've done to date is map out my life trajectory. Actually, I owe credit to my dad for that one. He's done it for himself when he was a kid, and I think when I and my siblings were teens, he's actually made us do it. And he asked us again when we got a bit older. Now, it's become a routine for me, every so often I consult the master plan and check if I'm on track / readjust as needed.
I completely agree with this.
#1 Create the life you want
#2 Live according to your values
#3 Build SMV (if a man wants to date/marry)
#4 Gather options
#5 Attract and never chase
#6 Negotiate the best offer FOR YOU and walk away from anything less than what you want and have worked for
As a woman I agree. That’s what I’ve done and it’s working great
Beat me to it, but confirms what I was thinking
What is SMV?
@@LajanaeSmith Sexual Market Value, it's someone appeal score/ranking in the dating market
@@sean_740 like minds
Never get into relationship with a women unless she is entering your frame. And, never let the relationship switch where she starts out in your frame but ultimately you end up in her frame. Being in the woman's frame nearly always leads to breakup/divorce.
So true, happening here right now
Divorce laws favor women and women file 80% of divorces while marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows. "Mah framez!"
I don't think you said frame enough.
@@Yeahhoeeyeah happened to me.
@@dahliafiend problem is the child, otherwise it wouldn't be so bad
If she is really into you, she will enter your frame. Stay strong.
Only true because money allows her to still get everything she wants. It's not a hard choice between conning him into buy you a Ford instead of him offering you a Lambo.
GBD can be a good indicator.
I think this is the heart of the issue. She doesn't really like the guy himself. She just likes what the guy can provide, e.g. kids, child support, alimony, 50% of the assets, etc.
Yes, but you have to make sure she does. Remember, women do not know what they want.
You have to be a strong enough man to hold the frame for her though. No one wants to get on a sinking ship.
"Men thrive when they're in their frame" so well put
So do women... 😉
@@MasculinityUnleashed-q6f No, not necessarily. Woman can join a man's frame and thrive within it (it's very natural). A man can do this too, but in a long run, that's a woman who will be unhapppy about it, because her man is not manly enough to have his own frame. Women divorce and separate much more than men, when they got leverage.
@@troobix_s you misunderstood, rightfully so. I meant women thrive in a man's frame just like men thrive in their own frame.
in short, both men and women thrive in a man's frame.
@@MasculinityUnleashed-q6f Oh, yes, I misunderstood. Sorry, thanks for explanation.
It’s Orion’s world, we’re just livin it it
*PLANET HULK*
Speak for yourself
Living in Orion's frame it seems
Without having spoken to the women, we will only know the mans perspectives based on his limited life experience..
Emotional awareness tells us all, that there’s more to this story than what’s being portrayed.
The same can be said about accepting the friend zone. You approach a woman for a relationship, and she offers friendship. You go thinking, " Maybe I can be her friend," as if it was your original thought. Ask yourself if friendship was why you approached the woman in the first place.
Excellent point.
You got that right
Friendship IS why I approach most women in the first place. Is it not for you guys?
My way or the highway
@hansomekim1219 if friendship is why you approach most women, it's not a problem at all. You can't be friendzoned if friendship is what you also want.
He’s 30 dating a 36 yr old and admitted to needing to get his life together. I pray all of our men get into their masculine frame. We desperately need it
She’s 36 and he’s 30 that say a lot about her…..seem like men her age she don’t want her so she try to control a younger guy
Good luck. Society has neutered most men. The ones who do figure it out are married or playing the field
@@MansaMusa-v5q is it not odd that this man wants to date someone older than him? He has a say so on this too you know
He can still have newborns at 50, he has plenty of time to get his frame together, can't say the same for her tho. Those hurry up manipulative tactics are the foundation of an upcoming divorce.
@@danielroman6473 I pray more men lean I to their masculine frame. I believe in them
I was in a relationship a year ago, she was the most femenine and most beautiful woman I ever dated.
I remember when we wanted to move together, I would move in with her. In her apartment. At that time I left my family business (not because of her), and I had difficulties finding a job or a carrer path. It frustrated her and confronted me with this, but now when I look back, I realized that in that confortation I was trying to please her, and align myself with her, her frame.
I had this "plan" for a carrer, for moving in with her and live her life, not mine. And then she broke up with me, and this "plan" I had? Went to sh*t.
Looking back I get why she broke up with me, she didn't felt safe with me, that I was unstable. I didn't know what to do with myself at that time. But I knew one thing after a few days..
A few days after she broke up with me, I swore to myself that I would NEVER live my life by the rules of another woman.
I would build my own lifestyle, I would become a uniqe masculine and independent man, the kind of man whos life is a beautiful journey, full of lessons and overcoming hardships.
I live in my own world, my own rules, by my own values. And that by itself would bring the next woman into my life. And that woman would be different for the better.
After a few months, I learned that it's called: Frame.
And then I learned how truly important it is to develop my frame.
Thank you.
Way to learn !
So now you're an Incel?
Thanks for sharing that!
how did u develop it to the point where it’s natural
This is golden advice.
Ignore it at your peril.
I agree as well.
There is just so much details in life he skipped.
Try finding a doctor that will stop you in your tracks, to tell you exactly how it is. Thanks Dr T. ❤
I wish this channel was available when I was growing up. Would have saved me a lot of problems.
My good friend asked me that question when I confided issues to him.. "What do YOU want?” was the question my friend posed and signaled a turning point in my perception that cannot be undone. He was like my Morpheus.
I was a Catholic priest for thirteen years and a diocesan spiritual director. This channel is solid advice for all walks of life.
Thank you for giving à spiritual feedback, as it is difficult for us believers to have the kind of advice he provides in the church
My aunt is a catholic nun. I heard it is common for nuns that are already 20 to 25 years in the covenant to have a change of her. That is just life people change and mature.
Oh really, interesting. I would really like to know why you gave up a religious life, to start a family...
@@anthonyanyanwu6303 priests don’t usually lead a celibate life, you’re thinking of monks.
@@MitsurugiR They do or at least they are supposed to. I am cradle Catholic, and I know that Catholic priests take a vow of chastity, obedience and poverty.
I was dating this girl. I got pressured by her to make it "official." I thought I was seeing the world from a new perspective, but in reality, I was letting her change who I was. I was living in her frame. She was always telling me stories about work and what not trying to invite me in her world of drama. I felt stuck. Eventually, she dumped me because I wasn't allotting us enough time together. Honestly, I'm grateful for the experience because now I know that as a man, I need to be the leader. That was my first real relationship, so now I know exactly how to approach my next one. Thanks for the video!!
I get what you mean by "official" as making it public so everyone knows, I think that's pretty common? How are you letting that change your identity? Unless you mean you didn't want to date her seriously but she is forcing you to and then you compromised. I think it's a process of getting to know yourself, what kind of person you want to be with, how much time you have for dating, etc. don't put too much pressure on yourself to lead, as long as you know what you want and communicate to others,(they need to respect that) you can try to understand others perspective, but in the end intelligent people will respect your decision and not try to pressure you to change you, 'cause your true wants and needs will resurface again.
@jjbuzz9230 Sorry I didn't convey that well. What I meant by changing my identity is that our values and beliefs were a little too different, but I just overlooked that. But yeah, I didn't wanna take her seriously, and I compromised. You're 100% right.
I love this so much! Thank you for bringing clarity to why many women find themselves turned off.
Dating a man who has his own life is so crucial. When he’s trying to follow me and my hobbies or friends.. and asking me to guide his life I get so turned off.
Establish yourself and the women can accept or reject it. Don’t puppy dog your way into her life trying to be what she wants
Lol, it's so funny how you women tell on yourself. If a man has his own life, he then accepts or rejects you, it's not the other way around. You modern women really think you're the center of a man's universe.
This channel is a breath of fresh air. I’ve been going through video after video, for 2 hours already. It’s nice to hear some common sense for a change!!! All the love man!
The way your articulate concepts is second to none. Very impressive!
It's true. I've been living in my wife's FRAME. I'm the provider, I do everything. Paid the bills, cooking, cleaning.
When I got sick - which I still am - I asked for help. It's been 4 years, I'm getting no help, life is the same and I do everything. Sometimes, I pray for death, but I know my boys, who are in elementary, still need me. That's how men are, we build and provide. We don't want to start over, we don't want to deal with emotional issues. Sometimes, it seems, in my life, nothing I do is enough. I think the most important decision a man can make, is who they choose as their mate.
You are trapped by the love you have for your children which is understandable. However, at some point the worm must turn not just for your sake but for theirs. You are their blueprint so you have to dig deep and find the courage to lead the relationship/family unit. If your partner doesn't follow, then not only are you condemning yourself to a future of servitude to your wife you're also setting the blueprint for your children too. The change doesn't have to be confrontational or explosive just clearly thought out and firm. Avoid ultimatums but make it clear things have to change otherwise the end of the line is in sight. She may call your bluff and you'll have to follow through for any respect left to come your way. This course of action will mentally free you regardless of outcome. Stay together and she starts pulling her weight with new found respect or she fucks off and know deep down your better off without her. Btw it's amazing how many times women fuck off out of foolish pride then come crawling back after you've shown backbone by showing them the door! Good luck 🤞
I think communication is very important. Maybe you can let her know how you feel, be honest and courageous, some people don't have the ability to think in other people shoes then you have to hammer it to them, maybe try to take a third person's view and explain to her your current situation. I find communicating in our own perspective is very difficult for a stubborn, uncaring person to understand
I pray it get better brother but let’s be honest you created this monster and allowed this……
1. How can a man paying all the bills, have to clean (all the time) and do everything?
2. Us men need to be more stern and learn to say no and be in our frame…..sound like your relationship was about pleasing her
3. Us me do build and provide and we must either find a women who is grateful or TRAIN our women to be grateful
Praying for you, brother.
Amen. All too familiar to me. I wish you well. ✌🏼&💙
As society becomes more and more polygynous due to unleashed hypergamy this will only become more common unfortunately. Guys (and clued up girls) try to save your male friends and family. Most men go into a relationship on the back foot and need to know how vulnerable they are.
Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows because divorce and employment laws favor women so men cannot maintain frame except by self deception explaining why women file 80% of divorces.
I feel really feminine when the guy leads. The leadership introduces me to things I would never do on my own because I am either too scared, risk averse, insecure or all of the things. Life becomes more expansive.
Can you give an example of the things it leads you to?
@@c.s1393 I’m dating a very feminine woman now and it’s bringing out my masculine traits, so I can shed light from the other side
Women are more naturally risk averse. They don’t like to get hurt and they see how things go wrong. Men on the other hand, they push forward despite risk bc they understand that rewards is inherently risky
A masculine man can pull a feminine woman into “dangerous” situations, plan, protect and stay attuned to her despite doing something risky. Doing new things is considered “risky.” Trying a new sport. A new food. Not being afraid to quit a shitty job and chase a dream job. Etc. This is inherently masculine. And a masculine man who maintains frame will give the woman the structure and support they need to break out of their timid nature a bit more
I am a massive romantic, I wanted to get married since i was like four haha but i always sensed that part of loving was being masculine and bad ass and finding a girl that looks upto you. Not finding the nearest women and blindly attempting to make her "happy".
Men are romantic, women are opportunistic.
That’s why is crucial to make sure the both of of you are are in alignment on your values and personal ethos. So neither have to abandon significant underpinnings of their own ideals to make it work. Requires some deep thought and awareness, sometimes clarity occurs a little later in life.
I completely agree with these areas being the priority for establishing a long-term relationship that can grow positively for both.
I found myself in a marriage where this was going on and well.....now I'm divorced. feel much better now, you have been giving me some eye openener, thank you
True, you can't live in someone else's frame and maintain a healthy sense of self. It takes time and commitment to yourself and your significant other to make a new frame together that enriches who each of you are.
Thank you, man. Not for saving me - I worked all of this out the hard way - but for setting this out in a way that makes my prior mistakes so clear, and will help those who listen. I now have the right relationship balance and wish everyone the same.
This is your BEST VIDEO, hands down, Doctor O!! Salute!
So this video covers: Developing boundaries, Expectations/Standards, developing an image of life direction. I believe whoever provides more deserves more control over decisions in the relationship but there should always be a sense of genuine mutual agreement with at most a little compromise from both parties. The people in the relationship should have a 'north star' of the life they want and quickly find out if they align with each other. it saves the 'frame' struggle if both parties find themselves to be in agreement more often.
In the event the person you're with has a strong sense of life direction, either make sure they align with yours or end the relationship
If they don’t have the above, just provide to the level that they trust your leadership and show your partner where you want to go.
Dude ya spitting straight gospel on this one and you've honestly reinvigorated my outlook on life. You're hands down one of the best shrinks on here (that I've found).. keep up the good work and much love from Australia 🤙
I had to make this decision with a combative wife. While I wanted my family, I knew I didn't want to live my life miserably with a terrible Wife who was never happy and would eventually cheat/leave anyway. I initiated the divorce and while I had to go through a lot of post-divorce drama including multiple legal battles to maintain and defend my parenting time, I don't regret my decision at all.
Good job bro!!
I guarantee that if this guy moved to Indiana and did exactly what this woman wanted, she would NOT respect him for it. Also, you are so right in that she probably thinks SHE is doing this guy a favor by giving him an opportunity to enter HER frame. I'm SO done with relationships.
Moving is not the problem.
What he did after that is a problem.
Why are you "SO done with relationships"? Just because a woman wants something, doesn't mean you have to say yes. You can say NO. That will actually increase her respect for you. Men just don't know how to hold frame, and say NO. Say NO.
Because I'm not enough for anybody. @@max_rove
Loved it when I saw the topic of this short talk. Most conflicts for control that women wage in some way shape or form is really a battle between whence frame will bear true and be the perspective in which the relationship is transacted. Well done Orion.
Finally, there is somebody advising men. All the advice has previously been directed to women that men got into relationships and marriages and didn't know what they wanted leading to no investment (emotional, materially etc) in the relationship leading to so much pain for women and families. Men need more of this. Keep it up!!
This makes so much sense! I'm currently going through a divorce after 16 years of marriage and this is at the heart of why we are divorcing: she always wanted things her way. And as this was my first and only serious relationship, I had no clue about frame or anything.
Also, when I met her we were both very religious and as I was already in the ministry full time, I truly believed that my life was not my own and that my goal was to be a servant to Christ and others, starting with my family. I was taught that leaders are servants first, and that making my own decisions without praying for God's will was living "in the flesh". So just the idea that I can think about what I want to do and do it, I would have considered it sinful. It was such a mind fuck.
I really enjoy your videos because it's teaching many things which I simply never new. Thanks so much!
Women have also a fallen, beastly nature like we do. They are not gods. So you can't be too idealistic with them.. they have animalistic needs like hypergamy, hybristophilia, need for male leadership, challenging your authority from time to time etc
Very similar story, brother. Divorced after 12 years and 2 children. The “Church,” is currently the biggest purveyor of blue pills out there. They only ever emphasize “Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the Church,” I.e. sacrificially. Totally ignore and disparage “Wives, submit to your husband because he is your head, as Christ is Head of the Church.” The Whole Truth was there in PLAIN SIGHT in Ephesians ch. 5. all along. “Let God be true and every man a liar.” 🤦🏻♂️
Be encouraged: yes, we were misled, but “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Now you are entering a new season of discovery. Godspeed.
So what is your mindset now, I'm a Christian too and wanna know how you take this in that context
@@luk1010 issue is most women irrespective of the doctrine they claim to belong to, still have female nature. And appreciate masculinity, leadership, putting her in her place etc. But all most flow very naturally and happen lovingly not opressing. If it's a facade or an insecurity women will see through it like a castle with glass walls. So you gotta learn how to be a man in a few words.
I'm not christian so I can't really understand, serving god = marry any woman that wants you to? Are you sure this is what the script tells you to? I have a different belief but generally consider christians, buddhist, taoists to be reasonable, however I do think the ancients scripts are hard to understand
The funny thing about this is that this woman is desperate, she's approaching the end of her reproductive cycle and this is the only man with whom she can realistically get what she wants. He has much more negotiation power than she does. And even with all the cards favouring him, he was still being dragged into her demands.
I bet she's doing this simultaneously with other men. He's probably just one of her best options.
It's not funny IT IS THE NORM...woman are so GOOD at manipulation that they bring NOTHING to the table but still manage to be IN CHARGE...most dudes are just CLUELESS
You always hear simp husband's say...HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE, MY WIFE IS IN CHARGE, LET ME ASK MY WIFE...you never hear it the other way around
Thanks man your value is incredible I hope you write a book cause I need this wisdom on pages
Thanks for the love, Chris. I'm working on it
Until Dr Taraban writes a book, read Rollo Tomassi's book The Rational Male.
You’re spot on with your response and kudos to for doing the right thing in having your client come up with his own conclusion as he will have to live with his own consequences. Another man helped another, family saved, and most importantly another child spared.
One of the best talks I have ever heard. I watched the video 3 times back to back. Amazing job Doctor. Every man needs to hear this before going into any relationship. That way, they can understand which direction the relationship is going and what is truly happening.
No wonder...this explains my relationship and everything that was happening. I just couldn't place a finger on why I was felt I was being "handled". My mind is blown right now. Maybe I need a consultation. I just didn't want to exist in her frame...
Thank you Doctor.🙏 I've got some new work to be doing.
I recently had my first and only relationship fail as a33 years old male (lasted 3 years, lost my virginity to her at 30)
Your videos and content like this have saved me and I'm sure countless others
I'm going to build myself up to have an emotional compelling life and never live with a woman I'm dating to maintain my frame and help me achieve my goals and what I want out of life
Thanks from the UK
Best admonition yet...!!!! spot on. this is how it needs to be delivered . men need to wake up.
Lessons learned too late. Entered her life and frame and now 2 kids later forever linked with her. Going to go for better in my life and for my kids future. Stay up men💪🏾
My boyfriend phoned me up - I answered - he said that I would have to choose between him and my sport, polo. I said I'll have to give it some thought but right now, "I'm late for my game." Great guy and very dedicated doctor. I still like to remember him the way he was. No regrets.
Excellent reminder. I would love a video on dysfunctional families. Especially projective family identification (scapegoating).
Thanks for all you do doc.
Thanks a lot for the great advice and supporting men everywhere.
Every guy needs to hear this. Will share
I can't believe I basically sussed this out entirely on my own very recently, nice to put it into context though, Thanks Doc.
“Ignore what the FUCK she wants!”
😀🤣😂
Great advice Doc. Too many men have been conditioned to behave like Non Player Characters in their own lives. You only get one chance in life to live your way in your frame.
Unbelievable! That’s my exact scenario-except for the kids. We’re older adults, but I’d have had to give up everything to live in her frame 1,400 miles from where I live. Unfortunately, we have an unbelievable chemistry that never diminished during 10+ years when we lived in the same town. I didn’t take the leap, but it’s hard to let go of a relationship with such powerful chemistry. Probably a once in a lifetime connection, but the price was just higher than I could afford to pay.
Hey, sideman, big respect. My amateur level response would be: You did the right thing (declining the offer). And I would hope that your good partnership chemistry plus the mature way that you handled the declination should result in, frankly, a pretty well perfect endearing respectful and deep friendship. Think of the closing scene of the film "Casablanca", where Rick Blaine puts Ilsa Lund (his former lover, and the love of his life) on the plane to safety - with her husband and NOT with himself.
@@davidosalsero2519 I appreciate your comment. I’ll have to go back & look at that movie clip. The one I think about is the last scene of Dr. Zhivago. Ironically, I made the decision under the auspices of “doing the right thing.” Maybe it was the right thing, but it wasn’t the choice I WANTED to make.
Lol, men throwing good relationships and love to follow ego and get male validation.
@@cevanille1104Hardly a matter of ego and male validation; I can’t think of anyone who, in their right mind or given time to grasp what it means to uproot everything on something as potentially transient as a relationship, would throw it all away like that.
The man did the right thing for himself (despite struggling with the decision) because some part of him knew it would mean the death/loss of his autonomy, something he seems to value highly. Just as women take great care to screen for traits indicative of abusive tendencies (with good reason, given strength discrepancies and intersexual dynamics between men and women), it’s understandable for men to determine whether they’re getting a fair shake in terms of the transaction considering they’re expected to do a considerable amount of heavy lifting (typically made manifest as expectations of protection, provision and the like).
That’s not to say all relationships functionally boil down to this but enough of them do to cultivate a societal expectation placed on men’s shoulders to provide what they do for the sake of achieving/maintaining a relationship.
Anyone who would take such a reckless leap of faith without worthwhile insurance for something that could fall apart on a whim or as a result of circumstance is woefully naïve.
You wouldn’t shame an investor for being wary of where he puts his money, would you?
I think you missed a point Dr made. You living with her or ending the relationship were not the only two options on the table. You could have made a few where you met each other half way. If things were that great, a compromise without giving over too much power would be great
This video helped me understand why I was losing my sense of self, and why I recently ended a 4 year relationship. That and daily conflict and disrespect. Orion, thank you for your excellent style of explaining concepts and facilitating critical thought. 🙏🏻👍🏻
Doctor - this video is the bomb! Keep it up brother! Men need to hear this!
Humans are a sexually dysmorphic species yet divorce and employment laws favor women thus men cannot maintain frame in a relationship without self deception, which explains why women file 80% of divorces and marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows.
Great content - thank you! You're actually the best coach out there for men! I have done this misframing mistake so many times.. Now I'll have it my way!!
Back in the day, a woman I started dating kept telling me to go out with her to fancy restaurants, and I was young and dumb, and so I went along with it. After several dates outside in expensive restaurants which she chose, I finally told her “Let’s meet up in my place”, and she said “let’s go out again”. I told her “goodbye” and met up with another girl at my place that same night. And from that day on I have never gone out on a fancy date with any woman prior to sex. Later on, if they get on my program, I gladly take them out to fancy places, they earned it.
What you described happens all the time. In my experience, if she is really into you, she will not care about going out to fancy restaurants.
Same. Except the women was telling me men are toxic while she ate the lobster i bought her. Insane.
So they prostituted themselves for lobster? Got it - no wonder I look down on my own kind.
But none of these women "that earned it" you respected and will build an actual relationship with to have a family. You treat them like props in your life.
@@cevanille1104Respect? You do know that women are the ones who Really need to respect their men so that a good marriage can happen, and men are the ones who Really need to love their women so that a good marriage can happen. Having said that, if a woman I’m with behaves like a woman - submissive, respectful and generous with her sex, I respect her as a woman, because she is behaving like a woman should. Just like she respects me when I show characteristics of a man worthy of her respect. Women respect, men love. I’m not saying men can’t respect women or that women can’t love men, I’m saying that it’s Way more important for a man to love his woman, and it’s Way more important for a woman to respect her man.
Man this is another outstanding video. Dr.T.
Super grateful you've entered this space man
Your frame also has to do with how you handle women at their best, AND how to handle them at their worst. Your game, ability to pass fitness tests, ability to understand female nature, and to “be the oak” aka work with her yet be immovable. Is crucial to a healthy relationship and life for a man. Frame is more than just socioeconomic state, it’s huge with how you handle living the inevitable pains-in-the-ass moments only a woman can provide. If you don’t have frame, you will be in your wife’s until she cheats on you and leaves you. Every time
Men are too easily sold the line 'happy wife, happy life' And it's not true - at least not in the context that most men think about that cliche. You need to know what you want and need as a man. Once you show you're a passive participant, it's often all down hill from there.
Sounds like learn how to take abuse from women because they are women. SMH I learn how to understand their are other women which do not oppose such abuse tactics into my life and deal with those women accordingly.
i think that this is one of the most clearly video on youtybe about frame and the importance of a very healthy masculine frame.
a man MUST do learn this because one day he's going to teach that important aspect of life, probably the most important, to his son. Don't forget.
Grazie dottore da un amico italiano e tanti saluti da Nemi (Roma).
I find it interesting what you said. I met my husband online and we dated long distance until he decided to move 7 hours away from his life to be with me. I didn't coax him into this, it was a decision he alone made. I knew that I would not move to be with him because of family situation. I didn't give him an ultimatum and was honest about this upfront. He is now in "my" world but has thrived in his new job and life in general. He tells me almost everyday how he is grateful for finding me. I am not his sugar momma and I don't support him. He is the king of the castle and I am his queen. I am thankful/grateful for him everyday and I tell him so. We have a beautiful life together. Thanks for the videos.
I remember an episode from Alex Grace talking about frame as well.. makes perfect sense.
My God! This final message is just wonderful ❤ 10:24
If only I listened to this 10 years ago, general rule, If she’s making her problem your problem, that’s a huge red flag 🚩
Also, she can move in with you, but I’d advise from ever moving in with her, nothing good can come, and she’ll feel like she’s taking you in and resent you for it.
The content provided on this channel is top notch, but this video is by far the best I have seen yet. Thank you. Can confirm this from my own experience. She'll walk all over you if you let her and lose all respect for you in the process.
Completely agree. It would be great if Dr Orion does more of these case study type videos. This case study was great.
Bro you need to read old PUA blogs. This concept of FRAME is cornerstone from when you approach a woman, when you get in relationship with a woman and when you married with a woman.
@@geovani_marketing Any recommendations?
This is solid advice. I've found that women in my circle are actually more attracted to men who are confident and what they want and won't compromise on that. Doesn't mean they won't make concessions here and there, but as long as they in include her in their plans, she's willing to let him lead and take ownership when things don't go according to plan.
You save lives. I’m past the point of needing this advice. But you save lives my friend. This content is needed.
Basically, think of a picture frame with a painting in it.
Is the painting how YOU want it or is the painting how SHE wants it?
Always be in YOUR frame, always!
Humans are a sexually dysmorphic species and women file 80% of divorces. Make it make sense. Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows and half of women in every generation after boomers are childless, rightfully.
Wow, I just found your channel today, and I'm glad I did. I will be sharing your channel link with my family and friends.
Well put and solid reasoning. Trying to make a woman happy by moving into her frame ends up as a downward spiral for both the man and the woman.
Frame also applies to parents-children relationships. I put it in different terms, that in a family either the parents are the alphas or the child/children are. My observation is that when the child/children are the alphas, own the frame, everyone is miserable and anxious all the time. It's unnatural. Same with men and women. I have never met a woman who dominated her husband and was happy.
Men must treat women like children that is the only happy and natural relationship
@@Mastermind111111 They do have a lot in common, yes.
@@Mastermind111111 jeez, no wonder so many women divorce 💀
@@MichelleA-qn8ow If they are able to convince a man to marry, and if they do divorce, it is because the woman gained too much power. It's all true, women and children have a lot in common.
@@MichelleA-qn8ow Women divorce because they can't make that amount of money on their own
I can't wait for your book to come out. This topic is such a hard hitter. It should be a deal maker for all men.
I wish I had access to such an important episode 10 years ago. Everything that Dr Orion explained here I learned by my own mistakes.
"This is me -- come along for the ride." Love that statement!
Dating relationships are best when when each person can share in the frame of the other and if they decide to marry then they can both decide a healthy balance between the two frames.
Stay tuned.
I use the analogy of a railway track, two separate rails going in the same direction but independent. Simple but works for me. Giving and taking a little delivers that healthy balance. Totally agree with your single-sentence reply.
I think this will be eye opening to most men. Good session
3:56 yeeees! This is so sad, but all my male acquaintances (coworkers, relatives etc) often don’t know what they want at all! Men are supposed to be providers and leaders in the family, yet they cannot even listen to themselves and only cater to their girlfriends needs. Maybe they think this is great and their girlfriends would appreciate it, but in fact all the adequate and feminine women I know want a man who is sure what HE wants and needs. Being with such a man never causes anxiety or excessive drama.
Men think because he is 'providing' that he is the one in control and that he is the 'boss' because he makes the most but if you read 'The Manipulated Man' you understand the man is simply going to work every day for the WOMAN and that she is the boss of the situation and that he is STUCK in that role when a mans true identity is FREEDOM and CHOICE which he no longer has due to her.
They have been taught lies by society and emphasized by feminists that being very agreeable and agreeing to what women ask often or all the time will make them very appreciative of them and also that is what a chivalrous or gentlemanly person should do. The reality is that those are actually most subconscious shit tests or even at times deliberate ones to test the frame and willingness to stand up for oneself, and when one fails repeatedly, very often, and or/spectacularly, attraction diminishes. Just because attraction diminishes does not mean that the woman will not be willing to continue to use you as a resource provider to the fullest. Why not?
The most fire video ever and the entire game summarized in one video.
As an empath and INFJ I had to finally learn how to ask myself, "What's in it for me" from Les Brown to start being more cautious about being too liberal with power
I’m an Empath and INFJ too, definitely understand
Unbelievably inspirational! Thank you for what you do.
Learn your ATTACHMENT STYLE!!
Learn what the “unmet needs” are of that attachment style!!
When you get into a relationship, figure out what her ATTACHMENT STYLE is. THEN figure out what her attachment styles “unmet needs” are.
They are based around each attachment styles “core wounds.”
Recap:
Attachment Style
Unmet Needs
Core Wounds
I promise you will hear this amazing Vid at a different level!
I have to send this to my son. Thank you sir!
I am thriving in my frame now and happy not giving a fuck what a female wants. ❤ your channel.
The only way you could speak that level of knowledge is by experiencing it for yourself.
I appreciate your consistent knowledge, obvious life experience and truth telling.
Delusion is no longer part of my life. You have helped me start my healing process. Thank u
I really like your content. ❤
Because it actually applies to both genders.
I see this with a lot of women I work with. So many women also go through this too. Never asking themselves what they want.
Sacrificing so a man will get into a relationship with them.
Wait that's what he's saying they should do though, namely sacrifice to get into a relationship with a man...
It would be VERY interesting to have this king of video in the context of parentification or narcissist parents
If she demands your unconditional surrender, tell her you do not negotiate with terrorists.
❤😂
📢Wow, well said! More men need to hear this shouted from the mountain top (me included).
About a year ago my wife made an ultimatum we HAD to have a 3rd kid (never discussed or agreed upon) and if I didn’t comply I was ruining her life…… 😑 My fault for allowing her to run wild for so long - but since then my frame has been challenging hers, more vocal and sometimes a “hey there’s the door out” mentality when necessary. And no 3rd child was ever conceived thankfully.👏
1. Always be vocal but don’t over critique…..
2. In these crazy times we should respect women who want to bear children, the fact she want to have more kids is a blessing
3. Have the 3rd child but not on her time…..make it a reward thing “you’ve been an amazing wife lately, let’s make a new bundle of joy”
This is one of the best videos that you've ever produced. Well done!
this is besides the point of the video but watching your videos has expanded my vocabulary 10 fold
Great advice for men .I noticed how many can be influenced or pushed hard to consider everything the woman wants . As a woman however , I have experienced this from men . We want and need different things at different life stages and nothing should be demanded or pushed .each person needs to know what they want and while dating explore if the other person wants the same and if not what can be negotiated .The balance of power can be overt or subtle ,yet we are now in an age where we have to respect that people need autonomy and a good sense of self before joining with another for the long term . If both parties have a career or a lifestyle they love and want to keep they need to consider costs and benefits and how thet manage the transition that change to the dynamic and future partnership will also bring .
Love the perspective shared here and the key advice .
Step back and consider what you want then decide what you can shift and change prior to big decisions or to prevent drifting .After all a woman will in many cases want children and not want to put that on hold forever .
This is why F&F is very important. I saw you at their show and it was probably one of the most useful podcast show that i had listened to. Thanks.
This video may have just saved my life
Brilliant as usual and so on point 👏
This is actually resonate really well with what Georgiy in his channel "Better Call George" talk about masculinity. Thank you guys for providing eye opener content!
Your exactly right. These modern day feminists are very entitled. They think it's like a McDonald's drive through. You pull up place your order and what you want will be granted unto them. The moment she gets those kids and shifts the leverage in her favor that poor guy will be on the street. Visitation will likely be taken from him etc. Once they get what they want they tend to get nit picky. One wrong move and that's it.
I'm very impressed with your narratives and videos. You have a gift and I admire that. Please keep up your comments as I will be watching more.
What I want and what my wife wants are in alignment most of the time, or close enough. When that's not the case, we know how to compromise. I.e. we're capable of disagreement without excess confrontation or argument. I suppose that is why we're happily married after 30 years together.
This talk of "frame" sounds a bit like game playing, or psychological manipulation. Cut the crap; just hold yourself a certain way that is steady and predictable. Be genuine and honest, communicate, and know when to hold your ground but in a diplomatic way.
Relationships should be fair and complementary rather than about competition or domination. With feelings of trust and safety, she can lean into the relationship which steadies her natural mood swings, reducing insecurity. This results in a happier partner.
You should be a counselor. Your words are kind, without anger, and are balanced and strong.
I totally agree with this video. Men, we need to decide what our standard for our life is and conduct ourselves with everything and everyone, including women towards that end.
HELLO doctor ,from KENYA, thanks for what you do esp. for us men globally. have a good day.
ní kí ûreka haha?
@@TimothyNyota hello thuri ino ni njiguaga ikearia maa.
Dr. Taraban, all I can say is, "Thank God for you"! I'm not a religious man, so you can change "God" out for whatever deity you believe in. Your championing of men's rights, mental health, etc. is extraordinary. I discovered your videos today. After the first one, I sub'd, and I still can't get over your fearlessness when providing honest advice to what I view as a male audience. For so long we've been cast as the "bad guy". But in reality, the pendulum has swung so far in the other direction, that we are often the victim: Johnny Depp..... You keep making videos and I'll keep watching...deal? ;)
This all happened to me in my marriage. Living in her frame, following her to other cities for her job. I'm single but happier. Fortunately (for me) no children. Thank you!