The Key to a Happy Marriage That Most People Forget About
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- Опубликовано: 18 июл 2022
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I would say expectations u have on the other person..too many is not a good thing, they have a tendency to feel like they’re not meeting them..
We all are blessings when Jesus is found, he is smart man.
@@hollywiley5668 8
@@hollywiley56685:28
@@dragonrasp5:43
My husband told me when we got engaged "I don't believe in this 50/50 business in marriage... I believe in both trying to give 100%...so that if one day you can't quite make your '50%', it's okay.. I'll have it covered for you" ❤️ the sweetest and one of the most helpful quotes in our marriage. He really is one of the good ones 🙏🏻❤️😍
So women are OK with not being treated as an equal now? You want a traditional man but still get the benefits of equality in society via equal pay? You women are confusing AF 😂😂😂
Smart woman to have married this man
Absolutely beautiful!!! Omggg 💕😊🥰🙏🏾
Or 80% - 20%. Or 60% - 40% . You are blessed ! You probably deserved such a man.
BEAUTIFUL!!!
To have Dr Peterson in the world at this time is such a blessing .
Yes We are blessed (not lucky) to have him and his family !
More than a blessing. Its NECESSARY.
An educated Human being is something to behold - not just educated, thinking and honest. We love him. I realise that there are some things I have to change in order to progress.
It's incredible
too late
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you ‘ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.” ~Socrates
did he really say that haha
@@redblock1382 yes he did look it up hahaha
I love how this implies that being a philosopher and being happy is mutually exclusive 😂
Thats such a bruh moment lol🤣
Nowadays, homeless.
Met a couple that was married for over 60 years. I asked the husband what is the key to such a long marriage. I'll never forget his response. He turned to me as far as his body allowed him to turn in his chair and said "son, I don't hear so good." Such a powerful response.
and everyone clapped?
@@GabrielleTollerson You missed the part that this was a joke right?
@@gibster9624 sorry it wasn't that funny esp given the tone of the comment section
@@lavinder11 jeezus. Pull the stick out of you but. Clearly plenty of others found it funny. No use being a stick in the mud because you can't take a joke very well.
dry
'Telling the truth' is about respectful honesty, not about hurting the other or being abrasive.
Exactly, some people weaponize truth to manipulate guilty emotions like saying "just being honest".
@@CRISSGRULLONWho generally can't take others being honest to them.
50 years here for my husband and I. Honesty, laughter, being willing to step up and carry more than the other when your spouse is tired and hurts, saying thank you and a good debate.. I married my best friend. Best decision I ever made.
This is good advice
Thank you for your wisdom. 👍
You are spot on in your summary of a relationship. We have been married for 46 years. My loving relationship with my wife is the most important and best part of my life. In 46 years you experience most of the challenges life throws at us. To me honesty, fidelity, mutual trust, communication and planning tomorrow and into the future has made our relationship something I wish every couple could experience.
Wow!
I agree wholeheartedly with you. We’ll celebrate our 40th next month. It’s been an amazing experience. We are having a wonderful time now in our newly acquired retirement. We do a lot of negotiating.
@@schmingusss Hi Gorrie, If you have a long history together and especially if you have children, it's worth seeking professional counselling. Sparks can be reignited. Cheers Brent
@@schmingusss other people in our lives only act as mirrors for ourselves. Perhaps some honest self dialogue and reflection is in order.
That's beautiful man.
JP seems to fit far better on a morning coffee talk show than in the trenches with culture warriors. He’s so peaceful and introspective; I’m always happy to see him in nurture mode, not combat.
I expected this interview to get nasty but it never did lol
@@theancientsam it was a pleasant surprise. No ambushes or loaded questions. They Just let the man talk and had a chill time and asked questions
He is discussing things about his wife.
yes.
I like both moods
My grandparents have been married for over 77 years, my parents will celebrate 50 years next month and my husband and I are close to the 20 year mark. 💕
These are great precedents. It matters to me if the woman I'm dating comes from such a background because like begets like
may you get to 77 yrs too 🙏
My parents have been married for 48 years, my husband and will be married for 11 years this year. We're still going strong, because of God; our third strand in our rope.
Ecclesiastes 4:12
Easy-to-Read Version
12 An enemy might be able to defeat one person, but two people can stand back-to-back to defend each other. And three people are even stronger. They are like a rope that has three parts wrapped together-it is very hard to break.
Brutally honest “I don’t care”
My parents have 64 and if you ask them how did they do it. Both will say they don't really know. Because there's no rules.But the love they have foe one another is undeniable
It's a red flag if your partner won't tolerate you standing up to them.That person can't be reasoned with.
Exactly what made me run from the "perfect guy" , even though I was broken. Impossible to get along with somebody who can not accept criticism or opinion.
The key is maturity. And stop any unnecessary drama. Accept, learn and evolve. Think what’s good for both of you, not just yourself. Lastly, happiness is an inside job. It’s not your partner’s job to fill your happiness. Your partner or spouse is just a bonus. Be grateful for the love.
This deserve more likes
No. They are not a bonus. To me, that view makes them seem to auxiliary, and makes you central. And self-centered, afraid to engage entirely. Does they make sense?
@@culturecoroner You attract what you project. You can't love no body if you don't love yourself. If you learn how to love unconditionally, you'll be rewarded with great love. Great love start from within. Without self love you can't find true love. You focus on yourself of doing what is right. Start from there. You're not gonna be selfish if you're intention is to love without any condition. Treat him right, respect and accept their personal views. Self love is doing the right thing for love not just for your partner but everybody.
I actually think this comment from NATURAL CARE@ is quite right. I am in my 16th year of marriage, and I have just recently realised the part with “happiness being an inside job”. It truly is my responsability to try to feel happy with my life, otherwise I end up having unrealistic expectations from my husband (and the other way around). Of course, this doesn’t mean your spouse should be indifferent to your sense of happiness; but often times, another human cannot make you fully happy and this expectation puts unnecessary pressure on a relationship that is nowadays increasingly difficult to celebrate in our society.
I think a man and a woman who know their minds and have decided to live life together while maintaining personal autonomy have better chances to enjoy life together.
One of the best comment!
We've been married 53 years. We have never stopped dating. Once a week if only coffee from a thermos in a neighbouring park. Conversation improves when you are away from your comfort zone. And we do not fight. Fights have winners and losers. Devastating in a relationship. We have conflicts which we resolve. One time it took us 3 days and nights. No sleep. Went to work, came home, talked. It was that important. Finally we were both content. That was 50 years ago. 8 years after that conflict we could not remember what it had been about. Paul Tillich wrote that you marry for the conflict. And that one becomes the right person for each other over time. Life is change. How it differs from the rocks.
53 years is amazing but just can't happen these days barring the absolute exception because women have been deeply indoctrinated into feminism which is cancer on any relationship.
@@ianjones2731 Sadly, you have a point. My wife has never had the feeling of being oppressed. We are equal partners and she enjoys being treated like a lady. Relationship problems usually arise when folks are unquestioning slaves to their inherited belief systems and trendy opinions and set them above all else. Relationships with the other in second place rarely do well. The root of the problem is that too many people let others think for them. As Albert Einstein said, "Thinking is hard work. That is why so few people do it."
@@steinarbruun3852 Thank you, there is so much wisdom in what you said and thanks for taking the time to share it. Bless you both!!
It makes me happy that there are couples who really have a great marriage.
My husband and I just celebrated 43 years of marriage yesterday! People are always shocked when we say how many years - I think it's because people give up too easily these days, instead of fighting for the marriage.
But you both have to be willing to work on the marriage, or it won't survive. My solution to a bad marriage was : one- stay too long because I thought I could fix it all by myself, if I just tried hard enough. two: leave after 20 years and find a better person to love.
@@Carolmaizy a true relationship is a work in progress you find something new all the time and how you interact with each other to deal with it is so important. Also is respecting each others decisions on what path to take on any question in your relationship because your trust in your other half's judgement of a situation is intrinsic to their trust in you. Good luck to you Carol I am sure you will make the right decision. Sheila congrats to you 43 years this year for us is 41 years and basically we just respect each other.
@@Carolmaizy yeah the only reason a marriage or relationship could fail is only because one or both partners are being selfish
@@Carolmaizy Exactly. "Fighting for the marriage" is in large part code for "obeying the cultural institutions you have been conditioned into to that tell you you will have failed or will be deemed morally inferior if you opt out of a flawed relationship."
Plenty of people "give up" on marriages and find happiness within or without others.
"Fighting for it" is over-romanticized Hollywood stuff
@@dipthongthathongthongthong9691 Yeah there’s a social stigma on divorce as marriage represents a certain degree of status. I do think that getting divorced un-amicably is a huge issue more so than the separation itself. The courts, bitterness, manipulation of finances, children causes significant consequences on the divorcees and the children.
I've been married for 25 years. It's been very tough. A lot of crying, laughter, struggles, etc. My advice is not to expect too much from your spouse. Try hard to fall in love again and again!
You don't have to fall in love. You can get up and walk.
My daughter asked me a while ago how I had stayed with her father and without thinking I said” I dropped my expectations “, which was true.
I can relate 😊
Life is simple. Appreciate. Love. Respect. Be happy!
@@EnchantedLove30 Yes indeed🤣
A powerful statement, "It takes a lot of trust to have a real conversation about what you need and want".👏👍♥️
Vulnerability in its highest form❤
What changed my life was when someone said "Do you want to be right or happy?" It put everything in perspective. I only stand my ground on extreme moral issues. Most things are open to compromise.
thats a terrible statement to run your life by
@@JM-bl3ih why
@@JM-bl3ih Why? It is impossible to always insist on being right and maintaining a relationship. Impossible. Picking one's battles is the only way to live happily with another person.
When ppl say “pick your battles” what do they actually mean?
@@Jake24378 I guess don't fuss about everything little or big. Decide what you feel is important to stand your ground over. Life is too short to stay aggravated over dumb stuff
My husband is ALWAYS honest about what I wear. I want his opinion & then I make my own decisions. He doesn't like my pink blouse with puffy sleeves, but I wear it anyway.👚😉 However, I don't wear it on our dates. I wear things that he loves to see me in. 🥰
That’s so sweet! I kinda love you for that, you’re awesome. ❤️❤️
@@Jasiel.95 My husband & I will celebrate 20 years of marriage this November. It hasn't always been easy, but we don't give up on each other. That's the key. Pray together & keep dating. It's tough sometimes, but it works. 🙏🏼😇
Women 🤦🏻♂️
Women!! 💪😎
@@happylatter-daysaint3503 touchè
Wife and I are opposites but complement eachothers. Once heard a couple who was married 75years. They were in their 90s. The man said the key to marriage was "not falling out of love at the same time." We all have bad moments and argue. But we never go to bed without saying we love eachother and kiss goodnight. I get mad or hurt sometimes as well as her but never effects our love and bond. 4 beautiful kids and 15years so far and I love and admire her more every day. ❤️ learned to listen to her better and carve out alone time to reconnect and show her she is loved.
How did you learn this? Through therapy, or just conversations?
After 10 Years of Married Life, the most important key i feel to a Happy Marriage is communication.
It means Sharing everyting from thoughts, feelings and expectations. For that sometimes we play couple questions games like “Lovify”. In this game, we have to guess what our partner expects. With small efforts, we are constantly improving our relationship ❤
Ugh. No wonder I'm not married 😂
To each his own.
We agree. Negotiate and plan together. Married 52 years.
When Dr Peterson talks about his wife Tammy I admire him more for all he has said and expresses his love for her. They are a beautiful story.
That's all he bases it on. Who wants his marrige. And nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. Everyone thought my ex and I had a great marrige. Boy they couldn't have been more wrong
I asked my older brother once how he’s stayed married so long- like what the secret is and he said “you just work it out” 😆 idk why but that has been the most profound marriage advice I had ever heard ♥️
LOL! I married a man that I shouldnt have and we have worked it out.
@@Peonies925 sounds like he married a woman that he shouldn't have too.
Real story - I asked my old uncle when I was getting merried, since he'd been married for over 60 years at that point, He told me: "Don't you worry, you'll work it out. Just remember, marriage is always tough for like the first 60 years or so..." :-D
I believe that advice is great because like dr Peterson said people aren’t willing or able to know what they want and negotiate. Working it out means you think through what you want what they want and find possible compromise by negotiating
Yup, takes two very stubborn people
It's one thing to discusses different opinions with honesty, allowing for civil disagreement, versus someone attacking your character and diminishing you as a person. One is healthy conflict, the other is toxic. As always, thanks Dr. JP.
Agreed.My wife is kind of passive aggressive caracter.It is a very stupid idea to try to argue with such an individual...Yaah man,they are always right...
My relationship is completely toxic. I hate it. No way to fix it though.
But right-wingers aren't people, so it's a moot point...
@@themetalhead1463 How so? Do you need to explain? I've been there....
So true!
I debate with my girlfriend at least every week. Some people would say that that is unhealthy. But I would say that it has helped us both learn to negotiate and listen. I learned about negotiation when reading 12 Rules for Life and he explains that marriage is like 2 cats being chained together in a barrel. Everything is worth fighting for.
So do i with my wife! I'd rate our marriage 9/10, 9 because never will there be anything perfect in this world. Its only when Judgements day Comes that God Will make everything new. In the mean time we've got to keep the relationship engine running. We both do that with love and zeal and because it is our Godly obligation.
Repent for the day of the lord is near ( Sunday I mean)
Marriage was "invented" to help people grow. A bit of conflict, learning how to - and have the courage to- communicate, learning how to be content amidst it all, etc. helps us come to "fruition" as people.
Cats metaphore is about 2 people who doesnt solve their problems, hate conflict. And 20 years laters they are like cats, colected a lot of resentful, like afraid a bit of each other, any small intereaction could end in short words, cuts.. their brains are always in defensive mode
Well done 👏 ✔️
After 51 years of happy marriage I can attest to the wisdom of this man. He is wise & spot on!
Nearly 30yrs with my wife. Compromise has been what's kept us together. Like the song says, " I start walking your way, you start walking mine. We meet in the middle"
Trust, faithfulness, and envisioning yourselves together 30, 40, 50 years down the road. If you can't see growing old with that person, let them go. So they, and you, might find that someone.
Your relationship does not have to be 50/50 you must sometimes give more than you receive and in the end it all balances out done right a respectful and loving relationship is a lifetime blessing.
The thing is the older I get the more I see it as a bit of luck and also a willingness or lack of being willing to sacrifice. Dynamics change and sometimes one person doesn’t want to sacrifice but should they? For example, something I see a lot nowadays - what do you do if your sex drives are ill-matched? You can try all you like but it could mean years of one partner being unhappy and sucking it up just for the sake of the marriage. Or even resorting to other solutions…sometimes people need to reason or let each other go!
"We gain a lot of ground when we both give a little. There ain't no road too long when we meet in the middle."
@@rosyapplekitchen635 yes that's exactly what happened with a close family member who had been together over 30 years. The wife lost interest in sex where the husband still had the desire and she was unwilling to meet half way. It meant he moved out because of the tension and resentment. They still speak everyday have 4 kids together, but if the both of you are not willing to compromise it will be the demise of the relationship.
I've been married for 38+ years and quite simply the best advice is to always put the OTHER persons best interest first. Obviously, you both have to do it. But you can't go wrong, I promise.
I did that to my husband for 32 years and it’s not working and giving up.
I'm doing that to my husband of 24 yrs but its a one way thing. I want to be prioritized too. I'm not happy anymore. Can't leave because I'm still thinking what will happen to him if I leave him.
@david r. In theory, you’re right! However, some people’s personality is to always dominate and have the last word, hence an unbalanced relationship, then it doesn’t work, no matter how hard you try. You can trust me on that!
I disagree. You don't put others interests first if its at the expense of losing your sense of self. Some partners are selfish and just toxic.
@@geraldineheimy7748 You absolutely cannot stop.Listen, if you are truly devoting yourself like that to him he knows at least deep down so he wouldn't want to lose you. That means that the best thing you can do for him right now is to put your own interest in front, boldly. Also he probably has underlying reasons to act this way, make him comfortable opening up. This is the only way, unless the intimacy rules or other fundamental rules were broken.
I've been a Marriage and Family Therapist for 36 years. After observing a number of couples that appeared to have affectionate and amiable relationships (not in a counseling setting), I asked what their "secret" was. Certain behavior patterns popped up over and over: Respectful treatment of each other (especially in conflict), patience, gentleness and kindness. Dr. Tim Keller has an excellent book on marriage- "The Meaning of Marriage." Highly recommend it.
I read (in _Blink)_ about a guy who would record couples talking to each other about conflicts in their marriage, analyze their facial expressions, and feed it into an algorithm, and he could predict with 95% accuracy whe
Important to listen to a potential spouse's voice - in sweetness and in anger. Amazing how terrifying a voice can be, used malevolently. Listen to her or him when you have a spat, before you marry! What you hear could frighten you, and serve as a warning.
Just saw a meme where a woman admitted how sexy it is when her husband breaks out the thundering man voice when the kids don't listen at bedtime.
My summary:
Find someone:
1. Based on attractiveness. Stay in shape, both parties
2. Someone who's interestingly different from you, but not so different that you can't communicate. A little bit of tension, trouble, mystery and combativeness. Keep your interest heightened, do not get bored.
3. Someone you can spar with, discuss your problems, get input and cognitive power. Someone you can trust and be open with. The ability to exchange opinions forthrightly and tell each other the truth. Someone that you can negotiate with
a. tell you what they think and what they want
b. continually update
c. build a view of the future
4. Be romantic and intimate. Work at that. Make time for each other. You need to spend 90 minutes a week with your partner
a. telling each other about your life
b. what needs to be done to keep the household running
c. mutually acceptable vision of next weeks or months
d. spend intimate time together once a week or twice and that has to be negotiated
Excellent summary! Thank you so much!
My great-grandmother told my mother the trick was to never expect your spouse will change. Further, those annoying quirks they have? They will only become more annoying lol but they stayed married until he died! That always stuck with me. My parents gave me a lot of marriage training though, starting when I was about 11. What to look for, what a red flag would be, etc, and how to spot those things before you're too invested in someone (because you will totally lie to yourself lol)
Yes, my mother taught me that too: how to spot problems with someone before you get emotionally invested. Today's young people would think that's cold blooded, but it's really not. It's common sense.
My mentor in College worked with Francis Shaeffer for 20 years in L'Abri - his number one advice in finding a husband/wife is to marry someone who you can fight with and "fights fairly"
My husband and I have been together for 10 years, something I love about our relationship is that we continue to make each other laugh. His wittiness was what attracted me to him in the first place, wittiness takes intelligence. I think we challenge each other all the time with our come backs and ability to still make each other laugh.
If you honestly believe he does not day dream about having his own life as an adult you're living in non reality
@@chiefswife1212 ok Debbie Downer relax
Until the wittiness zooms way over the head of your partner and all you hear is crickets
You're so fortunate. I love fun, humour, spontaneity, games, wit. So crucial. Be boring otherwise.
@@chiefswife1212 Huh? How does marriage prevent someone from having their own life? And what does that have to do with what the OP said? I'm confused.
This really helps me get over my ex. Couldn't have basic objective conversation about reality much less difficult conversations.
Sounds like most girls I know tbh
Like what?
The best advice I can give is the advice my mother gave me: choose your partner wisely. Choose someone who is kind and responsible and thoughtful and loyal. So many people pay attention to all the wrong things. Sexual chemistry, good looks, these are the least important things to true love and lasting marriage.
Your mother is a wise woman!
@@dwcoffey She was, heaven bless her. She and my dad were great parents. I was truly blessed.
Sexual chemistry is a key component to making the hard times bearable
I chose for wrong reasons. We have absolutely nothing in common. Been married 37 years. Our youngest is 21 still in college. I’m lonely. He also doesn’t like that I am a Christian. He wants nothing to do with God. Living as roommates. He is good with just not talking to me.
@@svwerner2877 The religion thing can work if you're both respectful of each other's beliefs
I asked a friend once who had been married 40 years how she made the relationship last so long. She said, “Don’t get divorced.”
Wow, this is deep
😅
You'd better take note ladies, with most of women initiating divorce these days us men are about done with marriage, It's almost a thing of the past.
That doesn’t sound like a happy/good relationship, it sounds like they barely tolerate one another. In my experience of the world, there are actually very few genuinely happy marriages, most people just tolerate one another. I always told my children, living with another person is HARD, even if you really love each other. Far too many people marry out of lust ~ the thing you really need for a good marriage is that you should both LIKE each other first. Look out for people who only pretend to like you~ that kind of mask can be difficult to see past, so remember this……. Love isn’t what you say, it’s what you do. And if someone does bad things to you, they are not good marriage material so end it before you get trapped.
@@verenamaharajah6082 The message of “Don’t get divorced” Is don’t be quick to give up.
Dr. Peterson, THANK YOU! My husband abandoned us years ago, when my 3 children were in college. We lost it all..including hope and trust in people. I send your videos every day to them. Thank you for being a father figure to my kids. They just love you! I am an evangelical Christian who prays for you and your family constantly. Faith in Jesus only, salvation , health and protection to you and your household. I love you like family, honestly I do. I can only pay with my prayers to the Soverign God. THANK YOU!
☆Please talk about dating in your 60s, loneliness is so sad and paralizing.
May God bless you and your family! May your life be full of love and peace
Next time find a man who puts Jesus first never mix yokes. On the other hand don't let being single paralise you embrace it. I've been single and free for 10yrs I'd rather be single than get treated like shit.
Sister, there is strength and comfort in The Lord Jesus. I pray for the Peace of God to cover you.
Same thing happened to me after 25 years shortly after I became disabled with a progressive disease... Only it was my wife that abandoned me and our 3 college aged kids, including a teen mom, plus our 1 year old grandson.
@@todtepfenhart7655 She is devoid of a soul you're all better off without her.
We've been together almost 30 years. But doesn't feel like it. Things I know that work: respect for the other person's perspective/needs/wishes. Compromise helps a lot (within your values). Trust.
I just love Jordan Peterson’s frankness and bluntness in talking about relationships, e.g., how important it is to be able to tell each other the truth, and to be able to spar with each other. I keep learning new important things.
The 12 steps of addiction recovery work, if you work them.
Miracles and revelation happened for me in each step.
honesty allows authenticity, just make sure you're honesty is borne out of love. It's possible to honestly say mean things to someone and not care about them.
Yes this comment is so true.
My wife and I get along great and agree on almost everything. So we get to spend more time doing things that we both love, and less time disagreeing.
He's spot on about scheduling time for sex, though. If it's important enough that it can end marriages, it's important enough to be a priority in your relationship.
Trying to find someone who isn't selfish is a momentous challenge. It all starts with yourself first.
The man is a legend. I thank God for blessing this time in our existence with Jordan Peterson. He is an absolute necessity.
Keep short accounts. "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger..." and being able to say "I'm sorry" and "forgive me" and common acts of courtesy are essential ingredients to any successful marriage.
I always look nice no matter where I go. Especially going out with my hubby and his friends. I want to look nicer than other wives. We should take pride in how we look. Inside and outside.
all i can say is read that back to yourself.
I agree I have been married 40 years and I look nice everyday...I feel confident in myself and my husband always has a new girl everyday
You want to look nicer than other wives? Why are you competing with other wives looks? What will happen if you they look nicer than you? What does their looks have to do with your marriage?
Same here, and nothing wrong with that.My mum and my sister both have amazing fashion sense so I suppose it runs in my family.I feel better when i look good ,and when i feel good I'm nicer to be around...
@@anonymousunknown3462 She wants to make her husband look good and feel good among his peers. She'll remain married. WIll you?
I'm seeing JP speak tomorrow night, and I am having difficulty sleeping from the excitement of hearing him speak live. It feels like Christmas as a kid.
I'm happy that Dr. Peterson was born in my generation, he's helped me with so many acts in life and is amazing how accurate he is with all his analogies..
Debate is good. Fundamental disagreements on values is a recipe for disaster.
I love that Mr. Peterson mentioned trust as being a huge element. I believe trust is everything.
Honesty will always build trust even if the honesty is unpleasant at times. Dishonesty for the sake of protecting your partner or self will almost always be found out. It will result in distrust and a sense of betrayal and that is really difficult to repair.
Honesty = trust.
My spouse and I have been married 20+ years. Mutual respect, honesty and humour are key factors to a successful union. Yes, like any couple, we argue. If we weren’t honest, did not respect each other, or could not laugh to ease tension, then we simply wouldn’t be together.
The man’s wisdom
And mentorship is so needed. Mr. Peterson please don’t ever STOP caring about the state of our affairs♥️ you are touching so many lives
"They have to be satisfied when you get what you want which is also a very difficult thing to manage." A really important nugget of wisdom buried there. I get the feeling a lot of people haven't really worked out what they want so they are easily persuaded by others by things they're told they "should" want. How many people pursued a particular career because their parents pushed them in that direction rather than an inherent interest or desire? How many people had kids because of societal and partner expectations rather than inherently want them? And then there are those who are motivated by the chase rather than the attainment of their goals. Great if they're some corporate visionary like Steve Jobs but I'd never want to live with someone like that, it'd be too exhausting!
so true - to be authentic in a relationship or marriage and feel you can share your opinion and understand each other
Thank God for you Dr.Peterson. Finally someone that makes sense. I always say “make it make sense” regarding politics or relationships and you do. I’m also a psychologist and you make me proud to be a psychologist!
For healthy relationship I think one should get ready to be patient and tolerant under all circumstances. One should leave no bad impression in the memory
I think finding someone who understands what they are getting into is very important. Barely a year into mine, my partner went chatting with her ex after I told her not to do such and denied it even when the evidence was right before me. Words cannot express her denial and coupled with the fact that she is a professing Christian has given me trust issues. I have come to the conclusion that trust must be earned. The first point of trust is through their phone. If your to be partner or partner is very peculiar about their phone as if they work for the CIA, just forget it. Infidelity kills marriage and will forever kill it.
Well to be fair, they might not have feelings for each other at ask anymore, & he might just be a good friend at this point. Don't be so jealous. If she's having coffee, so what? If she wants to go drinking at the bar with him, dump her.
Hey beautiful.. we all need someone to love 💕 us more then we love not cheating 💔😢 on us.. my ex-wife was cheating on me so I head to call 🤙 for a divorce. That was 6yrs back.. how're you doing today.. and where are you from ..?
I’ve been married to my husband for nearly 23 years. We’ve been separated for some time now contemplating divorce. We love each other deeply, but drifted apart due to some infidelity and addiction with underlying childhood emotional trauma. Dr. Peter son’s videos have given me hope for forgiveness and the ability to finally heal and move forward and get the life and love we deserve once again.
Good luck.
I’ll pray for you and your husband today. ❤
@@culturecoroner Thank you 😊
Hope things are going well for you no matter how things worked out.
Nobody wins if you end it. You can both win if you do. Do it.
Having your input on marriage publicly.......may change the world one piece at a time. Its been so long since anyone defended marriage.......it almost became not cool to defend it. The most sacred thing on planet earth. Bravo JP!!!!!! Keep going.....you have an amazing platform. Why others have not taken the opportunity is stunning.
Grandpa said his mom told him the secret to 60+years of marriage was "one day at a time". He also said his father never argued with her and never raised his voice.
sounds like he was a doormat or his wife was actually a good wife
Hey there! Great video title! It's so true that many people overlook this important factor when it comes to a happy marriage. The key ingredient we often forget about is effective communication. It's essential to openly and honestly express our thoughts, feelings, and needs with our partner. So, let's remember to keep those lines of communication open and flowing for a strong and thriving marriage. Awesome content, keep it up!
I have been married for 32 years. I have always wanted a level of emotional intimacy that my husband cannot provide. I'm not sure if he's unwilling or incapable. I discovered that if I wanted to stay married to him I was going to need to get my emotional needs met elsewhere so I have good (mostly women) friends. I could have run to someone else and had an affair. I could have divorced. My husband is a good man, though, and has always taken his responsibility to be there for and provide for our family seriously. He is always kind and good to me but I do have to tell him what I want. I have chosen to love him as he is rather than be dissatisfied with not having the type of deep conversations I thrive on. I focus on gratitude for the many good things he does for me and try to help him out as much as possible. We do negotiate and have had to work thru some pretty tough times. Having a shared religion (and believing in/accepting/conveying forgiveness and admitting our sins towards each other and not building up resentments) and worldview have been our glue. And his sense of humor. I'm not as happy as I could be if we had a deeper relationship but I am not unhappy either. I figured out a long time ago that my happiness is my responsibility. As someone who has suffered through some pretty severe depressions, I'm glad my husband stuck with me when I was hard to live with.
This is the most emotionally and spiritually mature comment on here.❤
Thanks Jordan P. for bringing reality back into marriage.
Mr Peterson is a voice of reason that we desperately need in theese shallow times ❤️
The way Jordan & Tammy talk about their relationships is so beautiful, if only more romantic relationships were like this, the world would truly be a better place ❤️
I love when my hubby says I look nice. 🥰
After I started to be brutally honest at (almost) all times, I learned that while the number of social contacts I had diminished, the quality of interactions improved considerably. Even at the workplace, after initial setbacks, it improved my career and strengthened my profile.
Intimacy and effort. Those 2 things are so easy to let go when you become comfortable in a marriage.
My Father always told me find a man you can still like as your friend when you find yourself in moments you can't bring yourself to love him. Friendship with your partner is more important than love. Love is a fleeting emotional response. Friendship takes effort every day.
He is extremely interesting in his approach, articulating very complicated things in a way that is easy to follow and relate to. Life is complicated because human beings are multi-faceted and you can get along with someone in some areas but not so well in others. You have to find a way to get along with the other person without giving up being yourself.
Love it! If only we could have the courage to be so honest
Spot on. All engaged people need to see and hear this video.
He’s so spot on about so much in life.
Maybe someone can benefit from this. I’ve been married for 8 years and I’ve been attracted to two other women in that time. Let me start by saying that I knew in the moment those women didn’t matter. And also nothing ever came of either of them and I was honest with my wife as well. What I knew was going on but still could t help it was that I desired attention. I didn’t feel like I was getting that attention from the one woman I wanted it from so badly. We both work and have kids. So naturally, when I got attention from another woman who I found good looking, it was huge!!! It woke up that part of me that had been starving. Now I didn’t excuse my self with that in mind and I’m still married because I know what God says about marriage and above all I will honor him with my marriage and ask for forgiveness for my end of things. But I still have yet to work this out totally. And this video helped. Jordan P is such a great asset to our western world.
I'm sure your wife has found other men attractive during your marriage, and has given no thought to it. Stay focused on your wife and stop focusing on who may give you some attention, because you will stumble if your heart isn't in the right place.
What makes people happy is being themselves. The more you be yourself, the happier you feel. You want to be in a relationship where the other person gets to be who they are in their essence. Same for you. Depending on where you are on your journey, you will attract relationships that will prompt you to be more of who you are and it's a flowing river through life experiences. If the idea is to skip heartbreak, you take enough time to be who you are to a considerable degree and then if you enter into relationship, you will be able to achieve more flow cuz you have achieved enough flow within yourself
Beautifully thought & written ! Authenticity , truth lead to good self esteem that flows over the toxic .
this man words are pure gold, the TECHNICAL TRUE at its best, you can just feel it
"You're gonna let the erotic element of your life die?" Yes, that's how infidelity traditionally begins. Someone finds their sex lives at home unsatisfactory, can't express that frustration to their partner or their partner won't acknowledge it, and then they go off to have a secret affair behind their backs.
That's not how marriage is supposed to work. What is supposed to happen is the person with the higher sex drive learns how to control themselves, and how to be less needy. Jordan seems a bit light in his loafers in this clip. That feminine leg cross is interesting.
@@sarahrobertson634 it sounds like your saying the person with the higher sex drive should suppress their natural desire to mate with their partner. Does that seem healthy to you? Im not saying infidelity is the solution. I just wonder if the sex drive of one partner is much more intense then that of the other, a compromise on BOTH ends must be met unless the relationship is doomed to leave one side unfullfilled.
@@BeaverTail40 Self control is a beautiful thing, my friend. Compromise isn't a good option, since coercive sex is abuse. One partner being abused so the other can feel fulfilled is hardly a healthy pattern in a marriage. Sex is a luxury, not a necessity, and should be treated as such. Feeling unfulfilled is never an issue to one who has learned self control. A true compromise might be for the partner with the lower drive to support a meditation practice for the partner with the higher drive, with self-mastery as the goal. Meditating together is an amazing bonding experience for a couple. That way, sex can happen naturally, with no addictive, abusive, or demanding behavior on the part of the higher drive partner. Works great!
@@sarahrobertson634 Thank you! You are the only person I have seen bring up his feminine leg cross. I'm more of resting the ankle on the knee type of guy and never understood the whole leg cross thing. Also, thanks for mentioning the sex drive compromise with self-mastery as the goal. Makes sense
@@RyonLION No, thank you Ryon. I'm all about meditation and self-mastery. No man actually wants his wife to give them reluctant, coerced duty sex. It turns him into a sex offender and is sexually abusive to his wife, and is really just gross and unsatisfying. Why abuse your wife only to be unsatisfied in the end anyway? Everybody loses. That's the "compromise" that a lot of guys settle for, but genuine female sexual desire is so much better. A man who is the master of his sex drive will have his wife climbing all over him, all creamy and wet. Everyone wins. Also, I cringe when I see men cross their legs at the knee. That's how I sit. Sometimes if I'm doing seated yoga during a work meeting or something I cross my ankle on the knee. It's a yoga pose that's called "Seated Figure 4". I'm a Tantric Yoga enthusiast.
Thank you for your teachings Internet Dad!
Thank you Dr. Peterson
When she said "You will not be 25 forever, so...." Incorrect, she will always be that woman when your love for her is strong.
🥰
I appreciate this man so much. I learn so much listening to him and get inspired to grow and become better in my relationships
I Love U Mr Jordan Peterson. ❤️❤️ Thank U For The Lovely Advice As Always. It Helps With My Day To Day.
My husband can’t even tell me what he wants for dinner communication is on the lowest level he’ll always say if you want to which makes me scream inside
It’s really important to understand why you’re together and the lasting power of it, that can transcend time. Everything falls out from reminding yourself of that - love, communication, attractiveness, patience, debate, loyalty, roles and responsibilities, compromises, financials, intimacy - through thick and thin. About to hit 20 years and have had all variations of each.
He’s a smart man and an amazing communicator. Listen to him.
Healthy disagreements mean that you discuss and work out some sort of Compromise that is best for both parties. My dad always told me to never resort to name calling, and that advice has always stuck with me. Your ideal partner is someone you respect, so you should treat them with respect.
oh man. my husband is Dutch, and they are so brutal when it comes to telling the truth. As first i struggle until i learn also to say what's on my mind.
My husband and I married at the age of 18 and 19 years old . That was 59 years ago. We had six children and eleven grandchildren . The key to staying together is caring about each other as much as you care about your own happiness. Married life is a roller coaster. You share together , hold on and laugh a lot . Really simple, love and care about eachother 🙏
Have to let go of the expectation that as you get older your relationship with your spouse is always peaceful. Conflict is necessary to work things out. Learn to negotiate and fight well. Thanks, Dr. Peterson.
I totally agree Dr. Peterson! Most people don't understand that intelligent dialogue is essential. It's not about truth telling exactly..it's about being compatible in intelligence and interest.
For years I couldn’t find a man who treat me right for years. I didn’t know how to choose that perfect person for me. I never had father figure or any male role model in my family. Then I change my thought process.. what kind of dad I want my children to have. Bang.. I found my now husband. We have been together for 10 years and have two children. He is the best dad my children can have. I whole heartedly trust him. I honestly feel so free. I know even if something were to happened to me he will put the kids first and will never let anything happen to them. No one can put up with hi except me 😆 also no one can put up with me except him. Mr. JP we both listen to you and our kids will in the future. Thank you!
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Trust is definitely one of, if not the most important components of a thriving relationship. The truth shall set you free.
Jordan Peterson is a maddening combination and this version is what keeps me coming back…
I am learning that what makes a marriage is, yes, honesty, faith in God, humility but I thinks what is key is to just stay together - no quitting. It allows for growth, together. 💐
Yet, many atheists have better marriages than Christians, so faith in "god" doesn't really account for much.
@@AlexHernandez-ee5hd, “better marriages” is way too vague and therefore debatable.
Atheism is a whole lot of nothin’ whereas God, whether one believes in Him or not, is the source of life, love goodness, beauty and truth. The “better” choice is obvious. ✝️❤️🌷😁
@@traditionalgirl3943
Actually, your god is a fairytale, so he isn't the source of anything. Well, he is the source of great delusions.
If there are infidelity dont worth staying without respect and trust marriage is broken. The cheater can go with the lover. Fight like desperate for breadcrumbs No!!!
@@traditionalgirl3943Religion is a trap to make feel people guilty.
JBP does not run out of facts or opinion for any topic. He also has good pulmonary function. I have.not observed him huffing or puffing or turning blue from those long long statements. You're precious, JBP and it doesn't seem to go to your head. Like a doting uncle with an IQ way over 140 and EQ way above!
After 40 years of marriage, we still argue, disagree, confront each other when its needed but we realized that these conflicts we discuss until a solution or agreement is reached are actually bricks we made to build a huge protective wall around our marriage that no evil could penetrate and we feel safe. BUT, one of my most important task in my life is to make her laugh out loud! I can never get enough of her giggles and laughter. Needless to say, we seldom argue anymore, but we're ready for a 'battle' anytime she lays the hammer down!!
Thank you - as always Dr. Petersen.. So grateful for your voice in this world..🙏👌😊
Dr. Peterson was about to lay down some solid wisdom when this person asked "Does that include how I look in this outfit"? Then the conversation was not the same.
Communication is a spectrum that ranges from combat (on one side) to communion (on the other).
'but' is on the combat side.
'and' is on the communion side.
Both of which resembles a dance of sorts. Recognizing which province you are in is an important step towards harmony.
The stereo of two minds working together on a problem is a wonder to behold and a joy to experience.
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Love his intellect, and honesty