Its the only way because otherwise even if you win they go on thinking "I forgot to mention this or that and thats why i lost" or something along those lines
I can't fathom how much the youtube moderators use his speeches for harassment of those the want to silence.. Going so far as to have my grandmother with alzheimers repeat his stuff (she doesn't youtube)
@@mythfire1461 It's not really saying that it is good to let suffering continue or anything like that. It's that the suffering they face should not be invalidated but understood accurately from THEIR point of view. It's another way of presenting the idea of not judging someone if you haven't truly ''walked in their shoes'' so to speak. We all are struggling in life. The whole point of what we do is to try to live the life that gives us meaning despite the struggles we face. If you take away someone's struggle you are essentially denying their life it's meaning as well.
@@wizardsongs5409 What you said is half the meaning. The other part is quite literal: You cannot just fix someone's problem, because he is half addicted to that problem. You cannot give him the solution, you can just keep clarify the problem until its roots appears. And very often people even know it is that problem and they just do not wanna deal with it. They cannot let go of their problem, that is why it is a problem in the first place. So what you do is, you say: I hear you. You show to them you understand the problem. In fact, probably that is why they are arguing with you, they need you on their side. + Suffering, sadness or whatever emotion connected to problems is addictive just as any other emotion. If you just neglect it, take it away from someone they will just feel more miserable unless you gave them something to replace it.
"You don't have to take on their problems. It's not necessarily bad that people have problems." - We often forget it's not our responsibility to fix people's problems.
This is exactly what I learned while teaching kids math…sometimes, I can read their facial expressions and realize there was a disconnect. So, I would ask if there was someone that felt they could reexplain what I said and or demonstrate to the class, how to solve the same problem in kid language, or how to work a similar problem. I was often impressed that by adding “kid language” in they would try harder to understand so they could be the one to explain. Also, I had way more volunteers towards the end of the semester than the beginning. I also had some students that would use the same exact words but the class understood them and not me??? I concluded that I would not take it personal, because it wasn’t about me, I didn’t have to be the one that delivered the skill, I just monitored to ensure it was being explained in a way that was correctly consumed. Even if they used some funny terminology, the proof was on their paper. They felt more comfortable asking me if I could ask if someone else could explain something in “kid language” and they had created a safe atmosphere for making mistakes and learning….even when they started referring to me as an old person 🤣
arguments are blind aggression. the argument could be that you doing to much for the other person in the relationship//. the guy cook, cleans, does things around town, and doing as much as he could think of to help his wife. the wife gets upset for feeling like she is worthless like she adds nothing to the relationship./wife side/ the guy argues back that he wants to maintain peace in his daily life and he does that by attending to her needs as he becomes aware of them.
I will be so sad if anything happens to him. I know he’s not doing well right now. I love him. I love how he points in a welcoming way, not a condescending way. He seems nice. He deserves good health.
Dr Peterson is one of the most beautiful example of using his immense intellect for the progress and goodness of humanity...I adore his lectures ...He helped me through the darkest moments of my life
Dany. You explained what I couldn’t! I admire the fact that Mr. Peterson’s high intellect is being used to make this a better world. He is spreading respectful, adult-love. I bet we all wish he was our dad, our uncle, our grandpa because we want to justify the huge appreciation we have for him.
@@DxmimundobizarroxD I want him on my team to have the option to keep the real darkness at bay and rest. It would be equally great to just have a simple day of banter with him too. That side we hear very little of.
The advise in this video, which I have taken to heart, literally restored my 10 year marriage from a year of divorce today. When he says to listen to and build up and understand their arguments and then deal with that… that line is what saved us today. I would not be next to my wife-again if not for Jordan Peterson.
I'm on the brink of a divorce with my wife (she leaving me) of 14 years. I'm so inspired by this technique and I'm so lucky that I came across this video today. I am going to try this technique and work this into my life as a regularly as I can. I pray that this is one of many ways that I can improve my relationship with my wife.
I've seen many of Dr. Peterson's videos and he clearly practices what he preaches. Even with hostile interviewers he seeks to at least understand where they are coming from and then has the courage and grace to point out fallacies without condemning the person. May God bless him in the challenges he is enduring!
he demonstrates a lot of empathy and recognizes when interacting with someone whether he is interacting with the person, or an ideological possession, and seems to sympathize.
This 8 minute video is probably what’s going to save my marriage. I am now embarrassed in myself thinking back to how I “argue”. May God bless and protect this man.
My last relationship taught me patience. It taught me that arguing is only bad if you let anger control the interaction. An argument will be uncomfortable but it's important for both parties to understand that an argument or intense conversation is needed and quite unavoidable. You have to get through the entire argument. You have to ask questions and really investigate where a person is and what exactly they mean. I can make a statement, and until I explain it fully what I truly mean can't be described by that one statement. Do not fear argument. It is an Investigation on what's in each other's hearts and minds, and how else can you truly know who you're dealing with?
In my political science class at BYU-I, it was required we do this in every debate. We had to "build the strongest case for the position you oppose." The cool thing is we often went from two debaters on opposite sides of the table to two teambuilders solving a problem together. The conflict almost always dissipated, and we enjoyed the discussion.
Michael Pondo wow TDS here. So you say politicians are corrupt but go right into saying how bad trump is. How about you mention Nancy Pelosi, Adam schiff, Andrew Cuomo, that Whitmer lady, the DNC, Biden for his involvement with Ukraine sexual assault and the racist 1994 crime bill. There are also corrupt republicans but the obvious list of corrupt democrats is too awful to ignore. Trump is NOT a career politician so he is not included in this list. Now he is not perfect and I’m not claiming his business record is perfect, however he is not a career politician that made millions off the backs of Americans and he doesn’t use the FBI to spy on his opposition. He doesn’t restrict people’s First amendment rights. He donates his salary and works for the people! He is confronted with the MSM that uses strawman all of the time to make up lies in order to try to steal the election from him. So please, make sure you talk about ALL corrupt politicians not just what CNN tells you.
I did this with my roommate once and it was really amazing. I tried to honestly re-articulate what he said and asked simple questions, he began correcting and clarifying what he said. He began to open his own mind on the subject and then thanked me as if I had opened it for him. It was cool, I said hey all I did was ask a few questions and you brought yourself to your own conclusions. Much better results than raising my voice and increasing my words per minute
@@peacesound1101 nope. It's not the same. From what is known in psychology mirroring is mimicking to present a false facade and similarity to others in order to be likeable and make people lower their guard instead of appearing how you are and being accepted or rejected for it. Manipulators and predators love this concept. As for what he did, he only wanted to get to the root cause so he asked questions. He didn't pretend to be who he wasn't .
I used to have friends for whom i did this with and it did not help because they were so cruel or so unwilling to hear any other opinion AFTER you made sure you repeated what their point was to their satisfaction that after that they would just keep elaborating and not ever give you the chance to make your point. after a long time i elected to stop being their friend because it was just more and more clear that they were not interested in any opinion that did not match theirs.
@@generationless6942 Yes, but it is more difficult than it sounds to be rid and stay rid of someone you may have spent years trying to be friends with. It is a sobering realization that some of the people you thought were your friends were not...that some of the people you trusted betrayed you. It requires resolution and constant strength and a sort of unfaltering self-respect, that for me anyway seems to border on narcissistic levels of confidence that you are nearly infallible. When you reflect that you are not perfect, it provides alot of reason to think perhaps your resolution to keep them away from you is too severe, too unforgiving.
He is the man who gave meaning to my psychology profession. I am using his 40 years of experience everyday in my life and will keep using for as many people as I can to make thier lives better .... I promise you Jordan. Thank you very much.
@@fatimahrahman6158 Riiiiiight..... except the DSM is agreed upon by multiple people based on peer reviewed research. Peterson sometimes shoots from the hip
Beautiful, caring, compassionate and wonderful! I love this. I also love what Jordan said about taking marriage vows. "I know you're trouble and so am I." We'll be in this together for life and work it out." You cannot get to the sweet fruit unless you're completely in it for life. That's where true intimacy comes. It's the best kept secret.
This technique worked in a slightly more obscure way for me. I'd taken custody of my two sons but, as a result of the abuse they suffered earlier, was obliged to attend weekly visits with social workers and child psychologists. The problem was that I had to speak French and though my mastery of the language was 'good enough' for day-to-day use, it was barely adequate for the vocabulary I was now encountering. So, I repeated what I understood them to have said. It was daunting at first because I felt it was trying their patience. Not so, it actually increased their confidence in me. Hard work certainly but it paid back. More importantly, my sons are now thriving and doing well academically.
This is always what I’ve always done since I hit around age 15. My goal is to represent their argument as thoroughly as possible. I do this because I have a genuine interest in the truth, regardless if it serves me or not.
Gujudhur, seek first to understand. That is basically what he is saying. If you cannot retell them their main ideas, then you didn't understand them. If you make it not your problem sounds like a very detached person who may not care, even if that is not your intent. Life is just one problem after another. Some more bothersome than others! How we solve the problems becomes our life story. Best wishes dear man.
@@browncatwithblurredbackgro2461 you are getting an equal exchange that is agreed upon in advance. It’s not the same as someone trying to act as if you need to solve their life problems.
It would be a beautiful enlightening educational experience. We need more thinkers like him. On the topic, may I ask if you know anyone else like Jordan Peterson? Would love to listen to more people like him. What I love about him is his fatherly, friendly, and welcoming presence.
I'm a rambler, but I learned to control it, thanks to a friend who was always willing to listen and then summarize what I told him. Listening to his summaries taught me what details were relevant, and which ones could be left out. My stories CAN still be long, but they don't HAVE to be anymore, thanks to that friend who always listens. Be patient with the ramblers in your tribe. Listen and summarize. It's the only way to give them some chance of learning how to keep it short.
This video made me feel like I had jumped into a freezing cold lake on a hot sunny day. Exhilaration, effervescence & fear flowed through me simulataniously while listening to this man, knowing that I need to hear more of his teachings. First time listener. Thank you!
A very good point. I tell people to refrain from being reactionary but to dig deeper into why someone would have a controversial view on something, by listening and asking a little more questions to figure out the perspective of that person to better understand where they are coming from so you can understand their underlining belief. Only then, I believe, can we understand each other and appreciate our differences without getting into unnecessary arguments/fights
Lisa Gunnison well as Peterson mentioned in the Second rule of his book, their are a lot less narcissistic people around that people this k. Believing people to be narcissistic is fashionable and easy, understanding that every person is full of shame and thus isn't quite as full of self importance than you might think, is a lot harded
Lisa Gunnison It's useful in any sense as long as you belive you're dealing with a narcissist. That belief is often wrong and thus this information in the video becomes more useful.
Colmag me again....I am a Peterson fan. Sharing this link as I believe this woman makes very valid points with regard to “is this person a true narcissist” and the “trend” in labeling one as such. ruclips.net/video/k30mcjSkmT8/видео.html. I would agree with you that the percentage of true narcissists is low however, one comes to recognize certain traits or dimensions/attributes in individuals who are totally self-serving. True narcissists leave a wake of destruction sucking the life energy out of people.
After listening to this man for 2 hours I quit smoking ciggarettes been clean of weed and alcohol going on 3 years If only I could now learn how to be nice while I'm going through withdrawls my poor best friend that lives with me I'm sure is tired of me snapping at them and than apologizing like a monster with no control I hope this helps too because I do care
Dr Peterson has been so inspirational to me. I’ve lived in a dysfunctional marriage for over half of our 40 years and I’ve just realized recently that I have settled for so much. That’s about to change because I will not continue to live with someone that doesn’t care about my feelings. Thank you for opening my eyes. God bless you. ❤️🙏🏼
Restating what you think the other person is feeling is exactly one of the techniques that Chris Voss teaches in his book about negotiation. If it's powerful enough to work in hostage situations where lives are on the line, then it could do wonders for our intimate relationships and day to day interactions. Empathy is one helluva drug.
@S K empathy isn't being used against you. You're being empathic for yourself, because it makes you feel good, you don't actuality care about the person you're helping.
It's also what Cathy Newman got ridiculed for. In that case she seemed to twist his words towards what she was saying. This highlights a pitfall to watch out for when using this principle.
@@TranceCore3 If the only motivation you can find for doing the right thing is that it makes you feel good, well that's a good start. I feel however that that kind of payoff might not always be possible when trying to improve the bigger picture. I think there are many times when sincere empathy hurts a lot. Jordan sometimes cries when describing other people's plights.
Empathy is a horrible human trait! Gets you no where! Evil wins oh wait this guy doesn’t evil in evil.. then let’s say playing unfair and screwing others over. Just what I’ve seen and I always played the good side and didn’t lie was honorable and wow empathy let’s put it this way of complex PTSD now. Super power for awhile when I didn’t feel a thing after years of covert abuse tactics of manipulation and gaslighting and this guy doesn’t believe in narcissist? 😂🤣. We have many politicians that act that way so do we say that their sociopaths psychotic I don’t know I’m not a doctor but narcissistic is the only thing I have read that describes the crap that I went through so if that’s not what I went through I wish to find a new word for it. All I know is I’m making sure I learn as much as possible so I never go through that hell again!
Me and my husband kind of do this all the time and we rarely argue, more so discuss the issue at hand and find a solution together. It's a stark contrast to me and my parents where they would belittle and gaslight me into thinking I was always in the wrong. It took me a long time and my husband to realise it's ok to want to do things for myself, that no is a complete sentence and that I dont have to constantly justify myself to people or constantly apologise for stupid little things.
Thank you for sharing: this gives hope. The vast majority of people who grew up in emotional abuse grow up to either be the victim in their relationship or they become the abuser who gaslights.
Or the third option: they can't handle any relationships because no one is sensitive enough to their feelings, at the same time as they continue to overextend themselves to be careful of other people's feelings.
Thank you so much. A blueprint on how to have a real life conversation. Much overlooked in society which instead resorts to the lowest levels possible, instead of problem solving and reconciliation. ❤
Thank you Mr. Peterson. Thank you Jordan. Thank you so much for all of your unimaginably difficult work. You are such a wonderful and extraordinary gentleman sir. If only 1% of the people on our planet used their minds and bodies as carefully and as responsibly as you do, who knows what the human species could accomplish. Keep up the great work and never give up Jordan. Your such a brilliant guiding starlight for so many and I for one, would fight and die, or fight and live to protect your awesome insights, and your relentless faith in humanity.
My late husband , Richard Joseph Sullivan, was a great admirer of yours and he was nobody’s fool. He introduced your posts to my younger brother Richard, Quay, and. he is still grateful. Thank you for your sane discourse in this often crazy world. Elizabeth Quay Sullivan Professor Emeritus, SUNY Farmingdale
The art & practice of listening. Show people respect. Allow yourself to fully absorb the topic, issue, complaint. That not only shows respect, it also allows you to truly take in another viewpoint. Often, even at odds with your own, can help lead to a more valuable solution, discussion, resolution. Leaves everyone in a more well-rounded, positive way.
I feel this, this is the EXACT problem ive been trying to solve for a while. Ive had few people to listen to me or to listen to in my life and the few i do, i talk to once in a while, and so i have all these thoughts that are so unrefined, so when i DO talk to someone i just shit out all this unnecessary information, i can feel the boredom and confusion from them, i feel my barely functioning ability to maintain a conversation slipping and its causing me to avoid conversations further weakening my social skills more and more
That's crazy that I see this comment because this describes my thinking perception and I do tend to ramble and I've isolated myself more because of it, so now it's hard to carry on a conversation with other people, and I can do it but sometimes its like I don't want to diarrhea at the mouth with all this backed up content and need to socialize. So I tend to disappear or ghost because of it.
I'll put it this way: two people can have a discussion about contradictory opinions and come out the other end with a different opinion or at least perspective on things. It's only an argument when people are fixed on an opinion and they are just trying to verbally overpower each other to win a point.
Following that rule is practically impossible in this world of folks lacking intellectual honesty and humility in pursuit of truth. They’re too stuck on their own ideas. I use this technique with behavior children at school and it’s very helpful in building relationships, respect, and logic. Adults look at you like 😳 when you start this method midstream in their hyped up assertions. It’s worth it just to see their face. It also helps to reveal who wants to argue just to argue, if a person truly understands their opinion, and if they don’t understand!
@@planetary-rendez-vous I have only shared this with my significant other. With my friends/coworkers/etc I don't tell them anything, but I enforce the rule for myself. It forces ME to listen. I don't really care about other people's ability to listen because like Elizabeth D. said, most people are uninterested in intellectual conversations--they just want to be right and they just want someone to listen to them.
I mostly try to do it for myself all the time. Not that I always succeed. Sometimes the conversation is just not interesting. But anyway, using this on yourself makes me feel somewhat alone.
Am I the only one who was thinking of Cathy Newman when he was describing how people try to win an argument by having their own comfortable interpretation of what the other person said, and mix it with bunch of their own assumptions/accusations? Somebody wrote the below parody transcript somewhere (do not remember where), and its hilarious: Jordan: I like cats Cathy: So, you mean to say you hate dogs? Jordan said people who argue like that are simply crooked (which they are)!
This is great stuff. Basically, how to convert an argument into a very interesting and engaging conversation, which while doing so, builds up respect between the two parties, instead of the opposite.
That’s really helpful! I always do it in my job for counseling women in pregnancy crises. That helps so much to find out the real reason why they are in the crises and to figure out how to help them properly! Otherwise you don‘t get their trust.
I had a wonderful, true friend.. we listened very carefully to each other, with lots of attention, love and care.. I listened to her and understood her, I assume that I loved her to the extent that I felt her essence and core.. she was a true person, she did what she believed in, not to please people or even her self.. she was seeking truth and trying to make meaning out of her life.. Now, I lost her and I am still in great grief, pain and sufferance.. no words will be able to describe her inner beauty that I saw and listened to one day..
Listening to Jordan Peterson is such a breath of fresh air. When I listen to him I genuinely believe that I am listening to someone who is highly principled and is speaking the truth without a hidden agenda. It is a true joy, but there is a sadness as well because I do not hear other academics who either stand up and support him or stand up and seriously challenge him. Where are they?The only answer I can think of is cowardice. They are either afraid of being made to look seriously foolish if they debate hm head to head, or they are afraid of the reaction against them by the radical forces that would love to take him down. Either of these scenarios are seriously disheartening indicators of the state of our institutions of higher learning.
"Its a whole forest that needs a forest fire" That is where I am. I am one of the ones that has gone on for decades without anyone to talk to and currently live in that dying forest. I have recently lit that match though and began the burn. A controlled burn and its been a slow one but I feel like things are finally beginning to change. I am starting to feel better for the first time in over 20 years.
I enjoy his points how he lays it all out. Relaxing to hear everything important, and knowledgeable to take in. A great man with honest character who teaches us all to be a understandably true person.
I swear each time I listen to the same video over and over for JP I learn sthg new like literally each time. You cant just hear his videos for one time. Gotta do it several times until you get all the lessons and the wisdom.
Telling your story is futile when the response of the other person is to then tell something about himself, without any acknowledgment or further interest in what you have said. There is no curiosity, or connecting the dots from other conversations. What you have shared is merely a springboard for the other to talk about himself. It’s a form of being ignored and unheard.
I think it comes down to the fact that ‘caring is currency’. We each arrive into relationships with different understandings of what care represents. Some people care in abundance, whilst others are severely impoverished in their capacity for care. Hence, we have to be discerning with regards to how we enter into relationships not based solely on our feelings, but on thought and observation (what are they like around other people?). This is my checklist for demonstrating and understanding another’s capacity for caring: 1. To enquire genuinely and sincerely about another’s welfare. 2. Showing interest in what someone is currently doing. 3. Being willing to spend time with another (Availability). 4. Actively listening. 5. Being attentive to the needs of others. 6. Offering support and protection (without disabling the other). 7. Showing empathy. 8. Being dependable. 9. Give and take. 10. Showing appreciation. 11. Being non-judgemental. 12. Celebrating successes. 13. Respecting another’s time and priorities. 14. Candour (will you tell me what I don’t want to hear?). 15. Seeking to understand the world from the others perspective. 16. Seeking to develop skills and talents (Wanting to develop the very best that is in a person).
Early childhood teachers, like my husband who taught kindergarten, are trained to help children use their words, express feelings, and get along with each other. That’s why local governments need to help teachers get ongoing education and let them do their best work. It’s also important to support Head Start programs to help teach communication skills early. ❤
5:30 I need to work on this. I often deal with situations where I absorb the sadness and suffering of the people I care about, and then I feel less able to help them, which in turn makes me more sad. A vicious cycle. Sometimes I feel like being an empath is very inconvenient.
Care and communication first. This leads to managing expectations. With expectations understood/managed, you can develop trust. Trust over time can lead to respect.
yes this is friendship at the highest level when you feel that you can tell anything and everything about you... it's also trust when you know that what you tell is in safe hands... trust is relief......it helps a lot...
This technique should be taught in every high school so that people can communicate better with eachother. This was such an eye opener to me. I need to practice this technique regularly.
Interesting how a popular teaching method to show understanding is to have a student teach another student what they’ve learnt. Being able to repeat something in an accurate coherent manner says a lot
Thank you "The Bests" for selecting that pure golden part of the lecture. Thank You Jordan Peterson, for explaining so passionately and clearly this instruction of proper communication. Our School Systems totally failed and hurt us, by brutally cutting out this essential knowledge from our education, your lectures save our world, however slightly, but necessary.
![Chris Langan - The Interview THEY Didn't Want You To See - CTMU [Full Version; Timestamps]](/img/1.gif)
"Help them make their argument as strong as possible, and then deal with that." The Goku of discussion.
(Peter)son Goku
Its the only way because otherwise even if you win they go on thinking "I forgot to mention this or that and thats why i lost" or something along those lines
Perfect
(Lanipator impression, go)
*SENZU BEAN!*
Best comment
I can't even fathom how much this man has made my life better
That is so good to hear, cheers
Sheep
@@personl7949 ok
I can't fathom how much the youtube moderators use his speeches for harassment of those the want to silence.. Going so far as to have my grandmother with alzheimers repeat his stuff (she doesn't youtube)
@@jdubisbest6204 could you elaborate?
“The other person is entitled to their suffering. You don’t get to take it away, it’s their destiny.” The truest words have been spoken.
I didn't quite understand that, what does that mean? Why is it good to let someone keep their suffering?
@@mythfire1461 It's not really saying that it is good to let suffering continue or anything like that. It's that the suffering they face should not be invalidated but understood accurately from THEIR point of view. It's another way of presenting the idea of not judging someone if you haven't truly ''walked in their shoes'' so to speak.
We all are struggling in life. The whole point of what we do is to try to live the life that gives us meaning despite the struggles we face. If you take away someone's struggle you are essentially denying their life it's meaning as well.
@@wizardsongs5409 What you said is half the meaning. The other part is quite literal: You cannot just fix someone's problem, because he is half addicted to that problem. You cannot give him the solution, you can just keep clarify the problem until its roots appears. And very often people even know it is that problem and they just do not wanna deal with it. They cannot let go of their problem, that is why it is a problem in the first place. So what you do is, you say: I hear you. You show to them you understand the problem. In fact, probably that is why they are arguing with you, they need you on their side. + Suffering, sadness or whatever emotion connected to problems is addictive just as any other emotion. If you just neglect it, take it away from someone they will just feel more miserable unless you gave them something to replace it.
Pretty deep... pretty scary when you really contemplate it.
@@mythfire1461 Struggle triggers metamorphosis
"You don't have to take on their problems. It's not necessarily bad that people have problems." - We often forget it's not our responsibility to fix people's problems.
Everyone you meet has something of value that can be taken from every encounter.
This is exactly what I learned while teaching kids math…sometimes, I can read their facial expressions and realize there was a disconnect. So, I would ask if there was someone that felt they could reexplain what I said and or demonstrate to the class, how to solve the same problem in kid language, or how to work a similar problem. I was often impressed that by adding “kid language” in they would try harder to understand so they could be the one to explain. Also, I had way more volunteers towards the end of the semester than the beginning. I also had some students that would use the same exact words but the class understood them and not me??? I concluded that I would not take it personal, because it wasn’t about me, I didn’t have to be the one that delivered the skill, I just monitored to ensure it was being explained in a way that was correctly consumed. Even if they used some funny terminology, the proof was on their paper. They felt more comfortable asking me if I could ask if someone else could explain something in “kid language” and they had created a safe atmosphere for making mistakes and learning….even when they started referring to me as an old person 🤣
As someone who wants to teach math someday. Thank you very much for sharing!
Appreciate it alot
That's awesome
There are actually some good teachers out there wow
You have an amazing approach and your students obviously are all the better because of it
@@hardenburgc Thank you 🙏🏽 for writing such kind words 🫶🏽
Don’t try to win an argument. Try to use what the opponent is saying as information and knowledge. It’s not an argument if it’s a conversation.
arguments are blind aggression. the argument could be that you doing to much for the other person in the relationship//. the guy cook, cleans, does things around town, and doing as much as he could think of to help his wife. the wife gets upset for feeling like she is worthless like she adds nothing to the relationship./wife side/ the guy argues back that he wants to maintain peace in his daily life and he does that by attending to her needs as he becomes aware of them.
Sheep.
So few understand how to talk without escalating into a fight now.
@@jaimhaas5170 it has always be so. to believe that failure to communicate is a recent thing is laughable ignorant.
@@alwaysonyourtail2563 not what I said but sure I am ok with your statement.
Best quote of the day "understanding doesn't mean you agree, but at least you are trying to understand"
Gold
I will be so sad if anything happens to him. I know he’s not doing well right now. I love him. I love how he points in a welcoming way, not a condescending way. He seems nice. He deserves good health.
what's happening to him?
thanks thomas
@@gauvainbeaudrysarrazin6611 Petersen is heavily harassed online by Vox Day and Owen Benjamin, neither of whom he ever met.
He actually is doing well. Check his channel he uploaded and update video
Que sera Sarah
I so agree with you Sarah. He is wonderful. I watch him every day. I do hope he is getting better. We need him.
Dr Peterson is one of the most beautiful example of using his immense intellect for the progress and goodness of humanity...I adore his lectures ...He helped me through the darkest moments of my life
Dany. You explained what I couldn’t!
I admire the fact that Mr. Peterson’s high intellect is being used to make this a better world. He is spreading respectful, adult-love.
I bet we all wish he was our dad, our uncle, our grandpa because we want to justify the huge appreciation we have for him.
I hope you’re still doing well on your journey through life ❤️
Im glad Dr P found God. It was the only thing he was missing
@@DxmimundobizarroxD I want him on my team to have the option to keep the real darkness at bay and rest. It would be equally great to just have a simple day of banter with him too. That side we hear very little of.
@@DxmimundobizarroxDspot-on it would be great to have an uncle like that you could just go sit and talk too .
The advise in this video, which I have taken to heart, literally restored my 10 year marriage from a year of divorce today. When he says to listen to and build up and understand their arguments and then deal with that… that line is what saved us today. I would not be next to my wife-again if not for Jordan Peterson.
I'm on the brink of a divorce with my wife (she leaving me) of 14 years. I'm so inspired by this technique and I'm so lucky that I came across this video today. I am going to try this technique and work this into my life as a regularly as I can.
I pray that this is one of many ways that I can improve my relationship with my wife.
@@4EverEvolving1 updates?
Just improve yourself and enjoy new and multiple women - no drama
@@4EverEvolving1 did it work?
I'm also going through it. Hang in there.
On one hand I wish I found him earlier, on the other maybe I found him at this time because I needed him now
I am a couple years down the road from where you are. Keep at it, it gets so much better.
But you have to keep at it.
There is never a bad time to realise you need to better yourself
@@Marcus-ju1ir damn right, it's like "if I go back to school now I'm gonna finish when i'm 40, but if I don't go in 5 years I'll still be 40"
sebseb seb if you want a massive tree to grow in your garden the best time to plant it was 15 years ago the second best time to plant it is right now
The fates sew on
Someone has wiped the camera lens with LSD
So it's not just me 😂
😂😂😂
I thought I was drunk
great comment
What a waste of LSD ...
I've seen many of Dr. Peterson's videos and he clearly practices what he preaches. Even with hostile interviewers he seeks to at least understand where they are coming from and then has the courage and grace to point out fallacies without condemning the person. May God bless him in the challenges he is enduring!
Sometimes. Sometimes he does this. He’s human and sometimes gets impatient though.
he demonstrates a lot of empathy and recognizes when interacting with someone whether he is interacting with the person, or an ideological possession, and seems to sympathize.
"Gotcha"
@@armorsmith43 On display in the GQ interview.
Be well.🌹 Stay safe🌹 Practice Serenity Jordan P and Jack J
December 3 /2020
M🌷🙋🙏
This 8 minute video is probably what’s going to save my marriage. I am now embarrassed in myself thinking back to how I “argue”. May God bless and protect this man.
Did it safe your marriage?
My last relationship taught me patience. It taught me that arguing is only bad if you let anger control the interaction. An argument will be uncomfortable but it's important for both parties to understand that an argument or intense conversation is needed and quite unavoidable. You have to get through the entire argument. You have to ask questions and really investigate where a person is and what exactly they mean.
I can make a statement, and until I explain it fully what I truly mean can't be described by that one statement.
Do not fear argument. It is an Investigation on what's in each other's hearts and minds, and how else can you truly know who you're dealing with?
Don't you wish politicians had to do this in debates?
Then it wouldn't be politics LOL
In my political science class at BYU-I, it was required we do this in every debate. We had to "build the strongest case for the position you oppose." The cool thing is we often went from two debaters on opposite sides of the table to two teambuilders solving a problem together. The conflict almost always dissipated, and we enjoyed the discussion.
@@galengraziano7127 This is how humans should behave if they try to do argue.
I doubt they will ever do that...
Michael Pondo wow TDS here. So you say politicians are corrupt but go right into saying how bad trump is. How about you mention Nancy Pelosi, Adam schiff, Andrew Cuomo, that Whitmer lady, the DNC, Biden for his involvement with Ukraine sexual assault and the racist 1994 crime bill. There are also corrupt republicans but the obvious list of corrupt democrats is too awful to ignore. Trump is NOT a career politician so he is not included in this list. Now he is not perfect and I’m not claiming his business record is perfect, however he is not a career politician that made millions off the backs of Americans and he doesn’t use the FBI to spy on his opposition. He doesn’t restrict people’s First amendment rights. He donates his salary and works for the people! He is confronted with the MSM that uses strawman all of the time to make up lies in order to try to steal the election from him. So please, make sure you talk about ALL corrupt politicians not just what CNN tells you.
I did this with my roommate once and it was really amazing. I tried to honestly re-articulate what he said and asked simple questions, he began correcting and clarifying what he said. He began to open his own mind on the subject and then thanked me as if I had opened it for him. It was cool, I said hey all I did was ask a few questions and you brought yourself to your own conclusions. Much better results than raising my voice and increasing my words per minute
In my hippie days we called that "mirroring"
😄❤️
@@peacesound1101 nope. It's not the same. From what is known in psychology mirroring is mimicking to present a false facade and similarity to others in order to be likeable and make people lower their guard instead of appearing how you are and being accepted or rejected for it. Manipulators and predators love this concept.
As for what he did, he only wanted to get to the root cause so he asked questions. He didn't pretend to be who he wasn't .
@@dearbrave4183 🤓
I used to have friends for whom i did this with and it did not help because they were so cruel or so unwilling to hear any other opinion AFTER you made sure you repeated what their point was to their satisfaction that after that they would just keep elaborating and not ever give you the chance to make your point. after a long time i elected to stop being their friend because it was just more and more clear that they were not interested in any opinion that did not match theirs.
So you were able to thin out who your true friends really are.
Sounds like most marriages.
Lol so it definitely DID help 🤷🏼♂️👍
@@generationless6942 Yes, but it is more difficult than it sounds to be rid and stay rid of someone you may have spent years trying to be friends with. It is a sobering realization that some of the people you thought were your friends were not...that some of the people you trusted betrayed you. It requires resolution and constant strength and a sort of unfaltering self-respect, that for me anyway seems to border on narcissistic levels of confidence that you are nearly infallible. When you reflect that you are not perfect, it provides alot of reason to think perhaps your resolution to keep them away from you is too severe, too unforgiving.
@@nicholasjarnot524 It did not help me make my point to them, but I suppose it did help alot if the result was to flush out an enemy.
He is the man who gave meaning to my psychology profession. I am using his 40 years of experience everyday in my life and will keep using for as many people as I can to make thier lives better .... I promise you Jordan. Thank you very much.
Be careful. Not everything he says is evidence based or even in line with the DSM-V
@@frankvizen5480 And, this is why it’s so phenomenal; even those who build the DSM system are not on the same wavelength as Dr. Peterson!
@@fatimahrahman6158 Riiiiiight..... except the DSM is agreed upon by multiple people based on peer reviewed research. Peterson sometimes shoots from the hip
@@frankvizen5480 I don't know what you wrote because you deleted your comment, but by deleting your comment you admit that what you wrote was wrong.
Help me understand how Jordan sounds impulsive to you. Am I correct in this assessment of your analysis of him? I want to know more.
Beautiful, caring, compassionate and wonderful! I love this. I also love what Jordan said about taking marriage vows. "I know you're trouble and so am I." We'll be in this together for life and work it out." You cannot get to the sweet fruit unless you're completely in it for life. That's where true intimacy comes. It's the best kept secret.
The camera motion makes it feel like he spiked my drink then took advantage of me by lecturing me
lol just lol
That's funny 😂 if that's what he's gotta do to get this info out there than so be it 🤷♂️
I’m laughing so hard hahaha
😅😅😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😭😭🤣Wow lmao
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!!!!
Listening to this guy and seeing that there is a classroom full of young people paying attention gives me hope.
This technique worked in a slightly more obscure way for me. I'd taken custody of my two sons but, as a result of the abuse they suffered earlier, was obliged to attend weekly visits with social workers and child psychologists. The problem was that I had to speak French and though my mastery of the language was 'good enough' for day-to-day use, it was barely adequate for the vocabulary I was now encountering.
So, I repeated what I understood them to have said. It was daunting at first because I felt it was trying their patience. Not so, it actually increased their confidence in me. Hard work certainly but it paid back.
More importantly, my sons are now thriving and doing well academically.
Word.
This is always what I’ve always done since I hit around age 15. My goal is to represent their argument as thoroughly as possible. I do this because I have a genuine interest in the truth, regardless if it serves me or not.
I just love Jordan Peterson. ❤he saved my life and doesn’t even know.
His words helped you but you saved yourself.
@@chomama1628 I absolutely did.
It’s not My problem, it’s A problem. Sums up the cure for codependency in one sentence.
Gujudhur, seek first to understand. That is basically what he is saying. If you cannot retell them their main ideas, then you didn't understand them. If you make it not your problem sounds like a very detached person who may not care, even if that is not your intent. Life is just one problem after another. Some more bothersome than others! How we solve the problems becomes our life story. Best wishes dear man.
❤️
codependency needs no cure. it is the solution.
@@browncatwithblurredbackgro2461 you are getting an equal exchange that is agreed upon in advance. It’s not the same as someone trying to act as if you need to solve their life problems.
@@32lara32 codependency is letting yourself be taken advantage of and used. That’s no answer.
Mr. Peterson, you are a true beacon. Thank you. We are praying for you.
Imagine being in his class, imagine if all teachers gave the same level of truth.
It would be a beautiful enlightening educational experience. We need more thinkers like him. On the topic, may I ask if you know anyone else like Jordan Peterson? Would love to listen to more people like him. What I love about him is his fatherly, friendly, and welcoming presence.
If that were true, gender studies departments across the country would have to shut down overnight
@@lukeskywalker2116 What are they even studying lmao
That's why they want to destroy him.
I had two teachers similar to him!
I'm a rambler, but I learned to control it, thanks to a friend who was always willing to listen and then summarize what I told him. Listening to his summaries taught me what details were relevant, and which ones could be left out. My stories CAN still be long, but they don't HAVE to be anymore, thanks to that friend who always listens.
Be patient with the ramblers in your tribe. Listen and summarize. It's the only way to give them some chance of learning how to keep it short.
ok. thanks. I'll try my best 🤗💕
I used to drive a rambler..
Man…this hit hard…very helpful share..thanks!
@@koolbeans8292I rode a scrambler.
This video made me feel like I had jumped into a freezing cold lake on a hot sunny day. Exhilaration, effervescence & fear flowed through me simulataniously while listening to this man, knowing that I need to hear more of his teachings. First time listener. Thank you!
What a beautiful way to say this.
'AllPeotry' has an app now, they are the biggest online peots community. Hope to see you there!
'AllPeotry' has an app now, they are the biggest online peots community. Hope to see you there!
Marshall Rosenberg taught this. Never concern yourself with what people think. Listen instead for what the needs are behind those thoughts.
A very good point. I tell people to refrain from being reactionary but to dig deeper into why someone would have a controversial view on something, by listening and asking a little more questions to figure out the perspective of that person to better understand where they are coming from so you can understand their underlining belief. Only then, I believe, can we understand each other and appreciate our differences without getting into unnecessary arguments/fights
I was thinking that; non violent communication.
Only if I give a shit.
@@brianallen140 yes it does have to start with cultivating an attitude of curiosity.
Sounds like another level of mind reading. Don't just read their thoughts, but also read their intentions, needs and emotions!
Useful......unless you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Lisa Gunnison well as Peterson mentioned in the Second rule of his book, their are a lot less narcissistic people around that people this k. Believing people to be narcissistic is fashionable and easy, understanding that every person is full of shame and thus isn't quite as full of self importance than you might think, is a lot harded
Colmag how’s this..... Useful......unless you’re dealing with a megalomaniac?
Lisa Gunnison It's useful in any sense as long as you belive you're dealing with a narcissist. That belief is often wrong and thus this information in the video becomes more useful.
Colmag me again....I am a Peterson fan. Sharing this link as I believe this woman makes very valid points with regard to “is this person a true narcissist” and the “trend” in labeling one as such. ruclips.net/video/k30mcjSkmT8/видео.html. I would agree with you that the percentage of true narcissists is low however, one comes to recognize certain traits or dimensions/attributes in individuals who are totally self-serving. True narcissists leave a wake of destruction sucking the life energy out of people.
Lisa Gunnison or a BPD or other Cluster B.
Seek first to understand and then be understood
Vlog creations?
7 habits. 👍🏾
Ross creations
@@JuanPablo-os5pj Stephen Covey
COVEY!!
After listening to this man for 2 hours I quit smoking ciggarettes been clean of weed and alcohol going on 3 years
If only I could now learn how to be nice while I'm going through withdrawls my poor best friend that lives with me I'm sure is tired of me snapping at them and than apologizing like a monster with no control I hope this helps too because I do care
Dr Peterson has been so inspirational to me. I’ve lived in a dysfunctional marriage for over half of our 40 years and I’ve just realized recently that I have settled for so much. That’s about to change because I will not continue to live with someone that doesn’t care about my feelings. Thank you for opening my eyes. God bless you. ❤️🙏🏼
"You need someone to listen to you." True words.
Restating what you think the other person is feeling is exactly one of the techniques that Chris Voss teaches in his book about negotiation. If it's powerful enough to work in hostage situations where lives are on the line, then it could do wonders for our intimate relationships and day to day interactions.
Empathy is one helluva drug.
@S K empathy isn't being used against you. You're being empathic for yourself, because it makes you feel good, you don't actuality care about the person you're helping.
@@TranceCore3 Speak for yourself!
It's also what Cathy Newman got ridiculed for. In that case she seemed to twist his words towards what she was saying. This highlights a pitfall to watch out for when using this principle.
@@TranceCore3 If the only motivation you can find for doing the right thing is that it makes you feel good, well that's a good start. I feel however that that kind of payoff might not always be possible when trying to improve the bigger picture. I think there are many times when sincere empathy hurts a lot. Jordan sometimes cries when describing other people's plights.
Empathy is a horrible human trait! Gets you no where! Evil wins oh wait this guy doesn’t evil in evil.. then let’s say playing unfair and screwing others over. Just what I’ve seen and I always played the good side and didn’t lie was honorable and wow empathy let’s put it this way of complex PTSD now. Super power for awhile when I didn’t feel a thing after years of covert abuse tactics of manipulation and gaslighting and this guy doesn’t believe in narcissist? 😂🤣. We have many politicians that act that way so do we say that their sociopaths psychotic I don’t know I’m not a doctor but narcissistic is the only thing I have read that describes the crap that I went through so if that’s not what I went through I wish to find a new word for it. All I know is I’m making sure I learn as much as possible so I never go through that hell again!
This is true.... it’s changed how my husband and I argue or have conversations
Can you tell us more about what you did and experienced please?
I just say Yes Dear...
Thats the type of argument I like its Not about fighting its about having a healthy communication
Meee too!
Me and my husband kind of do this all the time and we rarely argue, more so discuss the issue at hand and find a solution together. It's a stark contrast to me and my parents where they would belittle and gaslight me into thinking I was always in the wrong. It took me a long time and my husband to realise it's ok to want to do things for myself, that no is a complete sentence and that I dont have to constantly justify myself to people or constantly apologise for stupid little things.
Thank you for sharing: this gives hope. The vast majority of people who grew up in emotional abuse grow up to either be the victim in their relationship or they become the abuser who gaslights.
Or the third option: they can't handle any relationships because no one is sensitive enough to their feelings, at the same time as they continue to overextend themselves to be careful of other people's feelings.
Ah family... sometimes it's shelter from the storm sometimes it's the storm itself
@@Maddmed definitely, my husband is certainly my shelter from the storm that is my parents
Know excactly what you meen
Cathy newman left the chat
Lol
So you're saying that women are intellectually weak?
@@regularfather4708 😅 I know what you mean... But no only Cathy Newman is
@@Aziz0938 Ha!
Ha Gotcha
“we organize our brains through talking”
Really strong idea
He offers logic, humour (covertly) and wisdom that I am only now-able to appreciate. The “don’t cast pearls before swine” is a massive time saver.
That's from a Bible verse :) I've learned hard way to follow that advice.
And the bible is correct again!
Thank you so much. A blueprint on how to have a real life conversation. Much overlooked in society which instead resorts to the lowest levels possible, instead of problem solving and reconciliation. ❤
Thank you Mr. Peterson. Thank you Jordan. Thank you so much for all of your unimaginably difficult work. You are such a wonderful and extraordinary gentleman sir. If only 1% of the people on our planet used their minds and bodies as carefully and as responsibly as you do, who knows what the human species could accomplish. Keep up the great work and never give up Jordan. Your such a brilliant guiding starlight for so many and I for one, would fight and die, or fight and live to protect your awesome insights, and your relentless faith in humanity.
And then you can spot the crazy people; they always change their story when you repeat it back to them.
😂😂😂
My late husband , Richard Joseph Sullivan, was a great admirer of yours and he was nobody’s fool. He introduced your posts to my younger brother Richard, Quay, and. he is still grateful. Thank you for your sane discourse in this often crazy world.
Elizabeth Quay Sullivan
Professor Emeritus, SUNY Farmingdale
I love people who know they have a gift and actually use it to help bring people out of the dark and start to see light its beautiful
At about 1:30 in, he tells you THE way to avoid arguments. The way to understand each other. What an outstanding teacher and communicator.
The art & practice of listening. Show people respect. Allow yourself to fully absorb the topic, issue, complaint. That not only shows respect, it also allows you to truly take in another viewpoint. Often, even at odds with your own, can help lead to a more valuable solution, discussion, resolution. Leaves everyone in a more well-rounded, positive way.
This takes so much strength of character and courage. So glad I can listen to this over and over.
...Not many even Willing, to do this, today. Thats the sad part between humans, they cant listen, they just want to win. Most of them.
This is some of the most profound and practical advice for interpersonal communication. Teach it to yourself and your children.
bless his soul and may health manifest in his body to match the strength of his mind
Hey, is he ok? I was not aware if he is unwell.
I feel this, this is the EXACT problem ive been trying to solve for a while. Ive had few people to listen to me or to listen to in my life and the few i do, i talk to once in a while, and so i have all these thoughts that are so unrefined, so when i DO talk to someone i just shit out all this unnecessary information, i can feel the boredom and confusion from them, i feel my barely functioning ability to maintain a conversation slipping and its causing me to avoid conversations further weakening my social skills more and more
keep trying, dont give up 😊
That's crazy that I see this comment because this describes my thinking perception and I do tend to ramble and I've isolated myself more because of it, so now it's hard to carry on a conversation with other people, and I can do it but sometimes its like I don't want to diarrhea at the mouth with all this backed up content and need to socialize. So I tend to disappear or ghost because of it.
This man has really made my life better with dealing with issues in my life. So glad I accidentally came across him
Omg same, the mans a life saver
I'll put it this way: two people can have a discussion about contradictory opinions and come out the other end with a different opinion or at least perspective on things. It's only an argument when people are fixed on an opinion and they are just trying to verbally overpower each other to win a point.
Correct , luckily I learned this early in Life, very powerful message!
Following that rule is practically impossible in this world of folks lacking intellectual honesty and humility in pursuit of truth. They’re too stuck on their own ideas.
I use this technique with behavior children at school and it’s very helpful in building relationships, respect, and logic. Adults look at you like 😳 when you start this method midstream in their hyped up assertions. It’s worth it just to see their face. It also helps to reveal who wants to argue just to argue, if a person truly understands their opinion, and if they don’t understand!
So I take it you actually tried.
@@planetary-rendez-vous I have only shared this with my significant other. With my friends/coworkers/etc I don't tell them anything, but I enforce the rule for myself. It forces ME to listen. I don't really care about other people's ability to listen because like Elizabeth D. said, most people are uninterested in intellectual conversations--they just want to be right and they just want someone to listen to them.
@@tuestresfat You know what, this is a good idea as well. I'm going to try this for myself, no need to "burden" the others with this.
I mostly try to do it for myself all the time. Not that I always succeed. Sometimes the conversation is just not interesting.
But anyway, using this on yourself makes me feel somewhat alone.
Am I the only one who was thinking of Cathy Newman when he was describing how people try to win an argument by having their own comfortable interpretation of what the other person said, and mix it with bunch of their own assumptions/accusations? Somebody wrote the below parody transcript somewhere (do not remember where), and its hilarious:
Jordan: I like cats
Cathy: So, you mean to say you hate dogs?
Jordan said people who argue like that are simply crooked (which they are)!
The last 30 seconds is gold, thank you Jordan!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for adding the official link to the full lecture
This is great stuff. Basically, how to convert an argument into a very interesting and engaging conversation, which while doing so, builds up respect between the two parties, instead of the opposite.
I just love and adore how passionate he is. Dr. Peterson is a phenomenon and I supremely respect this man.
He so accurately understands and explains perspectives that I can't express to others myself. Truly beneficial.
Prolly why hes the preeminent cool step father of America rt now. Lol
Sometimes just being there and holding their hand is enough :)
I love how enthusiastic he is. You can tell he's passionate and loves what he does. Lucky.
This gentleman is an amazing teacher and I feel so fortunate to be able to access his lectures through RUclips. Thank you Dr. Peterson.
The man is speaking in such meaningful manner, the density of his words is warping the spacetime!
My psychologist, thank God he's here whenever I need him . Long live RUclips and JBP. I come to him whenever I have a problem.
That’s really helpful! I always do it in my job for counseling women in pregnancy crises. That helps so much to find out the real reason why they are in the crises and to figure out how to help them properly! Otherwise you don‘t get their trust.
How fortunate are we that Peterson exists in our lifetime?
One of the best JP's ever.
But omg the cameraman needs a beating
You could just listen instead of watching.
cameraman needs a beating 😂😂😂
Thanks for the laugh...really needed that...
Made worse by the wonky screen behind
At least he did the effort to record it so all of us could watch.
I had a wonderful, true friend.. we listened very carefully to each other, with lots of attention, love and care.. I listened to her and understood her, I assume that I loved her to the extent that I felt her essence and core.. she was a true person, she did what she believed in, not to please people or even her self.. she was seeking truth and trying to make meaning out of her life.. Now, I lost her and I am still in great grief, pain and sufferance.. no words will be able to describe her inner beauty that I saw and listened to one day..
❤️
Listening to Jordan Peterson is such a breath of fresh air. When I listen to him I genuinely believe that I am listening to someone who is highly principled and is speaking the truth without a hidden agenda. It is a true joy, but there is a sadness as well because I do not hear other academics who either stand up and support him or stand up and seriously challenge him. Where are they?The only answer I can think of is cowardice. They are either afraid of being made to look seriously foolish if they debate hm head to head, or they are afraid of the reaction against them by the radical forces that would love to take him down. Either of these scenarios are seriously disheartening indicators of the state of our institutions of higher learning.
Om sn AcademicbI listen to him a Lot..
I soooo love this man!!! What an excellent mind & huge heart!!!
anybody who has been in a serious relationship knows just how valuable this method of communication is. it's difficult definitely sometimes
"Its a whole forest that needs a forest fire" That is where I am. I am one of the ones that has gone on for decades without anyone to talk to and currently live in that dying forest. I have recently lit that match though and began the burn. A controlled burn and its been a slow one but I feel like things are finally beginning to change. I am starting to feel better for the first time in over 20 years.
J 🤲☀️💧🤎........🌱💚
If It's my life then I need to put a plot twist into it sometimes to creat the life story representative of me. There are doubters and haters but....
Keep on keeping on
Good for you. I hope you keep plugging away at whatever it is that's been troubling you.
Good. I am curious how you do that because maybe it is something that I could do as well...
My compassion comes off as anger a lot. I need to work on that.
Good luck
Does it gradually turn into anger throughout the discussion? or do you enter the discussion already angry?
Me too. Is it linked to a sense of intense grief or stress?
Might be an enneagram 8....
Huh, now that you say that same
I enjoy his points how he lays it all out. Relaxing to hear everything important, and knowledgeable to take in. A great man with honest character who teaches us all to be a understandably true person.
I swear each time I listen to the same video over and over for JP I learn sthg new like literally each time.
You cant just hear his videos for one time.
Gotta do it several times until you get all the lessons and the wisdom.
I can't say enough how much I love Jordan B Peterson, so much he's helped me make my life better, make better choice for all aspects of my life.😁💝💋
Jordan Peterson, hang on STRONG. You make a UNIQUE asset to the sane world. God bless you very dearly and speed up your RECOVERY.
This is what I've been looking for since I was a little child freaking out about my parents' terrible relationship.
Telling your story is futile when the response of the other person is to then tell something about himself, without any acknowledgment or further interest in what you have said. There is no curiosity, or connecting the dots from other conversations. What you have shared is merely a springboard for the other to talk about himself.
It’s a form of being ignored and unheard.
Hence the title showing someone you do care....
Sounds like dealing with a narcissist.
I'm finding more and more and MORE people who do this.....
I think it comes down to the fact that ‘caring is currency’. We each arrive into relationships with different understandings of what care represents. Some people care in abundance, whilst others are severely impoverished in their capacity for care. Hence, we have to be discerning with regards to how we enter into relationships not based solely on our feelings, but on thought and observation (what are they like around other people?).
This is my checklist for demonstrating and understanding another’s capacity for caring:
1. To enquire genuinely and sincerely about another’s welfare.
2. Showing interest in what someone is currently doing.
3. Being willing to spend time with another (Availability).
4. Actively listening.
5. Being attentive to the needs of others.
6. Offering support and protection (without disabling the other).
7. Showing empathy.
8. Being dependable.
9. Give and take.
10. Showing appreciation.
11. Being non-judgemental.
12. Celebrating successes.
13. Respecting another’s time and priorities.
14. Candour (will you tell me what I don’t want to hear?).
15. Seeking to understand the world from the others perspective.
16. Seeking to develop skills and talents (Wanting to develop the very best that is in a person).
I realized I do that sometimes and I definitely started working on my self to show the other person I am interested without making it all about me.
The man is an inspiration to all. Our school system should make his online speeches a class in itself.
Early childhood teachers, like my husband who taught kindergarten, are trained to help children use their words, express feelings, and get along with each other. That’s why local governments need to help teachers get ongoing education and let them do their best work. It’s also important to support Head Start programs to help teach communication skills early. ❤
5:30 I need to work on this. I often deal with situations where I absorb the sadness and suffering of the people I care about, and then I feel less able to help them, which in turn makes me more sad. A vicious cycle. Sometimes I feel like being an empath is very inconvenient.
I’ve been doing what he says for so long now. I’m glad I watched this.
It is just fantastic to listen to him..and there is ALWAYS SOMETHING TO LEARN..just live listen and hear what he has to say..
Care and communication first. This leads to managing expectations. With expectations understood/managed, you can develop trust. Trust over time can lead to respect.
yes this is friendship at the highest level when you feel that you can tell anything and everything about you...
it's also trust when you know that what you tell is in safe hands...
trust is relief......it helps a lot...
Jordan Peterson is the dad I never knew I needed
This is the best description of a straw man fallacy I've ever heard. Makes me want to move to Toronto and go to university.
Well, that's definitely not what Dr. Peterson would like you to do. He is repelled by universities lately...
@@eminemfan3333 but we wanna see HIM lol
Screw toronto go to ubc
@@MsZsc If I hear you correctly, you don't like Toronto very much and UBC is a better University 😉
@@get_busy_living never been there
One of the most important videos on the internet. Evidence: every online comment section ever.
Gotta love the daily advice from JP. Much respect for this man.
I cannot understand why anyone would ever attack such a wise man ... so much have been take back here from his thoughts
This technique should be taught in every high school so that people can communicate better with eachother.
This was such an eye opener to me. I need to practice this technique regularly.
Interesting how a popular teaching method to show understanding is to have a student teach another student what they’ve learnt. Being able to repeat something in an accurate coherent manner says a lot
Thank you "The Bests" for selecting that pure golden part of the lecture. Thank You Jordan Peterson, for explaining so passionately and clearly this instruction of proper communication. Our School Systems totally failed and hurt us, by brutally cutting out this essential knowledge from our education, your lectures save our world, however slightly, but necessary.
Never thought that my first Acid flashback would have Jordan Peterson as the main character. Nice!
Ive never seen someone with such a powerful intellect but such a sweet soul......this man is a treasure
I’ve been doing this unintentionally, and i am grateful.