How to Know If You're Ready to Marry Someone | Jordan B Peterson
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2017
- A Patron asked: "You've said that a marriage must be based on trust and transparency and being 'shackled together'. How and for how long should you get to know someone? How do you set a foundation without scaring them off?" From my 3rd Patreon Q&A.
The full video:
• Q & A 2017 07 July
Want to support this channel?
Patreon: / jordanbpeterson
Relevant Links: JB Peterson
Online Psychological Programs:
NEW: BFAS Personality Assessment: www.understandm...
Self Authoring: selfauthoring.com/
Books:
12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos: jordanbpeterso...
Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief: jordanbpeterso...
Jordan Peterson Website: jordanbpeterson...
Podcast: jordanbpeterson....
Reading List: jordanbpeterson....
Twitter: / jordanbpeterson
![Chuckyy - Devil Hours [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/f3wZGj0VnZU/mqdefault.jpg)
I love when men talk about their wives, families, and children in a loving, respectful, admirable way. It's so sweet and endearing.
It's remarkable how rare it is to see that now
Seldom men talk about their wives respectfully because their wives don't deserve it.
Both sides should act right you know
My wife and I dated and then engaged for about two years before we were married.
In that period we had fun, frank discussions and worked each other out.
And we did not have sex until we were married.
It helped that we had the same worldview and values and understood some fundamentals.
We have been married for over 20 years.
Cheers and blessings.
@Henry-Bart I'd do so . But considering I'm on the average side of the spectrum I wouldn't mind that much honestly . Same goes if my future wife have a flat board non-existing breasts or overly huge knockers . Sure , sex is important , but it isn't THAT important . If you forge relationships especially marriage based on sex , you can only go so far . Probably why couples that lived together and have sex before marriage tends to divorce at a higher rate than those who live together and have sex after marriage .
@@oscaka0073 but you can tell her breast size easily. You truly cannot tell a man's penis size. If the man is average it is of no consequence. But a size mismatch is a real issue.
Same here. Got married after 1 year. No sex before marriage. Married now for 21 years. Shared values, goals and principles.
@@jmcast3195 True , a size mismatch does cause problems that may or may not break a marriage apart . Hence why it is extremely essential that you know WHY you're marrying that person . If you marry cause you truly whole heartedly love that person given his issues , then I'm pretty sure you both will work it out no matter the odds ( There's plenty of cases that suggests so ) . But if you marry simply because of sex and encounter such problems , boy oh boy . Good luck to that relationship .
OK but how was the sex? Is it at least weekly?
When you a black young male but your father is white, thank you Jordan for everything you have done for me. You literally saved my life.
Happy for you!
Wow.. Thats beautiful
Im a brown Young adult and my JP is my dad too, didn't know I had a brother, nice to meet you!
I lost my father to cancer. Jordan has adopted us all 🙌
When you are American, but your father is Canadian.
Dr. Peterson, you are the father-figure a lot of young adults need in their life. Please keep doing what you are doing. Your contribution will surly make this world a better place.
A E sorry but most of us don't look at life long relationships as financialinvestments. I'll leave that to the MGTOW losers who'll never get to make the investment even if they wanted to.
A E Marriage is only a losing proposition if you marry someone who is in it to get what they can out of you at the expense of your joint relationship and your own personal goals and self-esteem. Marriage fails when polarisation and one-sided thinking take the place of holistic support and deferential treatment to your partner - with your partner doing exactly the same for you. Both think of the other's wellbeing (or that of both of you as a single unit) more than that of themselves. Marrying someone with a more traditional mindset rather than a mindset steeped in postmodern culture is probably a better proposition if you want a marriage that is theoretically more robust. Of course, on a practical level it depends on how well both of you work together as a team when managing multiple interconnected facets of life. One-sided selfishness has no place in marriage, yet that is what the Western world is encouraging, sadly.
Wtf A E. Dude. I don't know a single woman who views men that way. Or maybe I just never ran with that crowd? I mean. I am seeing a disregard of men's experiences and validity in a lot of progressive circles that is maddening and even heart breaking. But that's not the majority of women.
My husband had no wealth when I married him ::shrug::. It literally never occurred to me to marry for money O.O
We struggled together. We still struggle together financially (less so now though, thank God) but I would take this over a distant relationship and freewheeling financial security any day. (And I don't say that lightly because I *know* what it looks like to hurt for money with kids in the house. We've been through job loss and broken well for weeks/no running water and 5 incidences of collapsed lung during pregnancy without health insurance ::laugh/cries maniacally:: lol)
I try not to talk too much about how thankful I am for my husband and my family and for the kindred spirit, cozy bond that we share because it makes women who don't have that jealous and it feels like bragging. It hurts them in their soul if they don't have it because they *want* it.
I see the way our kids adore him and how confident they are because of him and I can't imagine what kind of hell other mamas must go through to be forced into packing up and taking the kids away from their dads.
I know some women out there are malicious or crazy or have some kind of jacked worldview - but it's not the majority. A stable home underpinned by a thriving parental relationship is our heart song, most of us.
I'm so sorry they experienced that 💔. I don't want to come across as trivializing that kind of trauma. I'm not really offended 👀... more like I'm so sorry that the world looks like that to you.
I want to offer another perspective. Since I *am* a woman and I am an extravert and high in trait openness - I find that I am confided in often. There might be epic shat tons of crazies out there. Sure. But I promise there are also many honest ones. And if you decide you'd really love to have a family, you only need one if it's the right one.
I do so hate it for your friends though 💔
And I've had plenty of friends (women) who got divorced and left with nothing, who are trapped in marriages that are abusive because the custody laws in their state are such that it will be 50/50 *even* if the father has a known and documented drug addiction.
There are states that favor mothers and states that don't. It's pretty rare for fathers not to get at least awarded visitation. Family court is insane.
Marriage is a serious decision for women and it is a serious decision for men. Trust is everything no matter who you are. There is certainly no shortage of men who use their physical bodies and might to abuse and no shortage of women who use the law to abuse.
JP's advice is legit.
Sage advice. I got married young, and although we had superficially done these things, reality was two messed up people, living together creates a very large mess. But two decades later, and having worked through a *lot* of stuff both together and separately, we are very happy married. Glad that we persevered.
David Whyte That is very good to read
wow i'm sure you have a beautiful story. Mind sharing? If not no worries, it's personal stuff.
Oh my gosh, it makes me so happy to hear you guys worked it out and are happy now 🥰 there’s so many awful endings to marriages now, it’s good to hear a happy one
The most important part of a marriage is that you can tell the truth and negotiate
TELL THE TRUTH. It's so rare.........
XD
Tell the truth - yes. Negotiate - no. Some things are non negotiable. And when marriage is about negotiating it implies the women gets to dominate the relationship according to her emotions. This emasculates the man and robs him of his authority.
The pillars of all relationships revolve around the truth and rational, logical reason.
I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Sigh... seems like a lot of commenters have never felt the real tug of being so deeply in love with someone that you truly want to work towards spending the rest of your life with them. Thanks for the talk Doctor.
RawSauce338 or maybe they feel that the bad side of marriage theyve seen outweighs the good. I honestly like the concept but however much people say that they are happy most people i have known its a constant source of stress, they stop thinking logically, their miserable compared to when single and therr is always one person seemingly putting in 90% visible effort whilst the other just turns up. All i saw, heard and witnessed growing up was men who couldn't stand their wives seemingly, yet had them caring for them and women who constantly complained about their husbands, yet had their children etc only the childless couples seemed anywhere near happy, occasionally theyd be one happy family that usually everyone was somehow irritated by.
I’m not good enough by myself. But finding the right one means that won’t be eternally held over my head. I’m beginning to despair any promise of destiny
QuartuvLarry if your giving off desperate vibes most people will not be attracted to that though and you'll attract narcissistic or unhealthy people most times when your in that state because your willing to let your usually standards slip out of fear that this one person is destiny when really it's just your hormones talking.
QuartuvLarry and not good enough how?
You're right. You are. Told me more than I realized. Years of solitude, and I'm so accustomed to living for myself that...I mean, I know my strength comes from within, but what's my impetus to use it? I grow old with less to show for it than my married sisters. I've little more than my own ego-biased opinion of myself to know who I am. And ego's a slippery thing, how it helps you to deceive yourself! Love is becoming the chronicler of someone else's life, and they yours. But you're right that the vultures could come...or they WOULD, if my prison didn't bristle armaments of savvy, good posture, and my otherwise strong boundaries. They back down. They always back down. I just don't know how to talk to the friendlies under my oftentimes unwitting thrall
Two honest people seems very rare, usually is that one person is too honest for their own good and the other who has one mask for their family and then a few others for their second lives.
Understanding is key. You cant truly love someone until you truly understand them. Probably the only thing Orson Scott Card got right if im honest
Wow. Well said. I was too honest, to my own detriment. And they were quite the opposite
Guess I'm the one holding a mask. Thanks for reminding me to be aware of that.
Jordan Peterson is the present sober dad that i never had. I can call on him pretty much anytime i need some advice....its amazing. He turned my life around.
I have a beautiful wife and a 1 month old son just in the last year. I've been following his advice for over 5 years, and my life has drastically improved.
Thank you so much. You dont even understand.
Though my dad was drunk a lot and not really present with us kids, he still loved us and still gave us some structure. He was never physically abusive, although physical punishment was not off limits (spankings and whatnot).
He died almost 10 years ago, and Jordan Peterson has been such a great help in his absense.
Am I the only one a) shocked Dr. P is only 55 (my dad's age) and b) touched by his description of his marriage and his anticipation of being a grandfather?
Louise Belcher He looks younger though. :)
I wish I could hug him. How strange it may seem.
I think about it every time I think about what I am going to tell him if I meet him. I would just hug him and probably cry or something
If you ever get this feeling, remember he is a teacher and wants good of his pupil. So rather embrace his teachings.. Because if you do that he will be forever yours in your heart 😊❤️
Nah, I have the same feeling. It isn't strange at all. If he's helped motivate you to at least try to get your life a little, having the impulse to give him a hug seems pretty natural. It's, in part, due to how thankful you are of him to be doing what he's done. I hope you kick some major ass.
Westerners r weird lovey dovey bunch of hippies
We need a new word for marriage, because it has lost its meaning. Nowadays most people think of "marriage" as something disposable. It's considered acceptable (and even expected) that you divorce when the going gets tough; most people will divorce and remarry 1-2 times. WRONG. Marriage is supposed to be a sacrament, a sacred bond, a huge event, a commitment, a big-time psychological surrender and total reorientation of one's life, with all the ceremonies, music and ritual pronouncements to your own psyche and to the whole community: "from now on, it's TWO, not one and one!" It's a big deal. It will be hard, there will be pain. But there will also be joy and bliss.
People think marriage is supposed just to "work out", without conscious cultivation. It's like expecting to be a better guitar player without learning your instrument and practicing. No one has inflicted so much unnecessary suffering on humanity than the ones who told us that happiness is possible without pain, love without hurt, society without injustice, goodness without evil. Fuck you, you new age self-help coaches and Marxists.
And marriage is not solely the business of a couple - it's also a responsibility of the community to hold the standard and not let it devolve into chaos. Don't encourage your friend to divorce; help him/her/them out instead. Do not try to seduce a woman with a ring, even if her eyes are inviting. Yes, it's your fucking responsibility to the world. It's your personal act that holds it together.
Your comment is an excellent summation of my thoughts/beliefs/outlooks on marriage.
Your bit about "People think marriage is supposed just to "work out", without conscious cultivation" is exactly why most relationships in the USA, not just romanic, fail miserably. You've got to constantly check in and make an effort. One must learn to COMMUNICATE, not simply emote and express one's own feelings and insights. Each must learn to participate in dialogue where both parties needs and wants get meet to the best of each person's abilities.
However, given our current climate of immaturity and lack of role models or societal orientation points (our parents or elders who could both explain and model), the likelihood that young men and women will be able to find a mate who understands these concepts, are few and far between.
Just like we encourage people to not give up at losing weight, studying hard, getting up early or pursuing goals of personal improvement, we should encourage the same behavior in romanic relationships. Don't give up!
I disagree. It's not too late. Millenials like me still remember our grandparents and great grandparents. We remember their tenacity and their happiness.
Damn this is so well put
Wow dude. So well said. Can you put this on a blog site, or better yet, a massive stone monolith, with the way the world is going now?
That's why the punishment for infidelity must be one of the harshest, if not, just for the sake of deterrence.
Watching this six years later, knowing what Dr. Peterson and his precious family have gone through, knowing Mikhaila’s happily married and with a baby on the way, knowing that Dr. and Mrs. Peterson are so happy in their marriage, knowing that Julian gave up some privacy to tour with his mum and dad, is unbearably poignant. God bless you, precious family.
My husband is my savings grace. We are fundamental the same in our views but we come at a very different way. We really balance each other out. I feel like marriage Should be freeing. He has been a life saver and thank God for him.
$aving$ grace?
I feel the same way about my husband. He is a true blessing from the Lord.
Summary:
1. 0:29 You can negotiate with your partner.
2. 0:33 Started formulating a vision of your joint future.
3. 1:30 Maintain erotic relationship.
4. 1:45 Talk about handling your finances together.
5. 1:48 Where are you going to live?
6. 2:37 Living together: What are your joint responsibilities? (Meals, groceries, bills, household chores, fairness, etc.)
7. 4:50 Children: How are you going to set yourself up for children?
8. 6:40 Marriage bond: What does it mean to you?
9. 6:50 Trust & Communication: You HAVE to be willing to tell the truth. Especially the hard truths.
10. 7:26 Impact of a long term relationship: 2/3 of your life. Careers.
11. 7:57 Most important: Tell the truth. Communicate. Negotiate.
Bless you🎉
You need to know someone long enough to see how they react in bad times & in good times to know if you can handle how they handle things. Also, see how they treat & respect their parents because this is how they will likely end up treating you.
You are such a beautiful human Dr Peterson.
7:56 you should get to know someone long enough to know that you two can tell the truth with each other, communicate and negotiate. because the most important part of a relationship is the fact that you can tell each other the truth and negotiate.
Dr. Peterson, thank you for all the internet content that you have published. Your message of self improvement has really resonated with me in a profound way. Your videos are insightful and thought provoking. 👍
What i see in my parents, but this was a different time, is that they were a couple for ten years before getting married and having children. They were each other's first real love and were always very honest and always just knew they would be together forever. Children came once they had a house. But now it's hard to buy a house. It's all so messed up. I want a relationship like my parents but men are not as honest as they used to be. Finally found my dream man and we talk a lot about when we will marry and have children. If not i will get anxious and frustrated thinking i am wasting my fertile years. I have learned: never waste more on a year with a man if there isn't enough progress. Ask for the progress and if it doesn't happen, leave, because before you know it, you have wasted five years of your fertile years crying and depressed! Don't do this. Enough sweet loving men out there, but a load of men too who just want to use you. Never ever let a man use you. Go for the sweet goofy man you thought wasn't alfa enough, but treats you like a queen: with respect. A man who does the little annoying things for you from the start, who makes you laugh, who wants to marry and have kids one day. But most importantly: be content with the idea of being alone as well. Even your dream man can die suddenly. Be prepared for ageing alone, because most women survive their man. Think of yourself and be strong and loving.
How is it going?
Update! Are you married?
Beware the partner who says "You shouldn't have to compromise". It didn't end well for me.
@Hasmik Orbelian it applies to all relationships.
What does this mean?
@@xMiso12x it means that you should respect your partners autonomy and encourage it if they seem to suppress it for whatever reason.
@@Alexis-wv6ox you should want to. Otherwise, do you even love?
@@Alexis-wv6ox well, not sacrificing happiness to try to be unhappy, LOL, but giving of self in order to make the other happy.
Yes you can be a father figure even for not such a young daughter. Happy your daughter for having such a father...and happy your wife, son and grand children. Thank you for sharing this important peace of practical advise.
Dr. Peterson, you are truly amazing, and a father figure I never had! Thank you, and keep doing what you are doing, the world needs you!
You have helped me and shapped my life for the better.
The idea of hitting 55 and still having FORTY more years to live is scary for me. I'm 28 and even hitting 40 is a huge milestone. Society indeed does not provide a template for the second half of life
educate the next generation man
Those 40 years arent guaranteed, life is fragile as we know it..
You do whatever you want. Life doesn't stop at any age. You keep going and do things that bring fulfillment and positivity into your life.
@@fentcrease and that's great. I wouldn't mind it ended at 70 or 75.
Jordan, thanks for renewing my faith in the value of the internet. Keep up the good work!
To know someone well. Specially someone you will get VERY entangled with is not that easy. Big gamble.
Toxic Lucidity nothing worthwhile is
The last word he said about negotiating is so true. However there are some that might view that as a weakness.
And those people would probably be more likely to be divorced.
Man, Jordan, I wish my parents gave even half the damn about my wife and kids that you give about your kid's families...not that I can control it. But, it's good to know there are parents your age out there who actually care about their kids. My wife and I are trying to straighten ourselves out so we don't repeat our parents mistakes. Thanks for being and encouragement.
It's refreshing to see somebody who is praising his marriage and his family
Every family I ever knew has been divorced by now, and the youth is spreading the idea that responsibility and stability and family are useless, unnecessary
I agree. It’s important to surround yourself with people who have successful marriages as well. If not, read about them because I feel it does influence your impact depending on how you interpret or internalise their experiences.
@@e.h.1843 change your attitude, expectations, and preparations in your relationships instead. The government is not that deep responsible for your personal happiness. Find a high quality partner, you only need 1 of them no matter how rare they are
@@e.h.1843 thats the devil who tells you that. suspicion is the tool of the devil.
@@Cocoisagordonsetter then marry soneone who earns as nuch as you for gods sake. is it so hard?
Some people arent suited to relatiinships. Ive accepted that i am unsuitable for that and i know that it would be a dreadful imposition on whomever i might have married.
Yes. More people need to understand this. Marriage isnt for everyone. Our culture is cultivating unhappiness by having this unreasonable pressure
People who are self centred and refuse to grow up!
I wish my 1st hubby would've realized that, before he married me.😂 At least he knows now, & doesn't even bother fooling women anymore.
If the coffee cup manufacturers find out that you got a "world's best grandpa" mug, they'll most likely stop production because that competition will be over.
Yes no assumptions. True understanding passes all.
What glue bonds is a choice.
When you are ready to share yoursef with the one you love .
Forgetting your ego , ready to sacrifice.
Who the hell is really ever 100% ready to share their life like that?
Who is really ever 100% ready for any change?
People who are in debt
We take risks every day before we know the outcomes or consequences because everything in life is weighing the pros and cons or seeing if the benefits outweigh the costs/potential risks
100% sure I am not ready to be married anytime soon
I was 27 and had been looking for a husband since I was sixteen. I finally found him and bought wedding decorations within a month. I asked him to marry me after 2 years, then he reciprocated immediately ;). 3 years on, we're expecting our first child. ❤ When they are intelligent, funny, enjoyable to be with, drama-free, same faith, same opinions on money, discipline, relationships, politics, and have different and complimentary skills and interests while encouraging and supporting you in yours, and are within 10 years of your age....marry them. Waiting not required.
Oh, and hard working, willing to do whatever is necessary to support the family. That's super important.
The sex could be a lot better, but can't have everything.
are you unable to communicate that final issue you mentioned?
Communication is key for good sex :)
Lol, maybe he thinks the same thing. Try to be spicy & fun, & not just business & household.
Beware of ppl that brag about being truthful & honest bc they typically don’t afford anyone to do the same with them. They’re usually fragile when it comes to receiving another person’s truth & honesty pertaining to them
Such smart advice! New sub!
I'm not sure if men and women understand commitment the same way, as mentioned by others the fact that the vast majority of divorces is initiated by women supports this. My personal experience doesn't really matter on a big scale, but I have experienced a lifetime partner simply checking out of a quite successful relationship for personal reasons (actual quote: I thought I can do better for myself).
I think Jordan's arguments are very clear and logical, my honest opinion is that his message is more aimed at men and not women. Women can clearly understand the logic of his arguments and surely would agree with him, but it is rarely put in practice. I think understanding this gap between understanding and enacting is the key.
Are you grown up enough? 1) Through love you want to be together 2) You got to be able to take each other serious intellectually but especially when taking decisions 3) Both have to be financially independent: both have a job: you owe each other nothing: equality 4) You both know that getting married is the logical step as you know that you can trust each other.
Id like to point out that a single income household is okay to have, so long as the non working partner puts in work in other areas of the marriage, making dinner, running errands, raising children. Those things are a job in itself within a marriage and household
0:22
2:15 layout unconscious assumptions that you assume each other know and make them clear and known
3:39 commitment means you must make it work no matter the difficult situations that may arise 6:45-6:57
Apparently I'm just here to argue with MGTOW and talk about how much my husband is a part of me. And how grateful I am to get to watch these people we made grow up and fly.
Come at me, bro.
borabosna omg lol
borabosna The personal and the immediate is how women RELATE to the vast abstract ideas.. that doesn't mean they are incapable of understanding them.
Mgtow isn't really about helping men. It's just a gathering for closeted homosexuals.
Sheldon Robertson No. I'm not a homophobe.
I see them in the comment section of a lot of his videos. That is very telling! They know they're lying to themselves if they still seek out Dr. Ps videos.
It's actually pretty simple;
"Can I live without this person?"
Sorry but I disagree. The moment I found the woman I loved and would marry was the moment I was truly happy *alone* and didn't feel like I needed anyone else to be happy. If you feel like you can't live without the other person, I think it would simply give birth to an unhealthy dependence-based relationship instead of one where you help and nurture each other towards mutual growth. Now, of course I would be devastated if had to live without her, I'm not suggesting people should be unattached cold sociopaths, but attachment shouldn't be the root cause for marriage.
Case in point, when you truly love someone, you're willing to let them go and live without them if it's better for them. So I would change your question to: "Am I the best partner for this person?" This question is selfless, and entirely devoted to the other person's well-being. If you're asking yourself this, it truly means you have the other person's best interests at heart, before your own, and, if the other person asks themselves the same question, then you have a perfect, healthy match where each person is selflessly wishing the best for their partner, i.e. "true love".
U also want to marry someone u can live WITH too.
@@CosmicTeapot Well, it was more of an attempt to suggest that if you can live without someone, perhaps they aren't the partner for you.
I 100% agree that the point is to love unconditionally. Not many people can do that. Could you let someone you love sleep with another such as Will Smith as done? Would you champion them and their hobbies and interests at the sacrifice of your own? Will you cherish their memory should they pass?
There are a lot of variables. But when I'm with someone, I don't mess around with the idea of a lifelong partnership under a promise to God. I would make sure to challenge myself, such as, "can I live without this person?" Of course we all can and do. But the driving point is, "are they the ONE soul on this Earth I was destined to commit myself to?" If it's anything but that, don't dangle the carrot in front of them and don't marry out of fear of societal obligation. Make sure they are someone you would sacrifice for, mutually respect, and be able to love until your last breath.
Too many people are in it for all the wrong reasons, and it's why more than 50% of marriages fail.
You've got the right idea, but missed what I was conveying. Codependence is never healthy. It takes a 50/50 partnership to make a marriage work, and it takes a lot of work.
I've seen many marriages fail and it is simply because people rush into it under the guise of lust, pressure from friends and family, or that attachment you mention.
The ones that last are the ones where you see couples committing to the vows and respect for the ceremony where you promise to love eternal in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live. It's as simple as respect and sincerity.
@Castle24 old comment but, i don't think you should blame other people for getting the wrong interpretation of what you have said, and perhaps find it in you to see why your words might have been interpreted as such.
Your wording made it very plausible for people to interpret it in a way you didnt mean.
"You've got the right idea, but missed what I was conveying" is very condescending and it ticked me off a bit.
ALWAYS READY..
Once in a while, or when my relationship is in a tough spot to be honest, I go back to this video looking for, well, a little bit of comfort and enlightenment. Seeing most comments offering their take on the subject serves as an open bar for me of sorts. Hearing how Dr. Peterson can clearly outline marriage, perhaps one of the most complex forms of human interactions, lends me a little bit of calm. Thank you, Dr. Peterson, for making this accessible for generations to come.
Telling the truth is where I struggle
There is no guy who match with you or be like your imagination 100% at the beginning. So the truth and negotiation play the most important role in an enduring long term relationship. And both of 2 sides have to listen, understand and change by positive ways to make the life be worthier.
I can enjoy the life by myself in my way, but I want you be with me to explore in this journey!!! Together
And I believe that you will come in time 😊
truth is freedom
How to know if you are ready for marriage
Ways:
With the foundation of commitment, shackle together
By maturity, intelligence , truth telling, good communication, negotiation
For practical issues such as : Joint interest, careers, plans, extended family, place to live, future , children
With joint responsibility , fairness of it
Indicators:
As a jointly operated machine that should become stronger with two, adds to the quality and the depth of your life
Look forward to with enthusiasm, confidence , trust, excitement
Wish there was a device that tells you that this or that person is the right one for you.
One of Peterson's best videos
*What a relief !* Consider the first criterion of joint interests and goals in life. Please really honestly contemplate that. That'll protect most intelligent men from making this mistake right there.
Jordan has just made the best argument for being single I've ever heard.
Ha. But most people wear their "mask" till just a few weeks, days, sometimes even hours after the actual wedding ceremony takes place. So, we never really know people until it's too late. It just depends on how good of an actor your dating, that will let you know what kind of person you're marrying
BigRed Nebraska 94 - You are SO right! I married Dr. Jekyll after 3 yrs. of dating before marriage. After the ceremony, I found out I was married to Mr. Hyde. I love Dr. P, but he is too idealistic. Most people are a royal mess.
Right
I can relate to your point but even though it also happened to me, I choose not to be the victim since there are always red flags that are ignored, in the hope that it will turn out fine eventually.
When’s the online program coming out though?
Great clip. Thanks.
I need to finish the self authoring suite
missdee212 I do too, Omg. Time to sort myself out but that past Authoring is scary. :(
Did you finish it?
I hope Jordan doesn’t let this small period of his life hold him back from all his continuous potential
Whoa. What an answer!
This is the first topic I've found where I disagree with Dr. P. A merger can be dissolved. A negotiated agreement suggests a pre-nup (written or verbal, actual or assumed), which is a recipe for disaster. If you're settling divorce terms, even before you decide to actually get married, you will eventually break up. It's what you've destined yourselves to do. There is no *ready*. If you wait till you're truly ready, you'll wait forever. Per Yoda: Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.
Not having premarital sex will also dramatically increase your odds of staying together.
Is it that or it is because of people who practice those kind of stuff are heavily religious?
This is funny because exactly the opposite is true.
People who marry may love each other deeply, but they can still be sexually incompatible and in that case will end up frustrated, and will resent each other until one of them either leaves or looks for somebody else to satisfy their repressed needs.
I'm not convinced that's true but I would agree those who wait 6 months to a year or longer to have sex will have a stronger foundation that's based on more than just the physical attraction
Hetro Otter if you already have a strong foundation on something other than physical attraction, in the first place, then there's no need to wait.
+Wildan: A recent study from the university of Utah found that those who waited to have sex until marriage had by far the lowest rates of divorce. I know it can be hard for modernist to accept but sometimes the old ways really are best.
Thank you for helping me make such an important decision. Thank you Dr. Please create that program for negotiating relationships?
Thank you.
I am looking for an employment position where I can feel safe enough to share for example why I don't want any weekend hours because my boss is in a stable family and because he has morals. I'm not ready to start dating again after my trust in the whole idea of romance and conjugal relationships in a fallen world has been so shaken way more than once or twice. Many women who have gone through terrible domestic abuse and who have gone through the stigma that goes with it during divorce proceedings too refuse to date anymore beyond casual conversation with no intimacy about the past and present that might be misconstrued later as being more than only friendship being conducted during paid by themselves too dinner in a restaurant. Many of us perceive it as offensive when being offered that kind of attention most of all if in the context like at work that makes it altogether inappropriate in the first place.
I don't think people are so much against the idea of marriage, more the way it's legally handled, and end up questioning to themselves "Why get married when I can just pick a partner, choose to live together for the rest of our lives, and not bother with the pointless legal nuances?"
Legal nuances are not pointless. When things go south that legal marriage license will come in handy.
He addressed that why!
Amazing insight
Sharing a love for god is the most important, everything else is great advice.
My favorite part of Peterson videos is people simping for a middle aged man
@islanti sorry king didn't mean to get in the way of ur simping carry on
@islanti I'm making a joke, dude. Learn to take one.
I've never married. Lots of reasons. Yet in reviewing such information as this, I feel it was God's way of saving both me and some poor fellow A LOT of stress as well as a whole host of issues for us both and any children we might have had. Thanks for adding to my storehouse of knowledge so that I can continue to grow.
18 years shot down the tubes, we were in law and married in 2005, nowat 72, broken and trying to get on with life, single again for the 2nd time, I'm beat, no foresight and no where to go. I got till the 24th of April to move out.
Do the New York Times crossword puzzle with your potential partner. You can determine if they are smart, whether they can share, whether they want you to do well and if they can negotiate a game properly.
Take a long road trip with a potential mate. You will soon see what they are really like and incompatibilities will be magnified!
Marilee Bolam
That’s evidently quite true, only in travel will you see the underlying temperaments that the individual truly manifests. You’ll learn a lot more about a friend in a two week trip than two years of companionship
Nobody's ready for anything , we get pushed into it and deal with it , it's all risk taking with no guarantee of anything . My friend married at 37 to a 43 year old with big plans for their life together. He died in 3 years due to cancer .
my friend loves relationships.he tells me he only sticks around during the honeymoon phase. he tells me it is the woman who picks the first fight, dropping her mask exposing just a bit of who she really is.he tells me he tries to negotiate thru logic and reason, but it never ends well because woman always go on the personal character assassination with him.then he breaks up with them, rinse wash repeat
Woman are emotional .
Man are logical.
The narc is always innocent
JB here in India .. mostly it is arranged marriage..with western influence it's changing..it's not out of complusion that most of the arranged marriage is done..it's our culture we respect elders will make right decision in finding the right person..since mostly we do live as a joint family.. atleast we stay with in laws nowadays.. what do you say how a person should choose a right one for he/she given that individual and family all should agree..and in very minimal time like 2 or 3 visits?
Whoa I always thought this was so intriguing. I love learning about ancient cultures arranging marriages. I love that idea. When we are young we don't have perspective. I've had to learn hard lessons that my parents would verbally tell me that never understood. I'm did research on how to science has found family and friends have a better prediction on whether your romantic relationship will last. Have a good day!
Thank you!
Don't let ANYONE pressure you to marry. Even if they threaten you with homelessness.
💔 True story.
Does that even qualify as a real marriage?!
I’m so sorry that happened to you. You definitely should not marry someone who threatens you with homelessness. Anyone who needs to threaten you in order to convince you to marry them is obviously not worth marrying.
@purelightapologetics4930 it was my parents. I was pregnant. They threatened to withhold all financial support if I didn't. No home, no pregnancy care, nada.
@@crawfordroses That’s even worse. I’m really sorry they didn’t that to you. ❤️
@@purelightapologetics4930thank you. It deeply damaged our relationship. Still trying to heal & move forward.
@@crawfordrosesI am sorry to hear this. My parents have done similar things to me. There is a way through with belief in God
0:09 seconds. The wife is listening lol (Door Shadow).
You are so inspirational. You changed my life. Thank you.
I guess that there are two people that have an intention to stay together and a will to solve problems with creativity that will came across.
If you are not solving them,probably you are making them :-)
When your money is buried in about 200 offshore shell companies, you're ready.
Robgoren along with the house …the car…
Oh dear that’s this relationship scuttled then 😢.
Very knowledgeable but this very tough in 2021 to even have that conversation to begin with it usually don't even reach that level just so sad it so easy to give in to the matrix
The key to a good, happy, long lasting marriage: you must be a good, decent, responsible, devoted, moral, integrious, pure, loyal, strong, capable, mature Conservative (liberals will cheat to fulfill their promiscuous urges & cop out, libertarian won't like the "bondage" & too egoist for marriage. Marriage is a conservative virtue in its core!) person first, then find a partner who has the same quality above, and his/her values, mindset, & direction in life closely aligned with yours! There must be a feeling of polarized attraction too, of course. Good luck!
Bwahaha
If your partner isn't willing to negotiate....
I've been curious as to the specifics of the comment of not living together. Does that simply apply prior to marriage/engagement? Is that the suggestion? I believe that's correlative with the studies, but unsure all the same.
If this is true, I wonder if it has to do with a certain level of autonomy (both relative to action and knowing thyself) coming to fruition as a young adult, that might otherwise be infringed upon (purposefully or otherwise) if there was influence from a partner in a newly developing relationship?
What if you are just tired off all the time discussing how it could be??? :( I don't want to be tired for 70 years....
I guess want to be alone forever.. weird how everything evolves.
I'm single and I value his perspective on this topic 🥰
"Read all about it": with this RUclips Video: Marriage Licenses, Divorce Courts: Let My People Go: Forbidding to Marry & Buy/Sell Part 6
Really nice video. Is there a book that teaches about the most important rules and dogmas of the church?
I'm ready
Thank you
You're ready if you have nothing to lose. 50% of 0 still equals 0.
It's the opposite. You're ready if you have something worth fighting for.
I'd say you're both right.
And be realistic early on if one of you wants kids, and the other doesn't. It's very painful to reach the "running out of time' age and realize that the other person hasn't come around. I think people either want them or don't, and it doesn't generally change. I really admire the couples who have unexpected children and manage to grow up and dive in full force. But if you don;t want kids, that's ok too! But don't convince yourself that you do if you don't!
there are people that dont want kids but then to make the wife or husband happy have them and in the end end up soo unhappy
I never understood people who marry without the intention of having children. Seems to me like the whole bloody point is to build a household that can create more competent adults.
@@trequormarriage is also for companionship and support. Children aren't required for it to be valuable.
@@melitajay Support for what? A funkopop collection?
Companionship is important, but it needs some kind of mission or it is doomed to fail. Raison d'etre is a big deal
It's actually not ok. If you don't want kids, don't get married. You are not ready
What does he mean by joint careers? Is he speaking about having the same careers or just establishing mutual ambition
BdDaBomb I think he just means managing your two careers in such a way that they don’t hurt your relationship.
I loved my ex wife. Initially I was attracted to her physically but lost it because of her previous trauma. But we had to many shared interests. Didn't worry about money. I lost my sexual interest in her because of her trauma. But I remember at our wedding looking at her thinking...babe...I got you. I will always have your back. And I did.....and then she divorced me because she found some other guy.
Dear Mr. Peterson, could you tell exactly what is the research you are referring to about living together before marriage and probability of divorce?
Thank you in advance!
Profound truth
Jordan, what's the name of the music that plays at the end of most of your podcasts/videos? It's really moving.
"Minimalism" by Troy Banarzi
Awwww, the ideal husband...by listening to you speak i know what to look for!