Will the narcissist ever get what is coming to them?
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 29 авг 2021
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/not-you
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramaninetwork.com
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRUz41eWswjw63o6
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9GNuMSR55PKTjQ6
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2fUMDuT...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/how-...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-n...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
They’re already getting it. They’re miserable, envious people.
Yepp I call them Narculas!!
@@myrahblc4199 👍🤣
Sucks to be them, thus their need for cult admiration!
TRUE THAT. Here is the crux of the matter -- and the insanity of the narcissist/psychopath/sociopath. They choose power over love. Which is a mental illness in true fashion. TRUE power is a responsibility, and not used to control, abuse and harm anyone. Ever.
Deffo
Behind closed doors, they are internally miserable. They are forever critical and never satisfied. Knowing they have to live with themselves is closure.
Agreed! The only issue I’m having with the ‘IT’ that has terrorized me for the last two years, is The FACT that ‘IT’ is a pedophile! I won’t be able to allow ‘IT’s continual ABUSE of Innocent, prepubescent girls! I Can’t! & I Won’t! Taxes are paid to imprison the VILE Creatures!
Nailed it!
This!
Yes!
Wow. I never looked at it this way. I think youre 100% right. The most astounding thing Ive learned from these videos is how deeply insecure Narcs are. I never knew that. And yes, if you cant be comfortable in your own skin when youre alone- that is a truly horrific existence. Its a hell of their own making. I feel pity for them, but refuse to become a vitim. Theyd chew me up & spit me out.
Living your best life is the best “revenge.”
Definitely even if you don't feel you are fake it until you make it
Absolutely🔥🔥🔥
It should be, but once they discard you they really don't care what kind of life you live. You are either narcissistic supply or you are out of sight, out of mind
@@kdavis4910 I agree. Mine doesn't give two s**** about my life now or how well I'm doing. In fact, if he knew, that would just justify it in his mind that he wasn't terrible at all because I survived and I'm doing well. There is really no winning with these evil people
You just have to move on and learn from it.
A very wise Sicilian once gave me the best advice: “ Use your sharpest tool,” when I asked what that was, he said, “Indifference. It cuts the sharpest & the cleanest.”
Most interesting!
I read once the opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference. 👍🏻
As I always told my students, the worse thing you can do to another person, is to ignore them. If you allow them to make you angry, then they have power over you.
yes! brilliant, i wholly agree
Truth be Told.
My leaving him was the biggest revenge for me! He who thought I’d never leave…
Now he found someone new to “dismantle” piece by piece, while I build myself back up, piece by piece.
I’m just the same. She is smearing me to maintain the mask and has new supply already but she basically f£&@ed up losing my love and attention so she will do anything to avoid the guilt and shame of her actions
A word of caution: Obsessing over a narc’s outcome kinda keeps you in the vicious cycle, doesn’t it? NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT! Do not get bogged down in this as TEMPTING as it is! Break free my little peeps! Break FREE!!!
Thxs, Dr. R for another illuminating episode! I’m grateful for you!!!! :)
Agree. It may take time. But going over and over everything, once you've got it figured out, does no good. Just be glad you figured out even if it is taken years and years. My awakening was when I googled, " why am I the family punching bag?" Learned so much. It hurts but not as much as the hurt would be of ignorance.
@@conniep5757 Connie, glad you broke out! NO ONE deserves to be a punching bag ever!!!!! Have a deliciously amazing day! :)
one thing that helps me to stop thinking about what will happen to the narcissist is to realize that these thoughts come from a feeling of injustice, anger, and hurt. Then instead of spending time thinking about them AGAIN, I can spend time healing myself since I took time to understand my emotions.
Thank you for the reminder
Gosh Andy, you're right. I know it intellectually. Emotionally, I've learned nothing. Stopping the dwelling ~~ .... HMmmm ... without a lobotomy?
Yes I am kidding. I do congratulate everyone who has faced this in life.
“They are not psychologically well put together enough to get it”. I love this!
That makes a lot of sense I agree !!
They didn't care
My reward is I don't think about them at all,my life is awesome
They treat people worse who trigger their shame....is that why a narcissist treats their partner or spouse worse than everyone else?
When I heard this I listened to it 3 more times...as just that line is a solace for me trying to dissolve the insults of the person I left 4 months ago. I was married to the "classic" narcissist and thought I'll never be in such a position again, yet 8 years after my divorce I again attracted this...however, as I've learned from this channel - the covert type this time which might not be as evident in the beginning and I got out within 3 years when I recognised it. Another learning curve as this type (from my experience now) with their victim mentality easily fools an empath like me. So in regard to your comment - although this ex mistreated his own children, employees and sister as well, I think he treats his intimate partners (2 ex-wives and myself) the worst - as it is in these intimate relationships that their wounds or shame gets triggered for sure. Understanding that makes me feel sort of powerful in a way...? The fact that you have the power to trigger their shame and I don't mean in a bad way - but if I have that power then I don't have to feel so devastated by his terrible words towards me, even if I know it's not the truth, it still hurt.
My dad said this he also said to me at the tender age of 7 moms not a psyhopath shes a narsisst she is well known for photography but he said no one will ever know my wife and home and how she treats us i believe shes been cheati g on my father since my highachool years 02 to 06 and is finally coming clean in unforseen ways trying to convince me my reality isnt what it is i know
@@sarahlouise6507 She apparently is gas-lighting you by trying to change your perception of your reality.
@@fishface123ism yeah i get this now he knew who she was but insisted she was different he shielded the lies with his indifference and denial i know then by there fruits now
I think you're right, Katie. People close to the narcissistic person will trigger their shame - and envy - the most. That's why they treat close relatives worse than everyone else.
Determine your boundaries, set you boundaries, and most of all, honor and stick to your boundaries.
yessss
Financial domination is one of their favourite games. This alone has them everyone submit to them.
There are many narcs in long term marriages /relationships with people who have more money than them
@@Nobodyhome630 then those narcs make other ones spend more and more so that Narcs can save their own money. Theres no escaping from financial domination if the game is on irrespective of who makes more money.
Yes, the person I was married to "loved" me because my parents had money. As that dwindled, he went after my savings. I left him the good reputation and 60% of everything material (plus what he took just to hurt me).
will this make him feel like a man?
I don't care how he feels.
³¹aug: B....: hence the suckered 🐠 fish (enablers) along for the left-overs 💰💸💳
My ex was bad about this. Now she has a new job because of her college degree her ego just got way bigger. I’m just glad don’t have to deal with it anymore. She had to relocate. But she wanted me to move with her and keep me isolated at home I don’t have to work or gym I can workout at home take care of the dogs. I knew what she was up too by that comment. Made me feel bad for staying home being close to my sick mom. Saying I was committed to the relationship. Soon as she got into her new location she in a new relationship already too the guy I caught her talking too behind my back on Facebook. I knew she was lying full of crap. Still can’t do no wrong though but I saw her BS. New supply has no friends no family no one who wants him so was easy for him to move in with her he was also from another state but from the area ex was from. That guy has no idea what he is getting himself into. I got too unmasked her got under her skin and exposed her for who she is once I figured everything out. Blocks me from social media and everything else before I can do it but I won’t let her reach out though if she tries. Done with her. I know she will do same too the new supply. He a former street thug according to him lol I’m focused on God now get myself back on track. Work gym church and home no more partying no more alcohol no more sexual sin. Usually go after booty call help me move on but I’m good now I really don’t want to rely on that this time. Do it right way God way. Because I take control my life sucks. This time letting God take over. My next relationship she better love Jesus and accept Jesus in the relationship
That has been my solace in decades of narc abuse: He still has to be him. He cannot escape the ever present angry, frustrated, attacking, dissatisfied, life -sucks mindset.. I can't imagine living inside that scribble of emotions ALL THE TIME! I have escaped, and don't even play the mind game of hoping "he gets his." He gets his every day. Others may still believe he's charming Mr. Wonderful, but I know better. That healing feels like freedom Thank you Dr. Ramani! ❤ Praying that same sense of relief/peace for all your listeners.
That's wonderful. He's stuck being him, you get to be you!! ❤️👍
I never meet a narsissist with "life suck" mindset. More of opposite. Nothing gets to them.
@@leahg3926Thanks Leah. It takes time to integrate the shattered pieces, but thorough dismantling took time too. Take heart survivors!
@@suesue3548 The ones I have met, always feel like they're entitled to a little more than their share, no one ever gives them the respect they deserve, they shouldn't have to obey the rules... It's a hard life when you're so much better!
@@suesue3548 so true, may be the flying monkeys, that don't know how to play the game yet.
Isn’t that similar to the line in the Bible (Galatians 6:7) “Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap”
My scriptural thought exactly
Yes. So happy I found a community im a newbie and im excited. Time to heal from this abuse
This verse in the Bible clearly summarizes, thanks 🙏🏻💯
Psalms 73 is another example, as Asaph was trying to understand why they seemly prosper also.
@@rodmorrison6644 Yes, you're right👍
I was around narcissists for most of my life but now I am retired. Today I saw a beautiful moment in a care home for people with dementia. an 85 young lady holding the hand of a 102 young lady guiding her along the corridor it was like seeing 2 small children as friends I saw so much beauty in this very special moment
That is very beautiful...And thank you for sharing that special moment in time. That is God's love in action.
That's great cause my mom is in a nursing home in a special ward for dementia patients and none of her children, grand-children, in-laws, or other family members/neighbours/friends will ever see her again!
I used to work in Alzhiemer's ward , as a nurse. I can tell you there is a lot of love there. I saw men and women in love and men and women having best friends, they looked out for each other. Even in their late stages. There is a lot of love in dementia and alzhiemer patients. It is very touching to see.
What a wonderful picture of true compassion thank you so much for sharing that 💖😇
Thanks for that vision.
Every moment they are getting this kinda moment.They are living a life full of discontentment, sorrow and all negative.
"They, themselves" is what is coming to them, we were just decoys!
It's when you don't care about their scathing insults, stupid gaslighting and
that dark cloud that seems to be hanging over their head. When you don't care
any more, it's the most saddest sight to see. Playing the victim all by themselves...
playing the victim hood card game by themselves.
Reading this gave me chills.
it’s so sad i wish things were better i want so much better for them
I don’t care if something terrible happens to them just so they leave me alone.
That's good because they're doomed!
*just so long as they leave me alone
I like to see the "What Comes Around, Goes Around, " for the person that was in the relationship with the narcissist; meaning that thier decisions to move away from the circumstances and heal will come around to them by having the benefits of no more abuse. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Isn't it funny that my ex. Who is a narcissist actually wore a hat that said on it "what goes around comes around".
@@billybobbob1288 That's funny.
Oh yeah
My Mother is a narcissist and is highly abusive.
I was her scapegoat and my older brother, her golden child.
He went very low contact with her straight out of high school. It took me an extra decade(and a Lot of abuse) to decide to go no contact.
She now continues to try to pretend that us children are the worst, and actually abused her. However, most of her flying monkeys have gone low/no contact due to being turned into her scapegoat, one after the other.
I feel that it's 'her chickens coming home to roost.' She complains to everybody about how lonely she is and how horrible everyone is for leaving her.
I don't know..... maybe TRY not to be evil? Maybe TRY not to hurt others? Definitely don't let it slip that you ENJOY hurting people...... you know, THAT might help?
Sadly right on. 😁
covert narcissism in a nut shell smh
I just walked away from my father at 19. about to go to college. Thank God I came to my senses. I deserve to be happy.
@@angelinadubois4842 I won't say that it will be easy, because it won't. It is however, just about the best gift you can give yourself.
Please surround yourself with people who love and support you. I also recommend therapy, to try to deal with the grief you may feel over your relationship.
It really does get better/easier the longer you're not around them.
I've been no contact for nearly 4 years now and I feel like I'm just discovering who I'm ment to be. So, give yourself the time and space to figure out how to live life that makes you happy and healthy.
Same. They shift from abuse to victim. But given the right circumstance will immediately shift back to abuser. I went no contact at 40 and have never looked back!
I guess they are unhappy and can't ever become truly happy cause they can't ever get enough. Be happy as surviver, feel good, build your life on your terms, show them how you live your best life without them. That's most hurtful for them.
They are life altering . Will take me rest of my life to recover. Soul sucking vampires
Hold on to the fact you have a good heart and your soul is pure and genuine. Something the never will be and people will see behind their fakeness eventually
We always wish people get what they deserve after all the hurt they cause, but I know a Narcissist who has trouble sleeping at night, no peace, at least that's something, for now.
Lmao you described my narc ex. Dude had serious sleep problems, always complaining about nightmares...now I'm just like it's the curses/tears of all the women you've hurt that plague your sleep 😂😭 literally, "No rest for the wicked"🙂
They don't care
I saw this quote on Instagram last night "You may not see them suffer like they made you suffer, but believe me, their biggest punishment is that they are who they are." I think it's by Maria Consigilo, I see her quotes everywhere, but it's comforting to know that the narcissist's own existence is their punishment.
I don’t waste my time thinking about revenge. I already know how miserable the narc is. It’s a constant turmoil and a very sad existence. I can’t care about that anymore. I choose to live in a place of peace now.
They're not miserable
Sounds a lot like Sisyphus. Causes lots of nasty drama, then spends their time forever pushing a rock uphill (seeking supply) but just when the rock gets near the top (they are close to realising their goal of wonderfulness), the rock rolls down again (the goal is not enough) and so they are forever seeking supply.
But Sisyphus was happy...
Funny, my ex and I read that story in a class we both took in college. He really liked that story.....I guess its cause he could relate, lol
@@babydoggys8349 True, that is the quote. What do you suppose it means?
@@jonathanalpart7812 i think it's a kinda fake happiness. Narcissists (the ones I've known) are all about the show. They are good at putting on the outward happiness of material things. Although there is a disconnect in the story of sysiphus as he didn't have anything but that rock...
I think his story is more of an allegory, or representation of what was popular at the time maybe? Brute strength and bravely pushing against the impossible obstacles showed how important or amazing he was.
Excellent analogy. I appreciate your post!
The parasitic sucker fish that follows the shark is a great analogy! I will remember that when I see their enablers.
A parasitic relationship, they are the mushrooms and lichens of healthy persons, they want to take us down so they can feed!
Lampreys and remoras.
The best advice I got when I left my narc relationship from my counselor: the best revenge, the best Justice you can have is to do the work, to heal, and to live the best God dam life you can.
This is one thing that's been helping give me some peace of mind. The narcs who ruined my life have no one else at this point. They pushed away every friend they ever had until family was all that was left, then they pushed them away too. Now they're stuck where they are, completely alone for the rest of their lives.
@@thehappywanderer6469 I have no ides how they do it, but it happens somehow. Sometimes it can be quite a specticle to watch them push each other.
All curiosity regarding a narcissist should go away once you know your dealing with a narcissist. Its naive to think the next person won’t get screwed to. It’s just hard to accept that there are actually ppl like that in the world that live by a different code. Watching their antics is like watching a train crash over and over again. Just with different passengers onboard.
Great analogy!
ikr....im still in shock!! we had a 30 yr history the last 10 an emotional entanglement, I made the mistake of thinking after all these years he was my friend !!!
Thank you for this reminder. He's got a second secret family now. No doubt he will repeat his other patterns. It's kinda sad. I wish he'd learn to treat others with true respect. Instead of contempt. He lost me and I truly cared for him.
The narcissists really do seem to get away with it more often than not. But that's just in this lifetime. Nobody can escape God's judgment in the end.
This life is a mere blip when compared to eternity.
🏵️
Agreed that’s a long time to suffer.
So true.
Blip x 3.14
I never find satisfaction in anyone’s fall; it’s what sets me apart from my Narc.
They will never pay restitution for every single vile act. Not even close. But knowing that they can never be happy or have peace of mind may actually be better. Especially once they've aged and out-lived their enablers. I take satisfaction in knowing that.
It can and it will hit em, Karma hit my ex like a ten pound hammer, he had diabetes and didn't take care of himself and got gangrene in a toe and now he's lost a leg. Not the king of karma I'd hoped for for even my worst enemy
@@TheCathydrew Wow, that was indeed, a hard hit.
@@TheCathydrew damn that’s a hard hit times ten
@@TheCathydrew yep, they think they know everything.....
Agree on when you leave them and they didn’t know it was coming that will always bother them because in their mind they will be left wondering what did I do what did I say well at least for some anyway
This subject breaks my heart. My father died alone in a nursing home. None of the suckerfish were there in the end for him. When my wife was dying we brought her home, the only two people there for her last two months of life was our son and me. No words were spoken until the last hours of her life, and it fell flat. I wish I had not been so empty that I could not give comforting words to these people. If that is someone's come upping I never want to be part of it again. Stay away from narcissist there is no joy during the time with them or at the end.
Sorry to hear that Scott. I really appreciate your honesty.
My ex always used to say that he “didn’t believe in stupid expressions”. Once I told him, “you’ll get yours” & he rolled his eyes & said he doesn’t believe in any of my stupid expressions. Funny thing, years later, I find my “stupid expressions” are actually proverbs based on centuries of wisdom.
Haha! They're expressions because we see it over and over!
I would always say ," you live by the sword, you die by the sword. He had no idea what that ment.
When you realize the value of authenticity, peace of mind and healthy relationships, you won't care wether or not the narcissist get what they deserve, all you'll wish for is for narcissists to never be in your life or those of your loved ones ever again. You might even desperately want them to get the proper help to get better and stop wrecking everyone (although it is not likely to happen), you'll want them to taste true authenticity and healthy relationships so that they never wish to go back to their old habits.
Well said💖
Absolutely!!
I don't care what he does to other people, other than our children. I don't care what he thinks about himself. He knew what he was doing. I am only responsible for my own words and behavior. l
yes!
Yes, exactly
The come around is them constantly having to live their lives in character of their false self. No one is capable of being in character all the time.
I don't care at this point. I've forgiven them all. I just want to avoid their chaos, heal and live a good life.
Nightingale. AHH you are on your way to being you . How can I tell .? You are reading these posts I posts at a time. Will help you quietly to gain yourself .
One day they will, but I’ve learned you won’t see it first hand. You only learn they are suffering from the grapevine.
By that time you are living your life and more at peace, and indifferent to them.
Better to be at the indifferent 😐 stage, pity is ugly and keeps you bound!
He found a new supply long before the divorce went through. By chance, I met someone who knows her and had nothing good to say about her. I thought he would find a church mouse to lord over but he ended up with an alley cat with claws. Oh Joy.
Yep, as my biology teacher always said "it's only interesting"
God Bless you Dr. Ramani- I'm currently experiencing the hell of being discarded and mercilessly smeared after years of marriage.. it was all an illusion. Your videos are a little bit of solace in the midst of all this pain.
Hang in there good people of the world, don't worry about the smear campaign, only losers listen to losers, I know, they all listened and they're all losers!
I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through.....it’s a struggle to hold on to your sense of self-worth when this happens to you. Self love is your best friend and will help you in many ways to disarm the narcissist and their minions.
Fortunately, there are a few good people left in the world.....best of luck to you on your healing journey.🦋
look at it as bliss unknowinfly
He did you a favor. You do not need such scumbags in your life
Mine hit me up with so many arrears, child support and just unconclusional spending that i had to pay a percentage back. And now when the divorce is final, i jave no money to even hold them in contempt for their consumacious behavior. I am praying everyday to just make it through the day, week, month. She holds it over my head via the state. Its unbearable. I understand now why so many men commit suicide because of the betrayals and infidelity mean nothing in divorce...and if you make more.money you end up paying your abuser your lifes work, and when you make.more you pay them more.
I have to say , I'm seeing a bit of karmic payoff happening. In Aug 2020 he cut off any financial support. Because I started divorce. Upon discard he had told me no divorce. I was punished for taking control . I struggled for a yr. So grateful for friends. I went through the courts, awarded spousal support. He ignored it. I had to garnishee his wages at 40% pre tax amount. Now he's atruggling financially. He is a sheriff working in family court, in contempt. It's nice to see the laws working sort of. It's a long process. He has a new mask, new community. Mr. super native healing guy. With a new name. I have a great lawyer who understands he's a narcissist.
The ONLY way to hurt them is in their pocket
One of the things I find humorous is that he told me he was married four times and his last wife took him for almost a million dollars or so he said. So what goes around comes around has been coming around for every relationship yet he still does not understand it is his behavior that causes the blow up in every relationship
@@melw3313 My MR NARKY STOOD OVER ME & SCREAMED AT ME STATING HE WAS NOT GETTING MARRIED AGAIN...AFTET HIS PASYOR AND SON-IN-LAW JUST PREACHED ANOUT HOW LIVING IN SIN IS A SIN AGAINST GOD. THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE ACCELERATION OF THE ABUSE. DEVALUATION AND DISENGAGEMENT. UP UNTIL THAT SUNDAY..MR. NARKY WAS CONTROLING HIS NARCISSISM AND WE WERE PRETTY HAPPY
Oh one of the red flags to me was the narc announcing six weeks after meeting that he had sent my engagement ring out for more embellishment before he could offer it to me. Well golly 5 yrs later never saw that ring come home from the jeweller. Another lie.
Being stuck in evil
is more than a payback.
These people need to be prayed for.
My narc has been "happily" married for 10 yrs. I pray that behind the scenes things are not what they appear .
Their not they do the same thing as they did putting on their fake face in public as they did with us
I understand your bitterness towards your narc; however, don't allow that bitterness to make you think that way. You wouldn't want their spouse and children to be miserable. Why wish what the narc put you through upon them or others? It has to end with you letting go. Try to stay positive. :)
My ex got remarried. After 20 years his wife suddenly kicked him out. Once she made the last payment on her house, that she bought before she married him, once she didn't need his money, she dumped him. I don't care if its karma or not.
The narcissist’s life and miserable existence is their constant karma. The narc is incapable of living a truly happy and peaceful life.
My mother still getting away with it because she's got money. That's literally her only power. The only thing she has in her life, why people stick around.
My understanding a narcissist can Not Be Cure be a narcissistic person does not see themselves as a Narcissist
Some see themselves, some don't. There are some Narcs out there who are openly acknowledging they are narcs, but as an excuse to continue the abuse and get supply.
My N mother has spent her whole life charming people with her looks and charisma to get narcissistic supply. Now, at the end of her life, as her looks and energy have faded, she has given up on life and become a recluse.
The "payback" is through her own design. She never learned (or wanted to know how) to connect with people on a personal level. Now that her "mask" of looks and charisma is gone, she's lost and avoids people.
It almost saddens me. Almost.
Yes I understand it saddens me to until I think of how hateful my mom she is towards me... so yeah it's an ALMOST FOR ME TOO
I wouldn’t feel bad at all if that were me
Sounds a lot like my mother.
This is happening with mine too, she's never put effort into any relationships, so family are now the only ones left.
Did you just call your mom the N word
And yes it is taking so long that I no longer care. And it’s a relief. I value myself and my husband and children over them.
True, life goes on. Why give the narc another thought? But it is not interesting to see!!😂😂
well said.
Narcissistic people repeat the same cycle in every relationship they have. The ex almost always gets a front stage seat from which to view the new relationship during the love bombing phase. It's one way they punish the ex who dared abandon them.
I am learning and have to remind myself all the time that my husband is incapable of accepting responsibility for his actions and how he affects others. Those closest to the narcissist must always reflect the narcissists idealized image of them as well as their idealized version of ourselves in order to avoid triggering their inner shame. Trust me, they would rather break the mirror than see their true reflection. So even if they do get what's coming, from their perspective it's undeserved and they don't understand why it's happening.
If you are waiting to see them get theirs, you'll be disappointed because the lesson you want them to learn is completely lost on them. That is a bitter pill to swallow after everything they put people through but it's the truth. I've never seen or heard of a narcissist being held accountable and accepting responsibility for the things they've done.
Although it’s been a year since your post, it still set me free TODAY! I’ve been angry for years thinking it was so unfair that I’m left without closure! But your comment puts it all into perspective! Accountability ( the lack there of) was at the core of our problem. I now realize they probably will never have it! Thank you! ❤
Great example of my ex father-in-law getting his due. he went thru life slowly losing friends. It was his way or nothing. his family didnt give him a funeral! it was left up to a grave digger to ‘say a few words!’ As we all stood with our mouths shut. The ultimate sendoff!
Seconds before my mother died, my narc sister (mom’s mini me) said “You were a great mom”. Now the pressure was on me, and I decided I wasn’t going to lie, so I said nothing. It hung in the air for my mom, the pastor, my sister and me til she passed, but I viewed it as the only time I really stood up to her. So I get what you’re saying. Sometimes they do reap what they sow.
Dr. Ramani's summation. "Go and move forward in your life. That's all the comes around you need.
-- I know about three GRAND narcissists who are in the "come around" stage and it's not pretty. Because I've moved on, I didn't have the time to experience the sick schadenfreude that I may have if it had happened earlier but there was a sense of, finally. I have ZERO sympathies for any of them. They're reaping what they sowed. I'm out, that's all that matters.
Out is good, they can destroy themselves without us, we've seen enough, we're good and know they can very well manage without us in that domain, can't save what doesn't want saving!
I'm like you. I understand completely. But I do hope they get what they deserve . As some are violent, they threaten , and keep finding new idiots to play their game against us.
Use your anger towards the narc as your driving force to succeed. Explore such as doing business, traveling, getting masters degree, and most of all, CREATE NEW CIRCLE OF Friends! and a bonus, invite all your old common friends to a very special event like huge birthday party or wedding but LEAVE THEM OUT. Great news and stories about you will burn them like hell. This is the best revenge for narcs!
I just escaped a 33 year marriage with a narcissist. It took so long for me to get the courage to finally leave him, and I am so happy that I did. Your videos which I have watched almost every day since I left to help me in the healing process have been so comforting to me during this very difficult but liberating time in my life. Thank you so very much for what you do
Well done God bless you and have a great life 🙏👍☘
@@dscan5254 Thank you so very much!
My story is the same. I left at 29 years. The last 6 years, I was trying to salvage it only because of the financial implications of tearing down the marriage. But a Narcissist will sabotage you when you are striving for prosperity. You may not notice it, until you see the pattern. Which means they have sabotaged you a few times. Once I saw that I couldn’t succeed because he would always sabotage me. I walked and tore down the financials of a 29 year marriage. I am so happy now. And I am glad that he pushed it to that last sabotage. Because that is what gave me the knowledge that leaving was the best and only choice.
Mine lasted 36 years. Biggest favor he did for me after I proposed a legal separation was for him to bring home divorce papers (he always had to "one up" me). I think I would still be there if it weren't for him....he doesn't know he did a good thing for me....
👌✌️👍🏽thank God
If you screw over enough people, eventually others are gonna start wondering why everyone walks out on you.
Only if you make it so.
There is no Justice, but the one you make
I would never wish ill on my narcissist as he has been doomed to a life unfulfilled with real love and friendship. That is punishment enough. I'm just happy that through your videos I was able to unravel what was happening in this very Yo-Yo, Jeckle and Hyde relationship. In the end, I stayed in it way longer than I should because I truly felt sorry for him. Out now & happy to move on in serenity
Yes my narc remarried and now they can’t have children. To me, despite my wishing them only a happy life I suppose that in itself is a punishment since they wanted children. I know he isn’t happy with his life.
Dr. Ramani saved my life of rumination after leaving my narc. Survivors need to hear this and we all need to stand together.
These people are running from themselves. The minute they stop running is when the Karma sets in. I used to be that and when I decided to face what I had done to people, I paid the price. Looking within so deep caused me to almost be afraid to talk to anyone for I feared, they were my Karma. And yes I got it back, but now being removed, I will NEVER treat ANYONE like that!
This is so my grandmother and parents are the parasitic fish swimming around the shark waiting for the leftovers. So sad.
Absolutely agree the narcissist gets their 'reward' every day of their lives. So much anger, frustration and rage. My wife of 21 years (yes, sucker for abuse I am) can charm a snake out of its skin but that is a facade. She hates everyone around her. Me, her daughter, her mother, her aunts, her friends and even our pets. According to her, life would be so much better if we were all gone. Of course, she can't be alone for more than a day before her fears and insecurity drive her to find one or more of us to bitch at and insult. That is the essence of her narcissism ... a constant need to feed her ego (supply) or her demons emerge to consume her. Unfortunately for her, a big rift is coming. Her daughter turns 18 next spring and will leave her. Her mother is very ill and may be gone very soon. Her 'favorite' cat died tragically 2 day ago. And I am seriously planning my exit before year's end. I'm old enough (73 in November) and sick enough to know I don't want to grow any more dependent on her as time goes forward. Watching how she verbally abuses her 83 year mother who has dementia is proof enough that I need to find a different path. Cannot face the idea of being sick and being treated that way. I need peace and stability going forward and I will find neither with this narcissist.
Wishing you fortitude and good luck in your future.
I get the sense the worst outcome narcissists see as a result of their behavior is not payback or retribution, but the increasing realization that they're living in a constant repetition. I imagine it to be some kind of Groundhog Day scenario - but the genre is horror. I think as they age they get an inkling that things are not building up in a positive way, moving forward as they feel they should, and that people keep reacting them in the same way (horror, disappointment, or rage after being hurt by them). It's like living a lot of lives but never learning a lesson
What comes around oftentimes SHOWED ON THEIR FACES as they aged NOT VIA their fames or fortune..Yes, they are still living in their "fancy world of their own deceiving minds" with their hidden SHAMEFULNESS AND REMORSEFUL that are EATING THEM UP INTERNALLY..I had seen this happened many many times..Remember that nothing is WORST THAN TO LIVE WITH ONE'S OWN NIGHTMARES that HAUNTED ONESELF AND only one sees and experienced by oneself but no one else's..Period..
I fled from my ex husband more than a year ago with our daughters. He moved on immediately. That day. Didn’t look back on us one time. I was left with nothing but broken children with cptsd. He is a high profile surgeon in another country. He is married again and improved his working position with this marriage. He was already earning loads ( buying expensive cars but kept us in a rented house) but now he has everything he ever wanted and the attention he craved….
He blocked our kids. He told them they ruin his day when he hears from them. They are 16,13 and 10.
He physically and psychologically abused our kids and me. I couldn’t get away from him due to my own stupidity, fear, love…. It was lockdown…
He was telling our daughters he hated them and that they ruined his life…
I fled to our country and took the kids after one night he was drunk as usual and abusive. I had a feeling he had someone . We were just a burden for him…. As I did not work…. I was stuck…. I thought I would go mad….
I abandoned my own career ( I am a doctor as well…) to support him as he was looking for the perfect job… we moved around a foreign country every year with the kids changing their school every year for 8 years….
He has started being very abusive since our oldest entered puberty ….. he couldn’t handle the stress on his job. He hated his patients and colleagues…. He is very confrontational, hates any criticism….. he couldn’t fit anywhere….
Since we left, his life improved, actually….
I am struggling financially with three kids with psychological problems and am not been able to work as the children are really bad. We are in therapy as much as I can afford….
I was in an abusive marriage for 18 years….. I completely lost myself… I have no idea who I am and I am afraid for my children.
There is no justice…….
I know they do not change…. But it looks as if he is getting away with everything he did to us…… and now he is enjoying his life with his amazing job, new wife and her kid…. He has it all, cars, beautiful big house with a pool, has hobbies, he is beloved…..
I promised myself I wouldn’t look anything about him online …. But I caved in last night…..
he is getting away with everything……. I am stuck…….
I don't know your name but my heart breaks for you and your children. I am so so so sorry he treated you guys like this. Please please don't give up. I don't know the right words to say, but my abuser is also getting away with everything he did and keeps doing to me, the kids, and is using the system and my birth family to destroy us even further. When he only wanted to the easy stuff w kids and boast to family what a caring dad he is, and never really supported them unless forced to. You're not alone, your kids are not alone , it's happening to others in different countries as well. Please don't give up . 💔
What about being the one who teaches the narcissist a lesson? I was the one who shamed them publicly and rejected them openly, and it hurts the narcissist too much, the poor thing can't take it. Well they did try to hurt me back, but I'm invincible, as I grew up with narcissists, I'm already immune to their psychological attacks
Thanks for your comment. I can relate to that completely.
Me too.. I exposed his NARCISSISTIC abuse to his daughter AND PASTOR SON-IN-LAW. ..and the neighborhood. I am not proud of that fact but I needed to defend my own character. MR. NARKY JUST GAVE THEM HIS $350K HOUSE TO KEEP ENABLING HIS UNCHRISTIANLIKE CONDUCT. O M G...AND SHE SHUNNED ME FOR TELLING THE TRUTH. WHO IS THEIR GOD? LUCIFER?
OMG. I grew up with NARCISSISTs too.. and modeled their behavior until I was "exposed" by my own personality disorder CPTSD. I am a totally different person then I was 30 years ago.
I can’t say I taught the narcissist a lesson, but I definitely made him suffer in a big way. Got wise to his tactics and I strategically planned my exit over many months. It worked out quite well as he really didn’t think I was ever going to leave. He had fully expected to live a leisurely life off my salary, hard work, and investments. His head is still spinning in shock and how I humiliated him by outing him to friends, coworkers, family, and then disappearing entirely. I don’t recommend it for most (special circumstances at play in my situation that forced him to leave the country), as it can be quite dangerous for most. The best revenge is living your best life.. and legal consequences if available.
@@artskiwendy I think you should be proud of it... Exposing bad people is defending the innocent who could otherwise be their future victims. And covering up the abuser's behavior is abuse too. It's like covering up a criminal is considered to be a crime, it's the same thing. And yeah I was kind of narcissistic initially too, because I modeled my parents, but I left their home early because of their abuse, and all the experiences I had after that made me rethink my behavior in many ways. I guess I would have been a different person had I stayed with my parents longer
I'm currently holding out on reconciliation with a narcissist family member. They are supposedly a Christian, but I've never seen them repent of anything. I work every day to forgive, but this time I am not just sweeping things under the rug. Without seeing them change their chronic behaviour, there will be no relationship.
It's funny, isn't it? how sometimes the most vicious people will claim to be Christian. But it's odd that they never repent, everything is always the fault of others.
Amen!
ive been really been manipulated trampled on by this supposedly religious man, no contact now and im in peace was losing my mind.yes have had it
Is modern Christianity often narcissist itself? Consider prosperity gospel as opposed to Jimmie Carter. In similar thoughts of groups or affiliations being narcissist, is the American nation narcissist? Both seem rife with hypocrisy to me.
@@jimallen8186 narcissism isn't contained to one religion or nation.
If you wait for divine justice, it's never going to happen. At least, not in this life time. For real healing, move on. You have the knowledge now; you have the tools. Nurture self. Enjoy the rest of your life. Carpe Diem!
My thoughts of his "come around" is that he will NEVER find someone to replace me at the level I gave him. He can look and look and interview new potential partners but he will never find anyone who is of my quality of love, ambition, sharing and giving he was used to. He might find a partial replacement but he will never find a replacement like me. This keeps me going and away from him. He didn't deserve me and will never have me again. SMILES
Good thoughts! When I walked away from my mother, and my ex, they both were vehemently angry with me. I’m slowly learning ( from you) that if I want to “win” it’s by not returning the ire. Not carrying the baggage. But by putting on a smile and stepping forward. Thank you.
me too..they both crazy
People make poor judgements make mistakes it's when you give up you stand defeated.....you eventually push forward it's all about the ROAD
The goal for me was to no longer invest in their outcome... indifference and peace ... my investment of emotion and attention are in myself and healthy relationships, what happens or doesn’t happen with them is their business.
I'm so happy for both of you (in the comment and reply); I wish you all the best going forward!
@@melw3313 Thank you!
They are paying.. with their daily existence.
exactly!! he's miserable w/o me
So very true. Sons dad lied to get custody, got it. Others believed him and joined against me. Court system helped because he was cop. I owe tons child support to him and taxes etc. Cant have much money or government confiscates it. Things never come around to him. There is a big emptyness in them though. They're like a coffee pot with big hole at bottom. They're so unsatisfied. Thats their karma. To be always hungry! Take some comfort in that!
Amen and pass the plate Dr. Ramani! I won the second I slammed the door, after years in hell, light entered and I have NEVER looked backed or gave a damn about what happened to him. Forward my friends, always forward 💜
These psychological truths need to be taught in high schools. 📚
I want people to have a happily ever after.
As the narcissist in all of my relationships, and recently got a rant from my latest victim about how I should receive the worst, this video hits pretty close. I know I will only be more miserable if I start anything new with new people, and make them miserable. It does make me suicidal, not because the people who once loved me dearly wished me the worst but because I realize I'm my own monster. I can't escape and I must fight my own self if I don't want to die and nobody mourns. My family and friends are enablers. They're also the only support system I have. I'm in therapy for less than a month.
Dr. Ramani is right. Each word she spoke was like a dagger stabbing into the shame inside me (something I also realized after watching many of her videos) and it's really painful. At times I'm tempted to go for toxic coping mechanism like alcohol, reckless drivings, and I already recklessly spent money more than I should, I started eating badly or not eating anything at all. It was a way to punish myself for being myself.
It's really a curse to be a narcissist. I hope that all of you, who read this and watch the video, can see clearly how being a narcissist is the punishment of itself. Once you see someone is one: leave them to save yourself and you alone can't change them. Even when they themselves want to change and put efforts in, the change is not promised and your life is too precious to be dragged along on that journey. For myself, I dearly hope I'll get the tools I need from therapy to fight back the person I am.
I wish you all healing and good mental health. And those who haven't been able to get into therapy, will be soon.
"depends on their enabler quotient" - so on point!
& Yes, focus on your own happiness and fullness, and know that whether the narcissist ever gets what's coming to them or not their lives will always be fairly empty because of who they are. Be thankful that you have the capacity to experience a full and authentic life that narcissists don't.
Its Disgusting to me how, they get off and enjoy betraying you,
and making you betray yourself, in order to keep the peace.
I am being as patient as possible, but i can't stand them near me anymore,
Its psychopathic how they act like nothing has happened after destroying everything.
Move away from them for good ASAP and don’t think about them whether they are getting their karma.
Better to completely erase them from your life and for cus on our own life and our happiness and peace
The best revenge is a life well lived
Karma only forward
💚🌟🕊
I will remember this: value yourself & firewall. Very very important 👌
“People hang around to get what’s left over”
Yes!!! I’ve seen this more than once. Absolutely .
One time I was very hurt . I JUST could not understand why the narc was paying all these people to do what she was having me do and NOT paying me . The money wasn’t the issue for me, I just felt that she was wasting my time if she were going to pay people.
FINALLY , I get it. She was paying people to STAY AROUND and it made HER feel IMPORTANT. I eventually let it go, but now , hearing THIS it makes better sense.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. Both emotions require the same investment of energy whereas apathy is absent of investment in the narcissist. This is the bedrock of my escape and freedom from my abusive family.
HOWEVER! We're a haunted household within an afro-caribe culture. Paranormal activity is prevalent around the primary abuser and I'm absolutely convinced my grandmother is behind most of the stories that frighten the abuser. I swear to God, grandma is wreaking havoc in the sundown world of her narcissist. I hope she doesn't stop.
Dr. Ramani, is it okay to laugh in a malignant narcissist's face when they freak the fuck out because their nightmares are bleeding into their reality?
One has to ask themselves if laughing at another, even the wicked, is good for the person doing the laughing, meaning righteous-good, healthy-good, for them, or does it build in a lack of soul to the person doing the laughing? It is very hard, sometimes, not to be bitter, hard-hearted in our minds toward the N, but that changes us inside, it isn't good for us, it can ruin us. Amazingly, the scripture says that even God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked. Of course, He would rather have preferred that they had abandoned every wicked way, and yet still, even though they didn't, He takes no pleasure in their demise. We can sometimes look at right and wrong as external realities, but there are also internal realities that affect our minds, hearts and souls. We need to keep in mind both of those. Better to separate from them completely. P.S. This comment was not about an after-life, not about eternity, but about the condition of one's mind in this life. One definition of the word "soul" is the Will, mind and emotions of a person, and that is to what I was referring, not an eternal spirit. I didn't suggest being charitable to N's, or enabling them, NOT, but getting away from them completely, and guarding one's heart from bitterness that steals one's joy and inner peace, in effect, stealing from them who they were, by turning a tender-hearted, loving person into a mean-hearted, hard-hearted, angry, bitter, hateful person. If bitterness is given enough of a foothold, and continually, it can obliterate the person they used to be. One has to guard their heart, for out of it, flow the issues of Life.
I have a different opinion than that of the firsts reply. Life is short. And I'm not worried about an afterlife. If I'm lucky, there is absolutely nothing after death. No more suffering. Take whatever pleasure in the disintegration of your narc you can get, because there is often no formal justice for victims of long term abuse in this world, and we cannot count on justice in the "next" world.. We take the informal justices that we can. My soul may be damned, but I sleep well enough at night. I only pray to treat people well who deserve my kindness, and never give up on kindness or charitable behavior towards strangers, without being overly giving to the point of being stupid, or overly cynical to the extreme of being stingy.
Why is this my same story. I’m afro caribbean as well and my grandma is 90 doing so much terrible things and taught her children to steal, kill (her own children 4/10 are gone my mother included), manipulate, sacrifice the women (they tried w/ me but never succeeded) all doing witchcraft for riches. I am the black sheep, see all the truth and instead of owning up to everything they blame me and say I’m doing witchcraft etc 🤦🏾♀️it’s a disgusting cycle and I’m finally here to break it. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did witchcraft on me growing up because I was always sick- Def on my mom because she almost died giving birth to me and I was born at 6 months. At 4 years old I told my mom this family has too many secrets. Now at 32 years, my mom passed on last year, the truth of all secrets revealed. Oh, it’s such a mess. A big disgusting mess.
I forgot to mention that my grandmother is 20 years dead and buried. #ShesStillPissed
#GrannyIsAGremlin
@@cacatr4495 Thank you for your insightful remarks. Very thought provoking. I appreciate your different views and will examine the gems.
My dogmatic foundation is both Catholic and Jewish. Kids called me "Juanita Epstein" like in Welcome Back Kotter. I feel like I have mastered an appreciation for the absurd. I'm an Atheist now
I posted my original comment on the assumption that it would be lost among the many. Let me clarify that I was speaking about some paranormal activity and the relationship between my grandmother and the abuser. Omay passed away years ago but was a vocal opponent of the abuser. She suffered for it.
But lately, Omay's been popping up with some crazy shit. This goes beyond missing keys, open cabinets and shadows in doorways. The abuser is losing her grip on composure.
And it makes me laugh. I want to feel bad but meh, not really. The evil crimes the abuser committed deserve far worse but I love Omay's creativity.
Whether narcs get what they've dished out in this lifetime is inconsequential to me. Immediately after death, it is said that everyone undergoes a Life Review. So, the hurt and harm that Narcs deliberately caused will be seen by them, and they will feel exactly what the victims felt. Good luck, Narcs... you deserve what's coming to you. And THIS time you can't escape the consequences!!!!!! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!
Don't do narcissists. Just say 'NO.' AMERICANS AGAINST NARCISSISTS (and keep saying, "NO.")
Why Americans?
Message approved 😂
Proverb about expecting the same results: You never step into the same river, twice. (PS Dr. R. I don't instagram or tweet.)
Neither does Dr Ramani. If you are getting messages they are from scammers.
"what goes around comes around" is a golden rule. It may not happen very soon in their life, they will reap later. They will live miserable live because they kept victimizing, using and hurting people. Every evil deeds there's always bad consequences.
Sometimes the best closure or justice we need from their abuse is wisdom and understanding of what happened to us. Share your knowledge with those you care and trust, share your knowledge with strangers you never know who's life you might be impacting or saving. Let knowledge go and come around!!!!!!
The better life you live beyond them is the come around.
My ex has surrounded himself with low level enablers but given how he's willing to toss even his own family members under the bus- once his main enabler, his mother, dies, he's gonna be in a tight spot. No on else was willing to lie to themselves like her. The others may be dense and give him the benefit of the doubt very frequently, if he start trying to eat them for his own benefit, which he was doing before I even left, he's going to find himself alone quite suddenly, and in a way that he cannot bounce back from.
I take karma as my parents not having someone now to “put them in a good home” as I was instructed to do since age 6
Thank you for touching on this topic again. Someone us need to hear a message a few times until we fully accept it and then put in the work to move on.
You’re like my wise Aunt … love your channel! Thank you for your work 😊
What is mind blowing is even them getting what is coming to them is still blamed on you. Even if you are being ghosted 👻 or no contact. The Flying monkeys will come into town.
Narcissists do reap what they've sown. The thing is the survivors usually don't see or hear about it. My parents were narcissistic and they reaped big time. They ended up stuck with each other while friends and family distanced themselves away from them. They spent their time cyberstalking former friends and talking about how life dealt them a bad hand. Not once did it occur to them that it was their own fault for the way they treated people throughout the years. My mom suffered from many illnesses before dying a painful death from lung cancer 5 weeks after diagnosis. Interesting how she used her breath to verbally abuse people while quoting the Bible and in the end her breath was taken from her. Nobody came to see her except for me, my husband, and son in her final days.
My dad is completely alone constantly fixing up his house for people who will never visit. The people in that town had long since seen his true colors and won't have anything to do with him. Even after Mom died, they don't check on him. My husband and I ended up having to severely restrict his access to us after finding out he had stolen some very valuable items from my mom years ago. He still talks about his glory days which nobody cares about. His life is pretty much done.
As for the other narcissists and enablers who ruined my life over the years, one narcissist completely lost his great looks. The evil he had done over the years has shown up on his face. The other ones...same thing. They look much older than their ages and are forever stuck with each other. They brutally destroyed relationships with genuine people in favor of people who are either enablers or narcissists themselves. That's the biggest karma for them. They deceive themselves into thinking they have real friends, but they don't. They have fakes like them and that's all they will ever have. In the end, they will either die alone or with fakes smiling in their faces while talking crap behind their backs. The end.
I want him to feel the same pain and be sorry.
Good luck with that.
*Such important advice from Dr Ramani!* So much I could say, but two takeaways:
1) the better you are as a person, the harder you tried, the higher-pitched the narcissistic behaviour - you hold a mirror, and thus have to be smashed - and that's what happened...
2) we control so little, and can predict even less. Best to not care about how retribution will come about, because that saps your energy, not their's. Besides, just imagine what internal turmoil and contradictions brought about that sort of prolonged behaviour!
The world IS enabler heavy. Wow, that’s profound. And so true.
The best revenge is total indiference.
They can't stand THAT. But I really don't care anymore. So balsamic.