7 Signs That A Narcissist Is Done With You
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- Опубликовано: 31 июл 2024
- Over time, you can become so disillusioned with a narcissist that you decide it is no longer viable to continue. But true to the narcissists' tendency to protect their fragile egos, they try to get ahead of the posse by being the one who conveys how they need to discard you. Dr. Les Carter identifies 7 ways they try to control the narrative, then offers thoughts about how you can move forward toward normalcy.
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A narcissist's discard is always a blessing in disguise. Consider yourself lucky, some never want to let you go.
No doubt! After we recover from the sadness of being thrown away for another person they cheat with, we learn who they really are and can only feel relief to get away alive honestly!!! Read my post below!
@@dr.helgamiehlepag5888 thanks good! Haha and funny :)
Amen!
Mine won't let me go. plans in place now.
It really is a blessing in disguise. My familial relatives followed me everywhere I went I even moved to another state to get away from them.
I hate the fact that you love them so much. But they destroy you.
This is so sad it nearly made me cry
I do, I loved him so much & I’m still trying really hard to heal from it & completely let him be because I can’t help him
Try loving the fact, now be free.
It would’ve been so much easier if the heart can forget & move on easily like the way our minds are designed to….
@@untamedheart6820 It is even worse if it is your parent. You as a child have to be parent to your biological parent that actually hates you. healing from that is ..not easy..
She overheard me watching these videos and silently packed her bags and left.
I guess she wasn't ready to see herself for who she is.
Once you figure them out, they can no longer milk you. Think yourself lucky.
Love to hear it 👏
Congratulations!
Wow
When a narcissist discards you, thank them.
Amen to that.
They're like vampires. If they can keep you unhappy and doubting yourself, They feed on this.
Yes, energy vampires!!
1. Deeper discard
2. Bigger blame game
3. Tighter triangulation
4. Smear campaign with closest
5. Victim by day/villain by night
6. Impressing others becomes the focus
7. The bomb of “seemingly” changed behavior is right around the corner
They’re never really done with you. Even if and when you’re done with them, they will wear the experience with you like a badge on their arm to continue living the victim role with others or you will forever be a trophy on their shelf to brag about how crazy they make you out to be so that their crazy is less seen.
Kelly, did you read my notes?
@@SurvivingNarcissism 🤣
Oh, man, do you know your stuff! So true!!!!
OMG - yes. Victim by day and villain by night. This is the first I've heard it said outright. My ex narc leads a secretive, sexual, clandestine life unbeknownst to me for years until I basically caught him, twice. And with men! All while he plays The Bouncing Ladies Man during the day (they are the mommy supply) Unbelievable. So glad I'm DONE!
Yes.
I herd my narc say I’m done with you but then narcy came back to try to befriend me I ingored 🎉
I just left my fiancé who has done all of this. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I love her, but I couldn’t take it anymore. When you looked at the camera and said, “you’re free” I burst into tears.
Thank you for all your videos. You’ve truly helped me escape.
I'm going through the silent treatment just because he didn't get his way over a stupid pathetic thing. Its been exactly 2 weeks now with no contact whatsoever. Its annoying and childish but there is *no* way I'm giving in. If that's what he wants then fine by me! I feel *free*
It seems that once an entanglement with a narcissistic someone has hold of your heart, letting go can be agonizing. But would you rather have the agony now, knowing what you now know, or have it for the next 35 years or more? These are broken people, and while they have their appealing ways and fun aspects, it's like eating an apple with a razor in it. They cover their poison with something appealing, to trap you. They are like insects that lay their eggs on you that will eat you alive. That is their nature. That is what they do. The sooner you can feel the pain beginning, the sooner you can run for your life. There is nothing to be gained by staying, except to feed their insatiable need.
@@harley_arrow Haa haaa, you feel free. Just get somebody else and you know get rid of everything that has his energy in it, photos, possessions, clothes, ideas, trash them all. Then say that he's history. He's a type of person that once identified by certain things like the silent treatment, you discard them. It's just like a cigarette lighter that starts to fail and uh ... you get a new one.
I really felt that too when he said "you're free". Leaving your fiance is hard for sure. I can understand. I'm in the process of a divorce from a narcissist. I'm finally starting to feel free. 😭
Eric, you are why I do the videos. Best wishes to you as you move forward. Dr. C
Free at last, free at last, my god almighty, I'm finally free at last!
I find their behavior oddly fascinating. Am I the only one? It’s so weird and disturbing that people are able to be this way.
It was mostly why I stuck around.
I was so entertained by how low a human could go, she knew no limits, that my complete fascination with the bewilderment of it all, left me forgetting that it was at my own demise.
It doesn’t end your better off jumping off the train
No, you're not alone. I was mesmerized by the behavior. It was like I was paralyzed and couldn't look away.
Yep. This is exactly how they act.
After all is said and done, you can throw away all those anti depressant pills because they are the reason you needed them to begin with.
Your comment made me laugh, but it is so true 👊🤗
People should always observe their social circle and work environment before diagnosing themselves with depression.
So true!! I'm just learning about narcissism in the last few years, I'm 64. I cut my sister off 2 1/2 years ago. I feel so much better.
I refuse to take antidepressants, he can take them himself if he needs control in his own life. I'll find my way out without them.
@@mireadossantos4610 That's exactly how I feel! I have to take a few natural things right now to get by, but soon enough I'll be able to cut down on my supplements.
I felt like a slave in my toxic family system. Narcissists need you to serve them constantly. It's a never ending cycle of abuse. No contact was the only way I could get my freedom. No one deserves enslavement.
Dito! You are not born to be a slave. Gladly You re free now!
One of the hardest, saddest and ultimately empowering decisions I've ever had to go through.
You, your children, and grandchildren are slaves to these nasty people.......
I'm with you. I had to go no contact. There is absolutely no health to be found where I have been.
@@houseplantnerd2872 It's hard though when you realize that the narcissist is your adult child and you have to let go because the abuse is suffocating you. In this situation the freedom (no contact for me) comes at a great and lonely price. We are programed to love our children unconditionally.
I am free. Yeah, these wasted years, broken promises and dreams, constant belittling, neglect and mistreatment are hard to come to terms with. But I am indeed free.
A discard is the nicest gift a narc will ever give you.
Thanks, Dr. C.
Freedom...
Totally wasted years is the real regret in the end when your over them
God is great! Blessing
@@SurvivingNarcissism 'Freedom' until that is uh ... you happen to visit a so-called licensed professional. You know DON'T!
...I had jus been served divorce papers,on my Birthday no less.
Funny you mention
" The Best Gift"
Jealousy is their issue, when you don’t want them and don’t see how special they think they are and you have more than them, look out, they will destroy you if they can
Sad, but true...
“ I have been trying to exploit you and it has been not going well” I like this description 😂😂😂
I have one like that now. They think I live to serve them and take their verbal abuse.
I am out of here and they are not speaking to me and running me down to their friends and neighbors.
Once you see it and are independent, it is comical really.
Lol!
😅🤣🤣😂😂
Yupp. That was awesome! 😃
Freedom is the only good thing that came from my awful situation. Lost my home, new life in a small town, and a planned future. I wouldn’t wish a narcissist on my worst enemy. No one deserves their evil.
My worst enemy is the narc. And I actually do wish this type of pain on him. Maybe it would wake up his humanity. Or just destroy him like it destroyed me-for a while.
in a longtime marriage with a narc substance abuser, i didn't know how to end it with a child, so instead of doing something brave and helpful, I hunkered down and laid low and waited it out, but I couldn't keep up with the pretense of still being in love. after years of abuse i had no respect left for him and became emotionally detached. once that happened - once i stopped reacting, that's when he realized my well had run dry and he initiated the divorce. i am happy now, at peace. no drama, no fear. i wish i had done it so much sooner. so much wasted time with someone that didn't actually love me, but was using me for my empathy, sympathy, service and joy. I'm trying to build it back now. It's a process.
May 2024 be the year of the discard! Dear Lord. Amen.
Yep, I heard "You have nothing to offer."
Yes, they have other supply going most of the time. If they suddenly are attached to their phone 24/7 and you ask them why, you'll get the "you're so suspicious" line and gaslight you. It's exhausting.
He quickly remarried, and I can't help but feel sorry for the new supply.
Narcissists are excellent at acting. They get people by their charm and performance. It can leave you confused because they are so innocent in playing victim and pointing you as the abuser. Don't fall for it!💙RUclipsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
🙌🫶
Being a control freak is a weakness, not a strength. If you can't allow others to shine, you're exhibiting signs of narcissism and showing a lack of self-confidence. It is isolation through ego.
Stewart Stafford
However someone who likes to control their own space.. isn’t necessarily a narc.
That’s just a trait.
If the victim realize what's been going on, the discard cycle is a blessing. Don't engage, explain, personalize to avoid the annoyance of the discard....
I’m an expert in battling narcs. I’ve had a lot of experience. First, build the narc up. Really feed that ego. Then take it away. Fast and hard. They crash easy. Usually that will send them packing.
Narcissist slayer!
Thank you.
I'm free from that cage that they tried so hard to force me into. No more of the backhanded comments, no more projections, no more gaslighting, no more neglect, no more of the silent treatment, no more triangulation, no more forced guilt for things I'm not responsible for. I care less about their smear campaign and their discard every day.
I'm now working with my therapist to exercise my assertiveness and regain parts of me that I lost over the last two decades.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
I’ve used the term backhanded comments or insults
Yes indeed
Right on
Clapping my hands. Very proud of you❤
Oh God. This describes my last 8 yrs. I'm almost out. Thank God
I was married to a narcissist for 11 long abusive years before he utterly destroyed me, financially bankrupted me, and abandoned me. This time, it was for his young cop coworker. I had to pay for the divorce. He left everything behind, which included the house, the cars, and most of his belongings. My divorce finalized in December '23. I'm still in recovery mode, praying it gets better!
Don’t worry karma will get back at them
My mind has been so screwed up for years by my husband until I came across an article about covert narcissists. I truly believed that I was at fault and felt so suicidal because no one understood how I felt. I am no longer the person I was once. I have no confidence in my ability and decisions because I have been gaslighted. Even though I’m in therapy, I still question myself and blame myself. I’ve been told I’m an abuser, needy, likes to cause arguments for no reasons but then I’m the best thing because he gets what he needs from me until I question why I feel I get nothing back from the relationship except the blame and being told I’m crazy. Everything is my fault even down to the violent rages because it’s me who apparently provokes him into doing it. He’s now the victim of my abuse which apparently I started years ago. For me it’s the unfairness of it all and getting others to believe that you aren’t the crazy one. Please beam me up Scotty!!!
The only time he was nice at all was when he wanted something. They always blame us.
I feel so very alone
My gosh it sounds like you were married to my now ex. 30 years I thought I was never going to make him happy and what was I doing wrong. Then he divorced me and married a woman the age of our daughters.
Of COURSE it is not your fault. That's the brainwashing and gaslighting. I hope you are an excellent therapist. Not all are great or well trained in trauma from abuse. Be kind to yourself.
This sounds exactly like what I'm going through! I've been just catching onto the term this past week and I've been trying to figure out if I've been the crazy one! But I know inside I'm not, and i don't want to leave him... idk why but I want his love and I've poured so much into our family. I'm a stay at home mom, I'm terrified of breaking up our lives. Even worse, him keeping our daughter from me as I often get guilt trapped that I'd abandon her if I refuse to comply to his disrespect! Oh how to play this game... it's such a complex type of abuse to go through. I'm sorta in shock, thinking of therapy before I get trapped in our loop again and get so depressed/reactive that I become hopeless and drown myself in errands and sleep. Ugh, I'm so glad I'm not alone though. That means there is hope. For me, my family.. maybe him but I'm not holding my fuckin breath for that anymore!
It’s when they joke about you dying from surgery so they can get the insurance money right before you go in the OR!!!!! A wish passed off as a sick joke! Yup! - My ex narc hubby really did this! Absolutely unforgivable! It was me who was done with him after that! 😡😡
Yep. My biggest crime well aside from being me is not dying during liver resection. He loved the attention it gave him then when I lived he was stuck with bills, helping me heal and a wife with a fat sliced up stomach.
That’s awful! I’m so glad you are free now- and ALIVE! Love your best now!!!
Edited to say… that was suppose to be “live your best” and autocorrect made it “love” so hey… do both!!!
ehhhh i can see the humor in that. specially if its a routine surgery and you were freakin out. just sayin he could be tryin to lighten the mood homie
@@motomantra5473 No, you have to be there to see the tone for sure. I had someone tell me that if our business was successful that they would have to be the one to put a firearm in my mouth and send the insurance check to my family after they wrote my fake “end myself” note to my relatives.
Naw. Someone tells you they legitimately are plotting to end your life and collect the check, you better believe them. Otherwise you end up a statistic.
A person can tell when someone is serious or joking. Especially when they actually get MAD that you are still alive or didn’t take the bait.
@@AlwaysStampinVideos nobody believed me after and nobody could imagine he would do such a thing as he was seen by everyone as mr nice guy! I suffered a lot of covert narc abuse for 15 years that progressed to a big loyalty trust con with him calling me after work every day to tell me he was on his way home after the gym of course! It solidified trust! I was deceived though. The gym was his time cheating on me!
He wanted my insurance money to run off with the mistress. Karma was mine though as that younger girl married him and suddenly said he was too boring to his sister and she threw him out and stole all his money from bank accounts. Then he has failed 2 more marriages for 3 total in last 13 years!!! Women are onto his narcissism I guess and getting rid of him after they get past the love bombing stage and discover that he only loves himself and only he matters! A big failure!!! I felt so vindicated when his sister told me all that and apologized as she knew he was a problem and s cheater in his first marriage too!
“You’re free”
Sweetest medication to this soul.
AMEN
Chelsea Peterson,You look beautiful 😍,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
I've found that they drop you or get angry when you no longer submit to doing everything on their terms.
Hi Snowbear. You're right. I have a sibling. When I had enogh and can't take it anymore, he get very anoyed. First he tells me what a bad person I am. Like I was a child.Then he cuts off the line.
@@anniebrowning7354 I've found this with a so-called friend also. I tolerated her disrespect for decades. The one day, just once, I stood up for myself. She was devastated and dropped me.
They can't stand it when you take back your power.
Here is what the lord considers love. 4 (A)Love is patient and (B)kind; love (C)does not envy or boast; it (D)is not arrogant 5 or rude. It (E)does not insist on its own way; it (F)is not irritable or resentful;[a] 6 it (G)does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but (H)rejoices with the truth. 7
They are demonic
My narcissist husband of 25 years has left just over a week ago and I realized that I haven’t used a Tums, Rolaid, Pepto Bismol, or Alka Seltzer in just over a week! I am free of all this upset now. It easy the food it was the company I kept!
I am done crying my tears, hurting inside and wondering what did I do wrong. Listening to these videos such as this made me realize I did what was best for me, to love myself, and for once think about my happiness, my future as I venture without my toxic husband. Freedom was well worth it. Freedom put a smile on my face again and gave me my emotional and physical health back.
Be strong, don't quit 🌹
@@patfume23 thank you for the words of encouragement and for the rose. 😊
@@Emily_Paris You deserve better 🙏
@@oscarwilliamson6163 that was sweet of you. Thank you!
@@Emily_Paris You are welcome 😊.I will be glad to know you.I am Oscar Williamson from Swansboro,NC.Are you on whatsapp so we can always talk?.If yes give me your number let me add you up
The one I got was "Don't you think if you had just done everything I asked you to do things might have worked out?" I didn't even bother trying to respond, because it would have been pointless.
I was told it was ally fault and I was the worst mistake of his life. Nice thing to say to the person you asked to be your wife. Very heartbreaking.
That is the one I get most often too. I have gaslighted myself so many times in my mind, "Maybe if I had just done what he asked, it would have worked out better for me." Trust me, I tried. He always found something else to be critical about. Could never be satisfied. Don't buy into their twisted logic. You deserve respect and dignity.
@@melaw5 same, but a lot of what he asked was to basically tolerate lies of one form or another. When I would ask and explain why I wanted an apology for being told to shut up or f**k you etc, he told me I had an ego problem. Twisted, it all really hurt though, so much. I hung on but in the end, just wound up another trophy on the shelf.
A manager I’ve had to a T.
@@LynneLaRochelle It's even worse coming from someone who is supposed to be your partner in life. He used to use the word "partner" all the time, but he treated me like a subordinate.
The thing I'm finding difficult is that people that I respect & admire believe the narcissists lies & assume the worst of me even though I'm the one who is the law abiding citizen with high standards & a robust work ethic.
Hang in there! Karma exists. If not in this life..the next. They will maybe come back as cockroaches
Bro I am with a narcissist wife from 14 year can we talk and share our experiences to learn more, hope u reply, thanks
yep
Totally get that feeling. My ex is an exhibitionist, made the front page of the area newspaper. My children and family of origin are totally fine w/it. My children CHOSE to live w/him b/c I wouldn’t allow them to do what they want. In other words, I’m horrible for having morals and values. Losing my children is an unbearable pain and I have never cried so much as I have these past 7 years. My physical disability and pain is a breeze compared to the emotional pain.
Yyyyyuuup.
He dropped me and I didn't know why even though the pain was severe I still longed to be with him and I missed him 😭😭😭😭
To be free, TRULY FREE of narcissism, is sweetness to one's mind, body and soul.
I consider it such a blessing.
My ex was more than terrifying, and what I found out afterwards was even more chilling.
He would change personalities depending on who he was with and would take on their traits and likes.
He had nothing that he enjoyed on his own besides playing on the computer or his phone.
Looking back on it, all the things that confused me makes sense.
He was starting to lose his mind because all of the lies he's told were coming up and he tried to isolate me so I wouldn't figure it out.
My experience EXACTLY!!!! So bizarre, chilling and pathetic to watch
Omg my ex!! Very superficial, the phone and the ps4/5.. and definitely the isolation!!
Holy crap! Chilling. Same here. So many lies.
I wish mine could discard me. It would save me a lot of headache discarding them.
You are not alone in that boat!! Mine keeps telling people that he will leave me as I don't love him anymore but he only says that without any actions. I can't wait
Lol, it's fun being the first one to leave. They get sooooo mad.
@CynthiaFortier they sure do! How dare we leave God’s gift to woman..I could deal with the average sex (narcissists never care for anybody else’s pleasure and the human Nightmare never bother to learn female anatomy) but when he became increasingly verbally abusive and erratic it was time to go. Later on of course I realized all the psychological and emotional damage inflicted
If you block all contacts it will drive them nuts.
Hahaaaaaa🤭😉
When you said, “Your free”, really resonated with me… These people just completely waste your time and resources.
the dog listening from the couch is wonderful.
This series is like having a beloved grandparent explaining Life with a lot of compassion.
Dr Carter doesn't yell SWIM, he gives a lifeline to rescue. His kindness comes across right to the heart. His words helped me get my self respect back, I lost fear of traitors in my family after listening to his wisdom and advice. Once I got the advice down it's been surprisingly fun to be free.
You are saying exactly what I was thinking. Bravo!
Dr Carter might have been talking about my direct experience with narcissists and their eventual discarding of me. Very accurate. Narcissists will dump you once they have sucked the life out of you
Omg...got out without having to launder his checks through my bank account, nor getting involved with helping him in HIS business while running my OWN business...I protected my life and all I have gone through to get just here. The devaluation was HORRIFIC after the word NO...but I got through it and out of it....barely....the discard was bone and soul crushing....but I made it
❤️🥰
Yes!
Yes. Soul crushing exactly.
Well done - my experience was similar in how you have described, now you are free from being pulled down that rabbit hole of your business baling them out...and all that it entails. such an exhausting ride - then you say to yourself 'no more'.. and detangle yourself from the hidden lies and deceipt....
My eighteen your old son is a narcissist and he is destroying our family. He still has a year of high school left I don't know if I can have him in our house that long. He is constantly mean and abusive to everyone in the household. I'm exhausted from running block for the other kids. I find it very hard to find any information about the narcissist in your life being your own child. 😞 I'm so tired.
Same thing with me.It is heartbreaking when it is your child.
I agree with California Cat. Gather up all his things and put them in a duffle bag. Put it outside the door and then change the door locks. Tell him he can no longer live under your roof since he is causing serious problems for everyone in the family. At 18, he will have to find his own way since he has demonstrated he rejects yours. Maybe the day would come that he'd turn into a Prodigal Son, but don't hold your breath. Protecting your other kids and your own sanity is the right thing to do. He needs to learn that serious consequences await him throughout life in response to his uncivilized behaviors.
Hi Shelly. I feel your pain as I have a 30 year old daughter. My daughter ultimately chose estrangement. There are support groups on FB for estrangement and toxic children. I don’t think the world is ready for any public conversation around this though. This estrangement has been more difficult because no one wants to hear anything about it. But everyone wants to tell me that I need to fix it because she is my daughter.
I feel your pain. I dealt with an almost identical set of circumstances as you described them last year. It’s no fun. Hang in there. Sending many hugs your way!
Life will give him a reality check. Let him go and learn humility, before he hones that style. Good luck to you. He sounds like he is ready to meet himself!
You don't have to be inside anyone's cage. Amen. Thanks Dr. C!
Going no contact w my mother was absolutely my exodus out of Egypt. And there is a desert to traverse but after a while you find your life again. Anyone still in the messy middle keep going. You WILL get there.
She sent me letters -pages of drivel about how sorry she feels for herself and how she never had any choice. But at the end of the day no contact no response was ABSOLUTELY the way out.
"exodus out of Egypt and desert to traverse" great analogy!
It is so hard to move on after these relationships because they get deep within your psyche. Unpacking it all, placing truth on one side and lies on the other is an exhausting task.
I could not have been any more patient or loving. It was only when I gave push back did the final explosion occur, where I finally decided to walk away. It was time to save myself.
What kind of therapy is needed after or during this ? Trying to get out. I've created panic attacks while in bed just thinking about all the things he's said and did trying to figure out why he is doing what he's doing. And the lies and gaslighting. I feel soooo crazy but he makes me crazy!
One of the things that makes it hard to stop being confused and to let go of your thoughts of how good the relationship once seemed to be and your hope of it being good again, are people who have not witnessed everything that the narcissist has done to you but feel entitled to express an opinion about the relationship that translates into "It takes two to tango." I have had those in my life in the family as well as outside who say "This is your family. You should get along."
They didn't see the way I was silenced and manipulated, neglected and bullied, and put down with disdainful silent treatment and dysregulated temper outbursts. They didn't get the "I love/hate you" contradictory behavior. I walked on eggshells around this Jekyl-and-Hyde who was able to win over outsiders who thought them "wonderful".
So, basically, I got lots of blame, not just from the narcs, but from those whose support I needed. That really hurts. Adds insult to injury....And the narc uses statements made to them privately by their support system to put you down as well: "So and so says they think you could be hard to live with!"
Any tool at hand that they can get hold of to try to hit you over the head and put you down yet again! These people are part of their feeding supply and they even use THAT against you!
You can knock yourself out trying to do things the narc's way, but it destroys you. Outsiders who may have seen you defend yourself sometimes come to the conclusion that you must be part of the problem. But they don't see what happened that caused you to NEED to defend yourself.
Someone I know put it best when they told me about their horrible relationship: "I feel like a train just ran through my head!"
Please, Dr. C, speak to the way these "well-meaning" people just make your sense of isolation and pain worse!!!!
My narc divorced me after 30 years, then married a woman the age of our daughters. Truly, I did not know what narcissism was and years of therapy followed for me.
I've been free from a toxic job for almost 2 years and free from a toxic older sibling for almost 5 months. It's mind boggling how twisted the narcissist's mind works. Knowledge is power! Leave them in the dust. They're not worth it!
I left a dangerous narcissistic relationship and he used all his tactics against me. I am an empathetic and nurse. My last beating was August 2014 and I had a heart attack from a 3 day beating, held as hostage 3 days, and I escaped finally. Went thru alot of psyco therapy and now have learned what to look out for.
I have major PTSD and anxiety disorder from the abuse. And I prosecuted him in his own courthouse.
I am now not able to trust any man and have been happy just being me.
It's amazing how many nurses get involved in these types of relationships. Speaking from experience here, as well as knowledge of what my co-workers have been through.
Continue enjoying yourself and freedom. Well done! 💝
I have to say that I’m really glad my ex narc decided to jump into the deep end when it came to physical violence. The one and only time he was physically violent with me he choked me and I left. My mother abused my father and I always told myself if a man ever laid a finger on me I’m done. And I was. But he did the love bombing and I came back but I think he knew to never lay a finger on me again. So he stuck with verbal abuse!
Beatings...?? HAVE HIM PUT UNDER THE JAIL..!!!
Exactly what was said to me. I was thinking I did not and do not want to fight, I did not fight. I wanted to have peace, feel safe be able to trust again, have fun, do things together and plan and have adventures. So I said we need to divorce. He said I will not divorce you, I said I do not need your permission. I stopped communication. Changed the locks. Took several years to heal. But I do not trust my judgement when it comes to people and I lost my trust of people.
Thank you so much - I was left by my ex-husband a year ago and just recently divorced him. I had no idea until the last couple of weeks that I was with a Narcissist. I had always wondered what was going on during our 24 year marriage and for many years was convinced it was me who was no good. I am so happy I am free!!!
My adult informed me that, since I ruined his whole life starting when he was little, I was no longer his mom. When I asked what abuse did I cause, he just said he was tired of all the abuse and I was no longer entitled to him or my two grandsons. I hung up on him. The funny thing is, he kept calling trying to get me to answer.
This video was so validating for me. You ended it in such a therapeutic way by the statement, “You are free.”🕊️
We are free 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Interacting with a narcissistic person is like interacting with the devil. Pure evil
TRUTH
The worst of all are covert narcissists, many of them are responsible, they are very hard to spot and it can take a lot of time to realise who they are. More videos should be made with this topic. When they are discarding their partners, they will do that on such an awful, cunning way. They will use silent treatment, gaslighting and brainwashing together with rude humiliating.
So true
RE: silent treatment, gaslighting, rude humiliation.... My heart always knew and I pushed my insight aside. I never thought something so horrifying would actually consume over a decade of my life. I've now come into profound self awareness and understand viscerally that I have enough or more than enough (that I AM enough and always have being) light, laughter, and love. I miss smiling and laughing so much. This is what I'm working on right now it's the most healing thing for me at the moment. I'm rambling-just wanted to say thank you for articulating this type so well in your comment. ✌️
An using and abusing your children, especially when they are still young.
I've just been ghosted by a covert, neglectful narcissist after over 12 years and only understood what kind of person I was with for so long afterwards. I absolutely agree that they are the worst kind of narcissists and consider myself lucky. I just wait for the day he is going to pick up all of his stuff from my house and is finally going to leave my life - but of course he has to play a little mind game about this as well and let's me wait unnecessarily... Stay strong everyone 🙏
@@mayuschkaberlin2797 Don't wait. Rent a storage unit and put all his crap in it. Take him out of your bubble. He should never come back to YOUR house ever again.
Thank you Doctor Carter, My Ex Narcissist partner manipulated and controlled me for 40 years until I finally stood up to him, probably for the first time in my life and he hated it; He couldn't understand why I wasn't going along with what he wanted. We've been apart for eight years.
Wow- unbelievable.
How did you finally do it after 40 years? What finally made you snap? I'm curious, been 30 for me and can't let go for some reason yet.
How did you finally decide to separate?
It took me 70 years to do this. The first thing I thought are the same as what you said. "I'm free." For the first time in my life. My memories begin at age 4.
Meri God bless you. boy can I relate.this is rampant..
You have to go complete no contact when you leave you just do
My narcissistic mother often threatened to discard me, then she finally did. It was the kindest thing she ever did for me. But first she destroyed my life.
Gus has mastered being unbothered. My spirit animal.😊
😆😆😆....❤️ Gus
Gus is Exhibit A.
Dr Les I am free! God says we are only suppose to be controlled by right living and his Holy Spirit
I was in my toxic marriage for 18.5 years. He went from one extreme to the next. When we were first married he was very broken insecure and uncertain about himself. I spent most of my energy praying for him and being his cheerleader. Fast forward to last year after my cancer diagnosis and being replaced by porn. He became a tyrant. I was discarded exactly how you described. The pain of this was deep. God in heaven is restoring my soul He led me to your videos as well as other amazing couches expert in this tragic epidemic. I am healing I am recovering I am being transformed into the person God created me to be Thank you so much for adding to my healing journey
God bless you and heal you, body, mind, soul, emotions, and spirit, in Jesus's name, amen. He knows and understands your pain, as scripture says Jesus was a Man of sorrows and He can help us through every situation because He experienced it Himself, He was bruised and wounded for us. He loves you
I will be filing for divorce, my husband of 19 years has abused me physically and emotionally since we have been together, but it took me many years to recognize it. Reading Dr. Carter's books opened my eyes to the abuse.
I’ve started telling people “I am the one with The Get Out of Jail FREE card!” Thanks for this list as it helps me get real about how the downward turn came years before the total insanity of the ending!
Yep pretty much my life for the last several years now with my narcissistic husband of 37 yrs. He knows that I don’t want to “play” anymore. That he knows that I am definitely onto him
This is amazing! This guys knows exactly how it was for me growing up. My mother was a world-class narcissist and I (my parents' first born) was her target. I was absolutely miserable growing up and even after I got married and moved 500 miles away from her, it continued. Certainly not with the intensity as when I lived with her, but long distance-over the phone mostly, and when my husband and our children visited her and my dad on vacation. It wasn't good. And what do you know after all those years of living with my narc. mother, I married a narcissist! He wasn't as intense be he came close. How on earth was I born to a narc. mother, then marry one? And then try to live with him all those years (43!!) trying to be forgiving, patient, kind, etc; and then, because he saw that I wouldn't be putting up with his control, insults, etc. anymore, he went and found a girlfriend to spend time with (affair and grooming a new person to control), I left him and he had the gall to tell me that HE couldn't live with ME anymore. I'm happier now than I ever have been IN MY LIFE. If I ever find someone else to be in a relationship with, or marry, I will know the red flags. (But with narc., you don't usually see their narc. side until after you've married them.) Heaven help me.
I believe it . That’s why I would never let my walls down . Wasn’t bout to go through the same things twice. And he knew it
It's true until you live with them you never now the true colours,they manipulate you by asking to many personal questions and become that person
Dang that sounds familiar lol!!! Except, I did forgive my cheating Narc husband for my kids sake and here I am now, wondering how the f I am in this shit situation.
They ruin lives so bad
I just went through this with my 38 year old adult son.. He moved me from where I was living and ssid "he was going to take care of everything as long as I would help out with my granddaughter, who I had already raised for 3 years.. Within 2 months of moving in I had to have my right shoulder operated on and I became dependent, somebody that had to be help out,not worth the trouble, an Inconvenience.. I was no longer his mother or grandmother ..I was literally just a pain in the ass who took up time that he didn't want to have to do anything for.. I informed him one day, that as much as I love him, that I don't like him, that he is very mean. And he looked at me and said " you didn't meet any of my expectations".. " you were a terrible mother and you don't even have a good credit score!!"..I told him " It wasn't my job to meet his expectations and it wasn't my job to make him happy, that was his job"...In 3 months he pulled money together and had me out of there ..I am living in a different state with absolutely no contact with him,my daughter-in-law or my granddaughter,... I don't care about not talking to him or my daughter-in-law but, I raise my granddaughter for more than half of her life..I do miss talking to her and I don't know what is going on with them but it's about time that they were parents after 13 years and leaving it to everybody else to do it for them..It seems as if it is a stalemate..Sometimes I get depressed about the situation,but they don't know that...I divorced a narcissist 4 years ago and have 3 years NC..now I am 8 months NC with my son..these people are exhausting..
You did the right thing even though it's hard! It's their character flaw not yours. Bless you.
Breaking with a narcissistic child has to be the worse pain. I would wonder if it feels similar to if they had died.
@@SusanMarieMason yes it does..you remember all the good times tge 'could've,should've, would've 's'...and it leaves you will sorrow...knowing they have no emotions towards what you feel is almost debilitating...
My ex was a co-vert narc, he has two children who are adults and deeply religious. The children both live in a religious institution, he regularly have bible study with them. they don't have any idea of the life he's living outside of what he tells them. he's never been married, he's never introduced me to them in the 3 years we were together. there were many times I was at his home during his 1 hour bible study zooms with his son( before and after we were intimate) but they never knew I was there. One day I reached out to his niece on social media and told her that I was in a relationship with her uncle and that was it. He went crazy and blocked me and grey rocked me. when I tried to go to his home to get my personal belongings he said that I wasn't permitted to come on his property. He's now attempted to get a restraining order on me to make me look like I'm stalking him. it's crazy because his children has no idea who he is. It's so weird how these people are so sneaky and successful at keeping people out of their business. I know it's the final destination for us because I'm done! I can no longer deal with a psychopath. I'm over it. I changed his contact in my phone to say "NO FUTURE' when he calls. Dr. Carter has helped me tremendously understand the pathology of this monster. I'm forever grateful to the RUclips community for coming together to help expose these sick minded individuals.
Ditto I listen toDr Carter every chance I get. He’s very knowlegable andmy husband did eveything DrCarter predicted.unfortunately Im stillstuck
@@laurie-loreleipalmer2533 so sorry to hear this; Unfortunately the trauma bond is another level of hurt and pain! I asked God so many times why would he allow this to happen to me, but I've learned so much about myself and also how wicked other people can be. I realized that I needed to do the work on myself. I got out but it wasn't all roses and perfume, there were nights that I thought I wouldn't make it through. I know this person is doing the same things to others, all that I can do is pray for anyone who is new to this type of abuse because it's horrible. I now know that my mom is a narcissist and that's why I've been prone to toxic relationships. I've taken control thanks to the RUclips community and i'm no longer accepting abuse from anyone.
Good luck in you future, I pray and wish you the absolute best.
Why not just block him?
@@fortheladies771 Well you do loose relevant information with a block, especially if they are trying to set you up. You actually WANT records of them calling you or harassing or stalking if they take legal steps to frame you. Blocking someone just lumps them in with all blocked numbers, and you obviously never receive their threats or attacks, so you have less evidence of their instability should you need it.
Blocking only works when there is not any loose ends or threat of legal action.
He was leading a double life and you were probably just convenient female to him. You were exposing him. He felt his cover was being blown so he threw you under the bus. Never ever ever ever talk to the guy again. NEVER.
I was so blessed when I realized what the narcissists do and what I can do about it, that is spend as little time with them as possible.
#TeamHealthy
Dr. C when you said "you're free" It honestly felt it was a message to me.
After 2 years of leaving EXTREME COVERT & MALIGNANT and VERY ABUSIVE narcissistic husband, I am NOW FINALLY FREE.
I can't thank you enough for all your work.
So pleased!
@@SurvivingNarcissism ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️
There is heartfelt kindness in the way you say : I want you to find your peace. It looks exactly the way it felt to me when I started to find my first piece of inner peace.🙂
It is truly what I desire for you.
Love when you say at the end: "You're free."
Everything you said in this video was so spot on what a female ex did to me. I don't know if she is a narcissist, but it took me very long time to realize I am not the crazy one. I do understand today that my reaction when I had enough was normal.
I am free.
I know how exactly how this feels, man.
I just got out of a narcissistically abusive relationship. I say the same thing. I don't know if she's a narcissist. But she did EXACTLY what this video says. I felt so guilty for the way I shut down emotionally in the relationship. After years of abuse, I had no idea what I was going through, what I wanted, or who I was anymore. After seeing the light, I can tell myself: Don't feed that shame and guilt. That is the abuse speaking. You were in an emotional prison. Forgive yourself for loving someone who hurt you. It is okay that you preserved yourself and protected yourself against her abuse, even though she blamed you and ridiculed you for it.
I wish you the best in your recovery, brother! We are free.
@@ziggystaff Glad you finally escaped. To be free from it is the best feeling.
I wish you all the best.
If it’s abuse doesn’t matter if they are full blown narcissist
No one ever deserves abuse or toxicity
My ex narc's favourite weapons of choice during the discard were the absent silent treatment and finding supply elsewhere. I'm well rid.
He cutoff all contacts, including blocked on any social platforms, after transferred the money to his personal account and moved all the goods to the newly rented office in Tank Rd. He is highly educated, his mother is a retired teacher and his brother was a scholar and works as a civil servant. He married the french wife that he introduced to me, and we hired her for our business. He claimed the mother dislikes Catholics yet they got married in a Catholic church in France.
My narcissistic mother is sooo done with me, but since becoming an adult that's all i've ever wanted. This is a blessing in disguise, the great escape! I came off looking bad, she came off looking innocent but i gained my freedom. After 30 plus years of abuse, the rejection was worth the peace i have now!
I rather be standing in a cloud of dust....when they leave. In a heartbeat all locks changed.
I've been out of the crazy marriage for over 30 years. The crazy mother passed a couple years ago. I was lucky enough to realize what I was dealing with 10+ years ago.
It's nice to watch these and be able to recognize what I dealt with. I know it's painful for so many people and it was for me. I'm far enough beyond it that it makes me smile and shake my head...in recognition and gratitude that it's over.
I've found the peace and contentment. Not as early in my life as I'd have liked... but I'll take it later rather than never.
All of this and more. I left my husband of 13 years a month ago. I planned it with my friends to move all of my possessions out of the house the weekend he was gone on a fishing trip. The Monday before he left he said, "we need to have a little talk." I recorded that talk. That talk was him trying to control one last thing....the end of our marriage. I can't begin to tell you all of the belittling, insulting, things he said in the hour that conversation lasted. At the end of that hour he said, " well maybe you should sleep on it, we don't need to decide right now how to proceed." Little did he know. I had already planned to leave. When he came home from the trip there was not one thing left in the house that belonged to me. I have not received a text or a call from him since...just divorce papers served to me at my place of employment.
Divorce and move on.
Good for you! You are strong to have served him what he deserved, which is none of YOU. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💖 God bless you on your healthier path. I am working on breaking free from a sick family system.
You got the strength to leave 🙏❤️
Good for you! WTG!!!
Just thought I'd BE FREE once he divorced me & left the State.
The lies continued .
He knew the only way he could continue to hurt me was to destroy any relationship I had with my Beloved daughters MY daughters...,...not his ! And MY Grandchildren.
How could I have been so stupid !
Now in my 79th year ,learning to BE FREE by myself.
Finding my JOY wherever I can for my last chapter on EARTH
Another devastating insight. Turns your stomach when you can identify people who have this behaviour.
Very reassuring when you know you've done the right thing by standing up, turning 180 & walking away.
It's priceless for people who are stuck in this situation to learn from these videos. But once your fully educated from this & personal experience you can "see 'em a mile off". At that point you just don't have anything to do with them as you're acutely aware of what a complete waste of time (& life) they are.
7 Signs That A Narcissist Is Done With You
1. Non-stop accusations and blame @4:30
2. Bait you into arguing, then blaming you for arguing @5:02
3. Blame you for the collapse of relationship @5:41
4. Repeatedly claiming the victims position @6:15
5. Treat you as if you are an absolute nobody @6:45
6. Difficulty containing their anger @7:24
7. Seeking out new supply elsewhere @8:02
Yes. Climbing the mountain of truth is hard, confusing, scary and can hurt. But once you've summited, you will look out and see it all for what it is in the valley of experience below. You'll be free. Be free. The view is breathtaking. Thanks for the video.
I hate my narcissistic step brother and stepmother, absolutely vile people,they destroyed my father's life,are trying to destroy mine,my peace will be in revenge.
Thank you Dr Carter. I have much more peace in my life now. There is hope and there is light.
So very pleased. I know you've been working on this for quite a while, Annie. I'm pulling for you!
I’m free. It just occurred to me after stewing in it for five years. Thank you professor. 💐
When you looked into the camera and said, “you’re free”, I got chills. I felt you were speaking directly to me and vindicating my choice to keep the narcissist (my youngest sister) out of my life. Thank you for this video. I have been released from a considerable amount of pain and stress.
Narcissists always punish. Such a waste of time
Exactly what happened prior to needing to get my previous husband to go, he was just so awful and mean the last 4 years. And yes he secured a new and much much much Younger supply FIRST
Hearing dear Gus taking himself on a stroll around the house gave me a reason to smile on a very hard day. Much thanks to him and to you, Dr C.
I hope your day got better 😊 I love you and your life is important, man.
This video describes exactly how the discard phase is. Never before, better explained. Thank you so much, Dr. C. 🙏
Brings healing to all of us going through this painful final path with the narcissist.
Your video is so timely....all of the pointers you listed are exactly what's going on now. After 46 years of marriage, my husband has said 'He's had enough!' What he really means is, I'm no longer the verbal punching bag I was as I've found the path out of the chaotic maze he created. Your videos have given me the insights needed to 'see' what was really going on and to self-protect. What a sad betrayal! I'm free now, onward and upward..... to infinity and beyond (sort of)!! Thanks Dr C, and hugs for you and Gus. 🤗🐶⚘
Who was the punching bag YOU????
I'm living it. Very difficult but these videos are really helpful. Its a day of ignoring me today but I ignore it and carry on with my chores while singing. He hates it ☺️
My first experience with a Narcissist really destroyed me. He was my first love. He love bombed me from day one it felt so great. It was the first time I felt love from a man. My dad was in the home but he is also a narcissist so I had 'daddy issues'
Once I was hooked on this guy's line the gas lighting and the silent treatment began. I felt like I could not do anything right I was constantly walking on egg shells. I felt like I needed to please him to avoid the silent treatment, threats and emotional abuse. This dude threatened to leave me because I took an additional 15mins to return home with lunch. I was called inconsiderate and told I didn't care about him.
I received the silent treatment for days after that.
Then on the day he discarded me he told me he met someone better and then berated and insulted me. I was not good enough for him, he was wayyy above my level etc etc etc.
I said nothing I left.
Later the day he wanted to talk I told him I am ok with the breakup. He was surprised!!!!
I collected my remaining stuff and left for good. The mistake I made was the fact that I didn't block him or change my number. The relationship lasted less than a year but he hoovered over me after I was just stuck in limbo.
When I finally willed my self to cut ties he stalked me for a bit then raped me. At that point I think I was trauma bonded to him I could not understand why I couldn't just leave when I really wanted to.
My body became his to do with as he willed, I would lay there still as a corpse and just go somewhere else in my head.
I felt, dead , worthless, cheap, unlovable and good for one thing only. I kept thinking where did the love I felt go too?? Maybe I will feel it again, it's just a matter of time he wil love me.
This went on for about 3 years. But my strength was returning in the third year I would fight him off when he raped me.
When he realized he was loosing his hold on me he stopped using a condom during the act.
When I questioned it he would get upset why can't you have my children!
Realizing he wanted to impregnate me to maintain access was the wake up call. I want my children to know love from their dad so they won't feel they need to search for it.
I never turned back after that moment but I did spiral into broken relationships with men who just wanted one thing.
I met him at 20 broke free at 24, went through a validation seeking period 24-30yrs. I am 31 now and finally realized I need to love myself first.
These channels have helped a whole lot I am forever grateful.
In summary what the narcissistic discard looks like: 1. Accusations. 2. Baiting into arguments and/or fights in which we have to defend ourselves or die and then accusing us of being argumentative and difficult to get along with. 3. Saying we are to blame for both all problems in the relationship. 4. Blame us for their unhappiness. 5. Treat us like a nobody. 6. Their anger keeps on erupting in a cycle which sooner or later becomes their non-stop aggression to obtain more property and land or whatever. 7. They start looking for someone else to target and then brag about them.
my ex narcissistic husband told me that I was responsible for his adult son fatal overdose. I did not help raise his son. I knew him & found him to be troubled, emotionally immature for 30 years of age. The truth is my ex crushed him & his ideas & creativeness ever since he was a little boy. Perhaps you could do a talk on the effects of narcissistic fathers on their sons & daughters.
So true!!! I use to be very passive it was easier not to argue just agree even if I didn’t agree with her. Now I speak up when we don’t see eye. The comments I get is that we can’t even talk anymore without it ending up in an argument and that’s not healthy. The irony now I’m the unhealthy one because I’m not going along with everything.
Big facts. I can relate lol
Is it when they bring out a gun by any chance? 🔫... They call it " just bad temper, something temporary"
I think I've been under the thumb of narcissists throughout my life, without even knowing what a narcissist was. I am starting to see the possibilities for life now that this malignant influence is gone.
Wow. How powerful. I am free. He literally dropped me like a stone 3 times, no warning, and a complete personality change. I still went back 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ no more.