I am certainly scared of failure towards certain tasks. I always strive to be the very best at certain things. For example, at work I want to be the best employee. I tend to overwork myself. I sometimes set my expectations of my performance at a higher level than is necessary. I have also thought of myself as a workaholic at times. This could be a compulsive disorder towards doing too much towards daily work assignments. I agree 100% with your analysis on perfectionism. Thanks for the advice , George Maughan.
Thank you for your comment, George! Perfectionism can certainly lead to overworking yourself because you're continually trying to be "the best" and that's a breeding ground for becoming a workaholic. I'm glad you agree with my analysis and thanks for watching!
I've only just learned that I have high-function anxiety and thought I only had ADHD and manic depression. I'm only just discovering how hard I am on myself and looking for better ways to cope. I don't have a strategy just yet, perhaps this playlist of videos will help me find one.
I want to thank you for creating this content. I believe to have developed HFA as well and I'm trying to work on it in these months, your content has been very very helpfull as you managed to compress and deliver so much information in a very engaging and professional way. I strongly believe this content should be watch by many people, and that's why I'll share it to the people I know might benefit from this. Again thank you :)
Listening to you speak about perfectionism as a whole, felt so validating and reassuring. Calling out your own perfectionism regarding this video and then deconstructing it and making your goal specific and realistic is such a good way to give us an easy and relevant example. You are AMAZING. Within the first few minutes of watching this video I paused to subscribe. Please know how much clarity and insight you have given me. Thank you for the work you do
I'd like to emphasise to you, the reader of this comment, that the second tip that Tati Garcia gives, "being kind to yourself", is of utmost importance, and is not necessarily easy to understand and apply. I myself had a very difficult time genuinely implementing this piece of advice in my life. I can clearly remember that in my younger days, my thought process was as follows: "how can I ever take it easy on myself, or tell myself to slack off a bit, when I'm almost constantly surrounded by adults who say that I should always push my limits, that I don't deserve to relax if my work isn't absolutely perfect, and who blow the most minute mistakes out of proportion?" Whenever I tried to introduce a friendly voice in my head, the louder voices of all these prepotent and scary adults would immediately argue against it, and they would force me to believe I was going to become a 'bad kid' if I started listening to this other friendly voice. Unsurprisingly, those relentless voices stayed in my head as I grew up, and swiftly kicked away any thoughts that suggested I could grant myself a break _despite_ my imperfections. In short, I found it difficult to be kind to myself. These voices were the cause and origin for my perfectionism, my fear of failure, and my ambitious standards. My fear of failure hit its' worst point at university, where I was regularly pulling off all-nighters in order to complete my work at a desirable (by which I mean unrealistic) standard. I was constantly stressing out about my work, and my work was the only thing I ever thought about. I wasn't coping well, and I sure as hell wasn't calm. My lowest points were when I wasn't able to complete my work perfectly before a deadline. Oh god, deadlines. I still hate that word. I absolutely dreaded knowing I wasn't perfect under someone else's point of view. In those moments, I sometimes had dark thoughts that I hope I will never have again. I'm not kidding: perfectionism can seriously bring you down dark tunnels, where the light at the end is hard to see. Luckily enough, I was able to get out of that tunnel. I did this by discovering the importance of gratitude, and slowly becoming more and more aware of my thinking patterns. I then figured out which thinking patterns were toxic, and what new thoughts to adopt. This is where the first tip "set specific and realistic expectations" comes in handy. Once your toxic thoughts have been dispelled, relying on your gut instinct to distinguish between what is realistic and what isn't is much easier. Another pro tip is to go see a therapist (if you're sure you can trust a therapist). It helps. While I may have lead you to picture the adults in my childhood as strict and unrelenting, these same adults also provided me with things that I am eternally grateful for. I've come a long way in reducing the anger I had for my parents and teachers by practicing genuine gratitude. Moreover, adults (and people in general) can't perfectly gauge how agreeable or rebellious a child is, so they cannot always judge whether their criticisms are too intense or not intense enough. Another method that can curb your hate towards your caregivers is to imagine yourself in their shoes: what would you have done differently? Are you sure the outcome would have been better? Parenting is harder than you expect, imo. And anyways, if you're ready to accept imperfections in yourself, you might as well take the next step and accept imperfections in other people. Point is, I agree with Tati Garcia when she says your parents aren't to blame (unless you've suffered abuse... in which case you can ignore all of what I said, since you've lived a different story than mine). Nevertheless, I'm not saying you should never be critical of the environment you grew up in. As Tati Garcia says, the American schooling system is far from perfect (it isn't that much better elsewhere, except for Finland), and understanding the way it affected you will help you identify and remove the useless pressures you put yourself under. As for imperfect parents: confronting your caregivers in a professional, calm manner will get your points accross to them; it may even give you a chance to elicit pity from them, and will hopefully help you feel less angry (if, like me, you were angry about the way you were treated). I believe you should aim to forgive, but without forcing yourself to forgive. Forgive when you truthfully feel it is the right thing to do. I didn't expect this comment to end up being so long, but here you go. My main objective was to stress the significance of the second tip "being kind to yourself". If you also suffer from Fear of Failure, I hope you found my story insightful and interesting. To Tati Garcia: this video is beautifully concise yet informative, I like it. Matter of fact, I'd say it's 'perfect'. ;)
Wow, I really relate to you and all of the topics you talk about in the other videos you make. I always feel like I have a perfectionist attitude, and constant pressure on myself to succeed always. I just realized from your videos I might have a high-performance anxiety, perfectionism and fear of failure and being judged. Thanks for your videos and guidance on these topics.
This was so helpful! Been struggling with this my whole life and now I can start taking small steps to overcome my perfectionism/performance anxiety and start my career :)
![Stromae, Pomme - “Ma Meilleure Ennemie” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Visualizer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1F3OGIFnW1k/mqdefault.jpg)
I am certainly scared of failure towards certain tasks. I always strive to be the very best at certain things. For example, at work I want to be the best employee. I tend to overwork myself. I sometimes set my expectations of my performance at a higher level than is necessary. I have also thought of myself as a workaholic at times. This could be a compulsive disorder towards doing too much towards daily work assignments. I agree 100% with your analysis on perfectionism. Thanks for the advice , George Maughan.
Thank you for your comment, George! Perfectionism can certainly lead to overworking yourself because you're continually trying to be "the best" and that's a breeding ground for becoming a workaholic. I'm glad you agree with my analysis and thanks for watching!
I've only just learned that I have high-function anxiety and thought I only had ADHD and manic depression. I'm only just discovering how hard I am on myself and looking for better ways to cope. I don't have a strategy just yet, perhaps this playlist of videos will help me find one.
That's a great first step to just recognize those things! It sounds like you're on the right track, I hope you find my videos helpful. ☺
I want to thank you for creating this content. I believe to have developed HFA as well and I'm trying to work on it in these months, your content has been very very helpfull as you managed to compress and deliver so much information in a very engaging and professional way. I strongly believe this content should be watch by many people, and that's why I'll share it to the people I know might benefit from this. Again thank you :)
Thank you so much, Francesco! I'm so glad you've found my videos helpful and truly appreciate you sharing them. :)
Listening to you speak about perfectionism as a whole, felt so validating and reassuring. Calling out your own perfectionism regarding this video and then deconstructing it and making your goal specific and realistic is such a good way to give us an easy and relevant example. You are AMAZING. Within the first few minutes of watching this video I paused to subscribe. Please know how much clarity and insight you have given me. Thank you for the work you do
Thank you so much for your kind words and for subscribing! I'm so glad my video was helpful for you. ❤
I'd like to emphasise to you, the reader of this comment, that the second tip that Tati Garcia gives, "being kind to yourself", is of utmost importance, and is not necessarily easy to understand and apply. I myself had a very difficult time genuinely implementing this piece of advice in my life. I can clearly remember that in my younger days, my thought process was as follows: "how can I ever take it easy on myself, or tell myself to slack off a bit, when I'm almost constantly surrounded by adults who say that I should always push my limits, that I don't deserve to relax if my work isn't absolutely perfect, and who blow the most minute mistakes out of proportion?" Whenever I tried to introduce a friendly voice in my head, the louder voices of all these prepotent and scary adults would immediately argue against it, and they would force me to believe I was going to become a 'bad kid' if I started listening to this other friendly voice. Unsurprisingly, those relentless voices stayed in my head as I grew up, and swiftly kicked away any thoughts that suggested I could grant myself a break _despite_ my imperfections. In short, I found it difficult to be kind to myself. These voices were the cause and origin for my perfectionism, my fear of failure, and my ambitious standards.
My fear of failure hit its' worst point at university, where I was regularly pulling off all-nighters in order to complete my work at a desirable (by which I mean unrealistic) standard. I was constantly stressing out about my work, and my work was the only thing I ever thought about. I wasn't coping well, and I sure as hell wasn't calm. My lowest points were when I wasn't able to complete my work perfectly before a deadline. Oh god, deadlines. I still hate that word. I absolutely dreaded knowing I wasn't perfect under someone else's point of view. In those moments, I sometimes had dark thoughts that I hope I will never have again. I'm not kidding: perfectionism can seriously bring you down dark tunnels, where the light at the end is hard to see.
Luckily enough, I was able to get out of that tunnel. I did this by discovering the importance of gratitude, and slowly becoming more and more aware of my thinking patterns. I then figured out which thinking patterns were toxic, and what new thoughts to adopt. This is where the first tip "set specific and realistic expectations" comes in handy. Once your toxic thoughts have been dispelled, relying on your gut instinct to distinguish between what is realistic and what isn't is much easier.
Another pro tip is to go see a therapist (if you're sure you can trust a therapist). It helps.
While I may have lead you to picture the adults in my childhood as strict and unrelenting, these same adults also provided me with things that I am eternally grateful for. I've come a long way in reducing the anger I had for my parents and teachers by practicing genuine gratitude. Moreover, adults (and people in general) can't perfectly gauge how agreeable or rebellious a child is, so they cannot always judge whether their criticisms are too intense or not intense enough. Another method that can curb your hate towards your caregivers is to imagine yourself in their shoes: what would you have done differently? Are you sure the outcome would have been better? Parenting is harder than you expect, imo. And anyways, if you're ready to accept imperfections in yourself, you might as well take the next step and accept imperfections in other people.
Point is, I agree with Tati Garcia when she says your parents aren't to blame (unless you've suffered abuse... in which case you can ignore all of what I said, since you've lived a different story than mine).
Nevertheless, I'm not saying you should never be critical of the environment you grew up in. As Tati Garcia says, the American schooling system is far from perfect (it isn't that much better elsewhere, except for Finland), and understanding the way it affected you will help you identify and remove the useless pressures you put yourself under. As for imperfect parents: confronting your caregivers in a professional, calm manner will get your points accross to them; it may even give you a chance to elicit pity from them, and will hopefully help you feel less angry (if, like me, you were angry about the way you were treated). I believe you should aim to forgive, but without forcing yourself to forgive. Forgive when you truthfully feel it is the right thing to do.
I didn't expect this comment to end up being so long, but here you go. My main objective was to stress the significance of the second tip "being kind to yourself". If you also suffer from Fear of Failure, I hope you found my story insightful and interesting.
To Tati Garcia: this video is beautifully concise yet informative, I like it. Matter of fact, I'd say it's 'perfect'. ;)
Thank you so much for sharing and for your kind words, Riccardo!
Wow, I really relate to you and all of the topics you talk about in the other videos you make. I always feel like I have a perfectionist attitude, and constant pressure on myself to succeed always. I just realized from your videos I might have a high-performance anxiety, perfectionism and fear of failure and being judged. Thanks for your videos and guidance on these topics.
Thanks, Brendon! I'm glad you can relate to my videos, you're definitely not alone in feeling the way you do.
This was so helpful! Been struggling with this my whole life and now I can start taking small steps to overcome my perfectionism/performance anxiety and start my career :)
I'm so happy to hear that this was helpful for you! Best of luck with your career!
Thanks I needed to hear this.
You're welcome, Breveenn! I'm glad the video was helpful for you.
3 minutes of talking about yourself before actually getting to the title content. Suggest rewarding the click with content first.