The Biggest Liar in Comedy
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- Опубликовано: 14 апр 2023
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Ur Canadian?? It's a little hard not to unsub rn...
Nordvpn is more secure
Make a vid on how fake Eric Weinstein is
Look Bert Is annoying but these videos y’all make breaking down basic comedian conversation like everything they say is the word of the Bible 😂 y’all treat podcast like you work for E news 😂 you basically are Schuab the person you hate so much
I completely agree. Bert Kreischer the Comedian has been foolin us with his Comedic stories for too Long.
There is nobody who laughs at bert's jokes more than bert.
He doesn't laugh at his own jokes, he has fake asthma attacks
I get why people don’t like him but this video seems a bit much man 😂 it feels like spending a lot of energy on a guy like bert. You know what I mean? Like sure he can be obnoxious but cmon its his life if he wants to fuck it up then let him 😂
@@MrAwEsOmE145770 bruh no one is saying cancel Bert, just talking about why he’s unfunny and why he’s probably gonna fall out of the public eye soon. You just sound like an angry fanboy
@@TAZEROXFORD Idk, he doesn't seem angry in his comment, just confused as to why people care so much.
@@flysoup3607 If a comment has emojis, it's likely a really shitty take.
Bert is the literal definition of “I peaked in college”
By shitting in a pizza box! His claim to fame! Wow 👌 he trys so hard to be funny bt he's not. He shouldn't be encouraged. His poor wife
Not gonna lie, it would be pretty cool to be peeking for like 15 years.
what? Dude created a character from his time in college is touring the world doing stand up, hanging out with celebs and making $$$. What are you talking about peaking in college?
@@fattmoleyTv the man’s not funny and is a manchild, he peaked before he was born imo!
I wouldn't say this. He is a b list celebrity, and in college was just a frat dude.
He's that guy you meet at the bar who's funny for 5min until you realise he's full of shit and lives at the bar
So many of those… you’re like how do you do all these things but you are always at this bar?
Lmao
Bert and Tom are both some nerds that figured out how to get attention. Story over
You're that guy 😂
@@reidsimonsonthey listen to other people's stories and put it in their own words.
Shoutout to Stavros Halkias for being a real one and shutting that celebrity talk BS down
Shout out to Nick Mullen for making Stavs career
Heheheheheheh gay heheheheheheheh
@@TerribleliarbeastmasterStavros doesn’t owe Nick shit now. Nick is a drug addict, schizophrenic sociopath. Stavros was probably the one keeping the shit together then had enough & left.
Shoutout ro Ricky Gervais for starting it
Stav likes trans 🤢
Trying to smuggle weed into Canada’s like trying to smuggle a kangaroo into Australia.
We needpre roo's tbh
No, I'm Canadian too, he said "as a Canadian, bullshit" because our border is insanely strict about weed being brought into the country. Like if they even suspect you've recently been smoking weed, even if there's none on you, they'll turn you away and tell you to come back sober.
Our legal weed is so highly controlled that there was a huge recall recently because the THC % printed on the labels were a few tenths off. You can't be bringing unknown substances here.
And it's stupid because your point stands, we have phenomenal products, one of my favourites is carried diamonds in terp sauce. So it's 1 gram of >80% pure THC crystals covered in live terpene resin for about $40.
Some personal favorites are the 1,000 mg monsters pre-rolls, hash heavy hitters, moon rocks, hash bombs... You don't need to bring anything here.
And if you try, you'll be arrested, and banned from entering Canada, and it's gonna SUCK to be you. It's not one Mountie checking cars at the waterfall. It's a huge operation and there's no "It's cool chief, wink wink" stuff going on.
Love how the creator labeled himself a comedian right before going to a obvious comedy sketch and calling it fake... it's a story to make you laugh
@@Chronicoverburn he said hes canandian
@@thecountysfinest what? I done ate kangaroo meet and I’m American. What’re you trying to say? No disrespect or anything I’m genuinely asking, it’s hard to understand different cultural dialects.
IM THE MACHINE (a machine that runs on alcoholism)
Real
The human Bender.
To this day that is the ONLY comedy he has done that I find funny and it's obviously if not absolute bs then heavily fabricated. I never really got how he became so popular by essentially just being self destructive.
Lol hes going to invent a car that runs on alochol and then hes going to be found suicided
this is it guys, we made the first motorized human
Absolutely zero chance his story about the Canadian boarder happened. That boarder agent would not risk his career for a guy like Bert. Plus that bus was being searched by a minimum of 3 agents. If one saw it, they all saw it.
border*
border*
Idk. He seems like an idiot but it's not his most impossible story. We're pretty chill about weed here and he is a celebrity.
Also I'm pretty sure asking about "hypotheticals" during a search is probable cause for a second search
@@charliekelly735I live in Seattle. I travel to Vancouver BC for work several times a month. Weed is LEGAL on BOTH sides of the border, but I can assure you, border agents on either side are definitely not "CHILL" about anything, especially not cross-border contraband. Have you EVER crossed the border? EVER?🙄
The percentage of him seeing 3 people being struck by lightning in the same year is 0.0000000000000000000053143371%.
Divided by 1,458
Not that it isnt bullshit but there is no way to calculate this probability. I mean how many people do you see in a year anyway. Also, there's going to be a bias, if you are the kind of person who is willing to go out in a thunderstorm, you are going to be far more likely to see someone get struck by lightning.
Theo Von's implausible stories are great because it doesn't feel like you're even meant to believe them. Part of the draw is his creativity in talking about the most batshit events no normal person would come up with.
The best Theoism of all time is that whenever he mentions someone from his past he says, “they are no longer with us.” Like every time.
@@SlowGraffitiVideo it’s part of his gimmick and he knows we know, that’s the difference and why it works
I stand by that Theo is a character, so he can say anything he wants, true or not as long as it’s funny.
@@ScreenTalker So do I. Theo is the podcast redneck equivalent of Zach in Between Two Ferns.
@@PhantomFilmAustralia Great way to put it. Those interviews feel so plausible until you watch the bloopers and realize they're less than a second away from laughing and ruining the entire take. It's a joke. It's a legitimate artform. Then you have a drunk that genuinely believes his stories and laughs until he can't breathe and expects that to be a shtick.
Imagine being the real-life version of a partying slug from Futurama
Whimmy wham wham wassle! (I'm so tired...)
Except Slurms MacKenzie grew to hate partying because he was required to do it by a corporation and ended up sacrifice his life for others. Whereas Bert is an alcoholic who says he wants to outlive his own kids.
Slurms MacKenzie at least had a shred of honor, giving his life to save the planet express crew.
Rip Slurms
@@mattbailey8599 EXACTLY, OP needs to put some respect on Slurms MacKenzie’s name 😤
"Please, keep the party small."
"No can do, Slurms."
I feel so vindicated for never liking Bert. I had SO many friends that would give me shit because I wasn’t into his type of humor. It’s good to know that his chickens are coming home to roost.
he was always dumb people comedy, has a few funny stories, but not anything original
Same. I can't stand him! Hes obnoxiously loud, constantly grandstanding and rudely dominates conversations while lying his ass off w/ stupid stories. It is frustrating to watch and not at all funny. Rogan ended up telling him to STFU and it was so over due and deserved.
I can't remember the details but there was an episode where Tom had some stories to share about some huge celebrity he was around and still Bert couldn't allow the conversation to not be dominated by him@@snippy8315
We're your new friends, now.
lmao, one of us! gooble gobble@@holysayingsofrobin4055
I just feel for Barts children, they arent going to have their father that much longer if he keeps drinking like that. You can SEE how red hes getting.
Will be hilarious lol
Hahaha
I know his daughter and she is very secretive of the fact they are even related
Calling non-comics "pedestrians" is the funniest thing he ever said. But only because it makes him seem like such a clown.
It's like wanna be gangsters calling people civilians
Boo, boo to Nidoking! 😾
I work as a wildfire fighter and fire fighter for the government which is Para military and if another firefighter ever called anyone a pedestrian I'd die of cringe and embarrassment
Incidental, but based Nidoking.
My absolute favourite Pokémon of all time, glad to see another Nidoking enjoyer!
@@phelan8385 it’s like all gangsters calling people “civilians”. It’s all goofy bullshit.
Bret is the quintessential bar friend. He's fun to hang around when you're drinking, and he tells funny and entertaining stories, but you never really take him seriously, and you know deep down that if you were in a spot and needed a friend, he's just not the dude to call.
No, I was a huge drinker and everybody I knew would have just made fun of him.
@No Shot NoVa well you and your friends do represent all of everyone so you know best
@@tannergoodman8029 we were cooler than idiots who find this shit funny.
Tanner lol, yeah you sound like a bert fan already
@@noshotnova2432: Are you sure it wasn’t your ego that was huge?
Joey Diaz seems to embellish a lot, but there's something real about Joey that I think that Burt is lacking. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there was that one guy (sorry, can't remember who) who was freaking out on drugs in Joe Rogan cast and thought he was going to die, called Joey, and Joey was over there in five minutes (Joey said he would be there in five and he was). Joey and him laid out in the backyard together until everything was alright. Joey seems like the type of guy you could depend on (bullshit stories, or not). Burt...I wouldn't trust him to do my laundry. And don't get me wrong. I love a lot of the comedy he's made. he's a fun dude to listen to. Just not someone I would depend upon.
The last part really sparked my realization that he always seems to point out the average working man(customs, police, construction workers,etc) are always honored to meet the machine..and let him get away with things. A. He’s telling you who his audience is in his mind b. He’s showing indirectly they all refer to him as the machine and not Bert or his full name but only the machine c. He also admits he has zero self control by risking everything for one hit of weed
I never understood how this guy is so respected by his peers
A big part of earning a comedians respect is A) being willing to humiliate yourself for a laugh and commit and B) being able to shake off the scum that are the haters in stride.
Bert nails both.
He’s respected because everyone knows it’s bullshit like 90% of the shit comedians say. I’m not listening Bert for a true story or life advice, I just want to laugh.
Who gives a fuck if he went to Russia or not. His story was hilarious enough to earn him the name. I want to turn my brain off and laugh to him.
It’s wild if anyone looks further into it than that.
Bert, much like Tom, was born into an incredibly wealthy and well-connected family.
@BattleBro77 what's your point? Are you classist? Also being able to send your kids to a decent college is a low bar for wealthy. Upper middle class, maybe. Your perspective may be skewed if your parents were loosers.
@@merlin4realmake a jab about loser parents, it’s best to use the correct word.
Loosers isn’t even a word. Unless loose could be made plural.
thank god stavvy called brent out for calling normal people 'pedestrians' that has to be one of the most absurd things i've heard in a while
I think he was reaching for the word "civilians", which is like a mafia/underworld thing. Military and law enforcement use it too. Either way, trying to apply that level of self-importance to comedians is pretty goofy.
Stavvy not only looks Jewish but looks like an epstein flyer
Stavvy is just as shit as Bert
@@NovemberGolf55 he's to fat to get on the plane silly
@@NovemberGolf55 think you’re confusing stavvy with Adam friedland
You gotta give it to Bert though, the dude took one decently funny story and rode that all the way to a feature length film.
Plenty of manufactured pop stars.. So why not comedians.. thank the lord we actually have actual funny ones out of the
1000 comedians (quote Joe Rogan) on earth.
Yeah I aren’t even a fan of his but what he’s done with that one story is fucking incase 😂😂😂props to him
He can’t be funny, he’s unable.
I do definitely not gotta give it to em
And now other people are riding his wave like this RUclips video with a million views.
All stand up/podcasters talk about being in and out of character. This is clearly a character and it's funny. Some people don't seem to understand that...
Odds of seeing one person struck by lightning are around 1/15300, odds of seeing three people struck by lightning - (1/15,300) * (1/15,300) * (1/15,300) = 1 in approximately 3.9 billion
so there are about 2 people in the world who have seen that happen, and apparently Bert is one of them
Burts appearance is a case study of the effects of chronic drinking on the human body. Seeing people like him keeps me on the straight and narrow.
There are way worse addicts that him
cant believe his russian mafia story was fake (i totally can)
Any Russian could have told you it was a "I wish this happened so I'll say it did" kind of story. None of that story was realistic at all for how the Russian cyndicate acted.
I thought that was what made it funny, he made up very obviously fake shit for the sake of comedy, I didn't know he genuinely acted like it was real.
lol I saw that in middle school and thought it was the coolest shit in the world
Lol 😀 😆
Stories are to comics what tricks are to magicians, knowing their fake ruins the fun, but its also an accepted part of the show
My younger brother wall gullible enough to believe it and when I called it fake he got pissed. He is 14 and old enough to know better
Stav making fun of Bert to his face is the funniest thing possible
right up there with literally everybody making fun of Bobby Lee to his face
Barts back pedal after that is funny aswell.
“Hell yeah,dude.”
Stavvy is a real one.
Bert doesn't have a funny phone in his body, there was only one comedian in that room
We would call people like Bert a “functioning alcoholic”
Less dysfunctional* 😂
"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." I guess he embodies that.
The one thing that Burt did that made me laugh was when he brought his 32 oz jug of Kool-Aid onto the podcast with Tom Segura and got made fun of. He didn’t realize how out of touch and insane it is to drink that much Kool-Aid.
Hahaha, yeah that also got me pretty good
What's wrong with 32oz? Gatorade bottles are that size and they have tons of sugar too
It's only out of touch when you consider yourself rich and better than everyone. Kool Aid is for poor people, not Hollywood elitists who most people don't even know.
It was 64 oz, and tom was like you dont go anywhere without that thing wtf is in it? Oh he ONLY drinks kool-aid and booze...
Bert is 100% full of shit, and his jokes are all flat
I just saw that clip - not that funny to me. And I love Tom S., except when he’s talking to Bert
Burt is like the exact polar opposite of Norm Macdonald
alive?
@@gttrmgc3284 lmao
@@gttrmgc3284 no, unfunny
@@jollygrapefruit786
That and he's actually witty and clever.
@@jollygrapefruit786 and also norm died of cancer which he had for like 10 years and never told anybody about it
I knew two guys with no tongues. I don't know their names, they never told me.
To be fair, that is a pretty good joke
Tom’s joke about people upset about his success is a million times more funny than anything that Bert has ever done
Joke? I must've missed the joke
@@thehonkening1The joke is that you're poor
@gurvirj95v2 I bet your one if the people Tom was talking about lol
@@thehonkening1🚨broke nigga alert 🚨 🚨broke nigga alert 🚨 🚨broke nigga alert 🚨 !!
And Tom is one of the least funny people I’ve ever seen!
That last line he says completely torched the whole story
Was reasonably believable until he made it a ‘everyone loves bert he’s so cool’ story
Reminded me of that fluffy joke about the tour bus, though he at least had pictures to back it up. Bert does have an ego problem, but I think the story is plausible minus the exaggeration in the praise at the end.
What’s wrong with telling a fake story for laughs
@@iamsheron7408 it’s only a problem when you act like it’s real
@@iamsheron7408 it’s a fake story to everyone but Bert. It also doesn’t help his case when he tells his stories and speaks in such a way that makes him sound like he’s up his own ass
@@iamsheron7408 there's a difference between saying some real bizarre funny things that aren't true just for the wow factor, like theo von, and trying to convince everyone that your fake stories mean you're the coolest guy ever.
Stav defending everyday people caught me so off guard man, fat respect to that guy
Fat respect 😭
Too bad he’s annoying as hell
@@sultanqasim7639 ahahaha
He gets weird with the sex shit but dude comes off kinda shmart, guess they all got their quirks. Bert is boring now I can’t sit through the stand up much less a podcast unless Tommy Segway is involved.
Stav and Nick Mulan are like really awesome when it comes to some special occasions, i can listen to stav for hours and bask in his wisdom, unlike "the machine" that shaves brain cells from my frontal lobe
I've never seen anyone hit by lighting but was walking to grab a beer one night and saw a power transformer hit and explode. When i got closer to the corner store a woman was in the street unresponsive. I figured she was hit with the impact wave of the explosion. Fire and rescue showed up right after. One of the craziest things I've ever seen.
My friend and I got into a shouting match after I stated “Kreischer is not funny” and he lost his shit.
Sounds like you need new friends
@@kanaka118446 nah, been friends for two decades. I’d be shocked if we didn’t disagree and argue from time to time.
Bert’s the type of guy to know exactly how much alcohol you can bring on a plane
He literally does. Because he knows the amount you can be served on the plane isn't enough for him so he literally has to "sneak" alcohol into the bathroom and drink. But that's none of my business I guess.
@@riotpb10 it is your beez wax because he’s a public figure and he’s drinking himself to death while doing it. That makes us partly responsible for glorifying and supporting his behavior. I love Bert tho
@@ThaGoyI feel sorry for you if you feel responsible for everyone else's actions
To be fair, it's a gallon bag full of the little bottles you buy at the liquor store.
But he's not addicted tho
It’s interesting to see the complete opposite happening to Bill Burr with the whole drinking thing. Burr has said multiple times that he had a bit of an issue with drinking alcohol but when he got married and became a father he’s said he’s drastically cut down on it if not outright quit. Bert here seems to be on the opposite path entirely, got a wife and kid but is seemingly drinking more and more.
Burr actually motivated to quit drinking ha. He was talking about it on his podcast and I was like “oh shit, this isn’t funny. Maybe I have a problem too” haha. I just wonder if Brett quits drinking he thinks he won’t be funny anymore
Well yeah bro he’s an alcoholic with money who’s on the rode all the time. What do you expect. Most alcoholics would be the same as Bert if they had the money and lifestyle.
thats because at least bill burr is funny... and admits he has a problem and lets us know that he is a POS but actively WANTS to be a better person
@@EJD339 he's not even funny now.
Bill is a way angrier guy. Alcohol makes that worse.
Bert couldn’t be more on fire. He has his own traveling festival.
Fire Festival😊
The ending of the video with that Canada drug story was BRUTAL. The hardest eye roll in years. GEEZUS
I like how you mention how he thinks he contributes more to society than us. It reminds me of when Bert had Stavros on his pod and he was talking about how comics brains are different from “pedestrians” (or something to that effect), and Stav had to check him real quick, like, bro chill. Waiters contribute more to society than comedians.
He's right, many comics have no frontal lobes
Stavros is equally as cringe.
I mean, yeah? Of course comics brains are different from everyone else, generally most people dont immediately look for the comedy in a situation to make other laugh. Thats the entire job of a stand up comedian
There's considerable irony in an entertainment style that promotes the idea of being bold and provocative; but also is incredibly limited in its cultural literacy.
@@Dime_time333 He is, but he at least had a moment(s?) of clarity.
You gotta love how Stavy immediately called the alcoholic out on his bullshit
Stav doesn't actually respect "normal people", he's generally an ass, but even he understands how ridiculous it is to openly say how you're above everyone else.
If u listened to cumtown it makes sense, because nick mullen calls out comedians on that sht all the time.
I think Stav is more self aware on account of Nick dropping hard truths on him about his health. His crowd work is great with regular people, too.
@@josephgilboy6259 a comedian is generally an ass??? 🤯🤯🤯🤯
That stavros guy isn’t funny and might be the ugliest person I’ve ever seen in my life
Stavros is such an underrated comic I love his on the fly humor
I thought the same. But he is a leftist, lol. Absolutely killed that idea. But at least his side will eat him alive once they find one thing he said that was any sort of "phobic" when he was 12 years old.
Holy. Shit. When he starts describing severe alcohol withdrawel after saying he's not an alcoholic or powerless, just fucking wow. It's more incredible that it's spot on, and that feeling of relief coming from the drink god damn dude
Bert is a machine that turns alcohol into forced laughter
Alcohol into forced something
@@jellysqueem no
@@ShindlersFiist IDK what you're saying no to, I didn't ask anything.
@@jellysqueem you have "no" idea what you're talking about
eeeheheheheᵉᵉᵉᵉʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉʰᵉᵉᵉᵉ
I love it when people in a purity spiral get turned on by the toxic audience they helped foster.
It's like seeing a man get eaten by the dogs he trained to kill.
Iddubbz
That's a nice GoT call back- such a satisfying scene.
Ethan Klein moment
Average redditor RUclips comment (dramatic and gay)
I like the way your comment is in a 2-bit format, almost like a joke with a punchline...
I think that how he interacts with guests on his own podcast is enough to know how Bert operates and he wonders why his podcast never hit. The reason why Something's Burning hit and does so well is that Bert is distracted by having to cook, so he can't just talk over all his guests constantly and with zero direction, he'll just hop on like 4-5 different topics in a row without allowing the guest to getting a single thought out.
Yeah, I call BS on the Canada story too. I literally got stopped for 20 mins at the border because me and my wife didn't sign our passports and I had 5 case of a soda that wasn't sold in the US
They didn’t find any dope though. Just paraphernalia... and it's legal here. Cbsa has no chill but i can still see that happening.
Bert is THE MACHINE that turns full liquor bottles into alcoholism
And?
Hell yeah, I love when THE MACHINE turns a full bottle of liquor into an empty bottle
Ying and yang
@@TheNumbers97 you an alcoholic too ?
Alcoholism is Bert's cutting. Try an shed a tear for the one time, god. 🙏
Stavos checking Bert’s delusion just made him 20x more likable to me.
stavros*
Yeah Stavros is actually funny sometimes too
Stav can be funny but is mostly just annoying.
@@SaltyDylan yeah what's with these podcasts just getting all the fake laughers together? Do they think we will laugh because they do it every couple seconds?
Sounds like something a gay man would say. I’m gay too though.
That fake high pitch he makes forcing that seal laugh is so crazy, literally sociopathic
When Brut dose his 'high pitch laugh' he looks like a beaver having a heart attack!!
"How did they lose their tongues?"
"They never told me"
And he saw NO comedy in that answer. None.
It didn’t seem like he was even trying to make a joke tbh
“I don’t know they couldn’t tell me” would of made it seem more like a joke that just an answer to his question.
@@Schwifty1055 yep
His name being "haaaaaahr" is apperently funny? 😊
Bert is a one joke wonder with powerful friends
What his 1 joke?
I see we meet again, Commissar Yarrivk.
@@kyledanger45 the machine
Watch his new special it’s actually fucking funny. I’ve never been a fan of his stand up only his podcast but this special is really good
You mean friend. Seriously though, why is it that Rogen has surrounded himself with so many mediocre people? I find all of his comedy friends extremely unfunny.
He’s a good storyteller. He should have pivoted into dad comic territory and he would’ve been fine, but he wants to be the party guy. I wonder if he’s incredibly depressed and assumed his lifestyle would’ve killed him by now so he never bothered working on being a better person or comic.
He’s been riding Segura’s coattails for years now, and Tom is REALLY starting to wear on people and not in a good way.
I think the funniest thing about people like Bert Kreischer, Brendan Schaub, Bryan Callen etc. is the amount of people who get online and constantly trash them, yet still follow every move they make.
“Brendan Schaub is such a tool. Let me tell you every detail about the last 14 podcasts he appeared on.”
i’m gonna guess you take the same mentality when people shit on your music, such a nonpoint
facts. something else is going on here as they hide behind their fake rationalism
Such an underrated comment
Got you to comment…. Make their money clown
I enjoy Bert, he's fucking hilarious MOST of the time. But he also does Podcasts non stop... sometimes he's gonna fail. Who cares. End result he's funny and tells great stories. Bryan is not great, and Brenda is trash and unlistenable, only watch TFATK when Rick Glassman or Theo has been on, cuz they Roast them so good.
Brett is just an extreme example of people we all meet from time to time. They look you right in the eye, tell you a BS story; you know they're lying and they know you know they're lying, but as there is no way in the moment to prove it, it's like they're daring you to call it out. They get off on that power dynamic.
It’s kinda like Catch Me if You Can. Even if you say “stop lying, you’re caught”, he’ll just find a new prompt in that alone. Pathological lying is tricky as fuck.
Like flat-earth guys and climate change deniers.
He’s a comedian 99% of stories are fake he’s not tryna make a biography he’s tryna make you laugh and everything else is a personality bc his job is his personality it ain’t that deep really I haven’t watched the video yet and i don’t really know what this controversy is about i really only know about his machine story because i can’t listo the video rn as I need to listen to something else but i just wanted to give my raw response to your comment as it is bc it’s not about liking him as a person or being a stand up guy his existence is to be a joke a satire personally I like people like bill burr and Dave chapell more but i get really concerned when people go after comedians because usually it’s them being to soft not having a sense of humor and getting bent when it’s really not that deep so again i don’t really know what’s going on but maybe you can inform my uneducated ass or I get time to listen to the video before you respond and delete it for being completely irrelevant ignorant and smug
@@cxrmack6922you get concerned when people go after comedians who don't have a sense of humor? Brother, maybe do another edit on that.
Bert is more like overhearing some drunk frat guys bullshitting about their crazy adventures in college. Even the stories with some truth to them are probably exaggerated. That's the sort of vibe I get from his comedy.
He's probably not a bad guy, though.
Berts animated facial expressions during those stand up clips make me wish that he came across my way in a crowded event so that I could poke him with an hiv covered pin.
And if I see you I’ll do the same
I watched at least two if not more sets and I realized he only has one joke. "The Machine". And now he's made a movie out of it. He's really in to this joke.
11:57 haha, stav has been specifically making fun of comedians who call non-comedians “pedestrians” for YEARS
yeah great take by stavvy
"pedestrians" that's cringe af. That is the sort of language my parents would use.
I was in the military still found it cringe when the fellas would call non military civvies/civilians even worse coming from a comedian and not a good one at that
@@anonp2958 That rubbed me the wrong way too. What does he think he's in some elite class of superhuman now because he's a comedian? He may as well have replaced the word "pedestrian" with "peasant". It would have had the exact same effect.
@@smith9157 i always laughed at that because like 80 percent of those people calling non military people "civies" are working jobs that civies work all over the country.
i saw Bert preform last february, at the end of the show he closed with exactly what you’d expect. i just looked at him like “😐” and we made eye contact for a few seconds lmao keep in mind The Machine story was already over half a decade old
Dog my girlfriend at the time back in 2014 showed me the Machine - and by then it had already been told as a story for some time before that.
It's been the lynchpin of his entire career.
He closed with that? He still does that story in shows? It’s so old lol dude is really coasting on his one hit
@@sanguine2552 i saw him at Red Rocks like two years ago. He didn't close with The Machine but he did do part of it.
Bro, if he closed with the machine story last year, then that story was like 15 years old, not just half a decade lol.
You all clearly don’t follow him everyone knows he always closes with it. It’s not his closet it’s his encore. Most audiences chant the machine until he tells it. He talks a lot about how he has wanted to retire it but his fans always ask for it. He’s been in podcasts where rogan says you are never going to be able to not tell that story. Who cares? He has a new hour and adds that at the end
used to be a big fan of all those comedians from 4 years ago but now I see them all for who they truly are. They are all really full of themselves with inflated egos, who have lost touch with their audience every single one of them Bryan, Callen, Brendan Schaub, Chris D’Elia, and so on and it’s just not cool or interesting anymore, but this video definitely expresses how I feel for sure not just about Bert, but all his friends as well… oh well. 🎉
Bryan Callen and Brendan Schaub as comedians. Lol, now there is the joke.
Only a few who havent proved themselves to be an absolute garbage human is Theo Von...Rogan...Mark Normand...Jim Jefferies..Anthony Jeselnik. Bobby Lee stayed strong even, while his Bad Friends cohost devolved into Trump derangement syndrome.
You had me at the Pepe Silvia reference
I think my favorite description of Bert Kreischer is that he is the living embodiment of 'dude, trust me'
That story of the Canadian border agent saying “I’d say it’s an honour to meet the machine have a great tour in Canada”. Like COME on man. How stupid does he think the world is. That’s equivalent to a story that a 12 year old boy would come up with to tell his buddies on the first day back to school after summer break.
My thoughts exactly, it was pathetic to hear a grown ass man say that shit
You can tell when a story is full of bs when it's about them in really rare situations that the average person will never experience in their lifetime in order to look a lot cooler than they actually are. Reminds me of the youtuber Luna.
From that clip I assume Rogan knew it was total BS as well. Did he call him out or just prop it up like he usually does?
No it’s true I was the border guard trust me bro
@Tempus0ptic so you were there in Russia with him? Because the people that were actually there back him up lol
No one has more pictures of themselves in their studio than this guy
The creed story really is the best of the bunch. Like dude straight up was like 'I don't know who that is, I was never in a band with him'
I find it interesting how Bert regularly mentions how Theo has "Theoism's" which is basically his embellished stories, and has mocked Theo's the on-the-fly stories before, but apparently can't stop to self reflect.
At least theo von is funny.
@@DeathMetalHead69 Neither Bert not Theo are funny.
People love to point out their own faults in others, and a lot of the time they're the things that bother us the most about others
its called npd
@@gttrmgc3284 brother you have no opinion when youre still using troll faces
I don’t even think I dislike Burt objectively, but rather I dislike the world that enabled him to exist in his current form.
You perfectly explained what I thought was, my hatred, for Bert. But its probably the conditions that have allowed a Bert Kreischer to flourish that i truly dislike
Tbh we can kinda all blame Joe rogan. He's got some incredible pull in the comedy world, basicialy Dana white if we want to make a comparison. And sadly he's made a few of his friends famous when they really don't deserve it
This is the perfect comment.
thats how i feel about streamers who get paid 8 figures
Ahh the “We live in a society” comment
Holy shit comedians lie???? Wow you solved the fucking puzzle with this one guy.
I've never heard a real life event make a good story while being 100% factual sooooo
"How did they lose their tongues?"
"They never told me."
Bruh😂
The way Stavros checked Bert for the pedestrian comment 😂
the whole video I was like "but is Stav not also like him?" guess not, not 100%
@@DeadPig325 Stav is actually a really funny guy conversationally (I think his stand up is just okay). Stav is also a bit of a laugh track but his laugh has more genuine intent behind it, and he laughs liberally at other people not himself
@@spaced0tghost339 I agree
he's based.
I love Theo Von's comedic style. His delivery is so unique and it's so fun to watch him talk. Just, in general.
Love him ❤
He's one everyone will hate when it's his turn
@@kinganzu dont jinx it mannnnnn
Theo makes me laugh just with phrases and references, he doesn't need punchlines. Like his way of talking is comedic, he's not a 'jokes' comedian.
Theo is just a natural, he could talk to literally anybody and make them laugh
LMAO using Theo as an example of a good funny comic is the best joke in this video
a great job at picking and choosing what you take literally
I like Burt's story about how he gaslit his wife so much about his alcohol addiction that she broke and is in denial about his alcoholism. Pretty funny.
$$$
I liked it
She doesn’t mind. The sooner he dies from alcoholism, the sooner all his money is hers and she’s finally free.
“Of course you’re not a drunk honey, actually, let me make you a drink.”
🤞👩🦳
Stavvy baby being the voice of reason to Bert is insane lmao
I miss old stav. Growing his hair out and hanging with Hassan changed him a fair deal. I get he wanted to get outta cumtown and all but man he seems like a whole other person now.
@Jerome McDanger going woke just ruins comedians
@@WalkingPaceWP true true. Shame to see the guy who helped create Cumeatsionner Gordon is a wokescolder now
@@telophasemusic lmao oh you're one of those.. I see
@@WalkingPaceWP ah yes, because grifting for a bunch of right wing mouthbreathers (redundant, I know) is soooo much better. lmfao be for fucking real, he hasn't "gone woke" he just believes in shit you don't so you suddenly think it makes him less worthy of respect. says a lot about you and the modern LA comedy crowd.
It's cool, he's not an alcoholic, he takes Xanax.
You can tell he was making up that Canada story as he was going 😂
5:20 ish is one of my most hated Bert tropes: he tells a lie about someone, then pre-empts the inevitable denial from the other party by saying, "They'll deny it." He KNOWS they'll call bullshit on the lies he's telling about them, so he just tries to gaslight everyone.
This is a 50 year old man, let's remember.
Yeah, he's just a big L
Huge narcissist
You're so weak minded, you don't understand that you're caught up in the shtick.
You obviously don't know much about the subject on which you speak. Its called comedy, it doesn't have to be true. Thats the 3rd wall.
Bro. As a huge tremonti fan that whole story makes no sense to me in the form of comedy, its like u took an snl skit that was never released and try to make people remember it?
I realized this a loooong time ago. He's been riding off that machine story for 20 years and it's gotten him this far. That one story. Unbelievable.
I saw Tom Segura last month. He had a short bit inside of a bit where he made fun of Bert. His best line was "I'm the mechanic"
He hasn’t been telling the story for 10 years, let alone 20, get your facts straight bud, and quit hating for no reason, this man is 100 times more successful than you’ll ever be
@@jacobinscho9426 Autists can't detect hyperbole, and also it's a day that ends in Y.
dudes farming before an unceremonious death
The dude has his own problems, he's super emotional, he does want to be loved by all, and he's self conscious. No need to kick him for it. He's human
I think you're right. However, we should stop praising or glorifying it.
my favorite fake story is when he claimed to make a gorilla laugh.
The struck by lighting thing made me laugh. I was in a stats class of almost 100 people and the professor wanted to prove something about statistics and asked us to raise our hand if anyone had been struck by lightning 3 kids did and one girl was struck twice. Completely fucked the point the prof was trying to make
Yeah well I knew this one guy in college who was struck 7 times in a row, I was there when it had happened.
@@mrscruffles801 that was me
@@treebeard8475 oh shit bro... i was the lightning!!!!
What point was he trying to make? I can guess he expected nobody to raise their hands, and he’d use that to talk about sample sizes and how since there was nobody in that room struck you can say 0% of people get struck by lightning, which is not true?
Being from Florida, you’re much more likely to see lightning strikes. I saw a guy run out in the lightning with a golf club as a joke and actually got struck
I have a cousin who is a lot like Bert. Ironically Bert is one of his favorite comedians. Other day he goes to tell me a joke he heard Bert tell… the moth joke. Had to tell him I heard it a few years ago… from Norm Macdonald 😂
The tongueless guys were regular caller characters in a local Tampabay radio station Talkshow
Berts the guy you meet at a festival or some kind of celebration and he turns a fun weekend into a rememberable one. If you hung out with him later in a different environment, you would quickly realize he's like that all the time and you either become embarrassed to be seen with him or just feel sad for him.
A rememberable one? LOL. Can I borrow that?
Weekend wit bert has to be awesome... this guy just thinks Joe Rogan is god
@Mike Smith what a rememberable comment
Thats a really good comparison :)
I think part of it is him trying to put on a show. I think he has gotten caught up in his persona (drunk shirtless frat guy that laughs a lot). I think he's friends with a lot of great comedian for a reason. People generally like him as a friend. I don't think he's a bad comedian either. He's just not as great as some of the other top-level comedians he hangs out with.
I can honestly say that I've never laughed at a single Burnt Chrysler joke. He's just a professional social ladder climber.
Him and Segura both.
@@thebigragu9952 they're like a yin yang of unfunny fat guys
@@thebigragu9952I truly find Segura to be one of the most boring comedians ever
Who do you guys find funny?
@@pikasnipe1 they find Amy schumer funny.
"I'd remember that" 😂😂😂😂
The lightning one doesn't seem as far fetched as you'd think with some context - I could truthfully say I have seen a dozen people get struck by lightning. A tree was struck and an entire group of people who where nearby, myself included, all caught a minor shock through the ground from it.
bert is the steven seagal of comedy
"I've been The Machine for like, 80 years."
Used to like the guy now he aged like milk
Being this drunk even at 30 is sad AF. This is why Rogan basically does an intervention every podcast he has Burp on.
He's 50, so it's even more pathetic.
It’s actually just a bummer. Especially when he starts talking about his kids. I just hope he gets healthier and happier in the future, but at this age It’s unlikely he’ll ever change his ways.
All that being said, I really hope he does. His kids deserve better
@@ApolloGray
His kids would deserve better than their father if he were a teetotaler. Imagine looking over at the stands to see this room-temp IQ desperate court jester embarrassing you and your mother during your little league games. They probably 'forget' to remind this schlub about upcoming birthdays.
His denial is legit tragic. He's been saying he's not an alcoholic on every single podcast for like 5 years straight now, despite everyone saying how concerned they are
@@THICCTHICCTHICC I'm convinced he is paid by one of the huge beer companies to promote alcohol basically.
comedian changes things to fit a joke what a wild revelation lmao
In another way, moral of this video. If you’re different, imperfect and famous, you should be hated and ashamed.
The turning point for me was when he was on Theo's podcast. For no reason he started talking about how his favorite thing lately was to turn off his phone. He went to turn off his phone, then said he didn't know how to, and that he never turned his phone off. Again, for no fucking reason.
ok but the machine bit will still make me laugh every time
Tom joking on his broke fans is clearly a joke
His broke fans are buying those tickets ... for now ...
When you realize Ghost Gum missed Tom's joke (or purposely took it out of context) you start to realize that he is doing the same for Burt in a lot of the video
I may be a pedestrian/civilian, but I’m thankful Burnt is always around to teach me about the importance of cawlmedy.
One of the thousand, B
Thank em
Great guy, never meddum.
I love how he casted the young version of himself as such a handsome guy, despite the fact that he looked like a melted candle.
He has never had a chin and even his tongue is fat and swollen, its always half hanging out of his mouth, dead and motionless like it was stung by a bee
Obsessed with this comment@@RutherfordBeehayze-kw2mz
@@RutherfordBeehayze-kw2mzhahahshaja😊
The Mark Tremonti story would actually be plausible, knowing the weird connections people can have. I'm two steps away from a couple millionaire world-touring musicians, and I'm a complete nobody. I just happened to play in a couple bands in the same scene & time period they did before getting huge, and we're still friends with the same people.
You know you're in the red when you're being told to take it down a notch by Stavros of all people
Yeah...the leftist with TDS. The measure of all things sacred. Dude was funny until I realized he is gonna get canceled by his own audience. You can't be a leftist comedian and not realize that they don't agree with free speech, when comedy is relying on that.