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It's one thing to ask the mother not to comment on her weight, but it's another to flat-out say, "I'm NOT fat". You can be fat and ask people not to point it out, but to say that you're not when you clearly are is living in denial and awkward for everybody.
Thank you 😭 many fat activists proudly say they’re fat and just want to be treated like a person at the very least, like girl I know it hurts dealing with fat phobia but the first step to ending it is accepting it
@@mauricemallari6365 Most times they don’t even realize the trauma even when they themselves turn into parents. They will simply say “this was how we were brought up” without recognizing that the way they were raised was traumatic and wrong. They go as far as saying “this was how we were punished and we turned out ok”. No you are not okay.
@@babie.desk- It's NOT your right to tell another person that they were traumatized when they feel they were not. And it's NOT your right to tell someone that "you are not ok" if they tell you that they are. That's, exactly, the same as you telling someone that you were traumatized by a specific experience, and they tell you, "That's not traumatic." Or if you tell someone "I'm hurting. I'm not ok right now." And they tell you, "You're fine!!! Stop being dramatic!!" I had a family member tell ME that my childhood was traumatic. I told them, "I don't feel that way." He told me, "How can you say that considering how you were raised!?" I told him, "DO NOT TELL ME how I should feel about my own experiences!" People today are at the point where they feel they can tell others how they should be feeling...🙄
@user-sg8kq7ii3y exactly! Some people dwell on stuff and some people don't. My upbringing was awful but I am good today, and I'm doing better for my own kids. Live and learn
What I recently learned from another influencer is that the real goal is not to not use the word 'fat', but instead be okay with it. This influencer said, "I AM fat. You denying it and saying 'oh you're not fat', means you have some discomfort with it and associate something negative with the word. But I'm okay with it. I'm okay with myself being fat, and I don't want people to deny it because then it just means you still think of 'fat' as something to be ashamed of". Lightbulb moment, right?!
Glad I read your comment. I said basically the same thing. Why delude ourselves into thinking we're not fat when we obviously are. Fat is not a bad word!
Right? Like are you not overweight. Fat shaming is bad but outright forcing someone to think you’re skinny is just 💀 “yes I’m fat but it’s not a bad thing”
I think ya'll are missing what she really means when she's telling her mom to not call her fat, to call her beautiful instead. She wants acceptance from her mom. Unconditional acceptance. When her mother calls her fat, it's done in a way that creates a deep sense of shame. So when she's saying "don't call me fat", she's trying to say "stop shaming me, love me for who I am"
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Coming from a fat person, I dont see anything wrong with what the mother said “she was fat.” It’s a matter of acceptance. I used to get offended when I was called fat but that was the reality, I have gained extra weight than what is healthy ,it was me who was having a hard time accepting that fact. I know its hard but you are beautiful , if you cant accept those right now its okay ! ❤ you can focus on the things that makes you happy ❤ I love how vulnerable and honest they are
Yeah but you see it happened when she was a child. If you see those pictures, she was not fat at all. She looked regular size and normal. The comments are unnecessary in childhood… And how do kids increase their calorie intake anyways?? The parents were the one feeding them and buying food
There’s probably nothing wrong with the way say she’s saying it now. Butnot sounds like she said it in a negative way hence she was younger, like using it to tell her she couldn’t wear certain clothes and therefore implying it was ugly.. that’s my guess. But yes, being fat is not inherently a bad thing and that’s what we need to realise. Same way a lot of people used to equate being dark skinned with being ugly..
I cried. Mostly because Auntie is open minded and willing to discuss. I greatly understand where she came from in terms of her understanding based on how her mother was.
my husband is filipino, he’s told me stories like this. filipino people deserve this kind of healing. thank you so much for doing this work 🙏🏾 and for sharing it we’re watching live and one day our Black+Filipino kids are going to watch too ♥️
I am a Filipino living in Western country, unfortunately Filipinos do not sugarcoat words to please you. I rather be honest than pretending or sugarcoating words to please you so that you will not get hurt.
@@pinayladyoz8044 there a difference between "honesty" and straight up abuse. That borderline isn't clear-cut of course, but straight up body shaming your children creates damage later in life as adults.
This made my eyes well up with tears.😢 The physical insult of being called fat by my mother AND father left emotional scars that I remember to this very day.
it's either a truth or a lie. I think the problem here is the conveying that you are less of a person bc of your appearance. Not exactly being called fat
these are the hard conversations all filipino families should have in their households! thank you for making this kind of content.. can't wait for the video..watching from Milan, Italy😊
I didn’t realize how important it was to have these kind of uncomfortable conversations until I had to have it with my parents. My mom is Filipino and my dad is Vietnamese/American and I recently had a conversation with both of them separately about the trauma I had due to their actions. I held it in for so long (26 years basically) and it really started to affect my relationship with them. But through therapy I realized they need to know and understand how they made me feel bc it just causes a lot of resentment. The conversations went really well and I think has strengthened our relationships. And I feel better knowing that THEY know how I feel and what’s going on so that we all can learn and be better bc in reality our parents are doing the best they can while dealing with their own trauma from their parents. I wanted to be the one to stop the generational trauma before I start my own family.
Kudos on your courage! taht must have been scary for you, but you did it - for yourself and for generations to come. I pray you continue to heal and become better and stronger.
Body shaming, status, comparisons, etc, is what makes family reunions so uncomfortable. First thing they notice is your weight gain. If you lose weight, it's wow ang ganda mo ang payat. If you gained weight, ang taba mo. Like dude what ever happen to it's nice seeing you again. And then comes the color of your skin.
because there no other topic to discuss that their mind knows off. and hardest part is the ma "OP" ka nila or out of place bec.they always want to get close to the good looking ones and popular successful ones. its like your not related or family duh😐
I’ve never liked going to family reunions. Partly for this reason. And more recently for other reasons, life just got in the way and I’m in my own little pit of stagnation and depression but I’ll save you from the bore lol. I just wish none of this shallow conversational shit existed. Growing up in Europe and having a wide array of friends from different backgrounds made me realise early on that Filipinos are the most overtly judgemental people you’ll ever meet. Even to their own kind or own family. I’m sure every Filipino family is different and has their own dynamics and level of… emotional intelligence, my family in particular is kind of the type where… even if they don’t say/do anything directly to your face u just KNOW they’re talking shit about your weight and life to everyone else once your back is turned. For people who should be FAMILY. I know it heavily depends on each specific persons background and experiences in life and personality as a whole and how each person builds that family unit together but I swear. They will never forego the talks about how my appearance has changed for the worse or the condescension about how shitty and unsuccessful my life is. Family is meant to be a safe space- a warm embrace of uplifting positivity. So tell me why so many Filipino families are the complete opposite of that. So many Filipinos pride themselves on being the kindest/nicest people on the planet but never care to do the introspection to realise that the instilled cultural values and inter-familial treatment is nowhere near how they seem to portray. Filipinos can be so individualistic and so vain and so snarky, while simultaneously boasting about their sense of community It’s so odd and confusing as a Filipino who wasn’t born there to even try to understand that certain mentality. Not even mentioning the added pressure/expectations on us who didn’t grow up there, along with being treated like an alien because we seemingly don’t understand things the way they do. Every reunion in pinas I’ll either get the people who completely distance themselves from me because they don’t want to talk to me in English and get nose bleed (even tho I can get along fine with tagalog) and they think I’m too much of an outsider and fear I’ll be too rude & stuck up (ironically) OR the ones who act fake as hell to mooch some money/gifts/libre off me OR there’ll be the shameless bunch who will point out every single flaw about me and grill me about my personal/professional life and my education/finances (which I am not used to at all bc these would be taboo topics where I’m from, unless ofc youre REALLY close with someone but in that case they’d already know pretty much everything about your life without having to ask) and then I’d walk off and hear them say stuff like “diba galing abroad yan? Akala ko mas maputi/mas maganda sya” or “Ang arte nya palibhasa’y lumaki sa abroad” … even when I try to present with the bestest behaviour I could ever have to prevent such things being said . Sigh. Sorry for yapping so much jeez
I really love this mom, she is truly open minded. My mom is from Vietnam and considering how hard social norms were enforced on them, I love hearing them accept her faults and be so honest. In reality they made life easier for us even though they may seem old fashioned, they are actually quite progressive considering where they came from.
because of this, getting called fat by one aunt and being told by another aunt that i wasnt eating enough and was skinny, i developed an eating disorder . i spent so many years hating myself.
Yeah I experienced this when I was a child, and my family members always asked how come you dont join the parties and reunions anymore? 😂😂😂 Well because you did not make it a good experience for me, and I was a child back then!!!!
It’s a very Asian mom thing to do to just bluntly tell the truth. My mom says I got fat, at first I was sad but hey I have gained weight. I either do something about it or let it be. At the end of the day I know My mom still loves me
Except she’s not happy. The fact that being called fat brings her to tears means she’s not happy about it. The fact that she doesn’t think her mom should think she is fat indicates her own lack of acceptance of it, thereby preventing her from getting to a place where she is happy with herself.
I feel like the term “Fat” or “Mataba” to the daughter seems hurtful because it was embedded as a negative thing especially growing up with 2 younger siblings that are considered not. That’s why she’s taking it as an insult of some sort.
I teared up ya'll! It is a lot of responsibilities to be the eldest but I enjoyed raising my younger sister. However, I also had to live through my mother's first time having a child (me). In hindsight of course, she did her best... but many things slowly chipped away at me HOWEVER, I am thankful for my experiences - I do like who I turned out to be.
Asian parents are extremely critical on how they are viewed. Growing up in an Asian family… majority of us get ridiculed for not being pretty enough, smart enough, or successful enough! It’s sad but this is ongoing trauma from many generations that will not stop.
Which is really stupid because those things especially appearance they complain about their kids having came from them, like if your mad you think your kid is ugly then maybe look in the mirror, or ask yourself why you picked an ugly partner to have kids with.
@@Jade-cv1eg it is because Asian parents live vicariously through their children. If they see a "flaw", they tell you straight up because it also bears a negative connotation on them
These are hard conversations. It's brave that this mother and daughter got to talk about unresolved issues they have with each other. If things escalate, I would love to see a mediator in future episodes (maybe a family counselor or a psychologist).
Filipino here. I can relate to this. I know Filipino elders are blunt when they comment about your weight. However, most of the time the intent is not to hurt you. They usually mean to warn you and look after your health. Though it can be hurtful because truth hurts, I don’t think I will ever tell my mom “ do not call me fat” when I know myself I am. Part of being family is them being true to you.
Bullshit. Family cannot bluntly say u are fat and then claim i mean it well. Family shoyld have manners too. The tone in which ppl say something matters. Say u are overweight in a respectable way so that the message comes across.
I’m not Filipino but this video really resonated with me. It reminded me a lot of my relationship with my mom. And it was beautiful to see how much they share even with the trauma from her childhood.
Thanks for making this and thanks to the mother and daughter that laid it all out there! From a biological standpoint, improvements in nutrition helped women grow to be bigger than the petite frames her mother’s generation was used to. Growing up, my mother said the same things to me. How I was too fat and dark. I look back at those photos and I wasn’t even fat or dark, I just didn’t fit the Filipina petite frame because of better nutrition. As I grew older, I started to resent my mother for those comments. I even started confronting her and asking her why she wanted me to hate myself. I think when I pushed back was when she realized how these comments really affected me and were not cute fun things to say. I also realized the impossible standards she was put in when she was young to develop this kind of generational trauma. Communication is key and I think our parents can still change and be more open. Our generation needs to stop all the classic Filipino body shaming with us.
But she is fat, there's nothing wrong with that if she's happy with herself. Obesity is a health issue obviously so let's not deny it and stay healthy.
I agree. I don't see anything wrong with her mom saying that. I don't want to offend her, but she is overweight. I think it's her who hasn't accepted herself. What good would it do to lie or sugarcoat things.
@@babie.desk-like the person said above it doesn't have to be a negative word and we can just treat it as neutral. what makes it negative is when the person receiving doesn't like the comment cause they're not happy with themselves in the first place. (i was like this)
Yes, she is fat. My mother is Filipino too and I’ve gotten to the point where I will ask her, do you think I’ve gained weight and she is ALWAYS honest which is what I want from her. I don’t want her to lie just to make me feel happy.
I think what she really wants is for her mom to genuinely believe and see she is the beautiful child she has created. And when she calls her fat it’s like she doesn’t accept her for who she is. With that being said I just don’t agree with how she’s coming at her mom about it. Asking her if she thinks she’s fat, which she is, and gets mad when she answers the question. I’d want my mom to be honest tell me and I’d take the constructive criticism. You want to be open and honest relationship you have to learn how to converse without getting emotional about it.
My Asian mum was honest and told me I was a little overweight. She spent time to take me to nice spots where I could skate with my friends while she just waited for hours. She took a walk with me every day so I would move more. She made me feel loved so surely that what she said didn’t hurt at all. In fact, what she wanted for me, which was getting in shape, was in alignment with what I wanted, ‘cause I couldn’t lie to myself that I could be truly happy with a body that I didn’t like. It is actually important for young girls to feel pretty and confident. My mum had nothing but untiring support, and I’ll be forever grateful to her.
Filipinos are just honest people. They tell you the truth even if it hurts. My wife tells me the truth every time I make her mad she’s Filipina and I’m Hispanic American 🇺🇸 she will tell me lose weight it looks like you gained 5 pounds. Lol that’s just the way they are brutally honest my wife is old school she can be mean I’m the one who listens because I understand my kids I was raised by Mexican parents it was a hard life now that I’m a parent i always try to be understanding an understanding parent.
I think a lot of the issue is that she has been called fat since she was a developing child, when the adults calling her that were the ones that were feeding her. They taught her eating habits and she probably also comfort eats when she feels hurt. I’m Filipino as well and we aren’t taught the healthiest relationship with food, especially immigrants in the US now that we have access to so much more food. It’s like her mom is shaming her for being what she created.
truth may hurt a while but truth will set free..Acceptance is the key for more self release from chain of denial and hurtful past. understanding each other will help a lot.
If you guys can put full subtitles but in Tagalog, I think it would help more people 🥺 especially for the parents that don’t really understand English that good 🫶🏽
I was 10 year old when I told my mom that I want to be a tv newscaster when I grow up and she answered me flat that I can’t be because I’m ugly. She said I can be a teacher or Agricultural Technician.
Your mother is wrong for that. Sorry she said those hurtful things to you at such a young age. You weren’t even finished growing. But you can be anything you put your mind to. Work on that newscaster voice and a nice smile. Don’t give up!
The problem as well is our culture. As a mom, I keep supporting and reminding my daughter that she’s enough-beautiful, smart and talented. However, there are so many times when I have to look at the perspective of mean people mostly bec our relatives are very judgemental. Like in our eyes she’s fine, but we have to remind her of stuff just to avoid comments from relatives. Which in hindsight is hurtful at times. There are times our values are not the same with other families.
When our values don't align with my sibling's families, I take my family aside and talk about the differences. "In our family, this is how we do it..." is what I say. It's OK to have differences, it's OK to stick to our own. This way, there's an understanding and our get-togethers are enjoyable and smooth. There are times when us siblings can talk about an issue on a conference call (we're geographically spread apart). But first, siblings have to decide not to fight and keep an open mind/heart -- always.
Well, I've gotten to the point where I'm just rude back. Like I have heavy bags under my eyes. The bags under my eyes have nothing to do with being tired. I just have bags under my eyes because that's just how my skin is. People used to point it out to me all the time. "You have bags under your eyes." At first I never used to say anything. But now I'll say back, "Your teeth is crooked." Or, "You've got a big nose." And when I say these things back to them, they seem shocked at how blunt I am back at them. They are clueless. I am on the thin side. Many say that I am "too skinny". One day, my older brother came over with his wife, and he looked at me, and told her in a mocking way, "Look at how skinny he is!! Look at how skinny his legs are!!!!!" I looked at him straight and said, "Better than being fat like you." My brother never made a comment about my weight again. Need to give people like that a taste of their own medicine.
But she IS fat???? Fat doesn't have to be a negative thing, it's just the truth. I'm fat too. I don't understand why we have to say otherwise to feel good.
I feel for her as someone who grew up being body-shamed (I was too skinny) but I always knew that. She asked her mom if she thought she was fat, what did she expect she’d say? If your BMI says you’re overweight then doesn’t that mean you’re considered fat? Fat can be beautiful. It’s about acceptance. It must have been really hard for her knowing Asian beauty standards.
Im fat, but my mom has never called me that growing up. As an adult, she & i call ourselves fat and remind each other that we need to lose weight and eat less. If she had called me that repeatedly when i was a child, i think id be traumatized though. Our parents words as kids are much more impactful than we think. Im insecure about my weight but most of the time im okay. And im always trying to eat better and get moving. Love you mom!
The first part of the video frustrated me a bit because it is reminding me so much of my sister. She is extremely overweight right now at the age of 16 and my filipino parents would point out her weight by saying outright she’s fat, which may appear insensitive but unfortunately it’s true. Every generation of my family has experienced diabetes and that’s the one thing my parents worry about with her the most. And instead of acknowledging the reality of it, my sister would take offense because she’d much rather live in denial, have my parents essentially lie to her and be coddled because she doesn’t like hearing about her weight and doesn’t want to put the work in to get rid of the weight. She wants only positive feedback, no harsh truths. Kinda like how the girl in the video insisted “you’re not supposed to call me fat,” because in her mind she doesn’t think she’s fat. Objectively, I don’t think the doctors would agree. There’s not even room for subjective opinion once you hit a certain ratio with your body. My parents tried to control my sister’s eating but she would always go back to her unhealthy weight because of her bad eating habits. And knowing that people have and will bully her for how she looks, my parents didn’t want her to go through that they tried to buy her clothes and dress her in more flattering ways that fits her figure but she insists on certain clothing styles that don’t suit her, which causes people to poke fun (which I know shouldn’t be the case but we truly have horrible people in this world, and no matter how morally right it is to not make fun of fat people, people still do it) so then my sister gets into a slump and gets depressed because the world is cruel and people don’t bite their tongue about that stuff. It annoys when people deny the unhealthiness of their bodies skinny or fat instead of just taking responsibility for some serious life changes to get their health in order. I know it hurts to be called fat. We’ve associated this word to offense. No matter how nicely someone puts it, it will sting. But we should at least be honest with ourselves especially if the comment is true…
I agree. My sister hated shopping for clothes because she started gaining weight at 12. I took her in a shopping spree and she liked a dress but would not fit in their largest size, I pulled her to the side and I asked her if she wants to feel that way for the rest of her life. Her classmates also saw me and they would compare us. I was thinner that time and 12 years older. I told her she cannot stop other people from comparing us so I highly suggest she works on herself(like I did since I was obese at her age). She is now 24 and conventionally attractive. She thanked me for changing the trajectory of her life. I think the problem with this mother snd daughter is that after being told that she's fat, no one advised her of steps to change.
The people in the comments saying that she should accept that she is fat are forgetting how her mom was ashamed of her and made her hide her arms. She was probably criticized a lot since childhood.
As someone who was always nitpicked and fluctuated in weight a lot, sometimes gaining weight is from other issues. I was very depressed and used food as a way of escaping. Instead of families just calling you fat, they should ask about your mental health and give you positive ways to lose weight. Telling someone they are fat does nothing but shame them, and make them feel worse about themselves.
The fact that she is here, on this show, tells us is she is a good mom. We all make mistakes, and most parents are really doing their best from their own broken realities ❤
Pinky and Tessa- you were so brave and inspirational. This video made me weepy. More conversations like this needs to be had in our community. Working on doing better for my kids and breaking generational trauma.
i grew up being called mataba or FAT by my mom and that motivated me to live healthy and loose wt, if it was not my mom, who would tell me right, THANKS MOM!!!!
Them both discussing what "talking back" meant to them. Mom, grew up thinking it's disrespect. Tessa, thinks she's speaking her mind and having a conversation. I cried for sure.
To this day, my daughters do not like the comments they hear everytime they visit the Philippines - fat, fat, fat! They find it interesting why there’s so much hype on whiter skin…my explanation did not make sense. Like Tessa said, it could have been said in a different way. Hurtful word do not heal. Say NO to body shaming. love you Pinky Blue❤️
My heart always hurted with my parents when i was younger, the way they talked to us at times. I remember I confronted my mom one time, not in any disrespectful ways, but said there are studies that say when you say hurtful or mean things to your kids, it hurts them psychologically. My mom said one thing that I will never forget. She said she beaten, hit, an orphan, immigrant, no one to love her and she didn't die - disciplining us will not kill us like how she survived. I didn't even realize how much she went through. They have their own trauma they are trying to do better.
I totally get where Tessa is coming from. As you see the pictures they post, she was not “fat” growing up but was called that. Im sure there are other photos of her not shown, but she was not fat growing up. But is she on the bigger side NOW? Yes. Her mom is right, she is not skinny. But how did she get there? Maybe hurtful words that were thrown at her as a joke but obviously not funny to her. I was the exact same growing up and being FAT now. I would look at my pics those times I was called fat and what I saw was a healthy normal looking child. I was active growing up and yet my family would always comment about my weight. I wish my fat today was my “fat” even 10 years ago. Which I wasn’t but was still called fat??!!!!! So the thing is, I am not blind and I know what I am and NOT. I guess I am blessed because now my whole family knows I dont give a damn what they call me. I do need to lose weight but I am happy with who I am. Confidence kills their vibe. Yeah go on look at my fat arms and belly and enjoy it! Lol
I think you’re the first person to notice and pick this up, and you put it into words that I think is lacking in other responses I see… she was told this for her life, and that has impacts. So many folks on here have the privilege and context to maybe not hold that burden of folks commenting on their bodies and can make statements from their own bodies - even me, I gained weight after college because life happened and I don’t blame my body for just doing what it needed to do to keep me going. Ultimately, I’m not a woman who’s gone thru being criticized by the ones she loves, so I’m in no place to give judgment or talk about one’s own body. So anyway, really appreciate your insight.
Being overweight is a matter of perception and culture. A Filipino-American woman who is 5'3" and 140 lbs may not be considered "fat" by American standards. However, by Filipinos, living in the Philippines (especially ones living in rural areas), she may be considered 30-40 lbs overweight. It's a matter of culture and what "standards" that a person grows up with.
Trust me, if you have kids, they'll be saying the same about you. If you think, as a parent, you won't make any mistakes that your kids will one day point out to you and fault you for, then you are sadly mistaken. As for myself, looking back at my childhood, my parents said LOTS of hurtful things to me. But I don't hold it against them because they were doing their best, and they were simply learning how to be parents themselves. Now that I have my own kids, I totally understand what my parents went thru in raising a family.
It’s not about the daughter “denying” being fat that’s the issue here. It’s that her mom is entitled enough to think she has the RIGHT to comment on ANYONE ELSE’S body. That’s not appropriate and is abusive. If her boyfriend said the same thing yall would be like “girl leave himmmmmm” so think on that for 2 seconds
I felt second-hand embarrassment when this girl said that she is not fat, but beautiful. 😳 Accepting and loving yourself is great, but if you do not know what you look like, you are in denial. She is not good-looking and she is overweight. She may be a wonderful woman and have a beautiful personality, so I will give her that. It takes a certain level of entitlement to expect people to lie to your face and tell you only what you want to hear. Not only is she delusional, she is also gaslighting her mother! 😅
I find the parents of the older generation is more critical. I won't be surprised if their parents were just as hard on them. It's nice when you see the pattern that you can do different... Be better. In the end I think this is a good video because you can have a heart to heart with your parents and then tell them, it's OK. I still love you.
Truth is uncomfortable but Now it's traumatic? If somebody laid out that truth to me always then i could have drilled caution in my head and avoided all these CHRONIC DISEASE. This generation is really bloody sensitive. It is what it is.
So I wasn’t fat as a kid but was scolded all the time on how I looked in my not so Asian body. Btw I’m half Asian. My mother put me on insane diets and also never told what I did right. Anyways, my anxiety turned into anxious eating and depression and I’ve never really recovered. I’ve had up and down eating disorders. Either I’m not eating or eating m eating to hurt myself.
To describe a truthful physical trait is not hateful. If I were called short, stubby, fat, awkward, or any other adjective that accurately describes me, then I would accept it. Embracing self-awareness and resilience can help anyone navigate this complex and often challenging world. There are many more significant issues to worry about than merely being concerned with physical descriptions or labels. Not everyone is attractive, and that’s OK!
it's literally different if it came from a different place. how would u feel if i'd say "ouuhh u're getting ugly with ur dark bags" even though there's nothing with that, but im implying there is.
@@livingpotatochips8045 Your question is weird. If it's not there, why would I react to that statement. That's just being overly sensitive to react to a statement when I know the truth. In this instance, we can all see she is overweight, so why would it offend her if others can see it and she can see it for herself too? Fat is an adjective and people are attaching a negative meaning to the word. Unless she has not accepted how she looks. She would rather be comforted with a lie than with the truth. That's delusion thinking.
My mom used to tell me: " if I see something wrong and I dont tell you, then it means ai dont love you enough to warn you of the possible negative consequences of your actions. "
Wow there's this video of a young girl from China who told her dad he classmates called her fat. And when he asked if she was upset she said no, because its true. She was so mature accepted that she was fat and not be delusional about it. She seem more mature than this girl.
I honestly think this is why it is important for kids to move out at the age of 18 and just weekly visit. A perfect space is all people need. Enough boundaries for her to see who she is outside the confines of her mom's opinions.
As a child, my aunts and uncles would say, “oh wow you’re so fat.” So I developed an eating disorder in my teens/ early 20s and would be scared of food and thought that fainting from lack of food was ok. When I became skinny at 16, my relatives treated me so much better and called me beautiful all the time. After I graduated college, I gained like 40-50lbs due to mental/ health issues and stress from work. My relatives were back to calling me fat and kept mentioning about it lol. My mom would even laugh/ tease me along with them and her friends or sometimes be the person to first start making jokes. It still hurts of course but I’ve accepted. Now, I’m moving forward to improve myself mentally and physically with a different mindset and have lost 15 lbs already. Please surround yourself with understanding and supportive people who see you are more than just your appearance and help you keep you on track with your lifestyle and eating habits! I know my relatives try to mean well, but there are other ways to start a conversation instead of pointing out someone’s weight lol. Been distancing myself from my family and I feel a lot better mentally.
This hit! Especially, “you’re not light skinned enough,” which is not acceptable. Body shaming is not okay either. There are better ways to teach children healthy eating habits rather than calling them names.
Filipino parents specially coming from an old school ways are very blunt. Whatever criticism they say it’s coming from ones heart. Trauma for you could be just a reminder of her. As a parent we want what is best for our kids. We all know what is attached for being overweight. One of the biggest fear of a Filipino parent is their kids dying before they do. So it’s best for Parents and children to always be open to each other on any issues and concerns to avoid misunderstanding.
Without using the word “fat” denies the whole character of the person their struggles and overcoming a of their weight. Saying you don’t see them as “fat” is like saying you don’t see them at all 🤷♂️ that’s the way I see it
But mom ain’t wrong tbh, she is fat. That isn’t body shaming. People need to just accept reality. Fat shaming is if you think fat is ugly. You can be fat and beautiful. This is the daughter’s insecurity that she’s projecting . Don’t want to be fat? lose weight. It’s a science. Regardless of weight, people need to accept oneself so you don’t get mad at other people for telling the truth.
I'm a fat person and I'm always correcting my niece when she says,"No, you're not fat, you're just a little overweight." I'm like , no, I'm fat. Like I have a mirror, and eyes. It's something I've accepted and know it's something that I have to deal with.
I mean, I’m fat and I don’t mind my family pointing it out. I’d be more nervous if they didn’t say I was fat. I mean, my friends won’t say it, my colleagues won’t, if may family says I’m fat then okay thanks for the eye opener.
Did this episode resonate with you, and you want to talk it out with a license mental health professional? We’re partnering with Sweet Mango Therapy to help Fil-Ams heal from their family trauma - visit bit.ly/sweetmangotherapy to book a free 15-min consultation!
I related to the whoo! she did I always do that when I know I'm ready to get too emotional
It's one thing to ask the mother not to comment on her weight, but it's another to flat-out say, "I'm NOT fat". You can be fat and ask people not to point it out, but to say that you're not when you clearly are is living in denial and awkward for everybody.
lol you’re not helping the purpose of video 😂
It's true. People who are obese need to embrace it. It's a reality.
I, myself, am obese.
@@christineg2933and forcing to lie is helpful, how?
@@dodgek5270 I’m laughing about it, as a joke on the original comment, never said forcing to lie was helpful..
Thank you 😭 many fat activists proudly say they’re fat and just want to be treated like a person at the very least, like girl I know it hurts dealing with fat phobia but the first step to ending it is accepting it
Hurt people hurt other people. Our parents had trauma as well that’s why they pass it to us. Need to break the cycle
@@mauricemallari6365 Most times they don’t even realize the trauma even when they themselves turn into parents. They will simply say “this was how we were brought up” without recognizing that the way they were raised was traumatic and wrong. They go as far as saying “this was how we were punished and we turned out ok”. No you are not okay.
100% agree
@@babie.desk- It's NOT your right to tell another person that they were traumatized when they feel they were not. And it's NOT your right to tell someone that "you are not ok" if they tell you that they are.
That's, exactly, the same as you telling someone that you were traumatized by a specific experience, and they tell you, "That's not traumatic." Or if you tell someone "I'm hurting. I'm not ok right now." And they tell you, "You're fine!!! Stop being dramatic!!"
I had a family member tell ME that my childhood was traumatic. I told them, "I don't feel that way." He told me, "How can you say that considering how you were raised!?" I told him, "DO NOT TELL ME how I should feel about my own experiences!"
People today are at the point where they feel they can tell others how they should be feeling...🙄
@user-sg8kq7ii3y exactly! Some people dwell on stuff and some people don't. My upbringing was awful but I am good today, and I'm doing better for my own kids. Live and learn
Being delusional about reality is not breaking a cycle, its perpetuating the very cycle
That mother is GOLD! The daughter lives in never, never land and wants everyone to play along. But she’s a sweet young woman.
As a parent, you have to build up your child’s confidence, while they are gaining their sense of self. Words matter. I think we need to remember that.
I’m so disappointed in this comment section
The comments from her mom when she was young really affected her growing up and she still holds onto that this day. I know what that’s like.
What I recently learned from another influencer is that the real goal is not to not use the word 'fat', but instead be okay with it. This influencer said, "I AM fat. You denying it and saying 'oh you're not fat', means you have some discomfort with it and associate something negative with the word. But I'm okay with it. I'm okay with myself being fat, and I don't want people to deny it because then it just means you still think of 'fat' as something to be ashamed of". Lightbulb moment, right?!
Glad I read your comment. I said basically the same thing. Why delude ourselves into thinking we're not fat when we obviously are. Fat is not a bad word!
This is deep! How you have put it is so true about being comfortable
But it wasn’t the mom that denied it. She herself is uncomfortable with being called fat
I always say that I'm *fluffy*.
Right? Like are you not overweight. Fat shaming is bad but outright forcing someone to think you’re skinny is just 💀 “yes I’m fat but it’s not a bad thing”
I think ya'll are missing what she really means when she's telling her mom to not call her fat, to call her beautiful instead. She wants acceptance from her mom. Unconditional acceptance. When her mother calls her fat, it's done in a way that creates a deep sense of shame. So when she's saying "don't call me fat", she's trying to say "stop shaming me, love me for who I am"
Facts
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This
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Coming from a fat person, I dont see anything wrong with what the mother said “she was fat.” It’s a matter of acceptance. I used to get offended when I was called fat but that was the reality, I have gained extra weight than what is healthy ,it was me who was having a hard time accepting that fact. I know its hard but you are beautiful , if you cant accept those right now its okay ! ❤ you can focus on the things that makes you happy ❤ I love how vulnerable and honest they are
It’s the body shaming. People don’t realize words scar.
@@gloriagabriel6044I don't think it's body shaming, fat people are just too sensitive.
Yeah but you see it happened when she was a child. If you see those pictures, she was not fat at all. She looked regular size and normal. The comments are unnecessary in childhood… And how do kids increase their calorie intake anyways?? The parents were the one feeding them and buying food
true
There’s probably nothing wrong with the way say she’s saying it now. Butnot sounds like she said it in a negative way hence she was younger, like using it to tell her she couldn’t wear certain clothes and therefore implying it was ugly.. that’s my guess. But yes, being fat is not inherently a bad thing and that’s what we need to realise. Same way a lot of people used to equate being dark skinned with being ugly..
I cried. Mostly because Auntie is open minded and willing to discuss. I greatly understand where she came from in terms of her understanding based on how her mother was.
my husband is filipino, he’s told me stories like this. filipino people deserve this kind of healing. thank you so much for doing this work 🙏🏾 and for sharing it
we’re watching live and one day our Black+Filipino kids are going to watch too ♥️
thanks for watching with us! we appreciate you and your husband
I am a Filipino living in Western country, unfortunately Filipinos do not sugarcoat words to please you. I rather be honest than pretending or sugarcoating words to please you so that you will not get hurt.
@@pinayladyoz8044 there a difference between "honesty" and straight up abuse. That borderline isn't clear-cut of course, but straight up body shaming your children creates damage later in life as adults.
This made my eyes well up with tears.😢 The physical insult of being called fat by my mother AND father left emotional scars that I remember to this very day.
it's either a truth or a lie. I think the problem here is the conveying that you are less of a person bc of your appearance. Not exactly being called fat
Stop eating then.
@@redefinedliving5974 the problem is when you constantly bring up someone’s weight they start to obsess over it. Of course they will feel bad.
Then stop being fat lol hit the gym nerd
these are the hard conversations all filipino families should have in their households! thank you for making this kind of content.. can't wait for the video..watching from Milan, Italy😊
I didn’t realize how important it was to have these kind of uncomfortable conversations until I had to have it with my parents. My mom is Filipino and my dad is Vietnamese/American and I recently had a conversation with both of them separately about the trauma I had due to their actions. I held it in for so long (26 years basically) and it really started to affect my relationship with them. But through therapy I realized they need to know and understand how they made me feel bc it just causes a lot of resentment. The conversations went really well and I think has strengthened our relationships. And I feel better knowing that THEY know how I feel and what’s going on so that we all can learn and be better bc in reality our parents are doing the best they can while dealing with their own trauma from their parents. I wanted to be the one to stop the generational trauma before I start my own family.
Kudos on your courage! taht must have been scary for you, but you did it - for yourself and for generations to come. I pray you continue to heal and become better and stronger.
I’m in tears. Brought back memories of my childhood. Even now the meanest things I hear are from mom and aunties
Same.
Body shaming, status, comparisons, etc, is what makes family reunions so uncomfortable. First thing they notice is your weight gain. If you lose weight, it's wow ang ganda mo ang payat. If you gained weight, ang taba mo. Like dude what ever happen to it's nice seeing you again. And then comes the color of your skin.
because there no other topic to discuss that their mind knows off. and hardest part is the ma "OP" ka nila or out of place bec.they always want to get close to the good looking ones and popular successful ones. its like your not related or family duh😐
I’ve never liked going to family reunions. Partly for this reason. And more recently for other reasons, life just got in the way and I’m in my own little pit of stagnation and depression but I’ll save you from the bore lol. I just wish none of this shallow conversational shit existed. Growing up in Europe and having a wide array of friends from different backgrounds made me realise early on that Filipinos are the most overtly judgemental people you’ll ever meet. Even to their own kind or own family. I’m sure every Filipino family is different and has their own dynamics and level of… emotional intelligence, my family in particular is kind of the type where… even if they don’t say/do anything directly to your face u just KNOW they’re talking shit about your weight and life to everyone else once your back is turned. For people who should be FAMILY. I know it heavily depends on each specific persons background and experiences in life and personality as a whole and how each person builds that family unit together but I swear. They will never forego the talks about how my appearance has changed for the worse or the condescension about how shitty and unsuccessful my life is. Family is meant to be a safe space- a warm embrace of uplifting positivity. So tell me why so many Filipino families are the complete opposite of that. So many Filipinos pride themselves on being the kindest/nicest people on the planet but never care to do the introspection to realise that the instilled cultural values and inter-familial treatment is nowhere near how they seem to portray. Filipinos can be so individualistic and so vain and so snarky, while simultaneously boasting about their sense of community
It’s so odd and confusing as a Filipino who wasn’t born there to even try to understand that certain mentality. Not even mentioning the added pressure/expectations on us who didn’t grow up there, along with being treated like an alien because we seemingly don’t understand things the way they do. Every reunion in pinas I’ll either get the people who completely distance themselves from me because they don’t want to talk to me in English and get nose bleed (even tho I can get along fine with tagalog) and they think I’m too much of an outsider and fear I’ll be too rude & stuck up (ironically) OR the ones who act fake as hell to mooch some money/gifts/libre off me OR there’ll be the shameless bunch who will point out every single flaw about me and grill me about my personal/professional life and my education/finances (which I am not used to at all bc these would be taboo topics where I’m from, unless ofc youre REALLY close with someone but in that case they’d already know pretty much everything about your life without having to ask) and then I’d walk off and hear them say stuff like “diba galing abroad yan? Akala ko mas maputi/mas maganda sya” or “Ang arte nya palibhasa’y lumaki sa abroad” … even when I try to present with the bestest behaviour I could ever have to prevent such things being said . Sigh.
Sorry for yapping so much jeez
I really love this mom, she is truly open minded. My mom is from Vietnam and considering how hard social norms were enforced on them, I love hearing them accept her faults and be so honest. In reality they made life easier for us even though they may seem old fashioned, they are actually quite progressive considering where they came from.
because of this, getting called fat by one aunt and being told by another aunt that i wasnt eating enough and was skinny, i developed an eating disorder . i spent so many years hating myself.
Yeah I experienced this when I was a child, and my family members always asked how come you dont join the parties and reunions anymore? 😂😂😂 Well because you did not make it a good experience for me, and I was a child back then!!!!
It’s a very Asian mom thing to do to just bluntly tell the truth. My mom says I got fat, at first I was sad but hey I have gained weight. I either do something about it or let it be. At the end of the day I know My mom still loves me
She’s not skinny, the mom wasn’t lying. But if she’s happy 🤷🏻♀️
Except she’s not happy. The fact that being called fat brings her to tears means she’s not happy about it. The fact that she doesn’t think her mom should think she is fat indicates her own lack of acceptance of it, thereby preventing her from getting to a place where she is happy with herself.
@@greatmjones yeah agreed. She needs to make a change. Her mom wasn’t wrong :)
Shes not happy but she wants validation though and not do the work
I feel like the term “Fat” or “Mataba” to the daughter seems hurtful because it was embedded as a negative thing especially growing up with 2 younger siblings that are considered not. That’s why she’s taking it as an insult of some sort.
being fat /overweight is never a good thing , the problem here , is wrong people correcting right people.
Yes and the comparison between her and her sisters are painful emotionally. I think she's envious of her sisters
She is objectively fat, though. Or would she prefer the medical term, “obese?” You can be fat and beautiful, as her mom put it.
I teared up ya'll! It is a lot of responsibilities to be the eldest but I enjoyed raising my younger sister. However, I also had to live through my mother's first time having a child (me). In hindsight of course, she did her best... but many things slowly chipped away at me HOWEVER, I am thankful for my experiences - I do like who I turned out to be.
This
Asian parents are extremely critical on how they are viewed. Growing up in an Asian family… majority of us get ridiculed for not being pretty enough, smart enough, or successful enough! It’s sad but this is ongoing trauma from many generations that will not stop.
Which is really stupid because those things especially appearance they complain about their kids having came from them, like if your mad you think your kid is ugly then maybe look in the mirror, or ask yourself why you picked an ugly partner to have kids with.
@@Jade-cv1eg it is because Asian parents live vicariously through their children. If they see a "flaw", they tell you straight up because it also bears a negative connotation on them
Thank you for making content like this!!!
These are hard conversations. It's brave that this mother and daughter got to talk about unresolved issues they have with each other. If things escalate, I would love to see a mediator in future episodes (maybe a family counselor or a psychologist).
Filipino here. I can relate to this. I know Filipino elders are blunt when they comment about your weight. However, most of the time the intent is not to hurt you. They usually mean to warn you and look after your health. Though it can be hurtful because truth hurts, I don’t think I will ever tell my mom “ do not call me fat” when I know myself I am. Part of being family is them being true to you.
Bullshit. Family cannot bluntly say u are fat and then claim i mean it well. Family shoyld have manners too. The tone in which ppl say something matters. Say u are overweight in a respectable way so that the message comes across.
Saying fat is ok. It is how it is being said. You can not tell a person oh you are thin ....when that person is not
I agree. Just like saying "you look tired."
I’m not Filipino but this video really resonated with me. It reminded me a lot of my relationship with my mom. And it was beautiful to see how much they share even with the trauma from her childhood.
Maybe she needs to hear, i love you no matter if you're big or small. A softer word than fat. You are beautiful to me. I want you healthy and happy.
Thanks for making this and thanks to the mother and daughter that laid it all out there! From a biological standpoint, improvements in nutrition helped women grow to be bigger than the petite frames her mother’s generation was used to. Growing up, my mother said the same things to me. How I was too fat and dark. I look back at those photos and I wasn’t even fat or dark, I just didn’t fit the Filipina petite frame because of better nutrition. As I grew older, I started to resent my mother for those comments. I even started confronting her and asking her why she wanted me to hate myself. I think when I pushed back was when she realized how these comments really affected me and were not cute fun things to say. I also realized the impossible standards she was put in when she was young to develop this kind of generational trauma. Communication is key and I think our parents can still change and be more open. Our generation needs to stop all the classic Filipino body shaming with us.
But she is fat, there's nothing wrong with that if she's happy with herself. Obesity is a health issue obviously so let's not deny it and stay healthy.
I agree. I don't see anything wrong with her mom saying that. I don't want to offend her, but she is overweight. I think it's her who hasn't accepted herself. What good would it do to lie or sugarcoat things.
+100 agree. Fat is not a bad word. It's an adjective and we should neutralize it as that - descriptive. (I'm fat too)
I agree. But there is always a better way of saying it and make them realize it’s coming from a place of concern and love.
@@babie.desk-like the person said above it doesn't have to be a negative word and we can just treat it as neutral. what makes it negative is when the person receiving doesn't like the comment cause they're not happy with themselves in the first place. (i was like this)
Yes, she is fat. My mother is Filipino too and I’ve gotten to the point where I will ask her, do you think I’ve gained weight and she is ALWAYS honest which is what I want from her. I don’t want her to lie just to make me feel happy.
I think what she really wants is for her mom to genuinely believe and see she is the beautiful child she has created. And when she calls her fat it’s like she doesn’t accept her for who she is. With that being said I just don’t agree with how she’s coming at her mom about it. Asking her if she thinks she’s fat, which she is, and gets mad when she answers the question. I’d want my mom to be honest tell me and I’d take the constructive criticism. You want to be open and honest relationship you have to learn how to converse without getting emotional about it.
My Asian mum was honest and told me I was a little overweight. She spent time to take me to nice spots where I could skate with my friends while she just waited for hours. She took a walk with me every day so I would move more. She made me feel loved so surely that what she said didn’t hurt at all. In fact, what she wanted for me, which was getting in shape, was in alignment with what I wanted, ‘cause I couldn’t lie to myself that I could be truly happy with a body that I didn’t like. It is actually important for young girls to feel pretty and confident. My mum had nothing but untiring support, and I’ll be forever grateful to her.
Filipinos are just honest people. They tell you the truth even if it hurts. My wife tells me the truth every time I make her mad she’s Filipina and I’m Hispanic American 🇺🇸 she will tell me lose weight it looks like you gained 5 pounds. Lol that’s just the way they are brutally honest my wife is old school she can be mean I’m the one who listens because I understand my kids I was raised by Mexican parents it was a hard life now that I’m a parent i always try to be understanding an understanding parent.
If you say something back to them they get easily offended though.
I think a lot of the issue is that she has been called fat since she was a developing child, when the adults calling her that were the ones that were feeding her. They taught her eating habits and she probably also comfort eats when she feels hurt. I’m Filipino as well and we aren’t taught the healthiest relationship with food, especially immigrants in the US now that we have access to so much more food. It’s like her mom is shaming her for being what she created.
Drawing issues from the tabo. Love it!
truth may hurt a while but truth will set free..Acceptance is the key for more self release from chain of denial and hurtful past. understanding each other will help a lot.
If you guys can put full subtitles but in Tagalog, I think it would help more people 🥺 especially for the parents that don’t really understand English that good 🫶🏽
That’s an amazing and forgiving daughter.
I was 10 year old when I told my mom that I want to be a tv newscaster when I grow up and she answered me flat that I can’t be because I’m ugly. She said I can be a teacher or Agricultural Technician.
Your mother is wrong for that. Sorry she said those hurtful things to you at such a young age. You weren’t even finished growing. But you can be anything you put your mind to. Work on that newscaster voice and a nice smile. Don’t give up!
The problem as well is our culture. As a mom, I keep supporting and reminding my daughter that she’s enough-beautiful, smart and talented. However, there are so many times when I have to look at the perspective of mean people mostly bec our relatives are very judgemental. Like in our eyes she’s fine, but we have to remind her of stuff just to avoid comments from relatives. Which in hindsight is hurtful at times. There are times our values are not the same with other families.
When our values don't align with my sibling's families, I take my family aside and talk about the differences. "In our family, this is how we do it..." is what I say. It's OK to have differences, it's OK to stick to our own. This way, there's an understanding and our get-togethers are enjoyable and smooth. There are times when us siblings can talk about an issue on a conference call (we're geographically spread apart). But first, siblings have to decide not to fight and keep an open mind/heart -- always.
Well, I've gotten to the point where I'm just rude back. Like I have heavy bags under my eyes. The bags under my eyes have nothing to do with being tired. I just have bags under my eyes because that's just how my skin is. People used to point it out to me all the time. "You have bags under your eyes." At first I never used to say anything. But now I'll say back, "Your teeth is crooked." Or, "You've got a big nose." And when I say these things back to them, they seem shocked at how blunt I am back at them. They are clueless.
I am on the thin side. Many say that I am "too skinny". One day, my older brother came over with his wife, and he looked at me, and told her in a mocking way, "Look at how skinny he is!! Look at how skinny his legs are!!!!!" I looked at him straight and said, "Better than being fat like you." My brother never made a comment about my weight again.
Need to give people like that a taste of their own medicine.
Sent this to my mom. See how it goes. This is really helpful video. Please make more of this kind of videos.
But she IS fat???? Fat doesn't have to be a negative thing, it's just the truth. I'm fat too. I don't understand why we have to say otherwise to feel good.
I feel for her as someone who grew up being body-shamed (I was too skinny) but I always knew that. She asked her mom if she thought she was fat, what did she expect she’d say? If your BMI says you’re overweight then doesn’t that mean you’re considered fat? Fat can be beautiful. It’s about acceptance. It must have been really hard for her knowing Asian beauty standards.
Im fat, but my mom has never called me that growing up. As an adult, she & i call ourselves fat and remind each other that we need to lose weight and eat less. If she had called me that repeatedly when i was a child, i think id be traumatized though. Our parents words as kids are much more impactful than we think. Im insecure about my weight but most of the time im okay. And im always trying to eat better and get moving. Love you mom!
The first part of the video frustrated me a bit because it is reminding me so much of my sister. She is extremely overweight right now at the age of 16 and my filipino parents would point out her weight by saying outright she’s fat, which may appear insensitive but unfortunately it’s true. Every generation of my family has experienced diabetes and that’s the one thing my parents worry about with her the most. And instead of acknowledging the reality of it, my sister would take offense because she’d much rather live in denial, have my parents essentially lie to her and be coddled because she doesn’t like hearing about her weight and doesn’t want to put the work in to get rid of the weight. She wants only positive feedback, no harsh truths. Kinda like how the girl in the video insisted “you’re not supposed to call me fat,” because in her mind she doesn’t think she’s fat. Objectively, I don’t think the doctors would agree. There’s not even room for subjective opinion once you hit a certain ratio with your body.
My parents tried to control my sister’s eating but she would always go back to her unhealthy weight because of her bad eating habits. And knowing that people have and will bully her for how she looks, my parents didn’t want her to go through that they tried to buy her clothes and dress her in more flattering ways that fits her figure but she insists on certain clothing styles that don’t suit her, which causes people to poke fun (which I know shouldn’t be the case but we truly have horrible people in this world, and no matter how morally right it is to not make fun of fat people, people still do it) so then my sister gets into a slump and gets depressed because the world is cruel and people don’t bite their tongue about that stuff.
It annoys when people deny the unhealthiness of their bodies skinny or fat instead of just taking responsibility for some serious life changes to get their health in order. I know it hurts to be called fat. We’ve associated this word to offense. No matter how nicely someone puts it, it will sting. But we should at least be honest with ourselves especially if the comment is true…
I agree. My sister hated shopping for clothes because she started gaining weight at 12. I took her in a shopping spree and she liked a dress but would not fit in their largest size, I pulled her to the side and I asked her if she wants to feel that way for the rest of her life. Her classmates also saw me and they would compare us. I was thinner that time and 12 years older. I told her she cannot stop other people from comparing us so I highly suggest she works on herself(like I did since I was obese at her age). She is now 24 and conventionally attractive. She thanked me for changing the trajectory of her life. I think the problem with this mother snd daughter is that after being told that she's fat, no one advised her of steps to change.
👌🏿👌🏿
The people in the comments saying that she should accept that she is fat are forgetting how her mom was ashamed of her and made her hide her arms. She was probably criticized a lot since childhood.
I am just crying. this is such a good concept.
This was a beautiful video! Sent it to my own mom, and she loved it too
Oh my gosh, my tears!! This was so healing 😭 I want to have this moment with my mom too.
This conversation really hits home for me and I am in tears
As someone who was always nitpicked and fluctuated in weight a lot, sometimes gaining weight is from other issues. I was very depressed and used food as a way of escaping. Instead of families just calling you fat, they should ask about your mental health and give you positive ways to lose weight. Telling someone they are fat does nothing but shame them, and make them feel worse about themselves.
The fact that she is here, on this show, tells us is she is a good mom. We all make mistakes, and most parents are really doing their best from their own broken realities ❤
I love this mom! 🇵🇭 REAL!
Me crying because I completely relate to this. So happy to see that despite your differences, you still work hard to make it work ❤
Pinky and Tessa- you were so brave and inspirational. This video made me weepy. More conversations like this needs to be had in our community. Working on doing better for my kids and breaking generational trauma.
i grew up being called mataba or FAT by my mom and that motivated me to live healthy and loose wt, if it was not my mom, who would tell me right, THANKS MOM!!!!
Homegirl needs to sort out in her own mind first that being fat is not a bad thing, I’m saying from a place of love ❤️
I am crying! It’s a insightful video
Them both discussing what "talking back" meant to them. Mom, grew up thinking it's disrespect. Tessa, thinks she's speaking her mind and having a conversation. I cried for sure.
To this day, my daughters do not like the comments they hear everytime they visit the Philippines - fat, fat, fat! They find it interesting why there’s so much hype on whiter skin…my explanation did not make sense. Like Tessa said, it could have been said in a different way. Hurtful word do not heal. Say NO to body shaming.
love you Pinky Blue❤️
I know it was challenging but I find their relationship beautiful. Cherish your family ❤
Thank you for this ... this is a common asian childhood trauma that affects them if not forever ...a very long time
This is so amazing and resonates so much with me and I’m sure many first and second generations Filipinos in the US
This was so inspiring and uplifting! Thank you for sharing!!
My heart always hurted with my parents when i was younger, the way they talked to us at times. I remember I confronted my mom one time, not in any disrespectful ways, but said there are studies that say when you say hurtful or mean things to your kids, it hurts them psychologically. My mom said one thing that I will never forget. She said she beaten, hit, an orphan, immigrant, no one to love her and she didn't die - disciplining us will not kill us like how she survived. I didn't even realize how much she went through. They have their own trauma they are trying to do better.
I 100% felt this 😢
I totally get where Tessa is coming from. As you see the pictures they post, she was not “fat” growing up but was called that. Im sure there are other photos of her not shown, but she was not fat growing up. But is she on the bigger side NOW? Yes. Her mom is right, she is not skinny. But how did she get there? Maybe hurtful words that were thrown at her as a joke but obviously not funny to her.
I was the exact same growing up and being FAT now. I would look at my pics those times I was called fat and what I saw was a healthy normal looking child. I was active growing up and yet my family would always comment about my weight. I wish my fat today was my “fat” even 10 years ago. Which I wasn’t but was still called fat??!!!!!
So the thing is, I am not blind and I know what I am and NOT. I guess I am blessed because now my whole family knows I dont give a damn what they call me. I do need to lose weight but I am happy with who I am. Confidence kills their vibe. Yeah go on look at my fat arms and belly and enjoy it! Lol
I think you’re the first person to notice and pick this up, and you put it into words that I think is lacking in other responses I see… she was told this for her life, and that has impacts. So many folks on here have the privilege and context to maybe not hold that burden of folks commenting on their bodies and can make statements from their own bodies - even me, I gained weight after college because life happened and I don’t blame my body for just doing what it needed to do to keep me going. Ultimately, I’m not a woman who’s gone thru being criticized by the ones she loves, so I’m in no place to give judgment or talk about one’s own body. So anyway, really appreciate your insight.
Being overweight is a matter of perception and culture. A Filipino-American woman who is 5'3" and 140 lbs may not be considered "fat" by American standards. However, by Filipinos, living in the Philippines (especially ones living in rural areas), she may be considered 30-40 lbs overweight. It's a matter of culture and what "standards" that a person grows up with.
This is true but in the Philippines their BMI is different, when I went in 2019 I was a size American M but I had to buy XL clothes
It’s like saying I’m not short when I am. But if you have no control over it, then just embrace it. It’s ok.
I am Filipina. There is no way in Hell that my dad would do something like this with me . he’s wayyyyy too NARCISSISTIC. That’s the sad part .
Trust me, if you have kids, they'll be saying the same about you. If you think, as a parent, you won't make any mistakes that your kids will one day point out to you and fault you for, then you are sadly mistaken.
As for myself, looking back at my childhood, my parents said LOTS of hurtful things to me. But I don't hold it against them because they were doing their best, and they were simply learning how to be parents themselves. Now that I have my own kids, I totally understand what my parents went thru in raising a family.
Now let’s see this happen with a stubborn Filipino father and their frustrated oldest daughter. Because it sucks :(
Words are like bullets they leave scars.
It’s not about the daughter “denying” being fat that’s the issue here. It’s that her mom is entitled enough to think she has the RIGHT to comment on ANYONE ELSE’S body. That’s not appropriate and is abusive. If her boyfriend said the same thing yall would be like “girl leave himmmmmm” so think on that for 2 seconds
I felt second-hand embarrassment when this girl said that she is not fat, but beautiful. 😳
Accepting and loving yourself is great, but if you do not know what you look like, you are in denial. She is not good-looking and she is overweight. She may be a wonderful woman and have a beautiful personality, so I will give her that.
It takes a certain level of entitlement to expect people to lie to your face and tell you only what you want to hear. Not only is she delusional, she is also gaslighting her mother! 😅
She’s not asking anyone, she’s asking her mother. A parent should love their children unconditionally and be enough in their eyes.
I like how they laugh together.
I love this! This is so my mom and I
I find the parents of the older generation is more critical. I won't be surprised if their parents were just as hard on them. It's nice when you see the pattern that you can do different... Be better. In the end I think this is a good video because you can have a heart to heart with your parents and then tell them, it's OK. I still love you.
Truth is uncomfortable but Now it's traumatic? If somebody laid out that truth to me always then i could have drilled caution in my head and avoided all these CHRONIC DISEASE. This generation is really bloody sensitive. It is what it is.
aw this healed my own traumas 🥹
So I wasn’t fat as a kid but was scolded all the time on how I looked in my not so Asian body. Btw I’m half Asian. My mother put me on insane diets and also never told what I did right. Anyways, my anxiety turned into anxious eating and depression and I’ve never really recovered. I’ve had up and down eating disorders. Either I’m not eating or eating m eating to hurt myself.
To describe a truthful physical trait is not hateful. If I were called short, stubby, fat, awkward, or any other adjective that accurately describes me, then I would accept it. Embracing self-awareness and resilience can help anyone navigate this complex and often challenging world. There are many more significant issues to worry about than merely being concerned with physical descriptions or labels. Not everyone is attractive, and that’s OK!
much love to mom. i get her.
It's very contradictory to be confident with your body but get offended by the word "fat".
it's literally different if it came from a different place. how would u feel if i'd say "ouuhh u're getting ugly with ur dark bags" even though there's nothing with that, but im implying there is.
@@livingpotatochips8045 Your question is weird. If it's not there, why would I react to that statement. That's just being overly sensitive to react to a statement when I know the truth. In this instance, we can all see she is overweight, so why would it offend her if others can see it and she can see it for herself too? Fat is an adjective and people are attaching a negative meaning to the word. Unless she has not accepted how she looks. She would rather be comforted with a lie than with the truth. That's delusion thinking.
My mom used to tell me: " if I see something wrong and I dont tell you, then it means ai dont love you enough to warn you of the possible negative consequences of your actions. "
Wow there's this video of a young girl from China who told her dad he classmates called her fat. And when he asked if she was upset she said no, because its true. She was so mature accepted that she was fat and not be delusional about it. She seem more mature than this girl.
For me, your mother is the greatest fan and the greatest critique.
I honestly think this is why it is important for kids to move out at the age of 18 and just weekly visit. A perfect space is all people need. Enough boundaries for her to see who she is outside the confines of her mom's opinions.
Too young and we don't do that in every culture.
Not Asian, but as a Mexican I can relate very much I started crying watching this bc this is too real
I relate to your experience but mom would be lying if she told you you are not fat. Don’t ask that question if you can’t handle to answer.
Healthy and happy. If it’s healthy and she’s happy then it’s okey.
As a child, my aunts and uncles would say, “oh wow you’re so fat.” So I developed an eating disorder in my teens/ early 20s and would be scared of food and thought that fainting from lack of food was ok. When I became skinny at 16, my relatives treated me so much better and called me beautiful all the time. After I graduated college, I gained like 40-50lbs due to mental/ health issues and stress from work. My relatives were back to calling me fat and kept mentioning about it lol. My mom would even laugh/ tease me along with them and her friends or sometimes be the person to first start making jokes. It still hurts of course but I’ve accepted. Now, I’m moving forward to improve myself mentally and physically with a different mindset and have lost 15 lbs already. Please surround yourself with understanding and supportive people who see you are more than just your appearance and help you keep you on track with your lifestyle and eating habits! I know my relatives try to mean well, but there are other ways to start a conversation instead of pointing out someone’s weight lol. Been distancing myself from my family and I feel a lot better mentally.
I’m so proud of them ❤
The mom said “nobody could save me” I can’t dude…so much pain
This hit! Especially, “you’re not light skinned enough,” which is not acceptable. Body shaming is not okay either. There are better ways to teach children healthy eating habits rather than calling them names.
Filipino parents specially coming from an old school ways are very blunt. Whatever criticism they say it’s coming from ones heart. Trauma for you could be just a reminder of her. As a parent we want what is best for our kids. We all know what is attached for being overweight. One of the biggest fear of a Filipino parent is their kids dying before they do. So it’s best for Parents and children to always be open to each other on any issues and concerns to avoid misunderstanding.
Without using the word “fat” denies the whole character of the person their struggles and overcoming a of their weight. Saying you don’t see them as “fat” is like saying you don’t see them at all 🤷♂️ that’s the way I see it
But mom ain’t wrong tbh, she is fat. That isn’t body shaming. People need to just accept reality. Fat shaming is if you think fat is ugly. You can be fat and beautiful. This is the daughter’s insecurity that she’s projecting . Don’t want to be fat? lose weight. It’s a science. Regardless of weight, people need to accept oneself so you don’t get mad at other people for telling the truth.
I'm a fat person and I'm always correcting my niece when she says,"No, you're not fat, you're just a little overweight." I'm like , no, I'm fat. Like I have a mirror, and eyes. It's something I've accepted and know it's something that I have to deal with.
I mean, I’m fat and I don’t mind my family pointing it out. I’d be more nervous if they didn’t say I was fat. I mean, my friends won’t say it, my colleagues won’t, if may family says I’m fat then okay thanks for the eye opener.