When malignant narcissists lovebomb
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- Опубликовано: 25 ноя 2021
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Them having an intense desire to be with you all the time, them wanting constant contact is never a good thing. It is control and is designed to stop you from having boundaries. Anyone who wants your constant attention is dangerous.
That perfectly describes a friendship of mine, constantly wanting to hangout and constantly wanting attention or else I get guilt tripped and deal with his devaluing of me to others. Disgusting behavior, I’m glad I blocked him but now I have to deal with getting stalked.
She literally just said that
YES!
@@jennifernew4792thats literally what they do. All of them pull from the same shitty bag of narchole tricks.
That's more bpd I'd say, they're comorbid
I mistook intensity for deep connection. If it was a novel, I’d call it Pedestal to Predator.
Sounds like a (well titled) spooky novel
I'm an Indian woman, planning to study further and fulfill my dreams. I already have a successful career in my field. My family, my religion, my community are narcissistic and pressuring me into getting an arranged marriage at merely 25 and this pressure has been on ever since I was nearing my graduation. There's so much I learnt only through your channel. Thank you for making me believe in myself! Thank you for giving me the courage of knowing my true worth to escape this toxicity. Please make a video on cultural/religious and martial pressures in people from underdeveloped nations and solutions to escape this. It's been the fate of most of us middle class youth from these nations. Post lockdown, many of us lost our freedom, our youth and are suddenly being emotionally abused into getting married. More power to you! You're such an inspiration to us Indian women! 😭😭🤗🤗🤗
Please watch Dr. Ramani's video's on Cultural/Generational Narcissists. It helped me a lot. Though I was 20 years a little too late. Best wishes on your further studies and for wanting to fulfilling your dreams.
Remember that you might get shunned and face a lot of family pressure and emotional blackmailing during the process. It is a difficult process as you will break through those bonds. It will be traumatic depending on how conservative your family is. Also remember that 'log sirf baat karne ke liye hain'. Finally, it is your life and you are the master of your life. You are responsible for your happiness. You try to keep the world (your family, your relatives) happy and it will come at the cost of your happiness and you will feel crushed and betrayed by them. No one comes when you need help. Trust me, no one comes. Though they will stand and talk. If you have marital problems, you are left to fix the hell. All they want is the marriage to survive, why because it is their reputation and status in society (because 'unki naak kat jayegi'). They just want to be left alone. You will be left to deal with it. Aur tumhara kya? Kisi ko parva nahi.
Here's the link to the first of Dr. Ramani's video in the series: ruclips.net/video/WvxpuuBH-Kk/видео.html
We have a fan friend who isalso of South Asian heritage. Her mother is a malignant narcissist.
She is in her early 40’s and has to be home by a certain time or her mother thinks that she’ll a whore! We have talked with her but she needs counseling. She will only feel comfortable with a woman from her own background.
More power to you! You're stronger than you realize if you have this clarity at 25. You're going to have a beautiful life with this clarity. ❤️
Brilliant girl, you deserve to break free and you absolutely will. I congratulate you on your clarity of thought around peolle close to you. I managed to break out and break free and life is loads and loads better outside. Loads and loads. The privacy, the anonymity and safety is so important to do deep meaningful work. So many better things to do with one's energy.. all the best.
The best solution is to be financially independent, be able to work and support yourself emotionally and financially. This ENABLES you to live away from the toxic community/family pressures.
Scary 😩 I’m so glad I escaped.
Me too protect yourself
Yes they can put tracking devices on you, and even hide cameras in your house, technology is out there.👍 up Dr RAMANI and survivors and thrivers 🙏
True.
I am dating a girl who told me her ex from a long time ago did this! Its crazy
@@MidwestBoxin yes crazy.
And if you try to tell anyone what is happening,
most people will just assume that you're being paranoid. (this is even true of many law enforcement officers.)
They think it is something that only happens on tv or in movies.
& that is how these guys keep getting away with it.
@@gertrudelaronge6864 it’s stalking it’s against the law, being a targeted individual & being gang stalked is the worst.
@@andrewchamos9418 Thank you. That is a fact.
This is exactly what happened to me! I became a “good girl” to please him (isolated from everyone) but 13 years later- I started wanting my freedom back.. (and wanted my children and I to have a healthier and more peaceful life) He very quickly became belligerent and verbally abusive- extremely angry when I didn’t answer the phone first thing every morning. Thankfully I was prepared for it thanks to you Dr. Ramani, so it didn’t scare me into submission this time. Been 3 months no contact, with restraining order… we have court Dec 7 for divorce and custody.
Bravo Apey B! I hope things work in your favor for custody and good luck with the "show" aka divorce.
Good I hope you get full custody!😊
@@unconversantcallowincandes1540 I really appreciate that! He’s of course requesting sole custody because I’m a “paranoid, suicidal, neglectful mother”- but I was thankfully prepared for the smear campaign as well. I just rolled my eyes (to myself) while he spewed his lies in depositions. My attorney took him to the cleaners though, lol. It didn’t take much to bring some of that seething anger to the surface- he was huffing and puffing with his arms crossed. Lol. And my attorney is saving the good stuff for court (I have texts and emails of him threatening me- which he denied) So I’m hopeful it will turn out okay! Thanks again for your support!
I'm glad you're away from that ❤
@@apeyb5606 Oh My God!! 🤣🥰 That's hilarious thank you attorney!! Thats Epic! I'm so happy for your success!!
"Menace," is the best descriptive word for so much of the narcissists behavior.
That and creepy.
Ugly is my current fave. Ugly treatment of others. Just ugly
"These kind of relationships can be all encompassing until one morning you wake up and you realize that you're terrified." That is the perfect summary of what happened to me with my malignant narcissist.
The "He really is such a teddy bear" comment was me. You have to watch how they treat other people because eventually that will be you.:(
That is so true, my malignant ex was violent towards a friend which shocked me and other friends at the time. A few months later he tried to be disrespectful towards me in front of others. I knew after his behaviour it was just a matter of time before I was on the receiving end of his violence so I had to end it and go no contact. They are scary people.
@@catlady6938 isn't it terrible? Good for you for ending it.
These people are evil & dangerous !!
This is so helpful. My exboyfriend love bombed me not with gifts, but with the idea that "we're special, you 'get things' that other people don't, it's you and me against the world" type of thinking. It's addictive, and then I started to disappoint him and we never got back to that initial feeling. I wish I'd known all this back then!
Exactly, I had the same experience. 'We are made for each other', 'We will be together in all our births', 'We will fight the world together','I love you'. But he won't finch his eye to call me 'A bitch or a f***er'
Same here, he would say things like ''there's no such thing as community, it's just you and me'', also pretending that he cares about me, while saying ''I don't care if all the neighbours drop dead tomorrow''..., DoctorRamani describes it 100% accurate - lots of jealousy, paranoia, projections, rage, control and shaming, all in all - their 'lovebombing'' is the road to hell.
Even a few months with malignant narcissists are too much time and can cause terrible long term damage (within 4 months I got so sick, nearly didin't make it... ) The sooner you leave, the greater chance you have to survive and recover.
@@See_Life That's what caused my final decision to split up with this person - the attitude towards others and society in general. Uncooperative, judgemental, domineering, paranoid. Somehow I was meant to believe he had empathy for me when he was so negative in general. "Us against the world" means you should defend their indefensible behaviour at all times and keep the abuse incidents hidden.
@@mobwatch8119 Exactly, yes. The empathy was fake. And the arguments are off the charts, they would go into madness and rage in the middle of the night also causing sleep deprivation.
@@See_Lifemy ex did that too! Always pick fights before bed time, rage in the middle of the night.
Everything you say is so true and heartbreaking. They are extremely insecure, project it on to you, also be very mean, hurful, cold, and cruel when rageful. They are very sarcastic, total lack of empathy, it comes at having no clue at all. They are jelous, vindictive, very arrogant, and egocentric, and play the victim. They believe you deserve bad treatment💔 Their behavior is very confusing, unsettling, terrying at times, and they are great manipulators. All they want is control and dominance. They love triangulation💔💔💔
Thank you Dr. Ramani for this very valuable information💖
Perfectly said 👍👍👍
So sorry you experienced everything you listed.
@@salonsavy6476 Thank you❤
@@yukio_saito Thank you, yes it was hard💜
It is a sad era we live in, to be hypervigilant in having to walk around in life questioning and guessing other people's motivations. It's the cross we bear after an abusive relationship.
There’s no way you could know how much you help people make sense of it all.
My ex of only 5 months, (but was enough to damage me) used to have Ring cameras outside his house. If he was at work and saw that I had left, he would ring asking where I had gone. So happy to be out of it but it's left some scars
It’s best to keep in mind if someone constantly compliments you and gives you gifts, they want something from you.
🎯Exactly that one!
That last line hit the nail perfectly on the head. "These kind of relationships can be all encompassing until one morning you wake up and you realize that you're terrified."
That is the perfect summary of what happened to me!
The moment I escaped, The phone was cancelled. Was scary how intense that was
Glad your out and safe, how you do it
What do you mean? I think something similar happened to me.
I really need to know how to escape and it's my house and he won't leave and I think he's escalating
Oh my Gosh. This is unbelievable. The intensity! I did feel uncomfortable with the constant text messaging and video calling, but he always used to say, "I miss you! I miss you!". And the annoyance and anger that followed when I did not respond to his texts or calls! I could see a pattern of him trying to isolate me, never letting me out alone, insisting on seeing me on video to see me when I was out with friends. I am so glad I got out before things got worse. And I couldn't have done it without you Dr Ramani. Your channel is a lifesaver. Thank you for keeping this content free! God bless you.
So glad you got out. I eventually got out of each one but not until after so much damage. I'm aware now. 🤗
I remember my dad just got better after a surgery and when i went to meet him, my ex husband wont stop video calling me in the middle of dinner, knowing very well from my texts sent to him earlier that I'm having dinner with my dad. His complain was "how does someone take more than 15 minutes to take a meal?"
What days I've endured.
The video thing gets on my nerves
@@buckwheat_flower the controlling menace!
@@AMir-ln8uu it took me a lot of time to realize it's neither care nor how they miss me. They do this so well from the very beginning, as if someone taught them word by word from a book.
The one I've been waiting for.
Me too. I was love bombed by such narcissist
I was love bombed by a malignant female narcissist. I think she was a psychopath as well
A beautiful young girl from our company got love-bombed for a month and kept refusing a marriage proposal of an anger-management-nutcase boyfriend who liked to beat "ungrateful" women. Last week she was still complaining about being scared of him getting angrier and angrier. Today was her funeral, as the guy got a little too angry in the end :(( We should never underestimate the malignant nature of those whose attitude is "worship me or you'll regret it"... Even if they don't take lives in a literal way, they destroy them in another way. Let us all beware.
That is so sad, poor girl.
That’s soo sad, prayers for her but until I know the whole story I would draw conclusions. It also could be she played him emotionally his frustrated self couldn’t control his anger.
@@goodtimesbadtimes5273 no excuse to murder her whatever happened.
@@catlady6938 of course, no excuse
@@goodtimesbadtimes5273 What many people don't understand about these types is that their anger isn't always a reaction. They have a need for conflict, so when the other person doesn't provide an opportunity, they just make sh*t up to have an excuse for raging. It doesn't matter what the partner does; they will find some reason to lash out regularly.
Spot on!!
your channel is changinng so many people's lives, thank you!
This describes so accurately my whole life with ex-husband. The examples give here I can remember from my own personal experiences. I also think my father was a malignant covert narcissistic type as well. I feel so very thankful that I was finally able to gather the strength and courage to get out and get safe. The insidious nature of these abusive relationships is that often victims don’t realize the danger they are in until they are completely caught in the sticky web of these toxic dynamics! And they are often so isolated from support that they feel completely trapped with no way out. Ex-husband moved me far away from all of my friends and family intentionally to make sure that I was not going to leave. I was terrified but I got help from domestic advocate and was able to finally get out. It was horrible how much he would deliberately lie and manipulate others in order to isolate me. Malignant narcissism is extremely dangerous but family courts seem to deliberately turn a blind eye to the very real dangers for victims and their children. I am so very thankful to people like Dr Ramani and others that provide education and support to us so we can not only survive but thrive and protect ourselves from dangerous narcissistic predators. Our culture often wants to deny that these scary realities exist for victims. until there is some tragedy that winds up on the news. It doesn’t shock or surprise me when I see these tragedies it but definitely saddens me deeply that more is not more done for victims of domestic violence. And narcissism plays a huge role in the cycle of abuse. If general public understands narcissism then they would no longe ask why victims don’t leave and they would not blame victims. That’s why it’s so vital to educate people about narcissism so people can get the help and support that they so desperately need and deserve! Thank you so much for your dedication to providing us with this information and support which helps all of us, many blessings to you🙏🤗💜
☺️❤️❤️❤️
My narcissistic mother in law is getting everyone to text me since we stopped interacting with her. I dont know how to respond to all these flying mockeys. Some of these people I really cared about.
Just say oh you've been talking to the crazies, and apologise that they are dumping on them but that you're not interested in discussing as it's private.
Or simply put a stop on their number.
This is where you have to put up clear boundaries. You are now being harrassed, and there are laws against that. You have a right to tell people that you need space and that you find their texts harmful and stressful. You don't even have to bring up your narc mother-in-law, other than telling the flying monkeys that you want them to stop texting you about her. If they continue to harass you, let them know that they will be blocked, then follow up on your threat if they still do it.
Are they trying to get you to reconcile? Tell them that their involvement is a great example of your MIL's methods of manipulation, and reinforces your resolve to not have contact with her until she gets help. Tell them that you consider this to be a private matter between you and your MIL, and won't to discussing it.
If they are shaming you, tell them that you have good reasons for your decision, but they are private.
You don't have to defend yourself to anyone. But you need to set boundaries and be consistent. And it's inevitable that people will side against you. It's sad, but better to know than not know who the enablers are so you don't end up giving them information that the narcissist can use against you.
And it's a given that you will probably lose some friends and relationships with other family members.
IGNORE ENTIRELY
Or a simple "thanks for caring"
Good morning. I saw a TED talk yesterday where the speaker hypothesized that places with sharp inequality, and poverty breed more narcissism. Maybe you want to explore this? I believe he was a neurosurgeon in the UK. I'm sorry I don't have more info.
Do you happen to have a link to that video? That's an interesting take and I'd like to know how he came up with that hypothesis.
That's exactly what I am thinking. I come from Czech republic in EU. We aren't and weren't particularily poor as a nation but there was communism for half a century and that definitely breed corruption and narcissism. One of my former coworkers comes from Ukraine and she said once the Russians have the proverb: "You don't hit - you don't love." "Nebiješ - nemiluješ." 😢
@@AeriaGl0ris not a single link, he's done several lectures about inequality, but I have his name...Richard Wilkinson.
Idk, my ex would have fit the bill for malignant and vulnerable, but didn’t do most of this. The menace and dominance didn’t come out until a good year after we’d been married. He didn’t do stalk-ish stuff, he didn’t subtly monitor me or keep in constant contact, give me gifts, talk me out if working, etc. I think malignant narcissistic people can really play the game well and come off completely healthy and normal until they have you. He did very subtly erode my relationship with my friends and family though. That part did happen, in a way that made me feel seen and understood bc the things he said were true...
Yes I think there are a lot more narcissistic presentations across the whole spectrum. And some of them are very subtle just like you say. I am so sorry you went through the relationship with malignant narcissist. But you are out and that's great 🙏
@@kikitauer thank you for the validation and support 💜
@@annikamin1637 100%...they can play the part for a long time. I was equally a victim of the lovebombing for a long time. It all came down when we got married, and then even more after we had our first child. Six years later I woke up! But still i had to go to therapy because for a long time i would think i did something wrong in that marriage. That is the work they do on us! I am glad that you escaped and early on. Good luck and may God protect our choices.
@@marisesagna Mine got worse after our first kid too 😭. I’m so sorry you went through this too. Take good care. 💜
That is exactly how I feel about my husband only it’s been 16yrs and he’s just now showing that side… it’s scary somebody can fake something that long
I was totally romanticism intensity. It tooks me some bad experiences and therapy to finally understand that intensity and love bombing are not a good thing. I think all those ''romantic'' movie does not help as they often show men that are obsessive, intense and stalking as ''so romantic''.
I always say, that when you’re in a relationship where you can’t trust each other, don’t be together. Don’t even think about getting married. An ex boyfriend I had (didn’t buy me my phone, but he) told me that he knew someone who worked at T-Mobile and so he would have a way to access who I talked to. One time I had this guy in my class who exchanged phone numbers with me because we were going to study together. His name was Tim, but to protect myself, I put him down as Tina. Well, the ex found out and that didn’t go over very well. If anybody ever makes you feel this way, just leave.
This video is so eerily accurate. As someone who's just lost a friendship over their new relationship that has so many of these signs - it's really hard from the outside to say - this guy you're so pleased about, the one who is so into you, into being everything you need, the one giving you all the gifts who wants to be with you all the time - red flags so hard. She so wants to believe in him. In the way he makes her feel. He's isolated her + she became relaxed only when she was with him. She stopped looking after her boundaries + self care because he needed her attention. He turned up every time we did something together, or she'd leave early to message and video call him. She became increasingly obsessive, angry and paranoid outside her relationship. It sucks watching someone disappear into something that seems so obviously destructive when they don't want to hear it. Heartbreaking.
Dr Ramani, thank you so much for your knowledge and wisdom. I am eternally grateful for your videos, they helped me make sense of my relationship and helped me make up my mind...let's say the scales fell from my eyes. I am now free and finding ME again. Thank you!
Before I finally got rid of him for good he would always want to know where I was. Most of the time I would say on the roof!
‼They are control-freaks! (They don´t trust you because they can´t trust themselves - they project!).
My ex was definitely a covert malignant narcissistic a hole. He showed his true colors after I left him. A couple of weeks later he tried to get this little girl to skateboard in front of my house and follow me while I was walking down the street and picked her up in his mom's car, just to make me jealous or something( after I found out he was cheating on me). Who does that after they have been caught cheating? He definitely wanted to kick me while I was down.
There were a couple of guys I had started to date who tried these tactics and it always felt gross, and stalker-like. It made me so uncomfortable, I decided to cut all ties with them. Thank goodness I followed my instincts! Unfortunately, the women in my family - sisters and aunts - all too often had men like this as husbands/boyfriends. I saw from a detached viewpoint how they treated my sisters and aunts and knew they were bad for them and everyone else.
This was my entire relationship for the past 6 yes. Every single example she gives rgd coercive control was my existence day to day, night through night. It makes my heart race right this moment in the remembrance of it. I feel that abuse viscerally. He was a malignant narcissist to the 59millionth power. He used coercive control and I'm lucky I am out with my sanity. I was still in love w him as I left. This was the most harrowing, terrifying, excruciating experience ever.
Glad you escaped
that wasn't love, that was trauma bonding.
This describes my ex-husband. It took me years to get the courage to get out, and once I did, he stalked me for over ten years. I ended up with PTSD, Agoraphobia, and Panic Disorder. These people are monsters.
Hi from Scotland
Love bombing has been likened to the mother love, unconditional, therefore one reason it's so difficult to separate because it's like a symbiotic relationship ie your joined at the hip and can often make you revert to a small child which makes it harder to separate from morhership
This is so accurate.
I've watched many of your videos but this one hits so hard, I just ended a 10 year relationship with a malignant. This is all true and it got to the point he was throwing me down, spit on me, expressing desires to kill me, in the last 3 years. Financial control and the gaslighting aspect kept me from leaving sooner.
Idk if I could've broken out of the cognitive dissonance without the help of audio books the past year, then discovering some RUclips channels like yours to help guide me and give a sense of community. My friend recommended the book Trauma Bonding and my self education grew from there with other titles like, Stop Walking on Eggshells and Splitting. Those 3 were revelational for me, along with internet platforms such as this!
Thank you so much for your frequent videos and all that you give, Dr. Ramani!
For me, this is what is so difficult in dealing with this "super control thing" in narcissism: the love bombing. It's enough to make people give up on love and trust. After all, if one has been conditioned enough by what has not worked, why bother?
But maybe ongoing self-love IS the answer. One has the love within. It's there. Always. What is that love? And who is it? To go within works for me, as long as I don't space out with it.
Me too.
You described everything to a T that I experienced with my ex. How can this be? It’s like you were there! Wish I had heard you 30 years ago. Also, the narc eventually loses touch with reality becoming psychopathic and actually believes everything they have done and are doing is “real, normal” and everyone else is “off”. I hope a lot of people see this video and get their eyes opened and run! Thanks for your expertise, devotion and dedication to what you are doing. God bless you Dr.
I noticed this as well. At first my ex would apologise and pretend to uphold certain principles and values (to be a normal, functioning, caring person). The years passed and the mask fell off completely, revealing the ugliness of his actual views and intentions.
I Recognised the reason I was attracting these kind of toxic People in My life was due to a Specific kind of feeling (I got from them) which Matched with My Dad (whom I figured out is a Narcissist ). I also am Fearful Avoidant. After realising that the kind of affection from my Dad wasn't even Real, I've decided to Change this path of attracting Toxic People who give controlling vibes like My Ndad.
I won't go after that Scary Intensity
^this is true for myself as well.
So Much Respect to You for choosing to Be/Model Real Possibility of Personal Integrity and Authentic Improvement.
@@fairygurl9269 Thanks
This. The toxic cycle is vicious
Right now, mine is like.... I'll never give up on you... I say, that sounds like a threat
Threat / Promise
All I can say is Yup, Yup, Yup! By the end of my relationship with that Narc (the most coercive controlled one) I actually started lying about my past and telling him he was wrong, I didn't sleep with so n so or whatever lies I had to tell to keep his temper down. So bizarre.
ETA I started day dreaming about his death. Or mine. I was terrified to go home. It's just such a horrific way of living.
Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Good morning ☀️
Wow!! It's scary how many things you mentioned that I experienced. So thankful I got out when I did. These videos are so vital in helping survivors. Thank you so much for the work that you are doing.
I experienced everything you described, it’s so helpful to understand that this is simply the pattern of malignant narcissism. You don’t know it’s happening until you’re socially and financially isolated and that’s when the real cruelty comes out. I wish I had picked up on the red flags in the beginning, but as you said it felt so good to feel like you were “finally seen“. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all the work you do, you don’t know how much of a godsend you are for those of us who find this channel.
You just described my ex partner, there I was thinking I would be able to teach him kindness 😂.
After Discard (thru financial ruin) Realized Ex Husband was Tracking all Electronic Activity in the House thru VPN.
He Had Also made me believe I had a Stalker, then helped me Protect from that Stalker....
Even More Terrifying, and Beyond Confusing when I Found Out it was him All Along...
Oh yikes! How did you figure out he was tracking electronic activity?
I cant seem to respond without upsetting the System....
Basically power outages caused cloak & his remote access to glitch out. First noticed by our daughter who got raged at for asking why old network showed up after some power outages as one of her phones wifi options ...I was so focused on his Sudden Lash Out I didnt even think about the reason he went Nuts on her just confused at the Intensity of his Anger from out of nowhere
i later discovered the glitch while hooking up on an outlet when I turned the power off and on it became open....
Theres much more to the events that occurred in regards to how I handled it at the time and how I prob should have done even more as far as getting Authorities involved...
@@fairygurl9269 thank you so much for sharing. I'm not tech savvy at all so I wouldn't know if this was being done to me.
I hope your life is peaceful now
@@mirandamccoubrey1714 I do appreciate your remark as I Truly feel safer than EVER in my Life with Much Room left to Improve even more so.
I wish the Same Sense of Self Trust for You All As Well.
Much Respect
if it's too to be true, it usually is.
Always have discernment when meeting people 🙌🏻☀️
100000%
I barely got away! They were both obsessed with control (among other things). They shredded my identity and mutilated my psyche. They stalked me, stalked my friends, abused me (in all kinds of ways), destroyed property, stole from me… it was horrific. When I finally found the term “malignant narcissist” it sent chills down my entire body. Everything you say is spot on! I was suicidal many times when (forcibly) living with them and it took my entire willpower to bring me back from the brink. Mostly I was afraid I would end up disabled and under their permanent lifelong control. They really do branch into psychopathy on the dark triad.
When they had full control there were no good moments. They tightened the noose and just abused, abused, abused. Unashamedly, unapologetically, BUT, also with full knowledge that what they were doing was wrong!!! Any time the police was called, child services, etc they would create a wild story/excuse as to why strangers/neighbours are afraid of what’s going on behind closed doors. It really was a house of horrors. At least they always cared for the dogs (which always mystified me, but at least I know the doggies are safe!)
I find this is prevalent in Eastern Europe in general, but irregardless no one has the right to use their culture, religion, or any other aspect of their ideology to cause harm.
If someone is causing you ANY kind of pain or discomfort GET OUT! There is NO going back to that person!! They. Will. Take. EVERYTHING! Including you! They will burrow into your being as if you’re a thing they own and they will feel NO guilt or shame! Then they’ll turn around and say that X never happened. OR, if there’s a witness, that “YOU left us with no other choice”. Because abuse is always the answer to these “people”.
My father, on his deathbed, threatened to get up and beat me for squinting my eyes because the sun was facing me. The other one still lives. I keep broad distance.
To this day I still feel scared commenting on any social media in case they find it. I’m finally starting to trust commenting on here (at least).
I remember everything, especially when the flashbacks pull me back.
My mother stormed in while I was sleeping one morning and, while brandishing a large butcher knife, screamed that she’ll kill me because her (work) stress is killing her too.
On a separate occasion I was left at Walmart when I was a CHILD and forced to walk “home” for over 45 minutes in the dark because I wandered in another aisle and they didn’t like that so they just left me.
Honestly the list goes on, 25 years’ worth, and it’s horrific. If I ever brought their actions up or tried fighting back they would always either blame shift, tell me to “get over it”, or call me “weak”. That was their favourite: the “West” made you weak! All the while complaining about similar treatment that they got from THEIR parents. It was INSANE!
Run away! NEVER go back! Death is better than their little “fun house”.
Malignant narcissists are a special kind of evil. They feel NO empathy or remorse.
So glad I've never met anyone like that! Best of luck to anyone who has someone like that in their lives!
Yes thats what it was like with my ex. It is very exhausting mentally.
Thank you for the educational videos and the expert content you provide.
My mother's a malignant narcissist. The older I get the more and more controlling she's becoming. Now I have to ask permission before going to the toilet or before taking a shower. I barely used to ask for things like a kid normally would, but now I have put a complete full stop to it. I'm TWENTY now and I still cannot dress up the way I want, or wear my hair how I want. She controls EVERY SINGLE THING. I have no money, the little money I was given by a family friend, she took from me. I'm not allowed to spend more than 20 mins in my own room, I sleep in the same room as her. I feel like shit all the fucking time. Throughout the day I just wait for night so I can cover my face under my blanket and cry myself to sleep. I've never felt this miserable before.
You gotta get outta there. Your life belongs to you, to use as you wish. Good luck!!💖
@@amyschmidt1113 thank you. I'm trying to get out, but it's a long journey, especially because I'm from south asia so the whole "move out" thing here is very different. I might start med school in 2022, if I do end up getting an admission, it'll definitely be a start.
My aunt's husband.
"Nobody likes him, they're always picking at him, but he is a nice person. He goes to church and gives to the poor, he bought chocolate so he could share with our guests"
Ok... I wonder why you're always fighting and you're always sad, or why you're afraid to share information with him, but there's nothing I can say or do, it seems.
This video gave me the goosebumps. My ex is a malignant narcissist but didn't lovebomb me that way. He got worse with time and became very cruel to other people ( me and his family included ) and enjoyed it. Thank you very much.
This nails my (hopefully soon to be) ex. It's spot on. She would accuse me of looking at women when we were out to dinner or at the grocer. It got to the point I didn't want to go anywhere because I didn't want a fight. She would go ballistic if I didn't answer my phone or a text right away. She wanted access to my email, passwords and phone. She would scour my phone all the time accusing me of having hidden software where I might be communicating with women. It became and STILL is a nightmare and everyone thinks I'm crazy. I know I'm not crazy. I so appreciate these videos. My eyes are open. Hopefully the divorce will be final soon but my reputation is ruined.
You are a blessing. Walking this dysfunctional journey of narcissism with knowledge and understanding has given me peace.
Perfect timing Dr Ramini, thin we are in presently in Predatory Season, especially with the malignant type It's a challenging time as adult kids are also involved.
Laid down my boundaries, as I have now expressed my terms, clearly with last one of adult kids. Nothing & no one is changing my mind. This is now about my life & my peace. So grateful as always. 🎄
Thank you so much Dr Ramani for all the information you share !
After what I've been thru.... I thought DON'T TAKE THAT PHONE.... SWEEP THE CAR FOR BUGS!💯
I come from a family with a love of power and control.
After 30 years. I have no friends cuz he was real good at lashing out at them so I stopped inviting people over and stopped going to homes where he was comfortable enough to rip into me while visiting that set of friends :( but I’m starting new and I’m ok with the new healthy group of supportive tribe I am finding to stay in my forward motion 👏🏻
Perfectly explained! Thanks Dr. Ramani.
So eloquently put and so true.
Another great video! Thank you Dr. Ramani for the work that you do for us! Your validation of this disorder has helped me on my healing journey. I hope your Holiday was wonderful! 💕
Thank you again for your video. They describe to a T what I experienced. I was quite far along the ‘on ramp’ of coercive control, but I took a huge turn and went off-road in my 4-wheel drive, which was powered by self-realization and inner strength. These videos remind me of what I left. As such, they help me to heal and learn, and keep me strong and on the happier path of staying away from these toxic, destructive dynamics.
I wish these videos had been around when I was getting out of my relationship with a narcissist. I’m glad the info is out there now so hopefully people can get out sooner and more safely.
Thank you for your channel, Dr. Ramani. I have no doubt that the information you share with all of us saves lives.
Thank you dr ramani ❤️❤️❤️
This actually makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I was trying to understand where the control comes into play. I think my confusion lies in how different types of narcissism can exist in one person but you did help it make sense. I even got these specific styles of thinking and tendencies from my parents. Very controlling. Always tracking me. Almost like my own personal stalker. I can't do anything without them chasing me down about it. It makes perfect sense why they would want to control every aspect of my life. But, it is confusing how a parent can feel this same type of way as a significant other would. I suppose it is due to their own abusive parents who treated them that way, too.
Everything you’re saying is absolutely the truth!!!
Great explaining of this thank you Dr. Ramani 🙌🏻☀️
Thanks for this video, I anticipate more malignant narcissism in my future and am grateful to learn more about what I am experiencing and prepare myself for some of what's in store.
That Was SO Good ;
And Spot On With My
Experience Of A Narcissist !
Hello Dr. R
I'm so glad I found you recently. I spent my whole life with narsistic men starting with my dad. I have had many versions with everyone I was involved with. I have been working very hard on being me, healed and whole. I love you videos even though I'm not in these relastionships any more. They are validating and very informative. They empower me and make me feel like I was never crazy. I was just in a bad place when meeting all the men who saw my weaknesses and vulnerability. Wanting to be loved and taken care of. I had to do the work on myself so I never attract these kinds of people again. Not just men. My daughter is a narsistic as well. I have been subjected to narsistic people all my life that I didn't really ever know what it was like not to be. I am determined to never tolerate any kind of abuse again. I think with watching your videos I won't or I will recognize right away and then walk away. You are someone everyone needs to listen too and get educated from. You go deep and dark which is real. I'm greatful for you and your wisdom and directness. I will continue to listen to get empowered. Good luck to everyone here. Stay strong 🤗
Thank you for this, my ex is a malignant narcissist and I can so relate to this.
You will gain nothing from helping a narcissist with their career but to be controlled and harassed by them trying to get your needs met. You nailed it again Dr. Ramani. More knowledge and wisdom pouring from you. Thank you so much.
This video gives me goosebumps. I related to not only one of the examples mentioned but ALL of them. I knew that I was dealing with someone that had strong narcissistic tendencies but I had no idea that they’d almost seem identical to a malignant narcissist.
It’s been almost 3 years since my ex (narc) fiancé and I broke up. I only recently discovered your channel and I’m so grateful that I did. Thank you for all of the wonderful work that you do Dr.Ramani, it is highly appreciated. 🙏🏻
I liken the Narc to a "Dementor" from Harry Potter. They suck the life out of you, drain you and when they there is no more to take they will discard/ghost you and find another supply..
This is so accurate. Giving gifts they can control and take back if you disobey them. Usually being nasty to others and seeking to dominate.
Thank you for explaining this dr. Ramani! This video helps me to understand some inexplicable things the narcissist has been doing recently.... I thought that she might be doing something genuinely kind and/or nice but now I realize that was NOT the case! 😱
This video reminds me of an ordeal I went through while my Dear Mother was dying. In 2010 it was a long time before I even knew what narc abuse even was so it was bad enough losing my Dear young Mother but also being super confused by the way my narc family were treating me. I remember meeting this guy and him being so kind to me and him telling me how he could "see" my pain. I was very grateful for this guys kindness but ultimately he became way too over bearing. I remember him giving me money for topping up my fone and then bombarding my fone with texts. When I finished the relationship he played the victim and accused me of hurting him. It's only now I see that he took advantage of my vulnerability and I'm glad I got away from him. But u see this is a point that I keep returning to. Narcs so often take advantage of our vulnerability. This is why we get caught in their web. It's all well and fine to tell the narc to fuck off when we are surrounded by kindness and compassion but so many of us are lonely and isolated and may already be in relationships with narcs, what are we suppost to do in that situation?
Love the yellow Doc, very flattering.
I don’t know how you are so spot on. Thank you Dr Ramani. 26 years with a malignant narcissist. 💔
I keep nodding my head. Know all that stuff. Its horrible to hear that I jumped into that at least two times - not understanding what was going on. I lost myself.
Now I keep fighting back to myself.
Thank you Dr. Ramani you are a great part of my journey back to myself through the last two - three years. Thank you
Been thru it all. It hurts more to know that my innocents, and trust in people, has gone forever!
Brilliant. You so get this, Dr. Ramani. Thank you!
Happy thanksgiving Doc and More Power….love this episode give me more knowledge.. Mahalo much..Aloha ❤️
LISTEN UP!!! SPOT ON!!! Dr. Ramani precisely defines my childhood and young adulthood with my malignant mother here! Thank you, Dr. Ramani!
Dr you’re amazing for sharing these videos. Thank you
Wow….. This is scarily relatable to my experiences not with romantic partners (thanks to Dr. Ramani’s videos I have stricter boundaries for romance). But with my family of origin. My dad is the malignant type. And same with my mom, in the sense of all-controlling all the time. They would demand to know my whereabouts CONSTANTLY. And always try to screen my friends to make sure to isolate me from any friends THEY disliked, who are often the healthier and less submissive types to them. And my Dad gave me a credit card and DEFINITELY monitored and questioned about every transaction I made, while forbidding me to work and save money. Man…. Talk about setting your children up for future traumatizing and narcissistic relationships. When you have malignant parents that you grew up around. It’s really an uphill battle to try to extricate yourself from the mental poison they do to you.
U don’t know how much I need u in my life right now Dr.Ramani ❤️ thank you so much 😞
Have been married 32 years to a truly good man. We met when I was 22. In the beginning I kept trying to get him to love bomb me but he just wouldn’t. That sounds funny but it is the truth. All the romantic novels and movies I’d watched led me to believe that extreme intensity of attention was ‘the real thing’. I would then listen to his methodical, undramatic explanations as to why he wouldn’t sacrifice himself to save me or marry right away or express jealousy towards other men. I realised I’d been duped by these books. I was so fortunate as to be cared about by a truly kind, generous man (not perfect - but more than ‘good enough’). So grateful that I had enough self-insight at a relatively young age to realise romantic drama was not healthy. It helped me begin the slow healing from my narcissistic father and brother. Unfortunately he has narc parents and siblings himself. But we’ve worked that out too and have grown to a common understanding and mutual trust about them as well. My conclusion? Don’t fall for that lovebomber! But even boring people can be unkind so to my mind, kindness is the first quality to watch for in a future romantic relationship.
So much this! Thank you once again Dr Ramani, this describes my ex husband, I was trapped by him at age 16, he was 10 years my senior, I escaped at 41, barely. He never gave gifts, instead saying that if he ever gave me gifts then I could assume he was cheating.
Wow, It seems like you did a post mortem of my malignant narc ex's personality Dr. Ramani. You are soooooo right. These MN are dangerous, sadistic and vindictive. I would say if any of you come across one, run as fast as you can and never look back.
I love your videos and everything you say hits so close to home. Two years ago my daughter who was 26 st the time met a dentist who was 52. He immediately began gaslighting and love bombing her. Texting her every second of the day and showing an overwhelming interest in her. He even lied about his age initially saying he was 10 years younger than her was. As things progressed and the relationship grew to more than friendship, her husband learned of the affair. At that time they openly continued the relationship while my daughter continued to live with her husband. He was fighting to fix things and make things better to save his family. In the meantime the dentist put her phone in his name and began constantly checking her phone records CONSTANTLY. He was sending flowers to her house that she still shared with her husband. He drove by my grand daughter's 3rd birthday party which was outdoors, just coasting by with his window down hanging out of it blowing the horn, waving, and smiling. He'd also already sent a huge bouquet of flowers having them delivered around the time the party was to start. Although he was spending day with her, he insisted on being on the phone with her for hours every night when her husband was at home in spite of the fact that she had an autistic toddler to care for. He demanded all of her time and attention. He'd taunt her husband by rubbing in his face that he was having a relationship with his wife. He ended up moving her out of the home she shared with her husband and into an expensive apartment she couldn't afford without him and his name was on her lease. While she was at work he'd go into her apartment and go through her personal belongings, reading her messages on her IPad, deleting guys from her social media, and on one occasion called her at work because he was at her apartment and said he'd examined her sheets and KNEW she'd had sex with her best friend who was there a day earlier accusing them of being lesbian lovers! Of course he doesn't like that friend because she sees him for what he is and has warned my daughter about his sick behavior, so he instead of referring to her by name now he calls her my daughter's "fat friend". It's been a constant cycle for the past 2 years of abusive episodes followed by love bombing. Spending enormous amounts of money on her and monthly vacations that usually end up in a huge fight. On one of the many vacations he left her in another state, canceled her plane ticket, and flew home without her. The very next month on the next vacation he went to jail on CDV charges for becoming violent with her on a public street and witnesses confronted him. My daughter didn't want me to know and when I found out blew it off as a misunderstanding, yet there were two witness videos of the incident. Her lease on her apartment has since run out and he has gotten her to move in with him. Listening to what Dr. Ramani said in this video is so spot on. He always told her that he just overreacted with rage because he just lived here so much he couldn't help it and wanted to be with her all the time. That he wanted her to live with him so they could be together every minute and cook dinner together and wake up with her every morning and that would make everything better. He has complete financial control of her at this point as well. The control and physical and emotional abuse continues to escalate. He degrades her in front of others and calls her vicious names as well. There's so much that goes on that I couldn't possibly write here because it would take a book to tell it all. She knows at this point that he's a narcissist and that she's being abused. She told me that no one understands how they get in your head and even though you know and you know they're abusive and the relationship is unhealthy that it's like a drug and you can't stop even though you want to. She's made numerous attempts to walk away from him and even tried to reconcile with her husband on a few occasions but when she does she can't bring herself to cut contact and block him from everything. Then it's nonstop messages degrading her one minute and confessing his undying love the next when she won't engage. That cycle continues until she eventually engages, and as soon as she does she's sucked right back in with promises of change and saying he wants to go to "couples" therapy because she's toxic and just doesn't realize it, but of course therapy never happens anyway. Meanwhile I watch my daughter mentally slipping and it scares the hell out of me because I feel if she remains in this relationship for another year that she's going to be so mentally damaged that she'll never have a normal life again. It's like watching your child walk into a building engulfed in flames and you're screaming at the top of your lungs begging them not to go in and they don't hear you and walk inside. I've never felt so helpless in all my life. The scariest thing of all is that my 4 year old autistic granddaughter is caught in the middle of this unhealthy situation and exposed to the narcissistic abuse against my daughter and I worry about the damage it's going to do to her when she already has so many obstacles to overcome. Someone recently called CPS and reported the situation. Of course although I had NOTHING to do with it, I got the blame and now my granddaughter is being kept from me to punish me. I would never call CPS for one reason. I know at this point if my daughter had to make a choice between him and her daughter that she would choose him and my granddaughter would be the one hurt the worse by it because she needs her mom.
This applies to extended family and in-laws as well!!! I lived it.
Thank you so much for doing all of these videos. I have been married to a malignant narcissist for almost 25 years. Always hoping that he would change, then being stuck and unable to leave. Unfortunately I was stuck with my daughter. She has endured way too much with her own father.