THERE'S NARCISSISM, THEN THERE'S MALIGNANT NARCISSISM
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- Опубликовано: 30 апр 2019
- Does it seem that the narcissist in your life can be quite exaggerated in the need to dominate and invalidate you? Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter explains how malignant narcissism works, and especially how you can spot it and stay out of the clutches of the one whose need for control goes into overdrive.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.
Are you ready to break free from the controllers in your life? If so, sign up for Dr. Carters brand new course Free to Be HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/go/fre...
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"They don't develope friendships, they develope assets." how true.
😂 sad however true
I WAS ONCE MARRIED TO THIS TYPE OF PERSON DECADES AGO. DID NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NPD. LEFT WITH 3 CHILDREN, HOME SIGNED AWAY BEHIND MY BACK FOR HIS BUSINESS VENTURE. SO I WAS LEFT WITH 3 CHILDREN, NO HOME, NO CAR, NO HELP, FAMILY OF ORIGIN SAME THING.
BUT I REALLY BELIEVE THAT A M.NARCISSIST IS A MENTAL ISSUE, SOMETHING DOESNT CONNECT LIKE IT WOULD IN ANOTHER PERSON. TAKES A HUGH TOLL IN ONES HEALTH. THANKS FOR THIS INFORMATION.SO HELPFUL.
They are sneaky, cruel, users, judgmental, liars, demanding, un-empathic, threatening, angry, If their love bombing if isn’t accepted they turn on a dime in an instant with complete anger and cruelty and they make you feel guilty for not accepting the fake bull crap.
It is true...my dad said I'm not investing in you for nothing...that statement actually helped me to be better to get the hell away from him...love you daddy but I got ta go😐
He used
Meee
No contact is the only way to survive a toxic relationship with a malignant narcissist. Save yourself!
You come to a point where you have zero tolerance for any kind of narcissistic behavior and life becomes so much easier then.
I am truly trying to get rid...but after 49yrs of marriage...of violence and mental abuse it is very difficult .
@@yvonnethomas6401 , I don't know what area you are in,but I would be happy to help you. I went to a shelter and it was the best decision I made. It's scary,but let's be honest,so is where you are. Trust me the shelter will seem a lot less scary. Look what you have lived through. Please give it a try. You are worthy of so much more.
Zero tolerance for narcissism means you have actually grown up. That is to say, emotionally mature.
The trick is to give them zero supply and a neutral situation with no fuel, watch them repeat same old fishing and your not take the bait.
Gradually they will look for a new supply, be aware they will circle back for another go.
How did they ever get that way????
My malignant narcissist mother has died.
My blood pressure is down to normal again and that was WITH no contact.
I feel so lucky that it's over.
gosh...i can empathize...best wishes...
Sharon johnson so happy you’re healthy again. I’ve gone no contact with my malignant narcissist mother and sister, so I wouldn’t know if they die. Oh well.
@2012endofanerror
The other day I swear I heard her call my name.
Obviously no one was there.
It was just her voice, saying my name. I was wide awake and up.
I didn't freak out.
On a different note, I am seeing a therapist now.
Clearly something is still stuck in my psyche
When friends talk about how much they miss their mothers... I'm honestly baffled. My mother was a malignant narcissist, died 6 years ago. Being free of her is glorious.
Sharon johnson : I had to do the same with both of my malignant narcissist parents who have passed, too...stepped out with no contact and have been so much better now. My 6 younger sibs are the same type and I have severed all contact with them...it's healthier for me for sure; however, unfortunate.
My narcissistic ex husband is so delusional.Its his way or no way. The sun rises and sets only for him.
I learned the hard way you cannot reason with insanity
Nancy Suver same here. Exactly why Thankfully they are Ex’s husbands.
At friend said to me once: "You can't figure out cray-cray." 😆
Glad to hear you are out.
So true. Once insane its only danger and harm. Run!
Nancy Suver Word
They think they’re above the law... that the rules don’t apply to them. They straight up have contempt for all other people.
True
almost every politician in the world. and most doctors too.
Oh yeah, believing it
@@jesusislukeskywalker4294 bit harsh on doctors but politicians yes - it's a basic qualification
My ex is a shopplifter, constantly criticle, talks about himself all the time.
Yep, they think completely different. When you realize that, you realize how abused you have been.
Yes! I'm there now.
I thank God for protecting my life when married to a malignant narcissist. And for the healing of my mind and spirit as I work through Dr C’s teaching. 🙏🏻
@@shari247peace , I'm sorry you went through this too. I was married to one for 33 years. 11 months no contact! Doc C has helped me immensely too!
I Thank Almighty GOD for pulling me out of the pit of hell..
May GOD keep Blessing you with real love, healing, joy and safety in Jesus Mighty name I pray! The Lord is a GOD Of Vengeance and Justice ; Blessed are those who wait for HIM! Amen!
So in other words there are monsters out here disguised as Human beings. Thank you for the video..
Yes, there are. And they are skilled at manipulating others into thinking you are the evil one if you dare to figure them out. My sister is this, and my brother and I have cut off all contact with her in order to protect ourselves. It is true - the safest thing to do is to stay away from them. You cannot win because they will not let anything go.
"They don't develop friendships, they develop assets." OMG exactly true.
My experience puts me in mind of a cobra and it's charmer.when they talk. They are so smooth you will forget they're the snake.
Old comment, but the feeling I got was a fly caught in a web. Very unnerving.
Smooth indeed.
Highly insecure and paranoid; defensive and delusional!
They don't care if you believe them, as long as you act like you do.
Right On, Brother.
They don't change.
They get worse, WORSE
NO CONTACT
Why do they get worse not better
@@umunasra2382, because they're lost souls, unredeemed by Jesus.
@@bobtaylor170 And they won't generally repent and give their hearts to God. Because they never want to admit their shortcomings. It's because they think it make them feel weak or what have you.
@@Steveo5541
ppp
They do change in my experience very slightly, but I’m my mothers case circled same point like a pony on a leading rein, the length will vary but point immobile.
Predictable patterns
Malignant narcissists - "I didn't lie, I just changed my mind".
They change their mind a lot. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism please Turkish translator
This video gives me chills. Gruesomely true. "Develop a healthy fear of these people". That says it all. Thanks Dr Carter.
chinookvalley a leopard never changes their spots. Doesn’t mean we can’t admire them from afar. It means we can’t lay down and cuddle up to them. I think of malignant narcissists like alligator. They fascinate me but I have a healthy fear of getting too close.
I don't see any workshops to help a narcissist? Are they throwaways?
Christina Steltz, your comment brings to mind the inscription on the C.I.A. building in Langley, VA: "WHAT IS PAST, IS PROLOGUE".
@@jefribalderson6990 I believe they are demonically possessed so NO!
Jefri Balderson, it depends on the individual...i believe sociopaths could change but just like anyone else they have to see the problem in themselves and want to fix it. Psychopaths are born with no empathy...their brain just doesn’t have the ability to feel another’s pain...most of them actually get an adrenaline rush when they know they hurt someone. In my opinion it’s best to stay away from dangerous people.
I don't think they have low empathy.
I think they have NO empathy.& even go far enough to say they ENJOY THE CRAP OUT OF WATCHING SOMEONE BE IN PAIN. I mean that literally. It makes me physically nauseated. I've never been so utterly disgusted.
My ex went to the bar a lot. I figured there was flirting, maybe a bit of making out, & when I badgered enuff, he really opened up. He spared no detail, told me places, positions, everything. It was far worse than I thought. I was so humiliated, crying my face off at this admitted string of betrayals & I looked up for a second to see him... Smiling! He destroyed me & he loved watching my devastation! It was like manna for his dirty, shitty soul.
Miss Cyanic you are describing the difference between sociopathy and psychopathy: the sociopath doesn't care if they hurt you (they won't go out of their way to not hurt you); the psychopath _does_ care if they hurt you (they want to hurt you and will go out of their way to hurt you.)
The one has no regard for other's feelings. The other _does_ have regard for other's feelings: they want to hurt.
Both are demons. But Jesus described some devils as being "more wicked" than others.
This topic is gnarly. I live in a family filled with these "people."
there is an epidemic of it
I agree. I was really surprised that he didn’t touch on more of the sadism element to malignant narcissism in this video.
The smirk. The stare. (If you’ve seen these, you know exactly what I’m talking about because it’s impossible to forget.) The laughing and smiling when they see you in pain - whether it’s physical or emotional. The malignant narc who was in my life even went out of his way to tell me that he enjoys hearing the sound of women in pain before hitting me upside the head so hard that I saw stars. The sadism aspect of their personality is one of the most dangerous components to their disorder and shouldn’t be understated. Still a great video though. All of his videos have helped so much in my healing.
I have experienced this enjoyment of inflicting on others myself. To a normal person it is hard to really accept this fact...to the detriment of all who come in contact with them.
I have finally done the only thing a healthy person can. Cut off all contact!!
My mother, perfectly described. I love being "No contact". She has had it out for me my entire life, consumed by jealousy, obsession with dominance and control, addiction to rage. I stood my ground all my life. With maturity and therapy I learned not to engage when she ran her mouth. She attacked me for not fighting back. If I did respond it was calm, using only facts and repeating myself until she got sick of it and gave up. I used lots of coping tactics, taught from reading books on abuse, to have any relationship at all with her yet she despised me for having knowledge and refusing to be dominated. Malignant narcs are the worst. Pure poison to self esteem.
As a woman it is so damaging and painful to have a narcissist for a mom. It's like we are bonded in sisterhood in the worst kind of club that we didnt choose. Lol. I want you to remember that you are worthy of love and respect respect you are enough! Sending you love and light and all the best in life!
"attacked for not fighting back" sounds like my mom. Damned if you do and damned if you don't
My mother also to a T.
Thank goodness for the knowledge to deal with the damage and finally recover and thrive.
Your video's save what little sanity I have left.. 😔😔
Midnight train to Georgia hang in there!!! 🤗
I agree - the lines have become so blurred in this day and age. These vids help me distinguish between the healthy and unhealthy forms of confidence.
Be strong! Is very hard but you get up! I still have it difficult myself, sometimes I find myself ruminating about it, that narcissistic sisters like she is still in my head!! And I hard to take her out, mainly because she dishonored me at my family and I was left unspoken 😓
David Big hopefully you never have to have a breakdown...
@@Iulia958 except to God, who always hears your spoken word. Have no fear.
When People become and stay malignant Narcissist it's usually because they have had little or NO Consequences for bad behaviour. It's so sad. They end up being completely isolated emotionally and alone at end of their lives
Unfortunately, that can also happen to their non-narcissist victims.
We live in the Age of Narcissism, with the money system encouraging narcissistic behavior, and money system is run by Psychopaths. Thank you for the helpful video.
You couldn't be more correct - the zeitgeist encourages greedy behavior.
I've been married to one of these demons for years. It is a miserable existence and there is no way out for me at the moment. Good to know people are aware and it's not just me.
With you in spirit rodee . I get it and I'm living it too.
@@sherrim4067 It's good to know I'm not alone in this hell but it's sad that there is a "this hell". :-(
I'm doing time, I say nowadays. It's not just you.
@@malinkywoos that's exactly what it feels like. Good way to put it. Harsh warden vibe for sure.
Rodee, don't give it much power over you. Find good moments every day of your own making. A cup of hot chocolate, a snuggle with your cat or dog,.a flower pot of growing flowers. See beauty everyday, that's what helps get me through. I also started walking/ running. It's a great stress buster, and for 20 minutes I am free with just my feet and the sky , a taste of childhood wonder. He can't take everything, you got a heartbeat you got a chance to survive it, until you are ready to leave.
I've been making fun of American Sociopathic Television for years, and it's nice to hear someone else address it. We need to choose our heroes a little better.
Choose Jesus😇
@@battle-angel2027 Agreed. I already have.
christar 95 im 100% sure you're not a woman but a incel that's trying to start a hateful discussion about our gender.
That's why I don't watch TV, regular TV. I basically watch old shows online or channels I that only air vintage shows.
TV is garbage. I've taught my kiddos the importance of music and art and being in nature and nurturing relationships. We are picky about what we watch as well. When we do watch TV and movies I use it as an opportunity to teach them lessons about the behaviors and situations in the plot. They can learn a lot that way so it's it's win/win. Lol. Love and Light to you all!
It's very hard when both parents and two siblings fall into this category.
Haha tell me about it. I moved away from all of them
Yeah...i get ya🙄😤
I hear you. My mom is this, pop is a sociopath, siblings just more standard narcissistic/predator bully I think however.
I want you all to know that you are enough and you all are deserving of love and respect. I wish you folks all good things in life! Love and light❤
This is so spot-on, that I’m amazed this isn’t the exact person that’s turned my life upside down. I so wish I knew about this earlier. This person has caused more damage to my heart, reputation, and finances none of which I ever came close to deserving. I was naive and got crushed. This doctor is giving you a real warning. These people really do live among us.
Be awake and aware. This is real; the proverbial “ wolf in sheep’s clothing” comes to mind.
Malignant narcissism .....sounds exactly like most organizations, companies, county, state and federal departments and the workplace in general.
Narcissim is all about an image= illusion = fake self= ego, and all means of wanting more : more of everything, more money ,more connections, more desires and more! This is how business operates overall in a simple way and thats why narc usually have higher positions in “work places” because of the whole thing of ego and the fake image ..after all marketing & ads with creating strong brands, image .. all plays a role in the survival of those companies , again “an image” which basically is the ego and the ego is how narcs operates !, go read Eckhadt Tolle books, “the power of now “ and “ a new earth” it explain the whole concept in details and simple way that you feel peace when reading it , thats how i felt at least
Exactly!
@rj zander Dude- I've gone down the deep Illuminati rabbit hole, but not all Jews are Khazarian death cultists who seek to rule all the world.
In fact, some of my good friends are Jewish- some actively practicing, some not. And one of my friends is incidentally 2/3 ethnically Jewish (his mother is half, so he can claim), but, his family is NOT- his family is of the Latter-Day Christians, like mine.
Spare me the Jewish Question. I'm aware of it, but I rather give zero fucks about it.
Irish kelly Putting rj zander down for his comment is just as bad as the comment. Just ignore it and move on.
N Silva, Just ignore this person. You're just as bad if not worse with your negative comment.
They don't develop friendships.
They develop assets.
Very true.
When a narcissistic 'friend' when I first met her told me to steal a purse while she gets the drinks on our first shared outing to see a band at a local pub, I was shocked. I decided though that perhaps she was joking or I'd misheard her. Of course, I did not do it - but from the conspiratorial look on her face she had indeed said just that. I chose to just ignore it and not call her out. Forty years later, she told a mutual friend I stole a purse when we went to the pub. Just to embarrass or shame me, as narcissists do. I told her that it was untrue, but she just ignored me, as narcissists do. I blocked her from my life for over a year now, and I am happier now than I thought possible and care little what she may or may not say about me.
My neighbour is a narcissist. She presents herself as a caring helpful person. Most people are taken in by her. She is actually a nasty piece of work. Lately she's been quite entertaining - she sends a newsletter now to neighbours telling everyone about each other and what she is doing. I bet some of these people do not appreciate everyone know about them. I just ignore her now really and try to avoid her as much as possible. No way would I ever tell her anything private. At the end of the day she is weird and that is how I treat her rather than taking her seriously.
HOLY SHIT! CRAZY! SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE! Mannn... She sounds like she operates like satan... Trying to keep track of peoples every move, studying people to find one weak spot to use against them to humiliate and shame them or blackmail them and get them between a rock and a hard place. YEAH, I might even invest in a security camera with someone like that.
The public and private personas! He has zero empathy!
Thank you.
It's the feeding of a hungry ego, that is never satisfied.
@@projectmcsquare2149 Yes, indeed. When you listen to others describe someone as so charming, wonderful, and kind,... ( a couple of former friends in this instance)… and you have to just stand there silently listening to the accolades, knowing full well they have no clue what these people were truly like. The image verses the actual content of these people, aka malignant narcissists. Narcissists are usually quite charming for surface level connections. Hence, what you experienced ProjectMc Square,... the real truth sits quietly. Going to a funeral of a narcissist, and watching as they are eulogized, I sit there thinking, I wonder how many of these people in the church are knotted up in their stomachs having to sit through a false aggrandizing narrative of a life that left terrible scars on too many people. If a lot of eulogies were actually honest... I wonder how many eulogies would be quite different from what we usually hear? Either way, even narcissists will have a "life review" on the other side, or so we hope.
ProjectMc Square Ditto here... and it continues. But my mind is so clear now having all this wealth of knowledge graciously provided by @Dr. Carter Be safe. @ProjectMc Square
@@SRS4859 That would gag me having to listen to the aggrandizement. I heard enough of that from his doting daughter while he was with me.
Protect yourself and your loved ones from these type of people and don't feel one bit bad about it. These kind of people will not fail to make you sorry for every second you give them.
And keep a very close eye on your pets. I wouldn't ever leave my dogs alone with him for 5 minutes.
@Chris A. Medina I'm sorry to hear that but happy it hopefully turned out ok. Yeah. You can't trust them. They'll do whatever they want to do just because they feel so entitled. Thing is, they never think about the outcome or the effect their behavior has on your pet because they just don't care.
The other thing I think is these monsters enjoy making us suffer. So, this @$$hole would intentionally harm my little dogs simply because he would get pleasure knowing he did something that hurt me. Yep. It's a very sick way to live but that's the way they operate.
@Chris A. Medina Well, I had this one pegged as a covert narc but as I looked further into it, he's a malignant covert narc.
I actually stopped speaking to him months ago over his treatment of his animals. Can't do anything about it because he turns into a 2 year old girl and flies into a narc rage that lasts for days. I've found great homes for them and he won't let them go. Makes me furious. Yep. He has a couple of cats that are morbidly obese just like the poor squirrel.
My little guys don't leave my sight and when I do have to leave them to go shopping, they're behind a locked door. Never leave them more than a couple of hours.
Strange. I can see her rocking, smoking, and chuckling under her breath at you. So often this one reminds me of Gollum.
Good luck to you and Durango. We're actually leaving here in the next few months. Haven't told anyone, It will be a silent exit and all these animals are leaving with us.
@Chris A. Medina Yes. Collecting flying monkeys. They lie, are sneaky, really don't have any personality of their own so they mirror whoever is in their favor at the moment. This one has endless musical instruments, woodworking tools, guns, yoga equipment, artist's painting supplies, endless amounts of stuff he doesn't know how to use but bought it because someone else had it. Anyway, this has been a real eye opening education trying to deal with this level of mental illness on a daily basis.
There's another thread of similarly here because dementia is also an issue in this situation, just like yours. Another reason why I stay away. I assume I'm eventually going to be blamed for something.
Dr. Ramini, also on YT, recently did a series where she broke down each type of narccisim and explained them in greater detail. She did a 3 part series on the covert narc. She really knows her stuff.
ruclips.net/video/mNFIQ46-s-A/видео.html
Yes. Silent exit is absolutely necessary. Here there will be all kinds of problems if I announce it. It isn't that he likes or cares for me, he's afraid if being alone and he's out if options. SO, one day in a couple of months, when he's off on another day long play date, we'll pack up and slip away. Can't wait!😀
Sure. Call, text, cry, beg, plead, rage on, threaten suicide, get blind drunk, do whatever. We're going 1500+ miles away!
Good luck with your situation.
I didn't mean rocking, smoking, and laughing. I should have said rocking, smoking, and smirking that evil smirk you see when the mask slips.
I am currently married to a malignant narc. I wish I would have know 20 years ago what I was dealing with. There were soooo many red flags but I always just assumed he was an alcoholic. Boy was I wrong! I'm trying my best to get out of this marriage but he is making it extremely difficult for me especially financially. I will be a survivor tho, I refuse too let him win!
Sounds like many of our politicians.
who else would want the job?
Like our president.....
@@jcsrst And our previous president.
@@jcsrst and he so blatant about it, that I’m appalled and disgusted that so many fall for it and damn near (or sometimes actually) deify him. Wtf is going on in their head that they admire him?
They also have little regard for those around them, rarely, if ever, asking others for their thoughts or feelings. This is because people who suffer from NPD lack empathy, and are therefore unable to recognize or understand the needs and feelings of others. They are pure evil...
Daro S Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!
They also "drain your energy" as well as "waste your time" with their mind game playing tactics to get their way. They'll openly smear you in public places or where others will hear & make it appear as though "you're the problem," & they do this with a smirk or a smile,as if they're happy to make you hurt & feel miserable as they make you look bad or crazy. They'll push you to the limit,then act as if nothing happened at all. No empathy nor any remorse is displayed at all,none,zilch. Only "emptiness along with emotionless" are shown towards you & I truly believe that this is from their twisted hearts. Why else would anyone play such head games with a smile? 😑
Leeanne Newman exactly 🙌🙌 They have no soul.
not "evil"...just sadly broken. Not "soulless"...just unable to care about anything but their own tiny, dar
k worlds . It's sad really.
@@thekatt... yes. Very true.
Dr. Carter, I have an additional way of handling a narcissist: develop an exit plan and be prepared to execute it with hardly a moment's notice. There may not an alternative.
Mnogojazyk that’s what I did. I had been planning my safe exit for several months & when he started threatening me with his lips tight & his teeth clinched, I got up, left & about an hour & a half later he was being removed by the police. Unfortunately he was waiting for me in my backyard when I got home. Had I not been paying attention to my surroundings & been on the phone with my nephew, he would have put me in the hospital or carried out his threat of killing me.
@@sherrieadams7531, it sounds like he's out of your life now. I have suffered through my share of authoritarians and only a few narcissists. I have learned that the only way to handle them is to flee even if it's hardly at a moment's notice. (I distinguish authoritarianism from narcissism even though there is considerable overlap.)
Thanks for sharing.
I had to develop one on-the-spot and to use it. Now, the narc complains that I don't talk to them - well, yeeeeaaaah !! Why should I want to? It goes against my religious beliefs to be this way but there's no rational way of dealing with this person. This person has alienated nearly everyone, especially neighbors. But, this narc is crafty enough to nurture those family members who they need and use for their emotional supply.
rick, Ugh! It goes against my nature to behave that way, also. I wish I didn’t have to, but not everyone’s wishes come true.
Mnogojazyk I’ve done more 2 hour moves than I care to bcuz of toxic situations. Generally if your gonna do a 2 hour move, you need a moving truck, a buttload of people who don’t know your hubby & when he leaves to work, you get everything you can put in 2 hours & whatever is left can stay bcuz that can be replaced...you can’t. It’s also important to have
When both your parents tell you how special and wonderful you are all day everyday and never let you suffer any consequences because they can do no wrong then you get a narcissist. Terminally unique individuals.
That may be the making of some narcissists - indeed, I know one that is exactly as you describe - but not all. My father's mother died when he was five, his own father beat him and also farmed him out to other family members who treated him badly. There is more than one route to narcissism and more than one type. None of it is an excuse to treat your own daughter badly, though, or anyone else for that matter.
When my narcissistic sisters stole my Inheritance & I fought back , legally , a great smear program began to where every friend I had that they knew began to treat me as a leper . It was awful .
I've moved way across the country - they've died since and I'm making a clean start where I'm VERY CAREFUL about whom I am around .
I'm going through the stealing sister right now, but narc mom is still alive and of course sister has a hold of some sort over her. Fortunately I have print and photo evidence so that the community will know the truth and I'm no longer covering up this ghastly family. Once you show people the truth and see how horrified they are, you feel better. So happy for you that you got away.
@@Chahlie :Thank you for your response .
You've no idea that for the past 5 years , I was thinking that for some reason , no one else has gone through this sort of travesty but , one by one , I'm learning that I'm NOT the only one that this awful thing has happened to ...
Sincere thanks and keep up the good work ! :))
yes they will lie to everyone you know to make you look the victimizer and them the victim - and they are very good at it too.
Very similar situation: Step daughter tried to eliminate me by any means necessary from the family hierarchy of the Inheritance of her Father's Estate. She deployed an extreme smear campaign (As a result of her lies and harassment, I was in the hospital 5 x, etc..); she and husband broke into the house while I was at work to steal papers and look for money, etc...; nearly ran me over with her vehicle on purpose, told people/ authorities/ medical personnel, police, etc., that I would "shove her father down the stairs"; I would steal her father's collection - while she was actually the thief; lied to the police about me - tried to get me in legal trouble - tried to have me commit suicide since I was under so much pressure... She eventually walked away with most of her father's Estate, through corrupt legal maneuvering, etc. She was extremely fortunate as to how things turned out for her, bc she, her corrupt attorney, husband, and family members sided with her.
I cut off my former son, who sided with her - after all - it's all about the bribing she gave out, when she found it necessary - it was merely an "investment" to her.
True, they use you as an object.
My mother took everything from her sister - her money, occupation, time, health.
Then she discarded her.
My aunt left with nothing, died.
That's absolutely terrible I am so sorry. I hope you are ok.
How utterly sad
My N family is doing this to me.
g. jongi this is what Iam going through now. He has been neating me, and now je is using tool from tue tool box. He trying to distroy me againg. But since I been learnibg about him I have began to become stronger and stronger. But where I thought it couldnt get any worse, IT DID!.
Monsters are real, and there not under the bed....there in it waiting for you to go to sleep so they can violate your belongings, personal stach's and you!
g. jongi and ULTIMATELY
Throw you out like garbage barely even able to fenn for you self and then to add insult to injury. Then have the evilness enough to say:::
Sorry for ur luck!!!!! An turn an walk away from u when u cant even pull youself up off the ground.
And the only thing I tried to do is love him amd the more and harder I loved and tried...
The more and harder he would hurt me an hate me.i dont understand. Hes all i got . but. The sad reality of it iss... I never had him at all
Remember Jurassic Park.??
If you dont move they can't see you.
But once you make a noise or speak out. Then they will attack.!!!
Pretty much your selling your soul to be with them bcuz you forget about your own emotions or identity.??
That is true. Sometimes you just go along to get along and then you lose your soul. I want to know what to do about the attacks.
Veloser Raptures do...
@@Babu-kr3cr same if you learn anything let me know. I'm considering secretly recording everything my narc says, or talk to them like they talk to me ( since they are very insecure it must hurt them a lot)
I find it hilarious!
I lived 19 years in a constant state of confusion! I let this ex of mine dominate control manipulate and drag me down to the point I wanted to die! Funniest thing I finally stopped giving two shits!! This mad my little narc so mad... It's ok because the game switched lol, I totally feel so bad for him(them) i completely rediscovered myself I've grown learned and still have compassion and love not only for myself but my heart grew to the others around me going thru it! Love and blessings to every last one of you going thru this it's hard!! I even questioned if I was a narc myself! I learned to play the narc roll back with him and it was so hard to do, but I guess I learned from the best, but me asking myself if I really am a narc... The answer is NO!! I care more about others today then I did before I pulled that nasty mask off of him.. oops little narc!! Love you all! You're always loved, never ever never forget that!!!
I did the same thing and I love myself
@@lorrainecastle8501 the best love there is! stay blessed love!
I'm still forced to live with a malignant narcissist. After a decade of hurt I want to do something back. When you say you play the narc roll back to him, are you just as mean to him as he is to you? I have realized that in essence my Narc is very weak, I could easily hurt her and make her feel how she made me feel. However, I am afraid that she will escalate, get legal or smears my name (its my sister) How did you play the narc role back? help me understand so I can arm myself please
So glad you finally got a way darling so happy for you, best of luck to you. 😘
Peace and many blessings 🕉🦋🌹🐝🌻
My ex/narc been sadistic, vile and cruel. You just described my ex to a T.
Surprised you didn't mention that they're physically abusive.
Viola Gentsch that’s because not all of them are
Mine force sexual contact and slapped me saying that it was a sexual game and that I enjoyed it even when I scream for him to STOP as I CRIED! He was a monster!
I can't believe this great information is so readily available to us! It's been a lifesaver to me. I have shared the channel on social media so that all of my friends can take advantage of this opportunity.
💖💗💕
Yes spread awareness
Laura Arnason:
It's too bad this wasn't a available to us back in the day. But NOW it is! and I'm sure you are embracing it as much as I.
It is wonderful! Agreed 100%!!
YES!!! These people are deeply jealous and interpret everything you do and say as wrong because of that jealousy. I have seen this many times in the narcissists I know. They ask people to do the strangest things for them but are not available to those same people who have helped them. They have no sense of loyalty, even when loyalty has been shown to them. The narcissists in my life not only do not see my humanity they act badly that I might have a need or problem, even when it doesn't involve them. I think from your descriptions the people in my life have been closer to the malignant narcissist than center on the spectrum. Its pretty severe and yet they think they are good people. I have had to remove all of them from my life, when I began doing that the peace flooded back to me. I am convinced that the malignant does not trust because they know no one can trust them. They measure others by their own character flaws. They think people do to them what they do to others. Just some observations from my own experiences.
Yes they do! My ex cheated constantly, was always accusing me of cheating
jealousy is the fuel for the fire of malignant narcissism
Yup! And ALL of it stemming from Very Low actual Self Esteem. For all their Loud trash talking and Fake-ass Bravado,... Narcs are FULL of Frigging Insecurities!!! That's also WHY they tend to Project so much Crap onto others!! It's an attempt at Deflecting Blame. Period.
They are toooo Twisted for me to ever want to try and deal with......Much less to try and Figure Out!! Shoooo, go 'way, all you annoying fuck-tard Narcs!!!😁)
Gwendolyn Wehage I completely agree that they can’t trust others because they can’t trust them selves the point one finger and three are pointing back at them
grimpr yes i fully agree.
My mother’s empathy is only because she likes to say “oh I’m so sorry you have fallen so hard.” She enjoys being in a better place and waits for people to fall so she can point and let them know how much lower they have fallen than she.
The one's who ENJOY watching/making you suffer!
Healthy Boundaries Learned Here!
No contact for me after 44 Years of my Mother & Sisters Manipulation.
Best thing I've ever done was walk away
Yup ,, I wish I could of done that years ago ,,
Amen! We share stories I’m sure...
One of my narc spouse's favorite things to say is, " Let me tell you how things really are"- as if his distorted version of reality is the definitive truth. It's the world according to him, 24/7.
As far as low empathy ( or NO empathy), "Suck it up!" or a mocking, "Aww, poor baby!" are typical responses I've heard. But if he has a problem of any kind, he expects not only empathy, but an immediate solution to fix whatever the problem is- which is typically one of his own making.
Omg, I would hear that too. Such short sighted views they have. I had a surgical procedure and during my discharge papers with the nurse, my narc was on the phone with sales calls and customers. The nurse was so annoyed she asked me if there was anyone else who could take me home. Because he couldn't be bothered to take the 3 minutes to listen to her instructions. At the time, I laughed it off, I'm not laughing now, she saw what I didn't and it never got any better after that.
@@sherrim4067 Mine is completely oblivious to the looks he gets from other people when he behaves similarly. When our teenage daughter was in the hospital with a serious illness, my husband sat in her room and worked on his laptop- completely ignoring her and everyone else.I found out later that the doctors were pissed at him for being so selfish and not interacting with her as a caring parent would. I was so embarrassed, but he thought his behavior was fine. He always says that if someone has a problem with him that they will tell him, and if they say nothing, that means they have no issue with him. I don't know why he thinks that- people typically avoid confrontation.
Lol, mine used to say, Let me instruct you in the right way. Beating the crap outta me was "instruction"
@@janebeville7446 That's just awful. I'm sorry you had that experience.
@@Nancy-yw1rr I divorced him 26 years ago. I married a wonderful man who treats me well
. It took me a long time to get used to being treated well. It's like I had PTSD!.
Praying to God about one of these now. They're simply misery all the time. There is no concept of joy in them. Try to keep distance. Lies all the time.
"THEY BARELY SEE YOUR HUMANITY"❣......and I thought it was just me...being invisible again....❣
Thank you so much for these videos❣. I feel a little less desperate now❤️
They always minimize the negative effects their words and actions have on the people around them. They'll even tell you how you ought to feel!
Sara Livermore They accuse you of being over-sensitive and histrionic when you get enraged at their disrespectful treatment of you. Or tell you to just get over it.
Yup. I had to stay with my mother in law for a few weeks and she tried to control every aspect of my life (clothes, religion, NAME, the people I could/couldn't talk to, if/when I could go outside, she picked out languages for me up learn etc etc) but I ignored most of these and she gave my husband a headache for it (don't worry he's not insane so he didn't agree with her actions). She'd throw massive tantrums every day about how bad I somehow was? She'd try to stick her flying monkeys on me and everything. She tried for months. We moved abroad and during our visits to the UK (where we are from), she would act shocked and angry at the fact that I would refuse to go to her house and she'd say I'm so bad for holding grudges and I have nothing to be upset about😂. Yeah the woman is on another planet.
This was tough to hear. I felt dread and anxiety hearing it could get any worse than it already is. It’s so important to realize how abnormal these people are so we can eliminate them from our lives or if that is impossible at least understand the game.
Better get prepared now. Get out now or brace for impact.
Im there with you
Im out..day 4
@@kathleenstout5102 So happy for you!!
Thank you Stella M
Thank you for your help! My dad was a malignat narcissist and my mom is a covert narcissist. Growing up was hell. I’m now 49 years old and trying to work out what really happend. I was repeatidly raped by my father and his friends from 3 years of age, and my mother helped covering it all up.
Thanks, you are a gift from above❣️
Hey
One of my proudest moments? Kicking out the narcissist, blocking his number and being eternally grateful he lives in Alaska and I'll never have to see or talk to him ever again. A testimony to the amount of work I've done on my codependency and family of origin issues. Be brave!
Thank you! ❤ I'd say that all narcissists are malignant narcissists. I haven't seen one that would't go after people to destroy them. I think they all are agressive, paranoid and they have sadistic needs behind a mask.
Not always so. Some of them actually have good intentions. Because some of them were abused themselves, they want to become better than those who abused them. They start to develop a 'system of values' which is simple : "if i don't lie and cheat or manipulate others, then i'm a good person". When they are mid- or high functioning narcissists, they'll even chose a career such as a teacher or doctor and never become aware that they are actually narcissists and they will fail to realize (just as many people do) that it is far more complicated and demanding to become a real human being than people would think it is. It's not enough trying to be a good person, or to believe you are a good person just because you don't consciously use/abuse others. They subconsciously use/abuse people and have a hard time when confronted with it because their entire life they thought they avoided being a bad person since they never went out of their way to make people feel bad; But they also never went out of their way to learn what it is to be a good person or what actually makes a person good or never thought about themselves already being a narc because of their reaction to the abuse they suffered in the past. I was a multiple victim of narcissism and have encountered many of these type of narcs i just described. They are very much different from your typical malignent narc who enjoys playing and manipulating others, feeling superior to everyone. Still, i understand your reasoning, for what narcs do to others is always malignent of character, i mean they don't just tickle you to death... No, they do torture others that's fact. Keep in mind not all narcs are the same, this is just my personal experience with them.
@@alainvosselman9960 I think you can't call someone a narcissist if that person can change. Those people are just badly wounded but able to heal eventually. You can behave like a narcissist but you are not a narcissist when you have a conscience. I have seen many narcissists and none of those had any remorse of their behaviour. And they will never have.
@@Finnlady77 You are right but i didn't just single a person out thinking "there, now that's a narcissist". There was a person who systematically acted in ways i later found out to be malignent narcissism. After having made quite a study of the topic, only then i discovered that a lot of people in my past and present where also narcs, only different kinds....more socially engaged. The first person was more of a psychopathic type, cold person. But to discover all this was a proces which has been lasting for almost three yrs now. I've known all these people for yrs and know their backgrounds, behavior and indeed i have an indication whether or not they can learn from their bad behavior or how they perceive realtiy, senses of intitlement etc. I'm not the person to just jump to conclusions and drop my entire social circle, but you have a point !
@@alainvosselman9960 Yes, you learn best by experience. I have seen so many covert narcissists and their masks falling down that I don't let these people to my environment anymore after seeing a red flag. I want a secure and happy soul family around me. I used to believe that I can understand everyone and I can always find a way with all people but now I see how naive I was. There are evil people out there and their mind is so badly damaged that there is nothing you can do but save yourself. Be careful with your good intensions to heal those wounded people. They can fool you very easily. Remember, it's not your responsibility to fix damaged people, they need to do it by themselves. Love yourself first.
@@Finnlady77 Exactly !
It is hard to distinguish between a malignant narcissist and a high-functioning psychopath. Some people say Hitler was a malignant narcissist, while others say he was a psychopath.
NaomiSlife all psychopaths are narcissistic
i'd say he was both! that is, if a distinction can be made from one to the other?
@@user-qr7eb1sf3l Yeah, but all psychopaths are narcissistic. The narcissism in this case is just a symptom of the psychopathy. That's why OP said it's hard to distinguish the two, because in the end malignant narcissism in both cases.
Same thing
maglinant narcissists still feel hightened tension, stress and emotion. Psychopaths are just cold, reasoning and composed.
"They don't develop friendships, they develop assets." TRUE. Thank you.
My mom act like she never want to hear what you have to say. She act like she get mad when your opinion differ from theirs.
Also looking forward to this! Dr. Carter, I'm very grateful for your videos, they have already helped me a lot. Your demeanour is comforting and your explanations are straightforward and thorough. Thank you for doing these.
His demeanor is wonderful, I just adore him.
@3rrlia Thank you - now if we could just get in a spray, right!? ;)
He also has a dog! You know a person is good when they love a dog.
@@tinaingram8873 Not necessarily. There are narcissitic dog owners. Hitler had a GS. My narc husband treated his dog better than anyonelse.
KARIN WIECHMANN I agree my spouse gives his cat 100% times attention zero to me. It’s so odd to see after almost 30 yrs.
I hope u r safe.
My "toughness" (resolve) only shows up when a narcissist is testing my boundaries. I don't expect to"win" or change them. I just stand my griund and avoid them like the plague.
Facts!!!
I can still feel the pain of my ex-husband's sarcastic comments, the sense of bewilderment as he blamed me for everything, never taking responsability for anything...the lies, his cheating, the financial disaster. Truly malignant. I finally left him after more than 30 years of marriage.
Being a "people pleaser," I was having a really difficult time getting out of a toxic relationship with a man who presented as "the one" for me, and knowing a little of what he went through in his upbringing with an abusive, alcoholic father and submissive mother, I tried to work past his jealous and controlling behaviour but thanks to you, I now know what I was dealing with and I'm finally off the roller coaster ride! Thank you so very much for sharing these videos and your insight.
How are things now days? Were you able to break free? I hope you are doing well now bc you deserve love and respect and happiness!
@@sfletch3042 I'm doing great thank you. I'm happily single and although I have had bad experiences, I haven't taken myself completely out of the dating pool. Someday maybe.
Thank you for this video, people need to know the absolute horror of having a malignant narcisist in their lives, and the skills to spot them as they are exceptionaly good at deceiving and disguising what they are.
I think this ability to deceive has been what got in my wayinh seeing I'm dealing with this. They're so slick and cunning, and can turn on the charm and fake empathy so we'll. Can hide the narcissism like a covert narcissist too. They are terrifying people.
WOW Dr Carter .. You just described my mother to a T ... She was extreme .. She told me she was from Royalty .. I laughed .. couldn’t help it ... She was the meanest type of person you ever could of ever meet ...These people anger me .. I don’t get to close to people now as I look at myself as being bad in relationships ...I’ve had many and none of them have worked .. She’s effected my life so bad... The only type of person she wanted anything to with is people who are successful or who had money..Stay clear of these people .. They are ruthless... Mind numbing facts you laid out here.. but the truth .. almost makes me sick to even go back to that part in my life .. She’s gone now .. Can I say YEAH !!
My Mother also was like this and to this day would go after me if I had not gone NO Contact 40 years ago. She caused my brother to have a stroke from the stress and now he is also NC. I also do not get close to people, I am nice and outgoing..to a point, but never do I get deeply involved. You hit the nail on the head about money and power...there are too many people like her in the world and I agree--stay clear of them.
J Lee I always think it’s to late for me now ... after all these years .... I can remember saying ... I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired ....because no one would believe me ... she would talk bad about me to friends of hers ....she turned my father on me ...sickening ... I’m now left caring for him .. out of respect only ... My grandmother always told me .. Do what is right in your heart and you’ll sleep good at night .... So that’s what I do now...
Carver Engraver I can empathize and relate. Luckily for me my mom gave me medical power of attorney and, when she died, her psychiatrist told me what was really going on and opened my eyes to my own worth and positive uniqueness. The therapist was stunned that I never “saw” her and thought that she was normal!!
I can now understand how that happens. If they’re diligent and smart they can twist reality. So many lies, so much fear under the surface.
But as much as I know the behind the scenes I do not grieve her. I’m glad to close that chapter and live.
A dead narcissist is a good narcissist.😂
Oh my goodness this is so true... I lived it and am slowly wiggling my way free. Praise God it took me several times to run but finally there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Even reading other comments I realize that I was not alone.
*malignant*
1. authoritarian
2. Think they r truely unique.
3. Users of pple
4. Low empathy . see no humanity.
5. Mean spirited
6. Dont trust.
7. Trueth is expedient...lie
8. Appearance is everything.
9. Large problem with anger.. no body messes with me.
*Help tips*
1. develop heath fear
2. U will never win argument
3. Establish non combative bountaries
4. Dont expect any significant change.
5. Seek pple who r heathy. Dont let them in to inner circle
Thanks for great information. My ex Narc would literally say out loud "I am perfect!!" I would laugh like it was a joke and he would look at me confused. I realized later he really believes it.
Just follow your intuition, these people will set all alarm bells off...
Mindy Adkins yeh isn’t it incredible..: they really believe that of themselves!
Mine said he's the chosen one and one day we will all follow him. 😆
DELUSIONAL.
My nephew often shouts out: "I am the BEST"! This is what you might hear from a toddler in a Superman cape--not a 40 year old. He grew up at my narc mother's knee and I believe he got the genes for it too.
Dr. Carter you are helping so many people with your educational and straightforward videos about this terrible disorder that so many of us have been affected by. Thank you so much for doing what you're doing! My channel offers support and encouragement for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse also and I just released a new video that asks the question "Do narcissists know what they're doing" I appreciate all the support I get to spread the word about narcissistic abuse . Thank you for being such a strong voice in this community! Much love ~ Amy
So pleased! I'll look into your channel. Dr. C
Powerful insight!!! So glad I'm subscribed to his channel. Growing all the time.
I cannot thank every doctor & professor or a specialist on this platform enough for their help & teachings that show us the light in our dark lives, living with narcissists is like living in a dark place filled with fog.
Thank u all so much for shedding light on us & showing us that there is an escape
I am so glad to have you. I actually see some of these traits in me and I am going to change. I am not a narcissist, but watching so many of your videos I noticed that I can be a better person. Thank you.
My mother: 'It doesn't matter because Jesus loves me. I am a King's kid. You are the devil/satan and I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.'. Anybody else grow up with a parent like this?
"You want to apply normalcy to them"
"You will never win an argument"
These two points are so very important.... and when you finally get them... really and truly get them... you can start the process of letting go.
Rachel It’s an uphill battle to understand them and you must learn things new that you never thought you would have to but once you do understand them and learn all that you have to learn about them there is no choice but to just walk away and leave everything burning in the back of you because you have to burn that bridge
Narcissists can be very, very dangerous. There is a permanent restraining order on my ex because of comments he made publicly about my safety. A piece of paper won't stop intended violence but it will give the police what they need to haul him in if I am hurt. And the permanent harm they do through parental alienation and isolation is horrible. They ruin lives and just don't care. They need misery like the rest of us need air. I've been to professionals for help in recovery. Sadly I haven't found one equipped to help much. I'm not stupid. I was conned and suckered by someone with an agenda. Dr Carter gives information I can understand and use. So grateful to have found this channel.
Safety first when it comes to narcissists! They can be explosive and unpredictable.
Carolyn, Get in touch with Focus on the Family and their counseling. They are aware of narcissism and have counselors and programs that can help those affected and afflicted.
@@lauracoussens6207 Thank you. I wasn't aware of their counseling outreach. I will contact them.
Carolyn Christy I am so sorry to hear that you were cornered. I was too, now I am a therapist and I get to help others of us who got “suckered”. I hope you find a professional like me who can help you navigate your way through to your joy. Don’t give up on getting help.
Carolyn Christy, you're absolutely right about the alienation. I'm crushed by how quickly my exwife turned our daughters against me. She's completely unconcerned about the mental well-being as long as she knows she's hurting me.
Stay strong guy's and God bless
I'm SO very glad you made the comment about the way people are portrayed in the movies, and how movie culture presents damaging, isolating, malignant stereotypes as bad asses or admirable "mavericks" in some way.
Agree with you 100% about that! In
real life when people act like rule-breaking, anti-establishment mavericks it's not always done with selfless motives that neatly wind up benefitting everybody in the end.
Great video. Everything stated I have experienced. It’s difficult when you have a parent like this. As a child there is no escape and for many of us it casts a shadow into adulthood. I am really trying to overcome a lot of damage and it’s not easy. My heart goes out to anyone that has been through this.
Heart out to you to girlindesert. My father is a malignant narcissist.
Thank you so much Dr. Less
About narcissistic attitudes in movies, my wish is that we could begin to admire humble and noble attitudes..... God bless you and your loved ones.
Dr. Carter: (spoiler alert: long post)
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
The malignant narc you described is my mother. She lives with me because she's blind and no one wanted her. Now I know why.
At age 24 I moved out of her house and had vowed that I would never live with her again. Hell I moved clear across the equator from S. America to N. America. At age 13 I concluded that she was my step mother because mothers dont treat their daughters/ children the way she did me..but alas she IS my birth mom. I had never heard of narcissism. No knowing what I didnt know, moved her in with me six years ago and she dug in. I remember after about six months I felt a sense of what Ill describe as dread: A terrible feeling I had all through childhood. I still didnt know what I was dealing with. She completely stripped me of my confidence. You may present her as your textbook example in your lecture.
Feeling completely lost in January of 2019 I laid in bed and considered suicide. Thankfully I recognized it as a "new low" and reached out to my girlfriend who sebt me a song of inspiration on RUclips while she raced out of church. When the song she sent ended I started praying. During this time YOUR video loaded and started playing signs youre dealing with a narcissist. I was only half listening until i realized that you were describing ALL the terror I was experiencing. I binged. It was like a light bulb went off and a rose of life was handed to me strengthing my will to live. I have not looked back.
We often have the misguided perception that old people are "sweet" she has often been described that way" but she is a chameleon on a devilish scale.
Through your videos I have come to understand that I am an empath and why I have contempt for her. I have been her supply. I have regained some footing in my home and life. I am trying to get her out of my home. She has destroyed the dymanic of my home, turning it into a shell. Let me just tell you getting rid of a 78 yr old she devil is no easy feat!!!! Thank you. These videos saved my life.
PS. I was seeing a counselor before I learned about narcissistic behaviour but I wasnt getting the help I needed so I stopped. Now I realize that my therapist just couldn't identify that I was suffering severe narc abuse. I have suffered this abuse pretty much my whole life with the exception of the 16 yr break between ages 24 and 40. I wish I had never moved her in. But I just didnt know and silly me wanted her to be well and enjoy her oler years. Yeah Ioved the devil in.
Triss Grant Seems so many little old ladies are demons in disguise. My mother in law is a good example. She talks about God but certainly doesn’t know God at all. It’s all an act. She fools people but I have seen the truth about her.
My ex-narc was always saying “I could be king of the world if I had a better memory “. His memory was just fine although selected memory, or made up memory.
Haha! My son recently said of his dad, "He has a great memory!"
I almost choked! My goodness, the guy can't remember an agreement he made last week or that he was adulterous BEFORE he left me... Selective memory indeed!!
"The only thing that is preventing me from being on the top is my lack of self-confidence." ... That didn't even make sense.
They have a lot of fictitious memories! My ex narc did drugs for many years before I met him and he shows signs of dementia. He has memory loss, loses keys, takes things and can’t remember where they are 4 minutes later. I’m curious to know how he will be years down the road. He’s only 38.
I was with a Covet Malignant Narcissist for 13 years. She took everything from me & nearly my freedom !
I agree to all points in this video. When I lived with an MN, I developed the "strategy of the smoke candles": give him the illusion that I would agree with him; avoid disproving his basic opinion; give him the illusion that I would praise him; never show my weaknesses. Since it made my real me invisible like the landscape in a dense fog, he didn't know how to attack me. And living together was bearable.
In discussions I used the "Teflon strategy": let all his insults, humiliations and personal attacks slide down like a fried egg in a Teflon pan and answer only objectively. At some point he ran out of arguments and stopped or changed the subject.
And, as you said in #5, it was important to gather together with healthy friends to recover from this madness.
Very sadly, you exactly describe my husband. 😓Thank you, again, Dr. Carter for being my “hidden friend of sanity.” ...walking on eggshells here, day by day. If it weren’t for you and my Creator....
Emily Davis Many blessings to you, @Emily Davis, on your journey!! 🌸🕊🌸
Good insight. I know , now, how to go forward with my 'malignant narcissist' family member. Sometimes, we nicey,nicey kind of people get swindled into what we think is a relationship but, is actually a swindle of emotions, heartfelt ways, etc., betrayal (which is blamed on us), and just doggone feeling like the dust under the rug on the floor for that nasty person to stomp on--and I am not talking about walking on but stomping on. I think you are 100% correct in your analyses of these sort of people.
Very, very helpful....It feels nice to not feel guilty about pulling away from someone. They do not need me. They have got themselves.
Amen!
It's so sad what some malignant narcissists can get away with. They can destroy other peoples' lives in the same way that criminals can. However, instead of committing murder, they may drive others in their lives to become so hopeless as to commit suicide. As for the videos, they are consistently spot-on. I commend Dr. Les Carter for having the courage to share his knowledge, and to help those who are stuck in, or are overcoming, abusive relationships with narcissists in their lives. People DO GET HURT, and narcissists need to change.
So grateful for this video, Dr. Carter. You so eloquently summed up my husband. Trying to create my exit plan & it has to be the smartest thing I ever do. His rages are frightful yet I must remain calm in the moment. He is also very paranoid and a bully - yet folds like a cheap suit should another man act crazier than he is. Such a baffling, bizarre set of characteristics. I literally can not wait to be free. The one bright spot is that once I get free of him, I will be just that, free of him! He, on the otherhand will be stuck with himself....forever. Perhaps that is some sort of justice?
“you never know what’s coming out of their mouth. It’s never going to be something that they hold firmly on.” + they’re selfish and without any empathy. I have people like these be my parents. People in the society seem to be more mean to me because people usually don’t see my struggles at all. It’s very hard to find a way out. Narcissistic people are good actors and actresses. They say wonderful things about themselves and can play the role of victim whenever they feel the situation need them to. All those things just automatically put me in a very hard spot. I’m the bad one towards outsiders. “How could you blame on your wonderful parents... etc
I worked with a guy for a year and a half buliding a new conference. He said I was his business partner at first but as the event grew and became successfull I was then called a contractor by him. I found out yesterday he sold the event to a person I helped build a business relationship with while working to build this event. I got played like a finely tuned piano. Make sure you get in contract who owns what because narcissists in the business world will walk over anyone to be successful.
I am so sorry you got ripped off...
You sure described my mother. :(
I had to laugh thinking of how true this all is and one recent example of how the malignant narc behaves.
I had just picked up my daughter from the ex's house and we went to the grocery store to pick up dinner.
Daughter's phone rings, it's her dad. He has a video game question ( something she at 13 has info about) and he then asks where she is with me. She tells him the grocery checkout. He huffs with disdain... "You two are lying, you're not at the store, you're so full of it!"
Daughter doesn't bother arguing. She hangs up. 👏👍 We rolled our eyes, shaking our heads. This is how he is!
All those things are 1:1 my ex.
It's true what you say. They can get very dangerous. They want to destroy no matter how much it costs. Avoiding is the best. Every word from them is bad for us.
My tipp is to stay by yourself and talk just about facts. No reaction to their harm. Someone once told me "he does not have more rights than you have". That's what I always keep in my mind.
I really agree with that point about what's popular in movies. I still can't wrap my head around movies that center on the glamor of narcissistic or malignant narcissistic traits. It's twisted.
Malignant Narc: " You have NEVER met anyone like ME". Yeah, you got that right...
Omg he said that to me...smh
👍👍👍👍👍👍
Me too..
Wow- so incredibly true that I can’t believe you’re not referring to the specific person in my life that I thought was an extreme rarity. The scariest thing that most of us don’t know until it’s too late, is that this type of person can cause incredible damage to another person’s life. Professionals in the psychology field need to keep teaching and helping- Teaching to help prevent becoming a victim, and helping the traumatized, broken victims. It’s disheartening that there are more of these “ monsters” out there.
I heard you say it! It is all over television! They glorify those personalities
I heard him too! So true!
Oh my goodness its so hard to believe that these people really exist they are missing a part of they brain or possibly soul. Thank you for your knowledge 😇
@RisingStrong57 There would not be narcissists in Heaven. Not to say someone not far along the narcissism spectrum might successfully change their ways while still on this earth. With God anything is possible. I believe they COULD reclaim their soul if they wanted to and asked God's help. But I don't think many want to.....They would need insight and self reflection which they tend to lack.
Thanks Dr. C. This is my dad on all points. Still recovering from the damage I sustained in that relationship and understanding the truth from people like you has helped me tremendously over the last couple of years come out of the brainwashed fog. Gratitude coming at you from Atlanta, GA.
This is my husband of 25+ years. This is so helpful. Thank you,
When I told the narcissist "we'll have to agree to disagree", he said "noooooo".
Dr. Carter -- Thank you for your work. You saved my sanity and my life. God bless you for providing such needed information.
You just described my (hopefully soon-to-be) ex husband! Ugh! Prayers I can get a restraining order soon & the divorce goes smoothly as possible!
And to rise above their levels of entitlements and anger takes truck loads I energy .......they like to broadside you .
I really enjoy Les's videos, but I would love to see more commentary on how to survive relationships with malignant narcissists who are in our lives ( involuntarily)... Some such examples are when your best friend chooses a malignant narcissist partner: or your boss or landlord. We come to understand that high turnover rates in businesses are often due to people like this in power, and abandoning your home, relationship with your life friend or even leaving your job is not always a readily accessible option. I would love to hear him address these matters on how to survive these relationships -- when leaving is not an option.
He does--the second half of his videos tells you how; the first part describes what they do.
I was dealing with the malignant kind, now it's down graded to just a " coastal storm" kind.of narcissist. He's not at hurricane strength after I set boundaries, and.dont.take the bait.
Sherri M I. I would love to hear specifics on your boundaries and the noticeable changes with his behavior that they created. How long lasting are these changes? Does he seem resentful? Dr. Carter talked about the differences by noting what it does but I’d be curious what but not malignant looks like. Could the nonmalignant be like the malignant just not pervasively?
Do you ever feel like you must defend yourself? Do you ignore her/him instead?
@@smac1823 well after raising 2 children and having a task list. I resurfaced the list for myself ( the kids are grown and well adjusted adults who live in their own homes). I would keep somethings on the list in view, and some tasks privately not in view. So when my husband would see that I am working on different chores around the home, he wouldn't trouble me at that exact moment if I was doing something else. God knows I might ask for help, he would avoid helping me. Lol .
Just be prepared, get up earlier them them, know their routine like the back of your own hand. Go to bed either with them or after them. If you go before them, be prepared for them to disturb you or listen to them to pick a fight with you, when you are at your weakest moment.
Have less weaker moments. Don't let your guard down. Don't look too relaxed, they pick up on that. I don't use my phone around then too often, because it will turn into" who am I talking to, or what am I buying.".
Assume, they don't listen or can't hear. So announce your intentions and do just that. If it's late, let them know you are going to bed. If you getting ice cream, ask them if they want anything. Be agreeable and mindful but remember that a narc will use anything to start a fight. If often starts with it directed at you . When you hear the word "You" be ready to gray rock or ask what is it you can do to help.
Boundaries, when it crosses the line of " is she asking or saying something unreasonable" then it's time to stay in your lane, wow did I hear you say that? I'm sorry you feel that way, I am not going to discuss this now, I want to respond in a better way". Then find something to do, in the garage, in the kitchen, clean the car. Anything. Sack the trash take it out.
I try to handle it, I state my case and I move on and move forward. It's harder to hit a moving Target. Be a partner but not a doormat. Give more "I love you's" can defuse a situation. Never take any insults or abuse personally, there is no excuse for that. Have a strong sense of worth and use grace in your dealings with them. Sleep better because you did better and you didn't lower yourself to fight with them that day. You are in charge of you. Their feelings are their own. I think it got better for me because I just wouldn't tolerate the insults or the short sighted thinking, I kept my standards and boundaries in place. I would say you can't call me.that, you are not allowed to hurt me like that that. This not how our relationship should look like, don't you want to be happier? Where is this coming from? Those are good boundary questions to have. "Time out, it's time I go outside for some fresh air.". Have those statements in your vocabulary too.
@@smac1823 the narc can affect you 2 ways. #1 how.they make you feel. And #2 how they act. S Mac you can control how they make you feel.. (#1). If you control that part of.you, how they act will feel less hurtful,.or mean spirited. Sometimes I think they like seeing the hurt or your confusion so if you can deal with.your feelings and give them less power. They how they act will have less flare-ups. I am less battle weary because I don't enter the drama. I hope my strategy and comments helped. I'm only 6 months in, and Dr Carter's books have helped alot. I've been married 10 years. So it's going to take more patience on my part. I had to change my script and the negative feelings I had. You may want to go to thearpy. It will help.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I live this everyday of my miserable hellish life from dealing with this demon!
This describes my son's grandfather exactly. They are squeezing me out of my son's life. I get 6 supervised hours a week if I'm lucky. It's insane and I'm being forced to take it to court. Thank you soo much for these videos. I felt like I was losing my mind before I found them.
One of the qualities of the malignants he mentioned was essentially the ease of dishonesty. This makes me wonder how easily they can feign remorse and act however necessary to keep the push pull cycle in motion. Also he mentioned a significant concern with appearances. Would a very ‘giving’ malignant not be considered a user by making himself look so giving of time and or money for appearances sake?
They are confusing creatures.
@@SSmith-rv5pe Sounds just like my husband who I have a protection order from. He would insist on doing all the cooking on the weekends. Then he would insist that I eat every single time he cooked. To everyone, he looked like a wonderful husband. He was tyranical about it, He would make a horrible mess in the kitchen. like a major holiday dinner. Much worse then when I cook. And then he would us this to smear me behind my back, putting me down to everyone who he made sure knew about all the cooking he did. It was so controlling, then he would be violent and threatening to me all the time. I never told anyone but he was always smearning me. Everyone we knew lost complete respect for me, thinking what a wonderful guy he was and what a loser I was. They had no idea about the abuse, Completely adoring of him and dismissive of me. So when I had to get a protection order from him cause of his violence, everyone was so sad for him. I was horrible in their eyes. No compassion at all for me over the abuse. No none cared, no one believed it. Such a monster. Now I see it was all premeditated.