Jealous? How to Take Back Control…
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- Опубликовано: 14 авг 2015
- Confused about what to text him? Just copy and paste any of these 9 texts - bit.ly/1EpQNbm
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FACT: Your partner is attractive. (After all, whether it’s because of his looks, his personality, or both, YOU are attracted to him!)
FACT: It’s inevitable that other women are going to find your partner attractive.
So what do you do when you look across the room and catch another woman flirting with your man? You could view it as a threat, become jealous and needy, and even storm over to the two of them and break it up… OR you could do THIS, which puts you back in control and actually builds the kind of trust that lasts.
I’ve been getting lots of emails from women asking how to deal with this tricky situation, so I’ve devoted this week’s video to a deep dive into practical, actionable advice you can use right away…
Be sure to leave a comment and let me know how it works out for you.
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Развлечения
so this is why i date myself lol
BlackMagnolia couldn't have put it better myself! We r learning tho :)
Yea less complicated
BlackMagnolia YOURE MEEE😭😭😭
It's really important to control yourself from jealousy but women have instinct that something isn't right in the relationship. I believed that you just have to trust your gut sometimes but be sure that you handle things in the most respectable way.
Before I was married i was very jealous on my boyfriend. But after marriage, my jealousy disapeared. I belief that jealousy is a factor that indicates which is the level of commitment of our partner.
I don't even have a boyfriend but I love watching these videos!
There are several factors in improving your partnership. One plan I found which succeeds in merging these is the Pavs partner pundit (check it out on google) without a doubt the best guide that I've heard of. look at the great info .
Aiko Yumiko me too 😂
You're learning Aiko! I just got out of a 3 year relationship and I'm here AND I'm a guy hahaha...
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ME TOO! LOL
I was looking for how to keep back control (in jiu jitsu) and ended up here..
Haha
you are lucky, my friend.
4c00h 🤣🤣
it was destiny
It’s called falling down the RUclips hole
I just learned something... I was also micromanaging my girl's life as well because of something she did to betray my trust. It turned me into basically a dictator because I implemented demands, supervision, which led to even more accusations and she ended up basically wanted to break up with me because I drove her crazy and we did split up and I'm going through like a family intervention now. I'm here to fix myself because I actually had trust issues, and a jealousy issue and I'm bettering myself now to get rid of that and become a better man for my future. I'm doing an intervention with family and friends talking about my problem and what happened with my situation in my relationship and I'm currently fixing it as well as praying about it and letting God take the lead and heal me from everything that has caused it. I'm currently working on trying to get my girl back because she has my heart and I do want to be with her so I had to change and I'm going to show her that I have. Wish me good luck y'all
We both are going on this grind, stay gold brother!
any update on your story? :)
Good luck brother, I am also in the same boat. Left because I was really jealous, but we promised to give it another go later down the line - see the changes and stay faithful to our connection ❤
I’m more of less exactly the same mate. Currently working on myself and getting her back. Hope it all works out for you brother
Good luck you're definitely going to need it. Especially if she a high value good women. If anything your next relationship will be amazing!
Occasionally, when I have felt jealous of a situation between my BF and another female, I would stay within eyeshot, not to watch him but to watch for a look from him that was asking for help. I wouldn't face them just remain in other conversations close by. If it got a little too close for comfort, then I would refresh my BF's drink, maybe give him a peck on the cheek and then turn my attention to the girl and either compliment something her outfit or tell her how beautiful she is and ask her for makeup/hair advice or something. It was a way of letting her know he is my BF without it being an uncomfortable situation for anyone. In my experience, it was usually the cue my BF was wanting for him to excuse himself and leave us chatting, and no one was upset in the long run. Thanks for another great video Matt!!
Pamela Lee you have a great BF ❤️ wish your relationship lasts forever ❤️❤️
This is a smart trick! Thankyou for sharing
Wow! That's impressive! If only more woman, myself included, could be as respectful, respectable and chill as you. (This world would be such a better place to live in and there would be so much less jealous anxiety.) 💯
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they need to know with whom they came, dint need to interact and peck on the chick. they know exactly what they doing.they have a tong to excuse themselves from unwanted situation
0:25 Issue: How do I deal with the situation when someone approaches my sexy partner? ;)
1:10 decide if you want to have an attractive partner or not. ;)
1:47 turn the threat into pride =)
2:06 what can you control?
3:11 good opportunites
3:34 be the hero not the police
5:02 sexy relationships
5:21 how to act if your partner acts disrespectful
5:32 communicate your standards
6:16 make a pact with your partner so you don't have to educate the rest of the world. ;)
7:55 everything in a nutshell: "control"
Thank you. J. :)
This video just touched the core of my soul. I am in a relationship and my boyfriend is a total flirt and he seems to have no control. I talk until I am tired. Feeling totally hopeless sometimes. I needed this video.
This is great advice! My boyfriend has long hair, is very tall, handsome, and very charismatic (a former model). He's much younger than I am. He told me before we ever went out that his previous girlfriends got angry when they were in public, because other women would come up to him to meet him. His previous GFs were jealous of him! (My words, not his.) He's really gorgeous, and when he told me that, it didn't surprise me.
When we go out he attracts attention from both women and men. He's desired and admired. Once we were having dinner at a restaurant. A young attractive waitress walked over to him (ignoring me) and told my date that he looked just like her cousin who was in a famous rock band, and she asked if she could take a picture with him. (I knew this was a made-up story to take her picture with my boyfriend.) When she asked him, he looked at me. I started laughing and told him to go for it! So she and another waitress got on each side of him and they took a picture. Later when he recounted what happened to our friends, he proudly said, "Samantha laughed her ass off!" He loved my reaction. Even though I have a jealous nature, I don't get jealous when he attracts the attention of other women. I'm very proud to be at his side. As long as they 'look and don't touch', I won't have a problem with it.
Long hair? r u lesbian?
Great to hear that really!
This is so amazing, you're so emotionally intelligent.
The best way to overcome jealousy is to first take a look at your romantic relationship. For instance, consider if your relationship is built on trust, respect and love, and if your partner’s behaviour reflects their words.
"Ultimate control lies in the knowledge that, you decide, every day, whether you want to be with this person or not. Whether you want to be with someone who behaves as your partner does. The ultimate control is in choosing or not choosing someone. We can begin to stop micro-managing all of the little insignificant situations along the way that are actually outside of our control and that will exhaust us and make us old before our time if we keep trying to control and micro-manage them. You don't need to control the small stuff when your ultimate control is over the big stuff. "
the crickets on the background noise was relaxing!
Agree
"Ultimate control lies in the knowledge that you decide everyday whether you want to be with this person or not..." Love it. Intelligent and well-thought advice.
Great advice as usual! this is the exact thing I'm struggling with right now, I'm really bad at handling jealousy. But now I feel more calm and in control thanks to you.
I needed to hear this from a male perspective . Thanks !
I love that part about not losing yourself, the "good, kind" person in the relationship. I'm in a...thing with a guy who was open from the beginning about not wanting to commit to a relationship. I'm deciding whether I want to stay in it or not. This has given me some food for thought
Girl, you need to find the courage to leave. Take it from someone who’s been there before. Sending love and hugs
💕✨
Let's drink everytime Matthew says, Partner! Ha!
bunny ann SOME DRUNK PEOPLE TONIGHT!😂😂😂😂
I feel drunk now!
Am I the only one who thinks @MatthewHussey looks like a mixture of Patrick Dempsey and Daniel Radcliffe?
+Manic Lolita Yes.... And Lee Ryan.
and Ryan Gosling
patrick dempsey eyes!!
LOL!, with Daniel Radcliffe verbal style.
to me he looks like Michael Fassbender.
Your wisdom is remarkable
So good, thank you. I guess it comes down to trust...do you trust your partner or not? If not, you'll be miserable & tied up in anxiety at all times.
All of that is not relevant - the real BIG problem is when you DON'T know what really happened there.
Is when she go out with friends and you DON'T really know how she react to that, or how close she spoke with someone,
or even if this someone is not attractive for her, but she felt lonely because you fight that evening -and she did something.
It's you DO NOT KNOW what really happened, that kills me and others. You don't know what is going on there RIGHT NOW.
I am experiencing the same, my Bf is out for clubbing with friend, and I have no way to obverse how he react to others and know his loyalty level.
Thats where you have to trust your partner. If you trust them, it doesnt matter what happened because you trust he or she made the right decision.
I agree with you..wow how we do handle those moments..? Is really stressful
That’s the trust video
If you can't trust your partner that you are constantly worried, why are you with this person? So its either a problem with yourself (you are to insecure) or that you have a partner you can't trust.
One of his best videos, hands down. Thank you Matt you are an amazing person!
-Kevin
if your partner does that in front of you, then you need to talk to him about it. Say hey, please stop staring at other girls in front of me because it makes me feel like crap inside. And when you do then its hard to trust you.
I thought this was very well thought out, Matthew. I struggle with this! I'm dating a man who has acted and modeled (used to being around and flirting with beautiful people all the time). I had to tell him on some subjects, "You know, this may not be "wrong" but it makes me feel really uncomfortable and self-consious. I would really appreciate it if you would x, y, z." Thankfully, he really is a catch and did (and still does a year later!) everything in his power to hold himself to a higher standard. I speak with pride, not jealousy, when I tell girls, "That one is mine!"
thanks for that Matthew. I always have trouble controlling my emotions whenever situations like that happens. Thank you for letting me see it in a different perspective.
Perfect! So clever -focused on respecting yourself first and your special bond with your partner, your mutual loyalty standards ;understanding what’s right and what’s wrong.
Thank you Matthew!
we really don't have control on what we feel on a certain situation or control our partner's emotion however we can definitely tell them what we feel and ask how they feel...
need more advice on long distance,where things get cold
Nathalie Djabrayan I’m in the same boat
Oh boy same here
same
😔😔
Dear Miss,
How did it go?
Best
That's why he left while telling me he didn't had any feelings anymore, and actually started dating the other girl (that i was suspicious of ... and she knew i was with him) the day after we broke up. Really stuck between going HAM on that guy now, or just telling myself im better than that and just keep quiet, let karma and guilt get him.
Matt, you're a genius. I really mean that. Take care.
I love this topic... it's very close to my heart. I've had this struggle many times and your insight is brilliant and helpful
It's beautiful to see and hear a man discuss and understand what all of us go through from time to time. Thank you x3
This is perfect advice. Best video or advice I’ve ever heard on the topic. My husband is getting ready to leave for another deployment and there are a large number of women on both of his crews this time. He is extremely friendly.
So much wisdom for such a young man. Thank you for speaking to us what we already know inside is a right and respectful way to treat ourselves and our partner.
Respect for you bro.you just clearly make me understand the route to take in this moment on life.
I’m a guy but this really adds up brother thnx man... really opened my eyes
honestly, this changes my views on jealousy forever ESPECIALLY the part of changing the threat lens to the pride lens. this is the perfect video!
This is a difficult subject and you covered it perfectly! Thank you! I found the part about "a different standard of loyalty", and focusing on my power of choosing whether I want to be with a man who acts like that, to be very, very helpful. Well done!
You are absolutely right. It is sometimes impossibly to let go of this whole idea of that guy. Because you invest your time and energy and then you think “oh maybe he’ll change once he sees who i am etc” but you are talking about “loyalty standard” creates a whole different perspective. It’s like i can see better. Thank u!
M so blessed to have you Mathew 😭🤗may u be blessed with everything u wish u have in ur life lots of love n best wishes 🤗
2 years later and this advice is still good! love this 👍👍😊
I really enjoy your logical thinking about what is proper in a relationship and what isn't. Thank you so much, Matthew!
Only problem is you're never THERE when he gets hit on so how do you know? Hmmm
Smigs you don't sorry .
Incredible insight. For someone in a relationship or not, just in general because we as humans always get jealous or compare. Good stuff!
imo, going over to your partner who's conversing with another woman, even if it's just to 'save' your partner or join in the convo, still says 'insecure' in my view - if there is true trust, your partner should be left alone during that convo, and wait to see if he himself brings the newly met woman (w or wo her friends) over to hang out, or have your partner 'save' himself if he feels he's in an awkward situation. still have those boundary convos in private with your partner, but in public, both you and your partner should behave as if there is true trust and advise according as the relationship moves along.
A very holistic and practical example . Thank you for this advice.
Refreshing to see actual, great, healthy and kind advice on here.
Love your videos - I also work down the hall from Elvis Duran, and every time I see you in the studio on the air, I never fail to turn on the radio in my studio. Always good advice, I love it.
Thank you Mathew, I really am struggling with my jealousy and I will put this in practice.
I felt really relaxed with the crickets notice it's like some sleep therapy maybe crickets sing in deep levels to help us sleep so sweetu, and everyone hates cricket but I feel relaxed and sleepy at listening them at nights.
Noise typo.
.
Thank you, Matthew! I'm much older than you, but you've helped me with this video. Keep up the good work!
Matthew! You're awesome! Thank you!
This has been immensely helpful to me!! I have a great partner and as it turns out I am not the only one who thinks so! I get a bit antsy when other women develop an interest in him and he seems to be enjoying the attention. I don’t blame him. Who doesn’t like attention?
Your video has helped me use these instances, when my partner is with other women, as an opportunity to observe my partner’s loyalty standards. Thanks for explaining how I can be attractive while doing so and for reminding me that I get to choose if I stay with my partner.
Your right Matt. I’ve been struggling with jealousy my whole life but I’m in therapy. Im getting better at controlling my own decisions to decide im going to trust.
oh my, you've walked me through this so well :) thanks for that! I like the approach of choice and trust, really good stuff!
Your advice makes SO much sense. Thank you for opening my eyes!!!
Brilliant!
The part when he said... are you sure you want to keep someone who can be lost like that?
That whoooole part sealed it for me.
Needed this. In a “relationship” with a polyamorous man who knows my discomfort with the situation. I don’t say anything because I know it’s my choice to stay with him.
excellent point of views and reminders
Thank you for the good advice!! I love him so much and don't want to loose him... Now like you said mutual "Respect" has to be there.
I can't imagine ever putting my man in a situation where he feels uncomfortable.... That would break My heart as well
it s a good way to say that your jealous like showing how are you affected by what you saw, that is a very very good advice sir. Thank you so much.
I'm having these problems and this video helped me out A LOT. This was the first video I watched on your channel and it was AWESOME!
Thank you again!👌🙂
Guys constantly flirt with my boyfriend, even when I'm standing right next to him. He realizes that they're flirting and instead of breaking off the conversation, or introducing me as his girlfriend he doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to be "rude or mean" nevermind the fact that his girlfriend's feelings should be more important than some stranger's..
as a girl with no male friends, i feel that you are an actual friend giving me valuable advice. thank you Matt! 💘
It helped me see another side to my own feelings that I never thought of. And will help me in the future to address my relationship in a better more practical way.
EXCELLENT video Matthew!!! Thank you for explaining such a complex issue!!!
Thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear so badly
thank you for this video. I could not get a clear answer about this from anyone I talked to in my real life, and you literally answered all my questions. Thanks
This is something I struggle with in my relationship so thanks so much, great tips for a new mindset! :)
Thank you, Matt. Always high value advice, so glad to hear it.
Out of the many I have watched this one relates the most to me personally thus far.
OMG!! Such a nice video!! I like you so much, every single of your video give me confidence!! Plus your accent is so adorable ! haha
Matthew Hussey, helping me become a better person since 2013 (that's when I found your channel) haha :) Love your advice!!
oh I feel much better after watching your videos. Thank you Mathew you really help ❤
perfect answer. you decide if you choose or not choose someone who needs validation from women or is self confident and show us respect.
This video was so powerfull!!! I am so blessed to have a beautiful man inside and out, he is a catch. Women check him out all the time..he is a flirt by nature..but he knows how to draw the line and never makes me feel out of place. My insecurities from bad past relationships can at times get in my way. I remind myself he chose me for a reason, if he wanted to be single and date he would be. Your videos have helped me in creating a beautiful strong woman in myself and fantastic relationship. Thank you!
So I know my partner is amazing and that he truly loves me, but since we've been dating, he's always helping out this female friend of his. I, being loving ( which is a quality that brings us together), knew what it was like to have those friends who need help and are sometimes the opposite sex, but as things progress, I'm getting the feeling that the friend of his that always needs help is the same female every time. I'm wondering how it got to be that she is always needing his help, and I can't tell if she is just that one really needy friend, or if there are other intentions there. What do you think?
I'm a huge fan of your work and you Matt. Your sharing helps me expand my mind and improve my quality of relationships and overall quality of life. Thanks a lot Matt
yes, you did cover it well. Kudos! you are doing great work, Matthew! hoping to meet you in person someday
Matthew, I'm in a long distance relationship with this very attractive guy, so being so far away from him, I cannot really observe how my partner reacts to someone hitting on him. What can be done in that case?
You're so very wise, Matt.. thanks for sharing your great advice!
I will always be Thankful to Hussey 🌻 Though my insecurities are making me anxious at this moment and it will take a while for me to complete get control over this Emotion of Toxic Jealousy.
I really needed to hear this today! I love your videos, they put everything into such a great perspective. Thank you ❤️
I wish I watched this in 2015,but thank you for this.
thank you very much for teaching us all of this. you`re really great, i wish I can meet a man as kind and as wise as you. Keep it going!
This is very informative and amazing. I have been struggling with jealousy for a long time because my ex boyfriend cheated on me several times. I wasn't a jealous person until I experienced that. Now, with my new boyfriend, I've been very jealous and insecure, so I really needed this advice. Thank you so much.
The hardest part is dealing with jealousy in a new, healthy relationship when you’ve been burned by betrayal and lies in the past. I actually didn’t date for nearly 4 years following my previous ex because he eroded my self esteem so much. He was going behind my back and would ignore me in group settings and spend the whole time chatting with the attractive women there. He even brought one of them who he knew liked him and who made me very uncomfortable, to a hangout and drove them there without telling me while I walked with my giant school bag, so I showed up and they’re both there waiting for me with her dressed up. Just…so many of the things he did really crushed me. And so now even though my new partner is absolutely amazing and so lovely and shows me all the ways I can trust him, I still get really bad nightmares about him cheating on me or ignoring me for another woman and it makes it so hard to tackle those jealousy moments.
I am ever thankful for these videos
I always need help on this subject. the longer the better lol.. thank you.
Wow...you're the ultimate catch!
You have no idea how much this video has helped me
I needed this! My trust was broken and I am trying so hard to make it work❤️
He is really into real connection and not into hurtful games, that makes him so beautiful.
Powerful message. This helps me alot in my mindset. Thank you!
You have opened my eyes on the subject of the relationship, thank you a lot
Abso-friggin-lutely spot on !!! Thank you so much for doing what you do here :) Matthew Hussey!!!!
The different loyalty standards comment hit home. My ex partner had a lot looser loyalty standards than me. In the end I couldn't deal so I had to end it for my own sanity. Now I know to ask the next guy what his loyalty standards are 😊
Thanks buddy! Exactly what I was looking forward to hearing
This was so enlighting and helped so much