I love all the comments by men, kind of affirms what Terry is saying-it may seem to be vulnerable is scary, yet the partnership requires vulnerability to receive love. Can't receive love walled off!
This is great, Terry. My partner is struggling to come along into mutual empowerment. Really hoping through RLT we can both become our best selves and become nore powerful as a couple than the sum of our individual selves. Thank you.
I appreciate your video and insight but I do think you and most people are unfortunately very likely wrong. Men should be whole as you say, but this is not to take the implied ensuing vulnerability wholesale, men and women both should be in touch with their emotions, but traditional masculinity says not to cry in public and be vulnerable, and generally that's a good rule, there are moments when strong men cry and that's ok, too. The idea, however, that vulnerability and crying on the floor and being a weak sop is a good idea for men or in tune with what a man should be is mistaken. A more traditional masculine men that is in tune with his emotions, not the servant to the emotions is more like our traditional masculine idea of a 'stoic' man. Marcus Aurelius in his book 'Meditations' writes a very modern outlook including a masculine, sophisticated outlook, from hundreds of years ago.
(This is Wil, I work with Terry on his team) - I think Terry would broadly agree with you. This video is not about being a hot mess all the time out in public as a man. It is about being in touch with your emotions, doing the emotional work needed to not repress or shove down emotions. This leads to stronger and healthier relationships. It does not mean that if you get upset at the DMV when you have to pay extra fee's, that you unleash your emotions in the moment with someone who you barely know. Terry isn't asking men to be a wet mess on the floor. He is asking them to do the emotional work they need to in the appropriate spaces and places, so that they can be whole in their personal relationships. He even says "I want strong, big hearted men. So that when the moment calls for sweetness and wholeness, he can be kind, whole and compassionate, vulnerable and open. When the moment calls for ferocity and toughness, a whole man knows how to be fierce and tough."
@@realterryreal In which case I agree 100%. I do presume the message or intent can get lost quite easily, most of the time me or other people hear about 'men being vulnerable' that's the main message instead of being whole and having both kindness and viciousness when appropriate, but if he sincerely did not mean it or it was me and other people lumping him in with others because he says the same message of 'vulnerability', he did say 'whole', too, then that's wrong and I'm mistaken. Sorry if that's the case.
I think this is a fantastic conversation. And, speaking personally (Wil again) I think in our culture we do have way too many men being told to be more "Feminine" than they actually want to be or is healthy for them to be. That is in stark contrast to Men addressing their wounded parts where they wall off or shove down emotions because of Trauma or hurt. I don't think Terry's work is perfect, but I do think this story that he shares in one of our newer e-books is a great example of where, I feel, he get's it bang on. "When I went to a secluded island, I met these warriors. They killed lions with spears. They had ears down to their necks and I asked the men's group of the elders: what makes a good Merani? A good warrior? In America, some people say that a good Merani is responsible, sensitive, and soft. Some people say a good Merani is hard, ferocious, and strong. One of the elders looked at me and, speaking in his language, said, “I have no interest in talking to you about what makes a good Merani. I have only interest in talking about what makes a great Merani.” He said, “Now look. When the moment calls for ferociousness, a good Merani is a killer. When the moment calls for tenderness, a good Merani lays down his sword and shield and is sweet like a baby.” He said, “What makes a great Merani is knowing which moment is which.” We want whole people who can be tough when it's time to be tough and tender when it's time to be tender." @@waifreviews
all their life vulnerable gets your ass beat. Most psych's don't even pretend to understand that. They also don't really know how to help men communicate
In certain scenario's, yes of course. This isn't about being vulnerable all the time. This is about in your primary relationship. Being vulnerable with your boss who is coming down hard may not be the right move. Then again, is that someone you want or need to have deep intimacy with? Likely not. However, in a romantic relationship, with your life partner, if there is no vulnerability there is likely no Intimacy. And without that, you're just in a transactional relationship, managers that co-habitate. That is the whole point of this work, to get back to connection and intimacy
In our culture men do not struggle with emotions in general, they struggle with some emotions like grief, shame, love and affection, helplessmess, not anger, disgust, lust...
Terry went back to the 50s with that “toothpaste in the toothpaste jar” metaphor 😂 (and speaking as a man, I’m 💯 in agreement and support with all of this!!)
Why is this terrible advice? This is exactly what this video is speaking to. What is the end result of our culture, or families if we continue to ask men to shut their emotions down? Do you think that will be a healthy world we live in? Would you rather deal with a bit of potential negative judgment but have a healthy emotional life, healthy relationships and longer life? Or would you rather shove all those emotions down to protect yourself?
@@realterryreal only speaking for myself, when it hurts it really fucking hurts. Some triggers are like an existential threat. I've noticed that I often cannot accurately read a situation when this is happening. I've had the benefit of playing back recordings of conversations to later check if they actually went how I thought and, it was both good and bad. I wasn't anything bad like I thought I was, and the other person wasn't at all trying things that I thought they were trying to do. Don't know if laws apply to this where anyone else is but I only use it personally I can't even get the recordings out of the software so they're only useful for self reflection
@@davidcrawford9026 Sorry if I interrupt or intrude on this thread. But have you heard Jiddu Krishnamurti talk about "thought" and Wayne Dyer talk about Taoism? There's something there for you to explore perhaps 😊
I love all the comments by men, kind of affirms what Terry is saying-it may seem to be vulnerable is scary, yet the partnership requires vulnerability to receive love.
Can't receive love walled off!
That's the rub. The walls both protect from pain but also wall off love.
This is great, Terry. My partner is struggling to come along into mutual empowerment. Really hoping through RLT we can both become our best selves and become nore powerful as a couple than the sum of our individual selves. Thank you.
I appreciate your video and insight but I do think you and most people are unfortunately very likely wrong. Men should be whole as you say, but this is not to take the implied ensuing vulnerability wholesale, men and women both should be in touch with their emotions, but traditional masculinity says not to cry in public and be vulnerable, and generally that's a good rule, there are moments when strong men cry and that's ok, too. The idea, however, that vulnerability and crying on the floor and being a weak sop is a good idea for men or in tune with what a man should be is mistaken. A more traditional masculine men that is in tune with his emotions, not the servant to the emotions is more like our traditional masculine idea of a 'stoic' man. Marcus Aurelius in his book 'Meditations' writes a very modern outlook including a masculine, sophisticated outlook, from hundreds of years ago.
I agree, broadly, this is not good advice.
You should reread Meditations - you've seriously misinterpreted it and this video
(This is Wil, I work with Terry on his team) - I think Terry would broadly agree with you. This video is not about being a hot mess all the time out in public as a man. It is about being in touch with your emotions, doing the emotional work needed to not repress or shove down emotions. This leads to stronger and healthier relationships.
It does not mean that if you get upset at the DMV when you have to pay extra fee's, that you unleash your emotions in the moment with someone who you barely know. Terry isn't asking men to be a wet mess on the floor. He is asking them to do the emotional work they need to in the appropriate spaces and places, so that they can be whole in their personal relationships.
He even says "I want strong, big hearted men. So that when the moment calls for sweetness and wholeness, he can be kind, whole and compassionate, vulnerable and open. When the moment calls for ferocity and toughness, a whole man knows how to be fierce and tough."
@@realterryreal In which case I agree 100%. I do presume the message or intent can get lost quite easily, most of the time me or other people hear about 'men being vulnerable' that's the main message instead of being whole and having both kindness and viciousness when appropriate, but if he sincerely did not mean it or it was me and other people lumping him in with others because he says the same message of 'vulnerability', he did say 'whole', too, then that's wrong and I'm mistaken. Sorry if that's the case.
I think this is a fantastic conversation. And, speaking personally (Wil again) I think in our culture we do have way too many men being told to be more "Feminine" than they actually want to be or is healthy for them to be. That is in stark contrast to Men addressing their wounded parts where they wall off or shove down emotions because of Trauma or hurt.
I don't think Terry's work is perfect, but I do think this story that he shares in one of our newer e-books is a great example of where, I feel, he get's it bang on.
"When I went to a secluded island, I met these warriors. They killed lions with spears. They had ears down to their necks and I asked the men's group of the elders: what makes a good Merani? A good warrior?
In America, some people say that a good Merani is responsible, sensitive, and soft. Some people say a good Merani is hard, ferocious, and strong. One of the elders looked at me and, speaking in his language, said, “I have no interest in talking to you about what makes a good Merani. I have only interest in talking about what makes a great Merani.”
He said, “Now look. When the moment calls for ferociousness, a good Merani is a killer. When the moment calls for tenderness, a good Merani lays down his sword and shield and is sweet like a baby.”
He said, “What makes a great Merani is knowing which moment is which.”
We want whole people who can be tough when it's time to be tough and tender when it's time to be tender."
@@waifreviews
all their life vulnerable gets your ass beat. Most psych's don't even pretend to understand that. They also don't really know how to help men communicate
In certain scenario's, yes of course. This isn't about being vulnerable all the time. This is about in your primary relationship. Being vulnerable with your boss who is coming down hard may not be the right move. Then again, is that someone you want or need to have deep intimacy with? Likely not.
However, in a romantic relationship, with your life partner, if there is no vulnerability there is likely no Intimacy. And without that, you're just in a transactional relationship, managers that co-habitate.
That is the whole point of this work, to get back to connection and intimacy
In our culture men do not struggle with emotions in general, they struggle with some emotions like grief, shame, love and affection, helplessmess, not anger, disgust, lust...
Terry went back to the 50s with that “toothpaste in the toothpaste jar” metaphor 😂 (and speaking as a man, I’m 💯 in agreement and support with all of this!!)
Lets teach men to jump
onto The chair
and laudly !!! SCREAM...!!!
and
teach women to rolle their sleeves and kill the (Micky)
mouse !!!
The wound for women is disempowerment and loss of voice, the wound for men is disconnection and loss of heart.
Show emotions as a man and you will be judged negatively. Not fair, but that is the way it is. This man's advice is terrible.
Why is this terrible advice? This is exactly what this video is speaking to. What is the end result of our culture, or families if we continue to ask men to shut their emotions down? Do you think that will be a healthy world we live in? Would you rather deal with a bit of potential negative judgment but have a healthy emotional life, healthy relationships and longer life? Or would you rather shove all those emotions down to protect yourself?
@@realterryreal only speaking for myself, when it hurts it really fucking hurts. Some triggers are like an existential threat. I've noticed that I often cannot accurately read a situation when this is happening. I've had the benefit of playing back recordings of conversations to later check if they actually went how I thought and, it was both good and bad. I wasn't anything bad like I thought I was, and the other person wasn't at all trying things that I thought they were trying to do. Don't know if laws apply to this where anyone else is but I only use it personally I can't even get the recordings out of the software so they're only useful for self reflection
@@davidcrawford9026
Sorry if I interrupt or intrude on this thread.
But have you heard Jiddu Krishnamurti talk about "thought" and Wayne Dyer talk about Taoism?
There's something there for you to explore perhaps 😊
Jackson Browne, wrote the song "Doctor My Eyes", + the song "I'm not In Love" so sad!!!
ne