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AN extremely highly sexed person can find it impossible not to cheat if their partner is not really into sex and tends to withhold it.

If you cheat, have the decency to be honest and come clean to your partner. Allow them the dignity to choose the way forward in their own life. If they are kept in the dark, not only have you cheated, you've robbed your partner of reality.

Please, please, please - you speak of patriachy often (and beautifully)….. ….. you must understand that this fantasy of gender “IS” a reorganisation of patriachy - effeminate men are not born in the wrong body - ‘masculine’ women are not men. STOP REIFYING STEREOTYPES OF GENDER ROLES! There is only sex. For shame.

My 38-year marriage broke up over a year ago and while working through it I've watched a ton of videos about relationship breakdown. This seems to me to be a refreshingly realistic view of what's going on. Thanks for your clarity and honesty.

People cheat because they’re not emotionally connected. Teaching true intimacy would help.

It’s very unfortunate that the causes of cheating are conceived solely in pathological terms which is antithetical to Esther Perel’s work. The only reasons considered are a flaw in relationship or a flaw in the person cheating. Life is much more complex than this and Esther entertained non-pathological reasons for cheating that interact with environmental conditions. This provides for a much more dignifying and nuanced framing for the otherwise hidden determinants of cheating.

So I shouldn't give my partner unconditional love, but I should give myself unconditional love?

Love it!

ok, sounds like a good solution for an afternoon. what would be the recipe for more frequent occurrences, let say every other day; two, three times a week...

Terry, great content! Can you suggest a book(s) that helps understand in more detail and covers the basics of skillfully standing up for yourself and asserting without being aggressive.

Needed that. We started seeing an RLT therapist.

Wow ….ill have to work on this

Enjoyed!❤😊

Nope not willing to take a close look at themselves. So, I need to look at the reality more.

Thank you for this. Would have greatly benefitted from this 30+ years ago and finally divorced. Dating a man now with hopefully more wisdom and understanding from teaching as yours and eyes a little (or much more) wide open.

A therapist recommended your book and here I am Appreciating the wisdom bombs 🙏

This is the most real, practical and honest dating advice I have heard in some time 👏👏👏Thank you Terry for sharing your insights and truth 🙏🙏🙏

Lovely!

I agree that the mic quality could be better. With a better camera angle to see his face more clearly, so it’s more conversational in feel.

Answer is DIVORCE😅

Gold, as always!

I think someone said. Narcissists only work on give and take and clear what you’ll do if they give you. Extremely upfront transactional. And as you said. Test them. Say no. Easiest way to see a toxic person as they will walk and go onto a easier “target”

Thank you, so much, Terry! Yeah We're not taught this. This should be a curriculum in grade school and older

Thanks Terry ! So useful

What if the partner has fidelity issues, consistently lies or omits information? What if they're controlling? What if they have narcissist traits?

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Wow, so good. Love Terry!

Apparently Picasso was quite the narcissist so the Mom was probably right when she told him that he could do better… just not in the way she meant

Thank you. Never heard about bottom line is helpful for healthy relationships. Makes sense.

about your exemple of demanding someone to the other but what if the other is always demanding of you doing this stopping this...? What about if the other is always needing something different from you will you always say "yes i will work on it?" because sometimes we cannot give all things that someone wants

I watched these video three times! This is precious knowledge! Thank you Terry and all of those who helped to make sense of these so important issues! I would like to add that to form this kind of relationship of trust and loving confrontation we need to work our own narcissistic traits and our anger, rejection and disrespect for the narcissistic behaviour. Especially if we had parents that traumatised us with this kind of behavour. In somatic psychotherapy (biosynthesis) there are exercises that help the couple realise the narcissistic dynamic very easily.

Excellent excellent…..I’ve been here and am working very hard toward authenticity in all my relationships…..Thank you Terry✨🎯……your definition of codependency is stellar…..I’ve done this for decades in several relationships…..healing now

Much appreciated. Thank you.

I started the process of getting to know myself

Hi Terry--I love your work. It would be great if you could give some acknowledgement to the foundational work of The Jean Baker Miller Institute (JBM Towards a New Psychology of Women) and particularly to the seminal work of Dr Judith Jordan, who brilliantly framed and defined what"relational" means, and how a relationship with authenticity (and Zest!) is essential between therapist and patient.

Seriously telling women to date for potential? That is literally creating codependency. Other than that, good talk.

Co regulation. A nervous system wonder that is the ultimate bonus of a healthy relationship. No, like all things, is possible in a good partnership.

How will we maintain our sanity if Trump becomes a dictator next January??

I would love to have a look at the research showing that 50% are not based on shame and just an overevaluation of self. I'm not yet fully aware of overevaluation that isn't rooted in compensatory mechanisms. And haven't met a grandiose narcissist whose ego isn't fragile. If the notion of "I'm better than you" truly secure than it is not easily threatened by opposition or contrary evidence. Our overestimations of ourselves are corrected through lived experience, which is then integrated into our self assessment. Meaning it would naturally correct overestimations. However, when rooted in shame, the lived experience proving otherwise is a threat to be denied and may lead to narcissistic injury. So this piece I'd love to learn and understand more about.

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what an excellent video!!!! bravo.

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There is a compulsive component to narcissism. Also an escape into dystopian fantasy. They're reality adjacent yet not quite in reality.

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Belinda is 💯 spot on. I had the same issue with my partner recently, he took me for the first time to a dance event he always goes to on his own. I wasn't too impressed because he hardly sat with me, and people in the room would have not guessed we are a couple. He said - I took you with me, it's never enough. I told him - yes, you drove me there and back. But were you with me? No. He couldn't have been more emotionally disconnected from me. To make it worse, he deposited too much attention on another woman who was pursuing him on the dancefloor. I felt utterly lonely and unspecial.

I CD e been researching how to fix my marriage for 23 years. Your work is the best yet! Thank you!!!!❤

Love this man.

Thank you Terry, so helpful.

Love your explanation of intimacy and relate that to your Grid of self-esteem and boundaries. This highlights that there is more to intimacy than sex but rather a sense of connection and aliveness. Thank you, Terry.