I've Been in Autistic Burnout for a Decade...
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- Опубликовано: 18 окт 2024
- Hi! In this video, I talk about what led me to chronic autistic burnout that's been going on for a decade. I also mention how I've struggled with my special interests since becoming an adult, and how I still gaslight myself when it comes to my sensory sensitivities. Please like this video, leave a comment and subscribe if you'd like to follow me on this journey :)
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Your story is very interesting! Thank you for sharing. 😊
I for one am not tired of your videos about autistic burnout, it helps me to process things. I'm pretty sure that I'm deep into burnout and if I am then it's been going on since I was 25 at least (31 now), though I had periods prior to that which may have also been burnout 🤷♀ I won't let myself go too far down that rabbit hole yet though, as I'm still trying to work through getting my thoughts together for an assessment. I get so exhausted after doing so little that it's taking more time than I would like.
If what I'm going through is burnout the scariest part for me was feeling the cognitive decline, to the point where I was beginning to consider early-onset dementia. Not sure if I already said that in a previous comment on one of your videos, I know I said it somewhere. The words that came out of my mouth while I was getting my 5 counseling sessions on the NHS a few years ago sounded far less intelligent though, the only way I could describe it at the time was stupid like "I feel more stupid than I ever have before".
Gorgeous cat 😻 he came to complain to the camera that he's not in the garden 🤣
Sorry you had such a hard time with uni, I attempted to resit my GCSEs in my local college but it was way too similar to high school for me and I did not have a good experience with that. Never tried going to an actual uni and distance learning didn't work for me. It's absolutely awful that you had such an experience while ringing a hotline, they should have shown you more compassion since that is what they are there for.
Saved by the strike for sure, I would have also been terrified of doing a presentation in that situation. You couldn't even get me to stand in the front of the class in high school 😶🌫 I don't mind hearing about your life, watching your videos is slowly building my confidence to where I can hopefully do the same thing (at somepont) ❤ All I could manage is sitting in front of the camera and talking right now, you probably even edit more than I would have the energy for.
I'm with you there. Ever since a car accident in 2009 resulting major head trauma, combined with other major medical issues, cptsd, unhappy work enviromnents, bad relationships and loss which led to being burnout since.
*I hope things get better for you, dear. And anyone else feeling similar. Hugs.*
I feel the same way, Paune. Like I've been in burnout for most of my adult life. For more than 20 years. I feel like I failed the transition to adulthood. I relate to all these things you're saying, so much.
I was 50 this year, and until recently I used to feel that I was 10 years behind my peers with regards to a career progression etc. I self-diagnosed at 49 being AuDHD, and I've taken a step back from doing anything extra for the past 3 months. I recently was poorly sick and was able to sleep for 12 hours a day for a few weeks. Now I'm getting back to health I'm staying awake until I feel exhausted (normally 2am right now), and then I'm up at 7am to get kids ready for school. This level of sleep is something I've never done but I feel much better for it. I am now conscious of needing to manage my senses inputs and the environment I am in. I carry noise cancelling headphones all the time. I reduce multi-tasking to 2 tasks at once (or less). I keep my time interacting in a multi-person space to a minimum. If you can, take time out and just sleep if you feel you need to. Don't try and push through it, as that doesn't help long term.
I'm in my 40's and I need to work full time or else I will have nowhere to live, but I am so afraid that I won't be able to continue at some point. Summer here can get over 35 Celsius and winter can get below -35 Celsius... on top of not having stability and my things and my routines. Being homeless is so terrifying that I somehow manage to cope and continue.
My first Burnout was most likely triggered by being married to a Narcissist. Having a child worsened the situation significantly. I did not know at the time I was Autistic, so I just kept on pushing myself. Friends and Family would say marriage is difficult, it needs work. I suspect they didn't understand the amount of work I was going through in order to sustain it. This burnout (which had probably lasted about 5 years), quickly eased when I packed a suitcase and walked out. I felt better than I had in a very long time (and the suicidal ideations disappeared within a month or so) and at the same time I felt worse (crying constantly, but the sadness was the first emotion that I had also felt in a long time, before that I was just numb or angry) for walking out on my Wife and Son. They were better off without me there (yet still there if you know what I mean).
I think it also depends on your 'capacity'. I believe that when you're younger you have a lot more capacity. When you get older, and there are more stressors in life (like cancer, intersex conditions, anaphylaxis, etc. not being specific lol) I think capacity is significantly reduced and you can never really get it back. All you can do is minimise sensory stressors etc.
Did the cat open the door? My cat used to open the door lol, and it was a twist knob! Totally get the 22:30 thing. I have very little in common with my Son, and my Psychologist said to just get familiar with one of the things. She too couldn't understand why I was unable to do so. I just cannot learn it. I think the main thing might be that I do not have the capacity for it, because if I do learn about Soccer, there's only one way I know how and can, and that would be too learn everything about it. I already have special interests in my life that take up all of my time (and that is also my job). To learn about soccer would mean to drop everything else and deep dive.
Yes he did open the door 😂
If you're concerned about noise... you could try getting Waves Clarity. Both the noise reduction and the de-reverb. They really make a difference, and they're easy to use. I'm playing around with them, and for one thing, the difference it makes on the room tone is night and day.
Hmm interesting, but sounds like an exhausting decade 😢 but you have done so much and been so strong!
i got into UCL but ended up not going there. My brother has done the commute from france to Switzerland every week, he had to drop out and change to my home town uni.
When it comes to burnout and depression i personally have a hard time telling the difference. I have not been doing well since age 15 with dips here and there, so it is hard to know what my normal capacity is. It was only when i had a "neurotypical burnout" at work 2 years ago that i think it got worse than usual for a period of several months.
To be honest i really internalized the whole career=worth and then my studies and then job became my entire identity and life. If i lost my job i would feel literally incapable of doing anything else. It is getting better as i try to develop my life outside of work.
I'm sorry the hotlines did not help, i also find them quite unhelpful a lot of the time even though sometimes it is the only thing left.
Btw i did your historical cat choose your own adventure! I became a leader among cats 😸 i loved how all the endings seemed positive 😊
Ps sorry for such a long comment talking about myself, just wanted to say what i relate to. But i want to say that you have been through so much more than i have, and i don't want to seem like I'm diminishing your struggles 🙈
Omg don’t apologise! I love your long comments where you share more about your life 😊 we’re here to learn from each other! I never could have gone through medical school myself… sounds like an awful lot to go through as an autistic person 😵 I can’t believe you took the time to play my game 😍 glad you enjoyed it 🥰
Another fascinating video! Thank you for sharing your experiences with such honesty.
I’m in my 40s and was professionally diagnosed with AuDHD about a month ago. I very much identify with your discomfort surrounding the idea of sensory issues. I sometimes enjoy loud music, and never noticed issues with bright lights. However, I’ve also always been “odd.” I hear the sound of electrical outlets in situations where others don’t and find overtones from certain musical instruments (like the vibraphone) unsettling. Once I started wearing sunglasses outside, I realized I’m much calmer when I do, as is the case with wearing my Loops in loud environments. My comfort range, temperature-wise, is very small, and I can’t focus if I’m too hot or cold. I sleep much better with a sleep mask or blackout shades and my Loops in my ears. These things have always been true, but I never realized how much they impacted my state of mind and ability for my brain to function… Awareness of this, and my diagnosis in general, is helping me learn to take care of myself to become the best version of me (which is not going to be the same thing as the best version of someone neurotypical, but I am becoming more OK about that over time).
I’m from Romania, living in America and I find going back to Romania super overwhelming because I’m autistic and the constant hustle and bustle of city life. I lived in Bucharest for the first 5 years of my life. I have been back nearly every year since childhood but I definitely enjoy being in America more because we are in a mountain area where we don’t have a lot of traffic or a lot of interactions with people. I relate to the burnout. It took me a long time to figure out that i was in burnout for a very very long time. It’s only after like 11 years that i have now gotten into a better place where burnout is not as severe as it was, and it’s all because i have stopped pushing myself all the freaking time. I started to focus more on myself and my well being. Being chronically ill also has « forced » me to slow down.