I'm abandoning my pregnant girlfriend... for a good reason! | Reddit Stories
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Note: stories are often abbreviated, find the story at the top of the description
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Women need to stop romanticizing men and trying to change them. When a man tells you he doesn’t want a child, believe him. If u choose to keep the child after he said he doesn’t want it be prepared to raise it alone. Your body your choice, but remember, men have choices too.
THIS. As a woman, I would never try to "baby trap" a man because that just results in resentment. That is an awful thing to do to someone. OP recognizes that and knows it would be bad for the child. That shows he's not an entirely awful person. He knows himself well enough to know he is not a suitable father.
The last part especially. Just don't waste your time with someone who doesn't want kids if you want them.
And she's just 23... I think getting an abortion in this case isn't a bad idea. She can meet a better man in the future and have a child with him.
@@melmelbry5754Well that doesn't make sense. Not everyone takes responsibility or is an upstanding person. You can't change irresponsible people. Now if there was a law that all men must see their kids daily and be fathers to every kid then at least a quarter of the male population would be in jail.
@@melmelbry5754if someone isn’t ready to be a parent, why force them? Some people just aren’t built to be good parents. There are plenty of people that want to have children. Raising a child isn’t something you should go into haphazardly
First op is realistic, he just comes across as being cold and unmoving. Some people are just wired that way, they don’t sugar coat things.
That’s true
might be wired that way, not to put all blame on his parents but they do sound awful and that probably didn't help either.
i believe i think the same way as op, so i was really confused as to why he would be an AH. i thought he was very communicative of his wants and was very generous with the financial aid. this makes sense haha
I someone who absolutely does not want children i'm on his side
He isn’t realistic. Realistic is paying actual child support and not trying to manipulate his way out of it by making selfish agreements with a hormonal heartbroken woman.
For Story 2: It honestly baffles me that she would expect him to do 50% of the chores. They are not married he is 100% fully supporting her and paying for schooling and all other expenses. She only goes to school part time so she has plenty of time for herself and other activities. An apartment is a very finite amount of space. I don't see why this would be a hard thing for her. The fact that she was not willing to compromise shows how ungrateful she is. Considering how much of OP had put into their relationship in other aspects seems like the dynamic of the relationship is very one sided.
I agree with you. My husband and I have a very similar dynamic while I currently attend nursing school. He also helps with house chores (especially laundry since I hate that lol) on weekends, but most days after work he’s exhausted and so we usually hang out together in the evenings if we don’t have plans with friends/ family.
What I really don’t understand with OP in this story is why he broke up with her - because now he has to do 100% of his chores ALONE in his new apartment **while still working the same “exhausting” hours**!!!!! Like that just doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t believe they couldn’t find more of a compromise.
Although I did just realize that I guess without having her in his life, he’ll have a lot of extra income to pay a cleaning service now 😅 so I guess that’s where his mind was lol
I think it was more of her unwillingness to compromise that drove him to break up with her. I mean if I had someone telling me they were not willing to compromise when I'm pulling most of the weight financially and I still help with chores but just want them to pickup a little more of the house work I would assume they don't value what I contribute to the household. If that's how they act towards me when I'm giving it my all, why would I want them around? plus with the said person gone I could afford the bills that I was already paying for and could even pay for a cleaner since I wouldn't be giving someone a spending allowance or paying for their schooling. @@Ciela531
@@Ciela531 the only reason OP is workkng 60 hours a week is to support her. He does not hsve to slave at his job, but he wanted his partner to be able to have complete focus on school and he was wiling to sacrifice for a bit to make that happen. But she did not care about any of those sacrifices. Not sure how an appartment would get so dirty with only 2 people in it. She spends most of her time at home. I think its on her to clean. 60 hours a week is slaving yourself at your job. She spunds like a spoil brat abd i would have also broken up with her. That way i can cut down on time i have to work, can downsize, and start saving his money and use it for himself.
I agree. She refused to compromise 👍🏼
Second story: It wasn’t about him not wanting to clean, but rather she wasn’t respecting his wishes, wasn’t considerate at *ALL* about him wanting time to himself and the boys on one weekend, it was likely far more indicative of how she would be in the future and how selfish she would be, and taking him for a ride. She wanted him to cover the rent, cover her schooling, cover *HER SPENDING,* and then she didn’t wanna give up any money to have a cleaner come in, and she wanted him to do half the chores. And yes, her saying, “I’d be afraid they’d steal something,” was *TOTALLY 100%* a diversion from her real answer of, “I don’t wanna give up the free money you give me to help you out.” On the outside-looking-in, it’s very easy to see how selfish she actually is.
I 100% agree with you. The cleaning issue was representative of a broader issue of selfishness. She was in class or studying for half the number of hours OP was working, while contributing nothing towards the household expenses AND while OP also covered 100% of her school fees. If you’re not splitting the financial burden 50/50, then you can’t expect to split the burden of chores 50/50. OP dodged a bullet by getting out when he did; paying for a maid would have masked a bigger issue that could easily have bitten him in the ass far worse later on. OP’s gf was only concerned with herself & that kind of selfishness is unbelievably toxic to a relationship.
Oh that's definitely true I was in similar shoes as ops and I can tell you I wish I would of done what op did. Though she was claiming she need to save for college so we agreed if pay rent and utilities and she even agreed she'd take over more of the chores but she never did and then ended up blowing all the money she saved up on stupid crap
Omg thank you lol
Yea, I don't understand why John and Sam don't see the bigger picture. It's 24 hours study week vs 60+ hours work week. Doing all cleaning for 2 ppl (one of whom is never home) won't even bring that to 60 hours. If girlfriend thinks 24 hrs vs 60 hrs is fair to ask for 50% cleaning, just wait until they're married with kids. She'll be one of those who go stay at home and then force the working parent to do all cleaning and most childcare cuz "you're a parent too/living in the house."
@@Nathan_Bookwurm Unfortunately this just keeps on happening where there's not much input from them and them not being able to see the bigger picture just scratching the surface.
First story: he should absolutely 100% not be a father. My first memory at 3 is my ‘mother’ slapping my father, screaming “I never wanted those kids anyway” (ironically as a teenager I would find out she was the one who tried to baby trap my father, go figure) and caused so much damage that could’ve been avoided had she just left. The fact he knows himself to know he would take out resentment on the kid is why he needs to walk away.
Second story: that’s absolutely about more than cleaning. I worked 60 hour weeks with a now former partner that didn’t do any chores because ‘I was going to do it but you started now’ because it was 2 days after I asked them to do whatever and now it desperately needed to be done. If you go to your partner telling them you’re exhausted, you need recharge time just one day a week or so, and they ignore that or refuse to communicate properly? Time to tell them to hit the bricks.
1st story-OP sounds cold, but he’s not wrong. He told her he doesn’t want kids, and he shouldn’t be forced into fatherhood (nobody should be forced into parenthood). He is offering solutions, and is willing to pay child support-which a lot more than some parents offer.
Story 2- damn, lmao. When I lived with my partner who made/worked more than me, I took on a bulk of the cleaning. As long as he picked up after himself and didn’t just leave messes for me, it worked out.
Story 1: NTA. He was honest about not wanting and nobody should be forced into this HUGE responsibility. Kids are no joke. I hardly doubt it was an accident
Exactly, it is not fair for a guy to be blindsided by this. Y'all agreed to not have kids, y'all were using protection, somehow an accidental pregnancy happened. He never changed up, she did. She continued with the pregnancy which she doesn't need any input on the decision from him. So a guy, no matter what he decides for his life, is going to be dragged along no matter what.
Since when is using a word in a language embarrassing?
@@imamuggle02 Using a compound word/collective pronoun isn't embarrassing. It isn't some country slang where words are slurred together. It is a part of our language and taught in school.
lol what??@@imamuggle02
Dude not to mention the fact he's actually gonna support her? Especially to that extent? Like damn me and my sister didn't have a present dad but the most we got from him was MAYBE $100
Story 2: I don't think op was against helping cleaning as he was already helping. I think he just wasn't able to pick up more chores due to picking up more work to help cover expenses for girlfriend going back to school.
We only have so much mental and physical bandwidth to put in extra at work then come home and be expected to put in extra at home too.
Right. He shouldn't be doing any cleaning he's putting in the most. No need to hire a cleaner. She needs to do it since she doesn't work and is only focusing on college.
Regarding the last story, I don't blame him for breaking up with her. He was working 60 hrs a week and had a commute, paying all the bills and not allowed to have one day to himself. She had a combined 40 hrs of class time and homework, all from home. It really sounded more like she doesn't want to clean up after herself, or there would not have been a whole days worth of cleaning on Sunday.
story one: i dont think hes an asshole based on his actions. hes realistic and upfront, even if its a difficult situation hes not acting out of malice or disregard? hes just not sugarcoating whole hes recounting the information for reddit. that doesnt mean anything about his capacity for emotion 😭 yall not liking his tone or form of expressing himself doesnt make him a mean person
He is an asshole for the end part with the financial threats and financial abuse towards his newborn daughter. You don't want to be her father but yet still need to find something to hold over her head, fudge off!
1. OP needs to go out of state to get snipped--ok he's planning to do that.
2. That letter sounds AWFUL
3. i'm glad the sis is going to help baby mama and baby. That will be great for everyone.
4. Why is it only a college fund? College isn't for everybody. She could start a business or put down on a house
5. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 go directly to get this vasectomy. Don't bring anymore kids you don't want into the world.
2nd story she’s not working and at home all day. She needs to pick up the slack and appreciate her man’s hard work.
Facts
Agreed. I would never dream of making my husband shoulder all of the weight. The point of a relationship is being kind to eachother, sharing. This lady is terrible and not thinking logically.
@@dudeorduuude5211 I don't even think she's trying to think logically on this one. Especially with the excuse for why she shouldn't have a maid. It's not asking a lot to be in the same room for an hour or two with a maid. Watch Tv or something! It seems like she's on some sort of power trip trying to make him do these things for her.
I have a whole house with my SO. With a habit of doing chores 15 minutes each day and an hour on sundays...my house looks just fine! Keeping up with just a little bit everyday is the key tbh. If you don't do anything at all for the entire week and wait till sunday then of course it will take you a few hours (which I do sometimes too when life is busy). Deep cleaning is a bit more of an ask, but that's more of a monthly/quarterly chore and something the maid would be better used for than just simple laundry, sweeping, or dishes.
Story 2- Its sounds like the breakup was more about her being unwilling to compromise and respect his desire to not clean than it was about the money. Also, gf 100% said she thinks professional cleaners are untrustworthy thieves, which is a red flag (an possibly racist depending) tbh, so she gets no sympathy from me.
It my partner paid for me to live, eat, and go to school. YOU BET I’m going to make the home sparkle ✨ it would be so clean 🧼
With no kids or pets?? And a partner you don’t even cook for all week long?? As a parent of multiple kids and multiple pets I can only imagine how few hours it should take to keep an apartment clean.
If you have a man and a woman and the woman has a uterus there's always a risk.
OP sounds cold, but we can all make choices. She can choose to keep the baby and he can choose not to be involved. If you as a woman choose to keep the baby, you should be prepared to do it on your own or with your family, not that man
I've heard other stories where the woman wasn't trying to get pregnant, but kept the baby. It happens!
I know, every time I go to the gyno I always hear no birth control is ever 100% effective (outside of the obvious)
When I had my tubes removed they said I still had a .0001% chance to get pregnant. N if i happened to become pregnant it most likely would result in an ectopic pregnancy.
If used perfectly, 1% of people using condoms will get pregnant in a year.
Normal use, it increases to 12% chance.
Similarly, the pill needs to be taken at the same time every day, being late or missing a day, it can take a month or so until it's working properly again.
According to OBGYN RUclipsr Mama Doctor Jones.
Men impregnate women. If you don't want a child, keep your penis to yourself.
I somewhat agree. However, once a woman is pregnant, the weight of choice of having kids is not equally distributed between the genders.
The trolley problem comes to mind: If you could pull a lever to choose whether 1 person on side A or 5 people on side B will survive, what is the better option to you choose? Logically you choose B. But what if you know Person on Side A? Suddenly the choice is not as logical anymore.
Furthermore, if you remove the whole „theoretical“ construct of what is the best option vs putting you personally on the lever to choose, most people, even with the „logical“ choice, refuse to pull the lever.
My point is: it is easy to talk about „better/logical“ options when there is no personal stake involved, however, as soon it becomes personal, or you need to pull an „actual“ lever, the „choice“becomes a lot more vague…
She needs to clean the home end of story. This is another situation where logic comes into play. He's allowing you to stay home providing you with monthly spending money and you're able to go to school for something you actually want to do, CLEAN THE HOUSE. OH AND I THINK I FORGOT THAT HE IS ALSO PAYING FOR ALL OF THE DATES. BASICALLY HE'S PAYING FOR EVERYTHING BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE CLEAN THE HOUSE HE'S EVEN PICKED UP EXTRA HOURS. THE FOUNDATION OF A GOOD RELATIONSHIP IS BEING ABLE TO
❤COMPROMISE ❤️
Yes! And OP works for 60 hours a week, she "works" for about 25. There is no way he should be doing 50% of the cleaning. She's literally not contributing in any way, so I think that taking majority of the cleaning on herself is fair.
Definitely she should be cleaning.
16:14 honestly OP sounds like he’s atleast helping finally a lot more than most absent parents. For someone whose not going to be there he’s taking a lot of steps to be helpful to the Mom and child. I was born in the late 80’s/ early 90’s and all of those absent parents just dipped out with out a word or a dime.
Story 1: I'm a woman and yes I'm on OP side. You can have the kid but you cant force the father to stay. BUT he sounds goddamn ridiculous 😂
You can’t force him, but he should be more active in the child’s life. He’s very selfish. Horrible man, if I can even call this guy a man considering he’s acting like a child . Only a child can’t control emotions around others, especially innocent children who love you. Wish girls would choose better partners too though …
I am a single mom of 2. I get $400 a month and that’s if he even pays
@@laurasq4339I get a similar amount for both my kids, and same.
@@DJ-cm8xjI firmly believe no one should be forced into parenthood if that's not what they want. For women, that looks like adoption or abortion, for men, they can simply choose to remove themselves from the situation. He's not trying to get out of his financial obligations to the child, he's very mature and generous even, about the fact that he will need to help financially care for the kid he helped create, even though he was always clear that he never wanted any. That's way more than most single mothers get.
@MissyRose94 he should've gotten a vasectomy
The last story, not the Ahole. He did try to get a cleaner, she said she wouldn't trust them. She was shooting down every option he gave her and I think he saw it as he was doing everything and literally the one thing he asked of her she wouldn't budge on and he started wondering why bother
Story 2: Tbh I feel like a lot of break ups recently in these stories are around cleaning. I do 100% of the cooking so my husband picks up a lot of manual chores. Laundry we do keep separate cause I’m not fighting over “you didn’t wash it right” or “you didn’t fold it right” lol. But tbh she could’ve been a lot more considerate and willing to compromise.
Poor OP in story 1. If I, as a woman, was forced or coerced into keeping a baby, I would lose my mind. I do NOT want to have kids. Even if I eventually "changed" my mind, I would still resent it some time down the line. It's not fair. He's being more than reasonable. He's offering financial support in all options. He's a bit cold, but it's not like he could be more emotionally supportive without the girlfriend trying to manipulate him into getting involved in raising the baby.
Story 2, again, super reasonable OP. He tried every option. He was basically carrying her on his back: rent, food, spending money, school payment. She wanted to do the bare minimum while studying 20 hours a week. Wanted him to clean the house 50/50 while working SIXTY hours a week!!!! GTFO.
The girl in the second story is an AH. Honestly, she's receiving all the support, she can do chores if she has an empty house most of the time. This guy is working 12 hour days for her to go to school and do her thing, like at least she could make some sacrifices.
John and Sam out here saving relationships, one home cleaner at a time!
He also may be on the Spectrum. I was diagnosed at 42, and it can mess your life up, depending on how it affects your brain. My block is social awareness of others feelings, I just can't feel emotions, just reason them. My empathy, in previous comment, was logical.
Story 1 - you know, strange guy, cold. However, it was good he wrote on reddit for advice, as his financial support setup and thorough details is actually impressive. That woman needs to get it in writing though. And involving his sister was a brilliant idea. Maybe OP will follow his word, but better to have a more formal agreement.
As a father myself, who loves and enjoys bein a father, you shouldn't need to have a child to know that.
It really doesn’t matter how much the father is making the money is ONLY for the child. Child support is to help with the required costs of a child nothing more nothing less.
Exactly. It's one of the things that irks me about when they do give an option on something when they deem someone an AH for not super altruistic in their opinion, when Op either 1. Doesn't owe the other that level of kindness or 2. Is actually being generous, but they don't know that because they don't have the knowledge about a topic. 2k for a baby in a southern state is a lot of money. If she's able to get by not she's completely fine. Plus ops sister and wife is planning to help which means the ex doesn't have to cut back in working *or* pay for childcare, which would still cost under 2k even if she had to do one or the other. Op is helping a lot to not ruin her life with her choices, and taking some responsibility to a thing he knew would happen, even though he tried to prevent it and was very clear in his stance. The fact that he knows he'd resent the kid if he stays and doesn't want to raise a child in an abusive broken home, but is still willing to make sure his child, albeit unwanted, can live comfortably with her mother. That is extremely generous of op to something he is fundamentally against.
Story 2: if i had a boyfriend, not a husband mind you but a BOYFRIEND, who had no obligation to me whatsoever and who had no guarantee or personal interest in reaping the rewards of my career improvement, I'd be thankful AF for the opportunity. If they were pulling extra hours to give me this luxury while I had less to do, you dang well better believe I'd be reciprocating around the house and making his life better! Unless he's an absolute pig, I cant imagine there'd be that much to do that it couldn't be done during study breaks during the week and then everyone has the weekends off. If he was an absolute pig, disregard everything I just said. Wilbur can get his @55 in gear and shovel out his own sty.😂😂
I don't think he sounded like he was an absolute pig. He did mention that he's hardly home. The gf shouldn't have left the chores accumulate so much till the weekends...
EXACTLY!!!! The audacity, entitlement and selfishness she had is mind boggling!
EXACTLY!!!! The audacity, entitlement and selfishness she had is mind boggling!
Story 2- she wants to have her cake and eat it too. It’s not hard to keep an apartment clean, my fiancé and I have a 1200 square foot condo, and I do 95% of the cleaning while also working full time in my business(35-40 hours a week). He’s the main bread winner, and one day I will be able to quit working when I want and he will be able to provide. I have NO problem doing the cleaning and the cooking(partly because I love to cook and clean, partly because I have a particular way I want things done and it’s easier if I just do it myself instead of getting not picky and starting arguments) It’s not hard, if you do it weekly and keep the little things like dishes and wiping down the kitchen after cooking each day, it doesn’t take more than maybe 3-4 hours a week, and that’s doing a deeper cleaning. She’s blessed to have to ability to stay home and focus on studies, and also gets to have “her time” during the week, the least she could do is let HIM have one day a week to himself.
She was unwilling to compromise at ALL and I think it was the right call to break up. If she can’t compromise now she won’t be any better if they got married
2nd story NTA and I don’t really think it was about him not wanting to clean. I think it was more about he was pulling WAY more of the financial load and therefore why couldn’t she AT THE VERY LEAST do the cleaning. She sounds ungrateful. That’s crazy.
First story: lots of people either don't have maternal instincts to babies, or just simply don't want them. This guy went above and beyond for his ex with giving her options, he was clear from the get-go and while she changed her mind about wanting kids due to the pregnancy, that doesn't always happen. Never expect or wait for your partner to change their mind. If you think OP was robotic, then you'd probably think I was the Ice Queen of No Feelings Land. I don't talk to babies, don't hold them, pretty much generally disgusted by them and uncomfortable until they're much, much older. I too had an unplanned pregnancy a couple years ago, I had an intense breakdown over it feeling betrayed by my body and immense disgust. I live in a country where it's not difficult to access safe abortion, once I had that procedure I started the fight for a hysterectomy. It took 2 years but now there's absolutely zero chances of a pregnancy ever happening again. People who are forced to become parents are more likely to become abusive, and I was already carrying trauma from having an abusive parent. People have told me many times that I would make a great mother, on what basis? Being a female? Because I love and adore my pets? No, I would not make a good or even nice mother and that's okay because no future human will have me as their parent.
At least he's very honest.
Similar situation to last story, I pay maybe 40% (if not less) and my fiance pays the rest. He also works a monday-friday, I work a m, w, f, sat schedule. With all that, I'm usually the one doing errands, basic chores, dishes, walking the dog, and cooking dinners. So on the week days, I do most of the chores and he will do some laundry and clean up after dinner. On the weekends since he's off, he takes on a bit more work if I have a "honey do" list for him. It really is about who's home more often, and working out if there's chores you need extra help with lol
He works 60 hours a week, she was being entitled and boy she wil learn her lesson. She got to live her life, have friends over and he had zero time for that.
The background music ~17 minutes gave me flashbacks to Mario Teaches Typing 😂
If your getting a vasectomy PLEASE be sure to get your sperm count tested regularly as the body can heal its self in ways our minds can’t always understand. My husband has a little sister because his body healed itself and the vasectomy wasn’t valid anymore. This is rare but it happens. Yes the baby was his they did a DNA test to be sure plus he got his sperm count checked and they were swimming again.
OP is doing a lot of perfect scenario planning here… but I’m really confused how he plans to be completely uninvolved if his sister is going to be part of the kid’s life. Unless he is planning on never seeing his sister at any holidays, birthdays or important events again it sounds like he’s going to be running into the ex and kid. Then what? Is he expecting everyone else to lie to the kid and not tell her who he is? Then at 18 read a letter with SURPRISE! That guy you’ve seen at family stuff for years is your father and every adult in your life has been hiding it from you!
He may think he’s working within reality now but he most definitely is not
He is not realizing all the factors he can’t control. She can be 13 and catch a ride from an older classmate and show up on his doorstep. He is going to be held way more accountable than he is ready. And the whole family will know by the time she is 1 years old because people can’t stay off social media and def can’t keep secrets
People do it all the time . How many kids are with “parents” but really are grandparents . They’ve lied to the kid the whole time. I think the woman is more delusional & trying to create scenarios to make her perfect family but it’s not happening . It’s also sad to bring a baby into an unwanted situation
@@lunav9827 Thank you!!! It's more than reasonable. It can be done. The sister and her wife can be family friends the kid knows, and OP doesn't need to be involved. It's not like the supposed family friends need to be inviting the child to their gatherings with OP. He asked everyone not to. They can meet and plan things without involving the father.
I agree completely. This "plan" seems fatally flawed.
@@iulia.bianca.bSo lie to the child her entire life
That bodes well.
Donkey Kong background music is amazing lol.
The 64 music is on point in that first story🔥
17:32 well, that’s a silver lining. I didn’t expect thank goodness for his sister and her wife.
The fact they were only together 3 months feels like a red flag.
For Story 2; the gf was being TA. OP offered many solutions and she was ungrateful and not willing to support him support her. He was supporting her and could pick up mor chores and then they could return to a 50/50 once her schooling was done. We did this when my husband was in school and we are doing this now as I’m in school. I honestly am grateful my husband pays for all of our dates and gives me some spending money since I’m not making much….and am happy to clean in exchange. And my husband does help, but I do about 80% of the chores bc he works two jobs to support us. Least I could do. When I’m done with school, we change it back so we’re both contributing with equity .
My cousin's husband clearly said... no more kids. She begged and begged. She stopped birth control, got pregnant. He left her. Women don't understand that having a baby is not just her choice, and it only works when they both want to. It's just as much of a violation to do it to men, then to women.
As I said her inability to compromise would be the downfall of their relationship. If we go through multiple scenarios of how this could work and your answer is always the same. 🤔🤔🤔 I might not say it out loud but in my head I'm thinking she's not listening to anything that I'm saying 🤨. Because her answer is always the same which means obviously she's not listening and willing to compromise. A person's inability to compromise is a major Redflag. Good on him for not ignoring this redflag
Apparently child support is 15-25% of yearly income in California, probably around that in other states. If 15% was taken out of $150k a year, he’d have to pay $22,5K a year
He's low balling for sure. I agree with him on not wanting the kid but...I'd say she needs a good lawyer
It varies state to state
Wow. I feel the parents of the (1st story) op s are a BIG part of his decision. My story w my 1st child Being similar , then him coming back 6 years later & taking me out of MY CHILDS life makes me sAd 4 this woman, op & baby girl
Feeling change. Nothing wounds like regret
I wish peace & happiness to them all.
Stories are getting deeper guys and ur growth is showing! Thanks guys
Why is she saying it is not fair if he does not clean the house with her? She is a freeloader. Her education is being paid for. She has allowance. The least she can do is clean up for him too. It looks fair to me.
I am in the same situation with my husband and I actually feel guilty instead of what she was feeling because I could not contribute financially. Thus, I make sure everything he needs, food, clothes, a clean home to relax to, are provided for him in return to his hardwork.
OP in story 2 is the daddy every girl wants and deserves someone who will at the bare minimum not be a burden on him.
If a woman can make the sole choice to keep a child, a man should have the choice to have NOTHING to do with it emotionally, financially, or anything.
Cleaners are more than you think. I've looked into it, and the cheapest one is 150 for a weekly cleaner.
I think that while he's bad at communicating and that he could have gone about stepping out in a better way, he's being very responsible by acknowledging that he isn't ready to parent. It would, in the long run, be worse to be there but abusive than absent but paying support.
I like the first guy's honesty and bluntness to be honest
I became a single mom @ 23 and the father didn't want to be involved. I also have an absent father who's popped in and out of my life over the years telling me he loves me😊then disappears again. Honestly, I think this guy is doing what's best for all involved. He's at least self aware and will care for the child financially, in addition to having found familial support for the woman and child. That's way more than I ever had, and healthier for everyone involved than trying to force him into a situation that would likely lead to abandonment and emotional neglect of the child.
Cleaning story. She seemed very unreasonable and unwilling to compromise. Man was tired and wanted a little life outside work and cleaning. She had way more free time than him. 50% of the cleaning, 100% of the bill paying verses a couple hours a week of her studies, and 2 classes in one day. He probably can't see a future with this woman now. Even thinking about one day having a child with her, seems gloom with her unbending ways.
Ive had monthly issues my entire life, pcos & endo. I NEVER wanted kids, i married a man on that same place... Ive been asking my drs since 16yo to get a full hysterectomy... Im now in menopause and still have everything i wanted gone.
I was told i couldn't get one even though it would help my health, because "youll change your mind or youll marry and he'll want kids"
Apparently the choice was never mine.
Story 1: I don't think OP is an AH. He made it clear he doesn't want children. He took precautions. He knows he wouldn't be a good father and being trapped in that type of situation would result in resentment and he knows it's unfair to the child that he would ultimately end up taking it out on the child. It sounds like he wouldn't even be doing it intentionally or maliciously...he just doesn't sound like he's capable of understanding others' emotions.
Story 2: Why are people siding with the girlfriend and asking basically what more OP could do instead of the girlfriend doing the cleaning? OP is working his butt off so that she could attend classes so she can make a career change and is giving her an allowance so she can not work. She is being a spoiled brat. What I wish you guys would consider is it's the principle of the matter. Between attending classes and studying, she still is not putting in full-time hours. OP is paying for EVERYTHING. The least she can do is take over the cleaning. He wants ONE DAY to rest and recuperate. That's all he's asking. She wants him to do more work on that one day. I don't blame him one bit for breaking up with her. I mean seriously, what IS she doing in the meantime? Cause it sounds like she's doing a whole lot of sitting around waiting for OP to come home.
He might come off as cold, but he clearly needs to be very frank with her, since she genuinely thinks he'll magically change his mind once he sees the baby.
That's not how it works for many people. And she needs to understand that by choosing to have the baby, she is choosing for that person to grow up with a father who does not want anything to do with them. If she's not ok with bringing up a child under those conditions, she needs to be responsible enough to have an abortion.
She sounded too delighted with the pregnancy within only three months of knowing the guy. She really thought he'd marry her for it. That makes it seem like she did in fact go dumpster diving to get pregnant. Though there is always a risk somehow he didn't seem like the type to be careless about his condom use with how scared he is about getting someone pregnant.
He really should get things on paper and notarized because she will still be poor and she will have other children. That thousand bucks a month will not be enough to support her plus the other kids she will have in the next 18 years and she will take him to court. It just all sounds like a mess in the making.
She definitely baby trapped him and the kid is gonna pay the full price of her immaturity.
@@imamuggle02 Nopes not a guy, women can also see why a woman would want to babytrap OP. And it's not his charming personality.
I also get why he doesn't want to have kids, the situation with his sister was traumatizing.
@imamuggle02 wahhhh how dare women know that baby trapping is wrong. You're the one who shouldn't reproduce
@@imamuggle02 Why? Because I know that her situation was so bad that she'd have seen getting pregnant as a step up? No family , no friends, probably doesn't make much money, doesn't believe him when he says he doesn't want kids.
@@imamuggle02 tell me you are a sharmouta without telling me you are a sharmouta.
it wasn't about her not wanting to clean. it was that she wouldn't budge when he said "what about something where I take on a little less than 50% cause I'm pulling all the financial weight?" lol
1st OP is just blunt, he's NTA and just didn't try leading anyone on at all with the prospect of children. He isn't robotic or even mean, he just has very strict boundaries and made them very clear by not budging. Also $1000 isn’t low child support, the national average in the US is $430.
Story 1; I think he is awesome. He thought of everything as far as the babies future is concerned. I do not think he is the a$$hole. She should be grateful that she is getting that.
Story 1: OP is NTA, but he sure acts like one; the pregnant ex is the asshoIe, even though she's in a sympathetic situation.
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She grew up in crappy family, is alone in the world, and suddenly sees an opportunity to have a family of her own and not be alone. She thinks she can "fix" any problems that would come up, and create her own awesome family that she didn't have.
She's not listening to the guy; she's not respecting him; she's trying to manipulate him -- and I don't usually say this, but, I don't think she realizes how manipulative she's being.
She's not thinking clearly because biology/hormones are increasing all the feelings for her. There's a time limit, the stakes are huge, and she probably feels like this will make or break her life. She's insecure.
Sucks for her not to have any support network she could get council from.
I had more sympathy for him while his tone was neutral. When he described her out-of-state trip to get an abortion as a free vacation, he lost alot of my sympathy.
edited to say: When I wrote this ⬆, I hadn't gotten to OP laying out the financial arrangement. He's becoming more of an asshoIe... ridiculously low amount of monthly child-support considering how much he's making, and controlling them through the college fund.
Involving his sister: he's beginning to accept the idea of having a kid, but seems like someone who has to have control over every aspect of his life, and so this is his way of on the down-low being involved by proxy.
And again, using the college fund as a way to control how they interact with his family.
These people are all pretty effed up. Nobody can recognize or admit the underlying reasons for the decisions they're making.
Story 1 OP said/told/communicated that he doesn't want to be a father. Stop making this harder than what it is. He's is to the point and there are NO GRAY AREAS. People just listen to what people are saying.
🤌This podcast and keeping me sane🤞❤. thanks gents🤝
Story 2 I don't think it had to do with the cleaning but her unwillingness to support him when he needed support like he supported her
That youll vomit and die reminds me of a movie miss march same thing it's about abstinence and the Playboy mansion 😂
Story 1, He made a lot of good choices. I say this as a single mother who had no financial or emotional support from the father. I got criticized for not making my son’s father be apart of his life but I have seen the emotional damage a parent can do to a child who doesn’t want to be a parent. Not only is OP giving financial support but he found a solution for emotional support. That is more than any one I have heard of who doesn’t want a child. The mother will be surprised by how strong and capable she is.
You still can travel, go outdoors etc with kids. My aunt and uncle are very active, like my uncle does marathons etc and they have two kids. They’re outside a lot
If he didn't want to have a kid he should have not had relations with the woman sheesh maybe later in life he might change his mind but then it may be to late the child may not want to have anything to do with him at that point
The first story; I get not wanting kids and never expecting to be a parent, but unless one of you is 100% sterile, there’s ALWAYS a chance that you/your partner will end up pregnant.
You can give up responsibility if you so wish, but if you’re not ready to face the potential consequences of having sex, don’t have sex.
The child may be hurt by having an absent father figure, but whats worse is a father that clearly wants nothing to do with a kid having to take care of them out of obligation. Thats a recipe for resentment and even emotional abuse/neglect. Its better this way
Story 1: The gf is complaining about feeling forced to have an abortion, but isn't she forcing him to be a father?? If he's serious, he needs to forfeit his parental rights! If you sign away your parental rights, you have absolutely no responsibility to that child. Therefore, he's not responsible to pay child support!
Tbh $1k in child support isn't that low. The national average is only $430 a month. But that's also isn't for another 6-8, which gives them time to revisit that number. Until then he's paying $2k a month.
S1: I think the reason that OP is considered NTA is cuz he’s honest, and I think what you think of as robotic is what’s needed here. She’s counting on him changing his mind, so he can’t be emotional here. I respect this OP.
I hate to say it, but OP in the original story is not the asshole.
I chose to raise two children alone and never received child support.
He's openly offering to financially support a child he made it clear he did not want.
That's more than a lot of single mothers get.
He does not seem like a caring, loving person, and she should be relieved he is not raising her daughter.
He was 1,000% correct that he would take his feelings out as resentment on her
It sounds cold-hearted, but he seems very level headed and no nonsense
He's actually the kind of person we need in life.
The kind that doesn't sugar coat or give false hope.
Most of society doesn't like this kind of person but they are the best in my opinion.
Second story - maids would depend on the area and the service. Husband and I got a quote for a 2 bed 2 bath apartment and it was $400 a month to clean our house! It was outrageous. We really want someone to come in and help once a month with cleaning (we both have ADHD so it would be a huge help) but the expense isn't justified.
Dude didn’t want the kid, if she gets 100% control of the child during pregnancy and once it’s born, he should at least be able to abandon it. She can decide on abortion, adoption, or keeping it, he gets one choice, let him have it. I also don’t agree with him not being a standup guy like you guys said he isn’t, he handled his shit, made clear of his expectations even before the child, and she switched up and essentially tried to baby-trap him, he stayed true to what he was always saying, not her. You can’t try and strong-arm someone into being a parent of a kid they don’t want.
Im a stay at home mom with 2 kids at 2 years and 8 months so i am chasing 2 kids making messes from the moment their eyes are open. I can still manage to keep i cleanish house.. its no where near perfect its not embarrassing when someone comes over.. when my husband and i decided that i was going to stay home (I was the one to bring it up because i really wanted to stay home with my kids) we agreed that they majority of the house work would fall on me because that was now "my job" we are both contributing to our house and family equally it just looks different because we're contributing to different things... she just came across as being very ungrateful for the stuff he was already doing for her.. he didn't have to pay for everything, he definitely didn't have to pay for her school.. it was the least she could have done for him..
Also my husband does still do stuff around the house and is very involved with raising the kids so it doesn't all fall on me
The story about the man that didn't want to be a father...I think he did what was best for himself and his child. He could have done nothing. But he didn't.
He made it clear on the beginning about children. She knew.
Not the asshole.
Good for that man for breaking up with the gf who didn’t want to clean. Bravo! Can u believe the nerve of that woman? He’s supporting her so she can change her career and she can’t even clean? I’m clapping over here! Good for him!
I don't make my partner do half the chores. I only ask that he does the chores I ask him to. Like vaccuming, taking the bins out and taking care of the grass. I don't mind doing the cleaning because I find it satisfying
Been listening for a short while and dang that deep voice.
30:15 I’ve been in the situation years ago where I was in school and my husband worked and I took care of all the house work since I was home most of the time except when I was in class since I went on campus. It seems to me like she expected him to help rather than be grateful for the help and recognize that she indeed had more time…
she's hoping the parent-baby imprinting thing will get him to stay. whether the dude's right or wrong he sounds like a robot.
Little FYI, in a lot of places you can't sign away your parental rights without finding a "replacement" guardian. Essentially meaning you have to have another someone (not just the other parent) willing to adopt your child before you can sign away your parental rights to them at all. Lots of places have limitations on how long after a baby is born that you can sign away rights at all, So it's something that entirely depends on your location and laws.
I'm pretty sure everywhere in the US has laws that newborns can be dropped off at fire stations, hospitals, and some other places anonymously, but after a certain age of the child, doing so is considered child abandonment.
I know nobody likes the idea of people orphaning their babies that fire stations and whatnot, but it's extremely important that we inform everyone of this information. The fact that people don't know this is a perfectly legal and safe option is why newborns get left to die in dumpsters and woods.
If he doesn’t want kids get a vasectomy and/or be responsible while having sex
He was, especially since he wore protection every single time. However, despite all efforts to be safe, the condom is only 99% effective(there's always expiring, breaking, sabotage, etc).
First story: To be honest I don't know why everyone thinks OP isn't also in the wrong. It's not like the girl wanted to have the child, she got pregnant (that's completely possible, low but possible) and it's a natural response to start to love your own child (biology also plays a role), if she had aborted just like he wanted it probably would have been a trauma since she not really wanted to abort (and even putting it like some vacation, really..., I don't know in what month she was but depending it is an operation and can be even dangerous) so he was completely insensitive to his partner that he was supposed to love and support and yeah she was completely delusional. It's not that I think he made the wrong decision, since being resentful towards the child, because he has to be rise it forcefully, wouldn't make him a good father and he could end being an even bigger AH, but only paying money and showing 0 interests to his own daughter still makes him an horrible human being in my opinion. It's funny how he couldn't get a vasectomie since he had to go to another estate and they are conservative in his own estate, but she has to or he abandons her, or she has to give her child away. In the end they find kind of a solution and he at least was kind of responsible even looking for emotional support for her, but what I don't liked, is if she has a new partner he has to pay for the child, why? It's still his gens, if you want to have fun in bed it's a possibility and when you already choose to not care emotionally, at least you could be completely responsible momentarily and it also gives me the creeps that his daughter only becomes that other founds if she goes to college like he wants, it's like even when he doesn't even want to meet her, but still wants to decide over her life and with her ex girlfriend the same, she has to choose to have a new partner or child support (because I couldn't ask another man to pay for a child that's not even his own). So yeah, even when I think he shouldn't rise a kid he don't want, he still is an big and egoistic AH, that would abandon everyone for his own wishes, but well at least he has a bit of a conscience and I am happy they found a bit of a solution, but like some pointed out, it will be difficult to keep things a secret and I also think it's still really egocentric, in my opinion at least a child should have the rights to know who his parents are and not with 18. And yeah, his girlfriend was delusional, and naive, thinking she could change his mind, but being dumb is one thing, being egoistic another and I hate how everyone want to force her a abortion, because he didn't wanted kids. Do you think she wanted a kid with 23? No, but she got pregnant and don't wanted to end the live of her own child (something that's pretty normal, I know some see the fetus as something lifeless, but others see their child in it) It's even illegal to get an abortion in their state.
I have a bit of gf #2 in me. But my dude just started covering all our rent, and gave me 10 K to avoid taking a car loan to pay my grandparents off. We both work full time and i have been on his ass a lot.
But luckily our communication has improved, he has stepped up to do the chores that i really need him to involve himself in, and i'd also like us to get a cleaner every so often to take care of it all so lil ol me can stop bitching sometimes! I know especially after this loan he covered for me that he has plenty of leeway to not want to or feel obligated to do the same amount of housework.
A lot of the angst comes from living together 6 years and having him only have cleaned the bathroom less than you can count on 1 hand, or never doing ALL the dishes. We used to both be equally poor and busy so i had residual pissed-off-ness.
My dude is a great man. I am very grateful for him and his endless love and support. And even more so that after addressing this all to him, he has continued stepping up and being involved. Hasn't even tried using his new expenses against me to guilt me. This is how you get laid.
First story, if both were using protection, then chances of pregnancy are very very low. Maybe he needs to ask for a DNA test after the baby is born?
Story 2 - NTA As I see it, he knew his partner was miserable and supported her in rectifying it to his detriment. When he needed support due to burn out she was completely unwilling to support him or even compromise with a cleaner. She was lucky to have him based on what was provided. Of course there could be more that we don't know.
Fun fact, abstinence is not the only way to 100% prevent pregnancy from sex. As I once said when told this exact thing during my 5th grade, abstinence only, sex ed class in my rural West Virginia school. "I think your forgetting about lesbians."
What’s legally acceptable and what’s right aren’t always synonymous. It’s good he’s at least willing to help financially, but definitely seems like a cold person. A vasectomy will be good.
For the second story, I get his point of view and she seems unwilling to compromise. He’s burnt out, you need to help each other out. Right now it is just him helping her it seems. I think it was less about the cleaning and more about her refusal to compromise. Even when given options.
1k a month isn't low at all. That is higher than usual. I guess it depends where they live, but I know a few friends who are paying 700-800 a month. Also the moms don't work at all so they are depending on the baby daddy's money to come in.
It definitely is.
He didn’t try hard with the vasectomy. I’m a 23 female and got my tubes burn out aka removed. Reddit has doctors who will perform the surgeries. Also I have no kids and the procedure is not reversible 😁😁
Story 2 - OP is NTA. He did literally EVERYTHING for his girlfriend and asked her to take control of one aspect of their lives, so he could handle everything else AND get a single day off each week. He didn't leave her over cleaning. He left because he realized that she never really cared about him, not enough to put in any effort.
1st Story: The guy is not the A-hole. He understood himself in relation to never wanting to be a father and it was very simple for him. Though it seemed like he was being “robotic” in his story it was actually the right thing to do so as to not give any misleading signals that his ex could grasp onto. She was already trying to convince him and herself that he would miraculously change. Saying she would forgive him. And OP was correct in saying that his resentment and negative feelings could potentially create a foul situation and low esteem in a child who could always sense disdain in her father. However, like a lot of guys, he is extremely obtuse when it comes to what an abortion entails. It’s usually extremely painful for most women for the first 3-4 days and then sporadically for up to 2 weeks. Not to mention the massive bleeding, nausea, headache, the emotional trauma, etc.
2nd Story: Not the A-hole for sure. I also think there was more than just the cleaning issue that led to the break up. Considering the free ride she’s getting a 75/25 split is the most she should be pushing for. The 75% of course being her share. 80/20 is the best where he would take out the trash on the weekend, rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher with her, move heavy items that need to be cleaned behind and pick up the slack a bit if she’s sick. Also the fuck she need all that spending money for if she’s focused on improving her education and employment. If she wants a sugar daddy she can go find one now.
Op 2 is describing the best monetary agreement when 1 person makes more than than the other.
If he is supporting her financially, he's working 60 hours plus a week, and it allows her to stay home for school then she needs to step up! He said she devotes 23 hours a week to school, especially if he cleans as he goes. Then there is no reason she can't clean more at this time!!! It's only because she has more time to do it!
"That creature" oh lordie 😂😂
25:58 if he’s working 60+ hours a week. Paying for EVERYTHING all of his bills, their combined bills her bills including school testing and everything else on top of giving her weekly spending money and paying for weekly date nights. He shouldn’t have to do 50% of the cleaning. That’s absolutely bananas at that capacity his contribution to the household is like 85% and hers is 15% without the cleaning included.
Ugh, I don't like how at first the first OP was treating the abortion like it would be a vacation if that was the option. I'm glad he eventually suggested going with though. When you have one, your body reacts similarly as if you have given birth. Such as hormones and emotions run high, cramping and pain, sore breasts that sometimes leak -- some say it feels like a heavy period but in reality it can feel worse. Not to mention the physical toll and sacrifice the body takes, even in the beginning of pregnancy.
I'm glad at the end they found a solution though. This is just the cold and harsh reality when people do not want children.