15 years for me…this story echoes my experience…religious abuse, my Ex managed to convince all the pastors we knew to write court affidavits for character witnesses … he was attempting to take my children from me, my very religious grandmother who raised me said “You don’t want to be the one to send your children’s father to jail”, when I told her the things he did and things he was still doing. She eventually went to court with my Ex with the intent to testify against me. I have emotionally, physically, legally and spiritually divorced my Ex and all of my blood relatives. I was the black sheep in a community of wolves. I’m thankful I escaped.
This is almost identical to my 25-year marriage where I finally could no longer take it and walked away. I lost my church and many who I thought were friends. I embarked on an 8 year darkness of the soul. In the end, I found myself again and began to accept myself and made a boundary that no longer will I live differently than what is true for me. This includes the good, the bad, and the ugly... What I have now was worth the trip, but man, it was the most painful experience of my life 🎉
Telling my story almost exactly... and I'm so grateful I got out. No contact with my family of origin, old church family, and only minimal communication with my ex spouse. In a much better place mentally/emotionally now and I'm 100% a better mother to my kids since I got away 🎉
My narc husband was a minister running a big church. He was admired by all especially young women. I trusted him thinking he was sent to me by God and he would never stray off course. Turns out he left me for a 24 year old prostitute, almost the same age as our daughter. Many affairs I'm sure I don't even know about. I was his stage prop for his image.
Man beat for beat like my marriage to a narcissistic man. Sex addiction and all the church still backed him and said I was the issue. So thankful to now be divorced and free from the slavery.
What a beautiful soul this woman is... amazing kids too! I'm so impressed with how well she's come to understand the issues, her ability to articulate them, and how introspective she is. Such a delight to listen to.
In my religion, we dont believe in divorce (except for death or cheating) but the church knew i was in danger and it became important for members of the church to accompany me to court hearings and trials against my ex husband. I have accepted what the bible says about my new role now because i am no longer living with a demon. Blessings to all!
So thankful that you shared your story. This is nearly identical to my own. The church although well intentioned can cause more pain rather than help when they are not knowledgeable about the dynamics of abusive relationships. Know that you are not alone. The validation from my therapist was the breakthrough I needed to feel “not crazy”.
Yes! I went through a very similar experience. Such a strange feeling like I was invisible and hired help. No intimacy or relationship, truly felt more like a business arrangement. I totally get that “be great but not greater than him” message. All about his needs, I wasn’t allowed to have any and was shamed for expressing them
A lot of narcissism in the church for sure. I saw it growing up and didn’t understand for years what I was seeing. It all makes sense now. I do not go to church at all and pray on my own. God is within me, not just in a building.
This is an excellent podcast for those of us who were caught in unhealthy relationships because of their religious beliefs. I wish psychologists had known this much about narcissism 25 years ago. I so identify with this woman's story. But it took me so much longer to fully accept the extent of harm that the narcissist was causing to me and my children. I was under his spell as well as religion's spell. Like this woman, I found my own way by accepting ownership. A long journey. I had to accept the duality of my thinking, and choose a direction that made sense. Easier said than done. I also had to accept that the church is made of humans who can be flawed - and forgive them the harm they caused and forgive my own self. (I am now at a non-judgmental church, and have, after 25 years, finally put those years of entrapment / self-entrapment behind me.)
I like the term entrapment/self entrapment for myself as well. I stayed far to long even after I felt something was wrong. The church has been somewhat helpful at the beginning but my husband has now joined the church I had been going to for a year before I left (he did not want to attend during that year). They believe he is changing and he now wants to change things (even though I tried marriage couseling and he went away to an in patient facility for the second time now) these things did not work. I have declined the new counseling with the church and going back to the old marriage counselor (staying no contact is important for me at this point Anyhow I can relate to this woman's story.. Thank you for this podcast.
Dr. Romani made it CLEAR in her opening statement- the voice of her guest was altered to PROTECT the guest. The message is what's IMPORTANT! I married At 18 and the church sided with him when I filed for divorce. The pentecostal church helped him find a lawyer and told him they would help him hide marital assets and return them later. I ended up in a homeless shelter, and eventually went back for many more years of NARCISSISTIC and DOMESTIC abuse (spiritually, financially, emotionally, mentally). The church taught abuse had to be physically, or the man had to leave. 😢 Wasted Tears and a whole Lotta years. THANKS FOR THE EDUCATION and for the guest sharing her experience with us.
Most churches would not allow a gay couple to be put in leadership. I figured this was a woman. And listening to her words she uses words that describe her as a female
My husband gave me a rotten box of chocolate for valentine's day right before our wedding. I should have followed up with my doubt and canceled the wedding. I was also practicing forgiveness, like this video described. He does not have to do anything to express love. The work is on the wife!
I can relate to this so very much....30 years of a very relugious southern baptist brought up husband, HIGH porn addiction, all the lies, the dating sites, now a snapchat of which he claims he does not have, all blamed on a pastor that he held in high regard that cheated on HIS wife......and that I just "need to get over it because everybody does it" and " if God had a problem with what I was doing, wouldn't he punish me and not you?" It's insidiously horrendous.....these people are highly evil, for sure. I keep my hope of freedom from this diabolical ass front in my mind....I imagine it feels as freeing as jumping from an airplane❤ Thank you for sharing your story.
My very religious husband is also high on porn addiction and blame-shifting. What is it with these men? I think they are addicts who live on porn and narcissistic supplies.
I have the exact same story as this woman. This happened to me and they believe God is calling him to great things when they have no idea what he's like behind closed doors. I had a breakdown in one argument just because I asked that I be treated with respect.
I was laughed at when I asked for being treated with respect by my husband… the abusive narcissist pastor in marital counseling said that women want/need LOVE and the man needs RESPECT. I look back now and am so heart broken by the daily struggle: Studying for hours daily in devotion times on how to put up with abuse and make it better… and in marital counseling I was always trying to describe circumstances or things like abuse or trauma. Christianese was one tool that made for an easy cult abuse system for me .
This is close to my story too. I have recently left the church I had been attending, since I was married to my husband in 2005, because after I went to the church for help with our marriage and they believed my husband and blamed me for all the conflict. We had served in music ministry and the question was if my husband was even saved, our son asked if his dad was saved bc he didn’t think he truly was…yet, they put him back on stage to play his guitar. So it felt like my husband knew he was validated by the leadership. I don’t ever want to go to any church again. He still happily goes to church every Sunday without me.
Yeap, he is enabled by the church and you are discredited! Churches can be very unhealthy and abusive but there are still better churches with healthy leadership!
I hope and pray you can find a good church that understands that not everyone who calls themselves Christian ... IS a true Christian! I'm NOT referring to those who wish to seek after God. I am referring to those who seem so overly charming. There are a LOT of Bible verses that cover the type that "sneaks in". Proverbs call them fools, yet we should never call someone a fool out loud. In Matthew 5:22. (Jesus speaking) ..."But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement ..... and anyone who says, "You Fool! will be in danger of the fire of hell. (you probably already know this since you were going to church...but for the benefit of others reading) ~ 📜📖😇 (Most False Teachers such as Kenneth Copeland or Joel Osteen fit this to a T).
Her son talking about comparing it to a phantom limb is so insightful and spot on. Thank you so much for being a great mom to these children. I have been in addiction recovery, too-- like, Dr. Ramani said, it is important to remember that there can be bad actors, using God as an object of triangulation, *and* there are also good actors, and people really trying to heal from their addiction, trauma... Performative recovery... i have experienced such betrayal. Thank you for sharing your story 💛🙏
I thoroughly enjoyed this video. The insight of the survivor & the compassion of Dr. R. She's so articulate. Both of you are. Both my parents were narcissists. .Life with them has been pure torture. I married twice to 2 narcissists. In my case, the church supported me. Gave me empathy, even money to restart my life Tbe Bible is clear that adultery & abuse is grounds for divorce. God doesn't want a woman to be abused. I believe it's Ephesians in the new testament, men are admonished to love their wives and to care for her needs. To honor their wife. The Bible is not for narcissism, abuse, lying and hypocrisy. Jesus rebuked and exposed hypocrisy.
My husband is also charismatic, extremely knowledgeable in the Bible, very convincing, and expert at mimicking empathy. Funny he is also deep into porn and addicted to the narcissistic supply: being needed and praised by church women. I did not realize his emotional affairs until these women came to me one by one, challenging me as his wife. Then he gaslighted me and threatened me later on...So messed up!
When she said, early in the session, that she was happy to have grown up with good values... I cringed. By the end, I knew she taught Herself those good values. Good on her!
Mine too!! I didn't realize until after our divorce that he had been d inrugging me for 27 years and what all of my awful symptoms were. He eventually stalked me and tried to kill me twice. He was a decon and the church was completely on his side, calling me rebellious! Thanks for sharing.
I am so grateful for your sharing. The Phantom Limb analogy is so powerful. My heart is aching for you and your son, as I see myself in that situation. Walking away from my important narc relationship was like an amputation to get rid of a rotten leg. Thank you very much.
Thank you for this podcast. I feel I have a clearness on how I will move forward. God bless your guest! Whenever I feel that I’m the only one…I find another. She has been an inspiration!
I’m the son of a narcissist mother. I related so much to this lady in the feelings she felt with her pastor husband. Even though the circumstances that caused the feelings were different the feelings and ways I felt where so much a like hers.
Thank you for talking so openly about anger, forgiveness, and the church. I've seen many use forgiveness as a means for validation, supply, and staying in the cycles of abuse and betrayal.
The performance-oriented churches actually promote codependency. They emphasize and praise "good behaviors" like donation, volunteer work, etc. This kind of church culture says that a person's worth is in being needed/being able to make a contribution. It really damages a person's self-image and relationship.
This really resonated with me and my situation. Currently reading “enough is enough “ by dr David Clark and just beginning my journey to get ready to leave after 15 years of narcissistic abuse and the church enabling my husband to the fullest! I’m not alone! Thank you 🙏
Great episode. I am glad that she got out. As a long time lay leader and now a minister, I experienced narcissistic leaders and the wake of abused people. Thankfully the church is waking up to the need to allow women to break away from this type of danger.
Wow this is my story, it was nothing but God that led me to this video. This is a horrible situation to be in. Im in the midst of it all. Unfortunately I still live with the Narc! It’s so hard to ignore the silliness. I can’t even attend the church anymore because he’s manage to make people think that it’s me and that I just want out of the marriage and that not at all the truth. This is so horrible.
Yeah, my ex narc used to tell me that God told him to do or not do stuff all the time, to make excuses not to do things for me. He had an addiction for collecting half naked women’s pictures on Facebook…My heart goes out to her
Omg we have the same story we need a fb community. My ex did the same on Instagram but said "it's just a struggle" and repeatedly does it with no accountability. He probably was cheating on you
at the 36 minute mark, and already I identify with this so deeply. Thank you so much for sharing this, it is so helpful and validating to hear these stories.
My church was abusing me and I was asking my mom for years to leave. She did not leave until it affected her. She was not aware of my pain. Same with my stepdad she didn’t leave until I plan to run away. Running away will look bad on her. Everything was about how she looked. I never felt she did anything for me. She could not accept me as her child. I was always auditioning for her love. I feel til this day I have. She gives but she never fully gives. Her giving was always tied to something. Love was transactional towards me. My mom really damaged me 😿😿😿😿
Yeah, I hear you. My background isn't religious, but the religion of a narc mom who backs her husband and always puts everything and everyone else first because they want to look good. They don't have your back, it's a huge betrayal of their kids imo
Thank you Thank you for this podcast!!!!! It is almost like my story also!! Unfortunately, my story also includes a mother-in-law who also created a triangle in the our relationship and our children were also mixed up in all this. My son feels that I'm the fallen on because I filed for the divorce and so I was the one who broke the vows, not his father who was deeply into porn and infidelity. The church would rather uphold the marriage. My son has went down the same path as his father with the addiction to porn.
Such courage and clarity from your guest. Stepping away from all appearances of a “good” person when truth and facts bear out a different story, that is courage in action. Wonderfully helpful and intelligent material. Thank you!
Wow, the narc I am married to was an usher and the pastors thought highly of him to the point they didn't even know how to speak to him about his cheating. I turned to a pastor and given no guidance. I left that church. I trust in the Lord and not word of these men in that church "family"
The husband "hides behind the CHURCH!!!! This is what mine does and thus the church enables them because they don't see the narc side and they benefit from that person's gifts in the church.
The ''phantom limb'' idea is excellent. I have a phantom family... and to go with it, a horde of chronic health issues that resulted in an actual amputation this year. I can actually say that cutting off your family is very much cutting off at least half a foot. It's painful as it happens and it remains painful for a long time and your life is changed tremendously and in a constant way and forever.
Thought it was a marriage issue, but I realize now that he is a pathological and toxic person with a possible personality disorder which means he is wired this way and chances of changing are very slim to none.
This vid. Made me totally understand so much. Your speaker explained so much about porn and the addiction of. I’m moving into the anger stage of grief . I’m feeling like I needed to be gutted by the narc/addict in order for him to move into his new supply. I do know I did not deserve such treatment by him. I actually watched him groom his new victim, their txting about gay porn & that I had found it. Pathetic people.
Some people make a choice to be evil. They are long gone down that road and cannot change…never ever. They sold their souls to the Devil a long time ago. And you just fell for the image they project…the “screen” they want you to see.
I married a narcissist who was a lot older than me who fooled me into thinking that he was mature and healthy because he had gone to therapy and addiction recovery groups. I found out all too soon that he was not recovered from his addictions or any of his other mental problems. Yes, narcs will use the language of recovery/therapy into fooling you that they are mature and responsible people.
There is one person that abusers never fool and that is God. Fortunately, abusers will all answer to God on judgment day and they will no longer be able to hide.
The "leadership" forgave these spiritual men's sexual mishaps/addictions quickly because many of these leaders are doing similar things. They just aren't caught yet.
I had such a similar story. Although, my ex had a lot more red flags I wish I would have known about. He was only a good dad as far as playing with the kids. He was not helpful at all. He was into porn, but I didn’t know about it. He always tried to manipulate people into believing like him, because he was always right. He was very selfish and self-serving, but when people were around, he was different. He would not tolerate disobedience and became abusive emotionally, psychologically, and physically with my kids, especially with my oldest daughter. He isolated us, moved us to Brazil to “serve” a church. No one ever knew about the abuse. We were supposed to be “perfect.” He moved us to a rural property not caring to do any care of the property or animals himself - the kids and I were to do that. Finally, he had a affair with a woman in the church, moved her into our guest house next door (with her family!). I found out three weeks later and then the really wicked narc came out. He betrayed me, prohibited me from telling my family in the US until HE decided whether or not he wanted to stay with me. He rejected Christian counseling because he didn’t want to stop his affair. He threatened to abandon us all, to kill himself, etc. I stopped my motto of “letting love cover over a multitude of sins” when he would not change and treated me like crap, when I realized he was abusive and never really did care about me. We had eight kids together. He said he would use the kids as pawns in the divorce, and he did. It took three years of hell to divorce him in Brazil, another year to get custody of my three youngest. The second judge understood the abusive hell I had gone through, where I dealt with his narcissism and the abuse of my older sons who behaved like him. He gave us permission to leave Brazil without my ex’s signature, which he had withheld. The day we were leaving, he came to the airport with two of my other sons whom he sent in. He brainwashed my kids that they would never see him again, that they would die if they went to the US, I was bad and wrong for taking them from him, etc. So, my 9 and 11 yr. old fought me physically and verbally, saying they have human rights. When my older boys met us as we were walking to the check-in area, the four kids ran away together. So, essentially my ex succeeded at parental alienation and kidnapping my kids whom I have custody of. I couldn’t be in that prison anymore. I left with my six year old daughter and went back home to the US where I could have a job and support (he had stopped child support and alimony had only been given for one year). This has crushed me. My kids are broken. I am broken. And his lies continue. Just last week, he told the kids he was going to jail for eight years because I lied about the psychological abuse. So, I had two of my sons say the most hateful things to me, without even confirming the truth. I don’t matter to them. I found out that my ex was lying and I told them, but they say nothing. Narcs destroy. That’s all they do. They don’t really care about any one but themselves. He doesn’t care that my son is so distressed he wants to kill himself. He just wants to punish me. My consolation is that I know his hell will be hot. I just hope and pray my kids get set free of him.
2 lie detector tests proved to be a good thing, he was the lier playing victim all over the place, mind you, they are the liers and manipulators, in retrospect, I am only alive because Jeh God saved me.
Hopefully the children will see his true colors. Mine did but it took 25 years. They lived with me however. They finally realized he didn't care about them.
@@citigirlcountrified1927 the devil, my x said that I had DEMONS..mind you he was the abuser and womanizer who came home drunk and driving then abuse us..
love this program- just a humble request - please have the music at the end a little less loud - I needed to listen to your words more distinctly - I value your summation.
Dr. Ramani, I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses. My story is rather rare in my religion. I had moved to a Valley city from the mountains. I met, and later married Dr. Jeckle and I honeymooned with Mr. Hyde.. It ws a nightmare. The people who took the lead in our group seemed to be on my narcissistic husband's side. Then we moved, and when I talked to the elders in my new group, they helped me in a number of ways. I put the aspects of the marriage in writing. An elder in a group I eventually moved to read what I had to say, as well as whatever proof I had. He then contacted me to ask if he could copy that data and to send it to the headquarters of our religion. I agreed. Fast forward a number of years, and I met someone from the headquarters who knew who I was. He told me that the organization had cleaned up the problems that I encountered in some of those Valley congregations. He said there were other problems in that area that were also cleaned up. (This included some elders being removed from those positions). I'm telling you this so that you'll know that even though it takes time (some of the time) things in my organization do get cleaned up.
Porn is huge in America and men starts to be avid consumers at a very young age …. All negative things starts with porn as always . Porn should be illegal .
So totally my experience with the Church and my marriage and any church because when he "got close to being caught or found out," in his double life, we would move, and every church was the same.
God hates the way the narcissist treats people, including their marriage mate. It is the human beings who twist what the Bible says to suit their agenda. I finally found relief from my twisted narc!
This to Dr. Ramani: I have been loving you and your videos for many months now. They've helped me tremendously: Thanks! Just one thing about this video, though. As I see it, the problem for this woman was her narcissistic husband and the (one particular) church that enabled him and invalidated her for so many years. "Marriage and faith and family..." (51:00) are more than just ephemeral ideas, and were not to blame for what this woman endured. In other words, this was human error, not institutional. If I was misinterpreting what you said at that point, I apologize. I just felt like I had to speak up about it.
I would never accept a role like that because God wants you to become what you want to become in your heart…. People could make spirituality or religion very oppressive especially to women in these religious institutions……
I don't get it. If the church is filled with the Holy Spirit, why cant they see through the facade. My former associate pastor was the only one who saw rhe narc for who he was all along. Everyone else thinks he's great.
@@Smarty2able that's true, but if you look at people who are drawn to very strong religious views (not all but many and even those who are toxic who say they believe in god) there seems to be two types, those who want the power and those who are indoctrinated. I have spiritual beliefs but not to a particular religion and not where I'd follow people who profess to know everything. These organisations don't seem to attract people who can think and self reflect, rather they either want to take or give instruction. They're not open minded or introspective and don't accept input so they actively don't have that moral radar that says, this just isn't right. By definition it's not discerning, but complete and utter acceptance. Cults use the same mind bending tools to get compliance. Doesn't mean everyone who has faith is toxic but it certainly attracts toxic and is the cause of so many wars and atrocities across the globe
I have sat in sermons in which pastors preached this idea: A wife's purpose and calling is to help her husband fulfill his. It felt like women are not humans, only men are.
Amen yes everyone loves him in church and always help out and as soon I become likeable for who I am in Christ Jesus I was told to keep quite not do anything or even where not stay at home nobody likes me I use the term I stand on my knees and Jesus just push me even it's emotionally hard but I felt so happy when I serve in spirit love singing in church and love interacting and make people laugh and I cried alot and Jesus said stop the crying cause I cry with you and I'm like no I don't want Him to cry all the stuff you say they do doc I went Tru and encounter wickedness God put an angel with me and 35jrs with 5 kids they all grown now I now now what were happening the shock that I got choke and try to fight thus big human was so stupid and got historical and felt like a failure dissapoint my Lord and still the more he wants to kept me from church life the more I got involve and I love the Word of God and He opens it up and I love sharing it to the ladies and he left the church cause app I want to teach the men and I had still deal with this rude awakening of thus self-righteous and I do tell anyone do not entertain his nice fake showoff the list goes on I just 1day called a laywer and I felt the worst person church wants u to live like the forgiving side cause they don't want to loose their private atm but God says He will carry us Tru anything and u still feel u did something wrong you've help me alot Tru God letting me come across your channel and since the Lords spirit is in my life I cling to it cause it's my happy happy space even it home it's like God just kept me from near death also
@@HLBear well it kind of confused me bcz they are talking about church and you know how they are against homosexuality so I do think it matters to clarify it.
I was married to a demonic 👿😡 narcissist and the Church had come against me. Get out and pray for yourself 🙏. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150👑👋🙌🙏
the mix of the Christian Church and narcissism adds another layer and level of manipulation. How narcissists weaponize God and religion is mind blowing. Of all places, discernment should be high in the church, but sadly it isn’t.
EVERYONE says the same thing....they leave organized religion and then have a relationship with God. As it should be. Her story is just like mine less the kids. And different religion but high control religion. All organized religion is the same. Organisations of control. Cults bar none.
Is this a man (trans) talking about "her" husband or a woman (natural born) taking about her husband...this needs clarification the voice disguise sounds very masculine, however the guest identifies as. Sorry, can't continue to listen. The voice creates too much dissonance for me without the clarification.
@@LEM19284 I realize that, the voice should match a female voice, too me it sounds like a man is speaking first person. There is no picture affirming female, the disguised voice imo should sound female.
Female with voice protection. Long storylines can be a bit daunting with the voice processing like that. However, if you keep that awareness while listening, it should be more tolerable. 😊 At least that mindset helped me.
No hate but the person being interviewed sounds toxic, controlling and manipulative to me! I don’t know what to believe on her end. I see topics of maybe a lack of control on her end and maybe a lack of feeling power in the church on, when her husband was the pastor. Why would someone think they could be A leader in their spouses roles? That is competing with your spouse for power, and Even if qualified, there are only so many openings for the role of a pastor and that isn’t exactly run by an HR department like other jobs lol. Did she expect her husband, a pastor, to no longer be a pastor, let his wife take the role and then their issues would disappear? it seems more that she chose not to be with a man who wants a family with god in their life and in marriage which is a tremendous commitment that goes above everything and instead chose her independence away from a marriage and god, and put her first independently and in that process she caused so much damage to her relationships including her marriage. I don’t think the man was a narcissist for the life he chose to be with god. She chose that life too and obviously had a change in life after establishing so many responsibilities, ties and relationships in their life. And in this podcast all I hear are so many reasons that are pasted together almost conflating. The terms used “her children said “dad you just screwed up a marriage get your life together” “we see how you treat people”. There are so many instances of over exaggerating, or the cheap shots calling her husband not a provider etc etc.. their own children saying negative things about their own father seems unrealistic because it doesn’t seem like he didn’t anything wrong or different. She said he was fun or good with the kids etc. it’s important that both parents to be in control of their own lives too but she fell apart, in the end she is still trying to get her way! Is that not a narcissist? She wanted to be a pastor and essentially destroyed their family competing with her husband for his role.. and then deciding not to be with god in the end… as stated at the end of the podcast she is figuring that out still but she enjoys community.
You are what Dr. Armani has called flying monkey. You wouldn't understand this podcast no matter how many times you listen to it. You have revealed your lens.
Clearly this is a gay relationship and it is being disguised as if it were a heterosexual relationship. Any other female voice could have been used but it is confusing and intentionally fraudulent. I’m disappointed because if it was a honest story with this being a LBGQT situation that we as a audience could have learned from it and also be compassionate, or simply go on if repulsed.
Dr R, I understand that you asked her "what made you think you needed to attach yourself to a man" bc you wanted her to explain. You knew why a Bible Belt college co-ed would, right? It sounded kind of like you were delivering a "gotcha" but Im like "damn shes making this sound really passionate and exciting" I'm about to skip town & get a new identity and take my chances on landing a preacher. Guess i still need work 🤷🏼♀️
You are def putting words in her mouth, Dr Ramini. I'm disappointed. I respect you a lot. But correcting her words bc they aren't in line with the points you wanna make is kind of a shiesty way to conduct yourself
15 years for me…this story echoes my experience…religious abuse, my Ex managed to convince all the pastors we knew to write court affidavits for character witnesses … he was attempting to take my children from me, my very religious grandmother who raised me said “You don’t want to be the one to send your children’s father to jail”, when I told her the things he did and things he was still doing. She eventually went to court with my Ex with the intent to testify against me. I have emotionally, physically, legally and spiritually divorced my Ex and all of my blood relatives. I was the black sheep in a community of wolves. I’m thankful I escaped.
I am proud you got away! I pray your children see the real you
I'm not dating church leaders again. It was a nightmare
It must be very difficult when the whole church turns against you while you are the victim!
Omg. Something like this is happening to me now. He is trying to take my child away from me
My family turned against me too. I'm so sorry and I hope you are safe now.
This is almost identical to my 25-year marriage where I finally could no longer take it and walked away. I lost my church and many who I thought were friends. I embarked on an 8 year darkness of the soul. In the end, I found myself again and began to accept myself and made a boundary that no longer will I live differently than what is true for me. This includes the good, the bad, and the ugly... What I have now was worth the trip, but man, it was the most painful experience of my life 🎉
The good thing is you came out of the dark night of the soul and are in a healthy road now!!! 😊
Telling my story almost exactly... and I'm so grateful I got out. No contact with my family of origin, old church family, and only minimal communication with my ex spouse.
In a much better place mentally/emotionally now and I'm 100% a better mother to my kids since I got away 🎉
Thank God!😊
My narc husband was a minister running a big church. He was admired by all especially young women. I trusted him thinking he was sent to me by God and he would never stray off course. Turns out he left me for a 24 year old prostitute, almost the same age as our daughter. Many affairs I'm sure I don't even know about. I was his stage prop for his image.
My x ratted out, 2 lie detector tests proved who was the abuser and womanizer and played victim all over...
As a survivor of toxic church culture and narcissism. This hit home. Please do more of these ❤
Agree! The church abuse stories need to be exposed a lot more to protect people!!!
Man beat for beat like my marriage to a narcissistic man. Sex addiction and all the church still backed him and said I was the issue. So thankful to now be divorced and free from the slavery.
What a beautiful soul this woman is... amazing kids too! I'm so impressed with how well she's come to understand the issues, her ability to articulate them, and how introspective she is. Such a delight to listen to.
In my religion, we dont believe in divorce (except for death or cheating) but the church knew i was in danger and it became important for members of the church to accompany me to court hearings and trials against my ex husband. I have accepted what the bible says about my new role now because i am no longer living with a demon.
Blessings to all!
So thankful that you shared your story. This is nearly identical to my own. The church although well intentioned can cause more pain rather than help when they are not knowledgeable about the dynamics of abusive relationships. Know that you are not alone. The validation from my therapist was the breakthrough I needed to feel “not crazy”.
Relationship with Narc usually begin with “too good to be true”
Yes! I went through a very similar experience. Such a strange feeling like I was invisible and hired help. No intimacy or relationship, truly felt more like a business arrangement. I totally get that “be great but not greater than him” message. All about his needs, I wasn’t allowed to have any and was shamed for expressing them
A lot of narcissism in the church for sure. I saw it growing up and didn’t understand for years what I was seeing. It all makes sense now. I do not go to church at all and pray on my own. God is within me, not just in a building.
Yeah, not all churches are the same though! There are better and healthier churches out there!!!
Amen
This is an excellent podcast for those of us who were caught in unhealthy relationships because of their religious beliefs. I wish psychologists had known this much about narcissism 25 years ago. I so identify with this woman's story. But it took me so much longer to fully accept the extent of harm that the narcissist was causing to me and my children. I was under his spell as well as religion's spell. Like this woman, I found my own way by accepting ownership. A long journey. I had to accept the duality of my thinking, and choose a direction that made sense. Easier said than done. I also had to accept that the church is made of humans who can be flawed - and forgive them the harm they caused and forgive my own self. (I am now at a non-judgmental church, and have, after 25 years, finally put those years of entrapment / self-entrapment behind me.)
Good for you!!!
I like the term entrapment/self entrapment for myself as well. I stayed far to long even after I felt something was wrong. The church has been somewhat helpful at the beginning but my husband has now joined the church I had been going to for a year before I left (he did not want to attend during that year). They believe he is changing and he now wants to change things (even though I tried marriage couseling and he went away to an in patient facility for the second time now) these things did not work. I have declined the new counseling with the church and going back to the old marriage counselor (staying no contact is important for me at this point Anyhow I can relate to this woman's story.. Thank you for this podcast.
Dr. Romani made it CLEAR in her opening statement- the voice of her guest was altered to PROTECT the guest. The message is what's IMPORTANT! I married At 18 and the church sided with him when I filed for divorce. The pentecostal church helped him find a lawyer and told him they would help him hide marital assets and return them later. I ended up in a homeless shelter, and eventually went back for many more years of NARCISSISTIC and DOMESTIC abuse (spiritually, financially, emotionally, mentally). The church taught abuse had to be physically, or the man had to leave. 😢 Wasted Tears and a whole Lotta years. THANKS FOR THE EDUCATION and for the guest sharing her experience with us.
Dr. Romani did not STATE that.
Most churches would not allow a gay couple to be put in leadership. I figured this was a woman. And listening to her words she uses words that describe her as a female
Very sad story! I hope you got out of that abuse and are in a better place now!
I appreciate this person’s courageous candidness. Thank you SO MUCH. it was so helpful to hear your struggles.
My husband gave me a rotten box of chocolate for valentine's day right before our wedding. I should have followed up with my doubt and canceled the wedding. I was also practicing forgiveness, like this video described. He does not have to do anything to express love. The work is on the wife!
I can relate to this so very much....30 years of a very relugious southern baptist brought up husband, HIGH porn addiction, all the lies, the dating sites, now a snapchat of which he claims he does not have, all blamed on a pastor that he held in high regard that cheated on HIS wife......and that I just "need to get over it because everybody does it" and " if God had a problem with what I was doing, wouldn't he punish me and not you?" It's insidiously horrendous.....these people are highly evil, for sure. I keep my hope of freedom from this diabolical ass front in my mind....I imagine it feels as freeing as jumping from an airplane❤
Thank you for sharing your story.
My very religious husband is also high on porn addiction and blame-shifting. What is it with these men? I think they are addicts who live on porn and narcissistic supplies.
Sad story! May God help you to deal with it!!!
I also experienced this kind of evil...for 20+ years. Thank you for this. People need to hear this.
I have the exact same story as this woman. This happened to me and they believe God is calling him to great things when they have no idea what he's like behind closed doors. I had a breakdown in one argument just because I asked that I be treated with respect.
I was laughed at when I asked for being treated with respect by my husband… the abusive narcissist pastor in marital counseling said that women want/need LOVE and the man needs RESPECT. I look back now and am so heart broken by the daily struggle: Studying for hours daily in devotion times on how to put up with abuse and make it better… and in marital counseling I was always trying to describe circumstances or things like abuse or trauma. Christianese was one tool that made for an easy cult abuse system for me .
This is close to my story too. I have recently left the church I had been attending, since I was married to my husband in 2005, because after I went to the church for help with our marriage and they believed my husband and blamed me for all the conflict. We had served in music ministry and the question was if my husband was even saved, our son asked if his dad was saved bc he didn’t think he truly was…yet, they put him back on stage to play his guitar. So it felt like my husband knew he was validated by the leadership. I don’t ever want to go to any church again. He still happily goes to church every Sunday without me.
Girl, do like me and go to another church and have boundaries early on. Narcs sniff people who don't have any
Yeap, he is enabled by the church and you are discredited! Churches can be very unhealthy and abusive but there are still better churches with healthy leadership!
I hope and pray you can find a good church that understands that not everyone who calls themselves Christian ... IS a true Christian! I'm NOT referring to those who wish to seek after God. I am referring to those who seem so overly charming. There are a LOT of Bible verses that cover the type that "sneaks in". Proverbs call them fools, yet we should never call someone a fool out loud. In Matthew 5:22. (Jesus speaking) ..."But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement ..... and anyone who says, "You Fool! will be in danger of the fire of hell. (you probably already know this since you were going to church...but for the benefit of others reading) ~ 📜📖😇 (Most False Teachers such as Kenneth Copeland or Joel Osteen fit this to a T).
Her son talking about comparing it to a phantom limb is so insightful and spot on. Thank you so much for being a great mom to these children.
I have been in addiction recovery, too-- like, Dr. Ramani said, it is important to remember that there can be bad actors, using God as an object of triangulation, *and* there are also good actors, and people really trying to heal from their addiction, trauma... Performative recovery... i have experienced such betrayal.
Thank you for sharing your story 💛🙏
Dr. Ramani thank u for this!!!! Thank ur wonderful guest who was so honest. God bless u both 🕊🙏💗!
I thoroughly enjoyed this video. The insight of the survivor & the compassion of Dr. R. She's so articulate. Both of you are. Both my parents were narcissists. .Life with them has been pure torture. I married twice to 2 narcissists. In my case, the church supported me. Gave me empathy, even money to restart my life Tbe Bible is clear that adultery & abuse is grounds for divorce. God doesn't want a woman to be abused. I believe it's Ephesians in the new testament, men are admonished to love their wives and to care for her needs. To honor their wife. The Bible is not for narcissism, abuse, lying and hypocrisy. Jesus rebuked and exposed hypocrisy.
And Saint Paul said in the Second Letter to Timothy, Chapter 3, after describing narcissists in the verses 1-5 "Stay away from them!"
Good for you! I'm glad your church supported you!!!
@@bibletruthreformed They did. Still are. Praise the Lord Jesus!
@KasiaJangMiMalinowa Wow. I never read that chapter through the narc awareness lens before.
My husband is also charismatic, extremely knowledgeable in the Bible, very convincing, and expert at mimicking empathy. Funny he is also deep into porn and addicted to the narcissistic supply: being needed and praised by church women. I did not realize his emotional affairs until these women came to me one by one, challenging me as his wife. Then he gaslighted me and threatened me later on...So messed up!
Do something.
When she said, early in the session, that she was happy to have grown up with good values... I cringed. By the end, I knew she taught Herself those good values. Good on her!
Mine too!! I didn't realize until after our divorce that he had been d inrugging me for 27 years and what all of my awful symptoms were. He eventually stalked me and tried to kill me twice. He was a decon and the church was completely on his side, calling me rebellious! Thanks for sharing.
I am so grateful for your sharing. The Phantom Limb analogy is so powerful. My heart is aching for you and your son, as I see myself in that situation. Walking away from my important narc relationship was like an amputation to get rid of a rotten leg. Thank you very much.
Thank you for this podcast. I feel I have a clearness on how I will move forward. God bless your guest! Whenever I feel that I’m the only one…I find another. She has been an inspiration!
Love your work and this podcast, thank you!
Great video! So sad how a good religion can be twisted by the evil
I’m the son of a narcissist mother. I related so much to this lady in the feelings she felt with her pastor husband. Even though the circumstances that caused the feelings were different the feelings and ways I felt where so much a like hers.
Thank you for talking so openly about anger, forgiveness, and the church. I've seen many use forgiveness as a means for validation, supply, and staying in the cycles of abuse and betrayal.
The performance-oriented churches actually promote codependency. They emphasize and praise "good behaviors" like donation, volunteer work, etc. This kind of church culture says that a person's worth is in being needed/being able to make a contribution. It really damages a person's self-image and relationship.
My husband is an Assistant Pastor of the church and I am experiencing narcissistic marriage.
God is not a sadist--this thought set me free!
Very Sad to hear! May God give you strength to deal with it!
This really resonated with me and my situation. Currently reading “enough is enough “ by dr David Clark and just beginning my journey to get ready to leave after 15 years of narcissistic abuse and the church enabling my husband to the fullest! I’m not alone! Thank you 🙏
Great episode. I am glad that she got out. As a long time lay leader and now a minister, I experienced narcissistic leaders and the wake of abused people. Thankfully the church is waking up to the need to allow women to break away from this type of danger.
Wow this is my story, it was nothing but God that led me to this video. This is a horrible situation to be in. Im in the midst of it all. Unfortunately I still live with the Narc! It’s so hard to ignore the silliness. I can’t even attend the church anymore because he’s manage to make people think that it’s me and that I just want out of the marriage and that not at all the truth. This is so horrible.
Yeah, my ex narc used to tell me that God told him to do or not do stuff all the time, to make excuses not to do things for me. He had an addiction for collecting half naked women’s pictures on Facebook…My heart goes out to her
Hmm it was Instagram for my ex. Told me he's "struggling"so he wouldn't feel bad
Omg we have the same story we need a fb community. My ex did the same on Instagram but said "it's just a struggle" and repeatedly does it with no accountability. He probably was cheating on you
The most dangerous people are those who claim to hear God’s voice! They are truly a mental case!
at the 36 minute mark, and already I identify with this so deeply. Thank you so much for sharing this, it is so helpful and validating to hear these stories.
I almost have the same story. I treat my religious family the same way I do with a narcissist with certain things.
My church was abusing me and I was asking my mom for years to leave. She did not leave until it affected her. She was not aware of my pain.
Same with my stepdad she didn’t leave until I plan to run away. Running away will look bad on her. Everything was about how she looked. I never felt she did anything for me. She could not accept me as her child. I was always auditioning for her love. I feel til this day I have. She gives but she never fully gives. Her giving was always tied to something. Love was transactional towards me. My mom really damaged me 😿😿😿😿
Yeah, I hear you. My background isn't religious, but the religion of a narc mom who backs her husband and always puts everything and everyone else first because they want to look good. They don't have your back, it's a huge betrayal of their kids imo
Narcissists use Everything to And For Their Own gain. Even God's Own Name !
Thank you Thank you for this podcast!!!!! It is almost like my story also!! Unfortunately, my story also includes a mother-in-law who also created a triangle in the our relationship and our children were also mixed up in all this. My son feels that I'm the fallen on because I filed for the divorce and so I was the one who broke the vows, not his father who was deeply into porn and infidelity. The church would rather uphold the marriage. My son has went down the same path as his father with the addiction to porn.
Such courage and clarity from your guest. Stepping away from all appearances of a “good” person when truth and facts bear out a different story, that is courage in action. Wonderfully helpful and intelligent material. Thank you!
Wow, the narc I am married to was an usher and the pastors thought highly of him to the point they didn't even know how to speak to him about his cheating. I turned to a pastor and given no guidance. I left that church. I trust in the Lord and not word of these men in that church "family"
The husband "hides behind the CHURCH!!!! This is what mine does and thus the church enables them because they don't see the narc side and they benefit from that person's gifts in the church.
I was just used as a "decoy" so my husband could gain power and control.
The ''phantom limb'' idea is excellent. I have a phantom family... and to go with it, a horde of chronic health issues that resulted in an actual amputation this year. I can actually say that cutting off your family is very much cutting off at least half a foot. It's painful as it happens and it remains painful for a long time and your life is changed tremendously and in a constant way and forever.
Thought it was a marriage issue, but I realize now that he is a pathological and toxic person with a possible personality disorder which means he is wired this way and chances of changing are very slim to none.
This vid. Made me totally understand so much. Your speaker explained so much about porn and the addiction of.
I’m moving into the anger stage of grief . I’m feeling like I needed to be gutted by the narc/addict in order for him to move
into his new supply. I do know I did not deserve such treatment by him.
I actually watched him groom his new victim, their txting about gay porn & that I had found it.
Pathetic people.
Some people make a choice to be evil. They are long gone down that road and cannot change…never ever. They sold their souls to the Devil a long time ago. And you just fell for the image they project…the “screen” they want you to see.
That Book "Help Meet" has kept soooooo many women in abusive religious situations.
I don’t think enough people know about this second channel of yours because you have over 1M subscribers on the other channel.
Her Son Is Bloody Magic WOW All The Best To All Especially Yoyr Young Men I Hooe They Both Go Out And Achieve All They Can With Their Lifes ❤2All
I married a narcissist who was a lot older than me who fooled me into thinking that he was mature and healthy because he had gone to therapy and addiction recovery groups. I found out all too soon that he was not recovered from his addictions or any of his other mental problems. Yes, narcs will use the language of recovery/therapy into fooling you that they are mature and responsible people.
Thank you for the courage from the guest. Her story is my story, but i wasn’t so young.
There is one person that abusers never fool and that is God. Fortunately, abusers will all answer to God on judgment day and they will no longer be able to hide.
The "leadership" forgave these spiritual men's sexual mishaps/addictions quickly because many of these leaders are doing similar things. They just aren't caught yet.
The truth tellers ar the trouble makers. Scapegoat role. 😲
Is there another voice distortion sound you can use other than trans male? It’s difficult to get connected to the story.
I had exactly the same thoughts.
Agree!
I had such a similar story. Although, my ex had a lot more red flags I wish I would have known about. He was only a good dad as far as playing with the kids. He was not helpful at all. He was into porn, but I didn’t know about it. He always tried to manipulate people into believing like him, because he was always right. He was very selfish and self-serving, but when people were around, he was different. He would not tolerate disobedience and became abusive emotionally, psychologically, and physically with my kids, especially with my oldest daughter. He isolated us, moved us to Brazil to “serve” a church. No one ever knew about the abuse. We were supposed to be “perfect.” He moved us to a rural property not caring to do any care of the property or animals himself - the kids and I were to do that. Finally, he had a affair with a woman in the church, moved her into our guest house next door (with her family!). I found out three weeks later and then the really wicked narc came out. He betrayed me, prohibited me from telling my family in the US until HE decided whether or not he wanted to stay with me. He rejected Christian counseling because he didn’t want to stop his affair. He threatened to abandon us all, to kill himself, etc. I stopped my motto of “letting love cover over a multitude of sins” when he would not change and treated me like crap, when I realized he was abusive and never really did care about me. We had eight kids together. He said he would use the kids as pawns in the divorce, and he did. It took three years of hell to divorce him in Brazil, another year to get custody of my three youngest. The second judge understood the abusive hell I had gone through, where I dealt with his narcissism and the abuse of my older sons who behaved like him. He gave us permission to leave Brazil without my ex’s signature, which he had withheld. The day we were leaving, he came to the airport with two of my other sons whom he sent in. He brainwashed my kids that they would never see him again, that they would die if they went to the US, I was bad and wrong for taking them from him, etc. So, my 9 and 11 yr. old fought me physically and verbally, saying they have human rights. When my older boys met us as we were walking to the check-in area, the four kids ran away together. So, essentially my ex succeeded at parental alienation and kidnapping my kids whom I have custody of. I couldn’t be in that prison anymore. I left with my six year old daughter and went back home to the US where I could have a job and support (he had stopped child support and alimony had only been given for one year). This has crushed me. My kids are broken. I am broken. And his lies continue. Just last week, he told the kids he was going to jail for eight years because I lied about the psychological abuse. So, I had two of my sons say the most hateful things to me, without even confirming the truth. I don’t matter to them. I found out that my ex was lying and I told them, but they say nothing. Narcs destroy. That’s all they do. They don’t really care about any one but themselves. He doesn’t care that my son is so distressed he wants to kill himself. He just wants to punish me. My consolation is that I know his hell will be hot. I just hope and pray my kids get set free of him.
So sorry you are going through this.
2 lie detector tests proved to be a good thing, he was the lier playing victim all over the place, mind you, they are the liers and manipulators, in retrospect, I am only alive because Jeh God saved me.
Hopefully the children will see his true colors. Mine did but it took 25 years. They lived with me however. They finally realized he didn't care about them.
Very sad story!!! I hope one day your kids realize that they have been brainwashed!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. Prayed for you.
Wow it’s like I’m married to the same person
Because it is the spirit behind them
@@citigirlcountrified1927 the devil, my x said that I had DEMONS..mind you he was the abuser and womanizer who came home drunk and driving then abuse us..
love this program- just a humble request - please have the music at the end a little less loud - I needed to listen to your words more distinctly - I value your summation.
This happened to me several years ago.
This sounds so much like my story!
Wow! This was like listening to my own life!
Dr. Ramani, I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses. My story is rather rare in my religion. I had moved to a Valley city from the mountains.
I met, and later married Dr. Jeckle and I honeymooned with Mr. Hyde..
It ws a nightmare.
The people who took the lead in our group seemed to be on my narcissistic husband's side.
Then we moved, and when I talked to the elders in my new group, they helped me in a number of ways.
I put the aspects of the marriage in writing.
An elder in a group I eventually moved to read what I had to say, as well as whatever proof I had. He then contacted me to ask if he could copy that data and to send it to the headquarters of our religion. I agreed.
Fast forward a number of years, and I met someone from the headquarters who knew who I was. He told me that the organization had cleaned up the problems that I encountered in some of those Valley congregations. He said there were other problems in that area that were also cleaned up. (This included some elders being removed from those positions).
I'm telling you this so that you'll know that even though it takes time (some of the time)
things in my organization do get cleaned up.
Porn is huge in America and men starts to be avid consumers at a very young age …. All negative things starts with porn as always . Porn should be illegal .
I agree 100%.
So totally my experience with the Church and my marriage and any church because when he "got close to being caught or found out," in his double life, we would move, and every church was the same.
God hates the way the narcissist treats people, including their marriage mate. It is the human beings who twist what the Bible says to suit their agenda. I finally found relief from my twisted narc!
This to Dr. Ramani: I have been loving you and your videos for many months now. They've helped me tremendously: Thanks!
Just one thing about this video, though. As I see it, the problem for this woman was her narcissistic husband and the (one particular) church that enabled him and invalidated her for so many years. "Marriage and faith and family..." (51:00) are more than just ephemeral ideas, and were not to blame for what this woman endured. In other words, this was human error, not institutional. If I was misinterpreting what you said at that point, I apologize. I just felt like I had to speak up about it.
I would never accept a role like that because God wants you to become what you want to become in your heart…. People could make spirituality or religion very oppressive especially to women in these religious institutions……
this vocal sounds like a midwestern vocal with some affinity for the valley vocal style
I don't get it. If the church is filled with the Holy Spirit, why cant they see through the facade. My former associate pastor was the only one who saw rhe narc for who he was all along. Everyone else thinks he's great.
The Holy Spirit doesn't usually make anyone clairvoyant, unfortunately.
@@michellejohnsen912no I know but we can get discernment and there are times people's energy feels off
@@Smarty2able that's true, but if you look at people who are drawn to very strong religious views (not all but many and even those who are toxic who say they believe in god) there seems to be two types, those who want the power and those who are indoctrinated. I have spiritual beliefs but not to a particular religion and not where I'd follow people who profess to know everything. These organisations don't seem to attract people who can think and self reflect, rather they either want to take or give instruction. They're not open minded or introspective and don't accept input so they actively don't have that moral radar that says, this just isn't right. By definition it's not discerning, but complete and utter acceptance. Cults use the same mind bending tools to get compliance. Doesn't mean everyone who has faith is toxic but it certainly attracts toxic and is the cause of so many wars and atrocities across the globe
I have sat in sermons in which pastors preached this idea: A wife's purpose and calling is to help her husband fulfill his. It felt like women are not humans, only men are.
Yikes this video is a major trigger for me. Getting out of a narcissistic abusive marriage . Which this person is extremely religious.
Amen yes everyone loves him in church and always help out and as soon I become likeable for who I am in Christ Jesus I was told to keep quite not do anything or even where not stay at home nobody likes me I use the term I stand on my knees and Jesus just push me even it's emotionally hard but I felt so happy when I serve in spirit love singing in church and love interacting and make people laugh and I cried alot and Jesus said stop the crying cause I cry with you and I'm like no I don't want Him to cry all the stuff you say they do doc I went Tru and encounter wickedness God put an angel with me and 35jrs with 5 kids they all grown now I now now what were happening the shock that I got choke and try to fight thus big human was so stupid and got historical and felt like a failure dissapoint my Lord and still the more he wants to kept me from church life the more I got involve and I love the Word of God and He opens it up and I love sharing it to the ladies and he left the church cause app I want to teach the men and I had still deal with this rude awakening of thus self-righteous and I do tell anyone do not entertain his nice fake showoff the list goes on I just 1day called a laywer and I felt the worst person church wants u to live like the forgiving side cause they don't want to loose their private atm but God says He will carry us Tru anything and u still feel u did something wrong you've help me alot Tru God letting me come across your channel and since the Lords spirit is in my life I cling to it cause it's my happy happy space even it home it's like God just kept me from near death also
Very hard to read your comment. Run on sentence, no periods.
It's truly disturbing that a woman who escaped a toxic marriage herself is on board.
Why is there loud music playing!?!?! I cannot make out what is being said due to the loud music! We do not need music at all!
It should be clarified that the guest's voice has been altered, because this sounds like a man.
I didn't think it sounded masculine. Does it really matter to you?
I think the voice sounded masked also.
Omg yes I am confused 🫤
@@HLBear well it kind of confused me bcz they are talking about church and you know how they are against homosexuality so I do think it matters to clarify it.
😅, It is clarified, in the photo says: "Anonymous"🤷🏻♀️.
I was married to a demonic 👿😡 narcissist and the Church had come against me. Get out and pray for yourself 🙏. Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150👑👋🙌🙏
the mix of the Christian Church and narcissism adds another layer and level of manipulation. How narcissists weaponize God and religion is mind blowing. Of all places, discernment should be high in the church, but sadly it isn’t.
We also aimed for our MRS degree at our Jewish women’s college.😅
EVERYONE says the same thing....they leave organized religion and then have a relationship with God. As it should be. Her story is just like mine less the kids. And different religion but high control religion. All organized religion is the same. Organisations of control. Cults bar none.
WHY is this person who is female speaking in a male voice?!?!?!? It is very disconcerting. It is creepy.
❤❤❤❤❤
The music in the background gets anoying after a while. A little too loud
😢 this
The voice has been altered... At least I hope.... The voice said: I'm a female
That voiceover though. It’s such a distracting 😢
Why did you choose to use a male voiceover on womans story? It's sounds weird...
It's a trans woman. They added the "miscarriage" part for a more convincing story
@@No-xs1nowhere did you get this from?
@@raywilliams212 common sense
Yeap, a man’s voice and a woman’s story! Confusing!!!
Hummmmm, man's voice as wife? Na'......
Dissonance from male sounding voice causing me not to listen.
Is this a man (trans) talking about "her" husband or a woman (natural born) taking about her husband...this needs clarification the voice disguise sounds very masculine, however the guest identifies as. Sorry, can't continue to listen. The voice creates too much dissonance for me without the clarification.
It’s a female and they disguised her voice to protect her family
Voice Distortion to maintain privacy. It’s such a distraction for me.
@@LEM19284 I realize that, the voice should match a female voice, too me it sounds like a man is speaking first person. There is no picture affirming female, the disguised voice imo should sound female.
Female with voice protection. Long storylines can be a bit daunting with the voice processing like that. However, if you keep that awareness while listening, it should be more tolerable. 😊 At least that mindset helped me.
@Coaching By Daisy It matters to me, which is why I made the comment. I guess you must be the source of all things that matter....lol 😝😅 - coach daisy
No hate but the person being interviewed sounds toxic, controlling and manipulative to me! I don’t know what to believe on her end. I see topics of maybe a lack of control on her end and maybe a lack of feeling power in the church on, when her husband was the pastor. Why would someone think they could be A leader in their spouses roles? That is competing with your spouse for power, and Even if qualified, there are only so many openings for the role of a pastor and that isn’t exactly run by an HR department like other jobs lol. Did she expect her husband, a pastor, to no longer be a pastor, let his wife take the role and then their issues would disappear? it seems more that she chose not to be with a man who wants a family with god in their life and in marriage which is a tremendous commitment that goes above everything and instead chose her independence away from a marriage and god, and put her first independently and in that process she caused so much damage to her relationships including her marriage.
I don’t think the man was a narcissist for the life he chose to be with god. She chose that life too and obviously had a change in life after establishing so many responsibilities, ties and relationships in their life.
And in this podcast all I hear are so many reasons that are pasted together almost conflating. The terms used “her children said “dad you just screwed up a marriage get your life together” “we see how you treat people”. There are so many instances of over exaggerating, or the cheap shots calling her husband not a provider etc etc.. their own children saying negative things about their own father seems unrealistic because it doesn’t seem like he didn’t anything wrong or different. She said he was fun or good with the kids etc. it’s important that both parents to be in control of their own lives too but she fell apart, in the end she is still trying to get her way! Is that not a narcissist?
She wanted to be a pastor and essentially destroyed their family competing with her husband for his role.. and then deciding not to be with god in the end… as stated at the end of the podcast she is figuring that out still but she enjoys community.
You are what Dr. Armani has called flying monkey. You wouldn't understand this podcast no matter how many times you listen to it. You have revealed your lens.
Being a porn addict and a cheater is not very godly. Or being a good husband.
The guest sound toxic, too.
Clearly this is a gay relationship and it is being disguised as if it were a heterosexual relationship. Any other female voice could have been used but it is confusing and intentionally fraudulent. I’m disappointed because if it was a honest story with this being a LBGQT situation that we as a audience could have learned from it and also be compassionate, or simply go on if repulsed.
What is wrong with you?
Dr R,
I understand that you asked her "what made you think you needed to attach yourself to a man" bc you wanted her to explain. You knew why a Bible Belt college co-ed would, right? It sounded kind of like you were delivering a "gotcha" but Im like "damn shes making this sound really passionate and exciting" I'm about to skip town & get a new identity and take my chances on landing a preacher.
Guess i still need work 🤷🏼♀️
You are def putting words in her mouth, Dr Ramini. I'm disappointed. I respect you a lot. But correcting her words bc they aren't in line with the points you wanna make is kind of a shiesty way to conduct yourself