In tears watching this. I have been so desperate for these things in my marriage for so long. Thank you for giving me hope and reminding me that just because my husband can't do it now doesn't mean he never will.
You're Welcome and it is my honor to bring hope to marriages that need them. I am thankful that my teaching and message was inspiring and I hope it inspires your husband as well.
I'm in tears all so then when I realized that you wrote this comment a year ago I wonder how you feel now? ❤️ I find all these wonderful things that my husband won't ever watch with me or for me. Did he ever have empathy or did you have to leave?
I've always tried to fix the problem instead connecting with my wife, I hope it's not too late to make this change but I'm going to try my best. Thanks for the great video
Keith, you are not alone in this. Many husbands just want to fix the problem because that is what we do. We want to show up with the cape and be the superhero. Our wife doesn't always need a superhero and usually don't need one when the problem is still hurting them emotionally. What they need is a husband that is willing to hear them out and endure the challenge with them. I don't know your current situation but what I have found is it is never too late if your wife is still with you. Your work gets harder everyday you don't build your marriage in a meaningful way so start right now and don't stop. Even when you get tired, you have to keep working on building your marriage and finding ways to love your wife everyday. If you need help finding some of those ways just let me know and I will be more than happy to help. Good luck
how do you fix a problem you dont understand? when i as a female try to fix a problem, step 1 is trying to understand the situation as deeply as possible.
It is my hope and goal to educate and motivate husbands to love their wife. My prayer is that you grow to be the husband she deserves and in return she becomes the wife you deserve.
Follow-up! Bro! How simple that is! But I so see it straight-up flabbergasting my wife. 10 years to learn that huh? Well, that's about where I am now, so thank you for sharing!
Marriage is a journey and all we have to do is get better over that journey. It is also filled with many chapters that cause us to do things differently as we learn more about our wife. Following up is a staple though to ensure we are truly serving our wife in a way that builds her up and grows our relationship. We have to look through the idea of just solving the problem and being a partner when our wife needs one to move through the problem and assist when appropriate to keep it from occurring again.
I love that you didn't connect intimacy with sex in this video. That's what you see in social media these days - men complaining that they're not getting "intimacy" from their wives, and they mean their wives are not putting out and it's always the woman's fault. True intimacy is something veery different.
Yea there are a lot of things on social media that go outside of what I believe and teach. Intimacy truly is beyond sex, and I want to help as many people see that as possible. Everything I teach builds intimacy in a marriage, and none of it has a focus on sex. I am not a fan of pushing "sex is the ultimate way to be intimate" as some would say, instead I believe that sex is a product of true connection and it becomes so much better the more you are connected with your spouse on factors that could hold you back.
@@thehusbandcoach so true. I think it's really sad that many men think sex, a physical act in the end, is the ultimate form of intimacy. There is a whole world to be discovered when you let go of that idea.
I really liked this video. While, my husband isn't great with empathy, and no I'm not going to forward this to him, even though it would be helpful. I did take away things helpful for me and my journey towards being more empathetic. I also liked the video on patience, again taking away things that will help me in that area.
I am truly excited that you are able to gain something from this, and I hope you husband does as well. One of the most important things is to build your relationship in areas that are in your control.
I'm in a situation right now that I'm not very empathetic and I'm very callous. My upbringing was very hard, being in a family that was divorced and not having a lot of empathy from my father and being that he wasn't a father figure. He didn't show me that it was okay to show emotion it was okay to talk about feelings. So I'm wanting to learn to be more empathetic I'm learning with my children it is hard for me to read my wife and her emotions at times, it does seem like she puts it all out in the open for me to see I see she's a distressed and I get quiet and shut myself down because it's of what I have done over the past 15 years. I want my marriage to thrive I want my marriage to be saved I am having a very hard time with two counselors working with me and me being a very passive man I don't stand up for a lot of things I want to stand up for a lot of things but I make it all about me and not her and I blame myself for a lot of things and it hurts me to hear it from her when I do it to myself I will be following up on some other videos of yours cuz if you can do it I can do it and I know I can't I've done it before in order to be back into my family's life and I got comfortable and went back to old ways so I hope your videos will help wish me luck.
Clint I look forward to your follow up. I did mention in another reply to send me an email, which is chris@marraigedrills.com. It is in the description also, so you can get it from there if necessary. What I think you need is a plan and then an accountability partner to ensure that you follow through on that plan. That is what I want to talk with you about, so send me an email and we will go from there.
Hey Coach! First time viewer, 12mins in, and I can tell that you speak from experience. God Willing, I am going to take these points and apply them. May Almighty God bless you and reward you with abundance.
Thank for this information. I wish I had found your insight sooner! I fear that I may have left my chances for this to happen too long. Only God will have the answer to this
I am not sure of the situation you are in, but I have seen previously hopeless situations turn into amazing marriages. Don't count yourself out too soon. I do agree that God knows, but you do own your part in the relationship, and if you do nothing then a negative outcome is much more likely. But if you start working you can only get closer to restoring your marriage.
Glad it was helpful, and I know the challenge with this. But you can do it, and if you have questions on how, just let me know and I would be more than happy to help out.
@@thehusbandcoach thank you, its not hard work. Its intentional actions that have huge rewards. Theres not much thats difficult IMO but to change habits and do things a better way can be challenging. Just have to do/say things with a purpose instead of reverting to the old circuits... :) It's a work in progress, and I'm willing to make it better!
@@alexricard2000 Good to hear and I understand reverting to old ways. Instead of hard work, I will say stay consistent with your actions, which is what it sounds like you are doing. Again I am excited for you and thankful I was able to assist.
Hey, please help me out here. I feel like "connect" in the phrase "see how to connect and when to connect" is a bit abstract to me, can someone please share with me some examples around this?
Hey Joe, Sorry for a late response, but here is what I would offer to you as connecting in context to being empathetic. 1. Sensing an issue or tension building in your wife and responding to her in a gentle way that resinates with her 2. Being present with your wife in the middle of a situation Both of these methods require you to take action which should communicate a deeper sense of coming together with your wife and your love for her. An example of this would be assisting your wife through the things that are troubling her, instead of seeing them and saying, "that sucks". Maybe your wife is having a hard time planning a party and it is really stressing her out. Instead of looking at everything and saying, "that sucks" and feeling sorry for her, you can say we are in this together so let's both plan this thing. Take on the burden with her and you will be amazed at how this strengthens your "connection" between the two of you on other things in your marriage. The real goal of showing empathy to your wife is to prove that you are committed to helping her when she is struggling. The example I gave is simple but the concept is solid in the idea of being present with your wife in the things that concern her which lead to a deeper connection. This will also help you learn more about how to connect with your wife, so when a bigger issue comes up, you are able to come together instead of being distant and seen as unhelpful or worse unloving. I hope this helps, and it not please send me an email so we can discuss this further.
Wow that is a great question, and without knowing your full situation I would recommend talking about divorce. Having a conversation is better than not, even when the topic is not a very comfortable one. Ask questions that get her to open up with why divorce is even an option. Take responsibility for the things that you did to put you guys in this situation and ask her how you can work together to rebuild your marriage. This may not happen all in one conversation, but you may be able to spread this out over a few conversations. Between each of the conversations, show through your actions that you are growing and rising to be the husband that she deserves. You didn't get into the situation you are in overnight, so you can't expect it to resolve overnight. Now this is just general advice, but you may want to seek a third party counselor to help navigate your conversations. I hope this helps.
That is true, but relationships are difficult at times. It takes commitment to push through the things that don't work out as simple as we would like to too, but the reward is so worth it in the end, and that is what I remind myself of when things get really hard. I realize I am responding to this 7 months later, but hopefully things have improved in regards to reciprocation.
That is good because I never want someone to say I had no idea you were a Christian. I do my best to live out my faith in a way that brings glory to God and serves those around me.
In tears watching this. I have been so desperate for these things in my marriage for so long. Thank you for giving me hope and reminding me that just because my husband can't do it now doesn't mean he never will.
You're Welcome and it is my honor to bring hope to marriages that need them. I am thankful that my teaching and message was inspiring and I hope it inspires your husband as well.
I'm in tears all so then when I realized that you wrote this comment a year ago I wonder how you feel now? ❤️ I find all these wonderful things that my husband won't ever watch with me or for me. Did he ever have empathy or did you have to leave?
Your wife is a blessed woman.
Thank you for this comment. You are so kind and truth be told, she was a blessing to me way before I figured out how I could be a blessing to her.
I've always tried to fix the problem instead connecting with my wife, I hope it's not too late to make this change but I'm going to try my best. Thanks for the great video
Keith, you are not alone in this. Many husbands just want to fix the problem because that is what we do. We want to show up with the cape and be the superhero. Our wife doesn't always need a superhero and usually don't need one when the problem is still hurting them emotionally. What they need is a husband that is willing to hear them out and endure the challenge with them.
I don't know your current situation but what I have found is it is never too late if your wife is still with you. Your work gets harder everyday you don't build your marriage in a meaningful way so start right now and don't stop. Even when you get tired, you have to keep working on building your marriage and finding ways to love your wife everyday. If you need help finding some of those ways just let me know and I will be more than happy to help. Good luck
how do you fix a problem you dont understand? when i as a female try to fix a problem, step 1 is trying to understand the situation as deeply as possible.
I've not been nearly as empathetic to my wife as I could be. I also don't always know how. Thank you for this piece of advice
It is my hope and goal to educate and motivate husbands to love their wife. My prayer is that you grow to be the husband she deserves and in return she becomes the wife you deserve.
Thanks for this important lesson. Empathy is a skill I never learned but I’m going to try my best to learn it ❤
Follow-up! Bro! How simple that is! But I so see it straight-up flabbergasting my wife. 10 years to learn that huh? Well, that's about where I am now, so thank you for sharing!
Marriage is a journey and all we have to do is get better over that journey. It is also filled with many chapters that cause us to do things differently as we learn more about our wife. Following up is a staple though to ensure we are truly serving our wife in a way that builds her up and grows our relationship. We have to look through the idea of just solving the problem and being a partner when our wife needs one to move through the problem and assist when appropriate to keep it from occurring again.
I love that you didn't connect intimacy with sex in this video. That's what you see in social media these days - men complaining that they're not getting "intimacy" from their wives, and they mean their wives are not putting out and it's always the woman's fault. True intimacy is something veery different.
Yea there are a lot of things on social media that go outside of what I believe and teach. Intimacy truly is beyond sex, and I want to help as many people see that as possible. Everything I teach builds intimacy in a marriage, and none of it has a focus on sex. I am not a fan of pushing "sex is the ultimate way to be intimate" as some would say, instead I believe that sex is a product of true connection and it becomes so much better the more you are connected with your spouse on factors that could hold you back.
@@thehusbandcoach so true. I think it's really sad that many men think sex, a physical act in the end, is the ultimate form of intimacy. There is a whole world to be discovered when you let go of that idea.
I really liked this video. While, my husband isn't great with empathy, and no I'm not going to forward this to him, even though it would be helpful. I did take away things helpful for me and my journey towards being more empathetic.
I also liked the video on patience, again taking away things that will help me in that area.
Forwarding it to my husband seems like a jumping in his hoop kind of thing. Ha
I am truly excited that you are able to gain something from this, and I hope you husband does as well. One of the most important things is to build your relationship in areas that are in your control.
I'm in a situation right now that I'm not very empathetic and I'm very callous. My upbringing was very hard, being in a family that was divorced and not having a lot of empathy from my father and being that he wasn't a father figure. He didn't show me that it was okay to show emotion it was okay to talk about feelings. So I'm wanting to learn to be more empathetic I'm learning with my children it is hard for me to read my wife and her emotions at times, it does seem like she puts it all out in the open for me to see I see she's a distressed and I get quiet and shut myself down because it's of what I have done over the past 15 years. I want my marriage to thrive I want my marriage to be saved I am having a very hard time with two counselors working with me and me being a very passive man I don't stand up for a lot of things I want to stand up for a lot of things but I make it all about me and not her and I blame myself for a lot of things and it hurts me to hear it from her when I do it to myself I will be following up on some other videos of yours cuz if you can do it I can do it and I know I can't I've done it before in order to be back into my family's life and I got comfortable and went back to old ways so I hope your videos will help wish me luck.
Clint I look forward to your follow up. I did mention in another reply to send me an email, which is chris@marraigedrills.com. It is in the description also, so you can get it from there if necessary. What I think you need is a plan and then an accountability partner to ensure that you follow through on that plan. That is what I want to talk with you about, so send me an email and we will go from there.
She is being vulnerable, so maybe try doing that yourself? That's a big step towards empathy.
Your work is admirable and so needed.
Thank you. I truly hope I am helping those who engage with this content.
Hey Coach! First time viewer, 12mins in, and I can tell that you speak from experience. God Willing, I am going to take these points and apply them. May Almighty God bless you and reward you with abundance.
P.S. You have a new subscriber 🙂
Welcome aboard and thank you for the comment. I will pray that God gives you the strength to follow through with your marriage goals.
Thank you ❤❤❤❤
My honor.
Thanks, this was very helpful❤
I am glad to hear that!
Thank for this information. I wish I had found your insight sooner! I fear that I may have left my chances for this to happen too long. Only God will have the answer to this
I am not sure of the situation you are in, but I have seen previously hopeless situations turn into amazing marriages. Don't count yourself out too soon. I do agree that God knows, but you do own your part in the relationship, and if you do nothing then a negative outcome is much more likely. But if you start working you can only get closer to restoring your marriage.
This was so great. Thank you for this. Looking forward to watching more of your videos!
Awesome! Thank you!
Excellent presentation and content, with heart.
Thank you!
Thank you for this insight brother. We appreciate it.
My pleasure!
That voice! ❤️
Thank you. 👍
thank you so much for this , I will send to my bf.
Not a problem at all. Hopefully he receives the information well and it helps your relationship.
Thank you
My pleasure!
Thank you for your insight, this is something I struggle with that I'm trying to improve.
Glad it was helpful, and I know the challenge with this. But you can do it, and if you have questions on how, just let me know and I would be more than happy to help out.
@@thehusbandcoach I've applied the thing you mentioned with great results in the last few days.
Thanks again :)
@@alexricard2000 That is awesome! I am really excited for you. Keep up the hard work.
@@thehusbandcoach thank you, its not hard work. Its intentional actions that have huge rewards. Theres not much thats difficult IMO but to change habits and do things a better way can be challenging. Just have to do/say things with a purpose instead of reverting to the old circuits... :)
It's a work in progress, and I'm willing to make it better!
@@alexricard2000 Good to hear and I understand reverting to old ways. Instead of hard work, I will say stay consistent with your actions, which is what it sounds like you are doing. Again I am excited for you and thankful I was able to assist.
This is a great video, I think I’m going to show my husband this... thank you
Thank you for the feedback. I am happy this content can help. My hope is that your husband receives this information well.
You're doing a great job. Continue coaching husbands. Sounds like you're a well-rounded guy.....the Body of Christ.
Thank you, I will keep going and glorifying the Kingdom in the process.
Hey, please help me out here. I feel like "connect" in the phrase "see how to connect and when to connect" is a bit abstract to me, can someone please share with me some examples around this?
Hey Joe,
Sorry for a late response, but here is what I would offer to you as connecting in context to being empathetic.
1. Sensing an issue or tension building in your wife and responding to her in a gentle way that resinates with her
2. Being present with your wife in the middle of a situation
Both of these methods require you to take action which should communicate a deeper sense of coming together with your wife and your love for her. An example of this would be assisting your wife through the things that are troubling her, instead of seeing them and saying, "that sucks".
Maybe your wife is having a hard time planning a party and it is really stressing her out. Instead of looking at everything and saying, "that sucks" and feeling sorry for her, you can say we are in this together so let's both plan this thing. Take on the burden with her and you will be amazed at how this strengthens your "connection" between the two of you on other things in your marriage.
The real goal of showing empathy to your wife is to prove that you are committed to helping her when she is struggling. The example I gave is simple but the concept is solid in the idea of being present with your wife in the things that concern her which lead to a deeper connection. This will also help you learn more about how to connect with your wife, so when a bigger issue comes up, you are able to come together instead of being distant and seen as unhelpful or worse unloving.
I hope this helps, and it not please send me an email so we can discuss this further.
Excellent advice, but how do I make myself emotionally available and just listen if the one and only topic she wants to discuss is a divorce?
Wow that is a great question, and without knowing your full situation I would recommend talking about divorce. Having a conversation is better than not, even when the topic is not a very comfortable one. Ask questions that get her to open up with why divorce is even an option. Take responsibility for the things that you did to put you guys in this situation and ask her how you can work together to rebuild your marriage. This may not happen all in one conversation, but you may be able to spread this out over a few conversations. Between each of the conversations, show through your actions that you are growing and rising to be the husband that she deserves. You didn't get into the situation you are in overnight, so you can't expect it to resolve overnight.
Now this is just general advice, but you may want to seek a third party counselor to help navigate your conversations. I hope this helps.
Eing empathic is easier when its reciprocated
That is true, but relationships are difficult at times. It takes commitment to push through the things that don't work out as simple as we would like to too, but the reward is so worth it in the end, and that is what I remind myself of when things get really hard. I realize I am responding to this 7 months later, but hopefully things have improved in regards to reciprocation.
Did you do a video on why you should show your husband empathy?
Sorry. I didn't do a video on that. The focus for the channel is for husbands to show their wife love.
Yeah I'm not surprised you're a believer. You definitely come across as one!
That is good because I never want someone to say I had no idea you were a Christian. I do my best to live out my faith in a way that brings glory to God and serves those around me.