How To Control Your Emotions In Your Relationship Or Marriage
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- Опубликовано: 10 июн 2023
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Through my years of being a relationship coach, I've guided my clients through every possible scenario and given them the tools they need to not only rebuild trust, but to take their relationship to heights it's never been before.
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How to Properly Lead Conversations to open Up & Heal Your Partner’s Emotions
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You have genuinely helped me heal from past traumas and helped saved my relationship/communication issues
I’m in the paradox of change right now where she is seeing my changes but doesn’t fully trust it yet. It is true where you feel frustrated or sometimes you want to question yourself why you’re doing this. This video is what i needed the most to manage my emotions on the valley of this resistance phase of the paradox of change. Thanks Geoff!
Good! My paradox of change from my partner laster 3 years. She was giving a TON for resistance for a long time because she was suspicious.
If you look at most of my client stories, you will see that it typically lasts 8-14 months for them. (Faster than mine because for me, I did not have a "Geoffrey" to help me make the changes faster!)
And it's funny - only when they are able to untether and become bulletproof enough to get to that thriving state, only then can they stay consistent enough and get their results...
The people who wait until outcomes come before becoming untethered, bulletproof, and do the work - they ironically never get to the outcomes, and the time that they do the work never comes...
:)
@@GeoffreySetiawanso with divorce pending is it too late?
@@user-xv6vi7hq4u No, I don't think so. Some of the client stories talk about this. Part of me wants to feel hopeless as she gets more mean and resists harder. I get that feeling. The old me would just shut down and I have not so far, I'm glad to see some results from the process so far and keep seeking more improvements.
@@tb87670 are you in the actual program?
what you are saying about how you interpret questions and conversations based on your emotional fragility is spot on. I had a very negative mindset and always thinking I’m not good enough. my partner would say things to me, it was always hit me in that nagative manner.
I've been really good with changing myself for almost a month, she saw the change but can't still feel love for me and still thinks about leaving. I've been having relapse. She sees my change but says it's fake and wants me to be "normal" my old self. I'm still battling with myself to be better and those videos help remind me that I do that for myself.
It can take years. Stop making her the goal or you will fail. He teaches you to untether and do this change to be a better you. Not to be a better you with her, but just a better you for you
It’s hard because even though you need to change for yourself, the thing that started the change in the first place is her. I understand that you need to untether, but that’s been the biggest obstacle for me. Specially when she notices the changes, but then says the changes will be great for the next person you meet. It’s so hard to untether, it’s the only thing I still don’t really understand how to do yet. Everything makes sense except for that, if someone has tips please send them my way.
@@marcoramos4873same here man. Notices the changes but no chance. We have to stay focused on making these changes because it’s who we are, not outcome-focused
I’m either robust or fragile. I signed up Geoffrey! Dion Jones! 😊
I’m going through the hardest level of the paradox of change. She’s in another state and about 2 weeks ago we were ready to move her back to Cali from New York. And she threw me an emotional hardball. Well she threw a flurry. And it took me out! 😂 I had to take a step back! I didn’t scream or lash out. But I got upset and that’s enough. I need to watch this video like 10x in a row. I can always catch myself afterwards and she admits that I say the right things but then I snap back to victim. Like it’s my home. So learning how to make anti fragile and my interpretations and new future self my Go- To is going to take actual effort. I have to think about any possible form of resistance from anyone or anything as a fun opportunity to practice my processes. Until I forget to be a victim again. I can only imagine learning how to forget the old mindset. 😮💨
Mind viruses.. Bro I’m in a terminal condition with those. Thanks so much for all your help. I won’t give up on getting healthy and I wont give up on my relationship. I need the knowledge and tools to change authentically. This is helping.
This man, saves lives period! Keep up the great work Geoffrey!!
Thank you brother! I've been going through this recently, and the videos I've watched have helped immensely. Keep up the good work!
I enjoy these ! You have an immense talent to condense an incredible amount of information into a 20 min video! Always iterating and always improving!
Appreciate the kind words brother - Did you manage to watch your own success interview? :)
Totally agree!
@@karolkozak64 Appreciate you brother! As a person who spends a lot of time with each and every upload, I really appreciate it when people watch my videos in full, and is able to learn something from it!
@@GeoffreySetiawan I did. But I feel like I’ve grown so much since then. There’s no way thank you can convey how much your program has improved the quality of not only my relationship but my life.
I hope I can follow your words because I'm jackin everything up on my own.
This is been my biggest hurdle in my separation after 15 years and 2 kids,,,I do good around my kids but I can't hold myself together when my wife is around... I'm doing better every day but still my biggest issue...
Thank you 🙏
Love his videos🎉
Beautiful Content 👏👏👏👏👏
I love watching your videos. This one especially helped me. I meed to find more videos like this one.
I'm getting a ton of resistance right now.
Five months of separation.
But i keep my cool when i talk to my spouse. And I'm starting to think shes beginning to see that I'm changing.
At least i hope so.
Hey man, thank you again for your dedication towards real changes in lifestyle. last week's upload is so awesome, can't stop watching, I love their story it resonates with mine.
Love to hear it, my man! What were the parts that resonates with you the most?
@@GeoffreySetiawan Hey geoffrey, thanks for responding to my comments.
So basically my wife had the same kinds of safetey issues with me. I used to help her with all the chores and the i stopped. She kept asking for years for me to help and i would do them for a short while then back to nothing.
Fews weeks ago i decided to have a discussion about what went wrong, that cause a good marriage to go bad. That topic was the first on the list.
I learn some new context from that discussion. We working together was a way she felt connected. I did not realize how much safety i destroyed leaving her alone to do all the work.
I realized what causes ourrelationship to fall are nothing new. They are the same things she has been complaining about. Just like Jen i believe after a time she was basically on auto pilot, like a robot, and with all that happening she was obligated to please me and when she needed me the most i was unavailable emotionally. In my own words she was in the catch 22.
This is mindblowing information thank you a lot.
I wonder if you know your describing biblical principles? Count trials as joy . Pure joy it’s a chance to grow . I would describe the state of mind as super stable . Although the fact that the word super has been watered down to word meeting pretty ok, detracts from it’s over all wow factor.
Hey Geoffrey, the videos are immensely useful. Your factual explanations are so incredible, however sometimes I have some trouble visualising what you're actually talking about in practice. For instance could you give an actual example of what it looks like to talk back against the mindviruses? And/or show a step by step guide/example of how you would go about discovering and treating a mindvirus about an exemplary event? I think that would make the video even more valuable to a lot of people, because right now the actual proces is still a little too abstract. But ofcourse I don't know how you feel/think about that. And maybe giving too much away interferes with your actual program i.e. giving away too much for free. So yeah, I don't know. What do you think?
I appreciate this - This particular topic of auto-suggestions is taught in our program via multiple modules totaling 12 hours of content.
Further, it takes our clients WEEKS of iteration to fully understand how to do this properly in practice.
Remember that what we are teaching is very different from teaching hard skills - if you teach hard skills, I can easily draw out the problems on the board and make the issues and processes more tangible.
But we are teaching (and you are learning) soft skills here - and often, in order to learn these skills, you need a very personal approach that allows you to cut through your own denial, blind spots, subconscious, etc...
And the reason why we refuse to teach "tactics" and specifics in our YT channel is that, often, if you learn the RIGHT tactics, but learn them from the wrong internal paradigms...
You might end up twisting and bending what you learn that can actually backfire on you, and you might even mis-apply the tactics in the wrong way that actually causes more harm than good...
e.g. We gave people "scripts" before, and we had some videos on "auto-suggestions" before, but we had complaints from wives about how their husbands were using them to manipulate, and complaints that the "auto-suggestions" were causing more anxiety due to the purple-giraffe paradox that we talked about.
So this is just a systemic issue --
P.S. Note how I actually am the only coach on YT who dares to go extremely DEEP already. I mean, do you see any other therapists/coaches on YT who gets as specific in their videos about outlining the WHAT behind their methodology? :)
Hi, I have a problem with my partner where she cut off me without me doing something to her
And I sometimes wonder whether it's normal. She regrets the actions that she takes against me and starts to beg. Am I saved?
Woah 😮
Cant find your facebook
Today is our 12th wedding anniversary. I’m living in NY state and she’s been in Florida for 2 months. I am really, really hurting today.
Then let's get to that thriving state - What I am going to say below may offend you, so if you are easily offended, then stop reading here :)
If you keep staying in your "barely surviving" state, don't expect yourself to be able to thrive, lead the change, reverse feedback loops, deal with the paradox of change and intense suspicions and resistances you are going to get, and for your changes, actions and efforts to feel real and genuine.
You can feel sorry for yourself and play the victim card all you want, but doing so isn't going to get you closer to the results you want.
In fact, if you continue to sob story mindset, it's just going to get worse - This type of mindset is what turned your partner off in the first place, what destroyed safety in the first place...
e.g. Would you feel safe working for a leader with your mindset right now? Would you feel attracted to someone with this mindset?
And you cannot solve your problems using the same approach you used to create it....
@@GeoffreySetiawan you are 100% right.
My wife has become so mean that it’s actually starting to become kind of funny. Im comparing her to a little kid who gets mad at their parents and says the craziest, meanest things like “I hate you, I wish you weren’t my parents, I want to live somewhere else” and stuff like that. Except my wife goes “I don’t love you, I never loved you and settled for you, I would rather be alone than with you.” It’s hurtful, and honestly doesn’t make sense. Why would you stay with someone for 18 years, and also have 2 kids with them and buy a house if you never loved them? I know this is her just lashing out, but it’s still hurtful at the end of the day.
Clinch the ass made me laugh
Is there any chances to have 1 on 1 conversation with you sir 🙂 @Geoffrey Setiawan