"Narcissists are masters at the game of manipulation and control. This is a skill they have perfected throughout their life to manage the deep feelings of being flawed they experience in themselves."
The worst thing is the confusion 😭 confronting them is the worst ever. Especially when I end up losing my shit because he's literally driving me crazy. People just don't understand if they haven't been with one
The minuplation and exuse making is unbelievable. Narrisst can rationalize everything and accept accountability for nothing and it just goes on and on. Its sick
I needed this. I was being told "my trauma issues" were because of everything else but when I brought up that it was his own actions (stonewalling, abandoning then coming back, mocking at what I say) that contributed to escalating it, he then goes "so you're saying it's all my fault again!" Then put the focus back on themselves by saying how I affect them. I asked them what I did wrong so I can take note on changing my behavior in the future, but also explain it does not change the fact that there were behaviors toward me I don't want to be subjected to. Then they just shut down the entire convo. There's really no point, they refuse to see their own actions. They just want to push their behavior under the rug and pretend everything is fine.
Yep that's the reason why I had to cut my narcissist friend off nothing but circular conversations that was going nowhere when I asked conversation that's dealing with facts all of a sudden a shift nothing but circles
I've been trying to tell my wife for years that some of her behaviors tend to hurt to hurt my feelings or make me unhappy, and she constantly turns it around so it's my fault that I'm upset. Lately she has been telling me "I don't know how to not offend you" when I think I have a pretty thick skin, but she just knows how to dig in deep and press my buttons
I've told my ex-girlfriend for a long time how I want us to be good again. And whenever I'm feeling sad i tell her. But she never listens or even shows she cares. Will just pretend not to see what i said about hurting inside.
He would literally block me until he was ready to talk, so I was cut off from any communication at all and then if I brought it up because I was still upset he would tell me that I’m bringing up the past when it happened that day.
Excellent clarification. Thank you. When my narc wrote me a long dissertation on why everything single thing was my fault while simultaneously telling me I was imagining things they never did, it was just one giant heap of deflection, gaslighting, and projection and so absurd I refused to get on the merry go round again. I said thanks for sharing, now we both know where we stand. That was my first attempt at no contact 7 years ago. Rinse and repeat. I’m now no contact for 13 months and because of vids Ike yours, I think I’m equipped to maintain no contact forever. Thank you.
My husband used this video on me. I set boundaries and remove myself when he didn't stop- he blame shifted and accused me I was doing #1. Unreal. Narcissists use these videos on their victims and gaslight them and blame shift it onto them. Its so frustrating-
Recently recognized my husband is a NPD. All of his behaviors over the years have tormented me . I am so sorry I did not realize this many, many years ago. Thanks
The worst part about the cycle is that if a less distorted person doesn't protect themselves, they can get caught in the dynamic and begin to in turn act unkindly as the trauma continues. I always find it interesting that the partner with the higher amount of NPD traits will percieve the partner with health bounce back type narcissism levels as the narcisstic one, in the resulting projection from feeling attacked and criticized. Around and around indeed. I'm really glad we're starting to have these topics of conversation; and LOVE that you mention NPD traits and not just the label Narcissist, consistently. People should he aware of concepts like healthy narcissim, and the fact that less than what, 4=7 % of the population are ACTUALLY diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I truly believe people can manage their traits with self awareness, it's just a matter of somehow finding thatconnection, for the lightbulb moment.
I was listening to this on my google nest mini when he came back around. immediately he agreed with what was said as him being the victim and blaming me again. note to self I need to use my headphones more. it didn't help with his friend being with him either but I did my best not to react and continue what I was doing at the time. this video did help me understand projection better because he was doing just that.
I'm in my 2nd relationship with, imo, a covert narcissist and she has a child with another narcissist (overt) who's very much in our lives. The other day, after an argument I walk in the kitchen and she's listening to a video just like this one about narcissists and, you guessed it, she thinks I'm the narcissist as she later told me in another conflict. I've thought about this before and couldn't quite grasp - am I also a narcissist? Do narcissists look for each other? Or is it a fluid relationship where the role of the narc and, conversely, that of the victim is in flux all the time? Or maybe some or all of the characters I depicted are not even narcissists as it seems this label can be attached to almost any person these days? I truly don't know the answers to these questions but what I do know is that lately I've found I'm longing for solitude, not the person who keeps causing drama because "there's something I did". I don't care how it's called, that's just not a way I want to live despite my partner being pregnant with my child.
As a longtime, scapegoated, blacksheep, this is NOT an embellished love-bomb-type statement. You are quite a lovely lady with great explanaition of the narcissists abuse. Their crazy making, mind games. I'm grateful to find your channel. Thank you. God bless you. Subscribed.☺👍
Yep he’s completely clean n seems to think I’m trying to fight when I. Fact I’m wanting validation but nooo ... it’ll never happen.. I’m blocking all narcs ... goodbye 👋🏻
Validation is exactly what narcs are after. I suggest you read "Passionate Marriage" about how we must self-validate and not expect this from our partners. As Yoda said - desire leads to suffering and suffering leads to the dark side. ;)
Doctor Mayfield, I always enjoy the content of your videos. As a person who grew up in a narcissistic, toxic, family, I benefit highly from this information. You're a neat, sweet, lady. You're help to those of us who suffer at the hands of these vile creatures is a great gift. Thank you Doctor Mayfield. God bless you and yours.🙏💜☺👍
I think these narcissist became who they are from the environment they grew up with. I saw my narc ex's family being so dysfunctional. That even when faced with obvious lies and with evidences (from me) from their son, they still believed him regardless. That any bad things he did within his family were all swept under the rug, that no apologies, no accountability were enforced within the family system. They created a monster within their midst. Someone who had no boundaries, no empathy for anyone other than himself. Their family was full of unlimited debt that even when their bread winner (father) retired from work. The debt were still unpaid for. It was that much of a mess. The every partner their siblings have, are expected to pay for their own living expenses. That when you set boundaries, they will paint you as someone who isn't benevolence. Their facade falls out the minute, they don't receive any monetary supply from me. We aren't even married yet and the amount of pressure to pay for them is surmountable. Its ridiculous really. Their entire family is exhausting, its all nice infront of you but backstabs you when you're gone.
I always give your videos a thumbs up because they are so detailed and relayed in an easy to understand way. I finally subscribed too as I am very grateful for the information you provide and how it not only initiated my healing but has given me self confidence and to know that what I experienced for 7 long years was definitely not right and how and why I was so broken. I'm not perfect but I am always reflecting on my part of any relationship to make sure I am being the best I can be. I'm proud of my sense of self now but it took waaay to long to develop that, but I'm on it now. Dr Emily your insight and advice is very much appreciated, you and Dr Ramani have helped me more than you could know, and I'm at peace again finally and enjoying my life again after 7 very hard years with my ex covert narcissist partner. This video is exactly what I experienced in that time with her. To be honest I am amazed how you can describe in such detail how the narcissists mind works. Thanks again and best wishes to you and your followers who need to heal.
Welcome to the Mindset Therapy Family! I am so happy to hear the videos are helpful. My goal is to help people feel less alone and to see they aren't the crazy one, the problem, or whatever the abusive person has tried to convince them they are. You have done a lot of hard work it sounds like and that is awesome! I am proud of you. I hope you can continue to grow and take back your self confidence which was taken by the covert narcissist.
I hope you can help me but I’ve been doing cleaning work for a few years, because my dad has been doing it and cause I enjoy it. I haven’t been treated badly in the past at other cleaning jobs apart from one fat guy yelling at me, so l left. l was working at a particular primary school this year, cleaning, one woman may, or may not have known she was disrespectful to me but she was, I stood up for myself and people started pointing the finger at me hurting and blaming me cause I shouldn’t of stood up for myself. But now this job has really gotten to me, like I feel I’ve been gaslighted by people or a certain someone from work, and I on and off feel very confused about my life and identity of who l am as a person. l believe people started gaslighting me and trying to steal information from me in which they did. I’ve even been told that I’m paranoid from my Mum cause she also works with the school system as well as my sister who worked at different schools then I did, and I believe that she knows about my issue at work but keeps denying it. keeps telling me I’m being paranoid. I left that job cause my boss was yelling at me, but I’ve been hearing stories that I’m just a shy person who couldn’t get sex and was wasting time doing a stupid cleaning job. I even heard that people were leaving that job, so it may have been that school.
I'm with a narcy. Infact he sent me this video. All to point fingers at me. I did see where he's trying to manipulate because I have been guilty of cutting him off and blocking him for long periods of time BUT I only do that when he's being a complete jerk, mean, vulgar and just hurtful. Suggestions please cuz I do love him. I suggest counciling to him but just shuts it down or sends me videos. After I send this comment I will try to talk with him about this vid. It won't happen!
Yes I’m fact small issues. Unresolved trigger my anxiety and I say things and instead of staying and talking. He leaves. He has left 2x now. 1st time he left for 7 months amd instead of talking about what we can do different. We just merge again and feelings from the past pop up. Then I am wanting to talk about them and his response is forget the past.
The worse ever marry go round in coocoo town feels like but I know all to well what there next moves could either play out to be only further more letting me know ITS TIME TO 🚶♀️
The trick is educate yourselves on videos like I did spend months months educating yourself on this topic then you try to go in and get what you need out of it which is nothing
All you have to do is list in the pastor here on RUclips on a husband's roll Christianity part 1 2 3 and 4 they're the Bible will explain what it is that a husband's world and a wife's role is in the Bible so stop listening to therapist and go on and move on read the Bible
"Narcissists are masters at the game of manipulation and control. This is a skill they have perfected throughout their life to manage the deep feelings of being flawed they experience in themselves."
The worst thing is the confusion 😭 confronting them is the worst ever. Especially when I end up losing my shit because he's literally driving me crazy. People just don't understand if they haven't been with one
Narcissist’s victims have rage too but that’s from being driven crazy.
The minuplation and exuse making is unbelievable.
Narrisst can rationalize everything and accept accountability for nothing and it just goes on and on.
Its sick
I needed this. I was being told "my trauma issues" were because of everything else but when I brought up that it was his own actions (stonewalling, abandoning then coming back, mocking at what I say) that contributed to escalating it, he then goes "so you're saying it's all my fault again!" Then put the focus back on themselves by saying how I affect them. I asked them what I did wrong so I can take note on changing my behavior in the future, but also explain it does not change the fact that there were behaviors toward me I don't want to be subjected to. Then they just shut down the entire convo.
There's really no point, they refuse to see their own actions. They just want to push their behavior under the rug and pretend everything is fine.
Yep that's the reason why I had to cut my narcissist friend off nothing but circular conversations that was going nowhere when I asked conversation that's dealing with facts all of a sudden a shift nothing but circles
I've been trying to tell my wife for years that some of her behaviors tend to hurt to hurt my feelings or make me unhappy, and she constantly turns it around so it's my fault that I'm upset. Lately she has been telling me "I don't know how to not offend you" when I think I have a pretty thick skin, but she just knows how to dig in deep and press my buttons
Hope things are well, can we get an update?
I've told my ex-girlfriend for a long time how I want us to be good again. And whenever I'm feeling sad i tell her. But she never listens or even shows she cares. Will just pretend not to see what i said about hurting inside.
@@RareVieww We're pretty much just done at this point
@@robhulse3655 pretty much just done? so hoovering is going on? can you elaborate more on that
Yup, same here. Stop wasting your energy, it won’t change. Life is too short to slam your head against a wall.
Or they yell like a ragging toddler to shut you down, dominate you, embarrass you, make you cower and victim blaming in a very perverse way.
He would literally block me until he was ready to talk, so I was cut off from any communication at all and then if I brought it up because I was still upset he would tell me that I’m bringing up the past when it happened that day.
Excellent clarification. Thank you. When my narc wrote me a long dissertation on why everything single thing was my fault while simultaneously telling me I was imagining things they never did, it was just one giant heap of deflection, gaslighting, and projection and so absurd I refused to get on the merry go round again. I said thanks for sharing, now we both know where we stand. That was my first attempt at no contact 7 years ago. Rinse and repeat. I’m now no contact for 13 months and because of vids
Ike yours, I think I’m equipped to maintain no contact forever. Thank you.
My husband used this video on me. I set boundaries and remove myself when he didn't stop- he blame shifted and accused me I was doing #1. Unreal. Narcissists use these videos on their victims and gaslight them and blame shift it onto them. Its so frustrating-
orrrrr.....
Recently recognized my husband is a NPD. All of his behaviors over the years have tormented me . I am so sorry I did not realize this many, many years ago. Thanks
She refuses to even watch this video
The worst part about the cycle is that if a less distorted person doesn't protect themselves, they can get caught in the dynamic and begin to in turn act unkindly as the trauma continues. I always find it interesting that the partner with the higher amount of NPD traits will percieve the partner with health bounce back type narcissism levels as the narcisstic one, in the resulting projection from feeling attacked and criticized. Around and around indeed. I'm really glad we're starting to have these topics of conversation; and LOVE that you mention NPD traits and not just the label Narcissist, consistently. People should he aware of concepts like healthy narcissim, and the fact that less than what, 4=7 % of the population are ACTUALLY diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I truly believe people can manage their traits with self awareness, it's just a matter of somehow finding thatconnection, for the lightbulb moment.
I was listening to this on my google nest mini when he came back around. immediately he agreed with what was said as him being the victim and blaming me again. note to self I need to use my headphones more. it didn't help with his friend being with him either but I did my best not to react and continue what I was doing at the time. this video did help me understand projection better because he was doing just that.
Thank you for your comment and helping others who might be in similar situations!
I'm in my 2nd relationship with, imo, a covert narcissist and she has a child with another narcissist (overt) who's very much in our lives. The other day, after an argument I walk in the kitchen and she's listening to a video just like this one about narcissists and, you guessed it, she thinks I'm the narcissist as she later told me in another conflict.
I've thought about this before and couldn't quite grasp - am I also a narcissist? Do narcissists look for each other? Or is it a fluid relationship where the role of the narc and, conversely, that of the victim is in flux all the time? Or maybe some or all of the characters I depicted are not even narcissists as it seems this label can be attached to almost any person these days?
I truly don't know the answers to these questions but what I do know is that lately I've found I'm longing for solitude, not the person who keeps causing drama because "there's something I did". I don't care how it's called, that's just not a way I want to live despite my partner being pregnant with my child.
As a longtime, scapegoated, blacksheep, this is NOT an embellished love-bomb-type statement. You are quite a lovely lady with great explanaition of the narcissists abuse. Their crazy making, mind games. I'm grateful to find your channel. Thank you. God bless you. Subscribed.☺👍
Thank you for the kind words! I hope I can continue to make content that you find valuable!
Yep he’s completely clean n seems to think I’m trying to fight when I. Fact I’m wanting validation but nooo ... it’ll never happen.. I’m blocking all narcs ... goodbye 👋🏻
Validation is exactly what narcs are after. I suggest you read "Passionate Marriage" about how we must self-validate and not expect this from our partners. As Yoda said - desire leads to suffering and suffering leads to the dark side. ;)
OMG YOU ARE SPOT ON!!
Doctor Mayfield, I always enjoy the content of your videos. As a person who grew up in a narcissistic, toxic, family, I benefit highly from this information. You're a neat, sweet, lady. You're help to those of us who suffer at the hands of these vile creatures is a great gift. Thank you Doctor Mayfield. God bless you and yours.🙏💜☺👍
Thank you for your kind words and your continued support of my channel!
Been through it
So... What's the solution?
great video
It's precisely what you said.
I think these narcissist became who they are from the environment they grew up with. I saw my narc ex's family being so dysfunctional. That even when faced with obvious lies and with evidences (from me) from their son, they still believed him regardless. That any bad things he did within his family were all swept under the rug, that no apologies, no accountability were enforced within the family system. They created a monster within their midst. Someone who had no boundaries, no empathy for anyone other than himself. Their family was full of unlimited debt that even when their bread winner (father) retired from work. The debt were still unpaid for. It was that much of a mess.
The every partner their siblings have, are expected to pay for their own living expenses. That when you set boundaries, they will paint you as someone who isn't benevolence. Their facade falls out the minute, they don't receive any monetary supply from me. We aren't even married yet and the amount of pressure to pay for them is surmountable. Its ridiculous really. Their entire family is exhausting, its all nice infront of you but backstabs you when you're gone.
I always give your videos a thumbs up because they are so detailed and relayed in an easy to understand way. I finally subscribed too as I am very grateful for the information you provide and how it not only initiated my healing but has given me self confidence and to know that what I experienced for 7 long years was definitely not right and how and why I was so broken. I'm not perfect but I am always reflecting on my part of any relationship to make sure I am being the best I can be. I'm proud of my sense of self now but it took waaay to long to develop that, but I'm on it now. Dr Emily your insight and advice is very much appreciated, you and Dr Ramani have helped me more than you could know, and I'm at peace again finally and enjoying my life again after 7 very hard years with my ex covert narcissist partner. This video is exactly what I experienced in that time with her. To be honest I am amazed how you can describe in such detail how the narcissists mind works. Thanks again and best wishes to you and your followers who need to heal.
Welcome to the Mindset Therapy Family! I am so happy to hear the videos are helpful. My goal is to help people feel less alone and to see they aren't the crazy one, the problem, or whatever the abusive person has tried to convince them they are. You have done a lot of hard work it sounds like and that is awesome! I am proud of you. I hope you can continue to grow and take back your self confidence which was taken by the covert narcissist.
Thank you Dr Emily, best wishes for health and happiness to you.
Very informative
On point!
Yesssss
Beton. TY
I hope you can help me but I’ve been doing cleaning work for a few years, because my dad has been doing it and cause I enjoy it. I haven’t been treated badly in the past at other cleaning jobs apart from one fat guy yelling at me, so l left.
l was working at a particular primary school this year, cleaning, one woman may, or may not have known she was disrespectful to me but she was, I stood up for myself and people started pointing the finger at me hurting and blaming me cause I shouldn’t of stood up for myself.
But now this job has really gotten to me, like I feel I’ve been gaslighted by people or a certain someone from work, and I on and off feel very confused about my life and identity of who l am as a person. l believe people started gaslighting me and trying to steal information from me in which they did. I’ve even been told that I’m paranoid from my Mum cause she also works with the school system as well as my sister who worked at different schools then I did, and I believe that she knows about my issue at work but keeps denying it. keeps telling me I’m being paranoid. I left that job cause my boss was yelling at me, but I’ve been hearing stories that I’m just a shy person who couldn’t get sex and was wasting time doing a stupid cleaning job. I even heard that people were leaving that job, so it may have been that school.
I'm with a narcy. Infact he sent me this video. All to point fingers at me. I did see where he's trying to manipulate because I have been guilty of cutting him off and blocking him for long periods of time BUT I only do that when he's being a complete jerk, mean, vulgar and just hurtful. Suggestions please cuz I do love him. I suggest counciling to him but just shuts it down or sends me videos. After I send this comment I will try to talk with him about this vid. It won't happen!
Trasparancy makes sense to whom? & why?
Yes I’m fact small issues. Unresolved trigger my anxiety and I say things and instead of staying and talking. He leaves. He has left 2x now. 1st time he left for 7 months amd instead of talking about what we can do different. We just merge again and feelings from the past pop up. Then I am wanting to talk about them and his response is forget the past.
Yes its Exhausting.
Well if this isn't a point to point perfect explanation to know im.not crazy,I really didn't want to be right about this behavior w him but gosh
The worse ever marry go round in coocoo town feels like but I know all to well what there next moves could either play out to be only further more letting me know ITS TIME TO 🚶♀️
The trick is educate yourselves on videos like I did spend months months educating yourself on this topic then you try to go in and get what you need out of it which is nothing
Dont
Im sorry but... narcissist behavior literally sounds like a scriptural demon smh I mean I got the verses this is creepy
All you have to do is list in the pastor here on RUclips on a husband's roll Christianity part 1 2 3 and 4 they're the Bible will explain what it is that a husband's world and a wife's role is in the Bible so stop listening to therapist and go on and move on read the Bible