None of these tactics are effective with no contact, and just hearing this encourages me to keep it that way. Every since I went no contact I have not had to deal with any of the narcissist tactics, and I did that for my protection and my mental well-being.
Exactly! That's why I consider the smear campaign A FAVOR that clears the weeds I never knew I had in my life before. (If that's ALL IT TOOK, toxic gossip, for someone to run from my life without hearing my side of the story, please keep on running!)
Yes, the difference is the narc uses the silence treatment to punish, torment and control you. You use the silence treatment to protect yourself from the narc and get your life back under your control. You are not interested in punishing the narc. You just want to be free from them.
Yes been there done that experienced silent treatment a lot and rage but only occasionally with rage. Worst thing was I had NO IDEA what was going on or what a covert narcissist was and her behaviours gave me huge self doubt and anxiety. I truly loved her illusion she projects but behind the mask is a really messed woman, albeit she's very beautiful. 3 years on and no contact I've met a truly beautiful lady and a good soul, I can't believe how wonderful love and life can be. So with a narcissist partner yes you're best to go no contact for EVER but, I truly empathise with people who have a narcissistic parent or adult child, that must be really terrible!! But we can always go no contact in a kind way we don't have to be horrible about it. Best wishes to those still healing.
My narcissist will block me when she feels like it, then tells her family that im stalking her and im not right in the head. I dont care if I never talk to her again but ive got to play her game because she uses my daughter as a weapon.
Every time i addressed issues, he would do smoke screens, deflect, gaslight, and / or blame me for what he had done to me. Every time i brought up my boundaries, he had a serious problem with it, often he responded he wanted to take a break, or break up. One time, pretty deep in, after a great deal of his abuse had already happened, i told him about a very serious situation that was unbearably painful. He responded with a flat voice, and a generic answer. I got very angry and told him that next time hed better show actual caring. He said he wanted to break up. I agreed. But then he didn't want to break up. He then blocked my number for 7 to 10 days, while i tried desperately to communicate. He told me after unblocking me that he just needed a break, and that during that time, he told everyone he was afraid of me, that i was going to physically harm him. Thst he showed my texts to him to people. That he told strangers about me.
My favorite : you raise a concern .. provide context.. speak of your feelings .. no response until they get triggered: Their give away you are getting to them? “ Tell me something you like about me” Does it get more clear than this ? Lol
Actually if the narc is giving you the silent treatment just consider it part of your going no contact on them. They are helping you go no contact without even knowing it. I wish my narc would go silent. It would be a blessing.
What if that person is raging everytime you make a small "mistake" so there's not really a narcissistic injury around and no reason for raging? He really seems to be overly emotional and frustrated about it. After a day or two we can usually talk about it calmly and resolve it but then there's another small mistake and it starts again. I could convince him once not to rage and then he was insulting me calmly instead. Asking if im good for anything at all. Not sure if he's a narcissist but it seems really unhealthy because I've never had to argue about my "stupidity" to say it in his words...
Oftentimes the rage isn't even about the thing they are upset with in the moment. The person may already be on edge for perceived slights and wrongs they think were made against them. So the "small" thing you did was the thing that pushed them over the edge in that moment. And for your example, even if he wasn't raging after you talked to him, it is still a punishment tactic to demean and belittle when the person calls you names or talks down to you.
I literally have taken so much from him he has little to punish me with - but one time he said he thought i was going to poison him and i told him that really hurt me - we are domestic partners who live in separate rooms but his only weapon now is to act like he is fearful of me poisoning his food he has his under lock and key just to show me he has no trust in me because it's literally all he has- we share no friends we share no children and we have no contact but still he must punish somehow it's like toddler behavior
Triggering anger in public to make another person look like a jerk purposely. So does that make me a narcissist for bringing out the truth. I always wrestle with that balance of a social situation but I am just totally done with not saying what is on my mind.
how to no matter is difficult or not, brake down the defences of a narcissist in your family so the sibling come admit her fault and realise you are not the one to attack ever again but the one she should keep an honest dialogue with even if she will never do it with anyone else?! what would be the ways, steps to break through your sister's narcissistic defences? I understand in general is impossible... but still, if there are any steps that are at least theoretically realists to try, what would they be? thanks!
Endless criticism, whatever you do.
You'll never be good enough for the wrong person and they will never be good enough to you 👍 Dr Emily and survivors and thrivers 🙏🦋
Rage is the most common for me. Works as I can‘t stand being yelled at...
None of these tactics are effective with no contact, and just hearing this encourages me to keep it that way. Every since I went no contact I have not had to deal with any of the narcissist tactics, and I did that for my protection and my mental well-being.
Exactly! That's why I consider the smear campaign A FAVOR that clears the weeds I never knew I had in my life before. (If that's ALL IT TOOK, toxic gossip, for someone to run from my life without hearing my side of the story, please keep on running!)
Silent treatment and flying monkeys coming to check on me so that I don’t hold her accountable for her cheating!
There is the 'silent treatment' used by the narcissist and then there is silence used against narcissistic abuse!
Yes, the difference is the narc uses the silence treatment to punish, torment and control you. You use the silence treatment to protect yourself from the narc and get your life back under your control. You are not interested in punishing the narc. You just want to be free from them.
They are so F-IN dysfunctional - it blows my mind how one can get involved - I learn my lesson - and it FRIENDS who betrayed me! NEVER ever again.
Yes been there done that experienced silent treatment a lot and rage but only occasionally with rage. Worst thing was I had NO IDEA what was going on or what a covert narcissist was and her behaviours gave me huge self doubt and anxiety. I truly loved her illusion she projects but behind the mask is a really messed woman, albeit she's very beautiful. 3 years on and no contact I've met a truly beautiful lady and a good soul, I can't believe how wonderful love and life can be. So with a narcissist partner yes you're best to go no contact for EVER but, I truly empathise with people who have a narcissistic parent or adult child, that must be really terrible!! But we can always go no contact in a kind way we don't have to be horrible about it. Best wishes to those still healing.
My narcissist will block me when she feels like it, then tells her family that im stalking her and im not right in the head. I dont care if I never talk to her again but ive got to play her game because she uses my daughter as a weapon.
I have been there
Every time i addressed issues, he would do smoke screens, deflect, gaslight, and / or blame me for what he had done to me.
Every time i brought up my boundaries, he had a serious problem with it, often he responded he wanted to take a break, or break up.
One time, pretty deep in, after a great deal of his abuse had already happened, i told him about a very serious situation that was unbearably painful. He responded with a flat voice, and a generic answer. I got very angry and told him that next time hed better show actual caring.
He said he wanted to break up.
I agreed.
But then he didn't want to break up.
He then blocked my number for 7 to 10 days, while i tried desperately to communicate.
He told me after unblocking me that he just needed a break, and that during that time, he told everyone he was afraid of me, that i was going to physically harm him. Thst he showed my texts to him to people. That he told strangers about me.
Did you learn anything helpful from this
@@EllaCinder-lh4ro a helpful lesson? As in, to let this crazy guy go? Before he drives Mrs. @imrlaps907 crazy?
You know in the old days we just called them chauvinist pigs.
Just listening to all of your Videos on this disorder is Exhausting!!!!
I hear you. Exhausting but beneficial.
The videos are educational and empowering ... it is the living with the Narcissist that is exhausting
My favorite : you raise a concern .. provide context.. speak of your feelings .. no response until they get triggered:
Their give away you are getting to them?
“ Tell me something you like about me”
Does it get more clear than this ? Lol
Silent treatment for 9 months too years
I'm sorry you are going through that!
Actually if the narc is giving you the silent treatment just consider it part of your going no contact on them. They are helping you go no contact without even knowing it. I wish my narc would go silent. It would be a blessing.
What if that person is raging everytime you make a small "mistake" so there's not really a narcissistic injury around and no reason for raging? He really seems to be overly emotional and frustrated about it. After a day or two we can usually talk about it calmly and resolve it but then there's another small mistake and it starts again. I could convince him once not to rage and then he was insulting me calmly instead. Asking if im good for anything at all. Not sure if he's a narcissist but it seems really unhealthy because I've never had to argue about my "stupidity" to say it in his words...
Oftentimes the rage isn't even about the thing they are upset with in the moment. The person may already be on edge for perceived slights and wrongs they think were made against them. So the "small" thing you did was the thing that pushed them over the edge in that moment. And for your example, even if he wasn't raging after you talked to him, it is still a punishment tactic to demean and belittle when the person calls you names or talks down to you.
I literally have taken so much from him he has little to punish me with - but one time he said he thought i was going to poison him and i told him that really hurt me - we are domestic partners who live in separate rooms but his only weapon now is to act like he is fearful of me poisoning his food he has his under lock and key just to show me he has no trust in me because it's literally all he has- we share no friends we share no children and we have no contact but still he must punish somehow it's like toddler behavior
I felt like u were talking about my children’s father
Triggering anger in public to make another person look like a jerk purposely. So does that make me a narcissist for bringing out the truth. I always wrestle with that balance of a social situation but I am just totally done with not saying what is on my mind.
how to no matter is difficult or not, brake down the defences of a narcissist in your family so the sibling come admit her fault and realise you are not the one to attack ever again but the one she should keep an honest dialogue with even if she will never do it with anyone else?! what would be the ways, steps to break through your sister's narcissistic defences? I understand in general is impossible... but still, if there are any steps that are at least theoretically realists to try, what would they be? thanks!
My male friend is giving me the silent treatment he Isent messaging me
sex, money, yelling, etc.
Where did you get your degree in psychology? (I am sarcastic)