being autistic and asexual myself, this video brought me a lot of insight. i struggled all my life with defining and separating "levels" of relationships and friendships, and this help me understand that there not a a rule
Exactly! The rules are an illusion heavily enforced by our social culture. When you don't vibe with the unspoken social rules, it makes perfect sense to "defy" them.
QPR's are what led to me realizing I was Aromantic and then Ace! I'm so glad I did learn about it because it made me realize that my ideas about "besties" as a child wasn't a confused gay romantic fantasy, but that I knew exactly what I wanted from the very beginning. Society messed me up along the way, but I'm now being true to who I was before I discovered I could hyperfixate on people and call it romantic love.
That’s amazing to hear! I definitely relate to having known what I wanted the whole time and simply having had is skewed by the messages I was getting from the amatonormative society around me. Thank you for commenting! 💜 - Elle
THANKYOU for putting it into words. My "bestfriend" friendships I had where I was obsessed/in love with them were my favorite thing ever! 💓 Once I started dating (the usual way) I was disappointed. 😅 Now ik I'm probably on the ace/aro spectrum.
Last night I was reading a fanfic with a QPR and suddenly everything makes sense, for the longest time I’ve been saying I just want a bestfriend I can cuddle, kiss, laugh and live with, despite feeling little to no romantic feelings (by kiss I also mean just cheek, temple, forehead, etc, kisses, a peck in the mouth maybe? Though that’s still pushing it, I also will never, ever, like the idea of making out, unsanitary, uncomfortable and messy), thank you for explaining more :) I am also a pan oriented aroace. Edit: a year and so later, I’m just queer and I would mind a sexual relationship, under the right circumstances, I just made this comment when I was younger.
OMG THIS IS WHAT I'VE WANTED THE WHOLE TIME, down to the way you described KISSING! before i came out as a genderqueer toric ace, i would always say that i just wanted to marry my best friend and go on fun dates without the sex part LOL
If I had to define a QPP/QPR, I would say that, just like romantic relationships, they have long-term commitments, and, just like friendships, they are less possessive social bonds.
Yep this is me and my partner. We are both aces. We are not sexual or romantic but we do have affection for each other and we do live together. We do buy valentines cards but we are not romantic. It’s just a way for us to say we love and appreciate each other but there’s no romance. It’s just two people who love and look after each other like family. I’m so glad that finally I’ve found a community that accepts that we are not hétero normative. Thank you for this video🙏🏽🙏🏽🌈🌈
What i find quite interesting is that the same Christians who tend to reject lgbt relationships and QPRs fail to notice how much the Bible values intimate platonic relationships. It literally says it's better than marriage 😂. In 1st Corinthians 7:7-9 it says “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Marriage is more of a "last resort" rather than an end goal. Another important detail is that in heaven, no one is married. Marriage and romantic relationships are purely an earthly construct. One of the first kings of Israel, David, had an extremely close friendship with the previous king's son, Jonathan. Some people argue that they were gay, but I believe that the Bible repeatedly shows that it very much values whatever these ancient forms of QPRs were.
Good point, when I found out the marriage part in the Bible I made it a point to always mention it when ppl say God wants you to marry. Like no he wants you to be single and marry only to save you from being lustful and promiscuous 😂. Also the bible had a lot of poly relationships but no one ever mentions that.
🍬I get you, Rosalind. In 2006, my uncle, aunt, & cousin came to visit. My cousin, who's 3 years older than I, asked me when I was going to get married. I didn't show it, but that made me uncomfortable. Even now, if someone asks me if I have a boyfriend or when I'm going to get married, I get uncomfortable. I want a man who loves me like his sister, not like his girlfriend or wife.
I'm asexual and my platonic partner is aromantic. We absolutely LOVE each other, we already have rings and we just know we will marry one day. We hug, we hold hands, we cuddle, we kiss, we could even have sex later on, but what's more important is we both just know and feel like it's MUCH MORE THAN LOVE. It's indescribable, not at all romantic, yet she's the love of my life.
”It’s basically a big fuck you to the phrase just friends”, that killed me 😆 Also, respect to Elle who seems to hold that little octopus during basically the whole video. This was a very interesting and informative video! I barely knew anything about queerplatonic relationships before watching this video. So thank you for the lesson! Have a lovely day you three! 💜✌️🦑🐙 Wait- did you say autistic…?
I like to think of QPRs as sharing emotional chemistry, not necessarily romantic, not in a friendship way, but a personal connection with the other person in an inexplicable way and it's amazing! You want to live with that person, without the kisses, without the sex, just that strong connection between two or more people feels so good, like intellectual connection, common hobbies and all of that at once, spending time with a person who makes you feel happy is what it means to me
The day I learned about QPRs, I realized a more-than-friendship relationship, in which I could feel completely comfortable in, existed. A few days later I broke up my situationship with an allo guy to search for an asexual person to date queer-platonically. I was lucky asf because when I subscribed to an ace dating app, my now-bf had moved to the area just shy of a week ago. We’ve been together for 1.5 years, in a smooth sail because of how compatible our personalities and love languages are. QPRs rock 😩👌🏼
QPRs are definitely something that deserve more recognition by everyone, barely anyone knows about them but I'm glad more people are starting to (: I share one with my partner and ever since we labelled it things have been much more comfortable between us
As an aromantic who just recently came out this was so helpful because I’ve been struggling with feeling like I’m missing out even though I’m romance repulsed. I have a relationship that’s very queer platonic we hug, we kiss, we say I love you and that we’re gonna live together. He’s the platonic love of my life and this made me feel so seen.
If only I had known earlier about QPRs. I once had the thought that I would love to move together with my best friend and maybe even adopt kids, while staying friends and not being in a romantic relationship. But I thought that something like this was only possible for romantic relationships. Well, we dated for fives months and then I broke up with them bc I found out i'm aroace. Amatonormativity realy sucks, i'm so glad that i know about QPRs now - Thanks for making this video
I really like the frozen yogurt bar analogy. As someone who’s never been completely comfortable in romantic relationships QPR’s sound so appealing and freeing, like I can add in the “toppings” I want and leave out everything else because there are no expectations. Thank you so much for making this video!!! :)
2:08 "sometimes that's just how it goes" that's exactly it !! though i like using the term alterous,, because i don't have to say i'm "in a relationship" of any kind, even if it's not romantic, more like the relationship we have is alterous. there's definitely a ton of overlap between the two (a QPR is inherently alterous), but i feel like alterous just allows complete freedom to get super specific for myself :-))
Yay you guys posted! I’m Demi romantic and ace and I hope to one day to be in a qpr or romantic relationship yay My best friend and I dated for like 4 months turns out she’s aro so we chose to just be besties, I don’t like her romantically anymore but low key want to be in a qpr with her. But really I just want her to feel comfortable I care about her so much. UPDATE FOR ALL (about 2 yrs later): I just had this convo w my bsf a while ago and I’m so happy she’s chill. I love her sm!Anyways we didn’t want anything to change really but I want to call her my partner. She’s ok with the term but isn’t ready for the social pressure which I feel also. We just don’t wanna be bound by our actions meaning specific attractions I guess? I wanna hold her hand and tell her how much I love her! We’re gonna be roomates one day! Anyways, we’re really compatible and I’m so happy we’re in a place comfortable enough to have these conversations!
What an illuminating video! Ive also heard a good analogy: its like in a video game character creation. if you had relationship 'presets' like romantic, platonic, but there's a secret customize option which allows you to play with all the sliders as you like.
this is so helpful! i’ve always struggled to figure out what my sexuality is. i’ve always had crushes but i can never picture myself doing typical romantic stuff with them so that confused me for a while
I remember when I was first discovering the fact that I am Aroace it was really hard for me because I wanted to have someone to be close to other then my friends and family, I didn’t know QPR’s were even a thing at the time and until this video I didn’t understand what they were at all but now I understand that a QPR is what I want for myself in the future, so thank you for explaining what it means to be in a queer platonic relationship
Thank you for your video. My friend and I are very close and both find romantic relationships unfulfilling. We are thinking of making our own type of partnership, moving out together and getting a pet lizard 🦎 or maybe fish tank 🐠 I would also like to have a kid in the future and my friend has said they would be down to co parent which is so sweet!
This is my dream fr. My bestie is kinda the love of my life but not in the way most people understand. She’s aroace like me but I’m super scared to ask if she wants to be in a qpr cuz I’m afraid of being rejected 😭
I know someone who is in a qpr and for them it’s like romantic relationship but only as far as holding hands! For them it’s just limits! This is an example that qprs can variate!! :) hope this makes sense! Tysm for making this video
I'm so glad I found this video! I only found out about QPRs a few years ago and it helped me understand my relationship with my "bestie" (I usually refer to her that way, since not many people know about or understand QPRs) but I don't really know anyone and haven't seen anyone that I knew was in a QPR. When my bestie and I became friends, we got emotionally close very quickly but also established early on that we weren't looking to date each other. But we often appeared to be in a romantic relationship, being very physically affectionate, talking about each other in schmoopy ways, and friends would tell us "You're so cute together! You should be dating!" and we would try to explain that we just didn't have that kind of attraction. She's allo and amato and I thought I was at the time and only later came out as ace-aro. Before learning about QPRs, I found it difficult to express (to other people, to her, to myself) my feelings for her. They felt "bigger" than platonic friendship, but not romantic or sexual. I talk about her all the time, like I have in the past about romantic partners. I love showing pics of the two of us because we look cute together. One of our best friends described as being smitten with each other but not romantically. When I found out about QPRs and told her about them, she said "Oh, that's us!" I think our relationship is part of what helped me realize I'm aro-ace. Thanks for making this cute and informative video about QPRs!
I’d love to hear more about QPRs! I’m an aroace and being in a QPR sounds wonderful.(I’m very shy and introverted though, so I don’t meet many people.)
I think partnerships exist in a spectrum, at one extreme of the spectrum there are traditional monogamous romantic relationships, while on the other extreme there are non-monogamous Aromantic partnerships (also known as friendships), while QPPs/QPRs would exist in the middle of this spectrum.
I came across to this concept (QPR) first time today and it hit me so hard that I almost bursted into tears😢 It is such a relief that I finally found the word that describes the relationship I want so accurately! Thanks to all the pioneers of the aroace community ❤ I love you and owe you all so much!
I was struggling so much about if it’s normal for me to want relationship where I want to have someone I can kiss and hug and have some elements of romantic relationship but still not fall in love with them LIKE THANK YOU SO MUCCHHHH ❤
As an angled aroace looking back, I think I experienced a squish (platonic crush) on my best friend when I was around 10-11. I wanted to be around them all the time, hold their hand, hug them, etc etc. It got to the point where I thought it must be a crush because I felt super close with them (a feeling I have not had since then) and I decided to kiss them on the cheek (I know it was "just on the cheek" but at the time that was obv a huge step for me). Unfortunately, they moved away and we have since lost contact but its still interesting to look back with the knowledge I have now about myself.
I recently found out I’m aro and I’ve been searching for more info on this stuff cause like I would like a relationship with someone in the future but I don’t think it would be romantic but I don’t want it to be platonic either so learning more on this stuff has been a big help. Also being able to clear up the whole lesbian thing helps, I’m a lesbian but I wasn’t sure if being aro means no more gay or if it just means different type of gay. So this helped me understand that a bit more.
I'm aromantic and demisexual and I have something that's a mix between a queerplatonic relationship and a friends with benefits relationship with a friend of mine. We live together and he's allosexual and might be in the aro spectrum as well so when we don't have sex he just goes and does it with other people or hangs out with friends while I just hang out with friends and get squishes sometimes. I couldn't be more comfortable with what we have. I'm autistic and he might have ADHD so we're both neurodivergent and neither of us understands all of these rules that people have for romantic relationships so we just decided it's better to stay as friends and just exist together for as long as we want to. We love each other dearly and we're both deeply attracted to each other, just not in a romantic way
Yes, I understand this so much! Navigating the social politics of “relationships” really isn’t worth it for us. I’m glad to hear that you are happy with your QPR-esque arrangement. ❤️
This was a really wonderful video for me. I've recently come to realize that I'm aromatic and it gave me a lot of anxiety cuz I wasn't sure if I would ever get to have a life partner or children because of how differently I experience relationships. This video gave me massive comfort overall
I have one, it's not exactly going well though, they pretty much prioritize their romantic partner(s) but at least we're working on something together and I hope it goes well.
I do! It's like... if either of us experienced clear romantic or sexual attraction we'd probably be partners?? But we don't, and also we're neurodivergent as f*ck, so we don't understand these strange societal label things 🙃We just like to cuddle and smooch and make cool art and be absolute lovestruck DORKS around each other 😅No romo tho Anyway, I love her so so so so so so much and spending time with them gives me so so so much joy and comfort and _ohmigosh I love her so much aaaaaa_ 🥰At the same time, being with them has made me realize that I have a lot of really big relationship needs, more than one person (even my favourite person on Earth) can 100% meet, so I'm looking into starting some other QPRs with a few people I rly like. I just, like, really want cuddles and creative stimulation and also cuddles ❤
Like with almost all of your video's, I am now more confused and less confused at the same time.. But thanks for making the video, because this was something I didn't know existed!
8:54 - 9:23: I love that metaphor ever since I read that when I thankfully was introduced to Relationship Anarchy (RA) culture by lucky, but I think that metaphor can be extended to all queerness, as in queerness as a "self service bufet" in opposition to "traditional predefined normative menu options".
I just realized that my best friend is my queer platonic partner and it was really freeing for us to label it, but I feel conflicted about what this means for me as a alloromantic bi woman. Because I’ve never thought of polyamory before now. I can be very clingy and possessive (not in an unhealthy way) with my romantic partners, but I just… want her to like them and be ok with them. I want a cute little house with my lover and my QPR and I want to divide my attention between them equally and I want to hold both of them and I want to raise kids together and just… live life in our own little slice of the world. But I can’t really imagine being physically intimate with her beyond cuddling. In an ideal world she’d feel comfortable building a QPR with my romantic partner too. I just want to make sure I balance both of them equally and I’m not sure how to work through that. Edit: She’s aro ace.
I was really sad after knowing I'm on the aroace spectrum I thought I would never find other people wanting something like friendship but with a little more intimacy I couldn't explain it actually you did a very good job at explaining it can't thank you enough
relatively new to your channel and currently going through the QPR video series. i'm ND myself and struggled my whole life trying to find a name and an explanation for the strong but very much not sexual or romantic feelings i sometimes develop for ppl. i've known for a while that i'm definitely under the ace umbrella but only recently been realising i'm "fully" aroace and it's been queerplatonic attraction all along, which is just...such a joy and relief to know and be able to put a name to?! :'] also irrelevant sidenote but as a fellow nonbinary/agender person kaden gives me possibly the most gender envy i've ever felt hdjdjcnfjd
I didn’t even realize this was a thing, I mean I had hoped because it’s something I think I have always wanted. Like I know Im not interested in romantic relationships but rather just someone to spend my life with and rely on. So thank you for spreading info on QPR’s!!
Omg thank you so much for this video I just want to be really close to people in a platonicish way and I feel like this explains that so well aah :) I've been having a lowkey romantic crisis for like 6 months now. Also reading the comments and someone wanting to have children one day and someone else agreeing to coparent made me so happy
3:14 *non-magogamamominimous* 😂 Being silly makes you sooo much cuter 😍 You accidentally made up a new word combining non-monogamous with anonymous (& maybe also minimum) 😜 Also, Kaden's hair, AmIrite? & Elle's glasses... I'm so happy you're "together" in whatever way works, which is allowed to change over time... Lovely humans. ✌
I am a cisgender, Aroace, who is kinda exploring these sexual/romantic relationships and other possibilities. I might come across a time when I enter a queerplatobic relationship (Apologies if I cause offense to others in the comment section as a cisgender female) This video is super helpful with how it works. I really appreciate this, thank you so much for helping me explore this.
this video was so lovely to watch, you are both excellent speakers, very eloquent and informative. this channel has been such a delight for me, as someone on the ace spectrum, to discover and learn from. keep up the great work, you lovely human beans! :)
Awww, thank you so much!! Glad that you enjoy our channel! Also, “lovely human beans” may be the single best descriptor for us, I think, haha. Have a great day!!
I've been calling those intimate friendships😅, and have been hoping to have one. I basically had one with someone, but I don't think either of us knew there was a word for it. It was my 1st (but should've been 3rd) clue that I'm on the ace spectrum. Unfortunately, it was also plagued by codependency😔. I left after realising we weren't on the same page in addressing the issues we respectbly brought to the relationship.
wonderfully made video !! i think I'll send this to SOME people in my life who still don't understand my relationship 🙄😢 i thought that about 2 years ago when i moved in with my partner that people would see the commitment and finally understand my qpr more and stop saying we're "just friends", but instead people just kept calling him my roommate 🙃 if a romantic couple moved in together no one would call them just 'roommates'
You guys should totally watch Elementary! It's a show based on Sherlock Holmes, currently on Amazon Prime. It helped me understand and match an example to a lot that was spoken about in this video, because Sherlock Holmes and Joan Watson (Hell yes a female Watson) have this amazing QPR. I couldn't give it a name before I'd watched this video, but they have an incredible bond, live together, work together, get kidnapped and own a pet together, and not once does it seem romantic. Go check it out!
If you think about it, the concept of best friends is probably how cishets process their QPR feelings? Maybe? Some people only have one best friend, some have a few. But it's always a special connection that we feel the need to differentiate to other types of friends.. food for thought Tho I feel like I'm gay orientated AroAce, but I'd probably be open to a QPR with any gender or nongendered person. So it's definitely different for everybody defo. Probably a sign I view qprs (for me) as much more on the platonic side of things as opposed to other types of relationships/attraction types
Allos usually think that qprs are mocking "normal" relationships. For me the concept of qpr sounds healthier than typical relationship based on fleeting attractions.
I definitely have queerplatonic attraction, as I notice myself tending to try to develop qprs with people that I’m closer to hahaha Some instances have failed, buuuuut I’ve got a soulmate right now and hopefully for the rest of my days! They’re lovely, and also ace spec (I’m possibly aromantic spec too) like me :D
I'm not Ace or Aro afaik, but being agendered I navigate a lot of relationships with people that challenge amatonormativity; often by being more intimate than they'd otherwise be with "friends". Before today I'd settled on seeing myself as just having very "gay" relationships with these folks, but this is super thought-provoking; reminds me of how learning the word polyamory helped ground my experiences way back. Thanks so much!
I love this!😱💖 l am guestioning if l might me aromantic cus l don't like kissing in romantic relationships but also l like friendships more than romantic relationships but l still want to cuddle and have a close conection to someone?🤔
Thank you so much for doing this video!! I know you didn’t make this specifically for me (lol) but it’s really helped. I’m currently questioning my sexuality (‘romantic’ and ‘sexual’) and I’m just trying to be me. Also, me and my friend of mine are collaborating on a story where 3 people are in a QPR. What you specifically said about the QPR polyamory like having multiple friends makes so much sense. I’m assuming it still requires communication, but I will be taking all of this in heart to the QPR in our story, and possibly for myself and a special someone in the future. ❤
This video helped a lot, ive always been annoyed that all the information about aromantic people assumes all of them are aroace. Thanks for acknowledging us allosexual aromantics 💚
I think this kind of describes what I have with my best friend and also my boyfriend but they manifest very differently. What I have with my boyfriend is a mix of this and sexual attraction, so I just call it "quas-romantic" in order to distinguish it. I'm more physically affectionate with my best friend than with my boyfriend. Thankfully he's a really amazing guy who fully accepts that I'm aro and he said he kind of likes it sometimes because that takes away the pressure to wow me with romantic gestures. To me, playing Mario Kart with lighthearted trash talking or throwing snowballs at each other in winter is just as "romantic" as a candlelit dinner. I do enjoy the romantic dinners but for the food like "I can't wait to stuff some sushi in my mouth". I can tell though he wishes we were more physically intimate, and in time I think I'll be comfortable with more physical closeness (after all, I've known my best friend since I was 5, so there's 18 years of getting to know each other, whereas with my boyfriend I've only known him since last year and we only began "dating" a little over two months ago).
The first time I heard this word was a few months ago in a comic. This caught my attention, I'm still looking for information about it. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand and confirm things a bit, so I work to understand it. More than anything because I think I feel identified.
I always had the qp connection, but never realised until I came out to my self I realised it after 9yrs 😅 Now I'm happy I can't explain this feeling is just something special different
Watched this to get some more information about QPRs for a QPR oc couple I've made and it seems like I've written them just right already. They're two gals who are more than just friends but aren't romantically interested in each other either, despite enjoying kissing and hugging each other and just being with one another in general.
ill try my best to explain QPRs to people but often they dont understand and it becomes kinda a bigger deal than it should be, so as someone with autism im not great at explaining things, sometimes if im really not in the mood i will talk about my queerplatonic partner as a friend or a romantic partner but when i do i end up sounding like im completely slacking them off😭 “oh yeah, so earlier my…ugh…FRIEND😒” I SWEAR I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH..😭
Thanks for this cute video! talking about how great qpr´s are made me feel really good. At the beginning it was very bitter and cofusing to start to understand that i´m kind of aroace (many specifics to it) but this made me feel like it can be beautiful and loving without the normative sexUalor romantic aspects. I´m also autistic and poly so haha nice
I came here because I was starting to wonder if I really want a qpr or was just wanting something that I thought was cool, then one of y'all mentioned how it could be good for some people with autism and how romantic relationships and their norms are so deeply grounded in neurotypical norms, and as someone with autism, that hit xD
watching this while panicking because i’m pretty sure i have qp attraction towards one of my friends and i know it’s not mutual bc we’ve like vaguely talked about it and i don’t know how to cope with it
being autistic and asexual myself, this video brought me a lot of insight. i struggled all my life with defining and separating "levels" of relationships and friendships, and this help me understand that there not a a rule
Exactly! The rules are an illusion heavily enforced by our social culture. When you don't vibe with the unspoken social rules, it makes perfect sense to "defy" them.
Yay! Autistic gang!!!
@@SpaceyAcesxactly…Well said👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💯🌈✨💫
QPR's are what led to me realizing I was Aromantic and then Ace! I'm so glad I did learn about it because it made me realize that my ideas about "besties" as a child wasn't a confused gay romantic fantasy, but that I knew exactly what I wanted from the very beginning. Society messed me up along the way, but I'm now being true to who I was before I discovered I could hyperfixate on people and call it romantic love.
That’s amazing to hear! I definitely relate to having known what I wanted the whole time and simply having had is skewed by the messages I was getting from the amatonormative society around me. Thank you for commenting! 💜 - Elle
You have NO IDEA how much I relate with this comment:)
THANKYOU for putting it into words.
My "bestfriend" friendships I had where I was obsessed/in love with them were my favorite thing ever! 💓
Once I started dating (the usual way) I was disappointed. 😅
Now ik I'm probably on the ace/aro spectrum.
Last night I was reading a fanfic with a QPR and suddenly everything makes sense, for the longest time I’ve been saying I just want a bestfriend I can cuddle, kiss, laugh and live with, despite feeling little to no romantic feelings (by kiss I also mean just cheek, temple, forehead, etc, kisses, a peck in the mouth maybe? Though that’s still pushing it, I also will never, ever, like the idea of making out, unsanitary, uncomfortable and messy), thank you for explaining more :)
I am also a pan oriented aroace.
Edit: a year and so later, I’m just queer and I would mind a sexual relationship, under the right circumstances, I just made this comment when I was younger.
Are you some kind of copy of my? Cause you described exactly the kind of relationship I would love to have.
Here an apparently ace-bi fella
@@brendatizianaalejoyave2393 great minds think alike?
Ayyy same I'm just lesbian oriented
OMG THIS IS WHAT I'VE WANTED THE WHOLE TIME, down to the way you described KISSING! before i came out as a genderqueer toric ace, i would always say that i just wanted to marry my best friend and go on fun dates without the sex part LOL
Honestly this kinda sounds like a sister…
A QPR was exactly what I’ve wanted all this time. I just didn’t know it had a name :,) Thank you for the video 🧡
I'm glad to hear you have a word for it now :) Thank you for watching!
I am having the same experience just now. A warming feeling that there’s a name for it and others seek similar relationships.
If I had to define a QPP/QPR, I would say that, just like romantic relationships, they have long-term commitments, and, just like friendships, they are less possessive social bonds.
That's not necessarily true for all (I personally am looking for a monogamous QPR) but it's cool you've found a good way to define it for yourself! :D
Yep this is me and my partner. We are both aces. We are not sexual or romantic but we do have affection for each other and we do live together. We do buy valentines cards but we are not romantic. It’s just a way for us to say we love and appreciate each other but there’s no romance. It’s just two people who love and look after each other like family. I’m so glad that finally I’ve found a community that accepts that we are not hétero normative. Thank you for this video🙏🏽🙏🏽🌈🌈
What i find quite interesting is that the same Christians who tend to reject lgbt relationships and QPRs fail to notice how much the Bible values intimate platonic relationships. It literally says it's better than marriage 😂. In 1st Corinthians 7:7-9 it says “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Marriage is more of a "last resort" rather than an end goal. Another important detail is that in heaven, no one is married. Marriage and romantic relationships are purely an earthly construct.
One of the first kings of Israel, David, had an extremely close friendship with the previous king's son, Jonathan. Some people argue that they were gay, but I believe that the Bible repeatedly shows that it very much values whatever these ancient forms of QPRs were.
All the disciples were sharing QPRs with each other and Jesus. :) Maybe. Jesus called them brothers.
Good point, when I found out the marriage part in the Bible I made it a point to always mention it when ppl say God wants you to marry. Like no he wants you to be single and marry only to save you from being lustful and promiscuous 😂.
Also the bible had a lot of poly relationships but no one ever mentions that.
I get uncomfortable when people try to ask me about romantic attraction. I’m starting go to realise I’m aromantic
I hope that realization process is going well! I know for myself it was quite illuminating.
🍬I get you, Rosalind. In 2006, my uncle, aunt, & cousin came to visit. My cousin, who's 3 years older than I, asked me when I was going to get married. I didn't show it, but that made me uncomfortable. Even now, if someone asks me if I have a boyfriend or when I'm going to get married, I get uncomfortable. I want a man who loves me like his sister, not like his girlfriend or wife.
I'm asexual and my platonic partner is aromantic. We absolutely LOVE each other, we already have rings and we just know we will marry one day. We hug, we hold hands, we cuddle, we kiss, we could even have sex later on, but what's more important is we both just know and feel like it's MUCH MORE THAN LOVE. It's indescribable, not at all romantic, yet she's the love of my life.
”It’s basically a big fuck you to the phrase just friends”, that killed me 😆 Also, respect to Elle who seems to hold that little octopus during basically the whole video. This was a very interesting and informative video! I barely knew anything about queerplatonic relationships before watching this video. So thank you for the lesson! Have a lovely day you three! 💜✌️🦑🐙
Wait- did you say autistic…?
The octopus is the unofficial third host and I love it :D
@@JRTO_ Yessss ,:D 💜🐙🦑💜
I like to think of QPRs as sharing emotional chemistry, not necessarily romantic, not in a friendship way, but a personal connection with the other person in an inexplicable way and it's amazing! You want to live with that person, without the kisses, without the sex, just that strong connection between two or more people feels so good, like intellectual connection, common hobbies and all of that at once, spending time with a person who makes you feel happy is what it means to me
The day I learned about QPRs, I realized a more-than-friendship relationship, in which I could feel completely comfortable in, existed. A few days later I broke up my situationship with an allo guy to search for an asexual person to date queer-platonically. I was lucky asf because when I subscribed to an ace dating app, my now-bf had moved to the area just shy of a week ago. We’ve been together for 1.5 years, in a smooth sail because of how compatible our personalities and love languages are. QPRs rock 😩👌🏼
QPRs are definitely something that deserve more recognition by everyone, barely anyone knows about them but I'm glad more people are starting to (:
I share one with my partner and ever since we labelled it things have been much more comfortable between us
yes! same here
As an aromantic who just recently came out this was so helpful because I’ve been struggling with feeling like I’m missing out even though I’m romance repulsed. I have a relationship that’s very queer platonic we hug, we kiss, we say I love you and that we’re gonna live together. He’s the platonic love of my life and this made me feel so seen.
oh that's so cute :D I love my partner but neither of us like kisses so we're huggers all the way, when I'm not nervous to ask for a hug that is lmao
If only I had known earlier about QPRs. I once had the thought that I would love to move together with my best friend and maybe even adopt kids, while staying friends and not being in a romantic relationship. But I thought that something like this was only possible for romantic relationships. Well, we dated for fives months and then I broke up with them bc I found out i'm aroace.
Amatonormativity realy sucks, i'm so glad that i know about QPRs now - Thanks for making this video
I really like the frozen yogurt bar analogy. As someone who’s never been completely comfortable in romantic relationships QPR’s sound so appealing and freeing, like I can add in the “toppings” I want and leave out everything else because there are no expectations. Thank you so much for making this video!!! :)
I'm aroace and I've been trying to figure out whether or not queerplatonic relationships are for me so this video is very helpful
Same
i want to be in an queer platonic relationship but like without any romantic activities
🍬So do I.
I literally started crying while watching this. Thank you so much for helping me see that this is a real thing and that I'm not broken for being me.
Hello! I'm so glad to hear that this video could be reassuring to you. You are certainly not broken (the amatonormative system is).
2:08 "sometimes that's just how it goes" that's exactly it !! though i like using the term alterous,, because i don't have to say i'm "in a relationship" of any kind, even if it's not romantic, more like the relationship we have is alterous. there's definitely a ton of overlap between the two (a QPR is inherently alterous), but i feel like alterous just allows complete freedom to get super specific for myself :-))
Yay you guys posted! I’m Demi romantic and ace and I hope to one day to be in a qpr or romantic relationship yay
My best friend and I dated for like 4 months turns out she’s aro so we chose to just be besties, I don’t like her romantically anymore but low key want to be in a qpr with her. But really I just want her to feel comfortable I care about her so much.
UPDATE FOR ALL (about 2 yrs later):
I just had this convo w my bsf a while ago and I’m so happy she’s chill. I love her sm!Anyways we didn’t want anything to change really but I want to call her my partner. She’s ok with the term but isn’t ready for the social pressure which I feel also. We just don’t wanna be bound by our actions meaning specific attractions I guess? I wanna hold her hand and tell her how much I love her! We’re gonna be roomates one day! Anyways, we’re really compatible and I’m so happy we’re in a place comfortable enough to have these conversations!
Awww, that’s amazing!! 💜
Literally same! The only difference is that we dated for 2½ months.
@@talnuzman8833 lol
Guys there’s an update!
What an illuminating video! Ive also heard a good analogy: its like in a video game character creation. if you had relationship 'presets' like romantic, platonic, but there's a secret customize option which allows you to play with all the sliders as you like.
Love this analogy!!
this is so helpful! i’ve always struggled to figure out what my sexuality is. i’ve always had crushes but i can never picture myself doing typical romantic stuff with them so that confused me for a while
I remember when I was first discovering the fact that I am Aroace it was really hard for me because I wanted to have someone to be close to other then my friends and family, I didn’t know QPR’s were even a thing at the time and until this video I didn’t understand what they were at all but now I understand that a QPR is what I want for myself in the future, so thank you for explaining what it means to be in a queer platonic relationship
Thank you for your video. My friend and I are very close and both find romantic relationships unfulfilling. We are thinking of making our own type of partnership, moving out together and getting a pet lizard 🦎 or maybe fish tank 🐠
I would also like to have a kid in the future and my friend has said they would be down to co parent which is so sweet!
Oh my gosh, you sound exactly like us!! Lizards are amazing. So happy to hear that you guys have found a partnership that is mutually beneficial!!
Wooo power to ya!
This is my dream fr. My bestie is kinda the love of my life but not in the way most people understand. She’s aroace like me but I’m super scared to ask if she wants to be in a qpr cuz I’m afraid of being rejected 😭
@@TheNinjutsuAlchemist good luck, I hope all goes well!
I know someone who is in a qpr and for them it’s like romantic relationship but only as far as holding hands! For them it’s just limits! This is an example that qprs can variate!! :) hope this makes sense! Tysm for making this video
Thanks for sharing!!
@@SpaceyAces Tysm for making this video! It helped me understand them!
I'm so glad I found this video! I only found out about QPRs a few years ago and it helped me understand my relationship with my "bestie" (I usually refer to her that way, since not many people know about or understand QPRs) but I don't really know anyone and haven't seen anyone that I knew was in a QPR. When my bestie and I became friends, we got emotionally close very quickly but also established early on that we weren't looking to date each other. But we often appeared to be in a romantic relationship, being very physically affectionate, talking about each other in schmoopy ways, and friends would tell us "You're so cute together! You should be dating!" and we would try to explain that we just didn't have that kind of attraction. She's allo and amato and I thought I was at the time and only later came out as ace-aro. Before learning about QPRs, I found it difficult to express (to other people, to her, to myself) my feelings for her. They felt "bigger" than platonic friendship, but not romantic or sexual. I talk about her all the time, like I have in the past about romantic partners. I love showing pics of the two of us because we look cute together. One of our best friends described as being smitten with each other but not romantically. When I found out about QPRs and told her about them, she said "Oh, that's us!" I think our relationship is part of what helped me realize I'm aro-ace. Thanks for making this cute and informative video about QPRs!
I’d love to hear more about QPRs! I’m an aroace and being in a QPR sounds wonderful.(I’m very shy and introverted though, so I don’t meet many people.)
Noted!
I think partnerships exist in a spectrum, at one extreme of the spectrum there are traditional monogamous romantic relationships, while on the other extreme there are non-monogamous Aromantic partnerships (also known as friendships), while QPPs/QPRs would exist in the middle of this spectrum.
I’m a gay oriented aroace and I just started a qpr with a friend of mine who’s an allo.
I came across to this concept (QPR) first time today and it hit me so hard that I almost bursted into tears😢 It is such a relief that I finally found the word that describes the relationship I want so accurately! Thanks to all the pioneers of the aroace community ❤ I love you and owe you all so much!
As an autistic in a Queerplatonic relationship, I approve this message.
I was struggling so much about if it’s normal for me to want relationship where I want to have someone I can kiss and hug and have some elements of romantic relationship but still not fall in love with them
LIKE THANK YOU SO MUCCHHHH ❤
As an angled aroace looking back, I think I experienced a squish (platonic crush) on my best friend when I was around 10-11. I wanted to be around them all the time, hold their hand, hug them, etc etc. It got to the point where I thought it must be a crush because I felt super close with them (a feeling I have not had since then) and I decided to kiss them on the cheek (I know it was "just on the cheek" but at the time that was obv a huge step for me). Unfortunately, they moved away and we have since lost contact but its still interesting to look back with the knowledge I have now about myself.
I recently found out I’m aro and I’ve been searching for more info on this stuff cause like I would like a relationship with someone in the future but I don’t think it would be romantic but I don’t want it to be platonic either so learning more on this stuff has been a big help.
Also being able to clear up the whole lesbian thing helps, I’m a lesbian but I wasn’t sure if being aro means no more gay or if it just means different type of gay. So this helped me understand that a bit more.
I'm aromantic and demisexual and I have something that's a mix between a queerplatonic relationship and a friends with benefits relationship with a friend of mine. We live together and he's allosexual and might be in the aro spectrum as well so when we don't have sex he just goes and does it with other people or hangs out with friends while I just hang out with friends and get squishes sometimes. I couldn't be more comfortable with what we have.
I'm autistic and he might have ADHD so we're both neurodivergent and neither of us understands all of these rules that people have for romantic relationships so we just decided it's better to stay as friends and just exist together for as long as we want to. We love each other dearly and we're both deeply attracted to each other, just not in a romantic way
Yes, I understand this so much! Navigating the social politics of “relationships” really isn’t worth it for us. I’m glad to hear that you are happy with your QPR-esque arrangement. ❤️
so apparently planning to platonically spend the rest of our lives together was not just being close friends-
Side note: Kaden's hair is gorgeous!
I'm aroace, and i got a major Platonic Crush on my friend.
Awwww, I hope that is a positive thing for you! ❤️
It's amazing to see actual people who are in a QPR 💗
This was a really wonderful video for me. I've recently come to realize that I'm aromatic and it gave me a lot of anxiety cuz I wasn't sure if I would ever get to have a life partner or children because of how differently I experience relationships. This video gave me massive comfort overall
Any of you watching have a QPR? Tell us about it, we're curious.
I have one, it's not exactly going well though, they pretty much prioritize their romantic partner(s) but at least we're working on something together and I hope it goes well.
@@seafire2356 how do you feel about being less prioritized?
Much (aromantic) love
@@hannahh8119 Not exactly the best, but their partner(s) are really nice, and I'm fine with whatever makes them feel safe.
I do! It's like... if either of us experienced clear romantic or sexual attraction we'd probably be partners?? But we don't, and also we're neurodivergent as f*ck, so we don't understand these strange societal label things 🙃We just like to cuddle and smooch and make cool art and be absolute lovestruck DORKS around each other 😅No romo tho
Anyway, I love her so so so so so so much and spending time with them gives me so so so much joy and comfort and _ohmigosh I love her so much aaaaaa_ 🥰At the same time, being with them has made me realize that I have a lot of really big relationship needs, more than one person (even my favourite person on Earth) can 100% meet, so I'm looking into starting some other QPRs with a few people I rly like. I just, like, really want cuddles and creative stimulation and also cuddles ❤
@@iiiiitsmagreta1240 That sounds amazing!! I totally vibe with that. 💚
I would love to see a video of you talking about your own experiences with QPRs
Like with almost all of your video's, I am now more confused and less confused at the same time.. But thanks for making the video, because this was something I didn't know existed!
Haha, hopefully the confusion exchange is a good thing? And it’s great to hear that we’ve brought QPRs to your attention!
Me and my qpp call ourselves partners in crime too!! We might have or might have not robbed one or two shops>:)
8:54 - 9:23: I love that metaphor ever since I read that when I thankfully was introduced to Relationship Anarchy (RA) culture by lucky, but I think that metaphor can be extended to all queerness, as in queerness as a "self service bufet" in opposition to "traditional predefined normative menu options".
I just realized that my best friend is my queer platonic partner and it was really freeing for us to label it, but I feel conflicted about what this means for me as a alloromantic bi woman.
Because I’ve never thought of polyamory before now. I can be very clingy and possessive (not in an unhealthy way) with my romantic partners, but I just… want her to like them and be ok with them. I want a cute little house with my lover and my QPR and I want to divide my attention between them equally and I want to hold both of them and I want to raise kids together and just… live life in our own little slice of the world.
But I can’t really imagine being physically intimate with her beyond cuddling.
In an ideal world she’d feel comfortable building a QPR with my romantic partner too. I just want to make sure I balance both of them equally and I’m not sure how to work through that.
Edit: She’s aro ace.
I was really sad after knowing I'm on the aroace spectrum I thought I would never find other people wanting something like friendship but with a little more intimacy I couldn't explain it actually you did a very good job at explaining it can't thank you enough
relatively new to your channel and currently going through the QPR video series. i'm ND myself and struggled my whole life trying to find a name and an explanation for the strong but very much not sexual or romantic feelings i sometimes develop for ppl. i've known for a while that i'm definitely under the ace umbrella but only recently been realising i'm "fully" aroace and it's been queerplatonic attraction all along, which is just...such a joy and relief to know and be able to put a name to?! :']
also irrelevant sidenote but as a fellow nonbinary/agender person kaden gives me possibly the most gender envy i've ever felt hdjdjcnfjd
so it's basically just a tearing down of the distinction between the traditional models of relationship and friendship?
I didn’t even realize this was a thing, I mean I had hoped because it’s something I think I have always wanted. Like I know Im not interested in romantic relationships but rather just someone to spend my life with and rely on. So thank you for spreading info on QPR’s!!
Omg thank you so much for this video
I just want to be really close to people in a platonicish way and I feel like this explains that so well aah :) I've been having a lowkey romantic crisis for like 6 months now. Also reading the comments and someone wanting to have children one day and someone else agreeing to coparent made me so happy
Thank you guys this is so helpful! Me and my QPP just discovered this is us and it's been so helpful!
i started tearing up a little bit watching this, because i was just like "oh my god everything makes sense now."
3:14 *non-magogamamominimous* 😂 Being silly makes you sooo much cuter 😍 You accidentally made up a new word combining non-monogamous with anonymous (& maybe also minimum) 😜 Also, Kaden's hair, AmIrite? & Elle's glasses... I'm so happy you're "together" in whatever way works, which is allowed to change over time... Lovely humans. ✌
Thank you for the video.
Я так тебя понимаю(
Thank you for watching! I hope you find what you’re looking for. 🌈❤️
I think I would like that
I am a cisgender, Aroace, who is kinda exploring these sexual/romantic relationships and other possibilities.
I might come across a time when I enter a queerplatobic relationship (Apologies if I cause offense to others in the comment section as a cisgender female) This video is super helpful with how it works.
I really appreciate this, thank you so much for helping me explore this.
Definitely nothing wrong with being cis and exploring this for yourself :)
A proud aroace here! (Also bi) great vid! I understand what QPRs are now 😊
this video was so lovely to watch, you are both excellent speakers, very eloquent and informative. this channel has been such a delight for me, as someone on the ace spectrum, to discover and learn from. keep up the great work, you lovely human beans! :)
Awww, thank you so much!! Glad that you enjoy our channel! Also, “lovely human beans” may be the single best descriptor for us, I think, haha. Have a great day!!
I've been calling those intimate friendships😅, and have been hoping to have one. I basically had one with someone, but I don't think either of us knew there was a word for it. It was my 1st (but should've been 3rd) clue that I'm on the ace spectrum. Unfortunately, it was also plagued by codependency😔. I left after realising we weren't on the same page in addressing the issues we respectbly brought to the relationship.
wonderfully made video !! i think I'll send this to SOME people in my life who still don't understand my relationship 🙄😢 i thought that about 2 years ago when i moved in with my partner that people would see the commitment and finally understand my qpr more and stop saying we're "just friends", but instead people just kept calling him my roommate 🙃 if a romantic couple moved in together no one would call them just 'roommates'
This sounds scarily similar to me and my friend.
You guys should totally watch Elementary! It's a show based on Sherlock Holmes, currently on Amazon Prime. It helped me understand and match an example to a lot that was spoken about in this video, because Sherlock Holmes and Joan Watson (Hell yes a female Watson) have this amazing QPR. I couldn't give it a name before I'd watched this video, but they have an incredible bond, live together, work together, get kidnapped and own a pet together, and not once does it seem romantic. Go check it out!
I would love a vid on your QPR!!
Thanks for the input!
If you think about it, the concept of best friends is probably how cishets process their QPR feelings? Maybe? Some people only have one best friend, some have a few. But it's always a special connection that we feel the need to differentiate to other types of friends.. food for thought
Tho I feel like I'm gay orientated AroAce, but I'd probably be open to a QPR with any gender or nongendered person. So it's definitely different for everybody defo. Probably a sign I view qprs (for me) as much more on the platonic side of things as opposed to other types of relationships/attraction types
Allos usually think that qprs are mocking "normal" relationships. For me the concept of qpr sounds healthier than typical relationship based on fleeting attractions.
I definitely have queerplatonic attraction, as I notice myself tending to try to develop qprs with people that I’m closer to hahaha
Some instances have failed, buuuuut I’ve got a soulmate right now and hopefully for the rest of my days! They’re lovely, and also ace spec (I’m possibly aromantic spec too) like me :D
I'm not Ace or Aro afaik, but being agendered I navigate a lot of relationships with people that challenge amatonormativity; often by being more intimate than they'd otherwise be with "friends".
Before today I'd settled on seeing myself as just having very "gay" relationships with these folks, but this is super thought-provoking; reminds me of how learning the word polyamory helped ground my experiences way back. Thanks so much!
bro this channel is changing my world
Thank you for this super informative video!
The intro deserves a like already XD
I love how easy you both explain it!
So concise and clear!
Ps You guys are such a cute (QPR) couple ❤️
Edit: bad grammar lol
I love this!😱💖 l am guestioning if l might me aromantic cus l don't like kissing in romantic relationships but also l like friendships more than romantic relationships but l still want to cuddle and have a close conection to someone?🤔
i'm currently writing an essay about QPRs and this video has been an important resource. Thank you!
I’m glad to hear it; you’re welcome!
Thank you so much for doing this video!! I know you didn’t make this specifically for me (lol) but it’s really helped. I’m currently questioning my sexuality (‘romantic’ and ‘sexual’) and I’m just trying to be me. Also, me and my friend of mine are collaborating on a story where 3 people are in a QPR. What you specifically said about the QPR polyamory like having multiple friends makes so much sense. I’m assuming it still requires communication, but I will be taking all of this in heart to the QPR in our story, and possibly for myself and a special someone in the future. ❤
Also, I love how you call each other “partners in crime”. So creative, much love to both of yinz!
I love your channel and would love to hear more about your experiences with QPRs!
Yeah okay, found my identity again!
I love having names for things.
wait i love the term QPRmate so mcuh
I wonder if some bromances would qualify as QPR, they do kind of look it.
This video helped a lot, ive always been annoyed that all the information about aromantic people assumes all of them are aroace. Thanks for acknowledging us allosexual aromantics 💚
Yes, alloaros are so important and valid and deserve recognition!! 💚
I think this kind of describes what I have with my best friend and also my boyfriend but they manifest very differently. What I have with my boyfriend is a mix of this and sexual attraction, so I just call it "quas-romantic" in order to distinguish it. I'm more physically affectionate with my best friend than with my boyfriend. Thankfully he's a really amazing guy who fully accepts that I'm aro and he said he kind of likes it sometimes because that takes away the pressure to wow me with romantic gestures. To me, playing Mario Kart with lighthearted trash talking or throwing snowballs at each other in winter is just as "romantic" as a candlelit dinner. I do enjoy the romantic dinners but for the food like "I can't wait to stuff some sushi in my mouth". I can tell though he wishes we were more physically intimate, and in time I think I'll be comfortable with more physical closeness (after all, I've known my best friend since I was 5, so there's 18 years of getting to know each other, whereas with my boyfriend I've only known him since last year and we only began "dating" a little over two months ago).
The first time I heard this word was a few months ago in a comic. This caught my attention, I'm still looking for information about it. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand and confirm things a bit, so I work to understand it. More than anything because I think I feel identified.
I love watching your videos, I find them very educational and informative. Thank you for sharing ❤️😎
I always had the qp connection, but never realised until I came out to my self I realised it after 9yrs 😅
Now I'm happy I can't explain this feeling is just something special different
Watched this to get some more information about QPRs for a QPR oc couple I've made and it seems like I've written them just right already. They're two gals who are more than just friends but aren't romantically interested in each other either, despite enjoying kissing and hugging each other and just being with one another in general.
The beginning of the video was funny xD
Why thank you! We had big plans for music and a dramatic voice-over, but we couldn’t stop ourselves from laughing.
@@SpaceyAces i would feel the same for sure 🤣
Gimme! I want one I want 😭 this is what I've wanted but I never realized it was an actual thing! Gimme 😭
I recently learned about these and they sound awesome.
Gonna use this to explain qprs to my parents, which suuuper important because we just got engaged lol
ill try my best to explain QPRs to people but often they dont understand and it becomes kinda a bigger deal than it should be, so as someone with autism im not great at explaining things, sometimes if im really not in the mood i will talk about my queerplatonic partner as a friend or a romantic partner but when i do i end up sounding like im completely slacking them off😭 “oh yeah, so earlier my…ugh…FRIEND😒” I SWEAR I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH..😭
Thanks for this cute video! talking about how great qpr´s are made me feel really good. At the beginning it was very bitter and cofusing to start to understand that i´m kind of aroace (many specifics to it) but this made me feel like it can be beautiful and loving without the normative sexUalor romantic aspects. I´m also autistic and poly so haha nice
This was super informative! Thank you so much!
You’re welcome! I’m glad to hear it was helpful. 💚
Great video! Would be interested in you guys experiences with QPR
Noted!
I’m still figuring myself out, but I know for sure I’m not interested in romance. I’m not sure how I feel about sex yet 👉👈
thank you!!!
4:01 missed the chance to say guys, gals and nonbinary pals XD
I came here because I was starting to wonder if I really want a qpr or was just wanting something that I thought was cool, then one of y'all mentioned how it could be good for some people with autism and how romantic relationships and their norms are so deeply grounded in neurotypical norms, and as someone with autism, that hit xD
Yes!! QPRs against neurotypicality! 💜
@@SpaceyAces Doesn't neurotypical just mean not mentally ill? But yes, QPRs against social norms
Wonderful!
watching this while panicking because i’m pretty sure i have qp attraction towards one of my friends and i know it’s not mutual bc we’ve like vaguely talked about it and i don’t know how to cope with it