Used to be a deputy sheriff. Loved when some wiseass spouted I pay your salary. I would come back with I'm boing a hellofagoodjob aren't I. How about a raise
@@thunderpooch completely true, it takes 6 months to be a cop but 2 years to be a hairdresser. And hairdressers don’t kill unarmed people or beat people in handcuffs
@@Heisenberg355 harsher punishment for cops, take their badge away, and don't let them work as a cop in another state. Unlike doctors who get caught for malpractice, cops can move to other states and get rehired.
@@crapjawkins7162 isn't there some sort of investigation before the other state hires him? I don't live in the states, but I can't imagine another state just rehiring him without checking his background, and I certainly don't think a murderer would be rehired. You even have trouble getting hired when you were caught with a little weed :D
Heisenberg well if you were caught with weed 20 years ago you would be fucked but if you beat a man senseless while he was restrained you would get put on PAYED leave and than switched to another department
Got some BMF's on this thread. You two sound like you've never dealt with cops. Not only will you get arrested but the cop will probably fuck you up some. It sucks and it's bullshit, but it's reality.
When I get pulled over last week the cop asked me if I know why he pulled me over I looked him dead in the eyes and said because it's your job He laughed and gave me a warning ticket😂
True story: Dropped a cd on the floor of my car,,,looked behind me, all clear, no one coming so I fumbled around to get it. BAM...out of nowhere I got pulled over. "I pulled you over because you were weaving" he said. "Weaving, sir I don't even knit" was my reply. I showed him the cd that I had fumbled for. "Uummm, good one, I have that album at home" he said. "Well, you have it now, drive carefully and have a good day" he said...and that was it. Very nice guy.
They'll kick the shit outta you matter what you look LIKE. Can show you the receipts from impound yards where they had my brothers CARS towed as they Bounced his ass in jail for being an idiot. He cannot help being and IDIOT!! Has paperwork to prove he can't help being an idiot. Stop thinking you've cornered that market just because of race. It's 2020, cops will f$#,k with ANYBODY!!!
Had a cop say after pulling me over for speeding ...97 in a 55 zone "I was waiting for you all day"...my response "I got here as fast as I could "he laughed and immediately wasn't amused
I’ve heard this skit well over a dozen times over the years and yet every single time I cannot help but burst out in gut-wrenching laughter when he says “.. You asshole in a hat!!”
I was once behind a (former) friend of mine, driving out of a small city in my home state. The friend pulled over, so I pulled up beside him and asked if everything was ok. He had dropped a joint on the floor of his car and was looking for it. Just then this cop car comes screaming up, and this cop comes up to my window asking me (in an extremely aggressive way) what the hell I'm doing double parking. Just then my former buddy takes off, and I explain to the cop that I knew the guy who just took off, and had merely pulled up beside him to ask if everything was okay. He didn't seem to want to hear that. This guy was the BIGGEST asshole I have ever encountered. For 20 minutes he stood there calling me an idiot, a moron, every name in the book and telling me, "Don't worry, we'll take your car. We'll find a reason to" and just harassing and jabbing his finger at me. I knew exactly what he was trying to do: get me to take a swing at him. For about 19 of those minutes I sat there with my arms crossed, staring straight ahead, trying my damnedest to keep my cool. Finally, I said, "You're right. I must be a moron because here I am at two in the morning getting harassed by YOU for doing nothing wrong. Can we get on with this, please?" He scowled at me and took my license back to his squad car. I sat there for another HALF HOUR while this jerk made me wait it out. He saunters back, takes my license and literally throws it at me, tells me I came back clean, so get the hell out of here. No problem, officer. So the entire way to the interstate, about five miles away, this fucking asshole was right on my tail following me with his high beams on. He finally went on his miserable way when I got to the on-ramp. Here's the kicker: about ten years later I had the news on before work, and there was a press conference about some crime that had been committed. And there was Mr. Asshole Cop, now Chief of Police in the city. This over-aggressive jerk wasn't fit for traffic duty, never mind Chief of Police. He was the very epitome of abuse of police power.
Congrats, you met a psychopath with a badge. Tons of 'em out there. That's one of the primary reasons Americans have the right to be armed. On the other hand, your idiot friend shouldn't have been smoking joints while driving his car!
Recently described to an officer how the percentage of people with psychopathic tendancies was between 1 and 3 % of general population.....and given that ' police officer ' was among the top 5 jobs pursued by psychopaths....then in all likelihood the % of psycopaths in policing was much higher than that of the general public....I also added that he may have psychopathic tendancies and didn't realize it.....my initial alleged infraction quickly turned into 6 charges totalling over 1,800 bucks....a very expensive point proven correct.....compliments of the Ontario Provincial Police in White River Ontario.....
I’ve had numerous policemen put a loaded gun in my face - I’ve never been to jail and I’ve never in my life gotten ticketed for ANYTHING! I know what the barrel of a gun looks like up close but never been a criminal. Cops huh
I know what you mean. I was driving through Texas( Abilene,) and got pulled over for... NY plates! I" had to be a drug runner". The deputy walked up to my window that was open and placed the barrel of his pistol up behind my left ear! Turns out the idiot was a rookie looking to make a big drug bust. No drugs I was just " guilty" of having NY plates driving legally through Texas. Couldn't get the hell out of there fast enough.
Rick Daystar it should be illegal to pull over cars because of the state on ur license plate. I’ve been pulled over too and the location on my plates was about an hours drive away. Lmao
He's not looking up, down or sideways ........ and he's certainly not laughing. Mr. Carlin cut through the bullshit like no one else, so let's please not disrespect one of the greatest to ever set us straight. Don't bring up religion like its cute or something. Did you learn nothing from the man?
Who'd a thought that the idea of sovereign individuals that Constitution and Bill of Rights defines and protects would come to be known as a "movement". If it's a movement then let's call it the "Sovereign honesty movement".
Sugar Shane I believe the statement goes: “Never get down into the mud to argue with a pig. You’ll both end up filthy but the pig will like it...” Arguing with a sovereign citizen will only get you a very big dry cleaning bill.
The Great Luxor The Great Luxor The sovereign society (‘honesty’...I have no idea what you meant by that) seeks to tear down every aspect of law that protects them(and us.) They are oxymorons. Laws exits to protect notions such as free speech, free assembly and property rights. The SCM simply work within the parameters of the law as long as it suits and serves them. They’re simply a bunch of barstool lawyers trying to justify their beliefs by using law as long as it helps their cause but drop out when law proscribes their behaviour or limits their defences. Sovereign Citizen Nuts are the best description that describes them.
The only sovereign citizens are police considering they have qualified immunity for their crimes and close working relationships with the prosecutors who bring charges. And incredibly powerful unions/ the support of back the blue idiots
Im 23 just found Carlin. He is funny because I do all the things he says just like here with the tickets. Some things just dont change. Man is a legend
Keep in mind that George no-doubt would have found it hilarious to watch someone stupid enough to take this advice flopping around on the ground due to the excessive application of a taser.
One time, I was in a construction zone with a lot of backed up traffic. I had to make a left turn at the road ahead and did so despite all the No Left Turn signs. A cop was there and pulled me over instantly. The cop comes up and shouts,” I CANT BELIEVE YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO DO THHAT IN FRONT OF ME.” He takes a deep breath and then says,”I want to hear your excuse. Make it good kid(I was in my twenties).” “Well sir, there was all that construction back there and I had to make this left. I was concentrating so hard on not getting into an accident that I didn’t notice the no left turn sign. I even told my boss here that they really should allow left turns at that intersection because someone could get into an accident.” The cop stared at me for a few seconds. He had on those mirrored aviator sunglasses. “You know what? I’m not going to ticket you.” “You know what? I’m not giving you a a ticket.” “Thank you sir!” “You know why?” “I have admit I’m a little curious.” “Because you’ll take it to traffic court, tell that excuse to the judge and HE’LL FIND YOU MENTALLY INCOMPETENT TO STAND TRIAL AND DISMISS THE CHARGES. Don’t ever do that again.” The cop stomped off. I looked at my boss and said,”Hey that worked.” My boss simply stared at me with his YOU ASSHOLE look that I knew so well.
Shout out to my friend John! When the cop asked if he had a gun he said no i have 2🤣 he took a car hood to the head for that one while laughing🤣 because in reality he had none!
Maybe don't be a smart ass punk then? Ever try that? Seems like every time a Black person is killed by the Police, it's because they like to antagonize and play tough guy until shit gets real.
Here's how I got out of a ticket the last time I was pulled over... Cop asked me for my license... "I never got one. Driving a car is easy! It's NOT the friggin' space shuttle!" Cop asks for my registration... "I don't know where that is. I stole this piece of crap not an hour ago!" Cop asks if there is anything in the car he should know about.... "You mean like the two shotguns, the axe, and body in the trunk?" He was so flustered, he goes to his car, and calls in every cop within 50 miles!!! Including his boss, the sheriff!🤷 So the sheriff comes up to me, and asks for my license... "Yes sir. Here it is." Then he asks for my registration... "Yes sir. There you go." He asks me to open my trunk... Nothing there but spare tire, jack, toolbox, jumper cables, etc. He looks at me really weird, and says... _"Sir, my deputy told me you didn't have a license, that you told him you stole this car, that there were two shotguns, an axe, and a dead body in the trunk!"_ "REALLY???" I was aghast!!! "I bet that LIAR told you I was speeding too!" 😉😁
Lucky for you Heaven doesn’t have too many whites or cops, but if you’re going to hell, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s all white people and cops down there. Hopefully he’s more like a kind human father, as those tend to be more loving and forgiving than the type of being that would want you to rot in hell forever. I’d hate to think God would give eternal punishment for the sins of a lifetime.
Oh the comments in this are just wonderful as George Carlin's bit. Best laughs I had tonight. Thank you everyone... except from the pig headed cops who gave this clip a thumbs down.
I love the energy with which George Collins deliver his jokes. Being a cop, the cop joke was crazy funny. I'm just imagining how to react if someone try to do that to me. Lol 😂😂😂😂
One commentator said cops don't have a sense of humor. I was a patrol supervisor for 17 years, and that is ENTIRELY untrue. ...the only thing is that WE have to be the ones making the jokes. 😂
I talked about dogs, beagles specifically, one time with a cop that stopped me for blowing a red light at 60 in a 40. I thought I was royally fucked then he saw my dog and was like I love beagles.
Thank you for uploading new clips of George. Been watching the same ones for months now. True our tax dollars pay Police salaries. I find it helps to get their badge number in case the cop pulls some shenanigans on you. Police chiefs and commissioners don’t like ‘bad apples’ in the force. Or bad press 😉
most cops understand the irony. The downvoters are one or two of the very few of the sovtards that might just have the intelligence to know what irony is.
That's why Carlin was a comedian not an attorney. If you challenge a ticket in court using a lawyer, one of the first things a good attorney will do is ask the cop when was the radar gun calibrated to ensure an accurate speed reading, and if the cop was trained in its use at the annual in service training.
George absolutely stated his hatred for cops elsewhere. He called the rat bastards, traitors and disgusting creatures. This is just a small peak at his disdain.
@@zillafire101 What is your source? This is still clearly sarcasm regardless. Most people are too stupid to see that. But I'm curious if you know what you're talking about or not. Go ahead and post your source or i call BS on that.
J A TL;DR: “I’d rather spend 16 hours stuck in an elevator with a couple of crooks than even say hello to a f-in’ policeman. You don’t help the police. They’re not on your side. Don’t you understand this s- yet? They work for the state. They’ll plant fake evidence. They’ll put a loaded gun in the hands of an unarmed man they’ve shot to death. They harass minorities, they brutalize people, they deny people their rights and they lie about it all in court all the time.”
I was harassed and abused by the police who accused me of a DWI when I haven’t drunk any alcohol in months. My tire pressure was getting low so I had to pull over somewhere safe to refill them. The police were using every small detail about me against me in an attempt to prove my intoxication. They used a good cop/bad cop routine on me and dealt more with the bad cop. I kept telling him I wasn’t drunk and he kept denying it using my reactions to their scare tactics as “proof” that I was drunk or that I had something to hide. The only thing that saved me and proved my innocence was the breathalyzer test. After that, they couldn’t find anymore excuses to arrest me or charge me with anything so they finally let me go after 30 of dealing with them.
Ahh details about you. I know when they stop you they run your plates and driver's license. Did these details put you in a bad light? I'm confused as to why they kept insisting your were drunk... unless you already had a DUI or alcohol related incident on the books.
Tonithenightowl No. I never had a DUI on my record. I know better than to drink before getting behind the wheel. When I told my friends about the incident, they said that the university police that harassed me are the worst. Maybe they had bad experiences with them too.
It was pouring rain once and I flew past a state trooper going at least 20 MPH over the speed limit. The cop pulled me over and walked in the pouring rain up to my car window. He asked me "do you know why I stopped you"? I said "yeah, do YOU know why I was speeding"? 😆😆😆. Drew Carey! 😀
I was driving an 18-wheeler onto a military base about 10 years ago and they make you jump thru all these hoops because of 9-11. They literally X-rayed my entire truck *twice* (once when I arrived, then again after they checked it out and the pilot car arrived to take me to where I was delivering) in a big machine they have. They checked under the truck with mirrors, looked inside my cab & the trailer, etc. Then they asked a bunch of really dumb questions from a checklist they are given from some dumbass bureaucrat in Washington. Well, I was pretty fed up when Sgt. Checklist asked me if I had any guns or explosives in the truck. *_Oh Yeah, the truck is full of them!_* Sgt. Checklist just scowled at me but his buddy was laughing.
You're a public servant....get me a glass of water!
I believe George got that from an Abbot and Costello routine lol
Back in the day it was
You a public servant?
Yes.
Good, check my oil.
@@anthonythorp7291 ruclips.net/video/Bmc9NFfhx74/видео.html
Used to be a deputy sheriff. Loved when some wiseass spouted I pay your salary. I would come back with I'm boing a hellofagoodjob aren't I. How about a raise
@@malcolmmeer9761 Not bad! Lol
I bought this speedometer and I'm using all of it.
😂😂😂
😲
I paid for the whole speedometer I'll use the whole speedometer
As a german, I can actually do that :)
@@elonmusk9697 Been there done that. Luckily it didnt go very far otherwise i would have needed a steeper hill on the highway.
“ in my defense your honor the comedian clearly stated..”
😂
S/o to Tosh
Cops are a complete joke, so you're utilizing good legal advice.
@@thunderpooch completely true, it takes 6 months to be a cop but 2 years to be a hairdresser. And hairdressers don’t kill unarmed people or beat people in handcuffs
Tip to get out of a ticket. Have this playing on your radio when the cop is at your window. Mimic every movement George does as best you can.
Won’t work if you’re a minority 😂
😂
Did this to a policeman
didn't go as planned
Sushan Nakarmi were you black at the time of the incident?
George Carlin the king of comedy it's just that comedy you actually did it that makes you a moron
RIP
lol!
Sushan Nakarmi be thankful he didn’t shoot you
Can't try this today the police might fear for their life
@Lee St.Louis what's your solution to this? Hatred? Apartheid?
@@Heisenberg355 harsher punishment for cops, take their badge away, and don't let them work as a cop in another state. Unlike doctors who get caught for malpractice, cops can move to other states and get rehired.
@@crapjawkins7162 isn't there some sort of investigation before the other state hires him? I don't live in the states, but I can't imagine another state just rehiring him without checking his background, and I certainly don't think a murderer would be rehired. You even have trouble getting hired when you were caught with a little weed :D
Heisenberg well if you were caught with weed 20 years ago you would be fucked but if you beat a man senseless while he was restrained you would get put on PAYED leave and than switched to another department
Jeffery Wain Color has everything to do with it.Stop being so fucking ignorant.
How to turn a traffic ticket into a felony arrest.
Yep
Get fucked bootlickers. What would the felony be littering or disorderly conduct.
Fuck you and fuck your felony
Got some BMF's on this thread. You two sound like you've never dealt with cops. Not only will you get arrested but the cop will probably fuck you up some. It sucks and it's bullshit, but it's reality.
Shasta valley outdoorsman heres a lil taste of reality for ya ruclips.net/video/LsrC5QV_Yrc/видео.html
One of the best skits he has...Damn so glad I saw him live around 10 times. He was the BEST!!
Jealous.. My favorite comedian but never had the pleasure.. Wasn’t born until 94’
Lucky You are!
@@balance667 Same in a different country. He was dead when I found his epic Religion is bullshit video.
I love george but he ripped off Abbott and Castillo about civil servant and water.
You can't count the amount of times you saw him and it wasn't even more than 10?
When I get pulled over last week the cop asked me if I know why he pulled me over
I looked him dead in the eyes and said because it's your job
He laughed and gave me a warning ticket😂
Yeah let me try some shit like that and see what happens
@@seanm7539 And then Sean spent 9 months in jail
Thats polite enough to maybe work.
@@seanm7539since your brown and sketchy you have no chance.
To this day, the phrase "You asshole in a hat!" has got to be one of my favorite insults, bar none.
I have an uncle Al. He's allergic to cops. Whenever he talks to one he breaks out in handcuffs.
I have an uncle Bob. He's a magician who's also allergic to cops. Whenever they try to arrest him, he breaks out of handcuffs.
Horrible, horrible one-liners.
True story: Dropped a cd on the floor of my car,,,looked behind me, all clear, no one coming so I fumbled around to get it. BAM...out of nowhere I got pulled over. "I pulled you over because you were weaving" he said. "Weaving, sir I don't even knit" was my reply. I showed him the cd that I had fumbled for. "Uummm, good one, I have that album at home" he said. "Well, you have it now, drive carefully and have a good day" he said...and that was it. Very nice guy.
"Sir, can you tell me your name?"
"Don't it say on my license, mang?"
tom bickers yea Pedro Depacus, that’s me that’s my name.
Big asterisk - do not attempt if black.
Yes, please do
They'll kick the shit outta you matter what you look LIKE. Can show you the receipts from impound yards where they had my brothers CARS towed as they Bounced his ass in jail for being an idiot. He cannot help being and IDIOT!! Has paperwork to prove he can't help being an idiot. Stop thinking you've cornered that market just because of race. It's 2020, cops will f$#,k with ANYBODY!!!
Lol
No do not ever
I think George himself put it best. If you refuse to co-operate, Mr Policeman will beat you to death. Especially if you're not white.
I made sure to ask, "AM I BEING DETAINED?"
I am, in fact, being detained. Please advise.
You have the right to remain silent, but do you have the ability???
@William Hutchinson 😂😂
How about "Well, you are NOW"
Had a cop say after pulling me over for speeding ...97 in a 55 zone "I was waiting for you all day"...my response "I got here as fast as I could "he laughed and immediately wasn't amused
Worth it 😂😂😂😂
I’ve heard this skit well over a dozen times over the years and yet every single time I cannot help but burst out in gut-wrenching laughter when he says “.. You asshole in a hat!!”
This guy in a blue shirt is funny. Reminds me of George Carlin.
@Travis Bloom same philosophy too!
@@rumor-936 even similar voices!
I was once behind a (former) friend of mine, driving out of a small city in my home state. The friend pulled over, so I pulled up beside him and asked if everything was ok. He had dropped a joint on the floor of his car and was looking for it. Just then this cop car comes screaming up, and this cop comes up to my window asking me (in an extremely aggressive way) what the hell I'm doing double parking. Just then my former buddy takes off, and I explain to the cop that I knew the guy who just took off, and had merely pulled up beside him to ask if everything was okay. He didn't seem to want to hear that. This guy was the BIGGEST asshole I have ever encountered. For 20 minutes he stood there calling me an idiot, a moron, every name in the book and telling me, "Don't worry, we'll take your car. We'll find a reason to" and just harassing and jabbing his finger at me. I knew exactly what he was trying to do: get me to take a swing at him. For about 19 of those minutes I sat there with my arms crossed, staring straight ahead, trying my damnedest to keep my cool. Finally, I said, "You're right. I must be a moron because here I am at two in the morning getting harassed by YOU for doing nothing wrong. Can we get on with this, please?" He scowled at me and took my license back to his squad car. I sat there for another HALF HOUR while this jerk made me wait it out. He saunters back, takes my license and literally throws it at me, tells me I came back clean, so get the hell out of here. No problem, officer. So the entire way to the interstate, about five miles away, this fucking asshole was right on my tail following me with his high beams on. He finally went on his miserable way when I got to the on-ramp. Here's the kicker: about ten years later I had the news on before work, and there was a press conference about some crime that had been committed. And there was Mr. Asshole Cop, now Chief of Police in the city. This over-aggressive jerk wasn't fit for traffic duty, never mind Chief of Police. He was the very epitome of abuse of police power.
Congrats, you met a psychopath with a badge. Tons of 'em out there. That's one of the primary reasons Americans have the right to be armed. On the other hand, your idiot friend shouldn't have been smoking joints while driving his car!
I followed this exact advice back in 1998 after getting pulled over for speeding...just got released last month.
Recently described to an officer how the percentage of people with psychopathic tendancies was between 1 and 3 % of general population.....and given that ' police officer ' was among the top 5 jobs pursued by psychopaths....then in all likelihood the % of psycopaths in policing was much higher than that of the general public....I also added that he may have psychopathic tendancies and didn't realize it.....my initial alleged infraction quickly turned into 6 charges totalling over 1,800 bucks....a very expensive point proven correct.....compliments of the Ontario Provincial Police in White River Ontario.....
You, sir are correct.
You are genius for writing this comment and I am not being sarcastic. Take care.
F
You keep talking ill keep writing lol
@@zootopia8586 hahaha....never been accused of being a genius before......but thank you
When keeping it real goes wrong
I watched this live back in 86 at the Trenton War Memorial. Still have the backstage sticker and ticket stub.
Yeah and this is from my favorite Carlin special: "What am I doing in New Jersey?"
I’ve had numerous policemen put a loaded gun in my face - I’ve never been to jail and I’ve never in my life gotten ticketed for ANYTHING! I know what the barrel of a gun looks like up close but never been a criminal.
Cops huh
I know what you mean. I was driving through Texas( Abilene,) and got pulled over for... NY plates! I" had to be a drug runner". The deputy walked up to my window that was open and placed the barrel of his pistol up behind my left ear! Turns out the idiot was a rookie looking to make a big drug bust. No drugs I was just " guilty" of having NY plates driving legally through Texas. Couldn't get the hell out of there fast enough.
Rick Daystar it should be illegal to pull over cars because of the state on ur license plate. I’ve been pulled over too and the location on my plates was about an hours drive away. Lmao
Ive had a cop point a loaded weapon at me for "being suicidal." Ironic, isnt it?
@@kylecoucke943 He told me a NY vehicle was "suspicious" in Texas... damned idiot.
@@kylecoucke943 It is illegal. they need a valid reason. Unfortunately they can easily make one up.
George Carlin was a comedy genius.
this was my favorite bit from when i was like 13 and 8 years later i still crack up
I heard it when I was 16...35 years ago. haha
And five years later you are now 26.
@@adrianghandtchi1562 thank you for bringing me back here for a laugh it still gets me to this day
@@adrianghandtchi1562 also pretty sweet im still alive
Where ever Mr. Carlin is I miss him. He might be "smiling down on us."
Or screaming up at us .....lol still love him lol
More like laughing...AT US...
That was a funny skit
He's not looking up, down or sideways ........ and he's certainly not laughing. Mr. Carlin cut through the bullshit like no one else, so let's please not disrespect one of the greatest to ever set us straight. Don't bring up religion like its cute or something. Did you learn nothing from the man?
@@jacobharman2010 did u learn nothing that it's just a reference to a joke?
Not only I'm watching a video from 7 years ago recommended by RUclips without sleeping at 2am but also commenting on it
what if you oh man same
1:11am
I tried this once. Good news: I got a boyfriend out of it!
His name's Bubba. He stayed two cells over.
On the bright side, your farts are now silent.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@thunderpooch actually probably the opposite as there's looser skin to flap around
😂😂😂
Does he cook shrimp?
This was arguably his best special imo, or at least in the top 3 I think
George just explained the whole modern Sovereign Citizen movement-in under three minutes!
Sovereign Citizen in a Totalitarian System. Now that is a fucking bargain there, count me in with both feet.
Who'd a thought that the idea of sovereign individuals that Constitution and Bill of Rights defines and protects would come to be known as a "movement". If it's a movement then let's call it the "Sovereign honesty movement".
Sugar Shane
I believe the statement goes: “Never get down into the mud to argue with a pig. You’ll both end up filthy but the pig will like it...”
Arguing with a sovereign citizen will only get you a very big dry cleaning bill.
The Great Luxor
The Great Luxor
The sovereign society (‘honesty’...I have no idea what you meant by that) seeks to tear down every aspect of law that protects them(and us.) They are oxymorons. Laws exits to protect notions such as free speech, free assembly and property rights. The SCM simply work within the parameters of the law as long as it suits and serves them. They’re simply a bunch of barstool lawyers trying to justify their beliefs by using law as long as it helps their cause but drop out when law proscribes their behaviour or limits their defences. Sovereign Citizen Nuts are the best description that describes them.
The only sovereign citizens are police considering they have qualified immunity for their crimes and close working relationships with the prosecutors who bring charges. And incredibly powerful unions/ the support of back the blue idiots
Im 23 just found Carlin. He is funny because I do all the things he says just like here with the tickets. Some things just dont change. Man is a legend
Keep in mind that George no-doubt would have found it hilarious to watch someone stupid enough to take this advice flopping around on the ground due to the excessive application of a taser.
I think you assume too much.
You sound like the biggest piece of shit
You don't get it at all.
@@toamatau8785 Nah, man. It's actually you who doesn't get it. Way to go!
@@rohe4077 Except he's not assuming. He's right. Not very familiar with Carlin are ye?
Love the live 80s scene, replete with Jersey feathered hair and mullets.
Those were the days...
One time, I was in a construction zone with a lot of backed up traffic. I had to make a left turn at the road ahead and did so despite all the No Left Turn signs. A cop was there and pulled me over instantly. The cop comes up and shouts,” I CANT BELIEVE YOU HAD THE AUDACITY TO DO THHAT IN FRONT OF ME.” He takes a deep breath and then says,”I want to hear your excuse. Make it good kid(I was in my twenties).”
“Well sir, there was all that construction back there and I had to make this left. I was concentrating so hard on not getting into an accident that I didn’t notice the no left turn sign. I even told my boss here that they really should allow left turns at that intersection because someone could get into an accident.”
The cop stared at me for a few seconds. He had on those mirrored aviator sunglasses. “You know what? I’m not going to ticket you.”
“You know what? I’m not giving you a a ticket.”
“Thank you sir!”
“You know why?”
“I have admit I’m a little curious.”
“Because you’ll take it to traffic court, tell that excuse to the judge and HE’LL FIND YOU MENTALLY INCOMPETENT TO STAND TRIAL AND DISMISS THE CHARGES. Don’t ever do that again.”
The cop stomped off. I looked at my boss and said,”Hey that worked.”
My boss simply stared at me with his YOU ASSHOLE look that I knew so well.
Shout out to my friend John! When the cop asked if he had a gun he said no i have 2🤣 he took a car hood to the head for that one while laughing🤣 because in reality he had none!
"Get me a glass of water"
Black folks this advice comes with a severe health warning.
*Life endangering
Maybe don't be a smart ass punk then? Ever try that? Seems like every time a Black person is killed by the Police, it's because they like to antagonize and play tough guy until shit gets real.
Here's how I got out of a ticket the last time I was pulled over...
Cop asked me for my license...
"I never got one. Driving a car is easy! It's NOT the friggin' space shuttle!"
Cop asks for my registration...
"I don't know where that is. I stole this piece of crap not an hour ago!"
Cop asks if there is anything in the car he should know about....
"You mean like the two shotguns, the axe, and body in the trunk?"
He was so flustered, he goes to his car, and calls in every cop within 50 miles!!! Including his boss, the sheriff!🤷
So the sheriff comes up to me, and asks for my license...
"Yes sir. Here it is."
Then he asks for my registration...
"Yes sir. There you go."
He asks me to open my trunk...
Nothing there but spare tire, jack, toolbox, jumper cables, etc.
He looks at me really weird, and says...
_"Sir, my deputy told me you didn't have a license, that you told him you stole this car, that there were two shotguns, an axe, and a dead body in the trunk!"_
"REALLY???"
I was aghast!!!
"I bet that LIAR told you I was speeding too!"
😉😁
Man was so integrity fun as hell miss him if he was alive today the man would sell out every show he did
i really irked a cop, when he handed me the ticket to sign, i put on rubber gloves
That is awesome. You are awesome!
I know of bailiff that does that.
Lol
Normal practice now with corona
You must be psychic. 2020.
Im so happy stand up comedians are getting better and better with time. Not to say all comedy ages well, some comedy ages like bread
I tried this but forgot I'm not white. My funeral is next week in Everton Gardens, all welcome.
......oh my.....im going too hell......."But forgot I'm not white" 😂
Lucky for you Heaven doesn’t have too many whites or cops, but if you’re going to hell, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s all white people and cops down there. Hopefully he’s more like a kind human father, as those tend to be more loving and forgiving than the type of being that would want you to rot in hell forever. I’d hate to think God would give eternal punishment for the sins of a lifetime.
😚
Massage Adventurist despite making up
1misanthropist ur not a misanthropist ur a fucking dork lmao
Oh the comments in this are just wonderful as George Carlin's bit. Best laughs I had tonight. Thank you everyone... except from the pig headed cops who gave this clip a thumbs down.
WARNING: Don't do this while black.
😂
Wtf😂😂😂
"To Protect and Serve" I don't need/want your protection, so go make me a fucking sammich, SERVANT... 🤣🤣🤣
It's scary how many people don't get sarcasm or facetiousness.
I love the energy with which George Collins deliver his jokes.
Being a cop, the cop joke was crazy funny. I'm just imagining how to react if someone try to do that to me. Lol 😂😂😂😂
how would you?
He would say "Huge Carlin fan, uh?"
I love Carlins comedy, but I like his more philosophical and helpful tirades he goes on, exactly like this one
Omg. I love George Carlin
Here during the covid riots and protests
One commentator said cops don't have a sense of humor. I was a patrol supervisor for 17 years, and that is ENTIRELY untrue. ...the only thing is that WE have to be the ones making the jokes. 😂
Meanwhile 3 other units are on the way and possibly SWAT when you mention drugs.
Please don’t try this if you’re black. You won’t just go to jail. No, seriously. I sure miss George! ❤️
George Floyd?
This also doesn't work if you're Mexican.
This guy is brilliant.Sarcasm at its finest.I'm sure the morons he's referring to through his sarcasm wouldn't get it.
Extortion from citizens should be a crime.
Miss you, George.
I talked about dogs, beagles specifically, one time with a cop that stopped me for blowing a red light at 60 in a 40. I thought I was royally fucked then he saw my dog and was like I love beagles.
Thank you for uploading new clips of George. Been watching the same ones for months now. True our tax dollars pay Police salaries. I find it helps to get their badge number in case the cop pulls some shenanigans on you. Police chiefs and commissioners don’t like ‘bad apples’ in the force. Or bad press 😉
Police get good press?
I literally think they don't care about optics when they let off anyone who's in the spotlight without any real penalty
"You're a public servant. Get me a ... BEER."
Handling a cop in 2020 : What are ya gonna do, kneel on my neck ?
*dies from 7 warning shots in the back*
*ruled a suicide*
Sounds like Pacino when he says: eight or niiiiiine
Dislike is probably a cop
John smith lmao definitely
yea fuck that dislike button, I bet he's a pig! Unimaginable.. Dislike buttons these days I tell ya!
most cops understand the irony. The downvoters are one or two of the very few of the sovtards that might just have the intelligence to know what irony is.
And Government!!! 😂😂😂
That's why Carlin was a comedian not an attorney. If you challenge a ticket in court using a lawyer, one of the first things a good attorney will do is ask the cop when was the radar gun calibrated to ensure an accurate speed reading, and if the cop was trained in its use at the annual in service training.
The audience are all hootin and high fiving, in the mean time, this is pure sarcasm.
George absolutely stated his hatred for cops elsewhere. He called the rat bastards, traitors and disgusting creatures.
This is just a small peak at his disdain.
@@zillafire101 What is your source? This is still clearly sarcasm regardless. Most people are too stupid to see that. But I'm curious if you know what you're talking about or not. Go ahead and post your source or i call BS on that.
J A ruclips.net/video/4WJ_5OtyfDo/видео.html
J A www.google.com/amp/s/ew.com/article/2016/08/24/george-carlin-police-bit/amp/
J A TL;DR: “I’d rather spend 16 hours stuck in an elevator with a couple of crooks than even say hello to a f-in’ policeman. You don’t help the police. They’re not on your side. Don’t you understand this s- yet? They work for the state. They’ll plant fake evidence. They’ll put a loaded gun in the hands of an unarmed man they’ve shot to death. They harass minorities, they brutalize people, they deny people their rights and they lie about it all in court all the time.”
They say ur likely to survive a car crash drunk,once I heard that,I play it safe,I drink a few 6 packs before I get behind the wheel
To protect and serve the 1%
And like was written on decepticon from transformers "To punish and enslave" maybe it's sounds cool but that's for us folks from served one's
"You asshole in a Hat!" HOLY FUCK THIS GUY WAS A GOD!😂😂😂😂
The RUclips algorithm works in mysterious ways
Not as bad as those low budget video channels
They like that when you're interested in the state budget.
DL Hughley "that don't work for us" 😁😁😁
I recommend Chris Rock's How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police.
Awesome love it, I think one day I'm just gonna do this I really mean it
Unless you want that visit from Bubba in the lockup I keep your big mouth shut
People don't pay attention to this man.
Wonder how many people didn't wait to hear that last part at the end ...
I was harassed and abused by the police who accused me of a DWI when I haven’t drunk any alcohol in months. My tire pressure was getting low so I had to pull over somewhere safe to refill them. The police were using every small detail about me against me in an attempt to prove my intoxication. They used a good cop/bad cop routine on me and dealt more with the bad cop. I kept telling him I wasn’t drunk and he kept denying it using my reactions to their scare tactics as “proof” that I was drunk or that I had something to hide. The only thing that saved me and proved my innocence was the breathalyzer test. After that, they couldn’t find anymore excuses to arrest me or charge me with anything so they finally let me go after 30 of dealing with them.
15minutes it's the limit in my country and probably in all Europe
Ahh details about you. I know when they stop you they run your plates and driver's license. Did these details put you in a bad light? I'm confused as to why they kept insisting your were drunk... unless you already had a DUI or alcohol related incident on the books.
Tonithenightowl No. I never had a DUI on my record. I know better than to drink before getting behind the wheel. When I told my friends about the incident, they said that the university police that harassed me are the worst. Maybe they had bad experiences with them too.
@@mattgieslerrocks Forgive me I'm old. So you got stopped by Campus Security not local police?
George is a comedian. Don't try this in real life because you will get gangstalked and/or tortured. I MEAN IT.
It was pouring rain once and I flew past a state trooper going at least 20 MPH over the speed limit.
The cop pulled me over and walked in the pouring rain up to my car window.
He asked me "do you know why I stopped you"?
I said "yeah, do YOU know why I was speeding"? 😆😆😆.
Drew Carey! 😀
This is a great Paulie Walnuts impression. All due respect.
I was driving an 18-wheeler onto a military base about 10 years ago and they make you jump thru all these hoops because of 9-11. They literally X-rayed my entire truck *twice* (once when I arrived, then again after they checked it out and the pilot car arrived to take me to where I was delivering) in a big machine they have. They checked under the truck with mirrors, looked inside my cab & the trailer, etc. Then they asked a bunch of really dumb questions from a checklist they are given from some dumbass bureaucrat in Washington. Well, I was pretty fed up when Sgt. Checklist asked me if I had any guns or explosives in the truck.
*_Oh Yeah, the truck is full of them!_*
Sgt. Checklist just scowled at me but his buddy was laughing.
These days, George's advice might get you shot.
The opposite of
"How to not get shot by the police"
1:22 he sounds like Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman
HOOOOOOAH
@@jimbronson14 Ha!
Title should be "How to handle a cop - as a white person"
According to our media, sure...
"Heyyyy.....don't I pay your salary? "
Black people: my time has come
Thanks for the info I am using it
I tried this but got shot 9 times in the back
are you black?
While handcuffed and the cops were screaming stop resisting
Who the fuck gives Carlin a thumbs down?
I wish most white people were like George Carlin, instead of being bootlickers for the state.
I fucking wish
Dude was awesome
I like GC but I'm not going to try this. LOL!!
Maxim of law..
If one does not stan@nd on their writes h@$ none. He w@z a genius..w@rning all us fool$ and we cheered 4 him...😢😮❤
"How to not get shot by a cop"
Me handling a cop after youtube remowed the dislike counter
Sorry I'm black so I got shot once I reached for his notepad....
So wait I don't get out of the car and yell world star 😂🤣😂🤣
Trunk full of Heroin! ROFL!!! 😜😂👍
Instructions unclear... I'm sitting on death row. Please advise...
Cop didn’t see it I didn’t do that’s my motto.
"You asshole in a hat" LMFAO!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂