Caring for a wife with dementia who doesn't want to accept help from others

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  • Опубликовано: 15 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 86

  • @DementiaCareblazers
    @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад +9

    What words of support/encouragement do you have for Phil?

    • @orianafisher3960
      @orianafisher3960 3 года назад +6

      You're doing a wonderful job with your wife, by coming on careblazers, you've helped me immensely. Thank you 😊

    • @manueladarazsdi9675
      @manueladarazsdi9675 3 года назад +2

      Phil's story is so similar to my dad's. My dad also lives in rural Pa. My Dad and I had to relocate my mom to a nursing home. I would like to say to Phil, you are a wonderful husband to your wife. She is lucky to have you.

    • @auntsuzy9460
      @auntsuzy9460 3 года назад +1

      I was first diagnosed with primary progressive aphasia. Then I went to Ucla and Dr. Mario Mendez and he did a spinal tap and it turns out I have early onset of Alzheimer’s😥 I know it’s very frustrating and my family feels it 😩 I now live with my daughter and my ex-husband in Portland

    • @christinemcdonald8412
      @christinemcdonald8412 3 года назад +1

      Phil you are such an inspiration to us all. Like you stated we are all on our own journey. Sounds like you have a great handle on ever changing dementia may God Bless you and your wife.

    • @micheleoconnell4181
      @micheleoconnell4181 3 года назад +1

      I have to say to him neurologists don’t like to give the Alzheimer’s diagnosis but if you have moderate to severe dementia you have Alzheimer’s. Best to you.

  • @lindavestal8139
    @lindavestal8139 3 года назад +29

    We should all be so lucky to have someone like Phil in our lives!

  • @laurelglasgow7445
    @laurelglasgow7445 2 года назад +5

    Thank god for this good man! The world is better for him. I hope I can do for my loved one as he has.

  • @ainsliejones3764
    @ainsliejones3764 Год назад +1

    The gentleman is talking for me. Our similarities are amazing, it’s helped me immensely to here this. Our lives are so very similar. I don’t have help throw and my wife won’t have anyone in to help. It’s hard but we have to cheat a little, I trying to get my wife with the idea of downsizing. This talk was fantastic. Thankyou

  • @forevermusiclover3335
    @forevermusiclover3335 3 года назад +15

    This is so much my Mom. My Dad is in denial and is doing everything with no support except me. My parents are still in their own home. Good job Phil. You're amazing.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад +2

      Sending you love as you continue to support your dad through this difficult journey!

    • @forevermusiclover3335
      @forevermusiclover3335 3 года назад

      @@DementiaCareblazers Thank you. Some difficult conversations in the offing. I'm hoping he'll be receptive to my concerns.

    • @cathyfulford593
      @cathyfulford593 3 года назад

      My folks are the same. Dad is doing an amazing job by himself.. until recently ...I admire him so much and so glad he now now is not in denial anymore

  • @rickneenan4696
    @rickneenan4696 3 года назад +5

    God bless you Phil. I'm just starting on this journey with my 86 year old dad. I pray I can be as good with him as you are with your wife.

  • @navybluejacket4401
    @navybluejacket4401 3 года назад +7

    I am caregiver for my wife who had a stroke 8 months ago. She is not able to use her right side and cognitive abilities are severely diminished. She is 70 and I am 72. I am also a disabled veteran. PHIL, you have been a good inspiration to me to keep up the fight. Thank You for that. My Christian faith keeps me going more than any other thing. Yes you couldn't be more right...."no one gets a free ride". BUT we have joined the battle and are standing. Good on you.

  • @dianeslocum6575
    @dianeslocum6575 3 года назад +11

    Mr. Phil You are one in a million Bless your heart you are the true meaning through sickness and in health and I'm so thankful you told your story because it is an amazing story ,Thank you for sharing your experience and you are doing a wonderful job .Please take care of yourself and I send my thoughts Prayers and Love to you ,your wife and family God Bless you all

  • @noeliamedina754
    @noeliamedina754 3 года назад +4

    Phill... you are an inspiration not only for husbands, also for daughters like me who are caregivers.
    Thanks for all that you do for your loving wife 🤗

  • @alexmorgan3435
    @alexmorgan3435 3 года назад +12

    Phil is a true inspiration.

  • @janthrelkeld9610
    @janthrelkeld9610 3 года назад +9

    Phil - thank you for sharing. My wife does exactly the same things and it takes a great deal of patience, love and strength to manage your situation. You are a true hero!

    • @deniesekline-thatcher8380
      @deniesekline-thatcher8380 3 года назад

      So 🌟many unseen heroes....These are the people who need to be on CNN/Fox/6:00 o’clock news, newspaper on the front page ! The News Break👏👏👏🌟

  • @georgiasteiman5526
    @georgiasteiman5526 Год назад +1

    I wish my Dad was as accepting of the reality of dementia with my Mom as Phil. He denies and resists the help she needs. Great example of how to get help. Sorry that Phil has to go through this.

  • @tickytootoo453
    @tickytootoo453 3 года назад +3

    Thank you both! what a wonderful husband! I have 6 brothers Im the only daughter. 3 brothers that are near are not interested in helping at all! So it all falls on me. However I also feel very grateful that I am able to help my mom in her final years. Its is a struggle more so emotionally for me as mom and I have always been so close and now having to watch her slip away by inches every month is excruciating! But I am thankful for my hubby who does step in and makes me take breaks!!

  • @sherireuther3047
    @sherireuther3047 3 года назад +4

    Hello Phil. I am a retired COTA. I worked at a facility with all levels of care, of course in the therapy area but I did some other type of work which put me in the facility in areas other than the gym. One gentleman we had in the Dementia wing loved to peel potatoes. I drew his name one year for giving a Christmas gift . I bought as many different types of peelers I could find. He peeled potatoes every day as his “purposeful “activity. Perhaps your wife would enjoy “helping” in the process of making dinner if you had some potatoes and a peeler for her at the table. Another thing you might try is placing some artificial flower stems around in the house/apartment or maybe in the hallway. Ask her to join you in gathering some flowers from the “garden” and then let her place them in a vase to her liking. Maybe she would stop and rearrange them if they were placed on a prominent table where she walks past. This may get her to move a little and even to just stand up with the arranging. I feel your pain as I currently live with my mom who is 88 and has some oncoming dementia, no more driving, executive function is definitely beginning to fail. She also becomes “un-focused” and I also have to give her a deadline about 1/2 hour ahead of when we need to leave for an appointment. My father passed a couple of years ago so I am now her caregiver, although my dad was not as able as you are to provide the care for my mom as he was ahead of her on the dementia curve. You know God works in mysterious ways. The very day we put my dad in hospice I received a call from the regional VP of the company I was working for to tell me my job was over in 2 weeks. At the time I was providing meals(take out) for my ex-mother-in-law, looking after my parents who lived 4 houses away from me, working 12 hour days, living in my own house and taking care of a dog, cat, and 3 parrots. So I will say it wasn’t what I wanted at the time but I’m thankful to be retired now. I applaud you for keeping everything in such good perspective. I’ll include you and your wife in my prayers. Keep calm and blaze on🤗🫂❤️🙏. Phil I thought of 2 more things to say. Since I haven’t taken the care blazers course I don’t know if this is mentioned but another activity that may give her purpose is to fold some laundry. We would use towels and wash cloths. As for physical activity, how about after dinner having a cup of chamomile tea and a cookie, presenting her with a silk rose, putting on “your song” and asking her for a dance. That may be a real comfort for her and a way for her to build some endurance. Just some thoughts.

  • @rlongjr6164
    @rlongjr6164 3 года назад +9

    Wonderful interview and so encouraging .. Phil, you are doing a wonderful job and I love your positive outlook

  • @kathymills1925
    @kathymills1925 Год назад +1

    I’m just finding and binge watching these videos. Phil is amazing! I would be interested in checking in on the folks you’ve interviewed.

  • @barbaracarr17
    @barbaracarr17 3 года назад +4

    Phil, I should visit you every day to try to help me keep centered when I'm frustrated. You share a lot of wisdom. I thank you!

  • @lynardok6654
    @lynardok6654 3 года назад +9

    Thank you Phil for taking such good care of your wife, being proactive in getting her and yourself in a situation that allows for help. That you have done and are doing these things makes such a big difference in her life but also for you. I wish I had heard many of these things while I took care of my Dad. It matters so very much. Thank you.

  • @eileenmcgrath4457
    @eileenmcgrath4457 3 года назад +4

    What a kind man.

  • @marieapplesgate5650
    @marieapplesgate5650 3 года назад +3

    Phil, your wife is lucky to have you. You have a very positive attitude and outlook during a not so fun situation. I'm glad the support you have is varied & extensive. Your calm demeanor made me feel calm too. Thank you for sharing.

  • @geraldkoger5681
    @geraldkoger5681 3 года назад +2

    Phil; thank you for sharing your journey. As a husband just a few years younger, your stories inspired me, gave me several ideas. Each journey is unique yet we are all going towards the same destination. Again thank you.

  • @janrules7535
    @janrules7535 3 года назад +10

    She is lucky to have you. Lean on your kids more. They want to help take care of you, too. My Mom has dementia (early stage.) My Father isn't interested in taking care of anyone. My therapist says he has issues, too. Eh.whatever. I do what is needed to care for them both. My friend knitted my Mom an "activity sleeve." It has buttons and zippers to occupy her. She also LOVES my dog. Take care of yourself.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад +2

      Sending you love, Janice. The "activity sleeve" sounds super interesting. What a thoughtful friend! 🖤

  • @martaruvalcaba6016
    @martaruvalcaba6016 3 года назад +4

    Thank you for sharing Phil. Virtual hug to you and your wife🌻🌻🌻

  • @orianafisher3960
    @orianafisher3960 3 года назад +7

    I adore Phil's attitude, I hope I can apply his positive outlook and better improve my relationship with my mom, who's diagnosed with vascular dementia. Phil's wife seems to be close to the stage of my mother's. Bless you sir ... 🙏

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад +2

      Sending love to you Oriana. No one is perfect, focus on progress and give yourself some grace. This can be a challenging journey. 🖤

    • @orianafisher3960
      @orianafisher3960 3 года назад

      @@DementiaCareblazers thank you 🌷

  • @henkvananraad1624
    @henkvananraad1624 2 года назад +3

    I know how you feel my wife is at the same stage , it’s not easy.

  • @briankish3757
    @briankish3757 3 года назад +2

    Mr. Phil, thank you for sharing your and your wife's story. It's so encouraging to see your devotion to your wife and manifestation of "...in sickness and in health, till death do us part," in such a real way. Blessings to you.

  • @dave64grant
    @dave64grant 3 года назад +2

    My DW does a lot of wordfind. She also walks a lot in the yard, picks dandelions, sweeps the front sidewalk several times a day.

  • @gabrielaongay1273
    @gabrielaongay1273 3 года назад +3

    Phil you're doing great! My MIL can't follow TV either but we put the subtitles and she "reads" the news and that gets her a little bit engaged. Now TVs have subtitles all the time 😂

  • @nancyschaefer9748
    @nancyschaefer9748 3 года назад +2

    There is not always somewhere to go that couples can afford. I am giving caregiving 24/7 to my 86 year old husband with dementia

  • @catherinebosley7539
    @catherinebosley7539 3 года назад +11

    I care for my Husband,alone,no support.He has Vascular Dementia,3 years now,I am unable to leave him alone so no time out for me,I try to be patient,but it becomes harder,no one told me what the changes would be, I feel isolated and lonely.

    • @kellydivine6648
      @kellydivine6648 3 года назад

      I'm sorry. I feel exactly the same way.

    • @navybluejacket4401
      @navybluejacket4401 3 года назад +3

      I am in a similar situation Catherine. My Christian faith helps me more than any other thing. Just being around other believers is a tremendous mental lift for me. Perhaps finding a good Bible believing church will help with your situation. Blessings to you Catherine. You are not alone.

  • @missirritated4872
    @missirritated4872 3 года назад +3

    I'm so happy I found this.

  • @susannac3894
    @susannac3894 3 года назад +2

    Thanks for sharing this story, Phil. And Care Blazer's in depth and thoughtful questions.

  • @dnice3473
    @dnice3473 Год назад +1

    Thank you for your words. I needed this insight.

  • @painetdldy
    @painetdldy 3 года назад +4

    Well, Phil certainly has a new fan club! He and all of us appreciate your channel so much. It really helps our mental health to see people who are having a much harder time than we are. (Not that we wish that on anyone, but we need to be reminded of our own blessings often)

  • @cr8685
    @cr8685 Год назад +1

    Phil is an angel from Heavan!

  • @terriraines5045
    @terriraines5045 3 года назад +2

    The best of luck to you Phil, you’re doing a great job!

  • @rudymazar5266
    @rudymazar5266 7 месяцев назад

    Great man, lovely husband.

  • @keithtaylor9750
    @keithtaylor9750 Год назад +1

    An inspiration to me !

  • @dave64grant
    @dave64grant 3 года назад +2

    MY DW asks me "who is coming over today?" She asks me that many times a day, everyday. She is always hoping family members are going to stop by, and they actually do visit ocassionally but not as much as she would like. She would like constant visits

  • @janingram1303
    @janingram1303 3 года назад +5

    My mom is going through many of the things Phil describes. She thinks the people on TV are involved in our lives, although if I change the channel, she doesn't remember after a few minutes. She's 87 and in the past year, she rarely gets out to walk, when she and my dad walked every day of their lives (he died in 2014 at age 86). She's getting weaker because she doesn't exercise. She gets anxious if we leave home for more than a few hours, then doesn't recognize her home. I'm so glad Phil is strong and still able to care for his wife.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад +2

      Sending love to you Jan as you continue to care for your mom.

  • @rondaleistiko1227
    @rondaleistiko1227 2 года назад +1

    My dad was 89 years old and my mother's caregiver. He had cancer and hid the fact that Mom had late stage dementia. 2 years of covid and no one knew what they were going through. I went there at the end of April and Dad died on June 24 I took Mom to see him everyday till he passed. Stayed with her till the end of july. Got her medical care where she was diagnosed with late stage dementia. She kept going on walkabouts in the middle of the night and getting lost. Made six pots of coffee. Would only drink one cup She would get up early every morning, make her bed and get dressed and had severe sundowners and didn't recognize me in the evening and kept calling the cops on me saying I was an intruder that she did not know.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  2 года назад

      Hi Ronda. We are so glad you are here as part of this community. Wishing you all the best on your caregiving journey. 💖

  • @tamaraterrymusic2656
    @tamaraterrymusic2656 3 года назад +2

    I need help, so thank you sister

  • @jacquelinesierra9682
    @jacquelinesierra9682 3 года назад +2

    His wife sounds a lot like my mom. My mom makes up stories, she wonders around the kitchen when I’m in the kitchen which can be very distracting. She wants to help but when I give her a task she can’t complete. When we are about to leave the house she looks for things to do and it takes a long time to get her out the house. The only difference is my mom loves to be out in the street lol.

  • @lindawilkerson4078
    @lindawilkerson4078 Год назад +1

    My husband doesn’t exercise either he’s always tired and and just wants to sleep all the time. He does fall and isn’t strong enough to get himself up

  • @auntsuzy9460
    @auntsuzy9460 3 года назад +2

    I was first diagnosed with

    • @auntsuzy9460
      @auntsuzy9460 3 года назад +1

      And I worked for at least 30 years in court reporting I am not a court reporter but I sound to law firms a car importing. I worked hard for the money, But I rely on Social Security and disability. And I wish her I had more money even though I worked hard🥲

  • @tamaraterrymusic2656
    @tamaraterrymusic2656 3 года назад +3

    My 86 yo mom w dementia. I am overwhelmed. She appears to be developing tardive dyskinesia and it's hard for me to take what can I do what medicine is causing this

  • @Winter-607
    @Winter-607 3 года назад +3

    My mom has dementia before her her mom had dementia, is there a test I can take at home or ask my family doctor about to diagnose if I will have dementia in the future?
    Thank you

  • @boboneill6554
    @boboneill6554 3 года назад +2

    My partner does not accept help from aides.