THIS is why your loved one with dementia challenges you but is fine around others

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  • Опубликовано: 15 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 71

  • @misslinda772
    @misslinda772 Год назад +2

    As positive reinforcement, I have tried praising my mother. In return, I get sarcasm. …. Thank you for your videos. They have proven to be quite informative.

  • @lisalawn1111
    @lisalawn1111 3 года назад +1

    "classical conditioning is at work here" -- brilliant observation- Thank You!

  • @johnhanna5065
    @johnhanna5065 3 года назад +6

    It never fails to amaze me how timely your videos are as I go thru this journey with my wife as her caregiver. It seemed like an eternity to understand why she would be angry to me, with constant accusations of taking her jewelry, infidelity, moving money out of our bank accounts, etc., yet be seemingly normal to her group of girlfriends every time they got together. And, surprisingly to me, she hardly ever mentioned those issues to her friends. They would just have a great time getting together. Now I get it! It took my understanding of this conditioning to make the changes in my handling of the situation to where the anger is now gone and she seems happy in both her world with me and her world with her girlfriends. Thank you Natali for continued confirmation of my approach as a Careblazer.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад

      You are doing amazing, John! Sending you all the best as you continue on your caregiving journey!

  • @LeilaLamb
    @LeilaLamb 2 года назад +2

    This makes sense. My mum and I always had a difficult relationship when I was growing up. I don’t remember positive experiences, so that’s probably why she’s so difficult every time I see her or take her out.

    • @loubrindley7456
      @loubrindley7456 Год назад

      I hear you very little positive experiences with mom was catholic very strict reglious childhood up bringing but our lovely dad never went with us to Church he never forced religion on us and this is why my sister & myself loved dad unconditionally we lost him to terminal brain caner in 2021 broke our hearts and less than a year of his passing mom displayed symptoms we think were progressing whilst dad was poorly his last 2 years but we kept putting it down to OLD age with her , Im Moms main care giver Im the one mom fights with verbally my sis sees her occasionally and she gets the good mom, same as texts 2 different moms, nice mom texts in lower case with a X kiss at end of the message but when moms "on one" as we call it - I get ALL CAPS in the message and no full stop or KissX at the end ! Definatly the 2 sides of Dementia and Alzheimers fighting against the different sides of her brain -Mom has Mixed vascular Dementia and Alzheimers Neuropsychiatric complex care needs ! I wish you luck and think of yourself we you and I have to protect our health and mental well being our moms must not be allowed to attack us we know they are mentally ill - so we need to start laughing it iff rollung our eyes just not verbally join the angst !🤗

  • @Jen195152
    @Jen195152 3 года назад +12

    Thank you for this video!! I am past my caregiving duties, both my parents had dementia!! I always wondered why my daddy was always cross with my mother. It mainly manifested itself with my Dad by not speaking to my mother. The minute I walked in was a different story!! It really upset her!! I wish she was here now so I could explain this to her. She thought he hated her!! Even people at the nursing home talked about this, they said it is so common. Now I know why!! Thank you, thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • @gzrguy
      @gzrguy 3 года назад +1

      You're right, Jennifer. We do see this in the nursing home. And it's tough if you're the one a particular resident associates with negativity. Hopefully employing the lessons learned from this video will gradually change that situation! :-)

    • @lynylcullen8370
      @lynylcullen8370 3 года назад

      Oh my Jennifer! You are right! I hadn’t recognized that the same dynamic happened with my parents.. both with dementia! I’m grateful for you making the connection for me and helping me continue in my education! Being a CareBlazer has transformed my experience and continues to give me hope!

    • @Jen195152
      @Jen195152 3 года назад +1

      @@lynylcullen8370 , I always wondered about it, especially when the staff at the nursing home said it was so common. I don’t believe this aspect of dementia is talked about much. It needs more exposure!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • @lynylcullen8370
      @lynylcullen8370 3 года назад

      @@Jen195152 - Yes! It would be helpful to get the message out for the sanity of CareBlazers!
      It’s such a “subtle” background behavior that used to make me upset inside..and yet it was so covert that I didn’t even know how much tension it was creating. I couldn’t name it or put my finger on what was going on!
      We are helping each other immensely when we deep dive into these challenges. They act end up being much less stressful than some other behaviors once they are understood! Blessings to you!

  • @deborahjanellemixedmediaart
    @deborahjanellemixedmediaart 3 года назад +9

    I started trying this approach with my LOWD and gradually I am seeing some change. The first one I started working on was the volume of the TV in the late evening. I started going in to her room around 9:30 to say good night and give her a hug. When I would hug her I would rub her back. She would say how good it felt and sometimes ask me to scratch it while hugging. When we were finished I routinely asked if she could turn the volume down (pause inserted) just a little!
    It has taken about a month but it has been a miracle. Even during the day she keeps the volume down now.
    Now I have started working on getting her to stop skipping lunch. I make it and take it out on the porch and sit with her. Now she is going on the porch at different times just to enjoy being there. I think the memory of us spending time out there is what the attraction is now.
    PS she just moved to NH from living in FL for 70 years. So we need to make new fond emotional memories.

  • @rhondam8018
    @rhondam8018 3 года назад +4

    I cannot thank you enough for these videos! I am the careblazer for my aunt. It has been such a difficult journey for all of us. Your videos help me to understand more of what is going on and how to take better care of her. She associates me with taking everything away from her (dogs, car, house...) I have started bringing her ice cream, her favorite treat, every time I visit. I have seen a shift from being anxious when I visit to being much less anxious and actually looking forward to my visits. Thank you!

  • @debraquiggle9686
    @debraquiggle9686 3 года назад +2

    I’ve been noticing this often. I always thought it was said they can’t learn but my loved one was learning new things. This is also something that happens with babies and young children. They associate being upset with things they do.

  • @deborahisaacs5541
    @deborahisaacs5541 3 года назад +10

    I have been the only caretaker for my husband who has dementia. I have major depression and panic anxiety issues OCD and IBS.I have had my issues most all my life. Life has gotten to be hard. We do the best I can.we are 68&69 yrs old. If we didn't have our faith I would have given up a long time ago. I guess a piece of me has.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад +3

      Sending you love. 💗

    • @TexasRiverGirl
      @TexasRiverGirl 3 года назад +3

      Blessings...❤️

    • @rosaurasteelson5994
      @rosaurasteelson5994 3 года назад +5

      Deborah Isaacs, I am in the same situation than you, I am the only one who take care of my husband, I have been suffered for anxiety and panic attacks for many years. This is my second marriage and we have been together for twenty one years. My husband is 80 years old and I am 68 and he is in a stage of Alzheimer where them get very aggressive, only the medication help him to sleep and be calm. There are some days that I think I can’t no more, but the
      same as you, faith keep me going.

    • @vmrapozo
      @vmrapozo 3 года назад +3

      many blessings to you...please as much as you can care for yourself. make yourself a priority. fill up your cup.

  • @eileenmcgrath4457
    @eileenmcgrath4457 3 года назад +4

    This makes perfect sense.
    I plan on being more encouraging and also spending time on purpose with my mom in the early stages of dementia watching her favorite TV show and having a treat while I am visiting with her.

  • @lynylcullen8370
    @lynylcullen8370 3 года назад +2

    HUGE! This answers so many questions! And gives me NEW DETERMINATION to create new “pairings” that will reinforce POSITIVE associations and results! Plus.. it wonderfully explains why she is SO DIFFERENT with friends she visits with in the phone and is a COMPLETELY different person! Thank you Dr Natali!

  • @timperritt
    @timperritt 3 года назад +7

    Very interesting - makes a lot of sense, Thanks for sharing this.

  • @navybluejacket4401
    @navybluejacket4401 3 года назад

    Finally, Now I understand. Having seen this behavior before. Thank You. My wife had a serious stroke last December. She had lost most of control over her right side. Also, her cognitive abilities were reduced by about 25 or so. . She is beginning to show more signs of dementia. I am her full time caregiver. Trying to keep her from going to a care facility. YOUR VIDEOS have been so very helpful. Once again Thank You. Understanding is very important with this.

  • @marystuart3327
    @marystuart3327 3 года назад +1

    really useful to learn about classic conditioning thank you

  • @mlbchanged1
    @mlbchanged1 3 года назад +3

    This makes so much sense. My siblings get more pushback than I do. But they live there and I face call in weekly because I'm out of state. Positive and negative reinforcement makes a lot of sense. How could we use this to positively get my MWD to drink water? We've tried verbal encouragement.

  • @ligbzd837
    @ligbzd837 2 года назад

    Your message is so spot on! Thank you! This is very helpful.

  • @renialefati2959
    @renialefati2959 2 года назад

    Thank you for your time and your teaching xx

  • @karenpanton243
    @karenpanton243 3 года назад

    This is the best thing i have come across..thankyou so much...real gold🌈🙏🇬🇧

  • @kennethford8394
    @kennethford8394 3 года назад

    Well Yesterday Hospice Got To Our House After Six-Long Years I Got Some Help, And As Hard As It Is And How Sad It Is Also I Can See The End Of The Road In A Crazy Way I Feel Better Today. God Bless You All!!!!!!!!

  • @pattirabasso1512
    @pattirabasso1512 3 года назад

    As others have said, it makes sense. I'll have to mull this over. It explains a lot!

  • @batshevaklein8639
    @batshevaklein8639 3 года назад

    Thank you! This is why the bad caregiver that gives me time off gets better response. She dose not brush her teeth,anything she dose not like. I do it all for her, her live in. All the fill in care wants my job. I try to tell her it's time to shower different ways to not react as upset. Have to bring more pleasure to her shower, etc. I do always have music. How to end response for the rest of the day?

  • @kopec82
    @kopec82 3 года назад

    Amazing video I need this in Spanish thank you

  • @manochapallavi
    @manochapallavi 3 года назад

    I will be future care blazer for my Future mother in law and wanted to understand more about how my family to be including her feel on day to day basis following ur channel/ instagram has helped me to ensure I start modifying my day to day interactions yo fit that so that she feels comfortable around me❤️ thank you

  • @WanderlustWonders57
    @WanderlustWonders57 2 месяца назад

    My mum never really loved me or gave any positive affections, just made me do most of the housework. My brothers were treated completely different , she loved them to bits.
    She allways wanted to them to take care of her in her old age.
    For the past 7 years she needed caring and my brothers refused to take care of her.
    I ended up caring for he. She has eary stage of dementia.
    She is very nasty to me but my brothers come over she is so loving, a completely different person.
    I am really getting down, but cant leave her on her own as there is no one else and i dont want put in a care home. 7 years of caring and taking all the nastiness from has taken its toll

  • @andrea859
    @andrea859 3 года назад

    Really helpful and insightful. Thank you so much.

  • @kerryfaden94
    @kerryfaden94 3 года назад

    How do I join to get the handbook and live q and a- where is the link?
    Thanks!

  • @susancardwell8389
    @susancardwell8389 3 года назад

    This makes sense. My mother in law who has dementia lives with us. My husband sits with her and watches TV with her every evening. I don’t.

  • @bushidooffaith4706
    @bushidooffaith4706 3 года назад

    Thank you Dr Natali very true what you said. l will start by being more happier when taking mum to toilet which is many time and hard because she walk very poorly, hopefully it will work on both of us.God bless.

  • @charmainelotriet7274
    @charmainelotriet7274 3 года назад +1

    Great video! I really battle to get my Dad to shower though. He only does it under duress every three days after being warned that I am going to send him to a nursing home. Any tips on how to approach differently? I can't think of a way to make it a positive experience. He also stays in bed all day until about 2pm. Is this ok?

  • @Wombat1420
    @Wombat1420 3 года назад

    I loved this! What about operant conditioning without the punishment, i.e., rewarding the behaviors you want to reinforce? Thank you so much!

  • @juanpedro4347
    @juanpedro4347 3 года назад

    How do I go about making them eat sufficiently ? How do I get them to like bathing? How do I get them to move and walk and not watch tv all day long? My biggest problems , pls. help. She is 90 yrs. old with severe dementia living alone with PSW support. Pls. help. Ltc placement applied no answer yet up to this point.

  • @carolynnr.6409
    @carolynnr.6409 3 года назад +1

    My mother told me she loved zinnias, but she would never let me plant them for her ( she never let me ever plant a thing in her garden). When she went into assisted living I planted some giant zinnias, cut them and gave them to her. Now she loves them. When I gave her some potted hyacinths, she complained, "Now I have to water them!" She loved the smell. I figured that the flowers got her positive attention so this year she can't wait for the giant zinnias.

  • @felixdiaz3514
    @felixdiaz3514 10 месяцев назад

    I am very interested in what I can learn to help me with my Mother she is in her early stages but she is willing to go see her Doctor about it

  • @JORGEMORALES-we2es
    @JORGEMORALES-we2es Год назад

    Good job!!!!!

  • @cathyl5888
    @cathyl5888 3 года назад +1

    I know someone with autism who challenges me but is completely fine around others, like nothin ever happened! It’s frustrating

  • @geraldrodriguez1731
    @geraldrodriguez1731 3 года назад

    Thank You

  • @cherylcampbell7495
    @cherylcampbell7495 3 года назад +2

    How do you differentiate dementia or having a stroke/strokes when the body isn’t affected?

    • @timperritt
      @timperritt 3 года назад +1

      Cheryl, in the case of my wife (who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia), it took an MRI to show she had a stroke somewhere in the frontal lobe within the last three years. They were able to pin it down to that time because of a previous MRI. Also, she had a bad reaction to Prednisone that mimicked a stroke (that is when they took the first MRI). In other words, it can be complicated. Possibly Dr. Edmonds could provide you with some more insight and suggest a path forward. All the very best to you.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад +1

      Hi Cheryl, There are many things that can impact thinking. There are also many different types of dementia. The way doctors typically tell the difference is through a few different tests. Sometimes brain imaging such as that noted by Timperritt can be helpful in seeing what is going on in the brain. Other times a neuropsychologist can do some testing to see what areas of thinking are impacted and this can give us a better idea of what type of dementia it is. Someone can also have a stroke without having dementia. I did a video on some of differences in dementia that you might find helpful: ruclips.net/video/BynMFmeJ730/видео.html
      I also did a video on the providers that typically diagnose dementia.

  • @BooofPoo
    @BooofPoo 3 года назад

    Thank you!!!!

  • @carolynburns9862
    @carolynburns9862 Год назад

    I feel as though I'm in an abusive relationship with my mother and I'm tired and feel I need to get out because I can't take any more

  • @kathym6603
    @kathym6603 3 года назад +4

    My friends husband who has been declining with inherited Alzheimer's for a few years fell down and, long story short, it was an ambulance that picked him up and had to bring him to the hospital. This was new to him! He has been living in isolation with her. It woke him up enough that he started making promises how he will be more good and kind and helpful in the future . . . his usual behavior being secretive and sneaky. She thinks he made a promise to her. What are the odds he will keep his promise when he gets home from rehab? (rhetorical question) He still rules over her at home.

    • @lynylcullen8370
      @lynylcullen8370 3 года назад +3

      Unlikely that he will keep those “promises”. I’ve seen it time and time again with both of my parents with dementia. Neither can “keep their word” even one day from multiple proclamations while in a crisis mode.
      It’s been a long road for me to LEARN to adjust my EXPECTATIONS that those promises do not transfer into actual daily living.
      I used to get very upset..& plead and beg “Don’t you remember? You promised...”
      Not anymore. That moment has passed with them COMPLETELY. Today is a new day ..a blank slate..& as my mother tells me all the time “I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about anything because I know you are taking care of it all!”
      Yeeezzz! Then would it be too much to ask for her to simply take her medications without the “saga”!? (If I am doing everything else!?)
      It’s a lovely thought that she thinks EVERYTHING is taken care of..& in a balanced adult relationship there would be true appreciation and cooperation. It’s unrealistic to expect any balance now. Lots of my frustration has dissolved now that I do not have unrealistic expectations.

    • @lynylcullen8370
      @lynylcullen8370 3 года назад +1

      By the way.. excellent question for Dr Natali too. Can the dementia patient keep their “promises” of cooperation and compliance with safe and healthy boundaries?
      Ps. Kathy- My dad ruled with an iron fist too ..& after 60 years of marriage he was definitely STUCK & unable to make wise decisions even regarding safety and wisdom. Very hard to watch but help your friend keep her expectations realistic. The day will come when he will be back in hospital and then rehab and NOT BE ALLOWED TO GO BACK HOME. It’s very difficult for CareBlazers to try so hard to keep them safe and yet have everything working against them through their inability to make safe choices.

  • @cherylcampbell7495
    @cherylcampbell7495 3 года назад +1

    Poor lady. Did she shake anyone’s hands after that? We all remember pain in different forms. Why didn’t doctor use a bell instead?

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  3 года назад

      That was done in the early 1909’s. There no way that would happen now. At least I hope not! I agree, sad for the lady.

  • @juanitabrown7998
    @juanitabrown7998 3 года назад +1

    👍👍👍

  • @batshevaklein8639
    @batshevaklein8639 3 года назад

    And how to have your boss understand,ha.

  • @newwine1887
    @newwine1887 3 года назад

    Video title doesn’t match what you are talking about.